Keep An Eye Out with Suzi Barrett

Summary

The Neighborhood Listen: Episode Summary – "Keep An Eye Out with Suzi Barrett"

Release Date: November 26, 2024

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1. Introduction and Setting the Scene

The episode kicks off with Paul F. Tompkins and Nicole Parker introducing themselves as the voices behind the fictional characters Burnt Millipede and Joan Pedestrian, respectively. They set the stage for another immersive exploration of their hometown, Dignity Falls, utilizing real posts from a local social networking app to drive their improvised narratives.

Notable Quote:

[00:25] Paul F. Tompkins: "Welcome once again to the Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls. That's our neighborhood."

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2. Behind the Scenes: Paul's Workplace Drama

Burnt Millipede, the pharmacist in chief at Dignity Falls Pharmacy, shares his recent struggles at work. He's under anonymous suspicion for alleged discrepancies in pill dispensing—accusations he firmly believes are orchestrated by an upstart named Chiswick Kerwin. This subplot introduces tension and humor as Paul navigates office politics and neighborly intrigue.

Notable Quote:

[07:02] Paul F. Tompkins: "Well, I might be fired."

Notable Quote:

[10:23] Paul F. Tompkins: "It's a great drama from the 50s. It's all about stevedores, guys working down on the docks."

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3. Joan's Creative Pursuits: A One-Woman Christmas Carol

Joan Pedestrian reveals her ambition to create a unique twist on the classic "A Christmas Carol." Her concept, "A Christmas Comma Carol," features herself playing multiple roles, including Carol Scrooge, a modern-day descendant of the infamous Ebenezer Scrooge. This creative endeavor underscores the show's blend of humor, pop culture references, and character-driven storytelling.

Notable Quote:

[17:51] Susie Barrett (Joan): "And I also sell avocado bracelets, although several people have complained of carpal tunnel and basically not being able to do anything."

Notable Quote:

[19:16] Joan Pedestrian: "I think this might be the reveal at the end that, like, the ghost of Christmas future is basically her great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather, Ebenezer Scrooge."

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4. Spotlight on Glenda: Community Watch and Anxiety

The centerpiece of the episode features an interview with Glenda, a neighbor who posted a cryptic message, "keep an eye out," in the crime and safety section of their local app. Through her character, Glenda discusses her obsessive vigilance over neighborhood safety, complete with an over-the-top surveillance system.

Notable Quote:

[30:00] Glenda (Nicole Parker): "I'm keeping an eye out. The first thing I do when I wake up is keep an eye out."

Notable Quote:

[33:05] Glenda: "I keep an eye out for a coyote."

As the conversation unfolds, it becomes apparent that Glenda's anxiety stems from her past and current obsessions with safety, leading to humorous yet insightful discussions about paranoia, community engagement, and personal well-being.

Notable Quote:

[48:38] Glenda: "When you grow up in that kind of environment, you cannot help but think, my God, I have a lot to lose."

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5. Doug's Storefront Shenanigans

Throughout the episode, Doug (Brett Morris) intermittently interrupts the main conversation from various locations within Dignity Falls Delicatessen, adding layers of comedic relief. Whether he's grocery shopping or sampling products, Doug's presence underscores the casual, improvisational nature of the podcast.

Notable Quote:

[12:01] Doug: "Oh, I'm actually out. I'm grocery shopping."

Notable Quote:

[56:26] Doug: "I've built several traps."

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6. Listener Interaction: The Mysterious Lucille

Towards the end, the hosts address a listener-submitted post from Lucille, which reads, "So sad. Thanks for showing us fondly Lucille." The ambiguous nature of the post sparks a playful and baffling discussion among the hosts as they attempt to decipher its meaning, blending humor with the show's characteristic improvisational flair.

Notable Quote:

[63:35] Susie Barrett: "That is so close."

Notable Quote:

[65:20] Susie Barrett: "I think we're giving her too much credit, but I think you could be right."

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7. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The episode wraps up with the hosts reflecting on the chaotic and humorous interactions they've had, emphasizing the unpredictable nature of their community-driven storytelling. They encourage listeners to engage with them by submitting their own posts, maintaining the interactive spirit of the podcast.

Notable Quote:

[68:34] Nicole Parker: "All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed."

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Key Themes and Insights

• Community Vigilance vs. Paranoia: Through Glenda’s character, the episode explores the thin line between being a vigilant community member and succumbing to paranoia.

• Creative Expression: Joan’s endeavor to reinvent a classic story highlights the importance of creativity in personal and communal narratives.

• Humor in Everyday Struggles: Paul's workplace drama and Doug’s interruptions serve as comedic elements that mirror real-life challenges and distractions.

• Listener Engagement: The mysterious post from Lucille underscores the podcast’s commitment to involving its audience, even when submissions are enigmatic.

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Conclusion

"Keep An Eye Out with Suzi Barrett" masterfully blends improvisation, character-driven storytelling, and community engagement to create a rich and entertaining narrative. Through humorous dialogues and intriguing plots, the episode offers listeners a comprehensive look into the eccentric yet endearing world of Dignity Falls.

Transcript

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.

[Nicole Parker]

And I'm Nicole Parker.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

[Susie Barrett]

Occasionally, we change the names of some.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Streets, and that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the Ad free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

[Susie Barrett]

And now, please enjoy this episode of the Neighborhood Listen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Knock, knock.

[Susie Barrett]

Who's there? Your neighbor Good. In Dignity Fall, you've got the neighbor half AV and us, Vern and Joan. From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell, we'll cover it all.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And meet new neighbors as well.

[Susie Barrett]

We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Welcome once again to the Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls. That's our neighborhood. And maybe you have a neighborhood that you're proud of, like we are proud of ours. Who are we? Well, I'll tell you. My name is Burn Me a Payday. I am the pharmacist in chief at the Dignity Falls Falls Missy.

[Susie Barrett]

And I'm Joan Pedestrian, the top realtor here in Dignity Falls. And I have to tell you, that was like. That was like a voiceover for a commercial. Like, it's morning in America. Yes. The way that you. Okay, well, not like that one, but I'm sorry, it's the first one that came to my mind. Is that Bad American Cardiff? Oh, no. Oh, no, no. Just the exact opposite. Almost like it was an insurance ad, you know, for like, we've got you. We've got you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, sure, sure.

[Nicole Parker]

A little.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm a little low energy today, I guess.

[Susie Barrett]

Right. And I wouldn't say that. That I didn't get low energy. I wouldn't say that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That.

[Susie Barrett]

Why would you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why would anyone?

[Susie Barrett]

I didn't. Weird. That I did. But I wouldn't say low energy, but different energy. You know, a low would imply maybe something negative, which I thought was just very intimate. It was intimate energy that you were bringing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I appreciate that you.

[Susie Barrett]

I would say that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That. I appreciate that you interpret it that way. Way. But what I'm doing is I'm telling you that I have low energy.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh. Why? What happened?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I didn't. I didn't sleep well.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, no.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. And, you know, Gabby was over, and I was tossing and turning so much that she went home.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, my goodness, yes. Gabby, of course, your girlfriend.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Susie Barrett]

How long has it been now for the two of you, I feel like it's been a year and some change, I guess.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Something like that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

So she left. Did you see her go? Were you aware that she left?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She. She told me I was.

[Susie Barrett]

I was awake in no uncertain terms.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She was like, I have to. I have to go because I have, you know, tomorrow we're anticipating a lot of fires.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, that's right. Because it's the fall and this is when everybody sets their piles of leaves on fire.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Susie Barrett]

It's kind of like bonf night in the day. Right. But it's not allowed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Still do it. It's illegal, but it's accepted. The cops don't do anything about it. The fire department, of course, has to shoulder their whole.

[Susie Barrett]

Like the cops can.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Can watch people set fires, but for the, for the fire department, of course, it's, It's a lot of work and, and most of them, of course, don't appreciate that.

[Susie Barrett]

No, they don't. And the cops, as usual, just stand and watch it happen and go. That's going to be a lot of paperwork. Yeah. Never do it anyway.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. And then the firemen show up. They get in arguments with the cops and that. That I think it contributes to a lot of the fires burning for longer than they should.

[Susie Barrett]

Absolutely. So. So this is what's so Gabby is this is like her, Her. Her time to shop.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's her busy season.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah, her busy season.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's the busiest day of the year for Fire Indignity Falls.

[Susie Barrett]

Why do you think that you couldn't sleep?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I was having. I was having strange dreams.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think I might be anxious about something.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, dear.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I was. I was. I kept. They were all stress dreams. Do you?

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, I absolutely do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I was back in my old high school and I had a test that I didn't study for. I was in heaven. I was meeting God and I had to account for all my sins.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, that's a toughie.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I was looking for a penny that I dropped. Couldn't find anywhere.

[Susie Barrett]

That's the most harrowing one you've said.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I look everywhere and I, you know, I went from the house where I grew up to my old high school to.

[Susie Barrett]

But was it your high school? But not. Did you know what I mean? You know, it's like your high school, but doesn't quite look like your high school, even though, you know it's your high school. That happen in a dream?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, yes. Yes. I knew it was my high school in the dream. I knew it was my high school.

