259: #259 Best of 5 Years

Summary

The Nateland Podcast - Episode 259: Best of 5 Years
Release Date: July 2, 2025
Hosts: Nate Bargatze, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, Dusty Slay

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Celebrating Five Years of Laughter

In episode 259 of The Nateland Podcast, the hosts—Nate Bargatze, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, and Dusty Slay—come together to celebrate the milestone of five years on air. This special "Best of 5 Years" episode encapsulates the journey, memorable moments, and the camaraderie that has defined the podcast over half a decade.

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Reflecting on the Journey

Aaron Weber reminisces about the origins of the podcast, mentioning, "We did a best of. I think people love the best ofs. They’re always perfect things to start with if you’re trying to get someone into the podcast" (02:05).

The hosts express disbelief at reaching the five-year mark, with Dusty Slay noting, "Hard to believe that it was five years" (02:05). They acknowledge the support from their audience and the growth they've experienced together.

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Listener Interactions and Funny Names

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing hilarious and quirky names submitted by listeners. The hosts humorously debate the pronunciations and origins of names like "Sigorb," "Miriam Gregory," and "Turler," often leading to playful banter and laughs.

Aaron Weber shares his frustrations with computer crashes, saying, "I spend large amounts of time without saving my progress... Now I click save every time I hear Nate say, unbelievable" (05:54). This segues into a light-hearted critique of the exaggerated nature of some listener comments.

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Embarrassing Moments and Personal Stories

The episode delves into personal anecdotes, with hosts sharing their most embarrassing moments:

• Dusty Slay narrates his experience wearing a New Kids on the Block T-shirt on the first day of his senior year, only to face teasing from peers. "I wore this shirt to school first day of my senior year, and... big statement. But people quickly let me know this was a huge mistake" (51:43).

• Brian Bates recounts an awkward radio interview where his genuine emotion was misunderstood, leading to unintended impressions about his comedy style.

• Aaron Weber humorously describes his attempt at doing impressions, including a botched rendition of a court jesters' dialogue, highlighting the challenges of mimicking famous personalities.

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Ad Breaks and Sponsored Messages

While the majority of the episode focuses on engaging discussions and stories, there are brief sponsored segments:

• Bombas Socks Advertisement: Nate promotes Bombas socks, emphasizing their quality and social impact. "One purchase equals one donated to someone who needs it" (00:50).

• Rocket Money Advertisement: Dusty highlights the benefits of managing subscriptions and tracking spending with Rocket Money. "Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions" (15:08).

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Podcast Evolution and Future Plans

As the hosts reflect on their success, they discuss potential changes to the podcast's format and structure. Aaron Weber announces the addition of a fourth co-host, hinting at fresh dynamics and perspectives to come. "We’re gonna change it up and we’re adding a fourth co-host. It’ll be four of us" (73:57).

The conversation also touches upon reaching significant milestones, such as the 100th episode, and their aspirations to continue entertaining and expanding their audience.

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Humor in Everyday Situations

Throughout the episode, the hosts exhibit their unique comedic styles by finding humor in mundane scenarios:

• Dusty Slay shares his mishap at a daycare, leading to an interaction that spirals into a comedic recount of trying to appear casual while holding shopping bags (65:12).

• Brian Bates discusses his attempt to gasp using an iPhone at a Preds game, resulting in an amusing disconnect between his physical reaction and audience engagement (108:53).

• Aaron Weber engages in playful debates about hypothetical battles between emus and lions, blending absurd scenarios with sharp wit (86:01).

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Closing Remarks and Congratulations

As the episode draws to a close, Dusty Slay shares personal news about expecting a baby, eliciting congratulations and heartfelt responses from his fellow hosts. "I turned 50 today, so we've all... I'm very serious" (59:17).

The hosts celebrate this joyous announcement with laughter and support, reinforcing the tight-knit community they've built over the years.

Nate Bargatze wraps up the episode with a lighthearted note, appreciating the growth and looking forward to future adventures: "We're in a new studio... They've done an unbelievable job with this podcast" (118:27).

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Conclusion

Episode 259 of The Nateland Podcast serves as a heartfelt and humorous tribute to five years of collective effort and shared laughter. Through personal stories, listener interactions, and genuine camaraderie, the hosts honor their journey while setting the stage for continued success and entertaining content in the years to come.

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Notable Quotes:

• Aaron Weber (02:05): "We did a best of. I think people love the best ofs. They’re always perfect things to start with if you’re trying to get someone into the podcast."

• Dusty Slay (51:43): "I wore this shirt to school first day of my senior year, and... big statement. But people quickly let me know this was a huge mistake."

• Dusty Slay (59:17): "I turned 50 today, so we've all... I'm very serious."

• Nate Bargatze (118:27): "We're in a new studio... They've done an unbelievable job with this podcast."

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This summary provides an overview of the key moments and discussions from episode 259 of The Nateland Podcast, offering insights and highlights for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Nate Bargatze]

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[Brian Bates]

A few errands.

[Nate Bargatze]

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[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

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[Brian Bates]

Wow.

[Nate Bargatze]

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[Aaron Weber]

Hello, folks. And hey, bear. That you talking about all that? Yeah. The beginning.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

If you're watching this, this is a we. We put their five year anniversary. Hard to believe that it was five years. And so we did a best of. I think people love the best ofs. I think they're always perfect things to. If you're trying to get someone into the podcast, best dubs are the perfect way to start.

[Brian Bates]

And if you don't, the alternative is no episode. So enjoy it.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. If you're mad.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

We do this because we.

[Nate Bargatze]

Because we can't.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, we could have just done a regular episode though. We wanted to take some time off.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, no, we enjoy the best of. None of this that you see right here will be in it.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

We love you.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. All right. What's up, everybody? This is Nate Bergetzi. This is the first episode of the N Land podcast. I, you know, I. I did a podcast a long time ago. Very, very long time ago. Right when podcasts were getting big. And then we stopped it. It was basically like if you like got a tip about Google and then you're like, ah, let's get out of it. I mean, it was like 2010 or something. I don't know. So. But now we're doing it again. Covid has forced. Forced me into a podcast because I can't. I can't do anything. So we're doing it here. We're in Nashville, Tennessee. This is the first one. I'm excited to do a show. I don't know, you know, I don't know exactly what this show is going to end up being. It's just us hanging out, a couple comics. Let me introduce you to the comics that are in here. I got Brian Bates.

[Dusty Slay]

Hey.

[Aaron Weber]

Who's on the road with me a lot. And Aaron Weber's been on the road me once, and that will be the only. That'll be the last time. He really blew it. But. So I just figured, you know, we're here, we're all stuck in Nashville, so let's do a podcast. You know, let's get it. Let's get it going. Nicole's Butcher. And these all sound like stores, do they? Not Nicole's. But, you know, here at Nicole's Butcher Butcher, we exclusively use Reynolds Seal. I. Yeah, I mean, it's all just, hi, I'm Nicole and Nicole's butcher. And is it Nicole's?

[Dusty Slay]

I don't know that.

[Aaron Weber]

Is it not Nicole.

[Dusty Slay]

You're emphasizing the butcher part like. Like Nicole didn't write it. She got her butcher to comment for her.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, hi. Oh, yeah, hi. I'm Nicole's butcher. And I know you might be thinking, why did he. Why did she send me out to give her answers? But Nicole's busy right now and she can't be bothered.

[Dusty Slay]

Who's Nicole?

[Aaron Weber]

Is it Nicole's?

[Dusty Slay]

It might be Nicholas.

[Aaron Weber]

Nicholas Butcher. Oh, man.

[Dusty Slay]

Nicole's butcher.

[Aaron Weber]

How you doing? I'm Nicole's butcher. Soar. Sogorb S O R E S O G O R B so Gorb Source Gorb. Is that the real name, you think? That is his real name? It's. Poor guy Sore. Yeah, I hope it's his name. Oh, man, Sore, get in here. Do you have to say the last name or you just go soar? And he goes, here every teacher.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, I don't think you need to be any more specific, Sore.

[Aaron Weber]

He just sits there and the teacher's like, which one? Sigorb. Oh, I thought it was the other Sore. I play your podcast while working illustrating on my computer Sentiment. I spend large amounts of time without saving my progress because I forget to do so, and then my computer crashes and I lose all my work. Now I click save every time I hear Nate say, unbelievable. Or every time he roasts bland bread. I haven't lost a single piece of work ever since. That's got to be frustrating to. I mean, everybody knows not saving something Cali all the time. When I've written out shows like which are wearing my hat. Neighbor gets to show from the failed. We sent a bunch of these hats to Nigeria. Is that where they send things that don't go good?

[Brian Bates]

President McCain hats too.

[Aaron Weber]

Atlanta Falcons, super bowl. Like when they had. And then they lost to the Patriots. They. But yeah, you type something out. I mean it's a whole. You're just in the groove of like doing it and then it just goes away and you're like. And then the next time is never as good. You're like, that's the gist of it. And you're like, it's not that good. Yeah, I lost it. Miriam Gregory. I've been a fan of the podcast since day one. Is that you think that's.

[Brian Bates]

These names all feel made up.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Miriam Gregory.

[Brian Bates]

Source.

[Aaron Weber]

It feels like almost we were short on comments and then so Brian went in and boat ramp went in and and then just said. Just took sourcing Source to Gorb. Miriam Gregory.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, it's the worst name I've ever heard. Oh, man.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

That's a real name. I don't think he's going to turn around by the way.

[Aaron Weber]

We soar is different.

[Dusty Slay]

Maybe soiree.

[Aaron Weber]

Next one's soda 7, which is. These are all just George Stanza names that he came up in. Source of Gore.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, it's beautiful.

[Aaron Weber]

It is. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Sore.

[Aaron Weber]

I got a good idea what that guy looks like. I feel like you can picture a sore. You can picture them in your head. You're like, come on. I feel like I've never. I don't know what. I don't know what they look like, but I think I could pick them.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, right.

[Aaron Weber]

If you walk. If you said there's there's 100 people standing in the crowd, one of them's name's sore. I'd be like, I feel pretty good. I could figure out who he is.

[Brian Bates]

If you lined up Dr. Khan source of Gore and Miriam Gregory, I could tell you which one was sore. I'll tell you that.

[Aaron Weber]

Would you soar Male or female sore? Feels like gender neutral. So if it's so Ray. Yeah, I'm going to. Ray would be a lovely lady. Huh? What? You know. You don't think so Raise a. These are all these names are.

[Dusty Slay]

These are our fans Aaron that you're laughing at.

[Aaron Weber]

Sorry. Well, it's not. If it's so Ray Sagor. Sorry.

[Brian Bates]

Like a Ukrainian ballet dancer or something.

[Aaron Weber]

Well, that. They could be big. Sore Sigorb. Doesn't sound as bad.

[Brian Bates]

That's what I'm saying. That sounds like a b.

[Aaron Weber]

Eastern Europe Sore. Sore. Sigor. That actually, sorry is a beautiful name now. And I'm going to name my next daughter that I don't. We're not having another daughter.

[Brian Bates]

But Sor. Bargetzi.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Sore Bargetsy. I feel like if I find some little girl sitting out now on the side of the road and I. She lives with us. I feel like that's how you get a sore in your family. You don't. They're not born into that family. You find them and they. And they're. And they're. They're put with that family. Turler. That's the guy's name. T U R R Turler. Think that's his real name?

[Dusty Slay]

I don't know.

[Brian Bates]

I don't.

[Aaron Weber]

You don't? Aaron, how do you not think that?

[Brian Bates]

I know we have a history of colorful names on the podcast, but Turler, The Turler family. I bet its name is the Lure family. His name is Tyler and he's being funny. Turler.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, Tyler. Tyler.

[Brian Bates]

That's what I think.

[Aaron Weber]

All right, you're going. Tyler. I go with. His name is actually Turler and he has to live with it. This podcast is officially too dumb for me. Goodbye, folks. Had a good run. I guess we never know. I guess we'll never know.

[Dusty Slay]

He's never even gonna hear his comment being read.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, Turler, he's out too dumb. What does he want it to be?

[Brian Bates]

I know, right? Yeah. Go. Go get the TED Talks podcast.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. I mean, there's other pod. Like, that's what' that would be like. If you're watching the Titans play and you go, it's just too much football. This is r. Why do you not watch the Titans? It's a lot of football. Why don't they throw in some other stuff? You're like, you know what? They should. They should throw in.

[Brian Bates]

You know, I was talking to Brian. We. We had a clip on your Facebook go kind of viral from like the second episode of the podcast about talking millions, billions, trillions of dollars has like 2 million views. And a lot of them have no idea what the podcast is. So they're. Most of the comments are just like, these guys are more. Yeah, they think it's like a math podcast.

[Aaron Weber]

Well, my Turler knows What the podcast is. Right. And he thinks we're more.

[Brian Bates]

Turlor made it 23 episodes before he's.

[Dusty Slay]

Like, he gave us a fair shot.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. He goes, this is. This is. I always love the idea of someone. It's like they're resigning, like leaving a comment.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

He goes, he get. He didn't give us a two week notice.

[Dusty Slay]

I'm out.

[Aaron Weber]

He just goes, like, it's so funny to think, like, you think he's at home, he's talking to his. His wife, his roommate. And he just goes, I can't listen to this podcast anymore. They're like, oh, it's cool. So you go, stop listening to it. I'll probably let them know. And then I'm gonna stop listening to it like that. What do you. What are you gonna do for that? You could just unsubscribe. I'm probably gonna somehow let these guys know that I don't think they're good, and then I'm gonna back out. You know what I mean? But I think they should know that the lure is out.

[Brian Bates]

The lure family parting shot.

[Aaron Weber]

The lure family is out. Out. What's your greatest.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't really don't have one.

[Aaron Weber]

What could you.

[Dusty Slay]

All right, so I thought about that. I mean, the only thing I could possibly think of is I play baseball and basketball. And there's me as a basketball player there in junior high.

[Brian Bates]

Wow.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, look at that. So they got colored cameras.

[Dusty Slay]

And there was one game. I mean, I was terrible. I was always terrible. I never scored. There's one game I hit a ten foot jump shot. Yeah, Legit ten foot jump shot. So then we go down, the other team come back down, they throw me, I shoot again. The guy on the other team tipped the ball, like when I shot it, but somehow it made it go in the hoop.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

My coach didn't see this, apparently, but so he yells, brian's hot. Give him. Give him the ball. Which I've never heard. He doesn't know that the only reason that ball went in is because another guy helped it. So then we go down, then we come back down and they're like, get Brian the ball. Which I've never had before. They throw it to me, I shoot it. It goes over the backboard. It was one of those makeshift concession stands over there where the parents run and it bounced, like over into them where the dad had to throw it back in. Yeah, that's my greatest moment.

[Aaron Weber]

Your greatest moment is a heat check?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, he. Check. For a second they thought I was.

[Aaron Weber]

He's cold. He's back off. That's what they have to.

[Dusty Slay]

Don't throw it to him anymore.

[Aaron Weber]

No more Brian. No more Brian, everybody.

[Dusty Slay]

But I mean, I stole a base once and thought that somehow the guy fouled ball. Fouled the ball back. And I ran back to first.

[Brian Bates]

And.

[Dusty Slay]

It confused him so much. I was on second and I thought oddly fouled back. So I started right back for about halfway there. He was like, throw it, throw it, throw it to first. And I had to slide head first into first base, back to the base. And I'm back right where I was with the first base coach. He's like, what are you doing, man?

[Brian Bates]

You were there.

[Dusty Slay]

I was like, I thought they found it. I thought they found it. I didn't know. So in a way, I stole two bases.

[Brian Bates]

That's never happened before. You're the only one. He stole a base that. He stole it back.

[Dusty Slay]

The look on my first base coach's face when he saw me coming back there.

[Aaron Weber]

Wow. Oh, dude. I mean, just to be. Just have to dive in just to, like, have to. You have to slide to fix a problem that shouldn't be a problem. Like, you're getting back to the original. You could be like, dude, you could just stay here, man, and we won't be going through this. And for you to get all the way to second.

[Brian Bates]

That'S amazing.

[Aaron Weber]

That's like, that's. I feel like with you, you end up anybody else, it's like, maybe you make it back to first, but you just go back to first and you're like, well, that was a stupid. And you're the only one that gets in a battle situation. Just trying to get back to the original spot. I mean, it's a full on real play.

