Man In Bigfoot Suit? with Will Hines

Summary

Episode Summary: The Neighborhood Listen – "Man In Bigfoot Suit? with Will Hines"

Introduction to the Mystery In this episode of The Neighborhood Listen, hosts Paul F. Tompkins and Nicole Parker, along with their engineer Doug, delve into a peculiar neighborhood post that has stirred curiosity among the residents of Dignity Falls. The episode centers around a mysterious sighting reported by a local named Chris, who claims to have encountered a man in a Bigfoot suit near an abandoned house.

Meet the Guest: Will Hines The plot thickens as the hosts introduce their guest, Philip Henry’s, also known as Will Hines, who is the subject of Chris's post. Will joins the conversation to clarify the misunderstanding and shed light on the situation.

The Bigfoot Sighting Explained Chris's original post, captured at [33:00], described seeing a "man in a Bigfoot suit" walking up the driveway of an eerie, abandoned house on Crepe Murder Old. Accompanied by a strong, acrid burnt smell, the sighting alarmed both Chris and his dog.

Will Hines Clears the Air At [34:03], Will Hines steps in to address the concerns, explaining that the individual in the Bigfoot suit was actually him. Will elaborates on the mix-up, revealing that he was preparing for the Goofy Thon, a local marathon event where participants dress as Goofy, a beloved Disney character.

"I intended to dress up like the Disney character Goofy, but I mistakenly wore a modified Chewbacca costume instead." – [36:05] Will Hines

The Costume Confusion Will discusses how the modifications made to his Chewbacca costume—specifically adding large, wide eyes and a Shaggily altered appearance—unintentionally made him resemble Bigfoot. This resemblance led to the bewildering incident captured in Chris's post.

"Because I didn't wear the costume when I did it. I was like peeling out and really getting good skid marks on my Huffy. And then I put on the Chewbacca costume, the smell was potent enough to emit through the costume to this poster." – [69:08] Will Hines

Apologies and Misunderstandings Throughout the conversation, Will expresses his embarrassment and concern over the unintended scare caused to Chris and his dog. He emphasizes that his intention was never to frighten anyone but to participate in a community event.

"I just want to apologize for scaring... I wasn't intending to dress... It's from the tires... And then I put on the Chewbacca costume. The smell was potent enough to emit through the costume." – [72:00] Will Hines

Technical Glitches and Humor The dialogue is peppered with playful banter among the hosts and Will, including humorous moments where Doug attempts to swim in the newly built canals, referencing the show's ongoing construction projects in Dignity Falls.

"Can someone explain how you end up with a Chewbacca costume looking like Bigfoot?" – [34:12] Nicole Parker
"Yeah, the Chewbacca costume just knocked me out." – [72:07] Will Hines

Community Engagement and Safety The hosts reiterate the importance of community awareness, urging listeners to keep an eye out for unusual activities while assuring them that such occurrences are rare and often misunderstandings.

"I think we should just move on from this topic." – [30:19] Nicole Parker
"But I think maybe your issue might be that. Start with the title." – [55:32] Nicole Parker

Closing Remarks As the episode wraps up, the hosts address another neighborhood post about a venturing cockroach, maintaining their characteristic blend of humor and community focus. They encourage listeners to engage with the show by submitting their own neighborhood stories for future episodes.

Notable Quotes:

• "I have a healthy, small ego. Like, I'm not an egomaniac, so it takes a while for me to realize it's about me." – [34:05] Will Hines
• "If you're out there, next time you see me, come say hi. I just want to apologize for scaring..." – [72:25] Will Hines
• "The neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World." – [82:32] Paul F. Tompkins

Conclusion This episode of The Neighborhood Listen masterfully blends humor, community storytelling, and interactive dialogue to unpack a seemingly spooky neighborhood mystery. Through engaging conversations and guest insights, Paul, Nicole, and Doug offer listeners an entertaining and informative glimpse into the quirky happenings of Dignity Falls.

For more episodes and exclusive content, visit cbbworld.com and consider signing up for the Maximus plan to support the show and access additional features.

Transcript

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.

[Nicole Parker]

And I'm Nicole Parker.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

[Nicole Parker]

Occasionally, we change the names of some.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Streets, and that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

[Nicole Parker]

And now, please enjoy this episode of the Neighborhood Listen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Knock, knock.

[Nicole Parker]

Who's there?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Your neighbor.

[Nicole Parker]

Good. In Dignity Fall, you're never alone. You've got the neighbor half AV and.

[Will Hines]

Us, Vern and Joan.

[Nicole Parker]

From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well.

[Nicole Parker]

We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Welcome once more to the Neighborhood Listen. We are the, I'm gonna say only podcast that looks at the town of Dignity Falls. I mean, we're the only one feels.

[Nicole Parker]

Bold, but it also feels true.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Nobody else is, really. I mean, there's other podcasts that come out of Dignity Falls, but they're not really about.

[Nicole Parker]

Unless there's any copycats out there that are trying to. To, I don't know, cramp, like, kind of copy our style. I know that Mitch McNutt, you know, theater critic that I hate. McNutt and Carol Dragon Slayer, have their own podcast. And now that you say it, it makes me worry that they're trying to get listeners from us.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't. Well, I. I don't doubt that they're. They're trying to do that. Yeah, but Mitch's head is so far. Own ass.

[Nicole Parker]

You couldn't have said it better.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's never going to bother looking around himself.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know what I mean.

[Nicole Parker]

No, he doesn't look around himself.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I can't stand him.

[Nicole Parker]

Burnt. I almost called you Joan. I'm Joan. I'm Joan Pedestrian. We didn't even say who burned me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A payday, right? No. We got into. We got off on a tangent of hating someone.

[Nicole Parker]

That's right. And especially if we Talk about Mitch McNutt. Burton will go on a tear because he just buys him red.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I just buy him.

[Nicole Parker]

And I appreciate that because he's my arch nemesis.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely. If the Purge were real, all I would want to do is kill Mitch McNugget.

[Nicole Parker]

How would you do it? Burnt.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, Joan, I've thought about this so many times.

[Nicole Parker]

I figured you had.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, I mean, I thought about tying him to four tractors.

[Nicole Parker]

Wow. Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And then Having them pull off in opposite directions.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. Sounds like a lot of work, but you need extra people, but it's worth it. Sure.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know, if you. If.

[Nicole Parker]

I mean, I'm not as bloodthirsty as you are about this, but you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're picturing what I'm.

[Nicole Parker]

I am. I just. I thought for Mitch, something more sort of psychologically damaging and terrifying, like a saw would be satisfied. Yeah. If you put him in a saw type situation and you know what he would do? He would just criticize it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He would.

[Nicole Parker]

He'd be like. How does he sound? How does he sound? Burnt.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh. What does he sound like? He's like.

[Nicole Parker]

This is what you call the trap. Oh, I forgot. Bert doesn't do the. That sounds a lot like your Santa. Actually, I. I think he talks more like this. I think this is Mitch McNutt.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, that does sound like him.

[Nicole Parker]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And here's what Santa sounds like.

[Nicole Parker]

Nop. Still not. You know, it's. And it's interesting because we did have Gabby on at what we. We.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Girlfriend.

[Nicole Parker]

Gabby. Gabby. And when you did your Santa. And when you did your Santa, she heard it perfectly like a dog whistle.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, that's. What. Like a dog.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, you know, like only she could hear that it was Santa. Okay, I'm sorry. It was. I wasn't in any way comparing her to a dog.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It did. No, I didn't. I didn't even think that.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I feel like the dog. The term dog.

[Nicole Parker]

You in a different than I thought.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I feel like the term dog whistle has come to mean one thing only, and it usually has another word preceding it.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, I'm. Oh, okay. Wow. You went there. All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's where I went.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, got it. No, it was this sort of. This sound that only certain people can hear. And it seems like your Santa voice is something only Gabby can hear as sounding like Santa.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, this is. Again, it's very distressing to hear because I do love playing Santa.

[Nicole Parker]

I know you do. It just kind of confuses the kids sometimes. Yeah. See that? When a kid is put on the left, that's really not it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're telling me that doesn't sound like Santa Claus?

[Nicole Parker]

I am. That's definitely what I'm telling you, babe. That's terrifying. Merry Christmas. I mean, if Santa Claus was. Was possessed by a Salem witch.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, I hope that doesn't happen.

[Nicole Parker]

I do, too. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy. I mean, we don't want that to happen to anybody, but certainly not to Santa. What if Santa got possessed how horrible.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a great movie, though.

[Nicole Parker]

I knew you were gonna say that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That sounds like a great movie.

[Nicole Parker]

It does sound probably like a really good movie.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What would it be called?

[Nicole Parker]

Let's see.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. Possession.

[Nicole Parker]

Holy Fright. You know, like, oh, Holy Night. All right, you know what? I think if you know what Jesus got Possession. That was finally a good Mitch McNut impression. You just did dead silence after my idea.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Joan, we joke around a lot, but that was too.

[Nicole Parker]

You said that quiet part out loud by saying. Not saying it at all.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That was. I. Look, we do. We kid around a lot, but that. That actually hurt my feelings.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, it did. I'm so sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's a little too far.

[Nicole Parker]

That's so weird because it hurt my feelings because.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, because Mitch McNut is such a reprehensible person.

[Nicole Parker]

You don't want to be compared to him.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. All right. You were trying to do impression of him earlier, but performer, not good.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That doesn't sound like him.

[Nicole Parker]

No. Sounds like a public access children's performer. A character, like, in a bad dinosaur outfit. Like something Button.

[Doug]

Dog.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What was his name?

[Nicole Parker]

Dog. A dog. Buttons. That name came up in our last episode, and it sounded like a child's character.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

When you have the buttons of the dogs and press Safe food outside.

[Nicole Parker]

Right. Yes. That's how it came about. We had a pretty surly, aggressive guest last time, so hoping fingers crossed for something that's a little different this time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Fingers crossed, babe.

[Nicole Parker]

Where are you today? My husband Doug, of course. He records in a different room every. Every.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you think we've adequately explained who we are and what we're doing?

[Nicole Parker]

Probably not. Probably not. Go ahead, Bert. We really did get off on a tangent right off the bat.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is the podcast that looks at the neighborhood. Neighborhood of Dignity Falls and the people that live there. And we are two of the residents of Dignity Falls. My name is Bermi Apede. I'm a pharmacist.

[Nicole Parker]

And I am Joan Pedestrian. And I am a realtor.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The top realtor.

[Nicole Parker]

I appreciate you adding falls. Okay. All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And with us, as always, is. Well, not with us. With us, but Joan's husband Doug, who is our engineer. And Doug, you're. You're in some other part of the house.

[Will Hines]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Where are you today?

[Doug]

I'm working on the canals.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, boy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I beg your pardon?

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, so we went to Vegas over the summer, and he had never been. You'd think I'd say, oh, we went to Venice. No, no, we just went to Venice in Vegas, you know, and he was. He was Bowled over by the whole canal system, really. And I tried to explain to him it's not even near as good as the real thing, which I also haven't been to Venice, but, I mean, you know, I've seen the pictures. And then let me guess.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Doug says now we don't need to go there.

[Nicole Parker]

Correct. Yeah, well, and guess we don't need to go. If he built.

[Doug]

Have you been to this place?

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, well, that's what he said. Now that we build the canals, we don't even need to go to Vegas again because we'll have them here. Yes, but I tried to explain to him that that's. Well, anyways, they have New York over there.

[Doug]

They have Paris, they have Caesar's Palace.

[Nicole Parker]

I know.

[Doug]

We don't even have to go into history.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We don't have to go.

[Nicole Parker]

We don't have to go into history.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Cancel the plans for that time machine.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, my. Yeah, I knew this would happen when we went to Vegas because it's a one stop shop in Doug's mind. Do you know what I mean?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Did try to warn him in advance.

[Nicole Parker]

And say, look, I did. I said, look, I still have dreams. I want to go to Europe. I want to go to these actual places. I want to see ancient Greece.

[Doug]

Still do it.

[Nicole Parker]

I, I, but now, here's what I bet you will happen. He will go, he'll go see the actual Acropolis and go, it was better in Vegas. You know what I mean?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you think that's likely to happen?

[Doug]

I haven't seen it yet, so I can't even say I know how I would react.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But do you think it's likely to happen?

