Tricia Rose Burt: How To Draw A Nekkid Man

Summary

The Moth Podcast: Tricia Rose Burt – "How To Draw A Nekkid Man"

Introduction and Background In the episode titled "How To Draw A Nekkid Man," Tricia Rose Burt shares her transformative journey from adhering to societal expectations in the South to pursuing her true passion for art. Growing up, Tricia was ingrained with a clear distinction between the "right" and "wrong" ways to live, dictated by family and societal norms. By the age of 30, she had seemingly fulfilled all expectations: she attended a prestigious Southern college, secured a good job in public relations, married within the socially acceptable age range, and relocated to Boston. Despite these accomplishments, Tricia found herself unfulfilled and unhappy, attributing her dissatisfaction to both her career and her family life.

Breaking Free from Corporate Constraints Tricia's dissatisfaction with her public relations career led her to make a significant life change. After seven years in the field, she decided to quit her full-time job, embarking on a path of consulting and taking various classes to discover a new vocation. Her goal was to explore interests beyond the constraints of her corporate life, seeking environments where the pressures of traditional success metrics were absent.

Discovering Art as a Therapeutic Process Tricia enrolled in a class at the School of the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston, where the focus was on "art as process" rather than the end result. This approach was foreign to her, as she had always been taught to strive for the best results with clear right and wrong answers.

"There is no right way to make art and there is no wrong way to make art." — Rhoda, Instructor ([04:30])

This revelation made Tricia extremely nervous, challenging her deeply ingrained beliefs about success and control. The absence of grades and the emphasis on the creative process left her feeling overwhelmed and anxious about her ability to excel in this new domain.

Struggles and Breakthroughs in Art Class As the course progressed, Tricia faced significant challenges, particularly during gesture drawing sessions where she had to capture the essence of a naked model within 45-second poses. Her competitive nature and fear of failure intensified her struggles.

"I need to know that I'm overachieving." — Tricia Rose Burt ([07:15])

Feeling inadequate and paralyzed by fear, Tricia considered abandoning her attempts to draw. However, support from her instructors, especially Bob, helped her overcome her fears and persist.

"Bob talks me off the ledge and breaks the vise grip that has a hold of me." — Tricia Rose Burt ([09:45])

This encouragement not only improved her drawing skills but also boosted her confidence, leading to her gesture drawings being selected for display—an achievement that made her realize her potential in art.

Marriage and Personal Life in Turmoil While Tricia was finding her footing in the art world, her marriage began to falter. Her husband, an art director, initially complemented her artsy aspirations, but as Tricia delved deeper into her art education, the balance of power in their relationship shifted, creating tension and conflict.

"I kept pushing him to move faster so I could move forward." — Tricia Rose Burt ([11:20])

The strain of her personal transformation, combined with the demands of her art studies, led to the deterioration of her marriage. Her husband's reluctance to support her evolving ambitions culminated in their separation.

Embracing Authenticity and Artistic Identity Tricia's journey through art school was not just an exploration of creativity but also a profound personal transformation. The feedback from her review boards highlighted her internal struggles with control and the need to let go, both in her art and her personal life.

"You have to let go. You're expecting this to be black or white, but the process won't allow that." — Review Board Feedback ([12:50])

This realization empowered Tricia to embrace her authentic self, prioritizing her passion for art over societal expectations and personal relationships that no longer served her growth.

Conclusion: A New Beginning As Tricia fully committed to her artistic journey, she faced the collapse of her former life, including the loss of her family home and the theft of her jeep. These symbolic losses marked the end of her old life and the beginning of her new identity as an artist. By letting go of the keys that once represented her past, Tricia symbolically severed ties with her former self, embracing her newfound authenticity and artistic tribe.

"I toss the keys, head to art school and join my tribe." — Tricia Rose Burt ([14:10])

Final Thoughts Tricia Rose Burt's story is a compelling narrative of courage, self-discovery, and the pursuit of authenticity. Her journey underscores the importance of embracing one's true passions, even in the face of societal pressure and personal upheaval. Through her candid storytelling, Tricia inspires listeners to reflect on their own lives and consider the paths they take toward genuine fulfillment.

Notable Quotes:

• "There is no right way to make art and there is no wrong way to make art." — Rhoda, Instructor ([04:30])
• "I need to know that I'm overachieving." — Tricia Rose Burt ([07:15])
• "Bob talks me off the ledge and breaks the vise grip that has a hold of me." — Tricia Rose Burt ([09:45])
• "I kept pushing him to move faster so I could move forward." — Tricia Rose Burt ([11:20])
• "You have to let go. You're expecting this to be black or white, but the process won't allow that." — Review Board Feedback ([12:50])
• "I toss the keys, head to art school and join my tribe." — Tricia Rose Burt ([14:10])

Conclusion Tricia Rose Burt's episode on The Moth is a powerful testament to the transformative power of art and the personal courage required to break free from societal expectations. Her honest recounting of challenges and triumphs offers valuable insights into the human spirit's resilience and the pursuit of true happiness.

