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Paul F. Tompkins
Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.
Nicole Parker
And I'm Nicole Parker.
Paul F. Tompkins
On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.
Nicole Parker
Occasionally, we change the names of some
Paul F. Tompkins
streets, and that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.
Nicole Parker
And now, please enjoy this episode of the Neighborhood.
Paul F. Tompkins
Listen. Knock, knock.
Nicole Parker
Who's there?
Paul F. Tompkins
Your neighbor.
Nicole Parker
Good. In Dignity Fall, you're never alone. You've got the neighbor half AV and us, Vern and Joan. From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell.
Paul F. Tompkins
We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well.
Nicole Parker
We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in. To the Neighborhood.
Paul F. Tompkins
Listen. Welcome.
Nicole Parker
Wow.
Paul F. Tompkins
To the Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its many residents, two of whom are seated across from each other. And I am talking to you right now as one of them. My name is Burnt Miapede. I'm the pharmacist in chief of the Dignity Falls, missy. Dignity Falls, premier pharmacy and, dare I say, America's.
Nicole Parker
You dared to do it. You did do it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Where Eagles dare. I also, as always, is.
Nicole Parker
Oh, no. Do you need some water? Are you okay? That was a real big wind up. Bert. Are you okay?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes. I inhaled some saliva.
Nicole Parker
I'm so sorry. Okay. We are entering the season of spruen here in Dignity Falls, which, as we all know, is a sort of in between. I'm so sorry. Here, have this lozenge.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's really terrible. There's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
Nicole Parker
Have a lozenge. I make them at home now.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, I don't think the lozenge is good. Lozenge?
Nicole Parker
Well, what, El.
Paul F. Tompkins
Because it's in my lungs. You know what I mean?
Nicole Parker
That's the problem. But this is also. It's.
Paul F. Tompkins
I don't think more moisture is the issue. I don't think that's the solution.
Nicole Parker
If your throat is bothering you, then you could. You still need some. You still need some comfort from the lozenge. You still need a lubrication of sorts. Are you listening to me?
Paul F. Tompkins
I am listening to you. I'm dismissing what you're saying.
Nicole Parker
Oh, you know what? I appreciate the honesty. I appreciate the honesty, but dismissing? All I'm bringing up is a lion. There's no way to dismiss it.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm not. I'm not a doctor. I'm Just a pharmacist, but I do know a little bit. And the lozenge is not going to do anything. You're saying it's a placebo? Sort of. It's a comfort thing?
Nicole Parker
No, I believe that it's real. Listen, this is probably because I'm a singer. Hi, I'm Joan Pedestrian and I'm the top, top realtor here in Dignity Falls. And the top local actress.
Paul F. Tompkins
Correct.
Nicole Parker
Dare I say, the premier local actress in the country.
Paul F. Tompkins
Dare I double dog dare you to say it.
Nicole Parker
Where Eagles. Double. Double dog. Oh, almost. Oh, wasn't that sad? So anyways, I think that lozenges do work. I really.
Paul F. Tompkins
No, I think they do work. They don't work in this particular instance,
Nicole Parker
but a cough is still going to irritate your throat and you need to treat your throat as well.
Paul F. Tompkins
It is, but I.
Nicole Parker
Because you. What. You know what's happening when you cough, right?
George
What?
Paul F. Tompkins
You make a fool out of you and me.
Nicole Parker
A and B, the cords are slamming together. You know, your vocal cords, they are slamming together, together. It's violent. A cough is very violent on those little chords.
Paul F. Tompkins
Is that the best we could do is chords?
Nicole Parker
What would you call them?
Paul F. Tompkins
You know what I mean?
Nicole Parker
What do you want to call them?
Paul F. Tompkins
No, it's not the name. It's just that the system.
Nicole Parker
Oh, well, how would you have a voice?
Paul F. Tompkins
I don't like having some sort of a piano system in my throat.
Nicole Parker
Piano system. I wouldn't call it chord. More like two drums almost that. That. That undulate as they hit together.
Paul F. Tompkins
Is it just. You only have two vocals.
Nicole Parker
You know what it's like? It's like a cricket. Okay, I'm sorry. Every time I keep making my point, I get further across the kitchen island and I'm pointing my finger at him and I don't even know why I'm doing that, but it's because you said. You dismissed what I said earlier. So now I think I have to really get your attention a lot. That's. That's what I'm trying to do.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay, I deserve that.
Nicole Parker
So anyways, it's like a cricket. You know how cricket rubs. Rubs their leg?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
Nicole Parker
Okay. And there's that vibration and that sound. It's like the two chords are coming together and there's vibration and there sound.
Paul F. Tompkins
I always imagined we just had like a full set down there.
Nicole Parker
A full set of what?
Paul F. Tompkins
Chords.
Nicole Parker
Oh, are you picturing, like piano keys?
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm not picturing piano keys.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm picturing piano strings.
Nicole Parker
Piano strings. Okay. You thought we had the other. But there's a harp stretched across our larynx.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, that's what I thought.
Nicole Parker
And there's a little cartoon, I don't know, bug that's just running across them. I just thought that might be more fun in your.
Paul F. Tompkins
In your throat. No, I don't want any bugs in there.
Nicole Parker
Well, you know, you say, I caught a bug. It's real, Joan.
Paul F. Tompkins
You got me.
Nicole Parker
Anyways, it's just two little guys down there. And you know what's crazy? People might think that they're pair. They're. They're up and down vertically in our throat, but they're actually perpendicular to our larynx. They're. They're stretched across our throat.
Paul F. Tompkins
This is making less and less sense to me. And it's less and less appealing.
Nicole Parker
You know, you should look it up or not your own risk. What cords look like.
Paul F. Tompkins
I watched the pictures.
Nicole Parker
Everyone says you look like a vagina. Okay, let's all get over it.
Paul F. Tompkins
What if I look them up and they don't at all? And then you.
Nicole Parker
Then you have not had all the pictures you think you've had.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, I mean, I'm not. I can't look at the same time.
Nicole Parker
Well, I mean, Jodie, I don't know what to tell you.
Paul F. Tompkins
Fully short circuited.
Nicole Parker
It's possible.
Paul F. Tompkins
You can't.
Nicole Parker
I don't want to get into it. Anyways, it's spoon season and it's. It's. It's in between May and June and it's when we have these carnivorous flowers that are gorgeous.
Paul F. Tompkins
They're so beautiful.
Nicole Parker
But they will. They'll try to eat you. Yeah, they're very dangerous. Yeah, they are flesh eating plants.
Paul F. Tompkins
We did try to figure out, Gabby and I, is there a way she could have a bouquet of them for the wedding?
Nicole Parker
Oh, that seems like a terrible idea.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, we arrived and then you're gonna
Nicole Parker
toss it to a bunch of bachelorettes and they could get injured as well.
Paul F. Tompkins
We ultimately real. There's no safe way to do it.
Nicole Parker
There's no safe way to do it. Everybody would be coughing and sneezing.
Paul F. Tompkins
You can't get near them to take them out of the ground.
Nicole Parker
You can't. They don't let you.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Although they try to lure you.
Paul F. Tompkins
They sort of take charge of the. Of the town.
Nicole Parker
Oh, they do?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
And you know, it gets worse every season. It gets terrible. And the mound of Kleenex, which always happens, everyone throws their Kleenex into the middle of the town square. We shellack it and then it's taken to other cities.
Paul F. Tompkins
And nobody wants it.
Nicole Parker
No one wants it this year once
Paul F. Tompkins
they found out what it was. That was our mistake.
Nicole Parker
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Was the. The city council, whatever, telling people what it was?
Nicole Parker
Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
Because when it's shellacked, it looks kind
Nicole Parker
of pretty from afar.
Paul F. Tompkins
It does. And. And you. You and you, when you would look at it and you assume, well, it can't be actually real.
Nicole Parker
No. Who would do that? That's sick. That's disgusting.
Paul F. Tompkins
Sick and disgusting. Why do we do it? We shouldn't do that.
Nicole Parker
It's just like all of our traditions, I never question started. We even had a man die in there. Remember the guy who was like, look at me. And then he ran in and he got stuck like he was in a jello mold and they could never extract him.
Paul F. Tompkins
Look at me. He cried.
Nicole Parker
Something like that. That was his TikTok thing that he.
Paul F. Tompkins
Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nicole Parker
And of course, recording in another room in our home is my husband, Doug. How are you doing, babe?
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, that whistle can only give you a thing. Doug is being confusing. Doug. What?
Nicole Parker
He's nothing if not consistent.
Paul F. Tompkins
Are you in a birdhouse?
Doug
No, I'm in a. I'm building a whistle chamber. I joined the men's whistle choir in town.
Nicole Parker
What?
Doug
I did.
Paul F. Tompkins
They let you in? They let. They are very. They're very exclusionary. They're very exclusionary. Like that. That. That is a tough. A tough group to break into.
Nicole Parker
Yeah. They're called Lips Together, Sing Apart. And they. And they are very exclusionary. I try. I'm not a good whistler, so. But I just. I. They have. They put on such fabulous shows. I really.
Paul F. Tompkins
My God. They're incredible.
Nicole Parker
They're incredible. Honestly, people come from all over.
Paul F. Tompkins
I've never cried at a live show before.
Nicole Parker
You've never cried in live show before? You only cry by surprise. Usually tears.
Paul F. Tompkins
I only cry being surprised. I guess I was surprised by how beautiful the was.
Nicole Parker
That still was. Yeah. And, babe, you were. I did not. I knew he was auditioning, but I didn't know that you got in.
Doug
I got in.
Nicole Parker
That's amazing.
Paul F. Tompkins
Congratulations.
Nicole Parker
What? This means you did get in.
Doug
David Knight from Rhubarb Caravan, he's in it, so he. He kind of taught us something.
Paul F. Tompkins
Is he the one that wears the mask?
Doug
Well, yeah, he's the lead singer. Lead harmonica.
Paul F. Tompkins
He is lead harmonica.
Nicole Parker
No, he always wears the mask during the whistle choir.
Paul F. Tompkins
Doug. He wears a mask for Rhubar Caravan as well.
Doug
Well, it depends on what season it is.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Doug
No, I meant what the gig calls for. You know.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Doug
We adapt the.
Paul F. Tompkins
The. The lead singer, David Knight, apparently to
Nicole Parker
remind everyone Ruban is Doug's.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes. The lead whistler of the Lips Together. Sing Apart, was this mysterious figure who would wear a full Phantom of the Opera mask. Not a half one.
Nicole Parker
No, full one. But the lips are in the shape of.
Doug
The lips look like when Garfield's family sings Christmas carols.
Nicole Parker
Garfield's family.
Paul F. Tompkins
When Garfield sings. Who's in Garfield's family, first of all?
Nicole Parker
Well, there's Odie. There's the spider. There's Pookie, the teddy bear.
Paul F. Tompkins
Odie's not related to Garfield. None of these people are related to Garf. Feel I forgot about the spider right away.
Nicole Parker
Spider plays a huge part. And. And the girlfriend who. He just says they have the worst relationship in the world. Honestly, I thought you meant the Charlie Brown Choir. That's who I think of Lulu. That's what I think of. When did they sing Christmas carols, babe?
Doug
And there's a Garfield Christmas special.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, sure. And that's when we're introduced to Garfield's
Nicole Parker
family and they're singing.
Paul F. Tompkins
Extended or immediate?
Doug
No, there's a grandma that pets him on her lap.
Nicole Parker
There is?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. She's also.
Doug
She's kind of a cool gal. No, I think she's a neat, neat gal.
Nicole Parker
She's a neat, neat gal.
Paul F. Tompkins
So. So, okay, so these. These various entities are not related. Blood relatives of Garfield?
Nicole Parker
No. None of them could be. They're all different species, practically.
Paul F. Tompkins
I need to hear from Doug.
Nicole Parker
Okay. Sorry, I didn't. I didn't mean to answer. And cover for him.
Doug
No, they're not all cats. Is that what you're asking? Yeah, but Garfield's not your normal cat.
Nicole Parker
One of them's a cat. We're talking about the people I just named.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's right.
Nicole Parker
Only one was a cat in that list.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. You didn't even put in normal.
Nicole Parker
Oh, nervous. I forgot about normal. That is very cute.
Paul F. Tompkins
Also not related to Garfield.
Nicole Parker
So. So you're doing this to practice. So.
George
Wow.
Nicole Parker
This is amazing.
Doug
Practice and also maybe hold rehearsals one of these days. Oh, if I can bring them over.
Nicole Parker
That's interesting, because they always.
Paul F. Tompkins
Would they deign to come to your home.
Nicole Parker
They always rehearse in an undisclosed location. And it changes every time.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's right.
Nicole Parker
So I couldn't even know if they were going to be in there.
Paul F. Tompkins
They reveal it afterwards on Instagram.
Nicole Parker
They drop pins later.
Paul F. Tompkins
Graham.
Nicole Parker
Like Taylor Swift.
Doug
A lot of it's just still the same rehearsal studio, but they jump units.
Nicole Parker
I don't think you're supposed to say that. I'm gonna get in trouble. I heard you had to sign a very exclusive NDA for this. Did you?
Doug
Well, I mean, yeah, but it's not. This is just a podcast.
Nicole Parker
I mean, he sounds like one of our guests.
Paul F. Tompkins
Dismissive.
Nicole Parker
Who commits murder. You know, commits murder and talks about it. It's like, is this gonna go out to everybody?
Doug
I'll scramble it in the edit.
