I’m Becoming An Incel, Help! | Reddit Stories

Summary

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The Neurodivergent Experience

Episode: I’m Becoming An Incel, Help! | Reddit Stories

Hosts: Jordan James & Simon Scott
Date: July 29, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively, unfiltered episode, Jordan and Scott debut their new Reddit Stories format by reading and responding to real posts from the neurodivergent corners of Reddit. With humor and honesty, they offer advice, dissect community perspectives, and share their own neurodivergent experiences, spanning themes of loneliness, gaming habits, workplace social challenges, and the nuances of dating within a neurodiverse lens.

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Major Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Reddit Stories?

Jordan and Scott explain the podcast’s new focus on Reddit stories, noting the rich, authentic content Reddit users bring to discussions on neurodivergence.

• Jordan: “We actually think doing Reddit stories and discussing what the community is talking about is going to be a more rounded and interesting show for you, our community.” (02:21)
• Podcast life updates: Both hosts express that sharing only their personal stories has run its course, especially given the demands of their full-time jobs.

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2. Reddit Story #1: “I’m Becoming An Incel, Help!”

(04:06-18:15)

Summary of the Reddit Post:
A 16-year-old boy, likely autistic, feels rejected and misunderstood by peers, especially girls, and worries he’s becoming an “incel.” He seeks advice on fitting in, overcoming increasing bitterness, and avoiding negative patterns.

Key Insights & Responses:

• Both hosts recognize aspects of their teenage selves in the poster’s struggles.
• Jordan: “There’s a lot of pressure on young people to have these massive groups and social circles... The pressures people are put under by, like, social norms, make them feel like they don’t belong.” (06:33)
• The hosts highlight the social media effect on youth—unlike previous generations, today’s teens face scrutiny and rumor-spreading online.
• Jordan: “I don’t think he’s an incel...because he’s recognizing that behavior. It’s a bit like, you can’t be a narcissist if you think you’re a narcissist.” (07:31)
• Scott: “School sucks... High school sucks. It’s a prison for young people… you come home and think, ‘everybody hates me’... but when you break it down, it’s usually three or four people.” (08:51)
• Advice: Avoid generalizations, avoid catastrophic thinking, recognize “your world is small right now—wait until you meet more people.”
• The pressure to be “normal” is discussed, as is the misconception of thinking neurotypicals always thrive socially.
• Jordan: “Look for the good in yourself.” (14:57)
• Discussion on building community through shared interests, not just neurotype—hobbies are effective for meeting like-minded people. (17:29)
• Scott: “A real community is based around hobbies and interests more than neurotypes.” (18:15)

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3. Reddit Story #2: “How Do You Actually Finish Games With ADHD?”

(19:14-34:24)

Summary:
A Redditor with ADHD laments their ever-growing backlog of unfinished games and inability to stay interested, even in titles they’re excited for.

Key Insights:

• Hosts share their own mountains of unfinished games, and the pattern of hyperfixating, dropping, or rotating games is echoed as common among neurodivergent people.
• Jordan: “Game sales are basically just toilet for my money, because that’s where I’m throwing it... three years later... I’ve just never played that game.” (26:21)
• Scott: “The amount of video games on my PC that I haven’t finished... blows my mind.” (24:04)
• Distinction between ADHD “newness seeking” and autistic repetition/100-percenting games is discussed.
• Practical advice: Don’t buy new games until you finish your current ones; beware sales and avoid the trap.
• Comments from the Reddit thread highlight focusing on fun over completion, with some advocating less ethical means (piracy, mods) to make games more accessible or enjoyable.
• Jordan: “If you have at least two or three video games you haven’t completed yet, do not go on a sale.” (28:12)
• Co-hosts touch on online toxicity and the ways neurodivergents use games as a stim or to kill time.

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4. Reddit Story #3: “Am I the Asshole for Telling My Co-worker I’m Tired of Hearing About Her Nerdy Obsession?”

(34:24-50:40)

Summary:
A poster vents about a female coworker’s passionate love of Transformers, admitting to snapping and telling her off for “never shutting up about it.” After workplace backlash, the poster wonders if he was in the wrong.

Key Insights:

• Hosts quickly and vocally side with the coworker, highlighting the OP’s lack of empathy and apparent bullying.
• Scott: “If you are not interested, do what any other mature adult will do… Tune her out, nod, and move on.” (38:11)
• Jordan: “He’s dismissing what is important to her as just robots.” (45:16)
• Reflection on neurodivergent masking and the tendency for highly-masked people to dismiss or bully others for visible special interests.
• Scott: “He wasn’t putting down her special interest. He was bullying her.” (44:47)
• Both share personal workplace experiences being judged for their special interests or being called “immature.”
• Jordan: “People like this should have ‘dick’ just tattooed on their head because their dick is so small...” (41:29)
• Notable the original poster’s self-pitying update after community backlash: “I get it, I’m a piece of shit. Please stop messaging me telling me so.” (40:07)
• Discussion on how acceptance in relationships or workplaces transforms self-worth.

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5. Reddit Story #4: “Went on a Date with a Guy Who Is Neurodivergent for the First Time”

(52:46-66:59)

Summary:
A 31-year-old woman, diagnosed with ADHD, reflects on a date with a younger (23), multiply neurodivergent man (autism, ADD, Tourette’s). She’s unsure about navigating a relationship with a neurodivergent partner and asks for advice.

Key Insights:

• The hosts are amused that the OP identifies as ADHD yet doesn’t see herself as “neurodivergent,” noting this reflects a failure in the education/diagnosis process.
• Jordan: “If you can find a common interest and a common neurotype, that is just a recipe for success.” (63:05)
• Scott: “Do you vibe? Do you have chemistry? Do you hang out and walk away with more energy?” (65:25)
• Emphasis: Don’t overthink neurotype—focus on shared values, mutual respect, and energy.
• OP is praised for openness and willingness to learn; hosts urge communication and curiosity in neurodiverse dating.
• Community comment praised: “When you date somebody neurodivergent, you should take things at face value rather than second-guessing.” (58:44)
• Both hosts discuss their own partners and how relationships helped them and their fiancées embrace their neurodivergence.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jordan: “You can’t be a narcissist if you think you’re a narcissist.” (07:31)
• Scott: “School sucks. High school sucks. It’s a prison for young people...” (08:51)
• Jordan: “My advice to everyone who plays video games: If you have at least two to three video games that you haven’t completed yet. Do not go on a sale.” (28:12)
• Scott: “He wasn’t putting down her special interest. He was bullying her.” (44:47)
• Jordan: “If you’re looking for things wrong with them, that’s because you’ve been dating for a long time and you’re trying to find the perfect person. They don’t exist.” (65:59)
• Scott: “Do you want to see some more of the comments? This is a good one. If finishing every game is more work than fun, then it’s not worth it to me...” (32:29)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Reddit Stories Format Change & Introduction: 00:14–03:13
• Reddit Story #1: Incel Angst & Belonging 04:06–18:15
• Reddit Story #2: ADHD, Gaming, & Unfinished Business 19:14–34:24
• Reddit Story #3: Special Interests & Workplace Judgment 34:24–50:40
• Reddit Story #4: Neurodivergent Dating, Self-Reflection 52:46–66:59

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Tone & Style

Candid, humorous, supportive, and irreverent. Both hosts balance empathy with dry wit and often slide into playful banter and self-deprecating stories, making the conversation feel inclusive and real.

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Conclusion

This episode marks a shift to “community-powered” podcasting, with Jordan and Scott using real Reddit stories as a springboard for deep, relatable discussions about neurodivergent life. Topics such as identity, social struggles, masking, relationships, and passions are all explored through the lived experience of both hosts and listeners. Listeners are reminded to seek community through their genuine interests, give themselves grace, and remember: “Do you vibe?”

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For more episodes and ad-free access:
Visit Autistic Culture Plus and Autistic Culture Podcast Network

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Transcript

[Ashley Dupuy]

The autistic culture podcast network. The sound of autistic culture.

[Jordan]

Hello and welcome back, everybody. It's. It's the dawn of a new age. I'm sorry to tell all you neurodivergent people out there that really, really hate change, which is probably most of us, let's be honest. But we have actually decided, since you didn't comment and you didn't stop us, so I'm just blaming all you lot for this. We are now going fully Reddit.

