Neurodivergent Reddit Stories: Dyspraxia, Sleep Problems & Neurotypical Social Rules

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Neurodivergent Experience

Episode Title: Neurodivergent Reddit Stories: Dyspraxia, Sleep Problems & Neurotypical Social Rules
Hosts: Jordan James & Simon Scott
Date: May 20, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, hosts Jordan James and Simon Scott delve into real-life Reddit stories submitted by the neurodivergent community. The focus is on three main topics: the misunderstood realities of dyspraxia and clumsiness, the complexities of social masking and “neurotypical scripts,” and the endless struggle with sleep that many neurodivergent people (especially those with ADHD and autism) face. The hosts unpack these stories with plenty of humor, personal reflection, and practical advice, sharing their own lived experiences alongside thoughtful commentary.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dyspraxia, Clumsiness, and Relationship Dynamics

Segment Begins: [04:41]

Reddit Story Recap

A poster shares the frustration of her husband frequently breaking dishes due to motor difficulties. Her attempts to help or suggest alternatives (like using plastic cups) are met with defensiveness, and she worries about infantilizing him despite just wanting to help.

Insights & Discussion

• Linking Neurodivergence & Dyspraxia

  • Jordan: “This is dyspraxia, people... also known as DCD – Developmental Coordination Disorder. Everything is disorder, but in this case it’s pretty disordering.” [07:12]
  • Dyspraxia’s impact on adults is often overlooked. Despite being labeled a “childhood” condition, it persists into adulthood with significant effects.

• Common Experiences

  • Simon: “My coordination is actually decent... It’s my feet. I just never know where my legs are. I live in a house where my darling partner sheds clothes like a snake sheds skin... I’m just running over and getting knocked over and stuff.” [10:21]
  • Many neurodivergent people misattribute their clumsiness to ADHD or autism, when dyspraxia deserves distinct recognition (and adaptation strategies).

• Practical Strategies

  • Use plastic or wooden plates/cups to accommodate coordination challenges.
  • Accept personal limits and adapt home environments accordingly (e.g., Simon’s rule: big mugs with large handles, “friend-safe” dishes for clumsy visitors).
  • Jordan: “...as you get older, your hand-eye coordination just gets worse!” [14:06]
  • Consider individualizing coping strategies and avoid “one-size-fits-all” neurodivergent thinking.

• Communication and Compromise

  • Jordan: “That’s how you do relationships – your number one priority needs to be making each other happy. If you make the other person happy, they’ll make you happy, and then everyone’s happy. I can’t stress this.” [22:23]
  • The hosts stress communication, compromise, and mutual finding of balance, rather than doubling down on defensiveness or blaming neurodivergence alone.

Notable Quotes

• Simon: “You can’t be ‘a little bit’ dyspraxic, like you can’t be a little bit pregnant. You either is, or you ain’t.” [09:23]
• Jordan, humorously on adult bibs: “There was a certain point... where I genuinely was looking at adult bibs. Like, it was a genuine thing.” [16:07]

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2. Social Masking & Neurotypical Social Rules

Segment Begins: [25:04]

Reddit Story Recap

A user is “tired of social greasing” – the expectation to use white lies in everyday conversation, like “We should hang soon” (when you don’t mean it), or “How are you?” as a greeting rather than a real question. They crave authenticity and wonder why society normalizes this kind of communication.

Insights & Discussion

• Learning “Neurotypical” as a Second Language

  • Jordan: “I think it’s better if we learn the neurotypical language than try to get everybody to speak our language.” [27:22]
  • Adapting to social scripts is a survival skill, even in neurodivergent circles.

• Directness and Its Pitfalls

  • Jordan on bluntness: “The brutal honesty of neurodivergent people can be incredibly hurtful. The irony is it can be mostly hurtful to other neurodivergent people.” [30:14]
  • Authentic communication is valuable, but some context, nuance, and “sugarcoating” is sometimes necessary for empathy.

• Cultural and Contextual Nuance

  • Simon on British etiquette: “This is the English-speaking world... [Scandinavians] don’t have any of this shit. And it’s great.” [29:26]
  • There’s value in adapting your social style according to the context—what works among friends may not work at work or in public.

• Practical Advice

  • Jordan: “If you literally are in a public setting and you’re meeting someone for the first time, just play the game. That’s my advice. Play the game. It’s not hard. Imagine you’re a salesperson trying to sell a dodgy, tiny little flat.” [38:25]
  • Reserve radical honesty for safe, close relationships; otherwise, lean into expected scripts for ease.

• Touching Personal Example

  • Jordan shares about comforting a dying relative: “One of the last conversations I ever had with her... I didn’t believe a word of what I was saying... but I can’t understand what sort of human being I would have been if I’d said, ‘oh yeah, when you die, it’s nothing, you’re dead, it’s gone now.’” [40:38]

Notable Quotes

• Simon (on reading the room): “It’s a skill that you have to learn as a neurodivergent person – reading the room.” [41:03]
• Jordan, on communication in relationships: “You have to learn how that person communicates, so then you can communicate in response to the way they communicate... If you want to get on with people, you have to learn how that person communicates.” [36:04]

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3. Sleep Issues, ADHD, and the “Revenge Bedtime” Cycle

Segment Begins: [43:26]

Reddit Story Recap

A user describes the agony of a dysfunctional sleep cycle: unable to sleep until early morning, exhausted all day, unable to reset the pattern, and wonders if ADHD medication could help.

Insights & Discussion

• Sleep Struggles Are Universally Neurodivergent

  • Jordan: “I, to be honest, can’t pin down when I don’t sleep. I can’t pin down what happened...” [45:15]
  • Sleep issues are rampant in the neurodivergent community, often with no clear cause and little success from conventional tips.

• Diverse Strategies, But No Magic Bullet

  • Both hosts have tried CBD oil, melatonin (“nightmare, literally”—[55:29]), sleep routines, and even considered medication.
  • Some neurodivergent people function on very little sleep, others need (and take) “excessive” amounts, often influenced by diet, stress, and comorbidities.

• Circadian Rhythm Disruption

  • Simon (on night vs. day work): “Your circadian rhythm is constantly getting flipped... I constantly felt tired, but not tired enough to sleep.” [47:40]
  • Night shifts and irregular schedules wreak havoc, and working from home (partners or self) can alter the sleep environment further.

• The Lure of the Night

  • Simon: “I love that part of my brain that demands revenge time... when everyone else is asleep and I’m not perceived. I’m just in my own sort of space and can do my own thing.” [47:37]
  • Many neurodivergent folk get their best thinking/alone time late at night, perpetuating sleep issues.

• Rumination & Adulting

  • Jordan: “That rumination thing we’ve been talking about... it just gets you... so I don’t think there is a lot you can do, really.” [61:59]
  • Anxiety about daily hassles and life’s little “failures” (like debt collectors or mistakes not your fault) can keep the mind racing.

• Acceptance With Hope

  • Keep trying, but accept that some struggle may always be part of the package; experiment with practical aids but be wary of dependencies.

