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Paul F. Tompkins
Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.
Nicole Parker
And I'm Nicole Parker.
Paul F. Tompkins
On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.
Nicole Parker
Occasionally, we change the names of some
Paul F. Tompkins
streets, and that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.
Nicole Parker
And now, please enjoy this episode of the Neighborhood. Listen.
Paul F. Tompkins
Knock, knock.
Nicole Parker
Who's there?
Paul F. Tompkins
Your neighbor.
Nicole Parker
Good in dignity fall. You're never alone. You've got the neighbor half AV and us, Vern and Joan. From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell.
Paul F. Tompkins
We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well.
Nicole Parker
We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the neighborhood.
Brett Morris
Listen.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, welcome. Welcome to the neighborhood. Listen, this is. I want to.
Nicole Parker
Are you okay?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, I'm trying a new style.
Nicole Parker
What happened?
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, I'm trying new style.
Nicole Parker
Why? He's putting his lip. His mouth to my. I mean, he's putting his hand to my mouth to, like, cover it. Okay. I don't like it when men do that.
Paul F. Tompkins
But you like when women do it.
Nicole Parker
I'm fine with it. Women can touch me anywhere. Please. I'm not saying anything.
Paul F. Tompkins
What is.
Nicole Parker
Do you think our listeners enjoy this? They have no idea what's happening.
Paul F. Tompkins
We cut all this out. I'm trying to set a mood. I need this.
Nicole Parker
Okay, What's What? You need this. Are you okay? What's going on? Why'd you take those weird breaths?
Paul F. Tompkins
I have to breathe.
Nicole Parker
I know, but it was like. It was. You know what's crazy? This is what it was like.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay?
Nicole Parker
It was like you were losing air and dying, but you were only taking air in.
Paul F. Tompkins
It was like drowning in ice.
Nicole Parker
Impossible to figure out.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, I. I was taking some air in and I thought, probably need some more. And then I went back double dipped,
Nicole Parker
and then it looks like you almost choked on the air.
Paul F. Tompkins
I didn't, though.
Nicole Parker
Okay, so continue on with whatever mood
Paul F. Tompkins
makes all the difference.
Nicole Parker
Okay. Good for you. That's not. That's not how that quote goes. Okay?
Paul F. Tompkins
It's reference.
Nicole Parker
I know.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Nicole Parker
Two breaths in the woods.
Paul F. Tompkins
Whose breaths they are. I think I know.
Nicole Parker
We all know you're well read.
Paul F. Tompkins
We should have done a long time ago about words ending in th and having to pluralize them because it's. It's a hassle every time.
Nicole Parker
Oh, I think you're right. Yes. Breadth. Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
If you have to.
Nicole Parker
If. What would your Suggestion be.
Paul F. Tompkins
If the sentence ends that way, you're fine.
Nicole Parker
I wouldn't say.
Paul F. Tompkins
But if you have to continue, it's a hassle.
Nicole Parker
Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
Who.
Nicole Parker
You know.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's why these are. That's probably why he rewrote that.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, it probably was breaths to begin with, for sure.
Paul F. Tompkins
You never know.
Nicole Parker
You never will never know. Okay, continue with your intro.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Nicole Parker
Okay. We have not done anything of value yet and we have been talking for at least five minutes.
Paul F. Tompkins
It doesn't matter.
Nicole Parker
It does matter. We never do, though. We never do. We always forget. And you don't listen to them. So it's going to be me at two in the morning trying to edit this and make it make sense.
Paul F. Tompkins
Do you need me to listen to the podcast?
Nicole Parker
Yes, I do.
Paul F. Tompkins
Why?
Nicole Parker
Because I just like to know that someone else has an opinion.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's what the listeners are for.
Nicole Parker
It's too late after that. Well, we've gone from coding Robert Frost to Mad Men.
Paul F. Tompkins
Right. The American experience.
Nicole Parker
Remember that time the tractor ran over a guy?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. Cut his foot off.
Nicole Parker
So random.
Paul F. Tompkins
Spray blood on everybody.
Nicole Parker
Was that their jumps at the shark moment? Jump the tractor. Did they jump the tractor?
Paul F. Tompkins
Tractor the foot. That was their tractor the foot moment.
Nicole Parker
Please tell everybody who you are. Go. Don't take a breath. Don't think. Don't breathe. This is an acting exercise that one of my favorite acting teachers always said. He goes, don't do it. Don't breathe. Right. And it just makes you. It just makes you have truthful reaction.
Laurel Coppock
Yes. Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's terrible.
Nicole Parker
Try it. Don't breathe. Okay, but talk. Don't breathe. But talk. You just. You took a huge breath. Okay, never mind. I'm sorry. Do you know what?
Laurel Coppock
And I.
Nicole Parker
And I. And I refuse to be silent about it, okay? Even though I know I just talked about in the last episode, but my listeners know and they understand it's about me, okay? But it should be about you, because you should remember that I'm going through perimenopause, which I'm rebranding as feminine overdrive. And sometimes it makes me be. Not patient. Okay? Sometimes impatient, perhaps. And you know what? No, you're not going to police me. I wanted to say not patient. I wanted to say not patient. I meant what I said, damn it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I swear. I know, babe. I'm sorry. Honey, we're not going to get to you yet because we have barely started the intro. This is insane.
Brett Morris
I'm not asking.
Paul F. Tompkins
Doug, we're going to need a minute here, okay? Go Go.
Nicole Parker
One, two, three, go.
Paul F. Tompkins
Welcome to the neighborhood. Listen. This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its many residents. I am one such resident and I am joined by another good friend of mine for many, many years. She is my co host. I'm proud to know her. Her name is Joan Pedestrian. And who am I? My name is Burnt Miape Day. I'm the pharmacist in chief here at Dignity Falls's Dignity fallsmassy Pharmacy.
Nicole Parker
There's an s. There's that s. Tripping me up again, like, breaths. Go on.
Paul F. Tompkins
Did you want me to do the intro?
Nicole Parker
I do, I do. I. I do. Please. I do. I want nothing more, Joan.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, she's the top realtor in Dignity Falls and also the top local actress.
Nicole Parker
Oh, you did me. I didn't know that. You. You started as if you were dying, and then you became a late night romantic disc jockey, and it was unbelievable. I wasn't expecting that Burnt. But I did like it. I just. It. I feel like that took too long. That's fair to say, right?
Paul F. Tompkins
What do you think took so long? All the interruptions.
Nicole Parker
Correct. No, all the. Too late.
Paul F. Tompkins
You agreed.
Nicole Parker
No, no, no, no, no.
Paul F. Tompkins
Doug cut right after that. Doug cut right after that.
Nicole Parker
Doug is cut.
Laurel Coppock
Right?
Nicole Parker
Doug is my husband. He's recording a different room today. I don't know how this is working. He's. He's in the human claw machine.
Paul F. Tompkins
The human claw machine?
Nicole Parker
Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
So we all know the claw machine.
Nicole Parker
Yes, we. We.
Laurel Coppock
It is.
Nicole Parker
This is a new thing.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's the frustrating thing at rest stops and.
Nicole Parker
Rest stops.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, they have rest stops.
Nicole Parker
I have not seen a claw machine at a rest stop. Well, I guess I'm thinking picturing just bathrooms. I'm thinking of those other things going on at a rest. I'm not a claw machine.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm thinking of those big. The. The really big rest stops where there's like restaurants in there and stuff like that. I mean, they're okay. Thank you for granting me that, Joan.
Brett Morris
Glass cases with knives and figures.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, exactly.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Brett Morris
Skull.
Nicole Parker
Can I get Chuck E. Cheese?
Paul F. Tompkins
The one with the eight ball?
Brett Morris
Yeah, yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Pretty cool.
Brett Morris
We're talking pretty cool like Chuck E.
Nicole Parker
Cheese and Dave and Buster's. That's where they have them. Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
But they also have them at 7:11 sometimes and things like that.
Nicole Parker
Okay, I've never seen. But they're just for the hot dogs. Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Maybe that's what I'm thinking of. The hot dog machine, the hot dog roller.
Brett Morris
That could be a human.
Paul F. Tompkins
And then the person behind the counter is the claw.
Nicole Parker
Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
I want.
Nicole Parker
Babe, the way it is. I mean, how are you doing it? So usually like you're strapped to a harness and it lifts you up.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
And then.
Paul F. Tompkins
So you are the claw.
Nicole Parker
You are the claw.
Brett Morris
I am the claws.
Nicole Parker
I am the one who claws.
Brett Morris
And I'm holding like two kind of almost like rakes.
Nicole Parker
Oh, really? I thought you used your arms. Why would you use rakes? That's gonna make it hard.
Brett Morris
Because that's more of a claw.
Paul F. Tompkins
Almost rakes.
Nicole Parker
Could you explain the difference between a rake and an almost rake? Is it like. Is it like imitation crab?
Brett Morris
And almost rake only has, you know, rakes have many tongs.
Paul F. Tompkins
Tines.
Brett Morris
Yes. Spokes, if you will.
Nicole Parker
I think we've done. We've covered it. I think we know. So it has less of those. Whatever they are. It has less of them.
Brett Morris
All right, mental note, cut. When I said spokes.
Nicole Parker
And what are you filling it with, babe? Are you going to like do this for your friends? What kind of stuff is going to be?
Brett Morris
There's going to be stuffed animals, there's going to be coins, but they'd have to be coins.
Nicole Parker
You're. How are you going to get a coin with almost in the ball? In the ball, right?
Paul F. Tompkins
Like one of those plastic balls.
Brett Morris
Yeah. You want that coin?
Paul F. Tompkins
Let me ask you. You want that coin?
Nicole Parker
You want that coin? You need that coin.
Paul F. Tompkins
So you can't handle that coin.
Nicole Parker
You can't have a coin.
Paul F. Tompkins
It could be rare. Are the. Are the. What?
Nicole Parker
It could be rare. But what is it gonna be, babe? It's not really gonna be rare. What is it gonna be? The coin you gonna fill with rare coins?
Brett Morris
It could be.
Nicole Parker
You could. You're the one who's doing it.
Brett Morris
That's when you're doing a claw machine. You don't know how rare.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's so true.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
So I would think that if you are the claw, you're the human claw.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
You're bigger than the. The claw on the regular claw machine. Yes. So does that mean all the prizes are also oversized?
Nicole Parker
That's what I portion to know.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Brett Morris
Yeah. Not the coins, obviously. I don't know where to find those. But the ball is large, the ball is human size. Yeah.
Nicole Parker
And so human sized ball with one little coin rattling around could be rare.
Paul F. Tompkins
Just one coin in there.
Nicole Parker
You want that coin?
Brett Morris
Could be rare. You need.
Paul F. Tompkins
Can't be a big coin. Like if it's just one coin, that.
Brett Morris
That adds to the draw. If it's one, I guess, you know,
Nicole Parker
I Thought that you'd put special things in there that someone want, like a bottle of wine. That'd be fun.
Brett Morris
You could do that. Probably should.
Paul F. Tompkins
Dropping.
Nicole Parker
That's gonna be a real headache.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you.
Nicole Parker
What was that First?
Paul F. Tompkins
Just clearing my throat.
Nicole Parker
Were you okay? You okay?
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm great. Should be choppy. Should be choppy. Chappie. In here, I am Chappie. Does he say that in the movie?
Nicole Parker
Does who say it?
Brett Morris
I've never checked.
Nicole Parker
It's a movie.
Brett Morris
Of course.
Nicole Parker
Burnt. Not of course.
Brett Morris
I've never Chappied. But I've. I've. I know the movie.
Paul F. Tompkins
I haven't chappied either.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
What is Chappie?
Paul F. Tompkins
Chappie is a movie. It's a South African movie.
Nicole Parker
Really?
Paul F. Tompkins
About a robot. Is Hugh Jackman in that?
Nicole Parker
Oh, is it the one with that guy who was also in the Alien movie? The guy with the very interesting South African name? You know, it was a movie about aliens. Okay, I'm going to look this up. I love how you said chapping the movie.
Brett Morris
District nine.
Nicole Parker
That's correct. District.
Paul F. Tompkins
Same guy who did District nine.
Nicole Parker
He looked at me like I had nine heads.
Brett Morris
District nine.
Paul F. Tompkins
Something, please. Okay, okay. Doug, when you said that movie about aliens, the look you saw on my face was me trying to process absolutely every movie about aliens that I've ever
Nicole Parker
heard of, except for the fact you could have said, wait, think of who's in Chappie. Think of another movie I've seen that person. And that would have narrowed it down for you.