Nicole Parker
Okay, great. This is very exciting. Can you. So. So can you give us a little more of what you're working on? Are you warming up in there?
Doug
Yeah, I'm working on a. Well, I'm building like, it's gonna be all over the place.
Nicole Parker
Yeah. What does it look like? What constitutes mirrors?
Doug
Yeah, so it's.
Nicole Parker
I would think that's great for acoustics.
George
It's.
Doug
The most reflective surface you can get is a mirror. Yeah. I mean, think about it.
Nicole Parker
Vocally, maybe visually it is, but what do you want?
Doug
A pool.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Doug
Placid reflecting pool. Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
You're not gonna fly to Washington, D.C.
Doug
those will be incredibly reverberant, and you'll be able to see each other.
Nicole Parker
My.
Paul F. Tompkins
My.
Nicole Parker
Reverberant. It'll be positively reverberant.
Doug
And part of the whistle choir training is not just the whistle technique.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Doug
You have to clutch your hands together, kind of cup them very earnestly as you whistle.
Paul F. Tompkins
That is true.
Doug
And so I'm just. I have.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's their signature. To work. Their signature move. Yeah. Because it has to be just right. It's like a salute. Yeah, it has to be. That has to be the very. Right, Ang.
George
Very.
Nicole Parker
Was that part of the audition?
Doug
Yeah. It's like a surgeon you cannot shake.
Nicole Parker
It kind of makes them look like a cult. But anyway.
Paul F. Tompkins
They also say they scrub in before a concert.
Nicole Parker
They do. They're big on hygiene also. Then they. Oh, they're divas. About germs getting sick, you know, like, that's why they're never out. It's like, oh, you sneeze. And they're like, bye. And they just think, I didn't know that.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's right. One time.
Nicole Parker
Yeah. You better be careful. Wear a mask if you want to rehearse with them.
Paul F. Tompkins
I remember one time, one of them got a cold sore and he was excommunicated. They would not let him back in the group after the cold sore healed. They said it's affecting your whistling.
Doug
Well, I mean.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Doug
A lot of focus is on your lips.
Nicole Parker
It's all. It's all. It's all the lips, I think.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
It's all the lips.
Paul F. Tompkins
Do you remember that one? That one year they did. They ended with a big wolf whistle.
Nicole Parker
I do remember that.
Paul F. Tompkins
And it was so powerful. Like, they did it in harmony. It was so powerful, every woman in the audience took their top off.
Doug
Now, babe, that's just part of the job.
Nicole Parker
Okay. All right. That was a one time.
Paul F. Tompkins
They're not gonna do it again, are they?
Nicole Parker
Expect. Well, listen, their fans are. I don't want to say crazy, but, like, they are rabbit.
Paul F. Tompkins
They're insane.
Nicole Parker
I'll say Rabbit.
Doug
There's mosh pits.
Nicole Parker
So there are mosh pits. They did go viral for. For Enter the Sandman. They did a whole.
Doug
Enter the Sandman.
Paul F. Tompkins
Entered the Sandman.
Doug
Slightly. Slight twist on the original.
Nicole Parker
I think I just. Guys, I think that was on me. I think that's my mistake. Let's just call it what it is. Yeah. I started to say Enter Sandy.
Paul F. Tompkins
What was your first clue?
Nicole Parker
I added to the.
Doug
We're clear on the difference.
Nicole Parker
You know what? For someone who only knows musical theater, okay, I think it's impressive. When I know anything that's not written
Paul F. Tompkins
by Sondheim, it honestly is.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Why? Could you imagine if they collabed? Metallica and Sondheim?
Nicole Parker
To be honest, I think it would have rocked. I think he would have loved it. I think he would have been all about it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Do you think if the one guy came up to Sondheim and said, I
Nicole Parker
have a new lyric now, by the one guy, you mean James Hetfield? Oh, do I know his name? Look at that.
Paul F. Tompkins
But that's actually Lars Ulrich.
Nicole Parker
What else do you want from me?
Paul F. Tompkins
That's not who I meant. Keep going.
Nicole Parker
Okay. Anybody else, really? You were thinking of the one that I didn't name.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes. There's two more guys.
Nicole Parker
I'll get back to you on it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Maybe three more. Wasn't somebody kicked out at some point?
Nicole Parker
Well, someone died.
Doug
Someone kicked out. Someone died. Someone died, you know, but they're not the same.
Paul F. Tompkins
They were not kicked out by death.
Nicole Parker
That's what I'm talking about. I know a lot more than you think. I know about Metallicity.
Paul F. Tompkins
Hey, Joan, you're not on trial.
Nicole Parker
Well, I feel like I am. I feel like I'm the guy who got excommunicated from Lips Together, Sing Apart.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's extreme.
Nicole Parker
Anyways, Joan, that's extreme. They publicly shamed him in the town square.
Paul F. Tompkins
They did. But they do to this day.
Nicole Parker
Yes, they do. He's still.
Paul F. Tompkins
Every time they announce a concert, they mention it by name and say, and
Nicole Parker
don't worry but they make him come out every time he has to.
Paul F. Tompkins
Old VD lips won't be there.
Nicole Parker
Speaking of musicals, I wanted to say that. Okay, go on. What do you want to say?
Paul F. Tompkins
There was a hanging chat. Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Oh, yeah. I'm so sorry about the hanging chat.
Paul F. Tompkins
The. The one guy, maybe he's Kirk Hammett.
Nicole Parker
That's the name. That's the name. That's correct, yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes. If he went up to Stephen Sondheim and said Avenue Lyric.
Nicole Parker
Oh, he's got an impression, too.
Paul F. Tompkins
Lifestyle determines my death style.
Nicole Parker
Is that really what he sounds like?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
What do you think? What do you think Stephen S. Would have made?
Doug
Not the lyricist, by the way. But not the lyricist could present him.
Paul F. Tompkins
But, you know, they were. They were all. This is after therapy. Yes.
Nicole Parker
Well, then Sondheim would go, yeah, I. I always thought that maybe that we should do something about life. Life and death. Always life and death. I'm always writing about life and death. I try to always write about life and death. That's what he would say. And I think they would get on great.
Paul F. Tompkins
Very diplomatic.
Nicole Parker
I never want. I know it. Ever explained what that weird bump was on his forehead?
Paul F. Tompkins
Sondheim. Yeah, he had a weird bump.
Nicole Parker
Oh, yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
How big?
Nicole Parker
No one ever talked about goose egg.
Paul F. Tompkins
Wow.
Nicole Parker
100%. I'm gonna show you later. It's wild.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Nicole Parker
I was worried about him. No one addressed it when I was.
Paul F. Tompkins
When I was a kid. There was a friend of mine. I grew up on Medium, Italy, where there were a lot of Catholics, and my friend.
Nicole Parker
Were they medium Catholic?
Paul F. Tompkins
You know what? They were.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
They went to church. They went to church on Christmas and
Nicole Parker
Easter,
Paul F. Tompkins
and one time I went with him to Mass. And there was. There's some. There's a position at the church called a sextant.
Nicole Parker
Yes, I've heard of that.
Paul F. Tompkins
Or sexton.
Nicole Parker
I thought one of those was a maritime tool.
Paul F. Tompkins
It is. Sexton is a maritime tool.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Sexton, I think, is what the. What the. The position is called.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
And this gentleman had a big, like, just big lump on his neck forever. And it's like. I guess that's the thing you can live with.
Nicole Parker
I guess so. As long as it doesn't mess up all the piano strings in your throat.
Doug
Anyway, by the way, it looks like a sarlacc.
Paul F. Tompkins
I hope you're pleased with yourself. What did you say?
Doug
I think they look like a sarlacca.
Nicole Parker
Oh, he looked them up. He looked them up. Yeah, but there's no, like, tendrils with the chords.
Doug
Well, that's the hd. That's the. That's the what? That's the special edition.
Paul F. Tompkins
Everything's HD now.
Nicole Parker
Speaking.
Doug
The original Sarlach.
Nicole Parker
Sarlach.
Doug
That's how you're really supposed to pronounce it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Isn't it fun when you watch a movie in HD that wasn't in HD before?
Nicole Parker
Oh, yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
And then you can see where everybody's makeup ends. People with their very pale throats.
Nicole Parker
I want to ask you two questions, but I just wanted to finish what I was going to say. Now my hanging chat is that I'm writing a new musical.
Paul F. Tompkins
This is great news.
Nicole Parker
Thank you. And it's musical version of Nancy Meyer's Something's Got to Give. Because you remember I went on that Nancy Myers kitchen tour a couple years ago.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, I do remember that.
Nicole Parker
And it was just ladies in white kitchens talking. And I was like, where has this been all my life?
Paul F. Tompkins
How many kitchens total?
Nicole Parker
There were seven.
Paul F. Tompkins
Seven kitchens.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
How much time do you get to spend in each kitchen?
Nicole Parker
Oh, not enough. You get a whole afternoon. A chef comes in and makes you food.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, good.
Nicole Parker
Well, because it's copious amounts of wine drinking. So they have to fill. They have to. We have. We have to have some sort of balance.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, yes, yes.
Nicole Parker
And then one of them is. What is a one on a movie set actually fun? It was, but it was sort of like, oh, well, this one fake kitchen. Yeah. And it didn't have the same feel.
Paul F. Tompkins
Because you want to be in the real kitchen.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, absolutely.
Paul F. Tompkins
From the movies. Yes.
Nicole Parker
And so obviously the set. Easy one set musical. It just all takes place in the kitchen. And I just thought, you know, this music, this. This movie really sings. And I was. I was thinking of, you know, because Something's Got to Give is very musical.
Paul F. Tompkins
Now, this is the one with Diane Keaton, of course.
Nicole Parker
Keanu Reeves.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
George
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's the one I'm thinking of. Yes.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, it's a fun one. And the title just sings. And I was walking around the house going, Something's Gotta Give. You know, like that.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, you know, there's already a song called Something's Gotta Give.
Nicole Parker
There is. Oh, no, this is bad news. Because what I was gonna say is
Paul F. Tompkins
an irresistible for such as beats an old immovable object.
Nicole Parker
Such as you. Did you sing this in medium? Catholic Church. No, it sounds like a Catholic Church.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's just the way I sing. I know, I know now that I can sing. I have to sing everything the same way. Yeah. Or I can't sing.
Nicole Parker
That's bad news. Because if that's already a. So I was going to say that what I realized is the tune's already a tune. It's Blame it on the Rain. Yes. Million.
Doug
I was going to say.
Nicole Parker
And I was so upset about that. Do you remember Millie Vanilli? I do remember when that happened?
Paul F. Tompkins
I do.
Nicole Parker
What is Millie Vanilli?
Doug
That's really unfair, babe.
Nicole Parker
Hang on, I need to hear this.
Paul F. Tompkins
Milli Vanilli means nothing.
Nicole Parker
Okay. Well, certainly not now.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, that's true.
Nicole Parker
What were you going to say, babe? Why was it unfair?
Doug
Well, just because everyone lip syncs these days, right?
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, yeah, but they lip sync to their own music.
Nicole Parker
They do. They recorded it at some point.
Doug
They actually did remember that song, like, I've Got the Power.
Paul F. Tompkins
I've Got the Power.
Doug
It came out that that was a different singer than the. Than the.
Paul F. Tompkins
Was that also the same guy? The German guy that.
Doug
That really sang it?
Paul F. Tompkins
No, no, the guy who keeps putting these.
Nicole Parker
I've Got the Power.
Doug
Bruce Springsteen.
Paul F. Tompkins
Springsteen in.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Springstein.
Nicole Parker
Oh, boy.
Paul F. Tompkins
The German procedural. You are. Springsteen. You're off the case. You're being a cowboy. Springsteen. Give me your badge. Unt your gun.
Nicole Parker
Okay, well, now, I don't know where we've gotten to, but I just want to ask you really quickly, burnt your wife? Nope, not yet. Your soon to be wife, Your fiance? Gabby. I'm just so excited for a wedding. But it can't happen until she's done dealing with the incident. The impending potential incident. And you said last week that it was looking good. She's on the front lines. Whatever mysterious incident is about to happen to our city.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, as listeners may recall, some years ago, way before this podcast, there was something that happened here called the incident.
Nicole Parker
We never talk about it.
Paul F. Tompkins
We don't really talk about it. It was very traumatic and had lasting repercussions to this day. Yes, and. But we. We did feel like we were. Surely this couldn't happen again, but now it might be happening again. We all promise.
Nicole Parker
We did. We promised.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, but we didn't have any way to back that up.
Nicole Parker
No, there was no. We didn't sign anything. We didn't take an oath.
Paul F. Tompkins
We just sort of agreed. But that's not. That's not a protection against anything.
Nicole Parker
So what. What's happening?
Paul F. Tompkins
Except sex, if you agree not to have it. So she and the other smoke jumpers, they have sort of done a strategic retreat.
Nicole Parker
Oh, really? This seems like not a good time to take a retreat. Well, she's on the front line, so now she's gone to what, like a Spa somewhere in the hills.
Paul F. Tompkins
No, not a vacation retreat in a tactical sense. Not in a.
Nicole Parker
Well, my mind goes to fun retreat.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, of course it does. We all like to have fun.
Nicole Parker
I love to. Okay, so they've had to pull back a little bit so she's closer to
Paul F. Tompkins
home, which is nice.
Nicole Parker
Do you. Have you seen her?
Paul F. Tompkins
No. Oh, my gosh. Just via FaceTime. Yes.
Nicole Parker
All right. As always, we don't. We don't save enough time to talk about this because this seems more important than anything. It's definitely more important than whistling, and it's more important than that German television show over here.
