23: #23 | Songs

Summary

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Public Figures Podcast

Episode 23 | "Songs" – July 8, 2026

Hosted by Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, and Dusty Slay

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Episode Overview

In this lively and humorous episode of the Public Figures podcast, Brian, Aaron, and Dusty dive into the topic of "Songs"—exploring everything from the history of music, famous lyrics and misheard lines, to songwriting methods and their own attempts to write a tune together. True to the show’s spirit, this theme becomes a jumping-off point for personal stories, playful banter, and listener-driven Q&A. Highlights include a spontaneous (and AI-assisted) songwriting session, reflections on what makes song lyrics stick, favorite musical moments, and commentary on pop culture icons.

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Main Discussion Themes

1. Comic Life Updates and Banter (00:42–07:14)

• The hosts kick off discussing holiday scheduling, family trips with kids, and marital driving styles.
• Parenting talk veers into car seat safety debates. (“My wife drives better than me in a lot of ways, but...” – Dusty, 03:07)
• Classic road-trip memories, old-school parenting, truck beds, and evolving child safety rules.
• Reflections on audience etiquette during live comedy tapings, and the trials of comedians watching each others’ sets.

2. Odors, Musty Comedians, and Personal Hygiene (10:30–15:44)

• Hilarious riffing on “mysterious green room smells” at comedy venues.
• Dusty recounts career-saving hygiene advice:
  “People are afraid of musk. As soon as you cleaned up, Lucy saved your career.” – Brian (14:51)
• Fun with favorite smells: gasoline, rosemary, mowed grass, and the aftermath of skunk encounters.

3. Listener Comments, Podcast Personas & Special Assignments (26:13–43:41)

• Fans suggest reality show concepts where hosts try various sports or rearrange businesses (“The Rearranger”).
• Discussions on the podcast’s studio and venue design, and how listeners imagine the hosts look (“People said they thought Dusty was a little person. Right.” – Aaron, 34:41).
• Book narration plans and the exhausting process of recording audiobooks.
• Regional comedy show dates and behind-the-scenes moments from recent gigs.

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SONGS: KEY SEGMENT

Exploring the World of Songs & Songwriting (68:33–103:55)

A. History & Fun Facts about Songs

• The oldest known song: Hurrian Hymn #6, 1400 BC—hosts react to hearing it (“That’s some stuff I’d listen to.” – Brian, 71:04).
• Iconic melodies and why “Happy Birthday” is the most sung (and once-copyrighted) song in the English-speaking world (79:10).
• Trivia: Over a billion songs have been written; about 1.6 million new songs made each year.

B. Most Popular & Recognized Songs

• Guinness record: Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” – Best-selling single.
• Debate on which words are most used in song lyrics: “Love,” “Heart,” “Eyes… all up there.” (74:26)
• 67–70% of pop songs are about romantic love.
• Country and rap’s penchant for alcohol references (“22% of country songs feature alcohol references”—75:42).

C. Misheard Lyrics & Nonsensical Verses

• The concept of the "Mondi Green"—misheard lyric.
  “Rock the cat box… Tony Danza instead of Tiny Dancer…”
• The hilarious randomness of classics like Lennon’s “I Am the Walrus” and Barenaked Ladies' “One Week.”
• Songs that just don’t make sense or are intentionally mysterious (“John Lennon deliberately wrote it…to mock critics...” – 88:00).

D. Lyric Analysis & Favorites

• Heartfelt lyric highlights:
  • Jason Isbell’s “If We Were Vampires”—on the preciousness of time-limited love:
    “If we were vampires, we could live forever, and wouldn’t have to worry…” (91:47)
  • John Prine’s “Souvenirs”—the emotional power of reflective songwriting.
• Dusty’s own growing canon of backyard-centric, AI-generated, or original songs about okra, tornadoes, pawpaw trees, and more.

E. Songwriting Challenge: The Public Figures Theme Song (94:25 onward)

• Hosts attempt to write—and then AI-generate—a cheesy, tongue-in-cheek theme song celebrating their status as “public figures":

  We love being in the public eye
  If we weren’t, then we’d want to die
  A podcast with Brian, Aaron and Dusty
  These three guys are old, fat, and musty...
  

• AI renders a full jingle to much laughter. (“That’s a hit, guys.” – Brian, 103:27)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Songwriting & AI:
  “It is scary how quickly it did that... a fully produced song.” – Aaron (102:06)
• On Song Saturation:
  “We have a billion songs. Let’s stop making music!” – Brian (69:42)
• On Pop Song Themes:
  “Too many love songs—I’m writing songs about okra because no one else is doing it.” – Dusty (75:00)
• On Misheard Lyrics:
  “Chewie, he don’t like it: rock the cat box.” – Aaron, discussing “Rock The Casbah” (85:45)
• On Ranking Shows:
  “Just buy tickets for both. Friday and Thursday – then decide...” – Aaron (37:34)
• On Self-Perception:
  “I don’t think I’m better than my parents. I think what might happen is I’d help my clone with my flaws, but it would hurt my strengths…” – Brian (47:01)
• On Emotional Songs:
  “Auld Lang Syne... gets me goosebumps every time. It’s the most emotionally gut-wrenching song that I know.” – Aaron (82:08)
• On Career Advice:
  “Support for today’s episode comes from Square—the system powering, like, half the places I go…” – Brian (77:18)

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Listener Q&A and Community Moments (26:13, 43:18, 54:56, 62:22…)

• Fan Comments sparking riffs on show format and visual gags (“Breakfast’s facial expressions are the bonus content people don’t know they’re missing.” – Bobby Edlin, 33:43)
• Show Recommendations:
  Each host assigns a movie for another to watch for next episode: “Uncle Buck,” “Moneyball,” and “Grease.”
• Insightful Feedback:
  “I am so impressed with y’all’s knowledge of movies, TV, and music. It gives the podcast such depth.” – Judith Sears (41:08)
• Showcase & Tour Plugs:
  Each host detailed upcoming stand-up dates and showcases (104:27).

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Songwriting Contest – AI vs Human Creativity (100:46–103:55)

• Dusty inputs lyrics into an AI songwriting tool; the group is equally impressed and spooked by its instant jingle output.
• They play a snippet of Dusty’s AI punk song about pawpaw trees, capping off the episode’s theme.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 0:42–7:14 – Opening banter, car trips, family traditions
• 10:30–15:44 – Green room odors, mustiness, personal hygiene anecdotes
• 26:13–43:41 – Listener mail/comments, podcast persona, studio and show concepts
• 68:33–103:55 – SONGS: stats, history, misheard lyrics, emotional lyrics, songwriting challenge
• 103:57–104:45 – Plugs for tour dates and playlists
• 104:45–106:28 – Closing, gratitude, and public figure song reprise

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Tone & Style

• Uplifting, irreverent, and Southern charm throughout.
• Mixing quick-witted banter with earnest reflections on music, creativity, and their own journeys in comedy.
• Frequent tangents, personal storytelling, and on-the-fly improv keep the show dynamic.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode is a celebration of everything “songs”—from the ancient to the AI-generated, the profound to the hilariously dumb. The Public Figures crew delivers a uniquely comic lens on pop culture and music history while also inviting listeners into their creative process and personal lives. Whether you’re here for trivia, nostalgia, or the fun of hearing three standups try to rhyme “flat” and “fat,” this episode delivers a warm, unpredictable, and thoroughly entertaining hour-plus of podcasting.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Public Figures podcast. The hottest new podcast in the world.

[A]

Based on what? Just gut feeling.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, it's a hot podcast. Like, Brian's wearing the shirt. I'm Dusty Slay. What are your co hosts? I'm here with my other co host, Brian Bates.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

And Aaron Weber.

[A]

Good to see you, ladies and gentlemen.

[B]

And we're fired up. I'm drinking. I get in my mug here. I got a little IQ bar mix, and I'm feeling good. And it hits you that quick? It. I think it does.

[A]

Couple sips in couple, you're already reaping the benefits.

[B]

Yeah. And it does. It does hit you fast. And I feel good. I feel very good. And I'm happy to be back with you guys. That's right. We're doing two episodes in one day. No need to say it, but I just want to say it. That's why I'm wearing the same shirt.

[C]

Why are we doing two same day?

[B]

Well, because I told everyone that I was going to be going out of Town for July 4th and may not be here.

[A]

Wow. What for? For work.

[B]

For. To see my family on a holiday.

[A]

Well, that's crazy.

[B]

It is crazy. I don't.

[A]

My goodness.

[B]

I don't celebrate it. But.

[A]

But you celebrate mean to you.

[B]

Well, I don't like fireworks anymore.

[A]

Okay. And just to celebrate something in general, what do you think it means?

[B]

I think it means to, you know, go over the top about something.

[C]

Like if your Netflix did really well, you're special. Or.

[B]

Well, I celebrated it whether it goes well or not. But I think you can celebrate personal achievements.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So we had to work Memorial Day because Dusty insisted that we not do tape two the week before. And now he wants to be off July 6, which he ended up not taking, by the way. And here we are.

[B]

I'm difficult to work with. Well, that is true. Well, I appreciate you guys, but my wife took a little bit of a trip with the kids.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And you know, we got a. We got a baby. And I don't think she's necessarily up for doing a five hour trip after doing an hour trip. So we're not Going to do it.

[C]

You should offer to drive this time.

[B]

Well, I would drive. I don't like to ride in the car when my wife drives. Yeah, she's not a bad driver. She's better than me in a lot of ways. But, you know, I feel like.

[C]

Yeah, I believe that you're aggressive.

[A]

What's the seating arrangement in the car when the five of you are riding?

[B]

Hannah's in the back seat. Okay.

[A]

The very back.

[B]

Yeah. I have the passenger seat for just, you know, personal things of mine and cigars.

[C]

How many rows do you have in your car?

[B]

Well, the car has three rows.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

And. But no, it's me and my wife in the front and then just the baby in the second row.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And then the two kids in the very back.

[A]

All car seats still.

[B]

All car seats.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If it weren't all car seats, we could do a little different arrangement, but.

[A]

So the two older kids kind of police each other in the back there. Yeah, they're good.

[C]

And they're facing the baby.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But the newborn is not facing back where it's still.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Do you have a little mirror or something like that?

[B]

No. You just got to. Doesn't get to see us.

[C]

But Daisy can replace.

[A]

It's more about you seeing the kid.

[B]

The kid, the baby thinks that we've abandoned him the whole time we drive.

[A]

I've got a car seat that can spin around 360 degrees.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So we keep it facing backwards for now, I think. I don't know when the official age or weight is where you can flip her around.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But every now and then I go, If I got 100 yards to drive, I do flip it around and let her look forward.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you can just see it in her eyes. She's like, wow. Opening up a whole new world here. How about this?

[B]

You know, I don't know if this is okay, but sometimes when we're driving in my truck, my daughter will sit in the back seat in the car seat, and I'll take the headrest off the passenger seat so she can see directly out the windshield. And I think that changes everything for her in that same way.

[A]

I don't think that's bad to take. No, no.

[B]

I don't think so either.

[A]

I thought you're about to go. I. I throw Daisy in the bed

[B]

or the truck, put her right up front, Let them. Sometimes I'll drive around my yard to, you know, like if I have, you know, pick up sticks or something, put them. I'll let them ride in the Back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They have a lot of fun with that. I used to ride in the back of the truck all the time, right?

[A]

In people's.

[B]

Dude.

[A]

People our family barely knew. I would get a ride home from them in the bed of a truck.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Just the way it was done.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't even think it was street legal then, but it was just kind of done.

[B]

Was okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. You. Dusty kind of made fun of me about this one time, but we didn't turn around Eleanor's car seat till she turned four.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I'll still make fun of you.

[A]

What were you. Were you basing on weight or something?

[C]

Yeah, and our pediatrician's recommendation. I. I was like, Dust, our pediatrician.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you chose the wrong.

[A]

Chose the wrong one.

[C]

It kind of just. It's mostly based on weight, but it kind of worked out where she was around 4 when was kind of the weight, you know?

[A]

Okay.

[C]

He said until then, it's safer to have them facing back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm going to be honest. Sam just turned three, and I. I don't know how long we had it backwards, but it was not long.

[C]

Sonny already turned around.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I feel like once, I don't know, they hit a certain. I feel like £20 or something. Flip it around.

[A]

£20. We're at £20.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You might flip her around soon. She turns two, I think we'll flip around.

[C]

Well, I know my. I know mine's extreme, but we wanted.

[A]

That's fine. I get it.

[B]

And I, you know, I think, you

[C]

know, obviously he has three, so.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Obviously, safety is important, but I also just felt like they were just like you say, when you turn that seat around, sometimes how excited it's like, I feel like they were excluded facing the back.

[A]

They really are. You just look at the back of this car seat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's miserable.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, I don't deny that, but I decided to put safety first.

[B]

And I want my kids to know what I'm yelling at.

[A]

You see? You see what I'm dealing with up here?

[C]

Yeah, that's. That's very funny.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Anyway, well, I'm mad. I'm here because of Dusty.

[A]

Yeah. That's okay. We'll get through it.

[C]

I may go to Alabama this weekend just to feel better about it.

