The Moth Radio Hour: Adolescence and Agony

Summary

The Moth Radio Hour: Adolescence and Agony – Episode Summary

Released April 29, 2014

Introduction

In the "Adolescence and Agony" episode of The Moth Radio Hour, host George Dawes Green delves into the tumultuous and transformative years of high school through a series of poignant and humorous true stories. The episode captures the essence of teenage struggles, friendships, first loves, and the quest for identity, presenting listeners with narratives that range from heartfelt to hilariously awkward. Through the raw and unfiltered accounts of various storytellers, the episode explores the highs and lows of growing up, emphasizing the universal experiences that shape us during our formative years.

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Adam Wade: Navigating High School Chaos

Timestamp: 03:51 - 16:17

Adam Wade opens the episode with a vivid recounting of his high school years in New Hampshire, painting a picture of isolation and the longing for acceptance. As a reserve golfer and a marching band member dismissed for his perceived lack of capability, Adam felt like an outsider—a "2" in popularity terms, yet a "10" with his select company during Saturday nights.

Notable Quote:

“Yaya and Arethi saw me the way I wanted to be seen.”
– Adam Wade at 06:40

Adam describes his Saturday nights driving his grandmother and great aunt (“Yaya and Arethi”) around in his mother’s conspicuous bright purple Mercury Cougar, affectionately dubbed the "pimp mobile." These nights were filled with playful antics, such as stealing salt and pepper shakers from their favorite restaurant, the Clam King. The routine provided Adam with moments of genuine connection and subtle affirmations from his aunts, fostering a sense of being valued and loved.

A pivotal moment occurs when Adam decides to take his aunts to watch a plane take off at a local airport. His discomfort is palpable as he fears judgment from his peers, especially when confronted by S.D. and his girlfriend, Rachel. The encounter culminates in a moment of vulnerability where Adam confesses his insecurities, and his aunts reassure him, reinforcing his self-worth despite external pressures.

Notable Quote:

“I could do everything I can to be the person they saw me as.”
– Adam Wade at 15:34

Years after their passing, Adam reflects on these experiences with Yaya and Arethi, often retracing his routes out of respect and a yearning to embody the person his aunts believed he was. This enduring legacy underscores the profound impact of familial love and acceptance during adolescence.

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Eve Engel: The Quest for the Perfect First Kiss

Timestamp: 19:45 - 25:09

Eve Engel shares a relatable story about her first kiss during a trip to Israel. As a meticulously planned teen, Eve encounters Danny, a fellow traveler with whom she shares humor and companionship. However, her anxiety revolves around ensuring that their first kiss is "perfect," leading her to set high expectations that ultimately result in disappointment.

Notable Quote:

“First kisses are supposed to be awkward. First everything's are supposed to be awkward.”
– Eve Engel at 24:00

Eve’s anticipation builds throughout the trip, climaxing during a walk to a gazebo where Danny attempts to create a romantic moment. Instead of a seamless kiss, Danny's gesture is marred by the literal display of his watch flashing 11:59:59, rendering the moment unintentionally humorous and awkward. Devastated, Eve seeks solace in her counselor, who helps her realize that imperfections are natural and that her rigid expectations were misplaced.

This revelation empowers Eve to embrace spontaneity, leading to a genuine and heartfelt kiss later that evening—unplanned, imperfect, but perfectly authentic.

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Paola Aiella: Confronting Parental Secrets

Timestamp: 26:08 - 30:30

Paola Aiella recounts a moment of intense fear and anxiety when her mother discovers a heartfelt letter from Paola’s girlfriend hidden in her room. Navigating the treacherous waters of coming out in a conservative household, Paola describes the emotional turmoil she experiences upon anticipating her mother's reaction.

Notable Quote:

“I hoped that I could breathe. Thank you.”
– Paula Aiella at 30:30

The confrontation unfolds during a family dinner where Paola anticipates punishment and rejection. Instead, her mother’s revelation that Paola is pregnant shifts the dynamics entirely. The initial fear of exposure dissolves as Paola gains the confidence to openly affirm her relationship, culminating in a liberating sense of acceptance and authenticity.

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Erin Barker: Middle School Rivalries and Self-Identity

Timestamp: 31:01 - 38:25

Erin Barker shares her tumultuous experience navigating the complexities of a blended family during middle school. Following her parents' separation, Erin's life is upended by the arrival of her stepmother Bethany and stepsibling Robbie, who quickly fill the roles of the “good” and “smart” children in the household.

Struggling with feelings of inadequacy and jealousy, Erin initially adopts a rebellious persona, engaging in destructive behavior to carve out her own identity within the new family dynamics. The symbolic act of burning her report card becomes a focal point of her rebellion, cementing her role as the "asshole" in her family's hierarchy.

Notable Quote:

“It's hard to be jealous of that.”
– Erin Barker at 35:54

As time passes, Erin matures and reassesses her self-worth, recognizing that her identity is not confined to labels like “good” or “smart.” This realization allows her to embrace her authentic self, free from the need to compete with her stepfamily members.

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Morgan Laquetta: Facing the Unexpected in Nature

Timestamp: 41:07 - 45:38

Morgan Laquetta delivers a spine-chilling yet awe-inspiring story about a close encounter with a majestic buck in the forest. Raised in a secluded environment where she felt in control of nature, Morgan’s encounter shatters her sense of security and control.

Notable Quote:

“Nature had really not taught me anything yet.”
– Morgan Laquetta at 45:38

The presence of the imposing buck and his herd forces Morgan to confront her vulnerability, leaving her paralyzed with fear. This experience serves as a metaphor for the unpredictability and uncontrollable aspects of life, highlighting the limits of human dominance over nature.