[Scott]

Yeah, we're gonna have a go, aren't we?

[Jordan]

Oh.

[Scott]

He's like, yeah, no, we'll do it.

[Jordan]

We're doing it, Scott.

[Scott]

He's like, oh, no, no, we are. We are. We are doing it. Yeah. We've both been thinking about it, and there's only so much of our own experiences that we can reflect on. And also, as two people that work full time, we can only talk about so much of us lives before it becomes a bit.

[Jordan]

My life.

[Scott]

Treading over herself.

[Jordan]

So my life is not that interesting. No.

[Scott]

I sit at home, I make podcasts, and I did a video game. Yeah. What's happened in your neurodivergent life? I stayed indoors. Thanks, everybody.

[Jordan]

I played Halo while holding a giant Master Chief cuddly toy helmet.

[Scott]

Bye, everybody. See you next week, literally.

[Jordan]

And I'm still holding that helmet now. It's very squishy.

[Scott]

It's not my helmet. I am in the same room as him, though.

[Jordan]

So we are together. We are holding hands. Hold it. There you go. He's afraid of touch people. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not.

[Scott]

I. Like, I'll dap people up. But it's the. As soon as somebody touches me, I'm like, I.

[Jordan]

As soon as you walk through the door, I was ready to do one of my Jordan specialty man hugs that everybody gets who is close to me. They get a big man hug. Most people do not respond well to them, and they kind of stand there like a wet fish. Scotty, you are one of those people.

[Scott]

Yeah, it's because I was like, can I put my bag down?

[Jordan]

Yeah. I didn't let him put his bag. He'd driven for six hours in a car, and as he's come through the door, I'm like, give me the hug.

[Scott]

And then instantly my brain just goes, but I'm clammy and I got that car smell. But anyway, that's not the. The this. Do you want more of this? Is this what you want from us? Because we'll give it yet. No, exactly. Yeah. We are Both avid listeners of stuff, and we're both Reddit users. And after the hot topic that we did recently, talking about how many people are discussing neurodivergence on Reddit, and there's an absolute gold mine of people's experiences out there and how much interesting questions people are putting out and like, am I an. And so many of these stories are like neurodivergent coded. So we actually think doing Reddit stories and discussing what the community is talking about is going to be a more rounded and interesting show for you, our community. So let's do it, shall we?

[Jordan]

I'm dying in my brain. Because when you said that there's like all these stories, I just want to go, never ending stories. Never ending neurodivergent stories. Yeah, I'm a trained singer. I was trained by myself, which explains why I can't sing, which is funny

[Scott]

because I am actually a trained singer and I don't sing very often. There's the irony.

[Jordan]

Are we doing a duet? Never in story. Let's go. Full CARTMAN Anyway, right. Mr. Reader, hello.

[Scott]

That's me.

[Jordan]

That's you. You're a reader? I'm a responder. The first responder.

[Scott]

First responder. You're the first or something, right? Here we go. First official, like, Reddit reading Reddit. Hold on.

[Jordan]

Drum roll.

[Scott]

That's gonna be a cunt to edit out.

[Sophie James]

Wow.

[Scott]

We'll keep that in. Okay, here we go. This is in the neurodivergent Reddit thread. I'm becoming an incel. Help.

[Jordan]

Is that the story or is that just you?

[Scott]

No, I'm not declaring. Okay. I'm just putting. Just putting it out there.

[Jordan]

Okay, Reddit story.

[Scott]

Not anytime soon. Yeah, so here we go. I'm a 16 year old dude, I have a couple of friends, guys think I'm weird, girls are deathly scared of me, and I have started hating them and I don't know what to do. Oh dear, oh dear. For reference, I'm male, 16, 5 foot 9, average looking with acne. I am not diagnosed with anything, but my mum and brother are autistic and I likely have autism too. Just severe enough to get funding. Just imagine that where you just be like, oh, I could get my pennies.

[Jordan]

I'm just severe.

[Scott]

I have four friends in a class of 36.

[Sophie James]

That's.

[Scott]

That's a good ratio.

[Jordan]

I was gonna say that. That's more than I had.

[Scott]

He's doing all right.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Scott]

It's more than one. And it's not a hand puppet that I made in art Class people think I'm.

[Ashley Dupuy]

Ooh.

[Scott]

Grammar people think the boys will have conversations with. But the girls are actively scared of me. I have severe social anxiety due to being called ugly for all of high school brackets. I'm better looking now.

[Jordan]

Good stuff.

[Scott]

Yeah, we're getting there. I'm the dude who stands in the corners at parties. I feel no one outside of my close friends and family know me. A lot of guys in my grade are surprised when I like things similar to them. It's gotten so bad that my little brother's friends think I'm weird and they look down on me. Not literally. I tower over them. That's very autistic. All these things combined are making me hate almost everyone, especially teenage girls as they make fun of me the most. I don't know what to do. I just want to be a bit more normal. And I'm thinking about taking nootropics to be normal. Can I have some help? Suggestions? I'm just trying to become a bit more like, to the point where people don't tell me to shut the fuck up every time I speak. Right.

[Jordan]

Immediately I'm. I'm hearing a lot of myself. I'm just like, yeah, that sounds like me at school a lot. He actually sounds like he's got more friends than I had, to be fair.

[Sophie James]

Yeah.

[Scott]

He's 4 out of 36 is doing all right to be fair.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I think that there's a lot of pressure on young people to have like, this massive groups and social circles and stuff like that. So I think that the pressures that people put under by, like, social norms are making them feel like they don't belong and that they're out of place. So I think it's actually worse nowadays than it used to be, especially because of social media, because, you know, when. When I was at school back in the day when the dinosaurs r. Hey, kids.

[Scott]

Remember school? Yes.

[Jordan]

How'd you get there? Flintstones car. I. You know, when I was out of school, I didn't know what kids thought of me. I knew kids hated me when I was in school, but I didn't know they thought me outside of school. But now you get to go on social media and find out what everyone was saying behind your back, because now they're saying it behind your back on social media, which is to your face.

[Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And it is horrific. And I. I also think that my advice to this kid personally is that I don't think he's an incel. And I don't think he's becoming an incel. Because he's recognizing that behavior. And it's a bit like you, you can't be a narcissist if you think you're a narcissist. You can only be a narcissist.

[Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Recognize if you are portraying narcissistic behaviors and then you think you're a narcissist or you are doing is that you've got narcissistic behaviors that you need to work on, but you're not a true narcissist because true narcissists will deny that they're a narcissist and they won't recognize that what they're doing is damaging. But at least this kid is asking this question openly on Reddit, and I think that's a really good standpoint. He actually sounds like a really smart, sensible kid. Yeah, I mean, he used the word severe, but I'm guessing this is the US So that is a very generalized term and we still haven't gone past that. I like the fact that, you know, his family, you know, is autistic as well, and I, I think 16, very young. He can, he's got time to, to figure this out. What do you reckon?

[Scott]

Oh, so I would say to the opinion, school sucks. Oh, yeah, high school sucks. It's a prison for young people in a way that you're all lumped together and you just have to make do and mend with what you've been given. I wouldn't say all teenage girls are the same. Don't generalize just the people in front of you. Is everybody like, one of the things that I always used to really struggle with is I would come home from school, I'd be like, everybody hates me. And my parents would always be like, who's everybody?

[Jordan]

Yes, absolutely.

[Scott]

Who's everybody?

[Jordan]

Who are oldest?

[Scott]

Who's everybody? And then I'd break it down. She's like, oh, that's like three or four people that dislike you. It's like they're just, they're just dicks, which, you know, we can all be like that. He's 16. He's going into a world where everybody around him thinks they know everything and they don't. And it's really hard to find your identity when you don't feel like you fit in 100%.

[Jordan]

But it also, also this, which is very common with all of us, is catastrophizing, which is such a neurodivergent trait of just like blowing everything out.

[Scott]

And he's world small right now.

[Jordan]

So small. He's saying there's like 36 people. 36 people is not a lot of people.

[Scott]

Oh no, not even close. And like the older you get, the bigger your world gets and the more sample size of people you meet, it changes your perspective and gives you different information. Like if you, like if you're in a class of 36 people and we'll just generalize it, we'll split it down the middle. Half a half a girls, half a boys. I find nowadays, I mean, there's nothing makes you feel older than talking to a teenager, especially when you're over 30. But kids now all act the same age. Like I've spoken to a lot of 16 year olds like through family and everything. And because they've been on the Internet for the majority of their lives, they've grown up quick.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Scott]

So.