Paul F. Tompkins
I shouldn't be talking about it at all.
Nicole Parker
You're not taking strays, babe. I'm just saying, don't you think that an impending, like, huge event is more important?
Doug
Yeah. Don't you think whistling might make you feel better in the lows?
Paul F. Tompkins
In trouble times? We do need whistlers. They're important, too.
Nicole Parker
Did you say in times and lows of lows?
Doug
In the lowest of lows?
Nicole Parker
In the lowest of lows.
Paul F. Tompkins
What do you think is the lowest lows that exists? The store? Is there one lower than sea level?
Doug
There's one in the Marianas Trench, maybe
Paul F. Tompkins
that would be like. It sunk.
Doug
That would be the lowest.
Nicole Parker
He just said. He first said there's one in the Mario Trench, and then he said. I mean, that would be.
Doug
Yeah, we don't know. We've never been.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, we can't argue with that. It would be.
Paul F. Tompkins
You never. James Cameron would tell us.
Nicole Parker
He's gonna search for that lows.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
George
All right.
Paul F. Tompkins
Doug, how long we recording? I think we've been talking.
Nicole Parker
Too long. Way too long. I don't even want to know.
Doug
23.
Nicole Parker
Oh, that's actually.
Paul F. Tompkins
We always ask around the same time.
Nicole Parker
It is. It's really. We always.
Paul F. Tompkins
Strange internal clock.
Nicole Parker
22. 23 minutes.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. Sometime 24.
Nicole Parker
We've been doing it for a long time, I guess.
Paul F. Tompkins
Beep.
Nicole Parker
What's happening?
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm singing the theme song to 24.
George
You can.
Nicole Parker
That sound like Millie Vanilli. All right. We'll be back, right?
Paul F. Tompkins
We'll be back when they did with Listen Returns.
Helen
Hello, this is Helen. I have vintage handcrafted candle holders in durable clay with patina finish. $140. These pieces embody the spirit of ancient Greek art. Each piece is crafted both from durable clay and given a stunning patina finish that adds a touch of rustic sophistication to the classical artist. Each candle holder is 16 inches in height with a base that measures 4 by 3 inches. Here's the thing. My grandchildren are now teenagers and I love them dearly. But when they come to stay with me, which I so appreciate, they cannot leave these candle holders alone or they can't stop touching them. They can't stop looking at them. They can't stop making comments about them. The boy and the girl. They just are obsessed. They disappear. Sometimes. Sometimes I find them in their bed and, you know, and they've been cleaned. They've been cleaned, they've been bleached. Just. Just to be very clear. And I don't want to see my darling, dear grandchildren as some sorts of sexual monsters. So I need them out of here. Also, I need the cash.
Paul F. Tompkins
Welcome back to the neighborhood.
Nicole Parker
Listen, here's what cords look like. I told you, it's crazy looking.
Paul F. Tompkins
It looks like an alien.
Nicole Parker
It does look like an alien.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's very alien.
Nicole Parker
But again, you have to remember this looks like they're up and down, but they're like this across your across.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, then why would they take the picture?
Nicole Parker
Because a camera goes down your throat.
Paul F. Tompkins
They should turn it sideways. I can do that in my phone.
Nicole Parker
I don't think you understand.
Paul F. Tompkins
They can turn the picture sideways is what I'm saying.
Nicole Parker
They could, but that's still. You're still looking at it Head On. You're not. Oh, please don't bring that up.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm sorry.
Doug
It's just involuntary.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, it's involuntary commentary.
Nicole Parker
Oh, no, I don't want to talk about Head On.
Paul F. Tompkins
You know, one of the. One of the most successful campaigns, they just repeated the same phrase over and over again for as long as they could.
Nicole Parker
Indoctrination.
Paul F. Tompkins
For as long as they could afford
Nicole Parker
to stop saying it.
Paul F. Tompkins
And I think they. It worked. They sold a ton of Head on, applied a forehead.
Nicole Parker
Haven't thought about it in years.
Paul F. Tompkins
We're out of the business.
Doug
What does it do again?
Nicole Parker
It's supposed to calm. It's like. It's like instead of taking a Tylenol, you. You rub it. A stick on your forehead, directly to it.
Paul F. Tompkins
In fact, you apply it directly before.
Nicole Parker
I mean, it's right there in the commercial.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, we have a guest, Joan, as we always do, what we do every week, folks, is we scour the neighborhap, the social networking application for neighborhoods, and we look for some interesting neighbors to talk to. Maybe somebody wants to amplify. Maybe somebody wants their message amplified. Maybe the. They have a question. Maybe they're confused about something. Maybe they have something to answer for.
Nicole Parker
Oh, a lot of times, most of
Paul F. Tompkins
the time, and if you have a post you see that you think we should talk about, why don't you screenshot it and send it to us@burntandjonemail.com this one submitted by Jessica Noel. Noel. Jessica Noel.
Nicole Parker
Thanks Jessica Noll.
Paul F. Tompkins
N O L L. Not K. N O L. Okay.
Nicole Parker
Oh, like your Noll, babe. Remember he built Hobbiton? He. He built. He had the. No.
Doug
Yeah, it's covered in. In.
Nicole Parker
Remember it was plants now. It was when I think. When I shaved Noel.
Paul F. Tompkins
When I think of Noel, the first thing I think of is hobbits. Definitely. As someone who grew up in 20th century America, first thought hobbits. Here is our post. This is in the crime and safety section, posted by George. The headline Suspicious man taking photos. George goes on. Scruffy looking older man was looking at people's houses and it looked like he sometimes took a photo. Wait a minute. That was me. My doctor said I needed to walk. Also, my sweet wife wants to replace our horrid yellow shutters and make improvements to our yard. So I snap a few photos of those I think she might like as well as yard gardens I admire. Believe me, I'm not casing your homes to set up robberies. I am staying on the road and not trespassing. I not going to steal anything or attack anyone. So please don't call the police or shoot me. After seeing past posts here with scores of comments, I thought I should say something. Anyway, if you are offended by someone admiring your home, just put up a don't look sign or a privacy fence.
Nicole Parker
Privacy fence.
Paul F. Tompkins
I have questions already and here to talk more about that is George.
George
George.
Paul F. Tompkins
Welcome to the neighborhood list, George.
George
Happy to be here. I think I've made my case as clearly as I could make it in my post. But.
Nicole Parker
Well, since.
George
Since the whole town has decided to put me in. In the pillory, as if I had a. As if I had a cold sore on my. My lips.
Nicole Parker
Why? Oh, no.
Paul F. Tompkins
Now, just so people know, we don't have a pillory here in Dignity Falls. It was taken down in 1976. We thought it looked bad for the bicentennials.
George
Yes. But there is. There is still the pillory plaque in the town square.
Paul F. Tompkins
There is.
Nicole Parker
Unfortunately, there is.
Paul F. Tompkins
Which really praises it.
Nicole Parker
Yes.
George
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
The plaque.
George
It's a sort of historical interpretation plaque that is in the shape of. In a fully functioning pillory.
Nicole Parker
Yes. Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
So we do sort of.
Nicole Parker
It's 3D. I mean like it's a pup. It's not a flat plaque.
Paul F. Tompkins
But you can't get people in there.
Nicole Parker
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, it's one solid piece.
George
That's right.
Nicole Parker
Yes, it is.
Paul F. Tompkins
Now, George, let me ask you something. Have you ever heard of something called the Streisand effect?
George
Yes. You listen to her voice once and it gets in your bones and you just can't shake it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, this is. This is another one that's not medical.
Nicole Parker
But I feel you on that one, George.
Paul F. Tompkins
Joan, you know the Streisand effect? Yes.
Nicole Parker
Well, I thought I did, but now I'm not sure. You please tell.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Nicole Parker
Explain it.
George
My doctor already has me walking laps around the neighborhood. I better tell my doctor about this Streisand effect because something tells me I got it.
Nicole Parker
Oh, boy, she's got. You got the energy of a fun standup, George.
George
From your mouth to God's ear. I've tried a couple of times, but stage fright gets the better of me before I even step on stage.
Nicole Parker
He's got the rhythm. I think this is something to talk about later, but please explain the.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, the Streisand effect. Somebody took pictures of Barbra Streisand's house. She did not like this, and so she started talking about it, which caused the pictures to be shown again and again and again and again. So the story got picked up, and then in wanting privacy, she called attention to it and thus blew the story up.
Nicole Parker
Right. And then made a whole coffee table book that had everything in her house. Entire pictures, the entire thing.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, if you can't beat them, join them. So, George, I feel like you saying over and over again that you are not doing anything suspicious.
Nicole Parker
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's putting more suspicion on you.
Nicole Parker
Right. Like an accusation is a confession. Right. That kind of thing.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
George
Can I introduce you to a legal concept called damned if you do, damned if you don't. Because you.
Paul F. Tompkins
Because.
Nicole Parker
Nice to meet you.
George
Yeah, I. Pleasure to meet you. And. Yeah. Well, I take my laps around the neighborhood for my ticker, and everybody apparently sees me as a peeper, as a threat.
Nicole Parker
Now, you really call your heart your ticker? That's. I've never. I haven't met anyone that does that. It's kind of old fashioned.
Paul F. Tompkins
It is kind of old fashioned. Do you agree?
George
Call me an old fashioned fish.
Nicole Parker
Really quickly. First of all, that post just had such a twist in it because I was really surprised when he said, hey, it's me, you know?
George
That's right.
Nicole Parker
You really got me with that.
George
Well, I listen to a lot of the moth. I listen to the moth stories. I don't like to I like to begin in medias res with a little twist. Like there I was running down the street covered in sweat.
Nicole Parker
Yes.
George
The blood there on my hands. You might be wondering how I got here. And then I go back to.
Nicole Parker
Boy, that did something to me inside when you did that. Neil might be wondering I didn't like it. Might be wondering I didn't like it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Now I know that the moth doesn't allow notes. Do they allow sound effects? Because a record scratch would go along.
Nicole Parker
Oh, it really would.
George
I do think they're limiting themselves by just having it be a solo storytelling affair. Oh, if they could have a soundboard,
Nicole Parker
maybe you could do the sound effect yourself. That would work, right? That's allowed, I guess.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's allowed, yeah. Imagine Michael Winslow, real air bud type of situation.
Nicole Parker
Amazing. Oh, that'd be incredible.
Paul F. Tompkins
Michael Winslow, yes.
Doug
Telling us chilling story, breaking into the Purple haze riff.
George
Oh, yeah, he's got that distortion pedal.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. I can't do it.
George
I know Michael Winslow.
Nicole Parker
I. Well, no one is who is.
Paul F. Tompkins
You are more of a Paul Lind, if I may.
George
Oh, you dear sweet man.
Nicole Parker
So now at the end of your
George
presentation, I'm an older gentleman.
Nicole Parker
Yes, George.
George
I'm an old fashioned fella.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay, sorry.
Nicole Parker
At the end of your post, you say, I. I figured since because of all of the. What? Endless comments.
George
So are you saying I can defend myself?
Nicole Parker
Okay, can you talk about what the comments.
Paul F. Tompkins
Now, hold on a second. It says past posts here with scores of comments.
George
Scores.
Paul F. Tompkins
Are they scores?
George
20s of comments.
Nicole Parker
That's. What.
Paul F. Tompkins
Are you. Are you saying. I took it to mean you were looking at how other people pose. Like there was a suspicious man on my property, et cetera, et cetera. But are these past posts that are aimed at you?
Nicole Parker
Yeah, that's what I thought. They're about you, right? Yes, yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
You were there ahead of me.
Nicole Parker
I was there ahead of you, which doesn't always happen.
George
Yeah, Here's a post. Here's a. I mean, I quote them in my post. A scruffy older man.
Nicole Parker
Oh, yes, I see. So. Oh, you're kind of like calling them out and like, this is when you're going after your haters online, right?
George
You're like, oh, yeah, who peeps the peepers? That's what I'm asking. I'm peeping, but they're peeping back. And I am lavishing attention on these homes so that I can finally get rid of those horrid shutters.
Nicole Parker
Talk about the shutters, George, because this
George
used to be the horrid shutters. Are these.
Paul F. Tompkins
Were they there when you moved in?
George
Oh, yes. Yes, they were there when we moved in.
Nicole Parker
Are these shutters on the outside of the house?
George
Yes.
Nicole Parker
Okay. All right. Which is just sort of rare, you know what I mean? You can have shutters on the inside of your house. You know, wooden shutters.
Paul F. Tompkins
These are the shutters.
Nicole Parker
Yeah.
George
Storm shutters. You gotta remove some bolts and screws to try to swing them into it to prevent storm damage. What a hassle.
Nicole Parker
And what are the yellow. Did he say they're yellow?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
George
Oh, what's a horrid.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
George
Shade of yellow? Absolutely gas.
Nicole Parker
Swallow the microphone to say that I'm just picturing yellow shutters. They sound charming. So can you walk me through what's the color? I'm a realtor, so I. I like that.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's true. That's true.
Nicole Parker
I like that sound of the. Of the yellow shutters. So what's wrong with them?
Paul F. Tompkins
Well.
George
Well, for one thing, that is ghastly shade of saffron. And. And I'm the. The house. The house is sort of a robin's egg blue.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
George
It sounds like be.
Doug
It would.
Paul F. Tompkins
Would work.
Nicole Parker
It does sound like it would work. Well, but maybe just too sort of like cotton candy looking too childish.