Following the story, Morgan reflects on the profound impact of sharing her experience publicly, revealing the personal growth and confidence she gained from stepping outside her comfort zone.

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Steve Zimmer: The Struggle for Individuality in a Competitive Family

Timestamp: 46:47 - 53:19

Steve Zimmer narrates his battle for identity within a household that seemingly favors his step-siblings. After his father remarries, Steve feels overshadowed by Bethany, the "good" one, and Robbie, the "smart" one, leading him to adopt a rebellious persona marked by misbehavior and frustration.

Notable Quote:

“I went from being the good and smart one to being the psychopath.”
– Steve Zimmer at 53:19

Steve's story climaxes with his act of setting his report card on fire, a symbolic rejection of the roles imposed upon him. The aftermath sees him grappling with rumors and a tarnished reputation, ultimately realizing that his identity cannot be confined to simplistic labels. This epiphany fosters a journey towards self-acceptance and authenticity, moving beyond familial expectations.

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Katherine McCarthy: The Unexpected Encounter with Nature’s Majesty

Timestamp: 39:18 - 45:38

Katherine McCarthy recounts a heart-stopping encounter with a buck and his herd in the woods, illustrating the profound impact of unexpected interactions with wildlife. Her story underscores themes of fear, awe, and the humbling power of nature, contrasting with her confident upbringing in a secluded, forested environment.

Notable Quote:

“I found that this buck is standing between me and his herd.”
– Katherine McCarthy at 41:07

The narrative delves into the psychological effects of this encounter, highlighting the inner conflict between her perceived control and the overwhelming presence of the wild. Katherine’s reflection reveals a deeper understanding of her limitations and the unpredictable nature of life’s challenges.

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Final Reflections and Overarching Themes

Throughout the episode, The Moth Radio Hour weaves together diverse stories that collectively portray the intricate tapestry of adolescence. Common themes include the search for identity, the desire for acceptance, the pain of unreciprocated love, and the journey towards self-acceptance. Each storyteller presents a unique perspective, yet their narratives resonate with the universal experience of growing up and the myriad emotions that accompany it.

Notable Quote:

“I could do everything I can to be the person they saw me as.”
– Adam Wade at 15:34

These stories reinforce the idea that adolescence is a period of intense personal growth, marked by both agony and triumph. The episode eloquently captures the essence of teenage life, offering listeners a profound understanding of the challenges and triumphs that define this pivotal stage.

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Conclusion

"Adolescence and Agony" serves as a compelling exploration of the teenage experience, illustrating how moments of vulnerability, struggle, and triumph shape individuals' paths. Through authentic and heartfelt storytelling, The Moth Radio Hour invites listeners to reflect on their own journeys, fostering empathy and connection across diverse personal narratives. This episode underscores the enduring impact of our formative years and the stories that define who we become.

Transcript

[Adam Wade]

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[Dan Kennedy]

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[Adam Wade]

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[George Dawes Green]

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[Erin Barker]

I'm Dan Kennedy. We have an episode of the Moth Radio Hour for you today here on the podcast with all kinds of great stories. We have stories from Steve Zimmer, we have Stories from Adam Wade. Aaron Barker's in there. All kinds of great stories actually, in this episode. Let's take a listen. Here's the Moth Radio Hour from prx. This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm George Dawes Green, the founder of the Moth. And in this hour we'll have unscripted true stories for you. Stories about terror and heartsickness and disgrace and desolation. Yes, it's high school. The American high school, actually. Some people love their memories of their school days, but those people don't tend to become moth raconteurs. Moth raconteurs tend to recall their high school years as a journey through four circles of hell, as in this story, which Adam Wade told us at a moth in New York City.

[Adam Wade]

How you doing? I'm Adam Wade. I grew up in New Hampshire. And during my high school years, I had a tough time fitting in. And I was on the golf team, but I was a reserve, so that means I never got to play. And I was in the marching band. But after freshman year, I was pulled aside by the supervisor, and he said, you're not physically or mentally able to handle the rigors of marching band. I had friends. I didn't have a lot, but I had a few. And one of the few friends I had, he went by the nickname Fetus. So, like, popularity wise, like a scale 1 to 10, I was a 2. But on Saturday night, with the company I kept, I was a 10. And every Saturday night in high school, I would go out to eat with my grandmother and my great aunt, and I would pick them up in my mom's bright purple Mercury cougar, which everybody in my town knew as the pimp mobile. When I was 16, that's when I got my license. And to them I became a man because instead of them picking me up, I would pick them up and yay. Inariti. Both their husbands had passed. I'm Greek, so it was a yaya and anariti. And both her husbands passed. They lived together and they worked in the Amoskeag shoe factories. And my yaya, my grandmother, she made the shoes before she retired. And she so much manual labor. Her hands, they look like potato skins. And arnariti, she was more the Sophia Loren esque of the two. She was a little more glamorous. She was a secretary and she always had lipstick and high heels. So I picked them up and this particular night was in April of my junior year. And I took them to their favorite restaurant, which was called the Clam King. It was a mom and pop Fast food place, they liked it. The seafood was really good. They overcooked a little, but it was good. So we go and we order, and they always order the fried scallops and the french fries and tartar sauce. And I would order just the cheeseburger because of my stomach. And once the waitress left, we would play this game, and I was the eyes, and I would keep an eye on the waitress, and then I would, like, wink when she was gone, and either Yay or Riti would steal the salt and pepper shakers. That was, like, our game. They had a lot. They had, like, 300 things of salt and pepper all over the house. But it was, like, their thing, and.

[Paola Aiella]

We loved doing it.