[A]

Where are you going to go.

[B]

Go hang out with my dad.

[C]

Yeah, I'll go down to Lafayette, Pendant Penton.

[A]

Go to the Pen Grill. The Grill down there, see if they're open.

[C]

It's open. Listen, Saturday from 2 to 2:30.

[B]

Our pen and grill clip did very well.

[A]

Did very well blow up in the Penton Grill area?

[B]

Yeah, it did.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Bill Said, told my dad to say, thanks for that. I'm going to make him rich.

[A]

Is he drumming up some business down there because of it? Yeah, maybe. He's got to fix the hours.

[B]

Yeah. When they're open, people do stop in there stuff to find them open.

[C]

But, you know, this episode comes out July 8th, and I believe July 8th was the date of our very first Naatland episode.

[A]

Was it really six years ago? Six years ago. How long were we doing this one?

[C]

About five months.

[A]

We doing this five months?

[C]

I think so.

[B]

I remember watching that. Just a few minutes of that episode and being like, oh, they did that without me.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

No, but you were watching.

[C]

It's called the Good Old Days.

[B]

Yeah, but then I came in and took over and you ever have somebody you.

[A]

You love and you would consider a close friend, and they put something out and, you know, I'm so proud of you. And in your mind, you think, I'm never watching that.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My special's about to come out.

[B]

Well, I did watch your special, and I will. Well, I watched yours live, so I may not add it.

[A]

Yeah, we watched that one live.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And. And Dusty. Yes, I appreciate. Because Dusty doesn't watch anything. Yeah. And I was on stage, and I look over and there's Dusty standing in the corner. Corner. Smiling, laughing, waving, distracting the audience, telling the staff to be quiet, signing things

[A]

for people in the crowd.

[B]

I did go tell the staff to be quiet. And I felt bad about it, but I was all. But I was like, you know, I was standing right by that door and I'm like, guys, he gets one take.

[A]

How did you. How did you say it? Pretend. Not pretend. I'm the guy watching.

[C]

And. Was it Lucy?

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Pretend I'm the guy washing dishes. All right, come in and tell me

[B]

before I just go, hey, guys, I don't remember what I did, but I go, hey, guys, can you keep it down back here? He's filming a special and he's only got one take.

[A]

Who cares? We're working.

[B]

And I go, well, they didn't say that.

[A]

Okay, well, I'm trying to get you an improv.

[C]

It's like Moneyball.

[B]

They go, who cares? I'm working. I'll go, all right, I gotta find one of the Dorfman.

[C]

Look, guys, he's not doing great out there, and everyone can hear you clanking.

[B]

No, you would. That. You know it's hard for me to be an AUD member because everything someone does as a performer, it's like everything someone does in the audience annoys me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I go, what are you guys doing?

[A]

Yeah. I remember I took Lucy to see Dave Chappelle at the Tivoli in Chattanooga. This is years ago, and it was her first time sitting in the audience of, like, a show she had nothing to do with. And before the show, everybody was, you know, behaving, and she was like. I had to be like, you're not involved with this. Just let it. Oh, yeah, just let it happen. You're not in. You don't have to. Like, what are they doing before the show? Oh, everybody talking and miss being. You know. And then they're yelling out there. Donna Rawlings open. Everybody's yelling stuff. She's, like, looking around, like, is somebody gonna do something during the show? Yeah. Beforehand. I mean, it was. It was wild.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But it had to be like, this is not your show.

[C]

I went to the. You know, I told you guys last week, I went to the Nateland taping, and Adrian said, you wanna go back and say hello to the guys, you know, before the show? And I'm like, sure. So for install, those guys went back to the green room. And as soon as I get back there, a smell comes out of nowhere. And it's. It's. Everybody knows what the smell is.

[A]

What kind of smell?

[C]

Well, it's like when, you know, when you get off that elevator and you're. It's just. It smells like someone.

[A]

What?

[C]

Just. I thought you had a full diaper.

[A]

Somebody blew up the bathroom or just the.

[B]

Their pants.

[C]

The worst.

[A]

Something with the pipes or something.

[C]

It was just. I'm trying to.

[B]

Where was this at?

[C]

In the green room. At the. At the Woolworth.

[A]

Tell us what happened.

[C]

It was a terrible, terrible odor. Like someone pooped their pants.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And I was trying to not be.

[A]

So was it you?

[B]

I think poop your pants is.

[A]

I don't understand what you're saying.

[B]

I just want to. I don't.

[C]

I don't. I didn't feel like you even understood what the smell was.

[A]

No.

[B]

What's the poopy pants?

[C]

Yeah. Fart or.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

The worst, you know, gas ever.

[A]

Yeah. What's it coming from?

[C]

Well, I'm trying to get there.

[A]

I'm saying.

[C]

I just want you to establish the smell first.

[A]

I can smell it. You're describing it so well. I can smell it in my head right now.

[C]

Geez. See, the staff here are married to the staff.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Did you ever get to the bottom of what it was? Because here's what happened. As soon as I show, I promise it wasn't me.

[A]

You didn't bring it with you.

[C]

But as soon as I show up, I mean, everybody's smelling it, but everyone's at first at least pretending not to smell it. So I'm back there carrying on conversations, my eyes watering. It is so bad.

[B]

It's a Home Depot bathroom here.

[C]

Yeah. And then I think Adrian finally one that broke the ice and said, yeah, who? What is going on back here? And then everyone's like, yeah, this is whatever. And then I went onto my seat and I really worried that as soon as I left to go my seat, the smell went away. And then everybody's like, that's totally bait.

[A]

Are you checking your shoes or anything at this point? Like, what?

[C]

No, no.

[A]

What was it? Did you find out? It's probably something with the pipes. Yeah. And somebody flushed at the wrong time.

[B]

Was anybody sitting near you going, do you smell that?

[C]

It was as soon as Brian walked in.

[A]

And honestly, I hate to tell you,

[C]

but as you walked out, it kind of flattened.

[A]

So it really wasn't a good look. Was it opening and closing the door? Maybe it wafted out with him.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

I don't think it's from Brian.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't think Ryan doesn't smell. You don't smell bad. You're not a smell bad guy. There are plenty of smell bad guys.

[B]

There are my. One of those am I smell bad guy.

[A]

You've gotten way better. Okay, but there are guys that a lot of comedians that just smell.

[B]

Really? I don't wear deodorant.

[A]

Yeah, I know, but you don't smell that bad. Yeah, you don't smell bad. And the fact that you said you've never smelled Brian tells me it's not a problem. Yeah, if he smelled bad, you would have smelled him by now. Yeah, you've been around them a lot. You're not far from them now.

[C]

But again, this was not a lack of washing type of smell. That was. It was. But it doesn't sound good that I went away as soon as I left.

[B]

I do wash, I think.

[C]

I just don't wear.

[A]

Yeah, we know. You shower and stuff.

[C]

You don't smell it. You don't smell good, but you don't smell bad.

[B]

Well, you don't want to smell good.

[A]

You want to smell like you. Yeah, you got a. You smell.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You want to smell.

[C]

Yeah, way, way. I don't know how I got from that. But yeah.

[A]

I can't remember what that had to do with what we were talking about, but I liked the story.

[B]

I'm concerned about the you've gotten better comment that you said to me.

[A]

I was just thinking of the old laughing skull story.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Do you want to tell that or do you want to move on?

[B]

Well, no, it was. Was in laughing skulls. Very hot. It's hot in Atlanta. And Lucy text me, your wife said. She goes, can I tell you something? And I go, yeah. She goes, you kind of smell mustache yesterday. And I laughed because I go, yeah, it's hot. And I don't wear deodorant.

[C]

I mean, I appreciate Lucy.

[B]

Me too.

[C]

Doing that.

[B]

Yeah, I appreciate it.

[A]

Well, she said some of the industry was talking about it, so she's like, dusty's my friend. I want to make sure that he's. And whatever you did, you did so well. That festival, you got JFL from it. You got the Tonight Show. You got a ton of career changing.

[B]

That's what I'm saying, from that festival. People are afraid of musk.

[A]

As soon as you cleaned up the

[C]

must, Lucy saved your career.

[B]

No, the must is attracting people. It's bringing them in. They go, you know what? This guy, some pheromones, it got into him.

[A]

You know perfumists or cologne makers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They do put small, small undetectable amounts of fecal matter in cologne sometimes.

[B]

Yeah, I don't wear it.

[A]

I'm just saying why? Kind of proves your point.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Why do they do that?

[A]

Just to give it a little oomph.

[B]

You want to give it.

[A]

Just to ground it a little bit.

[C]

Somebody was wearing a lot of cologne yesterday.

[A]

And it's not. It's not something that you can detect when it's mixed with everything, but it gives it a little bit of a little.

[B]

That festival changed my career.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And you gotta. You gotta have a little gets into people's system. They go, I'm attracted to that guy.

[C]

You got a Tonight Show? You what?

[A]

I'm talking about you when you leave.

[B]

Yeah, I got jfl. I got the Tonight Show.

[C]

Who'd you take to the Tonight Show?

[B]

Lucy. There you go. That's right. That's right.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Just as a thank you.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

What's your favorite smell? We were talking about that.

[C]

I think so.

[A]

Well, I'd like to hear it again. I wonder if it's changed.

[B]

Well, you know this one. Oh, you want to go first?

[C]

Well, I was going to share a time. I did smell.

[A]

Okay. I was like, I'd like to hear that. Forget my question.

[C]

My dog, this is. I was in college one summer college, and I was out with my dog, and he got into it with a skunk. And I had to put him back in my car.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And drive him home. And it smelled so bad that when I came in the house, my mom was like, stop right there.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Go outside, you know, take all your clothes off and. And you know, you cannot come here. And the dog. The dog stayed outside.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

When I grew up, we did not have outside dogs.

[A]

Dogs in the house.

[C]

My mom does not.

[B]

Back when it was a proper country.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, I. I shower, shower. Did all the stuff that you're supposed to do to try to get rid of that spell, put all the stuff in my car. Baking soda, vinegar, whatever you're supposed to do. And I thought it was gone, but you can't. You can't tell after a while.

[A]

It lingers. Yeah.

[C]

And I had a summer job, and I remember showing up at that job, and as soon as I walked in, somebody said, somebody smells like a skunk.

[A]

Same day or next.

[C]

Next day. Next day, somebody smells like a skunk.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I knew it was me.

[B]

I think if your dog gets sprayed, you got to give it away to get rid of that dog.

[C]

To whom?

[A]

Who do you give a skunk sprayed dog to?

[B]

Just you find a person. You find a person who has one of those porches with a lot of dog under it and just let your dog.

[C]

Well, the dog wasn't really the issue in this. I mean, I had to bring him home, but I'm gonna have to do that anyway if I'm giving him away.

[A]

They say to take a tomato. Did you take a tomato soup bath or what?

[C]

Maybe. I don't.

[A]

They say to do that.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

It's a lot of tomatoes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So I bet you guys had a garden, though.

[C]

We lived out in the country.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

My mom, when she comes to our house now and our dog's in the house, she does not like it.

[B]

This is my favorite smell.

[C]

Okay, go ahead.

[B]

I like.

[C]

Thank you for being patient watching this story.

[B]

A rosemary plant. The herb, take it, break off a little piece and just smell that rosemary.

[A]

And what does that do?

[B]

It just. That's my favorite smell.

[C]

I don't like it.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

I don't like how it makes you feel. What does it make you feel emotionally?

[B]

Well, I don't.

[A]

You know, look at this. According to Google AI, which we know is accurate 100% of the time, if you get sprayed by a Skunk, they say take off your contaminated clothes. You did that, Brian. Wash with a neutralizing mixture of 1 quart of 3% hydrogen peroxide. Probably got that laying around the house. Quarter cup of baking soda and 1 teaspoon of liquid dish soap. Do not, I repeat, do not use tomato juice, as it is largely ineffective. Okay, well, I'm glad I looked that up, because if I got sprayed by skunk tonight, I would have taken a bath in tomato juice, because that's how it's depicted in television and in film.

[B]

If you took a bath of tomato juice, would you taste a little bit of it?

[C]

He would slowly sink down to get him on eye level.

[A]

Blowed bubbles. Oh, that'd be the best bath of my life, I'll tell you that.

[B]

Dipping a grilled cheese in it.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

What are you doing in there, Aaron? You've been in there two hours.

[A]

Oh, gross. I do an Epsom salt bath every now and then.

[B]

I love an Epsom salt bath.

[C]

Okay, I think I remember your favorite smells.

[A]

Let's hear it.

[C]

Gasoline.

[A]

I love gasoline. I love the smell of gasoline.

[C]

Freshly mowed grass.

[A]

Freshly mowed grass is amazing.

[B]

Yeah, I like that.

[A]

Good smell.

[B]

Gas, though. They say smell.

[A]

Unbelievable memory.

[B]

They say the more they're like, dilute in the gas, the less it smells like gas.

[A]

Oh, it still smells pretty like gas to me. Yeah, so they got diluted a little more.

[B]

What about if you're at the pump and you spill a little gas on your shoe for whatever reason, and then you get back in the. And then you get back in the car. Do you like the smell of gas that much?

