The Hatchies: A Sleepy Award Show

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Nightly – The Hatchies: A Sleepy Award Show (March 9, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this special "award show" episode of The Nightly, hosts Sophia, Jo, and KP hold "The Hatchies," their own cozy, tongue-in-cheek celebration honoring the intersection of pop culture and sleep. With the Oscars approaching, the hosts unwind in silk robes, perched in their beloved Hatch Pillow Fort, and dole out playful awards ("Hatchies") to the sleepiest, most pajama-ready, and bedtime-spiral–inducing pop culture of the year. The evening is filled with gentle roasting, laughter, nostalgia, and plenty of self-aware asides, making for a comfortingly silly yet affectionate send-up of both award season and online culture.

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Main Segments & Key Awards

[02:58] The Go to Bed Award

Purpose: Recognizes someone or something in pop culture that needs a serious rest.

• Nominees: Timothée Chalamet, "Upper Bleph" surgery (upper eyelid surgery), Blake Lively & Justin Baldoni (for "It Ends With Us" drama), David Harbour, 2016 (the year), Justin Timberlake, Matthew Morrison, Bill Maher.
• Debate Highlights:
  • The hosts gently roast the endlessness of celebrity press tours, weird cosmetic surgery trends, and the recurrence of certain pop culture figures.
  • KP: “Some people think they’re sleepers and they’re not.” (02:45)
• Winner: "Upper Bleph" (upper eyelid) surgery
  • Sophia: “I'm really tired of the new surgeries that have been invented to make people feel bad about themselves.” (08:08)

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[08:30] Outstanding Achievement in Pajama Energy

Purpose: Celebrating people with the best pajama style—or general “pajama energy.”

• Nominees: Cynthia Erivo’s "sex cardigan" (Wicked for Good), Leo’s "dad-core" robe in One Battle After Another, Amy Poehler (unofficial 'sleep ambassador'), Lewis Hamilton’s silky looks, Justin Bieber’s boxers at the Grammys, Alabama Barker.
• Memorable Tangents:
  • Alabama Barker’s “nasty with a poochie outfit” catchphrase (11:21).
  • Sophia: “If the girl who had the Cookie Monster sweatpants became extremely rich.” (10:37)
• Winner: Cynthia Erivo’s "sex cardigan"
  • Jo: “I own so many cardigans and I never considered which one of them could be my sex cardigan.” (13:43)
  • Sophia: “It is, like, so hard to imagine, like, sexual vibes where it’s like I have no shirt on and a cardigan on. That scares me.” (13:48)
• Honorable Mention: “Everyone at the airport” for maintaining pajama vibes in public. (14:27)

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[14:35] Should Have Been 45 Minutes Shorter Award

Purpose: Goes to a film, show, or event that felt needlessly long and robbed the hosts of REM sleep.

• Nominees: The Super Bowl, "Avatar: Fire and Ash," "Kiss of the Spider Woman" (J.Lo remake), "Wicked For Good," all award shows (except this one).
• Mini-Reviews:
  • KP: “The Super Bowl rings truest just because…I did not watch a lick [except] the halftime.” (15:46)
  • Jo: “Halftime was really good. Bad Bunny was terrific. I think they should have just scrapped the whole thing.” (16:01)
• Winner: The Super Bowl (16:26)

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[17:12] Bedtime Spiral Award

Purpose: Awarded to the person/phenomenon responsible for triggering the deepest late-night internet spiral.

• Nominees: Caitlin Clark & Angel Reese discourse, aliens, America’s Next Top Model/Tyra Banks, JoJo Siwa + Chris Hughes drama, Nikki vs Cardi B beef, Alyssa Liu (skating), Victor Wembanyama (NBA highlights).
• Noteworthy Spirals:
  • JoJo Siwa leaving her girlfriend for Chris Hughes after Celebrity Big Brother (18:04)
  • Sophia: “There’s a lot to get through because you can really take it back to even watching some of her beautiful music videos.”
  • Jo: “My nighttime spiral routine is…Victor Wembanyama highlights.” (19:08)
  • Aliens: Largely acknowledged but not currently spiral-inducing (20:22)
• Winner: JoJo Siwa leaving her girlfriend for Chris Hughes
  • KP: “Something. Grind that bean. And I really like it.” (22:00, referencing JoJo’s ‘Karma’ song)

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[22:12] Best Buddies Slumber Party Award

Purpose: Honors the most iconic buddy duos in pop culture, perfect for a slumber party.

• Nominees: Johnny Weir & Tara Lipinski ("The Traitors" and ice skating), Shane & Ilya (figure skating rivals), Madison Chock & Evan Bates (skate duo), Matt Rogers & Bowen Yang, Pamela Anderson & Liam Neeson (Naked Gun), Punchy Coon & stuffed animal (“Punch the Monkey” — viral animal friendship).
• Memorable Moments:
  • KP on Punch the Monkey: “It is as if he was a CIA informant to make me sad. It’s just…they put everything you could possibly do to make me sad because I already find monkeys to be really sad because they’re so close to us.” (23:19)
  • On Johnny & Tara: “They have my vote...I’m getting legitimate edits of them on my TikTok of them being best friends.” – Sophia (24:36)
• Winner: Johnny Weir & Tara Lipinski (25:34)

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[25:52] Scored on Dream Dates (Best Couple/New Couple Award)

Purpose: Celebrating the best and most buzzed-about duo—both real and shipping wish lists.

