The Moth Podcast: Resolutions - The Moth

Summary

The Moth Podcast: Resolutions – Episode Summary

Release Date: January 3, 2025

Introduction

In the "Resolutions" episode of The Moth Podcast, host Michelle Jalowski explores the profound impact of quitting and letting go of old habits. Instead of focusing solely on new beginnings, this episode delves into the transformative power of ending behaviors and mindsets that no longer serve us. Through two compelling personal narratives, listeners gain insight into the challenges and triumphs that accompany the journey of resolution.

Ian Stewart: Quitting Smoking – A Battle of Persistence and Reflection

Ian Stewart opens the episode with his heartfelt story about his long-term struggle to quit smoking. Recounting his first and last cigarettes, Ian vividly describes the initial allure and the eventual frustration that comes with dependency.

The Allure of the First Cigarette
“It was all love and honey. It tasted good. It felt good on my lips. It melted my brain like chocolate under a hot marshmallow.”
(00:47)
Facing Frustration and Shame
After enduring numerous failed attempts, Ian shares a pivotal moment of self-reflection:
“I felt like I was letting myself down. Felt like I was breaking a promise, which I was.”
(03:10)
The Quit Board Symbolism
He describes his extensive quit board, initially a symbol of hope that became a source of frustration:
“Each of those lines represented an entire day of fighting cravings. Cravings that were like a parasite, man.”
(04:15)
A Moment of Clarity and Acceptance
In a turning point, Ian recognizes his cumulative successes rather than his setbacks:
“That was a collection of successes, a lot of successes. Over 20 a day for 60. Some days felt pretty damn good.”
(05:00)
Ongoing Struggles and Acceptance
Despite still experiencing cravings, Ian embraces his journey:
“I don't see that necessarily as a failure. That was a collection of successes.”
(06:30)

Ian's narrative underscores the complexity of overcoming addiction, highlighting the emotional battles and the importance of recognizing incremental victories.

Melissa Early: Embracing Fragility and Bravery Through Travel

Melissa Early shares a poignant story about her first solo trip post-divorce, which becomes a catalyst for personal growth and redefined resolutions.

A Challenging Adventure
Melissa recounts her difficult experience in a Guatemalan cave:
“I'm in water over my head trying to pull myself along with the rope and keep the damn candle lit.”
(05:50)
The Accident and Its Aftermath
A sudden fall leaves her physically injured and emotionally shaken:
“I am the old lady who fell. I get up slowly. I can walk, but barely.”
(07:40)
Realization and Acceptance
Reflecting on her physical limitations and emotional state, Melissa acknowledges the need for change:
“I finally admit that my 20 something travel days are over. I am a grown ass woman.”
(11:15)
Balancing Fragility and Bravery
She concludes with a powerful insight into embracing vulnerability while still daring to take risks:
“I may be single and fragile, but it's still sometimes worth risking crashing again because you can only not get hurt if you don't go anywhere or do anything or love anyone.”
(12:00)

Melissa's story emphasizes the delicate balance between recognizing one's limits and maintaining the courage to pursue meaningful experiences despite vulnerabilities.

Conclusion

The "Resolutions" episode of The Moth Podcast masterfully illustrates that resolutions are not only about starting anew but also about the courage to quit and redefine one's path. Ian Stewart's battle with smoking and Melissa Early's transformative travel experience highlight the nuanced process of letting go and the personal growth that follows. These narratives inspire listeners to reflect on their own lives, encouraging them to embrace both their strengths and their fragility in the pursuit of meaningful change.

Notable Quotes

“It melted my brain like chocolate under a hot marshmallow.” – Ian Stewart (00:47)
“I felt like I was letting myself down. Felt like I was breaking a promise, which I was.” – Ian Stewart (03:10)
“Each of those lines represented an entire day of fighting cravings. Cravings that were like a parasite, man.” – Ian Stewart (04:15)
“I am the old lady who fell. I get up slowly. I can walk, but barely.” – Melissa Early (07:40)
“I may be single and fragile, but it's still sometimes worth risking crashing again because you can only not get hurt if you don't go anywhere or do anything or love anyone.” – Melissa Early (12:00)

About the Storytellers

Ian Stewart is a writer and hobbyist from Portland, Oregon, author of Bittersweet, a collection of short stories. He lives with his soon-to-be wife and their two cats.
Melissa Early serves as a United Methodist pastor. In 2023, she relocated from the Chicago area to Leadville, Colorado, to focus on writing, hiking, and creativity. She is the pastor of St. George Episcopal Mission and co-founder of Sage Mountain Institute for Writing and Spirituality.