[Susie Barrett]

But nothing was quite like that was your home. Well, you spend so much time here. It makes sense.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's true. It's true.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah. I have those dreams all the time. I, you know, that I, like, win the Tony Award and I get up to speak and I can't say anything, you know, and I. It's like I've forgotten my lines for accepting my award, but, you know, deep.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you have to say something when you win. When you win the award?

[Susie Barrett]

First of all, no one's watching anyway, at home.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The Tonys.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, you got me watching.

[Susie Barrett]

I know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You got me watching the Tonys and I don't understand any of it, but I've never heard of these shows. If you haven't mentioned it to me, I have no idea.

[Susie Barrett]

Snippets. You just get little snippets of something. You're like, what just happened?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I feel like there's always so much Neil Patrick Harris.

[Susie Barrett]

There used to be. I miss him, to be honest.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, really?

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah. They switched it up a bit. I don't think you've watched in a while.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I haven't. Who's in chart now?

[Susie Barrett]

Ariana DeBose. All the time. Every time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who is that?

[Susie Barrett]

Well, if I say to you Angela Bassett did the thing, does that help you?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It absolutely does. I loved it.

[Susie Barrett]

I don't know if she'd be happy with that, but, yeah, I loved. Yeah, it was great. It was good. It was instantly iconic.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was instantly iconic. She tore it up, as they say. She ate and left no crumbs.

[Susie Barrett]

And that sounds very natural coming out of your mouth.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. And it reminded me, of course, of, you know, Madonna's Vogue wrap.

[Susie Barrett]

Ah, yes. I think there was a little tip of the hat to that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There must have been.

[Susie Barrett]

There must have been.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There must have been.

[Susie Barrett]

So, yes, I listen, a lot of people just sort of say a quick thank you. But some people talk about how, hey, if this could happen for me, trust me, it could happen for you. And which is not.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's not really true.

[Susie Barrett]

It's not great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You.

[Susie Barrett]

I mean, but I understand that if you're standing there, it makes a lot of sense to you, but you have.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

To say, look, if this could happen for me, there's a number of you, this could happen to.

[Susie Barrett]

You think they should qualify. Qualify for that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

So everyone watching, some people go, no, am I one of the few?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Some people know that they're not, though. They say, but not me.

[Doug]

Right.

[Susie Barrett]

They say it to the camera. I mean, they say it to the screen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes. Well, I understand stress dreams. And why do you think you're having stress dreams? Is there something going on stressful at work, at the falsema scene? Oh, goodness. I was not expecting this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know what? I, I, I'm, I did not connect it until you said that.

[Susie Barrett]

Really?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But yes, there is something stressful going on at work.

[Susie Barrett]

What is it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I might be fired.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, whoa. This is a bombshell. Oh, dear. What? Burned? You are pharmacist in chief. I know someone you are at the top of.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Someone has accused me, anonymously accused me.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of some chicanery cape with the, with the filling of the pill bottles.

[Susie Barrett]

Is this because of all the fallout from the pharmacist parade?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know, it could be related.

[Susie Barrett]

I think it might be.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It could be related, and there could be somebody. There could be an All About Heave in my midst.

[Susie Barrett]

Somebody who's all about heaven.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah, You've never seen that? Do you know all about heave?

[Susie Barrett]

If you go listen back to that, I will say you can hear there's an H in front of it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, they're on purpose. You're not familiar with All About Heave?

[Susie Barrett]

No, sorry, I'm not, I'm not familiar with All About Heave.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's, it's a great, it's a great drama from the, from the 50s. And it's, it's all about stevedores, guys working down on the docks.

[Susie Barrett]

And there's Evo and whatnot.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, exactly. And there's, there's a, there's a you know, a sort of, you know, elder statesman of the stevedores, you know, legend. And then there's this young start.

[Susie Barrett]

Like a young, Like a hungry. Exactly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who seems very innocent, you know, kind of golly gee whiz.

[Susie Barrett]

That's how it always starts.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But then turns out he's a bit devious.

[Susie Barrett]

He's really got his eye on that stevedore. Such a relatable story.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There's the immortal Light, of course.

[Susie Barrett]

Go ahead.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hang on to your beat, Hooks. It's going to be a heavy night.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

That doesn't necessarily. That became an iconic line.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, for that. From that movie. Yes. Every line. Every movie has an iconic line for that movie, I suppose.

[Susie Barrett]

So what is it for arbitrage? I mean, there's so many.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I've arbed.

[Susie Barrett]

That's right. I've arbed. When he takes the noun and turns it into a verb. Oh, my word.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's the end.

[Susie Barrett]

Well, okay, so you have, you have a Young pharmacist. A young corn fed pharmacist that seems to be very hungry for climbing up that ladder.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Susie Barrett]

Who is this person? Can you name them?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

His name is Chiswick.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay. That's very Dickensian.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, his. His last name is Kerwin. And he. I don't trust him. Yeah, I trusted him from the moment he was hired and I. I did not want to hire him.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But it was the owner of the Falls, Missy, who decided he needed to have a job.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I don't know what this Chiswick.

[Susie Barrett]

Has on the owner of the pharmacy, Cornelius Cornwall.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay, well, he's also a mysterious guy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He is. I thought I saw him the other day.

[Susie Barrett]

You did. Many people think they see him. No. No one actually knows what he looks like.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No.

[Susie Barrett]

He'S always in the pharmacist parade. But he's. He's completely concealed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Susie Barrett]

And everyone swears they gotta look at him. Someone says they gotta look at him.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I know. I could have sworn. The vision fades over time, you know, and some like. Did I see. What did I see? Maybe I just saw a plastic bag floating in the sky.

[Susie Barrett]

Could have been Cornelius.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It could have been Corneli. And so I. I don't know what's going on here, but I do think that. And you know, a lot of people are not taking this seriously. They're saying, well, of course Burton wouldn't do that. Why would he do that?

[Susie Barrett]

Right. What was the actual pill bottle crime that you supposedly committed?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Or that I'm sometimes setting the machines to put in one pill less and sometimes setting them put in one pill more.

[Susie Barrett]

Now, have people been complaining that that has actually happened? Like, are they not getting their full prescription? And they're coming back in and saying, hey, I'm one pill short.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We've received anony anonymous complaints, which, of course, I feel like we should just dismiss them out of hand. Why would anyone anonymously complain about their prescription?

[Susie Barrett]

You keep saying anonymous, but you think you know it's Chiswick. Is this what you're saying?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I know it's him. Yes. He's using.

[Susie Barrett]

Have these people calling him a.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Different coinwriting, different voices, different typewriter sets.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Sometimes the E is raised, sometimes it's lowered.

[Susie Barrett]

This is a campaign. This guy, you think in his basement has like a bunch of red yarn strung across your face?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What would that indicate? My death? Like there's blood on my face?

[Susie Barrett]

I think so. I think you know what I mean.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I didn't thought that he was trying to kill me, but you really got me wondering now, babe.

[Susie Barrett]

We haven't checked in with Doug.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, we haven't.

[Susie Barrett]

Something to say about this? My husband Doug is recording in another room. Where are you today, babe? Oh, geez.

[Doug]

Oh, I'm actually out. I'm grocery shopping.

[Susie Barrett]

What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're. You're recording the podcast while you grocery shop?

[Doug]

Yeah. You guys need anything?

[Susie Barrett]

No. For you to come back home and record in the. In a quiet space. I thought the whole reason that you recorded in different rooms for it was for the sound quality. How can you hear anything?

[Doug]

Sounds pretty good out here.

[Susie Barrett]

What? What sounds good? You can hear us.

[Doug]

Oh, yeah. I'm listening. I'm following along. I'm still doing the podcast. Don't worry about the podcast.

[Susie Barrett]

Don't worry about that podcast.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So you're walking up and down the aisles shopping.

[Doug]

Yeah, yeah. I'm not standing still.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So describe to me your mobile setup.

[Doug]

Well, you know, shopping cart. I do know my normal. You know, I'm kind of like a confectioner with my setup.

[Susie Barrett]

A confectioner? I'm sorry, are you thinking of, like, when you look in the window and you watch people making taffy apples or saltwater tabby? How much you're talking about?

[Doug]

I got the tray. You know, it's a mobile tray.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Like a cigarette girl.

[Doug]

Like cigarette girl.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We've talked about this before.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes, we have, but this is actually a mobile tray.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. Which actually seems a lot less complicated than the system you use at home.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes.

[Doug]

It's nice to pare it down.

[Susie Barrett]

That's loud. Are you at Costco? This sounds like a very large echoey.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're not shopping for a coffin, are you?

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, beer, dear.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, beer.

[Doug]

Oh, I'll get some beer. Good call, Joe.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Freudian slip.

[Susie Barrett]

Putting that on my tongue twisters this morning.

[Doug]

No, I'm at DF Delicacies.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, no. Do you have delicacies?

[Susie Barrett]

I don't know. It's so overpriced. Babe.

[Doug]

They have fish food for escrow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They say it's over. They say it's overpriced.

[Susie Barrett]

Doug is convinced that escrow now needs fish food.

[Doug]

It's because he doesn't have any.

[Susie Barrett]

I mean, I'm talking about the Ben and Jerry's fish food because he doesn't have any teeth.