[Jordan]

Oh, much quicker.

[Scott]

Like, so like 16 year olds now almost seem to have the anxieties that people in their 20s had where they were like, well, I'm not rich, I'm not good looking, I'm not this, I'm not that. But you're 16, you've not even grown into like the bone structure of your face yet.

[Jordan]

Like, look at pictures of me when they're 21.

[Scott]

Yeah, you look at a picture of me at 25 compared to 16, you're like, oh, glow up. Good for him. And I was like this, like, no, no, girls liked me at school because they were all into the boys that play sport. And I did theater and danced around and did silly voices and things like that. Like, it wasn't, it wasn't a good sell.

[Jordan]

I mean, without sounding too much cliche because they'd be like, oh, we said the name of the thing. This sounds like the most neurodivergent experience that you could possibly think of for a teenage boy. And he is not alone in hating teenage girls. I think that teenage girls are unanimously hated by most people because they're teenagers.

[Scott]

So mean.

[Jordan]

But teenage boys are hated. Teenagers are hated. And yes, already I'm saying the words because of the synaptic pruning. And I'm not saying the synaptic pruning to do with neurodivergence. I'm saying synaptic pruning in general makes teenagers absolutely. Oh yeah, it just does. And I've lived through that with my,

[Scott]

I was a dick as a teenager.

[Jordan]

I, I still remain a dick as a teenager. Just, I'm just living my life.

[Scott]

You just got a bit bigger.

[Jordan]

Yeah, my synaptic pruning literally stopped when I was about 15 and I've just like, I've just masked adulthood entirely. So I'm still a freaking teenager slash child.

[Scott]

And the thing is with teenagers as well, right? If you're a kid that struggles to hang out with people and then there's all this manosphere, that's not helpful. That's not helpful. And if you feel like a loner and you're somebody who struggles to socialize or you don't get flirting and things like that, and you are a bit of a wallflower, people are very quick to go serial killer in waiting because people are dicks like that.

[Jordan]

Yes. Well, it's like if. If you even remotely stand up to. To a situation like, you know, you've got the wrong meal and you turn around and go, oh, no, this is the wr. I didn't get what I paid for. And they go, oh, Karen. And you go, what? I was just. You gave me the wrong meal. Oh, he's called Karen. Everybody is ready to want to go viral because they caught someone acting a certain way. And it's funny because it's like this desperation to just call people out for being horrific when they're not actually being horrific. It's just blowing everything out of proportion. So I would say this poor kid, like, dude, don't listen to other people. And this sounds cliche, but I'm a dad. And this is what I would tell my kid, is that you are wonderful as you are. And people will recognize that one day. Because I guarantee you, when I was this kid's age, I felt exactly the same. I kept getting rejected by girls.

[Scott]

Yeah, me too.

[Jordan]

You know, assholes who were literally bullying people openly. Absolute, absolute pieces of shit. Were always getting really, really good looking girlfriends. Girls that I like, not just because they were good looking, because I just really like them, would only ever see me as a friend. And then they would go out with a kid who was literally bullying me. And I'll be like, why? Why are you going out with that asshole when I really, really like you, But I'm not cool like him? But you and I have. It's friend zoned. But if these girls are being mean to him, which it sounds like he sometimes might be, taking things out of proportion. I'm not saying he is. I'm saying maybe he is.

[Scott]

Oh, because we're all guilty of it. Oh, we're all guilty of him.

[Jordan]

This sounds like ultimate RSD where he's like, I just hate everyone. Everybody hates me. So I hate everyone. And I can relate to that.

[Scott]

Oh, yeah, man. I slip into that all the Time where I'm like, oh, everyone. Everybody's like that. And I go, no, no, they're not.

[Jordan]

Yeah, exactly. You just generalize because you're angry at that particular time and you end up generalizing. So I think it's really great that this kid at least recognizing I like the fact that he's like, I'm better looking now. That's a positive. We need to keep positive. We need to keep looking in the mirror and finding the good things about ourselves and not focusing on the bad. That's what we need to do. And that's the advice I'd give to this kid. Look for the good in yourself.

[Scott]

You know what, man? I don't know whether it's just like an American thing, but a lot of them are really hung up on how they sort of look. And I have seen it on Reddit before where people are like, oh, am I ugly? And they put up pictures and you're like, no, no. Yeah, you're not, you're not. You don't look like, you know, prime Jessica Alba. But who does?

[Jordan]

Remember Sylvia did?

[Scott]

Anyway, this is a couple.

[Jordan]

I mean, does.

[Scott]

Okay, here's the. A couple of the comments somebody's written. High school can suck for anyone who's different from the norm. People who are mean to you are not a representation of everyone. Don't waste your time on negative people. Seek out people who accept you for who you are, while at the same time continue to work on and improve yourself.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I love that. Yeah, great advice.

[Scott]

Another one here. I talk with your mum and explain that your social struggles might be explained by autism so you can get diagnosed and treat your social anxiety accordingly. Nootropics are unsafe for miners, which, I'll be honest, I don't know what that is.

[Jordan]

Yeah, to be honest, I completely.

[Scott]

Yeah, so please don't take them. Any drugs taken should be under strict medical supervision and your mum's supervision too. Great advice. To socialize more. And this is the kicker, to socialize more. I try and join hobbies. Hopefully your school has some leisure activities to join where you have your time to do the activity of a clear role, where you have to. Where they have to listen to you. So like sports centers, community centers, public libraries might also have them, just in case. I guess they might also have activities specifically for teenagers. And that's what we were saying previously around. Find your people. Like, if you're at school and all you want to talk about is space Marines from Warhammer 40K and you can't find your people, go to a games workshop and just go and go meet your fellow space marine nerds. It's like if you're, you're like mad into a video game, go on the forum and just talk to people. And even if you don't talk to people, just read the comments and then build up your confidence and then just drop in. What I would say.

[Jordan]

I love it. Yeah. Before we go to the next story, I would say the the one thing is that lots of people end up looking for a neurodivergent community or like an ADHD autism. It's like a specific dyslexic community. Whereas I think that if you are looking for the community of your special interest, you will end up finding neurodivergent people within that community because there's so many neurodivergent people that will like the same thing as you do. So, but even neurotypicals who are doing the same thing as you do. For me, a real community is based around hobbies and interests more than neurotypes.

[Scott]

Very well said, my friend. Right, let's take a little break and when we come back, we'll bring you another story.

[Sophie James]

Hi, I'm Sophie James, a neurodivergent mentor with four years of experience supporting neurodivergent individuals. As an autistic and ADHD woman myself, I know firsthand what it's like growing up in a neurotypical world and trying to navigate spaces that weren't built with our brains and mind. Whether you're neurodivergent yourself or supporting a neurodivergent child or teen, I offer experienced LED peer mentoring grounded in understanding, connection and neuro affirming support. Together we explore strengths, build confidence, and develop practical ways to navigate life while embracing who you are. If you'd like to learn more about my mentoring work, visit sophiejamesndmentoring.com.

[Scott]

Welcome back to the neurodivergent Experience. Got another Reddit story here, dude. This one will speak to you, I'm sure. How do you actually finish games with ADHD medication? I've noticed a pattern where I get really excited about a game, buy it, and genuinely want to play it. Oh God, before I even start, I'll imagine myself getting completely immersed in it, having an amazing time, and finally finishing it. I'll even daydream about how fun it's going to be and make up little fantasies in my head where I'm happily playing it for hours. But when I actually sit down to play and after a few hours, or sometimes even less, I lose interest and move on to something else. Now I have a huge backlog of games that I fully intend to finish but barely touched. Every time I buy a new game, I tell myself this one will be different. It rarely is. Yeah, it's frustrating because I want to experience these games. The excitement and the anticipation are real, but I just can't seem to stick with them. Does anyone else with ADHD deal with this? Is it common? If you've managed to overcome it, what helped? Right.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I mean, I have. I like to call them my back burner games. I have them on the back burner, the main one that will not leave my mind. And I'm like, I will do it. I will do it. I will do it. I will do it. I'm gonna. Because I started playing this game and it wasn't exactly the game that I was expecting it to be, which is on me. It's still a really good game, but I was kind of like, oh, I thought it was gonna be a little bit different. And then I. I just couldn't. It was like one thing in it that I just couldn't get past because I got a bit bored. And then I was like, okay, I'll just go back and play it later. And that was over a year ago. And this is the RoboCop game. I love RoboCop. Who doesn't, right? ED 209 rules. I want them personalized. ED 209 in my garden. That'd be amazing. I started playing this game. It was on sale. My kids bought it for my birthday at the time. Like. Yeah, like a year and a half ago. It was. Started playing it and I. It was kind of very arcadey, right?

[Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And you get, like, points for shooting. And I was like, yeah, this is great. This is retro. And then you're in the police station and it. And then you're walking around talking to people. I'm like, what is this now? Fucking Skyrim? And it. It's just part of the game because the game actually does have a story. But in a weird way, I was like, no, I just prefer going poo, poo, poo, poo retro style. And it kind of just took out of me. But I'm like, I will definitely get back to that. But that is the main game and it haunts me. I'm thinking about it now. I thought about it yesterday, thought about the day before. So, yeah, this is. This is. Definitely seems to be like a very ADHD thing, which is really funny because there's. I. I think that obviously separating ADHD and autism is something that everyone seems to want to do in this sort of brain pattern. But there is definitely a way that I see very like more autistic, like traded people that will play one game so many times.

[Scott]

Like achievement hunters and stuff. Yeah, 100 percenters.

[Jordan]

I talked to all my mates and. And I'm like, oh, I think I might pay Red Dead Redemption again. I've played it once. He goes, oh, I've played it five times. On my third playthrough, this, this and this. And this happened on my fourth playthrough, I decided to do this, this and this. I'm like, dude, where are you finding the.

[Scott]

I've only ever done that with one game.

[Jordan]

Right. What game's there?

[Scott]

GTA 4.

[Jordan]

Oh, that is a. That's a good game though, because it

[Scott]

was when I got to the end and I realized that like your actions are different storylines. So I like kept making saves and sort of going back. To be fair, I've done it different.

[Jordan]

I've done that BioShock. I've completed BioShock probably about 15 to 20 times.

[Scott]

See, you're talking about people that you're there going 20 times.

[Jordan]

No, because for me I think there's a clear difference because being like far more sort of adh, obviously, adhd, as it were. I can sit there and play Bioshock, Gears of War and Halo multiple times because I mean, literally just played the new Halo campaign evolved and it took me about six or seven hours. But Red Dead Redemption is like a

[Scott]

full lifetime in it.

[Jordan]

70 hour game depending on how you play it. You could play it for 100 hours because you could be sitting around freaking playing poker.

[Scott]

Oh, mate, I've. I've got like 140 hours in the Witcher 3 Wild Hunt.

[Jordan]

There you go.

[Scott]

60 hours of it is just being pissed in the pudding playthrough. But Red Dead, the Arkham Games, Doom Eternal, the Witcher, the amount of video games dude, that I've got on my PC that I haven't finished, it blows my mind.

[Jordan]

You haven't played the new Dune. It's so.

[Scott]

I've not played the Dark Ages one yet because I keep telling myself I need to finish Eternal before.

[Jordan]

Oh no, you. Well, I mean you, you don't have to like. It really doesn't make any difference.

[Scott]

My brain won't let me.

[Jordan]

Welcome to the gaming podcast.

[Scott]

Thank you. We've changed again Remix. But I do experience this where, like I thought about getting the new James Bond game. It's really good and I bet it Is. But then I was like, oh, there's, there's the commitment thing. I had the Spider man game and I played the first one because I went, I'll play, I'll finish the first one and then I'll buy the second one.

[Jordan]

Weirdly weird fact. That's the only game I've ever 100.

[Scott]

And I was like, I'm going to 100% it. And I basically did everything on the map. Got to the final Mary Jane mission and it bored me so much. I never picked the game up.

[Jordan]

Mary Jane missions make me want to claw my eyes.

[Scott]

They just don't work. It just doesn't work for me. And it was the same with. I got Space Marine 2 because I like the 40K. I don't play the, the tabletop game, but I like the lore in the books of 40k. And I was gassed for this game to come out. I got the premium content version. I absolutely loved it. And there was one specific mission where I actually got pissed off. I was like, this is annoying me. And I dropped the difficulty and nothing changed. I was like, this is either a user error thing or I just don't like this particular boss that I'm fighting. I played the game. I absolutely smashed it for a week. I never picked it up again. Like, never picked it up again. And I bought it for like all the DLC things and I've never played them because I got on one mission where I was like, this game, screw you guys. That, screw this game. I'm not playing this anymore.

[Jordan]

Well, one of the other ones that I have is. I mean, to be honest, game sales are, are like one of like it's, it's basically just toilet for my money. Because that's where I'm throwing it.

[Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

The amount of games I will buy because I'm like, shit, that's on sale. I'll definitely play that. And then three years later I'm like, no. All I did, I mean, it was a 40 pound game and I got it for a tenner, but all I've done is waste a tenor. I didn't save 30 pound on the game. I just threw away a tenor because I'm. I've just never played that game. And that one is. Oh, God. Was it on the switch? I've got a whole bunch of games on the switch that I just have never ever even touched. And one particular is the Ghostbusters remaster of the Ghostbusters game.

[Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And I'm like, I would definitely, definitely play that. And I absolutely want to Play that. I freaking love Ghostbusters. But have I got around to it? Like bollocks I have. I haven't even completed the two freakin Zeldas. The second one came out and that and I was like I'm definitely gonna

[Scott]

quit the first one now. I got about halfway through the first one and then just never picked you up again.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I even bought the DLC where the horse basically whistle and the horse appears next to you. And there was one mission that you basically have to go into this. This town but it's a town only for women. So you have to like you know, find an outfit so you can like sneak in as like dressed up as a woman. And I was like, I looked at and then went I don't know where or how to do that. And 90% of the time I will just google that. Yeah. How do you do.

[Scott]

Somebody's done it.

[Jordan]

But I was actually just bored of the game at that point and I just went, I don't even care. So I just stopped playing and. And I'm just sat there and I remember it clearly because I've got an eidetic memory. The greatest thing is is if I pick up a video game tomorrow that I haven't played for five years and I'm already halfway through it, I will remember exactly.

[Scott]

The muscle memory kicks in.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I don't have to what? I don't have to start from the beginning. I don't have to watch like a catch up. I know exactly where I am. I knew exactly what I was doing and play.

[Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And it's like I literally carried on from yesterday. So that. That is the good thing about the neurodivergence I guess. But yeah to this guy, 100% and I feel for you dude. And whatever you do is my advice to everyone who plays video games. If you have at least two to three video games that you haven't completed yet. Do not go on a sale.

[Scott]

Yeah, don't go on. Stay off steam or the game pass sale. It's. It's brutal.

[Jordan]

Stay away. They're too tempting. It's like me going to car boot sale when I've already got like 300 pop characters and I'm like don't go.

[Scott]

So let's hear the some of the comments what people have said. I don't even think of finishing games as my goal. My goal is to enjoy my time. But then the comment underneath that which sings to my heart, it says too many of get too many. Video games have no ending. I'm looking at you hell divers too, which is a game I've got like 600 hours in because all you've got to do is pick it up, squish some bugs, blow up some robots, you know, spread managed fascism.

[Jordan]

Is that what I feel about Mario kart? The, the America 8 Deluxe? Like I could just play it all day long. Same with like, you know, NBA 2K, you know, like they don't isn't. If it's not a story campaign, you could be paying forever. I think that's why they didn't get started on online games.

[Scott]

Do you think a lot of ND people, do you think that's why they play like FIFA and like 2k and stuff? Because there's just no end.

[Jordan]

Oh, it's an absolute stim. It's a time killer. Like I, I on when I buy or when I get for free on my game pass like a call of Duty, I, I will kind of, you know, knock out the campaign. It takes three or to seven hours depending on, you know, what you're doing. But I, what I love the most is playing against bots because I, I don't play online. I don't want to play against some teenager that's going to call me something racist for being.

[Scott]

Have you seen all the Black Ops 2 videos that have dropped?

[Jordan]

Oh no.