[Doug]

Yeah, maybe. It depends on the snacks and the snacks. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What kind of snacks do you think they have in the Acropol.

[Nicole Parker]

You know what he's thinking of? You know how those, those Vegas shops have those gigantic, again, one stop shop stores where you can get everything from, you know, a condom to, like Dom Perignon. Right. And he could get a snow globe of a stripper or the Eiffel Tower, you know, you could just get anything you want. You can get a tuxedo, probably. I don't know, they have all sorts of things. And he loved that. He loved going to those stores. He just, he stocked up on everything. He thought it was the greatest.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Can I tell you a story about Las Vegas?

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This was some friends of mine years ago did this, and it was my one friend's first time in Las Vegas. And so he and his friends went there and they were at the, the Rio Casino, which was a new casino at the time.

[Nicole Parker]

Boy, okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And in the. In the gift shop at the Rio Casino, they had these sort of American flag tracksuits.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, boy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And so he and his four friends all bought them and wore them everywhere they went.

[Nicole Parker]

Boy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And people were delighted, of course.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes. Oh, man.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They got a special. They got a special shout out at a show. They went to see an act called Cook E Jar and the Crumbs and Cookie Jar himself. When he saw them in the audience, he started singing James Brown's Living in America. And the chorus would point at them and then my friends would all wave their arms in time to the music.

[Nicole Parker]

This is fantastic.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I wish I could have been there. It sounds wonderful.

[Nicole Parker]

Babe, I bet you anything you're wishing you'd done that, right?

[Doug]

Oh, yeah. Rhubarb caravan.

[Nicole Parker]

Rhubarb caravan. His dad, still living, would have absolutely done that now. And it was also very annoying. Cuz he kept walking around. All he knows of Vegas is swingers. I mean, he just kept saying, your money, baby. He just kept saying it to me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What other details can we remember from the movie Swingers? You're so money. Swing dancing, answering machine.

[Nicole Parker]

The bad putt putt course, Game of golf.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You got me there. Bowling there.

[Nicole Parker]

Bowling shirts, Swing dancing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I said swing.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, you did. Sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Heather Graham. Really?

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. That's the girl at the very end.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right.

[Nicole Parker]

That's the, you know, the quirky indie, perfect, unattainable. She might have been the first.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And then I remember also peekaboo in the diner. But it's actually. He thinks he's playing it with.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, that's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

With a woman. But it's. She's playing it with the baby.

[Nicole Parker]

She's playing it with the baby. That's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because why would a woman ever play peekaboo with a. An adult?

[Nicole Parker]

It's Vegas. Anything can happen and it stays there.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's so.

[Nicole Parker]

And that's the other thing. I mean, honestly, every single thing that happened. Doug would say that right after.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It stays.

[Nicole Parker]

Happens.

[Doug]

Yeah. Stays here.

[Nicole Parker]

He's forgotten it since.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Would you say the entire thing I.

[Doug]

Eventually sorens since that happened here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That stays here?

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. They would just be like, stays. That's what he was doing by the third day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How many days total?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, three. And I called it. He wanted to see it for a week. No one stays a week. If you're insane. If you want to stay a week in Vegas, I can't do more than 72 hours. I mean, I will start to lose it. I can't do it. You know, I can't do it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Gabby and I went to see Wayne Newton because I. I had never seen that show, you know, and it's a legendary show, and everything makes it rain and so forth.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, he does?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He makes it rain on the. On the stage.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Doug]

And that means throwing dollar bills everywhere.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, no, no, no. This is actual water droplets.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Literal water droplets.

[Nicole Parker]

There are other places where that rains down as well in Vegas.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But that's true.

[Nicole Parker]

I didn't let you go to any of those places. There you go. You got to say it. All right, Go on. That was all that was about.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We were there the night that the. I guess somebody decided to add lightning. And the show was shut down pretty early because three quarters of the band were elect.

[Nicole Parker]

Absolutely terrible. I'm surprised I didn't hear about that. That sounds like big news.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, they hurt.

[Nicole Parker]

It stays there. I guess they.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A guy came out and said. He said, you mustn't tell anyone, so we'll cut this part out.

[Nicole Parker]

They did the Vegas pledge. They made the Vegas pledge.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We had to do the Vegas pledge.

[Nicole Parker]

Whatever happened, say here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Say your name. And so. Yeah, we should cut that out.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, sure. Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't want to get in trouble.

[Doug]

This whole thing has made me nervous even talking about our trip.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're allowed to say you're going to Vegas, but after you go, you're not supposed to talk about it.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. So can you. I don't want to ask, but what are you doing to start? Where are we at in terms of the construction of the canals?

[Doug]

A lot of digging. A lot of. A lot of barrels of water.

[Nicole Parker]

Barrels of water?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Doug]

Well, that's got to come from somewhere.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you worried about. So worried about malaria? I just associate that with the digging of canals.

[Doug]

I think of a man with a man. A plan. A canal Panama.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The palindrome.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh. Oh, cool. Good.

[Will Hines]

Good job, babe.

[Nicole Parker]

That's cute.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Good job.

[Nicole Parker]

I just worry about him hitting. Running into our bat cave and our wine cave, which are also underneath the house. And I don't know if he has the plans from that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How close are the bat cave and the wine cave to each other?

[Nicole Parker]

They are actually. Well, I was told by Doug that they're actually. They back up to each other. Okay, so. But is that true, babe?

[Doug]

Yeah. Their backs are touching.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes. He.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is that an architectural term?

[Nicole Parker]

Anthropomorphizing of caves?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, Pixar.

[Doug]

No, I think I know.

[Nicole Parker]

They'll take that and run with it, and it'll have every parent crying their eyes out because it's reliving their trauma somehow.

[Doug]

I promise the canal will not cause any damage. Any. You know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you sure you can make that?

[Nicole Parker]

Absolutely. Not a guarantee of anything.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're building a canal in your home.

[Doug]

Here's the thing.

[Nicole Parker]

And he just. He wanted it. He. The gondola. It just knocked him out. He just thought it was the greatest thing ever. He wants to be able to roll me around. My guess is it's going to end up just being really. Just sort of an underground puddle. And I don't think we're. I don't think we're gonna actually go anywhere.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Underground puddle?

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, it's gonna be an underground puddle. I'm sorry.

[Doug]

You guys. You guys are the Mitch McNutt to my ideas at this.

[Nicole Parker]

Doug, Doug, that was about to apologize. Because it does feel a little bit like that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I know. Look, okay, I'm sorry, babe.

[Nicole Parker]

It's just that, you know that this.

[Doug]

My room.

[Nicole Parker]

This one sounds pretty crazy.

[Doug]

Pretty successful so far.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I don't know. The bees weren't so successful when you had that beard of bees.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You almost made the son of God.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, you did.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right?

[Doug]

It was successful for the sun.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You got that weird sub zero beer room.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. Where it was, like, cold. Yeah. Right. But I mean, our. Our air conditioning was there. Our electric bill was.

[Doug]

What I've set out to do. I generally. It's generally not a puddle.

[Nicole Parker]

Just. Is that it? That goes for everything you build. Okay. It's generally not a puzzle.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You don't deal in puddles.

[Doug]

No, no, no. This is gonna be magnificent.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, wow. There is confidence there.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I would say so.

[Doug]

Can you imagine taking a canal through all the rooms of the house?

[Nicole Parker]

That's what you're planning on doing? How is that gonna work?

[Doug]

Is it gonna be. Instead of hallways, we have a canal system?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm sorry, it's not possible. Is this. Is this above the first floor, you're thinking, or no?

[Doug]

That would be tough.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

So then. What do you mean? Put a pin in it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If you do it.

[Doug]

If you do it up to Venice above.

[Nicole Parker]

Babe, this is not.

[Doug]

You take an escalator up and then.

[Nicole Parker]

I don't want to criticize him because he just called us midget. Is what true?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That you take an escalator up to the canals and the.

[Nicole Parker]

I thought you took down to the canals. I think you take it down to the canals. Are you saying.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

When you were leaving.

[Doug]

Are you saying that it's natural water in there? It's actually sea level.

[Nicole Parker]

It's not. No, babe. Oh, my God. It's like a theme park. It's a theme park for adults, babe. It was all constructed. Yeah, it's not like they found canals and built Venice around them in Vegas. It's a desert.

[Doug]

I believe it is above ground.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, then you hold to your convictions, babe. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Wow. It was a deep dive.

[Doug]

I'm sorry I called you Mitch McNutt.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

[Nicole Parker]

I know now we've both been called Mitch Mc Boy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, if there's anyone that hates Mitch McDonald more than me, it's Doug.

[Nicole Parker]

It's true. He gets his gap, he gets his backup about it.

[Doug]

I'll kick his Alec next time I see him.

[Nicole Parker]

His Alec?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Alec? What does that mean?

[Nicole Parker]

I don't know. Can you explain? No.

[Doug]

Smart Alec do that.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, all I can think of is Baldwin.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, me too. Yeah, the most famous Alec. He's eclipsed Swamp Thing.

[Doug]

Do you think that's where the smart Alec came from?

[Nicole Parker]

Wow. That's a good deep cut. That's a good deep cut.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who are the most famous? Alex Baldwin, Guinness Swamp Thing.

[Nicole Parker]

Now. You know, I'm really enjoying this because, Burt, you seem a little lighter now. We've been talking about. Yes, you've been moving through the obvious trauma. Landing on lava when you were leaving Mykonos with Gabby and having a near death experience.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Your post traumatic stress disorder.

[Nicole Parker]

It was traumatic, let me tell you. It really was.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I suffered a trauma.

[Nicole Parker]

It's trauma with a capital U is what it is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But I'm doing. I'm doing better now. Now I'm starting to realize what a wild experience that was and how lucky I am to be alive.

[Nicole Parker]

You know, two episodes ago, you're like, big deal. Who cares? I mean, you really. I don't know. I was back and listened. You really were downplaying it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I have listened. I sounded ridiculous. I was downplaying it so much.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I. Good. And it looks like your leg is healing up really good.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It really is. And thank you for signing my cast.

[Nicole Parker]

You're welcome. It gave me a chance to, you know, practice my signature every once in a while. I still do. I. I hate to admit it, but as an amateur actor, I enjoy it when people are asked for my autograph. I know, it's so silly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, you took up a good portion of the.

[Nicole Parker]

I know. I am sorry about that. Well, pedestrian's a long name. So true.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So true.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, and I know how tall a.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Name it Was until I saw it written out on my leg.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I like the J to stand out. I kind of wanted it almost. Oh, it's like a beautiful tall lady.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The. The top and the bottom almost join around my calf. But here's what's fun, is that you can see here the barbershop quartet from Old Dig. They signed it, and they signed it within your signature.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, that's so fun. That's really fun. Yeah. Very easy to do because there was lots of space.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And then there's a signature on there. I don't know who that is.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. What is that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's. It's in a different ink.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Doug]

It's red.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. And then there's skull and crossbones.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. I can't make out the name, and I don't know where that came from.

[Nicole Parker]

Were you sure?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm positive.

[Nicole Parker]

You. You've traced all your steps. I mean, did you have another crazy night with Gabby where maybe you went out drinking?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, Gabby and I have some crazy nights.

[Nicole Parker]

Can you tell me about the most recent one? Are you still having them?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We had a night where. Well, it was several nights where we decided, let's try to stay up as long as we can.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, boy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And we stayed up for four days straight.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, that's wild.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. We started seeing things.

[Nicole Parker]

I'm sure. Of course you did.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We started hearing things.

[Nicole Parker]

Can I call it such as?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

First, I saw behind Gabby. She's sitting in a chair, and she's looking at me very intently. And behind her, I saw what looked like a big mouse eating a pumpkin pie.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, well.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And he. He was the. The mouse was putting a little finger to his lips, like, I shouldn't tell Gabby that he's there eating the pie.

[Nicole Parker]

Now, see, it wasn't creepy until you mentioned that part. Like, now I'm thinking, like, he's threatening you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, not a threat. It was. It was sort of like we had a little secret. Me and the mouse.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, the secret is what's creepy about it. For me, up until that point, I was on board.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I assume the mouse was on some kind of diet, and he shouldn't have been eating that pie. And Gabby would scold him.