Transcript

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[Dan Kennedy]

Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 75,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature. For the Moth listeners, Audible is offering a free audiobook to give you a chance to try out their service. Listen to star personalities like Andre Agassi, William Shatner and others tell their true life stories. Rob Lowe narrates his autobiography, Stories I Only Tell My Friends Steven Tyler's rock and roll memoir asks, does the noise in My head bother you? Listen to an autobiography read by the author from Audible. To try Audible Free today and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.comthemost that's audible.comthemost this week's story by Tricia Rose Burt was recorded live at the annual Moth Members show. This year. The theme of the night was Walk the Line Stories of Balancing Acts.

[Tricia Rose Burt]

Where I grew up in the south, there was a right way to do things and a wrong way to do things. And the right way was to do what your family and society thought you should do. And the wrong way was to do something different. By age 30, I'd done most everything I was supposed to do. I'd overachieved in high school, I attended a prestigious college in the South. I had a good job, and I'd married well within the childbearing age. We'd married at my insistence of Course, but neither one of us was fully on board. So except for moving up north to Boston, which caused my family to collectively take to their beds, I was on track with what we thought my life should look like. But I wasn't happy. And I thought it was my career and my family. I was expected to go into business. I'd been in public relations for seven years, but I didn't like the work anymore. I mean, I was good at it, but I was tired of working with clients and plus I was working with companies like retail banking, traffic reporting, hazardous waste, recycling. Nothing that really blew my skirt up. So I quit my full time job and I started consulting and I started taking classes to. To figure out what else I could do for a living. Now the only criterion for the classes was that the instructors and students could not know or care what the Financial Times was. I took needlepoint directing French. I found this brochure for the School of the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. I thought, oh, well, this looks interesting. And I went to the school and I talked to the continuing education director and I asked him which class he thought I should take. And he said, you need to take art as process. We take burnout executives in that class all the time. I sign up. It's my first day of art school. I do my best to look artsy, to fit in, but even though I am not wearing pearls, they are still emblazoned on my chest. And our instructor, Rhoda introduces herself and she says, there is no right way to make art and there is no wrong way to make art. Now this makes me extremely nervous because I have been raised that there is a right way and a wrong way to do most everything. And then she says the class will focus on process, the process of art making, not the end result. Now this makes me even more nervous because I have been raised to focus on results. And not just any results, but the best results. And there are no grades. Things careen out of control if there are no grades. How will I know if I'm overachieving? I need to know that I'm overachieving. We start with the basics. And in my entire life I have never held a stick of charcoal in my hand and it feels good. And I survived the first week of simple art exercises and I enjoy myself. And the next week, Bob, one of the three instructors, says, today we're going to do gesture drawings, very fast drawings, about 45 second poses. And we're going to draw the energy and the movement and the essence of the figure. And I am thinking, what the heck is essence and how the heck do you draw it? And a man, the artist model, starts to undress. And I say, well, that's okay. You've seen a naked man before. You've even had sex with a naked man before. Your problem is you don't know how to draw this naked man's essence. And everybody else apparently does know how to draw his essence, as they're all busily getting out their easels and knowingly getting out sheets of paper and charcoal and other drawing mediums with which they excel. And I'm just standing there like the proverbial deer in headlights. And I begin to watch and imitate, because I am clueless, but competitive. And so I asked Judy, who is standing next to me and also a mature student. I say, judy, what are these supposed to look like? Because, of course, I think there's only one right way to do this, and we're all going to draw the same image. And she looks at me bewildered and says, they're all going to look different. I'm paralyzed. What is mine supposed to look like? Can't I just do a slide presentation for your board of directors? Maybe conduct a communications audit? Assess your customer service capabilities? These are things I know how to do, things in which I excel, and I like to excel. And there is no way I'm going to excel drawing this naked man's essence. And I'm about to cry. And then the competitive side of me kicks in and says, well, just snap out of it, you big wimp, and do something. So I start making these hopeless stig figures every 45 seconds because that's how fast the poses are every 45 seconds. And every 45 seconds, I feel like a total failure, which is a lot of times in one hour, it's 80, and the shame is enormous. And I'm mortified at how inept I am. And I'm, like, beating myself up for ever trying anything different, for even attempting anything new. And I'm in literal physical pain. I am so far out of my comfort level. I mean, I actually hurt. And I'm about to cry again. And that's when Bob comes over and shows me what amazing teachers can do. I don't even know what he says. All I know is he talks me off the ledge and breaks the vise grip that has a hold of me, and I start to draw. At the end of class, Bob picks one of my gesture drawings to put up on the wall with a bunch of other student drawings so we can