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The Neurodivergent Experience
Mindful Mondays With Ashley Bentley: The Anatomy of a Breakthrough – Part IV: Strategy
00:30:58
Start Your Week With Presence & Purpose
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- [00:00]
Ashley Bentley
It's Nikaela from side Hustle Pro and I want to tell you about something exciting. You're watching EveryDollar and Walmart Business helps you stretch each one from office supplies to snacks and cleaning gear. You'll get everyday low prices plus easy bulk ordering and fast delivery. And with tools like spend tracking and multi user accounts, staying organized is simple. Save time, money and hassle. @business.walmart.com it's free to join There are.
- [00:30]
Grow Therapy Announcer
A million reasons people start therapy A breakup burnout, A new job, A new year. Whatever your reason, there is one place to start. Grow Therapy meets you where you are with support that actually sticks. Whether it's your first time in therapy or your 50th, grow makes it easier to find a therapist who fits you, not the other way around. They connect you with thousands of independent licensed therapists across the US Offering both virtual and in person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters like insurance, specialty, identity or availability and get started in as little as two days. And if something comes up, you can Cancel up to 24 hours in advance at no cost. There are no subscriptions, no long term commitments, you just pay per session. Grow helps you find therapy on your time. Whatever challenges you're facing, Grow Therapy is here to help. Sessions average about $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0 depending on their plan. Grow accepts over 100 insurance plans, including Medicaid in some states. Visit GrowTherapy.com StartNow today to get started. That's GrowTherapy.com StartNow GrowTherapy.com StartNow Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.
- [01:51]
Sleep Number Announcer
Why choose a Sleep number?
- [01:52]
Grow Therapy Announcer
Smart Bed Can I make my site softer?
- [01:54]
Sleep Number Announcer
Can I make my site firmer?
- [01:56]
Ashley Bentley
Can we sleep cooler?
- [01:58]
Sleep Number Announcer
Sleep Number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side. Your sleep number setting J.D. power ranks sleep number number one in customer satisfaction with mattresses purchased in store and online. And now the more you buy, the more you save on beds, faces and more limited time. For J.D. power 2025 award information, visit J.D. power.com awards. Check it out at the Sleep Number Store or SleepNumber.com today.
- [02:27]
Ashley Bentley
Welcome, dear friends, to Mindful Mondays. I'm your host, Ashley Bentley, and this is your weekly space to slow down, soften the edges and meet your inner world with curiosity and care right here on the neurodivergent Experience podcast. And all this month we've been exploring the anatomy of a breakthrough state story and strategy, a framework I learned many years ago from author, coach and motivational speaker Tony Robbins. So we first began with state the condition of your nervous system and why regulation comes before resolution. And we then moved into story, the narratives you live inside and how they shape what feels possible. And today, in this final part of the series, we arrive at strategy. And not as another self improvement project, but as a creative collaboration with your own life. This episode is an invitation to explore how breakthroughs take shape when we stop trying to force change and start listening to how change wants to move through us. And all throughout this episode, I'll be sharing reflections and words from some of my favorite thinkers, from Buckminster Fuller and Zen teachers to Van Gogh and modern productivity writers, all woven through a distinctly neurodivergent lens. These are the people who understood systems and creativity, embodiment and transformation long before Hustle culture had a name. Strategy is how we move forward once our body and story are aligned, because insight without action stays theoretical and action without alignment becomes self betrayal. Strategy is the art of building the new. And we'll finish off today's episode with a deeply nourishing and transformative yoga. Nidra and I want to start with a line that has lived in my notes and in my heart for a while by Nathan W. Morris, a writer and editor whose work focuses on intentional living, authorship and the idea that our lives are something we actively shape. He wrote, edit your life frequently and ruthlessly. It is your masterpiece, after all. And what a beautiful call to action. Your life is not a finished product, it's a living draft. And strategy from this perspective isn't a rigid five year plan. It's an ongoing act of editing, keeping what feels true and softening what doesn't, and being willing to cut what no longer belongs. In this chapter. It doesn't mean you were wrong before, it means you're evolving now, course correcting as you go, like a pilot flying a plane. And this brings me to the late, great Buckminster Fuller, a systems theorist, architect, futurist, mathematician and philosopher who devoted his life to studying how complex systems evolve and is frankly one of my heroes in this life. And this quote that I'm about to read has impacted my personal development in extraordinary ways. He said, you never change things by fighting the existing reality to change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete. And what a succinctly impactful quote. For many of us, especially with neurodivergent nervous systems, we've tried to change by going to war with ourselves, fighting habits, fighting our bodies and fighting past Versions of ourselves. And that inner battle is exhausting and usually gets us nowhere. So Fuller is suggesting