Loading summary
A
Audio for sleep by Hatch. You know how you finish a romantasy and you just need the next thing immediately? Hatch made that thing. It's called Ophelia. An original audio drama inspired by Hamlet where Ophelia finally gets to be the main character. Forbidden magic, a crumbling kingdom, a slow burn love triangle with a prince and his very guarded, very intriguing best friend. The kind of love triangle where you will absolutely pick a side and you will not be quiet about it. Book one of the three part series is now available for free wherever you stream with new chapters dropping every Tuesday. For books two and three, check out Hatch co Ophelia.
B
All right, I'm Matt.
A
And I'm kp. Welcome to the nightly from Hatch, where your late night thoughts go to rest.
B
Here we go again, kp.
A
Here we are.
B
Here we are. What's been going on? Where have you been?
A
You've been looking for me?
B
Yeah.
A
Yeah.
B
Where? I've been sat here for ages.
A
Oh my God. Well, over the weekend I was. It's nice to remember the local spots you haven't been to because I've lived, you know, in this city for 10 years and there's still so many neighborhoods and spots I haven't been to. So I went to downtown LA and there was just a little fair happening at an outdoor shopping road. It's like kind of one of those roads that's cars can't drive down, which I love. So it's just walking in shops.
B
What sort of shops? What are they selling down there?
A
So it's a little high end, apparently. So it was just window shopping for me. But I did spend a lot of time in. There's a scent bar. So this is a perfumery and they have some really interesting. There's a whole shelf where it's like oddities.
B
Right.
A
So it was just smells that were like. So one was, I smelled it and I think it was called Pilgrim. And the smell smelled like, you know, when you go to like a colonial town, that they've kept it like, it's like they keep it. You're seeing a woman churn butter.
B
That's where I live. Yeah.
A
Yes, yes. They like keep it very old school. It's like, you know, tourists come to see how life was back then.
B
Right.
A
And there's this smell of sort of just like wood and old fabrics. That's what this smelled like.
B
And what is the purpose of that? Is that for you to wear?
A
Yeah, theoretically. This is like you put these scents on as a real interesting perfume and people are like, whoa, that sounds that Sounds odd.
B
It's a real conversation starter that, isn't it? Yeah. Wow. You really smell of colonial England.
A
A woman churning butter. And there was one that smelled like old books, like an old library.
B
See, I like that smell. But why would you. I don't get. Is it. Would it just be to have in your pocket as like a comfort smell?
A
Some people are collectors, too, where it's like. Some people are just, oh, I have this because it's a smell that I didn't think you could bottle. And it's a real. Yeah, it is a conversation starter. I don't know how, like, every day people are using this, but it's not a bad smell. None of these are, like, bad per se. And then there was another one that was called holy water that smelled like sort of the water in a church
B
that got smell to it.
A
I smelled it and I was transported. But also some of this I think is very. You read the word and then it's like, well, sure, not that Friday.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm impressed. Yeah. I got a candle once that smelled like cut grass, and it was my favorite thing I've ever bought.
A
Ah, there's the candle. I have one that I just got from the grocery store that smells like summer corn. And it's strong. It smells a lot like corn.
B
As in. Like a corn in a field corn.
A
This has a little bit of butter smell, I'd say some kind of cooked corn. Yeah.
B
Nice. Okay. So you didn't buy anything from the perfumery?
A
I didn't. My favorite scent was it was like yuzu, Japanese Zen garden was the smell. And it was like a little bit of a eucalyptus and a little bit of yuzu. And I thought, that one is really smells good. I would like to have that.
B
What's yuzu? It smells a lot like a kind of milkshake, yogurt kind of situation. Is it?
A
That's interesting. Oh, yuzu is like a citrus, a lemony citrus, but it's like sweet lemon.
B
Is it a fruit? Yuzu?
A
It's a fruit. Yeah. It's a Japanese citrus.
B
I've never heard that before in my life. You'd think you'd heard of all fruits by this point. Point.
A
I know. It's kind of the new hot thing. If I had stocks to invest, I'd invest in yuzu right now.
B
Pull them all out of bergamot. That was the last one, wasn't it?
A
Yeah. We're out of matcha. We're out of ube. We're going into yuzu.