Paul F. Tompkins
Jackman was in Chappie. I don't think you think I remember the guy with the interesting name.
Nicole Parker
Although if I were to guess for one person to me in something called Chappie, it would be Hugh Jackman.
Brett Morris
Actually, he is in Chappie.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay, so he was in Chappie and Real Steel also. So he's in a lot of robot movies.
Brett Morris
There's an actress in this.
Nicole Parker
What?
Paul F. Tompkins
If you count Sutton Foster, he is. As a robot.
Nicole Parker
He is. He's so well rounded.
Brett Morris
Here's a movie quiz.
Nicole Parker
Oh.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, great.
Nicole Parker
And it's not a movie podcast, but we're starting it off with a movie quiz.
Brett Morris
The actress in Chappie has been in, it seems like every Alien movie.
Nicole Parker
Every. He's burns gonna lose his mind now, because now he has to consider.
Paul F. Tompkins
Doug, I'm glad you can't see me. You'd be furious at the expression on my face. Apparently.
Brett Morris
I doubt it.
Nicole Parker
Do you have. Okay, you have a couple guesses. Burnt.
Paul F. Tompkins
The actress who's In Chappie.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
So far, I've been able to nail down that Hugh Jackman was in it.
Nicole Parker
Good job.
Paul F. Tompkins
And even that, I had a question about.
Nicole Parker
Yes, I'm no help in this one.
Paul F. Tompkins
This actress has also been in every
Brett Morris
Alien movie you say seemingly.
Nicole Parker
Do you mean, like, it's gonna be, like, two? It's gonna be two. It's not Sigourney Weaver. It can't be. Right. Because that's the only person I can think of that's been in almost every. Is that my. Is that right?
Brett Morris
That's right.
Nicole Parker
I got it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Sigourney Weavers in Chappie.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
What?
Brett Morris
Can you believe it?
Paul F. Tompkins
This is how I find out.
Nicole Parker
What are we doing? What are we doing?
Paul F. Tompkins
What are we doing?
Nicole Parker
What are we doing? This is the neighborhood. Listen, it's not. It's not Chappie trivia.
Paul F. Tompkins
Here's who I know is in Chappie, Okay?
Nicole Parker
I'm carrying a bridge. Three things.
Paul F. Tompkins
Now Sigourney Weaver.
Nicole Parker
Now Sigourney Weaver, which you just learned.
Paul F. Tompkins
Hugh Jackman.
Nicole Parker
Not with a question mark. No longer.
Paul F. Tompkins
And Diantward.
Brett Morris
Ninja.
Paul F. Tompkins
What? Both of them.
Brett Morris
Ninja. From Diane Twerk.
Paul F. Tompkins
Both of them are.
Nicole Parker
I don't know. I don't even know what words you're
Paul F. Tompkins
saying now, because they're also in District 9.
Nicole Parker
I think I'm gonna talk about myself.
Paul F. Tompkins
Great.
Brett Morris
I have a Doug Chuckle, by the way.
Nicole Parker
Oh, you have a Doug Chuckle.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's been a long time since a Doug Chuckle. Since we've had a Doug Chuckle.
Brett Morris
Yeah. One a season, I guess.
Paul F. Tompkins
Have we ever done this before?
Nicole Parker
Yes, we have.
Paul F. Tompkins
We have.
Nicole Parker
But we didn't have a theme song. Should we have a theme song?
Paul F. Tompkins
We absolutely should.
Nicole Parker
Okay, sit down and get yourself buckled. Here comes another Doug Chuckle.
Brett Morris
A loud theme song.
Nicole Parker
I'm sorry.
Paul F. Tompkins
I wish it was manic.
Nicole Parker
I'm so hot. I'm sweating. I'm so uncomfortable.
Paul F. Tompkins
You are glowing to beat the band.
Nicole Parker
Thank you. Okay. What's your chuckle, babe?
Brett Morris
The other day, I was looking at our fax machine.
Paul F. Tompkins
The other day, you were looking at your fast machine.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Brett Morris
And I was thinking, like, what is this doing here?
Paul F. Tompkins
That guy shows up for babes. This belongs in a museum.
Brett Morris
Hear me out,
Nicole Parker
okay?
Brett Morris
And I was thinking, man, this thing had a short shelf life, didn't it?
Nicole Parker
To nobody.
Brett Morris
He said, that's not the chuckle yet.
Paul F. Tompkins
We're on our way.
Nicole Parker
Good to know.
Paul F. Tompkins
We're on our way.
Brett Morris
It's like, short shelf life. The fax machine. Yeah. You know what I mean?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Are you.
Brett Morris
When do you Think the fax machine was invented?
Nicole Parker
This is a question. Are you asking us?
Brett Morris
Just really? If you just had to answer the facsimile. Don't overthink it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, I would bet sometime in the 70s.
Nicole Parker
That sounds right. Maybe a early prototype in the 60s.
Brett Morris
Right. Okay, so I looked this up. The fax machine.
Paul F. Tompkins
We're getting close to the chuckle.
Nicole Parker
I kept waiting for it. He's already chuckling. He's pre chuckling.
Brett Morris
Because I'm thinking about the chuckling.
Paul F. Tompkins
Pre chuckle. Red ball. We got a red ball. Pre chuckle.
Brett Morris
There's kind of an after chuckle, too.
Nicole Parker
Oh,
Brett Morris
The fact I looked it up.
Paul F. Tompkins
I love duck chuckles, but they. They don't agree with me.
Nicole Parker
After buckle. There's also gonna be an after chuckle. See, I did it. Right. Give that seat another buckle.
Paul F. Tompkins
Give that seat another buckle.
Nicole Parker
You come up with.
Brett Morris
Who are you, Ralph Nader?
Nicole Parker
You. Why don't you have a turnout? It's Sondheim. All right.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm like that little boy that was in Blue Moon.
Nicole Parker
Oh, I haven't seen that. Which is embarrassing because I'm a musical theater person.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh.
Nicole Parker
You have to get to the chuckle.
Paul F. Tompkins
You simply have to see Ethan Hawke doing a monologue that's interrupted every once in a while by someone prompting him to talk more.
Nicole Parker
Is the movie just like a flashback? Is it like a cheesecake episode from Golden Girls?
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm not very well versed in Golden Girls. Joan. I feared this day would come.
Nicole Parker
You have got to be kidding.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm just too straight, I guess.
Nicole Parker
Oh, my gosh. It has nothing to do with that. It's whether or not you appreciate the best comedy ever.
Brett Morris
Is Joan's hair getting big?
Nicole Parker
My hair gets very big when I get upset.
Paul F. Tompkins
Like a cat. Like.
Nicole Parker
Like I put my hand on one of those balls with the electricity in it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Absolutely.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
What were those for? Was that their purpose?
Nicole Parker
It was for rich kids to have for, like, exactly one year in the 90s. Babe, what is it?
Brett Morris
I'm worried about this chuckle.
Nicole Parker
I know. Well, the momentum has been interrupted. Keep going. So you looked it up.
Brett Morris
The fax machine was invented in 1843.
Nicole Parker
Get out of here.
Paul F. Tompkins
No, it was.
Brett Morris
And I was. Here's the chuckle. It was. But Alexander Bain.
Paul F. Tompkins
I refuse to believe that. I refuse to believe that.
Brett Morris
I couldn't believe it.
Paul F. Tompkins
The only thing that gives a credence to me is the word facsimile. Does sound like it's from the 1800s.
Brett Morris
Fax machine.
Nicole Parker
Oh, I was trying to do Bane.
Brett Morris
That was not the chuckle for the symptoms.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, that Bane. I. I was famous. I was thinking B A I N. Really?
Brett Morris
Yes.
Nicole Parker
Fascinating.
Paul F. Tompkins
I forgo about pain. Well, you forgot control of your fact.
Brett Morris
So I was just thinking about what
Nicole Parker
did it really look like though it wasn't an actual facts machine.
Brett Morris
Here's the chuckle.
Nicole Parker
I was just thinking we're finally to the chuckle. We've made it. We've made it. Thank you everybody for sticking with us.
Paul F. Tompkins
Should we not have done cocaine before this? I know we said we tried for one episode.
Nicole Parker
Well, I. I put on five estrogen patches. Maybe I shouldn't have done that.
Paul F. Tompkins
I did too. I thought they were for everyone. I thought they were for the table.
Nicole Parker
A party favor.
Paul F. Tompkins
They were for the table.
Nicole Parker
Bert, that could seriously interrupt your system.
Paul F. Tompkins
Can we get five estrogen patches for the table?
Nicole Parker
For the table. For the table. We want to be bad tonight. Just a little bit.
Brett Morris
And for to drink.
Paul F. Tompkins
I. I don't know if you've done this before. To drink.
Nicole Parker
Who just learned English?
Paul F. Tompkins
Very nice for you to come to restaurant and for to drink.
Nicole Parker
Estrogen patch for Hollander. Would you like a.
Paul F. Tompkins
You Hollander? You can't wear estrogen patch.
Nicole Parker
I'm sorry. I, I warned everybody I'd be doing. I would be doing Ilia from heated rivalry a lot because it's just. That's all they say to each other. And I think they're great actors. I just wish they had more stuff to say.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's a miracle they got together because the one guy just insults the other.
Nicole Parker
They hate each other, but that was their chemistry, you know, I don't know
Paul F. Tompkins
if that would do it for me. I don't know if that would do. If somebody said I had terrible sense of style and.
Nicole Parker
But what about the Russian accent?
Paul F. Tompkins
Would you care for the remicant of accent?
Nicole Parker
Your terrible taste in style? See, it's a little more heated. Okay.
Brett Morris
Just thinking about this guy in the 1800s inventing something.
Paul F. Tompkins
Then he's.
Brett Morris
He's looking at. He just has no idea what it does. He's like, yeah, I invented this thing. And then hundreds of years later they're like, oh, this is a fast.
Nicole Parker
That's not a chuckle.
Paul F. Tompkins
Hey, look, it's imagine us too.
Brett Morris
Yeah, I came up with this, but I have no idea. It doesn't even plug in.
Nicole Parker
Anyway, that is a silent smile. If it's anything. That's a false premise silent smile.
Paul F. Tompkins
I heard burnt Chuck guy invented this. He didn't do what it was. It's a fax machine.
Brett Morris
How are you going to use a fax machine in the 1800s?
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, what. Who you going to even fax?
Nicole Parker
I don't know what's happening. Everybody. I am so sorry. I feel like we've also.
Brett Morris
Imagine how stupid it was.
Nicole Parker
We've done nothing for you.
Paul F. Tompkins
What?
Nicole Parker
I don't know what's happening. I. Are you. My question to you, babe, is have you been hanging from the claw this entire as. This entire time? I think all the blood has rushed to his head.
Brett Morris
I'm waiting for someone to, you know, you didn't have.
Nicole Parker
You should tell people you got yourself up there before anyone was there to sort of move you.
Brett Morris
Yeah. And then I realized I can't put my own token in.
Nicole Parker
Oh, my God. Why would you even set it up
Paul F. Tompkins
to need a token? Because of ethics.
Nicole Parker
Sure.
Brett Morris
That'd be self serving.
Nicole Parker
Okay. So I think you should. All right.
Brett Morris
I think that qualifies as a chuckle. And also I do think he's standing by it. I do think the. The chuckle was diluted a bit because it got, you know, interrupted so much.
Nicole Parker
I don't think that affected it.
Paul F. Tompkins
And where was the aftertou?
Brett Morris
Think?
Nicole Parker
Yeah, what's the after chuckle? Good, good. Give us the after.
Brett Morris
Just. Mainly just how dumb the thing must have looked. So just the fax machine.
Paul F. Tompkins
Is there a thing?
Brett Morris
I bet somebody faxes, but I bet he tried to fax his butt.
Nicole Parker
You know what? I was actually going to suggest that. That someone fell in ink and then just somehow slipped it under someone's door and called it a fax. Facsimile. Somebody fell in ink when they were naked, when they were changing and they
Paul F. Tompkins
said, this is too good to throw away.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, I gotta send it to someone else.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
I don't know.
Paul F. Tompkins
Or maybe they deserve to be seen.
Nicole Parker
Maybe they tried to copy by pressing it on another piece of paper and then giving that to them. I don't know why. But did they actually call it a facsimile machine in that moment?
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
This makes no sense. All right.
Brett Morris
It must have been like, I have a fax machine. I can't tell you what it does.
Nicole Parker
Okay. This story made me angry and I have such a hard time with this premise. I'm offended by it.