[Dusty Slay]

I mean, I went in head first. The ump had to call safe.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, dude, that's unbelievable.

[Dusty Slay]

With prices going up just about everything lately, I had to start being smarter with our money. You know, five years ago when this podcast started, you know, I could spend whatever I want. But now I'm married, got a kid, I got to be careful. So managing subscriptions, tracking spending, and cutting costs can feel overwhelming. Lucky for us, Rocket Money takes the guesswork out of it, so you can easily make smart dis decisions. Rocket Money's personal finance app. App that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and help slower your bill so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all your accounts. Easily creates a personalized budget with custom categories to Help keep the spending on track. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium features.

[Nate Bargatze]

That's a good deal.

[Dusty Slay]

Cancel your unwanted subscription and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to Rocket Money.com Nate today. That's Rocket Money.com Nate Rocket Money.com Nate.

[Aaron Weber]

CJ Brian has resting, confused face. That makes it.

[Nate Bargatze]

Is.

[Aaron Weber]

That is. That is true.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, let me say, first of all, when Nate's talking, it's not resting.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

But I've had this before. When I was a senior in high school, we went on our senior trip to Panama City. It was my first time away from my parents. I was so excited. My friends down there, and we met these girls. I was trying to be so cool, just hanging out. And out of nowhere, one of these girls just goes, this guy looks worried. And they all start dying laughing. And they're like, look, he's worried. In the rest of the trip, they called me Worried. That was my nickname was Worried.

[Aaron Weber]

Worried is such a good word to use. Like, if they would have said, this guy looks confused worried.

[Dusty Slay]

I mean, they named.

[Aaron Weber]

Unbelievable.

[Dusty Slay]

They labeled me that. Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Worried is such a good word.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

For that situation.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Women know how to cut to cut to your heart, don't they?

[Aaron Weber]

She could have said confused. She could have said.

[Brian Bates]

That would have ruined the whole trip for me.

[Dusty Slay]

I mean, I still remember it to this day.

[Brian Bates]

You're just trying to hang out.

[Dusty Slay]

I was trying to be so cool by not talking.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

And then she. I mean, I had to sit a while over here.

[Aaron Weber]

Looks worried. Who's he with? You two? And then for them just to call you worried. God, that's so funny, dude.

[Dusty Slay]

I still remember it.

[Aaron Weber]

How. I mean, that's like, where. That's like, professional stand up. That's the. You would.

[Dusty Slay]

It's a great.

[Aaron Weber]

You would try different words.

[Brian Bates]

Right.

[Aaron Weber]

You would be scared. You would try everything. And worried. If anybody's like, think about comedy. Worried is just a very funny word. And it's a. It's just such a description that it's not a strong person. And it's a. I mean, it hurts. Like, you know, you don't say worried about. He. Man is not worried. No, he's like. Or like, there's, you know, soldiers are not worried. Like, they're, you know, they're confused. They could be scared. Scared is okay.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Worried.

[Brian Bates]

Also not worried about anything in particular. Just worried in General.

[Dusty Slay]

General look. And it's coming from like guys you maybe could see that, but from a girl.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

And they all laughed. I mean I was mortified.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Got more worried.

[Aaron Weber]

She got super worried.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, it's. It is self fulfilling.

[Aaron Weber]

Peter Bridge. When Bruce told the story about the woman. I like how it's now just. I mean it's not even.

[Dusty Slay]

I can't even find one that calls me by my real name.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. I looked and it's what's so. It just how quickly it goes in. You know what I mean? Like it's not like where it's an obvious we're making fun of a joke. When Bruce told the story about the woman labeling. I mean it's just like not like a breeze. When Bruce told the story about the woman labeling him as worried, it quite literally made me pee. Those chicks just totally nailed it. He still gives off the worried vibe. No offense, Bryce. Yeah, worried is. I mean that's unbelievable. That'd be name of your album. Word.

[Dusty Slay]

It's the name of my life.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. You really should do your next album. Should be worried.

[Dusty Slay]

My next album.

[Aaron Weber]

It's just you're being. You're. Well, you have to do one now. The people are going to want to hear it.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

You know, everybody go buy his first album. Still out there and. But Worried is a great name for us.

[Brian Bates]

I thought about that story all week.

[Aaron Weber]

Ace here. Bilbo's PBS pick is underrated. That's a pretty good choice for one channel.

[Dusty Slay]

Thank you. I don't know if I should thank them or be insulted.

[Aaron Weber]

That Billboard's. I mean that's a crazy name.

[Dusty Slay]

He's like Aaron pointed out someone called me Breakfast.

[Aaron Weber]

Breakfast is unbelievable. Breakfast is as good as worried. Someone called on this.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't think it's on here, but it was in the comments.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean breakfast is unreal.

[Dusty Slay]

That's amazing.

[Aaron Weber]

That's a. That's the best one I've heard just to call him. I don't know. Is Breakfast coming up?

[Brian Bates]

It's got the same amount of syllables as Brian. It's got the br. Yeah, it's per.

[Aaron Weber]

And it's so ridiculous. Man. Yeah, breakfast is good. I like how Brickles and Aaron are finding their niche roles in this production. Aaron, the reluctant genius and Brisket is the self deprecating setup man. Brigade even smiled and laughed out loud a few times on this one. Wow. We got some life out of Brigade. Breakfast is moving around. Colin Lippard. Brad looks like the substance teacher that desperately wants the approval of the Full time teachers. That's a great, that's like a real comic comment. You look like a substitute teacher that you walk in the, the teacher's lounge just like, hey, guys. And it's like, hey. And then one, the real teacher's like, you don't work here full time, man. I know you're here for a while because Ms. You know, whatever. Ms. Smith is going through some stuff. Yeah, yeah, she's got. Because Ms. Johnson's going through a divorce and she can't be bothered by teaching, so. But you don't work here. Love the podcast a lot. Bon Bon and Aaron are amazing and can't wait to see them both grow like you. Bon Bon, what do you, what name do you think you're going to make it as? Because it's not gonna be Brian. It's going to be something else. Bon Bon, I like.

[Dusty Slay]

You like them all. I like why this keeps happening because you encourage it.

[Aaron Weber]

I know, but I love, I mean, Bon Bon, welcome to stage Bon Bon. You say, I mean, you could be dancing somewhere named Bon Bon. Everybody please welcome to the stage Bon Bon. And then you walk out on stage and like, oh, God. And then some guys like, just wait. He has to just wait.

[Dusty Slay]

All right, so we'll start with the beginning of grocery stores. Little fun fact here. The first self service grocery store.

[Aaron Weber]

This felt like doing a school, you know, when you let they go, all right, everybody, Brian, bring Brian Bates. And then you. It sounded exactly.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. You don't like the way I start stuff. I don't think.

[Aaron Weber]

Like your stand up, like jokes.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, that's this. I've read like three times on the show and twice you've called me out on the way I started.

[Aaron Weber]

So I don't think I'm good at starting. But no, you go, okay, here we go.

[Dusty Slay]

But yeah, now I'm thinking about my jokes.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, yeah. How do you start your joke? Houston, hello, folks.

[Brian Bates]

You say folks.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you say folks for every joke. No, when you come out, when you come out, hello, folks. And you might say when you leave, you don't think, you say, do you say folks? I don't think so. I think you do.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay.

[Brian Bates]

Every joke.

[Aaron Weber]

Every. Yeah, every jokes. Hey, that's his. That's his thing. That's what people like. That's his. And he sells T shirts in the lobby to say, hey, hello folks. And it's just a picture of him. That's his image. Hello. It's just seven hands that go like that. Hello, folks. And then he's he does his. Then he does his act.

[Dusty Slay]

And then every joke I start with it again.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. And there you go. Hello, folks. Then good night, folks. How good did that be, man?

[Brian Bates]

So good.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean, that's just like. That is. That is. That would be like if you're a stand up comic, you just got pulled out of Lebanon and you didn't know Nashville exists and you just. And then you're like, I've been doing comedy in Lebanon for 15 years. All right. Sorry.

[Brian Bates]

I've been to some bat. Some sad zoos. I haven't been to any really good ones.

[Aaron Weber]

Ones. What's a sad one?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, I went to one in Arkansas that was just. There's just trash in every. A lot of trash.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

And. And the saddest part was there's like a penguin exhibit, but it's Arkansas in the summer. So it was just these penguins all huddled up, standing in front of a fan in this exhibit.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, it was just.

[Brian Bates]

I was like, what are. Why are they here?

[Dusty Slay]

How do you say it?

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, what was the exhibit?

[Brian Bates]

It was penguin.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, it was different. Penguin.

[Dusty Slay]

That's a. I say penguin.

[Aaron Weber]

I say penguin.

[Brian Bates]

Penguin.

[Aaron Weber]

Penguin. Maybe that's. I mean, that's. You may be right. Like the guy that would run that penguin exhibit. Hey, what do you got going on here? I'm just penguin. I got a couple penguins and we got bought. Put a couple penguins downtown. But the other day, the other night, I bought a couple penguins.

[Brian Bates]

I've never paint.

[Aaron Weber]

You would seem like a guy that someone that says like that sells penguins to zoos that are kind of under the radar.

[Brian Bates]

How are you supposed to say it?

[Aaron Weber]

Penguin.

[Brian Bates]

Penguin.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, I mean, that's what.

[Brian Bates]

It's an E. P, E, N, G.

[Dusty Slay]

U, I N. You're saying it like an A.

[Brian Bates]

You're saying it like an I.

[Dusty Slay]

But I N, E can sound the same. Yours should be P A, N, G.

[Brian Bates]

I mean, can you look this up? You look up the pronoun. I mean, this might be. Nobody's interested in this. But now I. I feel.

[Dusty Slay]

You may be right.

[Brian Bates]

I don't think March of the penguins.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean, I would like to say if two people in this room.

[Brian Bates]

How does Morgan Freeman say it in March of the penguins? Penguin books.

[Aaron Weber]

Penguin. Penguin. Hey, you got some. Will you sell them? Not. I got a couple penguins in the back of the truck. They're a nice box. That's how.

[Dusty Slay]

I thought. Usually Wikipedia shows you like the pronunciation.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, you could do if you usually. If you just. If you just type in penguin pronunciation on Google you should be able there. The.

[Aaron Weber]

Just hear someone say penguin.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Whoa. You got to go.

[Brian Bates]

I want to hear somebody who. I want to hear the legit.

[Aaron Weber]

One of those said penguin prostitution. Now, you not say that.

[Brian Bates]

Let's. It did.

[Dusty Slay]

All right, Penguin. There it is.

[Aaron Weber]

Say it.

[Brian Bates]

Well, yeah, well, click the.

[Aaron Weber]

Click the.

[Brian Bates]

That button right to the right of it. Let's hear it. No, the. The.

[Dusty Slay]

That's to the right.

[Brian Bates]

I know. Right directly to the right of.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't.

[Brian Bates]

Click, click, click it.

[Aaron Weber]

Penguin. Penguin. Penguin.

[Brian Bates]

Penguin.

[Aaron Weber]

Penguin. Penguin.

[Brian Bates]

Hey, we're both here, just like I said.

[Aaron Weber]

No, Penguin. Penguin, Penguin, Penguin. Slow it down. Slow it.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, there you go.

[Aaron Weber]

Penguins. Penguin.

[Brian Bates]

Penguin.

[Aaron Weber]

Penguin.

[Brian Bates]

There you go.

[Aaron Weber]

Penguin.

[Dusty Slay]

I think we're both thinking we're saying they're right.

[Aaron Weber]

All right. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

So you're.

[Dusty Slay]

You're hearing paying.

[Brian Bates]

I'm hearing penguin.

[Dusty Slay]

Because I'm hearing penguin.

[Aaron Weber]

Penguin. That's. Hey, how you doing? What do you got back there? Got a couple penguins. One of them's all white. Is it? I never seen one's all white. Doesn't have, like, that tuxedo jacket. No, it doesn't have it.

[Dusty Slay]

I did a.

[Aaron Weber]

How'd you get that one? Because. Where is it at? It's in the front with me. It rode up with me in the front. It doesn't get too cold. It doesn't need. It's 95 degrees in Arkansas right now.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Got a couple. How much? Think couple penguins. How much they go for? 50 bucks. He goes. I mean, a guy like that wouldn't know how to set. Like, he wouldn't know that he can make money off of it. As you go. How much you want for those? 50 bucks. Get on that. You crazy. $50 for a banger? Couple penguins. One of them's not even the rack color. He said 25.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Anyway, Penguin.

[Aaron Weber]

Penguin want some penguins. And then they sell. That's a restaurant. You go, that's like two penguins. Two penguin burgers. Go. Type in. When you were typing that stuff in.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

X out of the. Yeah, here. Go penguin. P. Now P. I swear. PR.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Penguin prostitution.

[Aaron Weber]

I don't know what this. We're not sure what this is. Oh, it's a thing.

[Brian Bates]

Penguin prostitution.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, they want rocks more than sex.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, do. Oh, do penguins have. Oh, we shouldn't be talking. This is inappropriate.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

This is what?

[Brian Bates]

Podcast is off the rails already?

[Aaron Weber]

I mean, what happened?

[Dusty Slay]

I mean, that's the best thing you could hope. What'd you think was going to be the guy in Wilkes Barry down the alley?

[Aaron Weber]

I thought it could be something that has nothing to do with penguins. I thought. I honestly. I honestly thought it would be like that's what they call some other thing. And. And then penguins are nothing, but it's straight up penguin. We got penguin problems. How much you want to. I love a guy selling that. And a couple penguins in the back. One's. One's all black, doesn't have any white. Feet are blue. Is it. Let me see. Let me. Is he kidding me right now? I'm trying to start my own zoo. And I'd love some penguins. Is the thing that I think set us over the top. I mean, I think that's what the guy says that wants to. Because if I get a couple penguins, I think we'll be. We'll be just right. I charge $8 to get in that place, get a couple penguins.

[Brian Bates]

The. The official pronunciation is how I was saying it. It was. You know, just let that for the record.

[Aaron Weber]

All right, all right.

[Dusty Slay]

So that's your worst.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, I don't even remember. Yeah, yeah, that was it. The Arkansas one.

[Aaron Weber]

As the place that had in there that had a penguin exhibit. I want to believe in aliens because it shows that some civilization didn't blow themselves up and were able to get out in space and have some fun. Is that a whole cool thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there should be other civilian stations that they're. The planets blew themselves up? Yes. Is that what they think? I think that.

[Dusty Slay]

Did you say civilian stations?

[Aaron Weber]

Civilians. It's one big happy civilian station.

[Dusty Slay]

I mean, you're trying to say civilization.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

It blew me away. I was like, civilian station.

[Aaron Weber]

You want people to take us seriously? How are they gonna take us seriously? I mean, I don't know. I don't think they're.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, boy.

[Aaron Weber]

Maybe they. But I hope something is called civilian station. That's what Earth is called. We are a station for civilians.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Aaron Weber]

Drop off point. I think I'm ahead of the game. And he's. I. I feel like an alien talking to dumb humans a lot because people make fun of the. What I say. And I'm like. And I always just go. You're. See, you're going to one day use this civilian.

[Dusty Slay]

A lot of weeks in the comments. The next week someone will say, Nate was actually right. It's. He's ahead of his time somehow.

[Aaron Weber]

There's no such thing as civilization. It's a conspiracy. Is there been other civilization? Civilizations sniveling nation civil. Has there been other civilian stations? Is that. I don't think that's a. That's not a crazy question. Critical comedy reaction. Is there.

[Dusty Slay]

It's a meltdown.

[Aaron Weber]

In all seriousness, though, is there. So there's been other civilian stations. That's what we're going to call other planets. Whereas civilians have lived, is what they say. And they're gone. I would think they.

[Dusty Slay]

The argument. The argument is the reason we've never found in all our vast searching.

[Aaron Weber]

Sorry. Success some life out of you.

[Brian Bates]

That's so funny.

[Dusty Slay]

The argument is in all our searching, of all the cosmos. One argument is maybe because they've long since destroyed themselves and they advance like we do with nuclear weapons or some sort, and then they eventually just kill themselves.

[Aaron Weber]

And so the. All right.

[Dusty Slay]

Aaron's done.