• Nominees:
  • Hailee Steinfeld & Josh Allen
  • Kim Kardashian & Lewis Hamilton
  • Sabrina Carpenter & Joe Keery
  • Zoe Kravitz & Harry Styles
  • Julia Shiplett & Elliot Page (“So cute! That has my heart” – Sophia, 27:05)
  • Dan & Phil (YouTube couple revealed)
  • Meryl Streep & Martin Short (rumored)
  • Alexander Skarsgård & Jack McBrayer (rumored)
• Winner: Julia Shiplett & Elliot Page
  • KP: “Big win for the community.” (29:40)
  • Sophia: “I feel so like I’m kind of team Juliet Elliott just because I just saw a beautiful birthday post that she posted for him. That was so sweet.” (29:07)
• Honorable Mentions: Meg Stalter & Paul W. Downs, Meryl & Marty

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “[The Hatchies] is the slumber party for pop culture lovers.” – Sophia (00:32)
• “Some people think they’re sleepers and they’re not.” – KP (02:45)
• “If the girl who had the Cookie Monster sweatpants became extremely rich.” – Sophia on Alabama Barker’s style (10:37)
• “I own so many cardigans and I never considered which one of them could be my sex cardigan.” – Jo (13:43)
• “I would rather the reverse. Just fabric down my middle.” – KP on odd pajama choices (14:03)
• “The Super Bowl rings truest just because I didn’t really watch anything…I go, maybe the rest of it could have been better.” – KP (15:46)
• “It is as if [Punch the Monkey] was a CIA informant to make me sad.” – KP (23:19)
• “Love can happen to us. Maybe. Just maybe.” – Sophia (30:23)

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Final Goodnights – [31:00]

Each host delivers a humorous, heartfelt mock-awards speech as a final goodnight.

• Jo: “I just want to thank my wife Maris for eating dinner with me…I want to thank email for tiring me out. And Maggie the pug. If you’re watching this, go to bed.”
• KP: “…I want to say goodnight to the big man upstairs, my neighbor, who is always quiet every time I need him to be…Mom, you taught me how to sleep and I’ll never forget that.”
• Sophia: “…I, of course, would thank my team if I had one. Did this on my own, don’t have reps. Please reach out. And of course, also I want to thank just all the listeners, everyone at Hatch, and yeah, myself for doing this.” (32:01)

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Podcast Tone & Takeaways

• Warm, cozy, and witty: The Nightly hosts channel the energy of late-night pillow talk, balancing tongue-in-cheek critiques with genuine affection for sleep, pop culture, and each other.
• Pop-savvy but laid-back: Even when referencing specific internet drama or industry in-jokes, they keep it accessible and gentle, with plenty of explanatory asides.
• Invitation to unwind: Awards and banter become a comfortable space for listeners to laugh, de-stress, and even drift to sleep.

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Additional Notes

• Listener Engagement: Listeners are repeatedly encouraged to write in (see biting-gold debate at 02:18).
• No ad or sponsor reads disrupt the flow of content; the show keeps a soothing bedtime rhythm throughout.

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For more cozy pop culture, follow @hatchpodcasts or learn about immersive experiences at hatch.co.

Transcript

[Narrator]

Hello. You're about to drift into an episode of the nightly a podcast designed to help you unwind and relax. For the full phone free immersive light experience, visit Hatch co. Enjoy.

[Sophia]

Hi there. I'm Sophia.

[Jo]

I'm Jo.

[KP]

And I'm kp. We have a wonderful evening tonight because this is the slumber party for pop culture lovers. The nightly.

[Sophia]

That sounded so like flight attendant announcement.

[KP]

Yeah, it was really good inside. The gears were turning in a big way.

[Jo]

But I. I trusted you. I was like, we're going to land smoothly and safely.

[Sophia]

Flight attendant.

[KP]

I trust the nerves are high because it's an actually very special episode.

[Jo]

Well, it is a big one.

[Sophia]

It's a very special episode, you guys.

[Jo]

Slumber's biggest night.

[Sophia]

Slumber's Slumber sleeper's biggest. Okay, so we are, as we have said, we're mixing it up tonight. We obviously have the Oscars on the horizon right around the corner. And so we wanted to create our own award show to recognize achievements in our two favorite areas, which is pop culture and sleep, of course. So Oscars.

[KP]

Yawn. Yawn, Hatchies.

[Jo]

But also yawn.

[Sophia]

But also yawn. Double yawn. Yawn. To say goodnight and in the way of waking you up. Positive. Yeah. So we're having a bit of a, like a special. We're wearing. We have beautiful 100% silk robes on. We have a gorgeous, I guess hatchie right in front of us. A solid. What is it, 24 karat gold? Solid hatchy.

[Jo]

I thought it was like 46 carats.

[Sophia]

It's 46 carats.

[KP]

I bit into it and it's skulled.

[Sophia]

Yes.

[KP]

And it broke. I did.

[Jo]

No. What?

[KP]

I unhooked my way.

[Sophia]

Why do people do that when you bite? Right.

[Jo]

What are you biting for?

[KP]

He's soft.

[Jo]

Soft.

[KP]

Yeah.

[Sophia]

Oh, gold is soft.

[KP]

Gold is soft.

[Sophia]

Whoa.

[Jo]

So it's not supposed to feel like biting into like a quarter.

[KP]

Exactly.

[Sophia]

Wow.

[KP]

Yeah. I think there is a softness you want from gold.

[Sophia]

You learn something every day.

[KP]

What if I'm wrong?

[Sophia]

Who knows?

[KP]

Who's gonna tell me? Not these two.

[Sophia]

I don't know at all.

[Jo]

If you know why people bite gold or if you've bitten gold yourself, please feel free to write in.

[Sophia]

Please.

[Jo]

Thenightlyatch. Co.

[Sophia]

Exactly. We need to hear from you.

[Jo]

We always want to hear from you.

[Sophia]

Yeah. So we're gonna. We're gonna present some awards. It's gonna. And I think, yeah, it's going to be a big night for some folks. There's going to be winners. There will also be losers. Devastation yeah, it's going to be hard.

[Jo]

This is going to ruin some people's lives.

[Sophia]

Yes. Yes.

[KP]

Some people think they're sleepers and they're not.

[Sophia]

Yes. And some people have been. You know, they've had a whole career waiting for this moment, a lot riding on it, and who knows if they'll walk away with the gold. Okay.