Paul F. Tompkins
I have a fax machine. I can't tell what it does.
Brett Morris
He would have. No idea.
Paul F. Tompkins
Why would he have.
Nicole Parker
I understand this.
Brett Morris
The world wasn't ready for.
Nicole Parker
We need to stop. We need to stop. We haven't done anything.
Brett Morris
We didn't use one till like at the break.
Nicole Parker
We're going to take a break. How long. How long have we been talking? Definitely long enough. Way Too long.
Paul F. Tompkins
We didn't use one till the seventh.
Nicole Parker
I'm going to.
Brett Morris
Was just laying around.
Nicole Parker
I'm coming. How are you able to check?
Brett Morris
Actually, you can't check 22 minutes.
Nicole Parker
It's always 22 or 23. Even though that was pure nonsense. Yeah, we're gonna. I'm gonna come let you down, babe, because you can't just hang out there this entire time. It's not good for you. Okay.
Brett Morris
Okay. I would like to take a shot at this coin.
Nicole Parker
Fine. I will come in there. I will come.
Paul F. Tompkins
Are you gonna get up in the car, be the claw?
Nicole Parker
I'm. I won't do that until after our guest. I'll go. I'll go back later. And for our third segment. Okay, I'm just gonna go let him down right now.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, what's Doug gonna do in the meantime?
Nicole Parker
He should be continuing to work on it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, no, I. Well, I think you should be recording.
Nicole Parker
Exactly.
Brett Morris
You do believe in the project?
Nicole Parker
I believe in you setting it up better for yourself. So you're not going to be hanging. Oh, my God. Why are we still talking? Let's go. Okay, we're going to take a break.
Brett Morris
Don't breathe.
Paul F. Tompkins
And.
Nicole Parker
What, babe, why did you say anything? We had forgotten about that.
Paul F. Tompkins
I feel like I'm being attacked by
Nicole Parker
no Doubt, the band.
Paul F. Tompkins
We. Yeah. We are going to take a break. When we return, we'll have the neighborhood. Listen.
Nicole Parker
Hi, everybody. It's Nicole and Paul. Are you here?
Paul F. Tompkins
I am here.
Nicole Parker
Oh, great.
Paul F. Tompkins
And I have a question for you, Nicole.
Nicole Parker
What is it?
Brett Morris
Number two.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, okay. Brett.
Brett Morris
Hi.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
No one was doubting that.
Nicole Parker
We'll go around the room. Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
First, I would like to talk about Summer. Is that okay?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. But I have a question for you that's related.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, great.
Nicole Parker
Good.
Paul F. Tompkins
What does summer always make you rethink?
Nicole Parker
Oh, okay. It always makes me rethink what I'm reaching for every day. Meaning in my clothing. Lighter fabrics, better materials. Pieces that just feel good in the moment. You put them on and look effortless. And that's why I keep going back to quints, because they both.
Paul F. Tompkins
My second question.
Nicole Parker
Oh, right. Okay. Go ahead, ask. Ask Brett the second question.
Paul F. Tompkins
No, my second question for you was. Is that why you keep coming back to quints?
Nicole Parker
Oh. And yes, it is.
Brett Morris
Okay.
Nicole Parker
Because they focus on high quality essentials. Essentials.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, I'm hungry. Now.
Brett Morris
Let's.
Paul F. Tompkins
Let's get through this ad, then we can all have some essentials.
Nicole Parker
Essentials for the table.
Brett Morris
Yes.
Nicole Parker
Okay, great.
Paul F. Tompkins
Today. And we'll get essentials. For the table.
Nicole Parker
We'll get essentials for the table.
Brett Morris
I like combining all the essentials together.
Nicole Parker
So do I.
Paul F. Tompkins
Me too. An essential suicide. Yeah.
Nicole Parker
And I also love breathable linen, soft, organic cotton, washable silk, but without the luxury markup. It is that rare balance where everything feels elevated but still easy.
Paul F. Tompkins
And here's the thing. Quints has beautiful everyday pieces like 100% European linen pants, dresses, and tops with style starting at 32 doll. That's low for clothes.
Nicole Parker
It's low for clothes.
Paul F. Tompkins
Their denim is soft and easy to wear, and their organic cotton sweaters are perfect for layering on cool summer nights.
Laurel Coppock
Ooh.
Paul F. Tompkins
Everything at Quint's is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. That sounds good.
Nicole Parker
It does.
Paul F. Tompkins
And Quint's works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen, the most despised class of man. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup.
Nicole Parker
And it's not just clothing, Paul Quint has really become a destination for elevated essentials across home, kitchen, bedding, and beyond, making it easy to bring a more premium feel into everyday life.
Paul F. Tompkins
Now, let me tell something, please. I went to Quint's recently because I'm going out on tour. I'm talking to you too.
Nicole Parker
He almost. He called you Doug.
Brett Morris
He didn't almost call you Doug.
Paul F. Tompkins
That was a close one. Yeah, because we're sitting in the same position.
Nicole Parker
We sure are. We sure sure are. They found us out.
Paul F. Tompkins
So I'm going out on tour. Brett and I are going out together. On tour. On tour and not steady. And I went to Quints and got myself a casual linen suit to wear for travel.
Nicole Parker
Oh, cool.
Paul F. Tompkins
So I can look stylish.
Nicole Parker
You know what I always admire people are attempted. They made an attempt to look stylish for travel.
Paul F. Tompkins
You know who else likes it is flight attendants.
Nicole Parker
Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Well, thanks to Quince, you're gonna get a compliment.
Paul F. Tompkins
Thanks, Quince.
Nicole Parker
Thanks, Quince. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to Quince. Oh, wait, hang on. Doug. Brett, what did you want to say?
Paul F. Tompkins
Doug?
Brett Morris
Brett, what did I want to say?
Nicole Parker
Well, we interrupted you.
Brett Morris
I actually didn't say anything, but I will say that they have rugs. They have great rugs.
Nicole Parker
Oh, okay, everybody. They have great rugs.
Paul F. Tompkins
There you go.
Brett Morris
Yeah, I got a. I got like a white button down shirt recently from Quince as a rug. Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
You're a strange guy.
Nicole Parker
Well, here, you just throw in the wash. Here's the deal.
Paul F. Tompkins
Anything can be a rug.
Nicole Parker
Everything that they make can be used as many different things. So Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com TNL for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. You guys, congrats. Q-U-I-N-C-E.com T L for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quinns.com TNL hi, I'm Beck Bennett.
Paul F. Tompkins
I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney. Yes, sorry about that.
Brett Morris
Exactly.
Paul F. Tompkins
No, all good.
Brett Morris
All good.
Paul F. Tompkins
Thanks, buddy.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
And we host the show what's our podcast here on Head Gum. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick ass person online. Like you're skateboarding through the Internet or you're like you're surfing through the web. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. I like that it's all in one place.
Laurel Coppock
I don't.
Paul F. Tompkins
I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something. It's just all, well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like a. Do I need another type of website to, like, find the right pictures or like another type of website to upload? You know, it's all in one place. The video or the audio or like.
Brett Morris
No, I want.
Laurel Coppock
It makes it easy.
Paul F. Tompkins
Make it easy on me, please. Yes. And you can do all those things. Photos, videos, changing fonts, you know, I mean, the designs are amazing. They're catering to all your different needs. They're SEO tools, which. I know what those are. And their custom domains. Oh, let's come up with a domain right now.
Nicole Parker
Let's see.
Paul F. Tompkins
I wonder if it exists. Www.friendsmeetingfriends friendsmeetingfriends.com that's an original thing that we came up with. Friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out squarespace.com headgum for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code headgum. Save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it. Hey, dignity falls. It's Errol here and I am offering for sale the Osmonds vintage lunchbox, marked down from 100 to just $60. That's right. This is a 1970s vintage lunchbox featuring the Osmond. Are you close enough to death to remember who the Osmonds are but still have enough Time left on earth to fill your house with shit to look at. Well, then you want this Osmonds lunchbox. The picture includes almost the entire lunchbox. And as you can see, there are some stains and there is some rust. The color palette is unappealing, just like it was back in the day. The Osmonds were on top of the charts, presumably. So Rush, don't wait to get this vintage piece that's almost fallen apart. The Osmonds vintage lunchbox. Don't you deserve it to yourself? Welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen, we've all had a glass of warm milk, and that seems to have done wonders.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, it really has. I am sorry for that, everybody. I don't know. It went off the rails immediately.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. Yeah.
Nicole Parker
And I think we're all a little bit. We're all bit more ready for our guest.
Brett Morris
All right.
Paul F. Tompkins
We do have a guest in studio with. In studio here at the kitchen island. And what we do every week is we scour the neighborhap, the social networking application for neighborhoods, and we look for interesting neighbors to talk to. Maybe somebody's got something to say. Maybe they've got something to answer for. Who knows? It runs the whole gamut. And this week is no different. And if you see a post that you think we should talk about, why don't you screenshot it and send it to us as this listener, Matt Moore did. Matt Moore submitted this. Thank you very much.
Nicole Parker
Thank you, Matt.
Paul F. Tompkins
Matt. This is in the crime and safety section, and it was posted by Natalie. Natalie writes Last night around 10 ish PM someone or some people, slash kids, mostly kids, I'm assuming, came to ring on our doorbell. We didn't open the door, but today, in the morning, there was a Kraft cheese on the driveway. I'm not okay with people trying to pull a joke on someone, especially that late at night. If you know your kid was out there doing that, please make sure they know of the consequences. This was on Polk and Palm. And here to talk more about it is Natalie. Natalie, welcome.
Laurel Coppock
Thank you so much. I hate to start a conversation with a confrontation, but I actually pronounce my name Nathalie.
Paul F. Tompkins
Nathalie.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, yeah.
Brett Morris
Okay.
Nicole Parker
Yeah. Okay.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah. And Nath for short. And I know you've expressed a frustration with ths, so it could.
Nicole Parker
Right, so it's Nath for short travels. It sure does.
Laurel Coppock
Nath.
Nicole Parker
Okay, Nath.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay, Nath.
Nicole Parker
Is that what you prefer or do you want Nathaly?
Laurel Coppock
I prefer the full length.
Nicole Parker
Okay, great.
Paul F. Tompkins
We've only just met.
Nicole Parker
The full length.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, we've only just met, and now we have a confrontation. This is a part of the challenge with my name.
Nicole Parker
No, no, it's fine. I don't feel confronted. Do you? Burnt a little bit, but okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
I think it's fine.
Laurel Coppock
But your name is burnt, right?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, it is.
Laurel Coppock
With a U or an E?
Paul F. Tompkins
With a U.
Laurel Coppock
Interesting. Like so after something that burned, Correct?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, exactly.
Laurel Coppock
Fascinating.
Nicole Parker
Isn't it, though?
Laurel Coppock
You might run into this kind of confrontation. Like, I do.
Paul F. Tompkins
I do, but I don't. I don't know. Usually I just say burnt. If people say Burt.
Nicole Parker
Oh, I see.
Paul F. Tompkins
Burnt.
Nicole Parker
But what if you say, like, the toast, then what do you say?
Paul F. Tompkins
I just sort of nod.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's not my favorite thing to hear.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, that's. That's what I figured.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Burnt toast was my favorite snack as a child, though. I love it.
Nicole Parker
That really, truly burnt to a black crisp.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, my mom.
Nicole Parker
Just so that it just was pure carbon.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, I loved it.
Nicole Parker
So, Nathalie. Incredible. This is. This is an interesting post because I, to be honest, don't know. This is just me speaking. I don't know if one single slice of Kraft cheese on my driveway. I don't know if I would think that was a prank.
Paul F. Tompkins
Let me ask you this, okay? Was it wrapped or unwrapped?
Nicole Parker
Oh, good question.
Laurel Coppock
I appreciate that question, and I'd like to get into it. It was unwrapped. So you can feel that this is something more than a mistake.
Paul F. Tompkins
You know what I mean?
Nicole Parker
I was picturing it wrapped up. I don't know why I was. Okay, so it was just naked there on.
Laurel Coppock
Thank you for that language. Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Because that offended you, I'm assuming.
Laurel Coppock
Yes. Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
Can I ask, how did you know it was craft?
Laurel Coppock
Great question.
Nicole Parker
Well, I thought you left your questions. It didn't.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, yeah. Thank you. Great comment. It didn't melt at all. And craft has a very specific texture.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes, it does.
Nicole Parker
It does.
Laurel Coppock
So I knew. I knew.
