Maybe Don't Book a Couples Massage on Your First Date

Summary

The Nightly — “Maybe Don't Book a Couples Massage on Your First Date”

Host: KP and Jacquis (Hatch Podcasts)
Date: January 26, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This cozy, light-hearted episode of The Nightly centers around pop culture-inspired bedtime chats and a brand new dating advice/gossip segment called “It Happened One Night.” KP and Jacquis dissect three unusual (and sometimes awkward) first-date stories sourced from the internet, rating each on the “red flag, green flag, beige flag” scale. With lots of warmth, genuine friendship banter, and an aim to wind down before bed, the hosts deliver both laughs and thoughtful takes on dating etiquette in the modern era.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sleep Problems, Ear Piercings, and Winding Down (00:30–04:23)

• KP recently got her second ear piercings, leading to sleep struggles because of the discomfort from not being able to sleep on her side.
  • KP: “I'm relegated to the back this month.” (01:28)
• The pair riff on the addictive nature of piercings and tattoos, with both swapping stories and trivia about their piercing histories.
  • Jacquis: “I've always wondered, would I do any other nose or tongue... It's never called me.” (02:25)
  • KP: “They used to call you KP Tragus Parker.” (03:54)
  • KP: “Now it'll be KP Second Hole. I don't like that, actually.” (04:03)

2. Introducing the "It Happened One Night" Dating Segment (04:23–05:19)

• The hosts roll out a new “dating debrief” segment: It Happened One Night.
• Listeners submit wacky or memorable dating stories to be dissected for red, green, or beige flags.
  • KP: “I love being judgmental and pretending I have good dating advice.” (05:12)

---

The Dating Stories: Red, Green, or Beige Flags

Story #1: The Surprise First-Date Couples Massage (05:19–11:14)

• Story: Listener attended a first date only to find the other party had booked them a full-body massage together, followed by drinks at his old workplace — where she was paraded around as if already his girlfriend.
• Hosts’ Reaction: Major red flag—the situation is intimate, forward, and presumptuous for a first meeting.
  • Jacquis: “I love a massage... so there's no part of this that's green. We're oscillating between beige and red... But think about them being half-naked next to you!” (05:45)
  • KP: “The intention is nice, I hope... But a first date should be about talking.” (07:22)
  • KP: “Would be weirded out if a woman booked me a full body massage first date... As a man, I would never do that for someone I didn’t know well. Gotta look at optics, bruh.” (07:39)
  • Jacquis: “If you had only been talking about your lower back hurting—still don’t do it!” (08:00)
• Memorable Take:
  • Jacquis: “You already got it from a professional... These hands are weak. Now I’m already behind the eight ball!” (10:57)
• Consensus:
  • Both agree—save massages for much later, and always talk first.
  • Red Flag.
  • KP: “All the clothes stay on, I think, is my rule for a public first date.” (08:34)

---

Story #2: The Over-the-Top Romantic (11:21–14:35)

• Story: A date brings an enormous bouquet of flowers and attempts to pull out a chair at the bar, almost causing a spill. The recipient feels embarrassed in public.
• Hosts’ Reaction:
  • Jacquis: Green flag for the romantic gesture, red flag for the complainant’s attitude.
    • Jacquis: “You just found you a romantic!” (12:34)
  • KP: “I think this is tragic. If you think this is a red flag... I think the bar has been lowered so much.” (12:55)
  • They both see this as a classic, kind act—appreciation and chivalry—and are surprised at the narrator's embarrassment.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • KP: “If you think it’s dorky or something, that’s just not a good vibe... It’s nice, it’s kind. You thought of someone.” (14:06)
  • Jacquis: “I wish somebody brought me flowers on a first date. I ain’t never been brought nothing!” (14:35)
  • Jacquis: “Ladies, if somebody wants to date me, bring me some flowers! I’ll take you to a massage.” (14:43)
  • Laughs about making a beige flag together by mixing red and green.
• Consensus: Green flag for the effort—a signal to raise standards, not be embarrassed by kindness.

