More Than Normal Activity with Paul Robalino

Summary

THE NEIGHBORHOOD LISTEN
Episode: “More Than Normal Activity with Paul Robalino”
Release Date: June 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Neighborhood Listen finds hosts Burnt Millipede (Paul F. Tompkins), Joan Pedestrian (Nicole Parker), and Doug (Brett Morris) investigating a post from their town’s neighborhood app about wild animal activity. The discussion wanders through local lore, personal quirks, and culminates in a delightfully unhinged interview with guest Hector (Paul Robalino), who believes his attempts at telekinesis are affecting the wildlife in Dignity Falls. Expect a typical, inspired mix of high-concept improv and absurd town-specific details.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Goof Nut Season & Allergies in Dignity Falls

Timestamps: [01:25] – [04:02]

• Joan’s seasonal giggles are attributed to an allergy to local “goof nuts,” a dangerous, blue nut that can cause fatal reactions if not prepared properly.
• Anecdotes about goof nuts killing people (“his head caved in…like the house at the end of Poltergeist” – Burnt, [03:26]) and their prevalence at weddings.
• Establishes the quirky, perilous flavor of Dignity Falls.

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2. Domestic Bickering & The Room of Abundance

Timestamps: [05:26] – [18:00]

• Doug reports from his self-declared “Room of Abundance” filled with cornucopias, fountains, blankets, deli counters, and ice sculptures.
• Extended, playful confusion over the difference between “flowing” and “overflowing.”
• Conversations about food items as metaphors for abundance (squash, rock-hard corn, grapes) and the impracticality of Doug’s extravagance.
• “The party ends before [the ice sculptures] melt.” – Joan, [17:47]

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3. TV & Sports: 'Heated Rivalry' and Dignity Falls Hockey

Timestamps: [11:10] – [16:00], [19:04] – [21:30]

• Burnt and Joan discuss “Heated Rivalry,” a melodramatic hockey show, noting the implausible wealth of hockey players and the town’s four hockey teams: The Criminals, The Puckers, The Toastinators, and The Goths.
• The Goths are described as inept players, more concerned with TikTok and fit checks than the game itself: “They stop and do the fit checks in the middle of a game.” – Joan, [14:20]

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4. Harlem Globetrotters, Savannah Bananas & Family Pretzels

Timestamps: [19:21] – [26:30]

• Spirited debate about the nature of the Globetrotters’ dominance over the Generals and whether entertainment-based sports teams always win.
• “There should be more Harlem Globetrotters versions of sports.” – Burnt, [19:37]
• Doug and Joan describe the family pretzel at Goths games: “It just stretches out over, like, the whole row of seats.” – Doug, [15:26]

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5. A Post About Wild Animals Acting Strange: Setting Up the Main Story

Timestamps: [32:17] – [33:01]

• Listener Molly submits a post from Stephanie, worried about “more than normal” animal activity: squirrels and turkeys behaving erratically.
• Sets the stage for guest Hector’s interview.

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6. Hector’s Confession: Telekinesis, Family Scandal & Animal Unrest

Timestamps: [33:01] – [77:56]

Hector’s Explanation

• Hector blames himself for the erratic animal behaviors, claiming he's been "practicing energy channeling at home." ([34:42])
• He attempts telekinesis and global psychic communication, modeled after X-Men’s Professor X and Jean Grey.
• His research is conducted via Bing—not Google—due to an FBI incident involving searches for North Korean recipes.

Notable Quotes/Moments

• “I want to be able to give my cousin a phone call with my brain.” – Hector, [39:08]
• “I do it with my pee hole.” – Hector, on ingesting sun energy, [49:41]
• “When the clock strikes 3, I aim it towards the sun. I start to do my exercises. I start to meditate.” – Hector, [53:34]
• “My mind is wiped. I could have been gone for an hour. I could have been gone for two days. I could have been gone for a minute.” – Hector describing his trances, [71:50]

The “Demonstration”

• At 3pm, Hector attempts live energy channeling outdoors, aiming to levitate toothpicks; instead, he only manages to enter a bizarre, shuddering trance.
• “We saw a man holding his penis, shaking uncontrollably, his eyes rolled back in his head, making the weirdest noises, and nothing else happening.” – Burnt, [72:03]
• Joan’s verdict: “I think what you’re putting it through is…I’ve never—” [73:59]
• Hector accepts their skepticism, vows to “double down,” and offers bookstore coupons as an apology.

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps and Attribution)

• “His head caved in. Like the house at the end of Poltergeist. It folded in on itself.” – Burnt [03:26]
• “They stop and do the fit checks in the middle of a game” – Joan, on the Goths hockey team [14:20]
• “Nudity isn’t sexual. In this case, it’s not sexual. If you want sex, I know a place you can go: Erotica Books and Toys.” – Hector, [77:19]
• “My mind is wiped. I could have been gone for an hour. I could have been gone for two days. I could have been gone for a minute.” – Hector [71:50]
• “We saw a man holding his penis, shaking uncontrollably, his eyes rolled back in his head, making the weirdest noises, and nothing else happening.” – Burnt [72:03]

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Memorable Moments & Running Gags

• Joan’s accidental giggling fits due to “goof nut” allergies.
• Doug’s Room of Abundance and the hazards of deli meats and ice sculptures.
• The intense argument about Harlem Globetrotters sports logic.
• Repeated debates about what, if anything, Hector is actually achieving with his “powers.”
• The show’s characters struggling with mundane concerns amidst absurdity (sun damage, animal frequency, room maintenance).

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Structural Flow

• [00:00 – 27:21]: Casual banter, food and allergies, running neighborhood gags, setting up the theme.
• [32:17 – 77:56]: Main feature – responding to listener post, in-depth comedic interview with Hector.
• [78:09 – 92:32]: Short posts, town discussion, wrap-up humor about Face/Off, and episode close.

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Why Listen?

If you enjoy character-driven and highly inventive, improv-infused comedy rooted in small-town weirdness, this episode is a must. Standout is the interview/performance by Paul Robalino as Hector, whose weirdly earnest beliefs and rituals are mined for comic gold yet ultimately treated with a hint of empathy and concern.

The episode also features excellent comic timing, layered callbacks (from goof nuts to face-off), and a willingness to riff at length on any topic, no matter how mundane or surreal.

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For full immersion, check out [32:17–77:56] for the main guest segment and comedic peak!

Transcript

[A]

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins.

[B]

And I'm Nicole Parker.

[A]

On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

[B]

Occasionally, we change the names of some

[A]

streets, and that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership.

[B]

And now, please enjoy this episode of the Neighborhood.

[A]

Listen. Knock, knock.

[B]

Who's there?

[A]

Your neighbor.

[B]

Good. In Dignity Fall, you're never alone. You've got the neighbor half AV and us, Vern and Joan. From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell.

[A]

We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well.

[B]

We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to the Neighborhood.

[C]

Listen.

[A]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Welcome to the Neighborhood. Listen. This is the podcast that looks at the neighborhood of Dignity Falls through the eyes of its many residents, two of whom are seated across from each other at this kitchen island, one of whom is mine. Name which is Joan. Joan. Come on.

[B]

I'm sorry. That tickled me. They might have. One of them is mine.

[A]

Well, they know, but you interrupted the flow. I don't think they would have noticed. I'm sorry.

[B]

I'm sorry. You know what? I get the giggles during the intros now.

[A]

You do get the giggles.

[B]

I get the giggles. I don't know why that is.

[A]

Is it feminine overdrive?

[B]

Well, it's. No, it's an allergy I have, like, so during Spru. During Spoon, which is, of course, our season between May and June, when we have these carnivorous flowers that look beautiful, but they will kill you, and they also give you terrible allergies. But I also have an allergic reaction to a type of nut that grows here, and I get the giggles. I mean, it's an actual symptom. My dermatologist.

[A]

Not goof nuts.

[B]

I don't know why I went to my dermatologist.

[A]

Are you allergic to goof nuts?

[B]

For my allergies, I guess, because I had some skin rashes.

[A]

Well, it's your pets. Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Right. But I guess because I had the gig, I didn't realize giggles was a symptom of it.

[A]

Right. So it's probably goof nuts.

[B]

It is goof nuts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you know what? It's really. The thing is, like, I love them. I think that they smell great. They're kind of like macadamia nuts. They're blue.

[A]

Yeah. They're bush.

[B]

They grow in a bush. You have to. You do have to, like, soak them. They have. They have a period of time where they're incredibly deadly.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But you have to.

[A]

You have to soak them for a week.

[B]

Because they called. They were called goof nuts because it's like, oh, you goofed. You know, I mean, when they. When a person die. You goofed, you know, because you ate the nut the wrong time.

[A]

It was a less sensitive time.

[B]

It was a way less sensitive time.

[A]

I feel like I'm dying. Well, you goofed.

[B]

You goofed. That was the last thing they heard. But yes, then, because started. People are just now realizing that the giggles is one of the symptoms of it. So now hopefully it's taking on a nicer meaning of goof, you know, that's not so sad.

[A]

Just.

[B]

Oh, a goof nut, you know, and the smell of them will just. Even just the smell of them won't make you laugh. The blossoms give me the giggles.

[A]

The smell of them can also kill you.

[B]

Sometimes it is. Sometimes if you're too close. If you're too close. That's right.

[A]

Because there was. Oh, my God. I remember when I was a kid, there was a story about a guy who had, like, a handful of goof nuts.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

And he just held them right up to his nose and sniffed. And then his head caved in.

[B]

Caved in? Yes.

[A]

Like the house at the end of Poltergeist. It folded in on itself.

[B]

That's horrifying. And there are people that wanted to have, you know, weddings on goof nut orchards, and it was just really bad. And you had to disclose that.

[A]

That's right. It's not politically correct.

[B]

It's. Well, it's not. Because you could. People could die.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Or they're. Or they're. Or they would just be giggling during your. During your wedding, which wasn't the worst thing. It's still a bit distracting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, yeah, so I'm sorry about that. I don't mean to sort of not take responsibility for my reaction, but I am going to. In this time. In this time right now, I'm going to blame it on the goof nuts.

[A]

Well, let me. Let me proceed with the introduction.

[B]

Okay. Please go on. I'm sorry. I just won't even look at you.

[A]

Okay. It's hard not to take that in a mean way.

[B]

I'm sorry. Is that shit? Is that too much?

[A]

Is that shit too much?

[B]

Is that shit too much?

[A]

My name is Burnt Miapede. I'm the pharmacist in chief at the Dignity Falls Dignity fallsmassy Pharmacy.

[B]

And with me, as always, is Joan Pedestrian. I am the top local realtor and the top local actress in town. I really do feel like we have to find a faster way to say the name of the pharmacy. It's a mouthful.

[A]

Well, it's the Dignity Phalsmacy. But if somebody says, what's that? Then I have to say, it's the Dignity Falls Pharmacy. And then they say, what is it called?

[B]

Or what if you just said the Dignity fallsmasy, which is a pharmacy, Just say that.

[A]

Well, it's the pharmacy.

[B]

Oh, boy. Oh, they do. It is. They have all of that underneath on the neon sign, too. And V is in parentheses, underlined, and italics.

[A]

Yeah, it starts on a neon sign.

[B]

The pharmacy. So I get it. If you start. If you're seeing that sign every day, then that. Then you're thinking, oh, okay. I have to say it that way.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Is that. How do you answer the phones?

[A]

Yes. No. We talked about this.

[B]

Oh, sorry. I put my microphone down on my chips. I gotta be honest. I got. I feel like I've got stuff in my teeth. I'm a little subconscious.

[A]

We had a big discussion before the episode. Should we. Are we allowed to have chips?

[B]

And Doug was like. My husband was like, babe, don't put the mic in the chips. Whatever you do.

[A]

He said, whatever you do, don't put the mic in the chips, because those. When those crumbs get in there.

[B]

I said, well, he said that there's an oil that is not good for the microphone on the chips, but also that it's really hard to take in the headphones. And what are you going to say, babe? This is my husband Doug, by the way. He's recording in another room in the house. Yep, he's Doug.

[C]

Before we get to that, I just want to say I gave a ranking of what not to do with the chips in the mic.

[B]

Said there's chip rules for if you're gonna eat chips and record, number one,

[C]

don't eat them. Right on mic, you know, because they crunch and everything. I said, and the last thing you want to do is just put the mic in the chips.

[B]

The last thing. He skipped to the last one.

[A]

Don't eat them.

[B]

The last thing you wanted to.

[C]

In the middle, there's a bunch. There's dozens of other things you don't want to do.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Dozens.

[C]

Did you feel those are the two of them?

[A]

Did you feel because you were using the phrase the last thing you want to do, you thought you should put that last when it Seems like that is absolutely first.

[B]

Right? First. The last thing you want to do. It's the first thing you shouldn't do.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[C]

But it seems like. It seems like the last thing you would think to do.

