Sleep is My Boyfriend w/ Maggie Winters

Summary

The Nightly — “Sleep is My Boyfriend” w/ Maggie Winters
Podcast: The Nightly (Hatch Podcasts)
Episode Date: April 3, 2026
Host(s): Jacquees and Kristen
Guest: Maggie Winters

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Episode Overview

This cozy episode of The Nightly invites comedian Maggie Winters into the "Hatch Pillow Fort" for an evening of bedtime rituals, Midwest vibes, and playful debates. The trio discusses sleep routines, self-care habits, and participates in the hilariously spirited “Sleepy Debate Club.” The conversation is warm, relatable, and peppered with genuine banter—perfect for unwinding before bed.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introductions & Setting the Scene

• Midwest Connection
  • Maggie: “Hi. Thank you so much for having me in the hatch. I'm so honored to be here.” (01:46)
  • All three share their Midwest roots: Maggie (Chicago - Beverly), Jacquees (West Pullman), Kristen (Minneapolis).

2. Sleep Rituals & Bedtime Hygiene

• Maggie’s Philosophy on Sleep:

  • “I sleep too much. I have a strong relationship to sleep. I prioritize it over maybe everyone in my life. As a single woman...sleep is my boyfriend.” (03:05)
  • Being a comedian means her nights are “nocturnal,” as noted by her niece and nephew.

• Bedtime Routine:

  • Washes face, brushes teeth, applies lotion (especially hand lotion due to eczema and Chicago winters).
  • Signature beverage: hot water with lemon (and sometimes honey), inspired by a TikTok she trusted instantly (05:02).
  • Uses a Hatch device for soothing audio and light—favorites include “sounds from outer space” and rain sounds.
  • Tries to read instead of doom-scrolling: “I'm trying to not doom scroll. So instead, I read a book…” (04:18)

• Group Reflections on Hand Lotion:

  • Kristen is surprised that hand lotion at bedtime is real, not just a movie trope.
  • Jacquees comments on moisturizing: “I don't like to be ashy at no point of the day, even when I'm sleeping.” (06:26)
  • Maggie: “When you have eczema and live in Chicago… you start doing it and it helps.” (06:13)

3. Sleepy Debate Club

Fun, staged debates on classic bedtime topics with Maggie as a special judge.

Debate #1: “You should never set more than one alarm.” (07:43)

• Jacquees (AGAINST — in favor of multiple alarms):

  • Argues that sleep “deserves more respect than just one alarm,” and extra alarms give sleep its “courtesy.”
  • Notable quote: “Your sleep deserves a voice. Your sleep deserves to say, I just need a few more minutes.” (08:23)
  • Humorously reframes alarms as different musical acts, building up to a rooster as the final nudge.

• Kristen (DEFENDING — only one alarm):

  • Multiple alarms don’t work, led to marital stress, and didn’t improve her waking habits.
  • It’s better to focus on sleep hygiene and going to bed earlier.
  • “Setting the multiple alarms didn't work…What really worked was making sure I got to bed early, making sure I wasn't doom scrolling at night, having a beverage that was good for me…” (11:24)

• Maggie’s Judgement:

  • Admits she personally needs multiple alarms as she turns the first off in her sleep.
  • “If I only have one and then I turn it off, I'm done for.” (11:51)
  • Sides with Jacquees, but with humor about the “lie” at hand.