George
Sandy, my dear, sweet, lovely wife likes soothing colors. Soothing, calming colors. Cool colors. The end of the spectrum. Purples, violets.
Nicole Parker
Oh, okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Indigo.
George
Indigo. Yes. We're here.
Paul F. Tompkins
We are.
George
We're on the same spectrum.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
George
As soon as you start warming up those colors. Oh, it. It jangles her nerves.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
George
And the whole color scheme. Yes. Just is discordant in my eyes. I'm sorry.
Nicole Parker
I'm seeing that she is keeping the blue and the yellow because those are calming colors for her.
George
I am saying.
Paul F. Tompkins
He's saying the opposite.
Nicole Parker
Okay, sorry.
Paul F. Tompkins
He's saying I think they're too warm and bright.
Nicole Parker
Right. But I know what you mean.
Paul F. Tompkins
I know what you mean.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
I also think of the robin's egg blue as a sort of cool, calming color.
George
Yes, that's what I'm saying. These two colors do. Am I being. Am I being obtuse?
Nicole Parker
I'm just trying to figure out. And if I misunderstood, that's on me. Okay? I never wanna put you on the spot.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, the whole. The whole.
George
And pardon my French, your damn community is putting me on the spot.
Paul F. Tompkins
Please, please sit down.
Nicole Parker
Please sit down. Please sit down.
George
Putting me on. Oh.
Nicole Parker
Oh, he's out of breath.
George
Oh, God, my heart. My ticker. He's looking.
Nicole Parker
He's bending. He's putting his head between his knees. My tanker.
Paul F. Tompkins
He's scruffier than ever.
George
Squeeze. Doc says you gotta squeeze your hands.
Paul F. Tompkins
Try to force blood back up into the chest.
Nicole Parker
No, I don't think that's great. Okay, how about try?
Paul F. Tompkins
You're not in the whistleblower, are you?
George
If I was, I'd never try tell you. Oh.
Nicole Parker
Oh, wow. Well, babe, I respect an NDA. Sir, you know that my husband just joined. Oh, wait, you're not even allowed to say that you joined, Babe, did you already break the rules? Because. Sorry, babe.
Doug
What?
Paul F. Tompkins
Told you guys. What? We're both out. We're both shocked and gobsmacked.
Doug
God, I really want in.
Nicole Parker
Oh, wait, you did.
Doug
No. You think I'm in trouble?
Nicole Parker
I think you might be, because George here knows about the NDA, which me. And he said if I was in it, I wouldn't tell you that.
Paul F. Tompkins
You're probably on probation right now.
Nicole Parker
You might be.
Paul F. Tompkins
You've jeopardized your chances.
Nicole Parker
You have to take your mouth shut for a week. No whistling.
Doug
There's no. I can't do that.
Paul F. Tompkins
What is the reason for that?
Nicole Parker
Because you don't. They. First of all, you're not allowed to keep. You can't get any further ahead than any of them would be at the time that you're on probation. And it teaches you to prevent somebody from becoming correct.
George
Every chance to perform is a chance to improve.
Nicole Parker
That's right.
George
And yes, we. We. We.
Nicole Parker
Oh, don't say we.
George
The nail. The nail that sticks up gets. The nail that sticks up gets hammered down. Or so they might say.
Nicole Parker
Oh, boy. Also, just to learn your lesson, if you can't whistle, you know, I've had to go on vocal rest before.
George
Ugh.
Nicole Parker
No singing for a day. Nightmare. Doug says it's his favorite.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's a little. Do you think I'm sexy?
Nicole Parker
Yes.
Doug
That's our opening number.
Paul F. Tompkins
I've always wanted to hear that.
Nicole Parker
Say anything about it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Don't say anything else.
Nicole Parker
Okay. Oh, my God. Okay, so hang on. Let's get back to this. Can we establish when you moved in? We know that the colors were the robin and blue.
George
Robin's egg blue and yellow.
Nicole Parker
Right. Great.
Paul F. Tompkins
And how long ago did you move in?
Nicole Parker
Okay, I just. It's so hard with my brain, with my feminine overdrive. It's so hard because I might not be able to hold on to a thought. So I worry that I have to get it all out.
Paul F. Tompkins
Understood. But I think this is key information.
Nicole Parker
Okay, go ahead. I'll try to remember it.
George
Two and a half years.
Nicole Parker
Moved in two and A half years ago.
George
Okay, okay.
Nicole Parker
Okay. And so what I want to know is.
George
I'm done with my question.
Nicole Parker
Okay. Thank you. What I want to know is, when she moved in, did she say, oh, these colors suit me fine. They're the comforting kind I want. Or did she say, these colors are awful?
Paul F. Tompkins
Great question, John.
Nicole Parker
Thank you.
George
Everything else about the property was utterly fantastic, except for this one. This one little splinter. And sometimes that. That's just how it works. A small annoyance grows and snowballs over time, and now it's darn near all we can think about.
Paul F. Tompkins
A pebble in your shoe.
George
That's right.
Nicole Parker
Right. But.
Paul F. Tompkins
But eventually they amputate your leg.
Nicole Parker
Okay, well, I think we're getting way too far away from what my question was. Which was. Did she say, I like these colors? They're calming? Or I don't. Or did it start. What?
Paul F. Tompkins
He did evade. Yes, he. What? He did evade.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, he did.
George
Again, I feel as though I've been confusing and I did not intend to be. My. My wife favors cool colors.
Nicole Parker
He gets more intense every time he re.
George
Explains only.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, that's clear. Do you know what that part. I'm not struggling.
George
Colors. Reds, yellows, oranges. Not for her. We knew this when we bought the place two and a half years ago. We figured maybe we can live with it.
Nicole Parker
Okay, please don't. Kate. Please don't pick the petals off my flowers here. I'm just gonna move this place. Nope, that's not. I don't. Please don't.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's the first thing you see somebody doing in anger.
Nicole Parker
He's ripping them off. I guess what I mean to know is if. If. Why didn't you change it? If it was bothering either one of you?
George
Well, the whole point of this little exercise is we have to change it to some. Something perfect. I understand that. Perfection will always elude us. Man's reach must exceed his grasp. Or what's a heaven for.
Nicole Parker
Oh, my goodness.
George
I am trying to find the best version of this property, which is why I'm walking around. Item one, for the ticker. Item two for what the. For what we call inspo. I'm looking at the other properties in the neighborhood just to gauge and see how they are, how they are doing. Color harmony.
Nicole Parker
Color harmony.
George
Sort of function. Color harmony. Color harmony. Color.
Nicole Parker
Have you.
George
Color, color, harmony.
Nicole Parker
They just sang it back and forth to each other.
Paul F. Tompkins
Color, color, harmony.
Nicole Parker
What's happening?
George
That's what I'm doing. So. So if my neighbors see me out there peeping, it's out of respect for Their property. To gauge the harmonic components of their. Of their. Of their property.
Paul F. Tompkins
I mentioned the way that cat calling is a. Is a compliment.
Nicole Parker
Yeah. They should be happy about that.
George
They should.
Paul F. Tompkins
Should be. What's the big deal?
Nicole Parker
Can I ask you a question? Did you also try going online for inspo? That way you can. I understand you want to work out your ticker, but you could also maybe put a Pinterest board together, look up colors online. Go to.
Paul F. Tompkins
You're so interested, you have to pin it.
Nicole Parker
Go to a Home Depot and look at all of the paints, swatches, bring them back to your house. Have you done those two things?
George
I am not. Internet's not for me.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
George
Internet's not for me.
Nicole Parker
Really? Okay. I know there's still some people, like, across the board.
George
Internet's not for me.
Nicole Parker
Nothing on the Internet, full stop. Internet's not for him.
George
Writing this note on this website was one of the first times I've opened a browser. Good morning. I went all. I took a trip all the way to the library to. To use my card. To use their computer lab.
Nicole Parker
Right, right.
George
So that I could rise to my own defense. Because Lord knows no one else is going to.
Paul F. Tompkins
I hope you didn't make any noise because Mrs. C at the library, she will.
Nicole Parker
She yells at you. She tried to record an episode in the library, and it was. It was a disaster.
Paul F. Tompkins
She wants quiet so badly. But she screams at you.
Nicole Parker
She does.
Paul F. Tompkins
If you make noise.
Nicole Parker
And yet she's got a microwave there at the front. Makes so much noise I could hear.
George
It's the spindle rotating from the computer lab.
Nicole Parker
It's one of the worst. It's one of those bad glasses.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's not on. It's not on the track properly. It keeps banging against the sides.
George
Yeah. When I engage the caps lock a little too loudly, she screamed at me like the tyrant that she is.
Nicole Parker
Okay, so hang on a second.
George
The whole town is against me.
Nicole Parker
All right, first of all, again, sit down, please.
George
She loves me not.
Nicole Parker
Oh, God. He's on the chair. Get down. Get down. Leave my flowers alone, please. Okay, here's my.
George
I'm aiming at perfection. We're aiming at perfection. And I'm building a board.
Nicole Parker
George, George, George.
George
Taking photos.
Paul F. Tompkins
George, George, George, George. Color harmony. Color harmony. Color harmony.
Nicole Parker
Color harmony.
Doug
Color harmony.
Paul F. Tompkins
Color harmony.
Nicole Parker
Tell me where you think this perfectionism comes from. Were you a kid who had straight A's? Were you. Did you have parents who enforced these things? Where do you suppose this comes from?
George
Well, yes, my parents held me to a certain standard. I Suppose made me into the young man that I was. Then, of course, I joined the Navy.
Nicole Parker
Oh.
George
That also instilled a sense of regimented discipline in me as a young buck.
Nicole Parker
Okay, so you were in the Navy. And then what do you.
Paul F. Tompkins
Did you sail the seven seas and I did, sir.
George
I am a son of Neptune.
Nicole Parker
And then what did you do after you left? I'm assuming you left the Navy. What do you do now?
George
For living what I am.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, I.
Nicole Parker
What you are. What are you?
Paul F. Tompkins
What?
Nicole Parker
Well, I heard you say, what I am.
Paul F. Tompkins
You are all that you are.
Nicole Parker
What are you?
George
What you are.
Nicole Parker
I know you are, but what am I?
George
I am a certified Reiki healer.
Nicole Parker
You're kidding.
Paul F. Tompkins
I didn't see that coming.
George
I don't understand this response.
Nicole Parker
Well, I haven't seen the temperament so far for that. Usually I've done Reiki a couple times, and they're very calm.
George
Well, if you come to one of my sessions, you'll see. You'll see a brighter side of Geor, but.
Nicole Parker
Oh, okay. I don't even need to see a brighter side. I need to see the calmer side of George, is what I need to see. Not even brighter.
George
The calmer, the softer George.
Paul F. Tompkins
Is that based on the old Sears slogan?
Nicole Parker
Sounded like the softer side of Sears.
Paul F. Tompkins
Softer side. That's right. I haven't heard that in a very long time.
George
Yeah, you go to. You'll see a softer side of Sears.
Nicole Parker
If you go, they really mean. They're like, we're not all washing machines. We'll take pictures of your kid with a rabbit.
George
We're not all Craftsman tools. Yes. We're photo backdrops.
Nicole Parker
Have ladies underwear.
Paul F. Tompkins
Those are ventriloquism dolls for children.
Nicole Parker
Did they?
Doug
Yes.
Nicole Parker
Wow.
Paul F. Tompkins
Of course.
George
Seriously?
Nicole Parker
Is that where you got yours, Connie? Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
George
So much to say that Sears contains multitudes and so does George. Okay.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
You're like the Sears of.
Nicole Parker
Can we see. Can we see another one of those multitudes?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. How many have we seen so far?
George
I suppose you've seen. Well, I, I.
Nicole Parker
Which multitude are we talking to right now?
George
You've got me running a little hot right now.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, clearly one of.
George
One of the. One of the hotter multitudes that reside in. George, please don't.
Nicole Parker
Don't take off your shirt, please. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that.
George
Oh, my ticker.
Paul F. Tompkins
Taking the shirt off affected your heart. Boy, you're in bed. I'm sorry. I should say that.
Nicole Parker
Just button it up a little bit more, please. That's just. I don't think that's necessary?
George
Take it up to the navel, at least.
Paul F. Tompkins
Thank you.
Nicole Parker
He buttoned it from the bottom up, which was so strange.
George
That's how we do it in the Navy.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
George
If you come.
Nicole Parker
If you come to where?
George
Nr. My, my. Reiki Energy Healing.
Nicole Parker
Nrg. Okay, got it. Got it.
George
Studio. You will see a gentler, softer side.
Paul F. Tompkins
Does NRG stand for something?
Nicole Parker
No, it's.
Paul F. Tompkins
No further questions.
Nicole Parker
Okay. Right.
Paul F. Tompkins
Like, not.
George
Not really gonna.
Nicole Parker
I just thought, like, you know, on the license plate, that's what he was doing, you know, the energy.
Paul F. Tompkins
Right.
Nicole Parker
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
But if you have it just as letters, here's why I ask. A friend of mine, when he first moved to Los Angeles, California, to pursue his dreams, he got a day job as a telemarketer at a place called nrg.
Nicole Parker
Oh, really?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes. And it's. It's. It allegedly stood for National Research Group, because they did surveys over the phone.
Nicole Parker
Oh, oh, okay. I get it.
George
And my friend.
Paul F. Tompkins
It took him. He worked there for a good month or so before he realized NRG was supposed to be energy.
Nicole Parker
I see.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
George
Well, mine is now Reiki George.
Nicole Parker
Oh. I was gonna think maybe it's.
