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- [00:00]
Bilt Representative
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- [01:10]
IXL Learning Representative
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- [02:23]
Jodi Powell
Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Jodi Powell and on this episode, Family Matters. Yes. We're talking family finding, reconnecting and standing up for family. First up, we've got a story about family finding. You. Alicia Kenworthy told this at a D.C. grand Slam where the theme of the night was between the lines. Here's Alisha live at the mouth.
- [02:51]
Alicia Kenworthy
So one morning about a year ago now, I was lying in bed and staring at my phone when I received a message via the contact form on my personal website. And now, to be honest, I'm not sure why I even keep a contact me form available for the world Wide web. Mostly what I get is spam. Although one time a lady from Vancouver, Canada, wrote to let me know she shares my name and also receives my Papa John's delivery notifications to her inbox. She just wanted to let me know the pepperoni pizza I ordered was on its way, so it has its uses. This message that I got, though was different. It was well written and with almost impeccable grammar. So clearly not space. And it hailed all the way from Munich, Germany. Dear Alicia, it read, I do some family research, and I would really like to drop Ken Kenworthy a line. Ken Kenworthy may have known my biological mother. Ken Kenworthy is my father. So I Googled this German gentleman with almost impeccable grammar.
- [03:57]
And.
- [03:58]
And I came across his LinkedIn, and there was a photo of a man who is the spitting image of my father staring right back at me. And I took a deep breath and I thought how exactly to tell my father he, too, had missed a delivery notification for a son. The thing is, my dad and I don't really talk. Like, not in any kind of dramatic sense. We talk. He's a retired Air Force veteran, done three tours in Vietnam, and if you put in the movie Top Gun, he can tell you all about which scenes are the most realistic and why. And from his stories, I've kind of gleaned the grand outlines of our family history. I know that he raised my three older half siblings as a single father, that he met my mother in a bar, and that I obviously am the best thing that ever happened to him. But other than that, he's very businesslike and direct and to the point, and we just don't really do, you know, conversation. So I decided I would just forward the email with minimal commentary. So just sent it along and said, hey, dad, looks like this is meant for you. And he replied about 15 minutes later. And he said, hi, Alicia. I will follow up on this, dad. And so I waited for him to follow up. And as I was waiting for my dad to kind of process the idea that this German gentleman with almost impeccable grammar was most likely his long lost son. I just started thinking about what the guy had written in his email. He claimed he didn't really want anything much from my dad, maybe a photo and some information about our family history. And I had lived 35 years up to this point without knowing this guy even existed. But in all of five minutes I found myself wanting everything from him. I wanted to book a plane ticket to Bavaria and buy a dirndl and exchange stories in a beer garden. But from my father's end there was radio silence. And you know, my 82 year old dad seemed to be taking his sweet time. One day went by and nothing. Second day went by and nothing. And finally after like a week, I get a call and it's my dad. And he asked me if I would like to go down to the waterfront to have a father daughter talk. No reason at all. And we don't live anywhere near a waterfront. So he came and picked me up. And this being Covid, we Both donned our N95 masks and we rolled down the windows and we didn't say a word to each other for the entire half hour drive in the car. And we drove down to Haines Point and got out of the car and we walked around until we found an empty bench that seemed suitable for conversation. And there my dad launched into the most convoluted story about airplanes I think I have ever heard. He explained all the different fighter jets they were developing in 1968 and what his personal training had been and why he was selected to train on one of these planes and sent to Germany and how he did a 4G inverted dive on a MiG 28. That's actually a line from Top Gun for those of you who know the movie. Eventually, after about 20 minutes, I interrupted him and I said, dad, do I have a brother? Two weeks ago, this German gentleman with impeccable grammar landed via a Boeing 787 at Dulles International Airport. And my dad and I were there to welcome him at the arrivals gate with a sign that said welcome home. He was accompanied by his wife Melanie, and the most beautiful 13 year old little girl named Luisa, who is my father's only known grandchild. And we took them back to the house where Luisa's promoted to grandpa mug that she gave my father sits on the mantel. And after dinner we sat around and watched Top Gun as a family. And then I got an email notification from 23andMe that said this guy is a total scammer. And he's not your brother? No. The truth is, I don't really know how to end a happy story. I've been waiting for some sort of twist the past few weeks to make it more interesting, but the truth is that Lutz is my brother and he fits into our family like a puzzle piece that we didn't even know was missing. And my dad and I are still searching for the exact expression to encapsulate that feeling. But I'm sure there's a German word for it out there somewhere.