[A]

Are you afraid that if you. If you put that up at the top, that they would see the last thing and then they wouldn't bother reading the rest of the.

[C]

Yeah, because they say I would never do. I would never do that anyway. The rest of this.

[B]

And I will be honest, I said, well, I'll never do that. And then look at. I went and I did it. I went and I did it. Where are you? What?

[C]

They sounded good.

[B]

Where are you recording from today, babe?

[C]

I am in the room of abundance today.

[A]

Okay, walk us through it.

[C]

Well, there's a lot of flowing. There's cornucopias.

[B]

Oh, I thought that there was going to be a word after flowing. Did you Burnt.

[A]

Yeah, it's cornopias.

[C]

Flowing Cornucopia.

[B]

Oh, I didn't put those two together.

[A]

Overflowing cornucopias.

[B]

Yeah. See, I'm picturing like something. Like a river. That's what I was picturing. Something was flowing.

[C]

Does that mean flowing things of all kinds? Because it's abundance. It's like there's plenty of everything on the.

[A]

I'm going to stop you right there, Doug. I'm going to stop you right there.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Flowing has nothing to do with abundance. I picture.

[B]

But I can see why Doug thinks that. He thinks if something is coming over and over and over again, overflowing is overflowing. That's what he's thinking.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you need to make your flowing go over. That's what you need to do. If you want abundance in your room, you need to.

[C]

I think you would agree. I think this is overflowing, then.

[B]

Okay. Are you in trouble? What's flowing, by the way? Are you. Are you covered in fountains? There are fountains. So there is a water feature.

[A]

You have an abundance of fountains.

[C]

Abundance. There's plenty of blankets for everyone if they need. If they're cold.

[B]

There's an abundance of blankets.

[C]

There's just abundant everything. There's like a deli counter.

[B]

You can have everything chaotic. It sounds chaotic.

[A]

Cornucopias.

[B]

It sounds a little hygienic.

[C]

And feel free to take whatever you want.

[A]

I just want to make sure. I'm just going down the list of things so far.

[B]

Yeah. What do we got? Cornucopias.

[A]

And they are flowing fountains.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Overflowing blankets.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And deli counter.

[C]

Yeah. What do you Need. I want it. I want you to be taken care of.

[B]

I love that. Your idea, babe, was just cornic. What's in the cornucopias? What have you got going coming out of there?

[C]

Well, there's. There's squash, sure.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

That. Rock hard corn. Those mini corns.

[B]

The rock hard corn, like from Big

[A]

when he eats the little corn.

[B]

What are you talking about? Oh, you talk about the cocktail corn.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What are those, by the way? They can't be real corn.

[A]

I feel like on.

[C]

On reef corn, there's like little corns. Not. Not the colored corn, not mini corn.

[B]

You mean dried hard corn, not baby corn? Oh, boy.

[C]

This is like medium, you know, but they're like dry and hard.

[A]

I cannot believe purple.

[B]

I'm getting lost.

[A]

This is the tar pit we're stuck in.

[C]

Well, I didn't mean to get us stuck.

[B]

Well, we're here to get ourselves out.

[A]

I'm picturing. I'm not picturing the grapes of corn. I'm seeing the grapes. Grapes.

[B]

Grapes of every color. Like Joseph's coat. And I'm not picturing rock hard corn.

[C]

Okay, that's not the first. You don't have to have it, but it's there.

[A]

How do you know that it's rock hard?

[B]

He's talking about when you go to a pumpkin patch and they have like the corn that's like purplish.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[C]

I'm not yelling. Sorry. I'm excited.

[B]

You got really excited. And the husk is dry and it is very hard to the touch. It's just. It's dried corn. I suppose it's just been dried. It's all dried up.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Is it meant to be eaten?

[B]

I sure hope not. I guess you could boil it or you could.

[A]

I didn't mean like as is. Just pick it up and bite a hunger.

[B]

Like he doesn't big. I want to get back to it because honestly, the more I think about it, it's very upsetting. What is that?

[A]

I don't know. I've never liked the look of them.

[B]

They're aw. And then of course it's cute. Cause he eats it like a corn on the cob. And then it's just this. What's he left with?

[C]

I don't remember that.

[B]

Cause here's the thing. The corn.

[A]

You don't remember it. He goes to a party. He's wearing the weird white suit.

[B]

He's big Tom Hanks now, but he's a 12 year old.

[C]

That is an abundant party in my memory.

[A]

Yeah, that's a Lot of abundant party

[B]

is that abundant party.

[A]

Boy, that party is everything. That's most people's response. That's their takeaway from Big. Remember that party where they had so much stuff.

[B]

Maybe the least memorable scene in the whole show. When he's done with it, it's just flopping. Right. It's floppy. Not like the corn on the cob would be.

[A]

I've blocked that out.

[B]

Rigid. And this is not. It's flaccid. Sorry, but there's no other way to describe it. And we've got a lot of penile imagery already. We've got rock hard, we've got flaccid, and we've got. What was the other one that I said? I'm sorry, I just watched another. I just watched. I just. I'm sorry. I will admit I watched Heated Rivalry again. As we all know, when I watch it again, I call it Reheated Rivalry.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

And it's always better the second, third, fourth time around. Hollander. Fuck you, Hollander. You're an asshole. Hole in the. You're an asshole. Fuck you, Hollander. And then all of a sudden, they're in love.

[A]

So I have two episodes left.

[B]

Okay, good. Let's talk about it.

[A]

So the third episode.

[B]

So you got to Kip and the other guy who got to the other. I was immediately kind of more into them, I have to be honest.

[A]

They were more pleasant.

[B]

Well, they talked.

[A]

They talked to each other.

[B]

Things other than fuck you.

[A]

They liked each.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, they liked each other.

[A]

But, yeah, Hollander and the other guy

[B]

spoke like normal people.

[A]

Yeah, they spoke like normal people. And then back to those two guys.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And more of the same.

[B]

More of the same. Lots of. Lots of staring at a club.

[A]

Oh, you know what? I realized one thing. So at some point, one of the hockey players goes to the other hockey players.

[C]

Home.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And it's super fancy and everything.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I guess it never occurred to me that hockey players make a lot of money.

[B]

Of course they do.

[A]

Well, I mean, it never. Why did I never think about that?

[B]

Well, because you know what? It's not until now hockey players weren't in the spotlight, but now they sure are. And I don't think people talked about. Unless.

[A]

Are you saying the show made this happen?

[B]

Oh, no, no, no. I just think people are talking about hockey now.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

I mean, they're talking about hockey and other things, but they're talking about hockey.

[A]

Here's what I mean. The only. I never really have seen a hockey game I know that they went on strike for something like 10 years.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And now this.

[B]

Right. And the thing is, we do have a show.

[A]

I think I saw Slap Shot when I was here.

[B]

We do have a Dignity Falls team. The hockey team. The Dignity Falls Criminals. And they are. And they're awful. It is the most. The rink is covered in blood at the end.

[C]

Don't we have puckers also somewhere?

[B]

Yes, we do have the Puckers.

[A]

Games are fun.

[B]

The Puckers games are like the Savannah Bananas. You know, they come out and they sing a musical theater song, but they all have, like, no teeth and they've got lists, but they're singing, like, from Rent, you know, and then they slap

[C]

each other to fight.

[B]

Yeah, they do.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So we have the puckers and the criminals, and people. Do people go, there's two others now. Oh, what are they?

[A]

We have four hockey teams now.

[B]

Wait a minute. We do?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, I think I forgot about this. Oh. Cause they're on the south side of Dignity Falls.

[A]

Yes, that's right.

[B]

So people just don't usually travel to those games. What are they now?

[A]

Yeah. They will not go that far.

[B]

What's the rougher part of town?

[A]

No, it's terrible. Yeah, I won't go there. So the two new teams are the Toastinators.

[B]

Yes. And what's the other one?

[A]

The Goths.

[B]

Oh, the Goths.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, you know what? They actually have a very huge. They're huge on TikTok.

[A]

Huge on TikTok.

[B]

Very big on that.

[A]

They can't play hockey to save their lives. No.

[B]

But they stop and do the fit checks. Like, in the middle of, like, a game.

[A]

They skate around just in the middle of the game.

[B]

They do.

[C]

They look so sullen when they skate around.

[B]

Yeah, they do. Yes. What Doug, I think is doing is he's doing the version of, like, arms down to the side, which is hard because they're hockey. They just kind of, like, shuffle. It's a very slow game.

[A]

Drag the stick behind.

[B]

Slow game. Like, they can't be bothered.

[A]

You have umbrellas.

[B]

And. Right. They get in fights, but they're just. They're just fights with words. They're just. They're just standing there talking to each other. It's really. They're. They're just insulting each other. They're very slow games. They take five hours and. And everyone. You know, people take naps during the games. It's very boring. It's very boring.

[A]

It is. I mean, they are good at keeping the puck away from the other team.

[B]

They are good at that they don't try to score. Sometimes they will just. One of them will just hide it and conceal it in their uniform.

[A]

That can't be.

[C]

I do love the pretzels at those games.

[B]

The refs are.

[A]

God, they don't care.

[C]

They sell those pretzels that feed four people.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

So it just stretches out over, like, the whole row of seats. You all just eat it together.

[B]

It's a really fun family pretzel. But yeah, they skate with dragging. They skate with the Timothy Olaf on arms. You know, the one that I love to do with his sheriff walk from Deadwood.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

We all know that's one of my hall passes. So sorry. I shouldn't have brought him up. Because now, I mean, with all the talk of corn and he would rivalry and. Oof. Anyways.

[A]

What?

[B]

Well, I'm just saying, if I had an abundance room, they would have a lot of posters of Dimly. The old one.

[A]

How did the corn get in there?

[C]

That's me.

[B]

We had the corn was a lot of. There was a lot of sexual agitation.

[A]

Oh, that's right. That's right.

[C]

I thought you meant my family name.

[B]

Oh, no, that's right.

[A]

I sometimes forget.

[B]

Well, sometimes maybe people forget that Doug took my last name and his maiden his. Miss. Your name is Korn, but it's spelled with a backwards K, like the band. So his full name is Doug Korn Pedestrian. Oh, it's a backwards R. Sorry.

[C]

The band is a backwards K. I'm sorry, I get.

[A]

Oh, the band is a backwards K.

[C]

Family is a backwards K. It is

[B]

a backwards K. Oh, I got them confused. I'm sorry

[A]

about some of our graphics.

[B]

I can see how that'd be confusing. Then since you were saying rock hardcorn. But I want to come check this out, babe. I'm a little worried about all the water features. I'm very worried about the deli hams sitting out. Ice sculptures.

[D]

Of course.

[A]

An abundance of ice sculptures.

[B]

Because eventually you won't have an abundance of ice sculptures. It'll be more flowing water.

[A]

There will be an abundance of puddles.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I think it's cool enough that they'll last.

[B]

You think it's cool enough? Like, vibe's cool or, like, just, like, temperature? So you're gonna keep it freezing. This is gonna cost us so much money. Oh, you're gonna have to. If it's.

[A]

It's ice.

[C]

How do other.

[B]

I'm so annoyed.

[C]

Didn't the big party have ice sculptures?

[A]

The big party, probably.

[B]

We're going back to the movie. But I'm saying I don't remember it. It had caviar.

[C]

We all agreed.

[B]

Caviar.

[A]

It was caviar.

[C]

Oh yeah.

[B]

Remember? He didn't like it.

[A]

There's caviars.

[B]

He wiped his tongue. But there's caviar.

[C]

There's caviars here. Wait, hold on. At a party with ice. Ice sculptures. We agree that that exists.

[B]

I mean, 80s possibly.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Maybe some.

[C]

Some place.

[B]

It does exist.

[C]

It wasn't all in a big walk in freezer.

[B]

No, but the idea.

[A]

But eventually.

[B]

That they will melt it.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Well, you carry them out before they melt, obviously.

[A]

I think the party ends before they melt.

[B]

I think that's the point.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not supposed to be a 24 hour situation. And then this is going to be just like when you wanted the mountaintop, like to go get a course where you open a door like the commercial and you just pick the cores out. And that. That. That put us in the ground. That put us in debt, babe. And we can't do another.

[A]

You guys were in the ground.

[B]

We were in the ground.

[C]

Well, I'll reel that.

[A]

When you're in debt.

[B]

When you're in debt. At Dignity Falls, you actually have to stand in the ground.

[A]

Yeah. They make you stand in the ground

[B]

in the middle of town.

[A]

Yeah, that's our equivalent of debtors prison. You can disguise yourself though. Like the masked singer. They don't know it's you.

[B]

You can't. I had Angela Lansbury mask. No one.

[A]

No one knew she died in debt.

[B]

No, don't say that.

[A]

Crazy gambler.

[B]

That's not true. I will not let you besmirch the name of Angela Lansbury on this podcast. Or ever. She was a queen. Anyways.