[KP]

Okay.

[Sophia]

Our first award that we will be presenting is the Go to Bed Award. This hatchie goes to a person who needs a hatch immediately. This is someone who we could say is a bit overextended, tired. Maybe they're. Maybe they're. I think I could think of this in two ways, which is it's either someone who we feel we want to go to bed, we want to see less of, or someone who is running

[Jo]

around who's had a big, big year.

[Sophia]

Yes, exactly.

[KP]

In general, doing too much in both a positive or maybe a negative way.

[Sophia]

Exactly. So here are our nominees. We have Timothee Chalamet.

[KP]

Oh, sure.

[Sophia]

His press tour. Fatigue. He was running all over the place from Marty Supreme. We saw that ton. We have upper bleph surgery.

[KP]

Yeah.

[Sophia]

This is Josh.

[Jo]

That's above your eye. It's your top eyelid.

[KP]

It's like. It's like right here. This little. This little meaty bit below the brow.

[Sophia]

And it's absolutely hideous, obviously.

[Jo]

Oh, yeah. It's the worst part of anyone's body when I look at it.

[Sophia]

Disgusting. Sickening.

[Jo]

Anybody who makes me retch, anybody who has eyes that look like human eyes, I'm just like, get out of town.

[Sophia]

Nasty. I hate it. They named it. Right Laugh.

[KP]

You know, I just hate that thing.

[Sophia]

Exactly. Exactly. We have Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni because of the. It ends with us legal drama that they have been ensnared in. And now kind of by extension, Taylor Switch as well. Right. We have David Harbour, who did Stranger Things and got completely mentioned.

[KP]

Mentioned within an inch of his life.

[Jo]

He was described.

[Sophia]

He was accurately described in a way that was extremely unflattering. Interesting.

[KP]

Okay.

[Sophia]

And then we kind of have the year 2016. There's been lots of 2016 revival.

[Jo]

Oh, yeah.

[Sophia]

We also were saying out of our own minds before this, a couple people that maybe we could. We could bring into this space. I was saying Justin Timberlake simply because for me. Enough out of it.

[KP]

Go to bed.

[Sophia]

Go to bed. It's too much.

[KP]

I rebuttal with a Matthew Morrison who's sort of adjusting timber like adjacent. You could put them in the same brotherhood.

[Sophia]

Yes. They are brothers in arms, I would

[Jo]

say, in A enough way. Like, okay, we've had enough. I think Bill Maher could go to bed. Whenever I hear him talk, he's so cranky. He needs some sleep.

[KP]

I don't know who that is. I'm so sorry. Oh, Bill Maher. Okay. I thought I said Mark.

[Sophia]

No, no, Bill.

[KP]

Friends, who are the sleepiest guys?

[Sophia]

Y', all, I know you're up right now.

[Jo]

And if you're watching, Go to bed, my kids.

[Sophia]

I love you. Go to sleep.

[Jo]

Go to sleep.

[KP]

Okay. I think I have my answer from this list.

[Sophia]

Okay.

[KP]

But, I mean, there is only one winner.

[Sophia]

Let's do it.

[Narrator]

And I.

[Sophia]

Well, I get to decide in the end, but I want to hear everyone's thoughts.

[KP]

Okay.

[Sophia]

Sorry. I'm like, I have the power.

[KP]

And before you go on, it's actually gonna be me.

[Sophia]

It's up to me, but I would love to hear your.

[KP]

Maybe they'll sway me for me. I do think for Timothy's own good, I'd like him to go to bed. And I think he's incredible. I really do enjoy almost every performance he's ever done. Even Wonka.

[Sophia]

Even Wonka.

[KP]

Even Wonka.

[Sophia]

Especially Wonka.

[KP]

But I go. I do want you to take a nap just so that you're refreshed for the next one.

[Sophia]

Yeah. Did you. Did you. I didn't see Mario Supreme.

[KP]

I thought it was really quick.

[Sophia]

Was it good?

[Jo]

I haven't yet. It's on our list. We were gonna watch it when we got snowed in, but then there was so much good TV recently.

[KP]

Yes, that's true.

[Sophia]

Yes. Yes. I think. Well, when you said Will. Well, Will Morrison. Will Schuster. Matthew Morrison.

[KP]

Yes.

[Sophia]

I felt really immediately like I did not want him to go to bed. I'll say that I want him to. I was watching. He's on an amazing tour doing storytelling about 9 11. Have you seen that?

[KP]

Yep, sure have. He's doing some spoken word dance about. His perspective of 911 is one of the parts. But I think it has a lot of part.

[Sophia]

Yes.

[KP]

Yeah.

[Sophia]

Because basically what happened to him on 911 is that he did walk into. See his girlfriend cheating on him. So in that way, it was a really bad day for him.

[Jo]

It was so it was his 911

[KP]

and everyone's 911 collective 911 on Monday.

[Sophia]

Yeah, exactly. I feel like I could see Timothy going to sleep. Upper bl surgery. I want to put it to bed. I'm tired. I'm tired of. I'm really tired of the new insecurities that have been invented.

[Jo]

I think the new thing has got to be just looking old.

[Sophia]

Absolutely.

[KP]

Wake up looking old.

[Sophia]

Wake up, looking old.

[Jo]

Go to bed looking old. Go to bed looking young.

[KP]

Well, because I don't want to. I don't want to worry about it anymore.

[Jo]

Oh, got it, got it, got it, got it.

[KP]

I guess I'm confused about go to bed means I'm not dealing with it.

[Jo]

Oh, I was just saying, like, literally, in the morning, wake up feeling old.

[Sophia]

Absolutely.

[Jo]

I understand you're going by the theme of the thing, and I'm just talking

[Sophia]

about morning and evening.

[Jo]

Sorry, Pippi, I derail this. No, no, I'm with you, though, on upper blast surgery. But let's see, let's see.