[Nicole Parker]

And then what did you hear?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I heard the voice of every president.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, my God. So it's basically our whole neighborhood. Our whole neighborhood is named after presidents. All of our streets. Well, not the streets named after trees, but. Boy, that's a lot of presidents to have in your head.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was. Here's what happened. First I heard a voice Say, I am the President of the United States.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And my name is George Washington.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh. And it was just normal like that? That.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. But it sounded like it was in my mind, unmistakably George Washington.

[Nicole Parker]

You just knew it was him.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Then I heard somebody say, now me. And then I heard John Adams.

[Nicole Parker]

Now me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Who was that? Do you think it was the next.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

President of the United States? They went in order.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, God.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was John Adams. And I interrupted him. I thought Jefferson.

[Doug]

Now me. Now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What's that? Who are you? Who are you? Me Interrupting John Adams.

[Nicole Parker]

No, I have to say, John Adams sounded a lot like Mitch McNutt.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No.

[Nicole Parker]

A little bit. Now me here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Here's John Adams. Now me, here's Mitch McNut.

[Nicole Parker]

No, that's. That's just not. Do you know that you hardly making words when you do that impression? It's really just sounds.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What? Do you really.

[Nicole Parker]

No, me. You know? No. Okay. I think he really doesn't hear it, babe. It's wild.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh. Now I clearly said I'm Mitch McNutt.

[Nicole Parker]

I mean, I know you, so. I know you so well. I can tell that's what you said. But I'm not sure. Just someone walked up to you on the street and said that. I'm not. I'm not sure. But speaking of presidents. Well, anyways, I don't know if you. I didn't want to interrupt you on that story, but was the story leading to where you might have gotten that signature?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Doug]

We were going through all the. The senses.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, you want to keep. You want to know what he smells? You want to keep going, you can.

[Doug]

No, I was just reminding us where we were.

[Nicole Parker]

Dare we ask him how much time we've been talking? Because, you know, that's what really throws him off. He's keeping us on track.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

However long it is, it's going to be five more minutes after we find out the time.

[Nicole Parker]

Doug, I'm sorry. We really are Mitch McNutting you. I don't know why. I don't know why.

[Doug]

Do you want to know the time or not?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We do, Doug. Sorry. We're sorry, Doug.

[Doug]

Last I checked, there's clocks everywhere in the house.

[Nicole Parker]

You know why there are clocks all over the house? Because this is one of the times I put my foot down on a room. He really wanted to recreate the Doc Brown garage with all of the clocks right from Back to the Future, and my God, when those things would go off. I mean, it's clever and funny.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

In the movie, they were all noise making clocks. Oh, Yeah, I don't remember this from the movie.

[Nicole Parker]

Are you serious, bro?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm serious.

[Nicole Parker]

I mean, remember that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I've never been serious in my life.

[Nicole Parker]

But not this moment from Back to the Future.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So what kind of clocks did he have?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, my God. Yeah. He's got the cat with the eyes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely. One of the most famous clocks.

[Nicole Parker]

It's the Wayne Newton of clocks. So it's all these clocks. It's how the movie begins. The movie begins with him coming in and he's in there, and he says hi to the dog, and he. He. He's gonna. To play, you know, guitar and use, like, his huge speaker. If all these clocks go off at the same time, it reminds him that he's late for school. Okay. And that's me talking. That's like, doc, I'm late for school. And Doug loved this so much that he wanted to build that exact same room also for the guitar, you know, but it was so. It was so. It blew a hole out the side of our house. It.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What happened? The clock.

[Doug]

Guitar speaker.

[Nicole Parker]

The guitar speaker. But.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, he wanted to recreate that as well.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes. Because he loves the part where he just goes backwards through the. Through the wall, you know, and then he says rock and roll. And Doug wanted to remember. Doug wanted to start every day like this. Are you serious?

[Doug]

It wasn't the noise of the guitar.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right. Amp.

[Doug]

It was actually. I built it to be like the ultimate cuckoo clock where. I remember Shout Out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I remember Doug had been talking about this for years. His plans for the ultimate cuckoo clock.

[Doug]

Yes, the ultimate cuckoo clock. And I thought it wasn't done yet. That was just. I was just testing, you know, the sound.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely.

[Doug]

Played a big old.

[Nicole Parker]

I came in, he takes the glasses off, he goes, rock and roll. Just like the movie. And I was like, we're done here. And he had to find a place for all the clocks to live. And that's why there's clocks all over the house, because he didn't want to get rid of them. But I told him he could not have that room.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. So I'm realizing I think I've only seen this movie.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, I think so. Which is really funny, Bert. I thought it was a safe one to reference.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do I hold the record for least amount of time seeing?

[Nicole Parker]

I think you might. We might have to do a listener search survey, because I. I'm not sure, but I didn't realize just how sparse your memory was. Affect the future.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think I saw this.

[Nicole Parker]

Is it just the first one, or do you know back to the future. Two, Backwards and forward.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's just. I. I can't remember the 2 and 3. I can't remember if I've seen them.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I have no memories of them whatsoever.

[Nicole Parker]

This is wild.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I remember. Yeah. I. I think I saw Back to the Future in theaters.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I never looked back.

[Nicole Parker]

Wow. And you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I had no reason to see it again. I had no occasion to see it again. It just didn't happen.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I'd make a couple other references in this situation, I think be funny, but you wouldn't get them. So I think we should just move on.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let's see. Oh, make them. Let's see what happens. Here's our.

[Nicole Parker]

I was gonna say your memory's disappearing like his hand was when he was playing guitar.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I remember this.

[Nicole Parker]

Remember that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I remember. Here's. Let's see what I remember.

[Nicole Parker]

You remember the Chuck Berry line?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I remember the Chuck Berry line. I remember. You guys aren't ready for that. I remember. Keep your damn hands off her.

[Nicole Parker]

Your selective memory of Back to the Future is fascinating.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I remember. She thinks his name is Calvin Klein.

[Nicole Parker]

That's correct.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I remember Pepsi Free. No, you can't have any of that. Bert. This is a lot of stuff, but it's. Do you think it makes a movie if you stitch it all together?

[Nicole Parker]

I don't know. Just you saying these lines makes me want to see it all over again.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I remember it was Twin Pines, and then it became Lone Pine.

[Nicole Parker]

It did burn. You're doing the whole movie. Movie. You're doing the whole movie.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How do I not remember in the very beginning of the film?

[Nicole Parker]

This is my question to you. I don't understand. This is fascinating to me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's. You're saying the film opens with this young boy.

[Nicole Parker]

You really can't get over this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Blasting himself through a wall because the speaker is so loud.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes. The young Boys. Michael J.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Fox.

[Nicole Parker]

I want to make sure that I remember it didn't begin with, like, a. No, but with, like, a red herring of a character we'll never see again.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm saying that's the start of the movie.

[Nicole Parker]

That is like the start of the movie.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So there's nothing they don't try. They're not trying to ground this in any way.

[Nicole Parker]

So how is the fanciful stuff grounded in any way?

[Doug]

Well, it's like our time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because if you did, you say clocks are time.

[Nicole Parker]

Nailed it.

[Doug]

They're setting the stage, Bert.

[Nicole Parker]

That's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why did you say that?

[Doug]

You learn about.

[Nicole Parker]

I think he meant to say clocks represent time. All that Also seems a bit, you know, obvious.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't think that's from the movie, though.

[Nicole Parker]

No, it's not. Listen. Black screen, right? Allen Silverstone music. You know, that thing. And then all of a sudden, the shot opens on. I believe the first thing is just like, food for a dog. A robotic thing that opens up. Food for a dog. Right. And then. And then something else turns on the tv, and there. Now I'm embarrassed about how much I remember of it. And there's a newscaster, and. And this is foreshadowing, and it's important. It's surprising you don't remember this. She says some plutonium had been stolen today. Kidding you. I'm not kidding. She does that whole thing. She's like. Officials now say. And then they're like, we don't have to write anything.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is a beloved movie.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, it is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

People love this movie.

[Nicole Parker]

Why are you mad about this opening? I think it's great plutonium was stolen because I guess said a little more artfully than that, but not really much.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But people are going to say they're imagining the. The audience saying, well, where do you get the plutonium?

[Nicole Parker]

Sure. And who are we? Where are we? Who is this?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I buy. I buy the guitar cord. I buy the speakers.

[Nicole Parker]

I was starting you from the very beginning of the movie. Remember I said, screen is black. Alan Silver music.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Don't go back. No, not that back that far.

[Nicole Parker]

It's only a few seconds.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Not that back.

[Doug]

Not that.

[Nicole Parker]

Not that far back to the past. Past. Go back to the future. See what I mean? See? It's all connected. Bert, why are you so angry about this?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm not.

[Doug]

I. I'm not.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I promise I'm not angry after that.

[Nicole Parker]

Then you see the. The Michael J. Fox. We don't know it's him yet, but you see his. His. You see him come in, you see him say hi to Eini. That Einstein's the name of the dog. Then you see.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How do we not know who it is?

[Nicole Parker]

Because you don't. They don't show his head, they just show his body.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why?

[Nicole Parker]

I don't know. I'm not Robert Zemeckis. Why are you asking me like I am? What is this? What is this? A DVD Specials extra, where I'm supposed to do a.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

An interrogation. Why? People knew that he was in that movie. He was very famous.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes. And back in the day, it's like when, you know, the star would come out on stage and everyone would clap, but they would set up a big entrance. It's like they're teasing Michael J. Fox. They don't show us his face right away.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. That seems like a wish.

[Nicole Parker]

They do show you. Is his skateboard rolling across the garage floor hitting a box of plutonium. What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you kidding?

[Nicole Parker]

I should have said a crate or a case.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you kidding me?

[Nicole Parker]

I'm not kidding. How do you not remember this?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This. Wait. So stupid.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, my God. Bird.

[Doug]

You're saying Marty McFly has the. The plutonium?

[Nicole Parker]

No. Oh, my God. You guys are going to make me insane. I've already established this is Doc Brown's garage.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No. You didn't.

[Nicole Parker]

I didn't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You didn't.

[Nicole Parker]

Let's go back.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You just said we see Alan Silvestri. Score. We see. We see a dog food opener. We don't know where.

[Nicole Parker]

It's Doc Brown.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I thought this was.

[Nicole Parker]

He says, doc, are you here? He does ask that question.

[Will Hines]

Sure.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

When do we finally get to see his face?

[Nicole Parker]

We. We need to take a break because.

[Doug]

Watch along of. Just the first five minutes.

[Nicole Parker]

That's what we should do. Not the whole movie, just the first five. And you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think that's true.

[Nicole Parker]

Complain about it and go. What all you want.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We can do that today.

[Nicole Parker]

He's right. He wants to do it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let's go.

[Nicole Parker]

We do have a guest and we need to get to them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, we do.

[Nicole Parker]

We can always ask them about Back to the Future.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely.

[Nicole Parker]

But I'd rather move on from this topic. So will you throw us to commercial?

[Doug]

30 minutes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thank you, Doug. We'll be right back with a neighborhood listen when the neighborhood listen returns.

[Nicole Parker]

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[Paul F. Tompkins]

Get real time updates on their progress.

[Nicole Parker]

And you get the most money back guaranteed. All while you just go about your day. No stressing, no worrying, no waiting. Now this is taxes. Intuit. TurboTax. Get an expert now on TurboTax.com only. Available with TurboTax live full service real time updates only.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

An iOS mobile app.

[Nicole Parker]

See guarantee [e-mail] guarantees.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hi, I'm Annie. Tiki Glass Free. It's a clear Tiki glass with an intricate design. Now you can get into the Tiki Lifestyle. Get yourself started with this glass. Maybe there's another one that looks like it or is complementary in pattern. I don't know. The tiki stuff wasn't for me. The drinks are too sugary and everybody's a swinger. I just couldn't get into the lifestyle. I don't like Hawaiian shirts because the patterns are too busy. Maybe the tiki thing is for you.

