11: #11 | Taxes with Andrew Stanley

Summary

Public Figures Podcast – Episode 11: Taxes with Andrew Stanley

Release Date: April 15, 2026
Hosts: Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, Dusty Slay
Special Guest: Andrew Stanley

Overview

This special “Tax Day” episode dives into the world of taxes—past and present. With comedian (and former finance major) Andrew Stanley as guest, the crew brings their classic blend of tongue-in-cheek humor, sharp observations, and personal anecdotes. They reminisce about awkward corporate gigs, the realities of being a comic with “real world” jobs, and the quirks—and frustrations—of the American tax system. Listeners can expect both laughs and surprising insights, from ancient Egypt’s grain taxes to why comedy isn’t a money maker when it comes to tax breaks.

---

Noteworthy Quips & Moments

• “The CEO got on stage and just goes, and now one of our former budget analysts, Andrew Stanley.” — Andrew Stanley [01:34], on worst gig intros.
• “We raised a lot of money, unfortunately”—Brian Bates, riffing on accidentally doing a gig for “Youth Against Christ” [24:30].
• “Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him.” — Dr. Charles Stanley’s catchphrase, discussed and riffed [09:39].
• “If you get kicked out [from Augusta], I will kill you because I will lose my ability to go every year.” — Brian Bates [27:03], on the high stakes of golf’s Masters passes.
• “If you were the president, what do we tax?” “Nothing.”—Nate Land & Dusty Slay [77:56], on the spirit of the commune.
• “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. We’re all scratching.”—Andrew Stanley, discussing a toll-based, community-driven tax system [79:54].

---

Key Discussion Sections

1. Intros & Comedy Life

[00:43–06:54]

• Guest Intro: Andrew Stanley, whose preacher family background and failed corporate intros spark fun debate about bad introductions.
• Awkward Stage Moments: Andrew’s story about being introduced only as a “former budget analyst” and forced to self-biograph on stage.
• Family Talks: Discussing his preacher father and grandfather, and poking fun at church humor and family dynamics.

2. Stand-Up Stories & Personal Anecdotes

[06:54–14:54]

• Family Quirks: Brian shares about being raised to “show honor” by standing for women at the dinner table.
• TV Surprises: The oddity of seeing both his minister father and (late) grandfather pop up on late-night TV.
• Signature Phrases: Comics sharing how personal catchphrases develop (“we’re having a good time,” “hold the eye”), including the origin of Dusty’s “wave” on stage.

3. Listener Comments and Banter

[32:32–66:15]

• Podcast “Live Laugh Track”: Some listeners love the added studio laughter (“It accentuates the quips from Brian” — DJ Def Jeff [35:50]), while others, like Dustin Boger, want less off-camera input.
• Origin of Dusty’s Newborn’s Name: Dusty reveals baby’s name (Sonny Race) and debunks conspiracy that he’s faking having a kid to get free meals [41:41; 30:18].
• Audience Engagement: The team riffs on favorite podcast segments, handling tricky names from mail, and the culture shock of travel—like Nate walking from Rochester airport to his hotel [19:03].

4. “Tax Day” Segment: Facts, Frustrations & Philosophical Tangents

[66:15–101:02]

• Taxes Through History: Egypt’s grain taxes, Caesar’s sales tax, the origins of “in the black/red” [75:12; 98:47].
• Comedian vs. Accountant: Andrew (finance major) and Brian (winner of “South’s Funniest Accountant,” [68:14]) confess how minimal their accounting prowess actually is.
• America’s Tax System Oddities:
  • Why are taxes so complicated?
  • Is the difficulty a plot by accountants to stay in work? (AI like ChatGPT encroaching! [96:47])
  • The absurdity of US income tax: “We know what you owe, but you guess—and if you’re wrong, you go to jail.” [92:07]
• Philosophy of Taxation: Dusty’s utopian commune (no taxes, just cooperation/tolls), Andrew’s idea of only sales tax, and the reality of states with/without income tax.

5. Taxes and Showbiz: Deductions & Dilemmas

[94:13–99:55]

• Wild Deductions: From breast implants (as “business equipment”) to clarinet lessons for orthodontics.
• Taxing Touring Comics: “Jock tax” for out-of-state performers, “merch tax” (even when you sell only one CD!) [88:18; 89:19].
• Audience Philosophy: Should you try to “break even” on your taxes or overpay to avoid underpay penalties? [102:42]

6. Celebrity Tax Scandals

[106:12–110:06]

• Wesley Snipes, Pete Rose, Willie Nelson: Stories of famous people going to jail or losing assets for tax evasion.
• Willie Nelson’s “the IRS Tapes” album and discussion of favorite Willie songs.

7. On the Road: Touring & Hotels

[19:03–21:43; 45:07–47:17]

• Stories about walking from airports, hotel quirks (like the Drury Hotel—“upper mid scale”), and booking mishaps between multiple Grand Rapids.

8. Listener Questions & Random Facts

Various

• Why are red pens “aggressive” in grading? [100:10]
• Fun listener comments about babies, names, and regional differences in naming conventions [49:05].

9. Upcoming Shows & Plugs

[115:03–119:56]

• Where to catch everyone live—from Foxworthy’s special taping to Comedy Fest events.
• Shoutouts to books (“We’re Having a Good Time” by Dusty) and Nathans’s “Big Dumb Eyes” tour.

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Worst Introduction Story (Andrew Stanley): [01:34]
• Origin of Dusty’s “Wave”: [11:01]
• Family Standing at Table Story: [07:11]
• Nateland News & Autism Podcast Promo: [16:26]
• Discussion of Walking from Airport: [19:03]
• Risky Scallops in Minnesota: [22:34]
• Golf at the Masters / Augusta Rules: [26:31]
• Taxes in Ancient Egypt: [75:12]
• Philosophy of Taxation Commences: [77:56]
• Jock Tax & Weird Deductions: [88:18, 95:02]
• Celebrity Tax Evaders: [106:12]
• Origin of Black/Red for Profits/Loss: [98:47]
• Red Ink Anxiety: [100:10]
• Listener Comments Section Starts: [32:32]
• Tour Dates & Outro: [115:03]

---

Classic Quotes

• “No, I don’t need this money. I’m not going to do this gig … But I did. I needed it.” — Andrew Stanley, on performing for an old company that fired him. [04:13]
• “I just think we have too much government. It’s not that there’s not a need for some. We have too much.”—Dusty Slay, about the tax code and government size. [83:26]
• “If you get caught peeing in a bush [at Augusta], they’ll have a hand on your shoulder before you...” — Brian Bates, on Masters Golf Tournament rules. [28:04]
• “The nice thing is, [the government] is super transparent about it. You know where every dollar goes.” — Andrew Stanley, dripping with sarcasm. [67:05]

---

Tone & Style

The conversation is classic “Public Figures”: self-deprecating, sarcastic, warm, and accessible—even the tax talk is approachable and full of banter. The group relishes poking fun at themselves and the absurdities of life both as comedians and as regular citizens dealing with the same bureaucratic headaches as everyone else.

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For the Listener

If you missed this episode, you bypassed a surprisingly fun, info-packed debate on taxes—past and present—along with stories from the trenches of travel, comedy, and corporate drudgery. You’ll come away with laughs, a bit of trivia, and strong opinions on the right way to introduce an accountant. More than anything, you’ll be reminded: everybody’s just trying to figure it out, even the South’s Funniest Accountant.

Transcript

[Nate Land]

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[Brian Bates]

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[Andrew Stanley]

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[Dusty Slay]

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[Andrew Stanley]

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[Brian Bates]

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[Dusty Slay]

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[Brian Bates]

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[Dusty Slay]

All right, welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Public Figures podcast. I'm Dusty Slay and I'm one of your hosts. Today it's going to be an exciting episode. We got, as always, Brian Bates.

[Brian Bates]

Hello.

[Dusty Slay]

Aaron Weber. And a. Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to. And then a special guest, Andrew Stanley.

[Brian Bates]

All right. Wow. Oh, clapping for me.

[Nate Land]

Thank you.

[Dusty Slay]

I like to give a big intro.

[Brian Bates]

I appreciate that you said their name. So normal. And then I got a little special.

[Dusty Slay]

Special one.

[Andrew Stanley]

No credits or facts about them, though, in the intro.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, we're going to bring all that.

[Brian Bates]

My name speaks for itself.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay.

[Brian Bates]

Everybody knows. They've been clamoring for me.

[Andrew Stanley]

Needs no introduction. What's the worst way you've been brought on stage, Andrew?

[Brian Bates]

It happened recently. I did a corporate gig for the old company I used to work for, for their leadership, who to tell you a little bit how well I was doing at the company. Not a lot of the leadership knew that I had worked there. And the CEO got on stage and just goes, and now one of our former budget analysts, Andrew Stanley.

[Dusty Slay]

Wow.

[Brian Bates]

Didn't mention comedy or anything. So I had to go up and give a little biography about myself.

[Andrew Stanley]

Explain what you were doing there.

[Brian Bates]

I am not here to review the budgets. I am here, I feel like, about mostly myself.

[Dusty Slay]

I feel like that would have been a great opportunity for you to just kind of mail it, phone it in and just talk about the budget.

[Andrew Stanley]

Talk about the budget.

[Brian Bates]

Guys, things are not looking good.

[Dusty Slay]

And then about 15 minutes into budget talk, start doing jokes. And then it would have blew their mind. They would go, what's the budget guy doing?

[Brian Bates]

Our budget guy's actually kind of funny.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

The bar is low. If you think you're going to talk about budget.

[Dusty Slay]

Exactly. If they think you're a comic, you gotta. You really gotta work hard. But if they think you're a budget analyst, this guy.

[Brian Bates]

Wow. He also introduced me and it was this very big convention center. And he introduced. The introduction. Took, I think, seven seconds. And I was in the back of the room when he started it. So I started walking. Cause I was like, this will probably be a Few minutes. And so he. I realized that he's introducing me and I am sprinting to stage.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Which is not a great way to enter stage.

[Andrew Stanley]

What's up, guys?

[Dusty Slay]

The budget analyst is so out of breath.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, our budget analyst was late.

[Nate Land]

We're just crunching the numbers. They're not good.

[Brian Bates]

It's not good.

[Dusty Slay]

But it's like if you're ever, like, in church and you're watching a preacher and he. He does a joke that gets a huge laugh, and I go, that's not that funny. I'm like, judging him because I'm like, come on, buddy.

[Brian Bates]

Exactly.

[Dusty Slay]

You think you're funny.

[Andrew Stanley]

You know, musicians get that too. Yeah, Musician will make a joke.

[Dusty Slay]

I love to watch a musician bomb a joke.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, they're tuning their guitar between songs. They're like, man, the. The D strings a little hard or something.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah,

[Andrew Stanley]

that was pretty fun.

[Brian Bates]

This is.

[Andrew Stanley]

I didn't mean to say.

[Brian Bates]

A little inside musician talk for everybody.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's not what I meant.

[Brian Bates]

You get it?

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Sorry about that, everybody. I did a show for the company I used to work for years, years ago, and. And the guy introduced to me goes. You know, he used to work here, but he decided, you know, to concentrate full time on stand up and move on to greener pastures here. And I had to get up there and go, I was fired from here. This is what you spun this like, I graduated out of the company. I was fired.

[Dusty Slay]

That must feel good to. To go back, get hired by a company you were fired from to tell jokes.

[Andrew Stanley]

Do you think it felt better than going, no, I don't need this money. I'm not going to do this gig?

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, yeah, that's pretty true.

[Andrew Stanley]

But I didn't. I needed.

[Brian Bates]

But you were invited back to someone

[Andrew Stanley]

who had rejected you over zoom. But yeah, over zoom.

[Dusty Slay]

They were like, we fired this guy cause he wasn't good at his job, but he's gonna entertain us legally.

[Brian Bates]

We can't let someone we fired back in the building.

[Andrew Stanley]

Right.

[Brian Bates]

They have to have a security guard next to him the whole time.

[Nate Land]

Now, did your dad. And we need to get into your little bit about you, but your dad and granddad have some go to jokes

[Brian Bates]

that you would steal the ears. I never heard my granddad tell a joke. I don't think it's ever.

[Nate Land]

I appreciate that.

[Brian Bates]

I did ask him one time. I. He was probably like 90 at the time. And I was like, do you ever use, like, jokes and sermons? And he was just like, no, it's nothing funny about what I'm Doing.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

And I was like, cool. Cool answer.

[Dusty Slay]

That's why I always liked your granddad.

[Brian Bates]

He's like, we don't have time for that.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

There's urgent business to tell people about.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

My dad's joking all the time, so probably not good for those of us that attend his church.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

We're not learning anything, but. But we have a nice time.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

My dad is funny. I do think my dad's funny. My parents are both pretty funny.

[Nate Land]

Well, for those of you who don't know your parents, your dad is. I don't know your mom, but your dad is Andy Stanley.

[Brian Bates]

You didn't do your research to find out my mom's first name? Brian.

[Andrew Stanley]

Mrs. Stanley.

[Brian Bates]

Mrs. Stanley's also.

[Nate Land]

Is it Sandra.

[Brian Bates]

Sandra.

[Nate Land]

Sandra, yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Sandra. You know, maybe we could try that.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Yeah. Your dad's Andy Stanley.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Your grandparents.

[Dusty Slay]

Suddenly it took a turn. He's actually a lot of immortals.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, Actually, yeah. She's got some books. That's what happens when your preacher's wife, all of a sudden you get to have a book.

[Nate Land]

Does she still live at 318 Meadow Lane?

[Dusty Slay]

Taking some shots.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Dad and granddad, both well known pastors.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Have you read your mom's book?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Because my mom and dad wrote a book together about parenting.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh.

[Brian Bates]

So I had to do some fact checking.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, yeah?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

After it was already published.

[Brian Bates]

Kind of let us read it once. Or they're like, by the way, this is done, so wait for your feedback. Nothing's really changing. They. We did do, like, they were doing a rollout for this, like, parenting book. And I don't know if I'm supposed to talk about this, but they had. They wanted to, like, shoot for promo, like a family dinner of our family. So, like, this crew came to our house, we all came into town and, like, sat around the family dinner table and y' all just do like you would normally do. And this will be, like a fun promo. And it was, like, so boring. I don't think they used it. We were just, like, just talking. Like, we can't talk about any stuff. Like, no one's gonna understand. But then my parents started asking us questions about, like, did you like it when we parented you this way? And it was like, one of the main themes of the book. And we were all just kind of like, actually, we didn't really like that. And I don't think that. I think that was bad.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah. That actually harmed me irreparably.

[Brian Bates]

Like, they asked my sister specifically, like, my dad. We had A rule at our house where my brother and I were not allowed to sit down at the dinner table until the women were seated. So we had to stand by our chairs and wait for my mom, my sister, to sit down first. Kind of like that. Show them honor.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

And that was a. Forever. Like, still, when we go home, like, my brother and I look at each other, are we going to stand?

[Dusty Slay]

All right. Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Do you stand up when a lady leaves the table, too?

[Brian Bates]

We were not that. No, we never. Great. I think my parents were just like, this is about all they can handle.

[Dusty Slay]

They wouldn't let him live.

[Nate Land]

It's like the Wild West.

[Brian Bates]

Can't give them too much to try to remember. But they asked my sister in this video, they goes, allie, like, how did that make you feel when you'd see your brother standing for you, waiting for you to sit to show you honor? And she was like, honestly, just made me really uncomfortable, and I don't like it.

[Dusty Slay]

Wow.

[Brian Bates]

And my parents were like, all right, cut that.

[Dusty Slay]

But see, those of us who grew up without that, I'd be like, oh, yeah, that'd be cool.

[Brian Bates]

That would be cool.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

You know, it is funny to look back on things that your parents do. Like, my dad was, like, watching these really violent movies with my little daughter. My daughter in the room, and she was, like, scared, and I was like, she doesn't like this. He goes, oh, she's fine. She. He goes, you used to watch them, you know. And I go, yeah, I'm messed up.

[Brian Bates]

It had its effect. I have a good example for my argument.

[Nate Land]

Well, I. Your dad famously comes on after Saturday Night Live in a lot of markets. TV markets. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

For a while, it was most of them. I don't know what it is now.

[Dusty Slay]

Trying to clean this world up.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. People would send me a lot of photos of him preaching in bars because they'd had Saturday Night Live on, and before they knew it all, said this preacher.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bates]

A lot of drunk people would text me pictures of my dad. Pretty fun.

[Nate Land]

One night, I fell asleep on the couch, and your. Your dad was on. And when I woke up the next morning, your granddad was on. I was like, how long did I sleep?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Yeah. What a weird. What a weird night. What did you dream about?

[Nate Land]

Like, this guy's aged.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. A family reunion if you're not careful.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. My granddad scares me. He's. He's gone now, but every now and then he'll like, it's pretty weird for your dead granddad to show up on Your TV without you being ready for it. It's like emotional and scary at the same time.

[Nate Land]

I've been walking through the Nashvill and like, tootsies, It'll have your granddad on Sunday morning.

[Brian Bates]

It is fun. People will send me now because I've encouraged it. They'll send me photos of him on at like airport bars and people just having a party in above them. Just a TV with good old Dr. Charles.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

No sound on probably. So they're not even getting it.

[Brian Bates]

They're not really. I. I don't know if he needed sound. If you look him in the eyes when he's preaching, you know what he's. You do receive something. It's pretty intense. Obey God and leave all the consequences to him.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Was that a thing?