- [08:54]
Jodi Powell
That was Alicia Kenworthy. Alicia is a writer, storyteller, former matchmaker, and once upon a time reality TV talent based in Washington, dc. You can read her newsletter Catalectic on Substack. If you'd like to see photos of Alicia, her father and her brother, head over to themoth.org extras we emailed Alicia to see if there were any new developments since she told this story. Here's Alisha.
- [09:20]
Alicia Kenworthy
It's been five years since I woke up to that unexpected email. Since then, we've been to Munich, Barcelona, and even Disney World as a family. We still talk every week in the family group chat, and my mom loves to brag that Lutz is a younger, even handsomer version of her husband. My dad turns 86 this fall, and we're hoping to celebrate all together in person here in D.C. dad still needs to watch Top Gun, too, but Alicia.
- [09:46]
Jodi Powell
Wasn'T the only one who let us know how they were doing. Through all these years, we've tried so hard to find a suitable German word for it, while we had to admit that there's simply not any expression for that feeling.
- [09:58]
Lutz Kenworthy
Also, we cannot really tell how the situation exactly evolved because everything just simply fits. In German, we have a word for things falling into place on its own. We call it Selbslaufe.
- [10:11]
Jodi Powell
Yes, that was Alicia's brother Lutz and her niece Louisa. And if everything should one time click into place for me, I'll definitely know exactly what to say. Zebsloffer up next, we have Stacey Staggs, who told this story at the Louisville Grand Slam, where the theme of the night was a point of beauty. Here's Stacy live at the Mouth.
- [10:40]
Stacy Staggs
So before our mom passed, she once said, your brother will fight his way out. Your sister will con her way out. And then there's you. You're the one I worry about. It was as if I didn't have my own superpower, but all foster children do. It is how we remain resilient when life Forces us to adapt. What was my superpower, you ask? I'm tenacious. I don't give up. If it's something I really want, I'll make it happen. If my initial way doesn't work and I see a loophole, best believe you can consider that hole looped. My brother, the fighter, had chosen his path. His son was following in his footsteps. He was in safe custody and was at a treatment facility. My nephew George calls me one night from there. He sounded scared, didn't know where he was headed and asked to move in. I'm not gonna lie to y'all. This triggered something in me as I thought about this life changing decision. I was single, lived alone, just the vegetarian lesbian auntie minding her own business. I cuss, read tarot cards and see a psychic. However, she did not tell your girl about this, so I may need a new. As I thought about this decision, I had a lot of questions that ran through my mind. I've never been a parent. Will I be any good at this? What do they eat? And is my social life over? But the main question I kept coming back to was, could I live with myself if I didn't at least try? Try. The answer was always no. So George moved in. It's interesting living with a boy. I've never really done that. I don't know a lot about these creatures. They do eat meat apparently, but joke's on him. I don't even know how to cook it. Chicken is not supposed to be pink. And I thought I was doing hot girl shit by trying a new recipe. And he thought I tried to kill him. He puts empty cereal boxes back in the cabinet. I do not understand this. He announces when he has to dookie. I've literally never asked. Not once have I ever asked, hey, George, do you have to poop soon? He stinks, calls me bruh and obsesses about going through puberty. Just recently he told me about his newly acquired armpit hairs. He should be a man any day now. I think that's how it works. So this whole parenting thing, I think, is the hardest thing I probably will ever do. I don't even know what I'm doing half the time or if it's the right thing to do. And I'm just out here trying not to traumatize a child any more than he already has been. I have a lot of push and pull with my own decision making. You see, at his age, I was in group homes, residential facilities, one last foster home, then independent living before aging out. So my Sense of normal is a bit non traditional. I suppose. It is important for me for George to have normal childhood experiences. We did go to the beach last year and it was his first time. He had a very sweet video that he had taken documenting his time at the beach. And just the pure joy that was on his face brought joy to my face. And I was like, oh, this must be the great part of parenthood to see your child happy, right? And to think that I had given him that memory. I did. How cool is that? Thank you. It will not be a part of George's story that no one stepped up for him. When I made that decision, I not only did that for him, I did that for my own inner child to heal. You see, no one stepped up for me, which left me feeling hurt, abandoned, and angry. As a child, I thought my family didn't love me. That, and after a while, you realize no one is coming to save you. Survival is different than living. I've only recently learned that I've lived most of my life in survival mode, always waiting for the issue to drop. I'm working on living now. My mother doubted my ability to survive. Not only did I do that, but I'm bringing her grandchild with me to empower him in hopes that he will not just survive, but also live.