Debate #2: “You should make your bed every morning.” (14:12)

• Maggie (DEFENDING — yes, make the bed):

  • Making the bed starts the day with a sense of accomplishment and order.
  • “If you do one thing that day, making your bed, at least you did something.” (14:39)
  • “Have you ever gone into somebody’s home and seen a bed not made and been like, they're doing great? I don't think so.” (15:41)

• Jacquees (AGAINST — don’t bother):

  • Time is precious; that time making your bed adds up over a lifetime (“42 hours”).
  • “You want extra sleep or do you want to be making beds? … The bed is going to be there no matter what.” (16:23)
  • Humorously likens the unmade bed to an ever-loving partner: “The bed is like, you already had me. I'm yours, you're mine. Get in here.” (17:50)

• Kristen’s Judgement:

  • Chooses Maggie’s argument for the joy and order a made bed brings: “Having that made bed can change everything. They make the apartment look like I'm in charge.” (18:17)

• Appeal:

  • Jacquees launches into a (playful) appeal based on the cumulative lost time, leading to jokes about replacing those minutes with movie-watching. Maggie quips, “There are some movies that need to be missed...” (19:26)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Maggie: “Sleep is my boyfriend. That's your thing.” (03:16)
• Jacquees: “I don't like to be ashy at no point of the day, even when I'm sleeping.” (06:26)
• Kristen: “Have you ever gone into somebody's home and seen a bed not made and been like, they're doing great? I don't think so.” (15:41)
• Maggie: “If somebody’s still in the bed, make it around them. I don’t care. Move them around a little bit. Make the bed.” (15:31)
• Jacquees: “The bed is like, you already had me. I'm yours, you're mine. Get in here.” (17:50)
• Kristen: “Having that made bed can change everything. They make the apartment look like I’m in charge. Who’s in charge here? Not the bed. Me.” (18:17)
• Maggie: “There are some movies that need to be missed. Okay. There are some movies I watch. I say, I regret watching that movie.” (19:26)

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Other Highlights

• Maggie plugs her new comedy special “Marguerite” on UCB’s YouTube channel and her handle @saggysplinters. (20:40)
• Each guest/host bids a warm, playful goodnight to Chicago, Minneapolis, and each other, reiterating the episode’s comforting, communal focus. (21:03–21:30)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:05] – Maggie details her sleep routine and “sleep is my boyfriend”
• [04:05–05:31] – Bedtime rituals, use of Hatch device, hot water with lemon
• [06:13–06:34] – Hand lotion discussion
• [07:41–13:52] – Sleepy Debate Club: Single vs. multiple alarms
• [14:12–19:52] – Sleepy Debate Club: Making the bed every morning
• [20:40] – Maggie’s comedy special and socials
• [21:03–21:30] – Goodnight wishes

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Tone & Atmosphere

The episode is friendly, authentic, and comforting—like a true slumber party for grownups. The hosts and Maggie share plenty of laughs and relatable anecdotes, with a conversational, slightly silly vibe that balances both sleep insights and bedtime camaraderie.

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Ideal for:
Anyone needing sleep inspiration, cozy bedtime company, or just a laugh with pop culture-loving pals who take self-care seriously—but not too seriously.

Transcript

[A]

Hello. You're about to drift into an episode of the Nightly, a podcast designed to help you unwind and relax. For the full phone free immersive light experience, visit Hatch Co. Enjoy.

[B]

Hey, pillow fort friends, Kristen and I'm Jack Hees.

[A]

Welcome to the Nightly from Hatch, a slumber party for all you pop culture lovers out there in the sheets. Get out the streets. It's nighttime, everybody. Time to get comforted, get relaxed. How are you, Kristen?

[B]

I am great. It is so good to see you, Jacques. You've been doing a gazillion shows. You're the busiest man in the entertainment industry right now. You must be so tired and you must be so ready to lay down in this pillow Ford.

[A]

I'm ready to lay down in the pillow fort. I wish my bank account reflected being the busiest man. I wish I had a Kevin Hart bank account.

[B]

I think we all wish we had that.

[A]

I don't even need it all. Give me 30%. That's all.

[B]

I'll take 5% of it. Actually. 5%'s fine.

[A]

I'll take that 5%. 5%. And then with interest every year. That's all I want. That's all I want. It's not much. It's not much. Kristin. As wonderful as our conversations are, I am thrilled tonight to have a very funny comedian, a very funny person in the pillow Ford with us, Maggie Winters. Welcome, Maggie, how are you?

