Transcript
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Apple (1:01)
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Dan Kennedy (1:31)
Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. This week we bring you two Slam stories. And just as a reminder, the Story Slams are the open mic storytelling competitions that we host in cities across the country. Our first story this week by Steve Zimmer was recorded live at a Story Slam in New York City last year. The theme of the night was Vices.
Steve Zimmer (1:58)
Tetris is the video game where the geometric pieces fall from the sky and you have to slide them into neat rows. Otherwise they pile up and you could die. So PC Magazine voted it one of the 10 best games ever. But in reality, it's stupid. Tetris 3D, however, is not stupid. A copy circulates around the reports department at the Federal Reserve bank of New York, gaining a particularly strong foothold in cubicle sector 6H pod F home to Mark, Alicia, me and a weird guy we don't talk to. Now the game now Tetris 3D. Unlike the regular Tetris where you look at it from the side, in Tetris your view is from the top and you stare into the abyss as the pieces come down around you and they're like made. Each piece is made of five smaller cubes in different odd shapes, except for the elusive rod, which is five long and Straight, rare and valuable. So Mark, Mark, Alicia and I play all the time, and we're scoring around 80,000. Our boss is suspicious, and Alicia's worried. But then, you know her. But, you know, Mark and I are like, well, it'll be all okay as long as we all do it. And we decide that, you know, whoever gets the highest score, you know, must be honored as the smartest person in the pod. And Alicia's enthusiasm gets rekindled when she realized that you can slide pieces on the floor, which enables her to be the first person to break 100,000. So that really, like, amps up the competition. And I'm playing, you know, I'm playing now, like, over four hours a day, and it's affecting other aspects of my life. My performance at work suffers, and my girlfriend wants to know why. My eyes are always bloodshot. And by now, Mark and I are scoring around 160,000. When I have the insight that, well, maybe rather than trying to play fast, what you need to. I'll bet there's a big jump if you can get rid of five rows at a time. So I start experimenting with that where, you know, build up the layers. Build up the layers, you know, but, you know, leaving a hole in the middle and. But which is dangerous because, you know, it's getting close to your face, and, you know, and it's getting closer and closer. But then, you know, like. But then the 5 one comes, and I shove the rod into the hole, and the game makes the sound like. And the lights flash and the layers disappear, and my score jumps 35,000 points. And also the game pauses for a second, which is good because I actually need it to just reorient because I temporarily, temporarily lost purpose. And so. And so, unfortunately, around. And now, at this point, Alicia quits the competition, claiming that the game is misogynist. But in truth, our scores have been slipping. So now things are getting really intense. But. But unfortunately, at this point, my girlfriend has deduced what I'm doing, and she makes me see a doctor who puts me on Ritalin. And Kate, that's her name, she's a precursor to a future, more serious girlfriend who gets me put on Adderall. Anyway, the Ritalin is really effective. My scores jump immediately, and I'm now able to play effectively, even if, like, the work phone's ringing. So I'm getting, like 250,000 now, and Mark is stuck around 220, and I'm, you know, it looks like I'm going to be able to retire, which is bittersweet. But then out of nowhere, he gets like 258. And so it's like, fine, you know, it's like 263, 268, 273. And it's just. It's like punishing the time and effort and everything, but it's like. And I'm almost ready to quit when he gets a 282. But then one day, I just get, like, a five thing early, and then I get another one, and no one's ever gotten three because the game goes faster and faster as you go. That's how it eventually eliminates you, no matter how good you are. But I'm building it. I'm building it, and it's very close. And then I get it, and I All five cubes right in. And now the game's like. They're just coming down really fast, but I'm going really fast, and I'm staying alive. And it's 306,000. So one time in my life, I reached my potential. And so I don't tell anyone because in the neighboring pod, there's a birthday. So I figured I'll just break the news over the complimentary enemies. And so, you know, so, you know, everyone's like. There's, like, about 15 people there, and I tell them about my score, and everyone looks just kind of, like, uncomfortable. And Alicia says to Mark, you better tell him. It turns out Mark has not played since he got. Since 224,000. He was able to hack the game and fake his scores to egg me on. So no one there thinks it's funny. It's kind of awkward because the game went on too long and people aren't really laughing, except for the weird guy, you know, we don't talk to, and he's just, like. It turns out, like, he really resents me. And so I'm like, basically, you know, the biggest loser in reports, which is like, you know, being the best surfer in Hawaii. And so. And, you know, Mark, you know, like, tries to make up. He gives me a card, and, you know, we kind of become friends again, but, you know, it's not the same. And so it's like I've become a laughingstock, hurt my career, annoyed my girlfriend, strained my eyes, and lost a friend. But that's okay because I'm the smartest guy in the pod.