something gentler and far more strategic. Instead of obsessing over what you're trying to stop, put your energy into building the new. New routines that suit your sensory system, new ways of working that respect your focus patterns, and new inner stories about your worth that slowly make old self criticism irrelevant. So as we move through today, you might hold two questions quietly in the background. What part of my life is asking to be edited? And what new model am I ready to begin building? And to build anything new, we need a particular mindset. In Zen Buddhism, there's a beautiful concept called shoshin, which translates to the beginner's mind. An attitude of openness, curiosity and lack of preconceptions even when you're experienced. Shunru Suzuki wrote, in the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities. In the expert's mind, there are few. And for those of us who are neurodivergent, we've become experts in self protection. We can list every way something could go wrong before we begin. Beginner's mind invites us, just for a moment, to put some of that down and become curious again. And Jungian psychology echoes this with the idea that you have to be willing to be the fool in order to become the sage. Wisdom grows from the courage to begin badly, to stumble and to risk embarrassment. And if you've ever started something new and felt that flush of I should already be better at this. That's the exact threshold where shoshin becomes medicine. And neuroscientist Rachel Barr uses the metaphor of the clown and the editor. The clown is the part of you that's allowed to be messy and playful and wrong. And then the editor refines. But when the editor arrives too soon, nothing gets made. But when we let the clown go first, we at least have something to shape. So strategically, this might mean trying a new routine badly, or experimenting with a different evening rhythm, or just trying something new without knowing if you're doing it right and letting that be okay. No one edits a masterpiece that doesn't exist yet. You have to be willing to begin. And once we've summoned the courage to begin, the next question is how? Author Tim Ferriss offers a deceptively simple question. What would this look like if it were easy? And for neurodivergent nervous systems, this is a powerful disruptor of the story. That everything meaningful must be complex, effortful or overwhelming. Our brains are often excellent at spotting every possible step and obstacle. This question invites us to look instead for unrecognized simplicities. And there's also the classic KISS principle from engineering. KISS is an acronym for Keep It Simple, Stupid, a reminder that systems work best when kept as simple as possible. And I've come up with my own adjustment to this acronym, as I'm not a huge fan of using the word stupid. Instead, we can take on board kiss. That stands for Keep it simple and Sustainable. If you're introducing a new strategy, this could be a morning rhythm or a movement practice or a creative habit. Let simplicity and sustainability be your North Star and sports writer Andy Benoit captured this beautifully. He said most geniuses, especially those who lead others, prosper not by deconstructing intricate complexities, but by exploiting unrecognized simplicities. Great strategy is often less about doing more and more about finding the elegant, doable version of what already matters. So you might pair two questions here. What would this look like if it were easy? And how can I keep this simple and sustainable? When you combined beginner's mind with simple, sustainable strategy, your nervous system no longer feels dragged into a battlefield. It feels invited into an experiment. And the artist Vincent van Gogh wrote, great things are done by a series of small things brought together. We tend to remember his big canvases of Starry Night and Sunflowers, but behind each one was a series of tiny acts mixing colors, sketching, correcting. Greatness grew from repetition and consistency. And James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, describes how small improvements compound over time. A 1% shift each day eventually creates a completely different trajectory. We often speak about the downward spiral. One missed task becomes a week of avoidance, but there is also an upward spiral. One small act of care makes the next one easier. One five minute meditation makes a ten minute one less intimidating, and one earlier night makes tomorrow's nervous system more resourced. What's remarkable is not the size of any single step. It's what happens when those steps begin to compound, like interest quietly accruing in the background, like a path forming under your feet simply because you keep walking it. And for neurodivergent brains, often caught in all or nothing patterns, tiny, consistent steps offer a middle path. They let you build trust with yourself, one small promise at a time. So you can think of strategy then as agreeing to a series of small, doable experiments, two minutes of breathing before you open your phone, or one page of journaling instead of none. Or listening to one of my short guided practices on Insight Timer in bed rather than scrolling. These are the small things brought together that quietly change lives. And even knowing this, there's often a gap between intention and action, especially for ADHD and other neurodivergent profiles, where initiation itself can feel like a brick wall. Millard Fuller, a humanitarian and founder of Habitat for Humanity, captured this beautifully when he said, it's easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than to think yourself into a new way of acting. There's something quietly radical in that because it flips the usual order. It tells us that clarity doesn't precede movement. Movement creates clarity. And this is especially important for neurodivergent minds, where