Podcast Summary: The Nightly

Episode: Crushing on Baristas w/ Deanna Ortiz
Date: March 6, 2026
Host: Hatch Podcasts (KP and Sophia)
Guest: Deanna Ortiz

Episode Overview

This cozy, late-night episode of The Nightly invites comedian and podcaster Deanna Ortiz into the “Hatch Pillow Fort” for a slumber-party style chat. The trio unwinds with playful banter, crafts, pop culture “crushes,” and springtime romantic vibes. Like a soothing bedtime ritual, the conversation oscillates between the delights of handmade creativity, barista infatuations, TikTok trends, and old-timey obsessions—plus a quick spotlight on Deanna’s touring solo show.

Key Topics and Discussion Points

1. Bedtime Routines, Crafts & Crocheting

• Deanna’s Routine: Currently dog-sitting, Deanna finds comfort in snuggling with the pup and winding down by crocheting in the evenings, intentionally staying away from her phone.
  • [01:28] “I’m really loving crocheting right now and just being like, off my phone.” — Deanna
• Current Project: She’s working on a spring-inspired cropped cardigan, admitting she’s a scarf and beanie pro but branching into “fashion.”
  • [02:15] “So I’m just doing a...a long sleeve, like, cardigan cropped for spring.”
• Crafting Real Talk:
  • KP and Sophia discuss the barriers (math and motivation) to knitting/crocheting, how crafty inspiration hits unpredictably, and the universal experience of abandoned “beginner” projects.
  • [03:36] Deanna jokes, “It is kind of like riding bikes. So one day you might wake up and then just be like, I’m knitting my sweater real quick…and I’ll be done with it. It might just come to you.”

2. The ‘Crushes’ Podcast Segment

• Introduction to Crushes: Deanna describes her daily habit of “crushing” on someone or something—whether a pop culture figure or even a stranger on public transit.
  • [06:30] “I really love to, like, crush on someone every day…Pop culture, great. The person on the bus…we were married in my mind, and I don’t remember what he looks like.” — Deanna
• Current Crushes:
  • Spring in Chicago: “I’m crushing on…the weather where it’s kind of, like, flirting with the idea of spring right now.”
  • Baristas at the Local Coffee Shop: Deanna and the hosts commiserate on the universal crush on baristas, especially when the coffee shop is “half coffee, half chess-inspired.”
    • [07:09] “It’s a tale as old as time...A girl and her barista.” — Deanna
  • The arrival of spring makes romance feel possible and pervasive, a vibe the hosts label “summer horny” but agree might actually be “spring romance.”
    • [08:47] “I feel like, spring romance, summer horny. Like winter cozy.” — Deanna

Notable Quote:

• [08:23] KP: “When spring comes, there's something separate happening to me...anything’s possible. And it is possible for me to be with this barista.”

• What Deanna is Muting: She’s (temporarily) “muting” the pressure to spring-clean her apartment, letting herself procrastinate for just one week.

3. TikTok Trends & Vacuum Chat

• Cleaning Habits and Consumer Choices:
  • KP shares their adventures in vacuum shopping, including a TikTok Shop impulse-buy and the acceptance that it might be a scam.
    • [09:56] “I know I’m about to get scammed. Don’t worry, I’m actually prepared for it.”
  • Discussion meanders into “slow vacuum theory”—a TikTok trend suggesting that moving slowly while vacuuming is more effective.
    • [12:09] “Would you believe it? The slow vacuum theory—you’re just going slow.” — KP
• Meta Commentary on Social Trends:
  • They laugh at how everything on TikTok can become a “theory,” even common sense like vacuuming slowly.

4. Handmade Clothing Obsessions & Old-Timey Vibes

• Crafting Deep Dives:

  • KP is fixated on someone on social media making a dress entirely from scratch, growing flax, spinning thread, and weaving with a loom—a meticulous, year-long process.
    • [14:08] “She’s at the loom and she’s frustrated. Watch the space.”
  • The group marvels at the effort and questions the motivation, contemplating the support network needed for such a project.
    • [14:44] “That’s...something obviously horrible happened to her. Like, do you know what I mean? It’s like, you’re down the worst you’ve ever been and you’re like, 'I’m going to grow a dress on a loom.'” — Sophia
  • KP admits the process is inspiring to follow but not to replicate, instead embracing the general urge to make clothing by hand and to avoid fast fashion’s convenience.