[C]

Hi. Thank you so much for having me in the hatch. I'm so honored to be here.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[C]

I'm good. How are you guys?

[B]

We're great. We're so happy to have you here and shout out to you, being a Chicago person. Jacques is a Chicago person. I'm a Minneapolis person. So it's all Midwest in the pillow fort tonight.

[C]

Okay. That's beautiful. Midwest dream here. I love that.

[A]

What part of Chicago are you rapping, Maggie?

[C]

I am from the far south side, Beverly. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Pretty close. I lived in West Pullman.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Yeah. We were basically neighborhood neighbors.

[C]

My mom grew up in Pullman. Yeah.

[A]

I love it. Love the Chicago love. You know, there's one thing people say about us Chicagoans is we know how to sleep

[C]

through those long winters.

[A]

Wouldn't it be crazy, those long winters? We just hibernate. We hibernate in our caves and we come out like butterflies. Starting in May, you know. Cause we'd be having fall springs out there in Chicago. We always love to ask folks, what is your relationship to sleep? Do you have any bedtime routine, tips, hygiene tips, hacks? That, that you can throw our way because we're all looking to sleep better.

[C]

Yes. I would say I sleep too much. I have a strong relationship to sleep. I prioritize it over maybe everyone in my life. As a single woman, it's like what else am I supposed to. With no kids? Sleep is my boyfriend. That's your thing.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[C]

I really prioritize sleep because I'm a comedian. So my job is mostly at night. My nephew and niece recently asked why I'm nocturnal, which was really cool. I was like, I'm not nocturnal.

[A]

You be up all night, auntie.

[C]

I'm like, I'm not up all night. No. My routine when I'm is usually pretty much the same. I wash my face, brush my teeth, put on my lotion, put on hand lotion. I have a cup of hot water with lemon and I have a hatch that I turn on.

[B]

Yay.

[C]

I know. It worked out. I got it last year for my birthday because I'm trying to be like everyone on my phone less which is hard when you're a social media person. I'm trying to not doom scroll. So instead I read a book and I listen to. I think it's sounds from outer space which I really enjoy.

[B]

Enjoy retro sound baths from space. It's such a dreamy experience. It's the best.

[C]

Yes. And then eventually turn off the light and switch to the rain.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love the. I love how you can put multiple things in there and SW and it switches for you. I love it. I got two questions, please. What is. What is the hot tea or the hot water with lemon? Because whenever I'm like the healthiest version of myself, I'll have like a lemon water in the morning.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

But I wonder like what's the benefits at night? I want. What does it do for you?

[C]

Honestly, I watched one TikTok from one person saying to have hot water before bed and I said, I trust you with my life. I'm going to do this in the morning. I'm a cold brew drinker but I like at night. I feel like it helps with digestion and just like signaling to the body. Like a warm cup of, you know, it's like a nice warm hug. It's time to get into bed and go to sleep. And the lemon? I think I do lemon and honey for flavor, honestly.

[B]

Oh, that's nice.

[C]

Maybe I should do tea. But the tea world kind of scares me.

[A]

Not water. Water is great. Yeah, water is great. That's all tea is, is just water flavored water.

[B]

It is. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And there's something very wholesome sounding about lemon and honey. It's just so natural, right?

[C]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

So why not warm up with a little hug from the. Before you fall asleep?

[C]

Exactly. Exactly.

[B]

I'm just impressed that you use hand lotion at bedtime at all. I really thought that was something people mostly did in the movies. Like couples, when they're fighting before bed, the woman is always vigorously putting lotion on her hands. I've mentioned this in other episodes of the nightly, where I'm like, is this real? Do people put on lotion on their hands at night?

[C]

But you do it well when you have eczema and you live in Chicago, where it's really. The weather's rough on your skin. You're kind of like, when I started doing it, I was like, oh, it does help.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

I put lotion on my hands at night, too, before bed. Cause I don't like to be ashy at no point of the day, even when I'm sleeping.