[C]

Anyway.

[A]

Anyway.

[B]

How are you and Gabby? Is the incident over?

[A]

Just about.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Wait. It didn't happen. We would know if it happened.

[A]

No, no, it hasn't happened. They're keeping it.

[C]

We.

[A]

They're staving it off for now.

[B]

Leaving it. Okay, that doesn't sound forceful enough.

[A]

I know what you mean. Yeah, but it was a lot worse.

[B]

Are you ever going to tell us the truth? We don't talk about the incident that happened many, many, many years ago. And now his girlfriend. Sorry, his fiance. Always get it wrong. I said wife last time.

[A]

That was crazy.

[B]

That was inarguably crazy.

[A]

That was bananas.

[B]

It was crazy.

[A]

Get to Savannah. Cause that was bananas.

[B]

Get them there. Get them there and sing their musical theater songs. I find it charming. I love it. I wish I was good at a sport. Cause I could do that. You know, like if I. I don't know, if I played softball and then I could open up, you know, with a little song from Chorus Line or something and then go play softball.

[A]

There should be more Harlem Globetrotters vers of sports.

[B]

There definitely should be.

[A]

What's that?

[C]

Oh, I was agreeing with you, but you said sports.

[B]

It's all I heard. It didn't. It didn't sound like an actual agreement.

[A]

Sports, sports, sports, sports.

[C]

So wait, so like a baseball game, but where they just utterly dominate the Savannah Bananas?

[B]

Babe.

[A]

Because they're doing funny stuff.

[B]

It is a dedicated.

[C]

Yeah, but it's not like Harlem Globetrotters.

[B]

It's exactly like it.

[C]

But hear me out. But do they utterly dominate the other team, like the Harlem.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

So they just hit homer after homer?

[A]

No, they do.

[C]

Okay, so you're saying no.

[A]

So that's my question. Hold on, Doug.

[C]

I don't want to be fighting.

[B]

The Globetrotters always lose, right?

[A]

No, the Globetrotters always win.

[B]

I thought that's what you were trying to say.

[A]

The Globetrotters play one team mad at me.

[B]

Doug, you're the one who's confused.

[A]

Should I leave?

[B]

I had to come up there into the abundance room.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Hold on. I think listeners will understand what's happening.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, will they?

[A]

Okay, here's.

[C]

There's a distinction happening.

[A]

There's a distinction.

[B]

There's a distinction happening.

[A]

The Harlem Globetrotters play one team. They play the Washington Generals.

[B]

That's correct.

[A]

They always lose.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Kick the ever loving stuff out of them.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That was important to say.

[A]

The point though, Doug, is not so much that, wow, they won again.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's the fun stuff that they're doing.

[B]

It's like wrestling game. I mean, it's already decided. Everyone knows how many.

[C]

That there's an entertainment factor. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's.

[C]

But there's. There is also. There is also a game happening that is completely lopsided.

[A]

I. I think that's very much afterthought. And I think the main part is look at these guys doing this crazy stuff with basketball.

[B]

I don't think anyone plays them. Game going well.

[C]

They have an opposing.

[A]

They're a great team.

[C]

Do they have an opposing team that they just win?

[A]

I don't know if it's the same team every time, but I have seen clips. So we don't know the Savannah. I've seen clips of the Savannah Bananas playing another team. And the other team also has to have. They have to be ready to do this.

[B]

Yeah, they're entertaining and stuff like that. They have to.

[C]

Okay, so it's like both teams are the Harlem Globetrotters in a sense.

[B]

If that helps you, then yes. I really like to get back to the incident.

[A]

It is a fair question.

[B]

It is a fair question, babe. And I'm sorry if I made it harder.

[A]

But I will say, to be fair

[C]

to us, there's an abundance of fairness here.

[A]

Certainly the idea that you associate the Harlem Globetrotters with just absolutely crushing the opposition is. Yeah, I don't.

[C]

Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Rule number one.

[B]

I'm so sorry.

[A]

You did rule number one. And the last thing you should ever do.

[B]

I forgot. Can you believe me? I forgot.

[A]

I can't believe you.

[C]

What kind of chips are those?

[B]

There's these really delicious, like, almost. They're almost translucent. They have so much olive oil on them. Our neighbor makes them.

[A]

They're not fun to look at.

[B]

I'm gonna say that they're not fun to look at. Well, you know, we have a.

[C]

Looks like a membrane or something.

[A]

Yeah, it does. It's very membrane. Membrane.

[B]

I like them because they're very. It's a great lubricant for your throat, like, for when singers love to have chips before they sing. This is like a special, you know, because it gets rid of mucus. It's true. It's absolutely true. People will gift like a Broadway performer. Lay's potato. Well, I don't want. Can we not say me any potato chips? I'm sorry. You started off with rock poor brand names. No, it's actually true. Like, it's a trick. It's a singer trick.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What is it about?

[B]

What is. Kind of works both ways. If you have. I don't want to say. If you have. Schmuckus. If you have. I can't think of anything. That's better.

[A]

Fine, build up.

[B]

You don't mind the commercial for Mucinex? You think those guys are great.

[C]

You think they're hilarious.

[B]

Picture those guys, right? But those guys who are like, you know, the great. You know.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Isn't that an improviser?

[A]

Jason Mansukasu.

[B]

Okay, so just think of Jason Manzukas, okay? Just picture the little improviser.

[A]

Do you think they hired him because he has a part of his name rhymes with mucus?

[B]

That would be crazy. But something salty will sometimes break that up, right? And also, at the same time, if you're dry, the oil from the chips will help your throat feel less dry.

[A]

Oh, well, then lays, I guess, because they are great. You know what? If you want to really help us hang around, give them some wise potato chips.

[B]

What are wise potato chips?

[A]

Wise potato chips are maybe the greasiest potato chip that exists. They're an east coast brand.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Their mascot is an owl.

[B]

Oh, that seems weird. Anyway, I just wouldn't associate a potato chip with an owl. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

You don't think they'd eat potato chips?

[B]

I just wouldn't associate that animal. I don't know.

[A]

Tootsie Pops.

[B]

I'm sorry that. That stopped you in your tracks, Tootsieps. I didn't mean to interrupt your Tootsie Pops. What about Tootsie Pops Pops?

[A]

Do you associate them with owls?

[B]

No.

[C]

I do.

[B]

Why?

[A]

1, 2, 3.

[B]

I don't know why. I'm on trial for my association with owls and. And. And. And food. Okay, so go on about the wise chips.

[C]

I measured how many licks it took one time.

[A]

How many?

[B]

Of course you did.

[C]

Over 7,000.

[B]

He didn't come out of his room until he was done. It was a weird time in the house.

[A]

How long did that take?

[C]

It took all day.

[A]

Did you. Did you take meal breaks?

[C]

That was my meal. The Tootsie Pop. That was my reward.

[B]

I kept asking him if he needed anything, but he said no.

[A]

What color?

[B]

His tongue, though, got a third degree burn, and so we had to take him to the Hershey.

[A]

Third degree. How fast were you licking your stussipop?

[C]

I was using one of those chests counters, you know, that they hit when they're on their moves.

[B]

But why you. It's just you.

[C]

And pick up the licks.

[A]

One of those chest counters they hit when they're on their moves.

[C]

When they do their moves.

[B]

You know, the little timer. Who? A chess player.

[A]

Oh. How are you able to define that?

[B]

I barely was able to. I want to tell you, I'm so proud. I was barely able to catch the word chess. And not everybody was talking about when they.

[C]

When they do their move and then

[D]

they hit that thing.

[B]

No, he knows. It was just when they do their

[A]

move and they hit that thing. Chest clock.

[C]

I'm gonna stay in my room.

[B]

Donut. Oh, no, not again.

[C]

Needling me.

[B]

Oh, no, we're not needling you. We don't mean to. Needling you. Okay, so this incident that has now been staved off by your. Oh, I can't believe this. The most dramatic things happen to you. Burn. And then you smugly brush them off, and it makes me crazy. And I just wanna make sure that we're all gonna Be safe.

[A]

It sounds like you have the Smuggler's Blues.

[B]

I don't know. It was. But your face changed. I didn't recognize.

[A]

You don't know that famous song by Glenn Fry?

[B]

I do not.

[A]

Smugglers Blues.

[B]

The Smugglers Blues?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

It was written for the Miami Vice TV show.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

The bluesiest TV show.

[A]

The. Arguably the bluesiest TV show of all time. Doug, how long have we been recording?

[B]

Oh, he's got to get up from his abundance to check.

[C]

I was in my hammock.

[A]

How many hammocks in there?

[C]

How many?

[B]

It's not made of ham.

[C]

As many as you need.

[B]

It's not made of ham, is it plenty for everyone? Please say it's not made of ham.

[C]

It's not made of.

[A]

It's not hammock. You did say hammock and not ham hock.

[D]

Okay,

[C]

26 minutes.

[B]

Wow. All right, we went three minutes over.

[A]

A little over.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Our internal clock. Sorry, Our internal thing.

[B]

Our internal thing. You know, that you hit.

[A]

Yeah. All right, well, it's time for us to hit our internal thing and take a break. And when we come back, we'll have a guest right here on the neighborhood listen. When the neighbor listen returns with a guest list.

[B]

Hi, everybody. It's Nicole and Paul. Are you here?

[A]

I am here.

[B]

Oh, great.

[A]

And I have a question for you, Nicole.

[B]

What is it?

[C]

Number two. Oh, hey.

[A]

Okay. Brett. Hi.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No one was doubting that.

[B]

Well, we'll go around the room. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

First, I would like to talk about summer. Is that okay?

[A]

Yeah. But I have a question for you that's related.

[B]

Oh, great. Good.

[A]

What does summer always make you rethink?

[B]

Oh, okay. It always makes. Makes me rethink what I'm reaching for every day. Meaning? In my clothing. Lighter fabrics, better materials, Pieces that just feel good in the moment you put them on and look effortless. And that's why I keep going back to quints, because they both.

[A]

My second question.

[B]

Oh, right. Okay. Go ahead. Ask. Ask Brett the second question.

[A]

No, my second question for you was. Is that why you keep coming back to Quint?

[B]

Oh. And yes, it is.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Because they focus on high quality essentials. Essentials.

[A]

Oh, I'm hungry Now. Let's get through this ad. Then we can all have some essential

[B]

essentials for the table.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, great.

[A]

Today. And we'll get essentials for the table.

[B]

We'll get essentials for the table.

[C]

I like combining all the essentials together.

[B]

So do I.

[A]

Me, too. An essential suicide. Yeah.

[B]

And I also love breathable linen, soft organic Cotton washable silk, but without the luxury markup. It is that rare balance where everything feels elevated but still easy.

[A]

And here's the thing. Quince has beautiful everyday pieces like 100% European linen pants, dresses, and tops with style starting at $30. That's low for clothes.

[B]

It's low for clothes.

[A]

Their denim is soft and easy to wear, and their organic cotton sweaters are perfect for layering on cool summer nights.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

Everything at Quint's is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. That sounds good.

[B]

It does.

[A]

And Quint works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen, the most despised class of man. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup.

[B]

And it's not just clothing, Paul Quince has really become a destination for elevated essentials across home, kitchen, bedding, and beyond, making it easy to bring a more premium feel into everyday life.

[A]

Now, let me tell you something, please. I went to Quint's recently because I'm going out on tour. Doug. Brett, I'm talking to you too.

[B]

He called you Doug.

[C]

He almost called you Doug.

[A]

That was a close one because we're sitting in the same position.

[B]

We sure are. We sure are. They found us out.

[A]

So I'm going out on tour. Brett and I are going out together. On tour. On tour, not steady. And I went to Quint's and got myself a casual linen suit to wear for travel.

[B]

Oh, cool.

[A]

So I can look stylish.

[B]

You know what I always admire people are attempted. They made an attempt to look stylish for travel.

[A]

You know who else likes it is flight attendants.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

[A]

Always get a compliment.

[B]

Well, thanks to Quince, you're gonna get a compliment.

[A]

Thanks, Quince.

[B]

Thanks, Quince. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to Quince. Oh, wait, hang on. Doug. Brett, what did you want to say?

[A]

Doug?

[C]

Brett, what did I want to say?

[B]

Well, we interrupted you.

[C]

I actually didn't say anything. But I will say that they have rugs. They have great rugs.

[B]

Oh, okay, everybody. They have great rugs.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

Yeah, I got a. I got like a white button down shirt recently from Quince as a rug. Yes.

[A]

You're a strange guy.

[B]

Well, here, you just throw in the wash. Here's the deal.

[A]

Anything could be a rug.

[B]

Everything that they make can be used as many different things. So elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to Quince.com TNL for free shipping on your order. And 365 day returns now available in Canada too. Guys, congrats. Q-U-I-N-C E.com T L for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com TNL hey, it's Carlos.

