Door-licking with Emily Pendergast

Summary

Podcast Summary – The Neighborhood Listen

Episode: Door-licking with Emily Pendergast

Date: April 28, 2026
Hosts: Burnt Millipede (Paul F. Tompkins), Joan Pedestrian (Nicole Parker), Doug (Brett Morris)
Special Guest: Emily Pendergast as Barbara Norquist

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Overview

This episode of The Neighborhood Listen explores a real neighborhood social app post about an unusual incident: someone witnessed on a doorbell camera licking a front door in Dignity Falls. Through the hosts’ signature improvised style, the episode unravels the backstory of “Barbara,” the door-licker, and dives into her family drama, her peculiar hobbies, and her quest for personal happiness amidst parental divorce chaos. Season 10's "tensational" energy carries the crew through raucous tangents, Dignity Falls lore, and memorable philosophical musings on kinship, furniture shopping, doorknobs, and hot dogs.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Podcast Opening & Banter (03:00–15:00)

• Season "Tensational" Vibes: Hosts riff about what makes Season 10 so special. Several failed and restarted intros become meta commentary on podcasting.
  Notable Quotes:

  • “Season 10, and we decided on a retreat that we wanted to be season tensational.” – Joan (03:55)
  • “It takes five hours to record one of these. We work really hard.” – Joan (25:43)

• Furniture Showroom Tangent: Doug describes setting up a furniture showroom room at home, recreating the unique pressure of shopping, and jokes about husbands’ secret social clubs.

• Kink Shaming vs. Judgement: A playful debate on terminology (“kink shaming,” “kink bouquet whatever,” “kink side-eyeing”) leads to branding ideas for local shops, such as “Bouquet Whatever” for a flower shop.

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2. Neighborhood Posts & Guest Introduction (24:00–29:00)

• Neighborhood App Crime & Safety Post:

  • Brad's post: His nest cam records an unknown young girl running up and licking his door, with a male voice off-camera.
  • He confesses confusion over whether it's a prank or something more worrisome.
  • The hosts introduce listener-submitted posts as the show’s premise.
    Quote:
    • “If it’s a prank, I cannot imagine what the motivation would be for this kind of thing.” – Brad (28:08)

• Guest “Barbara” Introduction:

  • Barbara Norquist enters, played by Emily Pendergast, revealed as the daughter of Ben and Jen—the recently (and grossly) divorced local couple.

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3. Barbara’s Story: Family Drama & The Genesis of Door-Licking (29:30–38:00)

• Parental Divorce Fallout: The Norquist marital breakdown is both town gossip and Barbara’s lived trauma, with public feuding (e.g., medical slideshows, dirty laundry on lawns).

• Door Licking Explained:

  • Barbara recounts her dad’s encouragement to “bond” through pranks like door-licking, admitting to doing it “[at least] 31 times.”
  • The act is more about connecting with her dad through mischief against Brad—an adversary of her father—than genuine malice.

  Quotes:

  • “He was handing me juices because he said, 'make sure your tongue’s real wet.' And then I knew what we were gonna do.” – Barbara (34:44)
  • “Closeness with my dad...and I laugh pretty hard for a while.” – Barbara (47:24)

• Hints of Emotional Neglect/Manipulation: Barbara’s unusual sleep schedule, affinity for house “outside shoes,” and passive agreement with adults underline her search for stability and parental approval.

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4. Barbara's Character & Home Life (38:30–55:00)

• Communication & Identity:

  • Barbara confides in learning to speak by watching Nell, not her parents—playing up a quirky, arrested development in both language and self-assertion.
  • Her honesty and literalism drive several comic misunderstandings (e.g., is Monsters, Inc. a TV show?).

• Parental Games of Power:

  • The Norquist divorce features bizarre rituals, like forcing each other to read humiliating notes in public at the gazebo—revealing a toxic, performative codependence.
  • “My dad wrote for my mom to read...‘I am scum of the earth and I did everything wrong.’” – Barbara (62:13)

• Barbara's Hobbies:

  • Abstract painting (one color at a time, often teal)
  • Cooking (spaghetti bolognese)
  • TV watching from a beanbag chair
  • Interest in theatre, especially after an impromptu hot dog vendor improv

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5. The Ethics & Psychology of Pranking (55:00–65:00)

• Motivations for Mischief:
  • The hosts press whether Barbara’s door-licking and “forking” (putting forks in a neighbor’s yard) are genuine fun, manipulation by her father, or misplaced attempts at connection.
  • Joan and Burnt encourage Barbara to pursue activities for herself—especially acting at the Dignity Falls Playhouse.

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6. Empowerment & Self-Expression (65:00–68:00)

• Barbara Finds Her Voice:

  • With encouragement, Barbara practices saying “No!” to her dad’s suggestions and discusses the importance of autonomy.
  • The hosts assure her that her parents’ failings aren’t hers to carry, and that she has a right to happiness and self-determination.

  Quote:

  • “I am going to figure out what Barbara likes to do, what Barbara likes to say, and what Barbara likes to be.” – Barbara (69:04)

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7. Final Tangents & Local Lore (70:00–End)

• Lighthouse Chores Post:

  • Joan and Burnt riff on a post seeking help with “lighthouse chores”, which spins into Dignity Falls' history with a tiny, viral, ultimately disappointing tourist lighthouse.

• Werewolf & Ephemera:

  • Wild speculation about clones, lighthouses, and werewolves as the hosts lean into their off-the-cuff, silly improvisational interplay.

• Call to the Future:

  • The episode closes with tongue-in-cheek goodbyes, talk of podcast archives, and the possibility of future civilizations discovering the show.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “It was so gross...they were distributing each other's colonoscopy pictures.” – Burnt (05:00)
• “We do not kink shame on this show. But we privately kink whatever.” – Burnt (13:29)
• Barbara on her family: “My mom made me make a slideshow of all my dad’s medical things.” (29:01)
• Barbara, explaining her actions:
  • “He goes, make sure your tongue’s real wet. And then I knew what we were gonna do.” (34:44)
• “I just want…I don’t want to put words in your mouth, but I didn’t mean to put a doorknob in your mouth.” – Joan (37:10)
• “This is so much harder than you guys said it would be.” – Barbara (37:51)
• Barbara’s empowerment arc:
  • “No!” (69:42) – Simple, but a small emotional victory in context.
• Improv chaos:
  • Hot Dog Vendor Scene (50:11–52:00): A hilarious playacting on bun/hot dog etiquette.
• On parental disputes:
  • “Anything you write, I have to read out loud. Not me, but the other person.” – Barbara (61:38)

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Episode Tone & Vibe

• Strongly comedic, improvisational, and often meta (hosts repeatedly reference cutting—or not cutting—sections).
• Dives between absurd, empathetic, and unexpectedly poignant, especially regarding family relationships and teen self-discovery.
• Character play (especially Barbara’s) highlights both the surreal and the bittersweet aspects of growing up around dysfunctional adults.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–15:00 — Opening banter, furniture shopping, “kink shaming” debate
• 24:00 — Introduction to Brad’s neighborhood post
• 29:00 — Barbara introduced; recounts door-licking and family backstory
• 38:30 — School, communication, Nell references; more on family dynamics
• 47:30 — How many times did Barbara lick the door? Bonding via mischief
• 55:00 — Discussion on pranking, forking, and Barbara's real interests
• 65:00 — Theatre encouragement and empowerment for Barbara
• 70:00 — “Lighthouse chores” oddity, local lore, and closing banter

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Final Thoughts

A classic Neighborhood Listen episode: inventive, hysterical, and sneakily affecting. Under Barbara’s bizarre adventures and the town’s eccentric culture is a real story of a child trying to navigate fractured family dynamics. The hosts bring both the relentless absurdity and warm-heartedness that define the show, offering support, laughter, and playful wisdom to Barbara—and listeners—alike.

Transcript

[Mackenzie]

My name is Mackenzie, and I started a GoFundMe for the adoptive mother of a nonverbal autistic child. The mother had lost her job because she wasn't able to find adequate care for this autistic child. So she really needed some help with living expenses, paying some back bills. So I launched a GoFundMe to help support them during this crisis. And we raised about $10,000 within just a couple of months. I think that the surprising thing was by telling a clear story and just like, really being very clear about what we needed, we had some really generous donations from people who were really moved by the situation that this family was struggling with.

[Joe Pedestrian]

GoFundMe is the world's number one fundraising platform, trusted by over 200 million people. Start your GoFundMe today at gofundme.com that's gofundme.com gofundme.com this podcast is supported by GoFundMe.

[Bert Miapede]

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And I'm Nicole Parker.

[Bert Miapede]

On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Occasionally, we change the names of some

[Bert Miapede]

streets, and that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the Bonus room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And now, please enjoy this episode of the Neighborhood.

[Bert Miapede]

Listen. Knock, knock.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Who's there?

[Bert Miapede]

Your neighbor.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Good. Indignity falls. You're never alone. You've got the neighbor half AV and us burnt and Joan. From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell.

[Bert Miapede]

We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the neighborhood. Listen.

[Bert Miapede]

When. Welcome to the neighborhood.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Come on.

[Bert Miapede]

What?

[Joe Pedestrian]

You said, Gwen, welcome.

[Bert Miapede]

Not intentionally.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Just because I interrupted last time. Because it sounded like you said Elkham and didn't have the W on it.

[Bert Miapede]

Why would it be because of that?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Because I felt bad that I interrupted, like, almost as soon as we.

[Bert Miapede]

Because you felt like I just. Then I would say, now I'm gonna do something. Get back at her.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes, that's what I thought.

[Bert Miapede]

Joan, what do you think of that?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't think you're a petty person. I just thought you maybe did it as a joke. Get back at. You know what I mean? For everybody.

[Bert Miapede]

A joke.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Get back at. I'm shaking my hand, like, oh, you know, like when. When your mom says to you, oh, you know, Lurleen Twist, you know, you

[Bert Miapede]

think I would do a joke at Baccat?

[Joe Pedestrian]

A joke at baguette? Yeah, I think possible. You could do a joke Baguette.

[Bert Miapede]

I guess I could do a joke at. Back at. But.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And I wouldn't even be mad about it.

[Bert Miapede]

Well, it sounded like you were because you immediately tried to shut it down, and I wasn't even doing that.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, but what was in your head when you just did that? The gw?

[Bert Miapede]

I wasn't trying to say, Gwen. Okay, I. I think I was just.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

I don't know.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, that's fine. Just keep going. I'm sorry.

[Bert Miapede]

I didn't even know I was doing it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I always look forward to how you're gonna start. And it's always different and it's always fun.

[Bert Miapede]

I. I hope so. I. It didn't seem like you were having fun with this.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, sorry. I didn't mean to put you in your head about it. I really loved it. Do you want to start over?

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah, I do.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We'll cut all this out. We will not keep this in.

[Bert Miapede]

Let's cut this out.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, don't even worry about it.

[Bert Miapede]

Welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Now, now. Come on.

[Bert Miapede]

What are you doing?

[Joe Pedestrian]

You said Shel come back. You really did. You said Shel come back.

[Bert Miapede]

I thought you didn't want to put me in my head about.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Listen, I got to get to Doug here. This is early to get to Doug, but my husband. This is unprecedented.

[Bert Miapede]

He might not even be ready.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't even know if he's awake. But I hope he's in here and I hope he's recording. Babe, did you hear Shel come back?

[Doug]

I did, but thank you. This is distressing me.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Why?

[Doug]

Because this is not very sensational.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It is, right? It's our season 10, and we decided on a retreat that we wanted to be season tensational. And you're right, it's not tensational.

[Doug]

We didn't say that that would be the name of season.

[Bert Miapede]

No, we didn't. We said that would be the vibe.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We wanted to be the vibe. We wanted to have it.

[Bert Miapede]

Sensational vibes. We got stuck on Sven.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We did Ben. Ben.

[Bert Miapede]

Ben. I think we thought was too basic.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It. Basic, Ben, basic. That could be nice.

[Bert Miapede]

Season, Jen.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't mind. Season Jen.

[Doug]

That's not basic. That's an honest question.

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, it's fair. I mean, what is the difference between Ben and Jen, really? We haven't even said who we are yet.

[Bert Miapede]

No, we're not Ben and Jen. I'll tell you that much.

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, we're not.

[Bert Miapede]

Although we aren't married.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Wait, what?

[Bert Miapede]

We're not married?

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, we're not married.

[Bert Miapede]

Ben and Jenner. No longer.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We are married. Oh, you're talking about Ben and Jen down the street. Yes, Ben and Jen Norquist.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

They had a 10. That's one of the most. It was a gross divorce.

[Bert Miapede]

It was. It was sick.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It was so gross.

[Bert Miapede]

It was disgusting.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You know what I mean?