B
I'll Keep an eye out. Okay.
A
And then the last one to share is there was a perfume called Ude Wiener and that smells like hot dog water.
B
No. Why. Why would you do that? I'm not against it, but no.
A
I never thought that that would be something I'd want to smell like. Wiener.
B
How many bottles of that were left on the shelf? Was it a popular.
A
It's one bottle of everything, so I don't know how many they had in the back.
B
Right. Okay. How much was it for a bottle of hot. Because you could just get a jar of hot dogs, presumably, and take the water.
A
That's true. I think this was about 60, which is like a kind of a normal.
B
60 what?
A
Dollars? Perfumes. Expensive. The one that I wanted, Matt, the one that I wanted, the Japanese Zen garden one for a bottle was $275.
B
But I can sort of see it with that. I. I'm not a diva, as you know, kp, but I do, I do. I've got a Chanel aftershave that I enjoy wearing. It's probably about 100 quid a bottle.
A
Yes.
B
I wouldn't pay it for something that smells like hot dogs. Why is that? How can that be $60?
A
I think. Well, that's just how much perfumes are. I don't know. I mean, even.
B
It's not a perfume, kp. It's hot dog water.
A
Well, it's not literal. I'm sure the scientists had to work deep in a labor.
B
What great use of that time.
A
Yes. These people were working and working around the clock to figure out how to, without boiling a hot dog, make it smell like a boiled hot dog. That's the kind of. I want my taxes to go to that.
B
Agreed. I've looked at all the diseases that are left in the world and gone.
A
Meh. Move over to UDA Wiener.
B
UDA Wiener. That's where we've got to be.
A
Move over to that. So this is. I mean, perfume people are willing to pay crazy amounts for this. Even the one perfume that's not even from a crazy brand or anything. But this is the one perfume I do like. It's a small bottle. It was 60 something.
B
Yeah, I do get it with the one you're talking about. It's just blown my mind that people would pay that much for something that smells like hot dogs when you could just buy hot dogs.
A
Well, I'm going to see when your birthday is, Matt, and you might be getting a little wiener in the mail.
B
It wouldn't be the first time. It would be the first Time to clarify that.
A
But this is, it's a large bottle. I don't know, I wasn't tempted personally, but I think if you're a perfume person, you're never going to say, well, this is the other thing where it's like the S.C. i think breeds what people like about it. Where it's like, this is. You're not gonna find another hot dog scented perfume. You're not gonna find another.
B
No, it's mystery really, isn't it?
A
Scented. Yeah. This is just. This is your collection. And then you bring people over and they say, I want to smell that. And you give them a spritz and they go, that's, that's nice. Thank you. Thank you. Now I smell like. I smell like a boiled meat.
B
I had a bottle of holy water once.
A
Ah.
B
Like proper. Because we went to. On a school trip, we went to Lourdes in say France where Mother Mary appeared.
A
Okay.
B
Not while we were there, quite long before, obviously just.
A
Mr. Yeah.
B
They've obviously got the river there, which is. It's not holy per se, but you get in a bottle, then it gets blessed. Anyway, we went because what you do is you'd sort of be support for elderly Catholics who would go on this pilgrimage and it'd be your job to wheel them around.
A
Well, that's nice.
B
And take them to all the services, take them to all the sites and it's a great thing to do. It's really nice. I'm not Catholic, but it just seemed like a. When my mates were going, I thought it'd be a fun weekend.
A
Absolutely.
B
And the best part of all of that is that obviously very Irish Catholic contingent. So we had this group of women who, it was like they were in their 80s, they were treating it like a hendo.
A
They're rowdy.
B
We were put. All they wanted to do was go to the pub. So we were pushing them round and obviously they were such sweet Irish women. They were like, oh, you've got to have a drink with us. So we ended up getting absolutely hammered. Just pushing these.
A
They're drinking you under the table.
B
Yeah. We were like 17 at the time. We didn't know what. So we ended up, we had this holy water and we woke up a couple of days, like towards the end in the hotel room and there was just. It was. There was only the holy water left and obviously mouth was so dry.
A
You got hungover by a bunch of 80 year old women.