[Sophia]

Well, we'll see.

[Jo]

Sophia's pulling out the envelope, drunk with power.

[KP]

Absolutely.

[Sophia]

We'll see.

[KP]

It's you guys luxuriating in this.

[Sophia]

Without further ado, I am going to present the go to bed award to Big shocker Upper Bluff.

[Narrator]

Wow.

[Jo]

Huge year for you.

[Sophia]

It was enough. It was a hard year for you. But I really am tired of the new surgeries that have been invented to make people feel bad about themselves. Absolutely. I do also think, like, Timmy needs to go to bed. Timmy. I'm like, go hang out with Kylie and her kids. Have fun, whatever.

[KP]

Take a nap.

[Sophia]

But Upper Bluff, culturally, I want it to go to bed. Maybe forever, actually.

[KP]

I agree.

[Sophia]

Yeah. Okay. Onto the next.

[Jo]

Onto the next. Wow, this is so we are coming out of the gate with a huge. Some huge stuff happening.

[KP]

This hatchie has been long awaited for fashion fans and everyone in between.

[Jo]

Just between it people in between fashion fans.

[KP]

Yeah, of course. This hatchie is awarded to someone with the best literal pajamas or embodies. I want to be in pajamas vibe. This is outstanding achievement in pajama energy. Okay.

[Sophia]

Amazing.

[KP]

Our nominees are Cynthia Erivo's sex cardigan in Wicked for good. Leo's dad core robe and sunglasses in one battle after another. Amy Poehler's unofficial sleep ambassador on good hang podcast.

[Sophia]

Okay.

[KP]

Louis Hamilton. Louis Hamilton, F1 driver known for his silky and monochromatic looks.

[Sophia]

Oh.

[KP]

Justin Bieber boxers. Grammy performance.

[Jo]

Oh, yeah.

[Sophia]

Very pj.

[KP]

And then we have some thoughts. If you think I missed anybody here,

[Sophia]

I'm trying to think who has PJ energy.

[Jo]

This is not necessarily who I would vote for, but I liked Leo's PJ energy in one battle after another because it is. He is kind of doing like the dude from the big Lebowski, Just kind of guy out of the town wearing

[Sophia]

a big robe, and I haven't seen the movie, so he's Just walking around. Me neither.

[Jo]

He's doing all sorts of adventures, but he does. He is dressed like he should be on the couch. Okay.

[Sophia]

Okay. Like, drinking, like, scotch. What kind of row is he in? Ours.

[Jo]

No, not like, not luxurious. Kind of like a big duster. Like a big sweater duster type thing. Cotton.

[KP]

More cotton than silk.

[Jo]

Yeah. More cotton than silk.

[Sophia]

Yeah.

[Jo]

God, I love that R and B song.

[Sophia]

That was my prom song.

[Jo]

More cotton than silk.

[KP]

If I could add one. And maybe I'm misremembering, but this year we saw Alabama Barker doing some. And I did think she was wearing some comfy sweats in certain ones.

[Sophia]

I feel like she's always wearing comfy sweats. Yeah.

[KP]

I thought she had a lot of really interesting comfy sweats. Technology.

[Sophia]

Yes. Yeah, she kind of is. Like, if the girl who had the Cookie monster sweatpants became extremely rich.

[KP]

That's why I'm thinking there's a pajama.

[Jo]

Who is this pajama?

[KP]

Okay. This is Travis Barker's daughter.

[Jo]

Oh, okay.

[KP]

Alabama Barker.

[Jo]

I know who Travis Barker is.

[KP]

She went. She got some notoriety this past year. Ish. Because she was involved in a raptice beef.

[Jo]

Oh, no.

[KP]

With Bhad Bhabie.

[Sophia]

Yeah.

[Jo]

Oh, sure.

[Sophia]

Because she got eviscerated.

[KP]

Absolutely.

[Jo]

Travis Barker's daughter got.

[KP]

Alabama. Got her stuff handed to her.

[Sophia]

Yes.

[KP]

Yeah. In a big way.

[Jo]

So she shouldn't have tried to catch her outside. How about that?

[KP]

She shouldn't have. It was over a shared relation. And I think, you know, nobody wins because Bhad Bhabie did end up with. I don't know. It didn't seemed like, baby, that's tough. I wish the girls weren't fighting.

[Sophia]

And of course, course, another thing she did recently that really captured my heart and the hearts of many other people is that she did a Christmas haul video on her TikTok that of course, amassed like, $300,000 worth of garbage, basically, naturally junk. And she kept saying, holding up a pair of shoes and going, this would be nasty with a poochie outfit. Which is now kind of something that stuck in my head.

[KP]

It was just a bit of an earworm of this. Would go nasty with a niche outfit with a poochie outfit. And then she's been doing hair tutorials lately, and everyone does say she actually is quite good.

[Sophia]

Yeah, she is actually really, really good.

[Jo]

I'd also like to put in a word for the official number, because this is sounding like Alabama Barker might come from behind to win this one. I do think sex cardigan is a

[Sophia]

very Funny I need to bring up.

[KP]

Absolutely.

[Jo]

Yeah. We can't let that go unremarked about. Especially because Wicked for Good kind of shut out of awards this year, Right? Not a lot of.

[KP]

So maybe they could use it.

[Sophia]

They could use it.

[Jo]

Just putting it out there.

[KP]

And if you aren't picturing it gray.

[Sophia]

Open knit.

[KP]

Open knit. Nothing sexual about it when you're looking at it. But it was used in a passionate moment of Wicked for Good.

[Sophia]

Yes. When they had sex in her treehouse house.

[KP]

Yes.

[Sophia]

Yes.

[KP]

To me. I can take out Louis Hamilton. I keep saying Hamilton. Thoughts, Louis, Would you ever want to change it to that? Would you ever be interested?

[Sophia]

How does that feel to you?