[Scott]

It's like, it's like we've gone back in time. People are playing Nuketown, just throwing out racial slurs in the loading menu again.

[Jordan]

Yeah, that's all you ever forget is

[Scott]

it's gone full circle.

[Jordan]

Just nutters on there quickly. Before we move on to the next one though, talking about racism and video games, this is the craziest I have ever seen in my life. So playing Forza, you can decorate your cars with different decals, right? And people will create them. Amazing ones by the way.

[Scott]

Some of them are outrageous.

[Jordan]

I have made a Subaru look like a Minion. It literally looks like a minion, but it's a Subaru.

[Scott]

I've got a Lightning McQueen Porsche.

[Jordan]

I, I've got a Lightning McQueen Dodge. Anyway, that's so good. Some of these, the Mr. Bean Mini is so funny. Amazing.

[Scott]

It was whether you drove past me and you went, look, Teddy's in the window.

[Jordan]

Teddy's in the window. It's, it's literally brilliant. So like the Deltrotter's van, it's so creative in it. Oh, these people, right?

[Scott]

So creative.

[Jordan]

But I was looking at one and it was black and just had a Nazi symbol on the door and the N word across the Bonnet. And I was like, holy shit. What the hell?

[Scott]

I've seen the how.

[Jordan]

So I immediately reported it. I immediately reported it and sang, fuck. I got a message the next day saying, this user has been removed and rightfully punished. Thank you for pointing that out. And I was like, you know what? That gives me some hope for humanity that I actually reported something that horrific and it was removed and the person was punished for it. And I was like, my question is, how the hell did no one else report that as quickly as I did?

[Scott]

Oh, dude. I saw somebody on Forza driving a Dodge truck the other day that had ice written on the side that. Yeah, it's mad in it. It's like.

[Jordan]

It's a video game.

[Scott]

It's a video game, but, like, one of the things that's happened with Black Ops 2 is they've brought the Emblem Ma Maker back. Do you remember that?

[Jordan]

Oh, dear.

[Scott]

Yeah. And it's ex. The. Everybody's picked up exactly where they left off with it. It's. Yeah, yeah. Oh, dear. Do you want to see some more of the comments? This is a good one. If finishing every game is more work than fun, then it's not worth it to me. What I do is I pirate every game. That way, the massive amount of games I go through doesn't actually cost me any money at all. All the second thing I do is load up wiimod and eliminate certain grinding aspects of games that I hate. If they have it, I'll set 100% drop rate, two times multiplier, and resources and stuff like that. I try to not make the game easier because I like challenging games. I just eliminate the things that aren't fun for me. So it's like going on Resident Evil and then just going ammo for all. It kind of, yeah. Breaks the mechanic of the game. Right. But quite a lot of people actually are going, yeah, just. Just pirate your games.

[Jordan]

Wow.

[Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Capitalism. Fight the system.

[Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Bankrupt the company.

[Scott]

Yeah. The same way I get anything done by visiting it every once in a while and getting a little bit done until I finally visited it enough for it to be complete.

[Jordan]

Now, see, I'm. I'm. I'm literally in the situation where I completed the. The campaign Evolved yesterday, and they've got like three extra bonus missions which can take about three hours to complete. And I thought this morning I had about an hour before I knew you were getting up, because I get up silly early and I was like, I've got an hour, but I'm like, I can't do all three in an hour, I have to do the full lot in one sitting. I can't just.

[Scott]

Can't just get up and break it up.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I couldn't just like start it. Like, for me, I'm like, okay, I need at least like five hour period where I'm completely free. No one's gonna bother me, and I can just hyper focus. But enough about games, let's move on to the next one.

[Scott]

Oh, yes, we'll move on from video games to the the Game of Life. Am I the asshole for telling my co worker I'm tired of hearing about her nerdy obsession? Yes, this is moving on. This is. Oh, this, yeah. Oh, there's even an edit at the bottom, so it's updated.

[Jordan]

Just living in my own little nightmare of me going to work, going, have you seen the new Jurassic park shoes that I bought?

[Scott]

I mean, they are very cool.

[Jordan]

They are very cool.

[Scott]

So here's the story. So I have a co worker, female, 27, who is absolutely obsessed with Transformers Fair play. Yes. You read that, right?

[Jordan]

Oh, my God.

[Scott]

Yeah, it's already started. She has a massive collection of action figures and frequently brings one or more of them to work to show off. She talks endlessly about the movies, cartoons, comics, video games to anyone who will stop long enough to listen. She writes a ridiculous amount of fan fiction that she also has to talk about. Almost every vacation she takes revolves around going to a Transformers convention. Most everyone else seems to think it's a fun personality quirk, or at least tolerates it, but it drives me bonkers because it's all she talks about, like, get a life. Last month, a number of us were discussing things we missed the most that were gone delayed due to the pandemic. Most people brought up visiting family, going to the movies, etc. Guess what this co worker missed the most? Yep, her conventions, which had all been canceled because apparently stuffing hundreds of nerds into a confined space isn't a good idea during a pandemic. Like, this guy's a dick.

[Jordan]

This guy sounds like a real winner. No red flags at all or anything.

[Scott]

I admit that I lost my shit at this point and told her, omg, will you shut up? Nobody cares about your obsession. Find another hobby or just something else to talk about besides a stupid cartoon show and action figures. She clammed up and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day.

[Jordan]

Oh, I want to cry, I want to punch.

[Scott]

And obviously I'm really intrigued to read the comments on this. Since then, I haven't heard her say a peep beyond work related stuff, which is actually a relief. But other co workers are saying I was the asshole for telling her to shut up and that they actually miss her ramblings about fictional robots. One of them even says, I'm lucky this co worker didn't report me to hr. I don't think what I said was HR worthy. If anything, I think I did everyone a favor by getting her to stop talking their ears off about something only she cares about. But I'm wondering if I could have worded it better.

[Jordan]

You don't.

[Scott]

Oh wow, am I the asshole?

[Jordan]

He says, see, I'm gonna give a little bit of a hot take on this, but I think we need to dive into the comments because I think that everybody's listening. Realize this guy is a total douchebag asshole. And if you're listening and you think this guy is in the right, stop listening because I don't like you and I fucking hate you.

[Scott]

It's not good. It's not good vibes.

[Jordan]

No, but my, my hot take on this is. This is actually friendly fire. This guy is also neurodivergent, but in a very different way. He doesn't like Transformers. He doesn't do that. He's probably higher masking and he has zero social skills or understanding of what is happening because he is just living in his own little freaking world and doesn't understand that people are different. And he is just like, no, I don't like it, therefore I'm going to put an end to it.

[Scott]

There's 278 comments on this post.

[Jordan]

Let's start with the top one, shall we?

[Scott]

What did I just read? The way you talk about your co worker shows the level of disdain you have for her. The language you use about her is downright disgusting. You all shared what you miss, what you shared. You were judged, jury and executioner. You decided her missing her convention is not worthy of your time of you listening and you publicly executed her in a very mean spirited way. Yeah, this girl is amazing for even talking with just purely professional stuff. I feel sorry for her. Who the fuck made you the judge of worthy hobbies and worthy things to talk about? Who the fuck do you think you are? If you are not interested, do what any other mature adult will do in this situation. Situation. Tune her out, nod and move on. And this person's put edit. Oh my God. My very first award ever. Thank you stranger. So exciting comment underneath. The co worker should absolutely take you to hr. Do you have is when you've put is this HR worthy Do you even hear yourself? Who do you think you are?

[Jordan]

Yeah, the, the, the cognitive dissonance of this man is extraordinary. It is extraordinary. And I do find this with a lot of Reddit stories, you're like, when you were writing this, okay, so when it was happening, maybe you didn't see it. When you were saying it to colleagues and friends, you still couldn't see it. No matter how many people told you you're being a dick and that you were like, you know what? I think everybody's wrong, so I'm going to put this on Reddit. When you wrote that out and you read it, I assume you must have read it back to yourself because if you didn't, why, because you need to. You still didn't see how you're the. That's literally like saying, I kicked my dog in the face the other day and stole a child's ice cream and then beat his mum to death with it. Am I the asshole?

[Scott]

Yes. And also the police are on the

[Jordan]

way, by the way.

