279: #279 Currency ft. Mike James & Jay Flake

Summary

The Nateland Podcast

Episode 279: Currency ft. Mike James & Jay Flake
Released: November 19, 2025
Hosts: (in this episode) Aaron Weber (main host), Brian Bates (late arrival), Comedians Mike James & Jay Flake
Produced by: Audioboom Studios

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Episode Overview

This week, with Brian Bates arriving late due to travel delays, Aaron Weber leads a lively episode of The Nateland Podcast, joined by returning guest comedians Mike James and Jay Flake. The discussion weaves through the quirks of being a traveling comic, housework mishaps, tall-guy problems, sports fandom, hilarious errors with currency, and ultimately a deep (and funny) dive into the history and oddities of money, both physical and digital. Throughout, the show’s chemistry is on full display, peppered with improv bits, gentle roasting, pop culture references, and unique perspectives on a “penniless” future.

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Main Themes and Purpose

Main Theme: The evolution and eccentricities of currency—both in the practical, philosophical, and comedic sense—plus a look at what money means to different people in society and everyday situations.

Purpose: To inform and amuse listeners while considering everything from the end of the penny to billion-dollar athletes, all through the lens of comedians who appreciate both nostalgia and absurdity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Intros

• Aaron introduces guest hosts in Brian’s absence:“For the first time in history, Brian is not going to be here at the start of the show. …But Brian will be joining the podcast shortly.” (00:12)
• Mike James and Jay Flake riff with Aaron about their heights, comedy backgrounds, and recent road gigs with Nate Bargatze.
• Tall Guy Struggles:
  • Mike insists he’s 6’6”, not 6’5”.
  • Jay jokes about needing to “claim every inch” when you’re short.

2. Catching Up: Road Stories and Domestic Life

• Mike recaps performing in arenas with Nate’s Big Dumb Eyes tour.
  • “Any arena is meaningful… I never thought I would get to perform there, so it is something.” — Mike James (04:07)
• Jay shares about a week off from comedy, spending time fixing the house (with lots of minor injuries):
  • “I looked down and I was like, there’s blood on my shirt… housework, man.” (05:21)
• All three trade stories about post-event home damage and the dangers of decorating for the holidays.

3. Comments and Audience Questions

• Shoutouts to fans met on the road, quirky club stories (house band drummers at shows), and debates about Christmas decor timing.
• Cruise-Ship Social Anxiety (13:09):
  • Jay: “I am quick to be like, y’all, I’m gonna talk to y’all later on. I might even say that. I am the type of person that will just disappear. I won’t say a thing.”
  • Aaron calls this the “Irish goodbye.”
• Comedy With Unusual Audience Dynamics:
  • Aaron tells of a club with a resident drummer who laughs louder than the crowd.

4. Serious and Silly: The ‘Sports Fandom’ Debate (17:06–25:00)

• Aaron opens the question: Is rooting for college teams more meaningful than for pro teams?
  • “My fandom in a college team is grounded in something underneath — the institution that persists throughout.” (17:53)
• Mike’s Take: For pro teams, it’s about representing your city (“the Titans represent Nashville”)—not just the players.
• Jay’s Take: Childhood ties and team branding (e.g., playing on a Cowboys Jr. Pro team = life-long Cowboys fan, regardless of city or roster).
• All hosts ultimately acknowledge the weirdness and arbitrariness of why we love certain teams—and how much it can feel like rooting for a uniform.

5. Currency Goes Extinct: America’s Last Penny (39:25–44:00)

• News Item: The US Mint has stopped producing pennies.
• Jay: “I got pennies, I got change in my car. …I just put it in the cigarette holder thing.”
• The crew jokes about never using coins, the humbling Coin Star experience, and the absurdity of the half-cent coin.

Notable Quote:

• “Currency really just doesn’t make sense to me. …It’s just paper. We’re giving it value and it doesn’t do anything.” — Mike James (41:40)
• Aaron explains the gold standard, but debates over why metals like gold/silver have value at all.

6. First Jobs and Wage Memories (43:12–47:00)

• The group recalls minimum wage jobs and the excitement (and humility) of early paychecks:
  • Mike: “4.75 an hour… as a bagger at CB Hun.”
  • Jay: “5.25, Taco Bell.”
  • Aaron: “7.25 at Bluegrass Country Club.”
• “You got tip?” “No, they just told me I got a raise — but it was just minimum wage going up.” — Mike & Jay (45:22)

7. Odd Comedy Gigs (45:36–47:16)

• Aaron once booked a “party-starter” gig at Chili’s: “Not a show, just like walk around, talk to people… like, hey, how’s your day?”

8. Noteworthy & Absurd Currency Facts and Stats

• Physical vs. Digital: Only 8% of global currency is actually physical; the rest is digital.
• Cocaine on Cash: “80% of US currency contaminated by cocaine.” — Aaron quoting a stat (50:04)
• Famous Faces on Money: Nearly nobody knows who’s on each bill or coin (except Abe on the penny and Thomas Jefferson on the nickel).
• $2 Bill:
  • “Who’s on the two? …It’s just Jefferson again. We just put him on everything.” (55:20–55:29)
• Harriet Tubman and delayed currency representation for women and people of color.

9. Money in Society & Economics – The Deep(ish) Dives

• The “agreed fantasy” of paper money, digital currencies, and the even stranger status of bitcoin. Mike: “Bitcoin doesn’t even make sense, cause you can’t even see it.” (105:41)
• Merch sales for comics: Regional differences in payment preferences—Venmo, Cashapp, physical cash, “tapping,” etc.

10. Changing Technology and Navigating Life

• Printing MapQuest directions, reading paper maps, pre-GPS navigation skills.
• “Now I can’t even remember how we used to…find anything before GPS.” (112:03)
• Culture shock at seeing someone use a credit card at McDonald’s for the first time.

11. Richest Athletes

• LeBron James and Michael Jordan as billionaires; Magic Johnson gets his due credit for investments (115:23).
• Net worth of athletes is the value of all their assets—not just income per year.

12. Science and Existential Comedy

• Astronomy, the Hubble deep field image, and existential questions (“The Andromeda Galaxy and Milky Way are going to collide in 4.5 billion years…” 69:53).
• Mike explains why he never wanted to be an astronaut: motion sickness, fear of heights, throwing up in a dark locker room (123:02).

13. Pop Culture and Improv Bits

• Parodies of Brian’s impressions: “He was just on. I was like, I didn’t see it.” (36:39)
• Banter about “kick doors,” “Irish goodbyes,” and “fade away layups.”
• Mike’s faux pas with basic Spanish after 400+ days of DuoLingo: “Welcome—day four-eighteen, and you ain’t got the ‘welcome’ yet!” (81:44)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Arena Comedy:
  • “Any opportunity to get out there and bless the stage, any Nate show is amazing to me. …I’m thankful for any opportunity.” — Mike James (03:45)
• On Childhood Sports Dreams:
  • “Did you think you’d be playing basketball in those arenas?”
    “No… The dream got derailed by talent. It just wasn’t there.” — Mike & Aaron (04:16)
• On Home DIY and Accidents:
  • “Housework… Don’t know how I cut myself.” — Jay (05:03)
• On Penny Extinction:
  • “I can’t remember the last time I held a penny.” — Aaron (40:04)
• On Bitcoin and the Value of Money:
  • “Bitcoin doesn’t even make sense, cause you can’t even see it!” — Mike (105:41)
• On Odd Comedy Gigs:
  • “They wanted someone to walk around during their lunch at Chili’s. Not a show, just start conversations.” — Aaron (46:49)
• On Tall Guy Travel Rants:
  • “If you are not at least 6 feet, you have no business in the exit row!” — Mike James (128:01)
• On Club Impressions:
  • “Brian shot a fadeaway layup… I don’t know how you do it. It didn’t work, but he did. That was his move.” — Mike (35:01)
• On Spanish Learning:
  • “Day 418 and you ain’t got the welcome?” — Jay (81:44)
• On Avoiding Astronaut Life:
  • “I woke up, forgot where I was at, and threw up in the locker room. That’s why I wouldn’t be an astronaut.” — Mike (123:02)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Timestamps | |-----------------------------------------|--------------------| | Introductions/Host Switch | 00:12–03:00 | | Comedy Road Stories | 03:02–05:03 | | Holiday Decoration Hijinks | 05:03–06:38 | | Sports Fandom Debate | 17:06–25:01 | | Ion Extinction (Penny) | 39:25–44:00 | | First Job & Minimum Wage | 43:12–47:00 | | Money Myths & Facts | 49:08–55:00, 105:24| | Athlete Billionaires | 48:02–48:25, 115:23| | The ‘Bitcoin is Fake’ Debate | 105:41–106:26 | | GPS & Pre-Smartphone Navigation | 111:14–112:47 | | Impressions Bit (Brian as Denzel) | 103:02–104:09 | | Brian Returns / Airline Woes | 95:14–100:01 | | Wrap-up/Plugs | 130:07–132:49 |

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Notable Quotes (with Speaker and Timestamp)

• Mike James on making sense of money:
  • “Currency really just doesn’t make sense to me. …It’s just paper. We’re giving it value and it doesn’t do anything.” (41:40)
• Aaron Weber on Bitcoin:
  • “It’s a thing. Maybe it’s digital—but you have a bitcoin, you have an actual thing.” (106:13)
• Jay Flake, on Spanish fail:
  • “Day 418 and you ain’t got the welcome?” (81:44)
• On Arena Gigs, Mike James:
  • “I gotta tell you, any opportunity to get out there and bless the stage, any Nate show, is just amazing to me.” (03:45)
• On Tall Guy Plane Rule, Mike:
  • “If you are not at least 6 feet, you have no business in the exit row!” (128:01)

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Standout Improv & Banter

• “Brian shot a fadeaway layup… It was an airball. How do you do it?” (35:01)
• “I woke up, forgot where I was at, and threw up in the locker room. That’s why I wouldn’t be an astronaut.” — Mike (123:02)
• “If somebody moves backwards in sports, he would’ve been cold.” — Mike roasting Brian’s athleticism (35:55)
• The whole “kick door” and “Irish hello” explanation bit (15:17–15:41)

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Episode Structure

1. Welcome & Guest Intros
2. Banter on touring, home life, and comics’ foibles
3. Reading & riffing on fan comments (early Christmas, drummers in comedy clubs, Nateland cruise social anxiety)
4. Deep-dive sports fandom discussion
5. Penny extinction and philosophical musings on currency’s value
6. Stand-up origin stories and “minimum wage memories”
7. Absurd gig requests and road stories
8. Pop-quiz on money trivia, U.S. coins/bills, celebrity faces
9. Philosophical tangent: digital money, how value is assigned
10. Comedy impressions (with Brian), recurring inside jokes
11. Science/astronomy tangents and more banter
12. Host returns and wrap-up banter
13. Upcoming show plugs for all comics

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Final Thoughts

Summary:
This wide-ranging episode is part money history lesson, part standup hangout, and part philosophical roundtable—delivered with Nateland’s trademark warmth and absurdity. Whether breaking down the meaning of a sports team, arguing the point(s) of the penny, or calling out “short folks” in the exit row, the comedians blend real insight with everyday humor and lots of teasing. Fans will enjoy the mix of education, nostalgia, and much-needed comic relief.

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Transcript

[A]

Foreign.

[B]

Hello, folks, and hey, Bear. Welcome in to another thrilling episode of the Nateland Podcast. I am Aaron Weber. I will be running the show today. Brian Bates is not here. For the first time in the history of the Nateland Podcast, Brian is not going to be here at the start of the show. He's on his way. He got trapped on the tarmac on the West Coast. He's flying back from Seattle or Tacoma or wherever. But Brian will be joining the podcast shortly. In the meantime, I have alongside me two very good friends, two very talented comedians, longtime friends of the podcast, Mike James and Jay Flake.

[A]

Hey, what's going on?

[B]

And I think it might be helpful. I know you do both have been on the show before. You've been kind of in the Nateland orbit for a while, but it might be helpful for the casual listeners. The casual listeners to just give you, like, a brief intro. Mike James is a Music City native. He's a longtime staple of the Nashville comedy scene. He's 6 foot 5, and he tours the country.

[C]

I'm sorry, you're right on so far, but I gotta kind of correct you. Last time I checked, I was six' six.

[B]

Oh, really? Is that when you met Larry Fitzgerald and you were a little bit taller than him?

[C]

Yep.

[B]

Okay. And you've been saying six, five for a while, so that really must have felt good, right?

[C]

It did. It did.

[B]

Mike James is six foot six.

[C]

Six.

[B]

Between six foot four and six. I won't say your height. Don't worry, J.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? Like, when you. When you. When you that tall, I mean, you don't got to say, give me my extra inch. You know what I mean?

[C]

Like.

[A]

Like somebody who, like me is five, eight. I'm like, hey, hey, get it right. Don't say, I'm five seven. You know what I mean?

[C]

I want.

[A]

I want that extra.

[C]

But you don't have to. You don't have to deal with the stuff I have. People don't ask you in the store, hey, can you hand me that off that top shelf? They asked me, what you gonna say?

[A]

Oh, man, I would if I was six seven. But I'm six' six. Like, what are we talking about?

[C]

But I am six' six.

[B]

That's good to know. Mike just got off the road doing a weekend with Nate Bargetze on the Big Dumb Eyes tour. He'll tell us all about it here in a few minutes. But we're excited to have you back, Mike.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you for being here. Jay Flake is from Milan, Tennessee. West Tennessee. Moved to Nashville years ago. Has been a longtime fixture at the Nashville comedy scene. You may have seen him on the road with me and the Black and Mild tour all over North America. He's going to be with me this weekend in Tulsa, Oklahoma, at the Looney Bin. Welcome back, Jay Flake.

[A]

Hey, and also, I'm five, eight.

[C]

Are you for real? Are you five eight? Yes. I don't think I knew that.

[B]

That changed the way you feel about it.

[A]

How tall did you think I was, Mike?

[C]

I thought. I thought you were about six feet.

[A]

No, no, I wear the Nikes. They got the extra cushion at the bottom. So, yeah, it might seem like I am.

[B]

If Jay's six feet and you're eight.

[C]

Feet tall, like I said, I am. I am six six.

[B]

Okay, that's good to know. We cleared a few things up right.

[C]

Out of the gate here.

[B]

Excited to have you back, man. How was the road this weekend with Nate, Mike? I saw. I saw some Instagram. I saw some. I saw you walking out on stage. I saw you looking nervous.

[C]

Always. Always nervous. No, but it was great, though, you know? You know, shows are always amazing. Tampa, Shout out to Tampa. They were dope. Atlanta, crazy. So we had a good time.

[B]

Where'd you play? You played at the. The Lightning Arena. Probably benchmark, I think it is. Okay, and then where the Hawks play?

[C]

Yeah, State Farm.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Was that meaningful to you in any way? You're a basketball fan. Do you care about the Hawks?

[C]

Dude, any arena is meaningful. Yeah, because I know. Because I'm saying, especially not a job.

[B]

Interview for Nate's next tour. I got to tell you, any opportunity to get out there and bless the.

[C]

Stage, any Nate show is just amazing to me. And I. I thankful. I'm thankful for any opportunities given.

[A]

Hey, Mike. James. Like, just when they do the documentary, I'll make sure I get my spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

No, I mean, I don't even need all eight minutes.

[C]

No, I'm saying. The reason I was saying is because I'm saying, like, you know how Nate's great. They're always great.

[B]

It's insane.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, there is a little extra something for playing arenas. Cause I never thought I would get to perform there, so it is something.

[B]

Did you think you'd be playing basketball in those arenas back in the day?

[C]

No.

[B]

Really?

[C]

No. Oh, you mean that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the dream.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

That was the dream. And it got derailed, and. Yeah, it got derailed. It got derailed by talent. It just wasn't there.

[B]

Well, you found it.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Jay, what have you been up to since we've seen you last, Man? You were a hit last time. I heard a lot of people come on and say that you were the. The. The favorite for guest of the year.

[A]

I appreciate those.

[B]

Yeah. Then street came on the next week, and they stopped talking about.

[A]

Yeah, they.

[B]

They.

[A]

They stopped talking about me pretty quick. Yeah, it was. It didn't last long. It didn't last long. But, you know, hey, I appreciate the moment.

[B]

People love you people. A lot of people found you from the podcast and. And really enjoyed you here, so I'm excited to have you back.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I ain't been doing too much. Last week I was off, so I went on the road. Doing any comedy, anything like that. Didn't have any shows, so that mean family time. And I get to work on the house for those projects that I've been not able to get to as I got a band aid right here and another band Aid right here.

[C]

I was like, you been cooking or something?

[A]

Yeah, no, that was just housework. That was just housework. Don't even know how I cut myself. What were you doing? And that was blood on my shirt.

[C]

Putting up the tree.

[A]

Well, I had to take down. Yeah, I had to take down all the Christmas stuff.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Put this stuff back up. Then I was fixing some toilet roll holders that had been broken, garbage disposal, some fixtures and things like that.

[C]

More than one?