[Bert Miapede]

Yes, it was.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It grossed every. Gross. The whole neighborhood out. Yeah, it was like, ew, Just, like, be done with it.

[Bert Miapede]

They were distributing each other's colonoscopy pictures. Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

She dumped out all this dirty underwear on the. On the lawn.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

On top of people as they went by.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

She's like, live with it. I have to.

[Bert Miapede]

He put up a billboard of a picture. Picture of her with her open mouth, and it was pumping out this smell, and it said, could you stay married depressed like this? What a gross divorce.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It was such a gross divorce.

[Bert Miapede]

Oh, the grossest divorce.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, God.

[Bert Miapede]

Anyways, welcome to the neighborhood. Listen, my name is Burt Miapede. I'm one of the citizens here of Dignity Falls. That's our neighborhood. Hold on a second.

[Joe Pedestrian]

What happened?

[Bert Miapede]

Cut all of this out.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Really? Again? We can't cut. We're like. I don't. 10 minutes in. What. What do you. What do you want to cut?

[Bert Miapede]

I just want to start over again.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay. What. What happened?

[Bert Miapede]

I. I felt like I was giving out details without the information that I needed to understand those details.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

All right.

[Doug]

Data first approach.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Data first approach. Okay, Go for it.

[Bert Miapede]

I was saying a data first approach.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

Which I shouldn't have been doing.

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, that's fine. I'm fine with the dfa.

[Bert Miapede]

I should. I. I. I think you need to lead with context.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I agree.

[Bert Miapede]

And then fill it in with data.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Fine.

[Doug]

Cd. I think Context. Data.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay. He was trying to do what I did because, see, I did a little acronym. Now he was doing a little acronym. He just wanted to play the game.

[Bert Miapede]

What was your acronym?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Aft.

[Bert Miapede]

I don't remember what it was already.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It was something about Data First Approach. Oh, I said DFA. That's what I said. Data first approach.

[Bert Miapede]

DFA St. Louis.

[Doug]

Now we really should start.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We're getting really, really distracted.

[Bert Miapede]

Welcome to the neighborhood. Listen, this is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its many residents, two of which are seated across from each other here, and I am one of them. My name is Bert Miapede. I'm the pharmacist in chief at the Dignity Falls Machine. Dignity Falls's premier pharmacy.

[Joe Pedestrian]

There you go. I love it. Own it.

[Bert Miapede]

And seated across from me.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh. Joan Pedestrian. I'm the top realtor here in Dignity Falls. And the top local actress.

[Bert Miapede]

That's correct. And now you know who we are.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Thank God. And where we took a while. Actually didn't. Because we're gonna cut this out.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah, exactly.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, good.

[Bert Miapede]

We should cut out. Let's cut out this part.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I'll even cut out what I'm saying right now. Hey, babe, can you cut out what I'm saying right now?

[Doug]

Yeah, I already had cut it out.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I know, but now you're gonna cut out this. Like, what's happening right now.

[Bert Miapede]

Cut it out.

[Joe Pedestrian]

How'd you do it so fast? How are you recording and editing at the same time?

[Doug]

Cutting the tape as it's. The tape spitting out the machine.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Wait, how are you recording? Of course.

[Bert Miapede]

What do you mean, of course? Who's recording their podcast on tape?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Nobody did. Even sounds so cassette tapes anymore? Any kind of tape.

[Bert Miapede]

It sounds so warm.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

Are you, like, seated in a chair and the sound of the podcast blowing your hair back.

[Doug]

Yeah, exactly.

[Bert Miapede]

Like that one ancient commercial.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I remember that one.

[Doug]

Wasn't that for a cassettes?

[Bert Miapede]

It was for cassettes, actually.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That's interesting. You bring that up.

[Bert Miapede]

Was that an effect people desired?

[Joe Pedestrian]

No. No one wanted it. But the fact that you bring up the chair makes me think today he's in the furniture showroom.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

Furniture showroom.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, one of. How do you know favorite things.

[Bert Miapede]

If you're walking into a house.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

And you go into a room, that's a furniture showroom. How do you know it's not just a room?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Because it's all. It's all Lazy boy chairs. Okay. So what? Doug's favorite thing, of course, is to go in. And then I'm looking for something always, you know, some fabulous rattan furniture for outside or. Or just a Rattan world. Yes. That's something he wants to build. We talked a lot about Rattan World. Yes, Babe, Rattan World's not going to happen, okay? I don't want Rattan World.

[Doug]

We talked about it, okay?

[Joe Pedestrian]

We did. I mean, you had that thing where old ladies were actually.

[Bert Miapede]

Were actually making rattan. We looked up what rattan is.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. A lot. Not good. And we put an end to it. So he loves to be able to go in and just relax. And we always leave too soon for him. He's like, oh, I just found the right one. You know what I mean? Now he gets to go in, find the Right one. Stay in it. And guess what? It's his room. So they're all the right one, Right, babe?

[Doug]

That's exactly right.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And it's probably the easiest one for you to do. You didn't have to build anything. You just had to order all the chairs.

[Doug]

Yeah. And, I mean, you get a lot of discounts for staging furniture.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I do, because I didn't want this one to be costly, so I would just. Basically, what you do. Sell furniture sometimes when it is just bought for staging. So we just got a lot for free.

[Bert Miapede]

You sell furniture Sometimes when it is bought, you will buy it for staging and then sell it after the fact.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That's right.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay. Do you have to disclose that's what it was used for?

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, because it's very. People seek out these kinds of sales because. I'm sorry, did I get two? I got two.

[Bert Miapede]

You got so emphatic.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I like to gesture a lot. You know me, I'm a performer, but I'm an actress. I use my body to tell a story.

[Bert Miapede]

You, like, almost launched over the kitchen island.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I did because I really wanted to do. I just really. What? I grabbed his neck and I wanted him to know

[Bert Miapede]

so you can understand why I would.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I can. Honestly, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry about.

[Doug]

Your body tells a story.

[Joe Pedestrian]

My body tells a story. So how. Oh, his face when he sings. Why does he do that? Oh, it's so gross. Like the Norquist divorce. So gross.

[Bert Miapede]

So gross.

[Joe Pedestrian]

How do you like your room?

[Bert Miapede]

I love it.

[Doug]

Because furniture.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Bert, that was a little whimsical for you. That was whimsical for you. I like that.

[Bert Miapede]

Thank you. It's fun to be whimsical.

[Doug]

I'm gonna buy you a beer. Gonna buy you beer for that one.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, yeah. Doug loved that.

[Bert Miapede]

Thank you. We should go to the DTF after this.

[Doug]

We should.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, yeah. It's been a while since you guys went there.

[Doug]

We used to get blacked out after each.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You woke up in a tree one time.

[Bert Miapede]

That's right. Zigney Falls Tavern. Of course. The tree of love. And I woke up by the tree.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's called the Dignity Falls Tavern. But it's. But the sign is dtf. They messed up. They were drunk when they made it.

[Bert Miapede]

Hey, if this place is gonn to be fun, we should get drunk, start ground zero.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And they all have matching tattoos for the sign, so it's. It's. They're stuck with that mistake forever. Yes, but you should go to the Tavern. But I want to hear. What are you Sitting in just one. Are you trying them all out?

[Doug]

Trying them all out. Because anytime you go to a furniture showroom, doesn't all of it feel so good? And then when you bring it home.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I'm busy shopping, babe. But I guess all of it feels good.

[Doug]

Well, you try the. You try the sofas out and stuff.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah.

[Doug]

You're always just blown away how comfortable it is. And then you bring it home. You bring it home and it's just never as good.

[Bert Miapede]

Can I say?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, I see what you're saying. You think the furniture feels better in the furniture store.

[Doug]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Doug]

It's like a pizza in the pizza parlor.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I think it's just the invite, like

[Bert Miapede]

getting your teeth clean to the dentist. It's so much better than when you brush them at home. Feels great. You know the thing about furniture shopping, mattress shopping, that sort of thing. There's so much pressure for you to know if you like it or not.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes, there really is.

[Doug]

That.

[Bert Miapede]

It.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's a big choice.

[Bert Miapede]

Honestly, I. I can't tell. And here, lie on the mattress. Like, is this good? I don't know.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yep.

[Bert Miapede]

It's nice to lie down.

[Doug]

We have tried to recreate that sense of pressure here.

[Bert Miapede]

Why?

[Joe Pedestrian]

That's the part of it that he likes, I guess.

[Bert Miapede]

But it's just. Who else goes in there?

[Joe Pedestrian]

He kind of gets off on it a little bit. I'm not going to lie, Doug. We do.

[Doug]

We don't.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We don't kink shame on this show, as we always say.

[Bert Miapede]

We always say that we don't kink shame on the show. We only do it in private. And we don't even do that burnt.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Don't say that. Cut that part out, Doug.

[Bert Miapede]

You never do it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I am not going to talk about that. That's too personal.

[Bert Miapede]

But I mean, in your mind.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I am not going to talk about.

[Bert Miapede]

Somebody has a thing. You never. You never think.

[Doug]

Shame on you.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, my God.

[Bert Miapede]

Privately, shame on you. Yeah. Well, I think there's a big difference between kink shaming and kink. Okay, whatever.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That's your term for it. Kink bouquet whatever.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That's to be communicated more clearly.

[Bert Miapede]

There's kink shaming, which is.

[Joe Pedestrian]

How about kink side eyeing? It's more of like a kink side eyeing. I'll admit. I've kink side eye.

[Bert Miapede]

You think that's better than kink bokeh?

[Doug]

Whatever.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I do think it's better than king bokeh Whatever.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I can see that catching on. Hashtag.

[Bert Miapede]

Because I think.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, whatever.

[Bert Miapede]

Kink bouquet Whatever is saying do whatever you want. No, I don't get this at all.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, do whatever you want. That's what.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay, whatever. Do whatever you want.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I guess, but the way you say it, there's real judgment in there. There really is.

[Bert Miapede]

No, there's judgment. That's not the same as shaming.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I understand. I get it. Well, I'm glad we cleared that up.

[Bert Miapede]

Yes. We do not kink shame on this show. But we privately kink whatever.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Sometimes I occasionally kink side eye.

[Marilyn]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

If you like. What's the difference between King sideye and kink Bouquet Whatever.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I think it's less obnoxious. It's a little more demure.

[Bert Miapede]

Joan.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's demure.

[Bert Miapede]

But you're saying I'm being obnoxious.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Very demure.

[Doug]

You don't think of. Bouquet is demure.

[Bert Miapede]

Very demure.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Bouquet is obnoxious. Bouquet is. Oh, that's a. That's a. That's a bridge too far.

[Doug]

Oh, I was thinking of a bouquet of flowers.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Boy, babe, of course you a bouquet.

[Bert Miapede]

I got you this bouquet. A beautiful.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay, whatever.

[Bert Miapede]

I got you a beautiful bouquet.

[Doug]

Flower.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That'd be a fun name for a flower shop. Bouquet. Whatever. That'd be fun.

[Bert Miapede]

I think the whatever part would give me pause. How much do they really care about making these flowers nice for me?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, we don't have a mailboxes. Etc. We have a mailboxes, unfortunately. So I think it would fit right in.

[Bert Miapede]

That is true.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We have lots of stores that. Right. We have lots of stores that sell random junk.

[Bert Miapede]

That's right. There's the pans and lids and bureau de change.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes.

[Bert Miapede]

You can buy pans, you can buy lids. The lids do not fit the pants.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's very. I spent all day in there trying

[Bert Miapede]

to find them, and they. You. They let you go for so long before they say, oh, those aren't fit the pants.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Twice a day.

[Doug]

Once, then it never fooled me again,

[Joe Pedestrian]

only once I give you a bouquet. So. So I. So. So what you're saying is you like the pressure. How have you applied the pressure of deciding to the room?

[Bert Miapede]

That's the right question, Joe.

[Joe Pedestrian]

How do you trick yourself? Thank you.

[Bert Miapede]

Pre guess grade question. This is unprecedented.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, go ahead.

[Doug]

You can't leave the room until you spend the money on the.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You have an actual transaction for yourself.

[Doug]

Yeah. You write a check to whom?

[Bert Miapede]

Well, that doesn't sound like pressure so much as extortion.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's also just weird role playing. That's just happening. Lonely, sad in the room.

[Doug]

I don't like this you made the room for me.

[Bert Miapede]

Lonely, sad in the room.

[Doug]

I don't like this.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I suggested the room, babe, and I provided the furniture. That's true, but I knew that you wanted this. I didn't know the pressure.

[Doug]

It's only lonely because I'm in here alone.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, but that's what you wanted because you don't want me coming in, saying it's time to go.

[Doug]

Well, you don't want too many people in the furniture showroom with you.

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, I mean, you're not inviting, like, extras, are you? You're not letting people come in.

