Podcast Summary: The Moth – Tig Notaro: R2 Where Are You?

Episode Overview Title: Tig Notaro: R2 Where Are You?
Host: The Moth
Guest Storyteller: Tig Notaro
Release Date: November 26, 2013
Duration: Approximately 19 minutes
Transcript Sections Skipped: Advertisements, podcast introductions, and promotional segments.

Introduction to Tig Notaro's Story

In this poignant narrative, comedian Tig Notaro shares an intimate and heartfelt account of her complex relationship with her parents, the profound impact of her mother's passing, and the journey toward understanding and reconciliation with her stepfather, Rick. The story delves into themes of familial expectations, personal passion, loss, and the struggle to bridge emotional divides.

Family Dynamics: Mother and Stepfather

Supportive Mother vs. Stoic Stepfather

Tig begins by contrasting her mother and stepfather, highlighting the stark differences in their personalities and parenting styles.

• Mother: Described as "very emotional and public, passionate and affectionate" with roots in Southern Mississippi. She was supportive of Tig's happiness and interests, even when they diverged from conventional paths. Tig remarks, “Everything was great, you know? And, like, even down to dropping out of high school, my mother would brag to people. She's like, yeah, Tig dropped out. You know, she's doing her own thing.” (04:30)

• Stepfather, Rick: An attorney and military man, portrayed as "stoic, removed, emotionless," likened humorously to a less emotional version of C3PO. Rick's disciplinary methods were strict; he would confiscate Tig's belongings, placing them in trash bags in the trunk, forcing her to earn money to regain her possessions. Tig notes, “He was hardcore. Like holidays, we weren't even allowed to have friends or family over to the house.” (07:15)

Pursuing Comedy: Finding Passion Amidst Opposition

Tig recounts her discovery of stand-up comedy, which became a focal point of her life and passion. Her mother fully supported her pursuit, regardless of external opinions or the venues where Tig performed.

• Mother's Support: “She just thought I was cool, you know, as long as I was happy, she was happy.” (09:10)

• Stepfather's Opposition: Rick viewed her career as a "waste of my time and a waste of my intelligence," urging her to abandon comedy for a more traditional path like business school. Tig confronts this clash head-on: “I was making good money. I said, so you're telling me if I quit comedy and went to business school... you would support that?” (10:05)

A Tragic Phone Call: Loss and Revelation

In March, Tig receives a life-altering phone call from Rick, informing her that her mother has suffered a fatal accident. This moment forces Tig to grapple with unresolved tensions and the imminent loss of her mother.

• The Phone Call: “Rick has only called me, like, two times in my entire life... He was calling to tell me that my mother had fallen and hit her head and was not going to make it.” (11:30)

• Immediate Aftermath: Tig reflects on her mother's likely desire to reconnect: “I know my mother would give anything in the world to be able to come back to talk to me.” (11:50)

Confronting the Past: Thanksgiving Reunion and Emotional Breakdown

Following her mother's funeral, Tig spends Thanksgiving with Rick's family, leading her to visit her mother's former home. This visit triggers a profound emotional breakdown as she confronts the remnants of her past.

• Return to the Childhood Home: “I pulled up into the driveway, I just had a full on breakdown, just sobbing in the driveway because I was like, oh, my gosh, my mother is not in that house.” (16:00)

• Searching for Memories: Tig describes searching through drawers and closets for mementos of her mother, only to find them missing, exacerbating her grief and sense of loss. “I started opening drawers because I wanted to just see something of my mother.” (16:30)

Reconciliation and Understanding

In a pivotal moment, Rick reaches out to Tig to apologize for his past behavior, revealing vulnerability previously unseen.

• Rick's Apology: “He said I was wrong, and I wanted to apologize for that. He said that I never understood you as a child.” (12:45)

• Mutual Emotional Release: Both Tig and Rick express remorse and emotional pain, leading to a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives. Tig reflects, “It's the parent's responsibility to learn who the child is.” (13:20)

• Discovery of Preserved Memories: Upon returning home, Rick directs Tig to a storage area where preserved items of her mother and childhood belongings are kept, symbolizing a bridge being built between them. “Look at the top shelf. And up there, he had placed some of my mother's things and some of my childhood things.” (17:10)

Reflections and Insights

Tig concludes her story by contemplating the complexities of family relationships and the importance of empathy and understanding.

• Responsibility in Relationships: “It's the parent's responsibility to learn who the child is.” (13:10)

• Impact of Loss on Personal Growth: Tig acknowledges how her mother's death and the subsequent reconciliation with Rick have shaped her emotional landscape and personal growth.

• Humorous Yet Heartfelt Tone: Despite the heavy subject matter, Tig maintains her signature blend of humor and sincerity, making her story both relatable and deeply moving.

Notable Quotes

• Tig Notaro on Her Stepfather: “Rick, he was hardcore. Like holidays, we weren't even allowed to have friends or family over to the house.” (07:15)

• On Pursuing Passion: “I found stand up comedy, and I immediately had focus in my life, and I was so passionate and excited about it.” (09:50)

• On Parental Support: “She just thought I was cool, you know, as long as I was happy, she was happy.” (09:10)

• Rick's Transformation: “And he wanted to apologize for that. He said that I never understood you as a child.” (12:45)

Conclusion

Tig Notaro's story on The Moth encapsulates a journey through familial discord, personal passion, loss, and the arduous path toward reconciliation. Her narrative underscores the enduring impact of parental relationships and the profound personal growth that can emerge from confronting and healing past wounds. Through her candid storytelling, Tig invites listeners to reflect on their own family dynamics and the universal quest for understanding and acceptance.

Additional Information

After her story, Dan Kennedy provides a brief overview of Tig Notaro's achievements, including her presence on NPR's This American Life, appearances on Conan, her acclaimed album Live, and her podcast Professor Blastoff, among other accolades.

Upcoming Events:
The Moth main stage was scheduled to appear at the Neptune Theater in Seattle on Tuesday, December 3rd. For tickets and a list of upcoming tour stops, listeners were directed to themoth.org.