Dan Kennedy (9:42)

A native of Huntington, West Virginia, Tom comes from a long line of raconteurs in a family where stories storytelling is a full contact sport. By day, Tom practices the art of storytelling as an advertising copywriter in Louisville, Kentucky. The next story you're about to hear by Christine Blackburn was told live at our Los Angeles story slam in 2010. The theme of the night was rules.

Christine Blackburn (10:11)

So I used to be a flight attendant, and the flight attendant school, like, the training that we had to go to was absolutely ridiculous. And they had so many rules. And you could be kicked out for anything at any time. Like, the wrong color nail polish or, like, if your earrings were bigger than a quarter or if you weren't wearing a beige bra. And, like, for some reason, I thought, like, being a flight attendant, a lot of the training would be focused on, like, safety, how to open an emergency door, you know, maybe use a fire extinguisher. But really, it was all about making weight. Every week, we had to stand in a big auditorium in a single file, and they would call our name one by one. And one lady had, like, a clipboard, and she would shout, Blackburn. Five foot four can weigh 120. And then another, and then I'd step by and say, does weigh 119. And, like, I would always just make it. But it was very, very serious. And if you didn't make weight, you were out there. And then, right then, bam. They put you on a van, they take you to the airport, and they fly you back to wherever you came from. No, it was very serious. I burned through, like, three roommates because of the weight thing. Super crazy. And then they were also very into the uniform, right? So we had to wear, like, navy pumps and navy nylons all the time through the terminal and boarding and deeplanning, unless we were actually serving. And then we could put our flats on for, like, seven years. I wore navy pumps and beige bras. Very unattractive. They were also very big on our serving garment. The serving garment was like an apron. And you could only wear the serving garment when you were serving food. When you were boarding and deplaning, you had to have on your blazer. So that was a whole different thing. And to illustrate this and how important it was, one time during accident week, which is like shark week, but with airplane accidents, we were watching this Air Florida crash, and maybe you remember it. In the early 80s, this jet just flew right into the Potomac river into a bridge. And everybody died, except for, like, five people. And it was in January, and it was freezing, and there's, like, icebergs in the water watching this tape. And there's a flight attendant being pulled out of the water, dangling on a rope by a helicopter. The whole thing, she's being carried away. And the instructor stops the vcr and she says, you see that? Is that what you want? You want to be on national television in your serving garment? So just to illustrate how exactly ridiculous all of these rules were, I did graduate training. And six months later, I'm taking a flight. I'm going from JFK to West Palm Beach. By the way, the passengers can be described in two words. Kosher meal. And I'm flying, and I'm working first class. And this lady comes suddenly between the curtains, and she comes up and she whispers in my ear, excuse me, stewardess, just so you know, Mr. Klein in 5C just passed away. I'm sorry, what? And she goes, I'm his nurse. He's dead. And she turns around and she walks back through the curtain, and she sits down. And I'm thinking, well, there has to be a rule for this, you know? So I go to the flight attendant manual, and there is a rule. Boom. If a passenger dies in your flight, do not panic. Act naturally. Place an oxygen mask over their nose and mouth. Adjust the elastic band around your head, and you may want to put a blanket in their lap. So I head back between the curtains. I head back to Coates with an oxygen bottle and a blanket. And I walk through the curtain, and I see the dude, and he's like, 150. And he's like, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. And I'm like, hey, Mr. Klein, I heard you're not feel. Feeling well. And I'm putting on the oxygen mask. You know, hey, I'm adjusting the, like, the air thing. Would you like a blanket? Here's a blanket. Here's the oxygen mask. So I go back and I tell the pilots. I'm like, you guys, the diet. You know, he's dead, and, you know, the nurse and he's dead. And they said, well, you know, that's what it is. So we have to continue the fight. And now we land in West Palm Beach. You know, I get out of my serving garment, I put my blazer back on. You know, I put my heels back on, and we land, and I think, okay, this is obvious. We're gonna take all the passengers off and then get the dead guy off. But no, no, no, that's not the rules. The rule is the dead guy goes off first. So we pull up to the gate, I open the door, these fricking paramedics like rush in and the whole charade continues. They've got like a straight back chair and they're like, oh, we're coming m. Don't you worry. And they're like, we got you. Don't you worry. Sir. Put your hands over your chest and they strap them around this like dolly and then they dolly them off. But who am I to break the rules? I said, okay. Take care, Mr. Klein. Nice flying with us. Thanks so much. You have a great day.

Dan Kennedy (15:48)

Christine Blackburn is a writer and performer. She is the creator, producer and host of the Story Worthy podcast and the game show Shotgun Story Worthy. She also spent two years hosting Ready for the Weekend movies on USA. For more information, visit christineblackburn.com Also, just a quick reminder, join us in Durham, North Carolina on Thursday, June 21st for the Moth Main Stage at Carolina Theater. For ticketing information and for a list of all of our tour stops this month, visit themoth.org our podcast host, Dan.

Rosetta Stone Advertiser (16:25)

Kennedy is the author of the book Rock on An Office Power Ballad. Learn more@rockonthebook.com thanks to all of you.

Dan Kennedy (16:32)

For listening and we hope you have a Story Worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York Podcast hosting by PRX Public Radio Exchange Helping make public Radio more public@prx.org.