Podcast Summary: The Neurodivergent Experience

Episode: Re-Run | Girls Are Autistic Too: Misdiagnosed By Misogyny

Hosts: Jordan James & Simon Scott
Guest: Ashley Bentley (Hypnotherapist, Coach, Breathwork Practitioner)
Date: March 12, 2026

Episode Overview

This re-released episode explores the unique challenges faced by autistic girls and women, particularly the high rates of misdiagnosis influenced by societal expectations and medical bias—a phenomenon the hosts coin as “misdiagnosed by misogyny.” Through candid conversation and lived experience, Jordan, Simon, and repeat guest Ashley Bentley dismantle stereotypes, dissect gendered masking, and explain why the “typical” autistic profile is so male-centric. The chat covers masking, special interests, emotional regulation, diagnostic barriers, and the importance of self-acceptance.

Key Discussions & Insights

1. Intro & Autistic Camaraderie

Jovial banter about distractions, hyperfocus, and sandwich-based eating routines (03:45–08:46). The conversation transitions to Ashley’s recent engagement and a light-hearted discussion of rings—a metaphor for personal autonomy and self-understanding.

2. How Autism Presents Differently in Girls & Women

a. The Myth of “Male” Autism

• The episode addresses longstanding medical and societal assumptions that autism is primarily a “male” neurotype, neglecting the diverse presentation in females.
• Simon: “We are here to try and discuss today... how autistic women present differently to men.” (12:49)

b. Social Presentation & Masking (13:32–18:33)

• Masking Defined: Women and girls are more likely to “mask” autistic traits—consciously or unconsciously camouflaging their differences to better fit in.
  • Jordan: “Autistic women are often more likely to mask or camouflage their autistic traits... This can lead to them appearing less socially impaired than autistic men. Ouch.” (14:15)
• People Pleasing & Fawning: Many autistic women become chronic “people pleasers” or exhibit the “fawn” trauma response, prioritizing smoothing social situations even at great personal cost.
  • Ashley: “Fawning is a nervous system response...It’s a protective mechanism…it’s not a choice.” (19:26)
• Empathy Stereotypes: The stereotype that autistic people lack empathy is refuted, especially for women.
  • Ashley: “I am the complete opposite of [expressionless]. I’m so empathetic…so incredibly expressive.” (15:22)

c. The Weight of Societal Expectations (21:06–24:23)

• Girls are reprimanded for behaviors excused in boys; women are expected to be “ladylike.”
  • Jordan: “Boys will be boys. But women will constantly hear, ‘Oh, women shouldn’t do that…That’s not very ladylike.’” (21:09)
• Misinterpretation of traits: Selective mutism or neutral expression often misread as being “snobby,” “moody,” or “resting bitch face.”
• Result: Many women hit adulthood with little sense of their own identity due to years of masking and people-pleasing.

3. Special Interests & the Mimicry Paradox

(29:10 – 45:55)

• Gendered Expression of Special Interests:

  • Women often choose socially “acceptable” passions (e.g., celebrities, popular bands), facilitating masking/mimicry.
    • Ashley: “…it was socially acceptable because young girls like teen heartthrobs…” (30:03)
  • Men’s interests often more “niche,” less tied to social currency (e.g., Jordan’s obsession with evolution and video games).

• Mimicking to Belong: Autistic people (especially girls) often adopt interests or mannerisms to fit in, even if it means abandoning personal passions.

  • Jordan: “We want to be part of the herd so badly, we end up mimicking. So we copy other people to the point where we’re not that individual thinker.” (36:31)
  • Many revisit childhood interests in adulthood after unmasking: “You hit 30 and you’re autistic, and you allow yourself to have what you denied yourself…” (43:08)

4. Repetitive Behaviors (Stims) & Suppression by Gender

(47:03–58:34)

• Visibility of Stimming:
  • Males may stim openly (e.g., hand-flapping, jumping); females often “internalize” stims or suppress them in public due to stricter social expectations.
    • Jordan: “I will flap, I will jump up and down in the middle of Tesco. No problem…Sylvia [my wife] stims at home…But she will not do it in public.”
    • Ashley (on discreet stims): “I pierce the middle of my palms with my nails. That’s an easy one that…nobody knows I’m doing.” (49:52)
• Negative Impact: Chronic suppression leads to emotional overload, which may manifest as shutdowns, delayed outbursts, or somatic symptoms.
• Loss of Self: Years of hiding behaviors contribute to adult women feeling disconnected from authentic joy and unsure about true personal interests—necessitating intentional self-compassion and rediscovery.