---

Story #3: The Spontaneous (and Slightly Macabre) Nature Meetup (15:42–22:06)

• Story: A spontaneous text leads to a nighttime walk with wine in Yeti mugs and dark jokes about “how easy it would be to hide a body in the park”—and, a year later, a close partnership.
• Hosts’ Reaction:
  • KP: Reads the initial setup as a mutual green flag—honest, low-stakes invitiation, both on the same wavelength.
    • KP: “I like this text. I know it’s ridiculous... I promise we’ll go on a real date soon. I think that’s a really great text.” (17:26)
  • Jacquis: Amused but baffled as the story veers between green flag (spontaneity, banter) and beige/red flag (odd phrasing, possibly dated attitudes).
  • Both agree this is a green flag for these two—compatible senses of humor and energy, even if some lines (“she’s too pretty to not know better”) are out of tune with their own styles.
    • KP: “Matches your freak.” (19:40)
    • Jacquis: “Y’all freak flags are flying together.” (19:41)
  • The hosts point out that personal “beige flags” (wine preference, lacking a Yeti mug, not being into trench digging) simply mean “not my match”—but celebrate this couple’s unique vibe.
    • KP: “That’s why we can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. I don’t want to be everyone’s cup of tea.” (22:08)
• Consensus: A happy, weird, wonderful green flag for this couple, with the hosts reflecting on individuality and chemistry.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On couples massages:

  “You've got to look at optics, bruh.” — Jacquis (07:39)

• On romantic gestures:

  “If you think it's dorky or something, that's just not a good vibe... It's nice, it's kind.” — KP (14:06) “I wish somebody brought me flowers on a first date. I ain’t never been brought nothing!” — Jacquis (14:35)

• On compatibility:

  “Matches your freak.” — KP (19:40)
  “Y’all freak flags are flying together.” — Jacquis (19:41)

• On personal preferences:

  “That’s why we can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. I don’t want to be everyone’s cup of tea.” — KP (22:08)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:30–04:23 — Piercings, sleep, bedtime chat
• 04:23–05:19 — Segment intro: “It Happened One Night”
• 05:19–11:14 — Story #1: Booked massage on a first date (red flag)
• 11:21–14:35 — Story #2: Flowers and chivalry — is romantic corny? (green flag)
• 15:42–22:06 — Story #3: Spur-of-the-moment park date, wine, and dark humor (green flag—even if a little beige)
• 22:06–end — Reflections on compatibility, wrap-up, and bedtime sign-off

---

Summary & Vibe

Rich with laughter, thoughtful takes, and quirky personal storytelling, this episode is equal parts cozy and insightful. The hosts champion kindness and individualized dating styles while offering gentle skepticism and plenty of playful roasting. Whether you’re sleepless, bemused by the modern dating scene, or just seeking some wholesomely funny company, this Nightly episode delivers warm, “pillow fort” entertainment you don’t have to overthink.

“We are going to go right to sleep with all those delightful stories on the brain.” — KP (22:15)

Transcript

[A]

Hello.

[B]

You're about to drift into an episode of the Nightly a podcast designed to help you unwind and relax. For the full phone free immersive light experience, visit Hatch Co. Enjoy.

[A]

Good evening, everyone. I'm KP and I see that Jackiece is yawning.

[B]

I'm ready.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

I'm ready for sleep already. And I'm ready to say welcome to the Nightly from Hatch, a slumber party for the pop culture lovers.

[A]

Sorry to call you out, but.

[B]

Oh no, listen, it's right. Yawns go when it's right.

[A]

It's right.

[B]

Yes, I'm all about the yawns.

[A]

I'm also feeling nice and yawny over here.

[B]

Yawny.

[A]

I'm feeling yawny.

[B]

Feeling yawny. Feeling yawny over in these streets. Yes.

[A]

And so I'm looking forward to hitting the hay. I did just get my ears pierced my second holes recently and that throws off the sleep stuff because you can't sleep on your sides really. Well, you can. It just kind of hurts.

[B]

It hurts. Okay.

[A]

I'm trying to get back. I love side sleeping.

[B]

Yeah, me too. I love. I love asleep on the side.

[A]

Relegated to the back this month.

[B]

Oh, for a month about.

[A]

That'll be before it starts feeling feeling good again.

[B]

I. I haven't contemplated getting second holes, but now I'm definitely not like a month. That's too long.

[A]

It might be less. We'll see. I mean, it's been so long. I had these second holes pierced. Gosh knows when and who knows who did it. Maybe a friend with a needle one day. But I got them back so I can't remember exactly the healing time. Maybe it'll go quick.

[B]

I hope so. Did you get them right above the previous holes or did you go like cartilage or. Or other parts of the ear?

