David Harris Gershon (3:38)

So I had never worn a life size banana suit until the Passover of 1997. Now, a bit of context. That spring happens every spring in Athens, Georgia, where I was an undergraduate, there is something called the Twilight Criterion, which is a professional cycling race for cyclists, burgeoning Lance Armstrongs of the world who are on their way to Atlanta for for a much bigger cycling race. Come to Athens, where around 10 or 11 o' clock at night they close downtown and race 400 laps. Now it is a drunken festive affair in Athens, Georgia. It's one of the larger on the calendar and invariably somebody gets drunk and stumbles vomiting into the raceway and causes multi bike pileups, which means it is absolutely not to be missed. Unless of course, you've promised your mother that that evening you would be celebrating Passover. Because as I soon learned, if you don't, you will be found and you will be punished. Now, I was not going to Hillel, the Jewish student center at the University of Georgia that evening, eating matzah and listening to the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt over and over and over again. Instead, I was with my friends. We were eating burritos and drinking Bud Light, doing things that you should not be doing on Passover. And I wasn't thinking about my mother. But it was at that moment we were preparing for the race when my boss called John from Ultimate Smoothies, a smoothie bar, which I embarrassingly admit that I worked at pushing smoothies to pay for my way through college. So John calls and he says, david, you gotta come open up the shop for me. And I'm like, John, wait, it's 8:30 at night. What are you doing? You can't call me in to work now. And he's like, dave, just listen. I just. I'm late. I need to come to the store, but I can't get there. I need you to open it up. We're making a killing. It's busy. Which was probably true. And he said, just open the store. And he said it really strange. And I thought it was strange, but he's strange. So I said, fine, just promise me that when you get there, I can leave and go to the race. He said, I promise. Open the store and you can leave. So I was like, fine, I'm poor, I need a job. I go. So I get there and downtown Athens is bustling. It's happening like it's what you would expect. And I get to the store and the lights are curiously on. So instead of using the key, I push through and who's behind the bar?

Sponsor Voice (Marley Spoon) (5:48)

John.

David Harris Gershon (5:48)

And I'm like, john, what are you. And the first thing that he says is, david, go get the banana suit. I'm like, wait, okay, first of all, a what? Banana suit. And what the fuck? You told me to come open up the bar. And you're here. And he's like, david, this will be opening the bar. And I'm like, as if I was supposed to know you were speaking metaphorically on the phone. But whatever. I'm poor and I need a job. So I go up to his office, turn off. There is a life size banana suit up there. So I grab this thing and not feeling very happy about what's gonna happen next, and I come down. He says, all right, David, just put this thing on. I'm like, what the f. Are you serious? You're gonna. Yes, David, put the banana suit on. I'm gonna give you some smoothies. You're gonna go to the grandstand. The race announcers are gonna make a killing. You're gonna do great. I'm like, fuck. So I put this thing on. It is as ridiculous as you would imagine a life size banana would be. Arms, legs out, the banana mesh face. He puts trays of smoothies. And he kicks me out of the shop. So I'm walking into the streets of Athens. Coeds are giggling, people are parting as you would part if you see a banana holding smoothies. And I hobble and make my way to the raceway, up to the grandstand. And the race announcers are like, hey, everybody. Because I have Ultimate Smoothies on the front. Hey, everybody, it's Mr. Banana from Ultimate Smoothies. Mr. Banana what do you got for us? And they shove the microphone in my mesh face and I start spouting off some advertising that had something to do with ginseng. And I don't even know what I said, but basically I gave them the smoothies they tasted and said, hey everybody, this is great. Everybody go to Ultimate Smoothies for some great smoothies. And I waved to the crowd and everybody cheers and they're like, all right, you can go. So I think I'm done. So I head down, waddle back towards Ultimate Smoothies and I think I have made my own personal exodus. I think I'm done. When from behind me I hear, hey, let's get the banana. I turn around, slow motion, a banana. I see two huge guys, beer sloshing, red man and John Deere hats coming towards me. I don't know what the fuck to do. So I just stand there. They hit me, I hit the ground. People are coming over to me and like, Mr. Banana, are you okay? And they're pulling people off of me and I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm okay. The cops, they detain these jokers. And the cops come over to me to ascertain if I'm injured and I'm not because I'm wearing a banana suit. And they're like, Mr. Banana, do you want to press charges? And I look at the officers and I think about where I'm supposed to be right now and I think about what I had promised my mom and. And I look at them and I say, you know what? I think the punishment has already been given. Thank you.

Kate Tellers (8:28)

That was David Harris Gershon. David is a teacher and writer in Pittsburgh. As I record this, I am wearing banana earrings in my house. We are inexplicably obsessed with with bananas. So much so that my son had a banana themed 8th birthday party. And my friend handmade a 5 foot banana pinata that she carried on several trains along with her two children in an over hour commute from Harlem to Brooklyn. We split that banana and I cleaned up yellow paper for days. Worth it. After the break. What an EVE wants. What an EVE needs. It's apples.