[Aaron Weber]

Civilian stations. It's. That's what we're going to call this episode. Don't you think that's a good. That's how to describe Earth.

[Brian Bates]

Nobody's ever made that mistake.

[Aaron Weber]

The dribbling vacation, civilization. I just kind of stopped. I. It was like he was at the breaking point and that was the shove he needed. I was. It was like I was walking down a road. I looked the other way and then I. Then I go, where was I? And I was. But I was still in the same word when all that happened. It gets better. Civilian. Wait till you're six. Things come out of your mouth. You don't even know. It's not my fault. I was raised. I was taught by humans. So traveling is a big deal. It's a big deal during the holidays. What is it the most. When's the. Do you know, like the most.

[Dusty Slay]

Most traveled. Thanksgiving.

[Aaron Weber]

Thanksgiving. Why is Thanksgiving. I guess Santa. Yes. Travels. So Santa's got to come to your home. So that's, you know.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. People have. With kids, they want to stay home.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Do that. But Thanksgiving's more of a go see the.

[Brian Bates]

It's also a secular holiday. So everybody. All Americans celebrated. I feel like.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, it's a big word, man.

[Dusty Slay]

But I thought you were gonna argue that's why Thanksgiving's more travel.

[Brian Bates]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. That's why Thanksgiving is more travel.

[Aaron Weber]

Say that word just as you're at your table with your family.

[Brian Bates]

Secular.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

I mean, it depends on the conversation.

[Aaron Weber]

Would that be the conversation comes up? Maybe you go, it's my favorite secular holiday. And your family would just. You come from a smart family though, right? So you guys probably use. You do.

[Brian Bates]

I guess I remember using that because my parents would. Made us go to mass on Thanksgiving sometimes and I Remember being like, come on, this is a secular holiday. Dude, this isn't even.

[Aaron Weber]

You would say that in an argument.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

To your parents.

[Brian Bates]

It's a secular holiday. What do we. We can't.

[Aaron Weber]

What are we doing here? Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Church and state. Come on.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean. I mean. Wow. Wow.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Did you have a lab coat on? Did. I mean, that's. You use it. And, I mean, I don't. You know. Yeah, I. We. We just. My family just clap at each other.

[Dusty Slay]

We make noises like monkeys.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. We're just, you know, they throw things.

[Dusty Slay]

Call each other idiots.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. We're the idiot family. And we just, you know.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Just stomp on the ground when you want something. You know, it's like how horses talk to each other.

[Brian Bates]

That's how.

[Aaron Weber]

That's what we. That's what goes on in our family. Just walk in, just hear noises. You listen to the well sounds. You're like, no, my mom's cooking some. We're not using secular. I tell you that right now. If I threw that around my family, we'd all be like, all right, whoa. Someone. Someone's taking some online classes somewhere, aren't we?

[Dusty Slay]

But there's no, like, mention of when Jesus was born in the Bible.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Isn't it supposedly, you know, the people just think it's July. Right? I always.

[Dusty Slay]

I've heard. I've heard some people think Spring or.

[Brian Bates]

Something, but they weren't using a Gregorian calendar back then.

[Dusty Slay]

No.

[Brian Bates]

So who knows what time?

[Dusty Slay]

No.

[Aaron Weber]

So would y' all use a Gregorian calendar, too? Would y' all do that a lot?

[Brian Bates]

That's the calendar that we all use, the Gregorian calendar.

[Aaron Weber]

I know, right? Would you. With those words? I mean, I just would love to be that. Like, you bring your. Your girlfriend over, like, from high school, and you go, my family. It's great. Thanks for coming. And then it's, you know, it's like, you know, like, hey, how you doing? What's your. What's your favorite secular holiday? You know, on the Gregorian calendar, obviously. And then the. The girl's like, what? That's the word, y' all. You guys are gonna. You just run her off. It wouldn't be fire. I mean, I would almost say lever.

[Brian Bates]

A lever?

[Aaron Weber]

Like a pulley or a lever.

[Brian Bates]

Maybe like a fulcrum.

[Aaron Weber]

What? Like, it's a fulcrum.

[Brian Bates]

You know, like a seesaw thing.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, yeah, that kind of. Is that what they say?

[Brian Bates]

Is that fulcrum? Be the thing in the middle.

[Aaron Weber]

Is that what you say? And you go ride as a kid, you're just a fun kid. You guys want to go fulcrum? And everybody's like, oh, God. Do you remember riding the fulcrum a lot alone? Is it that? Is it? Because that's, that's how you described a lot of stuff. Hey, I was going to ride the fulcrum. And they go, I don't, you know.

[Dusty Slay]

Anybody want a fulcrum?

[Aaron Weber]

We're going to just swing.

[Brian Bates]

I mean, that is what it is.

[Aaron Weber]

Right?

[Brian Bates]

Anyway.

[Aaron Weber]

All right. Kyle M. Dear Nathaniel, I am a teacher in China and I can't go one more day without you using the word good as an adverb. The correct word is. Well, I've heard five year old Chinese kids speak better than you. One of them even has a guided horse. Perhaps Bridal Path should be catching these. Where, Kyle? Well, cow. How about I tell you, I don't even. Not really sure what an adverb is. So how does that make you feel?

[Dusty Slay]

He gave an example here.

[Aaron Weber]

I didn't even pick up on it. Where was it?

[Dusty Slay]

Underneath it. Here's an ex where it says, here's an example.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, I've read. Oh, here's an example. Incorrect. He plays golf good. Correct. He plays golf well, look, I'm not an advert guy and I don't talk about adverbs. I don't think I've ever talked about them.

[Dusty Slay]

He thinks a pronoun's a noun.

[Aaron Weber]

I say good.

[Dusty Slay]

Paid to be in a sentence.

[Aaron Weber]

I say good a lot. But I will say, I do know that when I'm saying good that it's a lot of times it's not good, but I do it. It's saying it different, which sticks out. I'm in a job of words. So he plays golf well, I'm not going to talk like that. That doesn't fit. It's funnier when I say it's good. Good is what's funnier. Yeah, that's what's funny. If it gets under your skin, that means it's probably a better way of being funnier. All your Chinese kids, you're not going to make it in comedy. You know, talk to them a little bit. I'm sure they speak better than me, you know, but we're, we're not competing for the same job. Good on them. He spoke well. Court gestures.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, we spent 15 minutes on Roland the Farter and then we were just like. And the Crusades happen.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, wow. That seemed like a tough time.

[Dusty Slay]

Court what?

[Aaron Weber]

Court gestures. How do you say it? Gestures.

[Brian Bates]

You got called out a lot for people. Jesters Jesters. Yeah, gestures.

[Aaron Weber]

You can say gestures like I say, like, Chester. Like Chester drawers.

[Brian Bates]

No, like.

[Aaron Weber]

You think that's who invented them. Court Jester. And then in Chester Drawers. And he goes, I'll just change it a ch. And then. Didn't even notice. We're gonna sell Chester Drawers on their website. What do you. That's jester. Is not like I'm putting an H in there.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, you're saying it like, oh, that was a nice gesture.

[Aaron Weber]

Gesture.

[Brian Bates]

But it's just her.

[Aaron Weber]

Just her. Like, just her.

[Brian Bates]

Just her.

[Aaron Weber]

Just her.

[Dusty Slay]

Just her.

[Aaron Weber]

Who's in there. Just her. She's in there alone.

[Brian Bates]

That's closer.

[Aaron Weber]

Court Jester. Jester. I should say just her.

[Brian Bates]

That's closer than gesture.

[Aaron Weber]

Court. Gesture. That's better. Just her in court. Chris. I mean, yeah, those words. I have trouble. Like when there's, you know, there's a. There's a collision of sounds right in the middle of them. I have a tough time. You know, when there's a car wreck of noise in the middle of a word, I have a. I have a bit. A bit of a trouble. Bit of a trouble.

[Brian Bates]

Now, we should address this up top. You say the word a little funny.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, I do?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. What do you call the. So a poet would write a poem.

[Nate Bargatze]

I don't even know how I say it.

[Brian Bates]

Poem. That's crazy, dude.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, I say it with one syllable and it's two.

[Brian Bates]

No, you say poem.

[Aaron Weber]

Okay.

[Nate Bargatze]

I don't know what I say now.

[Brian Bates]

It's a poem. Poem.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

That's the country coming out. But it's two syllables.

[Brian Bates]

Talking about point.

[Dusty Slay]

It's like it's two syllables, right?

[Brian Bates]

Poem. Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

And I say it with one, plus some other stuff. Well, this is going to be a long episode for me since I say it incorrectly because I got a lot here.

[Brian Bates]

I'm sorry, but I just feel like we needed to call it out.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay, so I say poetry.

[Aaron Weber]

I'm good.

[Brian Bates]

Why are you hitting it so hard.

[Dusty Slay]

When he said that's how I say it.

[Brian Bates]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay, well, tell me how to say that.

[Brian Bates]

Keep going. Now just try it again.

[Dusty Slay]

I'll just do it my way.

[Aaron Weber]

Okay, try it again.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, try it again. I'm going to say it the same way. Poetry. What's going on?

[Nate Bargatze]

So we talked about it for so long. You hit it so hard. You hit it so hard.

[Brian Bates]

Point. You don't want to point. That's crazy. All right, Sorry, Brian. Sorry, dude.

[Dusty Slay]

I gotta.

[Brian Bates]

I'll get it together. Just avoid saying it however you can. It's gonna be tough because I know it's the topic, but just try to avoid it.

[Aaron Weber]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

Boy. Yeah, there's a. That word's in here a lot.

[Brian Bates]

It's coming up a lot, huh?

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, boy. All right, let me just give Dusty a second.

[Nate Bargatze]

No, I'm good.

[Brian Bates]

No, no, no, we're good.

[Aaron Weber]

We're good.

[Brian Bates]

We're back. We're back, we're back. I'm like.

[Nate Bargatze]

Hurts though.

[Dusty Slay]

A poem. Is it better? Poem, Poem, Poem.

[Nate Bargatze]

I like poem.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Really separate the syllables like that too. Poem.

[Dusty Slay]

Poem.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, yeah, you're great. You're great. I'm used to it now.

[Dusty Slay]

A poem.

[Aaron Weber]

Okay. All right.

[Dusty Slay]

A poem.

[Aaron Weber]

Is what?

[Brian Bates]

Finish the sentence.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, okay. I'll just keep going. It's a piece of writing that, in contrast to prose, primarily aims to evoke emotion in readers and listeners. Poems.

[Aaron Weber]

My dogman story In 2006, in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, me, my brother and two friends were walking in the back of an unfinished neighborhood in the black man community. Black man. That sounds much better than that, man. I mean, that sounds.

[Brian Bates]

You're like, where's this going?

[Aaron Weber]

I was like, oh, my God, that's crazy. Unfinished neighborhood in the black man community. Like, oh, what is this podcast That's. I mean, that's great. How you say that is super important. That's a very important. I should have got some heads up. I should have been briefed before we got to that one. Maria Alvarez Shout out from a Stenographer it's when the words, like, come around the corner and surprise me. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's. I don't know. They're there and it's. It's like, how did you get the, you know, stenographer?

[Dusty Slay]

There you go.

[Aaron Weber]

Well, I know, but it's. It's. Honestly, it's. The word just is like, I don't know.

[Brian Bates]

That's a word you don't see written very often.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, Aaron.

[Aaron Weber]

No, it's whole job is writing it, but they just say it. Yeah, it kind of surprised me. That's how I look at if I don't know a word. That's what. Just understand. That's what it is. Onomatopoeia is actually not that hard of a word to say. And it. I bet if you look at it, you'd be like, oh, no, know. I don't know. Anamanopia, it kind of just finishes itself. Matt, Oregon, my 10th grade English teacher taught us that. On a. On a. What is it? Onomatopoeia is the second most ramical Rhythmical. Rhythm. What is that word? Golly.

[Brian Bates]

Rhythmical.

[Aaron Weber]

Rhythmical. Anamatopia is the second most rhythmical. That felt like I was like trying to jump over and not fall in the water hearing that word rhythmical. Like I just kept like trying to cross a creek and not get my feet wet. You got to kind of. The last one's a little bit farther. I'm like, I'll get there.

[Dusty Slay]

The first iPhone came out in 2007. Steve Jobs made a prank call order of 4,000 lattes to a nearby Starbucks.

[Aaron Weber]

That was the first call.

[Brian Bates]

I remember that. And then I watched that live.

[Aaron Weber]

Really?

[Brian Bates]

That keynote?

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, he called. Oh, he was doing a keynote. And then.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, he showed. It was the first time. I remember being amazed by a piece of technology. When he scrolled on the iPhone for the first time. Just on the screen. I remember gasping. I was watching it with my sister. Yeah. I grew up with air conditioning. I didn't. I remember. You probably remember getting it, but I grew up with it.

[Aaron Weber]

So when you saw that, you go, I did gas.

[Brian Bates]

I mean, it was on. It was unlike anything you'd ever seen. This guy's touching a screen.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

And flipping it up.

[Aaron Weber]

I'm like gasping. Like you've seen. I mean, like you're watching what?

[Brian Bates]

Just nothing impresses you.

[Aaron Weber]

You just go, I don't know if I'm FaceTime. You're watching on a television at home. You're not. You're not watching Houdini in a town square in the 1800s, as you tell me, as a 10 year old Aaron Weber in your living room, you go, oh, did she just. He scrolled on the screen. And then. And your family came running.

[Brian Bates]

If you watch the. You can watch the video of that. The crowd gasps as. As it happens.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean, maybe in the room and like I get. But you're saying in the living. In your living room, on your television.

[Dusty Slay]

How old were you?

[Brian Bates]

When did this happen?

[Dusty Slay]

2007.

[Brian Bates]

16. Yeah. When they on 15. 16.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

What's the matter? Have you had it? What's the matter? Gasping. Another grown man on tv scrolling. I'm not saying I'm not wowed by things.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

But I don't know if I'm gasping. I don't know if I've gasped at anything.

[Brian Bates]

You've never gasped?

[Aaron Weber]

I don't think so.

[Brian Bates]

I mean, it wasn't like I wasn't. Oh, it wasn't embarrassing. It was just.

[Aaron Weber]

What was that?

[Brian Bates]

I was like, oh, wow.

[Aaron Weber]

Mama. You said that. You said, they ain't gonna do it. But they did it. Mama, he's swiping on the screen. Did you start swiping on your TV and just go, is it gonna move? That's how you change the channel on your tv. You just started like rubbing on the screen.

[Nate Bargatze]

Summer is in full swing and boy is it hot out there. And being out and about is the vibe. You know what can ruin the vibe? Bad socks. Bad socks and blisters. Bombas makes socks that keep up with whatever your summer looks like. Whether you're running a marathon or just a few errands.

[Brian Bates]

A few errands?

[Nate Bargatze]

Bombas is not just socks either. They got fresh white tees you barely have to break in. Waterproof slides for the beach, backyard and everywhere in between. And Buttery. Soft sweat wicking, undoing underwear that feels barely there. Buttery seems like a name for. For a nickname for you. Buttery baits. Yeah, they even make socks that can make international flights bearable. Yeah, we're talking Bombus compression socks to help curb aches and keep those legs energized for all the sightseeing ahead.

[Brian Bates]

Wow.

[Nate Bargatze]

Best of all, they don't just feel good, they do good. One purchase equals one donated. One purchased equals one donated to someone who needs it. What a great company. You get amazing quality products knowing you are also giving back to the community. Head over to bombas.comnate and use code nate for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B-A-S.comnate. code nate at checkout bombus.comnate and use code NATE. Nate. You guessed it. Nate, baby. My voice went out on me at the end.

[Aaron Weber]

I wonder they make as much though as a professor for that one class. Yeah, I mean you get paid class.

[Brian Bates]

By class like a celebrity. They might get paid more, right?

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Who are you talking to?

[Brian Bates]

Oh, he was nodding. No answering our questions.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean Aaron's. Aaron started his own podcast within the podcast. He's. I mean he's over here. What is going on?

[Brian Bates]

Look at.

[Aaron Weber]

He's just. My goodness. Everybody please welcome to listen to Aaron Land. When is it air Aaron's airs Deering n Land. Sorry, I didn't know you guys were going to do something together.

[Brian Bates]

He's answering the question. I'm sorry about that, man.