[A]

Any barbers free at the moment? Need a haircut? Lmk, Any barbers and barbers out there? Are you free at the moment? Any, if any, barbers are free at the moment? I need a haircut. Ella, let me know if you're free because I need a haircut. Is this the best way I could go about this? Shran, welcome back. We do have a guest here at the Kitchen Island. John. Yes.

[B]

Burnt shran.

[A]

Yeah, for fun. I'm just having fun, Joan.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Just eat your chips.

[B]

Chips.

[A]

Come at me with a mouthful of chips. All right. As we do every week, we scour the Neighborhap, the social networking application, for neighborhoods to find interesting neighbors to talk to. Maybe they have a message they want to get out there. Maybe they have a question. Maybe they need to be held to account for something. This is interesting because we have somebody here who's going to address a post that somebody else wrote.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

Because they know something about this. This was submitted by. If you see a post you think we should talk about, why don't you screenshot it and send it to [e-mail] like Molly Cruet did. Thank you, Molly. Molly sent in this post from Stephanie. This is in the crime and safety section. I have noticed that some of the wildish animals are acting strange. Squirrels dashing into the streets very quickly, turkeys wandering around. Activity more than normal. Parentheses again, no commenting on how they always do this, since this is different. Close parentheses, please drive carefully so you don't hit any of these creatures. Now, here to address. This is Hector. Hector, welcome.

[B]

You're welcome.

[D]

You'll have to excuse me for being a little bit hoarse. It's goof nut season. I don't know if it's.

[B]

Oh, friends, I get the giggles from it, so I'm feeling it, too.

[D]

Maybe it's just a lump in my throat. I've been drinking tea all day.

[B]

Oh, no, it hasn't helped open your throat.

[A]

So sorry.

[D]

I think it just soaks up the particles more.

[A]

It consolidates the lump. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

And then they just spread more easily along my esophagus.

[B]

Oh, dear. Well, you can always try a chip because sometimes that'll break things up.

[D]

Do you have any that are not translucent? I noticed what you're eating now is a little.

[B]

Okay, well, no, sorry, I don't.

[A]

You don't have any other chips?

[B]

I mean, I could have.

[A]

You don't have a tube of Pringles in here?

[D]

I didn't mean to distract us. I'm sorry.

[A]

No, that's all right.

[B]

That's okay.

[A]

Hector, you wanted to. You contacted us. You said you wanted to address this. And do you have an expertise in the field of animals?

[D]

You guys, I'm actually here a little bit. Tail between my legs. Oh, I'm embarrassed.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I saw this post on the app, and I saw that these animals are acting a little unruly, and I think I have something to do with it.

[A]

Okay. Oh, Now Stephanie writes and she tries to head this off. I know, but I gotta say it anyway.

[B]

You have to.

[A]

This does sound exactly like what these two specific animals do.

[B]

It's absolutely what they always do. You disagree with that?

[D]

Have you been observing them? Do you go out? Do you watch them?

[B]

I would say I pass. You can't help but notice a squirrel, you know, because the squirrel will constantly run across the street because it's something that happens so often. So I notice that because I never want to hit a squirrel with my car.

[A]

I never do. And turkeys, of course. They're wandering all over the place.

[B]

Yeah, they do. They come through our yard sometimes.

[D]

I have to disagree, guys. I'm sorry. I agree that the animals are acting a little bit kooky, and I have something to do with it. And I actually have a confession today.

[A]

There's something to do with it.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Let's just get to it. He seems ready.

[D]

I have been practicing energy channeling at home.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Telekinesis.

[A]

Oh, whoa. Telekinesis. So moving objects with your mind.

[D]

Moving objects. Communicating. Reaching out people across the globe. Trying to summon them. Trying to communicate with my mind.

[B]

Oh. This is more than just a couple things. This is a couple things he's able to do.

[C]

I've been trying.

[D]

Well, able to is. I'm not sure I'm practicing. I'm trying.

[B]

What made you start practicing this?

[D]

I was a big fan of X Men growing up. That's pretty much what it is. Professor Charles Xavier and Jean Grey.

[A]

And Jean Grey. Darth Phoenix.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[D]

And I've been watching clips online of how to channel this energy that all of us have. All of us have this power.

[B]

Is that right? I've never heard that.

[A]

Well, I guess some people must believe that. Do you believe that? That all of us have this power?

[D]

That must be true. And I've been trying very hard.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Before we get to the animals, is there some Other evidence you have of this power manifesting itself. When did you first notice you were on the right track?

[D]

Let me tell you something. Ever since I discovered these videos and I've been trying to channel this power, people have been treating me much kinder.

[B]

What videos are you watching?

[D]

I Google, so I use Bing. Actually, I don't use Google ever since there's a sort of issue. I don't want to get into it. I'm under NDA, but I use Bing.

[B]

Oh, NDA from Google and. Okay. I mean, that doesn't sound really good.

[A]

Who's muzzling you? Is it Google?

[D]

It's a pending lawsuit. I.

[B]

What?

[D]

I don't want to distract us.

[B]

He's come to us with a bunch of mysteries right now.

[A]

Can you tell us and we'll cut it out?

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, there you go.

[D]

Yeah, I googled some things and the FBI got mad at me.

[A]

Uh. Oh, they got mad?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

What did you Google?

[D]

I googled, Actually, it was recipes.

[B]

Really?

[D]

But from. From North Korea. And then apparently you're not allowed to do that. You're not allowed to do that because of our government.

[B]

You googled recipes from North Korea and

[A]

so did the FBI showed up at your do.

[D]

Well, they assumed I had some sort of tie to their government. I was really just trying to make some delicious soup, some delicious noodles.

[A]

Sure.

[D]

And they thought it was.

[B]

I don't know much about North Korean cuisine. I'll be honest.

[A]

I know nothing about it.

[D]

And that's what drove my curiosity. I'm very driven by that.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Wow, he's very intense. He's a very intense stare.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

So then the FBI got involved. The NSA got involved. Everybody wanted to, you know, put me away. And then they said, as long as you don't use Google again.

[B]

Oh, that was. Went from. We're putting you away forever.

[D]

They just said, as long as you.

[B]

Or just don't do it. Were there options?

[A]

So they must be monitoring you to see if you are a good.

[D]

They said, Bing is fine. Yahoo's fine. MSN is fine.

[C]

Google.

[A]

What about DuckDuckGo?

[D]

I haven't tried it. I could certainly try Dogpile, I think is another one.

[A]

Sure, Absolutely.

[B]

So then you.

[D]

And let me tell you what, Google's kind of shit these days with all the AI they're putting in there, so. Well, that's not really a lot.

[A]

How do you know this?

[D]

Sometimes I'm over my friend's shoulders as they're Googling.

[B]

So that's over your friend's shoulders? They said, over Your friend's shoulders might be okay if I'm not typing, you're not typing.

[A]

So you can tell your friend. Will you Google this for me?

[D]

Oh, I can.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So what did you type into Bing to try to find out how to have telekinesis?

[D]

Oh, I just searched powers. Human beings. Is it possible? Question mark.

[B]

And so then what kind of a video did you get?

[D]

Well, there's all sorts of people who have practiced this sort of thing for many decades, I'd say. And they put their knowledge onto the wide web. That's what kind of.

[B]

And I hate to be this person, but how do you know that they're.

[A]

Put it on the ww?

[B]

How do you know that these people aren't also using AI to show that they're, you know, making a glass?

[D]

Well, some of these are. Are dated from several years back, before AI got quite so sophisticated. I'm watching.

[B]

I mean, even several years back now.

[D]

These are like 20.

[B]

How several are we talking about?

[C]

2010.

[B]

Okay, 2010. All right. Maybe. Sure, sure.

[D]

So there's a lot of knowledge out there. And then I realize that all of us have this power, really, if we tap within ourselves very deeply. I believe that. So I've been trying to reach out and communicate with my own abilities.

[B]

And so. Yeah, well, we're gonna get to the animals now. Right. Like, why does.

[A]

Well, I wanna know what is your goal with these powers? What is it that you.

[D]

I wanna be able to have a conversation with my family that lives across the globe. I wanna be able to just.

[A]

With your.

[D]

Give my cousin a phone call with my brain.

[A]

Okay. Now, do your cousins across the world, do they also have to have these powers in order to. For you to be able to do that?

[D]

Right now, I'm not sure. I think it could be one way. As long as one of us has them. Because I can make the call and I can also receive the information.

[B]

Okay, can I just ask. Maybe this is a. But we have such great technology now. Fine, Bernd, I know you will anyway. You could just FaceTime someone. Why do you need something that much more immediate? I mean, you truly can just pick up a phone and now actually see the person's face?

[D]

Well, now you're making me feel a little silly.

[B]

I'm not trying. No, I just. I.

[D]

You've never had a fantasy of having a superpower?

[B]

Well, of course that's. Of course not true. I think everybody does.

[D]

You don't want to levitate things with your brain.

[A]

For me, I want to be. I want to be Able to dig, you can.

[D]

With this, you can lift the dirt particles up and make a hole.

[A]

It's not the same as digging, though.

[B]

Yeah. For me, I just want superhuman hair. I just want my hair to look fabulous no matter what.

[D]

May I ask why you want to dig with powers? You want to dig?

[A]

I want to dig super fast and super.

[C]

And I have a follow up super

[D]

speed, I suppose is very different from what I'm hearing.

[A]

So just for digging.

[B]

Hector. That voice you hear is my husband, Doug. He's in a different room.

[D]

Oh, I thought I was channeling some sort of person from far away.

[B]

Oh, I can see how you thought that. Oh, I'm sorry. That's unfortunate.

[C]

You thought I was across the globe.

[D]

I thought you were maybe my cousin in South America.

[A]

Oh, what a rug pull.

[C]

Sorry. Doug Pole.

[A]

Bert.

[D]

Very nice to meet you.

[B]

I mean. Yeah.

[C]

I was gonna ask you, Bernd.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Your dream, your superpower dream.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

In this. Do you have like mole hands?

[A]

No, I have my regular hands.

[B]

Oh. I was picturing sort of like almost construction like hands. That's what would come out.

[A]

Construction. Like hands construction.

[B]

Yeah, you know, like claw. Like digger.

[D]

Oh, so you want to be a mutant?

[A]

Mutant?

[D]

A full on mutant. Your body is morphed into something else.

[A]

No, I. They want this for me.

[B]

This is what we were picturing. Sorry. Burnt. You change, you know. You don't change at all. You just.

[A]

No, you don't.

[D]

You don't want to drill on your.

[C]

You just furiously dig with your hands.

[A]

Yeah. And I wear like a uniform.

[B]

Oh, you do have a uniform. What does your uniform look like?

[A]

Okay. On the chest, there's like an emblem of a shovel.

[B]

An emblem of a shovel.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I have. It's a brown with green trunks over top of it. I'm unsure if I wear a mask or not.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I might wear goggles.

[B]

I was gonna say might be good for all that quick digging.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Now, Joan, I noticed that when I mentioned I want telekinesis, you were very questioning of me of why I would want that. And now you have this digging thing. That to me is a total mystery why somebody would want that. And you don't seem to be questioning him at all.

[B]

Well, okay. I'll give you two answers.

[A]

You've never wanted to dig.

[B]

I'm gonna give you two answers. I know Bernd better than you do. Right.

[D]

Of course.

[B]

You just met him.

[D]

I did. Just.

[B]

And it just lines up with him so much. He would love to dig all the things I know about him. Of course he wants to dig.

[D]

Are you in real estate?

[A]

I'm not.

[C]

No.

[A]

Joan is.

[D]

You are.

[A]

I'm a pharmacist.

[D]

Team up.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, we. With my fabulous hair. And you with your fabulous digging.

[A]

Now, you know, there is a superhero that has hair powers.

[B]

Is that right?

[A]

In the Marvel universe.

[B]

Who?

[A]

She's some lady. She has a big, gigantic red hair.

[D]

Do you want me to bing it?

[A]

Oh, would you please bing it?

[B]

Bing it.

[A]

And I think her code name is Medusa.

[B]

Oh, that sounds familiar.

[A]

And she's one of the Inhumans.

[B]

Oh, that's fun. And Hector, to answer the second part. To do a second answer to your question, we were talking hypothetical. Right. And so that's why I think I can talk about it more freely.

[D]

It's more playful.

[B]

Correct. And you are actually actively trying to do it.

[D]

I'm trying.

[B]

Well, and then that always adds an element of like, oh, are you well?

[D]

Or I have therapy every single day. I should hope I'm well every day.

[B]

Every day.

[D]

I have my noon slide.

[A]

Was there. Forgive me if this is too far a bridge to cross, but was there some sort of recent trauma that you've

[D]

had that I just have really good insurance. It would be a waste for me not to take my hand.

[A]

Oh, sounds nice.

[B]

Can I ask what you do for a living?

[D]

I work at an erotic bookstore.

[B]

Did you say neurotic or erotic?