B
Yeah, they would. You did not want to mess with them. Unbelievable.
A
That is a really. This is why you go on wild little trips like that. Because that's kind of a once in a lifetime. It's like, yeah, you went out to do something good and then.
B
Mm.
A
You got experience out of it.
B
So what happened after that, kp? So you went and you sniffed some hot dogs.
A
Sniffed some hot dog smells. Some were just. I had a headache, obviously from smelling a hundred different perfumes at a time. So then we went outside so I could get some fresh air. And there was a little fair happening, which was nice. We listened to some music and then there was a. A table that. The title was I'll do a bad portrait of you. And so this was an artist that made.
B
But again, again, Kaif, I feel like you're getting conned at every turn here. It's not an artist, is it? It's not perfume. It's hot dog water. It's not an artist. It's just a guy with a pencil.
A
I liked the honesty. You know what? Now that you've disarmed me, I'm not expecting anything. So now I'm happy to pay and get what I get.
B
But did you, did you go for it?
A
He did a portrait of me and my boyfriend and the price was very good because, you know, it's a bad portrait.
B
It's only $140 for a piece of art.
A
So I spent 300 on smelling like hot dogs and looking like crap. It was really lovely. And he said he could do pets in there. So if you showed him a picture of your pet. So it's a cute little idea. I didn't do it.
B
Well, imagine he could do anything if the caveat is it won't be very good.
A
It won't look good. It will not look good. But I thought what a genius this man is. Because also what I'll say is they're charmingly bad. It's not like it's like a six year old with a crayon and you're like, okay, I can't even tell that's a human. He's charmingly bad. This is like your friend that's like, oh, yeah, I can, you know, sort of almost cartoon, you know, Snoopy, if you give me an hour.
B
Okay, so this is.
A
It's charming. There's an element of like, homemadeness that I think is still very delightful. It's not like you're getting to me. It wasn't a ripoff. It was like his style is rudimentary in a fun way.
B
Right. I do sort of. I can sort of see that mid-80s maybe or 90s there was a comedian over here called Les Dawson, who I loved, and he would play the piano badly. Yeah, but in order to play the piano badly, you gotta be really good at the piano.
A
Absolutely.
B
And that's what that was. His sort of. One of his kind of party pieces was that he could just play just the wrong note at the right time. So it would sound awful, but just, like, close to right. So I guess that's sort of the same thing. Maybe this guy. It was obviously an artistic decision.
A
Yeah. So, I mean, I thought it was a brilliant idea, though. And I was like, I wonder if I'd be stepping on his toes because I have a farmer's market every Sunday that's a mere 20 steps away from my house practically. And so I was like, if I could just get a table going and do something badly and make people pay. What a hack. This is.
B
What a great point.
A
Yeah. Well. And I have some friends, and they don't do it badly, I'm sure, but they. I have one friend that does. She sets up a table in New York City and she writes a poem for $5. She just. You come up to the table, do you want a poem? She asks a little bit about you, and then she writes you a poem.
B
Fair play to her. I cannot imagine the pressure. I couldn't do that.
A
But poetry is so subjective, don't you think? Even if you write a real piece of crap, they're like, mm, that is artistic.
B
Depends who you get. If you get someone who's trying to be intellectual, they'll probably go, oh, yeah. No, I understand what they're doing on a deeper level, but I feel like if they got you or I. You probably go, what?
A
You gotta price it, right? Because I saw this other woman who's doing the same thing. She'll write you a poem. I don't know. She's got. My friend did it first, just for the record, but she charges $60 for a poem. 6. 0.
B
She can't get any work. There's no way.
A
People. There's a lot of videos on her page of people being like, are you joking with this price? She's like, no, it's, you know, I'm an artist and da, da, da. But it's like, oh, my goodness. I mean, I'm not. If I'm walking around on the street, I'm not spending $60 on anything but hot dog perfume, of course. Yeah, yeah.
B
Something worthwhile.
A
Yeah. There's certain things that are worth it, and that. That's not.
B
I wonder if that's the same As I read an article the other day about this guy who he made an app for. Put it on the app store for iPhone.
A
Okay.
B
And it was called something like, this app will make you rich.
A
And that's a good. That's a classic scam. That is just. You wake up and you go, that's a scam.
