Steve Zimmer: Father Figure

Summary

Podcast Summary: "The Moth" - Episode "Steve Zimmer: Father Figure"

Introduction

In the September 14, 2009 episode of The Moth, titled "Father Figure", storyteller Steve Zimmer shares a poignant and humorous narrative about his attempts to connect with his girlfriend’s young son, John. Recorded live at The Moth’s main stage in March, Zimmer's story delves into the complexities of blending families, the pressures of being a parental figure, and the unforeseen challenges that arise in everyday situations.

Setting Up as a Father Figure

Steve Zimmer begins his story by detailing the dynamics of his relationship with his girlfriend, Lori, and her nine-year-old son, John. He reflects on the common anxieties faced when dating someone with children, feeling the need to excel not just as a boyfriend but also as a figure in John's life.

“When you date someone with kids, sometimes you feel like a second-class citizen in their family.” [03:31]

Zimmer explains that despite fears of inadequacy, he and John share a strong bond, with John looking up to him. However, societal perceptions and remarks from others occasionally exacerbate his insecurities about his role.

When asked to speak to John’s kindergarten class at the Manhattan New School, Zimmer decides to share his passion for glassmaking instead of his profession as a computer programmer. He plans to conduct a hands-on demonstration of fusing glass, hoping to inspire the children.

“I figure we can make something for the classroom, like an ashtray or a votive.” [04:45]

The Incident in the Classroom

On the day of the presentation, Zimmer arrives with his tools and notices he’s missing his thermal gloves. Eve, the teacher, offers to fetch a pair from the middle school lab, leaving Zimmer to proceed alone. As he sets the kiln to reach 1700 degrees, the classroom lights begin to flicker.

“Now, in this situation, you should turn the kiln off immediately. But I don't want to look stupid, so I let it run.” [06:00]

Within minutes, the power cuts out entirely, plunging the room into darkness illuminated only by the kiln's orange glow. As panic starts to set in among the children, Zimmer attempts to calm them.

“Everyone, sit down and be quiet. So that works. And I say, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout.” [07:30]

In his attempts to disconnect the kiln safely, Zimmer inadvertently knocks over what he believes to be the terrarium holding two lizards, Molly and Desmond. In a moment of fear, he apologizes profusely, using strong language he later regrets.

“Shit. Shit.” [08:17]

However, the chaos intensifies when Zimmer realizes he hasn’t destroyed the terrarium but instead has shattered a fishbowl housing crickets, causing them to scuttle around the darkened room.

“I didn't knock over the terrarium. I knocked over this old-fashioned glass fishbowl.” [08:50]

As Eve returns with the gloves, they find the room in disarray—with frightened children, escaped insects, and the lingering echoes of the children’s chants. The accidental disruption leads to a series of miscommunications and escalated fears.

Aftermath and Reflection

The immediate aftermath sees Zimmer helping to clean up and manage the startled children. However, the incident leaves a lasting impact on his relationship with both the children and Lori. He mentions that the feedback from his presentation was overwhelmingly negative, leading to teasing from some of the kids and disapproval from parents.

“I failed my tests as a father figure, as a boyfriend, even as a responsible adult.” [10:30]

This event strains his relationship with Lori, culminating in their breakup five months later following another, albeit unrelated, incident with similar undertones of responsibility and relationship pressures.

Conclusion

Despite the personal and professional setbacks, Zimmer concludes his story with a bittersweet reflection on his experience.

“But I can tell you this. The people at the Manhattan New School will remember my name.” [11:55]

This statement underscores the lasting impression of his attempt to connect and the complexities inherent in stepping into a parental role. Zimmer’s narrative serves as a relatable exploration of the fears, mishaps, and emotional tolls that accompany the journey of becoming a figure of authority and affection in a blended family.

Key Takeaways

1. Pressure of Blended Families: Zimmer highlights the often unspoken pressures individuals face when integrating into a partner’s family, striving to balance affection with responsibility.