[A]

It's like, if I smell gas where I'm not supposed to smell gas, I don't like it. Yeah, but when you're at the gas station and it's what you're there to do. Yeah, I like the smell.

[B]

What about diesel fuel?

[A]

I don't know. Is there a different smell of.

[B]

Yeah, like, just growing up, we used to drive my dad's tractor up to Larry Edge's grocery, which is also the same owner of the pen and grill. And he would fill up with diesel fuel. And it's. It's a real smell.

[C]

Who's Bill?

[B]

Bill's Larry son.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, we got a chart somewhere.

[C]

Bill Edge.

[A]

Gasoline smells pungent, sweet, and quickly evaporates when it touches your skin, acting like a pa. Thinner. Diesel has a heavy, oily, sometimes slightly sweet or metallic odor.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It leaves a greasy residue that lingers on hands and clothes. Interesting.

[B]

And then kerosene My dad always said Dr. Pepper tasted like kerosene.

[A]

Does it?

[B]

That's what he said.

[A]

Had he drank kerosene before?

[B]

Maybe you believe it was a good chance.

[A]

I had a family member of mine filled up his car with diesel by accident.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

Really?

[C]

That was possible.

[A]

Really ruined the car.

[C]

Was it a long time ago?

[A]

Not that long ago.

[C]

Because I thought the hose.

[A]

Oh, it went in there. I GUESS it was 10 plus years ago that it happened.

[C]

It sounds like I've almost had this happen to me a few times. But I have looked at it and I always thought it was too big to go in.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, it's a different. This one just went in. Right.

[B]

I've done that. Just not paying attention. And then it luckily wouldn't fit.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Oh good.

[C]

You ever pulled away with the hose in your.

[A]

No.

[C]

You did it right?

[A]

I stopped it right before it got ripped out. But I've.

[C]

Oh, it didn't. So it didn't rip out?

[A]

No, it didn't rip out on me. It's a big.

[B]

I've never done that.

[A]

Looks pretty embarrassing. Yeah, I remember I had some embarrassing. I remember I had my old car I had in high school. I had two sets of keys for it. I think like I had my key and then my parents had a key for it and I lost mine or something so I had to borrow my parents key for it. So I'm driving down the road and some guy pulls up next to me and he goes left your keys. I was like, what? My, my. My keychain was inside the. The door.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

So I'm driving and then my keys just inside the thing just flapping in the wind up like a moron.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Still remember that guy.

[C]

It's also impressive. People are like, how do you do that?

[A]

Yeah, he's guy's got a lot of keys and that was before push to start on a lot of cars.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You had to have the key in the thing.

[B]

I missed that. I missed the old key days. I know.

[A]

This episode is brought to you by our friends at IQ Bar. They are our exclusive snack, hydration and coffee sponsor. IQ Bar protein bars, IQ Mix hydration mixes and the IQ Joe mushroom coffees are the delicious low sugar brain and body fuel you need to win your day. I still got my IQ mix right here. It's a zero sugar drink mix that hydrates with electrolytes, improves mood and boosts clarity. If you want to try this and a bunch of their products, I recommend the ultimate sampler pack. It's a great way to try everything, you got nine IQ Bars, eight IQ Mix sticks, and four IQ Joe sticks. All of their products are made with clean, delicious ingredients that keep you physically and mentally fit. They got over 20,000 5 star reviews and counting. Hey, one of those is from me. More people than ever are fueling their busy lifestyles with IQ Bars, Brain and body boosting bars, hydration mixes, and mushroom coffees. And right now, Iqbar is offering our special podcast listeners 20% off all Iq Bar products, including the ultimate sampler pack, plus free shipping. To get your 20% off, text public to 64,000. Text public to 64,000. One more time. That's public to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details.

[C]

You both have push to starts.

[A]

I do start on mine. Yeah. And I don't like it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I like to know where the key is.

[C]

I. My. Mine's still got the.

[A]

You still got windows that do this?

[C]

No. 2013 Honda Accord.

[A]

Oh, there you go.

[C]

Yeah. But whenever I get a rental car, I'm like, wow, the technology these days, it's pretty awesome. I gotta think wrecks are down, right, Just because of, like backup mirrors, but

[A]

more people are on their phones than ever.

[C]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

Let me look up the stats. Rex. By year us, we've got. Okay, okay, okay. 2024, there were 39, 000 traffic deaths. 2023, 40,000.

[B]

So we're down about, you know, 2022 was 42, 000. So.

[A]

So we're going down traffic.

[B]

You know, people are dying less. That doesn't mean they're having less accidents.

[A]

Not quite at the speed I'd like it to go down.

[C]

Yeah, that's probably because of safety, like airbags and stuff. But I was just thinking about. I got my mom's car the other day. I remember when backup cameras first became a thing. I thought, I'm never even going to use this. I'm just going to look back when I back up. My mom's car does not have a backup camera. And I got it other day, I'm like, I kept just finding myself looking at the dash.

[B]

Handicapped. You.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Done it to us all. Like in my truck, if the tailgate's down, then the backup cam is like looking at the ground.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. So you'll be able to tell right away.

[B]

Yeah. So I get out, close the tailgate, but if you're moving something, then it's gone. Yeah, it's gone. Yeah.

[A]

You gotta back up the old fashioned way.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

We get Any of these comments?

[B]

Well, you guys. Yeah, you guys. Well, we all. We all were somewhere, but yeah, I was at Zany's.

[A]

Standing O.

[C]

Standing O. And then I threw out the first pitch at the National Sounds and they asked me to sign with the team.

[B]

All right. Yeah, that's big time.

[C]

I injured the catcher. I threw so hard.

[A]

Booster the Rooster.

[B]

Do you think you'll still do the podcast or.

[A]

Why would he. We'll zoom them in.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. Comments come From Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple Podcast reviews and [e-mail]. this first comment comes from Darren West. I love the podcast. Been here since early Nateland. I love BB Taking his roles. Dusty consistently saying unhinged stuff that makes complete sense, and Aaron's humor and quick wit. Main point of this comment is I also love Aaron wearing his hat in three to four different ways each episode. The boys have style and I can't wait to keep looking up to our public figures.

[A]

Oh, thank you, Darren.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Very nice, Darren.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Darren's really on it.

[A]

Yeah, I like that, Darren.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I got a big head and a hat, you know, it gets uncomfortable.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

After a while it gets hot. So I gotta move it around.

[B]

Sometimes the stitches will start to pop out.

[C]

What is that, team?

[A]

This is the. This is the Louisville Bats. But it's a mint julep.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Because that's their drink. Right. So it's a little mint. They become the Mint Juleps every now and then. But they're.

[C]

They're usually the Bats.

[B]

The Louisville Bats because of the Louisville Slugger.

[C]

But how long have they been that.

[A]

Been there? For a while. Really? Bats. Yeah. I mean, it's a bat, like the animal. But it's a baseball bat is why it's called.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Like, you know, Nashville becomes the Hot Chickens every now and then. The Nashville sounds this. Theirs is mint julep.

[C]

Did they used to be the Cardinals?

[A]

Maybe.

[C]

I know the. I know the college is college. I feel like the baseball team.

[A]

Maybe they were.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Jennifer Marson Gill. Is that right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think public figure. I think a public figures reality show channel is in order. Dusty's idea of placing Brian in different sports to see where he would blend in is pure gold. I am an idea man. Have that show and Dusty's Rearranger show. And then maybe Aaron could have a show where he competes against others in golf where he throws the ball. Only I would watch all three.

[A]

It does sound good. I think these are maybe one episode shows, you know.

[B]

Well, the Rearranger could go on and on.

[A]

I Don't know how to make a whole franchise out of these other than the Rearranger.

[C]

Well, me doing different sports every week, I could do a different sport.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Kind of like Undercover Boss.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Would you ever do Rearranger for, like, businesses, retail businesses and stuff?

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Churches, schools, things like that.

[B]

Everything.

[A]

Going to rearrange everything.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Zanies. What would you do? Zanies?

[A]

That's an interesting question. What would you do if you get to change this comedy club room? What would you do? I know exactly what I would do.

[B]

Well, you know, but let's say you had a five.

[A]

You have in arbitrarily large amount of money, you can do whatever you want to the room and make it perfect. What would you do?

[B]

Well, just, you know, this is not the premise of the Rearranger.

[A]

I understand. This is my show. This is my.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's Comedy Club Rescue.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm John Taffer.

[B]

Honestly, you know, I'm sure you have some good stuff in mind, but. And I'm not saying this just because we're filming.

[C]

Here we go.

[B]

But I love Zany's Club. And I wouldn't. I wouldn't change. Wouldn't change anything now because it's. I feel like it's. It's perfect.

[A]

I'll tell you the first thing I would do.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Soundproof the green room.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's the first thing.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

In the main room, not so much the lab.

[A]

Both of them.

[C]

I don't think I've ever noticed in this one. You have?

[A]

Yeah. I've had some quiet. Some quiet sets up there.

[C]

I've been in the green room when you've come off stage and yelled at us to be quiet. And I'm sitting there with the Dwarfmans.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

That's not something I've thought about, but sound proven that. Yeah. And then, you know, I would put

[A]

an unbelievable video recording system.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And get special quality sets every time you.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[A]

Wouldn't that be awesome?

[B]

Well, those are all nice things. But when I think about, like, what would I do to the club? Those are not necessary. I thought you were talking about.

[A]

I'll fix all the wobbly tables.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I might lower the stage a little bit.

[A]

Lower the stage a little bit. Lower the ceilings.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I would fix the roof so it's not so loud when it rains.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

See, I like that.

[C]

Have some character. Cookie cutter.

[A]

I would bulldoze the building and rebuild it from scratch.

[B]

I think this doesn't affect me much now, but I would try to do something different with the bathrooms. That men's bathroom is a really tough spot. So cramped.

[A]

Now here's the problem is I think just because of how old the building is, I think they're grandfathered into a lot of like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Regulations and stuff. So they can't, they can't modify it too much or they'll have to do a lot more.

[B]

The video system is great though. I like that. I mean, just top. I mean, I don't think the video thing is so bad now that they have.

[A]

But.

[B]

But top notch would be multiple angles.

[C]

Do they have it in both rooms?

[A]

They got it in both rooms, but it's not like it's not great. I mean it's good to watch your set and review it, but it's not. I mean, very few clubs that have a system like that built in.

[C]

Yeah, I got one from the lab that I posted and it did very well. So it's. I guess my set was that good.

[B]

It's really about, really about the content.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What would you do for the Rearranger for this room?

[A]

What would you do in the studio?

[C]

Yeah, I think I know all of our stuff would come off and. Well.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yours would go up.

[B]

Well, yeah, of course. I mean that's obvious. And. Well, a lot of people comment that they would raise this sign because Aaron blocks it.

[A]

I can't help that.

[B]

No, no, I know, but I think that could be. But you know what? I like it too. I like it in here. I kind of, you know, I kind of miss the square table that we used to have. This is a very nice table.

[A]

It is a great table.

[B]

But I, you know, I like kind of.

[A]

That's why you like sitting at the end.

[B]

Yeah. When I'm at a. I don't like to go into a restaurant and sit at the bar with people. That way we're having to talk like this.

[A]

Ye. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I like to sit where I can look at you guys.

[A]

You ever sit same side as your wife at. On like a date?

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

I've never done. Do you do that? You ever sit same side?

[C]

We went. We met Saturday, my brother in law, sister in law and. And their son at a restaurant and we're somehow with the kids. The kids are on one side. Ruth was on one side and I was on the other side with. With the kids. And Ruth all got up and went. Got ice cream. So now the three of us are on one side.

[A]

One side of the table.

[C]

I immediately got up and just moved to the other Side.

[A]

Exactly what I would have done. Yeah, it's weird.

[C]

It's very weird.

[B]

I did used to when I sold pesticides, I was dating the competition, and me and her would go to bars and we would drink, and I would sit on the same side of Booth as her. Yeah, that was because we were, you know, messing around.

[A]

You're hooking up with the Roundup girl?

[B]

Well, no, it was another competitor.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, those Roundup girls are hot.

[B]

Well, this one was the Bayer. The Bayer rep, and she was hot.

[A]

Oh, Bayer, like aspirin.

[B]

Yeah, well, same company. They sold pesticides.

[A]

It's not good that the pesticide people make an aspirin, huh?

[B]

No. Well, we talked to our own business. Okay. All right, here we go. Next comment. Bobby Edlin.

[A]

Bobby with an eye. That's a woman.

[B]

I think so. If it is a guy, he messed up the spelling. Bobby Edlin. If you never watch the podcast, you're only getting about 80% of the experience. Breakfast's facial expressions are the bonus content. People don't know they're missing. There it is.

[A]

Yeah, there it is.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Seeing it right there.

[B]

That is true. I can't imagine hearing the jokes being made your way without seeing how you react to it.

[C]

I like listening. I think I like painting my own picture of podcasts.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. I think it's more fun. I get distracted sometimes when I watch and seeing, so I like to. I feel like I laugh more when I listen than I when I watch.

[B]

What do you think people think about the three of us if they've only ever watched and have never or only ever listened and have not seen us?

[C]

They always say we don't look like they expect.