[A]

I just got healthily above the other one. My friend wants me to get like a whole bunch going up the ear, but I do. I am kind of just like the convenience of not having a bunch of things to snag on is nice for me. So I don't know that I need like a whole pirate's cove of treasure on my ears, but I feel you. Maybe just the second hole will do for now.

[B]

Yeah, I got my first ear pierced when I was 14 and I think I got my second one pierced maybe like two or three years after that. So I've had both my ears pierced for over 20 years and I've always wondered, would I do any other nose or tongue or another part of my ear and it's Never. Like, it's never called me. It's never called me to do so yet. But I wonder if it's like a tattoo where if you get another one now, you're like, I gotta pierce my whole body.

[A]

I have heard that. I've heard that they go hand in hand. Yeah. But I had my eyebrow pierced in college, and then I had the tragus, like, the little inner ear, and I let them close. So I must not have gotten the bug. I didn't get addicted or anything.

[B]

You didn't get it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm also so proud that I learned a little new word today. The tragus.

[A]

Tragus. That's what they say.

[B]

That's a trivia. That's a trivia factor.

[A]

That is. Yeah, I think I got that one twice. I had it. I must have had it in college. And then after college, I was like, oh, you know what? I'll get a cool new piercing. I'll get a tragus. Forgetting that I had just let it close, like, a year before.

[B]

Did you get the same tragus?

[A]

Got the same one. The piercer was like, yeah, you kind of already have something going on here. I go, all right.

[B]

I see the markings. I see the markings.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I have heard. You know, they used to call you K.P. tragus. Parker.

[A]

How quickly I forget.

[B]

How quickly you forget.

[A]

Now it'll be KP Second Hole. I don't like that, actually. I actually don't like that. I don't think they'll call me K.P. second Hole. Parker.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know if you want them to call you that. I mean, maybe you do. Maybe you do.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

KP is fine.

[A]

KP works.

[B]

KP works. I love it.

[A]

Let's talk today about.

[B]

Let's talk love.

[A]

Being in the air. I feel it. I smell it. I sense it. Because we're gonna try a new segment, and it's all about dating, and we are calling it It Happened One Night.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

Ooh. Foreign. We're gonna share some of the Internet's most interesting dating stories and share if we think that anything in the story is a red flag, a green flag, or a beige flag.

[B]

And what's a beige flag?

[A]

Beige flag is like, you know, who knows?

[B]

Who knows?

[A]

Are you ready, Jacques?

[B]

You know what? I am good.

[A]

I love being judgmental and pretending I have good dating advice. This is actually going to be really nice.

[B]

Let's do it. Let's do it.

[A]

Okay, here is story number one. So my friend and I were Talking. Last week, after our first date that I had on the weekend, my date told me to meet him at a location in the city he lives in. When I got there, it turned out he had booked massages for us. Full body massages.

[B]

Hmm.

[A]

Okay, let's take a check in here. So far, before we get to the end, are we thinking this is a green flag, a red flag, or a beige flag?

[B]

Listen, I love a massage. I really do. So there's no part of this that's green. I'll say that we're oscillating between beige and red. And I love a massage. So, like, I understand how that you could be like, this is different and it relaxes us, blah, blah, blah. But if this is a massage in the same room, you generally have to, like, strip down to some form of like, underwear or less. And you don't know if this person likes to be touched. You don't know if this person likes to be. Wants to be touched at this time. Has, you know, gotten their underbody ready and also, like, thinking about them being half naked, like, next to you. And as a man who gets a massage, sometimes parts of your body do things that you don't want it to do at that time. So, like, I think I'm leaning toward red flag. Even though the intent is cool, but like, the execution and the second thoughts. Little red, Little red.

[A]

I agree. I'm thinking, like, the intention is very nice, I hope. Because the intention could also be bad. The intention could be like, I'd like to see you with less clothes on, so I'm booking this. So the intention could be bad. You hope that the intention is like, I mean, everyone loves getting booked a massage, but I would say you wait months before you're at that point or.

[B]

Talk about it at least, or talk about anything.

[A]

That's the thing. I'm like, a first date should be about talking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So to be in a massage, you can't even talk in a massage. So it's like, well, we're not really even getting to know each other. What's the point of the first date? I think this is a red flag. I would be weirded out if a.

[B]

Woman booked me a full body massage. First date. I would be weirded out, but I would probably still do it. But there's no part of me as a man that would book a full body massage for a woman or like, or any partner that I'm going out with. Because I'm like, you have to also look at optics, bruh.