[A]

Yeah, it was more than one. I don't know how it happened, but some reason, when you have a lot of people at your house for event, when they leave, things get broken and nobody says anything but toilet.

[C]

Paul. Toilet paper holders is what.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I don't know how I cut myself. I just looked down and I was.

[C]

Like, you know what it is? I'm gonna tell you what I learned. So last year, I learned I got cut up putting up the tree. So this year, Real tree or fake tree? Fake tree.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

But so this year, I wore a hoodie and some gloves just to make sure.

[A]

Yeah, it worked.

[C]

And I didn't know it was that dangerous. I did that, and then I let my wife do it.

[A]

I'm tell you something, Mike, instead of doing all that, I think I'm just gonna get cut up. You know what I'm saying? I want my daughters to be like you, putting on gloves just to put.

[B]

A. Tre has a welder's mask on outside, putting a wreath on the front door.

[C]

And I'm not bleeding.

[B]

Well, I was in Milwaukee. I was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. At the Improv. Thank you to everybody who came out there. And then I was in Cincinnati all weekend at Commonwealth Comedy Club, which you were with me last time there. I had some people asking about you. I had Connor Larson with me, Zach W. Local there in Cincinnati, and Abe, or who's done a lot of Nateland stuff. He was with me in Milwaukee. So it was just a really fun weekend. Thank you to everybody who came out. I think we're gonna jump into the comments here. Like I said, Brian will be joining us very shortly. We do have a topic for today. We're going to talk about it. I'm just enjoying a few minutes without Brian at the table.

[C]

It's understandable.

[B]

So if it feels like I'm milking it and I'm finally running the show, I want it to be run like how I want it to be run. That's what's happening. Because it's. As soon as Brian gets back, it's over. It's like chaos. Yeah, no, it's the opposite of. I would like a little more control. It's very regimented. Like, I'm Brian. I run things.

[A]

Starting a day without breakfast.

[B]

I saw. I'm kidding, obviously, But I saw Batesville, Indiana.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Today we were driving and I saw a sign that said it was like Old Town. And then it was.

[C]

That makes sense.

[B]

Batesville.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I was like, I gotta find a sign that says welcome to Batesville. And I found one in Batesville, Indiana, famous for its coffin company. It's with a large. One of the largest coffin manufacturers in the country.

[A]

Said it's next to Old Town.

[B]

It's like Oldberg or something.

[A]

Old Bird, some old. Batesville is known for his casket.

[C]

I wonder why.

[A]

Yeah, okay. It's pretty clever.

[C]

It's pretty clever.

[B]

The comments, as always, come from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple Podcast reviews, and [e-mail]. that is the new email address that we have. So if you've been sending it to the other one. I don't know what's been happening to it, but Brian's not reading it. Nicole, Pez. Like a PEZ dispenser. Do you ever have PEZ dispenser?

[A]

Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

[B]

My husband and I saw Aaron Friday in Cincinnati at some quotation marks or what a Cincinnati folks call Dayton, Kentucky. There was a drummer on stage who laughed, who died laughing the entire show and was mostly all my husband could focus on. That's not good. We are both curious as to how the comedians felt about this. Is this something Normal to have a drummer on stage. Do you remember that at the club last.

[A]

I do remember. I do remember that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It's like. It's like a house band that's on the stage there at Commonwealth Comedy Club. But it's just.

[A]

Just one guy.

[B]

It's just the drummer. It's like. It's like the guitarist and the singer forgot to show up. But the drummers up there. No, I loved it. He had. A lot of times. He was the only guy really laughing at what I was doing up there. So I apprec. And I leaned on him quite a bit. So I want to shout out, there are two different drummers. A different one each night. And they were both. They were both great audience members. So maybe tell your husband to take a few cues from that guy and laugh a little more. What I'm doing up there, I'm putting my heart. I put my blood, sweat and tears into that. No, but I get that that's not a usual. That's not a typical thing. What, to have a drummer on stage.

[C]

Oh, yeah. No, no.

[B]

And I almost felt bad because, you know, the opening acts are shorter. It makes more sense to just stay sitting up there. But I'm doing, like, a full headliner set, and he just has to stay up there with me. I was like, you can.

[A]

You can go take a break.

[B]

Appreciate, man. Yeah. I'd have been like, hey, man, I did one time. And I think last time I was there, I was like, you can probably. He's like, no, that's what I do.

[C]

That's what I do, man.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But that's a great club. Shout out to everybody at Commonwealth Comedy Club. It's an old repurposed church that they've converted into a comedy club. And they really do a great job. It gets better every time I'm there, so I hope they'll have me back. Susan Wilson living in Minnesota. If there's a warm spell after Halloween, it's a good time to put up Christmas decorations. I, however, don't turn them on until after Thanksgiving. We were talking last week about when's the earliest you should put up Christmas decorations at your house, or do you care at all if it's.

[A]

My wife makes me put them up November 1st.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I'm pulling stuff out right after Halloween's over, I'm pulling stuff out.

[B]

So at Thanksgiving, the whole house is Christmas decorated?

[A]

Yeah, pretty much. We act like it don't exist outside of the kitchen.

[B]

Mike, do you have stuff at your house?

[C]

Yeah. Like, we started like last week, usually, like, before. At first, I was like. I was adamant you couldn't do it until after Thanksgiving.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But then, like, during the pandemic, it just felt like, I don't know, you.

[B]

Wanted Christmas to come faster. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It doesn't, though.

[C]

It doesn't. It doesn't.

[A]

Same amount of days.

[C]

Same amount of days each year. Yeah.

[B]

We had one blue star with Christmas lights, and my dad put it on the roof. It didn't look Christmassy at all.

[C]

That was it.

[B]

Yeah. And my dad. My dad got so annoyed putting it up there that he just. We just left it on year. Year, year round. We just didn't turn it on. But the lights were just up there all year.

[C]

Is that your house became a landmark? They were like, yeah, just turn at the blue light. The blue star probably did.

[A]

You'll see it. Don't worry about it. You'll see it. Was that. That was the only thing that was up.

[B]

I think we maybe had a wreath or something. It was like, dude, we lived.

[C]

Oh, is that how you say it? A wreath? You say it with a th.

[B]

How do you say it?

[A]

Hey.

[C]

I thought it was with a f. Hey.

[A]

Well, that's how we say it in our community.

[B]

I was gonna say, like, wreath. That's a wreath. I think we're gonna. We're gonna run into some more cultural differences here on the podcast.

[C]

Yeah. This is a learning thing.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I also call it Kroger and not Kroger.

[C]

Dude. I used to say Kroger's for the longest. I still say it, actually.

[B]

Jeremy Reese or Jeremy Rice. R E I s. I have social anxiety. It seems like many comedians do as well. I'm curious how you and your families are feeling about spending a week stuck at sea with your audience. Mike, you're going to be joining us on the Naatland cruise. Have you thought about that at all?

[C]

Well, I hadn't been, but thank you. Yeah, that's. I mean, we've done cruises before. I'm actually excited about it.

[B]

I've never been on a cruise.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So you don't know if you get, like, seasick?

[B]

I'm sure I will. I've gotten real seasick, like deep sea fishing.

[C]

Really?

[B]

So I've heard a cruise ship's even worse.

[C]

Well, I'll get you some patches, Like a little patch for.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

But yeah, I mean, it's great. It's gonna be a good time.

[A]

It's a fun time. Cruises are a fun time for sure.

[B]

What do you do on it? Just Kind of hang out.

[C]

I mean, it's so much to do. Like, it's just like it's gonna go by fast because it's just always something to do. What's funny is I'm actually going on a cruise, like right before that. Like, literally, I will get off a cruise three days before that cruise.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Oh, wow. And it's a six day cruise on top of that.

[B]

Oh, man. So you'll be sick of it.

[C]

Yeah, I will.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

First thing you need to do is just. Just learn your boat when you get on there. Just walk around and learn the boat so you know where everything is. That's what you want to do first.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Do you.

[A]

After that.

[B]

Do you agree that you think a lot of comedians have social anxiety?

[C]

I think. I don't know about social anxiety. I mean, I know I have it, but I think for the most. I know we all three have it, but. No, but I do think it is something, you know, to what we do. It's a reason we do what we do, you know, for whatever reason it is. I don't know. What do y' all think?

[A]

I don't have it bad. I don't have it, like, terribly bad. But if I get in a situation where I'm just overwhelmed with all these people, I am quick to be like, yeah, I'm gonna talk to y' all later on. I might even say that I am the type of person that will just disappear. I won't say a thing.

[B]

Irish goodbye.

[A]

That's Irish goodbye.

[C]

That's my favorite thing. Disappear, man. That's my favorite thing to do. The Irish goodbye.

[B]

Yeah. You ever do Irish hello? Just kind of show up and just don't. Don't make a big deal out of it.

[C]

I thought that was called crashing.

[B]

No, crashing is like you kick open the front door and you're like, oh, that was the.

[C]

I thought that was the kick, though.

[B]

A what?

[C]

Sorry.

[A]

Never mind, never mind.

[C]

We're learning. We're still learning.

[A]

I know exactly what you mean.

[B]

It's a shizzle, guys.

[C]

It's literally what it is, though. A kick, though. You kick in the door.

[B]

I've never heard that.

[A]

You kick in the door.

[B]

And so that's like Bruhman, he would do that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, just show up, kick in the door. Just act like you've been there the whole time. I've done that when I worked in. When I worked in office, when I showed up late. Yeah, I did the Irish hello a lot of times. I just act like I've just been there. Just sitting down on say Nothing.

[C]

The Kramer Remember that episode?

[D]

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[B]

Greg Long Hey, I have no.

[C]

Idea.

[B]

Greg Long I have no idea where Aaron was going with the college verse pro team question. I've been taking a lot of heat about this on social media and I think in retrospect I did not do a great job of articulating what I meant and I'd like to throw it to the two of you to get your thoughts. I argued that fandom for college sports is more meaningful and more. I guess that it makes more sense to me than being a fan of a professional team. Because underneath a college team there is an institution. It's the college that persists throughout the years.

[C]

Right.

[B]

So we're both Notre Dame fans. You are Notre Dame fan 20 years ago and you're still a Notre Dame fan now.

[C]

Right.

[B]

None of the players on the roster are still there?

[C]

No.

[B]

None of the coaches from 20 years ago are still there. But what remains the same?

[A]

It's the school.

[B]

It's Notre Dame underneath that. So it's like my fandom in a college team is grounded in something underneath the team or something that exists always.

[C]

So like a form of pride?

[B]

No, it's like you have a pro team that you're a fan of. The Bulls. The Titans.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. So if the Titans. If the Titans. If the Titans tomorrow traded their entire roster to the Browns and the Browns traded their entire roster, the Titans coaching staff included. Would you still be a fan of the Titans?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, so it's not rooted in who's there at that particular, particular time.

[C]

No. But now to your point. Yeah, that's how I was. That's how I kind of am. I guess I am with basketball because I was never a Bulls fan. I thought I was. I was just a Jordan fan.

[B]

Yes. Okay.

[C]

Right. So. But I mean, the type of, like, for me, the Titans, it represents Nashville, So that's why I'm a Titans fan.

[B]

Okay. Now, Jay, you're a Dallas Cowboys fan.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Are you.

[A]

Better than Titans?

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know what I'm saying?

[B]

That's for sure. Titans, longtime friend of the Nateland Podcast. Appreciate it was disgraceful what's happening this season. No, I'm just kidding. No, I'm not the Cowboys. I feel like your fandom of the Cowboys has nothing to do with Dallas, though.

[A]

No.

[B]

Right. So what is it that you're a fan of?

[C]

You. Please tell.

[B]

Because. Because none of the. When you became a fan, I imagine it was in the 90s.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

With. And it was Michael Irvin and Dion and. Yeah. All those guys. Those guys are dead and gone, dude. So what?

[A]

They're not dead. Well, they still alive.

[B]

They are in the ground.

[A]

I mean, only. Only two of Dion's toes are actually dead, but he is, well, alive and kicking.

[B]

So what is it that you're still a F. Of the Dallas Cowboys?

[A]

Well, we teeter totten if I'm still a fan or not, because the owners.

[C]

That's right. Hey, man, come on home, dog.

[A]

You know what I'm saying?

[D]

Come on home.

[A]

So I would say this. The reason why I have that connection with the Cowboys is my little junior pro football team when I was, like, 10 years old was the Cowboys.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I wore number 22. Like Emma Smith.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Same year, Cowboys won Super Bowl. We won our Junior pro Super Bowl. So I was like, oh, yeah, this is my new favorite team now. And then that was it. And I just.

[B]

So it's the name and the logo and the jersey.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You see, what I'm saying is that, to me, is much less profound than, like, the university or the. An institution that's been there the whole time.

[A]

So you don't feel.

[C]

You don't agree with the. Like, you don't.

[B]

I am a fan of professional sports teams, but I can't tell you what exactly. I've been an Atlanta Braves fan my whole life.

[C]

But why? So I don't know.

[B]

This is What? I'm trying to find out what.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But I don't know. I don't know. I don't really know what I'm a fan of. Like, is it the front office? It's not Atlanta. I'm not. Like, I love the Braves because they represent Atlanta.

[C]

Right, right, right.

[A]

Was it a situation like me with the Cubs? Like, y' all had tbs. They was.

[B]

Well, that's why I got into it initially. But it's like, well, the only team you see. What is it that I'm attaching myself to?

[C]

Oh, well, I don't know.

[B]

That's like the legal entity of the Atlanta Braves. Yeah, well, that's kind of meaningless. Like, what is it that I'm attaching myself to?

[C]

It sounds like something you need to talk to the therapist.

[A]

It went a little deeper than what?

[C]

It'd be on the couch somewhere.

[A]

I'm like, thanks. When it comes to the Grizzlies, I'm like Mike James, like, Memphis Grizzlies to me, even though I wasn't born in Memphis, but it represents the whole West Tennessee area, the whole country getting grind type deal with West Tennessee. So that's how I'm kind of like with the Grizzlies.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

All right.

[B]

I feel like I dug myself deeper.

[C]

Hey, man, listen. I feel like we had a break.

[A]

To your point, though, with the college teams. Usually if somebody went to that university or college or whatnot, that is like, that's why you were founded and grounded into that particular institution. No matter how good the team is, you are associated for life. For life.

[B]

Because the team is an extension of something else.

[A]

Right.

[B]

A professional team is not an extension of anything. It's just a team.

[A]

It's a business.

[B]

It's a team in and of itself. So what are you attaching yourself to the business of the Dallas Cowboys or the business of the Memphis Grizzlies or what the Grizzlies way of life or something? I don't. I don't know what it is.

[A]

They way of basketball is very western sea talking like, I mean, it might not be the best, but you don't know.

[C]

You played the Grizzlies.

[A]

You going to get beat up a little bit, you know what I mean?

[B]

Like, you're gonna lose the fifth quarter. All right, we'll move on from that. I won't bring it up again. I think people probably hated that. I rehashed that because we spent a good bit of time on it last week.

[C]

I loved it.

[B]

Next comment comes from White Socks Adam. Okay, here's another comment about that. Sorry. Regardless of what initially draws you into start cheering for a team, you develop a loyalty to that team that doesn't go away once the original factors start to change. You a part of a community, something bigger than yourself?

[A]

I don't know about that.

[C]

But.

[B]

You don't feel a part of the Memphis Grizzlies community?

[A]

Not that much. I'm not one of those. But who getting upset because they lost or something like that.

[C]

But when you go, like when you go. There is a sense of camaraderie when you go to games and everybody's cheering the same team on. Yeah, it's of course, just a little community there.

[B]

Of course. Brad Ziegler. The Arizona Diamondbacks have fans dating back to the origins of the team. When I was traded there in 2011.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I mean he got some rooted in the Diamondbacks.

[C]

Somebody think they're better than us.

[B]

When I was traded there in 2011, they became fans of me. By the time I was traded away in 2016, the roster was almost entirely different from when I had gotten there. But those loyal fans were now fans of the newer players. When I was traded back there in 2018, it was again a mostly different team. But the fans embrace the current players while they're there. Yeah, that's what I think. We landed on that when you said if the rosters were traded, you'd still be a fan of the team. So it's the uniforms, right? Yeah. You cheer for the uniforms.

[C]

Uniforms.

[B]

Surely it's not that superficial though. Is that superficial to cheer for uniforms you like? Because it's the clothes you like?

[C]

No, not the uniform. It's the team. The overall, the. What the team represents.

[B]

What is the team? Dude, there's no I in it.

[C]

The team represents. The team represents the type, the state of Tennessee. Okay, so.

[B]

Yeah, so you can't. If you're not a fan of Tennessee, you can't be a fan of the Titans.

[C]

Listen, my mother in law is a fan of so many teams and she's slick with it too. Cause she was born in New York, in Brooklyn. So she's a fan of anything New York. Right. She can be a fan of anything New York. They moved to Detroit. Now she's got Detroit on lock. Then they moved to Florida. Florida's on locked. She moved to Atlanta. Atlanta's on locked. And now she's here, everything's on lock.

[B]

And she didn't, she didn't lose the other teams. She still, she's got like five major markers.