Notable Quotes

• Simon, on bedtime avoidance: “If you said to me, ‘you’re like an electric car, Simon. You can run until you run out of battery,’ I would be awake for like, three, four days. Plug me in for half a day, and I’ll just boot back up. Like, I wouldn’t care. I’d get so much done!” [59:23]
• Jordan (on adulting and sleep sabotage): “But it just... that would just sit in my head constantly and I’m constantly going over it... I can’t really stick to these things.” [61:59]

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Memorable Moments & Humor

• Jordan riffs on British weather: “It’s literally Hobbiton to Mordor – a little bit of sunshine: get your T-shirt on. Rain!” [02:54]
• Simon’s immortal cup rule: “I have my mugs. I have my cups that are like Simon’s cups, and everyone knows not to touch them, which is kind of a God-given rule in this house.” [12:21]
• Discussion on adult bibs and food spillage leads to gentle self-deprecation and relatable laughter [16:07–16:40]
• Talking directness and social scripts turns into a raucous fart story exchange: “I did a fart in the office and the dog got up and left. I was like, now you know how it feels.” [29:13]

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Time-Stamped Segment Guide

• [04:41–23:08] Dyspraxia, clumsiness, and adapting relationships
• [25:04–41:22] Navigating neurotypical social rules & masking
• [43:26–63:03] Sleep problems, circadian rhythm, and nighttime rituals

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Conclusion

The episode is a heartfelt, funny, and validating exploration of three big neurodivergent challenges. Jordan and Simon’s raw honesty, practical wisdom, and supportive banter make every topic accessible—showing listeners both the frustrations and the often-overlooked nuances of everyday life as a neurodivergent adult. Their advice: know yourself, keep learning, adapt with compassion, and forgive yourself for the messy, human parts of the journey.

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Further Resources

• Want more lived-experience neurodivergent content?: Visit www.autisticculturepodcastnetwork.com
• Need neurodivergent mentorship? Sophie James ND Mentoring: sophiejamesndmentoring.com
• Have a story? Submit your Reddit stories to the show via their social media (see episode show notes).

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“Your number one priority needs to be making each other happy. Because if you make the other person happy, they’ll make you happy, and then everyone’s happy. I can’t stress this.”
— Jordan James [22:23]

Transcript

[Jordan James]

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[Jordan James]

Welcome to the Neurodivergent Experience Podcast. A podcast where we share the lived experiences of neurodivergent people to help create a better understanding for our community.

[Simon Scott]

Join us every week as we bring you honest, raw and inspiring conversations with specialists, advocates and individuals who know exactly what it's like to live the neurodivergent experience.

[Jordan James]

I'm Jordan James, a neurodivergent specialist, father of neurodivergent children, husband to a neurodivergent wife, and author of the Autistic Experience. And I'm joined by my best friend.

[Simon Scott]

I'm Simon Scott. I'm an autistic ADHD broadcaster, actor and advocate. Join us as we journey into unraveling the neurodivergent Experience.

[Jordan James]

Did you start?

[Simon Scott]

Yeah,

[Jordan James]

I. I was distracted, but hello, Welcome. I mean that. Yeah. Welcome to the neurodivergent Experience that is literally the neurodivergent Experience. Something says go and my brain just goes, go. Where? Like, where. Where are we? Where are we going?

[Simon Scott]

It's all right. We've only done this, like over a hundred times. Over 100 times.

[Jordan James]

Well, I was thinking, can we, can we go to the zoo? Can we, can we go?

[Simon Scott]

No, not today. It's absolutely hammering it down in rain up here in Liverpool right now. The marine layer is here, my friend. So I've got rain off the Irish Sea, which is.

[Jordan James]

I've got the most English weather. It's like one minute is really sunny, the next minute it's just clouds and Mordor. It's like literally Hobbiton to Mordor.

[Simon Scott]

Oh, a little bit of sunshine. Get your T shirt on. Rain.

[Jordan James]

I think I'm literally just gonna go out and take a rain jacket with me and just hope that at least half of the walk that I go on is. Is going to be no rain.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah. This is why raincoats are an essential part of all fashion items for English people.

[Jordan James]

Thin, thin raincoats. It's perfect for this weather.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah, perfect.

[Jordan James]

Yeah. So welcome back, everyone. Welcome to our listeners from the all

[Simon Scott]

is the Culture podcast network. Baby Block all.

[Jordan James]

All of that. All of that shenanigans.

[Simon Scott]

Yes.

[Jordan James]

Thank you all so much for tuning in for the episode. Last week we had record numbers.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah, it's awesome.

[Jordan James]

So thank you, thank you, thank you. What wasn't last week, week before? God damn.

[Simon Scott]

Time.

[Jordan James]

Time. Oh, it's this. It's all over the place.

[Simon Scott]

Hopefully the episode that has already come out for you listeners was. Was brilliant and was record numbers, because it was a bloody good one, if I say so myself.

[Jordan James]

Yeah, hopefully that record number will be the other record number with the record.

[Simon Scott]

Only records broken here, baby.

[Jordan James]

Yeah, breaking records. Especially bad ones.

[Simon Scott]

Yes. Anyway, what are we talking about this week, my friend?

[Jordan James]

I forgot.

[Simon Scott]

We're doing Reddit stories again.

[Jordan James]

We're doing Reddit stories. My favorite. It's my favorite.

[Simon Scott]

Okay, let's get straight into them, shall we? What is our first Reddit story this week, Jordan?

[Jordan James]

Reddit story number one. My husband keeps accidentally breaking dishes and. And I don't know what to do. Op writes, this is a bit silly, but it's driving me crazy. Me and my husband are in our late 20s and been living together for a few years. I love living with him. He always does his part and more for housework. It is really supportive of me and never cruel, but my God, he can't hold a dish without breaking it. Almost every year we have to buy new cups because he drops them. My mum gave me vintage ceramic cooking dishes when I moved out. No. And there's only one left. My sister's got me a nice Little kettle that's broken. Tea kettle. I. It's not a tea kettle.

[Simon Scott]

God, these goddamn Americans with their tea kettles.

[Jordan James]

Okay.

[Simon Scott]

With the walk on the side.

[Jordan James]

My sister got me a new tea kettle that was broken. My mum also got me a Brie baker that has a broken lid. The crock pot lid my parents got is broken. I don't really care if it's something we bought ourselves, but I feel so guilty that gifts from people break. My husband does have Asperger's, which, from what he says, can mildly affect motor functions. But when I try to take over more in the kitchen, he thinks I'm infantilizing him, when in reality, I'm trying to prevent a fight because, yeah, this happens every other week. I said we should at least buy plastic cups, and he got offended.

[Simon Scott]

Oh, no.

[Jordan James]

I told him to try to be more mindful not to put dishes away if he's tired, if he's feeling overwhelmed to ask me to do some chores. And I feel guilty because my job tires me out and a lot. And he's just trying to help. I feel like this problem isn't getting fixed, and I'm trying not to get mad. How can I stop this? Oh, my God. Right? Well, for a start, yes, it is related to neurodivergence.

[Simon Scott]

Oh, yeah.

[Jordan James]

This is dyspraxia, people.

[Simon Scott]

Literally.

[Jordan James]

I keep hearing this. I'm so clumsy. My ADHD makes me catch my trousers on doors. That's dyspraxia, not adhd.

[Simon Scott]

With my. Like, the pocket of my hoodie catches like a door and I feel like I've been sheep hooked.

