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Audio for sleep by Hatch.
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All right, I'm Matt.
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And I'm kp. Welcome to the nightly from Hatch. Where your late night thoughts to rest.
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Kp, couple of things.
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Okay.
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I like the new hat. Not seen that before. Amish country on a baseball cap.
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I got this. This was staying at my mom's house and I went back and retrieved it. Cuz it is a favorite cap of mine. It's Amish. It just is a Amish country hat.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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What's the story there?
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Well, I was doing a. I was creating, writing, directing, whatever, a web series about Amish. And I fell really in love with the whole vibe and community. And so I got some, I got some merch, bought some merch from the Amish store.
B
Amish merch. That's great. What was it about the Amish vibe that kind of drew you in there? The simplicity of it.
A
They're very kind. I mean from. I think there's some like various reality TV shows that would say different. Where there's like breaking Amish and like there's some really drama starting shows. But in my research and time doing this web series, I, I think I really enjoy the, the lack of social media of it all. And so that's what the web series was about. It was like one girl played by me as if she got back from her rumspringa and was trying to create social media without phones. So it's like collecting cranberries is like likes. She was making a podcast which is just like blowing into a horn of a bowl.
B
I mean that's basically all this is, isn't it? It's just blow it into a bowl.
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Mm. So that was. And then this hat was just part of it. I like that. It just is an advertisement for Amish.
B
I like that. Yeah. And I'm surprised to hear that you like the lack of social media on it because saw your social media this week.
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Oh yeah, been busy.
B
You're hosting a reality dating show.
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Well, not four dogs heavily featuring.
B
Run us through the format there.
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Sure. This is. They needed a host for this show. This was not my idea, but I think it's a very fun, fun idea. But this is a digital show. Where could your dog fetch you a date? So a stranger is just meeting your dog. Would your dog give a good enough impression that that stranger then wants to go on a date with you by the end of it? That's the, that's the show. And so I'm interviewing the dogs, I'm interviewing the strangers and then we put them together at the end if the dog made a good impression. Sometimes the dogs don't.
B
Interesting. I mean, it's a solid format, isn't it?
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It's one of life Great's mysteries. If the dog can do it.
B
Have you considered opening it up a little bit? Because I met someone who'd kept rats as pets.
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Yeah.
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And I think you could sort of say yeah. Cause then it's. I think anything reptilian, I'd probably be out.
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Yeah.
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A chinchilla. I might be interested.
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That's true. I know there's some real. The exotic pets tell. Tell a greater story than a dog, I'd say.
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I think they say a lot about a person. I mean, you can almost guarantee probably going to be a lot of energy drinks in the fridge would be my guess.
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Right. Yeah. I think I would go for. I've heard rats are very, very kind and cute.
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They are.
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Do you know what I've heard?
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I learned today they're one of the few animals who. I can't remember what it's called. Neuro something. But they're. They're aware of what they know and aware of what they don't know as well.
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Wow. They can enter a situation and go, I'm not gonna be able to figure this one out.
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Yeah. Yeah. So they know, like. Oh, yeah. I'm too thick to know what's happening here. I don't know. But what I do know is how to go through a bin. I can do that.
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Wow. Yeah. I've heard they're really sweet, too. I've heard they're very emotional. Like, they like to cuddle. They're very emotional.
B
I believe so. Yeah. They get a bad rap in the media.
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Mm. I lived with a turtle once and that was kind of nice. They don't do much.
B
What was. I think I remember you saying this. What was the name of the turtle again?
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Terb. Yeah. Turb doesn't do much. And then you can kind of forget about him for a second or two. And then you come back and you go, that's nice. There he is.
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He's nice. Very affectionate. Turtles.
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Mm. You have. I mean, you're on the other side. You have cats. You can't really forget about them. They make their presence known.
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They do, yeah. And actually we've so our Claudia Winkleman.
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Yes, of course.
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Ms. Claudia Winkleman. She's coming up to one years old. One year old now. Wow. Yeah. Flown by. So decided to start letting her out the house, which is such a big step for any cat owner. I never Quite appreciated the gravity of that situation.
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Yeah. You're sending them off into the world with a little backpack on.
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Yeah. But they're one. Imagine doing that with a one year old. I mean, I know you shouldn't compare it with having the natural child because actual parents get really, really upset about
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that, but they don't like that. Yeah.
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It's funny when they do.
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I know. Well, I have heard the one that is. I have heard that having a puppy is actually harder than having a baby. My friend that has had both is like. No puppy is actually much worse.
B
That's interesting because there's also. There's sort of no end to that either, is there? Because they don't like. No matter how old a dog gets, you still can't reason with it. Whereas you like to think with an actual human child, they'll reach an age where they can comprehend what you're saying. Ideally.
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Mm. And there's less peeing on the floor with a baby.
B
Less peeing on the floor.