[Scott]

Oh man. Some of these comments, Yep, you're the asshole. Maybe develop a personality first before you start judging others. And here we go. Edit of the original post. Okay, I get it. I'm a piece of shit. Please stop messaging me, telling me so. Update for those that care. I'm getting shunned and hated on enough at work that I'm currently looking for another job.

[Sophie James]

Good.

[Scott]

I tried apologizing to my co worker and she gave me an it's okay, but still refuses to talk to me.

[Jordan]

No shit.

[Scott]

She's talking about robots again to everyone else, so I think she'll be okay. Don't know for sure if she's on the autistic spectrum, but probably doesn't make a difference. We'll try to be more accepting of people's interest from here on out, even if it's too little too late. To my current workplace.

[Jordan]

My mind is literally exploding with just what. She might be autistic, but it makes no bloody difference. Isn't it? Jesus Christ. I think people like this should have to have dick just tattooed on their head because their dick is so small and it's obviously on their head, but no one can see it because it's so teeny, teeny, teeny tiny. So they just need the word dick written on their head. So everybody's aware of this because they are always going to.

[Scott]

I love how he put an edit and he was like, yes, I get it. I'm a piece of shit. Stop messaging me.

[Jordan]

Yeah, rather than thank you everybody for Pointing this out, I've realized the error of my ways and I will absolutely try and change.

[Scott]

Instead, he was like, oh, everyone's being mean to me at work. I'm gonna have to get. Yeah, yeah, that.

[Jordan]

Yeah, he kind of.

[Scott]

Yeah, he had that coming.

[Jordan]

Oh, God.

[Scott]

Honestly, have you had people do that to you at work before?

[Jordan]

Okay, so I am a very angry man. So, no, what I have had is when I've. I've, like, you know, got some toys and stuff on my desk at work. A manager turned up who, one, knows I'm neurodivergent, two, as a neurodivergent child, and three, is neurodivergent himself.

[Scott]

Oh, no. Friendly fly, right?

[Jordan]

Came in, looked at the toy. It was a cuddly toy of. Of Wookiee. My God. Chewy, cuddly toy of chewy that I've got. And he. And he looked at. He went, oh, how old are you? And I went, I'm 44. How old are you? And I just looked at him, just blank stare. Didn't react to it. Just gave him the answer to his question. And I went, I'm 44. How old are you? And he went, oh, older than that. And I went, clearly a bit of

[Scott]

tism on tism crime.

[Jordan]

I just looked at him and, yes, clearly, you are way older than I am. And then I just literally carried on with what I was doing because I just don't fucking care. I don't care. But I did, remember I told you there was somebody at work called me immature, and it was nothing to do with having toys or what I was talking about. It was in a situation where I was upset with something that he had done, and I was explaining to him as upset. And his way of dealing with that was, oh, well, you're just being immature about this. You're immature.

[Scott]

Helpful.

[Jordan]

And that word, that does trigger me. And that really pissed me off. And he still hasn't apologized, and I still am not talking to him. I'm just done. I'm done. Like, work conversation. I will have work conversation because that's my job. I'm. I'm a professional.

[Sophie James]

And.

[Jordan]

But as far as, like, you know, oh, what did you do this weekend? I went, none of your business. And I'll just walk off. I'm cold.

[Scott]

Yeah, you can burn bridges with people very quickly with stuff over this because, like, I. I'm always super into music and I'm always listening to something new. And I have experienced it where people just sort of on my interests because they just don't get it. And it is hard work. Especially, like, at work. I experienced it a lot when I used to work in an office. I used to wear, like, wrestling T shirts and stuff like that. And people would be like, oh. And it just gets a bit tedious. And it does go to show that, like, this guy, I don't. I don't get where he was coming from with that. Like, if you. I get it. Like, people talking about the same thing over and over again. You want to change the record or whatever or just talk about something different. Which makes me think that he's newer Divergent.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Scott]

Because he's like, I just. I'm not interested in what you're saying. And that's cool. But realistically, he wasn't putting down her special interest. He was bullying her.

[Jordan]

Oh, 100%. And the fact that even in his update where he's trying to sort of come back from this terrible post, he's like, she's out there talking about robots again. So she'll be happy. I'm like, man, you really have a way with words. I mean, you are a literal fucking words worth of horseshit. It's horrible because he's. He's dismissing what is important to her as just robots.

[Scott]

It's a community. It's a.

[Jordan]

It's.

[Sophie James]

It's not.

[Jordan]

I mean, I. I like Transformers. I don't love Transformers.

[Scott]

The new Transformers one was sick.

[Jordan]

It was very, very good. I saw it in 4K and then he fell out the freaking chair when the thing was moving. Not 4k, 4d, where they go, oh,

[Scott]

I saw a video of them and watching the Odyssey. They're all getting, like, yeeted around.

[Jordan]

Oh, I won't go. I won't do 4D again. I honestly, I hate it.

[Scott]

Yeah, I'm not a fan of Motion Sickness with my movies, to be honest.

[Jordan]

I like it when I'm watching horror because every now and again, the back of the seat will poof like that. But if you're watching an action movie, you're literally getting thrown around. I'm there going, I need a seat belt. And I'm not even watching, like, Top Gun. Oh, I genuinely needed a seatbelt. It was horrific. Anyway, enough of that. But this guy, just, like dismissively, oh, it's just Robots. Is. Is exactly his personality. It's. It's not something for him. He's not interested in it. Therefore, it's not worthy of talking about. And I don't think somebody like that will ever really change. I'm not saying never, but, yeah, dick

[Scott]

Just to finish with just something I've been thinking about while I've been listening to you and reading this. I actually think a lot of highly masked, unself aware, neurodivergent people make on other people's special interests, their special interest because they haven't got their own. They haven't built like the sort of sensitivity to be interested in something that they were interested in as a kid. And they just go that everything's. Why would I play with toys? Why would I do this? And they cut themselves off from what they think they can't do.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Scott]

And then they just make their entire energy about I just. On other people.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I mean I, I remember when you were saying to me about Interstellar and you know, I wasn't a fan of Interstellar. I'm gonna give it another shot. I, I wanna, I wanna try again with it because everyone says how good it is, but in my brain I was like, I didn't like that film. And instead of expressing why I didn't like it, I just went, oh, that film. And you went, I don't like it when you do that. And that was a real like game changing moment when you were honest with me like that. And you know, you know I don't like it when you just describe something as shit rather than explaining that you just don't like it. And I was like, oh, I didn't even realize I was doing that in my brain. I'm just like, oh, it, it's shit. And it's not shit. It's not a shit film. It's actually a really good film with an ending that I didn't understand or like. And I might, instead of just saying oh, it was shit, maybe maybe I could have said why did you like it? I don't really agree. Maybe we can find some common, you know, ground here. And I think that like it is so easy just to go, oh, I don't like it, I don't like it. And it is very, I think it's very neurodivergent thing. It's not my thing, therefore it's not a thing.

[Scott]

Yeah, exactly. Like, I have really tried to work on that just in, in general because I don't like it in other people when I experience it.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Scott]

I don't ever say like if somebody, people used to play me music, right? And I would go that, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not, it's just not for me.

[Jordan]

Yeah, it's just not your music. But I could see unless it's AI

[Scott]

and then it's just because I used to do music journalism. I used to hold my opinion over other people's because I used to get paid for it. So I used to purposefully, when I wasn't as happy as I am now, put people's interests down because I felt better than them because I got paid to talk about music and it wasn't good. It didn't make me feel good. It didn't make anybody around me feel good. And you know what a lot of the artists that I used to say is I actually listen to now and

[Jordan]

like, yeah, so I, I truly believe, and this is the, the stupidest thing is Interstellar is like a really good movie. Not Christopher Nolan's best movie. That would be the Odyssey. The Odyssey. Odyssey. But I, I, I really love Christopher Nolan and I'm like, why? I love everything about that movie. I just really didn't like the ending. But why, But I've only watched it once, so I'm like, I have to watch it again.

[Scott]

I never watch a film once and then have a high, like have a strong opinion of it. I always have to rewatch it.

[Jordan]

I always don't. Now, apart from Disclosure day, which is the worst goddamn thing I said you'd ever seen. And I literally walked out the cinema and I shouted at the freaking screen for the first time. I literally shouted at the screen, you what the is wrong with you? I was genuinely angry. I literally shouted at the screen. I was like this absolute crap because I mean, I'm wearing a Jurassic Park T shirt as we speak. I love Steven Spielberg. He is my favorite director of all time. He has made some of my favorite movies of all time.