B
So he was. He was trying to. I don't know what he was testing in his. Said there's some sort of logic to it, but the most you could charge for an app, I think was 999 pounds. 99.
A
I did hear this. I did hear this.
B
Yeah. And so he just put it up for 999 pounds. And then like two people bought it and wanted refunds, obviously immediately, of course, but too late. I think one of them did actually get a refund.
A
I thought so too. This is. I read the same article. Yeah. But it was like, I mean, don't click that button. Yeah, obviously.
B
But I wouldn't. That's the same sort of thing, is it? That she's obviously just going that you can have a poem for $60 if one person takes her up on it and it's terrible.
A
Pretty good day.
B
She's 60 quid up.
A
Pretty good day. I know. Well, this is, you know, there's a great lesson here where it's like, see how much you can get away with. Some people are willing to pay, do
B
things terribly and try and extract money from people.
A
Absolutely. That is the way of the.
B
Thanks for listening. By the way, to the nightly on
A
Hatch, your source for positive news. I liked. I was quite happy with the portrait. I have it. I think it was nice.
B
Have you got it to hand? I'd be curious to see it.
A
Yeah. Let me get it right.
B
Okay.
A
You see, there's a charm to it.
B
Is your boyfriend wearing a hat?
A
He is wearing a hat. It's not a flap of skin.
B
It looks like his brain might be exposed.
A
It does. I know, yeah. The hat I had some. I had some commentary on because it does. It looks like a fuzzy, fleshy lip over the top of his eyebrows.
B
It just looks exactly like he's. He's got kind of the old man hair around the side and then exposed cranium.
A
Yeah. It was a camo hat. So I think the artist was trying to get the blobs of camo.
B
Okay.
A
But it looks a bit fuzzy, fleshy.
B
Yeah, it does. It's like the inflamed sort of ripples on a brain.
A
Yes. They're swirls.
B
That makes a lot more sense Now, I think you've got quite a. Yeah. Sort of a Tracy Baker vibe.
A
Okay.
B
To that.
A
I thought my hair did look good that day and I was happy he got that. Even in this rudimentary thing, you can tell I was having a good hair day.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it looks good. Sort of a denim. Denim jacket. Maybe.
A
Like it was a men's button up. Just like a little button up. So the other thing too is my boyfriend had to shave for a roll recently, so he was fresh faced. But usually he has a mustache. So he said, can you please give me my mustache back in this picture? Can you please? So there's a little. There's a little pictures that he had to show of what his mustache looked like for this artist to really get it properly.
B
Well, I think he nailed it, actually.
A
I do too. Well, you see. Yeah. Where it's like, yeah, for this, the whole thing was $20. It's not too bad for something you're gonna hang up.
B
Hanging it up with you.
A
I'll think about it. Yeah, I'm finding the spot. I'm finding the right spot. I'm thinking about it. Well, also I'm like, you know, if my $20 is gonna go anywhere, let it to be to one guy with a dream.
B
Hey, why not?
A
I did take a picture of the cologne later. As if I was gonna buy a $300.
B
Oh, you didn't do that thing, did you? Where you look around the shop and go, oh, yeah, I'll come back in a bit.
A
No, I think they knew they could. There was no hiding. When I saw the price tag, my face went. There was no way that they thought that I was serious. But I did ask. I was like, do you have a smaller sample size of this one? Because I was like, you know, little bit will take me a long time. And she goes, no, not that one. And I think she said, yeah, with this price point, it's usually like she was basically saying, this one's cheap at $275, so we don't even make a smaller version. And I go, dear Lord, I hate to see what's expensive.
B
Oh, God, I don't know. Did you not get a sample of the hot dog one?
A
No, I just sprayed that on a little tester. They didn't have a sample size of that one either.
B
Nice. Just got followed home by stray dogs.
A
Yes. There's just a bunch of animals that really want. That is true. Maybe if you're a dog owner, maybe you'd like UDA Wiener.
B
Yeah. Where the dog would.
A
Yeah. Yeah. This is if you have a tendency to lose your animal in the forest. Just spray that all over yourself. It wasn't. And I have to say it was smoky. You know, it's not quite boiled.