[Brian Bates]

That was his catchphrase. Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Really pretty good. Obey God, leave all the consequences to him. It's pretty good.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

You don't want to.

[Brian Bates]

It's. No, we're having a good time.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, I may take it. Yeah. I've been known to take a phrase.

[Brian Bates]

Have you been stealing? I'm not in the loop.

[Andrew Stanley]

Have you obeyed?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, well, we had, you know, we had a talk about it.

[Brian Bates]

Obey God, leave all the consequences to him.

[Dusty Slay]

That's what. I'm gonna start ending my shows like that.

[Brian Bates]

I think that'd be great.

[Dusty Slay]

Just.

[Brian Bates]

No, no follow up or explanation. Just people are just like, all right, amen, let's go home.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. They get the sober up real quick at the end of the show.

[Brian Bates]

You good to drive?

[Dusty Slay]

Well, we talked about me taking basic everyday phrases and make them my own.

[Andrew Stanley]

Sure.

[Dusty Slay]

You know, so I say those things and Aaron has.

[Brian Bates]

Well, other than we're having a good time, what else have you?

[Dusty Slay]

Well, all right, though. Just the words. That's mine. And then waving.

[Brian Bates]

You have your own delivery.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, yeah. All right, all right.

[Brian Bates]

You got to hold the eye.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nate Land]

Hold the eye. It's his too.

[Brian Bates]

Hold the eye. I'm legally not allowed to say hold the eye.

[Dusty Slay]

Hold the eye. That's a new one. That's coming out soon.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Okay, good.

[Nate Land]

Hold the eye. Good.

[Andrew Stanley]

I was telling the story the other day. I think I was at the show with you when the wave got invented.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

At Easter. Not at the East Room. Well, maybe it was birthed there, but I would say it came into fruition at Illinois. At that.

[Dusty Slay]

Decatur, Illinois.

[Andrew Stanley]

Decatur, Illinois.

[Dusty Slay]

The main hangar.

[Andrew Stanley]

At the main hangar. It was an Italian restaurant in an airport and the green room was concourse A. Yeah. And we were hanging out there and I think there was a moment in your set you just weren't. You weren't connecting with.

[Dusty Slay]

Wasn't the hottest room.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, it was tough. When I was hearing about the setup, I was like, it's gonna be a great show.

[Andrew Stanley]

It was okay, but. And Dusty was way. He waved and it got nothing. And he goes, you don't want to go too high. Looks like you're asking a question. You don't want to go too low. And then he, like, scans the room with his hand, and he, like, locks in on this person not laughing and goes, gotcha.

[Nate Land]

Did they respond to that?

[Andrew Stanley]

Hey, he responded. I mean, I responded to it. I was howling, laughing in the back.

[Brian Bates]

And in that moment, does he. You know, I'm going to do this for the rest of my life?

[Dusty Slay]

I think so. Yeah. Those. Those gigs are how you become good at comedy, where you're like, nothing's working. And you're like, I'm up here for an hour.

[Andrew Stanley]

This is how long ago that was. I remember you were like, can you please at least do 20? Wow. Because we had to do an hour and a half. I mean, an hour and 10. At that time, you were not that long.

[Dusty Slay]

It was a host, too, probably. So they're probably doing somebody doing 10.

[Andrew Stanley]

No, I think it was the guy you remember. The host was just the guy who made the crowd do a pledge. Oh, do you remember this?

[Brian Bates]

The pledge of Allegiance?

[Andrew Stanley]

He made everyone go, repeat after me. Yeah, I pledge to laugh at jokes or something. It was like.

[Dusty Slay]

And he. This was an Italian restaurant. And then after the show, the owner of the Italian restaurant told us that he wanted to take us to a place to get the best pizza in town.

[Andrew Stanley]

We went to another Italian restaurant, and

[Dusty Slay]

then he made fun of me because I didn't want meat on my pizza.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Why do you want meat on your pizza?

[Dusty Slay]

Well, because it's all pork. If there was some beef, I would have taken, but. But I just, you know, I just wanted some green peppers and peppers and mushrooms. The guy was like, oh, can we get this. Can we get this loser up there?

[Andrew Stanley]

Server came over. I'll get a pepperoni pizza. And can we get this freaking guy green peppers? Yeah, like, laughing at him.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. I like that guy, though.

[Andrew Stanley]

I liked him, too. I hope he's doing well.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

The restaurant closed down.

[Dusty Slay]

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[Andrew Stanley]

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[Dusty Slay]

That's money back in your pocket.

[Andrew Stanley]

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[Dusty Slay]

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[Andrew Stanley]

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[Dusty Slay]

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[Brian Bates]

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[Dusty Slay]

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[Nate Land]

I share some Nateland news with you guys?

[Andrew Stanley]

I would love it.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

All right. We Nateland presents the showcase. Season four is going on now. Last week we had Elon Stribling on. And this Thursday at 7 o' clock we've got Peter Wong.

[Brian Bates]

I love Peter. I know Peter.

[Nate Land]

He's awesome.

[Dusty Slay]

Peter Wong.

[Nate Land]

He opens for Stevie Rogers a lot now.

[Dusty Slay]

He was a nice guy.

[Nate Land]

He lives in New York City. It was when the big blizzard hit New York the week they were taping here and all the flights were canceled. He dug his car out and drove 15 hours from New York City to Nashville.

[Dusty Slay]

Whoa.

[Nate Land]

Just to do this.

[Dusty Slay]

So you gotta watch.

[Andrew Stanley]

So the least you can do. Yeah, just tune in. Wow.

[Dusty Slay]

That's hard work. That's what I'm talking about.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's amazing, man.

[Dusty Slay]

A lesser man would be like, I can't make it. Yeah, but he did it.

[Andrew Stanley]

Can you put me on next week? Peter drove down here. That's what I'm talking about.

[Nate Land]

Nateland presents Graham Case, Pete and me. A non depressing look at family and autism. April is national autism acceptance month. The trailer drops today. Okay. Premieres this Friday, April 17th. And Graham will be joining us later this month on public figures. Apparently it's news to me.

[Andrew Stanley]

Well, he's coming, so that's how it happens.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

If you're wondering how you get booked

[Dusty Slay]

on this show now, Graham's great.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

We don't want Andrew, but he's here, so.

[Brian Bates]

Yep. I can't get Graham. I'm just a four hour drive away.

[Nate Land]

Nayland produced Steven. Steven. Sorry, I can't read Derek Stroop's Netflix special, Nostalgic. It's out now.

[Dusty Slay]

How do you get Stephen from Derek?

[Brian Bates]

I don't know.

[Nate Land]

I don't know.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, I guess.

[Nate Land]

Wow.

[Dusty Slay]

You just started reading Stroop first.

[Andrew Stanley]

Just took the s T from jump to a wild conclusion.

[Brian Bates]

Steven Stroop is a better name.

[Andrew Stanley]

Steven Stroop.

[Dusty Slay]

Steven Stroop.

[Brian Bates]

That's strong.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, let's talk to him about changing his name.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's tough if you have a lisp,

[Brian Bates]

though, once you have the Netflix special. I think you guys stick with the name. Unfortunately. Unfortunately.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, yeah. You're locked in at that point, right?

[Dusty Slay]

It's too bad. Anyway, maybe start from the beginning of that.

[Nate Land]

All right. Nateland produced Derek Stroop's Netflix special. Nostalgic is out now. And Dusty's book, We're having a good time is on pre order. Grab a copy anywhere you buy your books.

[Dusty Slay]

All right. That's all it says.

[Brian Bates]

I wonder what his second book will be called.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's one. All right. Just the entire book?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, you gotta hold the eye.

[Brian Bates]

All right. Dot com.

[Nate Land]

And Nate's Big Dumb Eyes tour is in Canada this week. He's in Ottawa on Friday, London on Saturday, in Montreal on Sunday.

[Dusty Slay]

Ottawa.

[Nate Land]

How do you say that?

[Andrew Stanley]

I think it's Ottawa. Right?

[Dusty Slay]

Ottawa. Yeah, that's what I would say. But I mean, I, you know, it doesn't. Doesn't matter that you said it that

[Andrew Stanley]

way, but yeah, it's going to be in Ottawa.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

It doesn't matter. Correct.

[Nate Land]

It doesn't.

[Andrew Stanley]

I'm sure he's only sold 20,000 tickets. Yeah, I'm sure.

[Nate Land]

That pitch.

[Brian Bates]

We would have sold that if Brian had pronounced it correctly the week before.

[Nate Land]

People are lost. They're driving around trying to get to Ottawa.

[Brian Bates]

I had tickets. I canceled them because I must be in a different place than I thought I thought it was. Ottawa. Yeah. Refunds through the roof.

[Nate Land]

Well, this weekend I was in Rochester, New York. Or at least Friday. I was sold out show. Two sold out shows.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. Okay.

[Nate Land]

Thanks to Matt Smeltzer for setting that up. Great time. We had a fun trip. First time ever, I walked from the airport to my hotel.

[Dusty Slay]

Wow. Really? What happened?

[Nate Land]

I mean, I mapped it and it was 310 of a mile. And I'm like, am I really going to take an Uber if I could walk it?

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

And. And I'm like, this is probably dumb because, man, Exiting the airport on foot. Yeah, that's pretty crazy.

[Andrew Stanley]

It feels weird.

[Nate Land]

It seems.

[Andrew Stanley]

Is it legal?

[Nate Land]

I don't even know. But you couldn't do it in most airports.

[Andrew Stanley]

Obviously.

[Dusty Slay]

It's not a good look.

[Brian Bates]

It feels like it's the guy walking around outside with a big rolling bag. Just like, flights have been grounded.

[Dusty Slay]

Suspicious activity, easier to walk to.

[Nate Land]

I thought it was gonna be a cool thing. You three have all ridiculed me.

[Dusty Slay]

It is cool.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's a funny visual of you leaving the airport going.

[Brian Bates]

There's not, you know, there's signs in the airport, like, this way to rental cars, this way, the ground transportation. But there's no, like, this way. If you're gonna walk across the highway to your home.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. There's no guidance for that.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

You got to find your own way.

[Brian Bates]

Did you have to jaywalk at all or were there crosswalks the whole way?

[Nate Land]

I walking through this big parking lot. Rochester Airport's pretty small, but the had a parking lot, and I thought, I know I'm going to get to the end of this. And there's no way to exit here.

[Brian Bates]

You got to climb through, turn around some woods.

[Nate Land]

But there was an exit right there, and I went right through. Got to one crosswalk. Wasn't that hard.

[Andrew Stanley]

And you walked back in the morning?

[Nate Land]

Nope. Had a really early flight and they drove me back.

[Dusty Slay]

They were like, it's dangerous if the sun's not up.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's 0.3 miles.

[Brian Bates]

A dangerous area.

[Andrew Stanley]

A lot can happen in.03 miles.

[Brian Bates]

I'll tell you.

[Nate Land]

This was a hotel where the person at the front desk does everything. So if you want to ride, they just put a sign up. So back in 10 minutes. Really?

[Andrew Stanley]

And they gave you a ride?

[Nate Land]

They gave me a ride, yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Wow.

[Brian Bates]

Just in their personal vehicle.

[Nate Land]

No, it was a real shuttle thing. Shuttle thing. But yeah. So we were the.

[Dusty Slay]

Back in 10 minutes is a tough sign. You ever show up and you go, when the 10 stop?

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

When did you leave?

[Brian Bates]

Should be digital.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Should be a countdown.

[Nate Land]

Yeah. Back at this amount of time.

[Dusty Slay]

I did that at the mall one time. I went to the. Whatever. Whatever the luggage store is. Samsonite.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

And they had something like, gone to lunch. Be back in a hour. And I was like, okay. And then I waited for a half hour and they didn't come back. And I called the store and they go, we're on lunch. And I go, well, you said a half hour, and I've been out here for a half hour. When do you. When does lunch end?

[Brian Bates]

What kind of discount am I about to.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, what do they do?

[Dusty Slay]

And they can't. They just came and unlocked the door and let me in. But I was like, I got business to take care of here.

[Nate Land]

That's false advertising.

[Dusty Slay]

I go, you can keep eating. I don't care, but let me.

[Andrew Stanley]

Where were you? Out without luggage, Stranded. Did you break a suitcase?

[Dusty Slay]

No, I. I broke it. Yeah. You have to take it into the store. I didn't break it. The airport broke it.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

I bought brand new. Bought a brand new.

[Andrew Stanley]

It broke first time.

[Dusty Slay]

Broke it on the first time.

[Nate Land]

Well, I know you had a very eventful weekend because I saw you post about it.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, yeah, I had a wild one. I got invited to go to the Masters on Friday, which is very exciting. But I had a show Thursday night in Grand Rapids, Minnesota, which is not the main Grand Rapids.

[Dusty Slay]

You don't hear that one a lot.

[Nate Land]

I know. Great. They got good scallops.

[Brian Bates]

Did you saw my stories? Yeah, they did have some nice. Some nice, very risky scallops. That worked out.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Why were they risky? Just the guy that was giving them.

[Brian Bates]

Well, literally, I went to this restaurant before. The show was a fundraiser, but they didn't have dinner at it. So I was like, all right, I'm just going to eat before. And I went to, like. I think I went to the nicest restaurant in Grand Rapids, Minnesota. Not to brag, but put it out there. I would ask the guy, I was like, what. What should I get? And he was like, I really like our scallop crudo. And I was like, great, I'll have that. And then when he brought it to me, he goes, man, I'm really glad you ordered this. A lot of people are too scared to order the scallops because, you know, we're in Grand Rapids, Minnesota, and, you know, people think it's not going to be fresh, might make them sick. And he's like, so I'm glad you weren't worried about that. And honestly, I just had not thought about it till you just told me that. Now I'm very worried about it. Yeah, but I. He'd already put it in front of me.

[Dusty Slay]

That's not something you ever want a restaurant to say to you. Most people are scared. They'll get sick from that.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. But not you.

[Dusty Slay]

Not you. Old iron stomach.

[Brian Bates]

And I had them, and they were great, and I. And I feel great. So I recommend Grand Rapids, Minnesota, for the scallops specifically.

[Dusty Slay]

Nothing really wets the appetite like a little fear.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

You really do pay attention to every bite. You're not casual eating it. You're eating it with some attention.

[Andrew Stanley]

Do you think you're the first person ever in the history of the world to be in Atlanta and then Grand Rapids, Minnesota, and then Augusta in three consecutive days?

[Brian Bates]

You know, I think there's a good chance.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I bet not a lot of people go Atlanta, Minnesota, Augusta.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's what I'm saying.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's got to be the first guy.

[Nate Land]

Especially Grand Rapids, Minnesota.

[Brian Bates]

It's not great routing.

[Dusty Slay]

What kind of show are you doing in Grand Rapids?

[Brian Bates]

It was a fundraiser for Youth for Christ.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay. You know, so there's plenty of people to pray for you after eating those scallops.

[Brian Bates]

And I needed to do the show. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I was like, they'll heal me if I need it.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

But, yeah, I had to do the fundraiser because I had accidentally, a few months before, done a fundraiser for Youth Against Christ by mistake, try to balance it out. So I need to cancel it out.

[Andrew Stanley]

The yac. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Unfortunately, it went really well. We raised a lot of money, unfortunately.

[Andrew Stanley]

Had a great set.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. They really were into it. Donated a lot of money against it, so I had to try to catch up. Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Old life.

[Dusty Slay]

Did you do that joke at the Grand Rapids?

[Brian Bates]

No. They didn't seem like that type of crowd. I think half of them would have been like, man, that's crazy.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, it's crazy. They have that. We got to find that group, get to reach them.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. And it was even weirder that routing because I wore my master's hat on my flight to Minnesota. So everybody in the Atlanta airport was like, oh, did you go to the Masters yesterday? And I was like, no, I'm going tomorrow. And they were so confused because I'm getting on a flight to.

[Andrew Stanley]

Got to stop in Minnesota first.

[Brian Bates]

And then so much confusing.

[Dusty Slay]

You're like, I'm going to Grand Rapids, Minnesota. They're like, you mean Michigan?

[Brian Bates]

So much to talk about. Yeah. And I had just done. I had just done the Youth for Christ fundraiser in Grand Rapids, Michigan, like, two weeks before.

[Dusty Slay]

Wow.

[Brian Bates]

When I got the booking inquiry, I was like, they want me again already. I almost booked the wrong flight, but I had to. In order to get to the Masters on time, I had to Fly to Minneapolis, drive three hours to Grand Rapids, do the show, drive three hours hours back to Minneapolis the same night. Then I stayed at the hotel attached to the airport. They have an intercontinental attached to the Minneapolis airport. And then I took 5:15am flight to Atlanta, and then I had a connecting flight direct to Augusta. Got delayed, and my friends I knew were flying private, so I ubered to the airport and jumped on there. Felt like. Felt like a good ending.

[Dusty Slay]

So in the end was. Did you find that watching golf was. Was worth it?

[Brian Bates]

Boy, was it an exhilarating experience watching those guys hit that.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

I'm not the biggest professional golf fan compared to a lot of people I know, but going to Augusta is. You could not like golf at all and have a great time. It's very cool.

[Nate Land]

Was that your first time there?

[Brian Bates]

I went one other time, but it rained the whole day. I was there. It got shut down early, so it was my first real one.

[Dusty Slay]

What made it so exciting?