[Adam Wade]

And it was like, you know, And I wink, and they do it. You'd hear the zip, and it was good, and mission accomplished. You did a good job. I go, hey, you stole. You know, it was good. And then the food came and, like, went right. These women, they love to eat. So, like, Yaya would just start, and she would just attack, and she would take a scallop and dip it in tartar sauce, stuff in her mouth, and just like a robot. And she forgot to chew in her face. You just watch it expand. Where Arnorici. She just liked to look at the food a little, and she'd watch the. The steam coming up from the french fries, and she put her hands over, like, a campfire, and she'd be like, oh, they smell delicious. And then they would start, and then this was the favorite part of the night for me. It's when they would start complimenting me while we ate. They, like. They would say like, oh, you got your haircut. Oh, looks good. I was like, oh, thank you. How'd you do on your chemistry test? I was like, I got a 95. And they're like, oh, you're so smart. I was like, oh, come on. I appreciated. Like, they saw me the way I wanted to be seen. So after we ate, we would do what we would always do. We would go to the cemetery to say hi to the dead relatives, and they never get out of the car. I would just have to drive the car as close to the gravestones as possible, and they would go, hi, Ben. Okay, keep going. And then we just keep driving. And then we would go to McDonald's for milkshakes because the clam king's milkshakes weren't up to par. And then we would drive, and we would take this ride past the airport, and we'd always just drive by it. But they'd always say, come on, like, let's go to the airport. Let's watch a plane take off. Come on. I'd be like, nah, nah, nah, let's not do that. They're like, oh. And I don't know what their fascination was with it, with planes. I never asked. But for me, I knew that the airport from rumors around school was that's where all the cool kids parked and the social ramifications of me getting caught at the airport with Yaya and Arethi. Come on. I was a two fetus. Come on. Plus, my first time to actually go and park at the airport, my dream and hope was to actually go with a girl my own age. But sadly, at the time, girls my age didn't see me like that. So they're begging. And then on this particular night, I look and I can see that there's no cars there, and it's still really early. So I'm like, all right, let's go, let's go. And they're like little kids, they're like, oh, yeah, you're the best boy. You're the best boy. So we pull in, and we're waiting, and it's a small airport, so we're waiting, and we're waiting. And I put the radio on. I put on the oldies station, the Doo Wop Shop on Saturday night, and I put it loud enough so they can hear it. I perfected this, but loud enough they won't complain that it's too loud. And we sit there and we wait and we wait. And then finally, this little propeller plane pulls around and it's ready to take off. And Yaya's in the front seat, and I put her hand in my hand and are hand in the back. And as it takes off over us in unison, we go like, whee. And it's nice. It feels good. It feels good. We feel good. You know, I'm like, all right, now it's time to get the hell out of here, you know? And as I'm thinking that, Yaya looks over at me and she says, you know, I wonder if that plane's going to China. Like, do you think that plane's going to China? Like, I look at it, I'm like, you know, yeah, it's a small. Like, I mean, your guess is as good as mine. I don't know.

[Paola Aiella]

It's.

[Adam Wade]

If it's going to China and reach these in the back seat. And she starts cackling. She's like, how the hell is he supposed to know if it's going To China. And then she, like, lights up a Palm Elemental. And she's had cancer, like, three times, but she just likes to have a few puffs. And then she throws it out the window. And Yaya turns around and goes, you know, keep smoking. You know, cancer's got you. Three times. One more time, you're going down. You're dancing with the devil. You're dancing with the devil. And she's like, it's a free country. And then she's like, well, good luck to you on the Red Sox. And then whenever. And then whenever Aretha ran out of things to say, she would go like that. And I used to enjoy watching them fight. It was great entertainment. But then I look up in the rearview mirror, and I see the cars. And they're coming in now, and it's like, Volkswagen Jettas and Saab's, and they all have Central High Pride bumper stickers, and I'm screwed. And I look to the left, and this blue Suburban pulls up, and it's the last car I want to see. It's S.D. he's a senior, and he's not a nice guy, but he's co. And his girlfriend Rachel, who looks like Dee Schneider from Twisted Sister, she's got, like, dive one, but she's cool again. And they see the pimp mobile, and they're like, oh, my God, Adam waits here. Oh, my God.

[Steve Zimmer]

Wow.

[Adam Wade]

You know, Adam. Adam. Adam. And finally I look over, and I'm like, what's up? They're like, adam, you stud, who you with? And Yaya leans over and says, he's with his grandmother and Great Aunt Dia. What a beautiful night to watch the airplanes. They start laughing, and then other cars start noticing, and they're flipping the high beams, they're beeping the horn, they're screaming, Wade. And I just start sweating, and I don't know what to do. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. And then Yaya looks over, concerned, and she says, what's wrong? Are you okay? Are you okay? And I say, no, I'm not okay. And she's like, what's wrong? I go, don't you understand? I'm not who you think I am. And they're like, well, what do you mean? And I go, yeah, I'm a loser. And she's like, no, you're not. She's like, why do you think that? I go like, I snap and I say, I'm with you two on a Saturday night, and we're at Makeout Point. I'm a loser. I start up the car and we drive away in silence. I never yelled at them before like that, so this is all different. And I'm shaking as I drive. We get back to their house and they start boiling water for hot chocolate. They start getting the poppycock. They start getting the Swiss fudge. And I'm just sitting there watching them do this, and they're not saying anything to me. And I have this shame now because I've disappointed them. So then it's 10 o'clock. It's time for the Commish. We always watch the Commish on Saturday nights at 10 o'clock. It stars Michael Chiklis. And we're Greek and we support all the Greeks. We're not a Nielsen family, but we're going to watch it, you know. So we sit on the love seat and I'm between them and we're eating, and they're bigger, so I'm like sandwiched in. And then there's a commercial. And again, it's really quiet, and I'm waiting for them to yell at me, and they're not. So I say, I'll tell you one thing. You know, this chickless, I mean, he's just as good an actor as Telly Savalas and John Cassavetes. I mean, Greek actors, these guys. I mean, he's right up there. And Yaya nods her head and she puts her hand through my hair and she says, you got such a nice haircut. He did such a good job. And then Arethi puts her arm around me and says, I hope you know you're the best boy. I hope you know. So that Monday I go to school and It's a nightmare. SD's telling everybody I'm taking Yaya to the promotion. I don't need it, you know. But I'm surprised it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I just let it go. Now Yayanariti have been gone for a few years now, and every time I go home, I find myself. I go a couple times a year, I find myself in a car and I'm driving around, and I always retrace that route. I'll go by the Clam King, I'll go by the cemetery. I'll go by their gravestones out of respect. Hi, Yai. Areti. And I drive off. I go to McDonald's, and then I drive by the airport. In the time since they've passed, I've tried to do everything I can to. To be the person they saw me as. I'd do anything to be able to go back and take them to the airport one more Saturday night. Thank you.