B
What a relief.
A
It's grilled in nature.
B
Well, on that note, kp, I think it's about time we said good night.
A
Absolutely. I would like to say goodnight to this artist that sketch my open brained boyfriend.
B
Yes.
A
You really captured his best sides which are the wrinkles in his cranium. And I think you've opened my. I have no regrets. I think you were an amazing guy. You were really sweet and I love the painting.
B
Yeah. Fascinating.
A
So good night to Alex from Long Beach.
B
I think good night Alex. And I just want to say. Yeah, good night to obviously the, the hard working scientists who put your tax dollars into figuring out how to make hot dog flavored water without any actual hot dogs. Keep, keep fighting the good fight.
A
What will they do next? Grilled onion flavor? I don't know. They really hit it out of the park with hot dogs. So good night to them and good night to you, Matt.
B
Good night, kp.
A
Sa. Sam. Sa. Sam. Sa. Sam. Sat.
B
To learn more about our phone free light and audio experience, head to Hatch co. You can also follow us at HatchPodcasts.
Date: May 25, 2026
Hosts: Matt Bragg & KP Parker
Produced by: Hatch Podcasts
Tonight’s cozy episode of The Nightly follows comedians Matt Bragg and KP Parker as they recount KP’s recent adventures exploring quirky shops in downtown LA—including a perfumery specializing in odd scents like “hot dog water.” The conversation meanders from eccentric fragrances to the charm of intentionally “bad” art, entering into a playful exploration of value, absurdity, and the joy in life’s little oddities.
"If I had stocks to invest, I'd invest in yuzu right now." — KP ([04:50])
“How can that be $60?” — Matt ([06:11])
“You’re not gonna find another hot dog scented perfume.” — KP ([07:48])
"I'm going to see when your birthday is, Matt, and you might be getting a little wiener in the mail." — KP ([07:16])
"It wouldn't be the first time." — Matt ([07:21])
“What great use of that time.” — Matt ([06:31])
“I want my taxes to go to that.” — KP ([06:39])
“Then you bring people over and they say, I want to smell that. And you give them a spritz and they go, that's... that's nice. Thank you. Now I smell like...I smell like a boiled meat.” — KP ([07:50])
“They were treating it like a hendo. All they wanted to do was go to the pub.” — Matt ([09:09])
“You got hungover by a bunch of 80 year old women.” — KP ([09:41])
"It's not an artist, is it? It's not perfume. It's hot dog water. It's not an artist. It's just a guy with a pencil." — Matt ([10:30])
“If I'm walking around on the street, I'm not spending $60 on anything but hot dog perfume, of course.” — KP ([13:54])
“Do things terribly and try and extract money from people.” — Matt ([15:32])
“Absolutely. That is the way of the—” — KP ([15:35])
"With this price point, it's usually like...this one's cheap at $275, so we don't even make a smaller version. And I go, dear Lord, I hate to see what's expensive." — KP ([18:28])
“Just got followed home by stray dogs.” — Matt ([18:44])
“If you have a tendency to lose your animal in the forest. Just spray that all over yourself.” — KP ([18:56])
On Scent Collecting:
“Some people are just, oh, I have this because it’s a smell that I didn’t think you could bottle.” — KP ([03:14])
On Hot Dog Perfume:
“You're not gonna find another hot dog scented perfume.” — KP ([07:48])
On Peculiar Value:
“See how much you can get away with. Some people are willing to pay…” — KP ([15:22])
On Artistic “Skill”:
“In order to play the piano badly, you gotta be really good at the piano.” — Matt ([12:17])
On Gift-Giving:
“I'm going to see when your birthday is, Matt, and you might be getting a little wiener in the mail.” — KP ([07:16])
“It wouldn't be the first time.” — Matt ([07:21])
Warm, witty, self-deprecating, and gently irreverent—Matt and KP’s conversation captures the delight in life’s weird, small indulgences, the charm of “bad” art, and the lengths people go to make the ordinary extraordinary. The night ends with heartfelt goodnights to artists, scientists, and purveyors of the world’s oddest scents.
Perfect for anyone seeking a fun, charming bedtime unwind and a reminder to laugh at the eccentricities around us—and ourselves.