Podcast Summary: The Nightly

Episode: They Bet on Black: The Story of the Gambling Nuns w/ Deanna Ortiz

Host: Hatch Podcasts (KP)
Guest: Deanna Ortiz (Comedian, Host of "Crime for Bed")
Date: December 26, 2025

Episode Overview

This cozy Nightly episode features a hilarious and surprisingly wild deep-dive with Deanna Ortiz into the true story of Sister Mary Margaret Cooper and Sister Lana, two Catholic nuns who ran a 20-year embezzlement scheme to fuel their secret gambling trips to Las Vegas. With signature bedtime banter and pop culture references, KP and Deanna unpack the whole “holy heist,” reminisce on school fundraising oddities, and debate just how cold-hearted (or hapless) these nuns actually were.

Key Discussion Points & Timeline

1. Tea, Sleepwear, and Wholesome Crimes

[00:29 – 02:05]

• KP and Deanna kick things off with cozy evening rituals: tea, sleep caps, and the joys (and hazards) of pretend arson.
• Lead-in to tonight’s true crime tale: Deanna is famous for her "Crime for Bed" stories—quirky, real-life crime stories that won’t keep you up at night.

"The only crime we commit is stealing a few Z's." – KP [00:29]

2. Set Up: Enter Sister Mary Margaret, High Roller

[02:06 – 05:24]

• Deanna introduces Sister Mary Margaret Cooper, a long-serving nun/principal at St. James Catholic School in Torrance, California.
• She was strict, old-school, and the sort of nun "who’d pick making you walk the playground perimeter over detention." [04:00]
• The school was always on a tight budget, leading to a quirky annual casino night fundraiser—"because nothing says Catholic school like blackjack for the kids’ roof fund." [05:24]

“When I’m picturing her, I picture the stereotypical nun. The clothes, not a hair out of place. She’s very strict. And actually, a lot of the students that she taught have the same memory… her favorite punishment being walking the perimeter of the playground.” – Deanna [04:04]

3. The Nuns’ Vegas Double Life

[05:24 – 08:44]

• Sister Mary Margaret and her close associate, Sister Lana, ran the casino fundraiser—and always “won big.” Parents noticed but “what are they gonna do, accuse a nun of stealing?”
• The two began taking regular trips to Vegas, even renting a townhouse every summer to gamble through the night—a “bachelorette party for two nuns among the Vegas chaos.”
• Their “mysterious rich uncle” cover story turned eyes away from their increasingly lavish behavior.

“Anytime that they did this fundraiser, the people who would always win big was Sister Mary and Sister Lana. No, Sister—surprise! They would walk away with the big prizes of the night… but what are they gonna do, accuse a nun of stealing?” – Deanna [05:53 – 06:13]

4. The Long Con Unravels

[08:44 – 12:45]

• Sister Mary Margaret, handling all school finances, was able to embezzle funds undetected for years.
• The scheme is uncovered when the church decides to audit the books upon Sister Mary’s retirement in 2018. Suddenly, “red flags everywhere.”
• A family notices their tuition check is cashed into the wrong account; as the investigation snowballs, the scale of theft is revealed—over $800,000 gone over 20 years.
• The money was meant for vital repairs and children’s needs, instead funneled to “the roulette table.”

“The only reason that she was able to get away with it is because she was the one making the calls. She was the accountant, she was the finance. She did everything.” – Deanna [09:17]

“When they added all of the stolen money up, it was over $800,000 that went into the sisters’ pockets.” – Deanna [10:05]

5. Reactions and Consequences

[12:05 – 13:50]

• The school’s response: quietly fire the nuns without calling police. “The optics are not good on that. You do not want to be the one that's doing that” (accusing a nun of theft). – KP [06:13]
• Parents are outraged and rally to press charges. The story goes public; both nuns are arrested for embezzlement.
• At 80 years old, Sister Mary Margaret is sentenced to 366 days in federal prison and ordered to pay back $825,000.

“If I went to jail and my bunky was a nun—like an old stealing nun—that’s a little hardcore, right?” – Deanna [13:39]

6. The Reflection: Motives, Morality, and Movie Pitches

[13:50 – 15:48]

• Deanna and KP debate whether the sisters were calculated criminals or just in over their heads—concluding perhaps Sister Mary Margaret was colder, and Sister Lana a bit swept up.
• Pop culture segues: the guests dream up an HBO adaptation (“Ocean’s 15”), and draw parallels to Thelma and Louise or “two best friends running against the grain.”

“I want a movie. I want an Ocean’s 15…very Thelma & Louise to me. Two best friend women running against the grain. It’s fun.” – KP [14:29]

7. “Would You Rather” Game: Crime Drama Edition

[16:09 – 17:53]

• In the spirit of late-night unwinding, KP and Deanna play a “Would You Rather” game with comedic takes:
  • Be the first interviewed, “gruff witness” in a Law & Order episode
  • OR the murder victim in a British seaside crime drama

“It’s always by the sea…and you get justice. Usually those British crime solvers, they’ll get you.” – KP [17:07]

• Both riff about their dream minor character roles and the joys of clichéd TV crime tropes.

8. Closing Notes

[17:59 – 18:16]

• KP thanks Deanna for the “absolute trip” of a story; the episode winds down with light-hearted reflections on nuns, Vegas, and the surreal charm of bedtime crime stories.

“What an absolute trip. I love it, and I hope I dream of them tonight. Lana and Sister Mary Margaret, thank you so much for sharing your crime story with us.” – KP [17:59]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the strange optics of the scam:
  “But what are they gonna do, accuse a nun of stealing?” – Deanna [06:13]

• On the unorthodox fundraiser:
  “...I can see why it really popped off, because I would imagine the parishioners are like, looking to be able to do a little sin. And then it’s like, if it’s hosted by the church, you don’t feel bad.” – KP [05:24]

• On Vegas nun life:
  “Two nuns, a bachelorette party, and, like, I don't know, Lady Gaga all at the poker table.” – Deanna [06:52]

• On intentions and morality:
  “I think Sister Mary is cold hearted. And I think Lana more got wrapped up in it and was like, everything—no problem, we'll figure it out.” – Deanna [15:12]

• On prison bunkmates:
  “If I went to jail and my bunky was a nun—like an old stealing nun—that’s a little hardcore, right?” – Deanna [13:39]

Highlights & Takeaways

• Almost cinematic in its absurdity, the story combines unlikely criminal masterminds (nuns!) with classic themes of temptation, trust, and the pitfalls of putting too much financial control in one person’s hands.
• The hosts keep the tone cozy and humorous, ensuring the story feels like a wild bedtime tale rather than true crime horror.
• Lively pop culture tangents and a playful ending “Would You Rather” segment provide a soothing wind-down.

Essential Timestamps

• [02:12] – Story of Sister Mary Margaret begins
• [05:24] – The Catholic School “casino night” fundraiser
• [06:52] – Nuns’ double life in Las Vegas
• [08:44] – The discovery and unraveling of the embezzlement
• [10:05] – The $800,000 revelation
• [12:45] – Consequences: legal action, prison, and repayment
• [14:29] – Movie/TV pitches and the moral debate
• [16:21] – “Would You Rather” game segment

For late-night listeners or fans of light true crime with a twist, this episode delivers a hilarious, bizarre, and memorable tale of two nuns who truly bet big.