5. Emotional Expression & Internalization

(62:54–74:39)

• Societal Messaging: Women penalized for visible emotion but expected to be nurturing and composed.
• Internalization vs Explosiveness:
  • Common pattern in autistic women: internalize distress due to socialization, resulting in anxiety, depression, and inexpressive (stoic) tears rather than “meltdowns.”
    • Jordan: “Instead of having a violent meltdown...she’s stoic-faced, and there’s just tears pouring down her face.” (69:37)
    • Simon: “If a guy does [express anger]...he’s a bit unhinged, but he’ll calm down. But if a woman does that, it’s ‘Oh, she’s mental’...or ‘She’s on her period.’” (71:38)
• Men & Emotional Regulation: Men often given social “permission” to explode or be loud, while women are judged more harshly.

6. Misdiagnosis, Diagnostic Bias & Progress

(74:39–85:38)

• Diagnostic Bias:

  • Autism diagnosis criteria are based on male presentation due to Leo Kanner’s narrow original research.
  • Women are overlooked or misdiagnosed (anxiety, depression, eating disorders, borderline personality disorder) rather than autistic.
    • Ashley: “Once I found out about the connection between eating disorders and autism…I had an eating disorder when I was younger…It made so much sense.” (77:11)
  • People of color and non-male, non-white presentations also under-diagnosed.
  • Jordan: “That’s what needs to change, because if a guy is there...‘I think you might be autistic.’ A woman...‘It’s an eating disorder, it’s anxiety…’” (81:06)

• First-Hand Diagnostic Experiences:

  • Ashley shares difficulties getting NHS assessment as a non-crisis adult woman, resorting to private diagnosis.
    • “He said, ‘You’re not in a mental health crisis, so I can’t put you on the list’…I had to go private.” (85:59)
  • Encouraging note: Jordan describes how his son’s girlfriend, seeking a diagnosis, was taken seriously and referred— “for once, I have something good to say on this podcast about the diagnostic process.” (85:38)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Masking:
  “I have no idea who I am. I have spent my whole life masking and trying to please others that I actually have no idea who I am, what I want…”
  — Ashley Bentley (26:08)

• On Fawning:
  “Fawning is a nervous system response. It just happens. You’re not thinking, I’m going to fawn right now.” — Ashley Bentley (19:26)

• On Societal Double Standards:
  “Boys will be boys. But women will constantly hear, ‘Oh, women shouldn’t do that…’”
  — Jordan James (21:09)

• On Misdiagnosis:
  “Eating disorders, borderline personality disorders, mood disorders, anxiety, all seem to be so common in many women I speak to… and I go, ‘What’s borderline to you?’ and they go, ‘Well, I’m a bit obsessed with the color orange.’”
  — Simon Scott (77:54)

• On Autistic Camouflage and Interest Mimicry:
  “We want to be part of the herd so badly, we end up mimicking… to the point we’re not individual thinkers.”
  — Jordan James (36:31)

• On Suppressed Stims:
  “Suppressing these stims…will find its way out somewhere. Trying to keep that stim down, it comes out somewhere else and a new one will just manifest…”
  — Simon Scott (54:02)

Key Timestamps

• 03:45–08:46: Neurodivergent day-in-the-life, distractions
• 12:49–15:22: Social presentation differences, masking & empathy
• 18:33–24:23: People-pleasing, fawning, societal expectations on women
• 29:10–45:55: Special interests, mimicry, fitting in and late discovery of self
• 47:03–58:34: Stimming, public suppression, shame, and “state vs. trait”
• 62:54–74:39: Emotional expression, internalization, gendered reactions to distress
• 74:39–85:38: Misdiagnosis, diagnostic accessibility, Ashley’s & others’ first-hand stories
• 85:59–89:11: Difficulties in accessing diagnosis as a woman
• 89:42–90:32: Wrap-up and encouragement

Conclusion

Through honest storytelling, personal anecdotes, and laughter, this episode details the subtle—but heavy—burdens placed on autistic women and girls, from being taught to hide who they are to facing misdiagnosis in a system built for boys. Yet, it also offers hope: diagnosis pathways are (slowly) improving; self-compassion and community can help unmask who you truly are; and, above all, listeners are not alone.

For further exploration:

• Diagnosis resources for autistic women
• Information on masking and the “fawn” trauma response
• Books recommended by Jordan on understanding diverse autistic experiences

“If you’re listening to this and you’re unsure—if you relate to us and get a little tingle—welcome. You’re one of us, and you’re very welcome here.” — Simon Scott (89:42)