[Doug]

No, I'm just saying people can come in, but it's not sad, because that's the dream. To be in a furniture showroom by yourself.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Doug]

Without the added pressure of the already pressure that's there.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I can see it. Because he does love it when someone's sitting in his favorite one, and then he has to kind of wait, and then he has strategies.

[Doug]

Then you see their.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Out of their seats.

[Doug]

You see their butt prints.

[Bert Miapede]

Is it just you and the family doing.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's just the husbands. What are you talking about? It's just men.

[Bert Miapede]

Just the husbands.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's just husbands.

[Bert Miapede]

Doug, do you have, like, a coterie of husbands that you hang out with?

[Doug]

That's a good idea. It's the only kind of shopping where the husband isn't sitting on a bench somewhere where the boyfriend.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Honestly, you could make it a store right next to the furniture store. It could be called just husbands. And they're just sitting. That's what they should do. I can make money doing that. Jasmine's Jasmine.

[Bert Miapede]

That's what it should be called. And they also. They also sell class rings

[Joe Pedestrian]

and tape of any kind.

[Bert Miapede]

Tape of any kind. I'm lost on that one.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Doug has tape of any kind in the garage, and he absolutely loves it. And when I ask him for tape, he never brings Scotch tape. He's like, what kind do you want?

[Barbara Norquist]

Right, babe?

[Doug]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

He's got all colors, masking. There's duct, there's paint. Come on. Have you never heard? There's medical.

[Bert Miapede]

I love.

[Joe Pedestrian]

There's so many different types of tape.

[Bert Miapede]

I love that painter's tape.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You love it because it doesn't stick to anything.

[Bert Miapede]

It doesn't stick to anything.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's the most gentle tape in the world.

[Bert Miapede]

The way it feels is very nice.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's gentle.

[Bert Miapede]

It's gentle.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You can put it on my mouth. I wouldn't care.

[Bert Miapede]

It's the gentlest tape.

[Doug]

Okay, whatever.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, I know what he thinks of that. Yeah, that lets me know. So when we were last talking, you and your girlfriend. Gabby. Yes, Gabby. Fiance. My gosh, that's so exciting to say. I guess I just. It's weird because I'd like to call her your wife, but you guys have called off the wedding because she's dealing with.

[Bert Miapede]

Postpone the wedding. Not called.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I'm sorry. My bad.

[Bert Miapede]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Postpone the wedding.

[Bert Miapede]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That was the first time when you got Runaway Bride syndrome.

[Bert Miapede]

The first time I got Runaway Bride syndrome, my eyes got so big and I. And I ran away.

[Joe Pedestrian]

What was the part with your eyes getting so big?

[Bert Miapede]

Well, you remember the. The runaway bride astronaut lady?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, yes, that's right. She's the one in the diaper.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. Okay, but what?

[Bert Miapede]

She had big eyes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

But she had big eyes.

[Bert Miapede]

Why was she a runaway bride?

[Joe Pedestrian]

That's not the detail I remember. I don't think that's a detail anyone took away from that story was the big eye.

[Bert Miapede]

I know one person who did take.

[Joe Pedestrian]

All right, okay.

[Bert Miapede]

My friend's wife.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Doug]

Who?

[Bert Miapede]

It's the first thing she thinks of.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Wow, that's amazing.

[Bert Miapede]

But why was she a runaway bride? Because she was going towards someone. She was trying to break up a marriage, wasn't she? Her.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We'd have to look that up because I don't want to. But we won't. And there's no way to know.

[Bert Miapede]

It's lost.

[Doug]

Maybe we should start over.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Cut all of it.

[Bert Miapede]

Welcome to the neighborhood. Listen, my name is Burnt Me Ape Day.

[Joe Pedestrian]

With me, as always, is Joe Pedestrian. Here am I.

[Bert Miapede]

This is the podcast here I hear. Am I?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I used to say that because, again, I've always been a theatrical child. So when they. When they would do roll call in the morning and they would just go, here, I'd say, here am I Now,

[Bert Miapede]

it almost sounds like you're imitating the famous sorcerer Yoda.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, does it?

[Bert Miapede]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Really? Okay. To me, it's very theatrical. It's not. It's not Yoda ish, but I guess it could be.

[Bert Miapede]

I am here. Here am I. I would think it

[Joe Pedestrian]

would be here I am. That's what I think he'd say.

[Bert Miapede]

Here I am.

[Doug]

I am Yoda. Hear me roar.

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, that's not. Babe. First of all, he never said that. Also, he'd say, like, yoda I am. Roar. Hear me right. That's more Yoda ish.

[Bert Miapede]

Boy, that guy drives me crazy.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Should we start over?

[Doug]

The sorcery.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Sorcery. You said he does sorcery, doesn't he? I guess he does sorcery but it's called the forest. He does sorcery.

[Doug]

It's also, like, 900 years old. You're lucky you understand him at all.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I guess that's true.

[Bert Miapede]

You know what? Maybe when he was younger, he talked normal.

[Doug]

You think so?

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Maybe your. Maybe your syntax gets older, too.

[Barbara Norquist]

That's true.

[Joe Pedestrian]

But you live long enough, none of you hear. He hears about a fetish you don't like, he says, whatever.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Doug]

I bet Yoda quietly kink shames everyone.

[Bert Miapede]

No shaming. Kink.

[Joe Pedestrian]

By the way, I don't think that there was ever an impression of Yoda that was further from Yoda that I just said. I'm not happy with it. I'd like you to cut it.

[Bert Miapede]

Honestly, I didn't know you were attempting a Yoda impression. I thought you were just talking.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, I don't think there's any more unequivocal way to find out. An impression you did was not good.

[Bert Miapede]

Take another run at it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't want to.

[Bert Miapede]

Yes, you do.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Whatever. Okay, what are we doing? What are we doing? Guys, what are we doing?

[Bert Miapede]

When Frank Oz was doing Yoda, did. Do you think anybody ever said, like, that's a little Grovery?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, sure, for any voice getting a little grovery.

[Bert Miapede]

Groda.

[Doug]

I am not.

[Joe Pedestrian]

What are you. Okay, what were you trying to say, babe?

[Doug]

I. I tried to say grover I am not, but I said groda.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay, I immediately got confused.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I think we are.

[Bert Miapede]

Do you think that's how they got. They kept on track? Like, Frank, we don't want to have to rename him Groda. You better get it under control.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's getting real groda right now. How. How long have we been talking? Do you call it. I don't even know what I would call this talking.

[Bert Miapede]

Do you call it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We need to stop and regroup.

[Doug]

It's only been, like, three minutes.

[Bert Miapede]

If. Okay, if you. If you keep in.

[Joe Pedestrian]

If we were to, God forbid, keep all in.

[Bert Miapede]

If you keep it all in. How long would it be if we

[Doug]

kept it all in? It's. It's 20 minutes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, I think that's enough. I think we should stop and get to our guests. It felt interminable.

[Bert Miapede]

Should we make it a feature of the podcast and we ask people if they do a Yoda impression?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't know. It seems like something Jimmy Fallon would do now. I don't want to do it.

[Bert Miapede]

Boy, I don't either. That really took the wind out of my sails. We'll be back when the neighbor Listen. Returns.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Hi everyone, it's Nicole. How are you? Look, lately I've been more intentional about what I wear from the day to day. Because here's the thing, I do a lot of podcasts, so sometimes I don't think it matters what I wear. But I think Paul and Brett notice when I wear the same outfit, maybe back to back. Don't tell them I told you say anything about it. But I learned that I should be leaning into pieces that feel effortless and comfortable but still put together because it just makes getting dressed simpler to have go tos. And Quince is my go to. The fabrics feel elevated, the fits are flattering, and everything just works without overthinking it. And here's the thing. Quince makes it easy to refresh your everyday spring with pieces that feel as good as they look because they use premium materials like 100% European linen, organic cotton, and ultra soft denim. Their lightweight linen pants, dresses and tops start at $30. They are effortless, breathable, and easy to wear on repeat, which I like. Everything at Quint's is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality and craftsmanship. No brand markup. Now here's the thing. I've mentioned that I've gotten sunglasses. I've mentioned that I've gotten a great shirt. I've clothes for myself. I've gotten amazing pants for my kid who is very active. And those pants hold up, baby. But you know what? Summer is coming and I didn't even realize Quince has bathing suits. Did you know this? I didn't know this. I didn't know this. No one told me. Why did no one tell me? It's fine. It's okay. I'm all right. But I just got a one piece. Sorry, I had to swallow cause I got so worked up. I just got a one piece Italian cut and it is so cute. Swimsuit and it is so cute. I love it. And I would really encourage you to go look at them because bathing suits be expensive, y'.

[Bert Miapede]

All.

[Joe Pedestrian]

They are expensive. These are very, very affordable. I can't recommend them enough. So refresh your everyday with luxury. You'll actually use head to quince.comt&l for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com TNL for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com TNL

[Bert Miapede]

this is Linda. Why do People walking their dog feel or is OK to let the leash fall out. And up to my doorstep, we have two that are inconsiderate. When I tell them their dog doesn't belong on my doorstep, they say my bird feeder shouldn't be left out. Do they think the birds, squirrels, and possum should be fed inside?

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's a false equivalency.

[Bert Miapede]

So says Linda. Welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen, we.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I'm. Babe. What did you hear?

[Doug]

I heard it, too, but I don't know. We have to point it out every time.

[Bert Miapede]

Doug. Thank you.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I feel like he's doing it on purpose. Are you not?

[Bert Miapede]

What am I doing? I don't know.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Welcome. You said welcome.

[Bert Miapede]

No. Did I? Yeah. Well, I didn't do that on purpose.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay. I'm sorry.

[Doug]

What are we doing here?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay. Let's just keep going. Did you say bouquet? All right, guys, we gotta get our.

[Doug]

Do you think the listeners know how much cutting room tape?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I'm sorry.

[Doug]

Sorry.

[Joe Pedestrian]

He just stopped it in the middle of a. Spence. He just abandoned all of it. He just absolutely ran away. I don't have any. Immediately put some words together and it just didn't end right.

[Doug]

How much? We restart every episode. Like, how much?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, if we keep all this, they're gonna find out.

[Bert Miapede]

Why don't we leave it all in? And then they'll have an idea of what we go through every time we record.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It takes five hours to record one of these.

[Bert Miapede]

Yes.

[Doug]

I gotta tape this. Tape all back, and then we come

[Joe Pedestrian]

back in for adr.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah. It's a long process.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's. Guys, you don't realize what goes into these things. We work really hard. Yeah. But we do have a guest.

[Bert Miapede]

I guess we do have.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, boy. Yep.

[Bert Miapede]

This is the most I've ever imitated Yoda. And I have to say, I'm really enjoying it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's a Yoda heavy episode.

[Bert Miapede]

It's probably our Yoda heaviest episode.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I think it is. I really think it is.

[Bert Miapede]

All right, we have a guest here at the Kitchen island with us. And here's what we do, folks. Every week, we comb the neighborhap, the social networking application for neighborhoods, and we find people that are interesting to talk to.

[Joe Pedestrian]

What is going on today?

[Bert Miapede]

Leave me alone.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I'm sorry, but that one was crazy.

[Doug]

Is he crying or laughing?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't know.

[Bert Miapede]

We find interesting people to talk to. Maybe they need their message amplified. Maybe they have a question. Maybe they want to help. Maybe they need to be helped. And if you see a post that you think we should talk about. Why don't you screenshot it and send it to [e-mail] like this person did.

[Doug]

This is.

[Bert Miapede]

This was submitted to us by Natane. N a T a N E. Okay. Chomicki.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

And I think we. I think this is a listener who has submitted before. And thank you again.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Thank you so much.

[Bert Miapede]

Natane, if that is how you're N A T A N e. How is it? Not today, Natanay. Not today, Satan.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I knew you were gonna.

[Bert Miapede]

How could I not?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I knew, like you weren't thinking. Of course I was. I just thought, oh, it's too easy.

[Bert Miapede]

Doug. What'd you say?

[Doug]

How could I not today?

[Bert Miapede]

How can I not today?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay. Glad we went back for that.

[Bert Miapede]

This is in the crime and safety section. Submitted by someone named Brad. Posted by someone named Brad.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

From Southwest Sydney Falls, Brad says, hi, neighbors. I don't even know how to categorize this. At about 8:30 in my nest cam. Nice name drop. Notified me that an unidentified person was at my door. The video appears to show a dark color full size SUV pulling up. And then after a moment, a young girl runs up to my door. And I know how it sounds. Licks my door. Three question marks. I can hear a male voice, but I can't make out exactly what he's saying. If it's a prank, I have to say I have no idea who this girl is.

[Doug]

That's.