[Nicole Parker]

You.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hey, welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen, we've got a guest, Joan.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes, we do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right here at your kitchen island. As we do every week, we scour the NeighborHAP social networking application for neighborhoods, and we look for interesting people in our neighborhood to talk to. Somebody's posted something interesting. Sometimes we talk to the person who's made the post. Sometimes we talk to the subject of the post itself. And that's what's happening right now, today. And if you'd like to send us a post that you feel is interesting, may have missed it, screenshot it and send it to [e-mail]. like this person did. This was submitted by Lew.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, okay, Lew.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This was in the crime and safety section. And this was posted by someone named Chris. Chris says man in Bigfoot suit. Don't really know how to explain this, but last night I was walking my dog and someone dressed like Bigfoot was walking up the driveway of that abandoned looking house on the 3500 block of Crepe Murder Old. The one with all the windows boarded up. It really scared my dog. And honestly, it scared me too. I don't know why someone would wear a Bigfoot costume like that at night in public. Seems like a good way to get shot. The person didn't seem to notice me, but had to have heard my dog. And without assuming anything about the situation, this person smelled really strongly, like an acrid burnt smell.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Chris concludes. So I guess keep an eye out for this person.

[Nicole Parker]

And what's weird is then we were contacted by someone.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, we were.

[Nicole Parker]

Who said, you know, I want to. Wanted to clear up, clear the air. I think it was something that they said. And. And this person's name. Philip Henry's, I believe.

[Will Hines]

Yeah, that's right. I'm Philip Henry's.

[Nicole Parker]

Welcome, Philip.

[Will Hines]

Thank you so much. I've gotta. I just want to clear a lot of this up.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Will Hines]

I'm so embarrassed. I didn't mean to scare anybody or.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So this was you?

[Nicole Parker]

This was you?

[Will Hines]

100%. Oh, I scour. I scour Neighbor app. And it's one of those things where halfway through it Is like, well, that's funny. I. I bet you this sounds a lot like me. And then by the end of. It's like, oh, this is definitely.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, wait, has this happened before?

[Will Hines]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, wow.

[Will Hines]

And I felt. And a lot of times, a lot of the posts are about me, and.

[Nicole Parker]

And knowing that most of them are.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

About you, and you find yourself saying, I bet this sounds a lot like me.

[Will Hines]

Yeah, that's right. It dawns on me just like that. I'm like, I bet. I say, I bet if I read this out loud, it sounds a lot. It takes me a while to go, oh, this sounds like me.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, it's not.

[Will Hines]

Processing a realization is, I bet this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sounds a lot like me.

[Will Hines]

Then a little bit later I'm like, oh, this sounds like me. And then a little bit later, it is me.

[Nicole Parker]

Wonderful. Well, that was. Thank you for taking us on that journey.

[Will Hines]

I think it's because I have a healthy, small ego. Like, I'm not an egomaniac, so it takes a while for me to realize it's about me.

[Nicole Parker]

I see.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's an interesting facet of you. But I think we should first talk about why are you dressing up in a big.

[Will Hines]

Okay, you don't want to talk about my relationship to my ego.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I do want to get there.

[Will Hines]

You want to get there? Not first.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I just think of the listener.

[Will Hines]

You guys are the pros. However you think it makes the most sense to your listeners, I'm gonna do it in that order.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I do think it's actually just something so interesting you opened up with that, you know, something that's such a mystery. There's so much mythology around, but to have someone say right here, right now, yeah, Unequivocally, it was you. Well, the first question I have, of course, is, yeah, well, then why were you dressed as Bigfoot walking up the. Or was that your intention?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was.

[Nicole Parker]

God.

[Will Hines]

It was not.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, you were not intending to dress?

[Will Hines]

No, I didn't realize I looked so much like. I didn't put it together. I didn't put it together.

[Nicole Parker]

Wait, okay, but can you tell me in your mind, what were you wearing?

[Will Hines]

Huge shaggy outfit, Loping stride.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right.

[Will Hines]

Waving arms.

[Nicole Parker]

When you say shaggy outfit, were you wearing somehow a costume?

[Will Hines]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. What was the costume?

[Will Hines]

Well, I intended to dress up like the. The Disney character Goofy, but I. But I missed. I had a Chewbacca costume.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. Because I was gonna. I don't think Goofy is. Shaggy is. That's what the first.

[Will Hines]

I don't have a Goofy costume. I have a I have a Chewbacca costume modified to make it more goofy.

[Nicole Parker]

And how did you. Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What were the mods?

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. What did that look like?

[Will Hines]

I took off the.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The.

[Will Hines]

You know, Chewbacca's got like a. Like a. Sure. That. God. The bandolier.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What is in that, by the way?

[Nicole Parker]

I don't know.

[Will Hines]

In the costume that I have.

[Doug]

Is it a bullet?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I. I mean Chewbacca's.

[Nicole Parker]

This looks like a giant in the mythology.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, yeah, because they.

[Will Hines]

What is it supposed to be?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He shoots laser weapons, right? Yeah. Are there little lasers in there? Little cartridges?

[Will Hines]

I guess it follows that there must.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Be just Chewbacca Vape.

[Nicole Parker]

And maybe those are his lighters strung together. I don't know.

[Will Hines]

I had a kid costume version, so there was just gum and all.

[Nicole Parker]

You had a costume version of it?

[Will Hines]

Like a. Well, I. Yeah, I had. Yeah. Oh, a six foot tall. A six foot.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So for a big kid.

[Will Hines]

Big kid, yeah. Some kid has gone through a growth spurt and is having trouble fitting in. Maybe.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It does happen.

[Nicole Parker]

I mean, especially if you're going into a spirit. Halloween, everything, should they get left out, is 6ft tall.

[Doug]

I guess.

[Will Hines]

I don't know. It's for kids. There was just gum and all that stuff.

[Nicole Parker]

There was gum and all that stuff. So now why did you want was. What was it about this particular night?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Now I'm set. Goofy.

[Will Hines]

I thought, well, Goofy doesn't have one of these. I took those off. I'm like, this is almost there.

[Nicole Parker]

Wait, that's the only mod? Or was there something else?

[Will Hines]

Oh, I had other stuff, of course.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, please, go on.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know what, I'm sorry. I'm just realizing both Goofy and Han Solo wear the same black vest.

[Nicole Parker]

They kind of did. You're right.

[Will Hines]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

So there is a connection in a way. Yes. So what else did you do? Because, you know, he's got those floppy ears.

[Will Hines]

He's got the floppy ears. I didn't do anything with that.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Will Hines]

But I think Goofy also has kind of. His eyes are wide.

[Nicole Parker]

You think he does? Yeah, I bet. I bet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It seems like his eyes are pretty good.

[Will Hines]

It seems like his eyes are wide, I think. I don't know. So when I was in the costume, I kept my eyes wide. Wide as possible.

[Nicole Parker]

Can I also ask.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But I mean, I think it depends on how wide the costume's eyes are.

[Will Hines]

Okay. Yeah, those are tight.

[Doug]

Did you say Chewbacca has floppy ears?

[Will Hines]

Goofy?

[Nicole Parker]

No.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, babe, he has goofy ears.

[Nicole Parker]

He's. He's. Pardon me. That's my Husband. You can't see. He's building a canal. I know. He's sloshing around. Yes. His connection is probably not good down there. I don't have time to get into it.

[Doug]

I'm sorry. I thought I got that confused.

[Nicole Parker]

It's okay. That's okay, baby.

[Will Hines]

Are you mad that we were misrepresenting Chewbacca?

[Nicole Parker]

I definitely was ready.

[Doug]

Because I thought I heard that you did not need to modify the Chewbacca costume.

[Nicole Parker]

He did ask for an aggressive tone. No, I don't think so, babe.

[Will Hines]

I should have.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, sure. So here's the reason. Here's what I want to get.

[Will Hines]

I stretched him, but they snapped right back.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, dear.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So there are ears on the Chewbacca?

[Doug]

Yeah, so.

[Will Hines]

Oh, yeah, that's human ears.

[Nicole Parker]

But they look like. Are these, like, holes in the side of his head?

[Will Hines]

No, human ears.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, I just thought it was.

[Nicole Parker]

Just never noticed on the costume.

[Will Hines]

Yeah, I don't think in the real Chewbacca.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, so they just added a. A strange humanoid feature.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Was Chewbacca spelled the. The typical way?

[Will Hines]

No.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right.

[Nicole Parker]

And then. Can I just ask.

[Will Hines]

It was. Achoo. Bach.

[Nicole Parker]

Like a Chewbacca. Ah.

[Will Hines]

And I was like, I get it. I know what this is. And it's just like a regular Chewbacca, but huge human ears.

[Nicole Parker]

Huge human ears.

[Will Hines]

Not huge.

[Nicole Parker]

So that might have also added to the appearance of Bigfoot, you know, for it is supposed to be like a half man half. But what I do want to know. Okay, but hang on. I do want to know why you were. Why what you were headed to or what event you were dressing up as goofy for that had you walking on the street.

[Will Hines]

I'm preparing for a Goofy Thon, which is a marathon where everyone dresses as goofy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, no.

[Will Hines]

Outside of Orlando, they do it twice a year.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, twice.

[Will Hines]

Twice a year. Both equinoxes wouldn't.

[Nicole Parker]

Once would be enough.

[Will Hines]

You think so? But the spring and the autumnal equinox is a lot. I know they don't have a ton of signups. The guy who runs it is ambitious, but I don't know. Sometimes you got to go big or go home.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

True.

[Will Hines]

He's going.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Very true.

[Nicole Parker]

It's true. Okay, so I was.

[Will Hines]

I wanted in the spring equinox. Goofy Thon. I was trying to train for it.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. What? Okay. Why do you have to train for it? What does that mean? What's a marathon look like you have to run? I thought maybe. Okay, got it. I didn't know what it really meant. Maybe you had to act like Goofy for, you know, like a Goofy song.

[Will Hines]

Yeah, just like walk around everyone's.

[Nicole Parker]

Everyone's running. Doing that.

[Will Hines]

It does sound like that.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I was hoping you were.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I had to.

[Will Hines]

You know, I'm trying to do the run. Like the way I kind of imagine what Goofy must look like when he runs, which I sort of imagine him running. Like he feel like he's on a recumbent bike, but he's moving, like kind of.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. Yeah, he's sort of doing it right now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Did you now? I feel like you're doing a lot of stuff from memory or from assumption. Yes, but I feel like footage of Goofy is readily available.

[Will Hines]

Where. I got to get it. I gotta get it because I. From. As a kid, I loved him. I think I can't get those films.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think I got a projector. You could just look them up online, I think.

[Will Hines]

Oh, really?

[Nicole Parker]

You can't hear?

[Will Hines]

They're litigious.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I mean, if you try to use it in your own work, but I believe you can consume it as long as, you know, you're.

[Will Hines]

I suppose it's okay to watch it.

[Nicole Parker]

It's. It's okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I can't. They can't do anything.

[Nicole Parker]

No, they can't.

[Will Hines]

Is that right? Are you sure?

[Nicole Parker]

You seem very. Are you afraid of like the Disney Corporation?

[Will Hines]

Yeah, well, I'm afraid of getting sued.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, sure.

[Will Hines]

I've been sued many times.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, no. Why?

[Will Hines]

Yes. Everybody in my family's a lawyer except for me.

[Nicole Parker]

Does that mean they've sued you?

[Will Hines]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

Why?

[Will Hines]

Defamation.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, is it always your family suing you?

[Will Hines]

Let me think. Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

Is your family Disney lawyers?

[Will Hines]

No, they're just regular lawyers.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, what are they suing you for?

[Will Hines]

Defamation.

[Nicole Parker]

I know, but specifically of one game.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Night, you sort of gave a thumbs up when you said defamation.

[Will Hines]

Well, you got it right.

[Nicole Parker]

No, it was more like a politician, I thought. Like a real strong, like, he nailed it. Giving a courtroom speech.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I thought he was gonna make a list of things.

[Will Hines]

Like one.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, definitely.

[Will Hines]

Oh, no, I'm a pointer one.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, I'm a one as well. I'm not a thumb.

[Will Hines]

I'm not a thumb. Someone. Yeah, someone is European or gym teacher.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. You know, there's a movie. Oh, in the movie. Jfk.

[Will Hines]

Love it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Donald Sutherland talking to Kevin Costner on a park bench. Yeah. And he starts to list off potential possible Kennedy enemies. And he puts the thumb up and he goes, the Mafia. Anything more Canadian. Can you imagine?

[Will Hines]

I think if you use a thumb to say number one, that's Such a sign of disrespect. It's like I. I'm using my smallest finger.

