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- [00:00]
A
Hello. You're about to drift into an episode of the Nightly, a podcast designed to.
- [00:05]
B
Help you unwind and relax. For the full phone free immersive light.
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Experience, visit Hatch Co. Enjoy.
- [00:15]
B
Hey, out there in dreamland, it's Kristen. I hope you are having a joyous holiday season. And as a gift to all of you, we're choosing our favorite episodes from the Nightly and re releasing them just to make sure everyone gets to hear them. And I am choosing new projects and an Amish romance novel. This episode is a sneak peek of an Amish romance novel that I wrote in under two weeks. Full disclosure, this is not a good book. It is called Return to Intercourse and Amish Romance. I wrote it way too quickly. I wrote it very badly. And yet the good folks here at Hatch allowed me to read the opening passages of this book along with Josh, who has some great questions and insights as I read to him. So I hope you enjoy it. Thank you again for listening. We all really appreciate it and we hope we help your nights be a little cozier and a little funnier. Happy holidays. We'll see you in the new year with new episodes.
- [01:37]
A
Hello and good evening, everyone. I'm Josh.
- [01:40]
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And I'm Kristen Meinzer. Welcome to the Nightly on Hatch plus, where your chores list floats away when you step in the door. Josh, how are you doing today?
- [01:51]
A
I am doing well this evening. I finished and finally, like, sent out the door a big thing that a friend and I were working on together. And we, like, got final confirmation that this thing that we've been like, a little writing project that we've been revising for, like, three months is, like, all systems go. Yeah. Which was really nice.
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B
What a huge accomplishment. Oh, my gosh.
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A
Thank you.
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B
Congratulations. That's fantastic.
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A
Yeah. So I think I'm gonna sleep well tonight. Yeah. How about you? What's new?
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B
Well, I'm feeling good. I'm on the other side of the coin of what you just talked about, where I just launched a project with a friend where we had been talking about it for months, and it's not out the door yet, but we final recorded the first episode of this project that we are making together. And I'm just feeling like, oh, yay, it's finally happening. Here it goes.
- [02:47]
A
That's so exciting.
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B
It's so fun just to take that first step and for the first step to go. Well, there's just something really nice about that, you know, recording with somebody who you genuinely like and who's a great conversationalist.
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A
Yeah. I mean, first of all, thank You. Yeah, I appreciate that.
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B
I am talking about you. Yes, I know.
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A
No, that's so great. Like, it's really wonderful. Because I think sometimes, even when you're really good friends with someone, it doesn't always mean that you're professionally compatible. And it's so nice to find out that not only did you have this idea you were really excited about, but the execution and process of making it is enjoyable, too.
- [03:24]
B
Ah, yes. Hats off to you, Josh.
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A
Thank you.
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B
Hats off to anybody out there who feels like they accomplished something in the last week, whether it is deep cleaning that fridge or working on something different, whatever that thing is.
- [03:36]
A
And when Kristen said hats off, we did tip our big floppy nightcaps to you.
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B
Yes. Because we are wearing those big floppy nightcaps, the kind that PA wore on Little House on the Prairie.
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A
That's right.
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B
That sort of hat.
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A
My association with them is always like the cranky old men of Christmas. So like Ebenezer Scrooge or the narrator of Twas the Night Before Christmas. I always picture wearing that hat as well.
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B
Yes. And they have a little night robe, sort of nightgown sort of thing that's just below the knees if they're the men.
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A
Full matching set for the fellows.
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Yes, exactly.
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Candle on a little metal dish.
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Every once in a while, they might have those slippers that kind of go up at the toe, sort of like a happy elf shoe or something like that sometimes.
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A
Love that. Well, Kristen, I'm so excited to talk with you tonight because a little birdie told me that you may or may not have written an Amish romance novel. Is that true?
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B
Yeah. Speaking of nightcaps and lots of clothes in bed. Yes.
- [04:40]
A
I have so many questions, starting with why?
- [04:47]
B
Well, I work on a lot of audio projects. I even mentioned one just a few minutes ago that is in the works right now. So for one of these many podcasts that I host, there was a project that we had to do. We were required to write a book in less than two weeks.
- [05:04]
A
Whoa.
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B
And full disclosure, I wrote the first version of this book in week one. And then I ran it by a few other people who said it was such a terrible book that I threw it in the trash and I started all over again. And I wrote the book all over again in week two.