[Bert Miapede]

If it's a prank. I cannot imagine what the motivation would be for this kind of thing. And I can't imagine what purpose this quote, prank, end quote, serves. If there's anyone on Spruce street who has video security, I'd like to see what you might have that would show what this vehicle was doing prior to this event.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And who do we have here today?

[Bert Miapede]

Well, here we have. I'm sorry, I've gotten.

[Barbara Norquist]

Your name, dear, is Barbara.

[Bert Miapede]

Barbara. Barbara. Welcome.

[Barbara Norquist]

Barbara Norquist.

[Bert Miapede]

Oh, oh, wait, are you.

[Barbara Norquist]

Wait, my mom and dad are Ben and Jen.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Are they really?

[Barbara Norquist]

Well, yeah. Divorce Ben, divorced Jen now.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay, people have started calling.

[Joe Pedestrian]

They do. It's so rude. They're like, oh, hey, divorced Jen. It's so mean.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, it was gross. It was a gross divorce.

[Bert Miapede]

It was a very.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We were just talking about that.

[Bert Miapede]

So you felt it was gross?

[Barbara Norquist]

I was filthy inside. It was filthy.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay. I'm so sorry. This makes me very concerned, but my

[Barbara Norquist]

mom made me make a slideshow of all my dad's medical things.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, she made you.

[Bert Miapede]

She involved you in this?

[Barbara Norquist]

She can't figure out the Computer, too. Good. So she had me do it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That is so wrong.

[Bert Miapede]

Terrible.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, so then I assume, Barbara, you want to come in here and explain. Explain your side of things? Because obviously you. I mean, from. From my perspective. Yeah. I'd be concerned, and I think, oh, that's gross. But I also wouldn't want a little kid licking a doorknob anyways. There's just so many germs and bacteria.

[Bert Miapede]

Barbara, honey, how old are you?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, yeah, me, I'm 14.

[Bert Miapede]

14.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

And so how old did you think I was?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Maybe a little younger.

[Bert Miapede]

Well, you're very petite.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I'm sorry that you heard the surprise of my voice bar, but I didn't mean for that.

[Barbara Norquist]

I've been getting pretty good about reading, body language and vocal.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Y.

[Bert Miapede]

And vocal.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, and vocal.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You know what? I love body language and vocal. I'm an actress.

[Bert Miapede]

They go hand in hand. Absolutely.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

So why don't you just maybe take us back to this night and tell us what happened from your perspective.

[Barbara Norquist]

Well, my dad's not going to really like it too much because I'm about to put him on blast and put his feet to the fire. But it was his suv.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

So we were. We were coming from. Cleaning his panties up from my mom's front yard.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Was this during the divorce? How long ago was this? Or was this.

[Barbara Norquist]

Well, the divorce had been kind of going on for, like, a long time.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, I think a long time.

[Barbara Norquist]

But they say nothing really comes out of the blue. And this sure wasn't.

[Bert Miapede]

I mean, they put an announcement in the paper.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, they did.

[Bert Miapede]

They said, we're getting divorced. Stay tuned.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Then there was a billboard with, like, a ticking, like, you have the national debt, like, in the. In New York. It was just how many minutes it's been.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, yeah. And so it's kind of going up. Some people said it. It's going up faster than, like, those smoking billboards that tick up.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, right, right, right.

[Barbara Norquist]

Because you know how we have one on one side. The smoking kills and then the divorce minutes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes, that's right. We do. We have dueling billboards.

[Bert Miapede]

So some people think it's a race.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

And the smoking people are, like, smoking even more.

[Barbara Norquist]

Try to get it. Yeah. Try to top it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's very unhealthy.

[Bert Miapede]

Competition's bad.

[Joe Pedestrian]

So you were driving around. What time was this about? Does it say. Does he say what time it was?

[Bert Miapede]

Let me see.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, check it out. Let's go back to the text.

[Doug]

All right.

[Bert Miapede]

Brad says 8:30.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay. Which was already nice. Because I was out after my bedtime.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, really? When did you go to bed as a 14 year old?

[Barbara Norquist]

Seven.

[Bert Miapede]

Wow, that is early.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Very early.

[Barbara Norquist]

Really?

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Ye, it is.

[Barbara Norquist]

I don't know.

[Bert Miapede]

Are you even tired?

[Barbara Norquist]

Not really. I wake up around 10:00pm yeah. And then I kind of just wrestle around for a little while.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh dear.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah. And then, and that's kind of where I was getting the idea because, you know, it's hard to get attention with divorced Ben and divorced Jen, you know, and, and so I was like, oh, well, what did my dad want to do? Like hang out? Because he'd been going to the casino a lot.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh dear.

[Barbara Norquist]

And he's not winning. Yeah, yeah, but, and so he was like, do you want to go for a ride? I. 30 hours. And so I put real shoes on because I usually just have my house slippers on. And so I put real outside shoes on and he's like, pop it in the back seat of the, of the suv.

[Bert Miapede]

I'm sorry, can I ask you, you, you do you just don't go outside that often?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I just never heard someone refer to just a shoe as a, as a, as a, as an outside shoe or a real.

[Bert Miapede]

I've never, yes. I've never heard people need to do that.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay. How do you remember how to, when, how do you, if you don't, how do you know to put shoes on?

[Bert Miapede]

Well, I mean, I just know to put shoes on, but I, I don't, I, I, I, I, I also feel like if I were to relay it to someone, I'd skip that part. I wouldn't, I wouldn't include who.

[Barbara Norquist]

Can we cut it out detail?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, we absolutely could if you want to, honey.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay. So, so you, you got your real outside shoes on?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, I got my real outside shoes on and I popped myself.

[Bert Miapede]

Well, now why would you say that when she asked me?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, because I wanted to just, that's where we. Oh, sorry, you're right. Well, it's okay, fine. So continue.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay, so I put my shoes on.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, we got, okay, yeah.

[Barbara Norquist]

And I put them in. And I popped my body into the back of my dad's suv.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Why did you. First of all, that's an alarming bird.

[Bert Miapede]

I don't know what that means. You just got in the back of the car.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah. How would you say it?

[Joe Pedestrian]

What did he just say? And why did you have to get in the back? Why can't you ride shotgun with him?

[Barbara Norquist]

Because he has a bunch of things in it, like files and then, and it's In a bunch of manila envelopes that just say. It just. Just says, like, warning, Jen.

[Bert Miapede]

Warning.

[Barbara Norquist]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And can I just. I'm so sorry to go backwards for a second at this point. Are you just living with your dad or going back and forth, or were you all in the same house still?

[Barbara Norquist]

We're going back, and I'm going back and forth.

[Joe Pedestrian]

So this is when you're staying at your dad's place?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

And. But it's just my mom's in the guest house. Oh.

[Joe Pedestrian]

So we are still sort of on the same property. Oh, that's tough.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay. Yeah. Why?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Because you were. Normally, if you're going through an acrimonious divorce, you kind of don't want to see the person. And to have them, like, right in your backyard, that would be a tough.

[Barbara Norquist]

Oh, I get it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

So you go sleep in the guest house when you're staying with your mom.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That's probably considerably smaller.

[Barbara Norquist]

So much smaller.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah. The kitchen is touching the bed.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, dear.

[Bert Miapede]

Touching the bed.

[Barbara Norquist]

Because my mom has a big, big bed.

[Bert Miapede]

The kitchen is touching the bed.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, I'm thinking maybe like, part of the counter or maybe the back of the stove or something.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

Both.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, both.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's a weirdly designed house. I've never seen this property before, but

[Barbara Norquist]

anyway, she doesn't like to have guests.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Guess I'm in this guest house.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay. All right.

[Joe Pedestrian]

So go on. Go on. So you're. You're in the back.

[Barbara Norquist]

So we're. I'm in the back. And. And he goes, are you ready? And I was like, for what? And he. And he just kept hitting me. A bunch of juices and drinks.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Demanding you.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

What do you think I said?

[Bert Miapede]

Hitting.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Hitting.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah, it sounded like hitting. He just kept hitting me.

[Barbara Norquist]

No, no.

[Bert Miapede]

I was so happy when the juice showed up.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I was so happy for that juice.

[Barbara Norquist]

He was handing it. He was handing me juices because he said.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Said.

[Barbara Norquist]

He goes, make sure. Make sure your tongues roll wet and

[Bert Miapede]

make sure your tongue's wet.

[Barbara Norquist]

And then I knew what we were gonna do.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, you did? Because you've done this before.

[Barbara Norquist]

Oh, boy.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

But usually just on my mom's guest house.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh.

[Barbara Norquist]

And just. Just because, like, it's a secret and it's fun, and. And he was like, let's. Let's kind of cast a wider net. Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

Right.

[Barbara Norquist]

And so Brad. Brad was seen in the backyard.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And so he's thinking in your back, like you. Like, maybe seeing your mom in the part in my.

[Barbara Norquist]

In the part of my mom's backyard.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, no.

[Barbara Norquist]

And so. And he's like, get, go get ready. We're gonna lick Brad's door. Just for like, fun and bonding.

[Bert Miapede]

So that's how you knew what was coming.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, yeah, I read between the lines. And so. So we went up to Brad and it was kind of hard because Brad doesn't. He has a garage that's attached to his house, so he doesn't us. And out of the front door. So there are lots of webs on it. And. And so I was kind of licking and it was one of those handle that you push down. Not a knobby kind of thing. Yeah, I know. So I'm kind of the one that should have wrote the post.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I think so. Because. Did you feel like. Did you. Were you really saying, I don't want to do it? Did you tell him you didn't want to do. Or do you feel like you had to do it?

[Bert Miapede]

Why do you feel like you should have written the post?

[Barbara Norquist]

Because his doorknob was disgusting.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

This. This just mentions that you lick the door.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah. Why? I mean, I licked a lot of it, so my tongue did.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You know what? That's my fault because I. I did say doorknob. And what I'm wondering, Barbara, is do you. Do you what? What? All right, I'm not gonna get that reference. Am I burnt?

[Bert Miapede]

You might not.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, let's not worry about it.

[Doug]

Cut that out.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Barbara would like to know what. Doug.

[Bert Miapede]

Wait, you're telling us to cut it off?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Did you say safety?

[Bert Miapede]

Yes.

[Doug]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I see. I don't get the reference. Do you get it, Barbara?

[Barbara Norquist]

No.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay. No, I'm not gonna ask the boys. I'm wondering, do you feel like you have to sometimes because I said doorknob, that you had to go along with that, that maybe you wanted to correct me, that it was just the door, but you just kind of felt like you had to go along with it?

[Bert Miapede]

Yes. You're kind of a doormat.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I want to agree with you.

[Joe Pedestrian]

See me. Well, I think that that proves the point that you want to agree with me. Yeah, I. I just want. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I didn't mean to put a doorknob in your mouth.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

So why don't you try again? Tell us what happened when you got up to the door. Don't feel like you have to say something, just. Cuz I think I'm the one who first accidentally said door knob and doorknobs are on Doors.

[Barbara Norquist]

So I did. My tongue did touch the knob.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It did touch.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

But it was still a little push down one of those. So did you get cobwebs in your mouth?

[Barbara Norquist]

A little bit, but I spit a lot, so that's okay.

[Bert Miapede]

In general.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, I spit when I'm nervous.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, dear.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay, so I got it out quickly.

[Bert Miapede]

How long have. How long have you been doing that?

[Barbara Norquist]

Probably as. As long as I can remember, so probably like 3ish years.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, no. You can remember any more than that. You're 14.

[Barbara Norquist]

Well, no, I.

[Bert Miapede]

Can.

[Barbara Norquist]

I. This is so much harder than you guys said it would be.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, well, Doug did say. What did you say in the email? You keep on changing the email we send out to guests.

[Doug]

I said, it's easy. That's not the big. That's not a big deal to say that.

[Barbara Norquist]

Right?

[Bert Miapede]

Is that what he said?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I guess not.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, he said it'll be the easiest thing you ever did.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't know about that, babe. I would. That's, you know, that's.

[Bert Miapede]

I think, promising something that we don't even know if we can deliver.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Absolutely, Absolutely. That's going too far. Okay, let. I'm gonna have to check what you're sending to people before you send them.

[Bert Miapede]

Sorry. Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. Oh, boy.

[Doug]

All right.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, Barbara, do you like Yoda?

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Do you care?

[Barbara Norquist]

A little bit. That's the green guy.

[Bert Miapede]

Seal's been broken.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You probably know him as Baby Grogu because, you know, that's what your younger generation. I know it's not, but Baby Yoda.

[Bert Miapede]

So Now Yoda, he's 900 years old, and he talks in a weird way.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

Can you do an impression of it?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Sure. Like, you could say, like. Okay, well, you could say whatever you want.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay. Doin up. I like.

[Bert Miapede]

There we go.

[Barbara Norquist]

Was that it?