[A]

Whoever's winning that's where she is.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

She just got a closet full of.

[C]

Full of whoever, real slick with it.

[A]

And then just pull it out for whoever's winning. That's crazy.

[B]

Matt Roberts. It was crazy hearing Aaron. By the way, that's very cool that Brad Ziegler wrote in. I'd like to hear more about you.

[C]

Did you. Do you know?

[B]

No, not by name at least. But that's awesome. I mean, to play professional baseball.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So crazy. Matt Roberts. It was crazy hearing Aaron say he uses athletes to remember numbers as. I thought I was the only one that did that. We do this if we were on the road and we have a. Like a pin number for an Airbnb. If the number was 4523. How would. How would you remember that?

[C]

How would I remember that? I'm not going to tell you. That's one of my favorite numbers. But anyways. But that's Jordan.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Or if it were 23, 24, Jordan, Kobe.

[C]

There you go.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's how we did it.

[C]

Real quick, though, while we talking about sports, did y' all ever figure out that whole thing about you throwing the ball from. From home plate to the wall?

[B]

I think the people. I think the people lost interest in it.

[C]

Let's talk about it, though. Okay. Did you know that?

[A]

I don't know anything? I don't know anything but it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, I said I could beat Brian in golf if instead of hitting it with golf clubs, I threw the ball.

[A]

Oh, gotcha.

[B]

Like he's hitting it and I'm throwing it.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And then that conversation warped, and it was manipulated by Nate over time. And basically it became not about Brian at all. It just became about whether I can throw a golf ball 100 yards, including the role, including the roll. And I thought, I think I have a decent shot of getting there. And we were gonna do it. When Nate threw out the first pitch of the Milwaukee brewers couple months ago, we asked him, can Aaron take a golf ball and throw it from home plate just to see if it'll get to the. And they were like, no.

[C]

Like, dude, just when we went out there. No. No way.

[A]

You don't think so?

[C]

I don't.

[A]

Including the road so far.

[B]

Now you're probably thinking, hey, you could go easily do this right now. You're absolutely right. I thought about doing it. Nate wanted to do a big production of it. Get. Get this all on camera, really. And then it just got put on the back burner. But I'll do It. Eventually I'll prove all the haters. I mean, I'll prove them right.

[A]

How far can you throw a football?

[B]

50 yards.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

50 yards?

[B]

Yeah, probably.

[C]

Oh, man, we got to do that, too.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

He might be able to.

[C]

50 yards is far.

[B]

40 to 50 yards, probably.

[A]

He might be with the road. He mightn't get it. 100 yards, depending on type of grass.

[C]

Roll on grass, any kind of grass is going to slow it down.

[B]

A golf course, it'll really go.

[C]

Not on baseball.

[B]

Like a football field's going to be. Yeah, I'm not going to roll a lot, so we'll see.

[C]

I can't wait for this.

[A]

Yeah, I got to be there to see this. I'll be honest with you.

[B]

Matt Roberts, he said, it's crazy hearing Aaron say he uses athletes to remember numbers. When he said, how would you remember 99, 20? I immediately thought, Aaron, Donald, Barry Sanders. I use this method for everything because it's easier for me to remember an athlete or two than a random set of numbers. It's a very good way of doing it.

[C]

Right there. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

The first time I was on the road with you and you just yelled out some athletes. And I was like, what are you talking about? Why'd you just randomly yell out two pro athletes? He was like, pin number, O.J.

[B]

Simpson, Philip Rivers. And you're like, oh, God. Okay. Three, two, one.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I was about to say, I thought Philip Riz was 17.

[B]

How many kids he has? Julia. Julia. Travis. Why hasn't breakfast shared any of his great celebrity impressions lately? Give the folks what they want. The folks. Sorry, I learned last week I've been saying that word wrong. Give the folks what they want. I think we got to think of some when Brian gets here. And he will be here shortly. I think his plane just landed.

[C]

Dude, you seen his impressions?

[A]

I've seen a couple of them and Sound like Brian Bates.

[B]

Who would you like to hear him do when he gets here? I'll have him. I'll have him, man.

[C]

I mean, it doesn't matter. It really does.

[B]

I guess you're right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Charles Barkley or something.

[A]

Yeah, you do Charles Bar. Al Pacino or somebody you can give him. Hey, he knew Eddie Murphy.

[C]

Charles Barkley. He can do Meryl Streep. It's gonna sound the same.

[B]

Meryl Streep. Sarah Butler. We were looking at buying a new house and went to look at one that we really liked. We were walking to our vehicles to leave, and when this lady on a bicycle pulls up and started screaming at us to quit throwing pipes in her yard. We explained to her we didn't live there, and she just kept screaming at us about the pipes in her yard. Needless to say, we did not buy the house. And I was so glad she let us know what she was about before we bought it.

[A]

Could have been she just didn't want y' all to move in. Couldn't have been it. Like, she's really not a crazy lady, but it's like, I really don't want.

[B]

Anybody living here, so let me go out there and act like a crazy lady.

[A]

Just act like a crazy lady.

[B]

I don't even know. What does she mean by. I hate to say this sentence out loud, but what does she mean by throwing pipes in her yard?

[C]

I have no idea.

[A]

That's crazy. Just throwing pipes.

[C]

Yeah, just random pipes.

[A]

Random pipes. Just all type of PVC pipes.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

That's probably where you remember that put putt golf we went to.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

This might be where they got all.

[B]

The people we went to. I take Jay putt putt a lot. Great pause. And then we went to South Bend, Indiana.

[D]

We went.

[B]

It was the worst. I mean, it was like. It was like it was a parking lot yesterday. We gotta turn this into a mini golf course. And so there was just, like, some PV. They put some PvP, like, pipe up.

[A]

And that was it.

[B]

I don't even think it was fake grass. It was just, like, on concrete.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It was, like, embarrassing.

[C]

They charged y' all to get in?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It was a business.

[A]

It was like two different sides. We were like, which side is the hardest? Dude's like, it don't even matter. He was like, it don't even matter.

[C]

Like, do your best.

[B]

You're not gonna have fun either way.

[A]

It was nothing outside of pvc.

[B]

Piper, JG Wentworth there. There's a big debate. Adrian locked in. JG said there is a big debate on if grown men should wear jerseys, whether to a game or just out and about. Some women think it's weird and childish. What are yalls takes?

[C]

Geez.

[A]

I've had one person say one time I would never wear another man's name on my back. And that was his excuse for not wearing jersey. He's like, I would not wear another man's name. I was like, dude, it's not anything serious about this.

[C]

Like, I mean, yeah, no. Do you. But I don't know. I don't have a problem with it. I don't see. I mean, yeah, who cares?

[B]

It felt like, the dynamic changed. When you're a kid and you're wearing the jersey of like, a guy that's older than you. And then you go to a. A game now and you're like, these are all children younger than me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, dressing up like them.

[C]

Did not think about that.

[B]

It's a weird. If you think about it too much. It's odd.

[C]

It is.

[B]

But you're also just. I've come around on it. I used to have a pretty hard line about that for myself. And then I real. I just couldn't fit into any jerseys I like. And then the second I could get a baseball jersey on, I was like, oh, this rules. Yeah, yeah, this is great. I'll wear this. I don't wear them outside of, like, going to a game. I feel weird. I feel weird wearing a jersey.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, no, I don't have a problem with it. Like, I never see a dude in the jersey and think, look at this guy.

[B]

Have you seen this? This like, crew of uncs at Rivergate doing roller skating. And they're all wearing like, they're just like. They're from the 90s. They're wearing the NFL jerseys.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

You haven't seen that at all. Oh, man, it looks lot of fun.

[C]

That's funny.

[A]

Yeah, that. That's they characters right there.

[B]

But yeah. Abby Wainwright. Abby Wainwright. She's written in a bunch. Mike James and Brian Bates in White Men Can't Jump too.

[C]

Oh, that's funny. That's funny. Cuz. Have you seen Brian Tr. Man, let me say.

[B]

Let me tell you something now. Hold. I want to throw it out. Ryan, deceptively decent basketball player.

[C]

Now, the last time you said something like that.

[B]

What does that mean?

[C]

Brian did a impression. You told me he was deceptive. You said he was good. You told me that and I believed you.

[B]

I'm not talking. I bet Brian beats you at horse dude.

[C]

Brian Bates.

[B]

Not. Not in a. Not in a game. Not in an actual game.

[C]

Brian shot a fadeaway layup.

[A]

How do you shoot a fade away? I don't know how you shoot a fade away layup.

[C]

I don't know. And it was an airball. I don't know how you do it. It didn't work, but he did. That was his move.

[A]

I said a Figaro layup. A Figaro fade away layup. That's crazy.

[C]

So awkward, dude.

[B]

Was he on a fast break or something or what?

[C]

Describe it. No, he was coming like I was standing at the go. He saw me there, and I guess he thought, this is going up some kind of way, and he, like, jumped back.

[B]

He's running out of fade away finger roll and then jumps up and, dude.

[C]

That'S how awkward this guy is. Like, athletically, he can do stuff that just is not possible. Like, how do you run forward and jump back? His muscles are confused. I bet you if he would have ran, if he would have moved backwards in sports, he would have been cold.

[A]

Like, he would have been.

[C]

He would have been that.

[A]

Dude, you sure he hit you with a Euro step?

[C]

No, dude, this was a Euro step.

[B]

Fade away layup.

[C]

Fade away layup. That was an air.

[B]

I'm a little. I. I'm coming at it from. I've only. I played Brian and Horse at a. Outside of a. I think a residence in. Outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. And, you know, we get the ball and I'm thinking, I'm about to dominate this old man. And he just started lighting it up. He could not miss me. Okay, well, he could not miss now. He wasn't doing layups. There were no defenders. He's just taking shots.

[C]

I'll be honest with you. I'm judging you a little bit right now.

[D]

What do you mean?

[C]

Because you're telling me. He was like. He was just on. I was like, I didn't see it.

[B]

He started lightning. I think he was even surprised.

[C]

Oh, well, I'm sure he was, because this is not what I said.

[A]

The wind was blowing just right that day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's hard to believe anybody's good basketball did a fade away finger roll layup. Like, you started inside the paint and ended at the free throw line. Like, how does that feel?

[C]

It was so. It was like when Jordan did that shot, when he did it, it was like the opposite of that. Like, as far as, like, I was just like, that's amazing. You know what I mean? You're kind of amazed. Like, wow, I can't believe somebody could do that.

[B]

Cause you think you've seen everything on a basketball court now, or does you.

[C]

Think you see everybody try it? No, I've never seen anybody. If he can make it work. Dude, that's actually a good move.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, do you ever watch the show Smart Guy, back in the day?

[C]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[B]

Taj Maury and Omar Gooding.

[C]

Omar Gooding, wasn't it?

[B]

Yeah. He played Mo. He was great. And Marcus Henderson. I don't remember the actor's name, but it's the guy. He was in Drumline and he was in. He sang for Simba in the original Lion King. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know who you're talking about. I can't think of his name.

[B]

There was some episode where they had to beat a chess computer. It was like AI before AI and Marcus, the dumb older brother had to beat the computer in chess. And the plan they came up with was to make such a dumb move that the computer would be like malfunction because it wouldn't register. So they just said he moved the night out first. And apparently that was such a dumb move that the computer caught on fire. That was the end. But that's what Brian does. Basically. He'll do things so weird looking, you don't even know how to defend it.

[D]

Like, I guess, let's be honest, finding clothes that feel as good on your couch as they do out in the world is nearly impossible. But then I tried viori and yes, the hype is real. I'm wearing viori pants right now. Wear it when I travel. It's versatile, it's comfortable. They have great loungewear. They have the softest joggers on the planet. The dream, dream nail. Get performance joggers. And VORI is an investment in your happiness for our listeners. They're offering 20 off your first purchase. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet. Vuori.com Nate that's V U-O-R-I.com Nate Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. Not only will you receive 2020 off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any US orders over $75 and free returns. Go to Vuori.com Nate and discover the versatility of Vuori. Clothing exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions.

[B]

Well, the topic today, we've covered something similar about 250 episodes ago, but the topic today is currency money. I don't know if you saw currency was in the news recently. America's last penny was struck at the US Mint in Philadelphia. The end of a coin production that started in 1793 and ended on November 12th.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

We are working our way into a penniless society.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

How do you both feel about this? Are you nostalgic about. About the. About a penny? Do you care about a penny? I can't remember the last time I held a penny.

[C]

Exactly. Yeah, that's why.

[A]

Yeah, I did over the weekend, matter of fact. Yeah, I got pennies, I got change in my car. Like I'm one of those type guys. I get to change back. I just put it in the cigarette holder thing.

[C]

You still got a Cigarette. Yeah.

[A]

Well, my older car that I drive.

[C]

Around, comedy and stuff. Okay.

[A]

One car does. One car does. I got one car that just drive around. It's my get around. Yeah, it's my get around car.

[B]

Okay. And you put them on. You go to a Coin Star machine every once in a while or something.

[A]

You know what? I don't, I just hold on to him. I don't know what the problem is.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You ever did that Coin Star?

[B]

I have. I've done it several times.

[C]

Yeah, it's humbling.

[B]

You remember Carter Glasscock, who's a standup comedian, Nashville, and he lives in Atlanta. He had a great bit about how he went to a Coin Star machine and he's just dumping all this change in and then like his ex girlfriend shows up and then while he's stuffing like a sock full of nickels and she's like, I'm doing great. How are you? Oh, oh, really? Down to the, down to the wire, huh?

[C]

Dude, that happens, man. It happens.

[B]

Now the interesting thing about this, since pennies are going to be gone, they, they, they're stopping many, minting them as a budget cutting measure. But you're going to have to do a lot more nickels now, which are actually more expensive than pennies to produce, which could cause other losses. I mean, eventually, I think in our lifetime, there's just gonna be no more change. Did you know at one point there was a half cent coin?

[C]

No.

[A]

Wow. I did not know that.

[B]

Yeah, that seems ridiculous now. Half a cent currency.

[C]

I was, it was funny. I was just talking, I was talking to my wife about this. Like currency really just doesn't make sense to me. It doesn't make sense. So pay like money. You take dollars. That doesn't make sense because it's just paper. We're giving it value and it doesn't do anything.

[B]

Well, the idea originally is that that piece of paper represents actual value. Like that represents that value in gold or silver or whatever.

[C]

I get gold, I get silver. Right. Those are metals.

[B]

But those only have value because we assign value to them.

[C]

But you can do things with it. You can make jewelry out of it, such and such. You can't do anything.

[B]

You make jewelry out of wood too. Yeah, but that's not it's value.

[C]

But it has value.

[B]

Okay, but why, why gold and silver?

[C]

Why? Because they're metals. So it's a T. I feel like it's more tangible than this little piece.

[A]

Than the paper. Than a little piece of paper.

[B]

Okay, Yeah, I agree with you. Do you only pay and you only have. Do you have gold and silver? Would you prefer to do that instead of having bills?

[A]

So you want to buy your house?

[C]

It would make sense.

[A]

Nuggets of gold.

[C]

Yeah, blocks.

[A]

Like, I want to buy my house with this right here.

[C]

What you going to do? Somebody come up with a block each.

[A]

Like, wow, I want to buy that car. I got three nuggets of gold.

[B]

Do you remember how much you made an hour your first job?

[C]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

What was it?

[C]

475.

[A]

I. I got him by 50 cents. What?

[B]

425.

[A]

525. So I was 525.

[B]

So what were y' all doing?

[C]

I was a. A bagger at CB Hun.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I worked at Taco Bell.

[B]

I mean, did you get free food and stuff? Did you get other.

[A]

Yeah, I got free food.

[C]

I got tips.

[B]

Nah. What year was that? 4. You said 4:50. 475.

[C]

475.

[B]

475. Because my first job was minimum wage, which at the time was 725. And I don't think has changed, man.

[C]

That was the minimum wage when I was. When I started working, it was 475.

[B]

475? Yeah, it was 725. I remember getting a raise to 750 because I've been working.

[C]

Oh, that's fun.

[B]

And I remember being kind of excited.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I was like doing the math. I go, all right, that's 25 cents per hour.

[C]

Oh, you actually did the math?

[B]

Yeah. It's not. Well, it's not hard.

[C]

I did.

[B]

It's not calculus.

[C]

Mike, don't do no math, man. You don't want to think about it.

[B]

You got to think, that's 25 cents more per hour. And then if I work a 50 hour week, then that's you working 50 hours.

[C]

And I was.

[B]

It's that. Yeah, I was working more than that.

[A]

Where were you working at?

[B]

I was working at a country club here in. In Hendersonville. Bluegrass country club.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

I was working in the kitchen.

[C]

I got married there.

[B]

Did you really? I might have.

[C]

Well, no, no, no, not married. We got. We had the. The reception. Receptionary.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I might have been the buffet guy at your wedding.

[C]

That's funny.

[B]

What year was that?

[C]

09.

[B]

Yeah, we. I mean, it's pretty close.

[C]

That's funny.