[A]

People said they thought Dusty was a little person. Right.

[B]

I. Well, some people do say sometimes I sound like Nick Novaki, but I think. I would think that they would think that Aaron was, like, much larger because we make jokes about him being fast, but he's really a normal guy.

[A]

They think they're gonna turn it on and be like, whoa.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think that they would think that I look, you know, a little crazier. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[C]

You think they think I look older?

[B]

Yeah, I think they think totally.

[A]

They think you look way older. They think you look like Doc Holliday

[B]

or Doc from Back to the Future.

[A]

That's who. Doc Brown.

[B]

Doc Brown.

[A]

Who's Doc Holliday?

[B]

Val Kilmer and Tombstone. Yeah.

[A]

It's not who I'm in.

[C]

And a real person. Yeah.

[B]

And then you look like an elderly man. That's what they would think because we make so many jokes about you being old.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I thought we were now naming what we actually did look like.

[B]

No, now.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Well, thank you, Bobby Aaron Cornwell. I'd like to know if Dusty will narrate his book. If he does, I'll definitely want to buy the audiobook to hear it in his own words. If not, I'll buy the physical copy. Well, we got a sale from you either way, so I appreciate that. And. But I. I think that. Yeah, I think I will narrate it, which I think I'm gonna hate, but

[A]

because you know how long that takes to record. It's gonna be in there a while.

[B]

I know. I had, you know, I had to write the book, and then I had to read it, and then I had to read it again.

[C]

And I'm so sorry you had to go through all this and then read it again.

[A]

Yeah, I had to write.

[C]

You had a really hard time. What. Who made you do this?

[B]

Everybody. And then. And then I got, you know. And then I'll have to read it again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In order to say it.

[C]

Jesse's so funny on his podcast because he'll have some out there. And he was like, look, guys, I know you're like, this guy's grace or whatever, but I got an hour to fill here, so I gotta say something. He says it like he's required by the fcc.

[A]

Somebody's got a gun off camera to fill time.

[C]

He's just doing it. Everything he's making up is for himself.

[B]

Well, I've committed to doing an hour

[C]

every week, so it's gonna get a little crazy.

[B]

So, you know, you just talk and talk and talk.

[A]

You're the only comic in America whose podcast is shorter than a set.

[B]

That's true. That is true. Mary V. Is Friday night better than Thursday night for. For a comedy show? I bought tickets to see Aaron in Royal Oak, and I thought I bought Friday, but bought Thursday by mistake. Is it worth going through the process of changing dates or will Thursday be just as good?

[A]

Look, they're both going to be hot shows. I think. I think. Look, I think buy tickets for Friday and then decide day of which one you want to come to. So just buy them for both. It's interesting. I find that the. Typically for me, if I start on a Thursday, you know, first time at a club, first show of the weekend, it's not, you know, it's not always my bet. It's still a fun show, but I would say I'm more comfortable by Friday when I'm there. But it also depends largely on what the crowd looks like. Sometimes the show that on paper should be the best Is not my favorite show because of how ticket sales were. I'm going to try to give Mary. I'm going to try to give the good people of royal oak the best possible show. Every show while I'm there. July 16th through the 18th.

[B]

What do you think about. What would you say about your Thursday versus Friday?

[C]

I agree with aaron. Now, sometimes the day I come in, I have some jokes about my travel day that seemed to work better than my material.

[A]

You bury yourself up top. Yeah.

[C]

But then again, you go, all right,

[B]

now, here's the jokes I prepared.

[C]

But sometimes if I did something that day in the town, I'll talk about that when I start the show. But I think generally, I'm more comfortable. You know, you just did your set the night before.

[B]

Maybe

[A]

you have me thinking about. I have a buddy, Michael blank is his name. He's a comedian out of kansas city, and he's very funny, but he's a younger, newer comic. One of the first gigs he did with me, he hit me up for a guest spot in springfield, missouri, at the blue room comedy club. And michael blank shows up, and he had never been to springfield. And he's like, in the green room. And he goes, I wonder if they've ever heard a joke about the simpsons. Because, you know, the simpsons takes place in springfield. And I was like, I mean, maybe I don't. I'm sure they've heard that before. He goes, all right, we'll see. So he goes out there and he goes, what? Up, springfield? Where are the simpsons? And it just got nothing. I was dying in the back. What did you think Standing. Oh, when you said that, like, come on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You take it such a risk. Try.

[B]

It's.

[A]

You're so vulnerable. At least I am making, like. Because it's a joke you've never told before. Right. And you're trying.

[C]

And more times than not, it'll do well, just because they appreciate you being in the moment about something, you're putting

[A]

yourself in the room.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm not trying to critique michael blank's joke.

[A]

I am.

[B]

But that's not really much of a joke.

[A]

It's not. I think he would be the first one to tell you that.

[B]

But this is what I'll say for myself about Thursday. Like, my first show of the week in a club might not be as tight because. Yeah. After you do that one, then you go. And then Friday hits and then it gets. But a lot of times I'm looser and the show can be a little more fun for me on a Thursday because I'm looser and I traveled, so I'm a little tired.

[A]

Getting your sea legs?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think Thursday show, the first show of the weekend, is sometimes the best.

[A]

You know, Mary V, I think you're gonna have a great time, whichever show you come to.

[B]

There's also a cigar bar right behind the Royal Oak place that I go to, and I haven't been there in a long time, but it's a good spot. I think it's maybe I don't know what it's called, but very nice guy in there, tell him I sent you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Judith Sears.

[A]

Judith.

[B]

Yes, you're right.

[A]

There's no H. No H. Judith.

[B]

Judith. Judith Sears. I am so impressed with Yalls knowledge of movies, TV series and music. It gives the podcast such depth. Wow. That's what I'm talking about. It adds to what I know or don't know. You can't get three comedians with this knowledge and add it to every podcast.

[A]

This seems fake. It's so nice.

[B]

Well, listen, when you're right, you're right.

[A]

You can't ask for this kind of depth. Yeah, we're just naming songs from the year 2003.

[B]

When you're right, you're right.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Judith gets it.

[A]

Judith, you do get it.

[B]

Judah, get. Judith may not know how to spell a first name.

[C]

I worry that I left the T the H off.

[A]

I'm trying to see, but start going by Judith. Judith Law.

[C]

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[B]

What?

[C]

So right now, by one.

[B]

That is a good deal.

[C]

It's a great deal. Give them up, give them a Benjamin and get a five back.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

How can you beat that? Right now, buy one pair of glasses and get 20 off an additional pair at warbyparker.com Nateland that's 20 off any additional pairs when you purchase one pair at W A R B Y parker.com

[B]

Nateland Sean Herring Harring Harrowing. If you were given a clone of yourself, do you think you could raise it to be better than you? Even though it has all your flaws and strengths?

[A]

It's interesting. Raise it now in this time because that's very different from when we grew up.

[B]

Is it born a baby or is it a cologne like Michael Keaton Multiplicity?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But he says raise it to be better than you. So I think you're starting with a baby.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But it's you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know what I would.

[B]

I think that's like having kids.

[A]

But it's like a half clone of you. Half a clone of the mom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Well, I don't know. I'll tell you in, you know, 30 years.

[A]

It's gonna take that long, Sean. If you're around 18.

[B]

Yeah, well, I guess. Yeah. But I mean, you know, it's like the person that I am now versus the person when I was 18. I mean, it's a vastly different person.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I don't think my raising was complete at 18.

[A]

So when do you know if you've raised them well or not? When they're 40?

[B]

I don't know. I mean, I hope that my kids at 18 are at a better place than me. I was doing well. Okay. And then round about 16.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Things started, slipped.

[B]

I found some bad stuff. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Limp Bizkit.

[B]

Yeah. And I got into it. I enjoyed it.

[C]

Do you think if you got in that time machine and went back to your old self, that your old self would listen to you?

[A]

No.

[B]

If my old self could know for certain that it is me from the

[A]

future, I don't know if your old self would recognize you now.

[B]

Yeah. You know, but if it's just some guy like me coming up to. I don't know. But you know what?

[A]

But you have stuff you could say that would prove that it's you.

[B]

Yeah. I always was a bit you know, kind of an introspective kind of kid that, you know, it was. It was drinking that really threw me off course. If not for drinking, I would have been. You know, who knows? I would have ended up doing comedy. But I. I was always ready to listen to some advice.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because I was like. But, you know, I'm always like this. Somebody's giving me advice, I got to look at their life. Is their life doing well?

[A]

But maybe that you get better advice from somebody who's experienced failure. Right. Because they can tell you what doesn't work.

[B]

Well, they can tell me what doesn't work, but they don't necessarily know what does work, you know?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's fair.

[B]

Like, you know, a fentanyl abuser might go, hey, don't do fentanyl. And I go, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[C]

But were you watching. You weren't watching videos?

[B]

No, there were no videos back then. You know, there's nothing really to watch. When I was 18, I mean, movies, I watched Braveheart a lot.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

There's some good messaging in Braveheart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, love that. Kill everyone who disagrees.

[B]

Yeah. Hey, he just wanted to raise his family. That's all he wanted to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Get married, settle down in his town,

[A]

and break the law in the process.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm teaming. I'm team England. I'm team Longshanks.

[B]

But, Sean, just to answer your question, I don't. I don't think so. Well, because what's better, you know, necessarily? Like,

[A]

am I.

[C]

Here's what can I answer?

[B]

I don't think I'm better than my parents.

[C]

I think what might happen is I would help my clone with it, with my flaws, which it would be his flaws to improve on, but it would somehow hurt my strengths. It would make me a different person.

[B]

Yeah. Right.

[C]

And therefore, my strengths wouldn't be as good.

[B]

Right. Like, if I had somebody walking me through every state and how to do it the best, would I ever develop a sense of humor? Right. Yeah, I think your sense of humor develops from just, you know, can we

[A]

do a fake job interview here? Can we improv real quick?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I saw you're applying for the job here. Look, we've never met. What would you say some of your greatest strengths are?

[B]

Oh, well, I'm really. I'm a great communicator. You know, I make friends quickly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm a great salesman.

[A]

Excellent.

[B]

And I'm on time.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

You relate to this interview, but keep going.

[B]

Well, you know, I'm. You know, there was A little trouble getting in the building. Here I was. I showed up to the building on time, but then, you know, the secretary didn't believe that I was here for the interview.

[A]

Sounds like you're throwing people under the bus immediately. Well, listen, doesn't sound like much of a team player.

[B]

If I. I'll tell you, if I get this job, I will find a new secretary.

[C]

But it's his secretary. She's got to go.

[A]

It's actually my wife.

[B]

That will be. Well, that's. That's already a problem that I noticed that you got to. You're mixing family and business.

[A]

Listen, we're just getting to meet each other.

[C]

She also said you were a little musty as a weakness.

[B]

I don't list it as a weakness. It's pheromones. And if I visit enough times, that secretary will probably be interested in me.

[A]

Once again, that is my wife at the front desk.

[B]

I'm not saying I'm going to do anything.

[A]

Right, but you're saying. Saying you'd be able to, you could

[C]

if you wanted to.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

W. That's kind of a given.

[B]

I am a salesman.

[C]

Weaknesses.

[A]

Well, you know, this is my co. Interviewer here. He just walked in.

[C]

I just want to be in the

[B]

crib,

[C]

Because this was pretty good. I'd like to say something.

[B]

Weaknesses. I don't know. I mean, can a person really notice their own weaknesses? You know, I feel like that's up for other people to interpret what other

[A]

people say that your weaknesses are. I. I noticed you don't have any job references here on your resume. Have you worked other places before?

[B]

Well, I've, you know, I've done, you know, jobs here and there, you know, but I'm not, you know. Yeah, but it's like if I write those down, then you'll want to call them.

[A]

That's usually how it works. You're correct.

[B]

And obviously they don't like me as much because I don't work there anymore.

[A]

Now, listen, Dusty, we like to ask people questions, maybe just throw them off kilter a little bit. We like creative people here.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

At our company. How many windows do you think there are in New York City?

[B]

Oh, well, is this a quick guess or is it.

[A]

I just want to hear your thought process.

[B]

I'm gonna say 140 million.

[A]

How'd you get there?

[B]

I just. There's a lot going on in New York City.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

And the eyes are the window to the soul. And so most people have two, and then you're gonna have other windows.

[C]

This guy's good.

[A]

You're hired as a bus boy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's good.

[C]

That was good, Dusty.

[A]

That was fun.

[B]

How many windows are there in New York City?

[C]

No idea.

[A]

It's just, it's. There's no real answer to it. We had a big, long debate. It lasted years. About whether there are more windows or windows or doors or wheels.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

In the world. And I think the obvious answer is wheels. But we don't have to get back. We don't have to re litigate that whole.

[B]

Well, I mean, I guess. Yeah, I mean, I guess a car has four wheels, but also probably different wheels going on in the engine as well.

[A]

Right. So then Lego manufactures millions of wheels alone every year, and that alone is enough to.

[B]

But what's it put it above?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

I mean, is it got to be the door?

[A]

This is all part of the game, buddy.

[B]

Doorway.

[A]

Yeah. You're playing it. You're playing exactly how it's meant to be played.