[Dusty Slay]

Somehow I missed out that boy bands weren't cool. If you're a guy, it's new addition. Yeah, they were a big thing. But that's the only boy. And then my senior, before my senior year of high school, right before we started back, me and my Buddy went to the New Kids on the Block concert, and we didn't realize that that's not cool for guys. So I bought a T shirt at Starwood Amphitheater to wear to school my first day of my senior year, and big statement. Well, people quickly let me know it kind of.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I brought it for official.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I wore this shirt to school first day of my senior year, and.

[Nate Bargatze]

It.

[Dusty Slay]

It didn't go over well. Guys quickly let me know this. I mean, that's not cool.

[Brian Bates]

Like an improv troupe.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. There you would be. Would you tell. They could do a concert. You're like, not stole it from some girl. That would be what you should. You would be like, all right, that's cool.

[Brian Bates]

I beat up a girl.

[Dusty Slay]

I mean, I was so proud. It took, like, third period of people just like, what are you doing, man? Before I realized this was a huge mistake.

[Aaron Weber]

And you have to wear it all day. All day.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah. I mean, yeah. I couldn't go home.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Could you turn it on its head and be like. Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's hilarious that I'm wearing.

[Dusty Slay]

I could have if I was smart, but no.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

It took me half the day to.

[Aaron Weber]

Realize, if it's not time machine, we could go back and fix it. You're kind of past the point of. Don't you think you could have done that? Yeah, I could have done a lot of stuff. Could have.

[Dusty Slay]

There's a lot of stuff I could.

[Aaron Weber]

Have done differently, a little bit more.

[Dusty Slay]

I went up to a guy in high school and asked for his autograph.

[Unnamed Guest]

Who was it?

[Dusty Slay]

That was.

[Aaron Weber]

God.

[Dusty Slay]

You didn't go to my high school.

[Aaron Weber]

Were you in high school?

[Dusty Slay]

I was, like, a freshman in high school, and I was the biggest sports fan in the world. And I read, like, every street and Smith College basketball magazine from COVID to cover, and they listed the top high school players coming out. And a guy named Carlos Groves played at East Robertson High School, and he got recruited by Tennessee. And he was in my magazine. And I was so excited that he came to our high school to play. He was like a celebrity that I went up to him and had him autograph my magazine. And his buddies were, like, teasing him. It would almost be like if somebody came to me now. Like, it was just ridiculous every way around. Like, he was embarrassed. I'm the only one not embarrassed at the time. Everybody else is like, what is going on here? And they just teased him about it.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Chris Radcliffe. Nate. The worst word I butchered while reading out loud was horse divorce.

[Dusty Slay]

Hors. D' oeuvres.

[Aaron Weber]

Hors d' oeuvres. Yeah, he. I pronounced it as ours devours, and probably promptly got ridiculed by my friends. I'm curious how you are pronouncing it right now. I said horse divorce.

[Brian Bates]

Horse divorce.

[Aaron Weber]

A horse divorce. It's been happening a lot around here. Horse divorce. What if you get a lawyer that looks like a business card? Should be that. What do you do? I do horse divorces. And then he goes, oh, specialize. Specialize in horse divorces. Do they get divorced a lot more than you think. Imagine what. What do you think it is? And you go, I think it's zero. And he goes, it's every one of them. There's not one horse that I've met that stays long with his running mate.

[Brian Bates]

They're all so unhappy.

[Aaron Weber]

They're all so unhappy. And I deal with horse divorces. I got more than I want. And then someone comes over and gives him some caviar and he goes, oh, thank you. Because that's what they'd be serving at a horse divorce party. Upscale, Upscale, upscale. Hours devours. You know, if you don't say, what is it? Or hors d' oeuvres. Hors d' oeuvres. I would. How do they get to that?

[Brian Bates]

I know.

[Aaron Weber]

Do you think anybody says that word correctly the first time they see it?

[Brian Bates]

There's not a chance. Yeah, and even if you know it, you don't see that in your head when you say hors d' oeuvres.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

You know, nobody does horse. You about to say Brian?

[Dusty Slay]

I was gonna say, I can see how he. Hours devours. I could kind of see that leap. Horse divorce is a little more of.

[Aaron Weber]

A leap, but horse divorce do, I guess, do vrays. I could have said horse d. Do ouvre. Horse duvres. Excuse me, would you like any horse duve rays, please? Oh, I will. You know, I don't mind if I do.

[Brian Bates]

Picture of you as a waiter at, like, a fancy event. Walk around some pigs in a blanket cat tempt you with some horse devorets.

[Aaron Weber]

What's that? Horse divorce.

[Brian Bates]

This is horse.

[Aaron Weber]

This is yours. No, no, it's pigs in the blank. What's the matter?

[Dusty Slay]

You don't need any cutlery for this.

[Aaron Weber]

What's the matter? You don't need any.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, cut, Larry.

[Aaron Weber]

Cut Larry. You don't need Cut, Larry for this. This is horse divorce. What do we got going here? You know, this is civilization.

[Dusty Slay]

What is it?

[Aaron Weber]

Just add every. You can almost make that a whole sentence. Yeah, horse divorce. Cutlery and validity.

[Dusty Slay]

Val, what was it you said?

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Valid. Yeah. What's that? What's the Mary Poppins song, Val? I knew I was saying it wrong. That one. I knew I was like, some reason the right words weren't coming. And then I thought, well, let's just.

[Brian Bates]

See what words sometimes just fart at the end.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, yeah. Horse divorce. Just seeing a horse in court just sits there. Both.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't want to look at it.

[Aaron Weber]

Every judge. Why is the long face. All right, Every. He goes. He loves it. Every time. He goes, all right, all right. I always start like that. What's the problem? She doesn't want to be near me anymore. A lot of jokes like that. That's for the law. The lawyers have a good time. It's a good. It's a fun place to be at a horse divorce. To go in there.

[Brian Bates]

Horse divorce court.

[Aaron Weber]

Horse divorce court. And to go in there and they bring in the little.

[Dusty Slay]

The ponies.

[Aaron Weber]

The ponies. And they're just sitting there and they're like. And then they gotta. And they're branding them. And you got. Golly. One shows up with a bunch of brands all over him, and you're like, oh, boy, this one's trouble. Look at all the brands he's got. He's got a bunch of. He's all branded up. Rachel Kane. The amount of misfortune that happens in Brian's life. I need a reality show. Please, someone just follow this man with a camera. Keeping up with the Kardashians would have nothing on Bad luck Brian.

[Dusty Slay]

Can I address this?

[Aaron Weber]

Breaking Brian. That's what we call it. Breaking Brian. Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I admit I've had my share of embarrassing moments. I mean, I may be having a stroke right now.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

But I also turned 50 today, so we've all. You live that long, you're going to have some embarrassing moments.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

And as comics, we share them.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

And that's what makes them funny now. So I hope they don't really think. I feel like I'm the luckiest person in the world.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I got great friends, prison company included. A great job. I get to do what I love.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I got a great wife. I got a baby on the way. I got a lot to be thankful for.

[Aaron Weber]

You don't have a baby on the way.

[Dusty Slay]

I do.

[Aaron Weber]

Do you really?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Are you kidding?

[Aaron Weber]

Are you kidding? Dude, get out of town, man.

[Brian Bates]

There we go.

[Aaron Weber]

That's awesome, man. Congrats, dude.

[Brian Bates]

Congrats, buddy.

[Aaron Weber]

That's unreal.

[Brian Bates]

That's so great.

[Dusty Slay]

Thank you much.

[Aaron Weber]

Golly, that's crazy.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, man.

[Aaron Weber]

I thought you were just joking.

[Dusty Slay]

I got a lot to be thankful for. Nope.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Wow.

[Dusty Slay]

I'm very serious.

[Aaron Weber]

Get to the bottom this stroke stuff a little bit quicker than we think.

[Dusty Slay]

I know.

[Aaron Weber]

Figure it out.

[Dusty Slay]

Got to get it figured out. Got to be healthy for a baby.

[Aaron Weber]

I know. How long for long is she.

[Dusty Slay]

She's already in second trimester.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I mean, at our age, we wanted to really wait and make sure that everything was good, but we felt like now we're at the point where we can tell people, so.

[Brian Bates]

That's so great.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, man.

[Dusty Slay]

Little girl.

[Aaron Weber]

A girl. Oh, wow.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Wow.

[Aaron Weber]

That's crazy, dude. Yeah, that's crazy.

[Dusty Slay]

So I'm very. We're so excited.

[Aaron Weber]

Your mom just. She.

[Dusty Slay]

She was thrilled. She just couldn't believe it.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

So we're all so excited.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. I don't know if anybody thought you were going to have a kid.

[Dusty Slay]

My mom.

[Aaron Weber]

Sure. Y' all didn't think you were.

[Dusty Slay]

No, we didn't. And, you know, it's not easy at our age, but, yeah, things happen. It's a miracle. So. Yeah, we're doing it.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Wow.

[Brian Bates]

Dude. Congratulations, man.

[Dusty Slay]

If you're the praying type, I ask for continued prayers for healthy baby.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

And that I'm not having a stroke.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Let's do the baby first. We're gonna rank it in order, like, the way the prayer is ranking. Like, where people in states and they go, well, Alaska does. They did the stroke first, but most of the other country did the baby first. At the end of the episode, I watched after the sign off as an as Nate walked to breakfast, and I expected him to give him a hug or something after breakfast is big news. Instead, he reached over and grabbed some Sour patch Kids. Typical Nate. Keep up the good work.

[Dusty Slay]

That's so fun.

[Aaron Weber]

That was good.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

We've hugged. I don't think we did. Do we hug? I think we. Not much.

[Brian Bates]

It's very funny. I'm gonna pull that up. I want you to watch.

[Aaron Weber]

No, I think we. Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bates]

I want you to watch. What? I think it'll take a second.

[Aaron Weber]

But occasionally, when you got married.

[Dusty Slay]

Yep.

[Aaron Weber]

When this baby's born, I mean, the.

[Brian Bates]

Fact that you guys are having to argue about it just proves it's not.

[Dusty Slay]

I just wish we hugged more is what I'm saying.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. There's a point. I hug. There's. Yeah. There's my buddy, Dan Checky. We never would shake hands when we would leave because he'd be like, we're about to see each, you know, it's like. Sometimes it's like you can be like, what are we doing? Right? You know? But I like hugging. But when you're around someone all the time. I'm not hugging.

[Brian Bates]

Here's the head. So you get up. Ride just made it good. It looks like you're about to get up.

[Dusty Slay]

Hey, man, Here we go.

[Brian Bates]

Congratulations, dude.

[Dusty Slay]

And priorities.

[Unnamed Guest]

So there's a regional in Pittsburgh, and it's. It's not in the city, but the Saturday, you know, a group of little people were like, let's go and see downtown Pittsburgh. So this one girl, she has a new minivan. All right? We're all little people. Her dad just bought this new, brand new beautiful minivan. Accessible van, you know, very expensive. So we go into downtown Pittsburgh, and everyone's drinking, you know, and I'm not, because, you know, it's early, and I was just tired.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

So the girl whose minivan it is, she only had, like, one beer, but she was like, I probably shouldn't drive. I was like, I'll drive. You know, I'm fine, you know? And so now we're on the fourth floor of a parking garage that is on a very heavy, steep incline. Okay. Fourth floor down. And so I get in very confident. Okay. I'm a good driver, and I start the car and I. And I, you know, put it. I put my foot on the brake now, and I put it in reverse. Now what happens is the pedal extension.

[Aaron Weber]

Falls off the brake, so you have to. They. You put an extension on.

[Unnamed Guest]

So I. Obviously, I drive with pedal extension. So it's like a regular pedal, but there's two extended bars that attach to the pedals.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

One on the gas, one on the brake. So when I put the car in reverse and I put my foot on the brake, I don't know how, but my foot just knocks that brake pedal off. So now all of a sudden, within a second, we are just full speed going backwards down on the fourth floor, and there's a guardrail where we could just go over five little people in this minivan. We're just dead. So real instinct, I'm like, look, I gotta save us. So I just start hitting cars on the way.

[Aaron Weber]

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[Unnamed Guest]

I'm slowing us down. And I hit seven cars. And now I get out. And, you know, she is just like, I cannot believe this. This is the brand new minivan my family has been saving for. And I just hit seven cars. I smashed. So now we have to just sit there and wait to tell all these people that I, along with these other five innocent little people just smashed and destroyed all these cars.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean, just so many people walking out. Like seven people, like it's, I mean, possibly 15 people are walking out and you're like, how you doing? Did you park on the fourth floor? You gotta ask him though. Yeah. All right, well, we probably got some news for you.

[Unnamed Guest]

And then we gotta get back to the hotel later because this is the convention.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

And that's like the talk of the conference. Every little person knows what happens. Like everyone's mad. You know, this family has been saving up for this minivan. And this is years ago. We're talking about 15 years ago. But I actually saw that girl. You know, I see her all the time. But a couple years ago she's like, you know, we're still paying off for that.

[Dusty Slay]

I told you the story about going to have a spot roof for my face and they told me to put on a hospital gown and I'd never. I've never been in the hospital.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

So I didn't know if you're supposed to take your clothes off or not. So I started. For some reason in my head, I thought it'd look dumber if I still have my clothes on when they come with the gown.

[Aaron Weber]

You have jeans on.

[Dusty Slay]

I just started stripping down and right when I just get down to the bear, the nurse knocks on the door and I was like, just a minute. And she's like, it's just me, hun. And I was thinking, man, we just met and she comes on in with an intern and I'm just whatever. She's like, oh, you didn't have to take your bottoms off, hun.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Where was your spot getting removed?

[Dusty Slay]

Right here next to your eye.

[Aaron Weber]

Next to your eye? Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

So then she has to leave the room and I have to completely put all my clothes back on and then the gown on.

[Aaron Weber]

Why? Why did you have to put the gown on to begin with?

[Dusty Slay]

To just keep blood from like, you know, getting on me. Because, yeah, that. I completely stripped down.

[Brian Bates]

Took your jeans off?

[Dusty Slay]

I took everything off.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean, you're in.

[Dusty Slay]

My socks are off.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Like a normal doctor's office, like they're going like, yeah, we don't do stuff like this, man. Like you had.

[Dusty Slay]

She had an intern with her.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Good night. Walks in. Did they laugh?

[Dusty Slay]

I think they were more startled than anything. But then I have to put it all back on. And then he comes in with her and the intern and I'm just like, I know they've been out there talking about.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Everybody talked about you. Yeah. Oh, everybody.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

That was like. And they went home.

[Brian Bates]

The guy in 431 took all his clips.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Because he looks like he would have.

[Brian Bates]

They know immediately who you're talking.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Don't tell me. Let me guess.

[Aaron Weber]

My wallet's gone. My wallet's gone. I mean, how they make you really study when you sell peanut butter, huh?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, I mean, you know, people ask these questions.

[Dusty Slay]

You don't.

[Unnamed Guest]

Just don't go selling it.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, yeah. You know what's happening?

[Brian Bates]

You show up at somebody's doorstep, you better know your stuff.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. I think nowadays there was no doorsteps.

[Unnamed Guest]

Out. Cookies or something.

[Brian Bates]

Man encyclopedias.

[Unnamed Guest]

Come on.

[Aaron Weber]

I had big accounts. Big accounts. You tie the horse up to the thing. I had, like, inside Kroger, you know, like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

You're kind of belittling what I did.

[Aaron Weber]

You got. Talked Kroger into buying peanut butter. They were an anti. Peanut butter. Go ahead.

[Unnamed Guest]

No, no. Now you sound like my dad.

[Aaron Weber]

Okay.

[Unnamed Guest]

Who was like, you know, I always had a hard time explaining the job. It was a good job. It was like a. You know, paid a lot, and it was a competitive job to get. But my dad was like, well, you know, you're.

[Aaron Weber]

You're not.

[Unnamed Guest]

You're not really in sales. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I am. You know, he's like, well, I've been going to the grocery store for 60 years, and they've always had Jif peanut butter.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

What do they need you for? It's not about. It's not about, like, whether they carry it or not. It's about how much they sell to their consumer. And there's all kinds of things, dials and switches. I can move to help them sell more. And he'd still be like, yeah, yeah. You're not in sales.

[Dusty Slay]

Like the display and such displays.