[Paola Aiella]

I was alright.

[Erin Barker]

That was Adam Wade. Adam is originally from New Hampshire and as he gets older, he's especially fond of grilled cheese sandwiches at diners and loves the music of Roy Orbison. To see an amazing picture of Adam and his grandmother and great aunt, go to our website, themoth.org in a moment, we'll be back with some stories from our new Moth High School Slam program. Real high school students telling true stories about their own lives in competition. And the judges are other high school students. Oh, the humanity when the Moth Radio Hour returns.

[Adam Wade]

Crying, crying, crying.

[Morgan Laquetta]

The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts and presented by the Public Radio Exchange.

[George Dawes Green]

PRX.org you know how easy it is to get lost in watching a whole season of Breaking Bad or House of Cards in one weekend. Some people call it binging. There's no right way or wrong way to binge, but there is a way to do it smarter without becoming a couch potato. The people over at WNYC who produce popular podcasts like Radiolab and Freakonomics Radio, have a free mobile app with all your favorite public radio shows and podcasts on demand. But the best part of the app is the new Discover feature, which can instantly put together a custom playlist based on the topics you're interested in and how long you have to listen. You can smart binge for two hours on Radiolab, or you can smart binge all day on fascinating stories recommended by the Discover feature that you didn't even know about before. How smart is that? All that right in your pocket and it's all free. You can download the WNYC app with the Discover feature on itunes or Google Play. Start smart binging today with the free WNYC app when you're done here, of course.

[Erin Barker]

This is the Moth Radio Hour from prx. I'm George Dawes Green, and we're talking about that place of wailing and gnashing of teeth that we call high school. A few years ago, I asked a teacher friend of mine, Carol Keene, if we could bring a moth slam to her school. She didn't quite know what a slam was and she wasn't sure her students would be up to it.

[Adam Wade]

Getting up in front of their peers.

[Katherine McCarthy]

That that might be perhaps a little.

[Erin Barker]

Too risky for some people, but still, down we went to Milton High School outside of Atlanta, Georgia. Carol found some volunteers brave enough to tell their personal stories to a huge audience of fellow students. They really just Plunged in with both feet. And that audience went wild. And the stories were judged by other students.

[Adam Wade]

Let's go to the judging, Tim.

[Erin Barker]

And the stories that did the best, the most vulnerable and open and self revealing. Think about that vulnerability being celebrated at high school.

[Adam Wade]

I've never seen that before.

[Erin Barker]

So now we've been bringing the moth high school slams to as many schools as we can. Here's a story that Eve Engel told at a slam at Beacon High School in New York City.

[I]

So here I was, like any good young Jew on my first teen trip to Israel. And I was so excited because every second of this trip was planned. The itinerary was beautiful. And I love that because I'm this compulsive daydreamer, this neurotic over planner. And I think and think about things in my head a lot and how I want them to be. So this really excited me. But the one thing I didn't plan on was meeting a guy on this trip. And I met this guy Danny. And you know, we would sit next to each other on bus rides and entertain each other with really bad, that's what she said jokes, you know, really mature. And we did that and we bonded. But the one thing we didn't do was kiss. Because the thing was, is that it was going to be my first kiss. And I wanted it to be perfect. And I didn't know how it was going to be perfect. I didn't know how I was going to make it that way, but I knew it had to be. And I knew the one way it wasn't going to be was if I kissed him first. He had to be the one to do it. So this brings us to the end of the trip. And the trip started in Israel and then it ended in this Christian retreat center in New Jersey, of all places. And it was my birthday. It was my birthday and it was the best day. They threw me a surprise party and it was just so amazing. And I kept thinking to myself, the only thing that could make this day better is if I had my perfect first kiss. So, you know, I keep waiting to see if he'll do it. And then we get to after this bonfire at night and he says, hey, you want to go for a walk? And I'm like, okay. And so then he brings us to this gazebo and I see this gazebo and I know what happens in gazebos. Romantic first kisses happen in gazebos. So I was so excited. So I sat down and, you know, I keep like, we have this like awkward silence and I Keep waiting for him to just kiss me. But he keeps looking at his watch and I'm like, okay, you know, we're not on the same page maybe. But I couldn't even be bothered because I was having such a good day. I was wearing this white dress that made me feel really pretty. And the gazebo had like twinkly lights over it, which was really romantic. And it was that kind of cool summer night where you could just smell it. And I was so happy. And, you know, finally he looks up from his watch, he kisses me, he pulls back, shows me his watch, and it reads 1159 and 59 seconds. And he says, happy birthday. And I was like, oh. Because I was like, I see your romantic gesture. Like, I see what you did there. But the thing was, is that this kiss was so underwhelming, I didn't know what to do about it. I didn't know what I did wrong. And I was kind of freaking out. I was having this out of body experience. And it was midnight, so we had to go back to our cabin. So he dropped me off at my cabin and he kisses me good night. And I just walk up the stairs and I'm, you know, crying because it was my first kiss and something didn't go right. It didn't feel perfect. And so I go to my counselor's room and, you know, I go to her and I'm crying and I just tell her everything. And I say how it was my first kiss and something was wrong and I don't know what I did wrong. And she goes, honey, first kisses are supposed to be awkward. First everything's are supposed to be awkward. And, well, that just blew my mind that I didn't have to, you know, like that I could think and think and plan and things weren't going to come out the way that they were in my head. And that was okay. That that was better than okay. I mean, that was such a liberating feeling. And it really just made me feel better. And the great thing was that the next time that I kissed someone, it was so unplanned. It was on a Monday night and I had to rush home to do a math project and I was on a subway platform and I kissed him first. And I swear it lasted like this long, but it was perfect. Thank you.