[B]

I bet your dermatologists are so happy with both of you.

[A]

Do you lotion all the time? I'm a. See, I'm black, so we be lotioning. I get out of the shower, I dry my entire body off, and from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, I lotion my body.

[C]

I do it after the shower. Yeah. And then before bed. Also my feet. Not to get freaky, but I do have big feet. Okay, so we gotta lotion those too.

[A]

Put the parental advisory on this episode.

[B]

All right, well, Maggie, now that we have our bedtime routines out in the open, now that we've told all about our lotion and our bedtime, let's shift to a fun game we like to play around here called Sleepy Debate Club, where we debate silly topics, or some people might say they're serious topics. Jacquees and I have really gotten into it in the past over socks in bed. And, Maggie, can you be the judge who determines who the winner is, me or Jacques in this round?

[C]

Absolutely. Yes. Yes.

[B]

Jacques, you're going to argue against the statement, and I'm gonna defend it. All right, so here's the first statement. You should never set more than one alarm.

[A]

I have to argue against that.

[B]

Yeah. You should never set more than one alarm.

[A]

Hmm. Let me tell. Let me tell you guys a little bit about liars.

[B]

This is gonna be good.

[A]

A liar is somebody who withholds the truth from you, from other people, sometimes from themselves. All right, now, I know you're asking Jackie's. How does this connect to you should never set more than one alarm? It's because in this moment, I want you to know that I may or may not be a liar. That's for you to decide. But here's what I'm gonna say. One alarm. Your sleep deserves more respect than that. When you. When you are sleeping and you're in dreamland, and it's to wake up, if you come to your sleep and you say, hey, get up with that one alarm, your sleep deserves a voice. Your sleep deserves to say, I just need a few more minutes. I just need a couple more seconds. All right, I'll get up in a second. And sometimes, because sleep, you can't control it, you will hit back into a little bit of a deeper sleep. And that second alarm is the courtesy alarm. It's like, hey, I know I told you to get up. I respect you. And so you have the second alarm, and then you can get different music. You know what I'm saying? Like, the first alarm can be the first verse of the. Of the. Of the sound. You know, the boo, boo, boo, boo,

[B]

boo, boo, boo, boo.

[A]

And then you press snooze, and you. You don't want earworms stuck in your ears all day, you know what I'm saying? So you got to hear the second half of that. So the second alarm is, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. And then the third alarm is like a rooster or something like that, because to really get you up, you know what I'm saying? But you should always set more than one alarm, because sleep deserves more respect than just one alarm. Am I lying about that? That's for y' all to decide.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[C]

Train.

[B]

That was a very convincing, in some ways, lie there.

[A]

It might have been truth. That might be the truth.

[B]

Okay, we'll see if that's the lie or the truth. But my job is to defend the statement that you should never set more than one alarm. Here's why you shouldn't set more than one alarm. I've tried this before. I've done that thing where I have an alarm that's next to my bed, an alarm that's on the dresser far away from the bed, and then an alarm in the bathroom. And the whole logic behind this is like, if it's so inconvenient, and if it's so repetitive, then these alarms will force me to get up. So I will never oversleep again. Right? That's the whole idea behind this. I will tell you what actually happened when I used this system. For all of four days. My husband got so angry, his rest was completely destroyed. And within those four days, I was trained to still just walk to each alarm, shut it off, and go right back to bed. Because those alarms did not change my behavior. So setting the multiple alarms didn't work. What really worked was making sure I got to bed early, making sure I wasn't doom scrolling at night, having a beverage that was good for me. Was it hot water with lemon and honey? I will not say. But I learned how to take better care of my sleep hygiene at night so that I wasn't restless at night, so that I wasn't staying up half the night, so that I was sleeping better, so that I could wake up to that one alarm. And the sleep I got was more restful rather than that extended final hour of getting up and shutting off alarms over and over again and ruining my husband's life. That's why you should never set more than one alarm, Maggie. Tell me why I'm right or you can just tell me I'm a liar too.