[A]

Oh, there's three on the table. Erotic, neurotic, and necrotic.

[D]

I can see why you might have thought I said neurotic. It is, in fact, an erotic bookstore.

[B]

Got it. Got it.

[D]

Erotic books and toys. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, well, there you go, babe. You could go get some stuff from his store for your room of abundance.

[D]

It's not my store. I simply work there a couple days ago.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Is that down on Erotica Row?

[D]

It's on Obama Boulevard.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's nicknamed Erotica Row. I don't think he realizes that a lot of people.

[D]

It is a chain of sex stores all on the one block. Maybe that's what you're thinking.

[B]

It is.

[A]

And it's all the same store.

[B]

It's too bad that that's what Obama streets are.

[A]

We're a chain.

[C]

Ye.

[A]

We're a chain.

[D]

We're a chain. But all of the stores are on the same page.

[C]

There's a cool kind of.

[B]

Sorry, what's the name of your store?

[D]

Erotic Books and Toys.

[B]

Oh, erotica. Sorry, I didn't realize that was the title. It's great. It absolutely advertises what it's selling.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

I like the little Monorail on Erotica Boulevard?

[B]

Yeah. So you have a tiny monorail.

[A]

I will not go on that thing.

[B]

You won't. You're worried about what people are getting up to on the monorail.

[A]

I'm not worried about it. I am absolutely certain of what they're getting up to.

[D]

If you're at the one store and they don't have the title, you need.

[A]

Great.

[D]

To just be able to hop on, go down to the other store.

[A]

No, I understand that. So that store sells erotica. It sells erotic toys. You also sell seeds. Why is that?

[D]

Seeds? Yes, plants. Well, plants are aphrodisiacs.

[B]

That's true. And also, a lot of things don't get really turned on by the whole pistol and stamen. All the biology. There's multiple reasons. It's quite sexual.

[D]

That's very true.

[B]

Pollinating. You know, there's a whole. Pollinating.

[A]

Flowers are pretty dirty.

[D]

It's the same reason we sell bees.

[B]

Well, you haven't heard of flower porn.

[D]

When you see bees and you see them pollinate.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

I don't know about you. It does turn me on a little bit, but I'm a little desensitized, even because I work there. But for a newcomer, it's particularly exciting.

[A]

And they also sold, if I'm not much mistaken, they sold birds at some point. Right? You could buy birds and bees together.

[D]

Flowers. Anything that reminds you of sex is fitting for our store. Turkey basters, too.

[B]

Sure. Yeah. Honestly, you know, I've had a lot of people get pregnant from their turkey basters rather than just going to an actual doctor.

[D]

And who has money for ivf? I mean, I do, because my insurance is phenomenal.

[B]

You're bragging a lot about it. I mean, I'm glad for you.

[C]

It's the only place you can still get herbal essence, right?

[A]

The shampoo. The shampoo. Because it makes you have an orgasm.

[B]

Yeah. Doug loves that one where she has an orgasm in court.

[D]

Our supply is running low, so if you want some, please swing by soon.

[A]

I try to remember that commercial. So the shampoo is so powerful. That's hours later when she's at work.

[C]

There's a hair power.

[A]

She still has the shampoo orgasm. There's a hair powerful.

[D]

If I remember right, her husband was not happy about it because he said something like, I have to deal with this every.

[B]

Oh, I'm sure he wasn't. A woman just can't, you know, get an orgasm for shampoo without her husband complaining about it. Has to make it bad. Typical.

[A]

Do you Think that was in the wake of When Harry Met Sally. They're like, why don't we use that in our shampoo commercial?

[B]

I feel like it came way later. I feel like a person who grew up watching One Hero Met Sal, was finally old enough to be an ad executive. And that's when they brought it up and she showed them the scene.

[A]

I love watching it.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so you work. You said part time there or just all you were.

[D]

Part time? Wednesdays and Fridays.

[B]

Wednesdays and Fridays. What do you do with the rest of your time? Is it just this. This sort of YouTube?

[D]

I have a hedge fund.

[A]

Oh, well, congrats.

[B]

Yeah, I know. What else can you say but convention? Congrats.

[D]

I just have money. I don't. No, I said hedge fund. I meant. What did I mean?

[B]

Oh, trust fund. I think you meant a trust fund.

[D]

I meant a trust fund. See, I don't. I'm so. I'm so hands off.

[A]

Right.

[D]

I don't even know what it's called.

[B]

Sure. It must be so nice to just not even know what it's called. But at least you got the money.

[A]

So your family is wealthy?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Are they? And they're all living across the globe

[D]

or they're all living all the way. I have basically family members in every country.

[A]

Every country?

[D]

Well, except for one.

[A]

Which one?

[D]

North Korea.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

Hence my. Hence my curiosity.

[A]

What is the recipe?

[D]

What are they eating there? I know the recipes for all the other nations. I don't know that one.

[B]

All the other nations. Okay. Well, are any of the family members here at all with yours? Everyone. Gone. And why is that? Why are they all over the country?

[A]

I mean.

[B]

Sorry. Why are they all over the globe?

[D]

They're all over the globe. I just have a very global family. It's always been that way.

[C]

Intermarriage.

[A]

I'm sorry. That can't be the explanation.

[B]

Thank you, Bernd.

[A]

Why are they all over the globe? I just have a very global family. That can't be the explanation. I feel like you're trying to hide something from us.

[B]

Thank you for saying it. I was trying to. I didn't want to say it, but now I'm glad it's been said.

[D]

Okay. Well, the honest truth is we've had to flee.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[D]

So I am the only remaining American family member. Everyone else is abroad.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And I miss them. And that's why I need to communicate with you.

[B]

How come they all.

[D]

And you want to ask me why I don't FaceTime them? Because I can only FaceTime one or two cousins at a time. I want to be able to have all of us on a call at the same time.

[A]

Oh, you want to be able to speak directly to everybody's brain simultaneously.

[B]

Oh, like a Pluribus situation.

[D]

I miss my family.

[B]

Okay. What did they do to have to flee?

[D]

They stole stuff from the government.

[C]

What did they steal every country?

[D]

No, from the US Government. Let's just move on.

[B]

Oh, I don't think so. What in the world would we move on to when this is out of the way?

[A]

We do. The animal thing is still hanging over us. We don't know.

[B]

But now I don't even care about. I mean, we agree that that woman. Listen, are you here. You please explain this to me. You go and you look at the post and you say you see someone. Say the squirrels are running across the street.

[D]

It must have something to do with it.

[B]

Why did you think that? Why?

[D]

Because I noticed the same thing, that when I'm in my home and I'm trying to do my exercises, that the birds start singing a little bit differently and the rodents start chirping a little bit differently and the bugs start crawling a little bit all over the place.

[B]

And I think, are you outside when you're doing this? How are you seeing all of this?

[D]

I do it in my lawn. I like to take in the sunshine. Have you ever heard of people taking in the sunshine through their anus?

[A]

Yes, I have heard of this. Yes.

[B]

You have birds.

[A]

Yes, unfortunately, I have heard of.

[B]

Probably because you get people coming in who did it wrong.

[A]

It's a. Yes. A lot of people.

[D]

It's a little bit tied into that. You get a lot of power from the sun.

[B]

Do I want to know why is

[A]

this a good idea? It's some sort of wellness thing. It's RFK Jr. Adjacent, I believe.

[D]

Well, I do it with my pee hole.

[B]

That's not possible. Does he cut a hole in his jeans when he does it?

[A]

I don't know that he does it. I wouldn't put it past him.

[D]

I don't know that he takes his jeans off.

[B]

I don't think he takes his jeans off. Yeah, so he has to have a flap.

[A]

So if you ever see him with a suit, he's got the jeans on under the suit.

[B]

Yes, absolutely.

[A]

Like the Arrested Development guy.

[B]

Yes. He's the never nude except full pants.

[D]

But I did try to take the sun in through my pee hole.

[B]

How? What? I have never heard of that. And again, I'm not never heard of the P hole.

[A]

How do you think it gets out

[B]

Never heard of it being sun.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

And this is not a judgy reaction. This is like. It sounds dangerous. I'm worried about this.

[D]

Well, I do use spf.

[B]

Okay, and how does this. How do you find that it helps you? Well, ever since I know the differences you notice.

[D]

Okay, Note before the sun part.

[B]

Either one.

[A]

Like when you said the birds are singing differently.

[B]

Wait, hang on. I gotta have an answer to this question. I just asked him what happens to him when he puts the. When he puts the front and the back in the sun. And I need to know.

[A]

Okay, sorry.

[D]

I feel the energy come over me.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

I start vibrating uncontrollably.

[A]

Like your whole body? Yeah, vibrating uncontrollably.

[D]

And I start. My eyes. I just see. It all goes white.

[B]

Oh, I.

[A]

It sounds like hypothermia.

[B]

It doesn't sound good.

[A]

You're shivering and passing out.

[B]

It doesn't sound good. It keeps going. And it gets worse as it keeps going. Is this connected to you trying to have telekinesis?

[D]

Oh, it's all one. It's all the same.

[B]

Same?

[A]

Oh, I assumed it was connected.

[B]

It was the same.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't know. If this is just something you did on the side, should I have not

[D]

come on the show?

[A]

No, we're happy to have you here. It is all very interesting.

[B]

The thing is, if you say something like that, we're obviously going to have follow up questions about it. Even if you came on just to talk about the animals, but you had so many secrets. We had to get that truth out to get anywhere.

[D]

And that's fair. And I don't mean to be combative because I can understand how you might be very curious about my family and my lore and the FBI thing and Google. There's a lot to my story.

[A]

Family stole things from the government, apparently.

[B]

Don't know what.

[D]

Move on from that again. Within all of us, we have power. We have immense ability. The universe is all connected. The sun is the source of that energy. And if you just tap into it by letting it into your urethra.

[B]

Babe, by the way, I just know my husband is sitting here listening to this, just like having an immediate. He's standing up, he's ready to answer the call.

[D]

It's an attitude of abundance.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, God, you mean Aretha Franklin.

[B]

Babe,

[A]

we were in the clear. That.

[C]

She called on me. That was the only thing in my head.

[B]

What?

[A]

She What?

[C]

Oh, she called on me.

[A]

She called on me. Okay.

[C]

What did you think?

[D]

Wait, you got. You got A message in your mind?

[A]

No, it happened.

[C]

She said, I know my husband. And I figured that's what she.

[D]

Oh, I see. I got confused.

[C]

Not my fault, babe.

[B]

That room is making you really weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. What was the bird question you wanted to ask? Words you probably don't remember.

[A]

No, I do remember when you said that the birds sing differently and that the rodents chirp differently.

[B]

Chirp? Yes.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay, if I'm just at home doing my own thing, not channeling any sort of power, maybe I'm eating toast, maybe I'm drinking coffee, maybe I'm watching tv.

[A]

Sure.

[D]

Maybe I'm sitting on the rug. Maybe I'm texting.

[B]

Okay, all those were normal. I was actually.

[D]

No powers.

[B]

Okay, no powers.

[D]

I might take a little listen. Pleasant noises outside of nature. Then when the clock strikes, you know, whatever time it is that I want to do my powers, I try to do it from 3 o'. Clock.

[B]

You have a window for your powers.

[D]

I go outside.

[B]

Like a workout.

[D]

Sure you don't want the sun to be too strong?

[A]

No.

[D]

Right.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

So I take out my member. You know, I'm trying to.

[A]

3pm when the clock strikes 3, I

[D]

aim it towards the sun. I start to do my exercises. I start to meditate.

[A]

Do you go out at 2:59 or do you. When the clock strikes, do you run out there and unzip your pants?

[D]

No, I can be out there at 2:59.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I want to get into position and then. But I notice as soon as I start manifesting, the birds start singing a little more energetically.

[B]

Your eyes are getting closer to a specific. But he's. But while this is happening, his body's vibrating uncontrollably. He just. The way that your body's hearing the birds because of everything that's happening to you.

[D]

Well, I'm looking up at the sun.

[A]

Like maybe you're hallucinating with your eyes.

[D]

No, all I can see is white.

[B]

No, you're not.

[D]

You look directly at the sun and they start jerp. They start singing more energetically.

[B]

Yeah, because. Because your body is in distress. That's what's going on. Yeah, your body's in distress.

[D]

Well, I'm still a beginner also.

[A]

I mean, do you know individual birds song? Because I don't know if I'd be able to say. Say that is sitting more energetically.

[B]

I would never be able to identify that. No, not me.

[D]

Well, I've been doing this for nine months now, so I begin to notice those patterns.

[A]

So when you say when you Start to manifest. How long does it take before this starts to happen?

[D]

Oh, it's immediate.

[A]

Immediate.

[D]

Immediate.

[A]

So the penis comes out pointed at the sun. And then birds start saying, let's pick up the pace, fellas.

[C]

There is a helicopter lowering your house.