[Erin Barker]

That was eve Engel. Kathryn McCarthy runs the moth High School Slam series. And she told us about working with Eve.

[George Dawes Green]

Eve was someone who started out saying, you know, I don't have any stories. Nothing interesting has ever happened to me.

[Erin Barker]

Katherine McCarthy gets to travel around the country helping high schoolers to tell their stories. I asked her if she liked her job.

[George Dawes Green]

I like my job so much it's ridiculous. I think about when I'm with a slam team and they start out not knowing each other and not trusting each other and then to where at the end, you know, we have inside jokes and everyone wants to make T shirts and they're high fiving each other before. You know these kids who are in different grades, different, different social circles, who now have this closeness that they don't have with anyone else at school because you never get to talk in this real way.

[Erin Barker]

Here's another student that Katherine worked with at Beacon High School in New York, Paola Aiella told us about a terrifying decision she faced.

[Steve Zimmer]

So I think after living with her all my life, I got used to my mom's like crazy neurotic cleaning around the house. But the one place I can't really stand it is in my room. I remember one day my sophomore year, I came home and everything was a mess and everything was everywhere and we had been doing construction. So I got home and there was a mess everywhere. And she was like, good, you're home. She's like, alright, so you can help me clean now. And she's like, let's start with your room because it's a disaster. So I was like, okay. I go downstairs and my bed is misplaced and my closet's torn apart and everything is everywhere and I didn't even make the mess and I had to clean it. So I start cleaning things and I pick it up. I pick things up and I see in a corner of my room there's a bunch of scraps of paper and they had been. And I see that they had been tampered with and somebody was digging through my things. And then I see like this, this paper out of its envelope and I'm assuming it's junk mail. So as soon as I open it, I get ready to tear it up. But then I really look at it and I realize it was a letter. And it was a letter I had gotten from my girlfriend for my birthday. And I suppose I should mention my mom didn't know I had a girlfriend. So I had the letter in my hand and I was shaking and I was really nervous and I'm thinking, did she read the letter? And so I'm in my room and I don't know what to think. And there are like a million things going through my head and I was like, wow, I don't know if she read it, I was like, maybe she might disown me. I was like, I don't. I don't know what's gonna happen. So I'm thinking in my brain and then I hear her and she's like, paola. She's like, dinner's ready. And I was like, oh, my God. She wants me to go upstairs. She wants to talk about it over dinner. I was like, I'm gonna throw up and we're not gonna be able to talk about anything. And so I sit in my room for a while and I was like, alright, well, I don't know how I'm gonna go about this. And so I think I wait long enough and I go upstairs and. And I don't go in the room yet. I peek through the stairs to see what they're doing, and they're all sitting there watching tv. And I look at them for a few seconds. I was like, all right. I was like, everybody looks pretty normal, looks pretty oblivious. So I walk into. I cross through my living room and I walk in there, I walk to the kitchen and I kind of look at the food and I kind of feel repulsed. So I don't really eat. And I sit down. My mom looks at me and she's like, you're not hungry? And I was like, no, I'm not. Not that hungry. And she kind of just looks at me. And so I fidget a little and she just. She kept looking at me. And I was like, oh, God. I was like, she's gonna say something. I was like, I don't know what to say. So.

[Katherine McCarthy]

So.

[Steve Zimmer]

So finally I. I look at her and I was like, mom. I was like, I think. She's like, I think you found something of mine. And she was like, what do you mean? And I was like, I think you found something in my room. It was like, something kind of personal that you weren't supposed to know about. And she kind of just looks at me and her eyes get really big. And she was like, oh, my God. She was like, you're pregnant. And as I was, before I said anything, I thought.

[Katherine McCarthy]

I realized.

[Steve Zimmer]

I was like, she didn't read it. I was like, she doesn't even. She doesn't even know. But then she was like, well, what do you. She's like, well, what are you talking about then? And I was like, well, I'm gonna have to tell you now. And so I go. I was like, well, I was like, I thought you'd read a letter that I got from my girlfriend. And she kind of just looks at me. And it was, like this awkward looking at each other for, like, five seconds because she didn't know what to say. And I had just said something. And I was waiting for her to say something, but nothing really happened. So my stepdad's sitting on the couch, and he looks at me and he goes. He's like, well, it's about time. And so. And so I go to bed that night, and, you know, and then I wake up the next morning, and I start getting ready for school and everything. And we have this routine where I say goodbye. And she asked me. She's like, what are you doing after school? And it just felt so good to be able to say, I'm gonna go hang out with my girlfriend. And it was like, I didn't have to lie to her. And I could say that with confidence and, like. And she was okay with it. And I walked out of that door that morning, and I felt like I could breathe. Thank you.