[Doug]

Doesn't have any teeth.

[Susie Barrett]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But aren't there crunchy bits in the fish food or.

[Susie Barrett]

No, I think that Doug takes them out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He lovingly strain the ice cream.

[Doug]

Well, a little bit for Daddy, you know.

[Susie Barrett]

Are you daddy? You're Daddy in this Scenario.

[Doug]

I don't know what's going. Crunchy bits. Little treat for me.

[Susie Barrett]

All right, babe. It is very distracting. Honestly, that sound, I have to say, but. Did you hear this about Burns? He didn't. He didn't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He didn't.

[Susie Barrett]

You're not paying attention.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's comparing cereals now. He wants to get a sugar.

[Doug]

You need sour cream. Do we need sour cream?

[Susie Barrett]

No. And that's nowhere near the cereal aisle. What are you talking about?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, that was just a guess on my phone.

[Susie Barrett]

I think you were right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The thing. All right, well, df. You know, whatever ducks it. What's it called again?

[Doug]

Delicacies and Dramamine.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The thing about DF Delicacies and Dramamine is that they brag about how overpriced they are.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes, they do. You're right. That is. It's what it says underneath. Like, instead of, like, quality you can taste says, we're overpriced. You know?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Can you afford it? There.

[Susie Barrett]

The sign wraps around the building.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It says, quality you could taste we're overpriced. Can you afford it?

[Susie Barrett]

Well, this is. I know, I know. We're giggling about that, but this is no laughing matter. Burn about. What are you going to do? Are you going to hire, like, a private investigator to see if you can.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely. That's. Joan, that's exactly what I'm going to do do, is hire a private investigator.

[Susie Barrett]

I think you should.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't. I don't see what else I can.

[Susie Barrett]

Because you don't want to. You don't want to go around accusing this young upstart because it could look like you're jealous or you're afraid you're going to lose your position. You know, you have to be subtle about this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course, of course. But I am. I am under review, as they say.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, no. Because of this. So, wait. Do you sense that people aren't on your side? Do you think that people really believe it's you?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think that most people are on my side. I do think that some people are just easily led.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And they're starting to wonder.

[Susie Barrett]

Gosh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

That must be terrible environment to go into right now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's not great. It's not great.

[Susie Barrett]

Well, you know, I'm. I'm starting to have stress dreams. Can I talk about myself for a minute.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Doug?

[Susie Barrett]

How?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We don't know.

[Doug]

We got plenty.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, good. Yeah. There we go. Joan, the floor.

[Susie Barrett]

I'm not sure what question he thinks he's answering because I don't think he's paying attention. He's not paying attention at all.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Good luck to you.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Doug]

I'm so sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Good luck.

[Susie Barrett]

He thinks you're at the end of the podcast because he knows we say that to our guests.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Susie Barrett]

I'm about to start having stress dreams too, because, you know, I've started about to start about to. Because I'm going into a new show and I know this is when it always starts because as you know, I was approached to. I'm too stressed out about doing my one woman Hamlet called Hurlet. And I. And I decided that I'm going to table that for now. Are you okay, Brett? Bert almost spilled an entire glass of hot coffee.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, I love it. In a glass. I love it. I love it.

[Susie Barrett]

I don't mean to my kitchen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't mean one of those Irish coffee glass mugs. I mean a glass.

[Susie Barrett]

He reaches for a very tall tumbler.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Susie Barrett]

And pours it up to the very top. And I always think, oh, it's going to spill.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know, I love a hurricane full of hot black coff. And you know what I you could do, you could drink it New Orleans style. You can walk down the street with it. They can't stop you. No, it's coffee.

[Susie Barrett]

That's one of the little quirks I love about you. Anyhow, so I'm tabling that because Disney Falls Repertory, we had a great meeting and because they don't have anything for Christmas or they don't have a holiday show. It's just a holiday. They don't have a holiday show. And even though it will be Christmas songs and stuff, I mean, it mostly will, but they will call it because I'm doing a time honor classic, A Christmas Carol. But that's right. I said, how about I do this as a one woman show?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right?

[Susie Barrett]

And I had kind of a fun framework, I thought for it. So it's called, I mean, like, if you see the sign, it's a Christmas comma Carol. And I play Carol.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, I get it.

[Susie Barrett]

Carol Scrooge, right? And she Carol Scrooge. And you know, we lean right into it. You know, she's like, I know, I know. My last name is the same name as the guy. I'm not like the guy in the book.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let me ask you this.

[Susie Barrett]

She's very aware, okay?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

In the world of carol, Scrooge is A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. A book or it's a book. She just happens to have the last name Scrooge.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes, but there's of course, no relation. Did I Have to research this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You might. Oh, you don't want to get sued.

[Susie Barrett]

I don't. But also, I want to make sure that there's someone out there with the last name Scrooge. Right. There's got to be.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't think so.

[Susie Barrett]

It doesn't matter.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think there's some work of fiction.

[Susie Barrett]

It's a fun work of fiction involving a real work of fiction.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right, right.

[Susie Barrett]

Based on a real work of fiction. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So Carol's like, I know.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah. She's like, I know. And she's like, Forbes top 100. She's very rich. She's very powerful. She's. She runs.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Now, can I ask, Would it. Would it make some sense?

[Susie Barrett]

I don't like the way that question.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, because what I'm suggesting might not make any sense at all.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay. It's just like, it feels like you're implying that there's a search for some sense and there isn't any right now. Okay, okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Nicole Parker]

Phew.

[Susie Barrett]

Because I've already pitched it. They've already started the marketing campaign.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think this is practically airtight.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay, good, because I'm, like, all in right now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But what if in. In. In the world of Carol Scrooge, Ebenezer Scrooge was a real person and she is a descendant of Ebenezer Scrooge.

[Susie Barrett]

I thought about that. I thought about that. And you know what I think I'm going to do? I think that might be the reveal at the end that, like, the ghost of, like, the Ghost of Christmas feature, which is. Which is death, is basically her great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather, Ebenezer Scrooge.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. And then he says it was real.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And this is the first she's hearing of it.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She thought it was just a book.

[Susie Barrett]

But the other thing is that that might bump up against what I was hoping to do, which is have all the ghosts be played by, like, her previous, like, exes. You know, like, the ghoster Christmas present is her first boyfriend, you know? But. Because.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because that's ghost of Girlfriend's past with Matthew McConaughey.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, no. Wait. What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Joan.

[Susie Barrett]

All right, then we'll do your thing. Can I listen? I only pitched them the idea. I'm working on the script right now, so that's why I'm gonna have anxiety drinks.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Can I make a tweak?

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Or suggest a tweak.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay, obviously, because the last suggestion would change the entire thing, so. Are you sure it's Just a tweak.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I. I feel like it's a tweak.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What if instead of the Ghost of Christmas yet to Come, okay, Ebenezer Scrooge is the first ghost up. He's the Ghost of Christmas Past.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, okay. That makes sense.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And then he reveals it was all real there. I really was a guy.

[Susie Barrett]

He. He reveals that first as the Ghost of Christmas Past. Doesn't that seem too soon?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I. I worry that the reveal that it was all real is. It's not gonna have as much of a punch.

[Susie Barrett]

No, because. No, it's good. If it's at the end. He's like, don't do what I did. You know? And it's. And, well, that might be confusing. She would be like, you mean change? Okay, I won't change.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's a good point. Because if he.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If he is the. If he is the Ghost of Christmas Past and he says, I was real, this was a real story. If she doesn't change right, then she's out of her mind.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, God, I should have thought about this better. Everyone's just so down. I added that comment and the whole room lit up. They just were like, yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, absolutely. It sounds that title. You got me in the door on the title alone.

[Susie Barrett]

There you go. Okay, that's what I'm hoping. I can figure the rest out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Christmas Carol. What is it?

[Susie Barrett]

A Christmas Carol.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I didn't say. Right.

[Susie Barrett]

That's how I heard it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A Christmas Carol. John was doing a little leaning.

[Doug]

I like it. I like it.

[Susie Barrett]

Give me the poster. I'm gonna be going like that.

[Doug]

I like it because I think.

[Susie Barrett]

Babe. What?

[Doug]

Because where are you now?

[Susie Barrett]

You sound like you're in the meat locker.

[Doug]

Oh, I sure am.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, I sure am.

[Doug]

I like the idea because I think Carol Dragon Slayer might take it personally.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know, realistically, she doesn't have a.

[Susie Barrett]

Monopoly on the name.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's just Carol.

[Susie Barrett]

It's a Christmas Dragon Slayer. That would be different. And now I'm worried that she's gonna hear that because her and Mitch McNutt, who. If people don't know. Yes, I know. Everyone hates him. He's a theater critic who is always out for me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Susie Barrett]

And I'm sure he's gonna. You know what? This is good. Let's poke all the holes in my show before he can ex them all up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is that part of a. Part of the theatrical process. A hole poke Where? Okay, here's our idea. Now, shoot it down as much as you can, and then what's left over is. Is what we build from.

[Susie Barrett]

I mean it. Oh, gosh. That. That abruptly ended. Oh, you're still there.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm sliding doors.

[Doug]

I walked out of the meatlock.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Doug merely said the sliding doors, as.