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Less. Not none.
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Yeah. But certainly less.
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Mm. Okay. But Claudia went out.
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She did go out.
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Okay.
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And I quickly learned that the. You know that trope of cats getting stuck up trees, I always thought that was like a cartoon thing.
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Oh, Claudia, no.
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Okay. Claudia. No indeed. It's been a nightmare. I mean, she's. She has sort of stayed within the confines of our garden and the next door either side, which is good because didn't want to venture in out on the road or anything like that.
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Right.
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But there was a big tree at the end of the garden and she does shimmy up it and she can't get down again. And I've since learned that a cat's like when they panic, their kind of go to is just will get higher. If I'm scared, I need to go higher because that's a waste of time.
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There's no end to the tree.
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Yeah. So she will get all the way to the top because basically I attached an air tag. So I've got a collar with an airtag in it.
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Very smart. Yeah. Mm.
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And you'd go outside, you could see like she's. She's right here. And you're looking obviously on the floor because she's a one year old cat, she's tiny. And then you just hear like a little.
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Just a little button letting you know.
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And then. Yeah, she's up in the tree. So two rescues today.
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What do you have? How do you get her down? Just bribe her with a treat. Or you have to get up there.
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You gotta bribe her with A treat. It doesn't work immediately.
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Mm.
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You've really gotta put the time in. She also thinks. She kinda thinks it's a game now.
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Oh, yeah.
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So she's started to make her way down a bit and then kind of put her arms out so that you can grab her.
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That is really cute, though.
B
It is really cute. Yeah. But I do kind of wish she'd do it on the floor.
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That's a better spot for a cat, maybe. Perhaps a little cat stairway. A little spiral staircase you have to build.
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Great idea.
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That would look. And she'd get her a little gown. She's kind of coming down great Gatsby style. She just looks gorgeous as she exits the tree.
B
Yeah, it's a lovely idea.
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Yeah.
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The reality of that is she would completely bypass the staircase and kind of climb up the outside of it, get onto a different branch, then jump to a different tree and get stuck again. There's just some sort of. Just missing link in cats brains. So they don't quite. They've got no concept of danger, I don't think.
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Now, has she brought you any wildlife treat yet? Because unfortunately, that is the plight of the outdoor cat is sometimes you'll get a little mouse or a little bird on your step. Right, that.
B
Yeah. But no, that's not happened. I've been very, very clear with her.
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Okay.
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I don't want you to do that.
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It's all about setting expectations.
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It is. You got to set boundaries.
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So I told her, don't give me any dead animals.
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But I'm hoping because we've not got. I didn't want a cat flap. Neither of us did. Because it's. When I say neither of us, I mean me and my girlfriend, not me and the cat.
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Neither of us wanted to cat flap. We talked about it. We did. Pros and cons. And Claudia says it's not for us.
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Yeah. So I think that negates a lot of the issues because you can just sort of. You open the door and then, you know, you can see whether she's got something or not. But I don't. I don't know. I don't think she's not showed any A, desire particularly, or B, any sort of prowess.
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Yes.
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I don't think she'd catch anything.
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Well, it's good that she spent the last, like, year inside, so now it's like. Well, she's just not. It's not like she's got an innate born desire to kill birds yet.
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No, no. She knows she's got food.
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Okay. Well, that is Good. I've heard. Okay. Speaking of this, did you know that cats bring you the dead birds and the dead mice because they think that you are incapable of hunting? They're, like, worried about you. They're trying to feed you. This is what someone told me.
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I knew that it was. It was sort of gift based, as an idea. Yeah. Which is. It's very sweet.
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Very nice. Prefer like. Prefer like a little sweet treat instead.
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Well, I mean anything, because especially in the summer, she's going out across neighbors back gardens. Their doors are open. Go and nick something worthwhile.
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Yes, please. Little tennis bracelet. Just something. Something that looks nice. Mm, that would be good. Well, you can train crows to get you shiny objects.
B
Can you really?
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You can. My friend's been doing this. It takes a long time. Crows are very smart. Yeah, I've been interested, but my neighbor just cut down the tree that all the crows lived in, which I thought was really rude, to be honest.
B
Yeah, you shouldn't do that.
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Yeah, because I was just about to create an army, and maybe they knew that, and that's why they got rid of the tree.
B
So what's the grand plan here, then? You basically join in like a cartel. That's an avian. An avian cartel. Yeah.
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You have to keep upping the treats. So it's like in the beginning, you can just give them kind of nuts. And then eventually, after months of just giving them little nuts and things, they might give you something as just like, oh, thanks for your time. They might give you, like a penny or you get a tip. Eventually you get paper clips, gum wrappers. They'll give you something that's such an
B
American thing, by the way, the crows over here. Don't bother.