[B]

I mean, I think I missed you by about a year, but I. Dude, I. I had to work so many weddings and events. I saw some of the worst wedding speeches.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Ever. Yeah, dude. I mean, I. I worked quinceaneras. I Did all. I just stood by the buffet. My name tag said buffet guy.

[C]

That's funny.

[B]

Yeah. I was making $7.50 an hour, which seems absurd now.

[C]

It does.

[B]

475. 525. Did you get a raise at any point?

[C]

They told me I got a raise, but I didn't get a raise. They just raised minimum wage to 550.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

They gave you to 515.

[B]

We went ahead and raised everybody.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got you.

[B]

Appreciate that, guys.

[A]

I worked at Taco Bell all through high school, so yeah, I get, I got some extra monies.

[B]

I always talk about when you start standup, you have to do a lot of things that, that just make zero financial sense. Right. Like if you approached it like any other job, you go, well, I'm not going to go do that because I'm going to lose money going out there. I remember asking my job to leave early because I had to drive to Huntsville to do a five minute spot. And my boss goes, huntsville, Alabama? Yeah. It's about two hours away. How much time are you doing? I said five minutes. He goes, two out, four hours to do five minutes. You making a lot of money? I don't think I'm making money at all, actually. He was like, well, what are you doing? And I go, I don't know. I just feel like I have to go down there. How do you have a lot of. Do you have any stories about like weird, weird gigs you've driven to for, for, for not a lot of money and stuff? Like weirdest gigs you've done or even outside of a stand up show. And I'll. Sometimes we'll do things outside. I remember one time this company reached out to me and I ended up giving this gig to B cov Brian Covington. They were like, we're doing a company lunch at Chili's and we just want somebody to walk around and talk to everybody.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Like a, like a party starter.

[C]

Oh, that's wild.

[B]

Just to like walk around and like get conversations going.

[C]

Not even with a microphone.

[B]

No, not a show. Just like walk around, like say hi to people, enter. Just like, like interact with everybody.

[A]

That is weird.

[B]

And I was. That sounds like perfect for Brian.

[C]

Did he do it?

[A]

Yeah, he went and did it.

[B]

Yeah, it was, he said it was whatever. I mean it was exactly what you think. It just. They were nice. I think they were just more quiet. It's just a quiet group.

[C]

So I just, yeah, I would do that. Just walk around, talk.

[A]

Just walk around, just talk to people.

[C]

Actually, I. I don't.

[A]

I don't know if I like strangers that we. Just to be in a room.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? Like if I'm doing a show and then after the show everybody. That's different.

[C]

Different.

[A]

You just want me to show up in the room and just walk around, just. How's your day?

[B]

Hey.

[C]

What?

[A]

You doing all right now? Yeah, I see the shoes you got on.

[B]

All right.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I got a gig tomorrow. I fly out tomorrow. I got a gig at noon tomorrow.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[B]

For a law firm outside of Dallas.

[C]

That'll be fun. I gotta go to Dallas this week too.

[B]

Are you really?

[C]

Yeah. Right. My wife's in Dallas right now.

[B]

Oh, okay. You got a show out there.

[C]

Okay. All right, Good stuff.

[B]

Maybe I'll see you at the airport. LeBron James. Can you name all of the athletes that have become a billionaire? It's not a big list.

[C]

Yeah, well, of course.

[B]

Actually, there's only one athlete ever to become a billionaire while they're still an active player. Can you. That's LeBron.

[A]

Yeah. Michael Jordan.

[B]

Michael Jordan. Those are the only two basketball players.

[C]

Oh, Magic Johnson's not a billionaire anymore.

[A]

Magic should be.

[C]

I thought he was.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Brian's got bad information in here, bro. Yeah, he is a billionaire.

[C]

He was like the first. I thought he was one before Jordan.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I think you're right. He also owns part of the Dodgers.

[A]

Matt Johnson owns so many. Part of so many things.

[C]

That's why he didn't count. That's why he's not here.

[B]

There are. We're talking about the penny being. Just kidding. We got some. Some fun stats about. About all the currency here. There's 11.17 billion $1 bills in circulation. $9,020, bills and $11,100, bills. But here's the thing. Only 8% of the world's currency is physical money. The majority of transactions are all done digitally. So no physical currency exchanges.

[C]

Handled. That's what I'm saying. It makes no sense.

[B]

You're saying it.

[C]

I don't even understand Bitcoin coin.

[B]

Okay, that really doesn't make sense. It's a whole different thing. Yeah, yeah. You're saying. And I've always thought this. It's is like this is all only working because we're agreeing.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

Agreeing to play the game.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If you decide one day my money's meaningless and your money's meaningless, then the whole system goes down.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So what are you doing about that? Nothing.

[C]

Well, I mean, nobody's Gonna listen to me, right? Hey, guys.

[B]

Money Mike James here.

[C]

Worth nothing.

[B]

I don't understand how money works, but I think it's bad.

[C]

But let's just stop spending it. We'll see how that works.

[B]

There is a. An incre. The percentage of $1 bills. Percentage of bills in general. I don't remember the stat. I can look it up in a second. But the percentage that contains trace amounts of cocaine on it is like unbelievably high.

[A]

Oh, I'm sure. $1 bills or 20s. Well, sure, 20s is a higher percentage.

[B]

I mean, it's. Look at that. According to one study by the Journal of Analytical Toxicology. It's one of my favorite subscriptions that I get. It notes a contamination of 80% of US currency by cocaine. 80%.

[A]

So it might be in my system right now. Just took some money out the bank not too long ago.

[B]

Well, what were you doing with your cash?

[A]

I don't know if it get in.

[C]

Your chips, man, this hand. This dog smell good.

[A]

If it get on your hands, like it your system a little t. I'm not talking about the wrong drug.

[B]

Hey, guys, it's not anthrax.

[A]

I was in the DE program. I don't know much about. Don't know much about cocaine.

[C]

DARE programs. I forgot about those.

[B]

You know who's on every. Who's on. Who's on the penny? Hey, you know who's on these? Abe Lincoln. You know who's on the nickel? No.

[D]

No clue.

[B]

You couldn't even guess?

[A]

Is it Franklin?

[C]

I don't know who's on the nigga.

[B]

Okay. It is. It is Thomas Jefferson.

[A]

I'm Thomas Jefferson. Yeah, with the ponytail.

[B]

Yeah, you can see it.

[C]

Ponytails.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't think so.

[C]

Most of them.

[B]

Thomas Jefferson was a young man in 1776.

[A]

He had a wig on.

[C]

I don't wore wigs.

[B]

I think he was like in his 20s when.

[C]

Why did they do that? Why did they wear those wigs? What? What was that?

[B]

That.

[C]

What was that about?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

That's not a wig on there. That's his natural.

[C]

No, I'm just saying. But it just makes me think about it like even. I think. Was it over in.

[B]

Even in Canada, in like court, the judges have to wear it. Yeah, just. Why. Why do our judges wear robes? It's the same thing.

[C]

Because it looks.

[A]

Cuz I don't want you in there with a Nike T shirt on telling me I got to do 24 months with a Nike tank.

[B]

Which sounded a little too. Too specific.

[C]

Put something's respectable on, dude.

[B]

Well, what if the. The wig used to look cool back in the day?

[C]

Did it?

[B]

I mean, I don't know. Why else would they. Why else would they wear it?

[C]

I don't know. That's what I'm wondering.

[B]

I'm thinking there are probably things y' all have worn in your life that look ridiculous now, right? I've seen you. Your parachute pants and all that that y' all used to wear.

[A]

Who is we? Parachute pants?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All the Jerry cur. You used to have all that.

[C]

That's you thinking of Memphis and California.

[B]

Okay. Were Jerry curls around Memphis. Were big Jerry curls.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Okay. You never had any. Who, me? Yeah.

[C]

That's why I ain't got hair.

[A]

I never had a Jerry curl. But I had a.

[C]

You had a S curl. I did.

[A]

No, not an S curl.

[C]

Not an S curl. No, no, no.

[A]

It was the blue box with the.

[C]

That's a S curl.

[A]

No, no, it wasn't called S curl.

[B]

I came like. Yeah, this guy. This guy.

[A]

That was not me. I didn't get the hair. I didn't get the S curl. Maybe I did.

[B]

S curl. Dang.

[A]

I might have had an S curl with a high top fade.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Yeah, I did. At one point in time. I take that lie back. I did have an S curl with a high top fade.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

My daddy wouldn't allow that.

[B]

Really?

[C]

No, it wasn't. He wasn't going. I was trying my best too. I was like, man, I want my hair to be wet.

[B]

So Lincoln on the penny, Jefferson on the nickel. Who's on the dime?

[C]

Well, there you go.

[B]

We got a lot more to go, guys.

[C]

You thought I would knew this one. Wait till you get to the quarter. Actually.

[B]

Who is this?

[A]

Roosevelt, isn't it?

[B]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Fdr.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

See, if I see the face.

[B]

I thought it was Hamilton, but I guess Hamilton's on the 10 and not the 10 cent.

[D]

So.

[B]

The quarter is George Washington.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What about the. The half dollar?

[A]

Man, I ain't seen a half dollar in probably three years, bro.

[B]

Yeah. Jfk.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And then I. The. The dollar coin is Ben Franklin, I'm pretty sure. Remember the dollar coin right here?

[A]

Yeah, there's still some of those in circulation. You find one every blue moon.

[B]

Let's see. Or it was. I hate to guess and get this one wrong. Sackajawea.

[C]

What is that?

[B]

Yeah, Almost guess. No, it is Saka. I say I almost guessed somebody different.

[A]

If you would have said, we would have had to end the episode right there.

[B]

Hey.

[C]

Aaron, where you gonna be at this weekend?

[B]

Right, Exactly. Tulsa, Oklahoma, at the loony bin. You ever get $2 bills?

[C]

You know, you can just about.

[B]

You can just go. You can go to the bank and just get $2 bills.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

They won't be happy about it, but you can get it.

[A]

I gotta go to the back and get it.

[B]

Probably like. No. What do you mean?

[C]

Who's on the bill?

[A]

Two dollar bill.

[B]

Two dollar bill? I have no idea. I can't even. I don't even find a picture. Two dollar bill. It was.

[C]

It looks.

[B]

Jeez. Is that Jefferson again? We just put him on everything. I remember. I get two dollar bill. Yeah, it's Jefferson.

[C]

It is.

[B]

Yeah. Thomas Jefferson.

[C]

Well, that doesn't make sense.

[B]

All right, so let's talk about it. Harriet Tubman on the bill.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We ain't got it yet.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Is it the 10 that's supposed to be. Oh, not our most important one.

[A]

That's the one with the most cocaine.

[C]

Yeah, that one.

[B]

I can't even tell you who's on the 20 right now. It's amazing. I've just not. You don't look at this stuff and just.

[C]

Yeah. Jackson.

[B]

Oh, Jackson.

[A]

Okay. And what's under that?

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Harry Tubman.

[B]

There you go. Yeah, that was.

[A]

We need a better picture than that though. But.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Well, we're kind of limited. We have to get a drawing over.

[A]

We got a few other pit photos use.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. That's actually a pretty flattering looking one compared to some of the ones I've seen.

[A]

I like the one they got with the rifle in it.

[C]

How about that?

[B]

You don't honor guns in this place.

[A]

That would say everything about.

[C]

That'll be so cold.

[B]

A shotgun.

[A]

Oh, yeah. That be the most important $20bill ever. I want nothing but Tubmans.

[B]

Yeah. And then a $100 bill. I know I'm skipping some, but I don't even know who's on the 50. Grover Cleveland.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Is that who.

[B]

No. Ulysses S. Grant. Who's on the hundred?

[C]

Frank?

[A]

Benjamin Franklin.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Benjamin. That's the Benjamin. It's all about the Benjamins. And then there was a thousand dollar bill for a while.

[C]

Really?

[B]

I don't. Yeah. Where it was. Who even is this? Some old dude with a beard.

[C]

Is it. So is it a 500 bill? Bill?

[A]

Yeah, I thought it was. I could be wrong.

[B]

What do you mean 500?

[A]

I thought it was a $500 bill at one point in time.

[B]

Was there not who was on it? The portrait of Robert Morris. I don't even know who. Robert Morris.

[A]

Morris.

[B]

Robert Morris was a British born American merchant, one of the founding fathers of the U.S. i got to tell you, they need to work on whoever's doing the PR for Robert Morris. That guy never. He never gets talked about.

[A]

No, ah.

[C]

Ever. Well, I mean, you know.

[A]

Yeah, they was like, bro.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. You like? Wow. Yeah, buddy, let's not talk about. They just. They saw him like, let's not talk about.

[B]

Yeah, they go, you got more of a coin face, to be honest with you. Your face is a coin.

[C]

We need to engrave you. You know, we don't want to draw.

[A]

You like a Batman character, man.

[C]

Yeah, he does look like a penguin, like a villain. He look like a sad penguin.

[A]

I'mma take all the water.

[C]

He like, for what? Look at me. Oh, man.

[B]

Right here. The lifespan of. Of currency. I mean, what do you think? Do you have. Do you keep cash on you? Do you have money on you right now? Do you have cash?

[A]

I got $5 on me right now. I usually try to keep at least 20 on me, but I only got five right now. That's all I got.

[C]

So you don't stick to it.

[B]

I got a rule in life, dude. I always keep 20 bucks, but I.

[C]

Only get five of them. Okay.

[A]

Me and the wife went out to eat yesterday, so, you know.

[C]

Oh, okay. She got cheese on it. Huh? Huh? She got cheese.

[A]

She got cheese on it.

[C]

Yep. Yep.

[A]

That brought me down to five bucks. Gotta go. Re up, fellas.

[B]

Gotta go.

[A]

Re up.

[B]

It's almost 20, 26 and you're still paying rent without Bilt, we can't have that. Get it together, dude. Built is the loyalty program for renters that rewards you for your biggest monthly expense. Rent. With bilt, every rent payment earns you points that can be used towards flights, hotels, Lyft rides, Amazon purchases, and so much more. And when you pay rent through bilt, you unlock access to exclusive benefits from a network of more than 45,000 merchants. Just link your credit cards, spend at your local favorite spots, earn BILT points on top of your regular card payments, and get one step closer to that trip you've always wanted to take. Personally, I'd redeem my points for some stuff I want on Amazon on. You know, it's that time of year. You gotta, you gotta. You gotta get some stuff for people, dude. And you can use built reward points for that. Built Points have been ranked the most valuable point currency. Currency by the points guy. And they just announced Built Cash. It's a way to unlock even More value from Built's partners. It's simple. Paying rent is better. With bilt. Earn rewards and finally get something back for being a renter. Join the loyalty program for [e-mail] Nate that's J L T.com Nate make sure to use our URL so they know that we sent you. What do you think? There's only been one woman ever on a paper bill. If you had to guess who it was.

[A]

I feel like I seen this not too long ago.

[B]

It's a boring one.

[C]

It's a boring what?

[B]

It's a boring answer.

[A]

Helen Keller. I'm just saying, as many stories we. Too many times we talk about Helen Kelly. You would think she might have been on something.

[B]

Well, she's on. Do you remember when they did the quarters for all the states?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She was on the Alabama coin.

[C]

Really?

[B]

And I remember being like, come on, dude, Helen Keller. But then, you know, then you read about her and you're like, all right, she's impressive. Let's give it to her. But I. I don't know what I wanted. But I remember when they were coming out and I was like, dude, what's ours going to be?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was Helen Keller. It's Martha Washington. In the 1800s, Martha Washington, the USA's first first lady was featured on the $1 silver certificate. That's a common form of US currency. Then I have never heard of it.

[C]

In the 1800s. They got her out of that quick.

[B]

Y' all aren't reading ahead on this thing, are you?

[C]

Oh, I didn't read that. Okay.

[B]

Most expensive man made object ever of all time. What do you think?

[A]

The most expensive man made object of all time.

[B]

The thing that costs the most to build now with a grain of salt. We've already poked a few holes in Brian's research. Yeah, yeah, we got. The first thing I said was wrong.

[C]

Oh yeah, it was terrible.

[A]

Moses. I really don't know the answer.

[B]

The International Space Station is the world's most expensive man made object ever built. At 150.

[C]

Is this common knowledge? You said.

[B]

I'm not trying to. I apologize if I said it like that. I'm reading this for the first time too. But it's fun to act like you're dumb for not knowing. You don't know that. It's the space station, dude. It's in space. It has to go around the earth, dude.

[A]

I hadn't been watching a NASA channel lately. My apologies.

[B]

Did you want to be an astronaut when you were a kid? Did you ever think about that? I wanted to be an astronaut.

[A]

I did think about it one time.

[B]

You never.

[A]

He was six.

[C]

Six.

[A]

He's not gonna fit in the shutters. What are you talking about?

[C]

Dude, I get motion sickness. So that would work.

[A]

And you going on two cruises back to back.

[C]

But that's weird, right? I don't get seasick. That's weird. I know. I don't get it. I don't. I don't know.

[D]

I. I.

[B]

Listen, so you just ruled out from an early age ago, I get seasick, so I might as well not even try to be an asshole.

[A]

You said he get motion sickness.