overthinking can feel like safety and waiting can masquerade as wisdom. We can spend hours perfecting a plan, but our nervous systems learn most through lived experience. Once you take a small action, your brain suddenly has new data to work from. An actor and writer Hugh Laurie put it even more bluntly. He said, it's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now, and you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any. And from a neurochemical perspective, this matters because dopamine, linked with motivation and reward, often arrives after we start, not before. So the friction you feel ahead of time is real. Your brain is conserving energy and predicting effort. But once you take that first small step, dopamine begins to flow, reinforcing the behavior and making the next step easier. So if you're waiting to feel motivated before acting, you might be waiting a long time. Strategy here looks like lowering the bar to entry so that the first step is almost frictionless, and trusting your chemistry to join you once you're in motion. And I want to share one more story that I think captures the magic of strategy. Meeting State and Story author Jordan Gruber recently posted on social media, describing being ill for a week and then returning to the taekwondo kicks that he had learned 45 years earlier. He expected it would take several days of practice to regain his flexibility. That was the story he'd been carrying. Instead, when he sank deeply into the present moment and engaged his body fully, he found he could do his crescent kicks almost as well as in his 20s. What changed wasn't his muscles in that moment. It was his access to embodied knowledge by entering the right self or state. Grounded, present, confident, he discovered that the capacity was still there, just waiting. He then invited readers to Pick something from their past, a physical, artistic or musical skill, and to pretend that they can still do it just as well as they used to, just to see what happens. And I love this invitation. As a practice in gentle self strategy, it asks what if some of what you think you've lost is actually still available just beneath a layer of doubt? What if the right state and a tiny act of courage could bring it back online? And if this idea resonates, you might experiment this week. Dust off an old skill. Give your body a chance to remember. Let it be playful, not a test. And notice how this shapes your story about what is still possible for you. Okay, so how do you actually design a strategy that works for your system? Here are a few invitations. First off, start ridiculously small. You're not proving anything. You're building trust with your nervous system. What is the smallest action that moves you toward what you value? What is doable today in this state with this capacity? And then move on to this anchor to your why. This is what microdosing meaning is all about. When your actions are rooted in what genuinely matters to you. That could be connection or creativity, rest or health. They stop feeling like punishment and start feeling purposeful. Build in flexibility. Rigid plans can backfire for neurodivergent brains Instead of I will meditate at 6am Every day, you could try I will practice presence for a few minutes most days. Whether that's meditation or breath or simply noticing and track process, not perfection. Instead of fixating on outcomes, notice what you're practicing. Did I choose alignment today? Did I honor my capacity? Did I show up for myself, even imperfectly, and celebrate those micro victories? Your brain needs positive reinforcement to build new patterns. When you take a small step, let it land. I did that. I showed up. That's not indulgent, that's neuroplasticity in action. And finally, expect non linearity. Progress is rarely a straight line. Some days will feel clear and grounded and others won't. And that's not a failure, that's being human. And remember, if your strategy is starting to feel punishing or exhausting or shame inducing, that is not alignment. That's protection. Make sure to pause, return to state, then return to story and ask what am I actually trying to do here? Real strategy feels like coming home to yourself, not running away from who you are. And we'll keep unfolding these ideas together in future episodes. And in the meantime, remember, you can find me on Insight Timer. Just search for Ashley Bentley where you'll find guided practices and courses to help this work, stay buoyant, embodied, and gently integrated into your life. Okay, so now let's bring all of this down into your body. One of the most powerful ways to support strategy is by working with the brain in a state of high neuroplasticity. And Yoga Nidra is one of my favorite ways to do that. During Yoga nidra, the brain often drops into the theta wave range, the same family of states we see in deep meditation and hypnosis, and in parts of the sleep cycle. In theta, your nervous system is deeply relaxed and your critical mind is softer. And your neural pathways are particularly receptive to new patterns. In traditional Yoga Nidra, we work with a Sankalpa. This is a short, positive and in the present tense statement expressing the intention of your heart and mind. It's a quiet inner resolve, phrased as though it's already emerging. So a few examples of a sankalpa are I release and let go and feel presence in my body, or I am learning how to see more beauty in the world, or I'm learning how to slow down and rest more effectively. Notice how these are kind, simple, and aligned with everything we've explored. Building the new One small step at a time. So in a moment, I'll invite you into your own Yoga nidra. If you're able to lie down safely, you might like to prepare a comfortable space now. A blanket, something under the knees, whatever your body needs to feel supported in this moment. And before we begin, gently