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Kate Tellers (10:02)

Be honest, finding time to shop is basically impossible. Between work, family and life in general, your wardrobe tends to take a back seat. That's why I love DailyLook. DailyLook is the number one highest rated premium personal styling service for women. And it's like having a personal stylist who actually understands your life. You get a real stylist, not an algorithm who curates a box of up to 12 premium pieces just for you. It's delivered right to your door, so you try everything in your own home, keep what you love and return the rest free shipping both ways. Boxes can arrive every 30, 60 or 90 days, so it's totally flexible. Your real stylist works hard for you. Between work outfits, weekend errands and random last minute plans, your stylist knows exactly what you need and will save you time and effort. And honestly, it's just fun to get a little surprise in the mail that makes you feel confident and stylish, isn't it? Take your style quiz@dailylook.com and use code MOTH to get 50% off your first styling fee. Welcome back. Our next story is about a different kind of fruit, one that keeps the doctor away. Apples. The fruit is apples. We already told you that. Holly Rudder told this at a London Story slam where the theme was blunders. Here's Holly live at the map.

Holly Rudder (11:19)

I didn't see this part of the room, so there's a little bit more people than I anticipated. I'm gonna tell the story of the last online food shop I did. My life is really exciting. It was a few years ago, so I haven't online shopped since because it was a bad experience. Normally what you can do is in order to secure the delivery slot for the next day, you just kind of select an item and then you buy it and then you can REVisit it maybe four hours later and add things. So I just kind of went on there. I picked the first thing that was on my previous delivery, which was single apple, and then I complete my order, I pay for it. Maybe I go and do something else, watch some YouTube, have a cup of Tea. And then I come back, oh, this is also a Saturday night. I didn't mention that I'm on my own on a Saturday night. And I. You can keep laughing because it was that sad about midnight, I think, oh, I'm going to finish my walk. You know, I'm kind of excited. I've got maybe a salmon I'm going to cook. And so I go on there to edit my order and it tells me, no, it says, you can't edit your order now. And I was like, no, I can though, let me. And it says, no, no, no, we can't let you edit your order after midnight because we're too busy packing your order. I was like, no, you're not, though. Please let me change it so it doesn't let me. So I tried calling and I obviously can't call because it's midnight on a Saturday night and even the people that work at Tesco are doing something and I'm not. And so I think, oh, I don't know what to do. So I just, I kind of. I just have to go to bed, really. So I set my alarm. I set my alarm for eight the next morning and I think, well, you know, this is when my order comes. Also, it's a Sunday, so the delivery is double. So the delivery was six pounds. So I think, oh, well, this is happening. This is something that will always have happened to me and I can't change that now. So I think that's the worst thing. I think the worst thing I thought was maybe paying for the apple. But then I forget that a man has to give me the apple. I think, oh, the exchange is going to be even worse. So I set my alarm for eight and it's between eight and 10. So I think, OK. So I'm kind of sat there just biding my time, waiting for the apple to. I don't have breakfast because, you know, the apple's coming. And I kind of. I'm sat there, I'm looking at my window every now and again, and then I see the van. I think, oh, it's time. And then the van stops and I see him get out of the front. I think, oh, God. And then he goes to the back. He opens the entire side of the Tesco van. I see everyone shopping and I think, oh, mine's such a small part of that. And I see him reaching and I'm looking the whole time and he takes out a bag and then he's got the receipt and I think, oh. And then he walks down my little road and I think, oh God, do I say anything? So I lean out the door and say, oh, it's for me. Hello, it's for me. And he walks down and he's holding the bag with the apple in it. He's also holding the receipt and he looks from one to the other a few times and then looks at me and I'm like, hi. And then he comes to the door and he says, is this a mistake? And I was like yes, of course it's a mistake. And then he says, did you not try and change it? And I was like, yes, this is the last resort for me. Also really didn't want this to happen. And then I say, are there any substitutions? And he looks like he's going to cry for me so oh, can I have my apple please? So I take the apple, he leaves. I've never eaten a bit of fruit so completely as my £6 40 apple. I haven't done a Tesco online shop since and I never will. Thank you.

Kate Tellers (15:21)

That was Holly Rudder. Holly is a writer and illustrator living in London. She loves dogs and hates coriander. That brings us to the end of our episode. Thanks so much for joining us. From all of us here at the Moth, we hope that your fruit baskets remain both fresh and full.

Mark Solinger (15:39)

Kate Tellers is a storyteller, host, Senior Director at the Moth and co author of their fourth book, how to Tell a Story. Her writing has been featured in McSweeney's and the new Yorker. This episode of the Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin, Janess, Sarah Jane Johnson and me, Mark Solinger. The rest of the Moth leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Marina Clouche, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardinale, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rust and Patricia Urenia. The Moth podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer Leah Rees Dennis. All Moth stories are true as remembered by their storytellers. For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org Ever listened to the Moth and thought, I have a story to tell? We'd love to hear it. The Moth pitchline is your chance to share a two minute pitch of your true personal story. Record it right on our site@the moth.org or call 877799 MOTH. That's 877-799-6684. Here's the thing, we listen to every single pitch. Your story could end up on our podcast, our stage or inspiring someone who needs to hear it. Share your story@themost.org or call 877-799. MOTH. Everyone has a story worth telling. Tell us yours.