Nicole Parker
So you touched it, like, when you were cleaning it. How did you. You know, how did you dispose.
Laurel Coppock
No, I didn't touch it.
Nicole Parker
Oh, you didn't touch it.
Laurel Coppock
I didn't touch it.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
I got a paper towel, and I kept that between me and it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Brett Morris
That's smart.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, that's really smart.
Laurel Coppock
I believe this was a jab because I'm lactose intolerant.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, no. So you feel it was pointed? It was.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah. It was personal.
Paul F. Tompkins
Wow. And who does everyone in the neighborhood know this?
Laurel Coppock
Know that I'm lactose intolerant?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
Laurel Coppock
I hope so.
Nicole Parker
Oh. Oh, you hope so, but yeah, I mean, what are they gonna.
Laurel Coppock
Then they're gonna serve me. I know you left me this hot milk. I can't drink it.
Nicole Parker
Oh, I'm sorry. That was left over. We needed hot milk to calm down and I. I will remove this. Here, let me get it.
Paul F. Tompkins
I asked because I'm trying to narrow down the pool of suspects.
Laurel Coppock
Me too.
Paul F. Tompkins
So if only certain people know, then you have a smaller target area.
Nicole Parker
Yeah. To be fair, it seems like you had a hard. Can you read the beginning again? Burnt. Sorry. Absolutely.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'd love to. Last night, around 10 ish p.m. someone or some people, slash kids. Mostly kids, I'm assuming.
Nicole Parker
Okay, let's pause there. How are you viewing them? Was this on a ring camera? Was this through the window?
Paul F. Tompkins
Great question, Joe.
Nicole Parker
And what was it that was so tricky about discerning children from adult people? Yeah, how do you. What does that mean?
Paul F. Tompkins
And mostly so also, they're a mixture.
Nicole Parker
So mostly kids, some hybrids. Can you just talk about that for a minute?
Laurel Coppock
Well, we don't have a ring camera because I am worried about that kind of a digital nature with my brain and things like that, so we don't do that stuff.
Paul F. Tompkins
But what's the brain concern?
Nicole Parker
Thanks.
Laurel Coppock
It's. You know, how the radio waves might get into your brain?
Nicole Parker
Oh.
Laurel Coppock
When you have something that works through the WI fi, you know. So we're not gonna have a ring camera out front. I'm too worried about that.
Paul F. Tompkins
Right. You don't want it to penetrate your brain.
Laurel Coppock
Right, right, right, right, right.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
You've read about it.
Paul F. Tompkins
I haven't. This is a new problem to me.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay. Where would I go to read about this?
Laurel Coppock
Oh, God, the Internet source.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, link, please.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, yeah, I can see if I can find a link, but I'm probably not gonna use WI fi.
Nicole Parker
Okay. Do you have a phone? Do you use a phone like a. Like a. Like a cell phone? Like a.
Laurel Coppock
There's where the whole thing falls apart. I do.
Nicole Parker
Okay. Because I feel like there's been a lot more research that's come out about that. That seems pretty. It checks out.
Laurel Coppock
Could you send me some of those links?
Nicole Parker
Well, I don't want to because I have to use my phone again to do that, you know?
Paul F. Tompkins
You know, I'm a front pocket guy and I'm afraid I'm gonna get thigh cancer.
Nicole Parker
Oh, no.
Laurel Coppock
Will you let me know if you do?
Paul F. Tompkins
Of course I will.
Laurel Coppock
Okay.
Nicole Parker
Wow. All right.
Laurel Coppock
That is a scary thought.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's terrifying. So I don't have a New form of cancer.
Laurel Coppock
I've never been kind of pocket pockets. Do you have that? You can squeeze that in there.
Nicole Parker
Men.
Laurel Coppock
I. Yeah, I mean, men pockets. That's.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, I guess.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, I guess so.
Nicole Parker
They can carry their whole life just in one pocket.
Paul F. Tompkins
I like to wear athletic fit trousers.
Laurel Coppock
I respect that.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, they're very roomy pockets.
Nicole Parker
Flare at the bottom, fur on the top. That's nice. So how are you viewing them? You look into the window. When you go to the window, what do you hear?
Laurel Coppock
I. I live at the window.
Nicole Parker
Oh, you live at the wedding.
Laurel Coppock
I'm at the window often.
Brett Morris
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
So I saw the whole thing.
Nicole Parker
Okay. And describe to us what you saw in a little bit more detail than this. You know, why is it that you thought, oh, here's a kid, here's a person, here's a combination of both.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, it was a band. It was a group of rowdy, okay, difficult people.
Paul F. Tompkins
Were they making noise and hooting and hollering?
Laurel Coppock
Yes, hooting and hollering. They were coming and I don't know what they were talking about. It was loud. Different heights.
Nicole Parker
Different heights.
Laurel Coppock
So then I'm thinking there's definitely going to be some kids in there.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
And.
Nicole Parker
But how young are we talking? Were there some little kids?
Laurel Coppock
I'm not the best at identifying ages, but I'm gonna say 8 and up.
Nicole Parker
Oh, wow. 8 and young. I have to be out at 10. Ish.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Laurel Coppock
Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
But if you're with older kids, I guess they're looking out for you as you're doing a prank.
Nicole Parker
I guess that's true. Do you have kids yourself?
Laurel Coppock
No.
Paul F. Tompkins
No.
Nicole Parker
That was a good question. No, but she didn't thank you for it. So I wonder if she didn't care for that question. Did that question upset you?
Laurel Coppock
Didn't upset me, but I don't think it's a great question.
Nicole Parker
Okay, That's a fair answer.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's fair. I've asked better questions.
Nicole Parker
You know what you have earlier. You've had better. Better moments earlier. You did.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm dropping off.
Nicole Parker
Have some. Have some of her warm milk, please. So then how close did they get? You? You're looking out the window and you saw. You said they were going to ring the bell, but they didn't, Is that right?
Paul F. Tompkins
They came to ring on our doorbell.
Nicole Parker
On the doorbell.
Paul F. Tompkins
We didn't open the door.
Laurel Coppock
Right.
Nicole Parker
And now who's we? Can you say who you're with?
Laurel Coppock
My husband.
Nicole Parker
Okay. What's his name?
Laurel Coppock
Daryl.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
And is. Did you wake up Daryl to tell him about this. Or was he awake at the time with you?
Laurel Coppock
Well, that's interesting. He does sleep a lot.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
He was awake for this.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
But he was in the kitchen eating.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, because I don't like to eat outside of the kitchen. That's disgusting. So he's got to be in there to eat, but I'm in the living room watching.
Brett Morris
Okay, Right.
Paul F. Tompkins
So nobody's allowed to eat outside the kitchen.
Laurel Coppock
Right.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay. So he's in the kitchen eating, and at 10pm so it's a little late night snack kind of thing or.
Nicole Parker
Unless that's no normal dinner time that you guys have.
Laurel Coppock
No, we usually eat around 4:30 or 5.
Nicole Parker
Wow. Why was he eating so late for dinner?
Laurel Coppock
Well, he needs a sort of second round.
Nicole Parker
Oh, boy.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
I mean, that is hours and hours go. Go by.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Second dinner.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
So you. Did you call him in? Yeah.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, yeah.
Nicole Parker
Okay. And then what did he think?
Laurel Coppock
I gave a healthy scream. I was so angry. And. And he thought the same thing I did, which is, you know, we're under attack.
Nicole Parker
Oh, really? Just from them going to ring at your doorbell response. I'll ring on your doorbell. My apologies.
Paul F. Tompkins
Your response was to not open the door.
Laurel Coppock
Right.
Paul F. Tompkins
And then just. Just go to sleep. Because the next day in the morning, is when you discovered the cheese.
Nicole Parker
Yeah.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah. I was exhausted from the amount of adrenaline from the entire moment. Just a dump of it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Sure. Wow.
Laurel Coppock
Yes. So I slept like a log.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
I couldn't function.
Nicole Parker
Oh, my word.
Laurel Coppock
But I knew I'd go out and find something.
Nicole Parker
You did. Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Can I backtrack a little bit? When you say your husband Darrell sleeps a lot. Yeah. How much sleep does he get in a night?
Laurel Coppock
Thanks for that question. I'm gonna say a solid, healthy 18 hours.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's a lot of the day.
Nicole Parker
Yep. It's almost completely opposite of what you're supposed to do.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm gonna say it's the lion's share of the day.
Nicole Parker
It sure is. It sure is. May I ask what he does for a living, if anything?
Laurel Coppock
He doesn't do anything.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay. I had a feeling.
Nicole Parker
Yeah.
Laurel Coppock
You have an instinct about it.
Nicole Parker
I think it'd be a little bit hard to. To actually do something.
Paul F. Tompkins
I don't know. Who's gonna allow you those hours?
Nicole Parker
I don't know of anyone. Then what do you do for a living? Because you must. You must work.
Laurel Coppock
Well, I'm pretty private about it, but I will share with you guys. I noticed that you're a pharmacist. I know you. I'm familiar with you. Obviously.
Paul F. Tompkins
So you've seen me at the falls, miss.
Nicole Parker
You sure?
Laurel Coppock
Yes, yes. I work across the street at the post office.
Nicole Parker
Do you really?
Paul F. Tompkins
That is a very. Now, you've seen the post office across from the falls, Missy?
Nicole Parker
I have.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's very impressive.
Nicole Parker
It is very impressive.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's like a cathedral, kind of.
Nicole Parker
Thank you.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nicole Parker
There's marble, like, you see.
Paul F. Tompkins
You see people of all faiths going in there thinking.
Nicole Parker
Yes.
Paul F. Tompkins
That it's a place of worship.
Nicole Parker
It looks like one.
Paul F. Tompkins
It looks like all of them.
Nicole Parker
It does. It has crescents, it has crosses, it has gargoyles.
Paul F. Tompkins
These are a few of my favorite things. And. But it's. It's just. It's their stained glass.
Nicole Parker
Yes. They're gorgeous. Yes. And they have an organ in there, which I do appreciate.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, it's beautiful.
Paul F. Tompkins
Just playing all songs that have any. Anything to do with male.
Nicole Parker
Yes, that's right.
Paul F. Tompkins
So the Letter by the Box Tops, It'll be. Please, Mr. Postman.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, yeah, A third one.
Nicole Parker
Return to Sender.
Paul F. Tompkins
Return to Sender.
Nicole Parker
But, you know, it's sort of a minor key.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. Everything sounds very Gothic now.
Nicole Parker
Why are you private about it?
Laurel Coppock
Well, I don't want people to get to know what I do and learn my hours and things like that, because
Nicole Parker
what would happen then? Who? Are you afraid of it?
Laurel Coppock
That's a great question.
Nicole Parker
Right. Which I would think you'd have an answer to if you're so afraid of it.
Laurel Coppock
Mm. I mean, I already feel people know I'm lactose intolerant. They're leaving cheese on my driveway.
Nicole Parker
Now, you say that as if it's happened a lot, but has this happened only one time?
Laurel Coppock
Okay, I'm gonna tell you a little postscript.
Nicole Parker
Oh, wow.
Laurel Coppock
The next night, someone left a piece of bread, and the night after that, butter.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
What do you think they're trying to say?
Nicole Parker
Yep.
Paul F. Tompkins
Make a sandwich.
Laurel Coppock
Yep.
Paul F. Tompkins
All right.
Nicole Parker
All right. But how is that not. How is that just specifically a lactose? A prank?
Laurel Coppock
Feels pointed to me, but, I mean,
Paul F. Tompkins
you can eat bread.
Nicole Parker
You can eat bread.
Laurel Coppock
I don't like gluten, though.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay. Do you think we didn't know that? Is that widely known?
Laurel Coppock
I hope so.
Nicole Parker
What? How?
Paul F. Tompkins
I don't know.
Nicole Parker
I mean, I feel like it's something that you don't have to hope for. You can always just let people know. Only if they're going to. You keep on mentioning them bringing you food or feeding you food. Do you guys have a lot of potlucks in your community, or do people bring food over Often. I don't know why the concern is there.
Laurel Coppock
Well, we do.
Paul F. Tompkins
I'm gonna pause you one second. Math.
Nicole Parker
Math. Oh, math.
Laurel Coppock
Math.
Nicole Parker
Nath. Sorry.
Paul F. Tompkins
I think the concern is not that they're bringing her food, but that they're leaving single items of food in the driveway.
Nicole Parker
Okay, if that's it.
Laurel Coppock
You narrowed it down. Yeah, that's right.