sense into what your sankalpa might be for this season of your life. What is one present tense statement that expresses the kind of strategy you're ready to embody? The new model you're quietly building. It doesn't have to be perfect. You can refine it later. Remember, we're allowed to edit one sentence that feels just true enough, holding it softly in your heart. And we'll plant it at the beginning and at the end of Yoga Nidra, letting it sink into the most receptive layers of your nervous system. And if you are currently driving or operating heavy machinery, please ensure to pause the recording now until you can safely come back into stillness. Just take a moment here to settle in lying down on a mat or, or your bed, or perhaps even a soft patch of grass outside, ensuring you are warm and fully supported. Good. That's right. And as you come into stillness, I will be taking your awareness to different parts of the body. Just make sure to relax, lying in stillness and listening to the sounds of my voice. And whenever you're ready, feel free to gently close your eyes and just take a moment to fully relax into this present moment. Bringing to mind now your san kalpa, your intention for today's practice. Repeating it silently inside now three times. Bringing your awareness now to the crown of the head, the center of the forehead, The eyebrows, the space between the eyebrows, both eyes and eyelids, and all the little intricate muscles behind both eyes, The cheeks, the bridge of the nose, the tip of the nose, the upper lip, the lower lip, sensations inside the mouth, the teeth and the gums, the tip of the tongue, the root of the tongue, the middle of the throat, the base of the throat, both collarbones, both shoulders. Moving down to both elbows and down again to both wrists. Noticing the thumbs on both hands and then feeling all ten fingers at once. Awareness now to your height. Center the diaphragm, the pelvic bowl, both hip joints, running down to both knees and down onto both ankles, The soles of both feet. And feeling both big toes at the same time. And feeling all ten toes at once. Awareness now to the whole physical body, the whole body resting deeply, feeling the whole body. Good. That's right. Now just imagine, only imagine. Now, in this beautiful feeling of deep relaxation that you've cultivated, I'd like you to picture in your mind's eye a vision of you fully embodying your sankalpa, your intention, As you bring back to mind your Sankalpa. As you mentally whisper this intention again three times, I'd like you to visualize yourself having fully achieved this intention. What might this look like? Imagine how you would look if you were to have completely accomplished this intention. And just rest back as you enjoy this powerful visualization of yourself, achieving everything you know you can right now. And now can you begin to notice the outline of your physical body and notice where the physical body ends and the space around you begins? You can start to make some very small movements in your fingers and toes and perhaps rocking your head from side to side. And whenever you're ready, not a moment before you can feel free to gently open your eyes. Thank you so much for joining me today. Just take a moment to notice how you feel. Not analyzing, just sensing. Perhaps there's a little more space in the body, a quieter quality to your thoughts, or a subtle softening around your Sankalpa. And today we've woven together many things. The vision of your life as a masterpiece that your efforts allowed to edit as you go. The courage to be a beginner, the fool on the way to being the sage. The practicality of simple, sustainable steps. Asking, what would this look like if it were easy the power of tiny actions and upward spirals, acting yourself into a new way of thinking and the deep support of yoga nidra where your nervous system can rehearse the new model in its most receptive state. And as always, if you'd like more support weaving these ideas into daily life, you're very welcome to join me over on Insight Timer. Just search for Ashley Bentley. And next week on Mindful Mondays, we'll begin a new journey. I'll be exploring resilience, getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, and learning how to bounce back from challenges. And remember, you don't need to remember every quote from today. Perhaps let one sentence stay with you. Van Gogh's reminder that great things are done by a series of small things brought together, or Fuller's invitation to build the new or your own Sankalpa Trust that your nervous system knows the pace that it needs, and trust that each small, kind action you take is part of your upward spiral. And remember, as always, we're all just walking each other home. Foreign.
- [33:25]
Sleep Number Announcer
Why Choose a Sleep Number?
- [33:26]
Grow Therapy Announcer
Smart Bed Can I make my sight softer?
- [33:28]
Sleep Number Announcer
Can I make my sight firmer?
- [33:30]
Ashley Bentley
Can we sleep cooler?
- [33:31]
Sleep Number Announcer
Sleep Number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side. Your sleep number setting J.D. power ranks sleep number number one in customer satisfaction with mattresses purchased in store and online. And now the more you buy, the more you save on beds, bases and more limited time. For J.D. power 2025 award information, visit J.D. power.com awards check it out at the Sleep Number Store or SleepNumber.com today.
- [33:56]
Ashley Bentley
We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Stiles MacKenzie. Helping you make those rooms sing. Today is Style tip when it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals go wild like an untamed animal print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table. From wayfair.com fierce this has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior. Wayfair Every style Every home.