[Susie Barrett]

If that explained everything.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The abrupt silence that happened.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah. It was so jarring. I think this is my least favorite place. You've recorded from that meat. Come back home.

[Doug]

What kind of bread do you like again?

[Susie Barrett]

I like multigrain. Why?

[Doug]

Which grains?

[Susie Barrett]

Multi.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Which grains, Doug?

[Doug]

Delicacies. This place has every type. You know that.

[Susie Barrett]

I do, babe. I just want you to come home because I really like your recording.

[Doug]

Closer to now or to. Or later.

[Susie Barrett]

The date. You mean the expiration date.

[Doug]

I always forget this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do they have Dan's White Collar Bread?

[Doug]

Yes, they have every variety.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's that guy that went to jail for embezzling. Then he got out, he started bread company.

[Doug]

Yeah, he's got handcuffs on the COVID.

[Susie Barrett]

He made his first starter on the bread cover.

[Doug]

The bread covered.

[Susie Barrett]

He made his first starter in prison. Watched over it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Susie Barrett]

He had to bury it every night.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, those. It was.

[Susie Barrett]

It was a real country.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, it was a real country club.

[Doug]

It says bread this good should be a crazy. And it was.

[Susie Barrett]

It was.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's good bread, though.

[Susie Barrett]

Sure, it's good. Really good. Good bread doesn't tear when you put butter on it. Even if you put butter. If that's come straight from the refrigerator, you know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

Cold, hard butter does not tear through.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hard butter does not tear through dance. White Collar Bread. What I love. I love the caricature of him on the. On the COVID that has him playing the harmonica.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes. Yes. That's a nice touch.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

Well, Doug, can you tell us how long we've been going for? That's probably enough, right?

[Doug]

Yeah, that's enough.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's probably enough for listeners. New listeners. What we do is we just talk until we fulfilled a certain amount of time, and then we can finally stop talking.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes. Sometimes I just have to take a break. Oh, that's good. But that's perfect. But you know what? We. We instinctually know usually if we can feel when it's. Feel it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I want to stop talking.

[Susie Barrett]

Well, I want to bring on the guests, because that's the whole point of this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's what I meant.

[Susie Barrett]

Podcast. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. That's the whole point.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right. We will return with the Neighbor Listen when the Neighbor Listen returns.

[Susie Barrett]

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[Paul F. Tompkins]

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[Susie Barrett]

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[Paul F. Tompkins]

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[Susie Barrett]

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[Paul F. Tompkins]

And welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen well, Joan, we have a guest. As we always do here at the Kitchen island, folks, what we do is we scour the Neighborhap, the social networking application for neighborhoods, and we look for interesting neighbors to talk to. Maybe somebody's got something to say. Maybe someone is behaving outrageously and they need to be called to account.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes. Or want to clear something up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know, for the record, maybe somebody's looking for something. Yes, it's everything that's on the neighborhap. And if you think you've seen an interesting post that we may have missed, why don't you screenshot it and send it to us? How did that happen?

[Susie Barrett]

Don't know. What was the next word you were going to say?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Two.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay, that's why? Yeah, that's it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Just a critical pause there. Shouldn't. Shouldn't.

[Susie Barrett]

Sure. Was.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Send it to us. Screenshot it and send it to [e-mail].

[Susie Barrett]

That'S right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

God, I hope so.

[Susie Barrett]

You need to sip some more of that. Of that hurricane coffee.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I do, I do.

[Susie Barrett]

Gotta wake up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Almost. I'm almost down to the curve.

[Susie Barrett]

It's because you haven't slept enough. Burn. So definitely don't go re. Get a refill if you want.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sleep deficit.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes, a warm up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I can get a warm up.

[Susie Barrett]

No, a refill. Wait, a what?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A warm up.

[Susie Barrett]

What's a warm up? What do you mean?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Have you never had coffee in a diner?

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, like when they come by and you want to warm up. Sure. And I. It's been a while, Bert. Feels like they're in England. It's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you want to warm up?

[Susie Barrett]

Did I sound British?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You did settle. All right, so we have. We have a guest here.

[Susie Barrett]

I'm practicing for a Christmas Carol. Of course she's gonna. Right, because, you know, of course I'm gonna play all the parts. And of course I'm gonna throw in people with crazy accents.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think you have to get. You have to get airtight on pronouncing.

[Susie Barrett]

I'm forgetting. I'm playing all the parts.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, you mustn't forget that.

[Susie Barrett]

I've really set myself up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You really have a lot of work. You shouldn't forget that you're playing all the parts.

[Susie Barrett]

Sorry, what were you gonna say?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You have to get. I think you have to make it second nature. The pronunciation of the title of the show.

[Susie Barrett]

What do you mean? Cause you think I'm gonna say the title in the show a lot. Do you think that that's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I think. Well, obviously you're gonna tell people about it.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, right. So I'm like. So it's called A Christmas Carol.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Exactly.

[Susie Barrett]

Perfect. Thank you. Okay, perfect. We're off to a good start. I'm feeling better now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We're off to a great start. All right. This is in the crime and safety section of the neighborhap. This comes to us from Glenda. Oh, and this was. I. I should say this was submitted. This is a post we did not catch ourselves.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh. Oh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Kim N. Strong submitted this.

[Susie Barrett]

Thank you, Kim.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right. Thank you, Kim. This is in the crime and safety section. Submitted by Glenda. Posted by Glenda. Glenda says keep an eye out. And that is all Glenda says.

[Susie Barrett]

You're kidding. And here, that's a real clipping here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

To hopefully elaborate.

[Susie Barrett]

I hope so.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Glenda. Glenda. Welcome to the neighborhood list.

[Susie Barrett]

Hi, Glenda.

[Nicole Parker]

Thanks for having me.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, you're welcome.

[Nicole Parker]

Is everybody keeping an eye out?

[Susie Barrett]

Well, I think what we should ask is what does that mean to you?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Susie Barrett]

Are we talking about something specific?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Great question, Joan.

[Nicole Parker]

We're talking. Yes. In terms of everything. So specifically, I'm talking about everything. What I want you to be doing is just keeping an eye out. So the first thing that I do when I wake up.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, okay, good. Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right.

[Nicole Parker]

I keep an eye out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, okay. What does that mean?

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah, yeah. If you go into a little. Right, right, right. What does that look like?

[Nicole Parker]

Well, you gotta look for. You gotta look for what's going on out there for sure. And if someone's up to something.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But this is.

[Susie Barrett]

You want this. So this is right when you wake up. So this doesn't start in the home. You're not keeping an eye out in the home. I always.

[Nicole Parker]

I keep an eye out in the home, but I also have cameras everywhere. So those are my eyes in the sky, as I like.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You mean all over the neighborhood?

[Susie Barrett]

Huh?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You have cameras all over the neighborhood?

[Susie Barrett]

All over the neighborhood?

[Nicole Parker]

All over, yes.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, boy.

[Nicole Parker]

Anywhere that I'm allowed. But I was specifically been talking about in my house.

[Susie Barrett]

You have all over your house?

[Nicole Parker]

I have one mounted in each upper corner pointing down.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

And then each lower placement pointing up.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Unflattering. So not really eyes in the sky, but eyes in the roof and the floor.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

And. Well, and if I'm sure. And no matter if I'm upside down, then the ones on the floor become the sky. I do some hanging pilates.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, good for you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow.

[Susie Barrett]

Hookoo.

[Nicole Parker]

You know it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Take any false expressions?

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, yes. So you've taken the class. That's what we say at the end. It's like their version of om.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay, Very cool. I love that.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

I'd never heard it before. So now do you have, like. Does that mean you have some sort of, you know, security room style, like bank of cameras that where you go in and check footage?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, like a Lucius Fox from Batman.

[Susie Barrett]

Sure. You okay.

[Nicole Parker]

You'd like to Hoku.

[Susie Barrett]

Sorry, It's Hoku. Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

With a Hoku.

[Doug]

The whole.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, that's Doug, my husband.

[Doug]

Yeah, the whole market just did it. That was great.

[Susie Barrett]

My husband, Doug is recording for some reason from Dignity Falls Delicatessen. Nope.

[Doug]

Delicacies and Dramamine.

[Susie Barrett]

Delicacies and Dramamine. That's right. Are you familiar?

[Nicole Parker]

Two of my favorite. Two of my favorite D. Cheese I don't know how.

[Doug]

Do you need anything, Glenda?

[Nicole Parker]

I would, Yeah, I would love. Do they have any dates?

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, right. Oh, yeah, yeah. Get her some dates, babe, and keep an eye out.

[Doug]

What kind of dates?

[Nicole Parker]

I'd love some Medjool dates.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh yeah, those are fun.

[Nicole Parker]

And what is that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I've never heard of that.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, really? Medjool dates. M E D J O O L. It's a type of date.

[Nicole Parker]

Good crossword word.

[Susie Barrett]

Very good crossword word.

[Nicole Parker]

I'm always keeping an eye out.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah. Including for. Okay. So this can really applies to everything.

[Nicole Parker]

It applies to everything.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

But most specifically, if. If you're not keeping an eye out, safety wise.

[Susie Barrett]

Right.

[Nicole Parker]

You just don't know what's going on.