[Brian Bates]

It's. Well, you enter, and it's just a big deal. You would like it because they take you. They take everybody's phones away. So you get to go a whole day with no phone. The cool thing about the Masters, that was nice.

[Andrew Stanley]

You can't buy tickets to it. You have to get invited or be a guest of a member there. Right?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Or you sign up for a lottery, and, like, it's very rare. Like, you, like. My brother submits for the lottery every year, and it's, like, never gotten it, but I think once you get it, you get to keep it forever. It's almost like until someone dies that has it.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay.

[Brian Bates]

It goes back in circulation.

[Andrew Stanley]

So it's like, incredibly difficult.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. You can't just do go. You have to be. Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

So guys that are into golf at all, it's like, it's kind of like a once in a lifetime. You got to go and just. The course looks perfect and all that kind of stuff.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, the. The landscaping is, like, the nicest landscaping I could ever imagine. And it's. It's very cool, and the food's awesome. Like, they talk about it a lot. It's like A$50 for the best pimento cheese sandwich you've ever had.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's, like, super cheap. The food, some. For some reason. Yeah. It's all. It's all good. You would like. I think you would like the. The pageantry of it, if not the golf.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Could a person buy just a green jacket somewhere in the store and wear it there?

[Brian Bates]

I'm sure they wouldn't stop You. But it'd be a we. Yeah. They definitely take everything very seriously. Like, if you break the rules, they will kick you out. Yeah. And you. I like that whoever's passes you are using, they'll take their passes away. So, like, the first time I went, I use, like, a friend's passes that he had, and he was like, if you get kicked out, I will kill you because I will lose my ability to go every year.

[Dusty Slay]

Wow.

[Brian Bates]

So you have to be very careful who you share with, because they get you in big trouble. But if you get caught peeing in a bush, they will have a hand on your shoulder before you.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, that's against the rules.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. And I'm glad they'd be tough for you.

[Andrew Stanley]

He's out again.

[Dusty Slay]

I'm for the rules, but I didn't know they were.

[Brian Bates]

I think I saw in the. In the one week or however many days that the Masters is, like, open for the tournament, which is like at least seven, might be, like 10 days where they practice rounds and par threes and stuff. But, like, I think they sell more merchandise that week than like, the Atlanta Braves sells in a year. Like, they sell so much stuff because you can only buy Masters gear if you are physically there. It's the only place in the world you can get the stuff with the logo. So they move crazy amount of merch.

[Dusty Slay]

Wow.

[Andrew Stanley]

Well, I think we're going to put up a fight this weekend at Zany's. My shows. I'm going to try to sell some merch out there. I think. I think we're going to break the record after the show. Come see me this weekend in Nashville, Tennessee, as part of the Nashville Comedy Festival, April 17th and 18th. Those shows are moving. It's going to be fun.

[Dusty Slay]

All right, I'll be there yesterday.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

And. And that'll be a good show. Sold out.

[Andrew Stanley]

It is sold out.

[Nate Land]

April 14th.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

The consumers, too.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Were last night.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. So did they sell out?

[Andrew Stanley]

Keep an eye out for that.

[Nate Land]

Yeah, Aaron was on there.

[Andrew Stanley]

Aaron was on there.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, he's gonna sell out. Okay. All right, cool.

[Nate Land]

Well, I. Can I throw out a conspiracy theory, please? Last week we talked about. The topic was babies because Dusty just had a baby.

[Brian Bates]

Congratulations. Number two or three? Three. Come on.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Fertile man.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

And people commented, right? Some people comment like, oh, why didn't we show a show a picture of the baby? And I just thought, I don't know. Dusty's private. Then I went over to visit Dusty, took him some food. My daughter and I went over there because, you Know they just had a baby. I'm like, oh, where's the baby? And they're like, like, oh, well, he's asleep. I'm like, oh, okay. Nobody was checking a monitor. Everybody was just lounging. Have a good time. Is it possible Dusty lied about having a baby? Nobody's seen it. People are bringing in food. I mean, is it a little weird, Dusty?

[Andrew Stanley]

I need a new reason to get out of stuff.

[Nate Land]

I'm just saying I didn't. That's what I read.

[Dusty Slay]

That's what really didn't take you for a conspiracy guy. Well, I think this is below you.

[Nate Land]

You know, they say that's what I see on Tick Tock.

[Andrew Stanley]

So.

[Brian Bates]

So the. The incentive would be the food that he's getting.

[Nate Land]

I guess. I don't. Who knows?

[Dusty Slay]

Brian brought me some sandwiches.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

You know, so that worked out.

[Brian Bates]

It was pretty good.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Something to keep an eye on for sure.

[Nate Land]

Yeah. I'm just saying, nobody seen this baby supposedly.

[Dusty Slay]

And even if I did post a picture, does that mean it's mine?

[Nate Land]

Exactly.

[Andrew Stanley]

We're talking about this.

[Brian Bates]

Any baby. Kind of looks like it's no way to know.

[Andrew Stanley]

Last we talked about this last night. Do you have. When you do private gigs and stuff, do you have a writer, Andrew? Do you have stuff that you ask for, even if it's just like basic drinks and stuff like that?

[Brian Bates]

I. If, if they ask, I'll say water, Coke Zero. Like, I just say healthy snacks, whatever.

[Andrew Stanley]

Right?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

So I did a corporate gig in Florence. Florence, Alabama. And the. The lady was very nice. She goes, he had a weird. He had a weird rider. And I don't even know if I have a writer. I'd never answer. I've never told anybody anything. She goes, well, we got sent one. I go, what was on it? She goes, you asked for five Diet Cokes and some sandwiches. That's what. And I think it was just the boilerplate rider for like, the agency or whatever, but it looked like some sandwiches to be that specific about the amount of Diet Cokes. And then go some sandwiches.

[Dusty Slay]

Vague about sandwich.

[Andrew Stanley]

Doesn't matter what kind could mean a patty melt. Could mean a PB and J. Who knows?

[Dusty Slay]

A variety, though. Give me some.

[Brian Bates]

More than one.

[Dusty Slay]

Don't make it the same sandwich multiple times.

[Brian Bates]

Give me some sandwich at least. Sandwich platter would be a better way to say what they meant, I think.

[Andrew Stanley]

I don't even know if that's what they meant.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't.

[Andrew Stanley]

I didn't want any of it. I was like, yeah. I mean, I'll Take some Diet Cokes, but.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, you don't. You wouldn't take a sandwich.

[Andrew Stanley]

I take some.

[Nate Land]

We want to get in these comments.

[Andrew Stanley]

Let's get into. Let's start off with the comments.

[Brian Bates]

These are gonna be baby comments.

[Nate Land]

Yes.

[Andrew Stanley]

About babies from baby.

[Brian Bates]

I have a. I have a 10 month old baby.

[Dusty Slay]

All right.

[Brian Bates]

When are they not babies anymore?

[Andrew Stanley]

I think one year is. Technically, they're infants.

[Brian Bates]

All right, I got a baby then.

[Andrew Stanley]

I think I learned that on the babies episode.

[Nate Land]

Yeah, I said toddler, but who knows?

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, yeah. And whatever.

[Dusty Slay]

Whenever they start toddling around.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, okay.

[Andrew Stanley]

Whenever I stop doing my joke about it.

[Brian Bates]

However you define it in your act is reality.

[Dusty Slay]

Comments come From Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple, podcast reviews, and [e-mail] this first comment comes from an anonymous source. Jane Doe.

[Nate Land]

Unless it's the woman that met Nate at Opryland.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, no, she died, remember?

[Nate Land]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Brian Bates]

That's right. Yeah. A lot of Jane does dying these days.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I love how you open the podcast by insulting the people who support you. It just rubs me the wrong way. I guess I got used to Nate's way, which seems nicer to the audience.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's just the way we do it here.

[Nate Land]

I'll take that one.

[Andrew Stanley]

Brian rules with an iron.

[Dusty Slay]

Also, Nate's never been on this podcast, so I don't know what this lady.

[Andrew Stanley]

I'm not even sure what you're talking about.

[Nate Land]

Yeah, I like to, you know, talk down to the audience when I introduce the show. It's very tongue in cheek. I thought everybody knew.

[Brian Bates]

Assert dominance over your audience.

[Dusty Slay]

Totally tongue in cheek. I mean, it's like.

[Nate Land]

It is tongue in cheek. I. I mean, public figures to me is tongue in cheek. I know Dusty called himself a public

[Dusty Slay]

figure, and I am one, but you're

[Nate Land]

in a different place in your career than I am. I don't even really consider myself a public figure, so I think the whole thing's tongue in cheek, so.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, well, the ass at the end, for sure.

[Nate Land]

Public figure. And the boys.

[Brian Bates]

It's like how you do, you know, public figure, then the S has a little parenthesis around it. Or it could be singular or plural,

[Andrew Stanley]

depending on how you're fluctuating up and down.

[Nate Land]

So I'm sorry, Jane. I'll try to be nice.

[Dusty Slay]

We are sorry, Jane. And honestly, though, Jane, if you're gonna make a comment like that, use your real name.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, exactly. You don't need an alias for that. It's pretty soft critique.

[Dusty Slay]

Dustin Boger. That must've been A tough last name growing up, huh? Boger.

[Andrew Stanley]

I went to high school with a few Bogus.

[Nate Land]

Did you?

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, yeah, this might be them.

[Brian Bates]

Good guys.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, yeah, I like the one that I knew I liked.

[Dusty Slay]

Like, if you're doing. If you're picking for teams, you go, oh, you picking the bogus?

[Brian Bates]

Give me the bogus.

[Dusty Slay]

You get a bogus, I'll pick the bogus.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, I'm sure you got enough of that.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, I bet he did. And I'm sorry about that, Dustin. Just like Aaron in the green room. At what point will one of you tell the people off camera that they need to be quiet?

[Andrew Stanley]

Oh, Jesus.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, well, I guess this is it here, huh? They are not a host or guest. This feels like I'm saying this to them. Stop chiming in. Also, how close are they to the mics? You can hear the smallest laugh from someone off camera. These shenanigans never happened in the Nat Land days or on any other pods.

[Brian Bates]

Wow.

[Andrew Stanley]

Well, now I think. Go right to the next comment. Right.

[Nate Land]

Sure, sure.

[Dusty Slay]

Dustin Boger. All right, we'll go right to the next. And then I'd like to address Dustin Bogus. All right, DJ Def G off.

[Brian Bates]

Tj. Def Jeff's great.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay. I like my way. But DJ Def Jeff does have a better ring to it. I don't know who it is, but the live studio audience is of one is killing it on this episode. Oh, the live studio audience of one is killing it on this episode. Really accentuates the unappreciated quips from Brian.

[Nate Land]

All right, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, I'm a fan of it. We should keep it up.

[Dusty Slay]

I like. I always like a live. I never thought.

[Andrew Stanley]

I like it too.

[Dusty Slay]

I never thought I would like live podcasts, but I, I, you know, I do like them. We did a couple, and I was like, that's where I shine. Because you guys don't appreciate my jokes.

[Nate Land]

That's true.

[Dusty Slay]

But the audience does.

[Andrew Stanley]

Audience.

[Brian Bates]

Well, I think it'd be fun to pump in some extra laughter into the. Into the podcast, too. Like bring it back to Augusta National Masters. They got in trouble. Or not in trouble. They got called out a few years ago because there was a bird enthusiast watching the Masters and was hearing the bird noises in the background and said, those bird noises are from birds that are not indigenous to Augusta, Georgia. So these must be fake bird noises.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Crazy.

[Brian Bates]

And they had to announce they'd been pumping in Joe Zimmerman. They'd been pumping in fake bird noises.

[Dusty Slay]

Sorry.

[Nate Land]

Joe's Yeah, I remember that's.

[Andrew Stanley]

But these are real. These are real people. These are real people in the room with us. It's nice to have them paying attention.

[Brian Bates]

But, you know, funny if it was like, honestly, that's a laugh from a different podcast I've heard.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, I agree with Dustin Boger, though. It's like, lock that up, guys.

[Andrew Stanley]

No, I like it.

[Nate Land]

I loved it. Now, people came out hard against the laugh early on, but then Katie started making a comeback. Like, it's pretty even now.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay.

[Nate Land]

I mean, at first, everybody's like, no, it's too much. I'm sorry. If I could just called you out. But everybody thinks it's Abby, but I

[Brian Bates]

don't know Abigail that well.

[Andrew Stanley]

If you think she's laughing.

[Nate Land]

Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Stanley]

If you think she's enjoying the show.

[Nate Land]

But you see the shift now. Everybody's like, oh, we love it. It's great.

[Dusty Slay]

But again, you know, I know this is a very similar to the Nateland podcast, but this is a new podcast. We got new elements.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's right.

[Dusty Slay]

We're bringing people in.

[Nate Land]

We should crank up.

[Andrew Stanley]

We never want you to get too comfortable listening. We're always going to throw something at you.

[Dusty Slay]

Let's. Let's do. Turn the audience mics up so loud that you can hear them, you know, breathe.

[Andrew Stanley]

Table. Actually, let's just do that.

[Brian Bates]

Maybe a separate camera.

[Dusty Slay]

I'd like to hear him breathe.

[Brian Bates]

You know how NFL. You know how.

[Dusty Slay]

Through my headphones, you know how you

[Brian Bates]

watch a college football game, sometimes you accidentally go to the wrong channel and it's just the sky cam.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

And you're like, why am I not hearing any voices?

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bates]

You should have an option to watch the podcast, but it's just on them.

[Dusty Slay]

Exactly.

[Andrew Stanley]

Let's upload two copies of this episode. 1. Just that camera.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

So you watch the whole episode.

[Dusty Slay]

You know, the hard thing about reading the Dustin Boger comment is, you know, they may not read the comments like we do.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

We're used to people insulting us. People insult me all the time. I got a whole dump Dusty guy.

[Andrew Stanley]

We're dead inside. So. Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

So this may be the first time they've heard this, so you should have gave them a warning.

[Nate Land]

I think I feel like Tristan set me up because he's like, oh, we should acknowledge it. And then we'll put tape on our mouth and be this whole funny thing. And then I put this in there and they're just over there laughing.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Or lack of. I'm like, okay, now look like the idiot.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. No, I Think this is great. DJ Def Geoff. I like that name.

[Nate Land]

Buying glasses used to feel way more complicated than it ever needed to be. Everything was overpriced, styles felt outdated, and somehow you needed a spreadsheet just to understand what you were buying.

[Dusty Slay]

Every time I buy glasses, that's what I'm going through.

[Nate Land]

Yep. Shopping online. How you supposed to know if frames will look good on your face from one tiny picture? That's why I only use Warby Parker. They've completely changed the experience. The virtual try on is a total game changer. You just point your phone camera and instantly see frames on your face in real time. I've tried other virtual try ons that felt off, but Warby Parker's actually work. You can really tell how the glasses will look and fit. These are not my glasses. These are Abby's glasses. The Austin and Poblano.

[Dusty Slay]

You'll see them on though.

[Nate Land]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Nate Land]

I can even see better with these. When it comes to. When it comes to quality for the price, Warby Parker is unbeatable. Their perception. How do I look?

[Dusty Slay]

Really good.

[Nate Land]

Their prescription glasses start at just 95, so you don't have to choose between stylish frames and affordability anymore. They even have over 300 retail stores if you want to shop in person. Plus, for every pair they sell, they give a pair to someone in need. On top of that, Warby Parker has distributed over 20 million pairs of glasses to people in need through its Buy a pair, give a pair program. Right now, buy one prescription pair and get 20% off an additional prescription [e-mail] Nateland that's 20% off additional prescription pairs. When you go to W A r b y parker.com Nateland Brett

[Dusty Slay]

Sholabin.

[Andrew Stanley]

Geoff.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, Brett, we're down to Brett. Shola. Ben. Is that how you would say there's

[Brian Bates]

an N in the middle somewhere shown?

[Dusty Slay]

How would you say it?

[Andrew Stanley]

Brett? S. Okay, okay.

[Dusty Slay]

Brian chose the baby subject just to get information about Dusty's newborn since he wouldn't return a text.

[Nate Land]

Well, that's. That is true.

[Andrew Stanley]

That is true.

[Nate Land]

I should have said my conspiracy theory for this comment.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, but.

[Nate Land]

Yeah, I don't even. I'm not even sure that this baby exists.

[Brian Bates]

Did Dusty share a lot of information about the baby last week?

[Nate Land]

No. What did you say?

[Dusty Slay]

Well, I don't know what you guys want me to say though. I mean, it's a baby.

[Andrew Stanley]

How much did he weigh?

[Dusty Slay]

He weighed. He was. He was. He was 6.1 pounds.

[Nate Land]

He answered that.

[Andrew Stanley]

What is that in kilogram?

[Nate Land]

His name. He gave us his name.

[Dusty Slay]

Sonny Race. Which is a cool name. Yeah, I mean, come on.

[Brian Bates]

That's very cool.

[Dusty Slay]

Come on. 1.

[Nate Land]

Somebody pointed out that on a previous episode we mentioned Sonny Gray and you said Sonny Gray. That's. That's a tough name. So close.

[Dusty Slay]

Did I say it was a tough name?

[Nate Land]

That's what they said. You said.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't know, Sonny Gray.

[Andrew Stanley]

According to them.

[Nate Land]

According to that.

[Dusty Slay]

What do they know? But you know, it's not the same. I didn't name myself. Sonny Graceland. Sonny Ray.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

You know, changes the whole thing.