Nicole Parker
But is that all that has happened? You've had a piece of cheese, a bread, and some butter.
Paul F. Tompkins
How much butter?
Laurel Coppock
A pat. No, a full eight tablespoons, a stick.
Nicole Parker
A stick. Stick of butter, a stick of bread,
Paul F. Tompkins
a container of milk, and a stick of butter.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, it's wasteful. Also, you said, is that all that's happened? And I just want to say that sounds like you're blaming the victim.
Nicole Parker
Oh, dear.
Laurel Coppock
That's a lot of different items on my driveway.
Nicole Parker
I did not know about the three.
Paul F. Tompkins
We never want to do that here.
Nicole Parker
Don't want to do that. And so, okay, after that, though, what happened? Did it stop? How long ago was this whole ordeal?
Laurel Coppock
Three weeks ago.
Nicole Parker
Okay. And has anything happened since?
Laurel Coppock
Well, I can't be sure. I haven't found anything. Have they tried? Maybe.
Nicole Parker
Okay, so that's a no. And then can I also ask, did you receive any comments underneath this post?
Laurel Coppock
Well, that's a very good question.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
I haven't checked.
Nicole Parker
Oh, how come? Because it would seem that if you ask on. On a. A post on a platform like the neighborhap you are inviting. Because you are.
Paul F. Tompkins
I mean, no matter what you say online, you're inviting comments.
Nicole Parker
Well, because. Was there no question this.
Paul F. Tompkins
There was no question. This was just. This was an announcement. This happened, and you should tell your kids not to do this.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Okay, but still, someone might have commented, but you didn't check. You were not curious.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, I'm. I hope that they're gonna read it and stop doing what they're doing, and there will be consequences.
Nicole Parker
Have you thought about maybe, you know, instead, no soliciting, just putting no lactose outside, you know, by your doorbell, and that way. It's a way. It's a way to let them know.
Paul F. Tompkins
And maybe no lactose, no carbs.
Laurel Coppock
That's a really interesting idea. Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Yeah.
Laurel Coppock
I mean, I guess I could get the sign made. It sounds like an expense to me for something people ought to know.
Paul F. Tompkins
I feel like we've buried the lead here. What will the consequences be?
Laurel Coppock
I thought you might ask me that. Well, okay, I. I did call the police. I called the police thinking there could be an arrest.
Paul F. Tompkins
Right.
Nicole Parker
That might be tricky. But okay.
Laurel Coppock
Apparently so. That's what they told.
Nicole Parker
Well, again, the police here did he falls. They are terrible. They're lazy. They sigh really hard when you come in. And so it's hard to get them to do things. But there's a lot of.
Paul F. Tompkins
Like, when they come to investigate something, there's a lot of.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
And when they ask you what happened here, just pretend that you're someone who had something happen. And I'm the cop.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Nicole Parker
And so tell me what happened, man.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, a man
Nicole Parker
came up to you and do what? It's like that.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's like that.
Laurel Coppock
It's very rude. Yeah, it looked real.
Nicole Parker
Well, thank you. I am a local actress. I'm the top local actress.
Laurel Coppock
I've seen all your plays.
Nicole Parker
You have? Really?
Laurel Coppock
Yes.
Nicole Parker
You saw the All Male Steel Magnolias where it was men playing women. But then I played the Tom Skerritt role.
Laurel Coppock
Yes, yes, yes.
Nicole Parker
In a beard.
Laurel Coppock
Beautiful performance.
Nicole Parker
Thank you so much.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, it was. It was so surprising. That's what I loved about it.
Nicole Parker
That's what we were going for. That's what we were going for. Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
You saw all my son.
Laurel Coppock
I did, yep.
Nicole Parker
We always like to just put things on, turn them on their ear just a little bit here. Yeah, that's how we like to do it.
Laurel Coppock
I don't want to tell you what Daryl thought of it, but it wasn't positive, but I. Oh, you're kidding.
Nicole Parker
Oh, wow. So he managed to get up and come out for that?
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
I have to ask. I mean, the theater is a place where literally anyone can fall asleep. So did he manage to see any of the show or was he out like a light as soon as the lights went down?
Laurel Coppock
He was asleep. Yeah, he was asleep, but he had a strong review and it wasn't good.
Nicole Parker
Really.
Paul F. Tompkins
Did it give him bad dreams?
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, something. Yeah, he must have taken in some of it.
Nicole Parker
Oh, Lord. Okay. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Better luck next time, I guess.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Let's just do a special, I don't know, 6am Matinee for. When does he get up? Like, what's the time when he's.
Paul F. Tompkins
What are his waking hours?
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, yeah. 10 to 4.
Nicole Parker
Okay. So he wakes up, he eats dinner.
Laurel Coppock
Wait, no. It's 11 in the morning. 5.
Nicole Parker
11pm yeah.
Laurel Coppock
No, no, no.
Nicole Parker
A.m. to 5. Okay, great. Okay.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
11am 5. 11am To 5pm yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
So this. So the 10pm Snack was. This was like a midnight snack for him.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah. He dressed up in the middle of
Nicole Parker
the night, had dinner.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
In the kitchen. So it has to happen.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
This is a bizarre. Does this. Does this dynamic work for you?
Laurel Coppock
Oh, yeah.
Nicole Parker
What's great about it?
Laurel Coppock
It's great. Well, I get a lot of personal freedom.
Nicole Parker
I can do what I want when
Paul F. Tompkins
I want to, and that is sit in the window all day in the window.
Laurel Coppock
And I work at the post office. Please don't mention that.
Nicole Parker
Well, this is going out to a lot of people who listen. It is a podcast, just so you know. Are you okay with that?
Laurel Coppock
No.
Nicole Parker
Okay, well.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay, that's.
Nicole Parker
It might be too late, but I
Paul F. Tompkins
don't know what Doug is putting that email that he sends to people when he won't book guests.
Nicole Parker
He keeps on changing the email. It used to be that they could only come contingent on them reading his pilot, evidently. Obviously about the man whose name Lee and sees evidence this time.
Brett Morris
I put a lot of stuff about how sometimes you guys have trouble with the th.
Nicole Parker
You did?
Brett Morris
Yeah, that's how she knew that.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, good. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, I read that.
Paul F. Tompkins
Why would you put that in there?
Nicole Parker
Yeah, why? These emails are getting weird and weird, but all they need is the address and just, you know, the information of like.
Brett Morris
I don't want to give our address
Nicole Parker
to come hungry because I like to feed them.
Paul F. Tompkins
You should always put in come having hungry.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
And you should give the address because that's where we record.
Brett Morris
Address is the final exchange.
Nicole Parker
Oh, that's all you need. Exchange. There's a back and forth.
Paul F. Tompkins
They have to pass like a certain.
Brett Morris
They call me. And then I give them turn by turn directions.
Nicole Parker
Naf. I'm sorry. The voice you're hearing is my husband Doug, who sent you that email. But he's in another room. He's in the human claw machine room. Oh, there's no need to get into it, but sure.
Paul F. Tompkins
Or to bring it up.
Nicole Parker
Yes. Sorry I did. Sorry I did that. I guess I'm wondering what made you the type of person that is constantly sitting at the window waiting for someone to attack you or to prank you. Has this always been your nature?
Laurel Coppock
Boy, those are big questions therapist would ask.
Nicole Parker
I know. I do tend to ask those questions and I am sorry, but I always. Probably because I'm an actress. I want to get to the. To the human inside. I want to find out if there's a pattern.
Laurel Coppock
I was a witness to that kind of vulnerability when you were on the stage dressed as a man.
Nicole Parker
Oh, thank you so much.
Laurel Coppock
I really appreciate that.
Nicole Parker
I only had five lines, so small parts. That's correct. Only small beards. So I want to Know, I don't know. Did something happen to you as a kid where, you know, you were pranked and then this has made you on your guard always?
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, probably. I'm trying to think.
Nicole Parker
You'd have to come up with one. I don't want to.
Laurel Coppock
I can. I could. Give me a picture, few minutes I could come up with.
Nicole Parker
Come to mind. I don't want to put you on the spot. Or maybe it's back to the lactose thing. When did you find out that you were lactose intolerant and how.
Laurel Coppock
Well I was informed of that. Very, very young. I think it was to do with my bowel movements.
Nicole Parker
Sure.
Paul F. Tompkins
Usually that's right.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I think that's the sign number one.
Paul F. Tompkins
I don't think there's any other way to find out, is there?
Nicole Parker
Well, I just meant, you know, was it was. Did it change your life in a way that was. Was bad or was it just. Oh, you just have to take some lactate. Did your family make you feel weird about it? I'm just trying to get to the bottom of why she's so on guard.
Paul F. Tompkins
Absolutely.
Laurel Coppock
Pretty big probing. Yeah. I think my family didn't like this about me, so it's made me feel defensive about it.
Nicole Parker
There you go. That makes sense. That's so rude.
Laurel Coppock
Why?
Nicole Parker
Why didn't they like it about you? What? How did that manifest?
Laurel Coppock
It was inconvenient.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, I could see that.
Laurel Coppock
You know, making a meal and then you have to make a separate meal. It's a dry feel.
Nicole Parker
It's like a fairly easy thing to work around once you know how to.
Paul F. Tompkins
Speaking of someone who has food issues of his own.
Laurel Coppock
Okay.
Nicole Parker
Burnt. Cannot eat square food. I can't eat square shaped food.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. It makes me sick.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, God.
Paul F. Tompkins
I know that sometimes that's difficult for my partner and I when we. If we go out to eat somewhere and sometimes you don't know what things are going to be square.
Nicole Parker
That is true.
Laurel Coppock
You'd be surprised.
Brett Morris
Wendy's burger,
Paul F. Tompkins
that was. I wish somebody had told me that.
Nicole Parker
That was a tough. I know.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
But what did they say to you to let you know that they didn't like it?
Laurel Coppock
Oh, you know. Oh, that's right. You're lactose intolerant.
Nicole Parker
Oh, no. They say this in front of people, like in front of company.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, sure.
Nicole Parker
Oh, that's terrible then. Nathalie, that's awful.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah. No, I mean, well, yeah, it's a big inconvenience to my parents, to my siblings.
Nicole Parker
I shouldn't have Been made to feel that way.
Paul F. Tompkins
Do you have nieces, nephews? Okay, I hate to say this.
Laurel Coppock
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Is it possible that it's people in your own family who are doing this? Oh, because who else would care if you're lactose?
Nicole Parker
And that would sort of account for some adults, some people, some kids that would be in that group. Is that what you're saying? You think they left?
Paul F. Tompkins
It covers the three groups because they
Nicole Parker
are on record as kind of taunting her about it or at least just making it very clear that they're engaged
Paul F. Tompkins
to be interpreted that way.
Laurel Coppock
Yes.
Nicole Parker
Yes.
Laurel Coppock
Well, this is an interesting question.
Paul F. Tompkins
Thank you.
Laurel Coppock
I'm going to pursue that theory to the death. I'm going to find out.
Paul F. Tompkins
I hope it doesn't come to that.
Nicole Parker
Well, we'll see.
Laurel Coppock
We'll see. But I need to find out because I think you might be onto something that hadn't occurred to me.
Paul F. Tompkins
I mean, if it's, you know, they seem to be the only people who have a problem with it and you.
Nicole Parker
Unless. Let's follow up on that. Have you gotten any pushback from anyone else in your life about your, like, co workers or.
Laurel Coppock
Most people are annoyed by it.
Nicole Parker
Oh, no. I'm so sorry. I. I can't even imagine being annoyed by that, you know?
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, I can't imagine it affecting other people all that much.
Laurel Coppock
Well, that's probably because you're not lactose intolerant, but you do have an issue.
Nicole Parker
That's a fair point. Well, that. Yes, that's.
Laurel Coppock
You know, and if I were around you a lot, I'd be annoyed with you.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, okay.
Nicole Parker
Wow.
Laurel Coppock
That whole square thing, I can see it as problematic, but it would come to annoy me eventually.
Paul F. Tompkins
All right. It just means that we can't share ravioli. That's all it means.
Laurel Coppock
Right.
Paul F. Tompkins
You know what I mean? So if that's important to you.
Nicole Parker
Some ravioli is circular. You could always.
Paul F. Tompkins
I wish more was.
Laurel Coppock
But I can sort of picture the interaction with the waiter and I'd be like. Big eye roll.
Nicole Parker
Really? I would think like, no electro. So that there's such an inconvenience.
Laurel Coppock
Look at that accent work.
Nicole Parker
Oh, thank you.
Laurel Coppock
That's beautiful.