[Jordan James]

Right. So let. Let. Let me break this down. Dyspraxia is. Is 100 a part of neurodivergence? It's also known as DCD. Developmental Coordination Disorder. Everything is disorder. But in this case, it's pretty disordering.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jordan James]

It causes people to perform less well and expected in daily activities. Do you know what? Every. Every time I do any sort of research, it says for a child, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, screw you adults.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah, I'm not. I'm not a big fan of the. For the child thing. It's. It doesn't make It. It doesn't make me feel good when I'm reading about it. I'll be honest. It's. It's not ideal.

[Jordan James]

So basically, it affects our physical coordination. That is literally what dyspraxia does. So, yeah, it's related. It's related to ADHD in the same way as all of the neurodivergent. Experiences related to all neurodivergent experiences, because it's all one brain. And it is very, very interesting the amount of people. It's not unsurprising, but it's interesting the amount of people that just don't get this. So they get this one diagnosis and then they relate all their issues to this one diagnosis. Yeah, it's fine if you want to do that, but it doesn't really help because there are certain things you can do to help yourself with the different conditions. So if someone's like, I'm autistic and I can't stop zooming and I can't stop moving and I can't stop talking, and I then like, maybe your adhd, maybe methylphenidate might help that sort of.

[Simon Scott]

That sounds like an regulation dopamine issue to me.

[Jordan James]

Yeah. I always find the. The strangest one is where people are. Oh, yeah. You know, I'm autistic. I'm a little bit ocd. And it's like, do you have intrusive thoughts that make you have to do things, otherwise you think something bad is going to happen? They go, no, no, no. I'm just. I'm just. I need things really lined up. And I'm like, that's not ocd. That's. Yeah, do your research.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah. So I was talking to somebody who was like, oh, I'm a little bit ocd, who does have compulsive thoughts and is very like that. And as they were saying it to me, they started straightening the cups on the table and then reached over and straightened mine. And I was like, it's not a little my guy. This is quite a lot. But, yeah, it always amazes me that, oh, I'm a little bit. I'm a little bit. It's no more than you can be a little bit pregnant. You either is or you ain't.

[Jordan James]

So, with. With this poster, what. What would you. It's five years old, by the way. I think. I think many, many cups have been broken since. But obviously other people are going through this. I know I'm going through this with, with. With Chris. He is very dyspeptic with his coordination. Sylvia is. She trips and catches herself on things a lot. Her trying to put a hoodie on is always fun.

[Simon Scott]

Oh, yeah. I love that when that happens. That's great. I mean, for me, like, my coordination is actually decent. Like, if you throw a ball at me, I can. I can catch it. I've got, like, really great, like, hand eye coordination. Yeah. It's my Feet, it's. I just never know where my legs are. And I live in a house where like my, my darling partner sheds clothes like a snake shed skin. And I'll just be walking around and suddenly there's just a pair of shoes in the floor that weren't there a second ago. And I'm like. And just running over and getting knocked over and stuff. But honestly, my advice for this guy and this couple, I know it's six years down the line. I hope you guys have figured this out. Just buy plastic stuff or like wooden plates or anything like that. Like, that's what I've done. Like Karis and I don't break a lot of stuff, but people always seem to break our stuff. And I've got this thing like with my dad, my dad, it's weird, he doesn't break stuff, but he has this sort of grip in his hand where he just like goes whoop. And just sort of, you just drop. Like it just throws stuff out of his hand. And my mum's exactly the same. She's always forgetting things and then as she's looking for stuff, it's like she just knocks everything over. She's looking for it. So when they come around to our house, I always give them plastic cups. And when it comes to mugs, I always give them mugs with huge handles on that I'm not gonna be too upset about if they break. Like, I have my mugs, I have my cups that are like Simon's cups and everyone knows not to touch them, which is kind of a God given rule in this house. So I see anybody with that sort of stuff, I'm like, put it down. But like plates that we've got, we don't have a lot of plates. We have like pasta bowls and we have bowls that are really easy to like have handles on because I've learned this the hard way. I used to break stuff all the time and now everything I buy, I don't just buy it for an aesthetic. I pick it up and see how hard it is to grip. Like if you give me a mug with a teeny tiny little circular handle, I'm gonna drop the damn thing. But if you give me a huge mug with a huge handle, like I've got a, like a Lego head mug that's like a zombie mug. It's very, very cool. And I always have a coffee in it and the coffee will only fill like a third of it, but I can't drop the dice. Like holding a ball. It's like a big old Gripper. Like I can't, I can't really lose it. I mean, what about you? Obviously you've got the Tasmanian Devil. That is Chris knocking over everything in your house. But what about yourself? Like, do you struggle with upper body dyspraxia or is it in your feet?

[Jordan James]

No, my, my dyspraxia is definitely in my hands. I, I like when I come to typing things, I'm, I'm looking at the key, especially with phones. I'm looking right at it and I'm pressing it and it would just press a different letter. It, it drives me insane. I'm, I'm so uncoordinated when it comes to like texting and I'm trying to be really cool and do like really, really fast like I've seen people do.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan James]

And then, and then my word says filament and I'm like, well, that was supposed to say cheese.

[Simon Scott]

Even harder when you're texting somebody who's dyslexic. Yeah. They're just like, oh, hieroglyphics. Excellent. Yeah.

[Jordan James]

So I'm this way. I said mostly just, just gifts.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah, gifts. Gifts can say I, I will send a gif when a thousand words can't say it, but the image just sums it up perfectly.

[Jordan James]

But then I'm trying to search for the gift and I'm writing all the wrong words while I'm searching.

[Simon Scott]

It's just a never ending cycle.

[Jordan James]

It's, it's not, it's not great. I used to be a lot better. I think as I get older, I think as anyone gets older, their hand eye coordination just gets worse. But I, I, I do play video games and I do try and do things to combat it. But yeah, I mean I've, I've certainly knocking into things my upper body. I, I'm, I'm an old good dude. You asked me to move something like, let's say you want to like carry a settee upstairs or something like that. I am hitting every wall, every corner. I will somehow manage to hit the ceiling and it, and I wouldn't be able to reach the ceiling, but somehow it hits the ceiling and, and I am being so careful. I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm really. Because I, and I think that's the other challenge is that this guy, obviously, you know, he's in his 20s, he hasn't really been on much of his journey and you know, they're still using Asperger's. A little bit out of date, but I, I think that this guy needs to just do more research.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan James]

And I think that when you understand dyspraxia and how it's related to your other neurodivergent conditions, you can then look to, to try and be better at it. I think there is some medication. I'm not quite sure, I've never really looked into it because mine's not that serious. But. But you know, it can affect your speech, your hands, your feet, your whole body.

[Simon Scott]

Do you know the way it affects people that I've not thought of too much until very recently is missing your mouth when you're trying to eat. Like the people that get food down themselves. Like I get okay really self conscious about mate I do it. So I'll we a white T shirt and I'd be like nothing will touch the holy cloth. And next thing you know I'm wearing like I'm always doing it and I always feel so embarrassed when it happens.