[C]

Y' all don't get it. Let me explain it to you. I actually threw up one time because I went to sleep in the locker room, woke up and forgot where I was at. That threw me off just enough to make me dizzy and throw up.

[A]

Hey, I'm glad I'm just five, eight. How you. How you get motion sickness and throw up? Because you woke up like, where am I?

[C]

I didn't know where I was at.

[A]

Where am I?

[C]

It threw me off.

[A]

Where am I?

[C]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

Oh, Jesus.

[B]

How long for you to recognize where you were?

[C]

I mean, it was your locker room when I woke up, but it was bad dark.

[A]

Like the smell didn't tell you where you was?

[C]

Smell familiar smell, familiar smell. Like every day we practice. Every day.

[B]

You were like, yeah, I can't be an astronaut. Is Brian here? Oh, good. Let's keep the good times rolling for a little bit more N. Brian will be joining us.

[A]

So they counsel you waking up in the locker room and throwing up. You like, astronaut could never beat me.

[C]

I just never thought. I remember seeing Apollo 13. Remember that?

[B]

Yeah, well, that's about worst case scenario.

[C]

But even besides it blowing up, they threw up when they got there, I was like, oh, I'm out.

[B]

What do you mean they threw up?

[C]

So one of them threw up when they got.

[B]

Well, one of them was sick.

[C]

Well, no, I'm saying when they got into space from the gravitational. They threw up. It made them throw up in the movie.

[B]

Which one? Kevin Bacon?

[C]

I don't know. It was floating around. I don't know what to tell you. This is a long time ago. It was very traumatic for me.

[B]

You didn't finish the movie.

[A]

Cut it all right in. That's the end of this.

[C]

Because I didn't. I was like, oh, if they throwing up, then I'm not going to space, you know?

[A]

So I mean.

[C]

And then it blew up. That. That just kind of certified.

[B]

Certified.

[C]

I was like, nah.

[A]

The throw up was like, nah. The blowing up was like, definitely not.

[B]

It didn't blow up either. I feel like you need to rew. Watch.

[C]

I may be thinking of Armageddon. I feel like I'm. I feel like I'm combining deep impact, Armageddon, independent.

[B]

Yeah. I turned off Apollo 13 once the asteroid hit the Earth.

[C]

And you're like, yeah, that's a different interstellar.

[B]

Like, yeah, he threw up when he got to the wormhole.

[A]

Once they got to the moon and the predator started chasing them, it was over with for me after that.

[C]

I just don't. I don't know, man. I just don't like throwing up.

[B]

So Apollo 13, that's one of the greatest scenes in any movie I can think of is when. And they come down, they get in the room with all the nerds, and they go, we gotta make this fit into this. Using nothing but that.

[C]

Yeah, that's wild.

[B]

Get into it. And they have to. And they have to do it. Just smart, smart people. You don't want to be one of those guys, dude.

[C]

Like.

[B]

Like, the Earth's already been conquered, dude. But don't you have inside of you like you want to be. You want to conquer something?

[C]

No, I'm fine. Well, I'm good, but you can still do it. I feel like you kind of push.

[A]

Aaron still dreaming to be Amsterdam.

[C]

I feel like you're projecting your dream on me.

[B]

You don't want to plant a flag down somewhere and go, this is mine now. You don't want that.

[C]

No, I did that in my house.

[B]

Is that just a white guy thing?

[A]

Might be an Alabama thing, you know, Jeff.

[C]

And.

[A]

And I didn't miss that either. Just a white guy thing. Just say, this is mine now. Just landing on.

[C]

No, no. I did like that scene in Superman 2. If any. Any Superman fans in here.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Remember Superman 2? When. When they landed on. On. On the moon. Did you ever see that? No. They were so. It was like. It's like some astronauts, they were spacewalking on the moon.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And then General Zod and the other two came, and they, like, started kicking people around. It was. It was a great movie.

[A]

I'm. Had to go back and watch.

[C]

Watch y'. All.

[A]

I might go back.

[C]

I feel like General Zod was my favorite.

[B]

You're big into the superhero stuff.

[C]

I am, man. General Z was the man, dude. I remember he. He told Lex Luther. He was like, why do you speak to me this way when you know I'll Kill you for it.

[B]

That's pretty hard line. Yeah, that's pretty nice. We've got man. Brian.

[A]

So do you still dream of being astronaut there?

[B]

I mean it's too late.

[A]

Your astronaut dreams in probably the last year or so.

[C]

Yeah. I give it up now. Focus on something else.

[B]

I don't know, I think when I was like a. Yeah. Young kid, you look up under the space and you're like, I want to go to the moon.

[A]

I'm interested in the stars and all that. I'm interested in watching from the tv.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean sometimes I go outside. I don't know if you noticed, when we on the road and we just be out there talking. Talking. I just be looking up at the stars and stuff. I just be looking up.

[C]

That's weird.

[B]

I'm not watching you that close. But yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I mean, I figure.

[C]

Did you watch.

[A]

I mean, if you talking to me and I'm just standing there doing this.

[B]

Oh, that's what you're doing.

[C]

So did you watch the. The. The. So the. Was it the. The. The southern. The northern lights.

[A]

Northern lights. Now I fell asleep.

[B]

That was just the other night, right? Yeah.

[A]

It said it's gonna be like what, one o' clock in the morning when you can see it or something like that.

[B]

I'm saying you just went to sleep.

[A]

I mean, I didn't do it on purpose. I forgot about happened.

[C]

Has anybody ever seen northern lights?

[A]

No.

[C]

I would love to though, because you guys have been. Alaska. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

We didn't see it up there.

[A]

Nah.

[B]

Was the time.

[A]

Barely got dark.

[B]

It barely got dark when we were up there, right? Yeah.

[C]

Barely get dark.

[B]

So like when I went there in my honeymoon, we didn't see darkness the whole time I was there because it was only dark from like 4:00am to 5:00am yeah. Or something like that. And I don't remember what it was like. You're seeing this image. I'm obsessed with this image. It's the background on my laptop right now. This is the hub of the Hubble deep field image right here. Do you know about this photo?

[C]

What am I looking at?

[B]

So this is a picture taken by the Hubble telescope. What they did was they pointed the camera at a little patch of nothing in the sky. They're like where nothing's visible. Just a little patch of blackness in space. And they just focused the camera on that for a long time and did like a long exposure just to see. And this entire image is what was in that little. That little patch that looks like nothing to us, every visible thing in this image outside of a few stars are galaxies. There are thousands. These are all galaxies.

[C]

So there are planets inside those?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Dude.

[C]

How do we know this is what. I have a problem with this stuff right here. We can't fact check this.

[A]

There's planets inside our galaxy, so. So we assume.

[C]

Right. This is all.

[A]

I mean, look at that one right there. Zoom back in on that one.

[C]

Have we ever gone into any galaxy?

[A]

It's something in there. It's a sun.

[C]

Have we gone into any galaxy?

[A]

No, we have not.

[B]

No, we haven't gone. We're about to collide with the Andromeda galaxy in a few billion years.

[C]

Well, I won't be here for that. Unless they.

[A]

Somebody freezes.

[C]

Unless they fix this, they start making those nanites. That's what I'm looking forward to making. What nanite?

[B]

What are nanites?

[C]

You know, they inject the little. Little robots in you and they can heal you, and it's like anti aging. I ain't heard about this.

[B]

No.

[A]

So. So you into that? But you don't believe another planet is in the game?

[C]

No, I'm not saying I don't believe.

[B]

Is it like, what sea moss.

[C]

Do? Like sea.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I've never heard. You would want to live forever, dude. No, no, you would. You wouldn't.

[C]

I wouldn't want to live. I mean, unless everybody else. You guys want to do it.

[A]

Nah, just unless y' all want to, we good.

[C]

Not gonna do it by myself.

[A]

It's like we about to go out or something. I mean, I don't want. But I mean, if y' all want.

[B]

To, we can, you know, I want.

[C]

To be by myself, guys.

[B]

Fomo. Yeah. If, like, your whole family got. You'd be like, yeah, I'm not going to just let y' all hang out forever without me.

[C]

Right?

[B]

No, that sounds terrifying to me, dude.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Especially because in 4.5 billion years, the Andromeda galaxy and the Milky Way galaxy are going to collide.

[C]

That's a bit.

[B]

If they do collide. Right. Now, some people sound like they're just.

[C]

Trying to sell water. What? What? Yeah, if you're about to collide with another galaxy, don't you think it's going to be some thirsty people? Come on, man.

[B]

Probably.

[C]

Come on. Exactly.

[B]

In 4.5 billion years, they're just pushing water. Get the water. Now. If they do collide, the galaxies will merge into a single elliptical galaxy. And although stars are unlikely to collide with each other, they will be thrown into new orbits it will be absolute chaos in this galaxy. Yeah.

[A]

If humans are still around by then, I believe everything will die.

[C]

Yeah, Listen, man, she got a feeling.

[A]

When it get close enough.

[C]

How long ago is that?

[B]

Oh, that's four. Well, it's in the future. 4.5 billion years from now.

[A]

Yeah. So the people who came up with this won't be alive to realize they're right or wrong.

[C]

It's so far away.

[A]

That's what you say, Mike James, it's so far away.

[C]

How do you know that? How can you predict billions of years from now?

[B]

What do you mean?

[C]

Like, like if you said, okay, this is going to happen next year. Yeah, like, that's more predictable.

[A]

4.5 billion years from now.

[B]

Well, if two cars are very far apart and they're driving right at each other, I mean, they're going to hit.

[A]

Each other at some point in time. Somebody may be like, you know, we won't make a left.

[C]

What if the other guys.

[A]

Yeah, they'd be like, hey, you know, we're just going to make a left right here. You know what I mean?

[C]

I don't want to deal with all this.

[A]

Right. I don't really mess with the other son like that. So let's make a left. Me and that son beefing right now.

[C]

Uh huh.

[B]

Yeah. Well, we get this a big argument on the podcast before because you know, the son, our son is going to blow up eventually too.

[C]

Yeah, Here we go.

[A]

I'mma tell you what's crazy. I will tell you what's crazy. My daughter, we was riding in the car last night and she generally asked me this question, if how long could we survive without the sun or the water? Which one would kill us first? If the sun goes out or if all the water dries up?

[C]

I would've put her on punishment.

[A]

How long Put her on punishment.

[C]

What would kill us first?

[A]

Just think about it. If the sun just poof, gone, how long will we last? Or if all of a sudden, poof, all the water just dries up, how long will we last?

[C]

I think we could last longer without the sun. Sun than we could without water.

[B]

Mooney meme.

[C]

Well, if we don't have, if we don't have any sun, I mean, we can still stay in the house and artificial heating and we even got artificial, like sunlight. Okay. Okay.

[A]

That's your answer?

[C]

Yeah. Instead of water.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What you think?

[B]

Oh, I think if the sun goes away, then we're no longer orbiting the sun. The planet just gets.

[C]

Oh, that's what we're doing. Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Answering the question.

[A]

Hey, you know what?

[C]

I think if you want to answer writing stuff. Okay.

[B]

We can only live for three days without water.

[A]

We can only live three days without water.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So if the sun goes out, do y' all realize how cold like Pluto? Well, I don't know if Pluto's a planet today. You know how they say Pluto, but you know how cold that planet is. And it's. And the sun is in the.

[C]

Is this water good? Sorry.

[B]

Yeah, that's good. That's all yours.

[C]

Man.

[A]

I feel like we would instantly like just freeze. Everything was just like instantly, probably just instantly probably.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm talking about within like hours. That's my opinion.

[B]

Within like hours we just freeze.

[A]

When the hours we just freeze. Death.

[B]

Yeah. And then everything just dies. Yeah. Right. I think either, either of these scenarios, it's not going to end well. Nah.

[C]

But if you have nanites in your life, all this goes away.

[B]

If you have nanites, then you have to live through all this, dude. And you're just stuck on Earth.

[C]

But you just.

[A]

Everybody's blocked in.

[C]

Like, nothing bothers you. Like, you're good.

[B]

Oh, it just makes you like, feel good too.

[C]

I don't know. I don't.

[A]

Have you become Superman.

[C]

Are these.

[A]

Maybe that's what it is.

[B]

Is this coming? Is this on the horizon?

[C]

Yeah, look it up. What is it?

[B]

I'm afraid to type this.

[A]

Nanites.

[C]

I think it's nanites.

[B]

It's a term for microscopic machines or nano robots, often from science fiction fiction.

[C]

Oh, keep reading.

[B]

The term can also refer to in game currency, in video games like no Man's sky and Terraria.

[C]

All right, what website is this from? This doesn't sound credible.

[B]

Google.

[A]

I don't know who got you down this rabbit hole, but this is crazy.

[B]

In real world science. Okay, so self replicating nanites are still science fiction.

[C]

Here we go.

[B]

But, but okay, but yeah, so we're starting to use this stuff in everyday life. Targeted drug delivery. So you can deliver drugs with these nano robots injected into your blood and. Okay, so I'm probably gonna let the first few people try this.

[C]

Oh yeah. It's definitely.

[A]

I'm probably never gonna try it.

[C]

Yeah. I'm not gonna be part of the trial.

[A]

Yeah. That if I ever use something like that, to be honest with you, I just like my granddaddy just take me out.

[C]

You wouldn't use it though, like, if they. So the thing is it like it fixes everything.

[A]

I'm good. You take sea moss?

[C]

Small tears.

[A]

Do you take sea moss? That's my nanite. Sea moss.

[C]

I used to.

[B]

I bought something at Rivergate Mall in.

[C]

It just to try it out.

[A]

Dude, try to say, you shoe clean at the same time.

[B]

Hey, bro, I tell you, one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. So I was walking through that mall, and that dude, you know, he's cleaning shoes. He goes, hey, brother. He goes, what kind of shoes you Shoes.

[D]

You rock.

[B]

I mean, I'm wearing, like, dude, just dirty hokas. They're like. I go. I don't really. I'm not really, like, a clean your shoes guy. He goes, nah, man. That day, it changes today. He said, come over here, man. He, like, cleans my dude. And basically I bought the stuff from the dude. Spent like, 40 bucks just to, like, avoid an awkward. Yeah, I could have just kept walking.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But he was just like, nah, man, come here. And he cleaned my. Basically just made one shoe wet.

[C]

Hey, you gotta act like, oh.

[B]

He goes, may you see that, man? That's like magic. And then I looked up online, and that product is like, yeah, dude. It's just like, soap and water. He talked about it like it was this miracle product for cleaning my sty. I never touched that stuff, dude. I ended up throwing it away. I think I'm never going to use this.

[C]

You got them. You got to walk away from them, man. It's hard.

[A]

Yeah, I just look straight ahead like they ain't talking.

[C]

Yeah. I act like I'm in a rush.

[A]

Yeah. I just.

[B]

But y' all are wearing shoes that you would clean. I'm not even wearing.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, I'm wearing, like, dude, running shoes that aren't supposed to be clean.

[C]

Right, man, you know, those look like those. Those glasses that. I don't know if y' all seen those. The.

[B]

The meta glasses.

[C]

I got my dad some of those.

[B]

Do you really?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

For what?

[C]

For Father's Day.

[B]

No, but, like, you use them, right? What is he gonna use?

[A]

Does he want to record that?

[C]

Six, three, six, three. Yeah. So we went to. I hadn't seen him wear them, so I just took it as a loss. I was like, oh, he.

[B]

He didn't like him.

[C]

Yeah, but we went to. We went to the shoe See Ohio State play, and he wore for that.

[B]

And just taped the game.

[C]

I don't know about the game.

[A]

It's up on the YouTube page.

[C]

We got two subscribers. No, no, it was. It was. They're pretty cool to see, like, the new ones, though. I don't know. It was a little. Little bulky, so.

[B]

Yeah, what can you do?

[A]

You can Record, take or take pictures.

[B]

Do you see what I mean? It's supposed to be exactly what you see. Yeah, but it gets a picture of.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's like. It really is for them. For the. The. The AI. That's why I would use it. That's like.

[B]

With what?

[C]

Like Siri. I mean, not Siri. Meta. You're wrong.

[A]

Say, wrong person.

[B]

Cortana.

[A]

Have you ever had. Been talking to somebody with those on? Yeah, they been wearing them.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

I was talking.

[C]

Remember when I said my daddy got him?

[A]

Well, yeah, yeah, but you said he wasn't wearing them. So I was like, all right. Well, I mean, Pops just. I mean, you know what I mean? You just having a regular conversation with somebody just out in the public, and they got them on.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

I've had that happen. I'll be like, are you recording this conversation? What are we doing here?

[C]

It can make people feel. The good thing about them though, is, like, the. The little lens, it'll. It'll. It'll, like, glow to let you know it's recorded. So nobody can record you without.

[B]

You know, but you can jailbreak that and turn that off. I'm sure if you wanted to put a little piece of tape over it or something.

[C]

Yeah, well, no, no, they. You can't do that. It. Once you cover it up, it. It will stop recording.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

[B]

Well, that's good, I guess.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

But now this. This new pair. I don't know.

[A]

I don't know if I want to say for the. So you just look at something and be like, hey, what is.