[Erin Barker]

That was Paula Ayala. To find out more about our moth high school slams and how to get one started in your school, send an email to high schoolthemoth.org and now for another adult memory of school days. Erin Barker with the story that won a moth grand slam at the Williamsburg music hall in Brooklyn.

[Dan Kennedy]

All right, so when I was in junior high, my mom left my family, which I know sounds like a terrible thing, but actually, bear with me. It was awesome because it was just me, my dad, and my brother. And every single night for dinner, we had pizza. And also I now, after school, had a coveted hour alone in the house. Before my brother got home from elementary school, I would spend this hour almost exclusively playing air guitar to my bare Naked lady cd. And then my brother would get home, and we'd walk our retriever, Samuel, around the neighborhood. And then we'd watch Pokemon. And then my dad would come home and we'd eat pizza again, and it was awesome. Every day was a perfect day until the night of my school play. After our performance, one of our illustrious cast members, Bethany, came up to me with her mother, and she said to me the four words that would live in infamy. Is your dad single? I think back to this moment a lot, and I wonder how my life would be different if I'd said no. But I didn't. I said yes. And within a year, my dad was married to this woman, and she and her two stupid kids were living in our house. She had, like I said, two kids. Bethany, the first one was the same age as me, and she Was the Jesus freak to end all Jesus freaks. I went to church every Sunday and I was in the youth group, but even I was like, all right, Bethany, easy on the Jesus. She was a member of an all female Christian barbershop quartet called Voices of Priests. And the four of them would wear, like, matching puffy painted sweatshirts and scrunchies to school all the time. Her brother Robbie was a year older than us, and he was a genius. He was building a computer from scratch in his room. And he was also, like, a musical prodigy and got straight A's and everything. It became clear almost immediately after they moved in that my perfect life was gone. There was no more air guitar after school because Robbie and Bethany were there watching me with their judging eyes. The only show that was ever on our television was Bethany's favorite show, which was Seventh Heaven, which is the worst show in the universe. And my dad gave our dog Samuel away because Bethany was allergic. And what made it even worse was that I didn't know what my role was in the family anymore, because my brother had always been the adorable baby. And then I was the good, smart one. And now Bethany was the good one, and Robbie was the smart one. And there was no way I could compete with either of them. I remember hearing my dad talking on the phone to my grandparents, and he was talking about Bethany and her choir recital and how good she was. And then he was talking about Robbie the mathlete, and how smart he was. And then he said, oh, Erin, no, she's not really doing anything. The clincher came at Christmas. What I wanted for Christmas more than I'd ever wanted anything, was a Fender Stratocaster. This very specific Strat that was hanging up at our local music store that was the exact same color blue as the one Ed Robertson from the Barenaked Ladies played. And my dad, he took me to the store and he let me try it out and everything. And I knew, I just knew from the way he was smiling that he was definitely going to buy it for me. And on Christmas morning, it was there under the tree. But it was also attached to a card that said to Robbie. You guys get it? It was in that moment that I realized that though the good role and the smart role were both taken in my family, there was one vacancy still available, and that was the role of the complete and total asshole. And I assume. I assumed it immediately. I started drinking and swearing and just kind of being a general dick. I once egged my own house.

[Steve Zimmer]

With.

[Dan Kennedy]

Actual eggs from my own refrigerator. And then came Report card day. Obviously, usually Robby had straight A's on his report card. And all the teachers loved Bethany. But me, for the first time ever, I had some C's and D's on my report card. And I was just sitting there just feeling so frustrated by the fact that I could just never compare to them. And I realized that what would really make me feel better, what would really be a good idea in this situation, would be to set my report card on fire in a kitchen pot in a symbolic gesture of my rebellion against their standards. Unfortunately, I failed to predict exactly how much smoke your standard 9th grade report card produces. It is quite a lot. So before long, my dad and Becky were both knocking on the door demanding to know what was going on. Over the following months, it got around school, probably from Robbie, that I had not only set a fire, but that I had been attempting to burn my house down and kill my whole family. I never corrected anyone because. Because I had to make a choice. And I could either have people think I was a psychopath or have people think I was emo. And psychopath was clearly less embarrassing. So over the course of a year, I'd gone from being the good and smart one to being the psychopath. Which I'll admit bothered me for a long time. But now I'm grown up and Robbie's not a rocket scientist and Bethany is not the second coming of Christ. She's actually just kind of an asshole who lives in the Midwest and post photos. I'm from Facebook of herself in line on Chick fil a day. So it's hard to be jealous of that. And I realized that maybe there never was any such thing as the good one or the smart one, or the asshole. And that I'm just me, which is some combination of all three. Thank you.

[Erin Barker]

That was Erin Barker. Erin is a New York City based writer and editor and she's also the world's biggest fan of the Juno Award winning rock band, the Barenaked Ladies. The odds are going that we will probably be all night I thought we gonna be all right I thought we gonna be all right for another night In a moment, a modern day Tom Sawyer detective is on the case till he's totally destroyed by Becky Thatcher. And the schoolgirl has a life changing encounter in the wilderness when the Moth Radio Hour returns. So get up, get up no one's never gonna let em so you might.

[Morgan Laquetta]

As well sing along the Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts and presented by the Public Radio Exchange prx.org.