[Susie Barrett]

You did post this in Crime and Safety, so I think you were referring to. Did something happen to you that makes you feel like you need to keep an eye out?

[Nicole Parker]

What I want to say is you just never know when it's gonna. So nothing has happened. No, but. But because I'm keeping an eye out and if I want to tell you this, I have posted this same post once a month, every month.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow.

[Nicole Parker]

For the last six years.

[Susie Barrett]

Wow.

[Nicole Parker]

The first time I posted it, I got a couple remarks.

[Susie Barrett]

You did? What did they say?

[Nicole Parker]

For what am I looking for?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Guilty.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. But then the remarks stopped.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

And that tells me that people aren't keeping an eye out because this is.

[Susie Barrett]

Sort of a bellwether might. Or it might just mean. You didn't answer their question. Did you answer their question?

[Nicole Parker]

No.

[Susie Barrett]

Right.

[Nicole Parker]

Because they. Because they. It's their job to do a little digging, isn't it? And.

[Susie Barrett]

And if.

[Nicole Parker]

If I answer it, then that takes their. That, that puts. That keeps their guard down. But they want their guard up.

[Susie Barrett]

I see. But. But do you understand that maybe it's like if you can tell them one specific thing, like keep your eye out for people dressed like blank.

[Nicole Parker]

Or keep your eye out for.

[Susie Barrett]

For coyotes. Yes. Then they're really on their. On their.

[Nicole Parker]

People dress blank. Have you seen someone dressed like blank? It's terrifying. I've seen it. I've seen it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Would. I know.

[Nicole Parker]

It's terrifying. Imagine someone who's all painted clear, like in a glossy.

[Susie Barrett]

Painted clear. Like.

[Nicole Parker]

Like in a glossy varnish. And then. And wearing all nondescript clothing that blends in with whatever background they're standing against.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Now, if I may. The microphone pop screen matches your sweater.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes. I actually really love this.

[Nicole Parker]

This is a good example.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes, it is.

[Nicole Parker]

Let me. Let me just explain what I'm saying.

[Susie Barrett]

Sorry. I threw us off with that.

[Nicole Parker]

If I said, keep an eye out for a coyote.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

Then everyone would just be looking for that to the exclusion. Burglars and children feel like, though.

[Susie Barrett]

Children. Children. Sorry. Go on. We'll get to the nefarious children. But what were you going to ask for?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I guess I was going to say I still think people might be wary of burglars, but I could. I guess. I guess it makes sense. If you're focusing exclusively on coyotes, you might miss a burglar. But I don't think you would look at a burglar and dismiss it like your eye would just dismiss it.

[Nicole Parker]

You don't know that. You don't know that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I am more interested now in the nefarious children.

[Susie Barrett]

Right. Well, now, I don't know if she's referring to, you know, we have a couple of gangs.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The grocery.

[Susie Barrett]

Small children. The grocery gang. Is that who you're referring to?

[Nicole Parker]

Keep an eye out for them.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

But not exclusively.

[Susie Barrett]

Not exclusively.

[Nicole Parker]

Not exclusively. I'll tell you what, my car has a catalytic converter that's, you know, under.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

Hot demand.

[Susie Barrett]

No, it really is. That is a problem. It is a problem.

[Nicole Parker]

If you look at it. If you. And I've measured it, it stands three feet and change above the ground. Children, height. Oh, and they have these little bitty fingers that can get in there. They could do any kind of mechanical damage. Keep an eye out.

[Susie Barrett]

Keep an eye out.

[Nicole Parker]

If I'm keeping an eye out, then I'm aware and I'm ready to nab them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right. I do think there was a big jump from they have little tiny fingers to they could do any kind of mechanical anything.

[Susie Barrett]

I'm glad you flagged that, Bernie. I had the same. Because here's why she's doubling down, though, on anything.

[Nicole Parker]

She said she can do anything mechanical. Don't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't think that's strictly true.

[Nicole Parker]

They could turn a watch into a radar.

[Susie Barrett]

Children. Really.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, anything.

[Susie Barrett]

Do you have your small. Do you have. Do you have children of your own?

[Nicole Parker]

No, thank God.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

I would be so terrified.

[Susie Barrett]

You'd be scared you'd be keeping an eye out.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, I'm always keeping an eye.

[Susie Barrett]

We definitely established that. You're always keeping an eye out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That is absolutely.

[Susie Barrett]

So do you live alone?

[Nicole Parker]

Yes. Okay, Well, I have a dog. I have a cocker spadoodle.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, a cocker spadoodle. So it's a cocker spaniel and a poodle.

[Nicole Parker]

It's a cocker spaniel. Labrador poodle. Oh, retriever.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Susie Barrett]

Retriever.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

Well, they left out some bits, I think.

[Nicole Parker]

And here's where my bone comes to pick with the dog. Oh, here's the dog society. I have a bone that I'm coming to pick.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes, go ahead. This is. This podcast is for bone picking.

[Nicole Parker]

I feel like all dogs are some type of retriever.

[Susie Barrett]

They all.

[Nicole Parker]

They all bring back a toy.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, I never.

[Nicole Parker]

I've never seen a dog that waves.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes, yes, true. Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. Anyway, I digress. I. I can't have kids because it would keep my blood pressure way too high.

[Susie Barrett]

Even you would have hated living in my house. Yeah, my twins were always setting things on fire. My. I have a daughter named Jalipe and a twins named Matt and Fun Size. Fun size.

[Nicole Parker]

Gotta keep an eye out. Are they. Do. Do you teach them to keep an eye out?

[Susie Barrett]

I mean, I tried.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

And they just tried. What they did was they came in with patches over their eyes and bloody grapes and were like. We kept an mom. And then I. Grace threw them into the car and I ran to urgent care before I realized they were just, you know, they were just joking.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And it was fake, you know, eyes. It was grapes. Fries. Yeah, it was real blood.

[Nicole Parker]

Can I be. Yeah, of course it was.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Because were they into some type of satanic crap?

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, Lord. Well, I know they loved fire, and I'm sure, well, Satan's close to fire, so. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Always making blood packs, too.

[Susie Barrett]

They were constantly out of real blood.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Constantly slicing them with their palms and.

[Susie Barrett]

Shaking, which, again, I just want to say is the worst place to cut yourself because you are going to bleed so terribly from there. So if you're gonna. In any movie, when I see people do that, I get very angry. You could cut any part of your body.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's also.

[Susie Barrett]

They're already. Yes, you need to. Yes, that's true. That is. Need to do a separate argument. Of course.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

So, I'm so sorry, Glenn. We got on a tangent about Matt and Fun Size, but. So what I do want to ask you is that besides. Besides the dog. I know you live alone, but what is your. Oh, good surfboard.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's fun.

[Susie Barrett]

That is such a fun name.

[Nicole Parker]

I've always wanted to get in the ocean, and I sort of live vicariously through this little guy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So you've never been in the ocean?

[Nicole Parker]

No way.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You've always wanted to get into it.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, there's way too much to keep an eye on.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, that's definitely way too much. And you can't see.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There's so much stuff you can't say.

[Susie Barrett]

Even Keep an eye out. You can't put cameras down in the ocean. I mean, you can, but you could very costly.

[Nicole Parker]

Only if you're James Cameron.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Nicole Parker]

But that thing is just a cauldron of potential danger.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah, I've never heard the ocean described that way, but that's pretty good.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's not bad.

[Susie Barrett]

It's not bad.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A cauldron of potential danger is really true.

[Nicole Parker]

Not to mention it's the world's toilet.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

[Nicole Parker]

70% of our planet is a toilet that everything is taking dumps in. You want me to swim through that?

[Susie Barrett]

I don't, Glenda. I don't. I don't want that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But you still always wanted to do it.

[Nicole Parker]

I've always wanted to get in there. God, what I wouldn't give. And that's when I realized that vision boarding is a load of crap because I took Leslie's workshop down at the annex.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh my gosh, yes.

[Nicole Parker]

All I did was ocean based vision boarding. Still never going in there.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, right.

[Susie Barrett]

So that place is a scam.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Anyways, Leslie, did you see the documentary on her?

[Susie Barrett]

Oh my gosh, yes, I did.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We have, we have our own local Netflix here Falls, and it's a pile program. See if it works in other places. But first of all, too many episodes. Didn't need to be six episodes.

[Susie Barrett]

Too many episodes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But, but yeah, it was really, really.

[Susie Barrett]

And they were only six minute episodes.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

Do you know why it was still too many.

[Nicole Parker]

Do you know why a lot of.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

People said this documentary could have been an email?

[Nicole Parker]

She sold the rights to her story and she negotiated that she gets paid per episode.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh.

[Nicole Parker]

So they had to divvy it up in the tiny. Yeah, there's there a follow up series coming out that's 1832nd episodes.

[Susie Barrett]

Wow.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow.

[Nicole Parker]

What a scam artist.

[Susie Barrett]

I'm assuming it's about the trial, right? I mean, I'm assuming that it's. I mean it would make sense because she's about to stand trial for all of this stuff because people have really come after her.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She tried it small claims court. So I don't.

[Susie Barrett]

It is, it is.

[Nicole Parker]

It's trial in small claims court. Yeah. I can't sit. I, I went to the jury selection but I cannot sit on the jury because I was in the class.