[C]

Yeah, what is this? Translate. You know, it's like real translation. So, I mean, I have to. I can stop using duolingo. I know it on my own.

[B]

You know, he's speaking Spanish.

[A]

You can speak Spanish?

[B]

Yeah, they can. Duolingo for seven years now.

[C]

Well, first of all, know is I'm on day four 18, and.

[B]

Yeah, it's over a year.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I wouldn't say I'm fluid.

[A]

But you can get through a conversation.

[C]

Yeah, well, I can get through a sentence.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[D]

All right.

[C]

All right. Yeah. Say something.

[A]

Benvenos. All right. Not the first word.

[C]

Did you. Did you say something or you just made something?

[A]

No, I said something.

[C]

I don't think we got to that chapter.

[D]

No.

[C]

Ben. Venito.

[A]

You ain't got the welcome.

[C]

Benvenos. Oh, is that welcome? Are you saying it right? Is it.

[A]

You ain't got the welcome. 418 days. You ain't got the welcome.

[C]

Dude, I thought that was the title on the Spanish book. Benvenos. That's what that means. Welcome.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Golly, Mike James.

[C]

Hey. We getting there now. Yeah. Okay, you say something. I know, Coach. Como kwondo. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's see if I'm even right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I thought so.

[C]

How does he say it? Okay. That's what it was. Yeah. Benvena, see what you.

[A]

Hey, I said it the Memphis way.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Benvenito.

[B]

Hola.

[C]

Yeah. You putting me up on something. I didn't know that. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Welcome. Okay.

[A]

Oh, you really didn't know that.

[B]

Well, you haven't had Spanish speaking guests over to your house yet.

[C]

No.

[B]

So you wouldn't need to know that.

[C]

No. But.

[B]

But if you were to say goodbye, have a nice day, what would you say?

[C]

Adios. Adios. I don't really like, tell people. I don't like to tell people. How. Good. Good day.

[B]

You're not even looking this stuff up.

[C]

Adios.

[A]

The welcome and goodbye. I need to know how to order a plate.

[C]

You can get there. Just point. That's what I do.

[B]

I. I have blue pants. I have blue pants.

[C]

Aul is blue.

[B]

That's blue.

[C]

We'll start there talking tequila pantalones.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And two. Two.

[B]

I have. I have blue pants. Two.

[C]

Is it two kiddies? Pants alone. A.

[B]

That'S. You like blue pants.

[C]

Oh, did I tell you? You like blue pants. Hey, listen.

[A]

Day 418.

[C]

But you can see. You can see. I need to get to 419. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

419.

[C]

We getting there.

[A]

He is getting there. Golly. I remember Tango.

[B]

I remember Tango.

[C]

Tango.

[B]

I thought tango was. I have.

[C]

Yeah, I have.

[B]

Or something like that.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Ain't that a dance? Hold on.

[C]

Tango. Oh, the tango. Yeah.

[B]

No. T, E, N, G. Tingo.

[C]

Yeah. Tango.

[B]

You say what? Tango.

[C]

You say tango.

[A]

Tingo.

[C]

I say tango.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Adios. Audio. Audio.

[A]

Oh, man. Special chicken.

[B]

I went down a rabbit hole about this dude that just walks around Times Square and he. And he speaks like every. Every language. He's one of these guys. Polyglot, they're called.

[C]

Polyglot. Who?

[B]

What do you mean?

[C]

What you call him?

[B]

A polyglot.

[C]

A polyglot. That's the name of what they call them?

[B]

Yeah. That's somebody who knows a lot of languages.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. You're almost there, Mike.

[C]

I'm getting there. I'mma start telling people that, man. I'm gonna add that to my bio. I'mma add that to my Polyglot.

[B]

Six foot six. Polyglot.

[C]

Just out here polyglotting.

[B]

He'll walk up, he' see people that look like they're from other countries. And I'll walk up and go, what's your language? What's your language? And they go, you're not gonna know my language, dude. I'm from, like, the. I speak Congolese or something, like a dialect of Congolese. And he knows all of them. He can just jump in and, like, you just see people light up that probably haven't heard their native language in a while, and they're like, you. They'll be walking by, and you're like, that person's, like, rude. And then as soon as you start talking to them in their language, they're.

[C]

Like, oh, how do you do that? How do you remember?

[B]

You just commit. You just learning. It's a.

[C]

That many, though.

[A]

He's a language Rain man, you know?

[C]

Yeah, that's. That's wild.

[B]

Well, think about all the. All the time. If you added up all the hours you devoted to standup comedy and you put it into learning a. You know, you'd be on dual lingo. You'd be in the 600 by now.

[C]

Yeah, but that would just be Spanish. I still got French, Mandarin. All those are the next two we.

[A]

Day 418 on Spanish. He don't know.

[C]

Welcome.

[A]

I can only imagine Mandarin is going to take him out.

[C]

First of all, I am. I am a polyglot, and I need to be respected as such.

[A]

Just polygladden for the community.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Do you take a language in high school, either of you?

[C]

I took.

[A]

I took Spanish.

[C]

Yeah. Then I failed it, so I took French.

[B]

You failed Spanish.

[C]

I failed Spanish one. You took French.

[B]

Spanish one.

[C]

Mr. Mr. Bird.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Senor Bird did not like me.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

But I passed Spanish. But I got where. We had a real. We had a girl that just moved from Mexico. Mexico. In the 8th grade to our school. And she said, you speak Spanish? About as bad as my dad speak English. And that was our teacher. But I passed. So I just like, all right, cool.

[B]

Yeah, I had Spanish one. We had a foreign exchange student from Spain that was in my Spanish one class. And he was like. I go like, why are you. I remember his name was Javier. And I was like, why are you taking Spanish one? He goes, I. He's like, I just want to get easy a.

[C]

I would have went to Spain. I would have took English.

[B]

English 1.

[C]

I got this just dominated. I'm laughing at kids. Boom.

[B]

Sit down there like LeBron. Greatest of all time.

[C]

Yeah, man. I didn't know. You didn't think I was going to let that ride a second.

[B]

What's that? That hat? It's a D. You're wearing a black hat with a red W on it.

[C]

I didn't know.

[B]

Is that a Wawa logo? What is that?

[C]

It's for my daughter's school. Woodland.

[B]

Woodland represent.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Wood in the middle. She's a cheerleader.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

First time you're on, you're wearing a Myelin hat, Jay. Did they ask you not to wear it the next time you came on?

[A]

No, they didn't. I got a couple people hitting my inbox. I see you representing.

[C]

Okay. Who?

[A]

My hat? Malin. Oh, Tennessee.

[B]

That's where he's from.

[C]

Milan. Milan. There you go. Okay. I don't know what I said.

[B]

So let's talk about. Let's get back to money.

[A]

He's like, I don't know where this is.

[C]

I don't know where Milan. It's west Tennessee.

[B]

So it's Myland. It would be Milan anywhere else in the. In the world.

[C]

Yeah, but we used to call it.

[B]

Milan, just like we call Lebanon. Lebanon and all these other places.

[C]

That's fine.

[B]

I did. I did again, gig at a barber shop in Milan one time with Brad Satin.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was. I was the only white guy in the building. And they had. It was like a variety show and we had to follow a. A guy doing spoken word.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

And it was like this very intense. I don't know what he was talking about, but, you know, he's up there. He's going to. He's going rose through the concrete with the crazy. Exactly. Yo, dude. They were kind of doing that, but I think he was kind of bombing or like whatever bombing looks like for a spoken word guy. Like, they weren't into it.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That's my only time I've spent in my. And then I went to Brad Sativ's house and his mom cooked me a bunch of food. So that's my. Is that myelin in a nutshell?

[A]

Yeah, that's my.

[C]

She cook. Her mom, his mom cook.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was a good meal. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, you had something.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

He grew up with Brad Sativa.

[C]

Did you really? Yeah. I did not know that they played.

[B]

Yeah, they were a year apart in high school and everything. Yeah.

[C]

Huh. Didn't play football.

[A]

Could he play?

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He just couldn't remember his plays.

[C]

That was it.

[A]

He could play, though. He could remember his plays.

[C]

Like that was important.

[B]

It's a big. It's big.

[A]

It was a lot of. It was a lot of dang, Brad. It was a lot of that, dude.

[B]

I remember that was a big point of contention between me and some coaches that I had in high school. If you, like, did the wrong thing on a play, they were like, you're supposed to do that, but you just doing what you want to do. And I go, do you think I'm actively going, all right, the way this play is drawn up, I'm supposed to block that guy. You know what? I don't really feel like doing that. I'm gonna block.

[A]

I want to do a double slip instead.

[B]

You're like, dude, in the heat of battle, I just forgot what was going on.

[C]

I'm sorry. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. It was a lot of that.

[B]

In the fog of war, dude, I lose track of all this stuff.

[C]

Do it your way, don't you? No, I'm not trying to do it. I would like to do it your way, sir.

[A]

I'm trying.

[B]

The holidays are here, which means parties, family gatherings, and plenty of reasons to look and feel your best. But let's be real. Bad hair days can show up at the worst time. But what if those bad hair days could be a thing of the past with the Irestore Elite? Jay's got it in his hands right now. Got two bald guys next to me for this read. You can say goodbye to thinning hair and hello to fuller, healthier locks. The Irisore Elite Jay. As you can feel, it feels nice. It is clinically proven to help regrow hair using 300 lasers and 200 LEDs that send light therapy directly to your scalp as seen on tv. You've probably heard about the Iris store. We've been talking about it for a while on the podcast. It's an easy at home system designed to fit your routine. Pop it on while you're watching holiday movies, wrapping gifts, or even while you relax with a good book. Lightweight, hands free. Free and so simple to use. It's the self care upgrade your hair has been waiting for. Holidays, mean get togethers, photos and wanting to look and feel your best. IR store is here to help with huge Black Friday savings happening all month long. And with code nateland restore.com you can unlock an exclusive discount on the Irestore elite. That's nateland irestore.com Please support our show. Tell them we sent you. Oh man. Queen Elizabeth II holds the record for appearing on more currency than any other person. Because you know England, they were an empire at one point. Australia To Trinidad and Tobago. Her portrait has graced the currencies of 33 different countries. Canada was the first to use her image in 1935. She was nine years old, and she was a princess. And they put her on the $20 bill.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Imagine being a nine year old and you're on the money for a country.

[C]

Imagine trying to tell you something to do, right.

[A]

You ain't on no money.

[C]

What's in your pocket?

[B]

Yeah, let me. Let me see your wallet real quick. And what you got?

[A]

Hey, dad, I don't see your face on currency.

[C]

They gonna make a movie about her. Oh, yeah?

[B]

What would the movie be?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Just, like, how to be old.

[C]

Put it in for 4D. You ever seen a 4D one?

[B]

I never. No.

[A]

Oh, dude, I don't think.

[B]

Is that the one, like, spray water at you and stuff?

[A]

Yeah, I seen one. Yeah, that's. I went to Disney World.

[B]

I can't imagine that that's a good experience.

[C]

It is. It was fun. So I had. My best movie experience was with top gun, Maverick 4D. Like, dude, that was the best. Best movie.

[B]

Yeah, dude, Tom Cruise was just.

[C]

It was insane.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Jurassic Park. That sucked.

[B]

Why?

[C]

Dude, they gave. They had a. I feel like that.

[B]

Would be the movie that makes more sense.

[C]

You would think. So they built my hopes up. They gave us, like, ponchos and everything. Like, we.

[D]

Like.

[C]

I'm like, hey, we get there and it's like, dude, it's like a little.

[B]

Mike said, yes, sir. Put me in the splash zone.

[C]

Hold up, man. Hold on. That's wild.

[D]

So.

[A]

So give me two. I need two ponchos.

[C]

Dude, that was the worst. Like, it was just hot. Like, the ponchos.

[A]

It was just hot.

[C]

Like, it was summertime. So the poncho, it wasn't. It didn't. Like, it wasn't a lot of, like, water coming in.

[B]

You didn't need to wear the poncho.

[D]

No.

[C]

And it was just sticking to our face and it was loud.

[B]

And, you know, it sounds terrible, too.

[C]

It was terrible. Why would you do this? I don't know. So. But the scary experience, though. I took my dad to see Superman 4D.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And have y' all seen the new Superman?

[A]

No, I have not.

[B]

Is this Superman 4D?

[C]

No, no, no. It's just Superman M4D. Okay. I should probably say sorry. Excuse me.

[D]

No, no.

[B]

I didn't know if it was the fourth Superman movie.

[C]

Okay. So actually, the fourth Superman. We'll talk about it.

[B]

Okay. So do the Superman episode next week. So hop in on that.

[C]

So on 4D, I took my dad and my son to see this, right? Yeah. My dad's, like, almost 70, and I thought, this is my fault, because I assumed he knew what a 4D movie was. Yeah, he never asked. Like, he. I kept saying, we're gonna go see it in 4D. And he never said, well, like, what's 4D? That's what I would have did if I didn't know. He thought.

[B]

He probably thought it was just the name of the movie.

[C]

No, I was like, super. We're gonna see it in 4D. I kept saying that to him.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I was very specific. So we go to see it. I think he thought we were going to see it in 3D.

[B]

Okay. He wasn't prepared for that extra dude. That one word.

[D]

So.

[B]

Hey, ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.

[C]

I didn't think you were coming to the studio.

[B]

Leo. Brian. Breakfast. Bates fresh. Fresh off an Alaska Airlines flight. Came right from the airport. Brian, by the grace of God, I'm gonna let you take this episode over, dude. But it's. It's been a real pleasure trying to fill your shoes.

[D]

All right, you guys can leave now.

[C]

Bates coming in hot.

[A]

We're here on the work program.

[C]

Have you ever seen a 4D movie?

[D]

No.

[C]

So this is what I was telling him about. Like, I didn't know they existed.

[B]

See, that's the same problem your dad had.

[C]

Right?

[D]

So we're the same age.

[C]

No. So we. So I took my dad to go see Superman in 4D. Have you seen Superman? So the new one, if y' all haven't seen it, like, there's no warming up. It's immediate action.

[A]

Straight in the action.

[C]

I mean, the most action.

[B]

No, nothing.

[C]

As soon as you. It's just in it. So we go. And, like, I didn't expect it, but, like, the. Again, first, as soon as the movie came out, it's just shaking everywhere. He had no idea. He didn't brace for it. So he was, like, slipping out of his. He's, like, slipping out of his chair. Then he's like, whoa, what's going on here? Now, here's why my son is dying, by the way. He's like, now here's the problem.

[D]

Problem.

[C]

I couldn't laugh because I was scared because. Listen, dude, they warm you up, like, in the previews, the chairs move a little bit, kind of to give you a little.

[A]

Give you a warning.

[C]

So I'm like, dude, you didn't feel that in the beginning? He was like, oh. I mean, I felt It. But I thought I was leaning. Thought you were leaning. Dude, we need to talk to a doctor or something. Like, you don't know. In the chairs movie, he thought was.

[A]

That motion sickness, man.

[C]

It was something. But yeah, that. That, that is. If y' all haven't seen 4D movies, go see him now.

[A]

Now the spirit is doing the wizard of Oz like that in Vegas. And I seen it. I seen that.

[C]

Is that good?

[A]

I hadn't. I hadn't seen it. My wife, I seen it on YouTube or something. It was an advertisement for. Okay, now somebody posted on Instagram is where I seen it. And I show my wife. We now we plan on going out to Vegas at some point in time next year to go see the witch. Was. It was crazy.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And that spirit dome they have out there, leaves and the wind and all that flying around and stuff.

[B]

Yeah, that does look fun.

[A]

So, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna go. We gonna go check that out next year now. Report back.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

On that version of the 4D.

[D]

There was a movie theater in the Portland airport this morning.

[B]

Was there really?

[D]

Yeah. And it just said, walk on in, enjoy it. And so I just like stuck my head in, people. 4:30 in the morning and they're watching a movie.

[B]

Like a full size kind of movie. Or was it.

[D]

No, it was like probably hell, 20 people.

[B]

What was showing kind of place.

[D]

I do comedy.

[B]

No, come on. Come on.

[D]

I don't know what it was. It wasn't something fun. It was like. Like it was serious, like a documentary.

[B]

But there's people there. I like that idea.

[A]

Why are you waiting on your flight A little bit?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And you, ironically, would have had enough time to finish the movie if everything went correct.

[C]

Right.

[B]

So talk us through your day. All right.

[D]

So, because I'm so dedicated, this podcast, there was a direct flight from Port Portland to Nashville, but it was not going to get me here in time for the podcast. So I took a flight, a 6am flight from Portland to Seattle because that would get me home in time. But I got to Seattle fine. And then I'm on the plane and the weather's bad and I think we're about to pull away. And they're like, we gotta de. Ice the plane.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[D]

Which is weird because it was like 50 degrees. But I guess maybe once it gets up in the air, things change.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So they DEI supplies. They won't take too long, 30 minutes or so, something. And then the weather was so bad, they're like, we can't. We can't take off and Then we were in a long line to waiting to go, so I sat on the plane for about two hours before.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[D]

So.

[B]

And then it's. It's not like it's a quick flight once you get going.

