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- [00:01]
A
Audio for sleep by hatch. Hey, sleepyheads. I'm Matt. Welcome to the Nightly from Hatch, where late night thoughts go to. Hi, I'm Matt Young. I've previously been a guest on the Nightly, but this week I've taken over the pillow fort. And I'm an improviser and a comedian best known for doing the hello from the Magic Tavern podcast. Now, if you want to come on the Nightly to talk about anything that's on your mind, email us or send a voice memo to the nightlyatch co. But before we get to our guest today, I just wanted to talk a little bit about the power of nostalgia. For me, I sort of subscribe to the thought that nostalgia can be a toxic influence at times, but I also believe everything in moderation. You know, if something brings you joy, who am I to say no to that? And I have a lot of things from my past that I love, that I still indulge in from time to time. A lot of you who may know me or have listened to the other show Tavern, you may know that I'm a toy collector. I love sort of that vibe of getting a toy from the 80s or a recreation of that toy. Now that brings me back some to a time where I was happy and joyful and just things seemed pure. I mean, nothing's perfect. And that's, that's where nostalgia gets problematic potentially if you, if you live in it too deeply, you have to live in the present. You have to be a good citizen, a happy person who's taking care of themselves. But you know what, have some ice cream, buy a toy, go watch an old movie. Just enjoy it. Speaking of enjoying yourself, I'd like to introduce our guest today, Tyler. Tyler, where are you from and what's on your mind tonight?
- [02:41]
B
Well, hello there. Yeah, my name is Tyler and I'm from Thousand Oaks, California. Something's been on my mind lately and I'm a new dad. I have a 7 month old at home who is just the best thing I've ever done. And as I kind of.
- [03:00]
A
That's so sweet.
- [03:00]
B
Navigated as I kind of navigated the. I got to take about two and a half months off of work when she was born, which was not common for the male especially. I was very blessed to have been able to have done that and was then able to have a kind of a hybrid part time schedule for a few months after that. And now that I've transitioned working full time again, I feel like I'm kind of having this, like, why does this matter? The kind of mentality at work. When I go home, that's what I feel like matters. And I'm so excited to see my daughter when I get home. And I feel like we hear a lot of women talking about the struggles of wanting to go back to work because they just want to be home with their kids. But I feel like in the male space that it kind of more gets talked about, more of a. They either have this drive of, I want to work harder and provide for my family, and I want to actually go out and, you know, have to have more motivation. And I've been fighting it kind of to be the opposite, and I just don't know. That's just not like, as a man in this world, you know, you can chalk it up to whatever toxic masculinity patterns we've had growing up, but I just keep thinking about that of, like, I feel like so many guys. Don't mention how hard it is sometimes to just want to be at home with your family, which I'm just so glad that that's my feeling, that I just love my family so much. But it's definitely been a journey the last couple of months, so that's kind of what's been on my mind.
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A
Well, congratulations, first of all.
- [04:29]
B
Thank you.
- [04:30]
A
On your daughter being born. I think that's awesome. I love that you said it's the best thing you've ever done. That's such a great sentiment. And to your point, yeah, I suspect a lot of people feel that way, but because of the way we're raised, it might be seen as weakness by some people, and some people see weakness as a weakness, or rather, vulnerability as a weakness was a more accurate way to say what I was thinking. So, again, congratulations to you for. I think what you just said was pretty brave. And I imagine that other people hearing this probably feel the same way. And I think it's also, man, work sucks. I want to keep it positive here, but I get it. Going to work at a job can be hard at the best of times, and then when you are pulled in a different direction or you have a passion, you know, maybe not even raising kids, it's just something else you'd rather be doing. You really become aware of that disconnect, right?
- [05:47]
B
Yeah.
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A
And I suspect that's sort of what you're feeling is kind of a disconnect. Is that correct?
- [05:52]
B
Absolutely. Yeah. And. But it's also not lost on me that the job that I have, like, I actually do love the job, and it is incredible, incredibly flexible, and so perfectly suited for this season of my life, of being able to be home a lot and kind of work from home when I need to, and I can leave early when I need to. I can really tailor my life around family and not work compared to my last job where it was the opposite. And so I'm so blessed to be in that position and I'm thankful for it. And I do love the job when I am doing it sometimes it's just sometimes hard not to be like, oh, the notification of, like, I can see my daughter out front walking around with either my wife or a nanny or something. I'm like, oh, I just wish I was doing that. Like, it's a weird kind of push pull, but yeah, it's a weird situation. But I'm still happy with the job that I have for sure. But work does still suck at the end of the day. I'd rather just not be working. Yeah.
