Podcast Summary: The Moth – Simon Doonan: "Every Expense Was Spared"

Introduction

In the episode titled "Every Expense Was Spared," featured on March 4, 2014, The Moth presents a poignant and humorous autobiographical story by Simon Doonan. Known for his vibrant personality and extensive career in fashion, Doonan shares an intimate glimpse into his tumultuous family life, exploring themes of love, resilience, and the quest for a sense of occasion amidst chaos.

Early Life and Family Background (00:03:47 - 00:07:30)

Simon Doonan begins by painting a vivid picture of his unconventional upbringing. Both of his parents were runaways, each escaping troubled homes to join the Royal Air Force.

• Mother’s Story: Born in rural Northern Ireland, Doonan's mother faced a tumultuous family environment. Her father struggled with alcoholism, and her mother was deeply religious. At 13, she left school to work at a pork butcher's, a job she found degrading:

  "There she is, 13 years old, cutting the giblets and genitals and ears off pigs and standing in animal feces and thinking, there has to be something better than this." (00:04:15)

• Father’s Story: More tragic was his father's experience. After his astrologer father committed suicide, his family plunged into poverty and mental illness, leading Doonan's father to flee home at 15 and join the Royal Air Force.

Parents’ Meeting and Marriage (00:07:31 - 00:12:20)

Despite both parents joining the RAF, they did not meet until the end of the war. Their meeting was far from romantic:

• First Encounter: Logic of the situation led them to Sandy's Home, a soup kitchen for displaced military personnel.
• Marriage: Two months after meeting, they hastily got married at a registry office and celebrated their union drunkenly at a nearby pub, leading to the loss of their marriage certificate.

"For my entire childhood, for the rest of their married lives, which was until they died, they never had a wedding anniversary... We don't celebrate wedding anniversary. You can't remember when because we were so drunk." (00:09:10)

This carefree and unstructured marriage left young Simon yearning for the grandeur and formality he admired in movies and desired for himself.

Extended Family Moves In (00:12:21 - 00:15:00)

To create a semblance of stability, his parents moved in their own relatives into their home:

• Living Environment: Grandmother (post-lobotomy), Uncle Ken (paranoid schizophrenic), and Auntie Phyllis (blind) joined the household, transforming it from Simon’s idealized "Partridge Family" to a chaotic mix reminiscent of "The Addams Family" and "The Munsters."

"I wanted the Partridge Family. And they were around me was the Addams Family, the Munsters. So it just was not going in the direction that I had in mind." (00:13:45)

Uncle Ken’s Marriage and Simon’s Aspirations (00:15:01 - 00:17:44)

The household reached a breaking point when Uncle Ken, despite his struggles with schizophrenia, decided to marry a "benevolent divorcee." This event highlighted the lack of formal celebrations in Simon’s family life.

• Uncle Ken’s Wedding: The modest and unconventional wedding included guests arriving by town buses and simple fare like Ritz crackers and apple juice, emphasizing practicality over ceremony.

"I vowed that when I got married... there would be a sense of occasion. ...it would be like Siegfried and Roy meets Liberace." (00:16:30)

This vow underscored Simon's deep-seated desire for grandeur and meaningful celebrations, contrasting sharply with his parents' laissez-faire approach.

Finding Love and Marriage with Jonathan Adler (00:17:45 - 00:45:00)

Fast forward to 1994, Simon meets Jonathan Adler through a blind date, instantly recognizing him as "the one." Unlike his parents, Jonathan embodied the sophistication and flair Simon always desired.

• Cultural Context: At the time, marriage conversations within the gay community were rare, but as gay marriage gained acceptance, Simon and Jonathan decided to marry in 2008 following California's legalization.

• Wedding Planning: Expectations were high, given Simon’s background in design and Jonathan’s own flair. Friends and family anticipated an extravagant celebration.

The Wedding Day Experience (00:25:00 - 00:45:00)

Despite high expectations, the wedding unfolded in a delightfully understated manner:

• City Hall Ceremony: A diverse and joyful group of lesbians gathered, some sporting unique tattoos. The ceremony was intimate, performed by a genial gay-friendly rabbi.

• Reception at Jonathan’s Store: Plans for a lavish celebration shifted as they focused on re-merchandising the store. An eccentric lunch featuring unconventional dishes mirrored Simon’s whimsical outlook:

  "I'm living in New York City and a friend sets me up on a blind date... I looked at him and I thought, he's the one." (00:20:30)

• Ceremonial Moments: The arrival of a modest cake with playful figurines sparked reflection on his parents' enduring but uncelebrated marriage.

"I thought about my dear Uncle Ken and his incredibly difficult life... if it's the right person, you really don't need the zhush. Why be formal when you can be fabulously feral?" (00:43:00)

Conclusion: Embracing Authenticity Over Convention (00:45:01 - 00:47:00)

Simon Doonan concludes his story by contrasting his humble wedding with the extravagant celebrations he always admired, realizing that genuine happiness and authenticity trump formal ceremonies.

"Why be conventional when you can be happy?" (00:46:30)

This realization encapsulates Simon's journey toward embracing his own unique path, valuing meaningful connections over societal expectations.

Final Thoughts

Simon Doonan's "Every Expense Was Spared" is a heartfelt exploration of family dynamics, personal aspirations, and the pursuit of authentic happiness. Through his engaging storytelling, Doonan beautifully illustrates the contrast between his parents' chaotic love story and his own journey toward a meaningful and joyous union with Jonathan Adler. The narrative underscores the importance of finding joy and authenticity in one's life choices, even amidst unconventional circumstances.

Notable Quotes:

• "There she is, 13 years old, cutting the giblets and genitals and ears off pigs and standing in animal feces and thinking, there has to be something better than this." (00:04:15)
• "We don't celebrate wedding anniversary. You can't remember when because we were so drunk." (00:09:10)
• "I wanted the Partridge Family. And they were around me was the Addams Family, the Munsters." (00:13:45)
• "Why be formal when you can be fabulously feral?" (00:43:00)
• "Why be conventional when you can be happy?" (00:46:30)

Speaker Attribution: All notable quotes are directly attributed to Simon Doonan, with timestamps indicating their occurrence within the narrative.

About Simon Doonan

Simon Doonan is a renowned writer, bon vivant, window dresser, and fashion commentator with over 35 years in the fashion industry. He has authored six books and received numerous accolades for his work. Residing in New York City with his partner, ceramicist and designer Jonathan Adler, and their Norwich terrier, Liberace, Doonan continues to influence and inspire through his unique blend of creativity and storytelling.