- [15:58]
Jodi Powell
That was Stacy Staggs. George and Stacey live in Kentucky. Stacy works in corporate, leading people. George attends school, plays video games, accepts hot Cheetos as currency, but has no idea why his tummy hurts. He still gets nervous when Stacy cooks their favorite pastime, mocking each other. We also checked in with Stacy to hear a bit more about how her nephew was doing. Here's Stacy.
- [16:24]
Stacy Staggs
George is good. He has officially entered the next phase of his life with becoming a young man. He has shot up at least a foot. He towers over me now. His voice is changing. And he lovingly says he finally has more mustache hair than myself. He likes to spend his time playing with friends, playing basketball, playing video games, and roasting me. It's great. I love it. Yeah, life is good.
- [17:01]
Jodi Powell
We're so glad to hear that. We'll be back in a second with another story all about family.
- [17:10]
Stacy Staggs
Oh, Sheet.
- [17:11]
Alicia Kenworthy
Honey, chill. It's just laundry.
- [17:13]
Stacy Staggs
Not that I'm talking about these Arm and Hammer power sheets.
- [17:16]
IXL Learning Representative
All the power of Arm and Hammer.
- [17:18]
Stacy Staggs
Laundry detergent in a convenient tossable sheet.
- [17:21]
Alicia Kenworthy
Oh, sheet.
- [17:22]
Stacy Staggs
That's what I'm saying.
- [17:24]
Alicia Kenworthy
And Arm and Hammer power sheets deliver an effective clean at a great price. Think of all the laundry we'll do.
- [17:29]
Stacy Staggs
And all the money we'll save oh.
- [17:32]
Alicia Kenworthy
Sheet, arm and hammer.
- [17:34]
IXL Learning Representative
More power to you.
- [17:38]
Alicia Kenworthy
Imagine what's possible when learning doesn't get in the way of life at Capella University. Our game changing flexpath learning format lets you set your own deadline so you can learn at a time and pace that works for you. It's an education you can tailor to your schedule. That means you don't have to put your life on hold to pursue your professional goals. Instead, enjoy learning your way and earn your degree without missing a beat. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn more at Capella. Edu.
- [18:10]
Jodi Powell
Our final story is about relying on and taking care of family, even when the world is in a pretty dark place. Marco Ivanov told this at a Chicago Grand Slam where the theme of the night was between the Lines. Here's Marco live at the Mouth.
- [18:31]
Lutz Kenworthy
My brother Nicola is laying in bed in front of me crying. And it is not one of those whiny, cranky cries. It is this deep, inconsolable cry. And he's whispering, I want my mom. I want my mom. He's 8 and I'm 13 and we are alone. We're in this apartment, just the two of us. I make sure he eats, he brushes his teeth, he does his homework. But there is one thing I can't do that he really needs at this time. I can't give him his mom. So I do the best that I can. I lay next to him, I hold him, and as I do, I think I want my mom too. It is September 91, and the civil war is raging in Croatia. Former Republic of Yugoslavia Nicola and I are in Belgrade, Serbia. Last time we saw our mom was about a month ago when she snuck us out of our hometown city in Croatia, drove us to the airport, gave us a hug and a kiss, and then turned around to go back in the city that was under siege to be with my father. Now we are 400 miles apart. While they're hiding in the city as the fierce fighting is going on, I spend countless hours at night dialing that, spinning that dial on a rotary phone until my finger is bloody with a hope that I can connect the call to them. And when the connection is established, they say, they're okay. They're fine. Don't worry. We will be soon. Together. My dad, who's a pilot for decades to make me feel better, he brings the phone closer to the window so that I can hear mortar shells exploding. He says, they're not that loud, they're not that close. And I believe him but it's been a couple of days and we haven't heard from them and we miss them. Now, officially, we are refugees. But I refuse to admit it. Refugees are those people you see on TV on nightly news in dirty clothes, living in tents and camps. They're homeless. We're not homeless. We're living in an apartment that my dad's best man had before he passed away. I enrolled us in school. I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I do everything that I can. But we're not refugees now, despite all that. It's 30 days and we're running out of money. So a family friend promises that they