[Joe Pedestrian]

It was. It was a little. And it was like a little cockney. I liked it.

[Bert Miapede]

It almost sounded like. It's kind of sounded like Nell.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, I've been getting Nell vibes this whole time, but I didn't want to

[Barbara Norquist]

say

[Joe Pedestrian]

if anyone remembers Nell Tay in the Wind. That's right. Oh, my goodness, Barbara. How do you know now.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah. That I love that movie.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You do?

[Bert Miapede]

Who doesn't?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. But still. What. What is it about that movie that speaks to you?

[Barbara Norquist]

Well, it taught me how to talk.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, boy.

[Bert Miapede]

You learned what. You learned to speak from the movie Nell?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah. Well, you know, like, how some people watch TV and they go. Like, you hear people that have different speaking languages and they go, oh, I Learned how to speak English because I watch Friends.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, right.

[Barbara Norquist]

I learned how to speak by watching now. Wow.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Do you age? That started

[Bert Miapede]

three years ago.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I was afraid of that. I was afraid of that.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Three years ago.

[Barbara Norquist]

Ish. No. Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You're not just saying that because Burn said it.

[Bert Miapede]

You can be honest.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You can be honest. Here. Here. You can be honest. We are not going to get a drink.

[Bert Miapede]

Be honest.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We're not going to hit you with juice.

[Doug]

Luminous beings we are.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, boy. What?

[Barbara Norquist]

Dog, you sound like you're getting choked.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Thank you, Barbara. Thank you. I told. I've told him that.

[Doug]

I should sit up.

[Joe Pedestrian]

He's in the Lazy Boy chair in full recline. Don't even ask. Don't worry too much about it.

[Bert Miapede]

You know, there's that thing with a recliner where it you think you're not sure. Am I as far back as I can be or is there one more left?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes.

[Bert Miapede]

And then if you guess wrong, you're inverted. It's very scary.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's very scary.

[Bert Miapede]

Chair is going to go over.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It sure will.

[Barbara Norquist]

It topples.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, it does. It does topple. Okay. So you learned how to read recently? Sorry, doc. Did. I'm sorry. Did you know to read before you started talking?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, I'm a very good reader.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, great. Good, good, good reader. So that. That's important. It was a mistake that I said that. But we got more information. That's good.

[Bert Miapede]

What kind of stuff do you read?

[Barbara Norquist]

I like things that have thick spines. So I like encyclopedias. I like, like the Odyssey. Oh, I love the classics. Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Great.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah. I think I like Shakespeare. You know what that is?

[Joe Pedestrian]

She. She looks confused. Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

Infinite chest.

[Barbara Norquist]

You have what?

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, you have what? You have Infinite Jest, apparently.

[Bert Miapede]

I guess I do.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't want it. It's very rare.

[Bert Miapede]

All right, so. And why. Why did you not learn to speak from, say, your parents?

[Barbara Norquist]

Because they are normally. I guess because I did know how to speak from them, but it was always loud. You know, loud, angry sounds and passive like, oh, wouldn't this be nice?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, dear, that's not great. But weren't you when you were in school this whole time? Right?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Were they concerned that you weren't talking then?

[Barbara Norquist]

Not really.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Really?

[Bert Miapede]

They weren't concerned.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's usually quite. Especially when you're up into like, second, third.

[Barbara Norquist]

Really?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. That's normally a concern.

[Barbara Norquist]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Joe Pedestrian]

What school did you go to?

[Barbara Norquist]

The small one that's next to the public school.

[Bert Miapede]

Oh, yes, yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Jinx elementary.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, it's. Go, Lady Cats.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It is one of those open concept schools. Right. So you basically are. Are sort of. You're just observed more than anything.

[Bert Miapede]

Yes. It's just one big room.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes.

[Bert Miapede]

You go in there and, you know, the kids have no idea what to do.

[Joe Pedestrian]

No idea.

[Bert Miapede]

The teachers do not tell them.

[Barbara Norquist]

Nope.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You're just supposed to figure it out.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah.

[Barbara Norquist]

It's kind of like that pan store.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That's right. Yeah. Lids and pans, pans and lids, pants

[Bert Miapede]

lids and bureau de chong pads.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Lids and pads.

[Bert Miapede]

It's a different store.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's a different story.

[Bert Miapede]

The pads and lid store, at least, you know. Okay, well, none of these lids are

[Barbara Norquist]

gonna go on these pads,

[Bert Miapede]

so I don't have to waste my time being pranked by the guy behind the counter.

[Joe Pedestrian]

People still try. They still try.

[Bert Miapede]

Some people do still try.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Let's get back to the door lick.

[Bert Miapede]

They try to put the. The lids on the pads and looking at the guy behind the camera like, huh, is this. Do I do this?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Which is kind of probably how it feels to be at the Jinx elementary, because you're kind of just constantly going,

[Barbara Norquist]

huh, is this right?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Right? Is this right?

[Barbara Norquist]

Is this enough beans on the left side of the table?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, they are a bean forward. Kind of.

[Bert Miapede]

So many things.

[Joe Pedestrian]

A lot of things.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Dried beans and whatnot. Wet beans, wet beans.

[Barbara Norquist]

Oh, you've been. Are you an alum?

[Bert Miapede]

I did not attend Jinx, but I. But I had a friend who did.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay. Yes, nice.

[Bert Miapede]

Who lived in. He was my next door neighbor in Medium, Italy.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And what was. Did he have any sort of strange afflictions from being at Jinx?

[Bert Miapede]

He was terrified of everything.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

He was the scaredest kid I ever knew.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, no.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay, Doug. I mean, that was relevant. That was. I thought I.

[Doug]

That had to happen.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You thought it had to happen.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay, now what was the order? Anger leads to fear. Fear leads to hate. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate.

[Doug]

I know fears before hate. Hates before the dark side.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

Hate is. You don't want to get to hate because then you turn.

[Barbara Norquist]

Because then you get divorced.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, no.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, true. Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

The dark side of marriage.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Just because I. I guess I. Okay, I'm not gonna ask that question. First. I want to get back to the door for a minute. What happens after you lick the door?

[Barbara Norquist]

Well, kind of like you were just saying burnt, like how you look for approval, you know, with the pads and lids. I kept looking for approval for my dad and his suv, and. And he was doing a thumbs up. Thumbs up?

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah. Because. What did he say? He Said something that Brad could not make out.

[Barbara Norquist]

He said, you get it yet, girl? Oh, and I said, I have. And then he said, good, that'll show him.

[Bert Miapede]

And where's your dad from?

[Barbara Norquist]

Born and Raised. Dignity Falls.

[Bert Miapede]

Wow. Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

He just watches a lot of movies.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

All right.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

So you. You got back in the car and did you feel like it was a nice bonding experience between you and your dad?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, because now he'll. Now, no matter what I'm doing, we'll be walking around the house and go, how about that, huh? I'll go, yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And you just know what you're referring to.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

I. I have to ask. Since this post, how many times have you licked Brad's door?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Doug, can I be honest, please?

[Doug]

We want you say, Doug, can I be honest? Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

I don't know. You wouldn't ask us. Appreciate it. Right here.

[Joe Pedestrian]

He likes being included, though.

[Bert Miapede]

It is nice you include him.

[Barbara Norquist]

He just sent the email, so he's like my point contact.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, of course.

[Bert Miapede]

That makes sense. That makes sense.

[Joe Pedestrian]

30, 30 times licked this door.

[Bert Miapede]

Same door.

[Barbara Norquist]

Same door.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I'm worried about that. That there's.

[Bert Miapede]

It's door he uses regularly.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I know. Maybe that means there's less germs on it. So at least there's that.

[Barbara Norquist]

To be fair, it's just my germs. Jswc, you know, jswc. Just saying, who cares?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, that one before.

[Bert Miapede]

I haven't either.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Really trying to figure how Jesus fit in there. But it's not one of those.

[Bert Miapede]

Jesus says, who cares?

[Barbara Norquist]

Jesus says, who cares?

[Bert Miapede]

Jesus says, why commit?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Can I see the post one more time?

[Barbara Norquist]

I'm.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah, give me one second.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Does your mom know that you've done this? Well, because I do this.

[Barbara Norquist]

Well, because we'll keep doing this kind of because. And what. I think the hard part is that Brad's pretty cool. Brad is nice, but I don't like. I just wasn't a prank, you know, it was on purpose.

[Bert Miapede]

That's a great. I'm glad. This leads me to my next question. What is accomplished by doing this?

[Barbara Norquist]

Closeness with my dad. Okay. Yeah. And I go. And it's. And it's funny. I get in the SUV and I laugh pretty hard for a while.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, let me ask.

[Bert Miapede]

What does your dad hope to accomplish?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, that's a good question.

[Barbara Norquist]

Well, my mom often says that my dad, Ben doesn't have very strong opinions or backbone or good at much. And so I think it's him trying to find a hobby.

[Bert Miapede]

That's that nail coming through.

[Joe Pedestrian]

What is? That's right. What does he do for a living? I can't remember.

[Barbara Norquist]

He sells light bulbs.

[Bert Miapede]

Just light bulbs. Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

Just the. And not the LED ones, right?

[Bert Miapede]

The old fashioned.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, the ones that you have to put. You can't touch with your fingers. You have to put a tissue on it. Oh, when you put it in.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes. It gets hot.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Does he have a good. Is business going well? Because, you know, you can get those in so many stores now. The LED ones are definitely more prominent. So I, I guess your dad is

[Bert Miapede]

selling them at a stand.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yes, yes. At the. Right next to the gazebo.

[Bert Miapede]

That's right.

[Barbara Norquist]

Because you can't. You have to get permit to go. To sell anything inside the gazebo.

[Bert Miapede]

Yes, exactly.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Doug]

I like that stand.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I know you do.

[Doug]

He serves them in a cone. You can get them in a waffle cone

[Bert Miapede]

or a cup.

[Doug]

Yeah, but that's. I mean, you're at the stand, you

[Bert Miapede]

might as well get the cone because you can eat it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Exactly, yeah. He gives you a cup because he makes. Make lemonade out of light bulbs.

[Barbara Norquist]

I love it. I love different types of things that you can eat.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Like, like that's a fun thing to talk about.

[Bert Miapede]

You know what? I never thought about it, but I guess I do too. Food.

[Barbara Norquist]

I guess I was kind of bored.

[Bert Miapede]

You love different types of things you could eat.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Say more.

[Bert Miapede]

Say more thing.

[Barbara Norquist]

Oh, I guess I was kind of forced to say, like, I like cones because they. They hold food, but then you can't eat them.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah.

[Barbara Norquist]

Dual purpose food.

[Bert Miapede]

Hot dog bun.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Barbara Norquist]

Hot dog buns.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. Because you carry around a hot dog in it.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah. First you eat the hot dog and then you can eat the bun afterwards.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Wait, does anyone do that? Ever done that first? That's how you bored. That's psychopathic.

[Bert Miapede]

That's not how people eat hot dog.

[Barbara Norquist]

Can I ask, do you pull it out or do you push. Push it through?

[Bert Miapede]

I push it. Nudge it through with my knuckle.

[Doug]

What I've seen burnt.

[Bert Miapede]

Do you push up, Up. You know, feed. I feed the hot dog out a little bit at a time.

[Joe Pedestrian]

This is insane.

[Bert Miapede]

And then afterwards, like now I get to the bun.

[Barbara Norquist]

Oh, yeah. And that bun is delicious, right?

[Bert Miapede]

Delicious.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

Because it's had the hot dog sliding all the way through.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, boy.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

A little bit of mustard.

[Barbara Norquist]

A little bit. Do you put the mustard on top of the hot dog or under underneath?

[Bert Miapede]

I put it on top of the hot dog, but sometimes it slops. Over onto the bun.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

Then you get a little bonus mustard.

[Barbara Norquist]

This is.

[Joe Pedestrian]

This is upsetting and why.

[Bert Miapede]

You know you don't like hot dogs because they're.

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, I don't like everything you just said. I don't like what you just said because it seems. I can't even picture it. I can't even picture someone eating it.

[Bert Miapede]

That you have a hot dog. Right?

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, I don't. I don't. I don't want to picture it. Just because I said I can't doesn't

[Doug]

mean I will use your knuckle.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I'm starting.

[Bert Miapede]

You be the hot dog vendor and hand me the hot dog.

[Barbara Norquist]

No, Hot dog. Hot dog.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh. Oh, this is great. Before I could even jump in, she did it.

[Barbara Norquist]

I was just. I was being your partner.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh. Oh, I see.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, hot dog. Hot dog.

[Bert Miapede]

Oh, hello, gentlemen. What are you selling?

[Barbara Norquist]

Hot dog. Hot dogs.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We're selling hot dog. Hot dogs on bun buns.

[Bert Miapede]

I'd love a hot dog. Do I have to eat two?

