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Dan Kennedy
Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com, the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 75,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature. For the Moth listeners, Audible is offering a free audiobook to give you a chance to try out their service. One audiobook to consider is at A Short History of Private Life by Bill Bryson. The notable travel writer explores his own 19th century English rectory home, which is chock full of the fascinating, funny household items that have shaped and changed our history. Bryson manages to entertain human humor and actually teach us something along the way that's at home. Available from Audible. To try Audible Free today and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.comthemost that's audible.comthemost the story you're about to hear by Walter Moseley was recorded live at a Moth mainstage earlier this year at the Great hall at Cooper Union. The theme of the night was shot through the stories of bows and arrows.
Walter Moseley
Hello, I'm an only child and my well, thank you, thank you. My mother was an only child. She was born in the Bronx of Eastern European Jewish emigres who came at the beginning of the 20th century. My father was an orphan. His mother died when he was seven years old and at the age of eight a year later his father, Walter Moseley, who I'm named for, went to go Logging and never came back. Maybe he ran away, maybe he died. A lot of people died doing that kind of work in Louisiana. If they didn't know who you were, they didn't tell you. And so my father hit the road at the age of 8 looking for family because he was bereft of familial warmth. And he traveled around Louisiana, didn't find anything. Went to Texas, found some things, but not really. He kind of grew up and went off to World War II. In World War II, with other young black men from the south, he was in the biggest war in the history of the world. He came back to Fifth Ward, Houston, Texas, and realized that everybody he knew there had died either violently from disease or some other kind of neglect. He was safer in the largest war in the history of the world than he was in his hometown. And so he decided to leave and he came to Los Angeles. In Los Angeles, he met my mother. They became allies, they got married, they produced me. And the thing about them is that my parents were a little odd. The way that they loved was odd. My mother could only really concentrate on one person at a time in her life, and that was my father. And she couldn't really express physical or emotional love. She found it almost impossible to do. My father, who never really got beyond being that 8 year old boy, needed a great deal of attention. And so most of her physical and emotional attention was on my father. My father loved me passionately. I'd go so far as to say inordinately. He, you know, did the things my mother didn't do. He hugged me and kissed me and he told me he loved me. And he would tickle me at night when I went to bed. But he also infantilized me through my whole adolescence. And he beat me. He really beat me. And it was weird, you know, because I needed my father, because I wasn't getting anything from my mother. But he would beat me and tell me I wasn't capable of doing anything. And at some point or another, I went to my mother and I said, you know, dad beats me. This is really awful. And my mother, who I know witnessed these things, said, no, he didn't. I said, but mom, he no, you're exaggerating. He didn't do that. And so then I would get upset and I'm talking to my mother, but, you know, you never hugged me or kissed me or told me you loved me. I expect her to deny that too. But instead she said, my mother never did that for me, but I knew that she loved me. So at the age of 18, almost 19, I left California. I went to Vermont. And, you know, I've been on the east coast ever since. I would go home and visit every once in a while, but I needed to be away from my parents because it would drive me crazy to be around them. And I lived there and I talked to my parents. I really love my parents, but it was difficult. 1993, my father dies. This is really one of the worst things that ever happened in my life, and certainly the worst thing that happened to my mother's. And it was a terrible event. And so for a few days there, my mother was older, and I would call her up and talk to her every morning before she went to work. And one morning I called her, and she answers the phone, and I said, hey, mom, how are you? And she goes, oh, okay. And I said, you sure you're all right? She goes, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you something, though, Walter. I said, what, Mom? She goes, did dad die? And I said, yeah, Mom. He died a month ago. We buried him. She goes, but. But he died. He's. He's dead. And I went, yeah. She said, because, you know, I woke up this morning and he wasn't in bed next to me. And I walked around the house. I'm looking for him. He's not here. And there are all these letters on the kitchen table that are giving their condolences that are saying that he dead. Is he dead? And I said, yeah. Yeah, mom, he's dead. She never really got it in that conversation, but as time went on, she began to understand that my father was dead and this was a turn in our relationship. We were talking more, and she could pay some more attention to me. She still didn't hug me or kiss me or tell me she loved me, but she talked to me and, you know, and I would, you know, call her and do things. And for the next 12 years that went along. I remember once my girlfriend and I went out and visited her, and my mother took my girlfriend out for. For lunch. And at lunch, she told her. She said, you know, I've always loved Walter. He's so wonderful. I always thought he was. He's so brilliant. I would. Even when he was a little kid, I would just sit and listen to him, and I would be enthralled by how wonderful he was, how intelligent he was. She never said this to me. Never. She told my girlfriend. My girlfriend came home and she told me my mother would never say it. 12 years goes by, and my mother starts to enter dementia. She starts to lose control and her ability to think starts to flow away. It's language center of her brain, which she's a very brilliant woman. And so it was a sad thing. Her language center is failing and she's starting to make bad decisions. She had a stack of $100 bills about this thick. And she would say, I'm going to the market to buy some potatoes with her stack of hundred. I said, mom, you can't do that. Wait, wait, we're going to figure out how to get you some potatoes without you. And so I had to start talking to her like two, three times a day. She called me up, how do I use the remote on the television? And whatever it was, I would talk to her. We got along really well. And at the end of every conversation, I'd say, mom, I love you. And she'd go, oh, yes, well, thank you, or oh, nice. Well, goodbye. Or mm, yeah, mm. Now, that went on for about three months. Mom, you turn, you push the button at the red button on the top of the remote control. I love you. Uh huh. Thank you. Thank you. The television's on now and we get off the phone. And then after three months, I was talking to her and I said, so, mom, you know I love you. And she goes, I love you too. And this for me was the greatest triumph of love I have experienced in my life up until this day today, to get to the place where I could be a part of obtaining the love that my mother always had for me but could never come out. And that's my shot to the heart. Thank you.