[Jordan James]

Do you know what? There was a certain point a few years ago where I genuinely, genuinely was looking at adult bibs.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan James]

Like it was a genuine thing. And you talk about infantilizing. It wasn't anyone's idea. I looked at it and went I'm so sick of just all my food all over me. And yeah, I mean I just didn't do it in the end. I was like no, I think this is too much. So you know, I'll, I'll just wear a tea towel, you know, just put a tea towel and I'll just tuck it into my T shirt to protect it. But you've got to remember to do these things and you're not going to do these things, you're not going to make the adjustments if you don't know what the problem really is. Yeah, this is why, I mean I'm all for like it's neurodivergent brain is the, it is the alternative neurotype brain. But I do find the fact that if you break these different things down it, it actually helps it easier because like bite sized chunks rather than just oh, my brain does all these things and it's like okay, well this thing is this and this thing is this. And then I can then research that and then you can deep dive into that particular thing. And I find you can actually understand your brain so much more by deep diving into each individual thing. But you have to understand that it's more than likely that if you are one, you are all but you know, different, different severities. I mean I don't particularly like that word but you know, you can Be like, like we had with Paul last week. You know, his copper Alia is. Is way, I would say, more severe than, Than my hand ticks and my. And my neck ticks because he's. He's literally dislocated, you know, like, socially and physically. Yeah, so. So I would say that there are severities when it comes to that sort of thing. So this guy, obviously, he has it bad when, when it comes to, like, holding things and gripping things. So if you know you're doing it and you know that it's upsetting your partner like this, I kind of feels like he's like, oh, well, because I'm the, The. The autistic one. You, you know, let me do me. And it's like, well, that's pretty selfish as, as a partner with, you know, these conditions and, and my partner's got these. We always try and find that balance. We're always trying to say, oh, okay, I do this and it frustrates you, and you do this and it frustrates me. How can we improve ourselves so we frustrate each other less? And I think that what this girl has done, she's done the communication, she's done the right thing, and he is just doubling down and then hiding by, oh, well, you know, you're infantilizing me.

[Simon Scott]

I think it's. It's the personal failure thing. Right?

[Jordan James]

Because when, yeah, I get that when

[Simon Scott]

I was going through, like, periods of burnout or masking before I realized what was going on, I did feel like I was failing as an adult and dropping plates and things like that. You do feel silly. And like there's, there's comments underneath the post where people have said, why don't you get a rug in the kitchen? Why don't you get plastic things? Why don't you get this? And the original poster is put. He views it as a personal failure, and it's hard to get through to him. And my advice to this, this couple would be, you are who you are. That's not going to change. You can, you can work on it. You can try and learn and research and put things into place to help you, but you are what you are, and it's not a personal failure, it's just it. But it feels personal. It's RSD and rejection, sensitivity and everything like that. But in, in relationships, especially neurodivergent relationships, I find a lot of the time when couples are really healthy, your strengths and weaknesses do align, and you've just got to accept what you aren't good at. And focus on what you are good at. Like with me, I'm terrible at washing up, but luckily we've got a dishwasher. So it's like, you know, sort of putting things in place to help you. And I'm not very good at washing clothes because I don't like the texture of wet clothes and things like that. So Caris does it, but then I do other things as well. So it's about finding a balance and kind of putting your hubris to the side. And yet you do feel infantilized. But a lot of that is yourself.

[Jordan James]

Oh yeah, yeah. It's, it's. Well, it's like, you know, when they got like internalized ableism.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

[Jordan James]

And, and I, and I do think that that like I said, when you're in the couple, I've lasted 26 years, 25 years married with Sylvia because of compromise. Yeah, it's. It's communication and compromise and talking. Trying to get her to talk about things is, is. Oh my God.

[Simon Scott]

Asking for help is hard, but it is a game changer in a relationship. But it really is.

[Jordan James]

I've really, really worked at it with Sylvia because I'm happy to communicate everything. I, it's stopping me communicating. There's the problem and the overshare of oversharers. And I've always, I'm always happy to be like, okay, I have this problem. But she doesn't really like talking things through, so I'm always having to encourage

[Simon Scott]

the blanks as well.

[Jordan James]

Yeah. So I ask. I don't. Because, you know, because she has alexithymia, way, way more severe than me, even though I do have it to a certain extent. Her anxiety and Alexithia, it literally just makes her like a deer in headlight. She just freezes and she can't say what she wants to say, even to me, so I have to ask the questions to get it out of her. So that's the compromise. I have to work harder at knowing what I need to do to make her happy. So I literally as like double effort. I put the effort into finding out what she wants from me and then I put the effort into making that happen to make her happy. That's how you do relationships is your number one priority needs to be making each other happy. Because if you make the other person happy, they'll make you happy and then everyone's happy. I can't stress this.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah, it's that age old adage of like the, the, it's old school in it, the happy wife, happy life thing. But It's a compromise of, you know, in a, any relationship, I think even more so in a neurodivergent relationship. There are going to be some days where you're gonna have to be 70 and they're 30 or you're, you know, and then some days I'm only going to be 10 and they're going to be 90. But it's not holding each other to account with that. In a way. It's just being sort of respectful and understanding that we all need to have a bit of give and take every now and then. And I hope this couple have figured it out. It's six years ago I was fine with Reddit stories. Whenever I say they're like six years ago I was like, I want to know what's happening now. But yeah, hopefully they figured it out.

[Jordan James]

Okay, so let's have a break and then we'll get on to the next one.

[Simon Scott]

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[Jordan James]

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[Simon Scott]

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[Chelsea Clinton / Sophie James / Ashley Dupuis]

you ever find yourself scrolling through headlines and thinking, possibly screaming, at least on the inside, that can't be true. There's rising rates of vaccine preventable diseases and someone on the Internet saying that watermelon juice is a natural alternative to sunscreen. Just no. I'm Chelsea Clinton and that can't be true is back for season three. My guests and I cut through a lot of chaos to help all of us understand what is true, what is overblown, what is and what's false. Hi, I'm Sophie James, a neurodivergent mentor

[Jordan James]

with four years of experience supporting neurodivergent individuals.

[Chelsea Clinton / Sophie James / Ashley Dupuis]

As an autistic and ADHD woman myself,

[Jordan James]

I know firsthand what it's like growing up in a neurotypical world and trying to navigate spaces that weren't built with our brains and mind.

[Chelsea Clinton / Sophie James / Ashley Dupuis]

Whether you're neurodivergent yourself or supporting a

[Jordan James]

neurodivergent child or teen, I offer experience led peer mentoring grounded in understanding, connection

[Chelsea Clinton / Sophie James / Ashley Dupuis]

and neuro affirming support.

[Jordan James]

Together, we explore strengths, build confidence, and

[Simon Scott]

develop practical ways to navigate life while

[Jordan James]

embracing who you are. If you'd like to learn more about my mentoring work, visit sophiejamesndmentoring.com.

[Simon Scott]

Welcome back to the Neurodivergent Experience right here on the AUTISTIC Culture podcast network and we are doing Reddit stories. So here is Reddit story number two.

[Jordan James]

Why is everyone okay with just lying? Lol Paul for the.

[Simon Scott]

For the kids. Sorry Nana.

[Jordan James]

Idk. I don't know who needs to hear this, but I am so tired of social greasing.

[Simon Scott]

So I love that phrase social greasing. I have never heard it called that before.

[Jordan James]

Chris is the word.

[Simon Scott]

I don't understand a lot of what Gen Z are about with the tick tocks and the dances, but I love how they describe things she never said.