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, it's just a clever name.

[Bert Miapede]

Are you two from Earth?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Quick, give him the button.

[Barbara Norquist]

Here you go. Here's your button.

[Joe Pedestrian]

There's your button. There's your dog.

[Bert Miapede]

Wait, I get them separately.

[Barbara Norquist]

No, we're going to put it in there.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We just put it in there.

[Barbara Norquist]

There you go.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay. Thank you.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay. Have a nice day.

[Doug]

Thank you.

[Bert Miapede]

I will.

[Barbara Norquist]

Do you want us to stick around and watch you eat it?

[Bert Miapede]

You're welcome to.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's extra.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay. You're welcome. We go put some mustard on there and then give it a little nudge.

[Barbara Norquist]

Oh.

[Doug]

Are you gonna stand there this whole time?

[Bert Miapede]

Excuse me. Are you talking to me, sir?

[Doug]

Yeah, I'm behind you in line and you're putting on your condiments. Sort of in line.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay. Let me step to the side.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Is there a problem? Is there a problem?

[Bert Miapede]

No. This. This guy's all bent out of shape because I'm not, you know, hopping to it on his.

[Barbara Norquist]

Where do you have to be Be.

[Bert Miapede]

Thank you.

[Doug]

Well, I don't think that's any of your business.

[Joe Pedestrian]

This is our business, so. It is our business.

[Bert Miapede]

Oh, in your face.

[Doug]

Can I still have a hot dog?

[Bert Miapede]

Did you say hot dog? Excuse me?

[Doug]

Put your condiments up.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

Why don't you get some popcorn?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, I see.

[Barbara Norquist]

Get.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Go up on the roof and.

[Barbara Norquist]

And drink water.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't know about that one. I think it's been very clear how you're. How you eat it. That's not how I pictured it.

[Bert Miapede]

Knuckle up the.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I really don't like the knuckling part. I hate the word knuckle being used as a verb. I am not gonna back down from that. There's nothing good that can come of it, and so let's just move on. I had no idea that that's how you ate a hot dog.

[Doug]

I love.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Also, Barbara, great scene work. Really good.

[Barbara Norquist]

Thank you so much.

[Bert Miapede]

I'm sorry, we just don't have time for that. Whatever it is. We really have to get back to the guest

[Doug]

just to say I love cereal in a bread bowl.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, great.

[Doug]

You can eat the bowl.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah, I love milky bread. Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

So. So you've done it how many times? You said you've licked it? Several. Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, 31 now. Yeah, well, because. Well, because you said how many times after, and I said 30.

[Bert Miapede]

Right.

[Barbara Norquist]

I'm including the one.

[Bert Miapede]

There we go. Yeah, 31 all together. If you have plans to do it again.

[Barbara Norquist]

I just. I feel like now that it's obvious that it was me doing it, maybe I should not do it. No.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, yeah. Has Brad. I'm surprised you said Brad was. Brad never recognized you now that you've done it 30 times. Do you think.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah. You're his girlfriend's daughter.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, but I wear. But I wear a big hoodie.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, okay. That makes sense. All right, so you don't think you've been detected yet? Can I ask if there's any other activity other than this that you've done with your dad to bond?

[Bert Miapede]

Great question, Joe.

[Barbara Norquist]

Have you ever heard of forking? Oh, boy. I mean, we forked Brad's yard, too.

[Bert Miapede]

You put a bunch of forks in there. Now, do you jam them into the ground?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, and what does it, like, freeze overnight? And that makes them hard to get out. How does this work? I don't know forking.

[Barbara Norquist]

Because you have to pull them all out, you know, and before.

[Bert Miapede]

So it's just a hassle.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, it's just a hassle.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay, Because. Because that is exactly what my dad keeps saying. He said Brad's created a hassle for me, so I'm gonna create a hassle for him.

[Bert Miapede]

Who do you think forking is a bigger hassle for? The person who puts all the forks in the ground or the person who pulls them out?

[Barbara Norquist]

Honestly, probably pretty even.

[Joe Pedestrian]

What I. What I. What I'm concerned hearing this is that the two activities for you to bond are our beefs that your dad has with this guy Brad instead of. What do you like to do, Barbara? What are your passions? What are your hobbies?

[Barbara Norquist]

Well, that's interesting. I like to paint.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, lovely.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

What do you like to paint?

[Barbara Norquist]

Just colors.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

I just usually have abstracts. Is that it, Noel?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I was wondering if that word was new to her.

[Bert Miapede]

Well, when you say paint, are you talking about, like, on a canvas?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yes. Okay.

[Mackenzie]

Yes.

[Bert Miapede]

So you. You have a palette of col. One color.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah. And I just.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, you just do one color. And which one is that?

[Barbara Norquist]

Well, right now I'm working with a lot of teals.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

Who's the guy that did that that would just, like, paint one color?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, I don't know.

[Bert Miapede]

Famous painter.

[Barbara Norquist]

Shakespeare?

[Bert Miapede]

No.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Now you know. Oh, you're just trying to hope that was Shakespeare.

[Barbara Norquist]

I was trying to ask.

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, no. She was hoping to know because I never explained it to him.

[Bert Miapede]

Oh, right, right, right.

[Joe Pedestrian]

He was a. He was a playwright. He wrote famous plays. If you. If you've heard of Hamlet.

[Bert Miapede]

His son died. Was a big deal.

[Barbara Norquist]

Join the club.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't have a son anymore. Join the club is not what I expected.

[Bert Miapede]

Jtc.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, jtc.

[Bert Miapede]

And also WC is a famous painter who. Who would sometimes just do, like, a color.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Really?

[Bert Miapede]

Yes.

[Barbara Norquist]

I get a new hobby then.

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, no, no, no, no. It's fine. You do whatever art you want to do. Other than art, what else do you like to do?

[Barbara Norquist]

I like to watch tv.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

Fun.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, fun. And I have a beanbag chair.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay. Would you categorize that under hobby?

[Bert Miapede]

Or do you watch TV on the beanbag chair? Yes, fun.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yes, fun.

[Bert Miapede]

What are the shows you like?

[Barbara Norquist]

Have you guys ever heard of Monsters, Inc.

[Bert Miapede]

I've heard of it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. I've seen it many times.

[Barbara Norquist]

It's a long show, but I like it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, it's a movie.

[Barbara Norquist]

Oh.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh. Is that word new to you?

[Barbara Norquist]

No, because I like now.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, that's right.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, right.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

But you know that Nell's not a show.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's show.

[Bert Miapede]

You know that.

[Joe Pedestrian]

No.

[Bert Miapede]

Is a movie. But you don't know that Monsters, Inc. Is a movie.

[Barbara Norquist]

Right. Because they don't have real people in it.

[Bert Miapede]

Ah, okay.

[Doug]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

All right. I see.

[Barbara Norquist]

And I love to cook.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, that's wonderful.

[Bert Miapede]

What do you like to cook the most?

[Barbara Norquist]

Spaghetti Bolognese.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay. I love spaghetti bolognese.

[Bert Miapede]

I do, too.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, it's so good. Long sauce to make. It takes a long time. Lots of patience.

[Barbara Norquist]

And you have to have carrots in it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You sure do.

[Barbara Norquist]

That's the only way I'll eat them.

[Bert Miapede]

Do you have carrots?

[Joe Pedestrian]

That's the only way you eat carrots. Is In Bolognese.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

Do you have to have carrots in there?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You don't like it, do you? Burnt. They seem out of place, don't they?

[Bert Miapede]

I'm not a fan of carrots in general.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

You could knuckle them out of the sauce.

[Bert Miapede]

Well, I have. Of course I've knuckled them out. Oh, I'll knuckle a carrot out. But how did that. It's not like carrots add anything. They don't. They don't. Do you know what I mean?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, they're just there.

[Doug]

They add to your eyesight.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes, I like them. Yes, they do.

[Bert Miapede]

They add to your eyesight.

[Barbara Norquist]

Out.

[Bert Miapede]

Do you think the carrots in Bolognese are really increasing your. Your eyesight?

[Doug]

I. I go outside at night every time we have it, just to test.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Thinks it's going to give him night vision. He thinks carrots are going to do.

[Doug]

It's tough to say because, you know, it takes a while after I eat it, and then by the time I reach the front door, maybe the. Maybe the benefits have worn off.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I mean, it's not a thing. It's supposed to be a cumulative benefit. You think it's like taking a pill,

[Bert Miapede]

not like a Popeye spinach kind of situation.

[Doug]

Wait, Joan, you're saying every carrot is still in there giving me a benefit?

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, not necessarily.

[Doug]

You don't think it ever wears off?

[Joe Pedestrian]

That in order to get your body to sort of build up a certain. And ease. Even if you're taking a vitamin, you have to do it for several months before you see a result.

[Doug]

Okay, but that first vitamin is probably worn off.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Worn off is an interesting. Sure. I mean, listen. We pee out a lot of the vitamins that we take. You know, it's just the truth. I'm sorry.

[Barbara Norquist]

I pee. That's okay.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay. We don't need it.

[Doug]

Sounds like the divorce we got off track.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We did. How so? How many years is it now with this? Your parents are still going through the divorce?

[Barbara Norquist]

Well, kind of. Because we.

[Bert Miapede]

I mean, I mean, the clock is still ticking.

[Barbara Norquist]

The divorce, I mean, it's kind of, you know, it's fine.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I forgot about it.

[Barbara Norquist]

No going back. But it's like. Do they ever really get over it?

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah.

[Barbara Norquist]

You know, I think my bra. I think my dad still loves her.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Really?

[Bert Miapede]

That's probably why he's lashing out.

[Barbara Norquist]

Probably. Or having me lash out for. For him.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't like that he's using you to work out his problems. You know, you. You need to have a chance to be A kid to have fun.

[Barbara Norquist]

What should I do?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, you know what? You did so great in that scene where we're playing the hot dog vendors. I think you should get involved with the Dignity Falls Playhouse and do a play.

[Bert Miapede]

You know, Joan is quite the actress.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes, and I. I know a few people.

[Barbara Norquist]

Really?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes. And I, I. They do a great youth theater and we put on plays. You know, four kids, biking kids.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

So I think that that would be.

[Bert Miapede]

Look,

[Doug]

Doug.

[Joe Pedestrian]

What?

[Bert Miapede]

Doug, come on.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That's why we've never called it that. Because it's just not a lot of people. You can't make it.

[Bert Miapede]

We were all thinking. You don't need to say it out loud.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's not good.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

So I think maybe that.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay. That could be fun.

[Bert Miapede]

I think maybe that.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, do you have another solution? Burnt.

[Bert Miapede]

No. I think this is a great idea. I'd love to see you two act together. I mean, that hot dog scene was dynamite.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

What's a good play for a woman and a young woman?

[Joe Pedestrian]

A woman and a night mother?

[Bert Miapede]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Kathy Bates was in and on Broadway. She played the daughter. She was amazing, apparently.

[Bert Miapede]

Who played the mother?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't know. Kathy Bates was young once. Everyone forgets this.

[Bert Miapede]

That's true.

[Barbara Norquist]

I would know.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, Matlock. Yeah. Did you watch Matlock? I love Matlock. That's her.

[Bert Miapede]

Wait.

[Barbara Norquist]

Nice.

[Bert Miapede]

But which Matlock do you watch?

[Barbara Norquist]

The one that's old.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, that's not Andy Griffith.

[Bert Miapede]

With Andy Griffith.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You should watch the new one.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

She was in Misery. Have you seen that show? I sure hope not.

[Barbara Norquist]

No, I love it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. That's not good. That's not good.

[Bert Miapede]

You're living it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Scary show.

[Bert Miapede]

So you're not happy?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Barbara, I want to help you. This makes me very. Listen, my mama bear instinct is going to kick in now, and I really want to help you.

[Bert Miapede]

Do you wish that your parents would get back together?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Do you wish that they would get back together? Is that what you want?

[Barbara Norquist]

I think it would be nice to. If they got back together. But if they're not happy, then they are teaching me that you should stand up for your happiness.

[Bert Miapede]

Wow. That's very true.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

That's very.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I'm glad you learned the lesson. But I'm glad that you learned it. Lesson.

[Bert Miapede]

But I'm glad that you did.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, but there. I mean, it's been gross. It's been dirty.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, can you. What? What's. What's. I don't want to make you say it.

[Bert Miapede]

There might be things we don't even know.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. What's Been going on.

[Barbara Norquist]

They write. They write things out that. And they say they have this rule that says anything you write, I have to read out loud. Not me, but the other person. Okay. And so they.

[Bert Miapede]

Sorry, sorry, sorry. How does the rule work? Anything the one person writes, the other

[Joe Pedestrian]

person has to read it out loud.