[D]

No, it's a four and a half hour flight.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

So.

[B]

Jeez.

[D]

I was in there all day.

[B]

Well, dude. Well, we're glad you made it, man.

[C]

Yeah. Compression socks.

[D]

I know. I probably should see.

[C]

Yeah, think about stuff like that.

[D]

I know. Blood clots.

[B]

Does that help on a plane?

[C]

Compression sucks. Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[A]

If you're on a long flight, all.

[B]

Y' all do it.

[A]

Not on every flight.

[C]

I try to do a long flight.

[D]

What do you mean by all y'?

[C]

All?

[A]

And when I flew overseas, bald guy.

[C]

I don't know if you heard, but I'm about. I'm to. About not gonna be bald after today.

[B]

I was showing him the IR Store Elite earlier.

[D]

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

We gonna.

[A]

I'm Mike James. Gonna keep it for a couple days. I'm gonna get it for a couple days. And did you just have a low fade? About two weeks from now, did you.

[D]

Show the video of Mike trashing me on television?

[C]

I didn't, no. So first of all, I wanted to wait for you. First of all, I didn't trash it. I didn't trash you on television.

[B]

Did you send it to me, Brian?

[C]

Yeah, what I did was I explained this woman, she's interviewing me, but she's talking about me doing impressions. I don't do impressions. But she was talking about Brian.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I mean, we don't have to show it all.

[B]

I think we'd like to watch it.

[C]

I don't think it's a sneaky.

[B]

I think we'd like to watch it.

[A]

Somebody's requested Brian's impressions also.

[C]

Did you go straight to the point?

[D]

I think the time codes you very much.

[B]

And then. Yeah, 3, 48. I'm about to. I gotta watch this dodge ram ad real quick.

[C]

How do you know the time?

[D]

Dude, that's weird because I watch it once a day.

[B]

Brian will never.

[D]

Your pictures on my mirror.

[B]

He'll never forget.

[D]

No, it's not that amazing.

[B]

Yeah, no, I want to. I want to hear him talk about you once this ad loads.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you ever have a something on your mirror to motivate you? A picture or something?

[C]

No, I did.

[B]

What Jordan?

[C]

Newspaper.

[B]

A newspaper ad?

[C]

Not an ad, a newspaper clipping. I don't know what I said. I'm not gonna say what newspaper. But there was a newspaper talking about Nashville comedy and they never mentioned me, so I always use that for motivation.

[B]

I know exactly what you're talking about.

[C]

Oh, I do too.

[B]

Yeah, this is Mike James sitting on a.

[D]

Let me just set up. I'm just home watching tv. I'm like, oh, my boy, Mike James.

[A]

Yeah, just enjoying your day.

[D]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Let's see what Mike's up to.

[B]

Here we go. We got Mike James, local comedian on tour. That's the headline.

[C]

I must be talking about you right there.

[B]

Here we go.

[C]

Look down at is just a thing, right? And we all have it. You know, if you have kids, you definitely have it, so. But that's all I'm really talking about. And we're in the early stages. Hopefully it'll be out sometime early next year.

[A]

Okay, so on Nate's podcast, Nate Land.

[C]

Podcast that you're on frequently, you guys do these impressions. No, no. Brian Bates does that I'm feeling good right now impression. Brian. Brian Bates is the worst impressionist. Gotta see. You just gotta do Denzel Washington. It's the worst. All right.

[B]

I love it.

[D]

I was dying.

[C]

Okay, so when you. Now, like, if I could just give it some context. Like when I say. I say the worst. I. I was. What I was talking about was. Was the worst at Denzel. Not impressions necessary.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I would love to see a Denzel Washington breakfast.

[C]

Cue it up.

[A]

I would love to see this.

[C]

Which one you want to see?

[D]

All right. Last time I did Denzel from Training Day.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Today I'll do one from John Q from Glory.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Tear it up.

[C]

Oh, my.

[D]

Tear it up. Tear it up.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

What? I'm in the middle of my oppression.

[C]

What?

[A]

Hey, who was that? Who are you impersonating again?

[C]

Hold on. I know exactly what part he talking about. Of course.

[D]

Well, why you interrupt me?

[C]

Cuz it wasn't close. You just.

[A]

Hey, it was so. I thought it was a whole another movie. That's why I said, who are we doing again?

[C]

You got to do it again. All right.

[D]

You messed up my phone.

[C]

No, no, no. I'm sorry. Okay. You going to do somebody else else then?

[D]

Now y' all are hurting my. My feelings a little bit.

[B]

I mean, my.

[C]

You know, ving rhymes? Can you do ving rhymes?

[D]

We have the meats thing R from Pulp Fiction.

[C]

That's fine.

[D]

Me think.

[C]

Tell me when you read that was.

[D]

Probably not a line in Pulp Fiction I could even say on this.

[A]

There's a lot of lines, right?

[B]

Give me John Coffee from the Green Mile.

[D]

Can you give me one oh, that's not Ving Rhames.

[B]

No, I'm just, I was asking a different.

[D]

I just want to make sure you knew.

[B]

Yeah, I know, I know. That's Don Cheadle. Right?

[D]

I cannot think of a line that Ving Rhames says.

[B]

Okay, yeah, but this is, this is what some of these interview. And they're all well intentioned, but what they'll do is they go, Mike James, and look at your Instagram. This was like probably one of the more recent videos was the impression, like, so you do a lot of impressions, huh? And you're like, nah. But I'll use this opportunity to throw Brian Bates under the bus.

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

I'm never going to pass up a good opportunity to do that.

[C]

Why would I?

[B]

Yeah, well, we've covered currency extensively, dude. We got into the nitty gritty, talked about economic theory, we talked about monetary policy, inflation, all that. Like, we covered everything.

[C]

Yeah, we were trying to find out who was on the dollar bill. We saw you.

[A]

That was the one back in the 28. Was it 28?

[B]

You know, Tristan had me. That's a $2 bill right there, which is kind of fun.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[B]

It's fun to hold a $2 bill.

[D]

Do you ever think about currency society? We just all agree upon that. A piece of paper with A1 on it or a hundred on it or the difference, I mean, that's crazy to me. Like, why do we all even, you know, agree upon that?

[B]

It's really good paper though.

[C]

I mean, when I was 2, we got, we got a movement going. Now we were starting to. We're starting to pick up some traction here.

[B]

Yeah, let's go to the Capitol.

[D]

You think that all of society just agrees that this is worth this and this is worth it.

[C]

It's crazy. It doesn't make sense. And bitcoin is even worse. That's what I'm saying, people.

[B]

Worse. In what way do you understand it less?

[C]

Because it doesn't. You don't even see it. You don't even see that. That's not physical at all. So what am I saying? Has value?

[B]

What do you mean?

[C]

In bitcoin, what has value?

[B]

The same way. The same way anything has value. It's what people are willing to pay for it.

[C]

But it's not tangible.

[B]

It's a thing. Bitcoin is a thing.

[C]

It is.

[B]

I mean, it's digital.

[C]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

But it's not like just an abstraction. It's not like just. You have a bitcoin, you have an Actual thing.

[C]

Can I hold it?

[B]

You can print it out and hold it if you want.

[C]

I just don't understand.

[D]

I don't understand cryptocurrency.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Really?

[D]

I probably never will, but at least nowadays most things are done digitally. Like, I actually get more checks now doing standup comedy than I did when I had a day job. Because my day job, I just get direct deposit.

[C]

Right? Whoa.

[D]

Everything goes in and out.

[C]

Little flex right there. Big money, Big money.

[A]

Baits.

[B]

What was your first. Your first job? What you get paid? We all talked about it. I was 7.

[A]

25.

[B]

5. 525.

[C]

You get wooden Nick.

[B]

470.

[C]

That was my last. That was. Yeah, that was unnecessary.

[B]

Just got here. Right?

[C]

You're right.

[B]

He's had a long day.

[C]

You didn't deserve that. That's my fault. That's only wooden. You're right. You're right.

[D]

Dude, Nate, over here.

[B]

Yeah, Serious.

[C]

So bad. It was.

[D]

It was at a camp store one summer at Cedar's eleven and State park, and I think. Think it was like 425 or something like that.

[C]

Okay. Not.

[B]

Not far from yours.

[C]

That was a race. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, it was four. I can't remember exactly, but whatever the minimum wage was then.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

It's crazy, even. I mean, I think it's been 725 for, like, forever.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't know if it's gone up ever. But luckily everything. Everything's less expensive now.

[D]

Let me ask you this. Do you miss. Do y' all sell merch?

[C]

I used to.

[A]

I used to sell merch. I think about some.

[B]

I'm working on. Working on it.

[D]

I find it interesting that we're depending where you're at in different parts of the country. They try to pay different ways.

[C]

Really?

[D]

If you're in, like, a. This is made. In my experience, if I'm in a small town or. Oh, go ahead.

[B]

If I'm in Atlanta, they use cash app. That's what I saw here. I'm in Seattle. They use Venmo.

[D]

No, if I'm in, like. Like this weekend in Portland, in Seattle. Seattle, everyone's trying to just tap their phone on mine, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Chicago was that way. Everybody's.

[B]

But you don't have the tap to pay on your thing.

[D]

I figured it out last night.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

No, but everybody's trying to do that. Whereas if I'm in some rural place, people all paying cash.

[C]

Really? Yeah.

[B]

I mean, not across the board, but a lot more.

[D]

It.

[B]

Yeah, they're just tech savvy. Up there too, right? Yeah, Seattle. So they're all tapping to pay.

[C]

That makes sense. Yeah.

[D]

But like I can almost tell like if I'm going to go to a certain place, probably get more cash and other places, you know, cards and then some places, you know, they just try to blink and send it to you.

[B]

I Remember in a McDonald's drive thru with my dad, long time ago, and the guy in front of us used a credit card and my dad was.

[C]

Like, wow, what's going on?

[B]

My dad goes, look at that. He goes, credit card at McDonald's.

[D]

I know.

[B]

Like it was embarrassing to. And then like, I don't know if I've ever not used a credit card.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Everybody paying with the old debit card or whatever.

[B]

But there was kind of. It was weird at first to do that. Yeah, I guess.

[C]

Right.

[D]

When I worked in college, I worked at a video store and if someone came in to buy a movie and pay with a credit card, I would get so frustrated because I had to get out this thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And it was a whole thing. I'm like, dude, come on, you don't have $3 or whatever it was.

[B]

How did you guarantee a return before a credit card at a rental store? Would you just say like, please bring it back.

[C]

We charged it up to the account though, right?

[D]

Yeah, we have. Well, they paid it. We had an account set up with them with their information.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

With their phone number.

[B]

I mean, but it could all be fake.

[D]

I guess it could. I don't know if we like.

[C]

But they couldn't rent in though, right?

[B]

Cuz you have just go to another store and open up another account.

[C]

No, you could. But I'm saying like you had a card though, right?

[B]

You know, like a family video card or.

[D]

Yeah, it's hard to remember. We had, remember we had a Dropbox with a video. Which is not what you're asking, but like a video camera. So a lot of people would say, I returned it.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[D]

And then we could go to the camera to say, no, you didn't.

[B]

I'm saying if you give. I remember if you give them credit card, then if you don't return on time, they, they got your card on file, discharge you. But if you don't have that, then it's like, I'm thinking about renting a car. Before you had to give a credit card, you're like, please, just please bring it back.

[C]

Right?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That's about all they can do, I guess.

[C]

Yeah, that is crazy.

[B]

Or a hotel or anything. I don't know. How anybody did anything before that. I mean, I know that y' all did my times.

[C]

I know they did. I don't. Yeah. I don't know what you told me. It ain't me.

[A]

Yeah. Bakes, what did you do?

[C]

Come on.

[D]

What did I do before? Credit card.

[B]

The.

[A]

I remember one point in time, you could just. I mean, do the hotels, whatever. You just paid cash or whatever and just. Man, gps. Have the cash right now.

[D]

Yeah, I. I was telling this this weekend. Last time I was in Tacoma, and you were. You were there, too. And the last night there, my phone, the port, it wouldn't. The charger wouldn't go in.

[B]

I remember this.

[D]

And I could not figure out why. And I was almost out of battery, and I was freaking out because I'm like, I don't even know how to navigate life without my phone.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm in a strange city. I don't know. Yeah.

[D]

The next day, like, I googled Apple Store in Tacoma, and I literally wrote down the directions, which I had not done in forever.

[C]

So I was afraid my phone was.

[D]

Going to die, and I made it, and it was just, like, lint in my phone or. So they cleaned it out. It was nothing serious.

[C]

You didn't look.

[D]

I did. I. I was deep in there. I couldn't see anything.

[A]

Piece of a wood nickel.

[D]

Again with wood nickel. But. But yeah, gps. Now I can't. I can't even remember how we used to.

[A]

I remember. I remember printing out the map quest.

[D]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

That's when I was. Started driving.

[A]

That's when I reset the trip on my. On my car, like, at 7.5 miles. I just reset the trip.

[B]

That's smarter than I never thought to do that.

[C]

I had to work. I used to work at triple green, and we used to have to, like, map out in the mornings before we went out. We had to map out, like, our route, like, with a map. That was.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That took forever.

[A]

Yeah. That's a talent my pops have. That was not passed down to me. He could pull out. He used to go referee basketball before GPS and all that. So he go to these little, small towns, big Sandy and all these little. And he'd be like. He just rip out the map and just be like, all right, here we go. And then just find his way there.

[C]

I don't know how.

[A]

I don't know how they did it.

[B]

I talked to a truck driver after my show in Cincinnati this weekend. He was like, you had a home tomorrow? I was like, yeah. He goes, make sure you take 264. They take 264 to get to 65, and then on the way down, don't take 265. I go, hey, dude, we just travel differently, right? I'm typing it in Google Maps, and I'm doing what it says. Yeah. I can't. I can't piece together some crazy route crowd. He's a truck driver. This is what he does. But I'm like, dude, I'm. I'm. I'm just gonna do what it tells me to do.

[C]

That's funny.

[D]

Yeah. I trust my GPS over somebody's. I. I have people in my life that do that. Like, make sure you turn to that McDonald's and go, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, I'm just gonna do whatever.

[B]

My gps, Google Maps is. They get. There's a real science to it.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

My granddad was a truck driver too. And that's how he would tell you how to get anywhere. Just rent, Just naming off the highways, interstate highways.

[C]

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

[A]

I be like, I don't know what you talking about.

[B]

It's like a different language.

[D]

Did you talk about the first athlete that was a billionaire?

[B]

We did. They knew it right away. Yeah, but that info was wrong. The info that we got, it said there's only been two basketball billionaires, Michael Jordan and LeBron. But we missed a big one.

[C]

Who, you? Not me. If I was a billionaire, I don't think I would talk to anybody. Like, I really would.

[B]

Family or anything.

[C]

No, nobody. I'm not saying I wouldn't communicate. I wouldn't talk.

[B]

Your people. Okay, who was it?

[D]

Magic.

[A]

Yeah, Magic.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Because he's, like, owner of the Dodgers and stuff.

[A]

Owner of the Dodgers. Owner of a soccer team. I want to say commanders.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, two championships in a row.

[D]

LeBron earned his plane.

[B]

Oh, okay. And.

[C]

But.

[B]

And.

[D]

Yeah, but they did it in retirement. But LeBron's so good.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, well, I wouldn't say necessarily that he's. He is great. Don't get me wrong. I'm saying. But where they're at, the money that you can generate now from different. And not just. Not just basketball. Like, yeah, it's. It's different from back when. I mean, he's just standing on Magic and Jordan should. ODAs. Thought I throw that in.

[B]

And Larry Bird, too.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It says Magic only made about $40 million from his salary as a basketball player.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Over the course of his career. And his net worth is 1.5 billion.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

So he did a pretty good job with that Money.

[D]

If you're this honest question might be a dumb one, but if you're a millionaire or a billionaire, does that mean. Mean you make that much money in one year? Or if you have like a 10 year contract, it's.

[B]

It's the value of all your assets currently. So like, you can be. If you have an $800,000 home and you have, you know, $100,000 car, you could be a millionaire. And you're not making anywhere close to a million. I think it's the value of all your assets.

[D]

But like Shohei ot Toddy, what was his contract, like 700 million or something?

[B]

Oh, yeah. With 68 million deferred every year. So he's getting 2 million a year, and then after 10 years, he'll get 68 million a year.

[C]

Okay. Wow.

[D]

So he's slumming it right now.

[B]

He's slumming it, but he's making, you know, obviously endorsement money and everything else. It's a big, big deal with a New Balance and a couple other companies.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So he's doing fine.

[C]

Yeah. I'm not gonna cry for him. Nah, definitely not, huh? Yeah.

[D]

All right, what else y' all talk about? I wanna. I wanna put in my 2 cents worth.

[C]

I mean, we covered a lot, dude. Like, we were wondering where you were at.

[A]

That was the main thing.

[D]

I think this is the longest road trip I've ever had for comedy.

[C]

Really? How long were you gone?

[D]

I left Wednesday.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Wednesday. Wednesday night.