Closing Thoughts

The episode beautifully captures the essence of resolutions beyond mere beginnings, emphasizing the strength found in endings. Listeners are reminded that true change often involves letting go of old habits and embracing new perspectives, fostering both resilience and personal evolution.

Transcript

Michelle Jalowski (0:02)

Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Michelle Jalowski. It may be a new year, but I've got pretty much the same resolutions. I'm going to start reading a book every week. I'm going to take more walks. I'm finally going to find a way to keep that Trader Joe's orchid alive for more than a month. Check back with me in March to see how I did. But sometimes the best thing you can do isn't to start something new. It's to think about your old habits that you don't love the things and ideas that aren't serving you and decide to leave them behind. On this episode, we've got two stories about the good that can sometimes come from quitting. First up is Ian Stewart, who told this at a mock story slam in Portland. Here's Ian live at the Mop.

Ian Stewart (0:47)

I remember my first cigarette almost as well as I remember my last. My first one. It was all love and honey. It tasted good. It felt good on my lips. It melted my brain like chocolate under a hot marshmallow. Last one, not so much. It was one of those random summertime hailstorms and I was huddled underneath this little overhang, smoking it with abandon. Desperate need. I smoked it all the way down to the filter, flicked it into this little flower pot. That poor little thing never saw anything beautiful. And I felt so frustrated in myself, so ashamed. I'd tried to quit plenty of times before and there I was again. I felt like I was letting myself down. Felt like I was breaking a promise, which I was. I went back inside and I went into my bedroom where I've got this big whiteboard. It was my quit board and it was huge. And I only had like 60 little tallies in a corner. And when I got the thing, I was very sure I was going to fill this up, no sweat. I was gonna maybe just keep on going and turn it into one of those dungeons that has little tallies all over the walls. And as I'm sitting there looking at it, I see 60 something tallies representing around two and a half months. It's pretty good. And I remember it being so. I was so frustrated to look at that, look at all that effort in between. Each of those lines represented an entire day of fighting cravings. Cravings that they were like a parasite, man. They would dictate everything I did throughout the day. Every single one of those tallies represented an entire day that I went. I woke up, didn't smoke. I didn't smoke during my first cup of coffee or my Second, I didn't smoke after breakfast. I didn't smoke before work. On, on and on and on. I'm wet, I'm cold. I'm so frustrated. Just so much self pity. I take my hand and I just swipe all those tallies away. Quit board goes back down to zero days without a cigarette again, that frustration, it was. I was mad. I could feel myself just writhing in it. And ironically, in those moments, the thing you really want is a cigarette. I go back out to the kitchen where I left the pack and there's one left rattling around in there. It's like the last match, my little lifeline before the darkness of no more smokes. And on my hand below the pack, I could see this blue smear. It was the smear of 60 something little lines and 60 something little times where I said I went this entire day without a cigarette. In that moment I didn't see that necessarily as a failure. That was a collection of successes, a lot of successes. Over 20 a day for 60. Some days felt pretty damn good. I put that pack back down and the next day around the same time, I drew my first line on the clipboard. Well, again my first line. Again. The next day I did it again. 2 became 4, 4 became 20. Before I knew it, I had a long yet gradually easier year of tallies behind me. Right on. Appreciate that. I still, I still get cravings on my hardest days. I still have a little bit of envy when I'm at the bar and I smell smoke. It still smells good to me. I know it's weird. I don't tally anymore. That got kind of weird. Like the dungeon look, not as cool as you might think. But to this day, to this day, tucked away inside of my nightstand, it's all crusty and just a shell of a thing now. I still have that last smoke. Thank you.