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Only if you gave really good service. The crows will give you a little penny, then you reward them when they give you things. Now you up the treats, you got to get fresh fruits. You've got to get, you know, shrimp is the big one. Shrimp's kind of shrimp. Yeah. If you can get some cooked, delicious shrimp, the crows will start giving you the good stuff. They'll get you the shiny earrings that they saw on the street.
B
Okay.
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So you can get. You can get some trinkets rolling if you befriend the crows, but it takes some time.
B
It seems like it's sort of worth the effort, though.
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And you're in with all of them. That's the thing is you've got now a gaggle of crows doing your bidding.
B
Is it a murder?
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It is. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. You've Got a murder doing your bidding.
B
Wow.
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Yeah.
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Do you know what? It's not surprising that I haven't heard of that before, is it? I bet the government are trying to suppress this. This is huge.
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If you could get little thiefs. Well, because it would never trace back to you. Somebody loses their diamond earrings. I didn't touch it. A crow happened to bring it to me.
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Yeah. I just found it on my deck
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in my alibi is I was here.
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That's really smart.
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It is. There's like, whole Reddit threads, you know, asking how to tame crows. And it is sad because sometimes it can just turn. The crows don't like you anymore. They've deemed your vibe bad. You brought maybe a loud person over one time, and then it's really devastating for people. They're like, how do I get them back? How do I say sorry to them, Please.
B
Oh, God. How do you apologize to a crow? What are they.
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What's the deal if the shrimp's not working? I don't know. You might be done.
B
That's quite sad, isn't it?
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Yeah.
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Because again, you can't reason. You can't reason with a crow now. It's a real shame.
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I also heard crows wise, I have a lot of crows facts this week. I guess I'm really impressed.
B
Yeah.
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Yeah. I also heard this week crows are one of the only animals that, like, do jokes for each other. They like just. Yeah, they do silly stuff just to do it, which is a trait that is really not in many animals. Like, animals are not just, like, doing funny things just to be funny. But there's a ton of videos and where crows are just, like, getting another crow's attention and then sliding down a hill and then being like, huh? And they're just doing, like, a prat
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fool on the street. Yes.
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They're doing Charlie Chaplin little routines for each other. And there was another one where it was like, one, like, bit the other's little tail and then pretended it was somebody else. Like, it was classic comedy.
B
That's so funny.
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I'm interested in these guys.
B
I think completely different about crows now, I bet. Is that a dolphin thing as well? I feel like that would be a dolphin thing.
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Oh, they are kind of funny, aren't they?
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Yeah.
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This is something that I recently had this thought about my dog, where I was like, you know, in all of my friends, sense of humor in comedy is so. It's number one. You know, I have to. You have to be funny and fun. And I was like, it's funny because I spend A lot of time with my dog and he's not very funny. He doesn't know. He makes me laugh, but he's not. We're not laughing at each other. It's like he's doing silly things. And I go, ah, yeah, I guess, like, joking. Dogs don't really do that a lot.
B
They're very, very serious. But, you know, he did introduce you to your boyfriend, which is nice.
A
Oh, of course. Puppy love. Yeah, Puppy love TV show on Instagram.
B
Is that what it's called? Puppy love?
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Yeah. Pup love.
B
Excellent. Yeah, that's actually just back to that very quickly, because I feel I glazed over that far, far too quickly.
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Yes, yes.
B
You interview the dogs, you say.
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Yeah, yeah.
B
Just talk me through how a typical interview with a dog would go.
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In a word, stressful. I was very stressed.
B
Yeah.
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They are not interested in me at all. It was. I was bombing for these dogs. They were much more interested in the toys and treats, and I had treats in my pocket the whole time, hoping that it would work. And I couldn't get a clean sound bite. I mean, some of their. Some of their opinions were completely unerrable.
B
Well, I bet. Yeah, I bet. I mean, it depends what dog you get. I don't know if you've heard, but we've got a real problem with XL bullies over here.
A
Mm, absolutely.
B
Did you get any XL bullies on the show? And how dangerous were they?
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We actually did the last one of the day, which it was all in one day, so I was just exhausted from hanging out with a billion dogs. But I love dogs, just to be clear. I'm like, this was a good day for me, but it ended with a dog that, to me, I was like, this dog is straight off of, like, has never seen a person before, is completely untrained. Completely.
B
So you get mauled by an XL bully.
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Was ripping up the, like, backdrop. Was just, like, running all around. Was running through, like, the owner had brought in a bunch of toys for this dog to keep him occupied. He had ripped through, turned them all into fluff within, like, 20 seconds. And I was like, I think. I think this might not be the exact perfect show for you. This dog should be running outside. Go, go on a track star show. I think that'd be awesome.
B
I'm assuming he couldn't get a date there.
A
He did, actually. The girl was really down for the energy. I think she was kind of energetic too, so. Goodness, it worked okay. Yeah.
B
Well, she's into the chaos.