[A]

Uh, totally.

[B]

Like optics. That's not a good optic.

[A]

Even if she was like. Like, if you had only been talking about. She's like, yeah, I hope I can meet you, but my lower back is killing me. Even then, I kind of go just get her a gift card, I guess, for. Don't go with her to a massage parlor. Yeah. On a first date. And in fact, don't get her that. I don't know.

[B]

It's too much. Yeah.

[A]

It's just too much.

[B]

Maybe, Maybe a stroll through the mall and then, you know, be like, ooh, you see these massage chairs? Like, listen to those for a few minutes.

[A]

That's fun.

[B]

That's fun. That's fine.

[A]

That's actually like a cute look because you can be talking.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

Exactly. All your clothes are on.

[A]

All the clothes stay on. I think is my rule.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For a public first date.

[B]

Also, this story isn't finished yet, which is wild.

[A]

I know. That's the thing. I am. I am nervous, but maybe it's better. Let's see.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. She finishes up by saying, I should have walked away, but I didn't. And I ended up going through with it, only to be taken to a restaurant for a drink where he used to work, which resulted in him introducing me to a bunch of people. Like I was his girlfriend.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

This is just so intimate. This is just like, he's really going to, like, six months in on this first date.

[B]

Yeah. I would hate that. Like, don't take me somewhere where you have home field advantage and then, like, I have to be basically a third wheel to your relationships already existing. Um, and then the intimacy of introducing me. Don't introduce me, bro. I just introduced myself to you.

[A]

Totally. Well. And we've barely talked. Just one on one. I don't know if I like your friends. My friend is very. She has this hot take, which is like. She likes for first date to be like, hey, this is last minute, but I'm hanging out with all my friends at this bar. You should come. I think that's very cool of her. She's very social butterfly. But I just wouldn't love this to be on the receiving end of that because I just am like, I have to be. I gotta jump in a group.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not trying to jump in a group. I'm sure your friends are lovely, but I can't do it. Yeah.

[B]

And at that point, you know, that's a compatibility issue. If. If that makes you not want to go out with me, that's cool. I. Yeah, I think I Didn't want to go out with you either.

[A]

I'm sure there are so many people that would love even this massage person. I think there's a ton of people that are like, let's cut the small talk. Let's just get right to the, like, good stuff. And I think that's a valiant phrase, but I think the small talk is, like, where you get to weed out incompatibilities. There's a reason we do it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We're saying red flag. I'm staying true.

[B]

Also, let me give one more take on this. Why you shouldn't do a massage. Let's say that date goes well. Let's say the date goes well. And you're like, oh, we feeling vibes. We've had a couple drinks. You want to go back to my place? I can't massage you now. You already got it from a professional.

[A]

I'm like, if I come up, you're stealing your thunder.

[B]

You know, if I come up trying to rub the shoulders, you're going to be like, I've already had it today, my man.

[A]

By a professional.

[B]

By a professional. These hands are weak. And so now I'm already behind the eight ball. You not thinking in both ways. Like, you not thinking in both ways.

[A]

All right, we're staying true to the red flags here. Should we go to story number two? Things might be better over here.

[B]

I hope so.

[A]

On the last first date I went on, he showed up with a massive bouquet of flowers and stood outside the bar where everyone watched as they passed by. When he gave them to me and attempted to pull back my chair when I wasn't expecting it, because who does that anymore? And I almost fell, it was so bad.

[B]

Uh, that's, that's, that, that's the story.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, I'm gonna say red flag to whoever wrote this. I kind of agree. What's your problem? What do you. I don't even know what they'.

[A]

It seems like if I can read between the lines here, she felt embarrassed that there was a public flowers handoff.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

And then she was, like, awkward about him pulling her chair out because she almost fell.

[B]

Okay. I mean, listen, I, I, I think this. Well, from the datees or dater, I don't know, from the person who did this, I would say green flag, but I can understand, like, on a first date, you don't want to, like, haul around flowers or something like that. I can get that.

[A]

My goodness.

[B]

You know, but to like, side eye it to the point where you're like, should I date this person? Like you just found you a romantic. You just found you somebody who like is thinking like, yo. Instead of like, yo, come get a vodka soda with me. This person gave you flowers? Like to start.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's beautiful.