[George Dawes Green]

You know how easy it is to get lost in watching a whole season of Breaking Bad or House of Cards in one weekend? Some people call it binging. There's no right way or wrong way to binge, but there is a way to do it smarter without becoming a couch potato. The people over at WNYC who produce popular podcasts like Radiolab and Freakonomics Radio have a free mobile app with all your favorite public radio shows and podcasts on demand. But the best part of the app is the new Discover feature, which can instantly put together a custom playlist based on the topics you're interested in and how long you have to listen. You can smart binge for two hours on Radiolab, or you can smart binge all day on fascinating stories recommended by the Discover feature that you didn't even know about before. How smart is that? All that right in your pocket, and it's all free. You can download the WNYC app with the Discover feature on itunes or Google Play. Start smart binging today with the free WNYC app when you're done here, of course.

[Erin Barker]

I'm George Dawes Green, the founder of the Moth, and you're listening to the Moth Radio hour from prx. As we remember school days, some of our Moth high school slammers have shown an astonishing ability to isolate the small things, the little moments, the quick, fleeting details that change their lives. Morgan Laquetta was so scared when she stood up in the auditorium of Milton High School outside of Atlanta, Georgia, that she was trembling. I was worried about her. Then she told us this, all right?

[Katherine McCarthy]

You know, this is my first time, so just bear with me, all right? So I've always considered myself Little Miss Nature Girl, okay? Where I grew up, I live in the middle of the forest. I live on a dirt road and have practically, I think, Max, three neighbors, okay? So as a little girl, all I ever did was I'd go out into the forest and I'd just go wild. I would run around, I'd play in the creeks, I'd jump off the banks, I'd climb trees, everything. It was my favorite thing to do. Now, I developed a habit from this, which has followed me to this day. So it started where I just ran through the forest barefoot. And I did this every day. So over time, I got calluses on the bottom of my feet and I developed the inclination to stare at my feet as I walk. Now, you know the reason you do that is so you don't step on anything sharp. You don't step on any living thing. And so it's just followed me ever since then. And it's important that I tell you this, because if I had not been staring at my feet on that one day, I would have never been so shocked. And that day, the bus had just dropped me off, and I was walking down my road, and, you know, it was quiet, and I was, you know, just off in thought, looking at my feet. And suddenly it was. I heard a crumpling of a grass just to my right. And, you know, I look up instinctively and I get the surprise of my life. It is a buck not 10ft from me. And the sheer stature that he imposed upon me, he must have been, I don't know, three times my size. You know, I was a middle schooler. I was small then. And he had, I guess, like 15 antler points. You know, he was big. And that made me stop, and that made me turn, and that made me just stare back at him in awe. And as I stood there and he stared back at me, I found that I could not figure out what to do. Now, being in the forest, ever since I was a little girl, I always thought that I was in control of things. Like, if I came upon a coyote in the woods and it growled at me or something like that, I'd be able to handle it. I'd climb up a tree and wait for it to go away, something like that. I was just so confident. But then this moment came by and I was frozen in place. I couldn't move. Now, as I stared at him, I noticed a movement out of the corner of my eye. And, you know, again, instinctively, I look towards it, and I find the whole herd staring back at me, right behind him. And I realized that this buck is standing between me and his herd. And I think, okay, I can't really do anything. It is 20 deer against one middle school girl, okay? And so I just stay still. I can't think of anything else to do. And, you know, suddenly the buck snorts, and I'm like, okay, what just happened? And I notice the whole herd behind him has just taken off in the other direction. Like he just told them to run. And, you know, they're already down the hill. And he stays behind a little longer and he stares at me. And then he turns and follows them and he runs down the hill. Where they were standing was a really long meadow. So I got to watch them go down the hill and up a distant hill and then over its bend. And the whole time I couldn't move until they disappeared. So while I couldn't Move. I thought that I had really been taken off guard. I was over my head. So I turned around and kept walking down my road. And as I sat down in my living room, I thought that all the years I'd spent running in the forest and climbing trees and developing calluses on my feet, nature had really not taught me anything yet.

[Erin Barker]

That was Morgan Laquetta. Not long after the show, we got a letter from Morgan. Dear Moth, she wrote us about what it was like to tell a story in front of her peers.

[Katherine McCarthy]

I can honestly say that I have never felt that nervous before. It was driving me to sickness, causing me to lose interest in my classes beforehand and lose my appetite completely. During lunch, though I ate anyways, I knew I would need the energy. However, getting up on stage and staring out into the bright light and just glimpsing the outline of the audience, I felt calm and at ease. And most of all afterwards, the relief and pride I felt in myself completely made up for the sickness I felt before. And that, I'd say, is what I love most of all. Yours truly, Morgan Laquetta.

[Erin Barker]

Morgan Morgan hopes one day to be a writer and a raconteur. Finally, one of our veteran moth raconteurs remembers a misadventure from middle school. Steve Zimmer told this story at a moth grand slam at the Williamsburg Music hall in Brooklyn.