[Scott]

Literally top of my top 10 movies. At least four of them are his films.

[Jordan]

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. But I was had such high hopes for this and it was just, it was a, it began really well. It was terrible. But I don't know how we got into that now. Now we're a movie review show.

[Scott]

You're welcome. This is what the beauty of the Reddit stories is. It allows us to talk about things we're interested in. But anyway, let's take a little break and when we come back, we'll finish with our final story.

[Ashley Dupuy]

Hi everyone, it's Ashley Dupuy here, the in house therapist on the neurodivergent Experience and host of Mindful Mondays. And if you've been listening to these podcasts and thinking, gosh, I'd love to explore this work more deeply, I'd love to let you know about what's coming next. This September, I'll be opening a small group coaching cohort, a gentle, supportive space to explore the kind of work we've been doing here together. So if you've been resonating with the From Mask to Map series or with the deeper themes we've been exploring on Mindful Mondays, this will be a chance to take that work further in community with guidance, reflection and practical tools to help you understand yourself more clearly and move through life with more ease. So if that speaks to something in you, I'd love to hear from you. You can register your interest by emailing [e-mail] and you can also keep an eye out on integrativeiom.co.uk where I'll be sharing more details over the coming weeks.

[Scott]

Welcome back to the Neurodivergent Experience. Serious We've got your final Reddit story on we'll go a bit longer. It's the first official edition. We'll give them a proper good old

[Jordan]

palate taster just just for everyone's clarity. We'll be doing between three and four, depending on how long it takes.

[Scott]

But I'm having a lot of fun so we'll do that.

[Jordan]

I love this.

[Scott]

Okay, I hope you listening are enjoying it as well. I feel like we've got a lot more varied conversation from it.

[Jordan]

Well, I would tell them to tell us what they think, but they don't.

[Scott]

So yeah as well though somebody commented on my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression the other day, to which I responded get to the chopper.

[Jordan]

Come on. That was on point.

[Scott]

Yeah, it was very. I do enjoy it. Here's the story. Went on a date with a guy who is neurodivergent for the first time. Was he neurodivergent for the first time? Are you dating a neurodivergent for the first time? I have many questions already.

[Jordan]

Let's get some clarity.

[Scott]

I, 31 female, went on a date with a guy, 23 male, cheeky, who is neurodivergent and it was the most refreshing date I've had in a long time.

[Jordan]

Nice.

[Scott]

As a woman I was skeptical about the age gap. However, When I was 21 I dated a 34 year old man without a second thought. He also told me that his parents have an age gap and that he didn't understand why society was so okay with men being significantly older but make a big deal when it is the woman who is older. So that put me at ease a bit. He knows what he likes. We were introduced virtually a few weeks ago, but this was our first time meeting in person. We had dinner, then we went on a beach walk. I quietly noticed the facial tics and some awkward pauses. But I didn't think much of it since the date flowed well. Otherwise, good for her.

[Jordan]

Nice.

[Scott]

While we were walking, he asked me if I knew what neurodivergence was. I said that I've seen the term float around and that I had adhd.

[Jordan]

So you're neurodivergent. Okay, brilliant, amazing.

[Scott]

I'll continue, but with my meds I do okay. But that was the extent of it. Oh my God.

[Jordan]

When you don't understand what you are.

[Scott]

Do you know what autism is? No, but I am autistic. Christ. Okay, I'll continue. He told me he had Tourette's, autism and add. Welcome, brother. He said it was hard for him growing up trying to navigate social dynamics. But his parents really invested in his education and therapy. That helped him a lot. Once he got to college and found his people, I thanked him for sharing his story with me. We went on to talk about music, cooking, philosophy, and everything in between.

[Jordan]

Sounds like a fun night.

[Scott]

Sounds like he's. Yeah.

[Ashley Dupuy]

Yeah.

[Scott]

I wonder if they went home. My favorite part was how honest the date was. This guy was speaking how I wish I spoke my whole life. He was so authentically himself and so self aware. I was just in awe because I've never felt like I could do that. The beauty of hanging around with a mass neurodivergent people.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I feel like this very freeing. This is not. Maybe this isn't the guy for her, like for life, but this sounds like the guy to help her understand who she is.

[Scott]

And the fact he's a lot younger than her as well, that's kind of cool that.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Scott]

You know, got his. Got his stuff together.

[Sophie James]

Yeah.

[Scott]

Continued. Anyways, I don't know if this is even the right place to ask this because people are different, of course, but I've never dated anyone who wasn't neurotypical. I'm unsure about that.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I'm like, no, no, you can't possibly say that.

[Scott]

Yeah. Anyway, we'll move on. I don't know what I'm doing. Then there's the age gap. And he has also never had a girlfriend before. Not going to lie, it all kind of scared me a bit. This guy is smart, well educated, independent, and not to mention super hot. There's a part of me that struggles with whether or not we are right for each other. This was just one date, of course, but this felt a Bit different in a good way. Well, that's probably a good thing. Am I overlooking something because I'm unfamiliar with neurodivergence or should I just keep getting to know him like everyone else?

[Jordan]

I'm adhd. I'm unfamiliar with neurodivergence.

[Scott]

It's basically too long. Don't at the end, it's too long. Don't read. I really enjoyed my date with a guy with autism, ADHD and Tourette's, but I've never dated someone who's neurodivergent. What should I know going into this? And are there things you wish your partner had understood from the beginning?

[Jordan]

Yeah. Well, I mean, firstly, op, you're neurodivergent. You've most likely dated somebody else who's neurodivergent.

[Scott]

Basically everybody.

[Jordan]

You clearly don't understand what neurodivergence is, which is fine. Like, no, no, no, no judgment there. You know, everyone's got their own journey and everyone's going to figure it out eventually. But the fact that you're ADHD and you don't know what neurodivergence is, is maybe you are very, very high masking and you're just gonna be like, it's just that thing that I take medication for, like a club foot that, you know, that you just go and get special shoes for or something like that. Where ADHD is so much more than that as we know. It's, it's a whole brain, you know, it's who we are with neurodivergence. But it's. Yeah, I think that it's brilliant that, that, that she's met someone. I think he sounds like a really great guy, you know, from the outset. And I think what is really interesting, going back to the first story of like a 16 year old in so I hate girls my age, is this probably is the same experience that this guy's had. And he was like, I don't want to date people my age because, you know, I don't feel like they're mature enough. Because he's obviously very mature in his thinking. He's like, I want to meet an older woman who, who is actually not gonna, you know, just spend three hours on their phone when we're supposed to be chatting. And he obviously wants someone more mature because he's got an older head on his shoulders. Which is such a common thing is we act like children a lot of the times we have childlike interests. But like with so many other things, we're literally like old people.

[Scott]

We like, oh, we're like little retirees that are like, I'm gonna go build some Airfix models in my retirement.

[Jordan]

Literally.

[Sophie James]

Yes.

[Jordan]

It's like the 70 year old man who just takes up like, was it remote controlled boating?

[Scott]

Which does look a lot of fun. Have you seen the ones that like, have cannons and like.

[Jordan]

Oh, no. Yeah, I went to like a lake near me.

[Scott]

I'm all about it.

[Jordan]

And, and, and it's just clearly just a whole bunch of like retired autistic men are just standing there going, this is, this was the exact recreation of the, the, the, the penny lark of the 1970s. And you're like, it's when the guy

[Scott]

rocks up with the B mark in the full German naval outfit, when things get a bit worrying, he's like, release the torpedoes. Anyway, couple of the comments on this post. You can see him now, can't you? I can.

[Jordan]

I. I can see him getting arrested. Yeah, yeah, move on, granddad.

[Scott]

Yeah, move on, granddad. Anyway, sorry, that proper made me chuckle. Comments. I think that when you date somebody neurodivergent, you should take things at face value rather than second guessing. Yes, they may lie or try to avoid making you upset, but also we feel seen and taken seriously when you don't have to make excuses for what you want. I like that. And the OP responded with, yes, I have was being a little hesitant to ask certain questions. I took this advice because we met up again today and I said, I don't want to sound ignorant, but I have so many questions. And he said I could ask him anything. We talked a little bit more about his disabilities and what I wrote here, it was great.