[A]

I think this is tragic. If you think this is a red flag, this is just. I feel sad for you because I'm like, I think the bar has been perhaps lowered so much that now what was once quite normal display of chivalry or like, you know, just a, a nice gesture. It's not even chivalrous to give flowers. It's just nice. It's just kind.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so now that seems odd. Like I guess I just don't get the part in this where this person is like, everyone watched as they stood outside the bar with flowers. I'm like, that's sick.

[B]

Yeah, that's awesome. I think this is saying more about. I think this is saying more about you. Cause I'm sure nobody was watching. I'm sure people were just, oh my.

[A]

God, that's so nice. Flowers.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. And went about their day and. And then also I wasn't expecting the person to pull my chair back. Who does that anymore? That, that's crazy. First, here's what I'll say. Green flag for this person who brought the flowers and pulled the chair. Red flag for the person. Cuz you dating trash people. Maybe you need to up your dating like profile.

[A]

I wish more for you.

[B]

I wish more for you.

[A]

I wish more for you. I don't know. Many, many a person would wish upon their lucky stars to receive this kind of treatment from the person that they're with. And then you're getting it on the first date. It's very kind. I don't know, I think that if you think it's dorky or something, that's just not a good vibe for the. It's nice, it's kind. You thought of someone. It's like a gift to go on a date with someone. You get them a little flowers. That's sweet.

[B]

I wish somebody brought me flowers on the front. I ain't never been brought nothing. Nobody's ever brought me nothing on the first date, ladies.

[A]

And that's a red flag.

[B]

That's a red flag. Ladies, if somebody wants to date me, bring me some flowers. I, I will. I'll take you to a massage.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So you know, a green flag with a red flag, you know, then we'll make a beige flag together. And then also, you know, now if you thinking this is weird, I feel bad for this person because they're probably thinking like, second date, you want a car? And I'll be like, yeah, give me a car.

[A]

Absolutely. I know. I hope that this person doesn't get, you know, they think they have to change because it seems weird to stand outside with flowers. I go, it's not. It's really nice. It's really kind and it's cute. And anytime I've ever seen someone holding flowers in the street, I go, that's all. I go, I go, that's sweet.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Whoever's getting that is nice.

[B]

Flowers are cute.

[A]

Okay, story number three.

[B]

Let's see.

[A]

Red flag, green flag, beige flag. Here we go. Story number three. I was heading home from shooting senior pictures at a nearby college campus. And on a whim, I thought, what are the chances this girl is able to get together right now? I text her at 8 saying, I know this is ridiculous, but what are the chances you are able to meet a complete stranger at the Nature Realm for a bit, like now? I promise we'll go on a real date soon. She said she could be there at 8:30. It got dark fast. She brought wine in her yeti mug, and we wandered back to a bench somewhere and proceeded to make inappropriate jokes about how easy it would be to hide a body back in the park. Okay, so we're taking a little halftime break here. Is this a red flag? Is this a green flag? Is this a beige flag?

[B]

I guess I don't understand it.

[A]

Okay, so I think the important parts are like, whoa, I'm so just on a whim, asking this girl if she wants to meet up. She says yes.

[B]

And then they wander back to a bench and they are making jokes about something which, like, hiding a body somewhere in a park, that's fine.

[A]

True.

[B]

Which, like, if you were partaking in the jokes, then what are you complaining about?

[A]

This is kind of what I'm saying. So far, yeah, I agree. So far it seems like this is green flags for both of them. They both, like, we're on the same page here on the story, which is like, I'm free. Would you want to go? I. I do. Like, what I'll say green flag right now is I like this text. I know, it's ridiculous. What are the chances you want to meet up, like now? And I promise we'll go on a real date soon. I think that's a really great text. That's a lovely little text because it's showing. It's not just like, yeah, what about right now? Does that work for you? It's saying, this doesn't count as the real date. This is just. Hey, you want to be here?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I like that text. That's a green flag so far. And it seems like they're on the same page.

[B]

Yeah, you guys were vibing and joking, I'm assuming together. And. All right. She brought wine in a yeti mug. Cool. Like, maybe she needed some. Maybe a date to her was, like, going to get drinks. And she was like, this is on the whim version of that.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

And if you had a little wine with her. Green flag.

[A]

Let's finish the story.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

She tried to one up me at every comment, and really, she's too pretty to not know better. Gorgeous girl ready in 10 minutes, brings wine, makes an appropriate.