[Unnamed Guest]

A big display.

[Brian Bates]

Shelf placement.

[Unnamed Guest]

Shelf placement is another. Shelf place was another.

[Aaron Weber]

You want to be eye level?

[Unnamed Guest]

You'd like to be eye level?

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

You'd like to be. You like to have a block. You'd like to have a real nice block. I don't know why that's funny, Nate. I'm telling you, this is important stuff here.

[Aaron Weber]

No, he said you liked me. Like, it's just such a serious. Like, if I felt like I was interviewing to be a parent, I go, so we want to be eye level. You like to be. Don't. Don't expect to be eye level. You walk in there and be. I level.

[Unnamed Guest]

You walk in and say.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean, yeah, you're new kid on the block. Don't think you're gonna. They're gonna try to throw you at.

[Unnamed Guest]

The show up the first day.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

I mean, and I saw it in a lot of different place. I mean, Jif, we were. We were brand leader.

[Dusty Slay]

Usually.

[Nate Bargatze]

We were.

[Unnamed Guest]

If you walk into a store today and you see Jif on the bottom shelf, somebody did something to make somebody angry.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Interesting.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. Now, Pringles, that was a whole. We were. You know.

[Aaron Weber]

You sold Pringles, too?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, yeah, I sold Pringles.

[Aaron Weber]

So you got out of peanut butter?

[Unnamed Guest]

No, no, we.

[Aaron Weber]

I. I was saying they were the same company.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah. So I saw Pringles. Jif Duncan Hines.

[Dusty Slay]

Is Pringles considered a potato chip?

[Aaron Weber]

It is. You're selling very easy. You're selling things that are not easy. I mean, these are. I'm not. Think I'm on your dad's team. I know. It's. You're selling stuff that's like. I don't know.

[Unnamed Guest]

I swear, I went through this.

[Aaron Weber]

The things that I have to have.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, I went through this.

[Aaron Weber]

But I was like, that's like being like, you're selling cocaine. No. Like, it goes pretty good. People really like it. You go, oh, is it hard to do?

[Brian Bates]

No, it's.

[Unnamed Guest]

But there's. I had competitors. You go up against Skippy and see.

[Dusty Slay]

How well you do. All right.

[Aaron Weber]

Jeff is the main. Jiff is the main.

[Unnamed Guest]

It is the main. But it got there through guys like me.

[Brian Bates]

Boots on the ground.

[Aaron Weber]

Boots on the ground. Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Shoe leather and knuckles.

[Aaron Weber]

And now we know who to think. Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay.

[Aaron Weber]

When I started. Jiff is spelled with a G. Y' all, like, the Moneyball chip. Like, y' all were.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

You're like Moneyball and baseball. Like, yeah. You're your first ones. Use analytics.

[Brian Bates]

There's rich companies and there's poor companies.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

50Ft of crap, and then there's Pringles.

[Aaron Weber]

Wait a minute, man.

[Unnamed Guest]

We weren't that. You know, that. That. We were.

[Aaron Weber]

So was Pizza licious a big deal for y' all?

[Unnamed Guest]

Was it, like, Pizza Lich is slated right in at, like, a number five. Our flavor lineup. Here's the thing, and it's a secret.

[Aaron Weber]

The red can.

[Unnamed Guest]

Original red can. That you're doing about 80% of the volume in that red can. I don't know what's funny about this. I mean, this is important stuff.

[Aaron Weber]

It's number five in the flavor lineup. Yeah. So what is that?

[Unnamed Guest]

Which they probably had it slated in a nine. When they probably thought it was coming in at a nine. You had red can. Original is 80% of the business.

[Aaron Weber]

Okay.

[Unnamed Guest]

And then you had what we called Right Crisp. Couldn't call it light. We did call it light. And then they said we couldn't because it wasn't. It wasn't low fat enough back then, so we had to call it Right Crisp. It was in a silver can. That was usually the number two.

[Aaron Weber]

I didn't think about making the chip healthier. You just would just change the name a little bit. I mean, it was.

[Unnamed Guest]

It was healthier.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, it was. It was healthier.

[Unnamed Guest]

Just not enough.

[Aaron Weber]

Not enough.

[Unnamed Guest]

Not enough.

[Aaron Weber]

When did.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, I still think it was a smart choice. I mean, you know, and then the green can, sour cream and onion. That's. That's a solid, solid flavor. And then Cheezums. Cheesums was. Was.

[Aaron Weber]

Was.

[Unnamed Guest]

Was probably a number of four. And I'll tell you. And it. I lose sleep over it, even today. We never got the barbecue product right.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

We never got our fair share of the barbecue business. We didn't. And that's a big deal. A huge deal.

[Aaron Weber]

I go barbecue a lot. I know. Barbecue. Probably the most I would go of something.

[Brian Bates]

And it's lazy, right?

[Aaron Weber]

No, you don't. No, that's true.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's on us, man.

[Aaron Weber]

That's. That is.

[Unnamed Guest]

That is on us.

[Aaron Weber]

That's not on you. That's the fact that you guys own.

[Dusty Slay]

I mean, I'm up to it.

[Aaron Weber]

You own up to it. I will go do more. You have barbecue Pringles? Yeah. This is the 100th episode, right?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Pretty crazy. Did you think we'd make it to 100? Yeah, I don't know. I don't think I thought of it.

[Brian Bates]

You didn't think we'd make it?

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

You knew you'd get here.

[Aaron Weber]

When I look at both of y' all, I think, golly, how did y' all slip by me for 100 episodes? No, I don't know if I. No, I mean, I thought, you know, I don't know. I don't know what I thought when we started it, but it's. You know, I mean, every time I go to shows, people come up, they listen to it, they love it. I. It's. It is fun to do, so it's great. And I. I love that. I mean, I love how much people are listening to it, and so it's fun. 100 episodes.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

So with 100 episodes, we. We are gonna change up something a little bit. And. Yeah, Bates, you go you move up to my role. Bates, I'm in your role. Let's switch. People voted and they wanted more. Brian. So we're gonna change it up and we're adding a fourth co host.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, man.

[Aaron Weber]

So it'll be four of us. I know people, you know, we've mentioned stuff like that. I think it's fun. I'm excited about it. It's just another comic, another something that's funny that I think fits very well with us. I believe we have him blurred out right now. And if. I mean, if you're at home, you're trying to guess, you can pause it. If you want to pause it and try to take a shot. I mean, you think they could. Yeah, I don't know. Who's gonna guess?

[Brian Bates]

He's appeared on the show before.

[Aaron Weber]

Aaron, do you want to take a guess? Would you have any idea?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, he's pretty good.

[Aaron Weber]

Well, he's blurred out Aaron, so how could you see him?

[Dusty Slay]

Can I guess?

[Aaron Weber]

You took that, like, it was a real beating. I thought you thought we were going to go play long. And then he made it sound like I really just yelled at him.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, yeah. There was a cower over here in the corner.

[Aaron Weber]

You go, I'm sorry.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, my bad, dude.

[Aaron Weber]

Huh?

[Dusty Slay]

Can I guess?

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I'm going to say it's the guy that used to work with your sister who's the bigfoot expert.

[Aaron Weber]

He is. It is. We brought him in. He was great.

[Brian Bates]

He was amazing.

[Aaron Weber]

Welcome to Nateland. Dusty Slay.

[Nate Bargatze]

All right. All right. We're having a good time.

[Aaron Weber]

Having a good time.

[Nate Bargatze]

Wow. That build up really had me.

[Aaron Weber]

You know what I mean?

[Nate Bargatze]

Like, yeah, I was more nervous about that build up than going on shows.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Well, we're. Look, I think we're big fans, obviously, and I think you fit well with us. You grew up poorer than all of us, which is nice.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah. Bring in a real poor aspect to this. Lot of money floating around this table.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, well, we. We didn't have money. Aaron comes from a pretty wealthy family. He comes from Royals.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yes.

[Aaron Weber]

And then. But so we. Me and Bates wanted to feel. We wanted to be able to punch down. And we were like, well, who could we get?

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Dusty was in a trailer park.

[Nate Bargatze]

I brought food stamps with me this time around just to pass out. Just so you knew what they look like.

[Aaron Weber]

That's how we're paying them.

[Brian Bates]

I am going to be in the Denver area in just a few weeks. I'm excited to go see a Rockies game at Coors field.

[Dusty Slay]

America's best Baseball team.

[Brian Bates]

It's. It's awesome. Well, it's one of the best places to watch a game. It's awesome out there. Which is why I want to give a shout out to today's sponsor. One of them, Seatgeek. With over 28 million downloads, Seatgeek is the number one rated ticketing app. It's the place to get tickets. That's where I'm going to get tickets to this game. It's not just sports, though. They have over 70,000 events listed. Concerts, sports festivals, and more. Right now you can get tickets to the Lumineers, Lady Gaga, Post Malone, and more. I love using SeatGeek. I got the app pulled up right on my phone. You can get a nice seat map of whatever event you're looking at. It's all color coded, so, you know, if it's green, then that's a good deal. Green means go get you a green. If it's red, they go. You probably hold off because that's a bad deal.

[Dusty Slay]

Aaron, I think that's the field that's green. I think you may be looking at it wrong.

[Brian Bates]

No, Brian, what happens is you don't have good eyesight. The seats are color coded too.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, okay. My mistake.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Brian should get seats close to the field just so he can see what's going on. But if you're like me, you can. You can sit up in the nosebleeds. Every ticket's backed by their buyer guarantee. And I know, you know, I came through for you guys. I did this. I got us a promo code that you can use on SeatGeek. Oh, yeah, I came through in the clutch. You can use code NATE10FOR. For 10% off your next set of tickets at Seat. 10% is significant.

[Nate Bargatze]

That's a good deal.

[Brian Bates]

If you're buying a bunch of tickets. 10% off. That's 10% off. Tickets with promo code Nate.

[Nate Bargatze]

10 penny saved is a penny earned.

[Brian Bates]

And imagine how many pennies. 10% off could be a lot of. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app. Have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. You don't even have to type it in. Thank you, seatgeek.

[Aaron Weber]

We have these bells, too. We. We bought bells. You walk around the bell, and it, like, rings a little bit and a bear bell. And so it's like, enough to, like, so the bear would hear you then. Because the bear doesn't want to meet you. But it's like if you walk up on it, it's. That's when you can get in trouble. The bell thing, though, we wore it the first day, and no one else had a bell. And I felt so stupid as we're walking by these people, like, ding, ding. And then I looked it up, and people were like, yeah, those don't. You know, because it's like they're not loud enough. Like, the bear's hearing is like our hearing, I think. And so it's like, you know, I don't know. It's like, maybe it would work. And it's not. You could do it, but it's. If you. I mean, we're walking by children without bells. And so I was like, all right. We were yelling hey, Bear so much, and you just go, hey, bear. Just a group of family of four walks by. You're like. And you're like, thought you were a bear. PAUL D. I think hey, Bear should be the response to hello, folks. I like that.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, that's fun.

[Aaron Weber]

You know, the last podcast I started with hey, Bear. I love a nice hey, Bear. Hey, Bear.

[Nate Bargatze]

A lady that gave me candy wrote a note, and it said, hey, Bear.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. To me, I like hey, Bear.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Could be good. Is hello, folks. I mean, like, yeah. It's like, hey, bear. So, you know, because I do hello, folks, and I do. Let's go, folks. When we start the podcast.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, maybe let's go, bears.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Jay Cutler.

[Aaron Weber]

Hey, Bear. Yeah, Hay Bear. Just gotta pop in whenever. Yeah. Hay Bear feels like it's one that it pops in. We were doing it on the trip, and they're. They're very funny to pop in. Hey Bear.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

They just throw in a nice hey, Bear out of nowhere.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah. You know, and if you're hiking and you do a hay bear and someone gives you a hello, folks back.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

Then you know what's happening.

[Aaron Weber]

That's. Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

What's going on.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Hello, folks.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Hey, Bear. Hey. That is a pretty even. Let's go. Like, it is funny. Somebody goes, hello, folks. Hey, Bear. And then see.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Because it's. Then people will be very confused on that. That could be it. Could it? Y' all can. You know, I like it. I like the. You know, I like the less I like people. You know, I'll talk to Harper. And as we were talking about hello, folks and let's go, folks. And we said, what. I was like, what are you. And she said she thinks she's more, let's go, folks. But I like that there is a hello, folks, and let's go. Like, there is a. It is like, you know, I met someone in Paso and I met. And they were, you know, fewer hello, folks. And then one's like, I'm a let's go, folks. And it is like, you're like, you kind of get who the person is.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

And that. I do like that. But I do like, hey, bear. Hey, bear. All right. Hello, folks. And hey, bear. I like hey, bear.

[Brian Bates]

Now I got hay beer all weekend for people.

[Aaron Weber]

Hey bear is great. It's, it's like, it is the good. I think someone said it. We said in the comments. It's the best response. The let's go, folks. Like, hey, if you say, hello, folks, you go, hey, bear. Because it's such an opposite that it does. So I, I, I agree. I guess we take a vote. The vote was hay bear.

[Nate Bargatze]

I've been getting some hay bear, too. And I think I like when, like, if, if a lady says, hey, bear to me, I'm like, my wife is going to be upset about yes. Like, people come up, they go, hey, bear. And I'm like, I don't know if that's okay.

[Aaron Weber]

It sounds like you're already in another relationship so much that y' all have nicknames for each other. She's like, it can't even be like, oh, did y' all just meet you? Like, we've been dating for five to six years, and she calls me bear. And I go, hey, bear.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, as far as bear attacks, it basically said, don't do what you suggested. Don't try to run from the bear. The grizzly bear.

[Aaron Weber]

That is because no one's trying it.

[Dusty Slay]

They said they can run as fast as a horse.

[Aaron Weber]

It doesn't, it doesn't matter. It's, it's the, it's the juice.

[Dusty Slay]

Shake and bake.

[Brian Bates]

Barry Sanders could evade a grizzly bear.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, I bet so. I bet yeah could tackle a grizzly bear.

[Brian Bates]

Well, he's a running back now.

[Aaron Weber]

If you get.

[Nate Bargatze]

But you tell me, though, he couldn't tackle it. You tell me Barry Henders couldn't tackle it. Come on. Come on.

[Aaron Weber]

Sound like a guy. I feel like he slurred. That sounded like an old drunk.

[Brian Bates]

Dusty, you talk about.

[Aaron Weber]

You said, ben can't take ch. And you're like, dusty, I got. Are you driving? Did you. Very sad. You go look me in the face. You said occasion right now in the face. You go look me in the eyes face and say, can't take a good. Is that what you gonna tell me? Right? All right, Dusty. All right. This guy, something's wrong with him. Supposedly, I Don't know for sure, but someone told me afterwards that I think that there could have been a fight that broke out.

[Dusty Slay]

You know, I got a email this morning from someone who said, was it delay show?

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

They apologized because they said his wife. Her hair, I guess, was hanging over the seat. The guy behind him, and the guy put his knee on her hair, like, you know, to pin it against the chair.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

And they got into a. Not a fistfight, but they got in a big argument.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Yeah, that's what I heard.

[Brian Bates]

So I sat in the second show. I watched the whole thing. It was awesome to just sit in the crowd and watch. And I had a real out of character moment. The guy in front of me, he. Every joke you did, he would turn to his side and be like, that's. I would do that.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Like relating to all your jokes, but in an annoying way.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

And I had a really out of character moment. I leaned forward, I grabbed the dude on the shoulder, and I go, enough.

[Aaron Weber]

Whoa. Wow.

[Brian Bates]

Maybe that's what you heard. Maybe that it felt awesome.

[Aaron Weber]

Did his wife have long hair?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Aaron, is this what we're getting to? It was you.

[Brian Bates]

I said, enough, dude. And then I leaned back and I thought about the whole show, you know?

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Right. When the show ended, I go, hey, sorry about that, man. He was like, no, it's fine.

[Nate Bargatze]

I told you, Arizona's wild. It's too hot. It's just too hot out there. And there's not enough humidity. You need some.

[Brian Bates]

But I've never confronted anybody in a moment like that.

[Nate Bargatze]

Do you think that guy even knew what you meant by enough?

[Dusty Slay]

I don't think. I know.

[Brian Bates]

He heard the tone of my voice.