George
Yeah, like a command.
Nicole Parker
No, Reiki George.
Paul F. Tompkins
Reiki Me George. Indeed.
Nicole Parker
Yeah.
George
And yes, you'll see a softer side of me. I'll move the energy around.
Nicole Parker
Ooh. Okay. Don't mind that. Liked that.
Paul F. Tompkins
Just so I don't have to think it anymore. Reiki Amadeus.
Nicole Parker
Oh, my gosh.
Paul F. Tompkins
Now that you got that out, George. Yeah, see, now. Now I'm. I'm perched.
Doug
That was Doug. Like, if I do say so myself.
Nicole Parker
It was. It really was, actually.
Paul F. Tompkins
It was.
George
But I did.
Paul F. Tompkins
I did preface. Preface.
George
Amadeus.
Nicole Parker
As in Rock Me Amadeus.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, exactly right.
Nicole Parker
All right.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's exactly right.
Nicole Parker
All right. So, okay, Reiki.
George
I am always in search of perfection. Maybe this is the new name, but,
Paul F. Tompkins
I mean, is there some connection to Amadeus?
Nicole Parker
You could play classical music, I suppose. What do you normally play? Or what is the. What is the vibe like when you go in there? You got, like, water features or.
George
Or what gongs. You better believe there's water features.
Nicole Parker
Yes. Okay. All right.
George
I've got one of those wall sized fountains. You know, it's the fountain wall.
Nicole Parker
Love those.
George
That's trickling away.
Nicole Parker
It's a wall.
George
Fountain. It's trickling away.
Nicole Parker
I know.
Paul F. Tompkins
Is the size of a wall.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, it's a wall.
George
It's a wall of water made only for fountain.
Nicole Parker
I get it, George. I'm with you. I just want you to know I'm with you. I hear you. I see you.
George
Yes. And, and I, I purchased a bunch of. Of meditative tapes from an estate sale. And I mean, they're working on your own.
Nicole Parker
Okay, so wait, someone else does all the talking? Is there talking on these tapes or just music?
George
Sometimes. So I haven't listened to all the tapes.
Nicole Parker
You haven't?
George
Well, I throw one in, let it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Let it rip, but you don't really hear it.
George
But yes, you hear. Am I being obtuse? Am I being confusing right now?
Nicole Parker
Yes. Yes, you are. You know what? It was such a specific pew.
George
Let me paint you a picture.
Paul F. Tompkins
Please.
George
Okay, you come into nrg. There's the waiting room wall s. Fountain.
Nicole Parker
Wall size fountain. Wall size fountain.
George
You step into the Reiki room. There's a table with the little cutout hole so you can lean in acupuncture style. Stick your hole head in the hole. Stick your whole head in the hole.
Nicole Parker
This is hard to picture, but I think I can.
Paul F. Tompkins
I find it very easy to picture.
George
I'm painting you a word picture.
Nicole Parker
All right. Sorry. Go on.
George
And they're off to the side. A Sony boombox.
Nicole Parker
I was afraid of that. Didn't have to be.
George
Stack of tapes.
Nicole Parker
Stack of tapes.
George
Here's me plucking a tape off the stack, throwing it in there. Hit and play.
Paul F. Tompkins
Do you even look at the COVID of the tape?
George
Well, the estate sale there, it's just.
Paul F. Tompkins
There's no labels. It's just loose tapes. Okay.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, but terrifying.
Nicole Parker
Exactly. But it's somewhere. It said meditation. You're saying it was labeled meditation?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
George
I purchased these from a meditation ashram that.
Paul F. Tompkins
Have you ever heard something?
George
Yeah, it fell into a fissure. It fell into a fissure after an.
Nicole Parker
No, dear. Have you ever heard something strange on one of those tapes?
George
Well, define strange.
Paul F. Tompkins
Weird.
George
Yes.
Nicole Parker
Well, now, how is that the, how is that the magic word?
George
I don't know, Joan.
Paul F. Tompkins
I, I got lucky.
Nicole Parker
You sure did. Can you share with us what that was?
George
Certainly. I mean, many, many times. These, these tapes, you know, I, I, they're. I'm seeking perfection.
Nicole Parker
I understand.
George
So if, if one, if one fits the bill, it goes into the special pile for reuse. But I haven't worked my way through all the tapes yet, so I pick out.
Nicole Parker
That's a lot of tapes.
George
It's a lot of tapes. I pick, pluck out a tape, throw it on, and by and large, these are energy work. New age drones. We're dealing in drones.
Nicole Parker
Drones, as in. Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, some Koyanos, Scotsi music.
Nicole Parker
Oh, wow. Yeah,
George
the very same.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
George
Didn't realize I was here with a regular Philip Glass.
Nicole Parker
Oh. So, okay, that's what's normal happened. What was it? What was a weird thing that happened.
George
Oh, yeah. A weird thing that happened is that every now and then, like the tape will just be. The car is just what I needed.
Paul F. Tompkins
And do you leave that on or you take it off right away and say, sorry about that.
George
I like to think that I can work with anything. So. Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
So you do a Reiki session to just what I need to buy the cars.
George
Some, some, some, some. Sometimes that. Look, Reiki is all about reaching into the ether and the.
Nicole Parker
Oh, boy.
George
What is. Are you hearing this?
Nicole Parker
He was right about the mirrors. That's very echoey, very reverberant.
Doug
The intro.
Nicole Parker
That's the intro to just what I needed.
Doug
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
George
Yes. So just imagine the energy. I, I don't. I don't just move the energy. I'm communing with an energy that's always there, that's being resonated by spaces, eyes, objects, colors.
Nicole Parker
Yes, okay.
George
And yes, sometimes that's just what the person needs. It's just what they needed for me to do my work on them while the car's best friend's girl is playing.
Nicole Parker
And do they seem to get up and feel better? Do they have positive reactions to your treatment?
Paul F. Tompkins
Doy.
Nicole Parker
Okay. I'm not sure that required a 12 year old response.
Doug
Usually it's no doy.
Nicole Parker
I've not. I don't think we might. I don't think we've had a doy ever on, on this show. Fine. That I'm so glad that it's obvious to you, but I was just wanting to know, what kinds of things do they say? How do you know that it's a doy? How do you know that it's obvious
George
that they're happy because they're completely serene. Afterwards, they. You can tell that the energy has been soothed and moved to its appropriate key. Ley lines.
Nicole Parker
And key ley lines. Now, I've never heard that.
Paul F. Tompkins
You never heard key ley lines before?
Nicole Parker
I've never heard key ley lines.
Paul F. Tompkins
I haven't either.
George
They're totally key. It's the, you know, the underlying energy currents that flow through.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
George
All matter.
Nicole Parker
Okay. All right.
George
Ley lines. The paths by which they flow. Yeah, Key.
Nicole Parker
Ley lines. Doy.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. Let's turn it on me, Joe.
Nicole Parker
No, I'm just. I was having a little fun, but
George
yes, people are blissed out.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
George
Calm, in a way.
Nicole Parker
Have you thought it. Have you tried this on your wife.
George
She's a hard, hard case.
Nicole Parker
Why is she a hard case? You know, you've only given me a very narrow portrait of your wife. She's a woman who needs certain colors and that's it. That's all I know. Do we know anything else? Do we even know her name? What's her name?
Paul F. Tompkins
No. Oh, yeah, you did say her name, but I don't remember.
Nicole Parker
Janice.
Paul F. Tompkins
No, it was not Janice.
Nicole Parker
Oh, okay. Babe, do you remember of what? Of what?
George
Boy.
Paul F. Tompkins
And George is just making his guess he, he has the knowledge he's watching
George
a twist in the wind doesn't think
Nicole Parker
that I listened so cruel he knows
Paul F. Tompkins
full well what it is Everybody's watching
George
the squirm all piling on Tell us
Nicole Parker
more even if it's not her name
George
Pretty sure it was Sandy.
Nicole Parker
Oh, pretty sure it was Sandy. Okay, well, let's go with Sandy. Yeah, I trust you because you're married to her. What does Sandy do for a living?
George
Sandy is a stay at home mom.
Nicole Parker
Okay, so you have kids?
George
Well, yes. They're no longer in the.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, but she still considers herself.
Nicole Parker
The kids aren't there in case they need her.
George
It's the hardest job you'll ever love.
Nicole Parker
They might.
Paul F. Tompkins
And she is staying at home.
Nicole Parker
That's right.
Doug
Correct.
Nicole Parker
What. What ages are they? What are their names?
George
22, Keith.
Nicole Parker
Great.
George
21.
Paul F. Tompkins
Wow, you really had to think.
Nicole Parker
It's hard to come up with the one.
Paul F. Tompkins
They were only a year apart.
George
Only a year apart?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, but it still gave you pause.
George
Irish twins, I think that's called.
Nicole Parker
Oh, yes, yes.
George
And what's the 21 year old gene?
Nicole Parker
Keith and Jean. That was real. Almost a po. Again,
George
it's Keith and Jean.
Nicole Parker
And then was that it or was there someone else? I thought you said.
George
Okay, that's it. And that's all. That's a wrap.
Nicole Parker
Okay. That's what. That's what she said or that's what you said?
George
That's what biology said, sister.
Nicole Parker
Oh, got it. Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Were you. Were you older parents? Yes.
George
Yes.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
You were mature parents.
George
As the. As. As my. My many accusers would tell you. I'm an older gentleman.
Nicole Parker
I'm not. Let's get to that for a second. I do want to know more about your nameless stay at home wife, but I want to Sandy. All right?
Paul F. Tompkins
And we're not going back from that.
Nicole Parker
Okay. We're going with Sandy. You keep saying accusers. You're very, very defensive about this. Is there a part of you that can understand why in this day and age, people Might feel a little nervous about a man standing outside of their house photographing it. Is there any part of. You can see that? Because they're probably just looking out for their neighbors. And maybe once they hear this, they'll understand. Although you're being so sort of like, you know, defensive that now it might actually get them more scared.
George
Listen, this neighborhood is all about, you know, informed consent. That's why I recommend in the post put up a don't look sign.
Nicole Parker
Now, that's. Yeah, I did want to talk don't look sign.
Paul F. Tompkins
I assume that was tongue in cheek. But you. Were you serious about a don't look sign from some sort of putting up a sign in front of their home that says do not look.
Nicole Parker
Like if you. You have to. You. You mean you'll have to actually read the sign to see Don't. Do not look. It'll look like you're looking at their house anyways. I'm not sure that'.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's a trap.
George
Well, I'm going to be making my rounds.
Nicole Parker
Second Admiral Ackbar we've had this season.
Paul F. Tompkins
It probably won't be our last.
Nicole Parker
Is that going to be our theme this year?
George
Admiral Ackbar, the Sarlach. They're all there. I know.
Nicole Parker
It really is. You know, when Etsy started making all those pillows like it's a nap.
Paul F. Tompkins
No.
Nicole Parker
Oh, yeah. Someone started making throw pillows with his face, but it would just say, it's a nap.
Paul F. Tompkins
I hate it.
Nicole Parker
They sold very well.
Paul F. Tompkins
I bet they did.
Nicole Parker
Doug is upset. He didn't think of it.
Doug
I'm not a big fan of that one.
Nicole Parker
Oh, really?
Doug
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
What's another app rhyme that you would prefer?
Doug
It's a rap for like a, you know, like a nice falafel rap.
George
Sure.
Nicole Parker
That's a good one. Okay.
Doug
If it's a nap, that feels aggressive if you're laying your head down.
Nicole Parker
That's why it's kind of funny, you know, that he would be announcing that. You know, it's just the gentle, you know, voice. Sort of like I'm wrong. Sort of like not expecting George to be able to do Reiki with his loud, sort of strong voice. I think you show me. No, you took me through it. I can see how you have that song. Am I being obtuse? Is this.
George
Am I a madman?
Nicole Parker
Why do you keep on asking about obtuse?
Paul F. Tompkins
I also. George, I also have to say, recommending that people put up a privacy fence. Yes.
Nicole Parker
What does that mean?
Paul F. Tompkins
That's a very tall. I know.
Nicole Parker
That's like a Huge. You'd have to add. You'd probably have to pass it through the hoa. You can't.
Paul F. Tompkins
There's nothing to understand about it.
Nicole Parker
Then I guess I just feel like a lot of times you don't have to say the word privacy. You could just say fence.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, but a fence.
Nicole Parker
You feel the need to hear privacy.
Paul F. Tompkins
You could have a fence where you can still see the property.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, sure. But I mean, if I hear fence, I really. I'm. Again, the only time I.
Paul F. Tompkins
You go right to prison.
Nicole Parker
If I hear. If I hear picket fence, that's when I hear a. A mid size. I see.
Paul F. Tompkins
I see.
Nicole Parker
If you just say fence, I'm. I'm picturing six feet.
Paul F. Tompkins
What about one of those green plastic fences that was made to look like a chain link fence?
Nicole Parker
I hate those. I hate those so much.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh. When I was a kid, we would climb them all over the place. They were all over the place.
Nicole Parker
All over the place.
Paul F. Tompkins
If we saw one, we had to climb.
George
Okay, there we got little ragamuffins and urchins climbing over every fence they see. But the whole neighborhood's coming down on old George.
Paul F. Tompkins
But now George. But now George.
Nicole Parker
But now George. Colorful harmony. Go. What were you gonna say? What were you gonna say, Bert?
Paul F. Tompkins
It's color harmony. I was gonna say yes.
George
If people want privacy, that's on them to build the fence.