[B]

Could it be a doorway?

[A]

It could. Well, there's got to be an actual door there, not just a gap in the wall. Are you flexing your.

[B]

But a frame. Yeah, but a frame. I do this every podcast, but this is a thinner shirt than normal.

[A]

He's flexing his backs as he's talking.

[B]

I want you guys to know it

[C]

makes me so uncomfortable.

[B]

I want you guys to know what's up.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Now I'm worried about the secretary.

[B]

Okay. Okay. All right, here we go. Brad Hein.

[A]

Brad Hein.

[B]

I saw the Breadwinner and both my wife and I gasp when we saw Aaron and Bates on the trash truck. Then we gasp again when we saw Dusty selling that horse. It felt like seeing friends on the big screen. Love y'.

[C]

All.

[B]

And I really enjoyed the movie. It's so great to have wholesome flicks to see again.

[A]

How about that?

[C]

You know, I took my. My mom to see it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

This week. And of course, Kamel is very jacked and does flex his pecs.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[C]

But Dusty, you look very buff in the. That role. You look very.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Thick and musty.

[B]

I want to say at that time I was doing a lot of push ups. I've kind of slacked off on the push ups again.

[A]

What was a lot of push ups would you do?

[B]

I was doing up to 100 a day.

[A]

Well, that's. I mean, that's legit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you ever do pull ups, anything like that?

[B]

No, I just don't have a pull up bar around.

[A]

Tough to find a pull up bar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I'M I'm back down to zero a day.

[C]

Okay, that's good.

[A]

First, a while there I was playing video games. Pretty heavy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I made a deal with myself that every time something happened in the video game, I would do 10 push ups. Oh, I stopped doing that real quick.

[B]

Yeah. What do you mean by something?

[A]

You know, I die in the game or something. I have to do 10 push ups.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then you die a lot.

[C]

That would reward your Reward your set. Like, hey, I can keep playing because I'm making myself work out.

[A]

Right. I gotta. Yeah. Incentivize some type of actual exercise.

[B]

What was this you told me you told us both via text about. About Aaron's routine.

[C]

Yeah. So got my show this weekend. Had been technically last weekend now. Said afterwards that he, he was buying my shirts and he's like, I'm losing a lot of weight. And I was like, oh, what's your secret? He said Aaron's joke about the track. What is it?

[A]

The walking walking pad at his desk.

[C]

Walking Patty. He's like, after. Or maybe we're in the joke. Maybe you just talked about on the podcast.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And he said he went and got one and he's lost 75 pounds.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

What'd you say back to him?

[C]

I said, well, since Aaron said that he's gained 75.

[B]

Yeah, he broke his. He took it out to the road.

[A]

I did break it.

[C]

He said he would come and get it from you.

[A]

Really? She live here in town?

[C]

No, Columbia.

[B]

Yeah, but this country. Okay. All right.

[C]

The space shuttle.

[B]

You know what though? But that's what I always say about the breadwinner. I took my three year old daughter. No, I took. She was four.

[C]

Yeah, she was five.

[B]

She's five now. When did it come out?

[A]

Not that long ago.

[C]

A month ago.

[A]

Not enough for it to be a different age.

[C]

Not especially not two years.

[B]

Her birthday's May. Yeah.

[A]

Came out May 17th.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

May 29th.

[A]

May 29th.

[B]

So she was five.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. She's. May 11th is her birthday. And I. There was not one thing in the entire movie that I wish that she didn't see. It was great, but very family friendly and, and I think a good overall message. I see some people try to criticize the message sometimes and I go, guys, it's a fun family movie.

[A]

Right? Right.

[B]

Take it easy.

[C]

But I would argue people are so into horror movies now and they're like, oh, horror movie, that's the way to go. Got to do horror movies. I would argue this. It ends with them at a Titans game. Probably the scariest thing. Yeah. You can imagine. I guarantee you they lost that game.

[A]

Stadium was not that full either.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's what's funny about us being on the jumbotron at the games. We're like. We're on the Jumbotron at the beginning at, like, the worst season they've ever had. Don't we get one more, though, with that for two years?

[A]

I think we've already had two seasons.

[C]

We've only had one. But, I mean, it's.

[A]

I think they're going to switch it up.

[C]

It's us calling the Nateland podcast.

[A]

Right. Well, let's not tell them.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hopefully they don't know yet.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Michael Stevens. Oh, and also, Brad, thank you. Thank you for gasping when you saw us.

[A]

Appreciate that. Yeah.

[B]

Michael Stevens, for your podcast cover art. Each host has a different color behind him. Were these colors strategically selected for each host? I like to think Dusty was paired with blue to convey the color of the firmament. All right. Aaron was paired with yellow to symbolize his blonde Brad Pitt looks.

[C]

All right.

[B]

And Brian was paired with red to demonstrate his unbridled rage with the listeners. Did I crack the code? Well, other than that Brad Pitt comment, I would say you're spot on. I don't know where that's coming from. Now, someone did say that, you know, you've been. I read all these comments.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At least in the first couple of days as they go along, I lose. But the first couple of days, I read all the comments, and there's a couple people been in there talking about Aaron being real hot.

[A]

Yeah, dude. And they call me Brad Pitt.

[B]

Yeah. And a lot of Brad Pitt comments. And I go, what are. What videos are they seeing? But. But I. I'm into it, though, you know, like, it was the time like. Like, you didn't wear a hoodie one episode, and people were like, oh, Aaron's hot.

[A]

I do that when I just got a haircut.

[C]

Yeah, I was about to. I was trying to think of a movie. I don't think Brad Pitt's ever done it, like, where he made himself look fat or gross. Like,

[A]

just for bad or gross or

[C]

unfunny or just for comedic effect. I was trying to think of what. It's like, Tom Cruise did it and,

[A]

like, look, Christian Bale does it all the time. I don't know. Yeah, exactly. I don't know if Brad Pitt's ever modified.

[C]

I can ever think of a movie where he.

[A]

I guess, Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

[B]

He did. He really.

[A]

He looks old.

[B]

He really did shrink down. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Remember how small he got?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I watched that with a friend of mine, and we watched the whole movie. And then at the end when he's like a baby or whatever, and she goes, ah, this is just too unrealistic. I go, what movie have you been watching this whole time? The whole thing's unrealistic.

[C]

That's like Mike James joke about Game of Thrones. I have never seen Benjamin Button.

[A]

I haven't seen it either, but I know. I know what it is. I know the premise of it.

[C]

I said a couple weeks ago I'd never seen. Oh, man, the John Candy movie.

[A]

Planes, Trains Automobiles.

[B]

Uncle Buck.

[C]

Uncle Buck. And, you know, people laid into me. That's one of my pet peeves, though. I'm sure there's people out there who have literally seen every movie, but all of us, and I think we're all movie fans. There's some classics we have not seen.

[A]

I never saw Snow Day with Josh Peck. I don't know what I think about it, man. That was like. There was. I was an age where everybody saw that movie, and I never did.

[C]

I've never.

[A]

And then they talked about it for months after it came out, and I never saw it. It's too late now. You know, I got nobody to talk to Snow Day about.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

You remember that?

[B]

I have no idea. I don't even know who Josh Peck is.

[A]

You never watch Drake and Josh?

[B]

No.

[A]

I guess y' all are too, old man.

[B]

Yeah, but it is. I'm gonna be honest, though. I agree with you, but it's ridiculous that you haven't seen Uncle Bob.

[C]

But, Dusty, I guarantee there's some. It's ridiculous you haven't seen.

[A]

You don't think there's some books Brian's read that you haven't?

[C]

Well, the New Testament. Oh, God. Some of those food problems you have can get all cleared up.

[B]

But Uncle Buck is, I think, John Candy's best movie.

[C]

When my daughter gets older, I'll give it a shot.

[B]

Well, how about your next plane ride?

[A]

How about right now? Brian, stop the podcast.

[B]

Do it for me. Just so we can talk about. I mean, I genuinely. I love that movie.

[C]

Okay. I will try. I worry.

[B]

Not like having to watch Shawshank Redemption.

[A]

You don't remember this movie? Rules were made to be Frozen.

[C]

Is that Chevy Chase?

[A]

I don't know who's in this other than Josh Peck?

[C]

Who's that down there? That's Chevy Chase.

[A]

Chevy Chase.

[B]

And then who's the guy? That's the. Take, my little Hand guy. Chris Elliott.

[A]

Yeah, Pop. Gene Smart. Unbelievable cast of this movie, honestly. I might go watch this tonight.

[B]

I might watch it tonight, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

All right. I will watch Uncle Buck.

[B]

What do you want me to watch?

[C]

Well, I was gonna say, I worry that. And I'm sure it is a great movie, but we just talked about some of these movies. They don't always hold up. It holds up if you watch the first time. Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I watched it with Ruth, and I don't feel like she loved it.

[A]

Yeah. Sometimes if you feel like somebody else isn't enjoying it, it's hard. You're like, I don't know, you got. It's got to be with the white right people.

[B]

And you don't. You don't watch it with a person.

[C]

I know that, but I'm just saying I love Planes, Trains and Automobiles because I've watched it since it came out.

[A]

But you're worried that Dusty's not going to appreciate it.

[C]

She watched it the first time. Okay. And didn't seem to enjoy it as much as I did. I worry that that will be mine with Uncle Buck.

[B]

I wouldn't worry about it.

[A]

Well, let's all give each other a movie to watch.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

For the next podcast, we'll come back and talk. He should watch Moneyball, right? Yeah, you should watch Moneyball.

[B]

All right.

[A]

It's Brad Pitt. Speaking of Brad Pitt, I'll watch it. He's got a dip in the whole movie.

[B]

He's not gross in it, though.

[A]

He's got a dip in. He spits.

[C]

What about the Devil's Advocate?

[A]

I don't know. He's not gonna.

[B]

What is that? Is that. Is that Al Pacino?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I love Al Pacino.

[C]

Charlize Throne.

[B]

Is he blind in it?

[C]

That's sin of a woman. But no, I was joking. Moneyball. That'd be a good one. What about Aaron?

[A]

Yeah. What should I watch?

[C]

Snow Day.

[B]

I think you should watch Greece.

[A]

That would be a good one.

[C]

Yeah. You're not gonna like it.

[A]

Yeah. I guarantee you I'll hate it, but I'll watch it for y'. All.

[B]

You gotta. When you watch it, just think of, you know, like, high school movies. I mean, that's what it is.

[A]

Everybody myself, like, I'm a high school kid watching it from the 50s.

[B]

I think you put yourself like a middle schooler to where you kind of look up to these people.

[A]

Okay, but I'm in the 50s.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

All right.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Maybe I could watch it as a kid now.

[B]

Yeah. Think about. They're cool to you? These are the cool people.

[A]

Oh, they're cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

John Travolta cool.

[B]

I mean, when I. I remember watching it when I was a kid. I mean, they were all cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The T Birds. You kidding? Brian.

[A]

What should Brian watch?

[B]

Uncle Buck.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. When's. When do we have to report back?

[A]

I mean, we're. Two weeks.

[B]

Thanks to me. We got two weeks.

[C]

So the next episode. But that'll be in.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

All right, we'll report back.

[C]

All right.

[A]

I'm excited. I'm excited to watch Moneyball.

[B]

Yeah, me too.

[C]

I'm gonna have to watch it while I drive. Sorry.

[A]

I do that all the time. I'm watching West Wing on my drives right now. Just started it again.

[C]

That's what I should watch.

[B]

That's why he keeps his daughter's car seat turned around.

[A]

Not when she's.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Michael Stevens. Okay. We already read his. Thank you for that, Michael. You inspired. And yes, mine is about the firmament.

[C]

Let me just say this. I am wearing the public figures shirt, if anyone's interested. I don't know why my mug is orange. Is that. Is that supposed to be red?

[A]

No, that's supposed to be red in the top.

[C]

Oh, I thought that was red. Yeah, it's supposed to be red. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

It's red.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

It's a cm. CMYK or whatever.

[C]

What's that?

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

Printing colors.

[A]

Rgb.

[C]

Okay. All right.

[B]

So Zachary Cuts. Aaron's next special should be called this is Aaron Weber speaking.

[A]

That would be good.

[B]

I think that would be good for a solo podcast.

[A]

Aaron Weber speaking.

[B]

Yeah, this is Aaron Weber speaking.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And you could start every podcast.

[A]

You're trying to get me to leave this one. I think you should go off.

[C]

Yeah, just do your own. We're holding you back.

[B]

A guy. A guy.

[A]

That's not you, it's me. It's us.

[B]

A guy that listens to my podcast that hates me, said that I should leave this podcast because you guys are a good duo and. Yeah, and then I should go off and start some kind of cult.

[C]

Yeah, I agree with that.

[A]

No reason you can't do both.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[C]

I watched Ryan Hamilton special and man, it's so good.

[A]

He is so good at stand up. Yeah, he's just so funny.

[B]

He's very funny.

[C]

He is one of the best.

[A]

Hope the special's doing well. The little bit I've seen, it looks great. It's very funny.

[C]

Debuted at number seven on the top ten.