[Susie Barrett]

We've talked about the justice system here at Dignity Falls before. It is a little bit different and we do have a full jury for 24 people for some small claims.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If you, if you have a parking ticket, you will, you will face a Jury of your peers.

[Nicole Parker]

Do you know, I learned like, if.

[Susie Barrett]

You'D like, if you like, if you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If you want to contest it. Yes, it will be trial by jury.

[Nicole Parker]

I learned the hard way you can only serve on three juries a year. I keep trying to sign up.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, of course you love. But this makes sense, Glenda, because you are keeping an eye out, literally that you can actually sit and keep your eye on the criminals. And yes, you can have a say. This makes a lot of sense.

[Nicole Parker]

I want to have so many says and they only. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you worry when you're sitting on a jury that. That you're missing other things you could be keeping an eye out for?

[Nicole Parker]

Well, that's where the cameras come into play.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay. Oh yeah. You mentioned you had cameras all over town where you're allowed. Can you give us some examples?

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I got both. I got a.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of both of places you're allowed. Places you're not allowed.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, gotcha. Okay. We could use process of elimination.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely.

[Nicole Parker]

I got a county map of, you know, the, the. The Bureau of Land Management.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

There are public land everywhere and we. It is our right as citizens to use them. Now Dignity Falls has the least percentage of. Of public lands in America.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's true.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

Mostly owned by corporations.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. A lot of our parks are private.

[Nicole Parker]

So I found all the little, all the little squares of land. There's one over at. At Nixon and Cashew. You have a camera there. There's one over at. At, at George H.W. bush Middle School. Right behind the ravine there.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

It turns into Christmas.

[Susie Barrett]

I still say they shouldn't have built a middle school next to a ravine that it's way so dangerous and they don't have a fence.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They have to rescue kids all year long.

[Susie Barrett]

All the time.

[Nicole Parker]

All the time. Because the kids aren't keeping an eye out.

[Susie Barrett]

They're not keeping an eye out. You're right.

[Nicole Parker]

And you know, and I've tried to lobby to get fences put up or some type of fence would solve so many problems. They won't do it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They won't do it.

[Nicole Parker]

They won't do it because the fence. Fence. The fence has been co opted and politicized. They think big fences is scamming them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Nicole Parker]

And it's not.

[Susie Barrett]

No.

[Nicole Parker]

You know, most of this is me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you remember the mayor promised that we were going to build a fence by that ravine and new barn was going to pay for it and they put in one.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah. There was just one pick.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Embarrassing.

[Susie Barrett]

It was so embarrassing.

[Nicole Parker]

Embarrassing. And you know what? You know, I don't mean to be a downer here or like a, you know, bummer patrol.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah. But you know, Glenda Glumster.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. Oh, that's good.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A what?

[Susie Barrett]

A Glenda Glumster.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, that is good.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, you know. Yeah. I mean, people, guys. Glenda Glumster.

[Doug]

It's the bummer patrol there again.

[Susie Barrett]

What?

[Doug]

What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a figure of six.

[Susie Barrett]

You have been there for a long time. How are you still there?

[Doug]

Oh, I'm still shopping. Oh, my gosh.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, it's all the samples. He's doing all the samples.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah, that's smart.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah.

[Doug]

The drama means samples.

[Susie Barrett]

Think about drama. Beat samples. I'm sorry, Glenn.

[Nicole Parker]

No, that's okay. But no, that's very. Glenda Glumster is a good. That's good. And that's way better than what. How the kids used to tease me when I was a kid.

[Susie Barrett]

What did they say?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, Glenda the depressed witch.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, bah humbug. You know my last name as Scooge. And they would have.

[Susie Barrett]

Are you serious? Glenna, while we were just talking about this, about if there's anyone with the last name Scrooge. That is so close.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

When were we talking about this?

[Susie Barrett]

We were talking about this earlier. Did you already think.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, that's right. Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

About my show, the Christmas Comic Carol.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's.

[Nicole Parker]

Comma, carol.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah. What does that mean to you if I say the comma. Well, I have to on a podcast. I don't. I can't show you the poster. No, but I mean, I can imply it. A Christmas Carol.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, that's right.

[Susie Barrett]

Are you sure that works? Okay, don't get it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think it works.

[Susie Barrett]

Sorry, Glenda. This is. Sometimes this happens.

[Nicole Parker]

Hey, I'm. Don't mind me. I'm keeping an eye out.

[Susie Barrett]

Thank you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm just pointing. I'm not mad.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay. He is pointing right in my face.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, it's very close. It's very close. You're gonna get pink eyed if he doesn't back up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's not incredibly loud, though, so at.

[Susie Barrett]

Least give me that. So, I'm sorry, why were you called names? Why were people thinking you were a witch?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, no, they were just coming. Not a literal witch like Glenda the good Witch.

[Susie Barrett]

Glenda the depressed witch. Oh, that's more clever than I realized.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Now, do you feel, Glenda, that your family name used to actually be.

[Nicole Parker]

It was. Yeah, it was. Yeah. They dropped the R when they came over to Ellis island because they. The previous generations had been. Been Cursed by ghosts. And they wanted to break that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Nicole Parker]

And this was their way of shaking the. The hollow. The Halloween. No, the holiday spirit.

[Susie Barrett]

The holiday spirits. My God.

[Nicole Parker]

I gotta keep an eye out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, also shedding the Halloween spirit because of ghosts.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know, it's funny. Reminds me of when I. When I was a boy, me and some friends looked up the name of the phone book. We saw the last name was Hitler.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, dear.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And we called this person up, and when they answered, we said your name used to be Hitler. And then we hung up.

[Nicole Parker]

That is. That would terrify.

[Susie Barrett]

Honestly, I'm chilled to the bone that you didn't wait for a response, because I don't know what you did.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We were too scary.

[Susie Barrett]

Probably. That's an origin story for a villain somewhere.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, they must have known that's where we were coming from as kids.

[Susie Barrett]

You were breaking it to them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, we. We were. We're saying we know. Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

This is why I have a fake. I have a voice service set up on my phone that pretends like it's me answering the phone so I can screen my calls. This is great for pranksters.

[Susie Barrett]

Keep an eye out.

[Nicole Parker]

I'm a high anxiety person.

[Susie Barrett]

This is why. And I know I don't have a psychology degree, and I know sometimes I try to add probe here a little bit too much maybe, but it's very rare that someone comes to. To us with a very specific situation like yours where you've got high anxiety and you need to put cameras everywhere. It's very rare that something didn't happen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I've also never heard anyone say with such confidence, I am a high anxiety person.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, I. I know that I have.

[Susie Barrett]

To be aware, but where do you think that comes from, Glenn?

[Nicole Parker]

I'll tell you exactly. It started in childhood.

[Susie Barrett]

And when I see.

[Nicole Parker]

When I tell you now, it's almost.

[Susie Barrett]

Too on the nose.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, sorry. Do you want me to change my story?

[Susie Barrett]

We're not judging your childhood trauma. Not at all. Not at all.

[Nicole Parker]

No, it's. When you hear my upbringing, you'll say, oh, of course.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, well, could you share it with us?

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. So I grew up in the type of house where what we had was two parents, me and my sister, who got along great. A wonderful system of neighbors around us.

[Susie Barrett]

So far, so good.

[Nicole Parker]

Three nutritious meals a day.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, my goodness. Nutritious meals.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A.

[Nicole Parker]

A beautiful, flourishing vegetable garden where we got to learn about science and nature.

[Susie Barrett]

You can see this in my head. This is amazing.

[Nicole Parker]

You can see it, right? And when you grow up in that kind of environment, you cannot help but think, my God, I have a lot to lose. And if I ever wasn't keeping an eye on.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow.

[Susie Barrett]

So because things were so good, when.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is the other shoe drop?

[Susie Barrett]

All you're doing is waiting. And we've talked about that. The shoe dropping when it's the second shoe. We've talked about that. When we said. You maybe don't remember this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Maybe I don't.

[Susie Barrett]

Just a few episodes ago.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And what happens?

[Susie Barrett]

Well, people always say they wait for the other shoe to drop, but they never say, oh, the shoe dropped. Just the first one.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. No one ever acknowledges the first shoe.

[Susie Barrett]

But it sounds like Glenda had both shoes her whole childhood.

[Nicole Parker]

I have never dropped a shoe in my life.

[Susie Barrett]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow. Never.

[Nicole Parker]

No. I wait till they naturally. Till my feet grow out of them and they sort of naturally break open and I slide out of them and.

[Susie Barrett]

Like a Shoes coming out.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. My wisdom shoes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is this a practice you continue to this day?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. So are your feet still growing or you just wear shoes until they wear out?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, good question. No, but the shoes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Never gotten that from a guest before.

[Nicole Parker]

I do wear shoes made out of natural materials, and they end up shrinking around my foot. And then it's a reverse and some degradation. Flax shoes aren't gonna hold up forever.

[Susie Barrett]

You're wearing compostable shoes.

[Nicole Parker]

That's right.

[Susie Barrett]

Got it.

[Nicole Parker]

That's right.