[Nate Land]

It does.

[Dusty Slay]

Because Sunny Ray. Like a sun ray. Yeah. Not like.

[Brian Bates]

Sure.

[Dusty Slay]

It can't be Sunny and Gray.

[Brian Bates]

That's right.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. You know.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, yeah. That's an oxymoron.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

He's gonna be confused his whole life.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Which one is it?

[Brian Bates]

Who am I?

[Dusty Slay]

Anybody want to take a stab at that last name though? How would you say it?

[Andrew Stanley]

Sanderson showing.

[Nate Land]

Leben showing.

[Brian Bates]

Leben show.

[Dusty Slay]

And Laban.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

You show it and then you leave.

[Dusty Slay]

Exactly.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's listening. It's S C H O E N L E B E N. Shine Leibin.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, Shine Liven. Maybe.

[Andrew Stanley]

Maybe I like.

[Nate Land]

Could be.

[Andrew Stanley]

I don't know how German it is. Feels pretty German.

[Dusty Slay]

All right, the next one. Brock Sanderson.

[Andrew Stanley]

Nice.

[Dusty Slay]

I took my 13 year old autistic son to see Dusty a couple of months ago in Traverse City. It was his first comedy show. I'm happy to say we had a great time.

[Nate Land]

He had a great time.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, he had a great time. Yeah. Just the one. I'm happy to say he had a great time. We can now put that on the list of things that people with special needs can enjoy too. I will always remember his smiles and laughter at Dusty's jokes.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's great.

[Dusty Slay]

All right, guys, that's what I'm talking about.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

He did say when he hit the two minute mark, I mean the two hour mark, he got a little restless.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, that'll do it. I said I don't need the openers. And they're really getting in the way.

[Andrew Stanley]

Thank you, Brock.

[Nate Land]

Yes.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, well, here's a. Interesting that we had just talked about the other name. This next name is Sunny Drury.

[Andrew Stanley]

Is that how you spell it with your son?

[Dusty Slay]

S U N N S O N. Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

S U N N Y. I think of Sunny D. You remember Sonny D. Yeah, yeah. That's how that one son is.

[Dusty Slay]

Ryder.

[Brian Bates]

Not the first thing I think of when I say the word sun.

[Dusty Slay]

I Think of just the sun. It's sunny outside.

[Andrew Stanley]

I think of the maybe because the first letter of this guy's last name is D. Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, maybe. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Sonny D. Ruri.

[Dusty Slay]

Sonny Drury. I'm married into the name Drury and my first name is Sonny. So yeah, we've got a real emotional range happening over here. But sunny D feels like the real redemption arc of the Drury name. Needed. I feel like you read ahead.

[Andrew Stanley]

No, I can't read that fast.

[Brian Bates]

Best.

[Dusty Slay]

But I like that because, yeah, Drury is, you know, the Drury Hotel. It's a tough name for a hotel. It feels. It's a good hotel.

[Brian Bates]

You think? I guess it's named after someone who started it and they were just really firm on those. Could be named after us.

[Dusty Slay]

I mean, I get that you gotta. You're like, nah, I want. It's gonna be my name. But Drury, it's not dreary. It's not dreary, but it sounds a lot like. It sounds worse. My mom used to stay at a lot of drewries and they do. They have. They serve like breakfast and lunch and they have drinks. I mean, it's a nice hotel.

[Brian Bates]

Hotel.

[Dusty Slay]

It's a good place.

[Andrew Stanley]

Look at this. Founded in 1973 by the Drury Brothers in Sykeston, Missouri. Home of spaghetti dinner comedy with Brian Bates. That's where he just was.

[Nate Land]

I haven't been there yet, but that's

[Andrew Stanley]

where you're gonna be.

[Nate Land]

April 25th.

[Andrew Stanley]

Are you gonna stay at the jury?

[Brian Bates]

Stay at the original?

[Dusty Slay]

Stay at the jewelry?

[Nate Land]

I guess I have to now.

[Andrew Stanley]

You got to.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

When you get there, ask to speak to the brothers.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah. The chain is recognized for high guest satisfaction. It received the J.D. power Award for highest in guest satisfaction. Question among upper middle, upper mid scale hotel chains. Upper mid scale.

[Dusty Slay]

It is a good hotel. But sometimes, you know, my hotel perception has changed what used to be. And I'm not even standing in fancy places. But what. What I would have said was a pretty good hotel back in the day. I'm. Sometimes I'm like, nah, I'm not gonna do it.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, well, you forgot where you came from.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, well, you can some things you want to forget yet.

[Brian Bates]

I'm going to change my bio to say, one of the fastest rising upper mid scale comedians working today.

[Nate Land]

Well, I just want people to know if you're coming to the syn Christian Academy spaghetti dinner on April 25th. There's a party at the Drury in after.

[Andrew Stanley]

All right. Room 125.

[Nate Land]

Yep.

[Dusty Slay]

I'd like to call myself the slowest rising comedian.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, like I'm rising.

[Nate Land]

You'd like to, but that's me.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay, well, but you got to be rising.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, if you say fastest rising.

[Brian Bates]

Fastest rising sounds like a good time here, guys.

[Nate Land]

Are we.

[Dusty Slay]

We're having a good time. You set yourself up for that one, Brian.

[Andrew Stanley]

Go ahead.

[Brian Bates]

A comedian rising at the appropriate speed for his talent.

[Andrew Stanley]

Right where I deserved to be.

[Brian Bates]

He deserves his place.

[Dusty Slay]

Is true. I was going up, then the elevator broke. You know what I mean? Okay. Riley Patterson.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

Interesting way to spell Riley.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Riley Patterson.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's like Raleigh, but with an I instead of an A. Yeah. Interesting relay. Really? Really, Patterson.

[Nate Land]

I probably just misspelled Ry.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, really?

[Nate Land]

No, I think that's right.

[Dusty Slay]

Really, Patterson.

[Brian Bates]

This one's really funny to read without having context of the last episode. Just like a random.

[Nate Land]

Don't read ahead, Andrew.

[Brian Bates]

Sorry.

[Dusty Slay]

I think infants being able to breathe and swallow at the same time is so they aren't constantly struggling when nursing.

[Brian Bates]

Next time I'm on a flight, I'm just going to turn to the guy next to me and say that, you know, I think infants. Why are you saying this?

[Dusty Slay]

Hey, dude, you know, infants can breathe

[Andrew Stanley]

and swallow so they can breastfeed.

[Brian Bates]

I. I think it's so they're not struggling while they're nursing. Right. The guy's just like, hey, man, I'm Put my headphones on.

[Andrew Stanley]

Have a safe flight.

[Brian Bates]

That's how you get no one to talk to you. You just start throwing facts like that out from the middle seat.

[Dusty Slay]

This feels like an obvious kind of an. You know. Yeah. Yeah, I bet that's why.

[Nate Land]

Well, last week Aaron said so they could cry.

[Andrew Stanley]

I think things can have multiple reasons.

[Dusty Slay]

Why did you say so they can

[Andrew Stanley]

cry and breathe at the same time.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay.

[Andrew Stanley]

I think it all works out.

[Brian Bates]

Why are they swallowing while crying and breathing? Breathing. Who knows, man? You swallow their tears.

[Andrew Stanley]

They got a lot going on. Yeah. You know, there's a theory that Tell

[Brian Bates]

my kids, swallow them tears.

[Andrew Stanley]

There's a theory. It's not supported by a lot of science, but that's never stopped us before.

[Dusty Slay]

No.

[Andrew Stanley]

There's a theory that when you're born and when you die, your brain produces a ton of dmt, The. The dream particle, the drug. Like, so essentially babies are born, like, tripping out of their minds. So there's just a lot going on.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

A lot of sensory information they're trying to process, you know?

[Dusty Slay]

I like that theory.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

You ever done dmt? When I was a baby. Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

When a baby. And I'll do it again. One day.

[Brian Bates]

I did it once.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, I'll do it.

[Brian Bates]

We do it one more time.

[Dusty Slay]

Robin Gillum. When y' all are. I like that. When y' all are talking names, it becomes most prevalent that you all are from the south, where folks names are more traditional. Over here in California, we have several juniors, misters, and Saint Blank. I think the diversity in cultures shines brighter on the West Coast.

[Andrew Stanley]

What is it? You have a guy named, like, St. Mike?

[Nate Land]

Well, I mentioned last week one of the guys. Guys that helped with my special. His name was St. Thomas.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah. Then that's common in California.

[Nate Land]

I don't believe this. I think.

[Brian Bates]

What does he mean, several misters?

[Andrew Stanley]

Well, I was talking about there's a football player. There's a high school football player named Mr. Simpson.

[Dusty Slay]

And let's not act like in the south, we don't have a lot of juniors.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, I think the most juniors, I

[Nate Land]

don't think they have a lot in

[Andrew Stanley]

California, but, like, their actual name is Junior.

[Nate Land]

Junior.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, like the. Like on the birthday, like, first name is Junior.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't know.

[Andrew Stanley]

I like it.

[Brian Bates]

Well, Junior Sleigh.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. I think that was a. That was an option for us.

[Brian Bates]

Really?

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, I like that.

[Brian Bates]

Rather than Dusty. Jr. Mister.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. Mr. Mr. Jr. Slay.

[Brian Bates]

That's what we thought about Mr. Junior.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. What's your name? Mr. Junior. Yeah, but what's in the middle of those Saints? That's it. Mr. Saint Junior.

[Brian Bates]

Mr. St.

[Dusty Slay]

Junior. That's what I should have named it.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Just make it confused. Mr. Mister.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Well, when you actually have your third child, you can name.

[Nate Land]

That's right.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. We're prepping for it.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Good to do it. Do a practice run, see how everybody responds.

[Dusty Slay]

I started doing that in a Southern accent, and I. I was like, I wish I had not done this as I was reading.

[Brian Bates]

Well, she threw out a y' all at the beginning and then did a you all halfway through.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, she said y' all and trying

[Nate Land]

to fit in with us and then

[Dusty Slay]

suddenly slammed us at the end.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

You're saying y' all all. I say that a lot. I realize y' all all need to.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, no, I guess I have.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah. You're saying you all all. Yeah, but it works somehow.

[Nate Land]

You ever say the SEC Conference? Yeah, the Southeastern Conference Conference.

[Andrew Stanley]

Oh, that's funny. I didn't know that people say ATM machine a lot. I. I do, but the M is for machine.

[Nate Land]

Hot water heater.

[Andrew Stanley]

Hot water heater. The wa. Yeah, yeah. It's not heating hot water. It's heating cold water. Jumbo shrimp.

[Brian Bates]

Cold water heater. Do you guys edit these at all? This goes in.

[Nate Land]

This is our best episode yet.

[Andrew Stanley]

Andrew, I could not feel better about this episode.

[Dusty Slay]

We're on a roll.

[Nate Land]

What are you talking about?

[Dusty Slay]

Okay. Mandy ball. Oh, man.

[Andrew Stanley]

Mandy.

[Dusty Slay]

Dusty's belly laughs at Brian's expense will never get old.

[Brian Bates]

Well, I don't like that it won't

[Dusty Slay]

get old to me either. Thank you, Mandy.

[Nate Land]

Yeah, thank you, Mandy.

[Dusty Slay]

We're having a good time.

[Brian Bates]

I met the both of you guys the same night. Do you guys remember where we met?

[Andrew Stanley]

The two of them?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

I thought I knew where we met, but Dusty wasn't there.

[Brian Bates]

Okay, maybe I met you one time before. I did a guest set. Dusty was headlining and you were featuring at the Semper Fi Bar and Grill.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bates]

In Woodstock, Georgia.

[Andrew Stanley]

Wow.

[Brian Bates]

That is where I thought back when Dusty was headlining. Bar and Grills.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah. Is that Derek Tennant show?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, it was.

[Andrew Stanley]

Right.

[Brian Bates]

And I came and did the five minutes.

[Dusty Slay]

That was a hot show.

[Brian Bates]

It's. I, I did they still do it. I went by and did a set on it like last year and it was so fun.

[Dusty Slay]

I love that show.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

That is where I thought I met you was Simplified Bar and Grill. But I don't think.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, maybe I met you separately at the same place.

[Nate Land]

I think I headlined that night.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, that actually makes sense. Who. Who's. It was Jamie Ward.

[Dusty Slay]

Jamie Ward featured for me. That's right.

[Brian Bates]

Yep. I love Jamie.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

You're gonna say Dusty open for you there?

[Nate Land]

No, but I met you guys both

[Brian Bates]

headlining the Bar and Grill separately.

[Andrew Stanley]

So it wasn't all at the same time.

[Nate Land]

No.

[Brian Bates]

I probably couldn't have handled both of

[Nate Land]

the same place, though.

[Brian Bates]

That's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot of talent to me.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. Because I. Because I went out and had a cigar with a friend of mine and you. You weren't there. So you would have came.

[Nate Land]

I thought I one of my child. There's like a shopping mall behind that place, the Simplified Bar and Grill. And I saw Derek Tennant walking to his car and I thought, I think I'm going to catch this guy. I thought this whole thing was a charade that he's going to. I thought he was going to be like.

[Brian Bates]

Like at the end of Usual Suspects. Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

If you're listening to Derek Tennant, very funny comedian friend of ours, but he's paralyzed on one side of his body.

[Nate Land]

Yeah. But nobody was around. I was in my car. I thought, I'm going to kill Him.

[Brian Bates]

It's a big part of his act. So if, like, he was healed, he'd have a reason to keep it.

[Nate Land]

But he stuck to the script. This guy's a method actor.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, yeah, I mean, when he gets into character, he's not going to let up.

[Nate Land]

Yeah, even when he doesn't think he wins around. I'll get you eventually, Derek.

[Brian Bates]

We'll get you eventually,

[Dusty Slay]

Jonathan Cronky. You think that's it? Cronky?

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, I think so.

[Dusty Slay]

Or Cronk. Cronk.

[Andrew Stanley]

Jk.

[Dusty Slay]

Just feel like the E being there, though.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, I would go by jk. Don't think that'd be fun.

[Dusty Slay]

That would be fun. Brian Regan performed at the Sphere. Come on, guys, you have a laptop. And I doubt his website is blocked by Zany's.

[Andrew Stanley]

You'd be surprised at what is blocked by Zany's. Half the episodes of the Nateland podcast aren't available on the Zany's network.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, if you're connected to what? Like, I was here one day and I was watching a show, and not really watching, and I was on my phone and I was trying to look up our stuff on YouTube, this podcast on YouTube, and I was like, we don't. Our episodes are not even on YouTube.

[Andrew Stanley]

Dusty texted us, do we delete all our old episodes? And we were like, get off the Zany's WI fi.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

What. What is that block designed to keep people from doing?

[Andrew Stanley]

It's the restricted mode. It's like the. The A business. It's. It's Comcast WI fi here, and it's on restricted mode, so all the bad stuff is gone, too. But they threw the baby out with the bathwater, you know, so now, like, you can't get half the Na Land episodes, can you?

[Nate Land]

See, if that's true about Brian, it's probably blocked.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay, yeah, let's find out. Let's. Yeah. You have a laptop. Come on, guys.

[Andrew Stanley]

Brian Regan at the Sphere. Well, he's playing at the Venetian. Brian Regan is not performing at the Sphere in Las Vegas, but he's at the Palazzo Theater.

[Dusty Slay]

Has he ever.

[Andrew Stanley]

Summer, but let's see if he ever from Nevada.

[Nate Land]

Isn't he from Florida?

[Andrew Stanley]

He lives in Las Vegas.

[Brian Bates]

He lives in Vegas.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

All right, so we're gonna look it up, but we're gonna go on to the next one. This is Aaron J. Am I dreaming this, or did Aaron once talk about a reoccurring nightmare he had as a kid where he was in the microwave? Wouldn't this have stemmed from the toaster movie?

[Andrew Stanley]

Movie, probably. That would make perfect.

[Dusty Slay]

Did you have a reoccurring nightmare where you were in the microwave?

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, I did.

[Dusty Slay]

Wow.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, it was in my minivan with my family. We were in the microwave and some kind of like demon face closed it.

[Nate Land]

That could just be the microwave.

[Andrew Stanley]

And turned it on and we died. Wow.

[Dusty Slay]

I think that's woke up.

[Andrew Stanley]

Which I mean, I think means we died.

[Dusty Slay]

I mean. Yeah, the microwave is bad. Don't use that thing.

[Nate Land]

You know how hard it is to shop for food for Dusty when you can't involve a pork or microwave? There's not a lot of options.

[Dusty Slay]

I know.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

That's what it's like out here. Everybody's trying to poison you with pork.

[Brian Bates]

Do you have a microwave in your house?

[Dusty Slay]

I do, but my old house, we remodeled our kitchen and we removed the microwave. There was no microwave. And then we bought a new house. The house had a microwave in a. It. I'm not ready to do a kitchen renovation, but I would. What we did was it took the microwave out and we put one of those big hoods in.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

And that's what I'd like to do again.

[Brian Bates]

Cuz it sucks all the bad stuff out instead of putting all the bad stuff in.

[Dusty Slay]

Exactly. My wife, I think, sneaks around and uses the microwave when you're not in.

[Brian Bates]

When you're out of town, I think so something no good. You come over, you smell and you're like. It smells like radiation. You have a monitor. You're like, you're out of town, but you put a radiation detector.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

You can color out what you've been up to.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

You've been using this. Mark Bennett. I'm so disappointed that they. Outside of Dusty. Thank you. Believe in the moon mission or are they trolling? Well, they're not trolling.