[Jordan James]

Okay, anyway, we have never sounded so old reading this. Idk, who needs to hear this? Anyway, I'm out here trying to translate neurotypical scripts like it's a foreign language apparently. True, true. We should hang soon. Actually means Goodbye. I'm 5 mins away actually means I'm currently looking for my keys in my pyjamas. How are you? Is just a trap where you aren't actually allowed to say how you are. I'm not trying to be difficult, I just actually value authenticity. If I tell you I want to see you, I'm literally looking at my calendar. If I say I'm five minutes away, I'm 300 seconds away. It feels so fake to me. That politeness is just a bunch of white lies we all agree to tell. I'd honestly rather have the blunt truth than a nice sounding script any day. Does anyone else feel like this? They're glitching when people do this. Or am I the only one who, who thinks being direct is actually a form of respect? Just to be clear, this isn't an attack on individuals, it's an observation of a system. I truly believe that the connection is possible without truth. And by making lying the social norm, we are effectively killing our ability to trust and support one another as a society. And that the neurodivergent subreddit. So I'm just going to speak right off the bat. I think that it's better if we learn the neurotypical language than try to get everybody to speak our language.

[Simon Scott]

Oh hell yeah. Oh yeah.

[Jordan James]

Because I mostly have neurodivergent friends. And even then, because we are trained, we are, you know, indoctrinated into the neurotypical way of speaking. Even my neurodivergent friends will do neurotypical speak.

[Simon Scott]

I ask you how you are every single time I see you and you're always like, why are you asking that? I actually genuinely care how you are. There's. There's no hidden agenda here, but I have to break that down.

[Jordan James]

Yeah, I, I think it's, it's just like, it is tiring sometimes and you have to just navigate it and. But the fact is, if you, if you can break their code of they don't actually care, they're just saying stuff, then you can smile and just get on with your day and then everyone's happy. I do tend to do that thing where people say, how are you? And I go, great. And then I walk off and I'm like, oh, damn it.

[Simon Scott]

Oh, I'm in a tennis match.

[Jordan James]

I should have said, how are you? And then they're meant to say they're great. And then we say something about the weather and move on with our lives, but I always forget that bit. There's also, and I, I'm just going to bring this up. Sneezing. Oh, my God. Stop saying bless you. Stop saying stop.

[Simon Scott]

But the demons, the demons. Jordan, stop it.

[Jordan James]

Stop saying it. It makes me so annoyed because I, I, I don't need attention on me because I sneezed. Do you know what? If I fart, will you say bless you? No. You go, ooh, a sneeze and a fart. These are just natural things.

[Simon Scott]

I'd probably be like, nice. Oh.

[Jordan James]

To me, I, Every time I hear Sylvia fart, I just go, yeah.

[Simon Scott]

Do you know what's funny? I had a role reversal the other day. I did a fart in the office and the dog got up and left. I was like, now you know how it feels.

[Jordan James]

Yeah.

[Simon Scott]

Anyway, I don't know why I told you that.

[Jordan James]

I mean, technically, that is true.

[Simon Scott]

Technically, all of this. Right? Okay. Yeah, it's, it's neurotypical etiquette, Gobbledygook bowing and curtsying before we meet. And it's, it's the all. It's the etiquette. Or as my grandfather used to call it, etty twaty. Do you know what this is, though? This is the English speaking world. Because I've hung around with Scandinavian people and was friends with them and I've dated a Scandinavian person. They don't have any of this shit. And it's great. Like, I used to hang around with a Norwegian and a Swedish dude and they would just be like. I go, oh, nice weather we're having today. And they'd be like, yeah, it's the weather. Why do we need to talk about it? Oh, nice.

[Jordan James]

I, I definitely, I definitely feel there is a way that you could, you don't have to lie, but you can sugarcoat things.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan James]

The, the brutal honesty of neurodivergent people can be incredibly hurtful. And the irony is it can be mostly hurtful to other neurodivergent people.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan James]

So, you know, I've asked things, and my friends have just been absolutely brutally honest, and I wasn't prepared for that because I was like, oh, no, I. I have no problem with the factual information that you've given me, but the way that I was given it made me feel like I want to hurt you. And I'm. And, yeah, no, I get that, but, like, not hurt hurt, but, like, tell you to off, you know?

[Simon Scott]

Yeah, no, I get that. I get that.

[Jordan James]

And. And. And I get it mostly. And. And is with. With the people that sort of more alexithemic. And. And I definitely think it's. It's a. I mean, I'll be honest. You. I asked you something the other day, and it was really bad timing as well, and I had to think about it. It's like, oh, yeah, no, it was bad timing. I. I asked you something because you just gave me, like, a really honest answer, but you didn't sugarcoat it at all. You just gave me, like, a factual answer, and I went away and went, oh, that hurt. And then Sophie was like, yeah, but it's not. It's. He just told you as it was, and you asked him in a really bad time. And she explained it to me because she's a really great mentor, oddly enough.

[Simon Scott]

I'm blanking on this.

[Jordan James]

I'm like, I. I know. I know you. I know you're blanking, but I'm not going to go into it. Okay. Like, it was just something I asked you. You gave me an honest answer, and I was, like, a bit taken aback by it.

[Simon Scott]

Okay.

[Jordan James]

It was. It was something. It was not a you thing. It was a me thing. And this is what, like. Like I said, working with. Like, I went for a walk with Sophie, and she just explained to me everything about it because she was there when that interaction happened. And then I saw it completely differently, and I was like, oh, no, that is actually my bad. Which is a really interesting perspective. And we've had this before.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah, we've.

[Jordan James]

We've had this before where I'm. I'm thinking somebody else is at fault, and I'm taking it in because of the rsd. And in fact, when you actually break it down, and it's exactly that thing like I said a couple of weeks ago with that message from my sister.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan James]

Where she was like, oh, no, you. You can't really stay with it here. But here's another option, other option, other option. And I'm not seeing the other option, I'm just seeing the words, you can't stay with me for a week. Rather than, here are some nicer places you can stay for free in the countryside when you come and visit, that we will let you stay in. It's just very crowded in my flat and I'm just going, no, you don't want me there. And yeah, it is a me thing. It's not my fault. It's the people that traumatize and abuse me.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah, it's a reaction, isn't it?

[Jordan James]

Fault.

[Simon Scott]

So when people say blunt things to me, my instant reaction is, fuck off because I was bullied.

[Jordan James]

Exactly.

[Simon Scott]

It's really hard to fight that feeling.

[Jordan James]

This guy's idea of this utopian world, which is a bit like that Ricky Gervais movie about lying, where he learns to lie. Yeah, where he learns, like, because everyone's just brutally honest. And it's like that there is a way of, like, is it white lying? But it's not even a lie, it's just a brush off.

[Simon Scott]

It's a mask. It's masking, essentially.

[Jordan James]

Yeah.