• Game of Thrones Crush:

  • KP confesses to a mild crush on Gendry, the blacksmith character from the show, and humorously tries to keep a “neutral face” while watching with their boyfriend.
    • [18:06] “I’m trying to have a really neutral face when I’m watching.” — KP
    • [18:25] “Both of you are just like...we love that.” — Deanna

5. Sophia’s Crush: Tattoo Aspirations

• Sophia is feeling the “tattoo itch,” wanting a large new piece but also wrestling with the reality of tattoo pricing.
  • [19:51] “If I don’t get a thousand dollar tattoo, I’m actually leaving money on the table.” — Sophia
• KP encourages thinking about “cost per wear” to justify the investment.

6. Guest Spotlight: Deanna’s Solo Show

• Tour Announcement: Deanna promotes her comedy solo show, “Funny Slut, Turn That Up,” chronicling her five-year experience running social for adult performers and how it changed her.
  • [20:36] “It’s called Funny Slut, Turn that up...chronicling my day job for five years...doing social media for adult entertainment performers, and what that was like for me and how it made me a better person.”
• She’s touring nationwide and sharing updates on Instagram.

7. Listener Goodnight & Finale

• Listener Message: Longtime listener Noreen sends a “good night” to Rob from The Traitors, bidding farewell to the show.
  • [21:16] “As I’m getting cozy tonight, I want to wish a good night to Rob from Traders...You’ve been the most epic trader of all time.”
• The hosts reflect on the show’s end and the broader reality TV landscape.
• Playful banter and heartfelt “good nights” to everyone round out the bedtime ritual.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [01:28] Deanna: “I’m really loving crocheting right now and just being like, off my phone.”
• [03:36] Deanna: “It is kind of like riding bikes. So one day you might wake up and then just be like, I’m knitting my sweater real quick.”
• [06:30] Deanna: “I really love to, like, crush on someone every day… the person on the bus…we were married in my mind, and I don’t remember what he looks like.”
• [07:09] Deanna: “It’s a tale as old as time...A girl and her barista.”
• [08:23] KP: “When spring comes, there's something separate happening to me...And it is possible for me to be with this barista.”
• [09:56] KP: “I know I’m about to get scammed. Don’t worry, I’m actually prepared for it.”
• [12:09] KP: “Would you believe it? The slow vacuum theory—you’re just going slow.”
• [14:44] Sophia: “That’s...something obviously horrible happened to her...you’re down the worst you’ve ever been and you’re like, 'I’m going to grow a dress with her loom.'”
• [18:06] KP: “I’m trying to have a really neutral face when I’m watching.”
• [19:51] Sophia: “If I don’t get a thousand dollar tattoo, I’m actually leaving money on the table.”
• [20:36] Deanna: “I have a solo show that I’m touring all across the country. It’s called Funny Slut, Turn that up…”

Timestamps of Important Segments

• Bedtime routines & crafts: 01:11 – 05:50
• Pop-culture crushes/Barista Love: 06:06 – 09:11
• Spring cleaning, TikTok, and vacuum talk: 09:34 – 13:31
• Obsessively making your own clothing/old-timey crafts: 13:44 – 17:23
• Game of Thrones crush confession: 17:31 – 18:46
• Tattoo talk: 18:58 – 20:17
• Deanna’s solo show promo: 20:28 – 21:02
• Listener goodnight & show close: 21:15 – 22:34

Tone & Atmosphere

Warm, playful, and gently self-deprecating, the hosts and guest embrace the comforts of low-stakes late-night chit-chat. The tone is conversational, inclusive, and peppered with affectionate teasing—akin to the easy, sleepover vibe the show aims to provide.

Best for:
Listeners seeking soothing, quirky, and candid late-night conversations about crafts, crushes, pop culture oddities, and millennial nostalgia.