[Nicole Parker]

It is a real.

[Will Hines]

The least amount of effort that I need to say one.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes. It is a tell. It is a tell.

[Will Hines]

Yeah. So I'm a one pointer.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, you're a one pointer.

[Will Hines]

If it's a thumb, that means good.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, that means. Okay. That means exactly what it is. Thumbs up. Yeah. So we don't need to get into the defamation cases and the specificities because.

[Will Hines]

You don't want stupid family stuff. It's like I said, they were bad at charades. We have a game night. I'm like, you're bad at charades? And I got sued for defamation by my grandmother and my uncle Dave.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A class action.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah.

[Will Hines]

They teamed up and they're so good at it that it made it to trial.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But now they couldn't have won this.

[Will Hines]

They didn't win, but the court fees are killing me.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, my word. This sounds very harsh.

[Will Hines]

Thank you for saying that. I have a toxic family.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Will Hines]

But then that's why I'm scared of getting sued.

[Nicole Parker]

Right. But why would they sue you for watching Goofy? I guess, you know, they wouldn't do. Not defamation, but they conditioned me to not be. Just be afraid of everything. Okay, I understand.

[Will Hines]

You never know when you're going to.

[Doug]

Did any of your family defend you in court?

[Will Hines]

Nobody stood up.

[Doug]

You had to hire your own lawyer.

[Will Hines]

Outside of the family. Cost me a fortune. And then it got thrown out in the first five seconds. The judge was like, oh, wait a minute, and threw it out.

[Nicole Parker]

Wait, what was that sound the judge made that.

[Will Hines]

That's exactly what he did. He lifted.

[Nicole Parker]

Sounds very cartoonish.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sounds like something goofy would do.

[Nicole Parker]

Sound like.

[Will Hines]

Does it sound like goofy? Let me write that down. Does that sound what he does?

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I bet it is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It seems like, you know, I bet it seems like a thing that he would do.

[Will Hines]

Okay, let me write that down.

[Nicole Parker]

I think so.

[Doug]

That sounds like the dignity court system for sure.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, for sure.

[Will Hines]

Which normally I respect.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Will Hines]

But on that day, and I guess I happy with the outcome, it got thrown out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The sort of unofficial motto of the. The dignity falls justice system is. It's probably frivolous, but let's take a look anyway.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Will Hines]

Yes, that's the statue out for the courthouse. Is the.

[Nicole Parker]

She's got a shrug.

[Will Hines]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Will Hines]

There's a blindfold with the scales, but also the vibe. The vibe of our Statue of Liberty blindfold.

[Nicole Parker]

Either.

[Will Hines]

Not Statue of Liberty, but our statue of the entity. Liberty, justice. Sorry. Our statue of justice is like, I could eat.

[Nicole Parker]

That's absolutely right. That's absolutely right. That's well put. Anyway, so I do want to. So you.

[Will Hines]

I'm defamation sensitive.

[Nicole Parker]

I understand.

[Will Hines]

But if you're sure the Disney Corporation won't sue me, then I'll watch. That'll be great. That's gonna help.

[Nicole Parker]

I mean, I never want to say a blanket statement like that. I mean, you could also always pull it apart. But I think that watching a clip of Goofy would be fine.

[Will Hines]

Even if I duplicate, distribute and broadcast these clips now.

[Nicole Parker]

That's what I was saying. You couldn't do that. That's what.

[Will Hines]

I can't do that.

[Nicole Parker]

Exactly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think that's where once I start.

[Will Hines]

It'S hard for me to stop. Okay, so I'll just watch it. Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Will Hines]

Once I consume media I enjoy, I gotta tell everybody. And a lot of times I do that through my own movie.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're not the guy. Hold on a second.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh my gosh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you the guy that created that local Major League Baseball stream?

[Will Hines]

Which one?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's just, it's. It's on, it's online and it's. It's called something like Patty's mlb.

[Will Hines]

Yeah. And Patty's my nickname.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's clearly. It's clearly someone has, with their phone, recorded a baseball game off the television.

[Will Hines]

And just redistributed it. Yeah, I do do that. Are people watching that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, you shouldn't do that.

[Doug]

How have you not been sued for that?

[Nicole Parker]

Definitely shouldn't do that. Maybe we shouldn't talk about this on the podcast.

[Will Hines]

Well, I do it through two VPNs. I VPN a VPN which is I. It's a VVPP. And then.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I didn't know you could do that.

[Will Hines]

It's great. Takes forever. My bandwidth is crap. I get like 56.6 Kbs, which is like. That's old school.

[Nicole Parker]

Wow.

[Will Hines]

That's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Games actually look pretty good, I have to say, though.

[Will Hines]

Oh, thank you.

[Nicole Parker]

So you've watched it quite a bit burnt.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I've watched because what. What this guy does, if it is you, turns the sound.

[Will Hines]

I don't know if people are watching.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It, but his own occasional play by play. Ye. Like it'll be long stretches of silence and then all of a sudden it'll be like, oh, foul ball.

[Will Hines]

Well, I don't like to overwhelm. Baseball, I think is a sport best left observed.

[Nicole Parker]

That's lovely.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I believe Oscar Wilde said that.

[Will Hines]

Did he? Kind of. I'd love to.

[Nicole Parker]

I bet it sounds like something that he would have said I really do.

[Will Hines]

But anyway, that's probably me. Okay. I love to distribute, so. But I'll be. So you're telling me don't do that. But I can just watch it where.

[Nicole Parker]

You can watch it.

[Will Hines]

Okay, great. I'll just watch it.

[Nicole Parker]

But I really want to not get off track because this is so fascinating to me.

[Will Hines]

Is it?

[Nicole Parker]

It is.

[Will Hines]

From one to ten. How fascinating.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I don't know which part I'm talking about.

[Will Hines]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

I'm talking about. I'm talking about where you were unaware that walking at night, I imagine.

[Will Hines]

Uh huh.

[Nicole Parker]

Chewbacca suit.

[Will Hines]

That's right.

[Nicole Parker]

Looking six feet tall, thinking you're representing Goofy. Goofy? Yeah.

[Will Hines]

Pretty sure that I'm goofy esque.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

And you were. Did it say that he was upstrip or did it say that he was walking or running?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think it said walking.

[Nicole Parker]

I don't think it said walking.

[Will Hines]

Did it say walking?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Bigfoot? Running. That sounds terrifying.

[Nicole Parker]

That hurts.

[Will Hines]

I was trying to run.

[Nicole Parker]

That's what I. I wasn't trying to out you. But it does sou.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It says. It says you were walking up the driveway of that abandoned looking house on the 3500.

[Nicole Parker]

Now that's what I want to get to. What if you were training? What were you doing going up the driveway to an abandoned house?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Also, if I could. If I could go back just a little bit.

[Nicole Parker]

Sure. We all have a lot to say.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I. I don't know if we got to all of the modifications to the Chewbacca costume.

[Will Hines]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You took off the bandolier, you pulled on the ears, but that didn't work.

[Will Hines]

Did nothing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The end.

[Nicole Parker]

He made his eyes wide.

[Will Hines]

Eyes wide.

[Nicole Parker]

Kept his eyes wide.

[Will Hines]

Don't do like stride.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right. Okay.

[Will Hines]

And.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, walking like a sort of recumbent bicycle.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes. Yes. Yes. That was it. Okay.

[Will Hines]

That's all I got so far.

[Nicole Parker]

So question answered.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

Great.

[Will Hines]

Okay, moving on.

[Nicole Parker]

Now why were you sustained training.

[Will Hines]

Oh, and I put on a little jughead hat on the top of it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, okay. All right.

[Will Hines]

Jughead hat. Little green crown.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Will Hines]

Jughead hat.

[Nicole Parker]

Yep.

[Will Hines]

Is that what Goofy wears?

[Nicole Parker]

It's like similar.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

A little squishy sort of. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Almost like a beanie beanie.

[Nicole Parker]

I think it's a little taller than that. Right? It's like a little tall.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well like if you pulled it up, you know what I mean? If you just rested a beanie on the top of your head.

[Nicole Parker]

Remember, he's just going off of memory. Childhood memory. Yeah. So why were you walking up that driveway to that first off trying to run. I understand. We've established that. So he was also. Not only did he look like he was running.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, Right, you're trying to run.

[Will Hines]

I'm pretty sure I look like I was running, but I guess not.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Will Hines]

I know. I happen to know that that particular house is 1/32 of a mile around round. And so if I run around it 32 times, that's a mile. And I got to do 26 of those. So that's just an easy way for me to know that I've done a.

[Nicole Parker]

How do you happen to know that?

[Will Hines]

I've measured a lot of houses, okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why?

[Will Hines]

I used to want to be a cat burglar, okay. Which I never did. And that's why I'm happy to admit, because I never did anything illegal.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right?

[Will Hines]

But I used to case the joint. The joint being wherever I wanted to rob.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right? Like a James Elroy. You got it going around peeping.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah.

[Will Hines]

Who's James Elroy?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's that creep writer. LA Confidential.

[Will Hines]

He's a creep.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, he loves talking about how he used to be a creep and he loves talking about break into homes. And he would.

[Nicole Parker]

It's okay if you just write about it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He would like, rifle through a woman's underwear drawer.

[Will Hines]

Oh, really?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Will Hines]

I'm sorry. I got so excited about being associated with that guy. My bad, my bad.

[Nicole Parker]

It's all good.

[Will Hines]

So, yeah, so I used to case the joy. I used to go. I'll be like, oh man, maybe. Maybe I'll cat burglar that house. And I get a tape measure and I'd go around and measure it and I'd be like, how much you know, what's the square footage? How long is it gonna take me to like go through this house? And I'd, you know, and then I. That particular abandoned house, which I was just measuring to practice measuring 1 32nd of a mile. Exactly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Have you ever thought about an odometer?

[Will Hines]

I love it.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, well, he's open. He's so open to suggestions. I love that.

[Will Hines]

But does that mean I have to get my car and drive around the. The house?

[Nicole Parker]

No, no, no, no, no. He means like something you wear. It shows you how long you've been riding.

[Will Hines]

They have odometers that are not in cars?

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, they do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You can just put it in your pocket. Absolutely.

[Nicole Parker]

What? There's. We're blowing your mind today.

[Will Hines]

Well, how does that work?

[Nicole Parker]

Well, what do we need?

[Will Hines]

Because the odometer is tied to the wheel spinning.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, but it's.

[Will Hines]

Do I have to wire it to my feet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, you don't.

[Will Hines]

You don't really.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It is. It is a thing that senses how long a distance you are going.

[Will Hines]

It's incredible.

[Nicole Parker]

It really is.

[Will Hines]

Is it actually accurate?

[Nicole Parker]

There's a. Pretty much. So, yeah.

[Will Hines]

That's, like, one of the most incredible things I've ever heard of. Think about that.

[Nicole Parker]

It. No.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What?

[Will Hines]

It just sits in my.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, no. It's not new to us.

[Will Hines]

It's not new to you?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No.

[Will Hines]

Is it crazy? I can't wait to have one.

[Nicole Parker]

I want. I want us two things. I mean, I know you said.

[Will Hines]

Hang on, let me get my iPhone. I'm writing this on my iPhone.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You have an iPhone that has that? So then you have that.

[Nicole Parker]

Section.

[Will Hines]

Let me check. Oh, my God. God. This is tracking my steps. This is incredible. That's incredible.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It really is.

[Will Hines]

Oh, my God.

[Nicole Parker]

He's walking around. He's walking around the kitchen island.

[Will Hines]

The number's going up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The number's going up.

[Nicole Parker]

See, it works. Oh, he's going up the stairs.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There he goes.

[Will Hines]

He's going higher.

[Doug]

Oh, hey.

[Nicole Parker]

Did he.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's what you look like.

[Nicole Parker]

Did he make it to. He made you. You are building a canal upstairs. I knew you were lying about that.

[Will Hines]

Hang on. Yeah, I'll go for a ride.

[Doug]

All right.

[Will Hines]

This is pretty good.

[Nicole Parker]

This is different for our podcast. This is new.

[Doug]

All right.

[Nicole Parker]

Whoa.

[Will Hines]

Hey. This is nice.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you just walking around in the water?

[Doug]

Well, I don't have the gondola yet.

