Transcript
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Kathryn Burns (2:09)
Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Kathryn Burns, standing in for Dan Kennedy. Today we're bringing you stories from two women who are, to put it mildly, complete badasses. First up, we have Tara Clancy. I first heard Tara's name a few years back. People were talking about this amazingly funny woman who was winning our open mic storytelling competitions, telling stories about growing up in Queens. We're so proud to report that her first memoir, the Clancy's of Queens, is out today. Here's Tara Clancy telling the story on the Moth's main stage in 2014. The theme for the night was Flirting with Disaster.
Tara Clancy (2:49)
So I am a fifth generation native New Yorker. Yes. And while there is certainly something cool about that, there is also actually a downside. Right. Like, there was a moment when it occurred to me that while many other American families also first landed in New York, for the most part, at some point they kept going and pioneering their way west with little more than the rags on their backs and all of that. And meanwhile, it's like my own family got off a boat, took two steps, and were, like, good enough for me forever. All of that is to say I come from a place where discovering the great unknown means New Jersey. Okay. But seriously, it didn't take me too long to realize that the reason for that was mostly fear. And that fear pervaded everything. Where you live, what you do for a living, you find the first solid thing and you don't risk going any further. But as it would wind up, my mother was something of a pioneer herself, although not without her share of false starts. So at 20 years old, she had hardly been outside of Brooklyn. And when she did finally leave a year later, it was only because she married a cop from Queensland, which she then called the country. They had a baby, me, but by the time I was two, they had divorced. And so to make a little extra money afterwards, she had to take on a weekend job cleaning apartments. So the very first was this duplex with Manhattan skyline views, filled with antiques and artwork. But as it winds up, it would be her last, because over the course of a year, she would go from being the cleaning lady to the secretary to the girlfriend of the multimillionaire who owned it, named Mark. That's true. So they never wound up living together full time. They were both divorced. And so it was sort of been there, done that. But also, my mom had this philosophy, which was if you take someone's money, you have to take their advice. And so when it came to raising you, really, she said, I wanted to do it my way, which had to mean on my dime. So she would go on to spend every weekend with him and then every weekday back home in Queens, living this dual life for the next 22 years. And on the weekends, when I wasn't with my dad, I was right there with her. Together, mom and I would become like superwomen, able to jump social strata in a single boundary. So because of my mom's plan, my life was never very different than anybody around me. I wasn't sent to some elite private school or moved to a penthouse. And so I just grew into your typical queen's teenager I smoked blunts and I drank 40s and one of my best friends had a baby in high school. I was a walking cliche in every way, except for the fact that I still speak every odd weekend, talking with this art collecting, croquet playing, brilliant, if pretty intimidating man at his mansion in the Hamptons. And when I say talking, I actually really mean it. Like, I don't just mean like we made a little chit chat. I mean that after dinner every odd Saturday night for 20 years, he would ask me some enormous question, right? Like he would say, you know, if I told you that the universe was infinite, you know, that it had no end, you know, how would that make you feel? And for that I was like five years old, right? But I actually, I lived for it, really. And we would just. We would go on for hours and hours, and finally, you know, my mother would. She'd just kind of leave us to it. And eventually she'd come back in and she'd be like, are you two going to talk about the moon and the stars all night? And that's actually what she came to call them, our moon and stars talks. Okay, so at 16, like all teenagers, I didn't want to be away from my friends for five minutes, let alone a whole weekend. So I called Mark and I asked if I could bring them to. To the Hamptons Ring. Mark speaking. Hi, it's Tara. Could I bring some of my friends next weekend? That would be fine. Click. He wasn't one for small talk, so he was not the problem. What the problem was was that some of my friends had no idea about any of this. Now that's not because I was trying to hide it. It's really because the details weren't exactly easy to slip into. Con. They'd be like, hey, Tari, want to go smoke and drink on the corner? Well, I had been thinking of discussing the Hudson River School painters over dinner in Bridgehampton, but what the hell, you know, truly, I was nervous about telling them. And the only thing I can kind of compare it to is like. Is like coming out. You know, I would just be like, I have to tell you something, and I hope you find it in your heart to accept me, but I know a rich guy. But truly, it was awkward because I really wanted them to come, but I also didn't want them to be embarrassed, so I sort of. I had to express. And so literally, like, here I'd be in the schoolyard, you know, and in like one side, you know, kids would be beating the crap out of each other. That's how we do recess in Queens. And then on the other side, you know, I'd be huddled up with my friend, you know, Lynette, trying to explain, you know, antiquing, right? Anyway, before you know it, there we were, me, Lynette, her boyfriend Rob, piled into the back of his, like, red hooptie, flying down the highway heading from Hollis to the Hamptons, right? And now, just for brevity's sake, let's just say that Rob is like Eminem, and then Lynette's like an Italian Rosie Perez, right? They're in the front and I'm in the back, right? And now as we're getting closer, I'm getting a little more nervous and I'm thinking of all these things to explain, and I'm like, oh, shit, did I tell you about the ketchup? The what? You can't put the ketchup bottle on the table. You know, where do you put it? On the floor? No, listen, you have to. You gotta take the ketchup out of the bottle and you gotta put it in a little bowl with a spoon first, okay? Remember that, right? And then, oh, oh, I didn't tell you. There's no TV there. Dear God. Right? Always got the biggest reaction, you know, what does he do all day? It's like in Queens, the most diverse place in the world. The one thing everybody has in common is a perpetually blaring TV set. Anyway, so that would lead me to have to explain what we did after dinner instead of watching tv, which was the talks, the moon and stars talks. And like I said, I really love them, but they weren't actually for the faint of heart, meaning that Mark did not care if you were some kid unaccustomed to this type of thing. You know, he talked and he argued with you like you were his peer and he fully expected you to keep up. And so I was not sure if my friends were, you know, going to be into that or if he was going to be into them, but too late. There we are, pulling into the driveway. So the most shocking thing you first saw at Mark's place wasn't the hand laid stone pool or even the regulation croquet court or the five bedroom historic farmhouse. It was Mark himself. He was six foot ten again. Six foot ten, you know, I mean, everyone just sort of looks at him like, is that a man or is that oak tree wearing chinos? You know? All right, so likely because my friends ignored my stupid paranoia and were just themselves. The day went without a hitch. But still, you Know, that night as we finished up dinner, I. I couldn't help but to be a little nervous again, as I knew the questions were coming. So he says, presuming we can fix all of the societal ills right here and now, where would you begin? Go, really, like, you have to understand, right, that nobody is asking us these kinds of questions, right? I mean, and maybe, you know, sure, we're at an age where you may be starting to think bigger picture, you know, maybe starting to think about, you know, what you are going to do for a living. But it's also like, we come from a place where it always felt like there were only two job options. You know, cop, not a cop. You know, I mean.