[Aaron Weber]

He knew what was going on.

[Brian Bates]

He knew he was misbehaving.

[Dusty Slay]

So he's relating to Nate's comedy and having a good time. And you told him to stop.

[Brian Bates]

But. But, you know, thousands of other people were doing that without conversing about it. Right after the joke.

[Nate Bargatze]

We needed you in the audience of the shows we did in Arizona.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Probably there. I would, like, I had Aaron walk around, just if people. They laugh too loud. Not high enough.

[Nate Bargatze]

Right.

[Aaron Weber]

He just. He would just keep them kind of.

[Nate Bargatze]

At bay if they weren't really laughing. He's like, not enough.

[Aaron Weber]

Not enough, not enough. And then if they. And if they started laughing too loud, I go, what are we doing? Aaron grabs his shoulder. Hey, what are we doing?

[Nate Bargatze]

And if their hair was too long, he would just pin it to the chair.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Why don't we throw our trash to Saturn I've always heard they throw it to. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Nate Bargatze]

Start shipping the trash off.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. We got.

[Dusty Slay]

Haul it to outer space.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. And send it to one of these garbage planets that nothing. What does it matter?

[Brian Bates]

It's just like you just got.

[Aaron Weber]

Everything's gonna burn up and then become a ring. So you just start like launching. It's not all about people magazines up.

[Dusty Slay]

No, it is. It is about it.

[Brian Bates]

If they can find a way to do it. Cost.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, sure. Someday.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

The cost is. We're making the cost up. So it's like.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, just do it.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, just do it. I mean it's not. We're not calling another planet to ask for money for.

[Dusty Slay]

But first we need to take our trash to the moon.

[Nate Bargatze]

Well, every time we launch a rocket, take a little trash.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Go.

[Nate Bargatze]

Hey, you're already up there.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Do you think it's ethical to just launch space out into the. The abyss? Lost trash into the abyss.

[Aaron Weber]

Well, I mean you got Saturn. That's not.

[Brian Bates]

So you have to target it and shoot it right into Saturn. So it just burns up.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. I mean there's no point to.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah. You know, just an empty vacuum up there, right.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

If the aliens come and go, hey, you guys been the ones dumping all.

[Aaron Weber]

This trash out here? Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

And then we'll go, honestly, we didn't know you're out.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

They'll understand.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Have an ongoing argument. I think that if ants were as intelligent as humans, on average. On average, that the ants would be able to take over humans and kill them all. There are 2.5 million ants per one human. And they are strong. My son disagrees. That thinks humans would be able to take them out. What do you think?

[Nate Bargatze]

I think humans still win.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't know if there are two.

[Aaron Weber]

And a half million to one.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Your. Your entire body. I mean like that means. Let's say it takes. I don't even know if it would take half a million to cover your whole body. How many things would take. Let's say. Just say if it's 500000 ants covers your entire body. Like they could crawl in your body. That means it's out of every human. There's four kind of things that go.

[Nate Bargatze]

Well, I guess it depends. Like where. Where are we starting from? Did the ants where they're at right now and then all of a sudden they get smart because we already got chemicals. Right. So if the war just began, we could just start killing them.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

Just massive everybody kill all the ants.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Well, what does it mean for them to have human intelligence? Can they all of a sudden talk like human beings and communicate with each other?

[Aaron Weber]

I think it's like a father and son having fun and you are not. And that's a part of it.

[Nate Bargatze]

I just think if we were like, all right, we're at war with the ants.

[Brian Bates]

You believe in the human spirit.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah. We got to turn it up. And we gotta go AWOL on these. I don't know.

[Aaron Weber]

Now the. Only.

[Dusty Slay]

Without leave, we.

[Aaron Weber]

You'd have to.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, we gotta go, you know, wild on these ants.

[Aaron Weber]

I just don't think you would ever know where they're at.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

I don't think you'd ever know where they're at. Like, it'd be hard to. They get underground. They get. They can just hide and then they can be planted. The other thing is too. You could go to the water. You go to the ocean. Yeah, but then if they get on your boat, it's. It's bad news. But you would. You would go to the ocean. I guess you'd have to get out on water.

[Brian Bates]

But I think your saving grace if you're a human being is these ant colonies are not going to be. There's no central organization with the ants. These colonies are going to be acting independently because they have no way to communicate with you, with each other. So an ant colony in India is not going to communicate with a fire ant colony in Alabama. Right. So they're just going to be these sort of independent groups moving around, trying to take out humans. We have the power of communication with each other.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

We can coordinate. We can combine our efforts. I like our chances.

[Dusty Slay]

I mean.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean, there's this two and a half million to one. I mean, do the math on that. What's how many people on Earth?

[Brian Bates]

Just past 8 billion. Right.

[Aaron Weber]

So do 8 billion. And then. What's the times. Two and a half million?

[Dusty Slay]

I have it here. It's like 40 quadrillion or something.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean, are they.

[Brian Bates]

Where are they dispersed across the globe.

[Nate Bargatze]

But you could even gas into an anthill. 20 and light it.

[Dusty Slay]

20 quadrillion.

[Nate Bargatze]

They're all gone.

[Aaron Weber]

It's a number that's unimaginable.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Well, we can relocate to an island. These ants can't swim across water 8.

[Aaron Weber]

Billion people can't go to.

[Nate Bargatze]

What about anteaters? We would train anteaters and they would. Would be on our team.

[Brian Bates]

There you go.

[Dusty Slay]

This is like Infinity War and Avengers. But there were so many of those creatures that they overtook us, remember?

[Nate Bargatze]

But anteaters would be on.

[Aaron Weber]

I think it just never stops.

[Brian Bates]

Just the sheer numbers for you is that. That seems to be the thing holding you back.

[Aaron Weber]

Well, 20 quadrillion is not. Is not even a number. It's like. It's so much that it's not even. And it's just the sheer force. I mean, just think of it. You had to fight two and a half million ants.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Could you beat two and a half million ants?

[Nate Bargatze]

I could.

[Aaron Weber]

In a room with a.

[Brian Bates]

With all the resources of the US Government? Yeah. I think I could.

[Aaron Weber]

No, no, it's got to be. So you breaking it down, just one on one.

[Brian Bates]

Okay.

[Aaron Weber]

You in a room with two and a half million ants.

[Brian Bates]

How big's the room depicted on the airplane hanger?

[Nate Bargatze]

Right.

[Aaron Weber]

If it's.

[Nate Bargatze]

If it's these little sugar ants, easy, I win. But if it's army ants, fire ants, army like the army ants that you see in, like, the jungles in Africa. I mean, they will tear you up. Now, those are the ones that are scared.

[Dusty Slay]

Spectracide would be the front line of defense.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah. Ants can't hide from Spectracide.

[Aaron Weber]

Do you think you'd get drafted?

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, I think so.

[Dusty Slay]

I think you'd be a general.

[Brian Bates]

You talking about these kind of ants right here with these pinchers?

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

I mean, now those are terrifying.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I've seen them tear apart animals.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

National Geographic.

[Brian Bates]

But just imagine if this thing had hopes and dreams and aspirations and ambition.

[Nate Bargatze]

But I think the ants would, you know, get jealous of each other and they would be like, well, the army ants are really taking over like that.

[Brian Bates]

There's going to be some internal issues with these ants.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, yeah. But you're acting like we're doing a. Just in general, great job as a country together.

[Brian Bates]

Better than these ants are.

[Aaron Weber]

We're a mess right now. The ants are loyal.

[Brian Bates]

You think ants are sitting around having this?

[Aaron Weber]

I think there's loyalty. I think there's loyalty between ants.

[Brian Bates]

I think push comes to shove, there's loyalty among humans, too. I have to believe that right now.

[Nate Bargatze]

We'Re not faced with the ant.

[Brian Bates]

Or somebody comes on the news tomorrow and goes, the ants have risen up. They're smarter than us.

[Aaron Weber]

We don't care about aliens.

[Brian Bates]

There's not 20, quadrillion aliens on.

[Aaron Weber]

We don't know. There's a lot of big space out there.

[Dusty Slay]

That's true.

[Aaron Weber]

And we started throwing trash at them.

[Brian Bates]

That's a good point.

[Nate Bargatze]

I think we could take the ants.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. You think you could beat two and a half million answers?

[Dusty Slay]

I think So I say no sugar ants. The sheer number would just over there as smart.

[Aaron Weber]

Anything that you can think of, they can think of. So just remember that.

[Nate Bargatze]

I would say, give me.

[Aaron Weber]

So they got. They could figure out talking or they.

[Dusty Slay]

Could figure out like 25 to 30. Smart ants would take me out.

[Brian Bates]

25 to 30.

[Nate Bargatze]

Do I get a weapon?

[Dusty Slay]

They would take my gun. They would pistol Whip me.

[Aaron Weber]

25 or 30. Yeah. I will take the emu side. So we can't just have this dominant. So who wants. I'm comfortable taking the emu side. Who wants to take the lion side? Fates.

[Nate Bargatze]

I'm going lion. Zero chance.

[Brian Bates]

I'll jump on emu.

[Aaron Weber]

All right.

[Brian Bates]

I'll jump on emu here.

[Aaron Weber]

So we, we, we.

[Nate Bargatze]

I like this.

[Aaron Weber]

I like to get talked into. You get to get talked into five interesting facts about emus. Animus feathers cannot. Cannot be so soft. That's not a good strong. I mean, who, like, who wrote that sentence? The emu, like an emu's feather cannot. Can you animus an emu's feathers? I thought it said father at first.

[Brian Bates]

That's probably true too.

[Aaron Weber]

An emu's father cannot be so soft. So they grow up in hard times.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Chip on the shoulder.

[Aaron Weber]

They grow up in hard times.

[Nate Bargatze]

A lion be soft, but. But it can't be. Cannot be too.

[Aaron Weber]

An emu has been through it. A lion is like, you know, you're like, you're the rich kid, right? That just.

[Brian Bates]

And they're very family oriented. They got like nuclear families. They all stay together. The line grew up. No problems.

[Aaron Weber]

No problem.

[Brian Bates]

No hardships.

[Aaron Weber]

No hardships.

[Brian Bates]

Emu out of the womb. He's fighting, he's scrapping.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, yeah. And his feathers, the way he's. The way this emu wrote this. It's. They also can be soft, but they also cannot be so soft.

[Brian Bates]

Right.

[Nate Bargatze]

So, like, I mean, it's not always so soft.

[Aaron Weber]

Yes.

[Nate Bargatze]

And sometimes it is, but not all the time.

[Aaron Weber]

Emus have the strongest legs. That's enormous.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Strongest legs does not say of. I don't know what it compares. Comparison.

[Dusty Slay]

But compared to an ostrich.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

An emu to the other birds.

[Aaron Weber]

But it has. So I'm assuming the strongest leg of anything and everything. So the kicking, the kicking power is wild.

[Brian Bates]

The running power, that's going to translate to speed.

[Dusty Slay]

Running away.

[Aaron Weber]

It's. It's. I mean, there's part of me that's going. A lion's gonna go into this pretty cocky and an emu is going to just.

[Nate Bargatze]

This thing squats more than an elephant here.

[Aaron Weber]

Like, they're, you know, like, this is like the piranha. Like, emu. It feels like a piranha. Like, it's just like. It's like a velociraptor.

[Brian Bates]

Yes.

[Aaron Weber]

Like a velociraptor beat a T. Rex.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

So, you know, if. When we had this bracket, you would say there's no way where.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

On. In Jurassic Park. I don't know the movie.

[Dusty Slay]

It did.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. At the end. The blue. It beats the one. Well, then they fight it then. But yeah, I think it does at the end. I don't know if it does, but.

[Dusty Slay]

No, I think the T. Rex.

[Nate Bargatze]

I think it did T. Rexes.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. I guess.

[Aaron Weber]

At least the raptor is just like. Could just be. It's just all over it. Like, when something's so big. That's like when Royce Gracie used to fight the. In old MMA stuff, and he'd fight like a big, big, like, sumo guy. It's like that gets so tired.

[Nate Bargatze]

But we just had a debate about a polar bear possibly losing to a Siberian tiger. But now an emu beats a line.

[Aaron Weber]

Well, we're taking the. I'm trying to make it fun.

[Brian Bates]

I think you got to have some upsets here.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. You got to have.

[Brian Bates]

And I think this is because this just happened in the tournament this year. The one seed comes in.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

And you know, if they. If they sleep, if they take it for granted, they're going to go down.

[Aaron Weber]

Give me those other facts of the email. Let me read the rest.

[Nate Bargatze]

Let's play the fight out. Let's play the fight out.

[Aaron Weber]

I just want to get more fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was reading them, and some reason that prompt you to go to a different page.

[Brian Bates]

Well, they started to get bad.

[Aaron Weber]

I said, that's why I want you keep reading. Yeah. Emus have a pouch in their throat for communication.

[Nate Bargatze]

Now, this is trash talk.

[Aaron Weber]

I'd imagine some kind of like, maybe walkie talkie. Maybe the first. Next tail.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

They have a pouch in their throat for communicate. Like, they don't even waste their time for. What do they put in that pouch? Their phone. You know what it could put in that pouch? A weapon.

[Brian Bates]

Right.

[Aaron Weber]

So now this emu, because it. Look at it. You think it's playing by the rules. There's no playing by the rules.

[Brian Bates]

That's cheating.

[Aaron Weber]

It's. An emu cheats that anything can happen. So I think an emu has now got a. Probably a gun.

[Brian Bates]

Right, Right.

[Aaron Weber]

We're gonna go ahead and say it. The emu Brought a gun into this fight.

[Brian Bates]

The emu is armed.

[Aaron Weber]

Emu does have a gun. So emu gets a gun because it has a pouch and it can hide it. And we did not check the pouch because we didn't know they had.

[Brian Bates]

Where's a lion putting a gun?

[Dusty Slay]

We moved. Don't have arms. So how's he going to shoot it?

[Aaron Weber]

It does it anyway. It has. It's automatic. So look, it's. Look at this situation. Here's what I'm saying. The emu. Because when you frisk. Look at you frisk something. You don't ever frisk someone's throat.

[Brian Bates]

That's true.

[Aaron Weber]

So why would you frisk? We would be so busy in the feathers. And we don't know that he.

[Brian Bates]

Which cannot be so soft that.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. That we go like. I cannot believe how not soft this is.

[Nate Bargatze]

You might even cut yourself trying to get the gun out of there.

[Aaron Weber]

And you're just, like shaking it and just like some dust. It looks like you're shaking a. You know, dust is flying out and you're like, I think he's good. And we don't even know that in his throat he has a gun.

[Brian Bates]

You ever use a toilet with the. With the. The padded seats?

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, I don't care.

[Brian Bates]

I don't care for it.

[Nate Bargatze]

I don't like it either.

[Aaron Weber]

I always.

[Nate Bargatze]

Oh, do you like it?

[Aaron Weber]

I didn't mind it.

[Brian Bates]

It's probably nice to. To if it's your own home. It's like a boat.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

If you're. If somebody else has got one, great. But if you got to deal with the. The upkeep. I bet. I bet it's not fun.

[Nate Bargatze]

What's the upkeep?

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

What's going on?

[Brian Bates]

I mean, I imagine it's.

[Aaron Weber]

Again, I mean, you got to wait a couple days for it to get back to form. Memory foam again.

[Brian Bates]

You gotta fluff it.

[Aaron Weber]

It's all been out.

[Dusty Slay]

Lucy's like, aaron.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, I know who's been in here.

[Dusty Slay]

Told you to use the other bathroom.

[Nate Bargatze]

It's got an air pump.

[Brian Bates]

But I did it to Harrison Butker, who is the kicker for the Chiefs, and he went to Georgia Tech. So I was like, dude, tough miss. Go jackets. And then I was like, you've got.

[Dusty Slay]

Like, a trend going.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, you know, tough miss.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Or something. Go jacket.

[Brian Bates]

It's funny, actually, that not to. No. Because I was like, that's the connection I have. But I didn't even go there.

[Aaron Weber]

He's like, my brother's got in. I didn't get in.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

But that's how I have to do every vanity thing. I have to go. I didn't go there. Go, Jackets. There you go. But you go Jacks or jackets? Jackets.

[Brian Bates]

Go Jackets.