Dan Kennedy
Walter Moseley is the author of more than 38 critically acclaimed books. He is the winner of numerous awards, including an O. Henry Award, a Grammy, and a PEN America's Lifetime Achievement Award. His newest novel, when the Thrill is gone, a Leonid McGill mystery, will be published by Riverhead Books in March 2011. This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com, the Internet's leading provider of audiobooks with more than 75,000 downloadable titles across all types of literature and featuring audio versions of many New York Times best sellers. To try Audible Free today and get a free audiobook of your choice, go to audible.com themoth the moth is a nonprofit organization, so consider supporting our free podcast by going to our podcast contribution page or by becoming a Moth member, and you can do that@themost.org Our podcast.
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Dan Kennedy
For listening and we hope you have a story worthy week. Podcast audio production by Paul Ruest at the Argo Studios in New York Podcast hosting by PRX Public Radio Exchange helping make public radio more public@prx.org.
Episode Overview In this poignant episode of The Moth, acclaimed author Walter Mosley shares a deeply personal and emotionally charged story titled "Triumph of Love." Recorded live at the Great Hall at Cooper Union, Mosley delves into his complex familial relationships, particularly focusing on his parents' troubled marriage and his journey toward understanding and expressing love. Through his candid narrative, Mosley explores themes of childhood trauma, parental neglect, and the eventual healing of familial bonds.
Walter Mosley opens his story by painting a vivid picture of his upbringing. An only child, Mosley's familial lineage is marked by hardship and absence. His mother, herself an only child, was born in the Bronx to Eastern European Jewish immigrants in the early 20th century. Conversely, his father faced early tragedy; orphaned at a young age after his mother’s death and his father’s disappearance during his logging expeditions in Louisiana.
Mosley (02:45): "My father hit the road at the age of eight looking for family because he was bereft of familial warmth."
This absence of a stable father figure deeply influenced the dynamics within Mosley's household. His father, having served in World War II, returned to find his hometown in disarray, prompting a move to Los Angeles where he met Mosley's mother. Their union resulted in Mosley's birth but set the stage for a complicated family life.
Mosley candidly discusses the unconventional nature of his parents' relationship. His mother struggled to express love physically or emotionally, a stark contrast to his father, who showered him with affection yet simultaneously inflicted emotional and physical pain.
Mosley (04:20): "My mother couldn't really express physical or emotional love. She found it almost impossible to do."
His father, while providing the affection he lacked from his mother, also perpetuated a cycle of abuse.
Mosley (05:10): "He beat me and told me I wasn't capable of doing anything."
This duality created an environment where Mosley both craved his father's attention and resented the abuse, leading to a strained and tumultuous relationship with both parents.
At the brink of adulthood, Mosley made the difficult decision to leave his parents' home in California for Vermont. This move was driven by the necessity to escape the constant emotional turmoil and abuse he endured.
Mosley (07:15): "At the age of 18, almost 19, I left California. I went to Vermont. I needed to be away from my parents because it would drive me crazy to be around them."
His departure marked the beginning of a long period of estrangement, during which Mosley sought to rebuild his own identity away from the shadows of his parents' troubled marriage.
In 1993, Mosley faced one of the most devastating events of his life—the death of his father. This loss acted as a catalyst for further distancing but also opened the door to a thawing relationship with his mother.
Mosley (08:50): "1993, my father dies. This is really one of the worst things that ever happened in my life."
Initially, his mother struggled to accept the reality of her husband's death, reflecting her longstanding difficulty with emotional expression.
Mosley (09:30): "She never really got it in that conversation, but as time went on, she began to understand that my father was dead."
As months passed, Mosley noticed a gradual change in his mother's demeanor. She began to engage more in conversations, albeit still distant, showing signs of seeking connection.
The culmination of Mosley's story revolves around the breakthrough in his relationship with his mother. After years of emotional detachment, Mosley experiences a profound moment of mutual recognition and love.
Mosley (10:10): "So, I said, 'mom, I love you.' And she goes, 'I love you too.'"
This simple exchange marked a significant turning point, representing the "triumph of love" that Mosley reflects upon. It was the first time his mother openly expressed love for him, a sentiment she had reserved and never directly communicated to him during his upbringing.
Mosley (10:30): "This for me was the greatest triumph of love I have experienced in my life up until this day today."
This moment not only solidified Mosley's understanding of his mother's hidden affection but also provided a sense of closure and healing from his tumultuous past.
Walter Mosley's "Triumph of Love" is a testament to the enduring human spirit and the complex pathways to emotional healing. Through his narrative, Mosley illustrates how enduring love and persistent effort can overcome deeply ingrained familial barriers. His story serves as an inspiring reminder of the possibilities for reconciliation and the profound impact of finally receiving that long-awaited affirmation of love.
About Walter Mosley Walter Mosley is a distinguished author with over 38 critically acclaimed books to his name. He has received numerous accolades, including an O. Henry Award, a Grammy, and PEN America's Lifetime Achievement Award. His latest work, When the Thrill is Gone, introduces the character Leonid McGill and promises to be another compelling addition to his literary repertoire.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps
Listen to the Episode For those moved by Walter Mosley's heartfelt story, Triumph of Love is available on The Moth Podcast. Dive into this captivating narrative and explore the depths of human emotion and resilience.