[B]

I know.

[D]

This is what I'm worried about.

[B]

Is it bringing more stuff for your room?

[C]

Yes, it's airdropping.

[D]

Oh, my God. I thought it was FBI.

[B]

It's the old kind of air dropping where they actually used to drop things from the air, you know?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I see. Looking out the window, I see a lot of leaflets coming down. Any idea what those say?

[C]

Well, it's gonna be. I'm gonna be advertising the abundance, you know, plenty for everyone. That's what it's called.

[B]

We want people to come into our house.

[D]

I think that's really wonderful.

[A]

So you're dropping leaflets that say, there's plenty for everyone. Please come to this one room in my house? Yeah.

[B]

I don't want people coming to the house again. We've done too many rooms where people come to the house, babe.

[C]

Yeah, but I usually cordon off the rest of the house.

[D]

Chicken cordon bleu.

[C]

That's good. That's a good one.

[A]

Bleu.

[B]

My husband loves that kind of chicken cordon bleu. Loves it. You guys are gonna be fast friends.

[D]

My cousins in France make the best.

[B]

Oh, I'm sure. So. I don't know.

[A]

You have the recipe? You have the recipe, I assume?

[D]

I do.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I wonder what North Korean chicken cordon blue tastes like.

[B]

I don't know if they have that chicken cordon Un. Okay.

[D]

I don't know if they have that.

[B]

So I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think that just the two reactions of a bird singing to you.

[A]

Also, the bugs are crawling.

[B]

I know somehow.

[C]

And I noticed some differences happening.

[D]

You haven't noticed. Next time you notice animals, do it. Look at your clock. Look at your chest clock. Look at your watch. It's probably around 3 o'.

[A]

Clock. Oh, chest clock. Sorry.

[B]

Have you been able to make a glass float in the air?

[D]

A glass? No.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

A. A toothpick?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

You made a toothpick float in the air.

[D]

It's so impressive. It's gotta be very light.

[B]

Can you describe the scenario? What happened?

[D]

Where were you about three, 10? You know, I was doing my exercise out in the lawn. The sun is. It was actually a little foggy that day, which is like cloudy.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

So the sun wasn't even that strong.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

My body starts uncontrollably shaking. My eyeballs turn white. I can't see anything. I hear the birds start singing.

[B]

They turn white. And he sees.

[A]

And I do know. You're on.

[B]

I don't know that.

[D]

I can almost hear something lift from nearby, but I can't see anything.

[A]

Oh, no.

[D]

But I can almost hear it lift, Hector.

[A]

No, I can almost hear it lift. When you came out of it lift.

[B]

State.

[D]

Listen to me. When I came out of my state.

[B]

We're listening.

[D]

When I came out of my state, there was a toothpick on my table because I had been eating olives.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Okay, so that must have been what I heard.

[B]

But it was on the table.

[D]

You said after I came out of my state.

[B]

Right. There's no.

[A]

Where was it before?

[D]

It was on the table. But I heard something lift.

[B]

He says he heard something lift, but that's. That is not verifiable proof.

[A]

I heard something.

[B]

I don't even know what that means.

[A]

And you were eating these olives with toothpicks. Were you taking them out of a martini?

[D]

No, it was from a charcuterie board from the night before.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Some people do that the night before.

[A]

Leftover charcuterie at a lawn party.

[B]

From a lawn part. You invite people over?

[D]

Yeah, I have friends.

[B]

Well, okay. Tell me about your friends. What do they do? Do they know about. Do they know about your rituals?

[D]

Oh, I tell everyone. They're very fascinated. Yeah, they believe me. They support me.

[A]

They support you?

[B]

They do.

[A]

Okay. Are any of them endeavoring to manifest these powers?

[D]

I've sent them a few links over email to try to do their. To try to do it themselves.

[B]

Sure.

[D]

I don't know that they've had much success now. I've been doing it for much longer.

[A]

How long have you been doing again?

[B]

Nine months.

[D]

About nine months.

[A]

Nine months. Okay. Yeah. So sorry.

[D]

And I was gonna. I brought materials for you guys to review. If you want to start incorporating it into your daily routine as well, that's fine.

[A]

So the.

[D]

You can also join me.

[B]

Take that on now. What does that mean?

[D]

We can all just stand there on my lawn?

[B]

Oh, I'm not sure I wanted to stand. Or you with your penis in the sun and not.

[A]

I pictured you for, like, crisscross applesauce.

[B]

Isn't that funny? I pictured him standing because you have to get the right angle.

[D]

I imagine if I was crisscross applesauce, my. My peen probably couldn't angle right. I have to be standing.

[B]

I pictured him hip. Hands on hips, pelvic forward, and there's Just. Just the right angle.

[A]

Well, the. But you have to. There has to be a manipulation involved. Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Chopsticks.

[A]

No.

[D]

What do you mean, babe?

[B]

What are you talking about?

[A]

Chopsticks?

[D]

Manipulation of what?

[A]

To. To get your urethra pointed at.

[B]

Oh, you're talking about the other side.

[D]

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Hold it. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not erect when I'm doing this.

[B]

Okay. That's why I say getting really specific.

[C]

I suggest chopstick. I mean, just. I'm just.

[B]

Blue sky body part, babe.

[C]

The member.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

I could just use my. There's no reason why I shouldn't be able to just use my hands. I don't think that's against the rules of this.

[B]

I figured that was.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Chopstick sounds way unnecessary, babe.

[A]

It really does elevate elegant.

[C]

There is a elegant solution.

[D]

There is a beauty to that.

[A]

Yeah. So let me ask about the squirrels, please. The squirrels darting into traffic. Now, it seems like they do this a lot.

[D]

Animals are very sensitive to energy.

[B]

Sure they are. You know, animals can sense. Some animals can sense an earthquake seconds before it happens and whatnot. But this doesn't seem like the same thing.

[A]

No. And I guess I need to know what level of frequency is normal for squirrels to do this to you. What is it now?

[D]

What level of frequency in terms of time or in terms of like radiation on the spectrum of ultraviolet, you know, energy.

[B]

Well, Bern, I think you just meant the speed of the squirrels. Right?

[A]

I meant the frequency. The frequency. Thank you.

[B]

Oh, I guess you. Okay, never mind. I'll stay out of it.

[D]

But again, frequency is sort of a term wave. Sound waves. Energy waves. Is that what you mean?

[A]

I meant time wise.

[D]

Time waves.

[A]

Yeah. I was not in any way thinking about the ultraviolet because I wouldn't be

[D]

able to even answer you. I don't know.

[B]

Work.

[A]

Yeah. So. So let's say in an hour, what is normal? What is a normal number of squirrels to be dashing into the street.

[B]

Yes, for you.

[D]

Oh, when I'm activating my powers.

[B]

No, just when you're observing squirrels.

[A]

We need the baseline first.

[B]

Thank you. That's exactly right.

[D]

I would say maybe twice in an hour.

[A]

Twice in an hour. Okay.

[D]

Now is that true to your observations as well?

[A]

I guess I never thought of it.

[B]

A little higher. I put it at about four or five. In an hour.

[A]

Four or five in an hour on

[B]

our street, for sure.

[A]

You know what? I could see that.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so now what?

[D]

When I'm activating my powers, about five

[B]

or six, that is, I mean, this is what I'm saying. It's not.

[A]

It's really not that much of an increase.

[B]

No, there just isn't

[A]

very early on.

[B]

I know, Hector, but do you understand how it's confusing for me because I just said I normally observe and have ever since the beginning of my time on this earth. Four or five times. You are talking the difference of one squirrel friend.

[A]

And now we do have no pain. Get excited, squirrel, please.

[C]

So

[A]

you are saying that Stephanie noticed this? I noticed this.

[D]

But I saw it on the app

[A]

and you said that must be me causing that to happen.

[D]

I believe so.

[A]

Your own personal noticing is when your eyes are shut, they've turned white.

[D]

My eyes aren't shut. They can't see. I'm momentarily blind.

[B]

That's even more terrifying. Right, so he's just white eyed and shaking. How? How? And naked.

[A]

And do you. I love that. I love that show on Netflix.

[D]

I'm not naked. I'm just unzipped.

[A]

Just unzipped. Okay. And. And how do you know that your

[B]

eyes show on Netflix?

[A]

Not naked, just unzipped.

[B]

Hollander.

[A]

Unzip, you fucking idiot. Unzip. And. And, and how do you know that your eyes are white? Someone seen this and told you I'm describing.

[D]

Oh, you know what would be smart? If. If I recorded myself. And I've never done that.

[B]

Something else.

[D]

And I should do that. And I'll send in the recording.

[B]

I know that you need to.

[D]

But I'm just describing what I'm seeing. My vantage point is just pure white.

[A]

It just goes white. Because you're staring at the sun.

[D]

And that's part of how I channel my power.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I think. I think what you're. I think you're mistaking an almost bodily injury to yourself as power.

[D]

If you don't believe me, explain this.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Okay, explain why in the hours after I activate my energies, my face is pink.

[B]

Do you want to.

[D]

I undergo a change. I undergo a change.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Your skin undergoes a change.

[D]

A physical change.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Why don't you tell them?

[B]

You know that is most likely a tiny little sunburn from the skin all on your face. Face. Because that's what happens when you go out in the sun. And I'm imagining you're not putting on a good spf. It sounds like you said you only put your SPF on your member. Sounds like.

[D]

But the pink aura, you didn't get

[B]

the rest of your body.

[D]

The pink aura that I have in concert with all the other things, doesn't that seem to you like it paints A picture of that I have powers

[B]

paints a picture of someone who should be worried about their skin and saving it from harmful rays from the sun that we all know now we need to protect ourselves from.

[A]

Oh, it's our enemy.

[B]

And.

[A]

And the sun absolutely is. Absolutely.

[B]

It's trying to kill us.

[A]

Yes. It hates us.

[B]

And you're letting it, you know, you're walking out.

[D]

It's the source of our power.

[B]

I mean, we need it. We do need it. So there's that. It's a tricky. It's a real hard. It's an abusive relationship that we're in with the sun.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

It's kind of a character in our story.

[D]

Well, I came to apologize, really, because I feel responsible. I feel guilty that this chaos is because of me.

[B]

I don't call it chaos.

[A]

I wouldn't call it chaos.

[D]

I wouldn't say that you were disturbing the town's people.

[B]

No, it's not. Stephanie just observed it.

[A]

Stephanie really was asking, has anyone else seen this?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And she's saying. Cutting people off, Saying, don't say. It happens all the time.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And so the evidence that you have of your powers manifesting is you thought you heard something lift up. When you looked, you saw that a toothpick was the same place where it was.

[B]

The unmistakable sound of a toothpick lifting up off its table.

[D]

It's the only thing that would have been because there was nothing else around.

[B]

Well, you were outside, right? So it could have been a leaf, it could have been a twig, it could have been a bug. It could have been a bird that flew by. It could have been a squirrel. I hate to play devil's advocate, it's

[D]

just that we were talking.

[A]

I truly cannot imagine. I can't summon the sound of something lifting up. Do you know what I mean? It's really hard.

[C]

I think I can do it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. It to us.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[D]

The levitation didn't make a sound, but it lifted up. I mean, listen, I'm gonna. I'm gonna lift up this glass and you will tell me if it makes a sound to you, okay?

[A]

No, nothing.

[B]

Did you do it?

[A]

He did it.

[B]

Did you do it? I was looking away and I.

[D]

And hold on. And as I place it back down, I heard that.

[A]

Because it's making contact with something.

[D]

Well, that's what I heard.

[C]

My sound was pretty.

[A]

There wasn't like a scraping of any kind.

[B]

I don't think it's fair to call me a non believer when this is the evidence that you have because it's just not enough.

[A]

It's really not.

[B]

I do think video. Taking a video of yourself when you're doing this is perhaps a good idea. Although I don't think you should send it around a lot. I think it'll be very, very, you know, startling to a lot of people. There's a lot going on in what you describe of this ritual that might be concerning.

[A]

It would be considered porn. I think people would assume this must be some kind of porn thing.

[D]

I can do it live.

[B]

I suppose I would live stream that. I mean, I don't know if I would do that.

[D]

It's almost 3:00' clock now, actually.

[B]

Oh, boy. All right.

[A]

I mean, are you saying you want to give a demonstration?

[D]

I could now on air. I mean, it would probably be boring.

[B]

Well, this is a podcast, so it wouldn't be live anyway. So it'd be live for us. It'd be live for us, though.

[A]

It'd be live for us. It could be.

[B]

It could be helpful and understanding, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, I'm not sure I should allow it to happen, but I guess, I

[A]

mean, we're all grown ups here.

[B]

I suppose.

[D]

So let's. Nudity isn't sexual. I mean, in this case, it's not sexual.

[A]

It's not always sexual.

[B]

No, of course. As long as.