[Susie Barrett]

So, okay, so it seems like you've continued the practice that your family set up of this sort of sustainable, lovely life. So you're saying nothing happened. Are your folks still with us? Are you still in contact with your sister? Did you grow up here?

[Nicole Parker]

I grew up at Just Outside of Dignity.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, okay. All right.

[Nicole Parker]

Do you know. You know if you take. If you take Elderberry.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

All the way down, and there's this lovely, idyllic. It looks like a commune, but everyone's very wealthy, right?

[Susie Barrett]

Yes, yes. There's a lot of Instagram moms famous in that area.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. Farmhaven.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes. Farm Haven.

[Nicole Parker]

I grew up there. Oh, my gosh.

[Susie Barrett]

I don't think I've ever really met someone from Farmhaven. This is kind of a big deal.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They never really come here.

[Susie Barrett]

They don't.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I wanted to move here so that I could affect change. There's nothing to affect in farmhouse.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's true.

[Nicole Parker]

Pretty perfect.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And they don't let people in.

[Susie Barrett]

No, they.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They sort of like you. You. When you get to the sort of Farmhaven city limits, there's a Guy there that just kind of waves you along. Yeah, like, keep driving.

[Susie Barrett]

But they also. They have guards with spears on the tower.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They do have guards with spears on the tower.

[Nicole Parker]

Great guys.

[Susie Barrett]

Very crude. Crudely made spears. You know, wonderful people. Screw drivers.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Lash to a broom handle.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes. Yeah. We're big believers in. In a can.

[Susie Barrett]

You shot some scenes from the Walking Dead in. In a farmhaven. That's correct. That's right.

[Nicole Parker]

That's correct. Yeah. And you know, a lot of the locals just worked for free because they wanted to feel what it would be.

[Susie Barrett]

Like to have to have danger. Yes. Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Not me.

[Susie Barrett]

Right.

[Nicole Parker]

That's not my kind of cosplay.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay. It is your kind of cosplay.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, gosh. Oh, I would love to be one of those dishes from Beauty and the Beast, but I would never turn back. I would stay a dish.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, I see. Yeah. Yes. You don't want to be human again.

[Doug]

No.

[Nicole Parker]

Keep me. Keep me a saucer. Wouldn't that be fun?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I. I guess.

[Susie Barrett]

See, I would be keeping an eye out that something's going to break me because you're so delicate.

[Nicole Parker]

No, I'm. My dish is stacked. Wrapped and stacked in a safe for like the good china that's only taken.

[Susie Barrett]

Out once a year.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, you're in bumblebees wedding china.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes, that's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, that's very.

[Nicole Parker]

But the family who owns me, they never have fancy parties, so I just get to sleep in the attic forever.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure.

[Susie Barrett]

Wow. That is such a specific cosplay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Us.

[Susie Barrett]

Hoaka, was it? Hoku.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hoku.

[Susie Barrett]

Hoku. That was dangerous. It goes to Hawk Tua.

[Nicole Parker]

Different class people.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I wish people would stop telling us we have to have the Hoku group girl on our show.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, my gosh. I know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She's gonna root her.

[Susie Barrett]

Absolutely. Yeah. So that's such an interesting cosplay. It really does sound like. I would have not thought this, but that a. A very healthy childhood has turned you into a very anxious adult.

[Nicole Parker]

Not by choice. Not by choice.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, no.

[Nicole Parker]

And of course we're suggesting that you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Chose to be anxious.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, no.

[Susie Barrett]

What I'm saying is you were part of a safe environment. Do you. Do you have any romantic partners? Have you ever had, you know, is there. Does the trust go into. Because I assume if you're keeping an eye out, you don't have a lot of trust in people and you have to have trust for relationships. So I guess I'm curious about that.

[Nicole Parker]

No, that's true. I have. I have my own rich romantic life. I write a lot of Fan fiction.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I see.

[Nicole Parker]

But I put. I cast myself in one of the roles.

[Susie Barrett]

Is it Beauty and the Beast fan fiction or is it.

[Nicole Parker]

How'd you guess?

[Susie Barrett]

It's just a hunt.

[Nicole Parker]

There's a whole series.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Such a rich world it is.

[Nicole Parker]

Where me and the egg beater.

[Susie Barrett]

Go.

[Nicole Parker]

On some adventures around this. In the cupboards.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay. Safely.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure.

[Susie Barrett]

It all. You know, it's all safe. It's all safe and fic.

[Nicole Parker]

I love safe fanfic. Why isn't that a. A genre?

[Susie Barrett]

It should be. I read it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There's other anxious people out there.

[Susie Barrett]

That's right. And you sure they're anxious? Disney love people.

[Nicole Parker]

You know, as a pharmacist, you must see a lot of. A lot of anxiety.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course. Of course. There's people that are getting, you know, prescriptions filled for anxiety medication. There's people that are anxious about getting their medication on time.

[Nicole Parker]

That's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It could be different medication that got.

[Susie Barrett]

You anxious talking about it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It did. I feel for those people. You know, it's a. It's a tough thing when you're waiting for a prescription. It's really, of course, scary.

[Susie Barrett]

Well. And you're having anxiety dreams, so, you know, it's true. Unfortunately, it's all tied to what we're talking about. Pills.

[Nicole Parker]

But I have a recommendation.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, sure.

[Nicole Parker]

If you. If Do. Do you own any chamomile tea?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do I own any chamomile tea? I bet I own a box of it.

[Nicole Parker]

If you. If you take a little bit of that before bed.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, that's nice.

[Nicole Parker]

You just grind it up a little bit to put a pinch right here in the. In the crook of. Of your thing and just.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, do a bump of chamomile.

[Nicole Parker]

It gets into your blood stream much faster. Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But I'm not in a. A super big hurry. I. I could have a cup of tea before bed, I suppose.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, really?

[Doug]

I can get you a baggie.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. Thank you.

[Doug]

I think you have a bag.

[Susie Barrett]

You need to come.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I already own some.

[Susie Barrett]

This has been. You have been there for nearly an hour.

[Doug]

The netting section.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, the netting section.

[Nicole Parker]

I'm their number one. I'm their customer of the month.

[Susie Barrett]

Of course you are. Do you have traps that are in your house? Yeah, I've built.

[Nicole Parker]

I've built several traps.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Like tiger traps?

[Nicole Parker]

Well, like the kind in. You know where. Like when cannibals and cartoons catch someone and it looks like fun.

[Susie Barrett]

Those are fun.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Or like a TV show. The Traitor.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes. Have you ever caught anybody?

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

Really?

[Nicole Parker]

Amazon workers, FedEx.

[Susie Barrett]

Those got. You know, those people aren't going to do anything.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, I know that, but traps don't have brains.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Ah, she's got you there, Joe.

[Susie Barrett]

She really does. Wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Speaking of traps, you walked, right? I did.

[Susie Barrett]

I walked right into her trap.

[Nicole Parker]

I try to warn them. I put signs around the house that say, keep an eye out.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, see, again, that might be a case where you need to be more specific.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, but you can't say, keep an eye out for traps, because then you can't trap anyone who needs trapped.

[Susie Barrett]

Right. Boy, I wish there was a way to relieve you of this anxiety. You know, I mean, we have a very good neighbor watch neighborhood watch system in most neighborhoods here in Dignity Falls. And I do think people are pretty good. I mean, I would say the neighborhap is honestly, everyone keeping an eye out because you will see posts about specific things. You know, and in that case, we've had people on and we've solved some problems and some issues, and I never thought about that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Some problems.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah, we've. We've probably created more, but I don't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't put that on us.

[Susie Barrett]

And there are several people who don't take our help at all.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Most people.

[Susie Barrett]

Most people. But. And I'm not putting that on you, Glenda. I just. I wish that there was a way for you to see that there. That. I do believe people are keeping an eye out. Especially if you look at this app that we. That we use for.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I can only spend so much time on there because I don't want to get traced, you know?

[Susie Barrett]

I see. Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

And who's looking at it? I mean, I don't want China to have my address.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah. It's supposed to just be residents of Disney Falls.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. What is the fear? Fear of China having your address.

[Nicole Parker]

What if they control my weather?

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

Over my house.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right.

[Susie Barrett]

Many steps.

[Nicole Parker]

What if they take my. What if they take my bills and reroute them somewhere else and they don't get paid on time and boom, my gas gets shut off?

[Susie Barrett]

And why would they do that? Why? What. What's in it for them?

[Nicole Parker]

So they can get us by the balls. You know, I wish we had gotten.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

To this sooner, because so do I.

[Susie Barrett]

This really explains. Explains a lot.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Almost like a hostage situation.

[Susie Barrett]

Red yarn on your face.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, God. Did. Did you get red yarn on your face?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I did not. I did not.

[Nicole Parker]

It was merely.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. It was just a suggestion that it could happen. Well.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, wow. Okay. Your voice went higher. Burnt. I just want to make sure you heard it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Glenda, it's been great talking with you.

[Nicole Parker]

You better be careful. That could be a symptom of something.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, no.

[Nicole Parker]

Just keep an eye on your blood work. Just keep an eye on it.

[Susie Barrett]

And it's not the birds.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What could be in there that I need to worry about?