[Simon Scott]

If I rung somebody and they were like, oh, how are you? And I responded, well, I lost my job, my life, my wife left me, my dog died. They're like, that's not what I asked you. They did, but they didn't. And that's the thing that I find I found originally really confusing with, like, social things, especially when it came to, like, dating. Like, people were always doing this like, weird, nonchalant thing where they'd be like, oh, do you want to go? Oh, dunno, maybe. Do I, do I know? Do I do it? And I was like, oh, is that flirting? Is that what that is? Because none of you are actually saying anything. You're just all being like, nonchalant, I don't get it. And that, that was something I. That always really confused me. And that apparently you were meant to get somebody's number, ignore them for three weeks, text them like, what are you up to at 2am? And then start a conversation. And I thought you would go up to somebody and be like, hi, I like you. Do you want to go out sometime? And they'd always be, that's weird, don't do that. But then apparently that's what everybody wanted. And I was just like, what? Well, what do you mean? If you're saying you want one thing and then I do it and apparently then that's wrong. So I Understand, a lot of this sort of weird politeness is like a form of masking and a lot of it I think is British. Just British people of Devon early. No, never show them what you're for. And all of this sort of thing, like I was saying with like Scandinavian people, they have a directness that I find extremely refreshing. How many English people do you know, do that? Think like Polish people and Eastern European people are cold and blunt, whereas I don't, I don't get that. I don't feel like they are, they're just, they're just very forward and aren't as expressively emotional with the inflection in their voice. So it's kind of hard to read. But for me, I've never had that issue. I don't, I don't feel that. But then in the uk, a lot of people go, oh, Eastern European people. They're cold and they're blunt or.

[Jordan James]

So I'm gonna give everyone listening and this guy somehow, through thought and time some advice right from old man. Yes, this is my advice.

[Simon Scott]

Come round the fire, children.

[Jordan James]

As you go through life, it is really, really good to understand people's different communication variabilities. Right? So everybody receives and gives communication in completely different ways. Whether you're neurodivergent, neurotypical, whether you're a flippin alien from outer space, you're going to communicate in different ways. If you want to get on with people, if that is something that you aspire to do and communicate with people, you have to learn how that person communicates so then you can communicate in response to the way they communicate. And yeah, that is, that takes work, but that's part of being a friend. So there's, there's ways that I have to communicate with you that are different to ways that I communicate with Sylvia or different ways I communicate with my kids and different ways of communicating with people at my work. I don't just go, this is how I speak. And I'm just going to talk to everybody like this. I will adjust it depending on who I'm around. I can't always get that right. Sometimes I'm just me and shit comes out. And we've had this many, many times where I've accidentally upset people and many people have accidentally upset me. But I think what it will come down to is if you are friends with someone, you have to understand them and know that it's not deliberate. And that's really, really hard. It's really hard. That's why therapy and mentoring and working through your issues Even if it's. Especially if it's with your family is. Is so important. But if you literally are in like. Like a public setting and you know you're meeting someone for the first time. Just play the game. That's my advice. Play the game. It's not hard. Imagine you're a salesperson trying to sell a dodgy, tiny little flat.

[Simon Scott]

You know it's dodgy.

[Jordan James]

You know it's dodgy. You know it's. T. Me personally, I couldn't be a salesperson, because I'd be like, it's dodgy and it's tiny, and you really don't want this. It's also overpriced, and they'd be like, jordan, I want to see you in my office. You're the worst salesman.

[Simon Scott]

That's why I got fired from a call center, because I run a little old lady. And I was like, just hang up the phone, my love.

[Jordan James]

Yeah,

[Simon Scott]

I got really been in trouble for that.

[Jordan James]

My job is lying to you. Okay, so. So I think that, you know, it literally comes down to that. How important is it that you get that, right? And also, let's say it's just a general interaction, and I literally. I will put this down to this. Okay? So before we move on to the next one, I am an atheist. I'm a very, very open atheist. I have nothing against people believing whatever they want. I. It's just. That's my upbringing, right? Me. My nan knew I was an atheist. My brother's an atheist. My dad was an atheist. We're just. We just don't believe. Many people do. It's fine. She believed. On her deathbed, there was barely anything of her. I could literally pick her up in my hands, and she weighed nothing. I remember because I carried her upstairs, and she looked at me and she said, do you really believe there's nothing? And I went, no, Nan, I don't believe there's nothing. I. I think there is something. I think that. That we will see each other again. And I think that you will. You will be fine. And I love you, and I can't. I can't wait for us to. To be together again. And she went, really? And I went, yeah. I said, you know, the atheist thing, it's. It's how I feel. But deep down, I really do believe in something. I don't know what it is, but I believe in it. And. And she cried, and she was just so happy. And we hugged, and that was one of the last conversations I ever had with her. I didn't believe a word of what I was saying. I do. I wish there was a heaven. I wish, I hope, I hope that there is an afterlife. But I don't believe that there is.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah. I mean, I'm exactly the same.

[Jordan James]

I was never in a million, million years going to tell my nan in that moment anything but what I told her because I don't understand what sort of a human being I would have been if I had said, oh, yeah, when you die, it's nothing. You're dead. It's gone now.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan James]

Because why would you do literally dying?

[Simon Scott]

It's a skill that you have to learn as a neurodivergent person reading the room.

[Jordan James]

So, yeah, that is, that's the extreme. And then just put that into life.

[Simon Scott]

But thanks for sharing that, dude. It's not easy, but that's a great example. It's a great example.

[Jordan James]

Quite emotional, actually.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordan James]

I miss my little nan.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah, me too. If you take a break.

[Jordan James]

Let's take a break.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan James]

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[Simon Scott]

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[Chelsea Clinton / Sophie James / Ashley Dupuis]

hi everyone, it's Ashley Dupuis here, the in house therapist on the neurodivergent experience and host of Mindful Mondays. And if you've been listening to these podcasts and thinking, gosh, I'd love to explore this work more deeply. I'd love to let you know about what's coming next. This September I'll be opening a small group coaching cohort, a gentle, supportive space to explore the kind of work we've been doing here together. So if you've been resonating with the From Mask to Map series or with the deeper themes we've been exploring on Mindful Mondays. This will be a chance to take that work further in community with guidance, reflection and practical tools to help you understand yourself more clearly and move through life with more ease. So if that speaks to something in you, I'd love to hear from you. You can register your interests by emailing [e-mail] and you can also keep an eye out on integrativeiom.co.uk where I'll be sharing more details over the coming weeks.

[Simon Scott]

Welcome back to the Neurodivergent Experience. It's Reddit stories and it's now time for our third and final one. This one definitely relates to me, so I'm gonna read it to you right now. Tired of my sleep cycle being a mess. Hands up listeners, if this is you. It's currently nearly 5:30am When I'm writing this says the OP original poster. I'm tired, yet the sun is rising, but my body has yet to shut down and sleep. I didn't even have caffeine or anything that I can think of that can cause me to be awake right now. I'm tired of sleeping in the morning starting from around 6am to 10am instead of like a normal human in the night. Then my day feels wasted. I do wonder if once I get ADHD meds if that will help. But I'm over this. It's been years I've been telling myself that I need to fix this, but not close to that yet at all. If anything it's gotten worse and exhausting myself by doing all nighters doesn't work to help reset my sleep. And I think as I've gotten older my body can't run properly on an all nighter. It needs at least a few hours or I can end compensating the hours missed when I finally sleep. Only maybe if I have external scaffolding from serious commitments like work and having to commute, etc. When I do sleep, the quality seems to be okay, but it's the falling asleep in the first place. Anyone else here with similar sleep struggles and this is in the ADHD Reddit thread. Oh, preaching to the choir. Welcome brother. Take a seat.

[Jordan James]

Interestingly, I mean they do say if you take your ADHD meds, late will actually keep you up.

[Simon Scott]

I've experienced that personally.