[Bert Miapede]

Why would they abide by this? I mean, I admire that there's a sort of honor system in place that they're both honoring, but I. I can't believe that somebody would do that.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And do they write a lot?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, it's very long.

[Bert Miapede]

Well, if you had that kind of

[Joe Pedestrian]

power, of course you would. Sure. So can you give us an example?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yes. My. My dad wrote for my mom to read. It said, hello, my. My name is Jen, and. And I wrote this.

[Bert Miapede]

This.

[Barbara Norquist]

And I mean everything that I say. And I. And I'm scum of the earth.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, no.

[Barbara Norquist]

And I did everything wrong.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, that's. That's gross. And more just horrifying.

[Bert Miapede]

Where does this take place?

[Joe Pedestrian]

In abusive.

[Barbara Norquist]

In the gazebo. They have a permit for that.

[Bert Miapede]

They go to it in public. Wow.

[Barbara Norquist]

But it's after. But it's always after seven, so I can't go.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, so you don't have to be a part of this terrible thing. They never make you reach.

[Barbara Norquist]

No, no, no.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, good.

[Bert Miapede]

But is this while your dad is at work at the stand?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

This is very unhealthy.

[Bert Miapede]

So does he have to enter the gazebo? He has to, like, put a little. Be back in five minutes.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah. And that's why he's thinking he's missing a lot of sales.

[Bert Miapede]

Oh, I can't imagine that's not a part of this.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Especially if they're. If she's writing so much or if he's writing so much. My goodness.

[Bert Miapede]

Looks like a thing she wrote for him to say.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, The. The latest one that I heard her giggling over, and she kind of. When she writes, she reads out loud. It said, this man has a shrimp.

[Joe Pedestrian]

The.

[Bert Miapede]

Oh. But then he reads that aloud. But then it sounds like it's about somebody else.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

She's getting off easy.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Tuned into making sure she says, this is me. I'm writing. Yeah. She should say my name.

[Barbara Norquist]

Ben.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. And I have a straight deal if

[Bert Miapede]

you should be giving pointers.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I know. I just. I want. I want this to be equal.

[Barbara Norquist]

It's hard not to get wrapped up in. Right.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It is. I mean, to be honest, the whole town is. Because this has been hanging over our heads for such a long time. But I. I'm sor. That you're the one that's really dealing with all of this. Are they seeing a counselor or something there?

[Barbara Norquist]

Maybe Brad started off as that.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Started off as a counselor.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

And then he struck up a roulette. Very unprofessional.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Is it? Is.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah. Yeah. So. But maybe. But maybe. If it's helping, I think it's okay.

[Bert Miapede]

Is it?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Is it?

[Barbara Norquist]

No.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Why is it taking so long for them to get divorced if they want to get divorced?

[Barbara Norquist]

Because they have a hard time committing to anything. Oh, boy.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, I guess that makes sense in a way.

[Bert Miapede]

Seems pretty committed to this door licking thing.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I think what I would. I guess. Oh. I don't know what to say to you, Barbara. First of all, you're gonna come into the theater and it's gonna be great.

[Barbara Norquist]

I can't wait. I just don't wanna commit.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Everybody else there is also trained. What?

[Barbara Norquist]

I don't want to commit suicide.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We won't do that. We won't do that play.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We won't do that play. We'll do something. We'll do something much more fun. We'll do like an Alice in Wonderland or we'll do like. We'll do either House on the Prairie or Anne of Green Gables. That would be a great one.

[Bert Miapede]

Star Wars. You could do that.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I guess we could do Star Wars.

[Bert Miapede]

Oh, my. I would love to see that.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yes.

[Bert Miapede]

Aaliyah and Ray situation.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

You know.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah.

[Barbara Norquist]

Doug, will you be in it?

[Doug]

Happily. Any role.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Any role. Okay.

[Doug]

Do you think?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes, I think. I think that's.

[Bert Miapede]

That's a trap. That sounded more like Yoda.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It really did.

[Doug]

I really thought I had all these.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

You gotta have more.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It's gotta be more wet. Yeah.

[Barbara Norquist]

That's really good.

[Bert Miapede]

That sounds like Brian. They're not serious people.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Got the McRabbin.

[Barbara Norquist]

I'm loving it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, nice. And there's a little voice in there, Barbara. I love that. So you could do. I think you need to get on a stage. There's going to be other kids there. They're all trying to get away from their families. Okay. And you're going to get along great with them.

[Bert Miapede]

Do you know what legal emancipation is?

[Joe Pedestrian]

That's another good question.

[Bert Miapede]

It's where you as a kid can say, I want nothing more to do with my parents.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

I'm my own person.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay. I can't drive yet, though.

[Bert Miapede]

That's okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Right? But you still be your own person.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I think she's going to need more infrastructure from that because I don't Know if she's going to go home and know how to look.

[Barbara Norquist]

That I can hear.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I know. Sorry. We run into that problem all the time. We try to talk to each other and we forget that we're talking into microphones and you can hear us. Sorry, sweetie, but I do think that you need to get out of the house for reasons other than to lick a doorknob.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, I hear that. I can. Okay. I'm gonna need more outside shoes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Sure, sure. Outside shoes. Get more outside shoes.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

Sorry, Is that the. The expression?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. Get.

[Bert Miapede]

Get more outside shoes. Get more outside shoes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It is. It's a saying. Here, dignity falls. And you know what? Maybe I did forget that that was a saying because outside shoes. I just haven't heard it in so long. So. So anyways, when Bert makes that noise, it's time for us to go. Okay.

[Barbara Norquist]

So I feel good about it.

[Bert Miapede]

Make me the bad guy.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I'm not. It just happens in Vol.

[Bert Miapede]

You mean we do have to go?

[Joe Pedestrian]

You don't mean to, but here's the thing. We wish you best of luck.

[Bert Miapede]

Thank you.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I want you to just get out there and think about what makes Barbara happy.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

What does Barbara want to do? What does Barbara want to see? What does Barbara want to be?

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

I love that you have to sing that. I mean, that just has to be singing.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes, but I don't remember the order. Does anyone remember the order?

[Bert Miapede]

What does Barbara want to do?

[Joe Pedestrian]

What does Barbara want to do? What was the next verb?

[Barbara Norquist]

What does Barbara wants to see?

[Joe Pedestrian]

What does Barbara want to see? I think that was last, but it's fine.

[Bert Miapede]

What does Barbara want to be?

[Joe Pedestrian]

What does bar. No, that was last, so it's. What does Barbara want to do?

[Doug]

Seems like you know.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Where does Barbara want to go?

[Bert Miapede]

I can't remember the order. No, that's wrong.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Hang on. This is the ending. What does Barbara want to be?

[Bert Miapede]

That was beautiful.

[Barbara Norquist]

I love that. I really loved that.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, and by you saying it in different syntax. Yeah, okay, great.

[Bert Miapede]

Barbara, thank you so much. It was great to have you here to clear the air about this and tell your side of the story. And I hope Brad isn't too upset.

[Barbara Norquist]

Me too. Sorry, Brad.

[Bert Miapede]

By how many times his door's been.

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, it's fine. I think that Brad should say sorry to you because I think he's making things more complicated for you. And you know what? Your parents problems are not your problems. They. They don'. Reflect on you. And you don't have to always do what they say. Okay? Listen to your inner voice.

[Barbara Norquist]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

All right.

[Barbara Norquist]

Thank you.

[Bert Miapede]

That's right.

[Barbara Norquist]

Thanks.

[Bert Miapede]

Is there any message you would like to. To give to your parents or anything

[Joe Pedestrian]

you want to plug?

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah, you can catch me doing Yoda's. Yoda's Star wars at the theater.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, good, that's a future plug. I love it. I love where your head's at. Manifestation.

[Bert Miapede]

Sting. And any message for divorced Ben and divorced Jen?

[Barbara Norquist]

I can stand up to you, and I have my own thoughts, and I am going to figure out what Barbara likes to do, what Barbara likes to say, and what Barbara likes to be.

[Bert Miapede]

Now, when divorced Ben says, get your outside shoes on. We're gonna go lick that door, what do you say?

[Joe Pedestrian]

No. Okay. Maybe that was such a good start because this face, the look on her face. Face was so pure. It's like the first time she's ever done that. Just make sure. And we can work on this in theater. Make sure you just get a. Use your diaphragm a little bit more to get a little sound out.

[Bert Miapede]

If divorced Ben says, what did you say?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, then what is it going to sound like?

[Barbara Norquist]

Oh, go get my shoes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay. No, but what are you going to do? No, no, no, no, no. You're going to say it louder.

[Barbara Norquist]

No.

[Joe Pedestrian]

There we go.

[Bert Miapede]

There we go. But do that one first.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

All right, Barb. Thank you so much. We'll be back with more of the Neighbor Listen when the Neighbor Listen returns with more.

[Marilyn]

Hello, this is Marilyn. I have a vintage doll for $35, seven and a half inches tall, jumping rope. As you can see, this doll has a jumping rope because I know little girls love nothing more than to make their dolls jump rope. This is a handcrafted doll. I made it from materials that ghosts brought me, and it was a lovely experience. They'd come to me all times of day and all times of night, and I just imagine imagined that these pieces meant something to them. And I like to think it healed them. And so you can see this darling girl who's wearing a massive bow on her head with braids that are fat, and she's never going to actually get that rope. Off, over, up, off, over, under, above, off, over and beneath and above and off and over. That dumb hat. But we can still dream. And so can I that you will give me $35 for this angel.

[Bert Miapede]

Back to the neighborhood. Listen, I welcome you.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. You too, Yoda.

[Bert Miapede]

Boy. Oh, he's so funny.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, my goodness. I sense there would be another disturbance of a Yoda impression before we were done with this podcast.

[Bert Miapede]

I sense There would be another disturbance of a Yoda impression.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Listen, I. I tried. I just wanted to have fun.

[Bert Miapede]

Fun? Did you?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I did have fun.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay, good. I'm glad.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That seems. What? That's a wicked thing to say right back. Because it implies that, you know what it is? It feels like. Feels like. Are you being shown Travolta? Yeah. It feels like in Mean Girls when he says, she says, do you. Do you think you're pretty?

[Bert Miapede]

You know, so you agree?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Do you agree that's what it is? Do you agree that's what it felt like?

[Bert Miapede]

Anyway, I. I don't mean to be a mean girl. I really don't.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, I don't want you to be a mean girl.

[Bert Miapede]

I'd rather. Rather not.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

I prefer not to. As Bartleby the scrivener said, boy, you know what?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Barbara was a sweetheart. And she was. She did look younger than 14. I'm not wrong. Right?

[Bert Miapede]

I thought she was five years old.

[Barbara Norquist]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I thought she was like.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah, she's very small.

[Joe Pedestrian]

She's very small. She doesn't worry that she has stunted growth? She doesn't.

[Bert Miapede]

I worry she has stunted growth.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And it's crazy she mentioned Nell because, man, that's all I was thinking that

[Bert Miapede]

from the way she was talking.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I wonder what it's like to go back and watch that movie. Movie?

[Bert Miapede]

I mean, there's only one way to find out. I've never seen it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You haven't?

[Bert Miapede]

I've never seen it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay, so you definitely. Your three things would just be Tay, in the Wind, Chick, Chick and Tony Foster. Right. And that, you know, she pulls her dress up. That was a whole.

[Bert Miapede]

Oh, I did know that. I did know that.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Because of the whole nature of it.

[Bert Miapede]

Exciting?

[Joe Pedestrian]

No. Upsetting. I said it was.

[Bert Miapede]

I was going to say Joan.

[Joe Pedestrian]

No, it was not exciting. Good Lord. Cut that. That. But didn't she like. Didn't it win an award? Did she like win the Oscar for that? Babe, do you remember? I don't remember anything. But back in the day, that was a classic Oscar nominated type role. Right?

[Bert Miapede]

For sure. She's probably nominated. Yes.

[Doug]

Oh, by the way.

[Joe Pedestrian]

What?

[Doug]

Oh, Eve Klein.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Who's Eve?

[Bert Miapede]

Thank you. Is that the name?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Thank you. Oh, God.

[Bert Miapede]

Who's Eve Klein?

[Doug]

The artist. Painting one color. He painted one color blue.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It was a woman.

[Doug]

Is that the one you think?

[Bert Miapede]

No.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, really?

[Bert Miapede]

Not that one?

[Doug]

Not a woman?

[Bert Miapede]

It was. It was a. You know what? It's. It's the guy, Bobby, short on Mad Men, had a painting of his hanging in his office.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, okay. So it was like a mid century modern type artist.

[Bert Miapede]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, it looks like she was nominated for best actress. Yeah, that sense makes. Makes sense. That makes sense.

[Bert Miapede]

She couldn't have won though.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, like.

[Bert Miapede]

Okay, we get it. You played a weirdo.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Okay.