[B]

That is. I mean, that's. It's pretty far. I mean, it's just a lot of.

[A]

Where's you go again?

[D]

I was in Plano, Texas, Wednesday night, Mic Drop Comedy club. Aaron's parents came.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, they had a good time.

[D]

That was fun. And then Thursday I was in Waco, Texas, and then Friday, Saturday in Tacoma, Washington, and then last night in Portland.

[A]

All right, cool.

[C]

Dude.

[B]

Hopping all over.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you back out this weekend too?

[D]

Yeah, Yeah. A little bit different back on the Easier to Drive tour.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, I'm. I'm in Georgetown, Kentucky on Friday, which is just north of Lexington, Kentucky.

[C]

All right.

[D]

And then Saturday I'm in Abingdon, Virginia, Abington, which is close to like the Tri Cities. It's right on. Kind of close to Tennessee, Virginia line.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Bristol area.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. You know what's funny? When Leanne Morgan was on a few weeks ago, we talked about Food City, and I asked her if that was based in Knoxville, and it's actually based in Abingdon, Virginia.

[B]

Is it really?

[C]

Yeah. Oh, man.

[D]

So, yeah, so I Got two off the beaten path locations.

[B]

Back to your bread and butter. Yeah, this is back. Easier to drive back to Brian Bates country. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, man. We talked about the Milky Way and the Andromeda galaxy colliding in 4.5 billion years.

[D]

About that.

[C]

I mean, if nanites work out and everybody takes it. You don't know about nanites.

[D]

I thought you said Mennonites.

[B]

Mennonites.

[C]

What is that?

[D]

That's like. Like Amish.

[B]

Like diet Amish?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What?

[A]

They were diet Amish. That's all that. Yeah, that's right. What else to say?

[D]

Mike, I have a question for you.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I saw a video you this week on the Robot Nate, and it was you walking up on stage as Julian introduced you. I don't know if there was any audio or not with it, but you look so smooth.

[C]

You.

[D]

You never. Your pace never changed. You look like you did it perfectly. Whereas when I do those three shows with Nate, I'm trying to. It's not like you walk out of the back of a green room. You're trying to time your walk through the crowd.

[B]

You got to walk about 100 yards to get to the stage.

[C]

Yeah, well, you. You don't sit on the side.

[D]

I do sit on the side on the chairs. But still. Still, you got a time when you get up and start going, and if Julian throws in one extra line, it just worked out. Okay.

[C]

That makes sense. You know what it is, too. Like, if he sees you. Like, if you in his path and he can see you, he'll. He'll time it for you.

[D]

Well, it looked good so many times. I walk up there, and then I just have to stop.

[C]

Yeah, just hold up.

[D]

Hey, how's it going?

[C]

I'm about to go up there.

[B]

I gotta stop and take a breath, too.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm trying to find it here, what you're talking about, because I think he's got security.

[A]

No, I'm about to go up.

[C]

He timed that perfectly, though. Like, this was a. Yeah, here he is.

[D]

It looked good.

[C]

Appreciate it.

[B]

Look at that dude. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Couple people there.

[D]

See, right now is when I'm having to stop. But you just.

[C]

I wasn't stopping either. Like, if he could have been still talking, I would have still been walking over.

[B]

Let me see if I can dub this. Yo, what up, atl?

[A]

What's going on? I don't know if y' all know it or not. That's what I'm saying.

[C]

What up at.

[A]

Yeah, I don't Know if y' all know it or not, but I'm six' six and not six' five.

[C]

Mike's went straight up.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Becky on. Yeah.

[B]

You forget about iron in the back of your shirt, man. You know, normal show. You only gotta iron the front. And then in the round, you're like, oh, no, my back is a disaster, dude. Ryan Hamilton. That's a good show.

[D]

It is a good show. Ron's so funny.

[C]

A great show.

[B]

It. Honestly, it's like, if Nate didn't even show up, it. It'd be a good show.

[D]

It's an all star show.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Good lineup there.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, man. State. Farmery. How big was that?

[C]

I don't know. 17, 18. I don't know. You have to look it up.

[B]

Pretty big.

[D]

It's just crazy.

[C]

Yeah. Something. I don't know. 17, 18.

[D]

And how was. I mean, I know it's a couple weeks ago, but. Or maybe longer.

[B]

Sh.

[C]

Dude, that was a dream. You already know how, man. I was.

[A]

Did you come up to Georgia?

[C]

Huh?

[D]

Did you come up to Georgia?

[C]

I wanted to. Now what's funny is, like, that whole week, I was so excited. I wanted to text Nate, but, you know, it's like, you know, everybody's texting him, calling him. So I was like. But I. Like, I had to erase text. It was stupid texts.

[B]

Wait, were you about the text?

[C]

Like, once I had, like, two goats, like, facing each other. So, like, I was like, you the goat. And, you know, you gonna be at the house of the goat.

[D]

That was a good call.

[C]

Yeah. I was like, you know what I'm gonna say?

[B]

Hey, dude, feel free to run that by me. For sure.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Should I send this to.

[D]

I wish you had.

[C]

I was like, I ain't gonna send that to him. He'd have been like. Like, Nate probably would have been like, you know what? Just hold. Just hang back.

[B]

Yo, yo, brother.

[D]

Were you gonna say anything or just have two goats?

[C]

Two goats. And then I was.

[D]

Cause he thinking. You talking about him.

[C]

In my mind. In my mind, I'm thinking he's gonna think, well, we. What's this? And then I was gonna respond like, hey, it's two goats, you and Jordan.

[A]

From one goat to another, 5 and 23. You understand what I'm saying?

[C]

Oh, man. But, you know, thank God I had a better idea.

[D]

Yeah, that was a good call.

[C]

Yeah. It was close, though, man.

[B]

I mean, it's a tough balance to strike. Cause you wanna be appreciative.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And you wanna do all that, but you don't wanna be that guy.

[C]

I don't wanna be that guy.

[B]

You don't wanna be the guy sending a picture of two goats you.

[C]

The United center was such.

[B]

You're saying this would be like me opening for Nate at Notre Dame Stadium or something like that? Yeah. So I get the gravity of it, and the sentimental value of it is crazy.

[C]

I'm so excited. So I was just, like, talking myself off a ledge that entire week before. Cause I was gonna text him the whole week. Just, like. Just stupid stuff. Just dumb stuff. And I'm so glad.

[B]

I can't wait to sniff the locker room.

[C]

Yeah, man. It's gonna be cool, right?

[A]

Would you have thrown up in that locker room?

[C]

If I would have woke up and didn't know where I was at, I would have threw up.

[B]

Brian asked if they wanted to be an astronaut when they grew up, and Mike said he gets motion sick. He woke up and forgot where he.

[C]

Was and threw up in the locker room at Vaughn State. Like, I woke up and didn't, but it was enough.

[A]

Are you going on the cruise?

[C]

Right. That's what they said. But it was enough just to throw me off. Enough where it made me dizzy and I threw up. Like, it was so crazy.

[D]

Wait.

[A]

Hey. That is insane.

[D]

You woke up in the locker room?

[C]

I woke up in the locker. The lights were out. Somebody came in there and cut the lights off. They were trying to be nice.

[D]

Okay, you fell asleep in the locker room?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

And they turned it off. And you woke up, like, where am I?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And you threw up.

[C]

I threw up. I mean, it wasn't like, I was like, where am I at? And it's like.

[D]

And you're making fun of your dad for 4K 4D.

[C]

Technically, these are his genes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? This is. I can't help this, so. But that's why I wouldn't be an astronaut. Yeah, that's why I don't like to throw up. Yeah. There's a lot of things I won't do because I'm scared to throw up.

[A]

Basically, you have working out. Oh, go ahead.

[C]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

Go ahead. No, no, no, no. This is about to be funny.

[C]

Well, no, no, no. I was just gonna say, like, I don't. I don't know. I won't. Like, I hate working out because it makes me feel like I'm a throw up.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Y' all don't do that.

[B]

No, no, no. I don't do that.

[C]

Oh, y' all work out. Is that what you're telling Me, I.

[A]

Hadn'T worked out in a while, but the last time I did, I didn't feel like throwing up.

[B]

Me and Jay work out all the time on the road.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

We hike up waterfalls and do things.

[B]

We do go hiking. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, I've been hiking, which. That was fun.

[B]

When does that happen?

[C]

Is that considered hiking? I don't know if it's considered hiking. We were walking. Where? In California. We went to. Oh, yeah.

[B]

We did walk around a lot that we didn't. We didn't have time to do a real hike, but we walked all around.

[C]

When is it considered a hike? When am I not just walking? I gotta wear Timberlands.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

You know what? That might be a part of it. You have to wear special shoes.

[D]

Gotta get off the sidewalk.

[B]

You gotta get off. Yeah. No, paved. Nothing paved. No, we were off the paved road a little bit. We just didn't have time to do like full. Full hike. But I wanted to go see El Cap and go see all that stuff. So we went and checked it out.

[C]

Yeah, we did a little hiking. Okay.

[A]

Basically, you. Did you ever want to be an astronaut at one point in time in your life?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

When I was little.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, yeah. Never. Seriously. Like, once I realized what it entailed.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

But when I was 7.

[A]

Yeah, I did.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You want to be a hero? You want to be a conqueror, right?

[D]

I just thought it was so cool that they were up there conquering place, right?

[C]

Yeah. What you want to be, huh?

[D]

What about you?

[A]

I thought about it for a little while and I was like, you know what? I just really enjoy the skies from on the ground.

[B]

We got a pretty good view down here.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Maybe I'll get a toast.

[A]

I am interested in stuff like that, but I. I didn't. Never.

[D]

So I asked Dusty this did. If you got the chance to go up in space, like as a tourist, would you do it?

[C]

No. Well, well paid for.

[B]

You don't have to pay any money.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a free trip.

[B]

Like one of those. Katie. Like the Katy. You have to be on a thing with Gayle King and Katy Perry.

[C]

Here's another thing, too. I probably should have included. I'm scared of heights. Okay, But y' all knew that, right? Yeah.

[B]

Okay, let's go. Let's do this the other way. What are you not scared of? And then we'll find something to do.

[C]

So hold on.

[A]

Like, it sounds like a lot, but heights.

[C]

I'm only scared of heights and spiders and motion. No, I'M not scared of and the.

[B]

Darkness and the unknown.

[C]

I just can't handle that. That's a difference. But like, spiders and heights. Is it.

[D]

But do you get scared on flights?

[C]

Yes. Okay. Yeah, Absolutely.

[A]

So you're not taking the window seat.

[C]

So we take the window seat, but I let the shade down.

[A]

No need for you take a window seat if you scared.

[C]

Well, I take the window seat because I need something to lay up. Layo.

[A]

That makes sense. I, I, I really use that be honest with you.

[C]

And then plus, like, when I'm on Southwest, that's the only first class is the exit row.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'll tell you what. Jay and I have pretty good batting average of nobody sitting between us.

[A]

I love every minute of it too.

[B]

Yeah. They'll be like, there's only one empty seat on this plane. Jay are like, we're good.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I'm so used to flying southwest west and grabbing a seat that when I got on today, Alaska.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[D]

And there's like, an empty seat. Perfect. I will be like, is that seat taken?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

And they're like, yeah. But whoever bought it, oh, I didn't do it. But it was. I'm so tempted because I'm used to just grabbing an empty seat.

[B]

We got two months left. January 25th, I believe is the last. Is the first day of a science seating.

[C]

How y' all feel about that?

[B]

I think it's gonna be. I think it's gonna be good.

[C]

You like that?

[A]

What, you think I don't mind it because I get tired of people that don't belong in the exit row being in the exit row. Dude, I can look at you physically and be tell you something. You not helping us get off this plane.

[C]

Let me tell you something.

[B]

Let me guess. This is going to be about being tall.

[C]

All you people out there, if you are not at least six feet, you have no business.

[B]

Nobody has ever thought they were more interesting than a tall guy on a plane.

[C]

No, no, no, Listen. If you are not six feet.

[B]

My husband's six two, so I'm saving the seat for him. Yeah, I don't care about your husband, dude.

[C]

That's my wife. That's what my wife does. She always say seats. I'll tell her you said that.

[B]

But you think, like, a little short person shouldn't be like, why?

[C]

Why are you there? And first of all, what are you gonna do if we get in an emergency? Are you gonna really help me off?

[B]

What are you gonna do?

[A]

I'm gonna leave.

[C]

Of course. I'm gonna Leave. Not gonna be there.

[A]

One of the last flights that we were, it was an older lady sitting there with a whole makeup bag and everything in the seat next to it. I was like, why are you here? You have a whole makeup bag. You putting your makeup on. So if it goes down, you saving your makeup bag before you opening that door to save anybody else. Like, why are you sitting right here?

[C]

Ooh, that would make me so mad.

[A]

Oh, she had to warm up the long. Let the one you like, you know, no seat in the front. That's where she was sitting there, too.

[C]

I'm sitting right behind her. Just, like, hating her the whole flight.

[B]

Just.

[A]

Oh, she was a hot 52. She was a hot 52ft dangling. I even kind of, you know, I mean, I ain't even 6ft and I walk past like, what are you doing?

[C]

So that's just a. Just a little rule. Six feet or below, do not get in the exit row. Okay, that's fair. That's fair. I guess. I.

[D]

Cat situation. Necks are old.

[C]

How tall are you?

[B]

You're about 5, 11, 5 10. Oh, you can pass for six feet.

[C]

No, he can't.

[D]

I don't even go height inspector over here.

[A]

Mike James on the plane, you in the X ray, you come by with a ruler.

[C]

Stand up. Stand up. I'm just saying.

[D]

It's. It's. Listen, you like to discriminate.

[C]

No.

[B]

Yeah. You got to sit in the back of the plane, Brian.

[C]

I don't care where you.

[D]

Exactly.

[C]

So where are you gonna be at this weekend?

[B]

We're about to do that. We're about to wrap up.

[D]

I've already told mine.

[B]

Yeah. Well, do it again for everybody Friday. Thank you for coming here.

[D]

Oh, thanks for having me. Appreciate it.

[B]

I think you didn't have, but it was nice that you did.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

In our 280 episodes or whatever we've done, I think it's the first time that three of the four hosts have not been here.

[B]

Yeah. Now are you.

[C]

You.

[B]

Did you like the way that felt? And you're going to do that now? Like Nate every time? Like, yeah, y' all get. Yeah. Get rolling at 3:30. I'll roll in when I feel like rolling in.

[D]

I rolled in even later than Nate does.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

To another level. Georgetown, Kentucky, on Friday and Abingdon, Virginia on Saturday. Tickets on my website. Love to see you.

[C]

That's awesome.

[B]

Well, you might plug anything you want to say.

[D]

Funny Lane.

[C]

I'll be in Dallas this weekend at the the Arlington Improv with Godfrey.

[B]

Awesome.

[A]

Thursday, I'll be in Knoxville Doing a bedtime storytelling comedy type show. So it's gonna be a lot.

[C]

Wait, whoa. What? Hold on, hold on. A bedtime story?

[A]

No, it's just like. It's a comic show based off.

[B]

If you want to see me read.

[A]

I added that extra.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

But now it's a comic gave a.

[B]

Mouse a pancake and have.

[A]

It's a comedy show just based on story. It's like storytelling jokes or whatever. So I'll be in Knoxville doing that on Thursday. No, no, I'm being funny.

[C]

That's funny.

[A]

I'll be in Knoxville on Thursday. Knoxville, Tennessee. And then Friday and Saturday, I will be on the Black and Mile tour with Unofficial Black and mile tour with Mr. Webber.

[B]

Yeah. Tulsa, Tulsa, Oklahoma, at the Tulsa. Tulsa Looney Bin, which is a great club. I'm excited to be there Friday and Saturday. Let me plug one more weekend because I Coming up, Thanksgiving's next week, and then I'm going to be in a comics roadhouse in Connecticut. It's an Uncastful or Uncastville or Uncasville or Uncville.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You know what I'm talking about. Comics roadhouse.

[C]

Is it Yucaville?

[B]

Some U N C A S Ville. I think it's Yucca Ville, Uncasville. And then Philadelphia, Philadelphia, Philadelphia at the Helium. That's a big show for me that December 7th. So if you can come out to that, that'd be great. Thank you, guys.

[C]

Oh, can I plug one more thing?

[B]

No.

[C]

Okay. I was in Tampa this week with Nate. I'll be back at the Tampa Funny Bone January 8th.

[D]

Nice.

[B]

Awesome, dude.

[C]

Well, all right.

[B]

Good deal. Well, that was fun. Thank y' all for coming, dude.

[C]

Thanks for having me.

[A]

Appreciate you having us.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You sign us out, dude.

[D]

What?

[B]

Sign us out.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Thanks for coming in, Mike. Jay, thanks for coming in, filling in for me last minute.

[A]

No problem. I don't know if I was filling in for you, but I was here filling in for somebody.

[D]

That's fair. That's fair. Aaron, thanks for holding down the fort.

[B]

Hey, we tried. We tried.

[D]

We'll be back next week. We love you. No, this is also in us. God bless.

[A]

Benvenidos, Sam.