[Jordan]

I love that. I love the fact that she's being open. It's like, yeah, by the way, I put this on Reddit. And he's just like, yeah, I'm an open book, you know, ask me anything. And I do feel like this is like a blossoming, at least friendship, if not relationship, because it is so wonderful to meet somebody who understands their own neurodivergence and their own, you know, journey. And the fact that he's come so far at such a young age is such a wonderful thing. But the fact that then you can pass it on like we do. But I liken it to like, when Sophie first got with, you know, her fiance Chris, is the fact that he really didn't know anything about like, neurodivergence, you know, but he did know that he had what he considered just being disabled by being autistic. And she was the one that showed him the way and taught him that, you know, it's more than just a disability. It's. That is being disabled is part of it, but it's not all of it. There is so much more to it. And then when you grow on that and you see all the benefits of being neurodivergent and then you can focus on, on all the positives, that's, that's when you really start like opening up and understanding yourself. And she even said it in, in the first post, she's like, oh, I, I would like to be like that almost, but I can't, I can't be like that. And it's like, yeah, but he can teach you. And I think that that's such a great thing because you could, you know, you can teach him.

[Scott]

I've experienced that with my fiance, Caris, in that we've had so many discussions where not only has she figured out she's neurodivergent, she's embraced it. She's a lot happier in life for it where, you know, she always used to feel like with exes and stuff to be embarrassed to talk about the things that she's interested in and she just stopped having interests altogether and just sat on the phone all day because she was like, I don't feel like I can express myself or, or talk about anything without being ridiculed. And from like the first date that we had, I was like, yeah, I'm. At the time, I just said, yeah, I've got adhd.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Scott]

And we talked about it and she was like, oh, that. Well, one of the things that I love about my partner is how open she is and how down to earth she is. And she's just so not judgmental of anybody. It's one of the things that was most attracted to her about. But yeah, you, you learn from each other. And to be honest, if you're a 31 year old woman who is, you know, I find it interesting how you've got ADHD and never associated that with neurodivergence. That I find rather baffling.

[Jordan]

I find that that's a failure of whoever diagnosed her. Yeah, that, that seems like a failure of the system than her failure of like not deep diving into it. Because admittedly I've known that I've had adhd, but they call it hyperactivity when I was a kid, all my life. But it definitely wasn't something that I actually thought, oh, this is actually more than what it is. This is just the fact that I'm hyperactive.

[Scott]

Oh, this person probably just thinks it's like the blue Smarties thing.

[Jordan]

Yeah, Literally.

[Scott]

Oh, I've got meds. And now, now I can sit down and have a conversation with somebody. And that's a lot of what people think ADHD is, is. And then there's one comment here where it's sort of like, starts positive and then just falls apart a little bit. Definitely date him from different sources. Anecdotes, books, research, etc, I hear. Which is weird. I hear neurodivergence go best with other neurodivergence, which is.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I see that. I'm like 100 behind. It's not exclusive, but I definitely think that, you know, again, if you can find a common interest and a common neurotype, that is just a recipe for success.

[Scott]

No, that's. Carys and I have both got ADHD and we're both obsessed with music.

[Jordan]

Dan's sort of.

[Scott]

Yeah. Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours. So this continues. Personally, I would make one extra clarification because in my opinion, there are three types of neurodivergent clusters who seem to get along perfect.

[Jordan]

Oh, in his.

[Scott]

In his Vast opinion, there's Dr. Phil here. The ADHD and ADHD, ADD and ADHD types, which already. Paul's argument.

[Jordan]

Yeah, ADD is not a thing.

[Scott]

And then the autism, Asperger's types.

[Jordan]

Whoa.

[Scott]

The HSP and gifted types. You should date ADHD or ADHD types. I guess he fits it.

[Jordan]

Oh, my. Oh, my God.

[Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Talk about breaking up the community.

[Scott]

Like, I'm going to put you into different categories and you should only date those in your file.

[Jordan]

What a shitheel. Did the OP reply to that?

[Scott]

Yeah, the OP replied to it. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I guess I never use the term neurodivergence to describe myself, even though I have adhd. I was diagnosed, take my medication, don't think about it at all. So I definitely need to do more research into the things you've mentioned. Thank you.

[Jordan]

Oh, Jesus Christ. I mean, the fact that this is why I hate the Internet, it's like, I need to do more research. And then someone comments like, like, let's break these things down into three different subtypes. Also saying that you are ADHD and then like having a subcategory of gifted outside of that is wild. He's basically saying you should date the ADHD one because you're clearly not smart enough to date this. Really, really intelligent ones. Oh, by the way, I hate that whole gifted thing. That really pisses me off. And yeah, I cannot believe this man just broke us into three different categories like that. It's so shitty.

[Scott]

Yeah. Yep.

[Jordan]

I mean, it's just not. Not even close to being true. Like, at the end of the day, people are. People don't think too much about the neurodivergence side of it, because then you're overthinking it. Do you get on with them? Do you have common interests?

[Scott]

Do you vibe?

[Jordan]

Do you vibe?

[Scott]

Do you vibe? Do you have chemistry? Do you hang out with each other and walk away and have more energy than when you met up with them? Do you wanna, like? One of the things for me that I found so, like, interesting when I first started dating is I wanted to ask Karis lots of questions, and then she's Alexithemic, so she didn't answer any of them.

[Jordan]

Oh, God, that's not gonna be Jesus.

[Scott]

But then it's like, just finding the balance, and we've learned to sort of rub along with each other, and we have moments where we don't really talk to each other, and then we have moments where we don't shut up.

[Sophie James]

Up.

[Scott]

And we've just sort of fitted together, and we haven't ever forced it. Like, at no point in any of our relationship has she tried to change me. And I always found that people were. They were like, oh, if you could just be a little bit less of this, or if you could just be a little bit more of that. And I would say to the op, like, if you. If you are dating this person and you're looking for things wrong with them, that's because you've been dating for a long time and you're trying to find the perfect person. They don't exist. If you like somebody, you really like them, you like their energy, don't go looking for reasons not to date them, Just spend more time with them. And then if you find they're the only person that you want to spend time with, date them. That's been your neurodivergent experience for this week with the new sort of Reddit format. We'll be back next week with some other tales from the community.

[Jordan]

I have loved this.

[Scott]

Yeah, it's been awesome.

[Jordan]

I'm so glad that we have done this. I'm also so glad that our first official Reddit episode, spilling the tea, as it were, is. We're in the same room.

[Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

We're sitting next to each other, occasionally touching.

[Scott]

Yeah. He won't get off. Meow.

[Jordan]

I've loved it. And this. This will be our podcast for the foreseeable future. And we really hope you hang around. We really hope that you can vibe with us. We really hope that you stick with it and tell your friends about it. Because it's not that we disliked what we were doing. It's that I think that it came to a natural conclusion because life just changed. We became busier. We, you know, have different interests in life with different people than we were three years ago when we first came into this.

[Scott]

We're a lot happier as well, aren't we? We've not got a lot of things to be grumble about. Yeah.

[Jordan]

And I will be honest and I can be honest, I have fatigue from the. I'll be honest, I have compassion fatigue. It's not that I don't care about, you know, people's, you know, lives and things like that. It's just when. When you get as many messages and have to hear as many stories as I do, after a while it just burns you out and you. I can't do this anymore. So although our episodes have been, you know, hopefully helpful and educational, the good thing is everybody is those episodes still exist. You can go and listen to them anytime you like. You can recommend them to anyone. But as far as the future is going, I think that this is definitely the format which suits us, which is the only thing that we actually can sort of care about, I guess because it's us that that's doing it.

[Scott]

Yeah. And I like. And there is so much that's been discussed on Reddit that doesn't affect mine in yours lives. Like I think all of the stories today we can give our experience on, but we aren't experiencing them.

[Sophie James]

Yeah.

[Scott]

So we can give you a lot more rounded sort of discussion around what the. The neurodivergent experience is. And it's nice to give takes that we can't give. You know, we can comment on them but you know, I'm. I would never have have gone but am I an incel. Cuz I'm not one. But it's interesting to talk about it. So I hope you've enjoyed it. This is our format moving forward. Take care everybody. Be kind, be safe. We will be back next week nightly.

[Ashley Dupuy]

Bye.

[Scott]

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