discuss them. No one laughs at me or my drawing. It actually holds its own. I have drawn a naked man and I feel like I can do anything. But things at home start to get a little tricky. My husband is an art director. One of the reasons why I married him, I loved being with somebody artsy. He seemed so exotic and interesting. He was the creative one and I was the business one. But when I started going to art school, all the rolls were off the balance of power, completely out of sync. So class continues for the next six weeks. And it's an emotional roller coaster. I mean, my thinking is shifting and breaking apart, and I cry every day. And my final assignment is a wall installation, which is a term I didn't even know existed six weeks before. And it includes these three wall sculptures, these sculptures made out of the New York Times business sections and the Wall Street Journal, all painted black. And they're bound in these really tight boxes. And each piece gets progressively more undone until the final piece explodes. And Bob, the instructor that talked me off the ledge, sees it and he says, tricia, you know, you really ought to apply to the museum school. Well, this thought had never occurred to me before. I mean, in the back of my mind, I'm going to end up in business school. That this is a once in a lifetime event. Till I go back to my normal life, I'm highly suspicious. And then it occurs to me, what's happening? He's hitting on me. I have no artistic talent at all. He's just flattering me until he can get lucky. And this theory sticks until I find out he's been in a committed relationship for the past 18 years with his boyfriend. So then I start thinking of other reasons why they may want me to apply. Maybe they think I have a lot of money and I'll be a big donor because I was working at Harvard Business School at the time. Or maybe they think I know people who will be big donors. And so while I'm using all of my creative energy trying to imagine why I'm not creative, Charles, one of the instructors, comes up to me and says, tricia, you really ought to apply to the museum school. I mean, you know, you're an artist, you're one of us. Panic begins to set in, and I enroll in art school as a part time student. But I'm still consulting. And I'm both excited and traumatized because for the first time in my life, I am not following the rules. And I say to my dear friend Sarah, who's also a Southerner, I say, sarah, I am so afraid of being different than everybody else. And she says, oh, Tricia, I'm so afraid of being just like everybody else. And my marriage begins to explode. And part of the reason is I'm not supposed to excel beyond men. Definitely not beyond my husband. But I had places I wanted to go, and he just wasn't moving fast enough. I kept pushing him to move faster so I could move forward. And one day he just says to me, trisha, you just want me to go places I don't want to go? At art school, since we don't have grades, we have review boards. And at the end of each semester, we put up all the work we've done, and two instructors and several students review the work, give us feedback, and guide us in our creative path. And I'm driving to my review board in the jeep I've purchased for the yet to be conceived children I assume I'll have. But instead, it's piled high with artwork. And at my review board, one of the students writes this on his review board sheet. You seem to be a little frantic. Very perceptive. It has something to do with control. It's okay to let go. You're expecting this to be black or white, but the process won't allow that. You've got to let go. I'm not sure if he's talking about my artwork or my marriage. My husband and I separate, and a dear friend of mine says, you know, Tricia, I love my husband and I love my children, but I never thought I had options. You have options. And she's right. Because even though my life is blowing apart, or maybe because it is, I begin to really find my voice and step into my artwork. My mother sees it and says, why is it so dark? Why aren't there any heads? It's getting harder and harder to do my consulting work. And even though I'm getting paid a fire hose of cash, I know that if I do this work for much longer, I'm going to die. Slowly, but I'm going to die. And I realize I'm not just in the wrong job or the wrong marriage. I'm in the wrong life. I don't want to do what other people want me to do or think I should do anymore. All I want is to make art. I'm an artist. And the week we separate, they tear down my family home of 25 years, and my jeep gets stolen. I have this keychain with three keys on it. One to the house I don't live in anymore, one to my family home that's been torn down and one to my jeep that's been stolen. God is banging on my hood so I toss the keys, head to art school and join my tribe.

[Dan Kennedy]

Tricia Rose Burt left the corporate world in 1995 and is now a writer and performer. She chronicles her journey from successful executive to struggling artist in her one woman show I Will Be Good, which can be seen in this year's New York International Fringe Festival, August 12th 28th. For more information, visit trisharosebert.com this podcast is brought to you by Audible.com, the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 75,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature and featuring audio versions of many New York Times best sellers. To try Audible Free today and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.com themoth that's audible.com themoth the moth is a non profit organization, so consider supporting our free podcast by going to our podcast contribution page or by becoming a Moth member and you can do that@the moth.org and keep track of all our activities by friending us on Facebook or following us on Twitter where we tweet under the handle Moth Stories.

[Tricia Rose Burt]

Our podcast host, Dan Kennedy is the author of the book Rock on An Office Power Ballad. Learn [e-mail] thanks to all of you.

[Dan Kennedy]

For listening and we hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York Podcast hosting by PRX Public Radio Exchange helping make public radio more [e-mail].