[D]

If you want sex, I know a place you can go. Erotic books and toys.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And there you go.

[A]

We're not gonna do. Let's not do any buzzmarking commercial for erotic.

[D]

I was told I could promote my store.

[B]

Babe. What? You need to start picking. We did, we sat down.

[C]

Every guest gets plugged.

[B]

No, we did a form letter. We don't and we didn't permit. We didn't promise plugging. You have to send a form letter. I won't.

[C]

Okay. I put in a couple little carrots in there and added my own because I didn't think it was quite clear enough.

[D]

Well, I apologize for plugging. We are having a Veterans Day sale all weekend long.

[A]

That's. I think that's early.

[B]

Early.

[A]

Yeah. Support our troops.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

If you're active military,

[A]

do they get to enter the store first?

[D]

30% off.

[B]

I mean, if you're feeling the, the, the impulse, I suppose he could demonstrate if you just gonna go outside and do it.

[A]

Yeah. Here. Why don't we open the window so we can hear him?

[B]

Okay.

[D]

There won't be much to hear.

[A]

Okay. All right. But we'll be able to watch you.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Should we give you a toothpick?

[D]

I'M ready for something heavier.

[B]

Okay. What should we give him, Bernd, to give him A cornucopia?

[D]

Four toothpicks. Sounds perfect.

[C]

I've got tons of toothpicks in here.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

I bet you do. I bet you do.

[B]

All right. You wanna run them down to him? Maybe a couple.

[A]

You wanna toss them out the window?

[C]

Oh, yeah, I'll toss them. Not the one idea.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

That's not gonna make it sound either, I can tell you that.

[A]

So it's tossed.

[B]

We're not even gonna hear.

[A]

Are you not tossing the whole pack? You're just gonna toss four toothpicks?

[C]

Four toothpicks?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Sorry.

[A]

Did you toss them out?

[C]

No. Are you ready?

[D]

Oh, where should I. Am I.

[B]

Go ahead and go out. Go out the door and close the window.

[A]

Can you see him?

[C]

You see me?

[D]

I see your. Yeah.

[B]

Just bring your microphone with you.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

I'm still waving.

[D]

I see you.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Are you gonna be able to do this with one hand for your microphone and one hand for the other stuff? Is this gonna be okay?

[C]

It's just a toothpick.

[D]

I'm gonna try my best.

[B]

What I'm talking about is the toothpick.

[D]

Now toss them.

[C]

Here's a list of things you probably don't want to do right now.

[B]

No, no.

[C]

Somebody throwing a tooth.

[D]

What's the last thing?

[C]

The last thing.

[B]

Good. Good question.

[C]

Last thing you. The last thing you should do is point your member up now before I throw the toothpick.

[B]

That's for sure.

[A]

The clock is ticking, Doug though.

[B]

It is.

[A]

We do have to get to something

[C]

you don't want to do. Don't open your mouth. You don't want the toothpick going in there.

[B]

I think these are.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

All right. All into it. All right, fine.

[B]

You're.

[D]

There you go.

[C]

Ready?

[D]

I'm ready.

[B]

All right. Did you get him? I couldn't hear anything.

[D]

Did you guys see that?

[B]

Oh, no. What?

[D]

Did you see how they didn't fall straight down. They sort of went to the side.

[B]

Well, it's a little windy.

[A]

Yeah. They're toothpicks.

[B]

I'm just not sure.

[D]

I think my powers are already activating because they didn't fall straight down. They kind of.

[C]

I saw it out.

[D]

You saw it? Doug saw it.

[C]

It didn't go in a straight line. I'm just. I'm just reporting what I see.

[B]

I understand.

[A]

Extraordinary.

[B]

That's not really proof of anything. There's a breeze.

[A]

We're coming up on a countdown.

[B]

Okay, Here we go.

[A]

Ten, nine.

[D]

Wait, let me see.

[B]

Seven, oh, boy.

[A]

Six, five, four, three, two, one.

[B]

Oh, we have lift off.

[D]

3:00pm oh, my.

[A]

Look at him go.

[B]

No, he didn't. He's not aware of what he says. He's speaking in tongues.

[A]

That wasn't even part of it. His eyes are white. He is trembling, like to beat the band.

[B]

Yep. There's nothing happening to the toothpicks.

[A]

By the way, he's making it sound like a weird cat when they're eating. You know,

[B]

they eat.

[A]

They make noise for their whole meal. Oh, seems like building.

[B]

Wait, no, that's just a car alarm. I hate that one. That's my least favorite. Now, here comes the. Hector.

[A]

Okay, he's kind of come out of the tramp.

[B]

Guys, can you hear us? Are you back?

[D]

I was totally blinded just now.

[B]

Yeah, we could see that.

[D]

Were the toothpicks floating?

[B]

No, no, they were just on the ground.

[A]

I'm gonna tell you, Hector, absolutely nothing happened.

[B]

Except a lot happened to you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You were speaking in a very straight. First you were speaking in tongues. It seemed like. Then you sounded like a cat eating. And then you were. A car alarm.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you have any memory of that?

[D]

Did you see anything in the face? My mind is wiped.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[D]

My mind is wiped. Have a memory of what happens?

[A]

Never. So you lose time.

[D]

I lose. I could have been gone for an hour. I could have been gone for two days. I could have been gone for a minute.

[B]

We just told you we were going to be your eyes. And we were. And we watched the toothpicks, and they did not move.

[A]

Okay, can I tell you what we saw?

[B]

Yeah, tell them what we saw.

[A]

We saw a man holding his penis, Shaking uncontrollably, his eyes rolled back in his head, making the weirdest noises, and

[B]

nothing else happening except for. Yes, you have a tiny sunburn. Now,

[D]

I thought you were gonna say a tiny something else, and I was gonna be very offended.

[B]

No, we're trying to get away from that. We're not.

[A]

No, for the listener, Hector has a huge penis. Congratulations.

[D]

It's quite average.

[B]

All right, we're not gonna get. We're not gonna litigate the member.

[D]

If you want a bigger one, I know where you can find erotic potatoes.

[A]

Yes, of course.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Okay. Hector, I do wish that you would make me take up a different hobby, because I don't think that this is healthy for you.

[A]

Agree to disagree.

[D]

Okay, I'm gonna continue refining my powers. I'm okay with you not believing.

[A]

And Joan, stare at the mic out of those chips.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

Can't believe you did it again.

[D]

May I issue an apology to Stephanie nonetheless? Because I do think I've wronged her. She's frightened.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And I just want her to know that I'm working on controlling my powers better.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. I think that's great. But I just also. I want you to spend some more time inside. I want you to go see a dermatologist. Absolutely. I want her to take a look at your skin.

[D]

Okay. I was worried for a second. My insurance doesn't cover that, but it does

[B]

covers therapy. It should cover dermatology.

[A]

I think I'll also go to an ophthalmologist.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Have those eyes checked out.

[B]

Definitely. That's a great idea.

[D]

Yes. What other professionals should I see? Because my urologist.

[B]

Probably all of it.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Probably.

[A]

Can you go to therapy twice a day?

[B]

Every day?

[D]

I suppose I could look into it.

[A]

Does your therapist know about this activity?

[D]

I've never told her.

[B]

I would get a therapist for your penis as well, because I think that that might be necessary.

[A]

Physical therapist.

[B]

I think what you're putting it through is I've never.

[D]

That's so funny is I do this every day. I've never told my therapist to. About it.

[A]

You should probably mention it.

[B]

That's. What do you guys talk about?

[D]

Oh, dating. And

[A]

do you date much?

[D]

It's hard. It's hard to meet somebody in your 30s.

[B]

There might be some other reasons you're having a hard time finding someone.

[D]

Well, I don't know. I'm just. I'm on the apps. I'm on the apps. People swiping away. It's. It's just tough.

[A]

When's the last time you were in a relationship?

[D]

Nine months ago.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

See, doesn't the timing mean something to you if you.

[A]

Did the relationship end when you started this practice?

[D]

I never put that together.

[B]

Well, you should.

[A]

You should.

[B]

Because I do think that this is isolating you, and I think it's harming you.

[D]

And, you know, the ultimate irony is I'm using these powers to try to connect.

[B]

I would also stop calling them powers because I don't think that's what you have.

[D]

Again, we're agreeing to disagree. I thought we agreed on that.

[B]

Enough. You did.

[D]

I know what I know. I know what I see. I know what I experience when I'm under those spells.

[C]

Well.

[D]

And the answer is I see nothing.

[B]

Oh. Oh. Okay. Well, that should be your answer. Right?

[A]

But if somebody else says they saw something, you say, that must be because of you.

[B]

It must be me. I see. Well, this is where we usually Wish you the best of luck. And I do. I just wish you would stop doing this because I'm just very worried about you.

[A]

Yeah. I don't think it's healthy. I do wish you the best of luck.

[B]

Luck.

[D]

Thank you so much.

[A]

Well, you're welcome.

[B]

And we mean it.

[D]

And you know what? Here are some vouchers for the bookstore.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

20% off on top of the Veterans Day sale.

[A]

I'll take a couple of those.

[C]

Yeah, I don't think any of us are veterans.

[A]

Okay, so it's just 20%.

[D]

I don't like to assume it's just 20% for veterans.

[A]

It's 50%. Yes. They get the 30 and then the 20 on top.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

They deserve it.

[A]

They deserve it.

[B]

So. Yeah.

[D]

Excluding things that are on markdown.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

So that's all of the bees and the. The plants.

[A]

None of the bees and plants are marked down? The bees and plants are marked down?

[D]

Yeah, they're on the clearance. Okay. Clearance rack.

[B]

So something's sort of.

[D]

Don't try to get the 50% off of something already.

[C]

Do you buy each bee individually or does it come in like a hive?

[D]

We breed them in store.

[A]

No, but for a customer.

[B]

What's the.

[D]

Oh, it's by the hive.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

You don't sell Lucy's.

[B]

No. Okay.

[D]

It's by the hive.

[A]

All right. That's good to. By the hive.

[B]

That's a lot to take on.

[A]

It really is.

[B]

All right.

[A]

You smell that? Sell that smoke bag, the big suit? Yeah. The smoke bag makes the bees go to sleep calm.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I don't need that to control the bees. I already have a different way to

[A]

control the bees I met at the store.

[B]

We have to go.

[A]

All right. Hector, I'm sorry. I don't think we. I mean, do you feel like you got your message out there?

[D]

I'm at peace with how this went. I know that you two were not swayed. You weren't convinced. I'm gonna continue practice. In fact, I'm gonna double down on my efforts.

[B]

Okay. I can't stop you triple down from doing that.

[A]

Triple down? What does that look like?

[C]

Triple dog down?

[B]

No.

[D]

Probably just be out there for longer. Maybe when the sun is stronger, I'll start going out at noon instead of three o' clock, and we'll see if that makes a difference.

[B]

Maybe it will. I'm worried about you and I wish you well.

[A]

I wish you well. I'm not worried about you, but I wish you well. You well.

[D]

I appreciate that. Thank you.

[B]

Doug. Do you have any Fighting words.

[C]

Keep your peeing up.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Keep.

[B]

Great. Keep your pe.

[A]

Anything else? Seeing as you're still outside, is there anything else you'd like Doug to throw out the window?

[D]

Oh, my keys are still in there.

[C]

You want a few grapes, few olives to go?

[D]

Yeah. And one of the hard cobs.

[C]

You want some hard cops?

[B]

He wants one of the rock hard cobs.

[D]

One of the rock hard cobs is pretty set.

[A]

Keys in a hard cob coming up.

[C]

Pretty set. Okay, no problem.

[A]

All right, well, we'll be back with more neighborhood listen when the neighborhood listen comes back.

[C]

Bye.

[B]

Hi there. It's Josie. I've got an artificial potted tree for $30. Tall artificial tree and decorated of pot. I know. I know what you're gonna say. It's what everyone else says. That Josie, that's a Christmas tree. It's fake Christmas tree. And so who would want a fake Christmas tree any other time than. Than. Than Christmas? And. And. And, you know, and then what the hell are you gonna do with it? And I. I disagree. This is. This is such a versatile. Easter Bunny's on it at Easter time. And you can put American flags on it for fourth of July. It's in any time tree. I promise you. I'm only getting rid of it because I want someone else to have the joy that I've had from it, so. And I. I would get joy from $30. Oh, sorry.

[A]

Welcome back.

[B]

That was just really. Just upsetting.

[A]

No, he's out of his mind.

[B]

Can you believe we watched that?

[A]

It was not.

[B]

That's the weirdest thing that's ever happened on our podcast.

[A]

I have to say, it was really unpleasant to watch.

[B]

Yeah. I can't unsee it.

[A]

It looked like he was in a lot of discomfort.

[B]

He was possessed. Yeah, it was bad.

[A]

It was bad.

[C]

It's a very penile episode.

[B]

It sure was. You started it off, babe.