[C]

I don't know, because this is tough. I'm someone who sets multiple alarms because I've been known to turn off that first alarm. So if I only have one and then I turn it off, I'm done for. Also, it sounds like this is maybe more about your husband's not liking the alarms than you not liking the alarms. So I think I might have to give it to Jacques. I just feel like even though he kind of called me a liar at some point, I'm not sure,

[A]

you know, I didn't say who's a liar. I just said, there may be some out there in the world.

[C]

I said, it's me. It's me. I'm not. If I set one, I know it's gonna be a mistake, but I do understand the logic behind it.

[A]

Let me. Let me just say I'll graciously take this win and I, from a real standpoint, would break up with the person if they had multiple alarms.

[B]

You are my husband. You are my husband. Because my husband was like, one more

[A]

night of this is unacceptable and not stand it. Yeah, wake your ass up. It is.

[C]

It is hard. It's hard.

[A]

I'm a light, so. And like. And unfortunately, I have this stance and my last two, like, long term, like, girlfriends are both. I have both been multiple alarm setters. So I've been cursed, like, most of my relationship life.

[C]

So you just lied again because you said you'd break up with somebody, but that's what you're attracted to.

[A]

That's what I said. You'd never know. I also want to be clear that no longer with either one of them.

[C]

Okay. All right.

[A]

And that was the only problems we had.

[B]

It's only that.

[A]

Just the only problem. No other problems.

[C]

I'm a very deep sleeper, just like my mother. And then my father is a very light sleeper, and he can't stand how well we sleep.

[B]

All right, let's get to our second statement. Maggie, do you wanna defend it? Do you want to fight back against it? What do you wanna do with this one?

[C]

I'll defend. I'll defend whatever it is. I'm ready.

[B]

All right. Okay. Here's the statement. Jacques, you against Maggie. You should make your bed every morning. Maggie, tell us why we should make our beds every morning. Jacques, when it's your turn, you're gonna fight and explain why we should not make our beds every morning. But, Maggie, you first, and good luck,

[C]

because this is something very important that we should be doing. I make my bed every single morning because it is a great way to start your day. You have a nice, clean, organized. If you do one thing that day, making your bed, at least you did something. Okay. You might get right back into it, but you got out and you made it, and that is something. And you should be happy for yourself. Okay? And then it starts your day. You did that. Your space is clean. Maybe it'll inspire you to get your to do list out, start making plans. I feel like when I accomplish something, I feel like I'm like, okay, I can do this. I can keep going. So making your bed is that first start. If somebody's still in the bed, make it around them. I don't care. Okay, Move them around a little bit. Make the bed. Get that bed. And then when you come home that night, you can get into a gorgeously made bed, tuck yourself in. You're not like, oh, like, I gotta move these clothes. And I gotta, you know, where am I? Where's the top sheet at? You know, you're nice and organized. Have you ever gone into somebody's home and seen a bed not made and been like, they're doing great? I don't think so.

[A]

Interesting. Interesting. Very interesting.

[C]

I think that's it.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Jacquees, do you want to oppose the statement?

[A]

Yes. Yes, I do. Everyone in the jury, I would like you guys to give me your ears real quick.

[C]

I thought we couldn't address the jury.

[A]

No, no, I wouldn't try. I'm gonna address. Cause this is important.

