Podcast Summary: "The Moth" - Episode "Steve Zimmer: Father Figure"

Introduction

In the September 14, 2009 episode of The Moth, titled "Father Figure", storyteller Steve Zimmer shares a poignant and humorous narrative about his attempts to connect with his girlfriend’s young son, John. Recorded live at The Moth’s main stage in March, Zimmer's story delves into the complexities of blending families, the pressures of being a parental figure, and the unforeseen challenges that arise in everyday situations.

Setting Up as a Father Figure

Steve Zimmer begins his story by detailing the dynamics of his relationship with his girlfriend, Lori, and her nine-year-old son, John. He reflects on the common anxieties faced when dating someone with children, feeling the need to excel not just as a boyfriend but also as a figure in John's life.

“When you date someone with kids, sometimes you feel like a second-class citizen in their family.” [03:31]

Zimmer explains that despite fears of inadequacy, he and John share a strong bond, with John looking up to him. However, societal perceptions and remarks from others occasionally exacerbate his insecurities about his role.

When asked to speak to John’s kindergarten class at the Manhattan New School, Zimmer decides to share his passion for glassmaking instead of his profession as a computer programmer. He plans to conduct a hands-on demonstration of fusing glass, hoping to inspire the children.

“I figure we can make something for the classroom, like an ashtray or a votive.” [04:45]

The Incident in the Classroom

On the day of the presentation, Zimmer arrives with his tools and notices he’s missing his thermal gloves. Eve, the teacher, offers to fetch a pair from the middle school lab, leaving Zimmer to proceed alone. As he sets the kiln to reach 1700 degrees, the classroom lights begin to flicker.

“Now, in this situation, you should turn the kiln off immediately. But I don't want to look stupid, so I let it run.” [06:00]

Within minutes, the power cuts out entirely, plunging the room into darkness illuminated only by the kiln's orange glow. As panic starts to set in among the children, Zimmer attempts to calm them.

“Everyone, sit down and be quiet. So that works. And I say, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout.” [07:30]

In his attempts to disconnect the kiln safely, Zimmer inadvertently knocks over what he believes to be the terrarium holding two lizards, Molly and Desmond. In a moment of fear, he apologizes profusely, using strong language he later regrets.

“Shit. Shit.” [08:17]

However, the chaos intensifies when Zimmer realizes he hasn’t destroyed the terrarium but instead has shattered a fishbowl housing crickets, causing them to scuttle around the darkened room.

“I didn't knock over the terrarium. I knocked over this old-fashioned glass fishbowl.” [08:50]

As Eve returns with the gloves, they find the room in disarray—with frightened children, escaped insects, and the lingering echoes of the children’s chants. The accidental disruption leads to a series of miscommunications and escalated fears.

Aftermath and Reflection

The immediate aftermath sees Zimmer helping to clean up and manage the startled children. However, the incident leaves a lasting impact on his relationship with both the children and Lori. He mentions that the feedback from his presentation was overwhelmingly negative, leading to teasing from some of the kids and disapproval from parents.

“I failed my tests as a father figure, as a boyfriend, even as a responsible adult.” [10:30]

This event strains his relationship with Lori, culminating in their breakup five months later following another, albeit unrelated, incident with similar undertones of responsibility and relationship pressures.

Conclusion

Despite the personal and professional setbacks, Zimmer concludes his story with a bittersweet reflection on his experience.

“But I can tell you this. The people at the Manhattan New School will remember my name.” [11:55]

This statement underscores the lasting impression of his attempt to connect and the complexities inherent in stepping into a parental role. Zimmer’s narrative serves as a relatable exploration of the fears, mishaps, and emotional tolls that accompany the journey of becoming a figure of authority and affection in a blended family.

Key Takeaways

1. Pressure of Blended Families: Zimmer highlights the often unspoken pressures individuals face when integrating into a partner’s family, striving to balance affection with responsibility.

2. Handling Public Mistakes: The story emphasizes the human aspect of making mistakes in public settings and the ripple effects such incidents can have on personal relationships and self-perception.

3. Resilience and Memory: Despite the negative outcomes, Zimmer finds solace in the lasting memories and the impact his actions had on the children, suggesting a form of personal resilience and acceptance.

Notable Quotes

• “When you date someone with kids, sometimes you feel like a second-class citizen in their family.” [03:31]

• “Shit. Shit.” [08:17]

• “I failed my tests as a father figure, as a boyfriend, even as a responsible adult.” [10:30]

• “But I can tell you this. The people at the Manhattan New School will remember my name.” [11:55]

Conclusion

Steve Zimmer's "Father Figure" is a heartfelt and candid exploration of personal failures, societal expectations, and the enduring impact of one’s actions on others. Through humor and vulnerability, Zimmer offers listeners a window into the challenges of forging meaningful connections within blended families and the complexities of stepping into roles that carry both joy and responsibility.