[Nicole Parker]

In your blood work?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

What if you just had a flood of estrogen that made your voice go up like that? That could be a sign of something. Testicular or something. Otherwise, I don't know. I'm not a doctor. But you got to keep an eye out.

[Susie Barrett]

You got to keep an eye out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, Glenda, we will take that under advisement.

[Susie Barrett]

We will. And babe, would you like to say good luck to you. To Glenda.

[Doug]

Hoku.

[Susie Barrett]

Glenda. Hoku.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hoku.

[Susie Barrett]

Hoku. All around. All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Keep an eye out with more of the neighborhood. Listen, Shadow man free. The condition is used to fair. Here's the shadow man. Attach him to a light post or flag pole for a bit of mystique. Or don't. I don't care what happens to him at this point. Ever since this thing came into my life, things started to go bad. You know what I mean? Just bad. And now I've had enough. I figure it's his problem. I mean, he's the problem. And I want to make it your problem. It doesn't sound enticing, but. Look, I don't care what happens to him at this point. I can't say it enough. Crush him. Throw him in the trash. Make him a cheese board. Make him a surfboard for a little dog. Make him a skateboard for one of those bulldogs. Do you have a dog? Make him into something for your dog. Shadow Man. He's probably cursed and he sucks and. Welcome back. Yeah, Glenda, at the end.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah. Sometimes they wait till the very end to really drop something. That's either a game changer or explains everything. We wish that we got into it in the beginning.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

Because we wouldn't have spent so much time going down certain roads.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we should do some sort of pre interview.

[Susie Barrett]

Maybe we should. We really just let the. I let these people in my house just willy nilly. That's a good point.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's a good point.

[Susie Barrett]

And that is no screening whatsoever. And as she would say, keep an eye out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I was just gonna say, keep an eye out. Well, we have time for one final post.

[Susie Barrett]

Hang on just a sec. Babe, are you. Where are you? Are you on route to come back home?

[Doug]

I'm almost done. I was gonna swing by the Got Real Quiet there.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah, it did. Are you. Where are you?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you in the chill out room?

[Doug]

I'm in the chill out.

[Susie Barrett]

It's like some malls will have a family room where they. There's places where a kid can watch a Disney movie.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This store, Quiet car on a train.

[Susie Barrett]

This store has a quiet room. A chill out, chill out room.

[Doug]

You can take a nap in here.

[Susie Barrett]

Unbelievable. This is why it's your favorite place.

[Doug]

I love it. I ran into Tonil.

[Susie Barrett]

Tonil.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Did you realize.

[Susie Barrett]

That's right. That's right.

[Doug]

He was shopping. He was at the tiki bar next door.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, great. Oh, of course.

[Doug]

He was seasick. Shanties. This is, you know, that's why they have so much drama main here, because people come out of there.

[Susie Barrett]

So I see. They come out of the tiki bar because the.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The whole bar, the tiki. It's the only tiki bar that's on a gimbal.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And it rocks back and forth like you're on a ship.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And some people can't handle it. Sometimes they also program it to be like rough seas, which is. Who wants that?

[Susie Barrett]

They do. Bingo night. But literally, it's a disaster every time. You can't keep the pieces anywhere.

[Doug]

They have, like, holes in the walls with, like, water spouts sometimes, like, as if it's leaking.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's too much. Frankly, it's. I think that place is too much. All right.

[Doug]

They're trying to get you sick.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, Doug, we. We. You should probably should stay. Get out of there, because that place is going to bankrupt you.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right. We do have time for. Yes, Doug.

[Doug]

Oh, I was just gonna go to the truffle section.

[Susie Barrett]

Great. Wonderful.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, God. Babe, come home soon, please.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right, we have time for one more post. And this is in the appreciation section. This was submitted by a listener. This is our neighbor, Anthony Cagiano.

[Susie Barrett]

Thank you, Ant.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Nicogano. And the post is from a woman named Lucille.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Lucille writes so sad. Thanks for showing us fondly Lucille.

[Susie Barrett]

Wait, is there a picture of anything? Wait, what?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's. That's it. That's all.

[Susie Barrett]

You're kidding.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So sad. Thanks for showing us fondly Lucille. No comma between fondly and Lucille.

[Susie Barrett]

What commas are so important?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So important.

[Susie Barrett]

As we've learned, make or break a show. What do you think she was trying to say? Is there a typo that is obvious?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, there's no typos. It's all lowercase. Very ee. Cummings. And punctuation is on point. Until finally, Lucille.

[Susie Barrett]

So sad. Thanks.

[Doug]

Maybe that's her Nickname.

[Susie Barrett]

I wonder if this was a good nickname.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Fondly Lucille.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah. Fondly Lucille. Do you think this happened on a day when, like, a famous person died and. And she just meant to. To say thanks for giving us laughs or showing us the way? I don't know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I take it to mean it's in response to someone. It might not even be on the neighborhap.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, right. Yes. It could be something going on in her life.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Something going on in her life.

[Susie Barrett]

Someone told her about something people forget that we're not part of the conversation that just happened in your home.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Exactly.

[Susie Barrett]

And then you come on and you give us no context.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Maybe she. I guess Lucille didn't realize you could respond directly to a post.

[Susie Barrett]

Yes. Yeah. Maybe she was meaning to comment on something underneath.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Maybe she posted that and said, God, I hope people put it together that I'm commenting about this. There's got to be a better way.

[Susie Barrett]

Very cryptic. You know, I hope she's okay and this is not some sort of letter where she's now going to disappear, you know?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Walk me through that.

[Susie Barrett]

Did I go to Glenda the depressed witch? All right, sorry. It's just that, you know, this really gives us nothing to go on. This is just a very strange blunt.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right. But I'm saying, as. As far as last words are concerned.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thanks for showing us. What. What would that mean in that scenario?

[Susie Barrett]

I think that we're showing. It's inadequate given any scenario, of course. Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, that I. You know what? I agree.

[Doug]

Thanks for showing us the movie.

[Susie Barrett]

What? Thanks. So you think it might mean the movie by Jordan Peele. Us.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She's addressing a movie theater. Thanks for showing us.

[Susie Barrett]

And she thought it was sad. She thought the story was sad. So sad. Thanks for showing us. And. And what?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It is a sad story.

[Susie Barrett]

It is. Well, it is, definitely.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But, you know, because Hands Across America was such a wonderful thing. And now we see.

[Susie Barrett]

And now we really see the dark side of it. Yeah. Turns it on its head.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Now, I. Doug, might be onto something here.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay. Okay.

[Doug]

Lucille in the English language.

[Susie Barrett]

So red letter day. These words were said to joy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm happy. I can provide that joy for you. Lucille did not use a comma between fondly and Lucille. Oh, okay.

[Susie Barrett]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Quotation marks, which you would have to use in this instance to denote a title because you can't use italics in a post.

[Susie Barrett]

You can't? No, it's not allowed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There's not a function where.

[Susie Barrett]

You're kidding. Oh, I've never really paid attention to that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, I'VE never seen anyone use italics on neighborhood.

[Susie Barrett]

An interesting observation. Okay, thank you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Susie Barrett]

And see, when you said thank you, I really heard a slant on the thank and the you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I also tilted my head.

[Susie Barrett]

He italicized his head. His head was italics.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I used physical italics. Thank you.

[Doug]

They come from.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But here, here's my.

[Susie Barrett]

Here's my.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Here's my theory is that a quotation marks are, as some of our friends across the pond say, inverted common commas.

[Susie Barrett]

Oh, interesting.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So maybe she can't use commas. So it's. It's entirely possible that she is indeed saying thanks for showing us the movie.

[Susie Barrett]

I think we're giving her too much credit, but I think you're right. I think you could be right and.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Therefore giving Doug too much credit.

[Susie Barrett]

But it's a good. It's the best theory that we've come up with.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's the theory we have to use right now. If a better one comes along, great.

[Susie Barrett]

Yeah. But it's one that makes me feel at ease as well.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It fits the evidence. Evidently.

[Susie Barrett]

Thank you. Evidently strikes again. Speaking of commas.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What. Where does the comic come in there?

[Susie Barrett]

I always just heard one in the title. Evidently. Yes, because remember, that's their name. Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But Lee, I thought was the person who liked evidence so much that they called Lee Evidently.

[Susie Barrett]

No, the. If we go back, I think it was even See, our listeners might remember that. I believe you actually asked me, is it ev. Is it evident comma. Lee? And I answer, yes, I believe that was my answer. Wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is like the conversation.

[Susie Barrett]

Both conversation get less if we had the chance.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right, well, that does it for this episode. If you'd like to hear ad free versions of our episodes and you like access to our bonus content, which is very exciting, you can go to cbb world.com sign up for the Maximus tier and those riches are yours.

[Susie Barrett]

May you enjoy them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Follow us on Instagram at the Neighborhood Listen where we use we. We show you the post that we use for the episodes and I think that's it. Joan. I don't know what else to tell people.

[Susie Barrett]

We. We don't have to say anything except for thanks for listening. Goodbye and bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The Neighborhood Listeners is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins and me.

[Doug]

Nicole Parker, and me, Brett Morris.

[Susie Barrett]

This episode's guest was played by Susie Barrett.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang world.

[Susie Barrett]

Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show ad free as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maxima subscribers. Your support keeps the.