[Bert Miapede]

Acknowledged.

[Doug]

Wait, who's the man and who's like, creepy and on the COVID He's like, creepy.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Are you looking at the poster or

[Bert Miapede]

the man who's creeping on the COVID

[Joe Pedestrian]

He looks like Pazuzu is the man who's creeping on the COVID Shaft.

[Bert Miapede]

He's.

[Doug]

He's sort of pazuzuing on the.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, don't you dare.

[Bert Miapede]

Liam Neeson's in it, right?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, that's what I was just.

[Doug]

Is that Liam Neeson?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I believe it is. Liam Neeson in the movie.

[Doug]

Quite good on Jin.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, that's right.

[Bert Miapede]

Oh, he looked. Yeah, he's like a. I'm looking at it now myself. And he's like a menacing figure.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That's a strange poster. Good point. Very odd. Very odd movie. No, I. I do that. That. I mean, we have. So we have such a long list of. Watch along, so it's hard to keep track.

[Bert Miapede]

Well, we're gonna see how long the running time is and it might shoot straight up to the top

[Joe Pedestrian]

since me, Joe Black is what, three hours?

[Bert Miapede]

We did, didn't we? We promised that we would eventually watch it, right?

[Joe Pedestrian]

We did. We do. We. We do need to do that.

[Bert Miapede]

We're aware we have a year to do it, right.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah, we can get it done.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

No problem. I believe in us. Tensational.

[Bert Miapede]

Is it?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, what was that?

[Doug]

Is that a bird fight?

[Bert Miapede]

Are the birds coming back to Dignity Falls?

[Joe Pedestrian]

They. They are.

[Doug]

Don't say that if you don't mean it.

[Bert Miapede]

I. I've. I heard birds. I could swear that I heard birds. I. Outside.

[Doug]

Okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, I mean, a long time. People are going to be confused because the thing is, when Sandy was here and there were no birds, we. We did find them. They came back. So we had to talk about when. When they did leave. Because that happened after that.

[Bert Miapede]

Yes, that was a. We should have done a follow up.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We should have.

[Bert Miapede]

We should. Because we really gave him a hard time.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes, we did.

[Bert Miapede]

And then it turns out the bird, he was ahead of his time. Yes, because the birds did leave.

[Joe Pedestrian]

They did leave.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And they've been gone for, I don't know, about a year and a half or so maybe.

[Doug]

And I did say in Fantastic park, you do see birds sometimes. Sometimes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That is true. You covered your bases, Doug. You sure Did.

[Doug]

But now I can't remember if I really saw them.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, dear.

[Doug]

Maybe I just missed them so much.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, I'm sorry, babe.

[Bert Miapede]

It's very poignant, Doug.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It really is. It's almost like as poignant as saying onion may be everywhere.

[Bert Miapede]

Onion may be everywhere.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Everywhere. Onion may be. Well, we have one last post, and good. It's from someone named Shruti. And they're saying, anyone who can help me with lighthouse chores, I need help every 10 days. I need help after every 10 days.

[Bert Miapede]

Did you say lighthouse chores?

[Joe Pedestrian]

This is what I'm saying.

[Bert Miapede]

Oh, okay.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It reads like lighthouse chores, but I think she just means light spilling your beans. George. George.

[Bert Miapede]

Light George. Lighthouse George.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Like that woman from Wife Swap. Is that your dork sighted lighthouse, George? Yes, it sounds like. It just sounds like lighthouse chores. Like an actual lighthouse. We did. We do have a lighthouse. I mean, we don't have any water anymore in the area. Yes, but what it.

[Bert Miapede]

And we also were not on a

[Joe Pedestrian]

coast, so we're not on a coast. Perspective lighthouses, right? It gets smaller as you get closer. And they used it as a way to get lighthouse fans here, you know, because people love to, like, tra. You know, some people love to go view all the America's great lighthouses.

[Bert Miapede]

You know, really overestimated how many people that was.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, my gosh. We got so many people. Even if we got all of them,

[Bert Miapede]

I mean, it's not. It's not gonna be like, oh, our. Our problems are solved.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Right?

[Bert Miapede]

All the tourism dollars from the lighthouse lookers.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It is true, but they really made it look grand and beautiful, like, you know, in the pictures and in the catalogs.

[Bert Miapede]

Of course you wanted to get closer to it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You did. And then they did and they realized it was like, came up to, like, your knee

[Bert Miapede]

if you were short.

[Joe Pedestrian]

If you were short now. I mean, we got a little bit of a boost because people made it go viral because people were doing sort of like, you know, bits in front of it.

[Bert Miapede]

It went negatively. Viral. I mean, you want to go viral, you know, it went. It went viral in the way that the. The. The baseball Karen went viral. You know what I mean?

[Joe Pedestrian]

In the way that the baseball.

[Barbara Norquist]

What?

[Bert Miapede]

The baseball Karen. What's the baseball game?

[Barbara Norquist]

Gosh.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes. That was unfortunate.

[Bert Miapede]

That was unfortunate. Didn't need to be that way.

[Joe Pedestrian]

She was a bummer. Yes. So it was it. So that's why my mind goes to it. But there would be no chores to do except for, you know, they just have to make sure that they keep it like the Brush cleared from it.

[Doug]

Sweep the stuff. Stairs that would.

[Joe Pedestrian]

They're so tiny.

[Bert Miapede]

Have to walk up.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, but yet there are 500 stairs in there. There's 500 steps in that tiny lighthouse. Someone actually.

[Bert Miapede]

Why did somebody do that?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't know. I mean, it. It's still. Nobody knows who picked. Yeah. It does have a light.

[Bert Miapede]

Is surprising.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It does have a working light.

[Bert Miapede]

Yes. Yeah. And no one danger to cars on the road.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. It's the opposite of what a lighthouse is supposed to do.

[Bert Miapede]

Exactly.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You know, and it's surrounded by rocks.

[Bert Miapede]

Yes.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And also rocks. It also made it onto one of those. It. Actually, here's what. What? I'm not supposed to talk about it. I'm not supposed to talk about it. But there was a famous lighthouse calendars. Used to be a big deal back in the day. Right. And there'd be like, are you kidding me?

[Doug]

Gorgeous.

[Bert Miapede]

People loved them.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes.

[Bert Miapede]

Lighthouse calendars.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Lighthouse calendars.

[Bert Miapede]

They were in every home.

[Barbara Norquist]

Come on.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

And there was a famous one of like a huge wave hitting a lighthouse. Right. And there's a man on it. I don't know if you remember this one I'm talking about. It was pretty famous. And. But that was staged. That was. That was someone just pouring some seven up on the tiny.

[Bert Miapede]

They poured seven up on the tiny

[Joe Pedestrian]

lighthouse with a little. It was just a little toy man that was on there. And it sold so many copies and so many posters.

[Bert Miapede]

Now they used seven up to get like the foam.

[Doug]

The foam, yeah, exactly.

[Joe Pedestrian]

They just threw it along the side. And it was surprisingly effective. It was amazing.

[Doug]

It looked so accurate.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Go look it up. And now just know when you look at that picture, it's seven up, baby.

[Bert Miapede]

Yep. Seven up, baby.

[Doug]

Do you remember when they tried to combine the lighthouse and swimsuit calendars and it just flopped in the white house

[Joe Pedestrian]

in the lighthouse, they put swimsuits on lighthouses.

[Bert Miapede]

And then the fire into that calendar where they dressed up like lighthouses.

[Doug]

Really lost the plot.

[Joe Pedestrian]

They really did. So anyways, I mean, I. I think basically that this person means. I think this person means just lighthouse chores. But it's kind of. There's. Is there something wrong with me? I'm disturbed by the word after when it says I need help after every 10 days as if something happens, happens. And then after that, it's like, oh,

[Bert Miapede]

you gotta come in and werewolf.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, no, werewolf. Maybe it is having to do with the lighthouse.

[Bert Miapede]

After the transformation, I'm gonna need help. Lighthouse chores.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Wow. Do you know what that. That's not a bad guess. I mean, if, you know, I was into believing that stuff, but I could see how that would be an interesting

[Bert Miapede]

guess, like, scientifically, a werewolf. Could it.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Could it have job, babe.

[Doug]

Thanks.

[Bert Miapede]

Could it happen? Could we make it happen?

[Joe Pedestrian]

What do you want to make it happen, Bert?

[Bert Miapede]

I don't want to.

[Doug]

I'm saying how we could accidentally happen

[Joe Pedestrian]

because, like, a scientific experiment go wrong and have a. Have us get a werewolf.

[Bert Miapede]

Well, it could go right. I'm saying that is. Is it possible to create a werewolf?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Is it possible to create a wolf? I'm sorry, what?

[Doug]

That's the thing. Becoming another thing. Caterpillar becoming a butterfly.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes. They don't go back. That's the thing.

[Bert Miapede]

They don't go back down.

[Joe Pedestrian]

They don't go back down.

[Doug]

There's no reason to think they couldn't go back to goop and become a caterpillar.

[Joe Pedestrian]

To goop.

[Bert Miapede]

I. Well, I guess the only reason is to think that is because it doesn't happen.

[Doug]

Well, you could say werewolves don't happen. Well, they don't.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You sure could.

[Bert Miapede]

I'm saying, is it possible to make that happen?

[Joe Pedestrian]

I don't think that it is. I really don't.

[Bert Miapede]

I hope not.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Because of the whole going back to human form thing.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You know.

[Doug]

So you think you could go one way but not back?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Well, I think it'd probably be easy to eventually genetically modify an animal and a human. A dog and human. I mean, they clone sheep, so it's not that crazy. Tom Brady cloned his dog.

[Bert Miapede]

So you're saying, yes, we can make a werewolf.

[Joe Pedestrian]

I'm saying Tom Brady's dog is a werewolf. Potentially.

[Bert Miapede]

Every clone dog is potentially werewolf.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Potentially a werewolf. That's right. You never know.

[Bert Miapede]

Didn't Barbra Streisand clone her dog, too?

[Joe Pedestrian]

Is that right? That sounds right.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Bert Miapede]

Do you know that. That story about the bull. They clone the bull. Was it this American life story, was it. Yes. They cloned their prize bull, and then the bull was. Did not act like the other bull. It's like. Because it's not.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, I thought you were describing the. The story. Ferdinand.

[Doug]

Did you ever hear the Tale of

[Bert Miapede]

Darth Plagueis, Book the Wise?

[Joe Pedestrian]

The what? Did we ever hear the what?

[Bert Miapede]

The Tale of Darth Plagueis the Wise.

[Joe Pedestrian]

The Tale of Darth Plagueis the Wise? No, I don't know that.

[Doug]

That's as far as it goes.

[Bert Miapede]

Now, Darth Plagueis turned out to be the Emperor, right?

[Doug]

No, that's Palpatine.

[Joe Pedestrian]

That's true.

[Doug]

Darth Plagueis our city. Darth Plagueis was a previous Sith Lord.

[Joe Pedestrian]

It took me so long to figure out what we were talking about. Star Wars.

[Bert Miapede]

Darth did not tip you off?

[Joe Pedestrian]

It didn't. Because I thought it was Barth. I thought I heard him say Barth.

[Bert Miapede]

I did like Barth Gimble from Fernwood tonight.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Don't know that either.

[Bert Miapede]

Martin Mull.

[Doug]

Barth.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Martin Mull. I haven't thought about Martin Mull in ages.

[Bert Miapede]

Think about him. Think about him right now.

[Joe Pedestrian]

You can't make me.

[Bert Miapede]

And yet you were already thinking about him.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Damn it.

[Bert Miapede]

Don't think of Martin Mole. All right, well, that. That we should have spent a long time for sure.

[Doug]

Should we cut all that out?

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah, cut all that.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Maybe we should just cut this whole episode.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah, don't. Don't put this one out. All right, so I. I'm going to act in case somebody discovers this.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yeah. Years, like years from now.

[Bert Miapede]

Yeah. Advanced civilizations. Hello from Earth. Thank you for listening to the Neighborhood Listen.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Oh, boy, I would. I would love it if someone stumbled on this years from now. That'd be fun.

[Bert Miapede]

That'd be fun. And we were the representatives for all of humanity.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Yes. Fantastic. Goodbye and bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed.

[Bert Miapede]

The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins and me, Nicole Parker.

[Doug]

And me, Brett Morris.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Today's guest was played by Emily Pendergast.

[Bert Miapede]

The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang world.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show ad free as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going. Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[Bert Miapede]

Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Head.

[Joe Pedestrian]

Each episode we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show. This is us.

[Bert Miapede]

That's right.

[Joe Pedestrian]

We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[Bert Miapede]

Are we gonna cry? Yes, a little bit. Are we gonna laugh a lot?

[Doug]

A whole lot.

[Bert Miapede]

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to. That was us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.