Nicole Parker
I think you're putting too much.
Paul F. Tompkins
We all had our hands. We did Potato style.
Nicole Parker
I didn't know what was happening. I guess I'm in the mushbot. But I bet.
George
What?
Nicole Parker
The mushbox. You never heard that?
Paul F. Tompkins
No.
Nicole Parker
Oh, you're kidding.
Paul F. Tompkins
I don't know.
Nicole Parker
Like, if you play duck, duck, duck, duck, goose. You don't. Duck, duck, goose. You're familiar. All right, so then, what do you think happens when someone says goose? If you get a chase. Yeah. What happens if you get goose? I want to hear him say it. What do you think happens when you get goosebumps?
Paul F. Tompkins
You have to jump up and run around and.
Nicole Parker
And I know, but if you. If someone tags you, if you. Or if you can't. If you get like. Like. Like George said. What happens if you lose?
Paul F. Tompkins
If you lose, I assume you're banished.
Nicole Parker
No, you sit in the middle of the circle. That's called the mush pot.
George
That's the mush.
Paul F. Tompkins
Wow. I delayed it.
Doug
To the mosh pit.
Nicole Parker
No, that would be violent for children.
Paul F. Tompkins
The mush.
Nicole Parker
If you lose, duck, duck, goose. Everyone jumps in the center and just bangs against each other.
Paul F. Tompkins
Some people play duck, duck, Goose play. They call it Duck. Duck. Gray Duck.
Nicole Parker
No.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
Nicole Parker
Where?
Paul F. Tompkins
And they insist. That makes more sense.
Nicole Parker
Is that a new barn? They do that?
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, they. For sure they do it.
Nicole Parker
A new bar, but yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
I remember seeing people argue about it online.
Nicole Parker
That's very.
Paul F. Tompkins
Try to make the case for Gray Duck.
Nicole Parker
That's very, you know, madness. But here, let me. Let me say, getting back to the fence, I think that is way too much to require of people to alter their house. Property.
Paul F. Tompkins
Stunned by this.
Nicole Parker
His eyes are getting wider every second. It's like. What I'm saying is just insane.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm seeing, like, into his skull a little.
George
A little bit. Why?
Paul F. Tompkins
His eyes are.
Nicole Parker
And up his nose. It's. This is.
George
I got two wide eyes.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm seeing a sarlacc pit.
George
My. My lips are pursed. I look like. I look like Doc Boy Arbuckle singing at Christmas.
Nicole Parker
Oh, now, wait. Who's Doc Boy Arbuckle? One of the actual families.
George
John Arbuckle's brother.
Nicole Parker
Is he a doctor?
Paul F. Tompkins
No.
George
You poor, poor rube.
Nicole Parker
Okay. Never been called a rube in my own home.
George
No, no, no. Oh, God. Sorry. Sorry.
Nicole Parker
Do you understand that's my pride. Got the better of me or everybody in the neighborhood if they don't like what you're doing to put up a fence. You know, I do think that's asking a little much.
George
In a community, it is our right. It is a right to walk around in a common area. On the street. The only place I am, I'm there on the street.
Paul F. Tompkins
Took off a shoe.
George
A common area. We will stay on the street. And Gabe, can you trespass with your eyes? Let me ask you this.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, you can.
Nicole Parker
Okay. Can you trespass with your eyes? I believe that you can.
Paul F. Tompkins
I believe that you can.
George
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
In many ways.
George
How does that make sense?
Nicole Parker
My eyes are up here. You know what I mean? That old thing. That's trespassing.
George
Well, my eyes are out here on the other side of your property line.
Nicole Parker
Okay, but you could also say it's in any community. It's also okay for someone, a neighbor, to look outside and say, oh, there's a suspicious person. I don't like that either. I feel like that's equally their right.
George
That is their right. And then if they feel that way, it's fence building time.
Nicole Parker
It's not. I don't. That's not the only solution. It can't just be fence building time.
Paul F. Tompkins
Now this. This makes sense to me, and I'll tell you why, George. It fit. It's very fitting. With what. How you approach things because you're talking about perfection. A lotion. Perfection. Now, surely you've heard the expression perfect don't make perfection. Don't make perfect the enemy of good choice.
Nicole Parker
Joan, what was it again?
Paul F. Tompkins
Don't. Perfection.
Doug
Perfection. Don't make.
Paul F. Tompkins
Don't make perfect. Don't George Bush me. Can't get fooled again. Don't make perfect the enemy of the good. Meaning that something that is good is good. If you keep trying to make it absolutely perfect, you're going to miss out on the fact that it could just be good.
Nicole Parker
That's silly. Brilliant advice.
Paul F. Tompkins
Thank you.
Nicole Parker
What?
Paul F. Tompkins
What? I'm glad you finally got on my side.
Nicole Parker
Kind of funny you were talking about perfection, then you messed it up.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's good.
George
Yeah, that's good. I.
Paul F. Tompkins
That is pretty funny.
George
That's pretty good. I. Look, I hear George.
Paul F. Tompkins
I don't need you ching in on that one.
George
It's good.
Nicole Parker
Always trying to do. Oh, wow.
Paul F. Tompkins
I actually do feel better.
Nicole Parker
Did you?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Oh, my goodness. That was such a quick session too. That was like almost nothing. Imagine what you get from an hour. Is it your session an hour?
George
Hour to two hours? It depends on how long the tape is. Some are 90 minutes.
Paul F. Tompkins
You will go for as long as the tape is.
George
That's right.
Paul F. Tompkins
So if it's one of those super. Oh, remember when they came out with 120 minute tape, like, oh, what a mix I'm gonna make.
George
That's a long day for George, I'll tell you.
Nicole Parker
So what do you think of what he just said? What do you think what Burnt just said?
Paul F. Tompkins
What do you think of that?
George
Yeah, what do I think of that?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Well, do you see his point?
George
I think it was good. Not perfect.
Nicole Parker
Oh, boy. No, right there.
George
And that's. Look, we're all saying. Saying the same thing. We agree. All of us are saying the same thing.
Paul F. Tompkins
I don't know about that.
George
I'm not sure I'm aiming at perfect. Attempting to land on good, knowing that I'll never be perfect.
Paul F. Tompkins
Now you okay that, George, I think that is very disingenuous. You have. The way you've been talking this whole time is that you are in search of nothing but perfection.
George
Well, I doubt it's life. A lifelong search.
Nicole Parker
How did that affect your children and what do they do now?
George
Well, we no longer speak.
Nicole Parker
Afraid of that. Absolutely afraid. Afraid of that.
Paul F. Tompkins
What was the. What was the final straw for either you or them?
Nicole Parker
Yes.
George
Well, honestly, one that just kind of sticks in my mind is Jean coming up to me with one of Her. One of her portraits. Like, daddy, take a look at this. Like, wow, this is good. Why don't you bring it back to me when you've got it right?
Nicole Parker
Oh, no.
Paul F. Tompkins
Is that the way you said it?
Nicole Parker
Yes. And he mind ripping up a piece of paper when he did that?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
Nicole Parker
That is terrible, I have to say.
Paul F. Tompkins
I mean, that's heartbreaking.
George
Oh, she's in the. In the. In the, in the, in the 10. I want to say in the tens.
Nicole Parker
In the tens. It's just 10.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
George
Somewhere in the tens.
Nicole Parker
Or she's not. Okay. That's very young. That's very young to have someone who you're looking up to and you want approval from and you're just doing something
Paul F. Tompkins
nice and you haven't spoken since then.
Nicole Parker
Thanks for catching up, Bert. Yeah, yeah. What happened? Did she. I live there.
George
As I said, I'm an empath. I'm an empathic energy healer. So I could really feel the energy change at that moment.
Doug
Right.
George
Hard to recover from.
Paul F. Tompkins
So Jean, at the age of 10, decided, I'm not talking to that guy anymore.
George
Correct.
Nicole Parker
And what about Keith?
George
Keith?
Nicole Parker
Keith. Was it right? Am I, am I right?
Paul F. Tompkins
I thought you said Keith.
Nicole Parker
I thought I said Keith.
George
Correct.
Nicole Parker
Okay. Now 22 year old. What happened with him? Why doesn't he talk to you anymore?
George
He insists on only speaking through. Mediated through the Internet, which, as I said, is not. Not for me. Right. Moved well away from home.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, so you could be speaking with Keith via the Internet. You don't like the Internet?
George
That is correct.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's not for you.
George
Not for me.
Nicole Parker
Where does he live and where do they both live?
George
But Keith lives in Alaska.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Wow. Okay, so he really wanted to get very remote.
George
And Jean made her way to San Francisco.
Nicole Parker
Did she?
George
Living the high life, whimsical for no reason.
Paul F. Tompkins
You really put some sauce on this.
Nicole Parker
Yeah. What's that all about? What does she do there?
George
I was there for a brief time when I was in the Navy. Oh, man. But.
Nicole Parker
Oh, okay.
George
Oh, I. I wish I knew what my genie was doing, but.
Nicole Parker
Oh, dear, this is. Well, have you ever tried to reach out to her?
George
I think about it. I think about it all the time. But then I remember how much work I have to do on these absolutely horrid children.
Nicole Parker
George, how do we get you off of these?
Paul F. Tompkins
I mean, go to a paint store. George, what are we talking about?
Nicole Parker
Just try. Just get a couple of sections. Like a couple of samples of paint. Yes, Try in a couple sections and maybe one of them actually looks good, you know, what you. No matter what. No matter what. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm hot right now. No matter what. If you put a different color on there, it'll be different than what you hate right now. Right. And that might just be even better. Different. Better. Different is better than good. That is from Stephen Sondheim.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
George
Little yellow different. I am.
Nicole Parker
Let me try to put the new print commercial. Stephen Sondev didn't do that one.
George
Let me try to put this in terms that old Admiral Ackbar will understand.
Paul F. Tompkins
He wished.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, here we go.
Paul F. Tompkins
What do you think he wished he had?
Nicole Parker
No, I think he thinks they stole it from him. All right, I'm sorry, George. Go ahead.
George
Let me try to put this in terms of. Admiral Ackbar would understand that. I'm not trying to try. I'm trying to do. That is precisely why I'm.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm building a lookbook that is.
George
You're.
Paul F. Tompkins
You're paraphrasing the Sorcerer Yoda, correct?
Nicole Parker
Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
The little.
George
The little. The little green sorcerer by the name of Yoder. I'm doing my laps of the neighborhood, getting inspo. You understand?
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
How long have you been doing.
George
My neighbor should be flattered.
Nicole Parker
Flattered.
Paul F. Tompkins
How long have you been doing this? Did you say in the Post?
George
It's unbelievably. It's specified in the Post.
Nicole Parker
What I don't understand is, you know, the neighborhood is not. Well, where do you live? What. What neighborhood do you live in?
George
I live on Coolidge Parkway.
Nicole Parker
Coolidge Parkway. Okay. That's not. I know that tract very well. It's not huge. I mean, how. How much more do you have to walk around and look at people's houses? If you've looked at 50 houses three times, you've looked at them enough. You even took some pictures sometimes it says, how much more do you need to be out there? Aren't you done? I mean, didn't you see it all?
George
You know, there's. There's little nuances that you catch each time.
Nicole Parker
Like what. What are you missing? What's something new, too?
George
Different color harmonics, different harmony. Yeah. Color harmony.
Nicole Parker
It comes all. It all comes back to color harmony, I guess.
George
Indeed.
Paul F. Tompkins
Color harmony.
George
You understand? Color harmony.
Doug
Head on.
Nicole Parker
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
George
That's right.
Nicole Parker
Oh, God.
George
In many ways, that the facade of a house is the forehead of the house. I'm applying my gaze directly to the forehead.
Paul F. Tompkins
I can't just agree with that. I can't. Now that I've. Right.
Nicole Parker
But now I want you to apply paint directly to its forehead. Okay. That's what we want you to do.
George
Well, I will, once I've been appropriately inspired.
Nicole Parker
I'm just thinking. What? Do you need more to be inspired? You walked around. You looked at everyone's houses. I know you're talking about nuances.
George
I guess you're the expert, so I guess you're the. The.
Nicole Parker
Well, in one way, I am a realtor. I am one of the experts.
George
I guess you think that I'm sublimating my anger at my own children by pouring my energy.
Nicole Parker
Every single one of the words.
George
I'm pouring this energy now.
Paul F. Tompkins
He's using all his fingers.
Nicole Parker
Yes. He's just.
George
He looks like he's squeezing home renovations in order to salvage whatever energy there is in the relationship I have between my wife, whose name is tenuously remembered, at best.
Nicole Parker
Oh, no. Are things not well between you and your wife?
George
Oh, things could be a lot better if the color harmonics could change.
Nicole Parker
I don't think it's just that. George, how much time do you spend together? You guys go out on dates? What do you do?
George
Boy, the thrill is really hanging by a thread. Oh, yeah.
Nicole Parker
I've never heard you describe.
George
But not golf. That's entirely gone.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay, we're not full.
George
BB King.
Nicole Parker
Hanging by a thread is still rather exciting.
George
Yeah, there's a gossamer thin thread, much like the cords that are. That we've all learned today are in the human throat.
Nicole Parker
Oh, yes, that's right. Did B.B.
Paul F. Tompkins
king coin the phrase, the thrill is gone?
Nicole Parker
Oh, Bernt, I'm not the person to ask that question to.
Paul F. Tompkins
Whoever did. I mean, what a devastating thing to hear if somebody said that to you.
George
Shattering.
Paul F. Tompkins
Really paints a picture.