[Jordan James]

Yeah, yeah. I to be honest I I can't pin down when I don't sleep. I can't pin down what happened because I'm like okay, so I Didn't have any coffee. I didn't take my ADHD meds. I, I, you know, sprayed my little CBD oil in under my tongue. I did everything right. And then I'm just laying there and laying there and laying there. Other times, you know, I'll go to bed and bam, done. Nine hours later. And I'm more tired. I'll be honest. I like the more sleep I have, the more tired I seem to be. But yeah, it's so common. I mean, there's a guy at work, he's neurodivergent, three to four hours a night, every night.

[Simon Scott]

And he functions okay on that.

[Jordan James]

I say, yeah, I mean, I don't, I mean, I don't know who he is if he did sleep.

[Simon Scott]

Ah, good point.

[Jordan James]

I've only known him as the person, the cranky but cuddly man. He is.

[Simon Scott]

Okay.

[Jordan James]

It's like a bear. It looks like it's friend shaped, but it still might bite you if.

[Simon Scott]

Why not friend. Why Friends shaped.

[Jordan James]

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, he's a very, very nice man, but he, yeah, there's, he's moody and, and I'm, I don't know if that is him or if that is his lack of sleep. Another neurodivergent friend I've got is he sleeps a lot, like 10 to 12 hours of sleep. And he's always complaining about how tired he is. I'm definitely putting that down to his diet. He does not eat fruit or veg of any kind. And everything I see him eat is processed out of a packet. And he eats the same thing every single day. He is, he is not healthy and he never exercises ever. So he's just not healthy. So I assume that's why he's so tired.

[Simon Scott]

Exercise does it for me. Like, I, I'm intrigued to hear yours as well because you, you work nights, right? So your circadian rhythm is constantly getting flipped.

[Jordan James]

Well, it's worse. I work nights and days.

[Simon Scott]

That's what I mean is it's, that's even worse because you're trying to constantly reset yourself. That would be a. For me because it used to be I used to work nights and then I used to go and work days as well, and I constantly felt tired, but not tired enough to sleep. And I live with somebody and sharing my life with my partner, Carys. I have never known anybody that likes to sleep as much in the. It's just like Winnie the Pooh, dude. It's just like, right, okay, time for bed. And just goes to sleep and I'm like, oh, My God, like, in the sense of, like, I'll be talking to her in bed and she'll fall asleep mid conversation. And I'm so jealous of that ability, right? Because I take an hour and a half to feel human in the morning. Whether I wake up at 6:00am, 8:00am, 9:00am that first hour and a half, it's like a freaking flashbang's gone off and I'm like, It's like tinnitus is kicking in. Feel like I've been bonked over the head. You know when you always see in cartoons where people, like, wake up from being knocked out and they're like, well, where am I? Yeah, that is me. That's me every single morning. But also I have extremely vivid dreams. Extremely vivid dreams to the point of sometimes I wake up in a morning and I don't even know it, what's real. Like, it messes with me. And dreams can carry over. Like, I can get RSD from dreams, I can get anxiety from dreams, all sorts. So, like, I go to sleep and I'm like, what we're gonna get this time? And I don't like falling asleep. I will lay in bed, dude, and I'll doom scroll on my phone, which I know is not good for me, but I have that part of my brain that demands revenge time in that I didn't get an hour to watch my DND YouTube video. So I'm gonna do it now while everybody's asleep because the house is quiet, all the lights are off, and it's just me here, which I love. I love this skulking around in the dark. That's. That's just my sort of favorite time. I think one of the reasons as to why I'm so drawn to being a late night person is because everybody else is asleep and I'm not perceived. I'm just in my own sort of space and I can do my own thing without people seeing me. That's a bit of a deep cut. But I will get in bed, dude, and I'll lay there and I'll go to shut my eyes and I'll go, now let me put a podcast on instead. And then suddenly, for half an hour, I'm scrolling through what to listen to to fall asleep, and I cannot go to sleep unless I physically cannot keep my eyes open anymore. So it'll get to like 9 o' clock and Carus will go, I'm going to bed. Do you want to come to bed? And I'll sit in bed, dude, and I'll be irritable. I'll be like, I want to get up, I want to move, I want to, I want to do something. And I wish I had that energy when I first wake up, because when I first wake up, like, I just want to sit in my duvet and curl up and like the idea of getting out, I'm like, oh, it's cold. And I just get so much like demand avoidance about just getting up and getting out. But then I have the exact same demand avoidance about going to sleep. So I will sit on the sofa, I'll watch a show that I know Karis doesn't want to watch, and I will literally stay on the sofa until I can physically feel myself nodding and then I'll go to bed. But I haven't found a way of forcing myself to sleep other than the panic of oversleeping something the next day. So somebody in this, the OP mentioned in this post scaffolding for serious commitment. If I have to be at work at 7am the next day, I can force myself to sleep. But then I am constantly waking up in the middle of the night going, oh, have I overslept my alarm? And I get in like a panic. The only time I can ever go to sleep and wake up in the morning and feel fresh is if I'm playing golf. Like if I've got a tee time at half past eight and I've got a, an hour drive to get there, I will wake up at half five, I'll be in the shower and I'll be out of the house for quarter past six. Absolutely fine. It's the only time I can wake up fresh is if I'm actually looking forward to doing something that's early. But other than that, dude, complete, utter shit show.

[Jordan James]

Yeah, I mean, I, I am terrible with sleep because it is the one thing that I'm just like, okay, I need to do this more. I need to do this more. Because everything I read about, especially in your 40s, about being healthy, you know, I, I, you know, take creatine and supplements and I drink lots of, of liquid and I, I eat healthy and, and I do all these, and I exercise and I go walks in, in nature and I do all these wonderful things for my mental health and physical health. And I tried, I try and sleep. I really, really do. So even last night I was absolutely shattered. I went to sleep at about midnight and I knew that I had to be up about half six to watch a basketball game with my son because he has to wake up early because he has to be at work at 8. Works from home. Bloody bugger.

[Simon Scott]

It's pretty good.

[Jordan James]

Yeah. But I forgot to set my alarm. But I was awake at 10 to 6. Like, my brain just knew, oh, you've got to get up. Like, I just knew that I had to be up around six o' clock and I just woke up and. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I. I really don't know what to do because the. The worst thing is when I. When I work a night shift and I come home and I'll have some breakfast with Sylvie before she goes to work and then I'll head up to bed. I don't have a coffee, you know, anything like that. I'm not crazy. I don't even take my ADHD meds. I. I go straight to bed and I lie there and sometimes it takes me ages to get to sleep. Especially in the summer when it's bright outside and I know it's a lovely

[Simon Scott]

day, people are cutting their grass and you can hear birds and. Yeah.

[Jordan James]

Oh, dude. But the thing is, Sophie works from home, Simon works from home. Their bedrooms, where they're working from, are literally next to ours. And the walls aren't that th. And, you know, it's like slightest movements, then the cat will be scratching, the dog will be barking. I mean, I had one thing where the cat was on the bed with me and the dog wanted to be on the bed with me and literally I was deep in asleep and the next thing, I literally barks in my face because he was so upset that he couldn't get on the bed because he's literally scared of the cat, which is hilarious. The huge dog scared of this. Well, technically a huge cat, but it's just. It's the little things that wouldn't happen during a night. And like you said, I mean, people like postmans and knocking on the door, and if someone comes to the door, the dogs will bark.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan James]

I genuinely think when. When my house, when all the kids leave and the dogs, you know, go to that rainbow in the sky, I actually think that I might actually end up actually being the healthiest I've ever been in my life because I will actually be able to sleep. So, yeah, I'm just sitting there going, I hope everyone off.