[Brian Bates]

Checking about the.

[Nate Land]

All of it.

[Dusty Slay]

All of it. Yeah, everything.

[Nate Land]

Let me. Can I say this though? Aaron and I were in the green room this past week. Zany's. There was five of us.

[Dusty Slay]

Gravity knocked my book down. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, nice.

[Nate Land]

Three did not believe that we'd ever been to the moon. Aaron and I were the two descending votes that said we had.

[Andrew Stanley]

I mean, so normal.

[Nate Land]

We're the minority. So really we're the conspiracy theorists.

[Andrew Stanley]

I know.

[Nate Land]

You are the mainstream narrative.

[Andrew Stanley]

You have the hack mainstream opinion.

[Nate Land]

Yeah. You just go with what everybody else thinks.

[Andrew Stanley]

Well, I think the second and more people. People believe in don't believe in it than do. You'll come to our side.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, but you're talking about comics and

[Andrew Stanley]

that is Very true.

[Dusty Slay]

If. If the news came on is not

[Andrew Stanley]

a true cross section of America.

[Dusty Slay]

If CNN or Fox News was like, we didn't land on the moon, I'll probably go, all right, well, let me, Let me see what's going on here. I'm sorry.

[Nate Land]

They don't want us to know about something.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, it's hard to think we did. But the. Yeah, I mean, I'm listening. Listen, I'm just. I'm just doing a bit and we're having a good time.

[Nate Land]

He sticks to it more than Derek Tennant. Dusty was trolling people on Twitter this weekend about the moon.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, you know what? This is what I was doing. I guess. I guess you could call it trolling. But people got mad at me about talking about it. And I just go, what was the most exciting thing to you about this moon mission? And you were about the only one with a good answer. You said, he said, it's because we've gone the farthest from Earth. But I. People were like, A lot of people were like, oh. I go, what was the most exciting part to you about it? And they go, coming home, you know, making sure they all landed safely. I go, okay.

[Brian Bates]

Sticking it to Russia.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, yeah. But it's like, I'm looking for. Oh, I love when we, you know, passed this and got this and this video. I don't know, it just like, nothing truly seems exciting about.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, this most recent one.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, yeah. They're like, it's the friends we made along the way. And you're like, no, it wasn't.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

What are you talking about?

[Dusty Slay]

Nothing seemed exciting.

[Andrew Stanley]

It was the first time that anyone has sent people into space, like out into space in 50 years.

[Dusty Slay]

Right. But I mean, like, so that in

[Andrew Stanley]

and of itself is exciting.

[Dusty Slay]

Like saying that it is exciting, exciting. But I'm like, I just feel like you want.

[Andrew Stanley]

Doing it is super exciting.

[Dusty Slay]

But I'm like, that we want more of the. What did you. What did you do? Like, I wanted more footage. I just feel like we did tons of stuff. Like they filmed the whole trip, the whole video.

[Andrew Stanley]

But here's. Here's, here's. Here's where I'm at. I don't think there's a single thing that would satisfy you.

[Dusty Slay]

No, no. Maybe not satisfy me, but it might

[Andrew Stanley]

be, like fun to have every question and everything. Every point you make make. There is a scientific response to. But I don't think you. I don't think any of them satisfied.

[Dusty Slay]

There were no exciting footage. Just, I mean, like, I. I'll admit that you're probably right. I'm not denying it. But what. What exciting footage did you see that? You were like, oh, that's cool.

[Andrew Stanley]

What did you want, a music video from the moon?

[Dusty Slay]

I don't know. A video.

[Nate Land]

The Earth, I thought was pretty cool.

[Dusty Slay]

That picture. Yeah, yeah, we got lots of those, though.

[Nate Land]

We haven't had a new one in 50 years.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, but it looks the same as the others.

[Nate Land]

Well, some people said it didn't.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, it looks. I mean, it's basically the same.

[Nate Land]

Did you see the one with all the chemtrails and they're like. I would believe it if this was what it looked like.

[Dusty Slay]

I'd be more realistic. You looked at these guys. I mean, it's like. That's all I'm saying is I just feel like we didn't really get anything new that we hadn't had before. Nothing was truly exciting about it. And I'm just like. All we get is, like, these astronauts on the ship things are floating around, and I go, God, we don't want to see you. Yeah, we turn the camera around. That's what we want to say.

[Andrew Stanley]

Well, this wasn't. This wasn't it. So this was Artemis 2, I think. Artemis 4. They're going to land on the moon, and they're going to land in a crater on the moon that's so deep that it never receives sunlight. So there's actual ice down there. So that will be huge.

[Dusty Slay]

What's going on with Artemis 3?

[Andrew Stanley]

I don't know what Artemis 3 is doing. I don't know. I don't know if they're gonna land or not.

[Brian Bates]

They're.

[Nate Land]

I read about it. They're making some more loop de loops.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Why do they keep naming them after these Greek gods and goddesses?

[Andrew Stanley]

I don't know. I've always thought NASA names things well, though. I think they're. They're powerful. It's powerful stuff. Would you want the USS Jesus Christ to go out there and go, no,

[Dusty Slay]

but what about, you know, just a regular name?

[Brian Bates]

They name them, like Hurricane Canes is just like alphabetical.

[Nate Land]

Matilda.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Katrina's gonna.

[Dusty Slay]

Exactly.

[Andrew Stanley]

I don't know. I like Gemini. I like Apollo. It's powerful stuff.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't like it.

[Nate Land]

All right.

[Brian Bates]

I think people are less excited about the visuals because our movies in space look cooler than the real footage.

[Dusty Slay]

I just don't think that's special.

[Brian Bates]

We see it all the time.

[Dusty Slay]

I just don't think they really gave us any good footage. I mean, I. I'm into seeing it. But even on my post, I mean, I'm not saying I have the farthest reach of anybody with my post, but nobody was. They gave me one picture.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah. You know, and I'm like, what specifically do you want?

[Dusty Slay]

I don't know. It'd be nice.

[Andrew Stanley]

This is nice that we can say it. So put it out there.

[Brian Bates]

So Artemis 3, you know, they're reading their comments.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

They're on the spaceship.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

And they're looking out the window with their cell phone, you know, film. You're like filming a. Here, here's. Here's Jake. And then here's the window. And it's like stars zipping by or something. Or. Oh, we just missed an asteroid sometimes

[Brian Bates]

shaking a little bit.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Where's the turbulence?

[Dusty Slay]

Where's the danger? Asteroid going by how I hear these guys are so brave. Oh, just these brave astronauts.

[Brian Bates]

When do they go. When they go to light speed or something.

[Andrew Stanley]

Literally, they went farther away from Earth than anyone ever has. Ever. And you're like, what? These guys are like, brave.

[Brian Bates]

Nobody's even chasing them.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't think any of them are brave. Brave.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's. I feel brave. Taking a Southwest flight to Tampa and they're farthest than anybody's ever been. It's. It's crazy. It's crazy. You gotta. You gotta embrace objective wins for the human race. And this is an objective win.

[Nate Land]

He braces the mainstream narrative that we didn't really.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's what I'm saying. This guy just hackath.

[Brian Bates]

So this comment is about that we didn't really go on the recent one.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, I mean, this one that just happened.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, I thought we were talking about the original.

[Andrew Stanley]

Well, I think that's all.

[Dusty Slay]

Mark Bennett gets it. Mark Bennett gets it.

[Andrew Stanley]

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[Dusty Slay]

I love a mint chocolate chip.

[Andrew Stanley]

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[Nate Land]

Well, this, the day this comes out. April 15th is one of my favorite days of the year.

[Dusty Slay]

Tax day.

[Nate Land]

I love tax day. I love giving back.

[Dusty Slay]

I like that. I like that you put this comment last on tax day because what a waste of our tax dollars this was.

[Nate Land]

It's a good segue.

[Andrew Stanley]

Drop in the bucket. We want to cut tax money for other stuff.

[Dusty Slay]

So many, so many things.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah. Yeah. This is a drop in the bucket.

[Nate Land]

Well, I love tax day. I love giving back. I love of. I don't have time to figure out where to put my resources, so I allow the government to disperse it as they see.

[Andrew Stanley]

Right. Yeah. And they're going to use it to advance.

[Nate Land]

Yes.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's nice mankind and help people.

[Dusty Slay]

And they always do a good job.

[Andrew Stanley]

Amazing job. And the nice thing is they're super transparent about it.

[Dusty Slay]

Yes.

[Andrew Stanley]

So you know where every dollar.

[Dusty Slay]

That's what I like about it. I can just go to a website and it tells me where every cent is going.

[Andrew Stanley]

And if you have any questions. They audit the government every year and they always do a great job with that.

[Dusty Slay]

And they listen to you. If you reach out to them, they go, yeah, we want you to know that you always have representation.

[Andrew Stanley]

Exactly.

[Nate Land]

Dusty, I bet when you drive over some bad roads, you complain about those roads.

[Dusty Slay]

No, never.

[Brian Bates]

I just tell. I just think to myself, we got to raise taxes.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, that's what I think.

[Brian Bates]

Clearly.

[Nate Land]

Well, you're a former accountant. Did you dabble in taxes?

[Brian Bates]

Well, I don't want to do like stolen valor. I finance major, had a budgeting role which involves some accounting.

[Andrew Stanley]

Sorry, do you ever call it finance or was it always fun?

[Brian Bates]

It's at Auburn University where I attended. They taught us.

[Dusty Slay]

I went there.

[Brian Bates]

So did Dusty pretend he went there?

[Andrew Stanley]

Some yeah, he went there at a couple parties.

[Brian Bates]

I entered the campus. Yeah. Yeah. They say first day of finance. They say you got to say finance, but I never, never felt right to say it that way.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

What'd you major?

[Nate Land]

I worked with finance. Mitchell once here. Zany's. All right, go ahead.

[Brian Bates]

Ahead from snl. But yeah, I, you know, I did. I. I was never an official accountant title. I never a cpa, but I did my best accounting credit as I was the ground grand prize winner of the 2017 search for the South's Funniest Accountant.

[Nate Land]

That can't be true.

[Dusty Slay]

And I.

[Andrew Stanley]

You beat the other guy?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, I beat. I beat. I think there were six other people.

[Nate Land]

Did you know any of them?

[Brian Bates]

No. Unfortunately, the accounting world is pretty. Pretty isolating. There's not a lot of hanging out. Oh, look at that. You pulled me up. That was more the last one they did a few years ago. My buddy Will writes up there. I think he did an alien.

[Nate Land]

He did.

[Brian Bates]

I think, yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Where's past winners here?

[Brian Bates]

Oh, yeah, they better have me up there. Other past winners. Gilbert Lawland won it.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay.

[Brian Bates]

I remember Gilbert.

[Dusty Slay]

Wow.

[Brian Bates]

Gilbert went to V. Look at that. Oh, there we go.

[Andrew Stanley]

Dusty, you're going to love this credit on this picture.

[Brian Bates]

Look at that photo.

[Andrew Stanley]

Professional comedian.

[Brian Bates]

I love that. I made sure they knew we're all professional comedians. This is back when I wanted to have a book about.

[Andrew Stanley]

This is your. No nonsense.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. I might run for office. I might write a book. I might be a pundit of something.

[Dusty Slay]

That's how you look when people come into the accountant office.

[Brian Bates]

I'm like, listen, guys, you ready to

[Dusty Slay]

get these taxes done or what?

[Brian Bates]

But our actuals are way over budget. Wow, I forgot about that headshot. That was one I first. You guys probably had this experience at some point. You're just a comedian. You don't have headshots. And all of a sudden there's a gig that needs a headshot.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yes.

[Brian Bates]

And you have an emergency headshot photo shoot for your first real gig. And I think that's from that.

[Andrew Stanley]

Dude, I've had some brutal old headshots. I'm trying to find my way.

[Dusty Slay]

This one. This one. The second one from the ra, Right? It's not. It's not a brutal. Up at the very top.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, we all see that.

[Andrew Stanley]

Oh, this one.

[Brian Bates]

This is a.

[Dusty Slay]

No, no, no, no.

[Brian Bates]

This is. You're very in the lead here.

[Andrew Stanley]

This is the one I was looking for.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, I don't think it's a bad picture, but I.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's a. The it's, it's. It's no shade to the photographer at all. They did an amazing job capturing what I was giving them.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Unfortunately, that's what I gave them.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Well, also, should I shave before

[Brian Bates]

you asked, Should I shave? And you landed on kind of.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Let's go for a little part that I've never done in my life here.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Oh, God. I used that for so long, man.

[Brian Bates]

And you still made it. You still made it in comedy.

[Andrew Stanley]

I got to where I am now

[Dusty Slay]

fastest rising comic and.

[Brian Bates]

But my, my grand prize for winning the 2017 search for the sales funniest accountant was expenses paid weekend in Las Vegas. He just gets going a little trip.

[Nate Land]

Wow.

[Andrew Stanley]

To do comedy or just.

[Brian Bates]

Nope, Just to go.

[Dusty Slay]

It's pretty good. It's like a test little vacation. How can he. Can he ruin the budget?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. I think it was a play on the accounting thing. It's like, here's a money related prize. So me and my brother went to stay at the Venetian for two nights.

[Dusty Slay]

All right.

[Brian Bates]

Had a nice little time. But I still will use that, especially at like a corporate gig. And they want to know how should we bring you up? I'm like, say this at the end because it does get a laugh.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yep.

[Dusty Slay]

It is funny because the title goes on forever. Ever.

[Brian Bates]

It's a long title. I say I like to stretch out. Grand prize winner of this 2017 search for the South's funniest. Count it. There are more awards in that title than there were people competing.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. You can't even get. You can't even go the whole country. It's got to be just the South.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

That would have been good for the gig you just did at your old company.

[Brian Bates]

Well, you know, I, I will say this. They did hire me to come do that show, but when I. I was still. One of the requirements for the competition is you had to be working at. In accounting or finance. And I remember I had not told my company that I was doing standup, like at night, but this. They required me to go to my employer and ask them to sponsor. It's a big. It's all like a philanthropic thing for like some organization. But I had to go tell my boss, hey, I do stand up. And also, can you sponsor this competition I'm doing? And they were like, that's great, but no, we're not going to. And so I was the only person whose company didn't sponsor. But then they all ended up coming and they were like, sorry, we didn't sponsor you. We'll. We'll hire you. We'll hire you in eight years to make up for it. But it was at center stage. They fill it up. It was like 600 people.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's awesome.

[Dusty Slay]

Wow.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, it's fun. It was my biggest show I'd ever done at that point, I think. Yeah, we brought home. Brought home some hardware.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's funny because I'm sure y' all have heard whenever like, like a stand up comic needs an example of like a lame job in a joke, they always say accountant.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, well, it's the most.

[Andrew Stanley]

Go to.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nate Land]

Go down to margin accounting.

[Brian Bates]

Do you guys have fake jobs? You tell people, like on a flight, if they're like, what do you do for a living to avoid saying comedian?

[Andrew Stanley]

It's Uber drivers, usually.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Where I just say. And not that I'm anybody, it's just I, I just. Sometimes you're like, I don't want to have a conversation.

[Brian Bates]

Exactly. You don't, you don't want to be rude.

[Andrew Stanley]

But yeah, yeah. So I'll just say like, I'm insane. Sales in town. Or I just go, I'm just here visiting for a few days.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Just to check it out. I know, but sometimes I'll say comedy. And then you talk to him about it.

[Brian Bates]

Sometimes if you're too vague, it sounds sketchy.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah. Like, what do you say?

[Brian Bates]

I'm just here. Here to stay visiting for a few days. You're like, you're visiting Grand Rapids, Minnesota.

[Andrew Stanley]

Do you say accounting?

[Brian Bates]

I'll say, I say budget analyst. And that is a showstopper.

[Andrew Stanley]

And they go, yeah, I think I'm

[Dusty Slay]

gonna start saying I'm unemployed. I don't know how I'll pay for this Uber.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

In between jobs.

[Brian Bates]

Right now I'm just having a good time.

[Andrew Stanley]

What are you doing in Omaha then, buddy?

[Brian Bates]

How'd you get here?

[Andrew Stanley]

I'm out here looking for jobs, dude.

[Brian Bates]

We had a. I was in the Uber with. It was with Dustin Nickerson and Derek. Strip. Weird Uber. We were opening for Nate and I wish I remember what city it was. Somewhere Pacific Northwest.

[Dusty Slay]

Yakima.

[Brian Bates]

It might have been Yakima, but we get in the Uber and she starts talking to us and asking like, what we're doing in town. And somebody asked her like, do you live here? She goes, no, I just moved here trying to put my life back together. And none of us asked any follow up question. Clearly she wanted us to tell her story.

[Dusty Slay]

That feels like something Derek would follow up with.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. We all just looked at each other like, I'm not Touching that. Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

I'd have been like, well, I hear you on that.

[Brian Bates]

Just trying to put my life back together.

[Nate Land]

Are we all sister?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. That's why all of us are here.

[Andrew Stanley]

And yak, I think you just missed your turn right there.

[Dusty Slay]

You doing all right?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Driving behind me.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. She's speeding up as she's talking. She's like, are we going to where? The coffee shop we chose. She just says loud. Yeah. I'm trying to put my life back together.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

She keeps saying it.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, she keeps. Like, we didn't hear, like.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah. So what happened?