[KP]

I don't know. I want to take out Louis just because I'm not familiar with his work that much. So I'm going to take that out. And if you can believe it, I'm getting word from the pillow fort that his name is not Louis Hamilton. It's actually Lewis Hamilton.

[Sophia]

Got it.

[KP]

And I'm sorry to that man.

[Sophia]

So sorry to that man.

[KP]

And then Amy, I think she already won.

[Jo]

She won the Golden Globes.

[Sophia]

She already won.

[KP]

She's not winning.

[Jo]

Once you've won the Golden Globes. That's right, for the Golden Globes. Which is hard.

[Sophia]

Yes, it's very hard.

[Jo]

We weren't even mentioned on the broadcast.

[Sophia]

No.

[KP]

That is shocking.

[Sophia]

Well, we were, but they caught it.

[KP]

I was in the audience.

[Jo]

They were like, too. There's too shocking. Too much.

[Sophia]

Just too cutting edge.

[KP]

And the winner of the Hatchie4outstanding achievement in pajama energy is it. Is Cynthia Erivo's sex cardigan.

[Jo]

Congratulations to Cynthia Erivo.

[Sophia]

She really did deserve that.

[KP]

I agree. Because you don't think of that as the sex cardigan. And then it really created a new phrase for us.

[Sophia]

It did.

[KP]

It's really helpful.

[Sophia]

That was innovative.

[Jo]

I own so many cardigans and I never considered which one of them could be my sex cardigan. Yeah, totally.

[Sophia]

It is, like, so hard to imagine, like, sexual vibes where it's like I have no shirt on and a cardigan on. That scares me.

[Jo]

That's one of my most uncomfortable, like, what happened? Where did the shirt go?

[Sophia]

Yeah, it's. It opens up a lot of questions.

[KP]

I would almost rather the reverse. Just fabric down my middle.

[Sophia]

I don't know, a dicky or a tie dicky.

[Jo]

I feel like that's something that, like a Justin Timberlake or a Bieber would have shown up at an awards show with big tie cardigan, no shirts, obviously. Honorable mention for Pajama vibe goes to everyone at the airport.

[Sophia]

Yes, of course. Of course. We're holding it down.

[Jo]

Absolutely holding it down. And holding space.

[Sophia]

Holding space. Yes, exactly.

[Jo]

TV is touching fingers. All right, next award. The should have been 45 minutes shorter award. This hatchie is awarded for the movie or event that personally robbed us of REM sleep. The nominees. The Super Bowl. Why is it four hours long? Avatar, Fire and ash.

[KP]

Okay.

[Jo]

Kiss of a Spider Woman starring Jennifer Lopez.

[Sophia]

Okay, so we are getting to things I've never heard.

[KP]

I've never heard of Kiss of the Spider Woman. I'll be honest with that.

[Sophia]

Is that came out this year. Kiss of the Spider Woman.

[Jo]

Last year. Yeah.

[Sophia]

Wow.

[Jo]

It was a remake.

[KP]

Okay, okay.

[Jo]

Wicked for good.

[Sophia]

Got it.

[Jo]

All award shows except this one, of course.

[Sophia]

Yes, yes.

[Jo]

And so those are the official nominees. If anyone has a last minute nominee for. This could have been 45 minutes shorter.

[Sophia]

For me, when my TV is on, I'm like, it could be 45 minutes longer, baby.

[KP]

I kind of think so too, because when I saw Marty supreme in theaters and my friends were like, I think it was too long. I think we could have cut 20, 30 minutes out of it. And I just didn't feel the same. I go, if I'm watching, I'm having fun.

[Sophia]

I had a similar situation with Hamnet, which is that I was with people who were like, this could be a bit shorter. And I kind of was like, I was vibing.

[KP]

Me too. I like a vibe.

[Sophia]

Yeah.

[Jo]

You were jamming on the ham.

[Sophia]

I was jamming on the ham.

[KP]

I guess to me, the super bowl rings truest just because I didn't really watch anything. I did not watch a lick the halftime. So I go, maybe the rest of it could have been better.

[Sophia]

You could have cut basically three and a half hours.

[Jo]

Halftime was really good.

[KP]

Halftime was great.

[Sophia]

Yeah.

[Jo]

Bad Bunny was terrific. I think they should have just scrapped the whole thing. As a New England Patriots fan, I think they didn't really need to do.

[Sophia]

No, they don't.

[Jo]

They should have just called it a draw at the beginning. Everyone's happy.

[KP]

Well, don't make them disagree.

[Sophia]

Disagree. Shake hands.

[Jo]

Okay, so I'm gonna take out the envelope and look and wow. Huge victory. This is the should have been 45 minute shorter award goes to the Super Bowl.

[Sophia]

Oh, my God.

[Narrator]

Yeah.

[Sophia]

Just as we predicted.

[KP]

Yes.

[Jo]

Wow. We are on it tonight.

[Sophia]

We are on it. We are absolutely on fire. And one thing I realized, someone else who needs to go to bed while we were talking about the Super Bowl, Tom Brady, obviously. Tom Brady really outside. Way too much for my liking.

[KP]

Go to bed.

[Sophia]

Go to bed.

[Jo]

Similarly, I. I will say I think award shows have been largely kind of good lately. Like, I think Nikki does a really

[Sophia]

nice job at the building.

[Jo]

Conan was great at last year's Oscars.

[KP]

Agreed.

[Jo]

Like, I think we are bringing it around to, like, booking people who will take the time and effort to, like, make it good and, like, capture the right tone.

[KP]

Absolutely.

[Jo]

Yeah.

[Sophia]

It's exciting to see.

[Jo]

Yeah.

[Sophia]

The next award is the Bedtime Spiral Award. So this is not necessarily doom scrolling, but this hatchie is gonna go to someone who has led to the deepest midnight rabbit hole. Yeah, I would say.

[KP]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Sophia]

So we have Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese discourse.

[KP]

Oh, okay.