[C]

I really

[B]

rock hardcore, Hollander. Would you like some rock hardcore Thing about my corn Hollander?

[A]

You look stupid and are stupid.

[B]

To be very clear, I think all the actors in the show were great. I thought they were wonderful.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

But it was. It's just. There was just a lot. They said so much of the same thing so often, and it made me crazy.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Did you think my toothpick lifting sound was cool?

[A]

It was okay.

[C]

That's my superpower. If I had one.

[B]

To be honest, I didn't notice it

[A]

to come up with noises. Sound effects.

[C]

No. I can make, like, two sounds at the same time.

[A]

Oh, sure.

[B]

Oh, the one you did. Oh, a Two tone.

[C]

I guess you can do it too.

[A]

Uh.

[B]

Oh. Oh, no.

[C]

Well, that's cool. Actually, we can both.

[B]

You still special? Special, babe.

[C]

Thanks.

[A]

Can you do it, Joan? Can you whistle?

[B]

No.

[A]

How do you know?

[B]

Have you ever tried trying to do two tones?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did I do it? Oh, I made escrow bark. Escrow, actually Heard that. Wow, that's great.

[A]

I wonder what it means to him.

[C]

Frequency, I would say.

[A]

The way that you were holding your lips. I don't. I don't think that. That, like when I do it. Look at me when I do it. Okay.

[B]

Yes. Yeah. Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You think I'm.

[A]

Here's what you did.

[B]

All right. You know what that is? I'm feeling very attacked.

[C]

No, not everyone.

[A]

We're not needling you.

[B]

You were needling me. I was the only one to try it, and I had no precedent for it. And I went ahead and I jumped off the cliff and I took a leap of faith.

[C]

I thought I was the only one who could do that.

[A]

Truly Never heard anyone else do that.

[C]

No. And in fact, that's how. One of the skills I used to get into the whistle choir. You should try out.

[B]

Oh, you maybe could.

[A]

Maybe I should make sure that the

[B]

world's not coming to an end first because the incident. And then I would do it again with the incident.

[A]

Okay, we have time for one more post.

[B]

Yes, we do. The post is. The post is.

[A]

What's the. The post?

[B]

The post is from Aaron. A Ron Aaron. And it says what reference to the key appeals. But there's. There's a whole thing. A whole generational thing for people named Aaron spelled that way that. That. That really affected them, that the people always would. Always would say that back to them when they say their name.

[A]

So now is it.

[B]

Oh, so it's just synonymous now with someone? Yes. People do it all the time to them of a certain age. Like nothing. I guess it says, hi, everyone. I need help catching Ra the attic. I spent $1,000 with Terminix to help me do rodent control and exclusion. Deroad to help me do rodent do rodent do rodent control and exclusion. What is that?

[A]

To help me do rodent control.

[B]

Help me do rodent control and exclusion.

[A]

Rat on roof.

[B]

Go yourself.

[A]

Rat on attic.

[C]

In Russia, rodent exclude you.

[B]

Oh, boy. Doug's getting into the Russian accents.

[A]

What if Yakov Smirnov. That was his delivery in Russia. Roland exclude you.

[B]

Haven't thought about that name in a long time.

[A]

Really was a threat instead of a funny observation.

[B]

They set traps up there that makes it sound like he's talking about the rats. But it's already a week. I can hear the rat grinding wood sounds every night.

[A]

Grinding wood sounds.

[B]

Grinding wood sounds.

[A]

My gosh.

[B]

What else can be done to catch it? From what I hear, seems only one rat. The activity area seems only at one of the corner of the attic. Nope. One of the corner. One of the corner of attic. He should have read the whole thing. Like this note. All this comes with HOA Replacing roof. I guess that's just an extra gripe.

[A]

Take a little shot at the HOA on your way out. Why not?

[B]

Besides, the very strange way that Aaron

[A]

wrote this almost reads like a telegram.

[B]

Yes. It really. It makes me think that he's alone in this house and becoming maybe going a little crazy. Like a little stir crazy because of the way he's written it. Makes me worried that I'm gonna see it. We're gonna see it scrawled on the wall.

[A]

You know, like a telltale heart situation.

[B]

It could be. Yes, it could be. And because the fact that he's just zeroing in on this one rat, I don't know what rat wood sounds are. I suppose grinding wood. Grinding wood sounds are. Sorry. That's what I meant to say.

[A]

You never heard groundwood?

[B]

I've never heard. Not really. I wouldn't say. I know the sound of someone scraping on wood.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Groundwood.

[A]

Grinding wood. Wood.

[B]

That could be a Rhubarb Caravan album, babe.

[A]

Oh. Grinding wood.

[C]

Grinding wood.

[B]

Pretty good.

[C]

Yeah, I like it.

[A]

I can see that cover very clearly.

[B]

Yeah, me too.

[C]

Album cover.

[A]

Like.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like you and the rest of the guys, you're in sepia. Like you're in a golden frame.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

It's a brown album cover.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Gold frame. You guys sepia in there? Maybe wearing Civil war uniforms.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

Definitely.

[C]

It was all sepia back then.

[A]

Then it's cps. You don't know which side, baby.

[B]

You know it didn't look. I think sometimes he thinks it looked like that back then.

[C]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

I. I've known people like kids that. Kids. I grew up with that thought. I think I met two people who thought that when movies were in black and white, it's because the world was in black and white.

[B]

You met two people?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I'm wondering if I thought of that as a kid, though.

[A]

I'm wondering if I thought of that as a kid.

[B]

And I'm not sure that I could pull that memory ray up. I don't know that I could.

[A]

I don't know if I could.

[B]

Anyways, Aaron, I don't know what to tell you, because if they set traps, then you either have a very smart rat who just knows how to avoid the traps.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or, I mean, if you really want to get rid of it.

[A]

Maybe they trapped him in that corner.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Maybe the rat is seeing the traps like, I'm stuck here.

[B]

Oh, I see.

[A]

I gotta grind wood.

[B]

Just put a bunch of traps around him in the corner. Now he's just stuck.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That's terrible.

[A]

We're gonna starve him to death.

[B]

I don't like that idea.

[A]

I don't like that idea idea either.

[B]

What would you do if you had a rat in the house? Would you be immediately getting rid of it, or did you want to try to save it and not have it die first?

[A]

I try to reason with him.

[B]

Okay, that's a good. That's number one.

[A]

What's the last thing I want to do? The last thing I want to do is to get in some sort of, you know, Face off with this rat.

[B]

Oh, yeah. You don't want to do a Face off with a rat.

[A]

No, not like the movie. I don't think we're going to Face Off.

[B]

I didn't mean that. I didn't mean that.

[A]

Do you know what's funny in Face Off? Is that the guy whose idea was to do the bad guy who wants to do the Face Off.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

It's like. But you know what? Don't just throw the other face away. Put it. Put it on him.

[C]

Don't want to waste it.

[A]

I'm going to take his face for a specific purpose. Yeah, but he is my mortal enemy.

[C]

I don't think I've ever actually seen that movie. I've always been to.

[B]

Are you serious, babe?

[C]

Face Off.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I saw when it came out, and I remember very little and perhaps three things.

[B]

You're annoyed about having to do it for Face Off?

[A]

I'm trying to remember if I remember three. I remember.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Annie.

[C]

Cool.

[A]

Which is what John Travolta, as Nicolas

[B]

Cage, says, I actually don't remember that.

[A]

I remember, obviously, Face Off.

[B]

Yes. Who could forget Nicholas Cage?

[A]

John Travolta is Carla Gugino in that one?

[B]

I don't believe so.

[A]

Some woman.

[B]

Are you telling me you don't remember this dumb waterfall thing that they.

[A]

No, that was part of.

[B]

That's.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

That to me, is folded under Face Off. I want to take his face off.

[B]

Oh, but it's like a. Oh, but

[A]

no, it's a thing with the daughter.

[B]

So dumb.

[A]

It's very dumb.

[B]

And lots of doves.

[A]

And it's a John Woo, so of course, lots of doves.

[B]

Lots of. Lots of doves.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And the weird thing where he's like,

[A]

watch along to this.

[B]

I mean, if Doug hasn't seen it,

[A]

that never seen this movie, that might

[B]

be an incredible watch.

[A]

I think we should do a watch along of Face Off.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Face slash off.

[B]

Face slash off. That's right. Face Off. No, not a backslash. I don't think.

[A]

I think it might be a backslash.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

I think it's.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I think it's face, backslash off.

[B]

Face, backslash off.

[A]

Let me see. I want to make sure it's the

[C]

forward slash used for anything.

[B]

Now I'm wondering, isn't it in some

[A]

web addresses, like before people realized you could just say the name of the

[B]

place.com, but can't you just say slash? Or do you have to say forward slash, forward?

[A]

It's like, I know there's a podcast I listen to where their patreon is. The name of their podcast. It's the Patreon forward slash.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then the name of their podcast. Interesting.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. Is this where we find out. We think that the forward slash and the. And the backslash are.

[B]

Are the wrong other.

[C]

We have a wrong Imagine.

[B]

Yeah, we might have it wrong. What does it say?

[A]

Face Off.

[B]

Oh, he's looking up. Face Off.

[A]

Face Off. It's face forward slash.

[B]

I thought so.

[A]

Wow. 1998. It is used at least once.

[B]

I've seen the movie too many times, so it should be interesting.

[A]

Too many times. How many times have you seen a Joan?

[C]

Why?

[A]

That's my second question.

[B]

Well, you know that, you know, my mother loved Sean Connery and so we ended up seeing the Rock a lot, right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That made us big Nicolas Cage fans. We loved his crazy.

[A]

And so come for the Connery, say, for the kids Cage.

[B]

We sure did. And so of course, we came for the Travolta and the Cage.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Because my mom loved John Travolta as well. From the. Yes.

[A]

And now a big Frankie Face on fan since he did that commercial with them where they sing the Grease songs. Well, now I have to seek out

[C]

all of his Face On.

[B]

Apply directly to your forehead.

[A]

Done it.

[B]

All right. Maybe we should do a Face off watch along. We will see.

[A]

We absolutely should. Yes. I can stand to see that again.

[B]

Oh, yeah, me too.

[A]

Because people love it.

[B]

They do.

[A]

And it's one of those movies where I think that people love It. Because they saw it a bunch on vhs.

[B]

Yes, I think so. And I also think that it was one of those. I think even they leaned into the spirit of, like, we know this science is ridiculous and we don't care. We're not even gonna both. They're having fun, you know, And I think when you can tell people are aware of that, then you can buy into it a little easier.

[A]

Absolutely. They're not trying to fool you.

[B]

No, they're not trying to fool you. I think Nicolas Cage thought it was all real, but

[A]

I remember because he had to be the worried dad, so he had to do a lot of moping.

[B]

Yes, he did. He didn't have as much fun. And then Travolta got to have all the fun.

[A]

It did not seem like in my memory. It did not seem like he was actually having fun.

[B]

What's going to really bother you is I don't think you remember the name of the character and his brother.

[A]

I do.

[B]

You do? Because it did bother you.

[A]

Yes. Well, it didn't bother me. I was just like, okay.

[B]

Yeah. All right. Well, then we won't say anything. I don't want to ruin again.

[A]

This movie knows what it's doing.

[B]

It knows what it's doing. That's right.

[C]

It's not Mucus, is it?

[B]

No, it's not Mucus.

[A]

Great name for a movie villain. Mucus and Shmus.

[B]

Oh, not those guys again. Here they come.

[C]

My name is Mucus.

[A]

Wait, the ones.

[B]

Was that you doing Sean Connory saying my name is Mucus?

[A]

Yes, your name will be Mucus. Don't crush me. But your name will be Mucus.

[C]

Almost out of Jimmy Stewart.

[B]

They send one of you to the hospital. You send one of the mucuses to the morgue.

[A]

You're bringing phlegm to a mucus fight.

[B]

I suddenly remember my shot again. The rocks, the birds in the sky and the Mucus.

[A]

You have to do the sound again. Well, that does it for this episode of the Neighborhood. Listen, if you'd like to hear ad free versions of the show or gain access to our bonus room content, go to cbbworld.com Sign up on the Maximus tier and you get all that fun stuff. And. And that's it, I think. Oh, Follow us on Instagram, the Neighborhood Listener.

[B]

On Instagram.

[A]

You can see the post that we use on the show. And that's it, listeners. Thank you so much for joining us. We'll be back next week and until then,

[B]

burnt goodbye and bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed.

[A]

The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins and me,

[C]

Nicole Parker and me, Brett Morris.

[A]

This episode's guest was played by Paul Robolino. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang world.

[B]

Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show ad free as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maxima subscribers. Your support keeps the show going. Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[A]

Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Head Gum.

[B]

Each episode we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show. This is us.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[A]

Are we gonna cry? Yes, a little bit. Are we gonna laugh a lot?

[B]

A whole lot.

[A]

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that Was Us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.