[B]

That's all right.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

Yeah, Ryan Hamilton's great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Very funny. And if he hadn't got hit by that boss, I mean, think of where he'd be now. Remember he got hit by a bus.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Almost killed.

[A]

Special's about it.

[C]

It's this whole special.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

Yeah, it's called. It just hit me or something.

[B]

Okay. Oh, I've not watched it.

[A]

Check it out.

[C]

It's not his whole special, but it's a big part.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

He tells it so well. Yeah, it's very funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Comedy's so funny. How? Obviously not to that extreme, but whenever something embarrassing or bad happens to us, maybe not so much you, because you don't do a lot of stuff.

[A]

Super personal stuff.

[C]

Yeah. But we do a little bit more.

[B]

I have jokes about throwing up in my car.

[C]

That's true.

[A]

Yeah. But everybody's done that anyway.

[C]

You pretty quickly, once you get over the embarrassment, you're like, oh, I can make a joke out of this.

[A]

Yes, sir. I was in the NICU. Like, yes, sir. 15 minutes.

[B]

Have you ever had to wait around for a contractor to show up? They give you that 3 to 12 hour waiting period. It's half the reason. I would rather do it myself. Then they finally get there. It's a complete stranger in your house. While I'm trying to enjoy my Saturday, I would watch them and think, yeah, I could do this better, faster and cheaper. That's why I use Pesty. It's the do it yourself, affordable pest control. No more waiting for the bug dude to show up late. I can get it done in about 10 minutes. And I know I don't have to worry about bugs. And I don't want inside that I don't want in my house all year round. I don't want them in there. I don't want any bugs in there.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Except for the ones I bring in and put in the aquarium. You get everything you need. The kit includes pro grade pesticide that's the same stuff the pros use. A sprayer, mixing bag, gloves, and instructions you can complete in less than 10 minutes. Plus, it's customizable for whatever reason, whatever season, location and weather you may deal with. Pesty gets rid of over a hundred types of bugs, from spiders and ants to roaches and stink bugs. Everybody's least favorite bug. The old stink bug. Other pest control companies charge hundreds of dollars. With Pesty, you can get started at just 35 per treatment with a customized plan based on your region. Pesty is kid and pet friendly. The pesticides they ship are fully registered and been have been used in hospitals and schools all over the country. Plus they offer a hundred percent bug free guarantee or your money back. What are you waiting for? Fix your bug problem before it gets worse. Go to pessy.com nate for an extra 10% off your order today. That's P-S-T-I E.com nate for an extra ten percent off. Jace Lee. We need a public figures musical performance with Aaron doing his Randy Newman voice, Breakfast doing his Nora Jones voice, and Dusty adding the country twang. That would be a hot song.

[A]

You're just making noises in the background. Yeah, Dusty, go blow on a jug back there. What's a year play with Mouth heart? You know what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about. Mouth heart thing. You don't know what I'm talking about? You're gonna make me do this again?

[C]

Yeah, you don't have to do it again.

[A]

You gotta know what I'm talking about.

[B]

I've heard the term mouth heart, but I don't really know what it is.

[A]

It's a little. This thing right here. Listen to this guy. Turn it up.

[C]

We're going to take our jaw harp. We're going to hold it with our.

[A]

Play it. Play it.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Heard that on like, TV shows, cartoons.

[B]

Oh, I think that's in the jaw heart. That may be in the song Louisiana. Saturday night.

[A]

Yeah, probably.

[B]

You get down the fiddle and you get down the bow. You kick off your shoes and you throw them on the floor. Yes.

[C]

Huh. Well, that's a perfect segue because this week we're talking about songs, something we've

[A]

never touched on in the history of

[C]

this podcast we basically talk about every week. So I thought, let's just make a whole.

[A]

And we're gonna get it out of our system.

[B]

We're gonna dedicate it to Cathy.

[A]

And we're not. We're gonna. This is. This is called For Kathy. That's the name of the.

[C]

And then we're done.

[A]

Songs for Kathy.

[C]

You want to. Guys, want to guess how many songs there are in the history of the world?

[B]

140 million.

[A]

Same as the Windows in New York City song. Like recorded songs copyrighted. What's the.

[C]

Well, I have two numbers here. One is publicly cataloged.

[A]

Publicly cataloged.

[C]

And one is historical. Everything historical, unrecorded and indie music.

[B]

It says, I'm going historic. I'm going cataloged. A million.

[A]

I'm going 55 million.

[C]

Okay, you Were close. The first time bestie cataloged 100 million.

[B]

Wow. That's right.

[C]

All together, over a billion billion songs. Is estimated that approximately 1.6 million new songs are written annually. With tens of thousands of tracks added to the world's catalog daily.

[A]

A billion songs. And Dusty knows the top 10.

[B]

And that's why I'm saying.

[C]

But he does honorable mention for most of them.

[B]

Let's stop making music. We have a billion songs.

[A]

We got so much to catch up on, man.

[B]

Enough.

[C]

Yeah, but you got some AI tracks to put out.

[B]

Yeah, I got. I'm up to 11 songs now. I'm working on my Growing Okra song. Song. And that sounds good. I gotta figure out because I. I'm growing okra and I don't know why. You know what I mean? I don't even like it, but I'm growing.

[C]

It sounds like a Nord Jones song.

[B]

Yeah. I'm growing okra and I don't know why. I'm working on it. Okay. If I was to eat it, I'd be about to die.

[C]

A lot of people said raccoon eating. Was it steak?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Sounded like Nora Jones.

[B]

Yeah, it's good.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's a really good one.

[C]

The first song that we know of that survived written notation is the Hurrian hymn number six. It was discovered on clay tablet in Syria back around 1400 BC. Included lyrics honoring the goddess of orchards alongside instructions for a nine string lyre.

[A]

L, Y, R, E. Yeah, lyre, lyre. I think. But it's that old. That old school. Kind of looks like a guitar. Okay, so this is from 1400 B.C. you want to listen to what it sounds like first ever. The oldest known melody.

[B]

I love that. That's some stuff I'd listen to.

[C]

That's all we can play in the time of Christ. People are like, God, just don't make music like we used to.

[A]

Everything's so commercialized now.

[C]

It's all pop and rap.

[A]

It's all rap.

[B]

Even True back then, I bet.

[C]

Yeah. The most popular song. It depends on how you measure it. But commercially.

[A]

Shave in a haircut. Two bits. It's got to be up there. You know the song, right? Shaving a haircut.

[B]

Well, let's guess. Most popular song.

[A]

Hold on. Let's talk about shaving a haircut. Well, you've heard it so many times in your life, you don't even know it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, that's where the knock comes.

[B]

Shaving a haircut, two bits.

[A]

Shave and a haircut, two bits.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That's what the knock Is So we're all knocking this song, you know, years and years later.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

But it's not that.

[B]

I think it's happy birthday.

[C]

How did it. How did the that come about?

[A]

No idea.

[B]

Maybe they were going to the barber shop and they're like, like, you knock what you need.

[A]

I need a shave and a haircut.

[C]

Two bits, then you tell what you pay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know what the two bits means.

[C]

Well, that's money cost.

[B]

Oh, maybe it was. They were knocking back shave and a haircut and then they would knock back two bits.

[C]

Sounds like they were advertising to me.

[A]

Two bits is a term in the US and Canada. For 25 cents, it meant a quarter.

[B]

And that doesn't make sense. No.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

Maybe 12.5.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Per bit. All right, so when I said most popular, those are both good guesses. But this is based. This is from Guinness World Records based on selling best selling single worldwide, Gangnam Style.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

I'm guessing Gangam style.

[B]

I'm going, baby.

[A]

Justin Bieber.

[B]

I will always love you by Whitney Houston.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Those are all Thriller, Michael Jackson, Madonna.

[C]

Maybe just gonna say an artist, not even say a song.

[A]

Yeah, like a ver. Like a cert. Whatever.

[B]

Stairway to Heaven.

[C]

Physical.

[A]

Yeah, like let's get physical by Madonna.

[C]

Bing Crosby's White Christmas.

[B]

Oh, it's always a Christmas song.

[C]

50 million copies.

[B]

I'm dreaming.

[C]

I think more. More modern. It was Elton John. Candle in the wind.

[B]

Oh, because of Princess Diana.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because of her dying. Dang.

[B]

Really capitalized. I knew what he was doing.

[A]

It's a great song, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Elton John is unbelievable.

[C]

Yeah. I was trying to think where to go next. We could talk with the greatest songs of all time.

[A]

Zoo words do lease by popular songs of all time.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Raccoon eating steak.

[B]

Listen, that's doing better than I got. I mean, it's got more views than a lot of people's songs.

[C]

Finally, a song that says something.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, I looked up the most used words in a song.

[A]

Love or heart. I'm guessing.

[B]

Well, love's got to be up there, but I'm gonna guess eyes.

[C]

Those are good. Guess. Love is the most common thematic noun or verb.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

You, I, you and I are the most pronouns.

[B]

I was thinking physical. Eyes.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Eye, baby, and yeah are also often used.

[A]

Talking about eyes. You're talking about heart.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[C]

Approximately 67% to 70% of all popular music contains themes about love, dating, or romantic relationships.

[A]

Makes sense.

[C]

Too many love songs. I hear Dusty.

[B]

Well, I agree. It's like. That's what I'm saying. What. What do we even have to write about now? I'm writing songs about okra because no one else is doing it.

[C]

Finally,

[B]

I got a pretty hot punk song about paw paw trees.

[C]

You are the voice of the next generation.

[A]

You have 10 albums just about your backyard.

[C]

It's like the guy from, like, Steve Carell from Anchorman. I love Lamp does. He just looks out his window. Yeah, I'm gonna write about that. Bush.

[A]

Bush a good band.

[C]

22%. 22% of country songs feature alcohol references, making it the second most common genre behind urban hip hop.

[A]

Interesting. Now, do you think that that's a relatively new development? But I think they're talking about alcohol forever.

[B]

I think they've been talking about drinking for a long time.

[A]

Yeah. It's the trucks and that kind of.

[B]

Yeah. I think the thing about the drinking in the old days is they're like, I'm sad, okay? And I'm drinking.

[A]

It wasn't party drink.

[C]

No. It's shaboozy.

[B]

Some of it is party drinking, but. Yeah, shaboozi. But long before that, it's been, you know, tonight I'm looking for a party crown. You know, it's been going on chilling on Duro. Yeah. I mean, the party drink has been going on my red solo cup.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I feel you up. Let's have a party.

[A]

Song is so terrible.

[B]

Brad Paisley.

[A]

I kind of like it.

[B]

I like it.

[A]

It's so terrible.

[B]

It is. Brad Paisley has that alcohol song. That one was a really good one.

[A]

It's kind of trashing alcohol, though. It's not really pro alcohol.

[B]

I don't know. It kind of seems like, you know, all the. I don't know. I remember me and my friend were like, we're gonna quit drinking. And then I found that song and I showed it to him, and he goes, don't show me songs like that when I'm trying to quit drinking alcohol.

[A]

It's a song written from the first person from alcohol.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the first one is. I can make anybody pretty. I can make you believe any lie I can make you pick a fight with someone twice your size.

[B]

Yeah. So that sounds great.

[C]

That's dusty.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

The early 2000s.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Support for today's episode comes from square the system powering, like, half the places I go. If you've ever tapped to pay and thought, whoa, that was fast. It was probably square. Whether you're selling lattes, cutting hair, or selling merch. Like, we all Do Square help helps you run your business without running yourself into the ground. And right now, listeners get up to 200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com go/nate. That's S Q U-A-R-E.com go/nate. Visit Square to get started because the right tools make all the difference. We have a coffee shop around the corner from my house and I knew I immediately they use Square because it was such an easy and seamless payment process. We all love it so much that we have been using it long before they were a sponsor. That is true. Maybe you're curious, what is Square? Square is the platform behind the scenes of so many businesses you already love. Square gives them one connected system to take payments, manage inventory, run payroll, send invoices, and track it all from one place. Place. Square includes hardware that works in person and on the go. Software for managing staff, marketing and customer insights, plus banking tools like Square checking to get paid instantly. If you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tools, Square helps you sell, manage and grow without slowing down. Right now you can get up to 200 off square hardware at square.com Go next Nate. That's S Q U-A-R-E.com G O/ Nate. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today.

[C]

All right, Dusty, you alluded to this earlier, but the most widely recognized song in the English speaking world, Happy Birthday, Ode to Joy.

[A]

Is it Happy Birthday.

[C]

Happy Birthday.

[A]

Yeah. Which was copyrighted until recently.

[C]

That's right. Sung at millions of birthday celebrations every year. It originated from a classroom song called Good Morning to All.

[A]

Written in Good Morning to all.

[B]

Some people say the Happy Birthday song is an aging curse.

[C]

Yeah, a lot of people do say that.

[A]

Well,

[C]

I've heard that.

[A]

Yeah. We could move on, but I would like to hear more about it.

[C]

The funny thing is, I think you shared this before, but I want to hear it again.

[B]

Well, you know, they say, you know, you're, you're singing, you're. You're. First off, you're baking a cake, which is, you know, kind of, you know, in the. They talk about baking cakes to the Queen of Heaven in the Bible, which is Mary.