[Sophia]

I need someone to fill me in on that.

[KP]

Of course.

[Jo]

Okay. Two WNBA players often positioned against each other. Against each other in a way that I think is unfair and often racist.

[Sophia]

Of course. They love to do that. Okay, then we have aliens. We know you're out here.

[Jo]

Shout out to aliens.

[KP]

And then aliens.

[Sophia]

So we have shout out to aliens. Slightly problematic stuff. And then we have aliens. Of course we have stairs.

[Jo]

There's one alien.

[KP]

Yeah, there's one guy.

[Sophia]

My God. Is a giant alien in the sky. We have America's Next Top Model, Tyra Banks. We have Jojo Siwa leaving her girlfriend for Chris Hughes after Celebrity Big Brother uk.

[Jo]

This is the first of hearing of it, and I've got to make some phone calls. Yeah.

[Sophia]

Okay.

[KP]

Send your condolences.

[Jo]

Okay, I heard. Wait, is this about her being maybe not gay after dating a man?

[Sophia]

Well, she's still. Sorry. Bisexual.

[Narrator]

Okay.

[Sophia]

But that counts.

[KP]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just thought she was specifically saying, I am a lesbian.

[Jo]

Oh, got it, Got it.

[Sophia]

She entered Celebrity Big Brother UK with a girlfriend and then had this kind of bizarre relationship with this guy Chris Hughes, who was from Love island, who's older than her.

[KP]

Who's older than her of a healthy amount of years.

[Sophia]

10ish years.

[KP]

Yeah.

[Sophia]

And it was strange to watch. And it did feel like she was falling in love with someone else on camera. And then she came out of the house and broke up with her girlfriend, and now she's dating that man. Yeah.

[KP]

So still, it's still months.

[Sophia]

They're locked in.

[KP]

Yeah.

[Sophia]

And she's going by Joelle maybe.

[KP]

Oh, yeah. It's a whole thing. Yeah.

[Sophia]

Then we have the Nikki Cardi beef.

[KP]

Oh, sure.

[Sophia]

My suggestion is Alyssa Liu. Liu.

[Jo]

Oh, yeah.

[Sophia]

Because I could watch those damn videos of her skating. I literally keep watching them over and over and over again.

[KP]

She's the coolest.

[Jo]

I've watched that free skate many times.

[Sophia]

Yes. And I really could. I could really spiral with that.

[Jo]

In a similar vein, my nighttime spiral routine is. I don't know if you all know of NBA star Victor Wembanyama.

[Sophia]

No, Wemby speak on that.

[Jo]

He is, like, seven. Five bucks.

[Sophia]

Awesome Bucks.

[KP]

Is he in the Bucs?

[Jo]

Great guess. Spurs.

[KP]

Spurs. So close.

[Jo]

But you did name a team.

[Sophia]

Yes. And that's more than I could ever do.

[KP]

I hate the hatchie.

[Jo]

Now the Hatchy 4 naming Steve Ghost team goes to KP. Yes.

[Sophia]

It was a tight race between the two of us, and you really edged me out right there at the end. Yeah.

[Jo]

And he's really big and really, like, smooth on the court, and he just does things that nobody has ever seen before.

[Sophia]

That's awesome.

[Jo]

And I love to watch his highlight compilations or highlights. Like, if he had a game that night, I'll just, like, look up Wemby highlights and just be like, that's amazing.

[KP]

I hear he's a real future. Like, people are like, he's already creating huge waves. We're going to see a crazy career from this.

[Jo]

They're like, this guy's the face of the league for the next 10 years. If he doesn't get hurt.

[Sophia]

Oh, my God. And fingers crossed. It really is amazing when someone has an incredible genetic advantage and they are, like, using that in a powerful way. I'm like, yeah, just do that. Go crazy.

[Jo]

Yep.

[KP]

I'm not spiraling that much about aliens these days. Okay. I know that maybe they want me to, but I just haven't checked in. I'm not spiraling. I'm confidently and happily acknowledging them and

[Sophia]

then going to bed with an open heart. I'm saying, take me. Take me.

[Jo]

Ryan Coogler is doing an X Files reboot. Did you hear that?

[Sophia]

That's fun.

[Jo]

They're doing a pilot for it.

[Sophia]

Ooh, I like that.

[KP]

That's great. He's making his way through. He had vampires and now going to aliens.

[Jo]

Yes. And he's done superheroes, Bigfoot and boxer guests. Bigfoot eggs.

[KP]

Bigfoot eggs, obviously.

[Sophia]

And then the Loch Ness monster.

[Jo]

I would watch Ollie.

[Narrator]

Yes.

[KP]

I would watch Ollie.

[Sophia]

It's like the ones that they do that are about saying it's like really kind of like a searing portrait. Like, she has been through things that you could not imagine with her eyes. You don't know her.

[Jo]

You don't know about the Loch Ness monster's tragic childhood.

[Sophia]

Yes. You do not know about the things she's been through.

[Jo]

She grew up in a bathtub and

[Sophia]

she worked her way out inch by inch. Okay, I'm going to present the bedtime Spiral Award. It's a bit of an upset.

[Jo]

Wow.

[Sophia]

It's going to JoJo Siwa leaving her girlfriend for Chris Hughes after Celebrity Big Brother.

[KP]

I actually think that's a really great choice.

[Jo]

Yeah.

[Sophia]

Yeah, I think so too. There's a lot to get through because you can really take it back to even watching some of her beautiful music videos. Karma, one of my favorite things in the world. Don't know that.

[KP]

Oh, coffee based song. Oh, I think I'm gonna grind that bean. Something like that. It's really interesting.

[Jo]

That was too faithful that we might not be able to legally use that.

[Sophia]

It was really, really hit nail on the head.

[KP]

It was something. Grind that bean. And I really like it.

[Sophia]

Okay.

[Jo]

Okay. I've got some learning to do. Yeah.