[Aaron Weber]

Just bruised, is it the Golden Jackets? Yeah. Go, Jackets. Do y' all say go, Jackets?

[Brian Bates]

Oh, yeah, we say, go, Jackets.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Go, Jacket. Tough miss. Go Jackets. Let me see what I actually got to him. He doesn't even know what's going on. What you. What you say? Sorry. Dylan Lee. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Plays for the Braves October 30th. This is my. The World Series. Yeah. No shame in that start. My man proud of you, bro. You ever met him before?

[Aaron Weber]

No shame in that stuff.

[Brian Bates]

Hold on.

[Dusty Slay]

My man think it's worse.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, no, that was October 30, 2021. He responds.

[Aaron Weber]

August 16, 2022.

[Brian Bates]

Just saw this message, thank you.

[Aaron Weber]

From a game a year ago. He goes, what are we doing October 30th? You gotta remember. He goes, that's my aunt's birthday. Oh, World Series. This lunatic. He goes, so shame. No shame that start. Love you, brother. I don't even know who this guy is. He's got a reply. I'm crying because of the blue check mark. He has to go. I guess I gotta respond back to the. Don't ever forget where you came from. Go, Jackets. I remember that specifically because it was a bullpen start. We only have three starters.

[Brian Bates]

So, like, we had a bullpen game, and they were like, I guess we're starting.

[Aaron Weber]

Dylan Lee. No shame. Or not. Yeah. Who shouldn't be out there, brother. No shame in that, brother. Love you. Proud of you Making me proud. You making us proud. Go, Jackets. Couldn't be prouder.

[Brian Bates]

I told a story, and I'm sure you'll tell it, but we're just a preface that we were telling. Like, the worst joke you've ever told.

[Dusty Slay]

That maybe or heard from someone else.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. But Brian's was about his own. But it's about something you maybe took pride in at the time, but now looking back, it's really cringey or whatever. Now. Brian set the seed for this. This is so funny.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, I don't even know if I completely remember the joke, but it was something about when I was single, I would ask the crowd, are there any single ladies here? And then maybe one would go, ooh, whatever. And I say, oh, I meant shingle ladies. We have any shingle ladies? Ladies here with shingles? And I told that joke for a while.

[Nate Bargatze]

Is that the whole joke?

[Brian Bates]

Yes.

[Nate Bargatze]

I meant shingles ladies.

[Aaron Weber]

When he said the part Ladies with shingles. I mean, the disease.

[Dusty Slay]

Shingles. I wanted to clarify. Yeah, that was one of my go to's when I first started out.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, man, that's the worst I've ever heard.

[Aaron Weber]

There's no more to it.

[Dusty Slay]

I mean, that's the part I remember at this point. Aaron had got up for the table.

[Brian Bates]

So I couldn't just imagine doing that. Oh, I mean, shingles ladies. Huh? You get it?

[Dusty Slay]

It's when I first started, it was one of my go to. Hey, I thought it was honesty time here.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Sometimes all you need is to set it aside as a comic and then.

[Dusty Slay]

You can revisit it.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

I want you to bring that joke.

[Brian Bates]

Back, dust it off a bit.

[Nate Bargatze]

You go any. I mean, shingles ladies. I'm married, okay? I'm not looking for the single.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, there you go. It's a different spin on it.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah. Tell them why you're looking for ladies with shingles. What do you. Because, you know, you're like, I want my daughter to get chicken box.

[Aaron Weber]

You know what I mean? Come over to the house.

[Dusty Slay]

Now. We got a great punchline.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, it's actually a good bit. Ryan's gonna open his third dry bar special with it.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, that's a good bid. I like it.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, we know the name of my new drive. Our special shingle question mark.

[Brian Bates]

All the shingle ladies. Yeah, yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

If you liked it, you should put some cream on it.

[Dusty Slay]

So I was at my wife and I toured a daycare today and didn't, you know, seem okay. Didn't know about it. Then I go to.

[Aaron Weber]

For who?

[Dusty Slay]

He's back, baby. For my daughter. And. And then I'm at the grocery store and there's a car there with a bumper sticker for that daycare. So I thought, man, I'd love to see this person just ask them some thoughts on this. Yeah, Mike, what's the problem?

[Unnamed Guest]

Did you wait for them like a creep?

[Dusty Slay]

As I was coming out. Don't get ahead of me. As I was coming out of Kroger, sure enough, there's a woman getting in that car. And I thought, I'm going to go over there and ask her about this daycare. But I want it to look natural. Like I just happened to be walking by and, hey, I know this whatever.

[Aaron Weber]

Do you grab a cart? An empty cart.

[Dusty Slay]

I had bags in my hand. She gets in the car a little bit faster than I anticipated. So it was kind of far away. But I don't want to yell, but she sees me, so I don't Want to just stop and, like, turn around, because then it would look like I was coming after her. So I keep walking just like, I'm going to my car. And I'm like, as soon as she pulls out and leave, I'll turn around and go back to my car. But she doesn't pull out immediately. So I have to keep walking and pretending with my bags, like, I'm going to my car.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

And I had a.

[Aaron Weber]

And have you passed her car?

[Dusty Slay]

I passed her.

[Aaron Weber]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I keep looking back and she's still sitting there. So I have to keep pretending like I'm walking to my car, walking through the Kroger parking lot, and she doesn't leave. Eventually, like, I'm gonna be late for this podcast if I don't get out of here. So I. I eventually had to just, like, turn around and then kind of make a circle around her. Like, I lost my car. It was about a 15 minute extra experience.

[Aaron Weber]

So you walked by her?

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Cars to your right. You walk past it, and then you had to cut through the cars and then start walking down to the front of her car, down the middle.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, I didn't come right back to her. I kind of circled around, like, where's my car?

[Aaron Weber]

And then. So you make a circle or actually circle her and then you talk to her. No, no, no, no.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, no, no. I mean, at this point, I was just trying not to be conspicuous, but, you know, it kind of drug out longer than I thought.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, I think it's a good message, people. That's why you don't put bumper stickers on your car. Yes. You got. You got these kind of people that are going to come up and, you know, a grandfather's like, we're thinking about taking my baby to that daycare. And she's like, what? She goes, you have a baby. That's what they think. You hear that lady thing? He's probably 28 years old. She's exactly the age you would have a baby. And this old man that's got his milk and bread. Excuse me. Is there a lot of kids in that daycare? What's the age group? Sir? I don't. You need to get away.

[Brian Bates]

I was in Dayton last weekend, and I did a radio interview to promote the show. And you guys know when you call in radio station, typically they go, all right, we're gonna. We're going live in 3, 2, 1. Or they go, we're gonna start recording now.

[Aaron Weber]

Right.

[Brian Bates]

I call into this radio station. It's the local country station. And they were so nice. But I did not know that as soon as the call started, we were going on this interview. So the entire interview, I thought we were making small talk. Before the interview started, I gave the worst 15 minutes of radio anybody's ever heard. She goes, I answered the phone. She goes, so you're gonna be in Dayton this weekend? I go, yeah, I just had the. Yeah, we just had a family funeral that I just came back from. And I was like, oh, yeah, it's been like a tough. Like, logistically, it's been real tough, but. But, yeah, man, I'm excited being dating for sure. And she goes, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? I got it. Yeah, I'm. I'm good. I think I got some kind of science infection or something. I was like, after this call, I'm going to go to urgent care and hopefully give me a steroid shot. And she's kind of like. She's trying to be an interviewer, right? And she goes, so, like, what. What can we expect from the shows this weekend? And I go, hopefully it's better than last year. Because I was like.

[Unnamed Guest]

Like last year.

[Brian Bates]

I'm just talking candidly to her. I go, last year, the shows were fun, but, like, it was supposed to be three shows, and then they had to make it two. So I don't know. If it stays at three shows, I'll be pretty pumped. And then she goes, and that was comedian Aaron Weber. And I was like, oh, my gosh, dude. And then the call. And then the call ends. Like, it hangs up. And I was like, if anybody heard that.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, no.

[Brian Bates]

They were like, what type of comedy does this guy do? He just complains about his life.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah. And then last week I went to the Preds game and I got to do a couple things. I did a little interview with Valley Sports, and then I got to wind the. The wrong direction. The fan. Well, I'll tell you, the lady goes. I go, which way do I go? She goes, either way. You go. It will make the sound. And I go, okay. And she goes, but it's going to take a couple, you know, to catch. Catch on. So I'm winding. And then it's never catching. So I just, on my own go, you know what? I'm switching directions. And then I got it going.

[Brian Bates]

Is that actually making the noise?

[Nate Bargatze]

It is. They hold the microphone up to it.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, okay.

[Nate Bargatze]

But as you can see, if you look around at the fans in the audience while I'm doing it, nobody cares. They're not Getting fired up.

[Dusty Slay]

Red. Your face is.

[Nate Bargatze]

I know. I think a little bit of that is the. Is that that screen like that? Because other people's face look pretty red back there. Yeah, but, man, I mean, it's like.

[Aaron Weber]

You come up for air.

[Nate Bargatze]

Mine is so red.

[Aaron Weber]

But.

[Nate Bargatze]

But look at that girl back here. I mean, her face is so red.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, but look at yours.

[Aaron Weber]

I think she's black. But look.

[Nate Bargatze]

I mean. Yeah, my face is super red. I mean, dang.

[Unnamed Guest]

I mean, I get.

[Nate Bargatze]

I'm working. Listen, but look at her face back there.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean, come on, put the mouse in. What face is he talking about?

[Nate Bargatze]

This guy?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, these.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, but that girl's got makeup on.

[Nate Bargatze]

That's what I'm saying. The screen is changing our faces. She's not a clown. She didn't wear red makeup.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean, it ain't. Yours is.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, but I'm working here, too. Yeah, I mean, I'm. Listen, I got a special called Working Man. I can't be work. Not working that thing out there.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

I mean, come on, guys. Yeah, my face is a little red, but I'm working. Yeah, these people are just standing around.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, that's great. Yeah, I saw the. The tweet of you just sitting at the. You just sitting at the desk. I was like, we got Dusty analyzing hockey out here.

[Nate Bargatze]

Well, they didn't ask me any hockey questions. I wish they would have.

[Brian Bates]

He's like, you know, they got guys skating under four seconds.

[Aaron Weber]

You didn't say something about hockey.

[Nate Bargatze]

Well, no, I was. Well, I did say that. I'm just amazed people can even skate, much less skate and hit the smallest. Other than golf, the smallest ball, if you will. Yeah, my face is. That's like. Look how red that is.

[Aaron Weber]

That's crazy.

[Nate Bargatze]

That's what I'm saying. There's no way my face is that red.

[Aaron Weber]

Come on, guys, that's. Yeah, no one else's face is red.

[Nate Bargatze]

But this back there's red.

[Aaron Weber]

I mean, not like that. Like. I mean, you look like a different person.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, but I mean, if my face is that red, I'm stroking out.

[Aaron Weber]

Well, I mean, you look like a miner they got under the ground. They just brought him up an hour ago and they said, you want to do the pretz thing? Because he's been. He's been underground for a month.

[Nate Bargatze]

I mean, I'm not denying it, but that's. That can't be reality, though.

[Aaron Weber]

And he just saw the sun.

[Dusty Slay]

You look like you remember the wrestler Brother Love. Yeah, that's what you look like.

[Aaron Weber]

I know.

[Nate Bargatze]

I mean, that's what I'm saying. But that can't. I'm just saying it's got to be some effects of the screen. Look at that thing.

[Aaron Weber]

What could the effects be?

[Nate Bargatze]

I don't know.

[Aaron Weber]

But honey. Because the other people around you don't look like that.

[Nate Bargatze]

But you know, if I look like that and I'm walking around out there, people will be like, you. Okay.

[Aaron Weber]

Well, I mean, right in that moment, it's. Yeah, you're tired. I mean.

[Nate Bargatze]

I mean, it's intense. I'm not denying it.

[Aaron Weber]

That's a wild red little surprise, I think for everybody listening. We are here in Paducah, Kentucky.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

I gotta take these off. Yeah. Two thirds of the. The solar eclipse.

[Brian Bates]

I didn't heard. I never heard about the eclipse before. Laura asked me about. I didn't know that was happening.

[Aaron Weber]

Did you. Do you know. Have you heard of an eclipse?

[Brian Bates]

I saw the last one.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Not the Mitsubishi Eclipse.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Nice.

[Aaron Weber]

Eclipse. The rapper.

[Brian Bates]

All right, who's gonna explain it? Which one of the five of us.

[Aaron Weber]

Is going to explain? You don't know what it is. You, John. Because you don't know what it is. What is it?

[Brian Bates]

Well, if. So this is the moon going in front of the sun. So we're on Earth. Start. Start there.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Okay.

[Aaron Weber]

I usually only do the moon behind the sun. But.

[Brian Bates]

But when the moon.

[Aaron Weber]

That's usually when I go out. But it's. I thought if it's in the middle. Yeah. I do a moon behind the sun. I do that every year.

[Unnamed Guest]

One of them can't happen.

[Aaron Weber]

How does that happen? Does the moon go behind the sun? It never just. The moon never just goes. How big would that be if that happened? That would be dead.

[Brian Bates]

There's just a little sliver of it.

[Aaron Weber]

Looks like what's dark. If you look back that way, it's like there's a plane. So it was interesting to see there is. There was a flight. You think that's that Delta flight? So there was a Delta. There was a Delta flight that might be.

[Dusty Slay]

It could be.

[Aaron Weber]

And there was a Delta flight that was flat. You people booked it to fly the.

[Brian Bates]

Fly with it.

[Aaron Weber]

Yes.

[Brian Bates]

Everybody's on it to see the eclipse. Aaron's trying to get to a week Monday night show. Aaron's on the way back.

[Dusty Slay]

I think that is Venus.

[Aaron Weber]

That's Venus right there. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

No.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, yeah. I see Venus all the time.

[Dusty Slay]

It's one of the part.

[Unnamed Guest]

Are you guys going? No sunglasses now?

[Dusty Slay]

I'm gonna run the bathroom real fast. And I'll be right.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. No.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, you can see the shape of the moon now.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, man. I mean, look at it.

[Brian Bates]

That is unbelievable. Wow.

[Aaron Weber]

It's crazy.

[Brian Bates]

And when it finally.

[Dusty Slay]

If you're listening at home, it's getting dark.

[Aaron Weber]

Getting dark. It's. It's completely over. Can you get it with the camera? Oh, you got a camera at it. All right. There it is there. They know what they're doing. It looks. It's complete. It looks insane. Sunglasses on.

[Unnamed Guest]

Glasses on.

[Aaron Weber]

It's going backwards.

[Dusty Slay]

Glasses up. Oh, it's going the wrong direction.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. I'll tell you what. It felt like the sun did. That is.

[Brian Bates]

I mean, the precision. Don't look it. You can't look at it anymore. Don't look at it anymore.

[Unnamed Guest]

No, but I looked at it before when it was like that, man.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

You okay?

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't know. When does it kick in?

[Dusty Slay]

The next day. That's what they said.

[Unnamed Guest]

The next day is. I'll be blind.

[Aaron Weber]

That is Venus. Look, Venus is going away stuff today, man. We saw Venus.

[Brian Bates]

Yep. How about that? And then it's just daytime again.

[Dusty Slay]

Wow.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

That's pretty cool. Yeah, that's awesome, man. I believe so.

[Dusty Slay]

This one.

[Aaron Weber]

You're already over it. It's not done yet. I mean, Aaron's got to call it 205. It's barely a sliver. And you're still. You're just. You're through.

[Unnamed Guest]

Guys, gotta get to that open mic.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Because. All right, you think, Aaron, in normal life right now, you would be done pumping gas and then go in the store. Like, maybe you would have stayed at your truck just because you'd have been like, look at that. And then once it clicked, you go inside and then be frustrated that the guy's outside looking and you cannot inside.

[Dusty Slay]

Let's go.

[Aaron Weber]

And so do you think you would eat the donuts? You'd eat one pack and then go, I'm not paying for both these packs. I'll pay for one pack.

[Brian Bates]

I'll tell you what. I. I'd already be back inside by now for sure. Yeah. If I were just at home, I go, all right. I.

[Aaron Weber]

How do you gasp at the iPhone? And then. And then this.

[Brian Bates]

Which one do you use more often?

[Dusty Slay]

The sun.