[Brian Bates]

So I might start saying that I'm here trying to put my life back together, man.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Let's get back to taxes, guys.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, sorry.

[Andrew Stanley]

Let's do it.

[Nate Land]

Taxes have been around since at least 3000 BC.

[Brian Bates]

Okay.

[Nate Land]

Ancient Egypt. Earliest taxes involving collecting 20% of grain harvest.

[Andrew Stanley]

What would they.

[Brian Bates]

The actual grain itself, what would they do with it?

[Nate Land]

I think just store it.

[Andrew Stanley]

For how long can you store grain?

[Brian Bates]

Famine.

[Dusty Slay]

I always thought grain uncracked grain can almost last forever.

[Andrew Stanley]

Really?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

Unless insects eat it.

[Andrew Stanley]

So if you crack it, the government can't take it from you.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, they gotta use it.

[Andrew Stanley]

You gotta crack that. Oh, yeah. Fair enough.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. If they're coming to repossess any of your grain, the way you get at em is you crack it, you crack all the grain.

[Nate Land]

Didn't Joseph have dreams and said to store up seven years? I mean, that's not a tax, I guess, but store up for.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

So he earned the trust.

[Andrew Stanley]

He had a dream. So you gotta wear a coat.

[Brian Bates]

Something like that. Yeah. My granddad would know.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Was it seven years and then there were gonna be seven years.

[Dusty Slay]

Seven years fe. And seven years of famine. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Yep.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yep.

[Brian Bates]

But during that feast, guys start planning for that famine.

[Nate Land]

That's right. Julius Caesar implemented the first sales tax give to Caesar.

[Andrew Stanley]

What is Caesar's.

[Nate Land]

That's right.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. That's what I say every. Every year when I hit submit on my taxes, I yell it, say, hot

[Andrew Stanley]

and ready Little Caesar.

[Nate Land]

What do you say, Dusty?

[Dusty Slay]

Well, you know, I have to pay quarterly. And it's a nightmare. And it's. It's sad. Sad every time.

[Brian Bates]

Desi. I think we have the same account.

[Dusty Slay]

It. Maybe so.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. He, He, He. He would. He would never tell me that, but he's. I've. I've put together. I think we got the same guy. He does a lot of rodeo cowboys.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh.

[Brian Bates]

As well as comedians. Because apparently we have a lot of the same tax situations.

[Andrew Stanley]

Is that true? Do you Know that.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, I have a business manager, so he probably communicates with the tax guy more than me.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, I go straight to the tax guy, cuz I'm, you know.

[Nate Land]

Well, I mean, guy.

[Andrew Stanley]

Is he like. Wait, are, are you, aren't you the South's funniest accountant?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

I'm pretty 17.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. I had actually interviewed a lot of accountants that were trying to represent me after my, my achievements. They were like, we would love to help you. And I'm like, you think I need help? I've already accomplished. I, I might not be earning a lot of money, but I'm getting a lot of trips to Vegas. How do we, how do we account for that?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

All right, Dusty, you've said that you'd like to blow it all up.

[Dusty Slay]

Up. I didn't use those words. All right. I'm just saying you're putting this out there.

[Nate Land]

All right. Excuse me, what did you say you'd like to just this, restart it all?

[Dusty Slay]

Well, I don't, I mean, I just said taxes. It's out of control.

[Nate Land]

Let me just.

[Dusty Slay]

Being taxed for everything.

[Nate Land]

Let's say we're starting all over. You're starting a new society here, Dusty. Land America. You're the president, you're the king. What do we tax?

[Dusty Slay]

Nothing.

[Brian Bates]

Give to Dusty. What is Dusty's.

[Nate Land]

Well, how are we going to fund.

[Dusty Slay]

What do you mean?

[Andrew Stanley]

How do you get money for a military? How do you get money for public infrastructure? How do you do any of that?

[Dusty Slay]

I think you just, you rally everybody together and you go, hey, we're gonna need, you know, to be able to defend ourselves. So you need, you know, I'm, you know, I'm not the president, I'm not running a society. But I would think you go, hey, we got to defend this. This is ours.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

So we, we need to organize.

[Andrew Stanley]

And what if they say no?

[Dusty Slay]

Well, then I go, well, you get. We don't have a society then.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay?

[Dusty Slay]

And you guys just, you know, you know, run your own land. I'll run my own land. You don't need me telling you what to do.

[Andrew Stanley]

The coach is already dissolved completely.

[Dusty Slay]

Why do we even need it? You know what I mean?

[Nate Land]

Split it up again.

[Dusty Slay]

Let's just. We all have our own land.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

And we just raise crops and, you

[Brian Bates]

know, everybody just be a good guy.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

How would you defend yourself? You would just.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, you would, you know, I would hope that we would keep the guns and, you know, you would, you know

[Andrew Stanley]

you would, you know, what if somebody comes and take your guns? You Got to team up with other people, right?

[Dusty Slay]

Well, how, you know, I don't know if how they're going to take them, you know, unless I'm asleep.

[Nate Land]

Let's say there's other countries.

[Brian Bates]

That's a good point.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Let's say there's other countries that still exist and you're starting this one.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, that's why I do think people would organize. I don't think they would say, no, I don't. When you go, hey, we need to get together and, and be able to defend.

[Andrew Stanley]

If they get together and they go, look, I'm happy to be a part of this, but I'm not giving you any money for anything.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, we'll go. Great. Just. But, but do you know, help, defend.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, serve.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Give us your time.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

So you're talking more of a commune

[Dusty Slay]

than I've always talked about. A commune. I love a commune. Yeah, yeah. I'm all about a commune.

[Nate Land]

Give a penny, take a penny.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't know what that means necessarily.

[Brian Bates]

There's not going to be any currency in Dusty's new world.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay.

[Andrew Stanley]

We're already by the little thing at the gas station.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

You helping me out a little bit? I'll help you out.

[Andrew Stanley]

You scratch my back, I'll scratch you.

[Dusty Slay]

Exactly.

[Andrew Stanley]

We're all scratching.

[Dusty Slay]

You know, I mean, yeah, you know, you can't spring this kind of question on somebody and expect, you know, I didn't come with a plan.

[Andrew Stanley]

But you've been thinking about this for years.

[Dusty Slay]

But I do think that, yeah, you, you build your own community with like minded people and you, you know, you grow, you garden, you grow fruit, you have, you raise animals, you take care of it. And then as a community, you're all, you know, have. It's all in your best interest to protect what you have.

[Nate Land]

But who's going to find NASA?

[Dusty Slay]

Well, listen, you're not going to go to the moon now there's. Yeah, I mean, we'll let other people go to the moon and tell us what they found, but when, then when

[Andrew Stanley]

the sun explodes, you're going to feel pretty silly when it.

[Dusty Slay]

We're just gonna go down, you know. Yeah, we're just gonna.

[Nate Land]

What about the mail? How are we gonna get the mail through no roads?

[Dusty Slay]

Who sending you a letter?

[Nate Land]

Letter?

[Dusty Slay]

It's like, I mean, you know, it's

[Andrew Stanley]

the funniest thought experiment.

[Dusty Slay]

Everybody, you know is in the commune.

[Nate Land]

I saw Dusty argue with people about taxes on Twitter and people were like, you gotta have the roads to fund the mail delivery.

[Dusty Slay]

People love to Talk about the roads.

[Brian Bates]

I gotta get my magazines. I didn't sign up for somehow. I don't know.

[Andrew Stanley]

I use the roads quite a bit.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

I mean, well, you could do just all tolls. You pay for what you use on the road.

[Dusty Slay]

I like the. That.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't like tolls because I'm already paying taxes. But if there's no not paying for

[Brian Bates]

roads I don't use.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Here's what would happen.

[Brian Bates]

Use that for everything.

[Nate Land]

I have an example here.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay.

[Nate Land]

In Atlanta, Georgia, 400 Toll Road. You familiar with it?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, very.

[Nate Land]

It was funded in 1993 with a toll. And once they made that money back, it was supposed to stop tolling. And then they just kept coming up with other ways.

[Brian Bates]

Never quite went away until eventually they took it down.

[Nate Land]

Went away in 2013 finally. And now I think, think it's coming back as an express lane. You heard that?

[Brian Bates]

Nope. But it wouldn't surprise me.

[Nate Land]

Yeah, but it was.

[Brian Bates]

I'd honestly love in a new express.

[Nate Land]

It was a toll road that supposed to go away as soon as they got it funded and they kept finding ways. Well, we need that money to go toward this and that, right?

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bates]

They just, they just refused to. To release the power. Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Yeah. Can't put it back.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, I, I mean, in, in this world that we're creating here together, the toll road would. You would not pitch it as one day this toll will go away.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

The toll would always exist and it would just go into a fund to always keep that road up to speed.

[Andrew Stanley]

What do you think about. In theory.

[Brian Bates]

And that creates a lot of jobs for toll workers too.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Stanley]

Let's say we got a system. No income tax, no property tax, nothing. The only taxes you pay, there's a 50% sales tax on everything you buy. And those are the only taxes you pay. What do you think about that?

[Dusty Slay]

I mean, 50% is steep.

[Andrew Stanley]

It is steep. But you're choosing how you're taxed, right?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

And if you choose to grow everything on your own land and just operate yourself through paying very little taxes.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

What do you think about that system?

[Dusty Slay]

I think it would, like, let's say

[Andrew Stanley]

the math works out that it's the same amount. There's the same amount of revenue for

[Dusty Slay]

a country, I think it'd be like devastating for everyone initially, especially people that are not currently paying property taxes or income taxes. That would be devastating blow.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

But I think things could balance themselves out eventually, you know, because you, you would, you know, when you're growing, you would save Your seeds. Because you go, I'm not going to buy seeds.

[Andrew Stanley]

Let's say we even exempt food and medicine. Food and medicine are tax free.

[Nate Land]

Stuff you buy online.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's just goods.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I mean, the, the whole thing is like, we have too much government. It's not that there's not a need for some. We have too much.

[Andrew Stanley]

We got to go bigger, man. We got to go to Mars.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

We got to get.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

We got to expand.

[Dusty Slay]

Like, I don't mind there being a little leadership, you know, and having things. But I think, I don't know. I, I, I, I think, you know, even the HOA I had, even though I complained about them in my old neighborhood, I complained about them, but in some ways, I did like it because you do live next to people. People. So you're like the hoa. The idea is that make sure that the people you live next to live up to a certain standard, which I think in your commune, you would want to.

[Nate Land]

Of course.

[Dusty Slay]

And, and then you. And then they also wouldn't let people put up political signs, which I like, too, because then there's no, you know, nobody dislikes their neighbor over their political signs, which I like.

[Nate Land]

But you fly a lot. Who's going to pay for TSA to screen us?

[Dusty Slay]

We. I've always said we don't need tsa.

[Andrew Stanley]

Who's gonna pay for the airport? Who's gonna set up the airport?

[Dusty Slay]

Well, I don't know.

[Nate Land]

We'll just figure it out.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

We'll just get together and go. Come on, guys.

[Dusty Slay]

I just believe that we would figure everything out.

[Nate Land]

Yeah. There are nine states with no state income tax.

[Andrew Stanley]

Texas.

[Nate Land]

Yep.

[Andrew Stanley]

Tennessee.

[Dusty Slay]

Florida.

[Nate Land]

Yes.

[Dusty Slay]

That's all I know.

[Andrew Stanley]

Arizona.

[Nate Land]

No.

[Andrew Stanley]

No.

[Nate Land]

I don't know.

[Andrew Stanley]

I'm out.

[Nate Land]

Alaska.

[Andrew Stanley]

Oh, okay.

[Nate Land]

Florida, Nevada, New Hampshire, South Dakota. Tennessee, Texas, Washington, and Wyoming.

[Andrew Stanley]

All right.

[Dusty Slay]

All right.

[Nate Land]

Shall be at May 22nd, 23rd. Casper.

[Dusty Slay]

People do get so fired up when you try to have these conversations. And I, I enjoy just talking to people about stuff, but people get so fired up.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah. Just so you know, none of us are influencing people tax policy in America.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

And I'm for it, thankfully.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, I don't say thankfully.

[Andrew Stanley]

I say it.

[Dusty Slay]

I say we're not doing it. But I'm, I'm not happy about it.

[Nate Land]

The states with the highest income tax rate, California, Hawaii, New York, New Jersey, Oregon.

[Dusty Slay]

That's New Jersey, I think, has the highest.

[Nate Land]

This says California.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay.

[Nate Land]

Who knows?

[Andrew Stanley]

It's not like there's hard data for this or anything. I think we do know it's im.

[Brian Bates]

It's really immeasurable.

[Nate Land]

No one know knows.

[Andrew Stanley]

We don't want to quantify this.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. These numbers are not quantifiable to DJ Geoff Jonathan Cronky.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Come on guys. You have a laptop.

[Andrew Stanley]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Nate Land]

Didn't we find that that wasn't accurate?

[Andrew Stanley]

God forbid we have a conversation among friends here.

[Nate Land]

I don't think that's even what he said was accurate.

[Dusty Slay]

Right. About Brian Reagan doing the sphere.

[Andrew Stanley]

I couldn't find anything about it. Yeah, but maybe it's all blocked on the zany's network work.

[Nate Land]

Alaska has the lowest overall tax burden.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

But yeah, you deserve to pay less if you're going to live full time in Alaska.

[Andrew Stanley]

Things are super expensive.

[Nate Land]

Yeah. It says the high cost of living offsets it.

[Dusty Slay]

I had this thought though, about a state like California. Right. Because California is great. I love that state. I've driven around that state a lot.

[Andrew Stanley]

Beautiful.

[Dusty Slay]

I think it's awesome. And I have a running theory that taxes are so high because that's how you keep. Keep everybody from moving there. If like the taxes were low, everybody would just go there. So they're like, nah, we want this to be a little more exclusive. So we're going to up the taxes. So I like that.

[Brian Bates]

It's like a VIP experience.

[Dusty Slay]

If you want to live here, you're going to pay to live here.

[Nate Land]

Okay, well, it's working for them.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bates]

New York, same way. There's the exclusive.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

That's my running theory.

[Nate Land]

Tennessee has one of the highest sales tax of any state.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, what's the.

[Brian Bates]

What, how high is it?

[Dusty Slay]

10.

[Nate Land]

I think almost 10.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, man.

[Dusty Slay]

I think Montgomery, Alabama is a 10 sales.

[Andrew Stanley]

It was higher.

[Nate Land]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

By my candy cigarettes in there. 19 cents. 19 cents on taxes.

[Nate Land]

Some weird specific taxes. Maryland has a rain tax. They charge a fee for impervious surfaces like driveways and roofs to combat runoff.

[Brian Bates]

What?

[Dusty Slay]

So you should cap. They want you to capture the rain.

[Nate Land]

Yeah, I guess it causes some problems. So they, they charge you a fee to keep it from having rainwater runoff.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

Keep the rain.

[Brian Bates]

They charge you a fee if you have a roof.

[Nate Land]

I think they charge.

[Dusty Slay]

So if you have some rain buckets.

[Nate Land]

Only certain counties in Maryland, we don't ask questions right here.

[Brian Bates]

That's why. Yeah, we just keep it quiet. Cool, cool, cool. Sorry, sorry for the follow up questions about that insane thing

[Dusty Slay]

that he's not real clear about.

[Nate Land]

Many US states apply income tax called a jock tax to visiting professional athletes and entertainers based on their Earnings while performing there. I've had that experience. I've been taxed in, like, North Carolina or somewhere where they take a little bit out.

[Andrew Stanley]

I don't think they call it a jock tax with us.

[Nate Land]

That's what I called it.

[Brian Bates]

What would the comedian version of that. What should it be called?

[Dusty Slay]

Hack tax.

[Nate Land]

Whatever the opposite of jockey is. I've never been somewhere and they take a little extra out because of that.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, I think North Carolina will do it.

[Brian Bates]

And a few other places I've had where gigs. Maybe they're just lying, but, like, in California, like, they'll withhold some of the actual money and say we just send this straight to California. Never actually give it to you. Like, you don't pay the taxes. We just go ahead and send them. That feels fake.

[Andrew Stanley]

Let's cut out the middleman.

[Brian Bates]

Thanks for letting me never even have to. I never even had to touch it.

[Andrew Stanley]

Thanks, guys.

[Nate Land]

A merch tax, where they take a

[Dusty Slay]

little bit for merch. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Like a venue will do that, right?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We talked about this before, I think. But yeah, me and Aaron did a venue one time and I was selling CDs.

[Andrew Stanley]

Car. Cary, North Carolina.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, North Carolina. Yeah. And I. I was selling CD.

[Andrew Stanley]

CDs.

[Dusty Slay]

I sold one CD. They told me they were going to take 1% or something. 10%.

[Andrew Stanley]

They take 10 of all the money you make from merch.

[Dusty Slay]

I sold one CD for $10. And I told the guy, I go, yeah, I sold one cd. And he goes, all right, well, I guess just do a dollar then.

[Andrew Stanley]

And Dusty goes, I don't have a dollar. He goes, you got a 10? I'll make change for you. Yes. We waited there for like 10 minutes for the guy to go at $1.

[Nate Land]

Have you ever told that on stage, Page?

[Dusty Slay]

No, That's.

[Nate Land]

That's so funny.