[Sophia]

Well, you have some. There's lots of stuff that you can spiral about.

[Jo]

Yeah.

[Sophia]

We'll send you some links.

[KP]

We have another hatchie. This is going to the best Buddies slumber party award. This is for slumberers that are best buddies that we've seen. First one, near and dear to me, Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski from the Traders. And okay, next. Also ice related, Shane and Ilya. He did rivalry.

[Sophia]

Okay, Buddies.

[KP]

I don't know. Maybe this person only saw that at the very beginning.

[Jo]

Buddies. Those kids don't even like each other.

[KP]

They play against each other different than I treat my buddies. Okay, next. And I really don't know much here. So Madison Chalk and Evan Bates.

[Jo]

And they're a skate duo. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

[KP]

I like that they go by their last names Chalk and Bates.

[Sophia]

Great. I like that.

[KP]

Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang Las Culturistas Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson in real life, but also their characters in Naked Gun.

[Sophia]

Okay, okay.

[KP]

And then we have Punchy Coon and his stuffed animal, AKA Punch the monkey.

[Sophia]

Oh, okay.

[KP]

Are you following Punch the Monkey?

[Jo]

I am following Punch the Monkey.

[Sophia]

I've just learned about this.

[Jo]

I had to tap out a little bit, though, because I was like, I can't handle a sad monkey in my life.

[KP]

It's really aching me. It's just. It is as if he was a CIA informant to make me sad. It's just they put everything you could possibly do to make me sad because I already find monkeys to be really sad because they're so close to us. I just look at them and I go, that's too expressive.

[Sophia]

That could have been me. I would hair away from being that Monkey.

[KP]

I am one hair away. For those that maybe don't know, Punch is a little monkey that was abandoned by his mom or his mom maybe had an accident.

[Jo]

I don't know, rejected him. She was not into that game.

[KP]

I was giving her the benefit of the doubt.

[Jo]

She rejected him. She just happens a lot of her own stuff going on.

[KP]

Yeah, been there. So they gave him a stuffed animal replacement mother and he to this day drags it around with him. And he's having a hard time making friends in the zoo. He's getting beat up by the other monkeys. It's really, really bad.

[Jo]

I think they're coming around though. I think he's starting to learn to socialize.

[KP]

Last week he got groomed by another monkey. And that was a huge step.

[Sophia]

Huge, huge.

[Jo]

That's really meaningful in like the nice way.

[Sophia]

Yes, yes, yes.

[KP]

The good groom. Okay. Any others that we might have missed for the best buddy slumber party award?

[Sophia]

Oh, gosh, I don't know. I'm.

[KP]

Johnny and Tara were really just exciting. Top of mind.

[Sophia]

I know. And I'm getting like legitimate like edits of them on my TikTok of them being like best friends.

[KP]

Cute as cute.

[Sophia]

So funny. And it's so funny that no one knew that they were like. The videos I'm seeing are years and years and years of documented photos and videos of them being friends.

[Jo]

Same best friends have been broadcast partners for years.

[KP]

See. But would you going in. You're a celeb. Maybe you're not scrolling as much as everyone else. I don't know that I beforehand if. Cause they had said we know each other, obviously we're co workers. I don't know that I would have been like, no, you're best friend. I don't know that I would have.

[Jo]

Obviously we get to see them constantly together in the house. So like it does feel a little sillier when they're like, we have to come out as best friends.

[Sophia]

Yes, of course.

[Jo]

But I guess you're right.

[KP]

People didn't know the extent of like, oh, they are calling all the time. They're really.

[Sophia]

Anything else. He said we went through infertility together.

[KP]

I know. It was really beautiful.

[Sophia]

I know. I mean, they have my vote. I would say.

[Jo]

Yeah, same.

[Sophia]

Yeah, yeah.

[KP]

Well, let's see.

[Sophia]

Let's see.

[KP]

Ooh, they have my vote. But let's see. It is. It's Johnny Weir and Terrell.

[Sophia]

Oh my God.

[KP]

For the best buddies. Hatchie.

[Sophia]

They deserve it.

[Jo]

The the next Jerry toward the final Jerry award is for the scored on dream dates Hatchie. This is for kind of like the best couple, best new couple. Some of these. So we've got one in here married couple, at least, and one that's more of a shipping situation that people are hoping. Yeah. So we're gonna start with Hailee Steinfeld and Josh Allen. Famous married couple. Kim Kardashian and Lewis Hamilton. The F1 driver. Sabrina Carpenter and Joe Djo. Joe. Joe Keery.

[KP]

That was just.

[Sophia]

Was that just announced?

[KP]

Well, no, it was like a. She does that. Like, who's gonna get arrested at my show is her little, like. Yeah. And it's arrested for being too hot or something. And he was in attendance, and she chose him. Okay. But it doesn't mean anything per se. But it was there.

[Jo]

Yeah. Well, I mean, innocent until proven guilty.

[Sophia]

Yes.

[KP]

And he was arrested.

[Sophia]

Yes.

[Jo]

The next one. Zoe Kravitz and Harry Styles. Very appealing couple. I said cuppy. That is not something that I'm trying to get started.

[Sophia]

The hatchie goes to the cuppy.

[Jo]

It's a cuppy hatchie. Julia Shiplet and Elliot Page.

[Sophia]

They're so cute. Yeah, that's good.

[Jo]

Really cute.

[Sophia]

So that has my heart, this one.

[Jo]

These are. I'm not familiar with Dan and Phil.

[Sophia]

Okay.

[KP]

I can YouTube.

[Jo]

Yes.

[KP]

Ancient YouTube.

[Sophia]

And they had just. Did they just come out as a couple or. They just explained the relationship.

[KP]

So it's a little bit of both because. So this was, like, maybe early YouTube, so 2013 or something, you know, way back. And they had a YouTube that was for a younger audience. They always got shipped together. Everyone was like, we wish they were dating. And then they went out of the YouTube eye for the last, like, decade. Resurfaced. They were dating the entire time.