[Aaron Weber]

I know, but this is just. Yeah, that's a good.

[Dusty Slay]

Much more sun.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, the sun's in.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, it's pretty. Yeah. Yeah, it's. It's just.

[Brian Bates]

It is amazing. I don't want it.

[Unnamed Guest]

This is pretty cool right here.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Yeah. This is a weird. Yeah, this is not.

[Unnamed Guest]

This is your Normal dusk.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. This is your favorite part of the eclipse?

[Unnamed Guest]

I think so.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Guys being together.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

I think maybe in the beginning of, you know, being a public figure that it would bother me, but at this point, wow. You know what I mean, though? I'm not saying. Come on, guys.

[Aaron Weber]

I don't think Andrew Jackson ever said that about himself.

[Nate Bargatze]

You don't think that you're public figures, though.

[Aaron Weber]

You don't say it.

[Nate Bargatze]

Oh, okay.

[Aaron Weber]

You don't say anything.

[Nate Bargatze]

But you're. You're. What I mean is, you're a person who's decided.

[Aaron Weber]

How often do you tell people you're a public?

[Nate Bargatze]

That may be the first time I've.

[Aaron Weber]

Ever said, I think. She walks in, you go, I'm a public fig.

[Brian Bates]

What? He tells Uber drivers, and they go, what do you do for a living?

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, I'm a public.

[Brian Bates]

Public figure.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't think I'm a private. Go ahead.

[Aaron Weber]

But I. Yeah, Brian's a figure, but I think that he was dying for the public to know about it, but they just won't listen.

[Nate Bargatze]

But public figure is better than saying, you know, a famous person or. Or whatever. But you're like. You've put yourself on.

[Brian Bates]

Some people know who I am. Say something like that.

[Aaron Weber]

Or just say, I'm a comedian.

[Nate Bargatze]

But is public figure not better than people know who I am?

[Aaron Weber]

I mean, the Kardashians are public figures.

[Nate Bargatze]

I guess, but they are very famous people. Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Being in the cultural zeitgeist, you know.

[Nate Bargatze]

I just think that we've decided to put most of our lives on display, a list celebrity. And so now people can call you out on everything you wear, everything you say, every word you pronounce, every, you know, every move you make. I'm not the most public of public.

[Brian Bates]

Figures, but as cultural taste makers, we need to.

[Aaron Weber]

Sam. Hello, folks. And hey, Bear. Welcome to Land Podcast. I'm neighbor Getsy. Brian Bates. Aaron Weber. Dusty Slay.

[Nate Bargatze]

All right.

[Aaron Weber]

And surprise, boom, we are in a new studio.

[Brian Bates]

Here we are.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. I mean, this is. We. I don't think anybody knew this was happening.

[Nate Bargatze]

Y' all knew, but even we kind of doubted it.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

You know, we had been seeing. You know, I had seen the room, and it was empty.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. And this is it. They've done a great job. This is a new studio. It's out of my house. I get my. My. That room gets to become an office. I've never had an office.

[Brian Bates]

And you get your house back.

[Aaron Weber]

Get my house back. That was. Yeah, that's. I enjoy that. I think it it feels better to leave your home to go to work. I'm sure people, you know that work from home. So it's like nice to get out and go do something.

[Nate Bargatze]

And dog will miss me, but yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, yeah. I think we're all me. You know, I went to your house today. Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Just sat there.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I thought, I guess everybody's running late.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. So, yeah, this is it. They've done an unbelievable job with this podcast. This is a map behind us of Old Hickory, which got some new photos. Still. It's heavy.

[Nate Bargatze]

Me, it's pretty Nate heavy.

[Aaron Weber]

But we got. But we have stuff. There is a lot of me stuff. And I mean, look, the second y' all start putting a den and show business, I think we will get your.

[Brian Bates]

Stuff on Krispy Kreme had. If you bring in your report card for every A, you get a donut. Wow. We'll talk about incentivizing.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Yes.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. That is pretty good. That would be a good. And they should. Do they still do that?

[Brian Bates]

I don't know. I don't know if it was just the one by our house.

[Aaron Weber]

Is that how you got into Notre Dame?

[Brian Bates]

Straight A, this whole childhood. Dang, dude, this guy's killing it.

[Aaron Weber]

What if we all find out it wasn't Krispy Kreme never did this? It was just your family did this to you. Crispy Cream's like, I don't even know what he's talking about. They walk.

[Brian Bates]

He's like, let me go in there.

[Aaron Weber]

First and make sure they're still doing it.

[Brian Bates]

He's like, when my son comes in.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

A 12 year charade.

[Aaron Weber]

He goes, I don't even know if they're open. Let me run in real fast. His dad goes, hey, I got a son you're going to. You're noticed. And there's a senior photo. How we know it's him? You'll know who I'm talking about. Is that that picture sitting in the back of the. The van? He's gonna get.

[Brian Bates]

Listen, when this kid comes in, he's gonna show you his report card and he. Are you still doing the thing? Oh, yeah, we're still doing it.

[Aaron Weber]

We're still doing it. I think I got a funny new tour name for you. Bates.

[Dusty Slay]

All right, let's hear it. Hang on, I'm ready.

[Aaron Weber]

Bates's tour is called Easier to Drive. It's just a tour. Every gig you get, you want to fly, you go. I think it's just easier if you. It's never. It's always in the City where there's gonna be a layover.

[Unnamed Guest]

You're not writing it down.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

All right. You only take bookings. None of them are flights. They go, can I fly there? They go, you can't. But I. To be honest, it's probably easier just to drive it.

[Dusty Slay]

Not what I was hoping for, but that's a good.

[Nate Bargatze]

That's a good in the sense that. Yeah, you're showing. You're getting to other parts of the country that maybe other comics aren't going.

[Brian Bates]

That's right. You haven't go full Hollywood like Nate. He's only doing shows in la.

[Nate Bargatze]

You're reaching different parts of the country.

[Brian Bates]

You're going to real America.

[Aaron Weber]

Right. Different parts of the state.

[Dusty Slay]

Different parts of the mid state.

[Aaron Weber]

He goes.

[Brian Bates]

The middle Tennessee kid.

[Aaron Weber]

Goes.

[Dusty Slay]

That I like.

[Aaron Weber]

Boom.

[Brian Bates]

This is you.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, that's dusty.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah. Watch this. You gotta. You gotta.

[Aaron Weber]

Was this when you were drinking?

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

Oh, yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Look at that.

[Nate Bargatze]

It's a. It's a terrible video, but it's.

[Brian Bates]

Wait, is this Halloween or are you just hanging out?

[Aaron Weber]

I did it. I did it.

[Dusty Slay]

Go back to that one.

[Nate Bargatze]

Elvis karaoke. I was hosting a. Yeah, I was. I had put on a lot of weight.

[Brian Bates]

I can't even imagine this being you.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, I did a roll.

[Aaron Weber]

Look at this.

[Nate Bargatze]

I did roller derby karaoke or something.

[Aaron Weber]

You were the. Yeah, it's a good talk of the town. Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Life of the party.

[Nate Bargatze]

It was a hot video.

[Dusty Slay]

Yeah, it's my favorite.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah, the hot video.

[Brian Bates]

Elvis lives wmv. Oh, that's great. I'm sorry I made fun of this voice. Daddy.

[Aaron Weber]

Though.

[Brian Bates]

You used to perform.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

Not only is Aaron the best ad reader, but he's also the best impressionist.

[Brian Bates]

Oh. What?

[Nate Bargatze]

Impressions.

[Brian Bates]

Thank you. Thank you very much. Was that good?

[Aaron Weber]

Well, thank you.

[Nate Bargatze]

So best compared to me and Brian, two guys that do no impressions.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, that's how the word.

[Dusty Slay]

Talking about.

[Brian Bates]

That's how the word best works.

[Dusty Slay]

Throw out email right now and I'll you tell.

[Aaron Weber]

Do it.

[Brian Bates]

Christopher Walken.

[Dusty Slay]

We need more cowbell.

[Nate Bargatze]

That was.

[Aaron Weber]

That's really good.

[Brian Bates]

You even try to do.

[Nate Bargatze]

I closed my eyes for a second. Christopher Walken.

[Dusty Slay]

That was Christopher Walken.

[Brian Bates]

I want Name a cow bell. That's how you did it just now.

[Nate Bargatze]

I don't even think that. Is that Christopher Walken that does that?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah, yeah, that's him in that sketch.

[Nate Bargatze]

Is it him saying it?

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

Oh, okay.

[Dusty Slay]

Got a fever from Will Ferrell.

[Brian Bates]

Hold on, hold on.

[Unnamed Guest]

Do it, do it.

[Dusty Slay]

I've already done it. I've already nailed It.

[Brian Bates]

I want to hear it.

[Nate Bargatze]

My favorite Christopher Walken is from Joe Dirt, though. Can you do any of those?

[Dusty Slay]

I haven't seen Joe Dirt. Give me somebody else.

[Aaron Weber]

I can do anybody. I just.

[Brian Bates]

I don't like Obama.

[Dusty Slay]

Michelle, or Barack.

[Brian Bates]

Let's do President. Barack.

[Dusty Slay]

President. Okay.

[Aaron Weber]

Golly. Well.

[Nate Bargatze]

Is he Point. Is he a point?

[Brian Bates]

Was a sassy Barack.

[Aaron Weber]

Well.

[Brian Bates]

Well, let me be clear.

[Dusty Slay]

Hear me out. The point is, I do good impressions. You guys are jealous.

[Nate Bargatze]

You said throw out anyone. He gave you the easiest one.

[Brian Bates]

Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[Dusty Slay]

Let me do that. Get to the chopper.

[Nate Bargatze]

See, they all see.

[Dusty Slay]

I'm killing it.

[Nate Bargatze]

All your impressions seem more feminine than you are, right? You get more feminine.

[Dusty Slay]

Don't say it like that.

[Nate Bargatze]

Well, I'm saying. I'm not saying. I'm saying you're not a feminine person.

[Dusty Slay]

That's right.

[Nate Bargatze]

But when you wear brunch. But when you do an impression, they get feminine. Get to the. Get to the chopper.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, compared to me, Arnold is feminine.

[Nate Bargatze]

Okay? I'll give you that.

[Dusty Slay]

Get to the chopper.

[Brian Bates]

And actually do. Have you heard Brian do impressions?

[Unnamed Guest]

I mean, yeah, I've heard them.

[Dusty Slay]

I mean, I didn't.

[Unnamed Guest]

I wasn't sure they were doing it.

[Brian Bates]

Sneaky. Sneaky. Good. Like, name. Like, give him one. Lawrence Fishburne maybe? Something like that.

[Unnamed Guest]

Do Laurence Fishburne.

[Dusty Slay]

Okay. This is Lawrence Fish.

[Aaron Weber]

Fern. Fern.

[Dusty Slay]

Boys in the hood.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, man. You don't want to mess this one.

[Dusty Slay]

I need those.

[Unnamed Guest]

Don't mess this one up. I want to know where this is going.

[Aaron Weber]

You did what?

[Dusty Slay]

Most of those standardized tests are biased except the math portion. The math is universal.

[Unnamed Guest]

Are you doing the impression now? Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, you couldn't tell?

[Unnamed Guest]

No, I was nailing it. I thought you were doing. You just saying this. What you were going.

[Brian Bates]

That was a disclaimer before, right?

[Unnamed Guest]

I thought he was doing Bates telling us what he was about to say. Like, these are the words I'm gonna use as Laurence Fishburne. Go ahead. All right. Well, dude, okay.

[Dusty Slay]

Should I do Laurence Fishburne from the Matrix?

[Unnamed Guest]

No, no. I think. I think I know how your. Laurence Fishburne.

[Dusty Slay]

This is Denzel Washington from Training Day.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

Training Day.

[Brian Bates]

Okay.

[Dusty Slay]

Guess what.

[Unnamed Guest]

Wait, what scene? What scene?

[Dusty Slay]

At the very end.

[Unnamed Guest]

The very end where he's going crazy.

[Dusty Slay]

Where? In this scene? Because I want to set you guys up. His partner, Jake, has taken the money.

[Brian Bates]

Yes.

[Dusty Slay]

And he's leaving with it now. And he's. He's out of options.

[Brian Bates]

Okay?

[Dusty Slay]

And the people in this neighborhood have turned on him.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, we get it. Ready.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, I'm putting probation out in all you.

[Unnamed Guest]

All right, good. Let me tell you.

[Dusty Slay]

Oh, I'm not done.

[Unnamed Guest]

I know, I know. But I'm gonna just give you some notes, okay. Like. Cause it sounds.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't have a pen, but go ahead.

[Unnamed Guest]

Tell me if I'm wrong, but this sounds exactly like the way you just described a scene. Like it was right. It was the same voice.

[Dusty Slay]

I'm a nuanced actor, but I wasn't done.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay, I'm sorry. You right.

[Dusty Slay]

King Kong.

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, man.

[Brian Bates]

Come on.

[Dusty Slay]

Me?

[Aaron Weber]

Come on.

[Dusty Slay]

What are you talking about?

[Unnamed Guest]

That was even worse.

[Dusty Slay]

What are you talking about? Feel like Denzel's in the room.

[Unnamed Guest]

No.

[Dusty Slay]

Hey, man, what are you talking about?

[Aaron Weber]

Oh, my gosh.

[Dusty Slay]

I don't even.

[Brian Bates]

Oh, that was awesome.

[Dusty Slay]

That.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, we're actually in a real movie set. Ain't that fun? Ain't it fun that this whole.

[Brian Bates]

It's crazy.

[Aaron Weber]

Look how crazy it's gotten. Y' all were all just started at a. This little dumb podcast during Company. Now we're.

[Brian Bates]

Wow.

[Aaron Weber]

I wasn't even around, as you don't know yet. I don't know if you know. You weren't even around.

[Nate Bargatze]

Yeah.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. We're all movie actors now. All of you are in the movie.

[Nate Bargatze]

That's true.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. So we got them all in. And Derek Stroop. Derek Stroop is in the movie as well.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah. Nate very generously put us in the movie. It's very, very exciting.

[Aaron Weber]

We got. If y' all want to say Yalls title.

[Brian Bates]

I do, actually, and I'm pretty proud of it. Trash. Trash Collector one.

[Aaron Weber]

Yes. A Trash Collector one is now take.

[Brian Bates]

A wild guess who. Number two.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

Well, I think most people will think Dusty.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

But they are incorrect.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

I am Trash collector number two. My agent's not quite as good as.

[Nate Bargatze]

Aaron's, and that's negotiated, and that's always what I've called you guys.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Trash Collector one and two. Yeah.

[Dusty Slay]

You want to show the.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

We've got some pictures here from our. From our day on set. There's me and Brian in uniform.

[Nate Bargatze]

All right. And then that's what you guys wore before you joined this podcast.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah.

[Brian Bates]

Here we are taping our scene, and.

[Dusty Slay]

You know, the night before, we went and watched the new Mission Impossible, and Tom Cruise does all the stunts, and Aaron and I were like, we want to do our own stunts, too.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah. Did y' all. Did y' all watch that night before? Yeah, we did down here. That's fun. Yeah. Yeah. So this is very fascinating. We. We just got to this to the studio part. So you're, if you're seeing the house, it's all crazy because. And Dusty's part, we just can't really say what it is because it's, it's good, though, but it's good.

[Dusty Slay]

And you saved on wardrobe for his.

[Aaron Weber]

Yeah, we'll see that. Yeah. Dusty's wardrobe was just, just wear what you're as you are.

[Nate Bargatze]

It is funny when people dress me and then they, and I go, this is what I wore here.

[Brian Bates]

Yeah.

[Nate Bargatze]

Need this dressing part.

[Aaron Weber]

Bread winner March 13, 2026. We'll tell you so many more times. You'll hear about it. Yeah. All right. See.

[Nate Bargatze]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway now through July 15th. Stock up on all your favorite personal care brands and earn four times points to use on later purchases for discounts on groceries or gas. Shop in store or online for items like Pantene Shampoo, Old Spice, Total Body Deodorant, Tampax Pearl Venus Razors, Head and Shoulder Shampoo, Olay Body Wash, and Panteen conditioner and earn 4 times points. Hurry before these deals are gone. Offer ends July 15th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary.

[Aaron Weber]

Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.