Summary of "The Alpha Wolf: Elizabeth Gilbert" – The Moth Podcast

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Moth
• Host/Author: The Moth
• Description: The Moth podcast features thousands of true stories told live without notes, captivating audiences worldwide. Episodes include the Peabody-Award Winning Moth Radio Hour and original content.
• Episode: The Alpha Wolf: Elizabeth Gilbert
• Release Date: January 4, 2019

Introduction

In the episode titled "The Alpha Wolf," hosted by The Moth, renowned author Elizabeth Gilbert shares an intensely personal and moving story about her partner, Rhea Elias, and their journey through Rhea's terminal illness. This narrative delves deep into themes of love, resilience, vulnerability, and the raw realities of caregiving.

The Onset of Illness

Elizabeth Gilbert begins her story by painting a vivid picture of a beautiful day in New York City's East Village, contrasting the joyous setting with the heartbreaking reality that her partner, Rhea Elias, was battling advanced pancreatic and liver cancer.

"Last summer, I was walking down the street in New York City in the East Village, and it was a glorious day and the sun was bright and I had the love of my life on my arm...she was dying, really dying." [03:00]

Rhea had recently ceased all chemotherapy and medical treatments, choosing instead to seek small joys in her remaining days. On this particular day, her sole wish was to walk to Tompkins Square Park for a soft-serve ice cream cone—a task that symbolized both hope and the daunting reality of her declining health.

Rhea’s Strength and Independence

Elizabeth reflects on Rhea’s formidable spirit, emphasizing how Rhea had always been the "alpha wolf" in their relationship and social circles. Despite her frailty, Rhea maintained an aura of power and independence that belied her illness.

"Rayya was legend...she was a Syrian born, Detroit raised, glamour, butch, lesbian, punk rock, ex heroin addict, ex felon, rock and roll music star, artist, filmmaker, hairdresser, writer, phenomenon of a human being." [04:30]

Rhea's indomitable spirit was a defining trait that deeply attracted Elizabeth and shaped their relationship. However, as Rhea's illness progressed, Elizabeth grappled with the role reversal, feeling powerless as the protector in their dynamic.

The Biker Incident

A pivotal moment in Elizabeth’s narrative occurs when Rhea, despite her weakened state, confronts a threatening biker on the sidewalk. This incident beautifully encapsulates Rhea’s enduring strength and refusal to succumb to vulnerability.

"Rhea turns on her heels and says, get the fuck off the fucking sidewalk, motherfucker." [07:45]

Rhea's fierce response not only neutralized the immediate threat but also reinforced her role as the "alpha" even in the face of mortality. Elizabeth highlights this moment to showcase Rhea's unwavering spirit and the profound effect it had on her own perception of strength and dependency.

Struggles with Hospice and Caregiving

As Rhea's condition worsened, Elizabeth faced numerous challenges in providing care. Her attempts to ensure Rhea's comfort and dignity were met with resistance, reflecting Rhea's desire to maintain control over her life and death on her own terms.

"Rhea didn't want to talk to the bereavement counselor that I brought to her house... she didn't want to be in New York, that she wanted to move to Detroit." [12:20]

Rhea’s rejection of conventional hospice care and her choice to relocate to Detroit underscored her determination to live authentically until the very end. Elizabeth recounts her relentless efforts to support Rhea, often at the expense of her own well-being, illustrating the complexities of love and care in the face of terminal illness.

Rhea’s Final Days

The culmination of Rhea's journey was both harrowing and profoundly beautiful. Elizabeth describes the final moments, emphasizing Rhea's refusal to adhere to Elizabeth's preconceived notions of a "gentle" death.

"Rhea didn't want gentle. That's not how she rolled... she went down fighting. It was rough. And even there at the end, I still had stories in my head about what I wanted it to be and how I wanted it to go." [17:50]

In a poignant and unexpected twist, Rhea awakens after being prepared for her passing, insisting on continuing with her vibrant life, including shopping for athleisure wear at Lululemon. This defiance against the narrative of her demise encapsulated her essence—undaunted and fiercely alive until the very end.

Reflections on Powerlessness and Love

Elizabeth concludes her story with profound reflections on the nature of love and the inevitable powerlessness one feels in the face of death. She acknowledges the limits of her ability to "script" Rhea's passing, ultimately surrendering to the reality of letting go.

"The only thing that I could do for her in those last harrowing hours was nothing. Was nothing except to surrender to my powerlessness and to have to let her go and to have to watch her go." [19:00]

This acceptance, coupled with her unwavering devotion, forms the emotional core of Elizabeth's narrative, offering listeners a raw and honest portrayal of love's depths and the resilience required to navigate loss.

Conclusion

"The Alpha Wolf" is a testament to Rhea Elias's extraordinary spirit and Elizabeth Gilbert's unwavering love. Through vivid storytelling, Elizabeth captures the complexity of caring for a terminally ill partner, the challenges of maintaining one's identity amidst vulnerability, and the profound impact of an indomitable spirit on those left behind. This episode serves as a heartfelt tribute to Rhea's life and a reflection on the enduring power of love and memory.

Notable Quotes

• Elizabeth Gilbert [03:00]:

  "Last summer, I was walking down the street in New York City in the East Village, and it was a glorious day and the sun was bright and I had the love of my life on my arm...she was dying, really dying."

• Elizabeth Gilbert [04:30]:

  "Rayya was legend...she was a Syrian born, Detroit raised, glamour, butch, lesbian, punk rock, ex heroin addict, ex felon, rock and roll music star, artist, filmmaker, hairdresser, writer, phenomenon of a human being."

• Elizabeth Gilbert [07:45]:

  "Rhea turns on her heels and says, get the fuck off the fucking sidewalk, motherfucker."

• Elizabeth Gilbert [12:20]:

  "Rhea didn't want to talk to the bereavement counselor that I brought to her house... she didn't want to be in New York, that she wanted to move to Detroit."

• Elizabeth Gilbert [17:50]:

  "Rhea didn't want gentle. That's not how she rolled... she went down fighting. It was rough. And even there at the end, I still had stories in my head about what I wanted it to be and how I wanted it to go."

• Elizabeth Gilbert [19:00]:

  "The only thing that I could do for her in those last harrowing hours was nothing. Was nothing except to surrender to my powerlessness and to have to let her go and to have to watch her go."

Final Thoughts

Elizabeth Gilbert's "The Alpha Wolf" is a moving exploration of love, loss, and the enduring strength of the human spirit. It offers listeners a deeply personal glimpse into the challenges of caregiving and the profound impact of a loved one's unyielding character.