[Sophia]

Basically.

[KP]

People were picking up on the love. So it feels very nice and validating and a beautiful love story for those that followed them in the beginning.

[Sophia]

Yes.

[Jo]

Wonderful.

[KP]

I think that's right.

[Sophia]

I think that's right as well. Great.

[Jo]

I. The story you told is very beautiful, and I'll take it to my heart as if it were true, and I will look it up no further. Shout out to Dan and Phil.

[Sophia]

Literally huge shout out, y'.

[KP]

All.

[Jo]

Love your love. Excellent. So those. Those are the. The couples. But if you have other couples.

[Sophia]

I have one.

[Jo]

Yes, please.

[Sophia]

Meryl Streep and Martin Short.

[Jo]

Love that.

[Sophia]

So something to think about.

[KP]

Oh, I love them.

[Sophia]

And, you know, another couple that I heard is apparently dating, so you can add to the list, Alexander SKarsgard and Jack McBrayer.

[KP]

Have you all heard about the one I just heard This. I really couldn't figure it out. I couldn't figure out if that was just the most random two people anyone could pick out of a house.

[Sophia]

They have been publicly best friends for years and years and years, but it's almost like they have been dating.

[KP]

I love Jack McBray. I think he's always. I'm like, put him in more. Because every time I rewatch 30 Rock,

[Jo]

I'm like, he's unbelievable.

[Sophia]

So good.

[Jo]

There are so many.

[Sophia]

He's incredible. Yeah.

[Jo]

30 Rock. Interested development. My wife and I watch both full runs during the, like, early pandemic. And both just, like, career great performances

[Sophia]

for so many people out of literally all of them.

[KP]

I mean, wow.

[Sophia]

Literally. I feel so like I'm kind of team Juliet Elliott just because I just saw a beautiful birthday post that she posted for him. That was so sweet. And I love to see an alternative comedian, of course, dating someone famous.

[Jo]

I'm like, good for the community.

[Sophia]

Good for the community. Good for. Maybe if that could happen to you, it could happen to me. It's how I feel. But I'm in support of basically all of those people.

[KP]

Me too. I really like a lot of these.

[Jo]

All right, well, I guess we're gonna find out.

[Sophia]

It's a tight race.

[Jo]

It is a tight race. Wow.

[KP]

Lay it down gently.

[Jo]

The hatchie goes to Julia Shiplett and Elliot Paige. Oh, my gosh.

[KP]

That is really.

[Sophia]

Thank God. Thank God.

[KP]

That is really good.

[Jo]

This is really bad. Big win, Big win for.

[Sophia]

Huge win for the community.

[Jo]

Send this trophy to our friend Julia.

[Sophia]

Yes. Yes. We're gonna send her the 20 pound hatchie. Solid gold.

[KP]

The one I was gonna put in is I really liked when Meg's Talter and Paul Downs walked down the carpet together. That could be for the best buddies one to me.

[Sophia]

And I really could have been.

[KP]

I really loved them.

[Sophia]

It was so fun. It was incredible.

[Jo]

I loved it.

[KP]

They looked incredible. They, like, legitimately, like, it was funny, of course, but I was like, like, you guys look.

[Sophia]

I mean. Yeah.

[Jo]

Amazing. Yeah. There are a lot of good. I mean, it almost went to Marty and Meryl.

[Sophia]

It almost. Yeah.

[KP]

Oh, that's really.

[Jo]

Damn.

[Sophia]

Yep. Okay. Maybe next year.

[KP]

Yeah, yeah, Keep working at it. YouTube.

[Jo]

Did we put our thumbs on the scale? Because we know one of the people nominated. Maybe we don't.

[KP]

Maybe we did.

[Sophia]

Maybe we did. These are all bond paper if you

[KP]

want to believe in that. Love can happen to us.

[Sophia]

Yes. Maybe. Just maybe. And I think that's all for our beautiful award show. This has been a stunning evening. I think everything was fair, equitable. Everyone who won, won.

[KP]

Voices were heard.

[Sophia]

Voices were heard. We gave our opinion. And now it's right. And we were right.

[KP]

Most importantly, most importantly, we were right.

[Sophia]

And now, after a long, hard night of being right, I'm exhausted. I'm ready to turn in.

[Jo]

I think tonight, why don't we each say our goodnights out into the world in the style of an awards acceptance.

[Sophia]

That's perfect.

[KP]

I like that.

[Jo]

Okay, I'll go first. So I just want to thank my wife Maris for eating dinner with me. I want to thank everybody who made all the shows that we watched before I went to bed. I want to thank email for tiring me out. And Maggie the pug. If you're watching this, go to bed.

[Sophia]

Go to bed.

[Jo]

You've been asleep for two hours. Actually, you've been asleep for 22 hours. Good night.

[KP]

Oh, my gosh, there are so many names to get through. I want to say goodnight to my beautiful co hosts, Sophia and Josh, without whom I could not do this. I want to say goodnight to the big man upstairs, my neighbor who is always quiet every time I need him to be right during when it's time to go to bed, I want to say goodnight to my mom. Mom, you taught me how to sleep and I'll never forget that. And I want to say goodnight to the listeners, everyone that listens to this podcast. I really do it for you. Thank you. Good night.

[Sophia]

Good night.

[Jo]

Good night.

[Sophia]

This is such an honor. Obviously, it's really something I've worked my entire life and career for. As you know, I've been vying for this for years and years. Completely unrecognized, unappreciated by the industry. No worries. I, of course, would thank my team if I had one. Did this on my own, don't have reps. Please reach out. And of course, also I want to thank just all the listeners, everyone at Hatch and yeah, myself for doing this. So good night and thank you, Sa.

[Narrator]

To learn more about our phone free light and audio experience, head to Hatch co. You can also follow us at HatchPodcasts.