A
Exactly. Yeah. Found the right match there.
B
Yeah.
A
So, yeah, there's some. Really. And then some were complete stars. Just Hollywood's best. Sitting perfectly. Knows their angles, knows their lighting.
B
Is that a series that you've done? Are they doing more?
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They shot eight episodes, so we'll see if there's more to come. Yeah.
B
So based on That's a good enough sample size, then. Do you think that's. Did the theory work? Like, do the dogs? Is that an indication of what the owner's like, do you reckon?
A
I actually do think that. I know it's such a trope to be like, oh, everyone looks like their dog or everyone acts like their dog or their pet, but I do think every time I saw the dogs and then I saw the owners, I was like, there's a real one to one there.
B
That's interesting.
A
There's some. Yeah. There's something about this dog's energy that you love. And you can tell that you have that same. You get that same feeling.
B
It's been molded by you. Yeah.
A
Yeah. Do you think Claudia could get you a date? I mean, kind of already. Already. She's already in the family, but she
B
is in the family.
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If someone just met. Do you think she could get you a booking for a comedy show if you just sent Claudia out?
B
Yeah, I reckon. Yeah. Yeah, I reckon I could. She's really cute, so I think that's always helpful. Yeah. She's also. She's gotten very vocal now as well, so she'd be able to.
A
Oh, good.
B
She'd speak up. Yeah. Good.
A
Yeah, it was a. It's an interesting idea. It's cute because they have a lot of ones. They have this one that's very popular over here called Shop Cats, a show, and that is in our delis and bodegas. There's sometimes just like a cute little cat that's always hanging around in all these stores. So this series is going and interviewing the store owners, interviewing the cat, looking around the store. So it's just Shop Cats. It's a really cute show. And so this was kind of like,
B
that's a great idea. Actually. There's a supermarket here near where I live. It's a Morrisons. And for years it would get posted on, like, the local Facebook page about the. The Morrisons car park cat. And, like, please don't feed him because he's got home. But he just hangs out all day in the car park there. You just sit in the sun and just sort of get tickled by hundreds of people. It's a great life.
A
Absolutely. There's a thrift store around here. That has a cat that. I think I've been rung up by that cat. I don't think I've actually seen a human do any of the work in the store. The cat has one eye, looks as if he's like 118 years old. And it just is sitting on the front cashier register as you buy things. He's really. He's an intimidating presence, but very cute, very social.
B
I think it's a great addition to any establishment, I think so.
A
I know there's some people that don't like the food and the animal mix, but I don't know. I think the cat's not preparing the food.
B
Well. Yeah, as long as I suppose it's. How would you put a hair net on a cat?
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Just the whole thing.
B
That would just be a cat in a net bag.
A
Just wrap it all up. They would love that. If I know anything about cats, they love to be just like, lightly trapped in something. They really do.
B
They really do.
A
They're all about that. That is. I know. We'll see if there's. If there's more of these episodes because I do love dogs.
B
Yeah, I look forward to seeing it. I think it's a great format. I think you host it. You host it brilliantly.
A
We only had two in one full day. Only one dog peed on the set.
B
That's really remarkable.
A
And I only peed on the set one time too. So it was just only two and then it was gone.
B
See, that's. And that's why you get the bookings.
A
Yep. Yep. Well, Matt, I look forward to hearing about Claudia's adventures. I hope she starts staying on our level and exploring lower.
B
Oh, thank you. Yeah, she could just stay.
A
Yes. I'd like to give a good night to her. Honestly. I know it's an easy choice, but she just. She's inspiring the way she continues to climb, climb and search for better and new. And she has a really youth, youthful experience to this life. So I say good night to Claudia.
B
I'd like to just say a good night to the. The lady who went on the date with the. The guy with the crazy dog. I just think good luck to you, you know, Absolute head case. Enjoy the.
A
If you can handle that. Yeah. It seems like you like, you like the oddness in your life. So you'll get it.
B
Rest up. You'll need it. You'll need it in the morning.
A
Good night to them and good night to you, Matt.
B
Good night. K. Sa. To learn more about our phone free light and audio experience, head to Hatch Co. You can also follow us at Hatch Podcasts.
Host: Matt Bragg, KP Parker
Date: June 20, 2026
Produced by: Hatch Podcasts
This cozy, late-night episode of The Nightly invites listeners into a whimsical behind-the-scenes chat about KP’s recent stint hosting a reality dog dating show, with plenty of digressions into pet personalities, animal intelligence, and the quirks of cohabitating with furry (and feathery) friends. Matt and KP swap funny, sincere stories about pets—from energetic dogs to wayward cats and even clever crows—and reflect on what animals say about their humans.
Tone: Warm, playful, meandering; the hosts’ relaxed camaraderie invites listeners to reflect on the silliness and comfort pets bring, making this a gently entertaining bedtime companion.
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