[Andrew Stanley]

Next time you're in care, say, hey,

[Brian Bates]

I don't have any merch with me, but if you see me in my car after the show, I may have. Fine. I may be able to find some.

[Andrew Stanley]

I think I might sell merch out of my truck.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, I'm gonna write it down. Yeah, I need some new junk.

[Nate Land]

Dusty, what do you think of this?

[Andrew Stanley]

You want to run through some joke ideas on the podcast? Yeah, I gotta joke about tax. I had a joke about taxes.

[Nate Land]

Let's hear it.

[Andrew Stanley]

An old joke, because my roommate one time.

[Dusty Slay]

Weird.

[Nate Land]

Are you doing Nateland Live tonight?

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, I am.

[Nate Land]

Do it on that.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay. Sorry.

[Nate Land]

No, no, no. Tell it on this and then do it on that.

[Brian Bates]

Save it.

[Nate Land]

And then people can judge the end, how it went.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay, give it to the audience. I just haven't done it in a while. It's my old roommate. It was like our first apartment. We're both out of college, we're young and, you know, we're doing our taxes and all that stuff. And I got home, my roommate was like, God, dude, don't you. He goes, man, he's taxes, dude. He goes, man, don't you, man, I miss the 90s, man. I was like, what? He goes, yeah, the 90s, dude. We didn't have to do taxes. I was like, well, we were kids.

[Brian Bates]

That's why we were earn any money.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's not why we weren't doing tax. It's because we were children. He goes, oh, I never thought about that.

[Brian Bates]

Dude, Clinton was the best, man.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, that's where I was like, dude, don't you miss the 80s when nobody was here?

[Brian Bates]

That's great.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, yeah, it was old. Old joke.

[Dusty Slay]

That's a hot joke.

[Nate Land]

It is a great.

[Brian Bates]

I remember having, there's a coworker I had at my old company that was always saying crazy stuff. And he goes, man, I think my wife and I are going to start having kids. Like, we don't know if we're ready for kids, but like, those tax breaks

[Dusty Slay]

are just like, they're great.

[Brian Bates]

I'm like, yeah, but I don't think it covers the cost of a child.

[Andrew Stanley]

You're going to make money.

[Brian Bates]

I don't think you're coming out like, this isn't a money making endeavor. He's like, yeah, I think we might try to have like two or three, like next couple years just, you know, for the tax breaks. And I was just like, you can't be. First of all, what a heartless way to decide to grow your family.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, here's my, here's my three tax breaks.

[Andrew Stanley]

Here's my little write off.

[Brian Bates]

Write off 1, 2, and 3. Maybe that's why he does. He's faking having kids. Yeah, the tax breaks. He's doing it for the tax breaks. That's why there's no monitor. He doesn't like to be monitored.

[Nate Land]

Joe Zimmerman has a. Exactly. I've told it before. He's such a great joke about, about filing taxes. He's like, every other country, you know, they just tell you what you owe. And here they're like, add it up. Yeah. He's like, I'm very unorganized. What happens if I get it wrong? Well, you may go to jail.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, exactly.

[Nate Land]

He's like, just tell Me. And they're like, nope, gotta guess.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, why don't you guess?

[Andrew Stanley]

We know the exact amount, we'll just tell it. Nope, gotta add it up.

[Nate Land]

Yeah. Dusty, what do you think about this? A social media tax In Uganda, they have attacks on social media platforms designed to control gossip. Gossip.

[Dusty Slay]

I think that's one of the worst ideas ever.

[Andrew Stanley]

What is that? How does it work?

[Dusty Slay]

Any new tax is a bad tax.

[Brian Bates]

Wait, so they. How does the.

[Dusty Slay]

And I think we should always let Uganda do it first and then good

[Brian Bates]

trial run over there.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, they're like. They're like AAA baseball.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

We're calling up this policy.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Gossip tax.

[Andrew Stanley]

The Yanda Gossip tax.

[Brian Bates]

So they. You. You get tax for every poster only if it's deemed gossip.

[Nate Land]

My guess is you just get a limit on how many things you could post to kind of keep the spreading of misinformation.

[Brian Bates]

Well, that does feel kind of my

[Nate Land]

favorite thing on Twitter is just watching Dusty reply to other people's posts. I love it so much. It is so funny to me. Him trolling people.

[Brian Bates]

Is there a time of day where that's like your go to or is it just when you. It's.

[Andrew Stanley]

I think it's when you're flying, right?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. When I'm in the airport or sometimes, you know, if I'm sitting around and I. I don't know, I get on Twitter and then I'll. I'll see a post and I'll go, oh, that's. This could be funny. And then I. And then I just try to. Then I start looking for them. Get into it.

[Andrew Stanley]

The gossip tax will charge 200 Ugandan shillings or about 5 cents a day to subscribers using WhatsApp, Twitter, Facebook and similar sites. It also creates a 1% tax on any mobile money transaction action. So man, that Venmo, anything like that.

[Dusty Slay]

Uganda and chilling is not doing well, is it?

[Andrew Stanley]

200 is 200 to 5 cents.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Is there anything crazy you guys have ever deducted because of your job? You're like, I can't believe go at that.

[Dusty Slay]

Feels like a trap question for the IRS or what?

[Andrew Stanley]

I'm not comfortable talking.

[Nate Land]

Speaking of the mic.

[Brian Bates]

No, I have never done any questionable.

[Andrew Stanley]

You can write off like somebody told. It's so funny. The first. I went to H R Block one year. Like the first year it was like complicated for me with all the comedy because you get all the, you know, you got to file taxes in all the states you perform in. So I remember the first year I was like overwhelmed with the amount of stuff. So I Went to the H R Block and somebody had told me, you can write off haircuts, right? Because if you're a performer, you write off haircut. So I had typed out all this stuff and I still remember this lady, she was very nice.

[Brian Bates]

Your documentation. Just before, after pictures, I had no documentation.

[Andrew Stanley]

I had this headshot. I just had haircut listed. And this, this, this very nice, sweet old lady is going through my stuff. She goes, all right, took that, oh, you got yourself a haircut, and then deleted that off the list. And I was like, come on, get the write off for me. But I don't know. You can do stuff like that, right?

[Dusty Slay]

I don't know, because I have someone that does it, thankfully. Because, yeah, it is very confusing and complicated.

[Andrew Stanley]

Incredible complicated.

[Dusty Slay]

But I think there are things that you can write off, especially as an entertainer. Certain clothes that you buy, but I think it has to be performer clothes. You can't, you can't.

[Brian Bates]

You know, when I've asked our guy in the past, he go for clothes and stuff, he's like, yeah, I mean, if you buy it just to wear for specifically on stage, but if you're also going to wear it off stage, technically the correct way is to write off the percentage you're going to wear it estimated for work the same way

[Andrew Stanley]

you do, like, but then it gets to be like phone bill or Internet bill. Yeah. What percentage of your home Internet activities for work? I don't know, 80%. And they go, okay, 80%.

[Brian Bates]

You can get away with 100. If you have a home office, I think you can do 100% Internet because you just have to either have it or you don't.

[Dusty Slay]

Right.

[Brian Bates]

So I think that one you can do 100, but like, you can do square footage for the home office, but you can also apply, like if we got a new H VAC system, I take the percentage of my home office square footage to my whole house and apply that amount of the new H VAC system as a write off. Like, there's a lot of stuff you can apply to that square footage.

[Andrew Stanley]

Is the accounting industry lobbying to keep these things incredibly complicated so that they have a job?

[Brian Bates]

Sure. But I will say AI like ChatGPT will answer a lot of questions you used to need accountants for.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay.

[Brian Bates]

Who knows if it's right, but it'll answer a lot of questions.

[Andrew Stanley]

Doesn't matter. Let's waste some water and let's find out some stuff.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, yeah, I see. Saved $80 this year. But I drained.

[Dusty Slay]

I killed a family farm.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, poor Memphis. But I got $80.

[Andrew Stanley]

Oh, wow.

[Nate Land]

Here's some weird but legally approved deductions.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay.

[Nate Land]

Breast implants. An exotic dancer successfully argued that her breast implants were specialized business equipment. One cat food junkyard owner was allowed to deduct cat food food because the cats were brought in to control snakes and rodents. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

That's just smart, feeding your employees.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Yeah. Clarinet lessons declared a medical expense because orthodontist said it would help fix an overbite.

[Brian Bates]

I like that.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nate Land]

Sticking it to the man.

[Andrew Stanley]

My therapist thinks I need an Xbox. And write that off.

[Dusty Slay]

Stress relief, you know.

[Brian Bates]

You play the Xbox on stage.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Bates]

Ten minutes every night.

[Andrew Stanley]

Exactly.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. I always. I used to hope that it would work out the way that, like, all right, if I want to write something off, I just need to write a joke about that thing. Yeah. And then I can say, well, I got this thing because I had a joke about it. Yeah. And apparently that's not right through that whole family vacation.

[Andrew Stanley]

And I wrote a joke about it right off the whole trip. Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bates]

And I talked to my wife about business on the flight.

[Andrew Stanley]

Exactly.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

If we talked a little bit about comedy at lunch. That's a business lunch, dude. Just write it off. Let me ask you this dumb accounting question. We'll get back to that. Sorry, Brian, to interrupt, but I've been thinking it about. About this. If something is less than zero, something's negative. It's in the red. Right. So you're in the red if you're at. If you're at below zero profit, you're at. If you haven't.

[Brian Bates]

I think that's right.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nate Land]

Yes, that is correct.

[Brian Bates]

Okay.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

You're accountant, I feel.

[Brian Bates]

Trick question.

[Andrew Stanley]

And the black, he's the funniest.

[Dusty Slay]

Not the best guy.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, yeah, Funniest and also pretty loose with accountant when it came to.

[Andrew Stanley]

But if it's positive, you're in the what?

[Nate Land]

In the black.

[Andrew Stanley]

In the black. Why is it not the green? I always think it should be green.

[Nate Land]

Like stop lights.

[Andrew Stanley]

Like stopping green.

[Dusty Slay]

Red, you're clearly not stopping.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. But in. Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

If it's in the negative, you're out

[Brian Bates]

of people in the red. Continue to go.

[Dusty Slay]

You're trying to get your life together.

[Andrew Stanley]

But I think a lot of people think it's in the. I'm. I'm in the green or I'm in the red. I'm sure. But it's in the black.

[Brian Bates]

I think it's the base. Just the color of ink you use in an old school ledger where you're writing stuff I think red and black pins.

[Andrew Stanley]

Oh, and black. Like a teacher correcting a paper with a red pen.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. I think it's probably based on the ink color from when they used to do it manually.

[Nate Land]

Wow.

[Brian Bates]

But that's a guess.

[Nate Land]

That's a guess we'll never know.

[Brian Bates]

Is that the kind of stuff we like to learn on this podcast?

[Andrew Stanley]

IRS type?

[Nate Land]

Yeah. We don't look up anything.

[Dusty Slay]

This is.

[Brian Bates]

Wait for your next guest to have to deal with the combination. Comments about that not being true.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, they'll. They'll be like, never have this guy on again. I can't believe that he.

[Andrew Stanley]

Look at this. In the black. Refers to profitability because accountants historically use black ink to record positive earnings, while red ink was used for losses. How about that? You nailed it.

[Brian Bates]

I'm gonna go back. I'm going back to my old job. I feel a renewed enthusiasm for the industry.

[Dusty Slay]

It's that kind of exciting thing that keeps accountants in the business.

[Andrew Stanley]

But when you look at a spreadsheet, you want to see GRE everywhere.

[Brian Bates]

You do want to.

[Andrew Stanley]

You don't want to open up a spreadsheet and everything's red. Then you're like, oh, no. That's why a lot of teachers. Do you remember this? There was a push a few years ago for teachers to no longer use red ink when they corrected a paper. Does anybody remember this?

[Brian Bates]

Because it was, like, too aggressive.

[Andrew Stanley]

It apparently would create anxiety and all these things in the kids because the red just looks so aggressive on the paper. So teachers started using purple and green and orange and other colors.

[Dusty Slay]

But getting it wrong should have a little bit of an anxiety feel to it.

[Andrew Stanley]

But if the PA paper's a mess and the whole thing's red, it's shocking.

[Dusty Slay]

You don't want to be feeling fun about all your wrong answers.

[Brian Bates]

My dad tells a story that he was such a bad student, one time he got a math test back, and it didn't have a grade at the top. The teacher just wrote, no.

[Nate Land]

Wow.

[Brian Bates]

Just, like, didn't even say anything else.

[Dusty Slay]

Wow.

[Brian Bates]

No, this is not right.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's what my mom used to do on. If we got groceries she didn't want us to eat, she would write on it with a short Sharpie. No.

[Brian Bates]

No.

[Andrew Stanley]

So you'd be digging through why she

[Nate Land]

had to do that.

[Brian Bates]

You'd be digging.

[Andrew Stanley]

Be digging through the pantry and you. Oh, some Triscuits.

[Brian Bates]

Kidding me. Just looking for unmarked, unmarked food.

[Andrew Stanley]

Schools are increasingly banning or discouraging red ink for grading, favoring colors like green, purple, or blue to reduce student Anxiety, stress, and the stigma of failure associated with danger ink. Educators argue that red ink is harsh, demotivating, and visually aggressive. Some studies actually suggest it will cause teachers to mark more heavily. How about that?

[Dusty Slay]

I feel like that's really going to help, and I. I'm glad they're doing it.

[Nate Land]

Have any of you ever asked for an extension?

[Andrew Stanley]

Almost every year. Yeah, you do, but you don't. You think you don't have. You don't get to extend when you pay.

[Brian Bates]

It's just the filing.

[Andrew Stanley]

You just have to do all. You have to show your work later, but you still have to pay on time.

[Dusty Slay]

I've never done that.

[Nate Land]

But how do you know.

[Andrew Stanley]

Never filed for an extension. You get to October.

[Nate Land]

How do you know when. What to pay if you haven't done it?

[Andrew Stanley]

Oh, that's the. That's the quagmire.

[Brian Bates]

Still a guess.

[Dusty Slay]

Yep.

[Nate Land]

You just guess.

[Andrew Stanley]

You can overpay and then you get the difference. Yeah, that's you. That's probably the safe route to do.

[Brian Bates]

That's a good feeling.

[Andrew Stanley]

You kind of can ballpark it and then overpay.

[Dusty Slay]

The nice thing, if you pay quarterly, like you are kind of guessing, and then at the end, you hope that you went overboard.

[Nate Land]

But don't they always say the best thing to do is to try to break even?

[Andrew Stanley]

Who says that? I'm trying to get.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, yeah, you don't want to overpay because then technically you just let the government have your money and earn zero.

[Andrew Stanley]

Well, have your fun with it. Build some scrolls and then give it back.

[Brian Bates]

Exactly. You want to. You want to be in control of your own money as much time as. As possible.

[Andrew Stanley]

No.

[Dusty Slay]

Right.

[Andrew Stanley]

But trust the government more than me.

[Nate Land]

Yeah, me too.

[Brian Bates]

I think.

[Nate Land]

I don't know how to fix roads, but the government does.

[Brian Bates]

Listen, I just want them to hold it for me for a while so I don't go crazy and they give it back.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, exactly. You guys hold this. I'm gonna get out of control.

[Brian Bates]

Don't let me have this.

[Andrew Stanley]

You know me. I just. I can't be dressed over this.

[Nate Land]

They'll use it to the best of their ability, responsibly.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's right.

[Dusty Slay]

You don't think you could fix a

[Nate Land]

road, do you think?

[Brian Bates]

Do you think if the government is shut down, whatever percentage of the year they were shut down, you should get a tax credit back for whatever number of days?

[Andrew Stanley]

About that.

[Dusty Slay]

That's true.

[Andrew Stanley]

They've been shut down quite a bit.

[Brian Bates]

They've been Shutting down approximately 19 to

[Nate Land]

20 million Americans, roughly 10 to 15% of filers request a automatic six month tax extension each year.

[Andrew Stanley]

What?

[Brian Bates]

Percent?

[Nate Land]

10 to 15%.

[Brian Bates]

Okay.

[Nate Land]

So you're one of the. The special.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Top 10%.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, I did it on time this year. It's pretty great.

[Brian Bates]

Feels good.

[Andrew Stanley]

Feels good to be done with it.

[Nate Land]

Approximately two thirds of Americans get a tax refund each year.

[Andrew Stanley]

So that's the Auburn double days right there.

[Dusty Slay]

What is that?

[Andrew Stanley]

It's a minor league baseball team.

[Dusty Slay]

Not Auburn, Alabama.

[Andrew Stanley]

No, no, New York.

[Dusty Slay]

I just noticed that the A was a mustache. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

That's fun.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

I'll do that again. Partially. Two thirds. Taxpayers receive a tax refund. Refund annually. Average refund amount is approximately $3,571.

[Andrew Stanley]

All right. That's pretty good.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

You usually get a refund pretty nice.

[Andrew Stanley]

No, the first year I didn't. I was furious, dude. Because I had no idea. I go, what? Because I've been getting before. Comedy is. I'll get, you know, you get a little bit back on taxes. And he goes, how it works. Everybody makes money on tax day. And. Nope. You pay a lot.

[Nate Land]

Yep. What about you, Dusty? No. You don't get a refund.

[Dusty Slay]

No. Even when I was working a 9 to 5, I guess I was filing, I was filling out the wrong form, and I was paying taxes even then.

[Brian Bates]

Even when they were supposed to be withholding it for you.