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A
A full page one rewrite.
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Yes.
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A
Wow.
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B
And I will say this is not a full length novel. It's more of a novella, I would say.
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A
So the book is called Return to Intercourse, An Amish Romance. And I imagine, at least in part, intercourse refers to the Town in Pennsylvania?
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B
Yes, Intercourse, Pennsylvania, not far from Mountjoy. Bird in hand and blue balls. Yes.
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Okay, here's the description. Amish teen Sarah Yoder is enjoying her rumspringer romance with aspiring NASCAR driver T. Chase when she's called back to her hometown of Intercourse to help her ailing father and struggling family after a tragic barn raising accident. While she loves her family and eagerly pitches in back home, Sarah also misses the speed and abandon of life with Tanner. But when a strange new farmhand comes to help in the family stables, Sarah realizes there may be satisfaction in a slower, less reckless path. Wow.
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B
Yes.
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A
What inspired you to use the Amish as a or Amish country as like a setting for your romance novel?
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B
Well, at the time I wrote this, which was almost 10 years ago, Amish romance was one of the top three most popular genres of romance novel. I believe it's currently still in the top five. And I am myself, admittedly an Amish romance reader. I like Amish romances. I love a little bit of bonnet touching. I like a little bit buggy riding, some community chipping in. And I love the idea of romance being mostly about the anticipation and not actually about what happens after the anticipation.
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Sure.
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Yeah. And there's something very sweet and wholesome and a lot of lead up, which I find really fun. I've always been somebody who likes Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day.
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Sure.
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And so I kind of feel like Amish romance novels are for people like me.
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A
Floppy nighttime hat wearers. Amazing. Well, as long as we're here and we're talking about Amish romance, would you read a little excerpt from your novel Return to Intercourse in Amish Romance? I would love to hear some. And I might have to stop you with some follow up questions.
- [07:44]
B
Yes, absolutely. Feel free to interject, especially if you know more about NASCAR than I do.
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A
I cannot imagine that would be true.
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B
Okay. All right. So any mention of NASCAR in this story was based on research assistance from an 11 year old I knew at the time. Okay, so that may come through. All right, here we go. Sarah, I think it goes without saying that these past two and a half months have been. Tanner smiled, pushing aside a strand of hair from Sarah's wide gray eyes. Well, they'd been like wanting the Daytona 500. Sara's heart tripped over itself. Had it really only been two and a half months since she started her life with Tanner Chase? It seemed like an eternity since she had arrived in Philadelphia with him for her rumspringa. A lifetime since she left her tiny Amish life behind. In intercourse, Sometimes, Tanner continued, I think about how miraculous it is that we're together, how our paths crossed like two race cars on the turnpike ready to collide. Sarah bit her lower lip, averted her eyes to the edge of the picnic blanket. While she was fond of Tanner's openness, in awe of it, in fact, she was not accustomed to voicing her own feelings out loud in a public place. After all, back in intercourse, she was trained to be aware of gossips. There were always eyes watching. At church, in the schoolyard, at barn raisings, everywhere. But, Sarah, how are you feeling? Feeling? Sarah's face warmed. How could she put into words everything in her heart? The admiration she had for Tanner and his fearlessness. The unbridled adventure of each day spent by his side, the unwavering support she felt for his dream of being the next great NASCAR driver.
- [09:43]
A
I love how concerned Tanner is with her feelings and how special that is to her. That's really beautiful.
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B
Yeah. He's not a bad guy. Just because he's obsessed with NASCAR and might come off as kind of a blowhard, he actually likes her.
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A
Right. I didn't think he sounds like a blowhard at all.
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B
Yeah. I think it's important that even though he may be the one people are going to eventually root against, I don't want him to be a bad guy.
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A
Right. He's just not the one for her.
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B
In the long term, maybe not.
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But hey, there's nothing wrong with a nice two and a half month rumschringa in Philadelphia. So rumspringa is like when you kind of are becoming a young adult. Right. And you leave the community and explore the wider world and then come back or don't. Right. That's kind of the choice.
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Yes.
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How long does a rumspringa usually last?
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It can last as little as a night. Some young people choose to only spend a night away from home or a weekend. And for some people, it can last years. But the average person does go back after rumspringa, and the average person then fully commits to the Amish life, saying, I've had a taste of the English world. You and I live in what's called the English world. The non Amish world is called the English world.
- [10:54]
A
I didn't know that.