[Will Hines]

Thank you for carrying me.

[Doug]

All I can do is walk you, basically.

[Nicole Parker]

Hey, this is what I thought it was pretty great speed.

[Will Hines]

And you know what? You did that for four steps.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, really? Good job, babe.

[Will Hines]

Look at that.

[Nicole Parker]

Hang on.

[Will Hines]

I gotta go back down there.

[Doug]

All right. You better get down.

[Nicole Parker]

Only.

[Will Hines]

That looks great.

[Doug]

Thank you.

[Nicole Parker]

Only now 9,996 more to go today. Babe, are you back?

[Will Hines]

No.

[Nicole Parker]

Here we. Nope, he's not back yet.

[Doug]

Not enough guests come all the way to me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hey.

[Will Hines]

Hello.

[Nicole Parker]

I guess not.

[Will Hines]

This is a crazy. I cannot believe this is on my phone.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, this is. I mean, is this what you do for a living?

[Will Hines]

I run a charm school. I mean, it's not. It's not going great. It's not going great, but I do run a charm school.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, do you run that place called first do some charm?

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah.

[Will Hines]

Why do you know it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I've passed by it so many times, I had no idea what goes on.

[Nicole Parker]

I know it's a very whimsical building.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, I thought it was related to the medical professor about now.

[Will Hines]

First do some charm.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That it was like maybe a bedside manner sort of.

[Nicole Parker]

I thought it was maybe just all about. I don't know, I thought it was like sort of more like a something of the. What do you call the occult or something? Wow. Charms. You know what I mean? Sounds like you're right. Casting a spell.

[Will Hines]

It does sound like that.

[Nicole Parker]

Why is it not going well?

[Will Hines]

Well, I. I don't know. Because I've hired a number of PR guys to help me get the word out and they were like start in the middle. So that's why the sign is first do some charm.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, so when you say it's not going all, you just mean the pr. How's the actual school going?

[Will Hines]

I mean everything's bad. I got two. They're both complete dicks and I don't know what to do with them. They come over to my house every day. Are they one's 32 and one 101. And all the 101 guy wants to do is talk about pronouns and how he's sick of them. I'm like, hey, leave it at the door, pal. He's like. He's like this, you know, don't cancel me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They're paying for this.

[Will Hines]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

This is not normally the age normally charm schools for like young ladies. This is a very strange.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I honestly didn't think it existed anymore.

[Nicole Parker]

No, I. I do think that the name might be a little misleading. Although I'm not sure I can explain why it drew a 101-year-old man to your door.

[Will Hines]

I'm not sure he care.

[Nicole Parker]

What's the 32 year olds deal?

[Will Hines]

He wants to be. He wants to be a dancer and he wants. He's trying to improve his banter at the top. All he does banter how to charm the audience. Like how to get out there and get him on your side. So all we do is not a.

[Nicole Parker]

Lot of that required. Did you know there's not a lot of that required?

[Will Hines]

All I know is what he told me. So I'm assuming it's a huge part. I can't dance.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Trying to think of that. When I've ever seen a dance performance where there was generally not like a.

[Will Hines]

Well, I think he's thinking of himself as kind of a one man. Sort of like he's coming up. Hey everybody. Who wants to see.

[Nicole Parker]

You know, who wants to see a pirouette? Okay.

[Will Hines]

You know, like he wants to do singing too. I guess I should. He's not just dancing, but he wants.

[Nicole Parker]

To really go to the. The Academy of Arts. That we have here. It's very. Well, I'm sorry.

[Will Hines]

Don't let him hear if he's going to listen to this. Half my business. Also, you're stuck with this old ass who just wants to tell me that Roosevelt's a lib.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Also, I think your family will probably sue you again.

[Will Hines]

What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You call them a toxic family on this podcast?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, no, true.

[Will Hines]

Oh, you're right, Bert.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, shoot.

[Will Hines]

Can we take that out?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We could cut that out.

[Will Hines]

Please cut out any reference to my.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Family because we're cutting out the Vegas thing.

[Will Hines]

Crazy.

[Nicole Parker]

We're gonna cut most of this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, it's probably gonna be our shortest episode.

[Nicole Parker]

It's just gonna be the sound of them shuffling through the canals.

[Will Hines]

God, that's so good for me to know. Hey, does this thing have a charm school on it? Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Does the iPhone?

[Nicole Parker]

I don't know how to answer that.

[Will Hines]

I don't know that it had, like, a magic.

[Nicole Parker]

It might have a game called Charm School, but I don't think it has, like, a charm.

[Will Hines]

Nope. There's nothing on here called Charm School.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. Yeah, well, you have to worry about Apple suing you then, I guess. But I. I think maybe your issue might be that. Start with the title.

[Will Hines]

Okay. Okay, great. Charm School.

[Nicole Parker]

That would certainly be clearer to me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Will Hines]

Instead of first do a charm, first do some.

[Nicole Parker]

First do some charms.

[Will Hines]

Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah.

[Will Hines]

Charm School. Okay.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. So can. Again, wanting to circle back to this.

[Will Hines]

That's not how I make most of my money. Most of my money I make is. I was hit by two trucks when I was 10 years old, dear. Not hurt, but my.

[Nicole Parker]

Two different incidents.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, you were in the middle.

[Nicole Parker]

Fingers went together as if he was in the middle.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Exactly.

[Will Hines]

Two trucks were playing chess. Chicken.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh.

[Will Hines]

And I ran out there and got involved.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It used to be legal here.

[Nicole Parker]

That is true.

[Will Hines]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Up until 19. I want to say 97.

[Will Hines]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was legal to play chicken in the streets.

[Nicole Parker]

It was wild.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

With any size vehicle.

[Nicole Parker]

That's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Will Hines]

But you had to stop if there's a pedestrian in the way. That was one of the rules.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That was one of the rules.

[Nicole Parker]

Kids would do it on tricycles. And it got violent.

[Will Hines]

Oh, yeah.

[Doug]

A lot of issues were settled that way. I kind of miss it.

[Will Hines]

I kind of miss it.

[Doug]

Why did you get involved? Involved in.

[Will Hines]

I got involved.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. What does that mean?

[Will Hines]

Well, I was 10, and I was like, I'm gonna help because one truck was red, one was blue. I was in favor of the red truck.

[Nicole Parker]

But how is getting in the middle of them helping you could have just waved a flag closer, not pull it. What are you talking about?

[Will Hines]

I'm talking about. I'm going to. I was a kid. All right. First of all, it doesn't make sense. I was gonna run in front of them and when the redwood approached, pull it sooner so that it got there and scared the blue truck more.

[Nicole Parker]

This I don't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I want to say this is a terrible plan.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah.

[Will Hines]

Oh, I agree.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

For a 10 year old.

[Will Hines]

No, I agree. Well, I was a dumb 10 year old.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sounds it.

[Will Hines]

I gained a lot when I was 11. After this I stepped up my game.

[Nicole Parker]

I will. So this is one issue. This is one case that went. Was in your favor. Apparently. This is the one time you won a kid.

[Will Hines]

When I was a kid. Right. So they were on my favor and they like sued on my behalf. They sued the bejesus.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, I'm sure.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sorry. Did you say that you. You got hit by two trucks and didn't get hurt?

[Will Hines]

Yeah, well, they came to a stop. I mean they were great guys and I'm actually still friends with them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, that's nice.

[Nicole Parker]

But he got hurt by two trucks and didn't get hurt.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He got hit by two trucks.

[Will Hines]

Hit by two trucks, get hurt.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Will Hines]

So it is a pretty liberal.

[Doug]

And that was the. That was the ketchup verse. Toothpaste chicken, right?

[Will Hines]

Yeah, that's right.

[Doug]

One guy was the blue versus red.

[Will Hines]

Yeah. One guy had a big truck full of ketchup and one guy had a big truck full of toothpaste.

[Doug]

The toothpaste ketchup.

[Will Hines]

Cuz.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Will Hines]

We're squeeze. We're the stuff.

[Doug]

Squeeze take sides.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Surprised people do remember it as the.

[Nicole Parker]

Ketchup versus toothpaste chicken versus toothpaste chicken. Ask anybody on the street.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I didn't know that was you.

[Nicole Parker]

He will tell you where they were the day that happened.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Can you believe we're here with the kid?

[Nicole Parker]

Unbelievable.

[Doug]

The toothpaste. People were saying you got to brush your teeth with all that ketchup.

[Will Hines]

It was tearing the town apart from what I really was.

[Nicole Parker]

It really was.

[Will Hines]

And so they're like, we'll settle it with the chicken. There was a lot of people watching.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There was almost a civil war. Indignity falls over ketchup and toothpaste.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Will Hines]

Well, just like people got real personal about it and you know, they weren't being fair when they were talking about the other side. And it's like, hey there. You know, this is one of those things where there's no. No right side.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There were very fine People on both sides. Yes.

[Will Hines]

Yes.

[Nicole Parker]

So. So that's going to be problematic. Burnt. I think that you said that. I don't know why. I just have a weird feeling that's going to be problematic. Maybe we'll cut that out along with the other 70% of how podcast.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Exactly.

[Nicole Parker]

So then you got a lot of money. I mean.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

And so then that's such an excited way.

[Will Hines]

You've got a lot of money. Yeah, I've been living off it, so I don't really have to have a job, so most of my jobs are labor.

[Nicole Parker]

I thought you were. I guess it was exciting because I thought he was going to say he did something with it.

[Will Hines]

You know, I did something like, I've just off my whole life and just.

[Nicole Parker]

Like, okay, well, then, whatever I like to do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I drew you to open the charm.

[Will Hines]

School because I think we live in a society lacking in charm. I think I miss the refined days of my youth, the late 1970s.

[Nicole Parker]

Can you talk about that a little bit? What would you find about it?

[Will Hines]

Jimmy Carter.

[Nicole Parker]

You know, so just listening to President.

[Will Hines]

The Show, Barney Miller, just. Everything had a little verve.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, okay.

[Will Hines]

You're talking. You're making references. Isn't it okay if I.

[Nicole Parker]

It's true. It's true. I did make some Back to the Future references. Are you familiar?

[Will Hines]

Not as I saw. I saw about a month ago.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Will Hines]

Yeah. And then I watched 2 and 3, which I. I didn't remember anything about 2 and 3.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Which one is the Wild West?

[Nicole Parker]

3.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

3 is the Wild West.

[Will Hines]

And I watched him. You know what I thought? Not too bad. Oh, well, yeah, but one is tremendous.

[Nicole Parker]

One's great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

In the second one, they go to the future.

[Nicole Parker]

They do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So they go to the past.

[Nicole Parker]

The second one is famous for sort of depressing and dark and not as.

[Will Hines]

They go to the future and then back to the past.

[Nicole Parker]

They do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Great.

[Will Hines]

Act three of two is great. I'll talk about this forever. Act three of Back to the Future. Two is incredible. Is incredible.

[Nicole Parker]

Now that one. I can't. I can't recall the specific. Oh, boy. It comes out black.

[Will Hines]

Comes out.

[Nicole Parker]

They all start with black.

[Will Hines]

Alan Sylvester music comes in. They kept Alan.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's great.

[Will Hines]

Then there's the DeLorean. Just picking right up where one left off. Zooming.

[Nicole Parker]

That's true. Yes.

[Will Hines]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Change the actress. They just thought, well, it doesn't matter. Oh, that's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Yeah. No one did girl.

[Will Hines]

And truly, nobody raised a fuss.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, it picks up. It picks up exactly where it left off. So this Is like a Halloween.

[Will Hines]

Don't jump like Halloween too.

[Nicole Parker]

I believe that they actually replay the, the scene that it ended with. They play it again. Again, you know, a couple of hours.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Where we're going. We don't need.

[Nicole Parker]

In a couple of hours. I'm going to say it's been a couple of years. But you know, we don't need to get on this topic again. So you, you.

[Will Hines]

But I missed that era. I missed the refined era. I feel like people were more polite. I mean, I hate to say pre Internet, pre social.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, now listen, there are some arguments to be made for that. Although I will say you just became very excited about the magic that your phone can do in terms of counting your stuff.

[Will Hines]

No, it's. It's such a. It's such a blessing.

[Nicole Parker]

It's a push pull. It really is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a push pull.

[Nicole Parker]

It's a push pull.