can lend us money, but we need to visit them in the city. It's about an hour away. Bus ride. So I tell Nicola, wipe your face, pick up your jacket, let's grab that bus. And as we're walking to the bus station, I have an idea. I know how to make him feel better. I can't get him his mom, but I can give him the next best. A grilled sausage. See, Belgrade is full of these burger and sausage bars that when you walk by, you get this whiff of grilled sausage and you just can't not stop. And whenever we visited as a family in the past, we would enjoy this delicacy. And I love grilled sausage. And in this moment, it's not just about the food. I think it's about being normal. So I buy one, I split it, I give him his half, and we sit on that bench waiting for the bus, savoring the sausage. When we get on the bus, it's hot, it's crowded. Smell of sweat, not sausage, permeates the air. People look miserable. The war has been going on for a while. Serbia has flooded. Refugees. Some people give us these pitiful looks because they can hear our Croatian accent. And as I see Conductor approaching us, I know that our sausage plan is backfired. See, I don't have enough money for. For two full tickets. So when he comes to me, I say I need one full price ticket for myself and a half price ticket for my brother. And he says, how old is he? And I lie, six. Now, as he's writing me the ticket, Nicola, who's sitting down, he's tugging on my pants. What did he ask? And I say nothing, curtly. But Nicola can't be stopped. He said something about me. What did he want to know about me? So I tell him he wanted to know, how old are you? And with the proudest face and with the loudest voice, he says, I am eight. Everybody on the bus, including the conductor, is smiling. Even those people that I judge, they're entertained. But I am crushed. As he hands me that half price ticket, I have this heavy realization. We are broke. We don't have a home. We don't have our parents. And even though we have these kind people and friends, if not for them we will be on the street, homeless. We are refugees. That feeling stays with you forever. A few days later, I'm coming home from school. I take the elevator to the 16th floor of our building and as I put the key in the apartment's door, I hear Nicola talking to someone. As I open the door I can see a green military kit on the floor with my dad's shoes next to it. And I know my dad is back and if my dad is here, my mom has to be soon right behind him. Thank you.
- [25:02]
Jodi Powell
That was Marco Ivanov. Marco grew up in exile Yugoslavia and moved to the US at 17. A former electrical engineering and business student, he is now a senior vice president at TransUnion. He lives in the Chicago suburbs with his wife and two children and is a longtime Ravens fan. If you'd like to see some photos of Marco, his brother and their family, just go to themauth.org extras we were curious to see what happened to Marco and his brother after the events of the story, so we asked him. Here's Marco.
- [25:37]
Lutz Kenworthy
After reuniting with our parents, we stayed in Serbia where we lived under sanctions. At 17, I left for the United States where I live with the American family that took me in. Four years later during NATO bombing of Serbia, I was able to get my younger brother out who joined me in the US as well. Today, all of us, including my parents, are living in the US where we were able to rebuild our lives.
- [26:04]
Jodi Powell
That's it for this episode. Whether you find your family through kin, friendship or through chance, we hope that it's Zeb Sloifer. And from our family here at the Moth to yours, we hope you have a story worthy week.
- [26:18]
Marco Ivanov
Jodi Powell is a director and educator at the Moth who enjoys listening to and seeking stories from beyond the main corridors. Originally from Jamaica, she currently lives in Harlem. The stories in this episode were coached by Chloe Salmon, Kate Tellers, and Jodi Powell. This episode of the Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Dunness, Sarah Jane Johnson and me, Mark Salinger. The rest of the Moth leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Jennifer Hickson, Kate Tellers, Marina Clouche, Suzanne Rust, Leeann Gulley, and Patricia Urena. The Moth Podcast is presented by Odysee. Special thanks to their executive producer Leah Rees Dennis. All moth stories are true as remembered by their storytellers. For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story and everything else, go to our website themoth.org.