- [06:49]
A
Yeah, well, right. Everyone would rather have a day off. But I think that that's awesome, you know, and I think in time, you know, these things will hopefully find a little more balance for you. And you can temper that thing, that, that feeling of like, being pulled away with all the, all the good things that come out of your job because it sounds like you are pretty happy with it and ultimately, like, it's a hard thing to do. But I've actually been reading about this lately about people who make kind of later in life career changes and, and to a very high percentage, if you decide later on, it's like, well, this thing isn't working for me anymore and it's fine to make a change. I think sometimes we feel trapped is a strong word, but we start to feel like, well, we've got this obligation and this obligation and now I have to stay with this thing that isn't working for me anymore because I just have to. And I think that that's just not true. And the science kind of bears that out. Like it's reading a statistic. There's something like 83% of people, if they don't just kind of randomly quit or randomly jump to their job, they consciously make a choice to research what they want to do next. And think about it a little bit up front, like, 83% of the people were ecstatic, over the moon, happy with what they had done. So it's about being thoughtful and present and, you know, and that's just like part of being a family too is like, I want to make this move, but we have to, like, talk about it together with your partner. And then you know, even maybe potentially, if it's much later on, maybe even your daughter, and say, like, well, here's what we're trying to figure out, but I just want to ask, what's the cutest thing your daughter's done?
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B
She.
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A
I totally threw. I totally threw you for a curve ball there.
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B
You definitely did. I think just watching her just become a person has been the coolest thing.
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A
Yeah.
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B
As she starts to get more animated and start to react to things. She had a moment a few weeks ago where she started doing this, almost like a dinosaur screech, laugh in response to me. And she would do it back and she was just giggling, but she kept going while laughing. And it was just like, I was done. I was completely melted. It was just so cute.
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A
There is. I mean, there's nothing more intoxicating than getting a laugh.
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B
Oh, yeah.
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A
I mean, that's like my whole deal, 100%. But it's doubly intoxicating when it comes from a child.
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B
Yeah.
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A
It's just. You're like, I've won everything. I can just go home now.
- [09:41]
B
Well, then you add in moments where it's like, they're funny, cute moments when she's laughing, but then something happens that, like, if you don't laugh about it, there's no really way to get through it. Like, I was playing with her, and she was just giggling and kind of throwing up in the air and stuff. And I was holding her, and then she fully threw up and all over everything, and then she kept laughing. And so it was one of those moments where I could get really upset and be like, oh, my God. Like. Or I could just start hysterically laughing at just how funny that moment was. And so learning to kind of. Kind of step into those moments of, like, I'm just going to laugh. I did that on purpose, but it was pretty funny.
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A
And to step into. Back into toxic masculinity for a second. You can hold that over her head for the rest of her life.
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B
100%. Yep. You don't get a say in what you're 2ft.
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A
You don't get the car tonight.
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B
Exactly.
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A
Well, that's incredible. Tyler, I don't want to pry too much.
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B
No, you're good.
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A
But you said that you do really like this job. Can you give me a rough idea of what it is you do without kind of. I don't want to get you exposed here.
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B
Totally good. You're totally fine. I actually do disaster response for the county that I work in out here where I manage all the evacuation Shelters and stuff when there's big emergencies and.
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A
So, Tyler, are you the greatest person who's ever lived?
- [11:05]
B
No, I am definitely not, because you do. But it's a fun job.
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A
Okay, well, let me back up. No, no, no, no.
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B
Hold on.
- [11:12]
A
You just told me you disaster relief, you love doing it. And you also are talking to me about how you don't want to be a toxic influence, masculine influence, in the people around you in your life and how much you love your daughter. This is. I'm going to vote for you for man of the Year.
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B
I appreciate that. You got to break the cycle sometime, right? We don't. Who will?
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A
Right. Well, that's incredible. It must be a very stressful job, too, at times, I would imagine.
- [11:46]
B
Yeah. As long as the skies are blue, my job's pretty great and pretty flexible and chill, you know, of course, there's smoke in the air or something. Then I might be gone for a couple days, which is a bummer, but it makes up for it for having a lot of more flexibility throughout the year the majority of the time. So it's kind of good for this season of life.
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A
Yeah. Well, I know you said your daughter is seven months now.
- [12:10]
B
Yeah, she'll be eight months on the 11th. So she was born 11. 11, which is super fun. My little lucky baby.
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A
Okay. That was my grandmother's birthday.
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B
It's a great day.
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A
It's a good day. She was a great woman. I want to give you a space here, assuming that somewhere in the future your daughter might come back and listen to this. Is there anything that's on your mind that you'd like to tell her 10, 20 years from now?
- [12:43]
B
I think I know that I'm going to fail her, and I know that I'm going to let her down in some way, shape or form, but I always want to strive to be emotionally available and, like, in a good head space, that I could recognize it and apologize for it, or if there's something that I may not know, that I have inadvertently, you know, caused some damage or trauma or upset her, that she didn't have that safe place to actually come to me about it and know that I'm going to be able to actually listen to her and take accountability for whatever it is. So I just hope that she can have that relationship with me, that she can tell me if there's something that has been bothering her and we can have that good relationship. Yeah, I don't know.