[A]

Mother.

[B]

Not referencing Mary. Okay. And. And then, you know, and then you light the candles and you make a wish and then you blow out the candles and the smoke goes, you know, to your, your seat feeling, whatever, whatever gods that you worship to grant your wish. And then you sing Happy Birthday as some type of aging incantation.

[C]

Yeah, I heard that the aging curses Very often when people do it, they get one year older. Yeah, that's the curse.

[B]

But, you know, would we age the way that we do if we weren't singing it?

[A]

You know, my family would sing in the same tune of Happy Birthday. They would sing may the dear Lord bless you.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Dear Lord.

[B]

That's what I'm talking about.

[A]

Yeah, but I'm aging like milk.

[B]

Well, you probably abandoned that song. Listen, when you had that senior portrait up here, I thought you were in middle school.

[C]

Yeah. Now look at him.

[B]

And. And since you've broke out of the family.

[A]

My body's falling apart.

[B]

Started singing Happy Birthday. It's catching up to you.

[C]

My family would sing it to me. Happy Birthday.

[A]

Yeah, you did the black. Happy birthday.

[C]

The basis did. Yeah.

[B]

But. Yeah.

[C]

For decades, people believe the song was copyrighted, leading restaurants and TV shows to avoid singing it.

[B]

Happy, happy birthday. That's what they would do in the restaurant. Happy, happy birthday from us to you. Whatever. You know what I mean?

[C]

But in 2016, a US court ruled ruling confirmed it belonged to the public domain.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Good for that.

[B]

Good thing that went to the courts. That's a good use of our time.

[C]

So now we can see a new

[B]

use of our time.

[C]

Do you know the New Year's Eve

[A]

song, the New Year's? Oh, it's all Dale saying or whatever.

[C]

That's close.

[A]

Yeah, it's. It's one of the best melodies ever. I think it gets me emotional.

[B]

I've never heard of it.

[A]

Gets me emotional every time.

[C]

That's not good.

[A]

Are you serious? This song's unbelievable.

[C]

No, I'm joking about the getting emotional. We shouldn't get emotional.

[A]

You don't get emotional with the.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I don't think.

[C]

All bling signs.

[B]

I thought that said keep your eye on the flag.

[A]

Your part. Gets me goosebumps every time.

[B]

You're a grand old flag. You're a high flying.

[C]

What did you say?

[A]

You're a grand old flag. You're a high fly and flag. That's totally different.

[B]

Flag.

[C]

Yeah. Okay. Cleared that up here, what you said.

[B]

Come on.

[C]

That is a great stuff song. And that's even in It's a Wonderful Life. That's how they end it.

[A]

That's how they end it. They're all singing that song.

[C]

Yeah, it's also.

[A]

There's a great scene of Forrest Gump when it's playing at the bar and the confetti's falling on Lieutenant Dan and he's sad and everybody's cheering to that song. It's It's a song. It's happy, but it's also sad. It's like all of these emotions. It makes you excited about the future, but makes you miss the past. And it's like. I don't know. It's the most emotionally gut wrenching song that I know.

[B]

No, I'm Lieutenant Dan. At every party I know.

[C]

I was looking at you thinking that

[A]

you're in a wheelchair for some reason.

[C]

Are you saying because you're sad

[A]

everyone's having fun and he's not?

[B]

It comes with the territory.

[C]

Yeah. So that song, Auld Lang Syne, I think. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Popularized by Scottish poet Robert Burns in the late 1700s. The title roughly translates to Old long since, or more naturally, time gone by.

[A]

It's pretty beautiful, dude. Oh, Danny Boy. Is that on there? That's a hot song too.

[C]

How's that go, Danny boy?

[A]

The pipes, the pipes are calling.

[C]

Do you know what Take Me out to the ball game. What that's about.

[A]

It's about going to a baseball game.

[C]

Mm. Yep. You nailed it.

[B]

Did you know that, you know, it's. Could have deeper meaning, you know, but you.

[C]

It's actually about. It is a good bit, but about a woman who would rather go to a baseball game than go on a date with this guy.

[A]

Oh, that's awesome. So she's saying, take me out to the ball game.

[C]

Yeah. It's a woman named Katie who loves baseball more than going on a date.

[A]

Oh, I love that. Is that real?

[C]

Yeah, that's real.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know if it's that Katie, but that's what it's about.

[B]

I'd go, oh, you're a sports fan, huh?

[A]

Cracker Jack, Singular, you know, that's the lyric. Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack.

[B]

Did she say, I don't care if I ever get back.

[A]

I don't care if I ever get back.

[B]

So she's okay with kidnapping at him?

[C]

I think she wants to stay at the game.

[B]

I don't care if I ever get back.

[C]

They should change it to make it home.

[B]

Yeah, I don't care.

[A]

I would like to be home after the game, but it's rude for the home team.

[B]

Doesn't Cracker Jack have peanuts in it? Do you really need peanuts and Cracker Jack?

[A]

When I think. I guess it does have peanuts in the mix, but when I think of Cracker Jack, I think of, like, the. The caramel corn. Caramel.

[B]

Yeah. There's always one or two peanuts in there. It's not a lot of peanuts.

[A]

Yeah. If you like peanuts? Get some separate.

[B]

You're.

[A]

Yeah. You're not going to rely on the Cracker Jack box for all your peanut needs.

[C]

Aaron, do you know what. Do you know what a Mondi Green is?

[A]

A Monte Green Monday green. M O N D E. No.

[C]

It's a misheard word or phrase that results from a listener misunderstanding lyrics or speech filling in the gaps with similar sounding words that make their own kind of sense.

[A]

This is how I have heard most songs in my entire life.

[C]

So some popular ones.

[A]

Rock the Cat Box.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, that's funny.

[A]

Chewie. He don't like it. Rock the cat Box. What are some famous ones?

[C]

Blank Space by Taylor Swift.

[A]

Yeah. Starbucks. Starbucks lover.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

It's a big one.

[C]

Tiny Dancer by Elton John.

[A]

Tony Danza.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

I don't think people are really misunderstanding that.

[C]

I don't either. I think that's episode of Free.

[A]

Elton John was singing about Tony danza in the 70s.

[C]

Bad moon rising, I guess by CCR there's a bathroom on the right.

[A]

Bathroom on the right. Yeah, I could hear that.

[C]

I could totally hear that one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. The Drake and Josh theme song.

[C]

You know that song is the.

[B]

I do. I was trying to think of where Bathroom on the Right comes in.

[C]

There's a bathroom on the right.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I. I mean I heard.

[C]

I think I said Get Better than

[A]

what's My age Again by Blink 182. Remember that song? Song?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I took her out. It was a Friday night. What's the next line?

[B]

I don't know well enough.

[A]

Everyone always said I walk alone. But the actual lyrics. I wore cologne. Oh, that's a big one. Is that on there?

[C]

No.

[B]

What about One Week by the Bare Naked Ladies? In one week, I just sang. I had the. I had the whole beat.

[A]

I just said chickadee, chick, chick. The Chinese chicken. The whole time.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I don't know if that's even

[B]

in the whole time.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What a great song. What are they talking about?

[B]

I love that song.

[A]

Yeah. That can't be about anything.

[B]

Chicken to China. The Chinese chicken. You have a drumstick and your brain stops ticking watching X Files when the lights on. But not amazing. There's Monkeyman's in this one. Like Harrison Fordham getting frantic. Like Stingham Tantric.

[A]

What was that?

[B]

It's like Stingham Tantric.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like Snickers. Guaranteed to satisfy.

[A]

Oh, you know all the lyrics?

[B]

Yeah. I used to love that song. I don't know if those are right.

[A]

Yeah, but it's what it sounds like.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix. A lot of people think. She says, excuse me. Excuse me while I kiss this guy.

[A]

Okay. What is he actually saying?

[C]

Kiss this guy? Yeah.

[B]

I don't think any. I don't think anybody really thinks that, though. These seem like all. Like, who wrote this? Weird Al Yankovic. He's like, this is what people think.

[A]

A lot of people think Michael Jackson's saying eat it instead of beat it.

[C]

All right, here's what I really do think. I mean, I. I knew it's what he's saying, but it sounded just like this to me. Dwight Yocum. A thousand miles from nowhere I got pickles in my head what is he.

[A]

What. What does he actually say?

[C]

I got echoes in my head.

[A]

Okay, you thought he was saying pickles.

[C]

It sounds just like he's saying pickles. Do you know the song?

[B]

Yeah. I got heartaches in my pocket I got echoes in my head I mean, pickle. I never thought.

[A]

Is it my bunny?

[C]

You don't know the song?

[A]

I've never heard this song in my life.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

You never heard about. I'm gonna know that for sure.

[A]

For A Thousand Miles From Nowhere by Cat Stevens. It's a great song.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

I think it's called Miles From Nowhere.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Some lyrics that make no sense. All right. I Am the Walrus by the Beatles.

[A]

Yeah. Cuckoo Chew. What is that all about? Is that about the ussr?

[C]

He's. John Lennon deliberately wrote it. This to mock critics who overanalyzed his work.

[A]

Okay, that's pretty funny.

[C]

He says, I am the eggman. They are the egg men. I am the walrus. Goo goo gaboo.

[B]

What about the Ballad of the Thin man by Bob Dylan? Is that on the list?

[A]

Ballad of the Thin man by Bob Dylan. Yeah, it's a song written. Released in 1965 on Highway 61 Revisited. One of the most iconic albums of all time. Time it. What about it, Dusty?

[B]

Well, the whole song. You walk in, it seems like he's talking about critics. Just. That's what made me think of that. But he's just like. He gets the. I mean, if you look up the lyrics, the lyrics are pretty. You walk into the room with a pencil in your hand. You see somebody naked and you say, who is that man?

[C]

Who is Dusty and his friend at a party?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You walk into a room.

[B]

You try so hard with a pencil in your head don't understand understand just what you will say when you get home. Oh, man, I love that song.

[A]

Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones by counting Crows. Another great.

[B]

Well, see, I thought that this was Mr. Jones was a reference to this song, but I don't know if that's true.

[A]

What about by Hanson?

[C]

Great song, but the words just made up.

[A]

No, those. Those lyrics. It's actually a really great song if you look at the lyrics. I'm a staunch Hansen defense vendor. Okay.

[C]

Okay. I can't wait for this.

[A]

Listen, look at the lyrics to this. This verse. You. You have so many relationships in this life Only one or two will last. You go through all the pain and strife Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast oh yeah. So so hold on to the ones who really care in the end they'll be the only ones there and when you get your get old and start losing your hair can you tell me who will still who still care?

[C]

Okay, this is what becomes the problem.

[B]

I like that they put only since there's three of them and I imagine one person singing here that he said only two of your relationships will last. So I like that they. People in this band.

[A]

Well, later those, um, bots become. In an mmm bop they're gone. In an mmm bop they're not there and in mmm bop they're gone. Mmm bop that's all fleeting.

[B]

Until you. Until you lose your hair.

[A]

Until you lose your hair. Bob.

[C]

Dude, why are you looking at me like that?

[B]

Well, just saying.

[C]

They say, yeah, Bob's pretty quick. Before you know it, you just bopped out. All right. You've shared with me on a couple of car rides. Song lyrics. One it's really great. One that was funny that I want to share. And then I want to talk about some great song lyrics.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, yeah,

[C]

the one that's great. Jason Isbull. If We Were Vampires.

[A]

We Were Vampires. Such a great song.

[C]

You know that song?

[A]

It's a very sad.

[B]

I do know the song, but you would have to sing some of it

[C]

for me to just of it is if we were vampires, we could live forever and we wouldn't have to worry about.

[B]

What album is this off of?

[A]

This is Jason ISBELL and the 400 unit or whatever. It's not. That's what it's listed under this band. I don't know the name of the album, but it's. He's on. It's on his wedding day and he's. And his bride to be is walking down the aisle and he starts to get sad and he's like, it's not because like you're perfect. It's because what's best case scenario. I get 40 years with you.

[B]

Yeah. So now they're divorced.

[A]

I know, but I don't think it's really. But he's saying, like, he. He gets sad about the limitations of time and all this stuff. And then he's like, if we were vampires, we would go outside and smoke and laugh at all the people would make. And then he's like.

[C]

He does that anyway.

[A]

But it's because. It's because we're going to die that everything we do has meaning.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's because there's a time limit. Then I will. I'll love you so much more because there's going to be an end to this.

[B]

I just want to see.

[A]

It's really beautiful.

[B]

What album that is.

[C]

Well, while you look at that up.

[B]

Oh, that's the Nashville sound.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know that one as well.

[A]

Yeah, it's really. I mean, it's probably my favorite song

[C]

of his, the very funny one.

[B]

He has some great stuff.

[C]

Gosh, you set me up for this. It's a great song. We're in the car. I think it was called down by the Lake.

[A]

Parked out by the. Parked out by the Lake by Dean Summer Wind.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Do you know this song?

[B]

No.

[A]

I'll play. We'll play it after this.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's maybe my favorite country song of the last 20 years.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's really good. We'll play. I can't play it on the air because of copyright, but you don't want to talk about that. It's not the Happy Birthday song. No, I don't want to ruin it.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But it's a good. Go check it out. Dean. Summerwind park, down by the lake.