[Simon Scott]

I'm intrigued. Have you. What, have you tried to sort of work on it? Right. Because a body of mine, autistic adhd, like me, also really struggles with falling asleep. The amount of times that he will text me at 1am and be like, are you up? And I'm like, of course I'M up, dude. And we'll like have a little chat or whatever. Sometimes we'll even have a call. And he tried melatonin for a little bit and was like, oh, I recommend it. Take it like four hours before you go to sleep and oh, knocks you straight out. I have always avoided sleeping pills or anything like that. The. The idea of something that forces me to sleep and I'm like, will I ever wake up? It just. No, it's not for me. Would give me crippling anxiety. But I tried melatonin once, many, many years ago, and it was a nightmare. Literally. The, the dream that I had during that sleep haunted me for months. It was so scary. Like talk like fucking demons and all sorts of stuff, dude. It really, really scared me. And that is something that my friend has experienced. He says the dreams that it gives you are freaking outrageous. And I have been somebody who has leaned on alcohol to try and fall asleep before. I've tried to really rely on coffee and energy drinks and creatine and everything to try and get me up in the morning. And I don't want to feel like I have to rely on lotions and potions and everything to try and just sleep. So I try and do it as organically as possible. But one of the things that this comment thread has talked about and Ashley's talked to me about it, and it's something I really struggle to do is put in screens away and not watching TV or not, you know, being on your phone or anything like that. But I get demand avoidant about it. I find it really hard not to just watch a YouTube video or, you know, lean into a special interest. And I feel like I'm constantly wanting to watch a screen late at night. So. Yeah. Are they things. Is there anything like. Have you ever dealt with like sleeping pills or anything like that, like with work?

[Jordan James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had some melatonin and it, it. I don't know if it worked or it didn't work. I fell asleep. But like I said, it's. I've tried different things and I can't pinpoint them. But you know, because of, of my mind, I don't really stick to these things. I'm like, oh, that worked. And then I'd literally just forget to do it the next time. Yeah, like my, my routine. Trying to get into a routine of doing anything is, is the most annoying thing. It's like I'll. I'll try and have like a specific eating routine, you know, just so my eating isn't all over the place and, you know, and I'll write it down and literally got like on. On a background on my phone, it's like, do this, do this, do this, do this. And the next thing I know, I'm just like, I don't know what any of that is. And then I'm just. I mean, a Biscuit at like 11 o' clock at night and. And I can't really stick to these things. I think you said a lot of it may be like, PDA or whatever.

[Simon Scott]

Do you get munchies? Do you get, like, munchies?

[Jordan James]

No, no, no, not at all. I mean, to be honest, if, if I. I mean, I do eat out of boredom.

[Simon Scott]

Yep, same.

[Jordan James]

But I think this is the weirdest thing. I don't sleep because of boredom. Like, the idea of sleeping. We've said this how many times? Just want to plug ourselves in and, and just like charge up and carry on going. Because I just, I feel like I have too many things that I want to do and sleep is just a waste of time. And I think because I have the attitude, that's maybe why I don't really sleep, but.

[Simon Scott]

Oh, that's a good point.

[Jordan James]

Because I literally don't want to.

[Simon Scott]

No, I don't want to go to sleep. I. I could genuinely. If you could say, if you said to me, you're like an electric car, Simon. You can run until you run out of battery, I would be awake for like, three, four days. Plug me in for half. You know, plug me in for half a day and I'll just boot back up. Like, I wouldn't care. I get so much done. I get so much done. Like, if anything, bedtime pisses me off. Like when Caris goes, right, I'm going to sleep now. I'm like, do you want to know?

[Jordan James]

The only times I want to sleep is when I'm. If I'm doing something the next day I'm really excited about.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah.

[Jordan James]

So I. And I just want that time to pass.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah. And point, dude.

[Jordan James]

That's the time when my body's like, nope, now. Now it's going to make it even harder for you to sleep. So it's literally like a kid waiting for Christmas, Christmas Eve, and they can't sleep because they're so excited. I'm like that before I go on holidays. I'm like that before I go on, like a big trip or if there's like a party or also if there's something that's happening that you're anxious about. I mean, I'm. I'm Literally, I've. I've got loads of these different things that are happening in my life where I'm having to battle. Like, people are doing stuff to me. So, you know, people are like, owe me compensation for things. People make mistakes. I didn't pay for my fuel at a petrol station, filled in a form, went the next day paid, right? They. They filled the whole form in, it said that I've paid it. And then a month later, I'm getting calls from QDR solicitors who were trying to bully me into paying something, asking who I am. Never give you details over the phone. If anyone rings you like that, say, if you want me to do something, send me a letter. Do not give them your address if they haven't got your address. They're fake anyway. So I'm having these people ringing me and stuff and I'm like, why. Why are debt collectors calling me? You know, sending me message, sending me texts. How do they even have my phone number? And then it just clicked and I was like, oh, it's the bloody fuel. Because they actually work for bp. I had to bloody do it. Like, investigations of, like, why am I getting all these calls? And then I called the petrol station up and I said, like, why? Why? I paid it. And they're like, oh, you did pay. Oh, sorry. The person who was meant to do it forgot to press page button on the computer. And I was like, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I've done nothing wrong in my life. I did exactly what I was supposed to do. And because of some numpty, I'm now being harassed constantly. And then if I hadn't figured it out myself, that harassment would have still been on and it could have affected my credit rate and all of this stuff. And. And it's not just that, it's stuff like that happens all the time and you're just going in your daily life and then happens to you and you did nothing wrong, but you've got to fix it. And. And like, that adulting, oh, it sucks. But I just happen to have like a whole bunch of those things happening to me right now and it. That would just sit in my head. It would just sit in my head constantly and I'm constantly going over and that rumination thing that we've been talking about a couple of episodes ago, it just. Oh, it just gets you. So I don't think there is a lot you can do, really. But I wouldn't say to stop trying. I know Ash has got some really good tips and we'll do another episode and do delve deeper even. Yeah, I'm a little bit tired, weirdly enough.

[Simon Scott]

Yeah, well, I think we'll leave it there. That's been Reddit Stories for this week. Always interested to hear your opinions on it. And if you've got Reddit stories that you would like us to discuss, send them to us on our social media. All the links are in the show notes below. That's been your neurodivergent Experience for this week. Tune in tomorrow because we've got a hot topic coming in your feedback, so keep your eye out for that. Thanks as always for tuning in with us. We'll catch you next time nightly.

[Jordan James]

Bye.

[Simon Scott]

Thanks for tuning in to the neurodivergent Experience. We hope today's episode sparked something for you. Whether it's a new idea, a bit of validation, or just a moment of connection, Remember, new episodes are every week, so be sure to join us for the next one for more conversations and insights into the neurodivergent Experience. If you've enjoyed this podcast, help us grow. You can do that by rating and reviewing this show. Your support makes a huge difference in helping us reach more people who could benefit from these conversations. You can connect with us on social media, find us on Instagram, Facebook, Tick Tock. Just search for the neurodivergent Experience. Thank you again for listening and until next time, take care of yourself. You're not alone in this journey.

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[Chelsea Clinton / Sophie James / Ashley Dupuis]

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