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A
That's great. I wanted to say also, you know, Tyler's doing what so many Other people are doing. They're just doing their best. They're figuring out as they go. They are attempting to find a way to just do the things that don't necessarily come immediately. People don't get a handbook for being a parent. And yes, everyone will be imperfect and it will just be challenging at times. And, yeah. Finding grace where we can to forgive people when things don't go exactly the way we hope. It can be difficult, but it's important to try. And I see that in you, Tyler. I see that you're trying. I see that you care, and I think that's really wonderful. And I'm. I'm really glad that you're a new dad.
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B
Yeah. Thank you. You actually touched on something that's. Think about some of that to work through. As I kind of was processing some of my own stuff with my own dad, even prior to becoming a father myself, I kind of come to this realization of just like, he was doing the best to his ability with what he was equipped with, and he didn't have the best example of father himself. And so it felt like it was even more amplified and highlighted once I became a dad. I'm just like, yeah, he was just figuring it out. Like, he. He didn't quite know what he was doing. And it did allow me to even hold new. More space for the grace I was already trying to give him. And so that's definitely opened up my eyes a bit too, for sure.
- [15:17]
A
Yeah, that's. That's great. And yeah, you're learning. It's a cyclical thing. Right? Like, yeah, your parents went through this. Now you're going through it. Maybe someday your kid will be going through the same thing and just trying to figure out how to be the best parent they can be. So luckily, at that point, when you're a grandparent, you'll have all sorts of sage wisdom to share.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And you'll have a. You have a big rocking chair on the front porch, and I assume you'll be smoking like a corn cob pipe and covered in a shawl. And she'll just come to you and be like, hey, what do I do now? And you'll have. You'll have. You'll have it all figured out by then at some. At some point, Tyler, you're going to have it all figured out.
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B
Let's hope that's. That's the goal. That's the goal.
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A
Now we're all on a journey. We're all figuring it out as we go, and that's fine. Wow. That. That I'M I'm really impressed. I. I don't know how else to explain that. I'm not a parent myself, so, you know, I live vicariously through other people's kids a little bit, but always try to be a supportive person in those situations.
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B
Well, I appreciate that. I feel like you definitely were supportive considering you don't have your own kids. I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have guessed that.
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A
Oh no, I. Yeah. But you know, it takes, it takes a village. Right. It's like the cliche. True.
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B
Yeah. Well, in my village, we had seven babies born in a five month span with all of my friend groups. So with three of them within 11 days of each other. So we're all just doing this life together. It's amazing.
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A
Oh. But here's what's cool about that, is hopefully, hopefully that means your friend group can kind of stay intact because they, you have now have a built in kid friend group for them.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Which can be really fun.
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B
That's exactly it.
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A
So that's exciting.
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B
Yeah. That's what we prayed for. I started off with a bunch of my best guy friends just like trying to be intentional, spend time together because life gets busy and just hanging out one day a week. Mondays were our day and then we just start praying for wives. And then we got married and then our wives became best friends and then they had their own little like small group going and then everyone started having kids together and it's just been like one thing after another of just like really been able to just lean into our community and just grow together. It's like I don't see these friendships ever ending. You know, these other kids are gonna be the cousins that my daughter grows up with. Cause yeah, her other cousins live in Phoenix. And so it's like this is gonna be their family. And so we're just, we're so thankful and blessed for that.
- [17:54]
A
Yeah. I'm gonna give you one tip. So I have a bunch of guy friends roughly the same age, and they all have kids, but I'm still friends with them, even though I get to hang out with their kids. You're the cool uncle at social functions. But what he does every year is he hosts a holiday cookie party. And no matter what faith you are or what you believe, you can come to the holiday cookie party and just decorate cookies. And all the kids paint ice and decorate cookies. And some of them are getting a little bit older now, but everyone still comes, which is really great to see once they're in high school and they still want to come to the cookie party. I highly recommend somebody in that friend group. And I'm looking at you, Tyler. You gotta host a holiday cookie party. You just gotta cook. You just gotta bake some sugar cookies and then buy a bunch of icing and then let em go to town. It's really fun.
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B
It sounds like a fun little party. I will keep that in mind for sure.
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A
All right, great. Well, thanks for being here today, Tyler.
- [19:00]
B
Absolutely.
- [19:01]
A
We had a great time talking to you.
- [19:02]
B
Yeah, likewise.
- [19:03]
A
Thank you. Well, thanks again, everyone. If you want to come on the show to talk about anything that's on your mind, email us or send a voice memo to thenightly at Hatch Co. Before I sign off, I would just like to say good night to my group of guy friends and all their kids and significant others and sleep tight until the next cookie party. Good night,
- [19:56]
B
Sam. Sa.
- [23:39]
A
To learn more about our phone free light and audio experience, head to Hatch Co. You can also follow us at Hatch Podcasts.