[Will Hines]

You got no D. But then you also push me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Pull you.

[Will Hines]

Yeah. Which is Dr. Doolittle's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's correct.

[Will Hines]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, not a duck.

[Nicole Parker]

Now what?

[Will Hines]

That's the crazy part that I got. What's the animal?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The animal is essentially. It's a. It's a llama.

[Will Hines]

Oh, that makes sense.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A two headed llama, but they're joined.

[Will Hines]

I thought Dr. Doolittle talked to Dr. Ducks.

[Nicole Parker]

I mean he talks to the.

[Will Hines]

If, if.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, he talks awful. I don't, I don't think he makes.

[Nicole Parker]

I don't think he discerns. I don't think he discriminates.

[Will Hines]

No ducks.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I will never talk to a duck.

[Will Hines]

It'd be weird if you could understand all the animals and one of them. You're just giving the. Given the Heisman to the push.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We pull you. When I think about it is very nightmarish because it's. It's essentially two front halves of a llama that are joined at the stomach.

[Nicole Parker]

Right. Push me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Pull you?

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, push me. Pull you.

[Will Hines]

What a cute name for a monstrosity.

[Nicole Parker]

They were named, they were named for the prison that they were born into. That's terrible.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Everyone treats it like it's magic. It's a kid look like. Oh, we're actually seeing it.

[Will Hines]

It's a kid movie. To have like this, like should be killed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. Creature starring everyone. Every kid's favorite actor, Rex Harrison.

[Nicole Parker]

What a warm and moreover, everyone's favorite singer.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Will Hines]

Now he really committed.

[Nicole Parker]

Two questions I'm going to ask you. Circling back.

[Will Hines]

Circling back to thank you for telling me how many. So I'm ready.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. I like to try to do that. And sometimes I ask more, so I'm just warning you two or more. But how many times have you been to the Goofy Thon?

[Will Hines]

And.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, and then second part is, did you notice these people that posted about you noticing you? And. And what was that interaction like? So first, how many times did it goof.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Did you hear the dog barking?

[Nicole Parker]

That's right.

[Will Hines]

Yes, I heard the dog barking. I've been to the Goofy Thaw twice, scouting it to see if I wanted.

[Nicole Parker]

To just stood on the sidelines and watched the 50s run by. Right.

[Will Hines]

Well, it's like, okay, you know, it's like that sounds. So if you want to do it. If you want to do an open mic, you got to go watch it a couple times. It's polite.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

True. It is polite.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Will Hines]

Commit, you know, help to help.

[Nicole Parker]

So this is your first time running in it?

[Will Hines]

This would be my first time running.

[Nicole Parker]

Wow. And how.

[Will Hines]

Or any marathon or any race really.

[Nicole Parker]

Train a lot for a marathon. On top of it, you're going to be in this. You're actually not going to be in a Goofy costume, which I think would be even more easy to run in, but with the Chewbacca costume in Florida, in the humidity, even if it's. I worry about you and help in that. Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There's a lot of Goofy that you can fake with clothing.

[Nicole Parker]

There sure is. You don't have to do much.

[Will Hines]

But I've already got this costume. I already sunk. I made a sunk cost.

[Nicole Parker]

You did in the knockoff one. The one that was achu back.

[Will Hines]

Ah, 20 bucks. I gotta use it. If I use it for something else, maybe I'll just go overalls for the Goofy. Goofy thon.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, yeah, hang on. So now you were walking up, up the street. These. This person saw you do. Yes. In your mind, you were running. But I feel like I looked and do you. Did you remember this interaction? Was there any. Did you notice them looking at you?

[Will Hines]

I heard a dog barking.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, you did hear the dog barking.

[Will Hines]

Yes. And I also smelled the acrid. The burnt rubber acrid.

[Nicole Parker]

So it wasn't you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was me.

[Will Hines]

I also smelled it, though. I smelled it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

To be fair.

[Will Hines]

I smelled it. I was like, that's me.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. Yeah, I bet that's me.

[Will Hines]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

So now dealt it. You.

[Will Hines]

I dealt it and therefore I smelt it. Is that the order it goes in? Yeah, you deal it and then you smell it.

[Nicole Parker]

Smell it, distribute it. I'm glad we felt it.

[Will Hines]

Dealt it. And if you deal it, you smear it. Right. That makes sense. That follows small and dull. If you smelt it, delt it, but in chronological order, you deal it and smeal it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, it's true.

[Nicole Parker]

You toot it. You just distribute it.

[Will Hines]

Yep, there you go. That's great.

[Nicole Parker]

I just wanted to play it detected.

[Doug]

It ejected.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How did it feel?

[Nicole Parker]

Not great because of the way you looked at me. Okay, so we're getting away from the topic here.

[Will Hines]

Which one?

[Nicole Parker]

What was the burnt chagrin smell?

[Will Hines]

Oh, I was. I was popping wheelies in my Huffy.

[Nicole Parker]

I don't. Do you understand?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I do. A Huffy is a bit bicycle.

[Nicole Parker]

And that was you?

[Will Hines]

Yeah, And I was like, skid mark. I was practicing skid marks in my Huffy, which is fun.

[Nicole Parker]

So wait a minute.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But you were doing this.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, no, no, no, no, you weren't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Smell clung to you.

[Nicole Parker]

So the burnt rubber through the costume.

[Will Hines]

Because I didn't wear the costume when I did it. I was like peeling out and like, really getting good skid marks on my Huffy. And then cul de sac. And then I put on the goofy costume. Chewbacca costume. Chewbacca costume went for. And then, you know, I smell the other. Oh, yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

So wait, the costume was on your bike and it fell off?

[Will Hines]

Unrelated.

[Nicole Parker]

Wait, what?

[Will Hines]

I was biked without the costume.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He biked without the costume.

[Will Hines]

Then I was like, time for my.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Training, doing some sick skids.

[Doug]

Hold on.

[Nicole Parker]

So the smell was on your body and then because you put it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He was doing it so much that the smell clung to him that he immediately. I guess.

[Nicole Parker]

I'm so sorry. I just don't. You know the boys, my twins. I have twin boys. They never were into the bmx. Thank you. Well, it was a. Happened a long time ago. Okay. But if you're saying congratulations. If you're saying they were born, but if you're saying congratulations, they're still alive. Thank you. Because you know what? I could appreciate that every single day. I'm talking about my twins, Matt and. And Carduchon, and they. They never were into BMX ever. At all. So.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They hated it.

[Nicole Parker]

They hated it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They. I.

[Nicole Parker]

You know why? Because they didn't. Bikes couldn't catch fire as fast as other things.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, that's probably true. They despise bmx.

[Nicole Parker]

They really despised it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

And they said that. I didn't even know they knew the word. I really don't. They walked around saying, I despise this.

[Doug]

Wow.

[Nicole Parker]

You were four.

[Will Hines]

Wow. So, you know who else has a bigger vocabulary than anybody thinks Is Frankenstein's monster.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is that true?

[Nicole Parker]

What are the words?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He knows what are some surprising words.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Will Hines]

He said, I expected such a reception. That's the first thing he says in the book.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, really? Oh, you're talking about the book. See, the book obviously gives a lot more insight to this whole story than the movies do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

In the book, he has a name.

[Nicole Parker]

What is it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Adam.

[Nicole Parker]

You're kidding.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm not kidding.

[Nicole Parker]

That's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Mary Wollstonecraft. Shelley.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, I remember that name. Yes.

[Will Hines]

Yes.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Who puts.

[Doug]

Everyone say Frankenstein's monster. If it's Adam, you're right, should be Adam. No one ever says that.

[Will Hines]

Every time he talks the crap out of me.

[Nicole Parker]

That is such a good point.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Frankenstein's name of the Doctor. The Doctor's name is very. The monster's name is Adam.

[Nicole Parker]

Very few people even know about the book, sadly, but he's got a big vocabulary.

[Will Hines]

And so do twin boys.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, sometimes. I mean, that was really the.

[Will Hines]

I don't know where.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, it was just despising them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think we're getting off topic.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, we really do. He's good at getting us off topic.

[Doug]

Something doesn't add up to me.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, what is it, Doug?

[Doug]

I'm sorry to say this.

[Will Hines]

All right, come on in.

[Nicole Parker]

He's really sorry. Well, I don't know if. You have to come in. No, you can come in if you want to, babe.

[Will Hines]

Come on down here.

[Doug]

I'll stay here. I'm all wet.

[Nicole Parker]

Then, please, please stay there.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Don't track it through the house.

[Doug]

I fell in.

[Will Hines]

Oh, sorry.

[Doug]

It's okay.

[Nicole Parker]

This is not a surprise to me.

[Doug]

A swim, you know.

[Nicole Parker]

No, it's not. Oh, you took a swim? You're never supposed to swim in the canals.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How deep is the water?

[Doug]

Swim.

[Nicole Parker]

It sounded like it was two feet. Oh, we've got a bit of a singer on our.

[Doug]

How deep is your water?

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, guys, you know, we really are getting off topic. What did it add up? I know you want to sing now.

[Will Hines]

Is your water. How deep is your water?

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, we can't get into this now. We're gonna start singing and I'm gonna. Oh, yeah. Bird famously can only sing one note. He really? Yeah. He can only sing one note for a harmony.

[Will Hines]

That could work.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Great.

[Doug]

I was gonna say, I'm sorry to call you out. You said you had a very small ego.

[Will Hines]

That's right.

[Doug]

But you're bragging that you're doing sick wheelies on your hobby.

[Will Hines]

Hey, you're right.

[Doug]

It's a good call.

[Nicole Parker]

Good.

[Will Hines]

No, it's a good call.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, evidently.

[Nicole Parker]

Here we go.

[Doug]

I saw evidence.

[Nicole Parker]

I snatched it up.

[Will Hines]

I, I like to peacock when I'm doing sick wheelies.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Will Hines]

It's a, it's a bit out of character.

[Nicole Parker]

So saying that the acrid smell was literally just from your body being trapped in the Chewbacca suit.

[Will Hines]

It's from the tires. The. The rubber, burnt rubber from my bike tires got into my regular human clothes. And then when I put on the Chewbacca costume, the smell was potent enough to emit through the costume to this poster.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Did you put, put the Chewbacca costume over your clothes like coveralls?

[Will Hines]

How do you mean?

[Nicole Parker]

Well, like, you know, like, like a fisherman would put sort of a suit on that he's. He's going to go into the water. Right.

[Will Hines]

I did not take survival clothes. I put it on full clothes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right?

[Will Hines]

Is that what you mean?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Will Hines]

For speed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Like some dickies.

[Will Hines]

Correct.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, well because I, as I do.

[Will Hines]

The sick wheelies as a, as a, as a warm up. As an aerobic.

[Nicole Parker]

Aerobic warm up. It sounds like just biking would be more of an aerobic warm up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, you do have to, you do have to get up a lot of speed in order to. Yeah, that's true.

[Nicole Parker]

Again, remember my kids despised it so I never got to learn it and. All right, well when is the goofy thon? What? How.

[Will Hines]

Tomorrow. Mike, I gotta go. Actually, I got an early flight. Toilet.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. I mean we don't want to keep you, but I'm very worried about.

[Will Hines]

I'm worried too. I'm not in shape at all. The longest I've gone is a mile. Cuz I get dizzy. I do 32 times around that house and I'm like, I gotta take it.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. Cuz generally, you know, you're not just going in a circle over again. So that's. I don't think you've trained correctly.

[Will Hines]

I don't think so either.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Or for anything.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, it.

[Will Hines]

Yeah, no, it's bad. I feel so bad. This person posted. I just want to say if you're out there, next time you see me, come say hi. I just want to apologize for scaring.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay. So I just. Everybody knows it's not Bigfoot.

[Will Hines]

No.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And this because. This because this person Chris did say seems like a good way to get shot. Are you worried about that?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh good.

[Will Hines]

I wasn't worried about it, but now I am.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. I would stop wearing it definitely in this area especially.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I would cancel that flight too.

[Will Hines]

You think so?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. I get your money back.

[Nicole Parker]

I think.

[Will Hines]

I don't think I can.

[Nicole Parker]

You know, or you know what? Just go to Disney World and then go hang out with the actual Goofy, which is just someone dressed as Goofy, but you can observe him.

[Will Hines]

That's a good idea.