Paul F. Tompkins
I would think, Nathalie. Excuse me? That you would be more empathetic because of your own condition rather than.
Nicole Parker
You're welcome.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, that's nice. No, no, hard.
Nicole Parker
No, hard. No, just a hard flat.
Laurel Coppock
No, no.
Paul F. Tompkins
Can I ask you, how did you meet your sleepy husband?
Nicole Parker
Oh, what a great question.
Laurel Coppock
That is a great question. Okay. We met when I was in college. He was Working nights. And I went to the 711 and he was there working.
Paul F. Tompkins
I see.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah. And we really hit it off.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
What would you say? What caused the spark?
Laurel Coppock
How he really understood the lactose stuff.
Nicole Parker
Oh, we did. That came up when you went through the 7 11.
Laurel Coppock
Absolutely.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
What would be your regular, sort of of shop at the 7 11? What would you get? College kid, you know, you're up late at night. What would you go to treat yourself?
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, okay. I would get Twizzlers.
Paul F. Tompkins
Sure. Oh, no milk.
Laurel Coppock
No.
Nicole Parker
No milk.
Laurel Coppock
No milk. A lot of Twizzlers.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
What are they called? The cinnamon ones that are chewy?
Paul F. Tompkins
Red Cigarettes.
Brett Morris
Big Red.
Nicole Parker
There we go.
Laurel Coppock
Big Red.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, Big Red's a gum.
Nicole Parker
Yes, it is.
Laurel Coppock
Red Hot.
Nicole Parker
Red Hots. That's it. That's it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Gum is chewy, though.
Nicole Parker
I'll give you that.
Paul F. Tompkins
Good.
Brett Morris
Chewy checks all the boxes.
Laurel Coppock
Red Hots.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
And a big glug of coke.
Paul F. Tompkins
A big glug.
Nicole Parker
It's so crazy because when I eat spicy things, I do want milk, you know, Shockingly enough to tamp down the
Brett Morris
spice a little bit.
Nicole Parker
That's right. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry to say that. That's just me. That's just me. Yeah. And so then you brought those things to the cash register and what did he say? What's the line he drops on you?
Laurel Coppock
Oh, he said, you know, nothing with dairy in it. And then we really got into it
Nicole Parker
and he really understood it. That was the perfect pickup line for you, probably, that he'd caught onto that right away.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's like a Sherlock Holmes of 7 11.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
So then what point did he decide to quit that job and only sleep
Laurel Coppock
within a week or two of that interaction? Actually, he quit and moved into my college dorm.
Paul F. Tompkins
Was he. Oh, wow. Was that allowed? Did you have to kind of keep it secret?
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, we.
Nicole Parker
Oh, we definitely kept it secret, probably.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Is that when he started sleeping so much?
Nicole Parker
Yeah, actually.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
So probably easy to keep it a secret if he's.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, he sleeps out cold most of the time.
Paul F. Tompkins
And did you ask him about it, why this is. And did he sleep normally before?
Laurel Coppock
Gosh, I haven't asked too many questions about it.
Paul F. Tompkins
You really haven't?
Nicole Parker
No, not really to you, I assume this is your norm, but could you appreciate that that's actually not how most people live their day? Unless they have a graveyard shift, which it sound like you used to have?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah. No, I can tell that that's not normal. You're right.
Nicole Parker
Like, I Said, unless you work at
Laurel Coppock
Mitch, you know, I don't make a big thing about it.
Nicole Parker
Right.
Laurel Coppock
But there's not a health concern.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, there's a few health concerns. Oh, yeah. On his end.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Okay. What are those? Well, what are.
Laurel Coppock
If you're sleeping this much, is something else going on?
Nicole Parker
Like, I'm not a doctor. Okay, maybe.
Laurel Coppock
Maybe a ticker heart.
Paul F. Tompkins
Maybe a ticker heart, yeah. You don't want a ticker heart.
Laurel Coppock
Nope.
Paul F. Tompkins
A ticker heart is where it's a condition unique to people indignant.
Brett Morris
It is.
Nicole Parker
It is.
Paul F. Tompkins
And it's. Your blood in your heart can sometimes congeal into a sort of a thin, flat. You know, just. Well, it looks like a little ticker tape, and it starts just spewing out of your heart. Eventually, it can work its way up to come out of your mouth.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, God, I'm dreading that. If this is what's going on, I
Paul F. Tompkins
hope it doesn't happen. I hope it doesn't happen now.
Laurel Coppock
Why sometimes you become a doctor, it sounds like you know so much.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, I. I like. I like being a pharmacist because I. I like knowing some things, but not thinking that I know everything, which is what I think doctors are like.
Nicole Parker
Whoa.
Laurel Coppock
You should write that down.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, I have.
Nicole Parker
Oh, but you wouldn't be able to read it. No, that's just kidding. I always make that wrong choice. I always like to joke about you can't read prescription slips and try to have it as a fun joke on Burton. Then he reminds me. No, it's the doctors that write them. But I still make that mistake a lot.
Paul F. Tompkins
Still do.
Nicole Parker
I'm really sorry about it. It.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Okay. But. Yeah. So you think it might be ticker heart? Has anything come out of his mouth? Because we also call it fortune cookie disease.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, God, that's good. No, I haven't seen anything yet.
Brett Morris
I'm dreading that you have to say in bed after.
Nicole Parker
Oh, boy. Thanks, babe. Good chime in, Doug.
Paul F. Tompkins
But you have to say it. Sadly. Have you thought about.
Nicole Parker
Wait, there were other health concerns. I wanted to hear what else she's worried about. About okay with Daryl. Is that okay?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, of course it is.
Nicole Parker
All right.
Paul F. Tompkins
I was just gonna say, why don't you go to a doctor? But go ahead.
Nicole Parker
I just want to know what else is going on with him.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yes.
Laurel Coppock
Well, could it be sleep apnea?
Nicole Parker
Well, usually you don't get that. Well, I mean, I guess it makes
Paul F. Tompkins
you less sleep, I think.
Nicole Parker
Well, you get less sleep or you just have more rest. Less sleep. So maybe he Is.
Laurel Coppock
It's about quality.
Nicole Parker
Oh, look at you, too. Now you can call her Nas. Now you can call her Nas.
Paul F. Tompkins
You made that connection.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah. That's pretty good. I was want to kind of get a copy of that quote.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, sure. I have it on a card. I'll be happy to.
Nicole Parker
What? What? So. So you think because he snores. He's snoring.
Laurel Coppock
He snores.
Nicole Parker
Okay, that should be looked at.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, yeah, he does. He does. He talks into sleep.
Paul F. Tompkins
What does he. I'm fascinated by that. What does he say?
Laurel Coppock
Oh, yeah, me too. Me too. I do like to kind of creep up on him.
Nicole Parker
And listen, you can also put an app on your phone. I mean, this would be involving WI fi, but it records what you say at night. What? Yes, it does.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Laurel Coppock
Have you ever done that?
Nicole Parker
Yes. Only one time.
Laurel Coppock
Is that legal?
Nicole Parker
Oh, yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
To record yourself?
Nicole Parker
Myself? Yes. It's fine. I don't think anyone else is listening to it. I mean.
Laurel Coppock
Okay. Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
You can't plant a phone in someone else's.
Nicole Parker
All I did was recite the entire librett of Sunny park with George.
Brett Morris
What?
Nicole Parker
And it was. I sounded amazing.
Laurel Coppock
Wow.
Paul F. Tompkins
In order.
Nicole Parker
Correct.
Paul F. Tompkins
Wow.
Nicole Parker
Weird thing is, I can't do it awake. I always get. I get a little bit lost in the middle of it, but I can do it. I did it at night.
Laurel Coppock
God, if only you could sleep while you perform.
Nicole Parker
Wouldn't that be great?
Laurel Coppock
That would be incredible.
Nicole Parker
Maybe your husband would like it better.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, yeah.
Laurel Coppock
He would.
Paul F. Tompkins
Maybe meet up in the dream world like Inception.
Laurel Coppock
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. I'm interested.
Nicole Parker
Oh, okay.
Brett Morris
Oh.
Nicole Parker
I just don't know if we can make it.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's not something we can arrange.
Nicole Parker
We can't promise.
Paul F. Tompkins
I mean, it is interesting.
Nicole Parker
It sure is.
Laurel Coppock
Hang it. Okay. Okay.
Nicole Parker
I. I feel like I don't know how to help you because I. I know that you're a private person, and I feel like you feel like you've been probed too much by me. So I don't want to do any more probing.
Paul F. Tompkins
I would say one thing. The issue that you came here for, the cheese in the driveway and the other foodstuffs in the driveway, the sandwich
Nicole Parker
ingredients in the driveway.
Paul F. Tompkins
I totally understand that. It's annoying. It's not. Nobody wants that.
Nicole Parker
Although. Can I stop for a minute? What kind of sandwich would that be? It's going to be a half sandwich, and it's just butter and one piece of cheese.
Laurel Coppock
It's a grilled cheese.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh. I knew that because there would be. I would Assume a second piece of bread, Doug. At some point.
Nicole Parker
But there wasn't, was there?
Laurel Coppock
No, not yet.
Nicole Parker
Okay. I just find that it's ongoing. It's not a complete. Yeah, but how long has it been?
Laurel Coppock
It's an open face.
Nicole Parker
It's an open face.
Paul F. Tompkins
I love an open face. Grilled cheese
Laurel Coppock
sounds amazing.
Nicole Parker
Oh, no, just picture a circular one. I. I think that you're thinking of the square shape. Okay, just calm down. Bert is gonna be fine. All right.
Paul F. Tompkins
On an English muffin.
Nicole Parker
There you go. Grilled cheese on an English muffin. All right, well, I thought I was on to something, but I guess I wasn't. I guess I just. I. What I want you to do is to try not living next to your window. Just go home. That's interesting. Maybe go in and have a chat
Paul F. Tompkins
with your husband for being in the window so much.
Laurel Coppock
You know, I mean, I hate to admit. Admit that you might be right, but it's true.
Nicole Parker
What is it? That was from the famous. What's her name is Kravitz. What's that from?
Paul F. Tompkins
Mrs. Kravitz from Bewitched.
Nicole Parker
Bewitched. Who just sits and looks out the window all the time.
Paul F. Tompkins
You know, she's a little busy.
Nicole Parker
Is that bad?
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, she did see Supernatural goings on. Oh, and she was dismissed as a crank. Okay, but they were happening. She did see them.
Nicole Parker
Oh, never mind. Maybe that's not.
Paul F. Tompkins
And nobody listened to her. She was a Cassandra.
Brett Morris
There's the mother from Psycho.
Nicole Parker
The mother from Psycho. How is that thing?
Brett Morris
Is she in the window?
Nicole Parker
She's dead. So that she can't be looking. Yeah, I think you're thinking of Rear Window, Babe, because that's another Alfred Hitchcock movie where Jimmy Stewart is at.
Paul F. Tompkins
Jimmy Stewart.
Nicole Parker
He thinks he sees a murder across the street.
Paul F. Tompkins
I think there is an image, though, of a silhouette.
Nicole Parker
There is, but she's not watching anybody.
Paul F. Tompkins
But he also is. Sorry, this is a big spoiler for this moldy old movie. He does dress up as her.
Nicole Parker
He does. He does. He does. Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. Then he lovingly puts the wig on the skeleton.
Nicole Parker
And he inspired so many horror movies. And then they had to make An American Horror Story about it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Never thought about that before. What, puts the wig on the skeleton?
Nicole Parker
Yep, he does. He sure does.
Paul F. Tompkins
And then also.
Nicole Parker
And it's also insulting, I think it's ageist. To just think all you need to do to make a skeleton look like an old lady is just put the hair on her, because otherwise they look exactly the same. I'm sensitive about aging. I'm sensitive about aging.
Paul F. Tompkins
But I take your point. I also like when. When the skeleton spins around in the chair and then it gives a last.
Brett Morris
Like.
Paul F. Tompkins
Like, get a load of me. Like we see it's a skeleton. Like it's turning around slowly, slowly.
Nicole Parker
We knew it was going to be such a joke. Jump scare. They had to give a little extra.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
I'm sorry, Nathalie. To take time away.
Laurel Coppock
In fact, if you guys want to have some kind of movie group, I've joined.
Nicole Parker
Well, we pretty much sometimes are almost accused of being a movie podcast because it comes up all the time.
Paul F. Tompkins
It does.
Nicole Parker
But I do think that Burnt has a point. And that you might want to move away from the window, move into your life.