[C]

So dusty. What is. Is there a song lyric? There's probably multiple that just resonates with you and Billy Joe Shaver. Does he have any.

[B]

Well, Billy Joe Shaver has so many. Has some really great ones.

[C]

John Prine.

[B]

John Prine.

[C]

What's that song?

[B]

You know, he has. John Prine has a song called Souvenirs, which is really great. And he kind of talks about. I hate graveyards and old pawn shops because they always bring me tears can't forgive the way they rob me of my sweetheart Souvenirs, you know, and it's a. It's a really good one.

[A]

That is hot.

[B]

It's a hot one. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. I feel like I'm really on the spot with. Come up with.

[A]

It's a tough question. Yeah. Yeah. But think of some later. Yeah.

[C]

All right. Before we run out of time, do we want to try to write a song Together.

[A]

Should we do it?

[C]

Do you think we can do it, Dusty?

[B]

I think we can.

[A]

Do we have a guitar or anything?

[C]

Now you. You. I saw an article and.

[B]

Do some AI and we'll do it right.

[A]

No. No AI.

[C]

Oh, well, we're going to need a guitar then. What genre should we do? You pointed out there's no rap songs in the top 100 for the first time in what, 40 years?

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Cause all music is rap.

[C]

Okay. Oh, you're gonna. Okay. You'll do it this way. Okay. All right. So what type of song should we do? Love song.

[B]

I don't think we should write a love song.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think we should do a public figure song.

[C]

Okay. He's already got the music written.

[B]

Is that an original?

[A]

Yeah, it's just a C chord.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

All right, I'll start it.

[A]

I don't think this is gonna go well.

[B]

We really love being in the public eye.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then we need something to rhyme with I.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

All right, let's go to rhymezone.com real quick.

[B]

No, no, no.

[C]

You're a songwriter.

[A]

How do you do it? That's how you do it.

[C]

What's your creative process? Three chords in the truth.

[B]

Well, you just come up with something like that. You just try to write a little poem.

[C]

All right. What was the first line?

[B]

We love being in the public eye.

[A]

To cry. There we go. Use that.

[B]

We love being in the public eye.

[A]

Goodbye.

[B]

If we weren't, then we'd want to die.

[C]

I think it's a good first line. I think we're on to something.

[B]

That's how I do it.

[A]

Okay, now we need one more. We need another stanza for the first

[C]

verse before we get to the chorus.

[A]

Yeah, we need one more.

[B]

You write that one.

[C]

All right. I really love the Common folks.

[B]

Brian.

[A]

I'm just kidding. No, I don't.

[C]

Boom.

[A]

This is Brian's verse.

[C]

Yeah. All right.

[A]

There we go. And then what's the chorus? What?

[B]

What is your line?

[A]

I really love the Common folks.

[B]

Just kidding.

[A]

Just kidding. His song stinks already.

[C]

Hey, Bear. Hey, Bear.

[A]

Oh, hey. It's hey Jude. But you sing hey Bear instead.

[C]

Yeah. Hey, Bear.

[A]

Terrible. Well, no, I got a guitar in here. We could really get it.

[B]

Well, podcast with Brian and Dusty.

[A]

I'm kidding.

[C]

There's not a guitar. I thought we could put it in.

[B]

These three guys are old, fat and musty. Jeez. Come on, guys. Oh, man.

[C]

That's pretty good.

[B]

That is good.

[A]

Old fat.

[C]

What was the first line? A podcast.

[B]

A podcast with Brian, Aaron and Dusty These three guys are old, fat and mustard.

[C]

Okay. I like that Aaron put it to music. You're the music guy.

[A]

I don't have an instrument on me, dude. It's hard.

[C]

There's a piano.

[A]

It's hard to play on the keyboard. If you play drumsticks, what do you think that's the least helpful? I mean, I'd rather take a mouth harp at this point. There you go. This will be good. Yeah.

[B]

Now.

[A]

Now we can get cooking here. All right. We got drumsticks.

[C]

Dusty has a great opening line. What are you doing, Dusty? Texting?

[B]

No, he's.

[A]

He's on Suno right now.

[C]

Oh, he's writing.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. A little panda bear at the zoo is getting gassed to death right now because Dusty's on Suno. The data center is just. Yeah. Propane fumes or whatever they're doing over there. I don't know how it works, but you're typing one in. Let's hear.

[C]

What.

[A]

What are the. The musical directions you're giving it, Dusty.

[B]

Well, I'm just writing the lyrics down right now.

[A]

Oh, okay. Okay, good.

[C]

Well, this seemed funner in my head.

[A]

That's all right. That's all right. A little preparation I could have. If we. I had a guitar, we could really knock it out.

[C]

I should have asked you.

[A]

These drumsticks are not that helpful.

[C]

But I thought I did say to you guys, let's write a song together.

[A]

Yeah, but I didn't, first of all. I don't remember you saying that, but I believe that you did. But I don't think. I thought you were serious, you know? Yeah.

[C]

I thought we put it in AI

[A]

and we can do that. I'm just. As long as everybody knows I strenuously object.

[B]

What rhymes with world?

[A]

Girl, yeah.

[C]

It didn't have to be world.

[B]

What about land?

[C]

What it says? What rhymes with flat? If you're doing world, fat.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

I think I know where this is going.

[A]

Flat, earth, fat, girth, whatever you want. You know, you can do a double rhyme there. That's two syllables.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

You know, hurl, writing, song. It really makes you appreciate all these great songs we've been talking about. It's a little harder than it looks.

[C]

You know who the most prolific songwriter of all time is?

[A]

L. Ron Hubbard. Oh, that's author, songwriter. I have no idea.

[B]

Who is Don Schlitz?

[A]

Don Schlitz is probably up there.

[C]

He is up there.

[A]

Rest in peace.

[C]

Paul McCartney holds the record for most number one hits in the US Billboard 32. Number one.

[A]

That's different for most prolific songwriter. Okay, right, that's the most successful songwriter. All right, you're right. Prolific. I could have written a million songs and I'd be more prolific.

[C]

Do you know who Matt Farley is?

[A]

Down by the river?

[B]

That's Foley.

[C]

He's an independent American musician who's written and released more than 18,000 songs. He writes tracks about highly specific topics such as birthday food and specific cities to capitalize on streaming search algorithms.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

I've seen this. Almost any city, America you can think of.

[A]

He's got a hot chicken song.

[C]

There's a song about that town.

[A]

Wow. What's his name? Matt Farley.

[C]

Yeah, Matt Farley.

[A]

Okay. To look him up. And they're not AI generated.

[C]

I don't know. But. But he wrote them.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The world. Guinness World Records for most songs written was by a guy in India. He was. He wrote 3,524 songs across more than 650 Bollywood films.

[A]

Oh, man. He's like, they're John Williams.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, guess so. Some more. Misheard. How you coming over there, Dusty?

[B]

I'm gonna.

[A]

Well, give us the musical directions.

[B]

I'm going, I'm going. Let's go with it Right now?

[A]

Yeah. Okay, here we go. You ready?

[B]

It's creating.

[A]

It's generating.

[C]

Are you putting it to your. Gonna put up your mic?

[B]

Let's see what it says. This is. This is.

[A]

Is it ready?

[B]

Yeah, it's almost. Hold on.

[C]

Give me one second.

[A]

Okay. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Crafting your next hit.

[A]

What's the name of the song?

[B]

Well, it's called. Oh, well, they're. They give it a name. I didn't name it, but you can change the name. But it is calling itself the Public Figures Podcast.

[A]

Okay. I like. Pretty good on the nose.

[B]

Our phone's been listening to the whole time.

[A]

I believe it has been. Yeah.

[B]

So my signal is a little weak. So it's. It says it's bringing your musical vision to life.

[A]

That's all good, right? We're vamping. That's what we do.

[B]

51 seconds.

[A]

Knock it out.

[B]

You ready? Let's see what. See if it's any good. We love being in the public.

[A]

Ey.

[B]

If we Were not to die Podcast with Ryan, Aaron and Dusty. These three guys are old, fat, and musty. The podcast is hot. The best in the land. We wrote a song, even though we all are Japan. It's the Public Figures podcast. Huh.

[C]

That's awesome.

[B]

What do you think about that? The hit.

[A]

Did you put Old Navy commercial in the directions

[B]

beat? Catch it. You Know, piano, guitar.

[A]

It is scary how quickly it did that.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. A fully produced song.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Any chance you guys want to hear a little bit of my Pawpaw tree song?

[C]

Well, we got to wrap it up.

[A]

We don't really have the time. Dude, we got six o'. Clock.

[B]

Just give it one.

[A]

It's actually six o'.

[B]

Clock. Just give it one little lesson.

[A]

Okay. If you can do it quickly, we'll talk about what is pawpaw tree first.

[B]

It's okay. It's a. It grows in paw paw.

[A]

Like your grandfather.

[B]

No, no, it's a fruit.

[A]

P, A, P, A U, P A U.

[B]

Native to Tennessee.

[A]

Pa Paw. Oh, okay.

[B]

P, A W, P. It's just kind

[A]

of a Whatever looking tree.

[B]

Yeah. Here we go. I think you'll like this. This is your kind of music, Aaron. Here goes. Get ready. I'm growing pawpaw trees in my backyard. I want to try the fruit but growing it seems pretty hard. Pawpaws need soil that is moist but not too wet. All these instructions, it's making me sweat. I'm growing paw paw. Wow, that's good. That's a hit, guys.

[C]

That's a hit.

[B]

That's what I'm talking about. That people think I'm out here just wasting my time.

[A]

But this is.

[C]

Bessie's gonna wear it. He got.

[A]

I'm growing Paul paw tree. Are you listening to this? Like, in the car?

[B]

My kids love it. My kids asked to listen to my tornado song, and Tornado song's good.

[A]

Well, we'll save that for the Patreon.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Sonny's like, I'm just gonna look this way.

[A]

Oh, that was great. What a fun episode.

[C]

That was great. That was a good one.

[A]

Are we done?

[C]

Well, I'd like to see where I'm at.

[B]

Well, I'd like to. You know, if you don't mind, I'd like to tell people, though, since this is a songs episode, that I have a playlist out here called Dusty Sleigh's country radio, and it's 22 hours, almost 23 hours long. It has 3,138 saves. So people are listening to this, and it's a great playlist on Spotify.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So look it up.

[C]

Yeah, Amigo.

[A]

Yeah, I guess so.

[C]

Yeah. Well, before I forget, August 22nd, 23rd, 24th. Is that right?

[A]

23rd, 4th, 5th.

[C]

23rd, 24th, 25th. Nateland showcase, season five.

[B]

All right.

[C]

Is here at the lab at zany so get tickets for that. Bunch of great comics on that.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

But yours truly, this Thursday. Tomorrow night, July 9th, I'll be at the Comedy Catch in Chattanooga. All right, Danielle, great swimmer, runs the club.

[B]

Pretty good.

[A]

Best swimmer in Tennessee comedy.

[B]

Pretty good swimmer, I'd say.

[C]

Then July 17, 18th, I'm in. Coming up, Broadway in Lexington. July 31, August 1, Funny Farm in Goshen, Indiana. And then August 2 at Helium in Indianapolis.

[A]

Awesome. I got some dates coming up. I'm going to tell them to you. This is Aaron Weber speaking, by the way. July 16th, 17th, 18th, I'm in Royal Oak, Michigan, at the Comedy Castle. First time there. I'm super excited. I got some corporate stuff. Not working next couple weekends could be, but then I'm back on the road. I got a couple dates at the Opry coming up. Then I'm in Phoenix, Arizona, Desert Ridge Improv, September. Things really pick up. Orlando, Florida. Conroe, Texas. Birmingham, Alabama. October's looking super busy. San Francisco, Sacramento. I'm all over the country. I'm all over the globe. Coming out and see me, Aaron Weber, comedy.com for all my dates.

[B]

Awesome. Felt good tonight at the Lab. Let loose the sort of open mic that we're doing here at the Lab. And So there'll be 12 bucket spots and also some book. So if you want to just come watch, there are some booked comics, so you'll see some for sure, funny people. But you can get. If you want to get on, there'll be 12, maybe 13 book spot bucket spots. This Saturday, July 11th, I'm in Charlestown, West Virginia, at the Hollywood Casino. July 18th, I'm in Atlantic City, New Jersey, at the borgata. And then August 6th through August 8th, I'm in East Providence, Rhode island, at the Comedy Connection.

[A]

Awesome.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

All right, guys, this has been a hot podcast and I appreciate you guys listening. Thank you. Thank you to the crew for doing two episodes in one day, even though I didn't need the day off after all. I appreciate you guys.

[C]

Well, thank me. I had to do research on.

[B]

Thank you, Brian, for doing the research on this. And then the research that Adrian did, you let us know that Adrian did that research. Thank you for that. Okay, we're having a good time. We love being in the public eye. If we weren't there and we want to Die. A podcast with Ryan, Aaron and Dusty. These three guys are old, fat, and musty. The podcast is hot. The best in the land. We wrote a song even though we all are Japan. The public figures. Podcast.

[A]

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