2. Handling Public Mistakes: The story emphasizes the human aspect of making mistakes in public settings and the ripple effects such incidents can have on personal relationships and self-perception.

3. Resilience and Memory: Despite the negative outcomes, Zimmer finds solace in the lasting memories and the impact his actions had on the children, suggesting a form of personal resilience and acceptance.

Notable Quotes

• “When you date someone with kids, sometimes you feel like a second-class citizen in their family.” [03:31]

• “Shit. Shit.” [08:17]

• “I failed my tests as a father figure, as a boyfriend, even as a responsible adult.” [10:30]

• “But I can tell you this. The people at the Manhattan New School will remember my name.” [11:55]

Conclusion

Steve Zimmer's "Father Figure" is a heartfelt and candid exploration of personal failures, societal expectations, and the enduring impact of one’s actions on others. Through humor and vulnerability, Zimmer offers listeners a window into the challenges of forging meaningful connections within blended families and the complexities of stepping into roles that carry both joy and responsibility.

Transcript

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[Dan Kennedy]

Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. The Moth features true stories told live without notes. All stories on the podcast are taken from our ongoing storytelling series in New York and Los Angeles and from our tour shows across the country. Visit themoth.org and we have big news.

[Jay Allison]

I'm Jay Allison and I'm happy to tell all you podcast listeners that I'm producing our brand new show for public radio, the Moth Radio Hour. It will be coming to a public radio station near you and it's available now. So please ask your station to put the program on the air so more people can hear the moth and we can all hear more stories. Thanks.

[Dan Kennedy]

The story you're about to hear by Steve Zimmer was recorded live at the Moth main stage in March this year. The theme of the night was put to the stories of fiery trials and minor tribulations.

[Steve Zimmer]

Three years ago, I'm on the subway and I see a sign from New York Teaching Fellows. It says, you remember your first grade teacher's name. Who will remember yours? Normally I like judgmental signs, but this one almost seems kind of mean. But it's relevant to me because I've been asked to speak to a class of kindergarteners. The request came from one of the kindergartners. His name is John and he's my girlfriend Lori's son. When you date someone with kids, sometimes you feel like a second class citizen in their family. But even though John's father lives in New York, he and I really connect and he looks up to me. Sometimes when we're out, people say something like, your daddy should dress you warmer, or you should tell your daddy that shoving won't make the line go any faster. But John never tells them that I'm not actually his dad. He's a cool kid and a relationship's very important to me, but it's also the source of a lot of anxiety because I feel like I have to be twice as good as his real dad. I share these feelings with his mom, Lori, and she says it's not a competition. So I'm like, well, either she's kidding or trying to start a fight. But then I'm like, no, no, you're right, it's not a competition. So John's kindergarten class at the Manhattan New School has this thing where an interesting adult they know comes to the class and tells them about what they do. John picks me and I'm a computer programmer, which kids find fairly interesting if they're nine and it's the 1970s. But Laurie says, well, you don't have to talk about your job. You can just tell them about glass making. Glass making used to be a big hobby of mine, and I still have a small kiln in New York. So I figure I'll show them how to do fusing, which is where you. It's like glass blowing in that. You cut up the glass and then melt it together to form a molten shard. But then instead of filling it with air, you manipulate it with tools or gravity. I figure we can make something for the classroom, like an ashtray or a votive. Laurie says, sounds great. Just don't burn down my kid's school. And Laurie feels I have responsibility issues. Fortunately, she expresses them in a supportive manner. So I really want this to go well. So I show up there, and there's about 20 kids in the class. And they give me a little ovation. And John's like, woo. Woo. I'm like, yeah. And it's a cute classroom. There's a long wooden shelf in the back, and there's this big terrarium, and it holds these two little green lizards named Molly and Desmond. John himself picked out the names from the Beatles Au Bla di song. Laurie, who plays the guitar, had turned him onto it. And so I get all my tools laid out, and I notice that I'm missing my thermal gloves. So Eve, the teacher, says, oh, I'm sure I can get a pair out of the lab in the middle school. And she runs off. And I continue setting up. I set the kiln to reach 1700 degrees in 12 minutes, and the lights start flickering. Now, in this situation, you should turn the kiln off immediately. But I don't want to look stupid, so I let it run. And two minutes later, the lights go out. And for some reason, the shades are drawn, so the room is completely black except for the orange glow of the kiln. So I hear the kids right away start chattering, and I hear a chair scrape. And I'm worried they're going to walk around and someone's going to bump into the kiln. And so I say, everyone, sit down and be quiet. So that works. And I say, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout. Don't worry, the lights will come on soon. Everything's going to be okay. And then I realize when the power comes on, I don't want my kiln plugged in. So, you know. But in the dark, I can't quite see the outlet, so I'm kind of following the cord back, and I start pulling on it, and it's really resisting. And finally it gives really sharply, and a huge glass thing shatters on the floor. And I say two.