[B]

It's okay. The jury's just me this time.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. I mean, this is important. This is important, and we have to address them. I want to be very clear about something that I do believe that the only thing we run out of in life is time. That's the only thing we run out of, is time. And time comes in many different forms, and it can be taken away from you in many different forms. Why you shouldn't make the bed every morning is because you've wasted time not getting enough from your first alarm. That's time that you need. That first alarm was your. That those extra 15 minutes was your bed making time. But now. And so it's like, what do you want? Do you want extra sleep or do you want to be making beds? Right? So if you want that extra sleep, what's the bed got? The bed is going to be there no matter what. You know what I'm saying? And you wake up, you get out, you brush your teeth, you eat your breakfast, you drink your tea, your coffee, your water, take your medicines, you go outside and you have your day. You come back home, and that bed is like, hey, guess what you did to me last night. Go ahead and get back in here so you can do it again. Right? I gotta start. If I make my bed every morning, I gotta visually start fresh. I'm like, oh, I wonder what. What's that bed for? You got to take the pillow, you got to pull the covers back, you got to get in, and then you got to do it all over again. No, the bed is like, you already had me. I'm yours, you're mine. Get in here. And then that saves you approximately 42 hours in your life. 42 hours. And those 42 hours are going to mean something. And that is more important than anything else. I rest my case.

[B]

Jacques, that was beautiful. It was philosophical. It really spoke to the human condition. But I'm gonna have to go with Maggie this round, because, Maggie, what you were saying about how making the bed, this very, very brief effort that you put in it really is like 30 seconds to throw that duvet over the top of the bed. Having that made bed can change everything. They make the apartment look like I'm in charge. Who's in charge here? Not the bed. Me.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And so, Maggie, everything you said, I think was a beautiful, much more eloquent way of encapsulating what I just said.

[A]

I gotta appeal.

[B]

Oh, I see. Jacquees wants to push back.

[A]

I gotta appeal now. I gotta bring out what a hatch calculator now, first of all, what's the average life expectancy? 79 years, something like that. Somewhere around there, you start making your bed when you about 4 or 5 years old. So let's just say 70 years. Right? 70 years. Somebody put in 30 times 7, 30 seconds times 70, or not even. What's the math? There's 365 days in a year. Do that times 70 and then times that by 30. And let's see how much time making the bed takes. Let's see. I want to know this.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, that's over 150 minutes a year. If you're spending 30 seconds a day making beds.

[A]

150 minutes a year. That's a whole movie. I can be. I'm missing a movie a year. I'm an actor. There's no way I can do this appeal.

[C]

There are some movies that need to be missed. Okay. There are some movies I watch. I say, I regret watching that movie.

[B]

Frankenstein. I'm just gonna call it. You don't need to see Frankenstein. I would rather make my bed every single day for a whole three years than watch Frankenstein because that's how long that movie feels to me. Yeah, it's like three years of my life wasted.

[A]

I'm just upset. I should have won.

[B]

Jacquees, please soak in the glory of winning round one. Enjoy that. You did such a convincing job. Round one. You deserved it. You definitely deserved that win. And Maggie, I think you deserve the second win.

[C]

Thank you so much. Yeah, I am a guest, right? Like, I need something, something while I'm here.

[A]

You need something?

[C]

I need something, you know? Yeah, you need something.

[A]

I will say that each time I had to argue against what I actually do, so. Oh, gosh.

[B]

Well, you guys, this has been so much fun. Before we wrap, Maggie, there are two things we want to ask you. First question, is there anything our listeners should be checking out right now that you've been working on?

[C]

Yes. I just released a special called Marguerite. It is on UCB, Upright Citizens Brigade's YouTube channel. It came out recently, so please check that out.

[A]

That's dope.

[C]

You could follow me at saggysplinters.

[B]

Yes. And one more thing, though, Maggie. Who or what would you like to say goodnight to this evening?

[C]

I would like to say goodnight to the city of Chicago. Yes, Sleep tight, Chicago. Yes.

[A]

Sleep tight, Chi Town. That was beautiful. I will also say goodnight to the city of Chicago and the whole Chicagoland area. We love you. And I will say goodnight to you two as well as I drift away. Good night, Maggie. Good night, Kristen.

[C]

Good night.

[B]

Oh, good night, Jacques. Good night, Maggie. Good night, Chicago. And good night, Minneapolis.

[C]

Sam.

[A]

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