Nicole Parker
Well, what do you like about her?
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh,
George
give me a second. Give me a second.
Nicole Parker
He says so much before he says anything at all. He's getting on the ground.
George
Get a couple of these buttons undone here.
Nicole Parker
He's getting on the ground. He's taking off his pants Thanksgiving style.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, boy. Someone could come to eat.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
You can't think of anything comfortable sitting up?
George
Well, you got me all worked up.
Nicole Parker
Okay, I'm sorry. That a question of. What do you like about your wife? Was. Was a problem.
George
I'm here in the stocks in the center of town with everybody throwing their slings and arrows at yours truly just because I'm. I'm taking some landscape style photos of the front lawns.
Paul F. Tompkins
George, you are one of the most defensive people we've ever had on this show.
Nicole Parker
Absolutely true.
Paul F. Tompkins
I mean, you are.
Nicole Parker
It is Exhausting.
Paul F. Tompkins
You know who you remind me of? Craig Conover from Southern Charm. It's everybody's fault but yours.
Nicole Parker
I don't know that show, but you're right. Burnt. That's what it sounds like.
Paul F. Tompkins
Never know showjohn.
Nicole Parker
I don't want to. I don't want to. You make it sound terrible.
Paul F. Tompkins
Stay gold, pony.
Nicole Parker
Boy, oh, boy. So I think that that is true. I think that, you know, you can't hear when people are trying to help you, but also, you don't really even want to directly answer a question. It almost seems like you're hiding a lot more than just being in a certain quiet.
Paul F. Tompkins
It does feel that way. I'm sorry.
George
Saying that there might be some. Some unresolved personal issues.
Paul F. Tompkins
100% percent.
George
Just kind of mind my way of navigating the world. That has been a long and complicated house of cards.
Nicole Parker
Oh,
George
a long and complicated house of cards.
Nicole Parker
Long and complicated house of. With. With. With shutters that you hate. I get it.
George
Oh, ghastly, horrid gas.
Nicole Parker
I keep saying gas. I can't picture a yellow. That would be ghastly if I. If I'm being honest.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, I can.
Nicole Parker
That's not helping. Okay. What? What? Yellow.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, that's sort of green.
Nicole Parker
Yellow.
Paul F. Tompkins
You know what I mean?
Nicole Parker
Well, that's different. That's like. That. Doesn't that have its own word? Word like puce?
Paul F. Tompkins
What did you.
George
Okay.
Nicole Parker
But I wouldn't call that yellow.
Doug
Bless you.
Paul F. Tompkins
Doug. Doug.
George
Yeah?
Paul F. Tompkins
In response to pews. Is that what happened?
Nicole Parker
I think so. I think so.
Paul F. Tompkins
That would be a cute sneeze.
Nicole Parker
I guess you can. I guess you can see how that might happen.
George
Known one or two people.
Paul F. Tompkins
By the way, I never trust people
Nicole Parker
who sneeze like that. Like, how dare you. Don't sneeze. Adorable like that. A sneeze is violent. Sneezes are incredibly violent.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's like you can train yourself to sneeze a certain way.
Doug
Yeah. Remember I worked on it for a while?
Nicole Parker
Oh, yeah, that's right. You were trying to be in charge of your sneezes. That is right. You tried to leave a voicemail where you were gonna sneeze and go, I
Paul F. Tompkins
did leave a voice.
Nicole Parker
It's. Before you ever get to the tune.
Doug
Everyone loves it.
Nicole Parker
Yes, everyone loves it.
Doug
By the way, the thrill is gone.
Nicole Parker
Here's.
Doug
Here's a 1931 Broadway tune by Henderson and Brown.
Nicole Parker
Would you look at that? Broadway.
Doug
Not the same song, but at least the Phra Goes.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's as far back as we can date the phrase yes.
Doug
As far back.
Nicole Parker
There you go. George, this is normally the point in the. In the podcast where we feel like we've helped someone or we wish them luck, but lost cause I feel like we went in circles a lot.
George
You know, spiraling.
Nicole Parker
I don't.
George
I'm going in circles around the neighborhood just trying to get my tickers.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, let me ask you this.
Nicole Parker
Yeah. Also, what about that? Like, why do you think your ticker's bad? Did the doctor tell you that it's bad? Have you been in to see someone?
George
Yes, the doctor told me that the daily walks were.
Nicole Parker
I'm sorry if I didn't hear that. Park.
Doug
Dock boy.
Nicole Parker
No, babe, that's a fake animated.
George
Doc boy is not a doctor. He's John Arbuckle's brother.
Doug
Pumpkin brother.
George
Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
Wears overalls. No doctor has ever worn overalls, and they never will.
George
Dock boy stayed at home on the family farm. John Arbuckle went away to the big city to make something of himself.
Nicole Parker
I'm going to say something to you, George. I want you to hear this. If you hear nothing else at all.
Paul F. Tompkins
What city does Garfield take place in?
Nicole Parker
I don't know.
George
This. I don't know.
Nicole Parker
I have no idea.
George
My God.
Nicole Parker
Well, you just put us all into a dark void. Burnt with that.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm really sorry. I didn't.
Nicole Parker
George, I'm going to say it again.
Doug
How do you say it, you guys? Muncie, Indiana.
Paul F. Tompkins
Muncie. Is that true?
Nicole Parker
Yeah, that sounds about right, actually. That sounds about right. Okay, I've been to Muncie. All right, so here's the thing. If you're worried about your ticker, I'm going to tell you right now. Now, the stress that you are putting on that ticker, getting so defensive, getting so worked up, spiraling about these colors, that is what is going to hurt your ticker. I'll tell you right now. And I want you to hear that from me. I think you need to. Reiki. Healer, heal thyself. Oh, I think you need to go. I don't know why you just punch burnt in the stomach.
Paul F. Tompkins
Let me tell you something, George. You have.
Nicole Parker
Back off.
Paul F. Tompkins
You have. Don't look. I'm staying on my side.
George
Don't look.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm not looking at you.
George
Don't look. I do not give you permission to look.
Paul F. Tompkins
You have been. For a guy who's worried about his heart health, you have been apoplectic on this podcast. No less than I'm going to say 50 times.
Nicole Parker
Correct. So do you. How can you hear what I said? Do you Understand how maybe sometimes you get worked up and probably doesn't feel well. Do you feel.
Paul F. Tompkins
Is that penetrating at all?
Nicole Parker
At all? You'll feel lightheaded. It doesn't make you feel good. That. That's what's making you sick.
George
I'm hearing. I'm absorbing.
Nicole Parker
Good, good.
George
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
George
My. My, my. The way I express anger and sort of bottle.
Nicole Parker
Yes.
George
My feelings and sort of comes out in these inappropriate ways when I could find more creative and. And. And construct constructive outlets for my. For my emotions. Not connected to home renovation, but maybe dealing with some deeper emotional. Emotional. Unresolved.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes. Issues. Yes.
Nicole Parker
All right, you're swallowing a lot. Okay. I'm a little nervous, but that was the calmest I've seen. The longest I've seen him calm in this whole entire interview.
Paul F. Tompkins
It did seem like he was trying not to lose his mind.
Nicole Parker
I know, but I think it's still a start. I think you need to start breathing more, swallowing less. And I.
Paul F. Tompkins
What is this? Hamilton for heat?
Doug
More.
George
Swallowing less. Yeah. So my own personal Aaron Burr over here.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay. Now, George. Wow.
Doug
I've never heard wow. Usually I hear that with peanut butter in someone's mouth.
Nicole Parker
What?
Paul F. Tompkins
Aaron Burr.
Nicole Parker
Oh, Aaron Burr. Yeah, the commercial. Good job. Okay.
George
Got milk?
Doug
Good job.
Nicole Parker
Listen, you are inimitable. You are an original problem. All right? And I want you to know that you don't have to be like anyone else.
Paul F. Tompkins
Will not engage with that.
Nicole Parker
I'm sorry. I didn't hear it.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's okay.
Nicole Parker
You were doing.
Paul F. Tompkins
You were doing the right thing.
Nicole Parker
Well, I was talking.
Paul F. Tompkins
You were doing the right thing. I was on the wrong thing.
Nicole Parker
But you're not gonna tell me what you did. Okay, I'll hear it later because I'll listen to the podcast I know you
Paul F. Tompkins
don't listen to in the next segment. Next segment.
Nicole Parker
I'll do it. Okay, great. So did you hear what I said? You. You are. You. You are enough. And you don't have to worry about getting the perfect kind of paint. Okay? Just get a paint color that is different and see where that takes you. Just. Just take one tiny step. Okay.
George
I suppose there's some. It's moving toward perfection.
Nicole Parker
This is now making. Just as scared as this is, like a scary energy. Just as bad as the it is.
Paul F. Tompkins
And. And the way he's trying to put the petals back on the flowers is weird.
George
Make it right. Make it perfect. Make it pretty. Make it pretty again. Sorry, I'm gonna put these headphones in. I need. I need a little decompression.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Nicole Parker
All right.
George
George, I don't mind you coming here wasting all my time.
Paul F. Tompkins
George can no longer hear us, so we're going to say thank you to George. He needs help and I don't think the cars are gonna do it this time.
Nicole Parker
If you see him looking at your house, honestly, just know that he means no harm and stay inside, okay? Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
And that he's. He's more miserable than you could ever be about him.
Nicole Parker
Absolutely. And he. And he really. He's hurting himself, not you. Okay. So don't. Don't worry.
Paul F. Tompkins
Do you think he's going to get the part where they go time Time?
Nicole Parker
I sure hope so because that's my favorite part time. Oh, good. Now we can go. All right.
Paul F. Tompkins
We'll be back with the neighbor listen when the neighbor listen returns.
George
Talking in your sleep.
Paul F. Tompkins
This is Rosie. I have a free menorah for free. It's elegant silver color menorah with intricate design. Good solid metal. Not silver, but nice. Free menorah. Free menorah. Fo f F. Free. Free. Free. Free. Free. Woo for free menorah. Free menorah. Free Menorah. Free Menorah. Free Madora. Free Madora. Free Madora. Is there another one? Free. Free menorah is free. Free. Manor aura is free. It is good solid metal. Not silver, but nice. I'm having fun and I hope you're having fun listening to me having fun. Welcome back to the neighborhoods. That guy.
Nicole Parker
That was fast. That guy was so exhausting.
Paul F. Tompkins
He really. I feel like I just like. Like I've been doing laps around the
Nicole Parker
neighborhood and you know, it's always hard when some. You question someone looks like you look. You're crazy.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's all he did to every question.
Nicole Parker
Oh, my goodness.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh. So what I said.
Nicole Parker
Okay, I would say that I missed
Paul F. Tompkins
when Doug referenced the famous Got Milk commercial. Aaron Burr. The person's trying to. It's like a phone contest.
Nicole Parker
Yes. It's a radio station. Yep. You have to call in.
Paul F. Tompkins
Trying to say Aaron Burr, but his mouth is full of peanut butter and
Nicole Parker
his whole entire life has been studying this. He's obviously got the a picture of it. His whole office is dedicated.
Paul F. Tompkins
I don't even remember that level of detail.
Nicole Parker
Oh, yes, it is. They zoom in on the bullet. They zoom in on. It's like he spent his whole life studying this bullet.
Doug
It really.
Nicole Parker
Yeah. He has it in like a case or something. Yes. I'm not saying it's the real bullet.
Paul F. Tompkins
How would he come to have that?
Nicole Parker
I'm not saying it's the real bullet, but he has it already. The commercial is saying that probably.
Paul F. Tompkins
So he finally gets his chance to say the name Aaron Burr.
Nicole Parker
Yep.
Paul F. Tompkins
Which is going to change his life. But his mouth is full of like packed with peanut butter.
Nicole Parker
Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
He's eating a peanut butter sandwich.
Nicole Parker
Yes. Correct. Which.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's demented.
Nicole Parker
I know nothing. Or assuming there's nothing else in there to break it up.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's for cheating children to try and realize it's not a good idea.
Nicole Parker
And that's when you're like, well, that's why we put jelly.
Doug
Well, you mean to eat a peanut butter sandwich?
Nicole Parker
Yeah, just dry, just without anything else. No jelly. No, honey, that's not enjoyable. No.
Doug
Oh, okay.
Nicole Parker
You like that, babe?
Doug
Of course, of course, of course.
Paul F. Tompkins
You know what?
Nicole Parker
Of course.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Do you think that maybe if Aaron Burr could know that if he had any kind of awareness in this universe that he's so happy that Hamilton came along because other than that, he would have been only known as peanut butter guy.
Paul F. Tompkins
Absolutely.
Nicole Parker
And now he's known as this awesome rapping, singing, Tony award winning.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. Who, who, who's. I remember. Oh, he's the.
Doug
He.
Paul F. Tompkins
He's the murderer that the kid was trying to say in that commercial for Milk.
Doug
Yeah, he's in the duel.
Nicole Parker
Yeah. Yes, he's in the duel, babe.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay, so my question is.
Nicole Parker
Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
Would milk have helped in that situation? You're just pouring milk onto.
Nicole Parker
I forgot we were talking about got milk.
Paul F. Tompkins
You're pouring milk onto just a solid wall of peanut butter. I don't think it's. It's not. It doesn' solution properly.
Doug
It dissolves peanut butter like acid.
Nicole Parker
It does.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's not true, Doug.
Nicole Parker
Here's what I'm gonna say. The first thing I would reach for is not milk. Right. Obviously it's gonna be water. Anything.