[Dan Kennedy]

Shit. Shit.

[Steve Zimmer]

It was the terrarium, and I've just killed Molly and Desmond. So the kids have got to Be scared. So I say, don't worry. Molly and Desmond are okay. I'm sorry for using bad words. We should never do that. Don't worry. The lights will come on soon. Everything will be okay. And now listen. Little kids don't like it when adults get mad. They understand. Yeah, it happens. What really upsets them is if you go back and forth between exaggerated niceness and angry screaming. And there's a couple of sniffles in the back of the room. And then I hear some. Some kid just starts singing, shit, shit, shit, shit. And then there's a third sound. It's crickets. And it turns out I didn't knock over the terrarium. I knocked over this old fashioned glass fishbowl that was covered where they were growing crickets to feed Molly and Desmond. So now the crickets are free and they're nocturnal. So for them, it's the age of Aquarius. And just then, Eve comes back with the gloves. And she's been gone four, five minutes. And she opens the door. The room's black. Children are crying, there's insects everywhere, and some kids singing about shit. The only thing missing is a goat nailed to a crucifix. So I'm, like, just really embarrassed in front of Eve and John. And so I. I try to take charge. And I'm like, eve, the electricity failed. Forget about the gloves. I need you to go and flick the breaker for room number 18, you know, just in case she doesn't know the room where she teaches. And Eve says, I think I should stay here. And in the dark, I see her, you know, a bunch of numbers on the cell phone. And she makes a couple calls. And the power comes on, like two minutes later. They evacuate the room. Most of the kids are okay, and, you know, I'm like, helping clean up, you know, capture crickets. And he's like, you know, thank you so much. You know, you don't have to do this. We're good. Why don't you go back to work? Apparently, if they can't send you to the principal's office, then they send you to your office. The feedback from my presentation is discouraging. A few of the kids tease John about me, and a lot of the parents become upset. After the Shit song explodes in popularity and John stops letting people think I'm his dad. Lori and I break up. Five months later, it's over a different incident, although there were parallels. So I failed my tests as a father figure, as a boyfriend, even as a responsible adult. But I can tell you this. The people at the Manhattan New School will remember my name. Thank you.

[Dan Kennedy]

Steve Zimmer began attending the Moth in 2004 and Telling Stories in 2006. He recently held the Grand Slam Champion title. The Moth is a non profit organization. Consider supporting our free podcast or or becoming a Moth member. To learn more visit themoth.org now. You can also download the Moth podcast directly to your smartphone and listen on the go. Visit stitcher.com and download the free application today. Our podcast host Dan Kennedy is the author of the recently published book Rock An Office Power Ballad. Learn [e-mail] he is also the author of Loser Goes First. Thanks to Maz Swift for our podcast music. Thanks to all of you for listening. We hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Network Podcast hosting by PRX Public Radio Exchange Helping make public radio more [e-mail].