Paul F. Tompkins
Do you know what I mean?
Nicole Parker
Your life is inside. It's not outside that window. It's inside with your husband who sleeps a lot. Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Maybe do something about the sleeping so much. Maybe try to address that.
Nicole Parker
Yeah. Because I think, even though I think you are so used to it that you might not realize it isn't the norm. And nor my gosh, Bird. What's great is happening.
Brett Morris
It's great.
Nicole Parker
She thought it was great.
Paul F. Tompkins
Joan, I have to tell you, I tried so hard not to do that.
Nicole Parker
Did you really? Wow. You didn't try hard enough.
Paul F. Tompkins
I really did. And then I collapsed.
Nicole Parker
I mean, that's something.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Babe, you're way too late. I can't believe that you. That is such a Doug move.
Laurel Coppock
What does it look like when you try.
Nicole Parker
Why are you sleeping on that?
Brett Morris
I've been upside down. The blood is all.
Nicole Parker
You put yourself back up. I went to let you down at the break. You put yourself back up there.
Brett Morris
Yeah, I had to.
Nicole Parker
God, you don't learn anything.
Brett Morris
That's not the nicest thing.
Nicole Parker
Okay, I'm sorry. Let me rephrase. Let me clarify. You don't learn anything when you're working on these rooms sometimes and you put yourself in a compromising position.
Brett Morris
I appreciate that wording.
Laurel Coppock
It's a nice way to work together. I don't have too many interactions. Cause he sleeps.
Nicole Parker
Only this is what I'm saying. You need to have more interactions. Play a board game, watch a movie. Watch Psycho. And that'll keep him awake.
Paul F. Tompkins
You're supporting both of you. He's not contributing to the household, is he?
Laurel Coppock
No.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's a problem.
Brett Morris
Smelling salts.
Laurel Coppock
Well, that's an interesting idea.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
I mean, I don't know that that's a long term fix. I don't think it is.
Paul F. Tompkins
What if it works just once?
Nicole Parker
I guess so. To keep him up. You have to. You have to switch a circadian rhythm. Do you know what I mean? Because he used to be on, like, a graveyard shift sort of situation, but now he's actually sleeping through, I don't know, two shifts at this point.
Paul F. Tompkins
When he slipped around, when you talk to him about it, because you must have. When he was in the dorm and he. The first time he slept for 18 hours.
Laurel Coppock
Sure.
Paul F. Tompkins
What was the conversation?
Laurel Coppock
You know, you slept a long time. And he said, I don't know. And I said, oh, okay.
Nicole Parker
Oh, that's a very unsettling conversation.
Paul F. Tompkins
It is. And then you never spoke of it again. Have we.
Nicole Parker
Oh, boy. I think that's our answer.
Paul F. Tompkins
If you have to ask.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah. Not much. If we have. It doesn't ring a bell.
Nicole Parker
Oh, Nathalie, I don't like this for you. I want you to have some better companionship, so I would recommend that you go home. No, I don't. It's not a judgment. I. I think that you deserve that. You do, and I do, because you're obviously a hard worker, and I think that you're fixated on people on the outside that are trying to get at you. But what. I think the reason why you're looking outside is because you don't want to turn around and look inside. Do you know what I'm saying?
Laurel Coppock
You should write that down.
Nicole Parker
Okay, I will. I will. We'll send you home with our quotes.
Paul F. Tompkins
Absolutely.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, that.
Paul F. Tompkins
We should do that for everybody from now on.
Nicole Parker
Send them home. If you put it on a towel, too.
Laurel Coppock
I would put it in my kitchen.
Paul F. Tompkins
Oh, that's nice.
Nicole Parker
Okay. Okay, What I'm gonna do is put it on your window. So when you approach it to look outside, then you'll be reminded.
Paul F. Tompkins
Write it backwards on the window.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, wow. And then I'll get a mirror and I'll read it.
Nicole Parker
There you go.
Paul F. Tompkins
Then it will be right the right way to you.
Nicole Parker
Oh, the things are always confusing.
Laurel Coppock
I can't follow all the backwards and forwards, but hopefully I can read it.
Nicole Parker
I hope it's gonna do just fine.
Paul F. Tompkins
Now, I'm gonna say this with some judgment. I. I think that your. Your husband sleeping 18 hours a day is a problem.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
I think it's a problem that it.
Brett Morris
For so long.
Paul F. Tompkins
How. How long have we been together?
Laurel Coppock
Well, about 20 years.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. That's a long time to be sleeping. 18 hours.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
And I think you need to do something about that. Or maybe just, you know, also, does
Nicole Parker
he even move his body? Because there's got to be some atrophy
Paul F. Tompkins
there's way too much sores. Ooh.
Laurel Coppock
What a good question. I. I should look into it further, but I don't want to.
Paul F. Tompkins
Well, I get.
Nicole Parker
You know what? You might have to. And I think in sort of the discovery of that, you'll realize, oh, hang on a second. This isn't normal. This is a problem. And maybe you guys take a walk together, then you're outside, you're with your neighbors, they become less of a stranger to you. You can start to identify them between person and kid. And I think that that would be really great. So only go outside when you're with him. Take walks outside, talk with them inside. Yeah, maybe I'll write that down.
Paul F. Tompkins
Maybe go to family therapy with your family, who have such an issue with you.
Laurel Coppock
Well, yeah, that's a pretty good idea. How much is that? Do you have a name?
Paul F. Tompkins
Do I have a name of a family therapist?
Nicole Parker
You know, Joyce Van Pelt is very good.
Laurel Coppock
I've seen her ads.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah, she has the bus stop bench ads. Yeah.
Laurel Coppock
Yes.
Nicole Parker
She's a psychic therapist, so it can be tricky because she'll just be like, I know, right? But she wears animal pelts.
Brett Morris
What did you say on the ad? She's wearing animal pelts.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's like her gimmick on the ads.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
I mean, she is Dutch, but. But, yeah. Yes, that. That's. She leans into it. Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
She's holding a big club, saying, me fix family.
Nicole Parker
She has a hut with a thatched roof, but it gets you. It gets you connected to the earth and to sort of what it is.
Paul F. Tompkins
Mastodons on a couch
Nicole Parker
and a dinosaur for a dishwasher. Anyways,
Paul F. Tompkins
it's a living. So, I mean, do you. Do you feel like we've helped you at all today?
Nicole Parker
Well, maybe not with that last bit, but, yeah. Any help? Did you feel like you got any help?
Laurel Coppock
Actually, yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay, good.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, we really like to try to do that here. That's all we're trying to do. Ever.
Paul F. Tompkins
So. So. Leaving here today, what. What do you think your next steps are going to be?
Laurel Coppock
Okay, I've got to run by the post office. I left a check.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah. Yeah, I have to.
Paul F. Tompkins
I guess I wasn't thinking.
Laurel Coppock
That's okay. I have to do it. And if I don't, I can't schedule, so I can't not go.
Paul F. Tompkins
Right.
Nicole Parker
That was in the immediate. How about for the next month? What are your goals going to be?
Laurel Coppock
Well, I'll be working. I have that steady gig.
Nicole Parker
Right.
Laurel Coppock
Am I going to talk to Daryl? Probably not.
Paul F. Tompkins
I Think you should.
Nicole Parker
After all that, we're sending you home with quotes.
Laurel Coppock
No, I do hope to get those quotes. That'll be. That'll be the number one. One thing I hope to take away from this is two physical versions of the quotes.
Paul F. Tompkins
No, we. We will do that for you.
Nicole Parker
But.
Paul F. Tompkins
But we. We want. I guess we want, like, a little promise that you're going to try.
Nicole Parker
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
To address some of these concerns.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah. How likely am I getting the quotes? Is it for sure?
Nicole Parker
It's 100%. I will. Yes.
Laurel Coppock
And what are they going to look like? Are they on paper or something better.
Nicole Parker
I will embroider it for you today. Yeah, I'm pretty fast.
Laurel Coppock
Oh, all right. Well, if I walk out with the embroidered quotes on towels.
Nicole Parker
Towels, kitchen towels, and Doug can fax it to you if you want.
Paul F. Tompkins
He's got a facsimile machine.
Laurel Coppock
Okay. I could receive that at the post office. I could receive it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Can you embroider my quote? Because if not, I'm gonna have to hit up zazzle.
Laurel Coppock
That's fine.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay. But that's gonna take some time.
Laurel Coppock
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
But I can't have it sent directly to your address.
Laurel Coppock
Well, I'm not gonna give you that. But you can send it to the post office.
Paul F. Tompkins
I can send it to the post office?
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Laurel Coppock
Or walk it over.
Brett Morris
I have to go to the post office anyway. I have to have a confession.
Laurel Coppock
Nice. Good.
Paul F. Tompkins
They do hear confessions.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Brett Morris
I put helium in some of the packages we sent out to lower the weight.
Paul F. Tompkins
You get into a big envelope, and the contents of the envelope are private.
Nicole Parker
Well, we wish you the best of. Luckily, we always do. And.
Laurel Coppock
And thank you.
Nicole Parker
Maybe you'll see at the post office here and there, and I'll check in on you.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah, you might.
Nicole Parker
Okay, you might. All right.
Paul F. Tompkins
All right. Nathalie, you're one slippery customer. We'll be back with the neighborhood.
Brett Morris
Listen.
Paul F. Tompkins
When the neighbor. Listen. Returns.
Nicole Parker
Hi, this is Laura. Free.
Paul F. Tompkins
Free.
Nicole Parker
Assorted clothes hangers.
Paul F. Tompkins
Free.
Nicole Parker
Various colors and types of clothes hangers free. Porch pickup only. Listen, y'.
Brett Morris
All.
Nicole Parker
If you can y' all untangle this absolute rat's nest of hangers, then you know what? You get them for free. I. I could not do it. I have. I have wrestled with these. I. It broke up my marriage because it kept me up day and night, okay? So listen, don't let this happen to you. I need to see you untangle it in my porch pickup only. I need to see you when you're coming here. I need to see that you can do it, because otherwise this will just follow you and it'll drag you to hell. Come and get it.
Paul F. Tompkins
Welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen.
Brett Morris
Wow.
Paul F. Tompkins
Wow, Nathalie. That husband's a problem.
Nicole Parker
It's bizarre, isn't it? I mean, it is really. I never want to. You never know what people are going through, and you never want to cast judgment. I mean, look at. My husband. Builds hundreds of home. Hundreds of rooms in my home. And that's. That's crazy. That's also crazy, by the way.
Paul F. Tompkins
No, it's.
Nicole Parker
Sorry, but it's. It's crazy.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's deranged. But. But it's the sleeping thing.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, that's just hard. There's no way that guy's doing well.
Paul F. Tompkins
Why does he bother waking up for the floor?
Nicole Parker
Just going to cryo sleep, for God's sake. At that point, you might as well.
Paul F. Tompkins
Speaking of Sigourney Weaver, I can't believe
Nicole Parker
she's in that movie. That is crazy. I think that's kind of cool. What a cool person to just be associated with the world of sci fi, basically be the queen of it. It's so cool.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's right.
Nicole Parker
I love her.
Paul F. Tompkins
I think she's wonderful. She's my favorite. Sigourney.
Nicole Parker
Where did that name come from?
Paul F. Tompkins
Do you know? One time I heard somebody pronounce it Sigourney.
Nicole Parker
Nope, that's not okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
I think they intimated that was the correct way to pronounce it, but I can't believe that.
Nicole Parker
There's no way. There's no way.
Paul F. Tompkins
It shouldn't.
Nicole Parker
Nope. It shouldn't be pronounced that way. Better not be, babe. Did you end up getting the coin?
Brett Morris
Didn't get the coin. Okay. But I was able to grab some food.
Nicole Parker
What food did you put in there? And what is it cased in?
Brett Morris
There's like marshmallows.
Nicole Parker
There's just marshmallows.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's a good food.
Nicole Parker
No. And someone's like, well, I don't want
Brett Morris
to eat too much.
Nicole Parker
I had a nice lunch. I don't picture you just had a marshmallow. Are they big or small? They jumbo big. Big, big, big, big.
Paul F. Tompkins
Hey, can I get your sandwich or anything? No, thanks. I just had a bunch of.
Nicole Parker
I'm good.
Brett Morris
I don't want to fill up, though, cuz. Can't wait for dinner, which is going
Paul F. Tompkins
to be circus peanuts.
Brett Morris
I don't know. I thought we were having vanilla chicken tonight.
Nicole Parker
Oh, God, he wants my vanilla chicken.