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B
Yeah. And so on average, it's usually less than a week. And then people will go back. There've been documentaries and reality shows about, you know, Amish kids gone wild and whatnot, but that's not typical.
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A
Right, Right, right, right.
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I will confess, I don't know Everything about Amish culture. But I have read many books, including nonfiction books, not just romances.
- [11:16]
A
Okay, Amazing.
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We continue, please. Rather than answer, Sarah asked a question. Do you remember our first official date? Of course. Tanner squeezed her hand. I put a full tank of unleaded in the Mustang, and we cruised the city for nearly five hours. Sarah smiled with the memory. I think that was the first day of my life when I truly felt the world was an exhilarating place. And you were open to it all, Ready to take it to fifth gear.
- [11:46]
A
Your Tanner voice is incredible.
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Thank you.
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A
That's all.
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B
Thank you so much. Thanks. The thing is, Tanner. Sarah stumbled over her words. The air seemed to catch in her chest. She tried to continue. When I'm with you. Suddenly, Sarah's cell phone began to ring. She was startled, but refused to lose her nerve. Ignoring her phone, she continued. When I'm with you, there are no limits. I feel as though I can do anything or go anywhere as long as you're by my side. Tanner smiled. And you can. The only limits in this life are those instituted by race officians. Tanner leaned in closer. But just then, Sarah's phone began to ring again. I'm so sorry. Someone must be quite desperate to get in touch with me. Sarah retrieved her phone from her purse. It was her younger sister, Fanny, calling from a phone booth. Sara? Fanny sounded out of breath. Where are you, Fanny? Are you okay? I'm at Fairmont park in Philadelphia. Sarah looked at Tanner apologetically. How soon can you get home? Home? Sarah went from apologetic to anxious. Yes, Sarah. Home to Intercourse. It's Papa.
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A
Wow. This is really suspenseful and intense, and it really cut. You cut them off at, like, a real moment where it felt like they were connecting and. And I hope Papa's okay. I'm fully invested, by the way.
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B
You know, I also just want to say, first of all, thank you for being invested in this.
- [13:19]
A
Of course.
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B
This trash that I wrote in a week. I really appreciate it. But also, I have to say, reading this back to you, this is the first time I've read this in almost 10 years.
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A
Wow.
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B
It's not as terrible as I remember. In my memory, it's a much worse story than it is.
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A
This doesn't feel terrible to me.
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B
We continue. On the way to Intercourse, Tanner tried to soothe Sarah's worries. People get injured all the time and people get better all the time. When Niki Lauda crashed in the German Grand Prix, no one thought he would make it. But he came back and he won. But this wasn't Just any old injury. It was a severe barn raising accident involving broken bones, a punctured lung, and worst of all, amnesia. I can't lose my father. I'm only 16. Fanny's only 13. The twins are not yet 5. You're not losing him, Tanner said with certainty. Mother would never be able to manage without him. No one's about to manage anything alone. You'll be there before you know it. And I'll be a phone call away in Philadelphia ready to fetch you faster than Lewis Hamilton fetches the checkered flag just as soon as your father's well again. Sarah felt a pang of guilt over this last part, the fact that she was leaving Tanner behind in the English world as she retreated to her family home. But she had no choice. You'll help your family through this moment and remember, that's all it is. Just a moment. They continued to drive, mostly in silence, 20 miles above the speed limit, passing through King of Prussia Coatesville and finally arriving in Intercourse 85 minutes later. When they pulled into the driveway of her parents home, Sarah felt she'd time traveled. They'd made the journey so quickly. Too quickly. Tanner unbuckled his seatbelt and prepared to walk around to the passenger side of the car to let Sarah out, but Sarah stopped him. Can we sit here for just one minute longer so I can say goodbye to you properly? Tanner understood. Displaying affection for Sarah on the driveway for all to see was as acceptable as a flagrant lug nut violation in nascar. He slid across the seat closer to her. As she did the same, Sarah rested her head on his shoulder and then, with tears rolling down her face, she kissed him on his cheek and whispered, I'll miss you. Before he could reply, Sarah opened the car door and without saying goodbye, walked up the driveway and back into the plain world.
- [15:45]
A
Wow.
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B
Let's stop there. I just feel like that's a perfect ending point for now.
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A
This is really amazing. I'm glad he didn't commit a nut violation.
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B
Thank you 11 year old, for teaching me the term flagrant lug nut violation.