[Nicole Parker]

That's the best person to observe, right?

[Will Hines]

I mean, I've seen two Goofy sons, but I don't know which of those people is canon.

[Nicole Parker]

You've seen two Goofy what?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thons.

[Nicole Parker]

Two Goofy thons. Goofy Thons. I thought you said Goofy Songs. And I thought maybe that was like the official title that you give to someone that plays a character almost like a samurai.

[Will Hines]

Goofy Son.

[Nicole Parker]

Like a title of respect.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Arato Goofy Song. Oh, no, I thought it was a font. Goofy Song.

[Will Hines]

Oh, I love Goofy Serif.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, you should see Goofy Serif if you like Goofy Songs. You think that's crazy Goofy.

[Nicole Parker]

Goofy Dings are fun too. Well, we don't want to keep you, but thank you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We want you.

[Nicole Parker]

You know what? That's a fun way to combine me and either Me either.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Me either.

[Nicole Parker]

I like that. It's so efficient.

[Will Hines]

I'm. I'm all about productivity, okay. At my charm school, it's a lot about speed.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, boy, I'm sure you're one. I'm sure you 101 year old does not work well with that.

[Will Hines]

No. God. He's at my house right now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why is he there?

[Will Hines]

He won't leave. How do you get 101 year old to leave? He's like, I'm in pain. And I'm like, all right, have a seat.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Will Hines]

Watching movies.

[Nicole Parker]

Listen, I'm gonna say we always say we wish you best of luck, but I. I really hope you don't run that Goofy Thon tomorrow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I wouldn't do it.

[Nicole Parker]

I would just observe again. Maybe there's just one more year to observe.

[Will Hines]

I'll go there and I'll. It'll be an audible. I'll see how I feel.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. All right.

[Nicole Parker]

All the audible that sounds.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you going to. Are you going to pack the Chewbacca costume?

[Will Hines]

I got it. Because what if I want to do it? I got to have my Goofy costume.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you worried that it won't look enough like a Goofy costume? They won't let you enter.

[Will Hines]

That does it?

[Nicole Parker]

Seems like one of the criteria.

[Will Hines]

Yeah, they know. They check you out. They vet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. I think. I think it's safe to say right now it's not going to pass muster. And you really shouldn't go to the trouble.

[Will Hines]

I'd love Orlando, though. I'd love it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Go to Orlando.

[Nicole Parker]

But don't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But don't. Don't show up with A Chewbacca and achoo.

[Nicole Parker]

A Chewbacca.

[Will Hines]

A Chewbac.

[Nicole Parker]

Ah.

[Will Hines]

A Chewbac Ah.

[Doug]

Have you ever seen real Bigfoot?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Great question.

[Will Hines]

Many times.

[Nicole Parker]

Wait, what?

[Will Hines]

Many times.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I wish we had time. Well, we do have to take a break. We do have to take a break. Thank you so much.

[Will Hines]

My pleasure. Hey, thanks for having me on for clearing this up.

[Nicole Parker]

It was our pleasure. Pleasure.

[Will Hines]

Not Patrick. Patty is my nickname, but Philip Henry is my name.

[Nicole Parker]

Philip Henry. Thank you so much. We wish you well.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. And goodbye for now. Until we come back after the break.

[Shelby]

Hi, everybody, it's Shelby. I am selling a Halloween skeleton dress romper, black with fluorescent stripes strips for $2. Now, I know what you're going to say. You're going to say, she'll be. But that. That doesn't look in any way at all like a dress. It is clearly a child's black unitard, and it is not at all a dress. It looks like a full body suit and there's no skeleton part whatsoever. In fact, the fluorescent lighting just looks like the. A very, very indistinct outline of a smaller body on top of the body. And, and I know you're also going to say, shelby, why is there a child's foot in the picture?

[Nicole Parker]

That is.

[Shelby]

Just makes it creepy and strange. And, and I also know you're thinking, why did I use the word romper as a. As. As. As a. As a way to sell this in addition to the word dress? Because neither one of those things is true. Listen, I just trying to make $2, okay? I really need this $2. So if you. If any part of this is appealing to you, I just wanted to try to throw in words that would make people interested. I know people like rompers. I know people like dresses. I know people like skeletons and they like Halloween. So if you could just please come and give me $2, it will really, really help out my family.

[Nicole Parker]

Thanks.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen. Well, that was a lot.

[Nicole Parker]

What an odd fellow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Very pleasant, but he was an odd fellow.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah, he sure was.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I really wish we had time to talk to him about all his multiple Bigfoot sightings. You know, that's too bad.

[Nicole Parker]

Came at the very end. That was really bad timing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's too bad.

[Nicole Parker]

Anyway, anyway, so we do have another post.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, we have time for one more post.

[Nicole Parker]

And. And I always love these ones because I just love the way that people deal with wildlife in their house, especially insects.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You do love that.

[Nicole Parker]

I love it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

This is from James, and James says, I found this big cockroach running in my house. House.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

House. House.

[Nicole Parker]

It's just.

[Doug]

It's just house.

[Nicole Parker]

It's just what it says. Has anyone else got one or two cockroaches sneaking in? Here's a picture of him, and it really looks like a Men in Black style. You know, there's something about the way this cockroach is displayed, you know, not for me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I will say I've yet to see a good picture of one of these.

[Nicole Parker]

It's on its back. It's on its back and it just.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It looks like it's trying to entice you.

[Nicole Parker]

It looks like a lewd photo of a cockroach.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Look like a lewd photo of a cockroach. Oh, and, you know, if you'd like to see, we. Of course, we. We post the post that we use.

[Nicole Parker]

We do on our Instagram account, which.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We haven't plugged for a very long time.

[Nicole Parker]

I know. You really should go and see it. But.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, the neighborhood Listen. On Instagram, where we're. I think we're burnt. And Joan is our handle.

[Nicole Parker]

Yeah. But we should make sure. Why don't you make sure Listen, that would make sense because that's our email. But our. But our Instagram is just the neighborhood Listen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I believe it is just the neighborhood Listen on Instagram.

[Doug]

That's what I said.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, Doug, you won.

[Nicole Parker]

He was.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Congratulations to you.

[Nicole Parker]

Very annoyed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's very annoyed.

[Nicole Parker]

He had the Joan tone, Doug.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, the Jones.

[Doug]

Never have the Joan tone.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Even that had the Joe.

[Nicole Parker]

I would take it as a compliment, but I don't think that's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What are you. Are you still smarting from our earlier jibes at your. At your canals?

[Doug]

I'm not smarting. I just, you know, for some of these things, I've learned to stick up for myself a little bit.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, that's kind of lovely.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely.

[Nicole Parker]

You know what? Fair enough.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Good for you.

[Nicole Parker]

So. So back to this. This pornographic cockroach. Literally, the first. First of all, I don't know what he means by just one or two sneaking in.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think maybe he wants reassurance that there's not going to be. That's going to be, too.

[Nicole Parker]

I just feel like he's just shocked that this is even a thing. I mean, cockroaches, unfortun, they are just a. A fact of life.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There are.

[Nicole Parker]

You know, and he's talking. They're our neighbors. They're going to be around long after we're gone.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's correct.

[Nicole Parker]

And. And, you know. Yeah. There's two things that are going to endure. That Wally teaches us. It's cockroaches and musical theater.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. One musical, one musical. Was it Gigi? I can't remember.

[Nicole Parker]

Hello, Dolly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hello, Dolly.

[Nicole Parker]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I. Forget it.

[Nicole Parker]

Everyone, if you have to pick one, I, I, I approve. I approve. It's a classic.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is there a difference between hello, Dolly and Mame?

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, there sure is. You better believe it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What happened? What is the difference?

[Nicole Parker]

Well, you know, hello, Dolly is actually based on a play called the Matchmaker. Okay, okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay, but that was different. That's filler on the roof. But it is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, you can't blame me for being confused.

[Nicole Parker]

Did you actually think that song was from hello, Dolly?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I guess just now I did.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Doug, what is that noise?

[Nicole Parker]

Well, it's the air show today. We used to take our kids all the time.

[Doug]

That's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, I thought for a second Doug had his own air show.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, wait. Is that not the air show, babe? What is that?

[Doug]

No, that is the air show.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Doug]

That's the air show. It's just going over the house.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, the Dignity Falls air show is. I forgot it was today. It's. It's all blimps and zeppelins.

[Nicole Parker]

It is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And it's the solar field. Oh, my God, it's so slow.

[Nicole Parker]

It's.

[Doug]

They're also.

[Nicole Parker]

But it's so crazy how many crashes there have been.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Because they can't steer in time. They're going at each other, and you could just hear them. They're all mic'd, and you just hear them go, oh, no. Yep.

[Nicole Parker]

It's the last place in Dignity Falls because it's not on land and air where they're still allowed to play chicken.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Doug]

A lot of emergency ejections.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. Blimp ejections. And if you're lucky, they just kind of bounce against each other.

[Nicole Parker]

Just so you know, a blimp ejection is out the bottom.

[Doug]

That's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They open up a trap door and down they go, like a Japanese game show.

[Doug]

Then they always say, maybe next year.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Maybe next year.

[Nicole Parker]

They have a. They wave a little flag every.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Every. Here's my favorite part of the air show. The Dignity Falls air show is it ends with getting the crowd to say in unison, maybe next year. It's a wonderful tradition.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, boy. Well, listen, we didn't really help you J. We got off on a tangent, but.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, sorry, James, but you just have.

[Nicole Parker]

To live with cockroaches. I don't know what to tell you. And more than one or two are going to sneak in.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely. Just warning you, if you see one, I think it's that there's 2 billion living in your walls.

[Nicole Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Approximately that you can't see.

[Nicole Parker]

Give or take.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, that was.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What a time we've had.

[Nicole Parker]

We've really had. Bert, I really want you to go watch the first five minutes of Back to the Future, or. Unless we're going to do it together, we can do it together.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Doug.

[Nicole Parker]

What?

[Doug]

Oh, sorry. I was just filling the canal a little bit.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, no, you're filling it with more water.

[Doug]

Well, it's got. It needs a lot more water.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, my.

[Doug]

I'm sorry to say, it seemed like.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There was enough to swim in earlier. Is that correct?

[Doug]

That's true. Yep.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Interesting. I have an interesting canal story. I know we're way over time.

[Nicole Parker]

Canal story.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Doug]

You want to.

[Nicole Parker]

Well, I have to.

[Doug]

Join me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I don't. You know what?

[Will Hines]

I will.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

Like a hot tub. Are you leaving now, too?

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Nicole Parker]

You are all just leaving? We're all coming. All right. I don't want to be left alone at the kitchen island.

[Doug]

What's going on?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hey.

[Doug]

It's been a while. Oh, I. I still have my microphone.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh, yeah?

[Will Hines]

Yeah.

[Doug]

Jump in.

[Nicole Parker]

I didn't bring my microphone. Bert brought his.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I brought mine. I invested in a cordless a while ago, so. Okay, so there was some movie that Katharine Hepburn is starring in, and it's. It's. It's shot in Venice.

[Nicole Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And there's a part where she has to fall into the canal.

[Nicole Parker]

Oh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And after that, ever since, for the rest of her life. She had leaky eyeballs? No, her eyeballs were always wet and leaking.

[Nicole Parker]

That's horrifying.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Doug]

Put on some music.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. I think that's a little premature. I think.

[Nicole Parker]

I believe so. Yeah. Is it premature or is it too late?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Good question. But, Doug, that is a marvelous striped shirt you're wearing. Well, thank you so much for listening to the neighborhood. Listen, if you liked your ad free episodes or you'd like access to our.

[Nicole Parker]

Bonus content, I rushed back out to the kitchen so I could say my last line.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Then you go to cbbworld.com sign up for the Maximus Tier, and you can get Ad free episodes and so much more. Okay, I'm gonna go back up.

[Nicole Parker]

Does it sound like he's a fish?

[Doug]

Sounded good from up here, right? All right.

[Nicole Parker]

All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, we'll be back next week. And until then, goodbye and bye.

[Nicole Parker]

All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me Paul F. Tompkins and me.

[Doug]

Nicole Parker and me Brett Morris.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This episode's guest was played by Will Hines. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang world.

[Nicole Parker]

Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show ad free as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going.