[Paola Aiella]

The year is 1976. The crime is theft. The victim is Joe Riley, the top student in the eighth grade. Someone stole his pencil case, which is like cutting Samson's hair. Now I'm among the nine suspects, all 8th grade boys who get pulled out of class for interrogation. It's not my first grade, my first brush with grade school crime, but it's my first as a non victim. And even more exciting is the interrogator, a smart, elegant language arts teacher named Ms. Goble. It's my first great love. And like all my great loves, it can be summarized with one word. Asymmetry. So Ms. Goebel says that if the thief just returns, returns the pencil case, he won't be punished. Now, I would love to be a hero and, you know, solve the crime. But right now I'm focused on the immediate opportunity to interact with Ms. Goebel. Two important facts. One, Ms. Goble is a feminist. Two, I look surprisingly good without my glasses. So I'm like, Ms. Goebel, why couldn't the thief have been a girl? Ms. Goble walks up to me so close I can feel the heat between our slender 5 foot 2 inch bodies. And she says, Fair enough. What do you suggest? And I'm like, I could investigate some girls. And she's like, sure. So now there's no way a girl took it, but this will give me an excuse to periodically report back to Ms. Goble, thereby building a upon our set of shared experiences. But first, I just technically need to speak with two girls. My first choice is Kathy Wilt, the girl with scoliosis who recently won the science fair with her paper on scoliosis. Now, needless to say, Kathy and I have romantic history, but. But I downgraded our non physical romance to non physical friendship. Partly so I'd be free to presume is goble, and partly because between Kathy's glasses and my glasses and her brace and my braces, we don't look good as a couple. And don't forget, this is before Star wars, people weren't as open minded. So, so when I tell, you know, when I tell Kathy about the crime, her eyes light up. And she and I used to do this thing called Encyclopedia Brown Mysteries through Scholastic books. And I know. And so, and we would do them like simultaneously and competitively. And Kathy was like, really good. She's actually smarter than Joe Riley. And so to prevent cheating, if we took a long break, we would put both our books in a paper lunch bag. And because we're the kind of kids who used wax stamps, we would seal the bag with two dollops of non heat safety wax stamped with her peace sign and my tyrannosaur. So now Kathy's like, we can solve this crime together. We'll find the pencil case. And I'm like, kithy, this is an encyclopedia brain. This is real life. But she just starts going through all the great clues we have. And I'm like, uh huh, uh huh, interesting. And she's like, listen, I know when you say interesting you really mean not interesting. So I'm like, that's very interesting. So I need to speak with one more girl. My pick is Sue Sturkey, who happens to be my greatest rival for Ms. Goebel's favor. Sue and I are the only students to have visited Ms. Goebel's home. I'd done it first, but sue had been invited. Now Sue's you know, and Sue's like, you know, cool, smart, cute, together and popular. And she's like an enlightened mean girl. You know, she's nice to the biggest loser kids, but social climbing mediocrities are at the epicenter of her connection time. So I'm like, Sue Sturkey. And she's like, steve Demar. So I'm like, can I ask you some questions? And she's like, no. So I say, well, I'm here at Ms. Goebbels Bequest. Perhaps you'd rather speak with her? And Sue's like. So I say, do you know the person who took the stolen pencil case? She's like, no. Do you know the whereabouts of the stolen pencil case? No. Have you ever visited a teacher's house? She's like, get lost, weirdo. And so, having completed my interviews the next morning, I approached Ms. Goble's desk to update her on the case and possibly compliment her pantsuit. But before I can even start, she's like, did you hear the good news? Somebody found Joe's pencil case. And I'm like, who? And she says, kathy Welt. And then Ms. Goblet gives me a sad smile that goes right through me, like she knows about my crush and my emptiness and that I'll never appreciate someone like Kathy Wilt. I decide not to compliment her outfit, and I go back to my desk where I semi congratulations, congratulate Kathy Wilt. And Kathy's like, oh, well, you know, I reenacted the crime, and I realized it would have been really hard to get the pencil case out of the classroom without being seen. So where's the one place you could hide it? It would be safe? And I'm like. And she says, Ed McCormick's been out sick two weeks. The thief threw it in there. And I'm like, oh, so someone stole it just out of spite? And she says, that's what I told Ms. Goebel. But there's one person who had a bigger motive, and I'm pretty sure he stole the pencil case so that he could later solve the mystery and impress Ms. Goebel. And then Kathy wolf gives me a sad smile that goes right through me.

[Erin Barker]

That is Steve Zimmer. Steve's a true star in the moth firmament. He's won 23 moth slams and five grand slams. You can pitch us your story at themoth.org record it right on our site or call 877-799-MOTH. That's 8 7. We'll bring the best story ideas to the moth stage. All of the stories you've heard this hour are available at the iTunes store. Just search for the best of the moth. That's it for this episode of the moth radio hour. We hope you'll join us next time. And that's the story from the moth.

[Morgan Laquetta]

Your host this hour was the moth's founder George Dawes Green. The stories in the show were directed by Sarah Austin Jess and Catherine McCarthy. The rest of the Moths directorial staff includes Katherine Burns, Sarah Haberman, Jennifer Hickson and Meg Bold. Production support from Jenna Weiss Berman and Brandon Echter. Moth stories are true as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers. Moth events are recorded by Argo Studios in New York City supervised by Paul Ruest. Our theme music is by the Drift. Other music in this hour from Psycho and Happy Days, Roy Orbison, Bare Naked Ladies and Lawless Music. Links to all the music we use are at our website. The Moth is produced for radio by me, Jay Allison at Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, with help from Vicki Merrick. This hour was produced with funds from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, the National Endowment for the Arts, and the John D. And Catherine T. MacArthur foundation, committed to building a more just, verdant and peaceful world. The Moth Radio Hour is presented by the public radio exchange. Prx.org for more about the Moths Podcast, for information on pitching your own story and everything else, go to our website themoth.org okay, that's all for this week.

[Erin Barker]

Another full hour of stories from the Moth Radio Hour and hope you guys enjoyed it.

[George Dawes Green]

Our podcast host, Dan Kennedy is a.

[Katherine McCarthy]

Writer and performer living in New York.

[George Dawes Green]

And authority of the new novel American Spirit, available now.

[Erin Barker]

Thanks to all of you for listening and we hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York. The Moth Podcast and the Radio Hour are presented by prx, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more [e-mail].