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A
Oh, flagrant was part of the term. I didn't know if you were editorializing with like how flamboyant the violation was.
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B
It was a flagrant lug nut violation.
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A
I'm picturing something that I think is a lug nut. Like the bolts that hold the wheel onto the car is what I'm guessing it is.
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B
Full disclosure. Never looked it up. Don't know.
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A
You just trusted that sometimes there are violations in the lug nut field and sometimes Those violations are flagrant.
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B
Oh, I imagine so. Yeah. I think that when it comes to motorsports, there are probably violations involving every part of the vehicle.
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A
Yeah, that makes sense.
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Yeah.
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A
Wow. Wait. One strange thing about. Not about your writing, which again, wonderful, is that my dad had amnesia one time.
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B
He did not. I didn't know that happened outside of romance novels and soap operas.
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A
My association with it was like, guy on an island gets conked on the head with a coconut, and then like a second coconut brings his memory back at some point. But my dad. Yeah, my dad had. It's called transient global amnesia. And it just like kind of comes on very quickly and then leaves very quickly. And so it lasts about 20 hours.
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B
What causes that?
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A
They don't know.
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B
So hold on. Your dad did not have an encounter with a coconut or a barn raising accident. It just happened?
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A
No coconut, no barn. Yeah, he just like, he came downstairs to have dinner with my mom and he went, hey, who moved those books? And my mom was like, you did 15 minutes ago. And he was like, no way I would remember that. And she was like, we have to go to the hospital.
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B
Oh, my gosh.
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A
He was pretty easygoing about it because it was. I was not nearby and it didn't last long enough for me to come and visit, so I was like, I was scared from afar. But he was kind of like jovially confused. He'd be like, hey, what's going on? Why am I at the hospital? And my mom was like, yeah, that's why you're at the hospital. Wow. Yeah.
- [18:08]
B
And then it was all fine after that.
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A
Yeah. I think he lost like those 12 hours or whatever, those 20 hours. He doesn't have any memory of that period when he was in the midst of the amnesia. And since then, everything else is all there and it has not recurred. This was like four years ago.
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B
Okay, I feel like you need to write a book about this next time we're reading excerpts of books that we made in less than a week. I want it to be your book.
- [18:35]
A
About this, my amnesia romance novel.
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B
But it'll be a short lived romance because it's only during the amnesia. Right?
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A
Amazing. Anyway, does she in the end decide to stay in the Amish world and Amish culture, or did she go back to Tanner?
- [18:51]
B
Well, I'll just tell you a few things that happen next.
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A
Yeah, please.
- [18:54]
B
So she does stay around to help, you know, around the family farm. But she is just one person. She's only a teenage girl, so they do bring in a farmhand to help out the farmhand is kind of the strong, silent type, and he kind of embodies the best of what community is about and what strength is about, and not about showiness or any of the things that you might associate with an aspiring star NASCAR driver. He's strong, he's stable, he's about getting the job done. And. And he's not about name dropping or anything like that. He just, he's there. He's somebody, you know, you can rely on. And he's always going to be honest with you. And it makes Sarah wonder, is this really what I want in life? This? Or do I want that excitement out there? Or does it turn out maybe this excites me too, but in a way that I didn't know I wanted?
- [19:57]
A
Wow. So she's really like feeling kind of a full spectrum of romantic potential.
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B
Yes, yes. And, you know, I think that gets to what a lot of people in life might experience, like, oh, do I want this thing that seems to be what my parents would want or what my community would want, or do I want something that's different? And sometimes we don't want what our community wants for us or what our parents want. Sometimes there is something great about going outside that world, but sometimes there are things about where we came from that aren't bad either that are worth going back to. You know, I don't think there's a right or a wrong answer there.
- [20:33]
A
That's really lovely. Well, Kristen, thank you so much for sharing this with me. It is really something so sweet and genuine and I know you put it together in a week, but it just is like I think you infused the story with so many, like, warm and lovely ideas that it's the perfect pre bedtime listening.
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B
Oh, well, Josh, thank you so much for listening to that excerpt. Thank you for all your great questions and insights and personal stories and I hope you sleep well tonight. I know I'm going to.
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A
Thank you.
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B
Good night, Josh.
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A
Good night, Kristen. Sam.
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B
To learn more about our phone free.
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A
Light and audio experience, head to Hatch Co. You can also follow us at Hatch Podcasts.