[Dusty Slay]

I've never been excited about tax day.

[Andrew Stanley]

Somebody took advantage of you.

[Dusty Slay]

I've always been paying. I did finally get a different tax guy for a few years in Charles Charleston, and he was able to get me a little bit back, but not very much. We were trying to break even, as you said, because you didn't want to pay.

[Andrew Stanley]

Right.

[Nate Land]

In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes. Philippians 12, 14.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's not.

[Brian Bates]

And that's the end of the episode

[Andrew Stanley]

is that Philippians, obey God and leave all the.

[Nate Land]

That's Benjamin Franklin.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay.

[Nate Land]

Just want to see if anybody would question me on that.

[Brian Bates]

Pay taxes and leave all the consequences to go, you say?

[Andrew Stanley]

Philippians 4:13.

[Nate Land]

That's the love.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay. That's the one. I know that one.

[Nate Land]

Yeah. If I said that, it's probably.

[Andrew Stanley]

Well, I thought Philippians 4:13 was, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

[Nate Land]

Oh, yeah. 1 Corinthians 13 is the love one, I think.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay. Oh, you said. Okay, Philippians.

[Nate Land]

Yeah, My bad.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah. Sorry about that, guys.

[Nate Land]

It's the New Testament, Dusty, so

[Brian Bates]

you

[Nate Land]

can set this one out. He's like, no spoilers.

[Brian Bates]

Guys, don't tell me what happened. I'm still in season one.

[Nate Land]

All right, let's talk about some celebrities. He went to jail for tax evasion.

[Andrew Stanley]

Wesley Snipes, first one on the list.

[Nate Land]

Served over two years for family to file federal income tax returns.

[Brian Bates]

Yep. That's pretty bad.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

That's got to be people taking advantage of him, right?

[Brian Bates]

Somebody giving that advice.

[Andrew Stanley]

Somebody goes, man, I'll handle all your money, man. Don't worry about it.

[Nate Land]

I guess so.

[Andrew Stanley]

And then he just finds out they haven't been paying. Paying taxes.

[Nate Land]

I can certainly understand, once I started working for myself, how it could happen, because, yeah, I had a day job for almost 20 years where they just take it out as you go.

[Brian Bates]

So.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

And then you start doing yourself like, oh, well, this is different. Pete Rose.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay, sir.

[Nate Land]

Five months for tax evasion.

[Andrew Stanley]

Did he really? Yep. Wow. I didn't know that he got cut.

[Brian Bates]

Gambling and tax evasion.

[Andrew Stanley]

I caught doing a lot.

[Nate Land]

Unfortunately, Willie Nelson had his assets seized in 1990, was forced to pay over 16 million in back taxes and penalties.

[Brian Bates]

That's a bad day.

[Nate Land]

He put out an album, I think, just to pay the irs. Was it called the IRS Tapes or something like that?

[Dusty Slay]

I don't know.

[Nate Land]

You're not a Willie Nelson fan?

[Dusty Slay]

I do like Willie Nelson, but I'm not the. That's not. He's not one of my favorites. Really?

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Because of the crime.

[Nate Land]

He loved him till that.

[Dusty Slay]

I do like Willie Nelson, but. Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

The IRS tapes. Who Will Buy My Memories? Is the 39th studio album by Willie Nelson. 39th album.

[Nate Land]

And that was what year?

[Andrew Stanley]

It only generated 1992.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah. It was distributed by phone order. 91 and. Yeah, 3.6 million. And then they were like, we need another 9 million, please.

[Dusty Slay]

Willie Nelson just.

[Andrew Stanley]

Just.

[Dusty Slay]

He has some really incredible songs. Some really incredibles. But, yeah, 39 albums. He's like the Bob Dylan of country music out here. And it's just so much that. I don't know. I know I have some friends that are die hard Billy Nelson fans. They love. I mean, he's their favorite, and I like him.

[Brian Bates]

Well, you don't have time to listen to anyone else, right?

[Dusty Slay]

Exactly.

[Nate Land]

What's your favorite Willie Nelson song?

[Dusty Slay]

I don't know. There's so many. I mean, it's hard to say a favorite. I like LeBron James over here. Well, Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain is. I don't know if that's the name of the song, but that blue, blue sky smiling at me. A lot of blue sky songs. He Has a song called the Last Thing I Needed the First Thing this morning. Really great song.

[Nate Land]

On the Road Again.

[Dusty Slay]

On the Road Again is a good one. I mean, that's one of those. It's like, it's so popular and mainstream connection that it's hard to even. You know, it's like that. That song's like almost transcended.

[Brian Bates]

Bigger than him.

[Dusty Slay]

Yes.

[Andrew Stanley]

He has 104 studio albums.

[Dusty Slay]

Seven Spanish Angels. Makes sense with. With Willie Nelson and Ray Charles. So good.

[Andrew Stanley]

He has so many albums, there's debate over what the actual number.

[Brian Bates]

Like, we can't keep.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's between 150 and 156 total albums.

[Dusty Slay]

Willie Nelson and Leon Russell have an album together. Love that album.

[Nate Land]

He wrote Crazy for Patsy Clark.

[Dusty Slay]

Crazy. Yeah.

[Nate Land]

Isn't that crazy?

[Dusty Slay]

Wow. That's an old song. He also has an album with Asleep at the Wheel. Little western swing kind of stuff. Love that album.

[Nate Land]

So I have a long list to hear of these celebrities who gone to prison for tax evasion. Do you think sometimes it was probably worth it to them? Like. Because I assume once you serve your time, you. Your debts cleared.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's. I think about it like, you know, in college, I didn't pay for a parking pass on campus.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

So I would just park illegally. And I got three or four parking tickets. I did the math and I actually came out in the black. You know, if you. I bet some of these guys, they end up ended up stealing more than they were penalized for.

[Nate Land]

Why do they call it the block?

[Brian Bates]

It's hard to remember.

[Nate Land]

Yeah, it is hard to remember because.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, I think that's the frustration is a lot of these very wealthy people end up paying tax penalties. And it's like, I think they still came out on top.

[Andrew Stanley]

You think you're in the black in your life with parking. Parking tickets. The amount of times you've been eligible for a parking ticket versus the amount of money you've actually been charged for a parking. Parking ticket. No, I think you're. You don't. You don't.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, when I live.

[Andrew Stanley]

You think every time you've parked illegally you've gotten a ticket?

[Dusty Slay]

No, but I. When I lived. I lived in Charleston the last couple years that I had a car, I didn't have a parking place at my downtown apartment. And I used to get ticketed, towed, booted all the time. I would drink. Same day I would drink and drive home, and then I would walk to my apartment and the next morning come out to my car and I. I didn't know if it got towed or if I just didn't remember where I parked. And so I don't think I'm ahead.

[Andrew Stanley]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

I may be. I'm probably a special case in that, but I don't think I'm ahead.

[Nate Land]

I'd say I'm ahead.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Having your car get towed is a really bad feeling because it's like all of a sudden, you have a whole project you have to do.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Well, there's. Now, this is my whole day experience together. My car got towed on the.

[Brian Bates]

The road, and it takes a while to realize what happened.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

I must have parked somewhere else.

[Dusty Slay]

Exactly.

[Brian Bates]

And there's no sign. There's no, like, hey, here's the message so that you know what happened. They just go find the.

[Dusty Slay]

In Charleston, you would have to go to the. You would have to go to the police department to get a release form to then go to the tow truck company to get your car. And they would really, at the police department, really take their sweet time getting you that. So you get an Uber or something or get a friend to drive you off and you're, like, texting them, sorry, dude, I don't know why it's taking so long. And you got. I c. I, I. I drove my car to do laundry one time, and I parked in a spot and I came out with my freshly folded laundry to see my car being towed away.

[Andrew Stanley]

If you would. If you wouldn't have folded it, you would have got there.

[Dusty Slay]

Exactly.

[Brian Bates]

Exactly.

[Nate Land]

What did you do?

[Andrew Stanley]

Always fold it.

[Dusty Slay]

I had to call a friend, and he came, picked me up. Up and.

[Brian Bates]

Just holding your laundry waiting for your friend.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's a good reason to have friends, huh?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, it is.

[Andrew Stanley]

You'd have been really out of luck.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

That's one of the main reasons to make friends in case stuff like that happens.

[Dusty Slay]

Exactly.

[Nate Land]

Gets cold, you have to start putting it all on.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

You know, Dusty, they say to avoid that late frost that comes every spring, don't plant till tax day.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay.

[Nate Land]

You ever heard that? At least in Tennessee.

[Dusty Slay]

I hear a lot of things. A lot of people will say, don't even plant until after Mother's Day Day because you might get another.

[Nate Land]

Well, I'm sure you're thinking of.

[Andrew Stanley]

You're thinking of wearing white.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, that's the way. That's the Mother's Day one.

[Dusty Slay]

But yeah, I mean, it is very frustrating to go out and plan a bunch of things only to have it get cold, because even some of these plants, even a little cold, it won't kill them. But it will, like, stunt them in a way to where you think you got it out early, but if you had held it in then it now grows slower because it was stunted.

[Brian Bates]

You ever know frost is coming to go put one of those little boxes over your plants so they. It always looks like. How would it keep it any warmer?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, I have people put them out. They do have frost blankets.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

And I think the idea is that the physical frost doesn't hit them.

[Andrew Stanley]

You know, in fourth grade or fifth grade, I broke my wrist. I broke the growth plate in my wrist.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, no.

[Andrew Stanley]

And a kid at school told me, well, that means that arm's not going to go grow anymore.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, no.

[Andrew Stanley]

And I mean, for like, weeks, I thought, I'm just going to be an adult with one arm that much longer. And then I told that to the. My doctor, and he was like, nah, you're. You're good. But I was real worried for a little stunt your growth. That just made me think about this.

[Nate Land]

You never asked your parents? No.

[Andrew Stanley]

I don't want to burden them with things like that. You know, I'll just deal with this on my own.

[Dusty Slay]

Back then, like, I don't know. I don't know how.

[Brian Bates]

Just shove that down.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't know if the Internet was. I don't know know, you know, but it was around. But when. Before that, a kid could tell you something at school and you go, yeah. And you'd be like, oh, no. You believe that's. That's the way it's going to be.

[Andrew Stanley]

Totally.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Andrew Stanley]

And you have to ask somebody else and look like an idiot.

[Dusty Slay]

My sister told me one time, she goes, if you go to sleep laughing, you wake up crying.

[Nate Land]

Well, that is true.

[Brian Bates]

That sounds like a Willie Nelson in

[Andrew Stanley]

like a lion, out like a lamb.

[Nate Land]

Well, that's it, guys. It's tax day. Go file your taxes.

[Andrew Stanley]

Get on it now.

[Brian Bates]

Stop listening to this. If you've not filed your taxes.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. This was more fun than I thought.

[Nate Land]

I.

[Dusty Slay]

Because not. Not we all felt that way. I knew Andrew would be a great guy, but when Brian pitched the idea to do a tax episode, I was against it.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah. Dusty goes, it's going to be hard for me to not be negative about taxes. I go, yeah, I don't think it's going to be us just talking about how taxes are. Are great, though.

[Dusty Slay]

It started that way.

[Andrew Stanley]

Ironically.

[Nate Land]

I'm staying in character.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Nate Land]

And then next week, Jane Doe can criticize me for my love attacks.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, I hope she does.

[Nate Land]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I can't wait to comment to People's comments.

[Nate Land]

Well, should we talk about where we're going to be?

[Andrew Stanley]

Let's talk about it.

[Nate Land]

May 20th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd. I'm going to be in Denver, Colorado. Greeley, Colorado. And then two nights in.

[Andrew Stanley]

It's funny the way Colorado. Sorry, man. I feel you do it on purpose.

[Nate Land]

Well, I'm not Colorado.

[Andrew Stanley]

You gonna be in Ottawa. Say it again. Sorry. I want to get you a clean.

[Nate Land]

I always assumed his hair was attached to his hat. His hat's the first time I've ever seen the top of Dusty's head.

[Brian Bates]

Wow. Big moment in the podcast.

[Nate Land]

Yeah. And you were here for it.

[Andrew Stanley]

Wow.

[Brian Bates]

You pulled that out of him. Brian.

[Nate Land]

I've lost momentum in my pitch.

[Andrew Stanley]

No, no, no. Do it again. Start it clean. Sorry.

[Nate Land]

In Denver, Colorado.

[Andrew Stanley]

There you go.

[Nate Land]

And then I'm going to be in Greeley, Colorado. And then I'm going to be two nights in Casper, Wyoming, May 20th through 23rd.

[Dusty Slay]

I've been to Greeley. I like it there.

[Nate Land]

Well, that's great. Thank you. Go ahead, Edward.

[Brian Bates]

This is coming out on the 15th. I am tonight and tomorrow night opening for Jeff Foxworthy in Duluth, Georgia, for his what he's called his last comedy special taping.

[Dusty Slay]

Wow.

[Andrew Stanley]

And you're there. Let's go.

[Brian Bates]

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

[Andrew Stanley]

Big historic moment to be a part of.

[Brian Bates]

Excited?

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

So those will be fun.

[Dusty Slay]

You know, I open for Jeff Foxworthy on a comedy special.

[Andrew Stanley]

Does he talk about me?

[Brian Bates]

Does he ever talk about me?

[Dusty Slay]

I'm in the credits.

[Brian Bates]

Opening comedian in the credits.

[Dusty Slay]

I'm in the credits.

[Brian Bates]

I love it. Was it a good special?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bates]

You did. That's because you did such a good job.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't know. He carried his own weight there.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. You think he carried.

[Nate Land]

I don't think he may be a redneck special.

[Dusty Slay]

It was his. Whatever his one was before this one. You know, his latest one.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he. Maybe he'll do like the Eagles. There'll be a bunch of last ones, but yeah. Then this weekend I'm into trouble. Detroit and Grand Rapids. The other Grand Rapids, Michigan, one with Kathleen Madigan, April 17th and 18th. And then I do a recurring show in Atlanta at the New Atlanta Helium. Andrew Stanley has friends and my next one of those is June 24th. Those have been really fun.

[Nate Land]

Is Jeff Foxworthy ever popped in?

[Brian Bates]

He did the last one. He came and did the one last month.

[Nate Land]

That's pretty exciting.

[Brian Bates]

Pretty cool. Pop at the end of the show to be like, I even texted Aaron. I was like, hey, you do This a lot. How do I bring Jeff out in a way that doesn't ruin the show for everyone else?

[Andrew Stanley]

Aaron, you introduce comics more fantastic just than you.

[Brian Bates]

How would you handle this dynamic?

[Nate Land]

Were you talking about me?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, I was. Like, when you bring Brian out as a surprise guest at your shows, do you wait till the end or do you pop him in the middle and then try to follow him?

[Nate Land]

That's right.

[Andrew Stanley]

But Andrew, very funny comedian. He's been great for a long time. He's got. He taped a special that's going to be out at some point.

[Brian Bates]

Hopefully some fun news about that soon.

[Andrew Stanley]

Yeah, yeah. So if you haven't checked out Andrew before.

[Dusty Slay]

Very funny.

[Andrew Stanley]

Go check him out. Very funny. Funny. It's been a long time coming having you here, so I appreciate it.

[Brian Bates]

I'm excited. Thank you guys for having me. It's awesome.

[Dusty Slay]

We were pumped to have you.

[Andrew Stanley]

This weekend. Is Aaron Weber speaking? I'm going to be at Zany's Nashville right here in Nashville, Tennessee, the capital city. Come on out. See me at Zany's Comedy Club April 17th and 18th. First weekend in the big room for me. Saturday's almost sold out. Friday is looking good too. Coming to one of those shows and then looking forward. I'm going to be in Salt Lake City May 1st and 2nd, second in May and May 1st and 2nd, and then May 3rd in May, I'm going to be in Washington, D.C. at the DC Improv, one night only. Aaron WeberComedy.com All My Dates on there coming out and see me. We're having fun.

[Brian Bates]

Thanks.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, we're having a good.

[Andrew Stanley]

We're. Obey God and I forgot.

[Dusty Slay]

All right. Okay.

[Brian Bates]

Consequences.

[Dusty Slay]

I got a lot of dates on my website. Dusty Slay dot com. But May 2nd, I'm in Dallas, Texas. And then May 3rd, I'm. No, no, no. May 1st I'm in Dallas, Texas. May 2nd, I'm in Houston, Texas. So come check those out. Those are going to be great.

[Andrew Stanley]

And you're being out in la.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, be out in la. That Irvine, California lot coming up.

[Andrew Stanley]

Weekend at the mothership. Coming again. That's awesome.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, it's going to be great.

[Nate Land]

All right. Yeah, go ahead, Dusty.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, yeah, and go see Brian out in Colorado. And it, I love it. I, I think that it's bad that a lot of accents have gone away. We're all molded together now. It's. It's no flavor to it as we're too homogenized. Yeah. So I like it. I love it. It makes me laugh. What's more of it that you said Colorado, but I. I love it.

[Brian Bates]

It's.

[Dusty Slay]

It gives me a western type feel.

[Nate Land]

I saw you loved it.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, it makes me laugh, but I love it. So. Hey, thank you guys for listening. This is the Public Figures Podcast and we're having a good time.

[Andrew Stanley]

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[Brian Bates]

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[Brian Bates]

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[Dusty Slay]

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[Brian Bates]

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[Nate Land]

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[Andrew Stanley]

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