[B]

What is. What is happening? What is happening here?

[A]

Okay, let me try this again.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

She tried to one up me at every comment, and really, she's way too pretty to not know better. Gorgeous girl, ready in 10 minutes, brings wine, makes inappropriate jokes. Come on. That just doesn't happen. That was one year ago yesterday. Can't wait to see her at 5pm today. She's gonna help me dig the trench to run conduit to my garage. Then I'm gonna cuddle the crap out of her till morning.

[B]

Okay, so this is. Okay, I get it.

[A]

I felt roller coaster y. I was.

[B]

Like, what is happening here? What is happening? So this is. This. This is a happy ending. He's basically saying, she's perfect.

[A]

Of course, this person's writing style, though, is really interesting. Cause I'm getting dragged left and right. I did not know where to go.

[B]

Yeah, I was just like.

[A]

Then I see she tried to one up me at every comment. I go, oh, that's bad.

[B]

That's bad.

[A]

But he likes it. But he likes it.

[B]

She's too pretty to not know better. I'm like, that's a very weird comment.

[A]

That's bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Gorgeous girl ready in 10 minutes. Which is just an interesting little kind of 2009 style comment to make, which is like, oh, my girl doesn't even need makeup, unlike you guys.

[B]

She goes to the bathroom real quick.

[A]

Brings wine, makes inappropriate jokes. Come on. She doesn't. Well, I'm. I'm really happy that these two people have a love story. And it's a really cute beginning. I think this is an adorable way to start.

[B]

Yeah, this is a green flag because you found somebody who you were very compatible with.

[A]

Matches your freak.

[B]

Yeah, y' all freak flags are flying together.

[A]

You're hiding bodies.

[B]

She's helping you conduit yeah.

[A]

What is this? She's helping me dig the trench to run conduit to my garage. And then I'm gonna cut all the crap. God bless. I would not be the right match for you. I'm glad that girl's there. Some of this I don't know.

[B]

Then I'm gonna cuddle the crap out of her. Sounds too much. That's. That's. That's too strong to cuddle. Yeah. Let this girl breathe.

[A]

God bless. This is a green flag for them. Now, would I personally see some beige flags in here? For me?

[B]

Yes, of course. Yeah, a little bit.

[A]

For me, I'd have a few beige flags. One, I don't like wine.

[B]

That's fair.

[A]

That's just my own thing.

[B]

Two, I don't own a yeti mug. So.

[A]

So that just wouldn't work for me.

[B]

It wouldn't work for me. I don't own this. You can't have it either.

[A]

Jacquis and I can't dig trenches. So we're out.

[B]

No. Now I really don't know what conduit means.

[A]

I've barely seen a garage.

[B]

Yeah. My own garage.

[A]

I'm lost.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know what a nature realm is because he said, do you want to meet a complete stranger at the nature realm? But I do think that would be fun. I would be funny at a nature realm.

[B]

That can be fun. But also, I'm like, they met at 5pm and they're gonna do, like, physical labor. I mean, that's like a 10am job. 5pm it's time for me to start winding down. And she likes it. Marry this person.

[A]

I know. And it does seem like this is just going to be the. A long, happy love story. Because if this person is having such delightful, positive things to say about this woman on the Internet, I'm like, you're proud of your girl. You like your girl a lot. This is all going to be really good for you. I see green flags all over for them.

[B]

I love a person who's, like, happy they can be inappropriate with other people. That's my favorite.

[A]

Yeah. She gets my dark, twisted sense of humor.

[B]

It usually means that, like, most people are like, this dude is too much.

[A]

Totally, totally. I'm really happy for them. But I can just tell when somebody says that I'm not having a good time.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Well, it's green for them. It's maybe a little beige for us.

[B]

It's beige for us. Yeah.

[A]

That's why we can't be everyone's cup of tea. I don't want to be everyone's cup of tea.

[B]

And they're not mine, and that's okay. Well, this was beautiful.

[A]

We are going to go right to sleep with all those delightful stories on the brain. I'm going to turn in now.

[B]

I'm going to do the same. I might even give myself a massage. Who knows?

[A]

You deserved it.

[B]

I deserve it. It's my third date with myself. It's going to be beautiful. Good night, kp.

[A]

Good night, Jackies. Sam. Foreign.

[B]

To learn more about our phone free light and audio experience, head to Hatch Co. You can also follow us at Hatch Podcasts.