Paul F. Tompkins
Everyone loves your vanilla chicken.
Nicole Parker
Everyone loves my vanilla chicken. I know, but it shouldn't work. Labor Intensive. It shouldn't work.
Paul F. Tompkins
It shouldn't work.
Nicole Parker
It shouldn't work. I ring out the beans.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yourself. Yourself.
Nicole Parker
Yes, I do. I stuff the chicken with the beans. But I also use the stock. I use the stock.
Paul F. Tompkins
I like it because it has the flex in it. So you get a real vanilla.
Brett Morris
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nicole Parker
Yes. But then I do pour vanilla extract all over the outside.
Paul F. Tompkins
All over the outside.
Nicole Parker
It's a. It's a. It's a soy and vanilla glaze.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
And it's baked in, like a puddle of vanilla.
Nicole Parker
It's baked in a puddle. It's baked in a puddle.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
And it's baked. What. What it's baked in is actually a gigantic. Well, how do I describe it? It's like it looks like a bedpan, but it's not. But everyone calls it that.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
I wish you hadn't put that image.
Brett Morris
Everyone calls it a bedpan.
Paul F. Tompkins
What is it if it's not a bedpan?
Nicole Parker
Fine. Okay. It's a bedpan.
Paul F. Tompkins
Okay.
Brett Morris
But not used as such.
Nicole Parker
No, never, never, never, never.
Paul F. Tompkins
It just works perfectly.
Nicole Parker
I went to. I went to a medical supply store once because I looked up this recipe and people were just going mad for it and they were like, but it has to be baked in a bed pan. There's actually a book that is non
Paul F. Tompkins
negotiable if you want it to turn out right.
Nicole Parker
Well, there's a book called Bed Pan Bakes.
Paul F. Tompkins
Right.
Nicole Parker
And. And there's only four recipes in there, but they're all pretty brief book.
Paul F. Tompkins
Big, big font.
Brett Morris
There's the pan pizza.
Nicole Parker
There's a bread pudding, bed pan pizza. Bed pan, bed pan, bread pudding, bed
Paul F. Tompkins
bread, pud the chicken. And then what's the fourth one?
Nicole Parker
Oh, a kind of wine you can do.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. It's not toilet wine.
Nicole Parker
Nope.
Paul F. Tompkins
Because that's for prison. They don't have access to an oven.
Nicole Parker
That's right. But it is no bake. It's actually the no bake.
Paul F. Tompkins
No bake wine. It's an ice box one.
Nicole Parker
So there's only three. Yeah, there's three recipes and the extra at the back. So, yeah, it's. It's a it. I'll make it, babe. Because, you know, I really love it when people that. Or did you just get another marshmallow?
Brett Morris
That's for that. That's for the vanilla chicken.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's for that.
Brett Morris
That's. You want to stay for dinner? Burnt.
Paul F. Tompkins
You know, I wouldn't mind.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
All right, well, I'll. All right.
Paul F. Tompkins
Gabby's having celebratory drinks. With the rest of the smoke jumpers.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
And the Rotary Club was instrumental in.
Nicole Parker
Were they?
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Okay. You want to elaborate on that or. Just wanted to say that.
Paul F. Tompkins
I just remember there were a lot of guys saying, finally, it's our time.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
Because I've never been really sure. I just thought the Rotary Club was some sort of.
Nicole Parker
I have no idea what they do.
Paul F. Tompkins
Pseudo charitable organization, you know, whatever club. But they. Apparently they had some purpose that we did not know about.
Nicole Parker
Okay, great.
Paul F. Tompkins
And most of them came back.
Nicole Parker
No. Okay. I'm not going to get into that right now. We have one final post here and I seem to always find posts like this. And. And you know what I always say, this is not what this app is for.
Paul F. Tompkins
Right.
Nicole Parker
So this is from Irma. Irma. Yep.
Paul F. Tompkins
How many Irmas are still walking the earth, do you think?
Nicole Parker
I don't know.
Paul F. Tompkins
Are we almost out of them?
Nicole Parker
We might be in short supply. Now, here's the picture. It is a picture of just, you know, sort of like a window sill or something with a bunch of tiny black dots. And she says, what are these tiny bugs I have never seen before? They are in my kitchen and they fly.
Paul F. Tompkins
How many question marks on there?
Nicole Parker
There is actually just one. But I think it still deserved a read like that because it's insane.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
That. That is what threw her for a loop.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Because that's not a shocking thing with a bug.
Paul F. Tompkins
No.
Nicole Parker
Generally, most insects. I don't want to get myself in trouble here, but a lot of them fly.
Paul F. Tompkins
You've seen a flying insect.
Nicole Parker
Many of them fly.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
So that should not be.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's not a breakthrough in bug.
Nicole Parker
Not bewilder her. And. And again, all you have to do is take a picture of this. Google can now show you what it is.
Paul F. Tompkins
Absolutely.
Nicole Parker
In fact, you know, maybe I could that right now.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. I would have taken a closer picture of the bugs rather than a master shot.
Nicole Parker
Truly just looks like mold.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
Which I think it. But that mole doesn't fly. So that's how we.
Paul F. Tompkins
I thought it was mouse droppings.
Nicole Parker
Ew. Yes, perhaps. Sorry, but they wouldn't fly. What do you think they look like, babe? I think they're fruit flies. Don't they look like fruit flies?
Paul F. Tompkins
Probably just fruit flies.
Nicole Parker
I mean, I think it's probably just fruit flies.
Brett Morris
It could be like, you know, peppercorn.
Nicole Parker
You think there's a bunch of peppercorns scattered on our windowsill?
Paul F. Tompkins
It might be too small for peppercorns.
Nicole Parker
I do think it is too small, babe. For peppercorns.
Paul F. Tompkins
You Gotta grind a peppercorn.
Brett Morris
You know what I mean?
Nicole Parker
Sure do. You really gotta put some elbow grease into it.
Brett Morris
Grind set.
Nicole Parker
It's sure.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's what the grind set is all about. Fresh. Fresh ground pepper. Distance yourself from people. Don't have friends. You want pepper, this is what you got to do.
Brett Morris
Grind it yourself.
Paul F. Tompkins
Only. Only have people in your life who are helping you grind pepper.
Laurel Coppock
Okay.
Nicole Parker
Well, it says they're likely fungus gnats. That's close to a mold. I was not.
Laurel Coppock
You were.
Nicole Parker
I wasn't wrong with it looking like mold.
Paul F. Tompkins
No, you weren't.
Nicole Parker
But I'm sorry to know now that there's a thing called fungus.
Paul F. Tompkins
I would have been okay without that knowledge.
Nicole Parker
They're only. They're tiny black or dark brown insects often found in large numbers near windows or house plants. Plants.
Paul F. Tompkins
Black or dark brown.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, I know. And the adults are weak flyers, which is interesting to know.
Paul F. Tompkins
It's a little sad. Gets harder to. Well, look, a lot of things get harder to do as you get older.
Nicole Parker
And to control them. Allow house plant soil to dry out between waterings. And consider using yellow sticky traps, which are one of the most horrifying, upsetting things ever.
Brett Morris
Oh, 100 yellow sticky traps.
Nicole Parker
Yellow sticky traps. I hate them.
Paul F. Tompkins
You know.
Brett Morris
Yeah, I can grab one. One if you need one out of the sky.
Nicole Parker
Why do you.
Brett Morris
No, there's. That's one of the prizes.
Paul F. Tompkins
I thought you meant one of the books.
Nicole Parker
Why would you make that one of the prizes?
Brett Morris
I needed to fill some space. We didn't. We don't have a lot of prizes.
Nicole Parker
You can't tell me that you. In the house, you just grab stuff from our home.
Paul F. Tompkins
Prizes in the house.
Nicole Parker
Did you put things of mine in plastic balls?
Brett Morris
Maybe. You have plenty.
Nicole Parker
Oh, my God. What did you put in there? My jewelry. What?
Brett Morris
No more feminine products. Project products.
Nicole Parker
So what does that mean? Did you put. Did you put tampons in a plastic ball?
Brett Morris
Well, yeah. Because you can. Yeah.
Nicole Parker
That's not a prize.
Paul F. Tompkins
Because you can.
Brett Morris
What?
Nicole Parker
Because you can. Yeah.
Brett Morris
Well, they have a little string. I could. I thought I could grab that.
Nicole Parker
Oh, my God, babe, I don't even know what to say. This is so upsetting.
Paul F. Tompkins
So they're not even in a ball, they're just loose.
Nicole Parker
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I just wish you had put my jewelry in there. Okay, I think that's all for us, right, Burns? I mean, this has been a daffy episode.
Brett Morris
I won't be upset.
Paul F. Tompkins
It has been daffy. Down to the down.
Nicole Parker
Correct.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. I think we got to get out of here. Thank you so much.
Nicole Parker
We're gonna get out of here and we're gonna eat vanilla chicken.
Paul F. Tompkins
Yeah. Thank you so much for listening and if you'd like to get ad free versions of the show or gang NASA.
Brett Morris
Oh, what?
Nicole Parker
What Gang NASA.
Paul F. Tompkins
You gotta. You gotta take over.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Paul F. Tompkins
I just collapsed. I just collapsed inwardly.
Nicole Parker
Okay.
Brett Morris
Or listen to bonus rooms.
Nicole Parker
Oh, look at you, babe. Good for you.
Brett Morris
Yeah.
Nicole Parker
On cbb world.com.
Laurel Coppock
right.
Nicole Parker
We still don't know what that is.
Brett Morris
No idea. But it's a whole world.
Nicole Parker
Yeah, you can get.
Paul F. Tompkins
Don't you dare shut your eyes.
Brett Morris
There's tons of other shows to.
Nicole Parker
There's other shows.
Brett Morris
Nothing to do with.
Nicole Parker
That's right.
Paul F. Tompkins
We have nothing to do with the other shows on CBB World. Yes. And. Oh, you're back in.
Nicole Parker
Welcome back.
Paul F. Tompkins
Thank you for having me. Yeah. We have a lot of fun stuff in the bonus feed. Some of the stuff is beyond our control.
Nicole Parker
It is.
Laurel Coppock
Yeah.
Paul F. Tompkins
But do check that out. And of course, follow us on Instagram at the Neighborhood Listen, where you can see the posts that we use. So some of these have visual components that you can see. We're not trying to hide anything from you.
Nicole Parker
No, we are. We want to be upfront about everything. We're trying. We're a very transparent podcast, Mr. Policeman.
Paul F. Tompkins
We give you all the clues.
Brett Morris
Tell a friend.
Paul F. Tompkins
Tell a friend. Spread the word about the show.
Brett Morris
I don't think we've ever said that.
Paul F. Tompkins
No, we haven't, but you know we haven't. Spread the word.
Nicole Parker
Spread the word.
Brett Morris
Say you've been listening.
Paul F. Tompkins
Turn people on to this. So are you tired of listening to celebrities talk about the TV show they used to be on? Why don't you listen to these three people talk about a neighborhood you don't live in?
Nicole Parker
All right, goodbye and bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed.
Paul F. Tompkins
The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins, and me,
Brett Morris
Nicole Parker, and me, Brett Morris.
Nicole Parker
Today's guest was played by Laurel Coppock.
Paul F. Tompkins
The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang world.
Nicole Parker
Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show. Ad Free, as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going. Hi, I am Mandy Moore.
Paul F. Tompkins
Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that was us now on Head Coach.
Nicole Parker
Each episode we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show. This is us that's right. We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.
Paul F. Tompkins
Are we gonna cry? Yes, a little bit. Are we gonna laugh a lot?
Laurel Coppock
A whole lot.
Paul F. Tompkins
That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.
This episode explores a Dignity Falls “crime and safety” mystery involving mysterious cheese-related pranks and neighborhood antics, all framed by the show’s classic blend of improv, banter, and character work. Guest Laurel Coppock joins as “Nathalie,” a resident who posts about finding Kraft cheese on her driveway—sparking a comedic investigation full of colorful sidebars on lactose intolerance, relationship dynamics, and why someone’s husband sleeps 18 hours a day.
The hosts and guest maintain the show’s signature warm, absurdist, and semi-chaotic improvisational style, with deadpan delivery punctuating moments of surreal neighborhood drama. Nathalie’s earnestness about cheese-based humiliation is played for both sympathy and laughs, while the hosts gently poke holes in her logic—all in the exaggerated, affectionate parody of small-town message board culture.
Fans of TNL or newcomers alike will find this an excellent example of the podcast’s strengths.