Paul F. Tompkins
I reach for a spoon to scrape it out of my mouth. You would if this was so important.
Nicole Parker
You gotta watch out for your sarlach.
Paul F. Tompkins
We all do.
Nicole Parker
You reach it down too far.
Paul F. Tompkins
We all have to watch out for our sarlaches.
Doug
I think Aaron Burr would be blown away that Milk would be such a. Such a big deal because he probably, you know, they just get it everywhere.
Paul F. Tompkins
You think he probably accepts TV faster? Yeah. Objective advertising for milk, Aaron. Bur this is television. Okay, what else? Well, milk.
Nicole Parker
What is that?
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm going to show you an advertisement for milk. Okay. Then he looks at the advertisement like, wow, milk is that popular?
Doug
Yeah, they've come out the of this.
Paul F. Tompkins
All right, we have time for one more post.
Nicole Parker
Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
Just George.
Nicole Parker
I know I know. He was really upsetting. And he really did destroy all my flowers.
Paul F. Tompkins
He really. He really did.
Nicole Parker
Are you okay, by the way? Because he really got you good in the gut.
Paul F. Tompkins
He. He really Houdini'd me. He's lucky my appendix didn't burst.
Doug
I think by comparison, he'll have a harder time getting back in the choir than me.
Nicole Parker
Probably. As long as you stop talking about it right now, babe.
Doug
Okay, I. I read the fine print of the contract.
Nicole Parker
You did?
Doug
I don't actually get kicked out for this.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Doug
But I have to run the gauntlet. The whistle gauntlet?
Paul F. Tompkins
What is that entail?
Nicole Parker
Hard?
Doug
Yeah, there's. There's kind of like skiing. Sk. Shooting at the same time while I'm whistling. You have to maintain a whistle.
Paul F. Tompkins
Who were you being?
Nicole Parker
There's what?
Paul F. Tompkins
Who were you being just then?
Nicole Parker
Snow White.
Paul F. Tompkins
She sings it, I believe.
Nicole Parker
She does, yes. Jazz. We saw you work. Who else sounds like that in Snow White?
Doug
I thought it was not the dwarves saying it.
Nicole Parker
They sing hi Ho.
Paul F. Tompkins
They only get one song.
Doug
Yes, but she's not the one whistling.
Nicole Parker
It's an old Disney movie. Everybody only gets one song and no sequels.
Paul F. Tompkins
What other songs? Oh, say Someday My prince will Come. Is that in there?
Nicole Parker
Yes. There's only basically three.
Paul F. Tompkins
You work hire.
Nicole Parker
That's right. That's it. That's about it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Nicole Parker
You know.
Paul F. Tompkins
All right, we have time for one more post. This comes to us from Alessio. This is in the for sale and free okay section. This is free. Alessio writes, have you been neglected long? Oh, the headline is husband for a day service. Oh, free.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Have you been neglected long enough? Husband refuses to finish your honey do list. Call me, I'll do it all for you need someone to serve you what can I take care of at your home? I'm might handy handyman if you will but with a twist I can do it all do you need a faucet changed? Then he goes to need your back rubbed. Oh, wow. I can do your dirty laundry oh, it's starting to sound kinkier and kinky.
Nicole Parker
I could do your dirty laundry
Paul F. Tompkins
what is that? What is that?
Nicole Parker
Weird Aling be your hero, baby.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's what I thought. Okay, maybe just someone to talk to Let me change the oil on your car have a desk that needs to be assembled have some projects or needs that your husband has been neglecting I'm here to serve you now this guy
Nicole Parker
have a dust that needs to be. What was that?
Paul F. Tompkins
Desk?
Nicole Parker
A desk. Okay, that's my fault. Assembled a. Okay. All Right.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. Have some projects or needs that your husband has been neglecting. I'm here to serve you.
Nicole Parker
My gosh.
Paul F. Tompkins
Now, Alessio is clearly. This is a. I guess a solicitation.
Nicole Parker
It's a cry for help.
Paul F. Tompkins
Is it a reverse solicitation? Solicit me.
Nicole Parker
I think he's so lonely also.
Paul F. Tompkins
Again, I think lonely is a generous read, Joan.
Nicole Parker
Okay, what do you really think is going on?
Paul F. Tompkins
This guy wants to have sex with people's wives. Penetrative. Any kind, looks like.
Nicole Parker
It looks like he's down on their desk assembled it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, that's right after he's changed all the oil on the car.
Doug
I don't like this at all.
Nicole Parker
No, I don't like it at all. This is wild. Does he actually think anyone's gonna respond to him?
Paul F. Tompkins
I mean, the sad thing is, somebody probably will.
Helen
Yeah.
Doug
What does this profile pick look like?
Paul F. Tompkins
What is his. What?
Nicole Parker
His profile. His profile profile.
Paul F. Tompkins
I know he does not. He has a pict that is just. It's a picture of his shoulders down.
Nicole Parker
What?
Paul F. Tompkins
It goes from shoulders to ankles.
Nicole Parker
I swear to God, men don't. This is. Are you joking? If you click on it, though, would it be bigger? That's just the thumbnail.
Paul F. Tompkins
No.
Nicole Parker
What is wrong with men? You know, I. I helped my friend try to get on some of these dating apps one time. Men don't know how to take a picture. They literally don't.
Paul F. Tompkins
They refuse to know.
Nicole Parker
Faceless. Or it's them, like, passed out at a party. That's the people picture that they chose. It's like they're not even trying. Meanwhile, women go and, like, spend hundreds of dollars to get the right profile pick, you know, and this.
Paul F. Tompkins
This who sounds like they're coming out ahead?
Nicole Parker
The men.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, exactly. That's my point.
Paul F. Tompkins
Don't know how. No.
Nicole Parker
You're saying they're doing it on purpose. Well, that. Well, that makes me furious. It makes me furious.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, it should. And here's the thing.
Nicole Parker
Well, it does.
Paul F. Tompkins
My favorite kind of profile picture is when there's multiple people in the picture.
Nicole Parker
Yes. Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
You have to say.
Nicole Parker
You have to guess.
Paul F. Tompkins
I don't know. What is this game?
Nicole Parker
Maybe she'll think I'm the attractive one.
Paul F. Tompkins
Now, I understand there's some. Some people on the. On the dating app. Some men on the dating apps will have a picture of them. And another woman.
Nicole Parker
Give me a break. Oh, that's so typical. How ridiculous.
Paul F. Tompkins
Do you think that's proof of concept?
Doug
Yeah. Proves they've been around the block.
Nicole Parker
She didn't mind Standing up. Just me for a second.
Doug
It's like.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's like if you lived here, you'd be home by now.
Nicole Parker
Sort of. I would need to see an actual marriage certificate. And then citing the reasons for not being together anymore just so that there was proof.
Paul F. Tompkins
Death.
Nicole Parker
It better be death.
Paul F. Tompkins
Better be death. There's no other acceptable like either. There's some egregious story where you got taken in by someone. That's not good. Well, you're dumb. I don't. I don't want to be with you.
Nicole Parker
You mean. Oh, that person was kind of like a con person.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. Or you were the problem.
Nicole Parker
Yes. Well, that's what I would need. I mean, I can't even imagine being out there in the world again.
Paul F. Tompkins
Streets.
Nicole Parker
Yeah. Every time, you know, Doug and I have a fight, I just think, well, it's better than having to look at that guy's body without a face.
Paul F. Tompkins
How does that make you feel, Doug?
Doug
Not the best best. Our fights aren't bad at all.
Nicole Parker
No, I just mean, like. I just mean sometimes mar. Listen, marriage is hard, okay? It's hard is what I've heard. Exactly. I mean, you understand. You ran away from it the first time. And I'm not saying that to, like, indict you. I'm just saying you clearly understand that marriage can be intimidating. You might have been afraid of it. I get it.
Paul F. Tompkins
I honestly don't know what was going on. Yes, I was afraid of marriage. I don't think I understood what it entailed. And I think I just was not ready.
Nicole Parker
It means it's not going to be perfect all the time. Because life isn't perfect all the time. Right. And when things aren't perfect and when we're down, we start thinking, oh, what if? And then it's like, immediately. I'm just being honest. You don't want to turn into a George Immediately. I think. I don't. Immediately, I think, oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I. I'm so grateful. Even. I'm grateful for the fights because it's better than being back alone.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm so glad that my husband, Doug, has a head and feet.
Nicole Parker
I'm so glad you do, babe. And it's a great head and feet.
Doug
Most of the time, the fights are because she can't find me in the house. Like, I'll just be. I forget that I'm not.
Nicole Parker
Like, my keys.
Paul F. Tompkins
I don't blame her for that. This place is too big.
Nicole Parker
It's way too big.
Doug
We're not playing the blame game.
Paul F. Tompkins
No blame.
Doug
Finger of Blame is not the rigid finger of blame.
Nicole Parker
Boy, you really love that phrase.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, that does it for this episode of the Neighborhood Lessons. What? Oh, for whistles.
Nicole Parker
Oh, yeah, just to sing us. To whistle us out.
Paul F. Tompkins
Whistle work.
Nicole Parker
What about the Bridge of the. Oh, okay. I was gonna ask for like a classic whistle. So song like the Bridge of the River. Quiet. Is that the same thing? Yes, yes. Can you do that one?
Doug
Which.
Nicole Parker
You know what? Here's how I'll get him to understand it. The Breakfast Club song that they whistle.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, whistle that during the breakfast.
Nicole Parker
They do. Yes, they do.
Paul F. Tompkins
I remember nothing about that movie.
Doug
Oh, that's a good one.
George
They make your feet feel fine.
Paul F. Tompkins
Boo Bo. They cost a dollar 99.
Nicole Parker
Wait, what is that? Bobos. What are bobos?
Paul F. Tompkins
That was a song. That's a weird howling of Colonel Bogey's mom.
Nicole Parker
Oh, that's amazing.
Paul F. Tompkins
To make fun of off brand shoes.
Nicole Parker
Okay. That's fun.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. Bobos.
Nicole Parker
Well, we're gonna leave you with that.
Paul F. Tompkins
Some people also sang Comet. It makes your teeth turn green.
Nicole Parker
Oh, I remember that.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's right. Tastes like Gasoli.
Nicole Parker
That's correct. Joan Rivers used to play off her shows that way. It's absolutely true with that song.
Paul F. Tompkins
Wait, with the Comet version?
Nicole Parker
I believe so. But it's also who record. But. But I think she just called it that. I think it was just a whistle.
Paul F. Tompkins
I can more. I can more normalize the. The. The recording of the baby back rib song. Having seen video of that, I'm like, okay, that's kind of fun to see them do. I can't imagine somebody in a recording studio. Can I go again? Comet?
Nicole Parker
Can I go again? What was the thing you said last time? Can I get more something in the track?
Doug
Can get more fruit card than in the track.
Nicole Parker
Can I get more comedy in the track? All right, well, there you have it.
George
All right.
Paul F. Tompkins
Thank you for listening. If you'd like to hear ad free versions of the episodes or our bonus content, go to cbbworld.com Sign up on the Maximus tier and that's how you get it. All right, Follow us on Instagram. The Neighborhood Listen. You can see the post we use on the show.
Doug
Yep, there you go.
Nicole Parker
That's it. What do you say, Bernd? Goodbye and bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been change.
Paul F. Tompkins
Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins and me, Nicole
Doug
Parker and me, Bret Morris.
Nicole Parker
Today's guest was played by Ross Bryant.
Paul F. Tompkins
The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang world.
Nicole Parker
Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show ad free as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maxima's subscribers. Your support keeps the show. Hi, I am Mandy Moore.
Paul F. Tompkins
Sterling K. Brown and I'm Chris Sullivan
George
and we host the podcast that Was Us now on Headgum.
Nicole Parker
Each episode we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show. This Is Us.
George
That's right.
Nicole Parker
We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.
George
Are we gonna cry?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, a little bit.
George
Are we gonna laugh a lot?
Nicole Parker
A whole lot.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that Was Us on your favorite podcast EP app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.
Nicole Parker
Wherever you go, whatever they get into, from chill time to everyday adventures, protect your dog from parasites with Cridellio Guatro. For full safety information, side effects and warnings, visit cordelioquatrolabel.com consult your vet or call 1-888-545-5973. Ask your vet for Cornelia Quattro and visit quattrodog.com.
In this lively episode, Burnt, Joan, and Doug dive into the world of neighborhood social networking by exploring a particularly eventful and confusing post by a resident named George. The core of the episode revolves around neighborhood suspicion, misunderstandings, and a deeper exploration of personal perfectionism, all with the show's signature improvisational, absurdist humor. Along the way, the hosts detour through odd Dignity Falls traditions, the “Lips Together, Sing Apart” Whistle Choir, small-town drama, vocal cord anatomy, and marriage mishaps.
[00:57–06:46]
[07:15–14:14]
[29:03–77:13]
[25:04–28:01 / 84:06–90:44]
[89:31–91:38]
This episode is a perfect snapshot of the show’s off-the-wall tone and blend of small-town satire and character-driven comedy. It’s less about problem-solving and more about exposing the foibles of suburban life, the limits of neighborhood vigilance, and the all-too-human chase for illusory “perfection.” Personal histories, emotional baggage, and town mysteriousness collide in a way only Neighborhood Listen delivers, all while never letting the laughs drop for more than a moment.
If you skipped this week: George’s saga will leave you pondering if it’s ever possible to just appreciate a neighbor’s landscaping without a dose of suspicion...or at the very least, whether your town also has a wall fountain in its local Reiki clinic.