A (2:07)

Yes.

B (2:07)

I worked a whole day. Now I'm like, okay, let's do whatever we're doing tonight. Let's go out, let's have fun.

A (2:13)

That's perfect.

B (2:14)

And you can do it just about anywhere. But it's best if you actually take the extra effort to get into bed.

A (2:22)

Oh, sure.

C (2:23)

Okay. This does make sense to me. I worry that in doing so I'm opening a portal that now kind of every day at 5:30 I would start to feel tired because I'm in the zone of that. Do you feel like naps are becoming. Because my friend, that's a consistent napper, she does hers at like 2pm and she's like, you got two. Without my nap I'm. I'm no good.

B (2:44)

Well, that's interesting. I wish my schedule allowed for that. Exactly. But I'll say I've sort of trained myself to be like 30 minutes. Now I'm up. I don't know what it is exactly, but it just helps me personally. The more dangerous thing to me is I do that a couple, three times a week, and then maybe every three months, I'm just asleep to like, nine, five, 30.

A (3:11)

Sure, sure, sure.

B (3:12)

Oh, I just wasted the whole night. Okay.

A (3:14)

Oops.

C (3:14)

Oh, well, yeah, there's a risky game you're playing, but there's high reward.

A (3:17)

There's high reward, too, because that' me too. That's for me too. If I go over 45 minutes, that. That's ruined the rest of my night, no matter what time I nap in the day. Yeah, but something interesting that you said, Matt, is you nap into bed. And, like, I'm like, I'm one of the people on the side of, like, against napping in a bed. Unless it's, like, extreme. Because I think if I nap into bed when it's time for me to go to bed at night, this is just my brain when it's time for me to go to bed at night, but my brain is gonna be like, we already did this, bro. Like, what are you doing? We did this.

C (3:55)

You're trying to trick your own body.

A (3:57)

Like, you got in this bed, we went to sleep, you got up. What you doing back?

B (4:02)

You know what you need?

A (4:03)

What do I need?

B (4:05)

Another bed.

C (4:07)

There it is. That is the key.

A (4:09)

You know what? I'm gonna start using my pull out as the nap place. And then my bed, there's a nap

B (4:16)

bed, and then there's a regular bed, dedicated nap location.

A (4:21)

And honestly, isn't that why we're all working, just to have two beds that we sleep in and one house?

C (4:26)

I know. I don't want a vacation home anymore. I just want a nap bed.

A (4:29)

I just want a nap bed.

B (4:31)

I love that second bed. You can put on top of your first bed and then fly it out at night.

A (4:36)

I love it. A bunk bed you can raise, like. Yeah. Which honestly, if I wasn't scared of falling off the top of a bunk bed, I would have a bunk bed.

B (4:45)

Kp, did you ever have bunk beds?

C (4:47)

I never had bunk beds, but I usually. Whenever a bunk bed pops up, I like the top because it's a change of scenery. I always choose the top bunk because I go, oh, this is something new to try while I'm in the zone.

B (5:01)

When you don't have one. It feels like an adventure. Yeah, it does.

C (5:05)

You're like, wow, three feet off the ground. What is the view like? I must see.

A (5:09)

In theory, it sounds dope. I can touch the ceiling right before I get up out of bed. I just need, like, a rail. I need a rail that's gonna stop me from rolling out. If I have a rail, I'll sleep in the top all day.

C (5:21)

Yeah. I don't mind the idea, but I think. I can't imagine a time it's gonna pop up again. It's really a young man's game. The bunk bed.

B (5:29)

Now, here's what we do. Listen to me. We're gonna get a lake house.

A (5:31)

Yes.

C (5:32)

Yes.

B (5:32)

We're gonna make sure that there are three bunk beds in there. And we're all gonna sleep on the top of our own bunk beds.

A (5:37)

Okay.

B (5:38)

No one on the bottom.

A (5:39)

No one.

B (5:39)

We all. Our dedicated bunk bed.

A (5:41)

I love this. I love this.

C (5:43)

The bottom could be our nap beds. Are we still in on that? Just want to make sure that's still on the list.

B (5:48)

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Exactly. Secondary nap bed.

A (5:50)

Yeah, we need a nap bed. Right, right, right. And we need our own spots on the nap bed. We figured it out. Thank you for sharing. Of course, the nap adventures. Also, Matt, gotta just say, you know, you got a great voice. You got a great sleep voice.

C (6:04)

Absolutely.

A (6:06)

You do.

B (6:06)

That's why I'm here to help. Help however I can.

A (6:09)

Thank you. I love it. People are going to sleep. They're not gonna hear this next part because you've put them to sleep with the soothing sounds of. Of dulcet tones.

B (6:18)

For once, it's finally working in my favor.

A (6:21)

I love it.

B (6:22)

A lot of times at parties, people just fall asleep. Right.

A (6:24)

Just fall asleep right there. Yeah, yeah. I've been there. I've been there. It's okay. You know what? You're helping them. We help people any way we can. Would you guys be interested and playing a little game?

C (6:39)

Yes.

B (6:39)

Yeah.

A (6:39)

We call a sleepy debate club. I love a debate. I love an argument, but a fun argument.

C (6:46)

Were you in mock trial or mock you in jakis?

A (6:49)

I was not. And I would have loved to have been. My school was poor, so we didn't have all of that. But, you know, we did it unsanctioned.

C (7:00)

That's what I was going to say. Yeah. I don't even remember if my school had it. I'm sure they did, but everyone was trying to keep me away because they were like, she's going to use this to be More annoying.

A (7:08)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

C (7:09)

Please don't let or join that. Please.

A (7:10)

Fair. Here's what we're gonna do. We got some silly topics, and for this first one. For this first one, kp, it'll be between me and you and Matt, if you so please.

C (7:21)

Yeah.

A (7:22)

Would you be our judge?

B (7:24)

Great.

A (7:24)

You will be the one that lets us know which one of us is right and when KP is wrong, that's what you're going to let us know.

B (7:32)

See how this works?

A (7:33)

Yes, yes, yes. So for the first one, kp, you are going to argue against the first statement that I say and I will be forced to defend it.

C (7:45)

It sounds good.

B (7:46)

Now put on my judge face.

A (7:47)

Put your judge face on. Matt, we need you. We need you.

B (7:51)

And I'll make a few noises like that so you know I'm judging.

A (7:53)

Please. Thank you. Thank you. First topic up for debate. The top sheet on the bed is pointless and should be abolished. I will be defending that statement. Kp, you argue against it. The floor is yours. Take it away.

C (8:11)

My brother's of the jury. Matt, I come to you with a problem. The problem is one that faces so many people. It's that, gosh, isn't it annoying to wash that duvet? And with the body contacting directly the duvet, you must wash it so much more. My proposal is we need that top sheet. That top sheet offers us a simp easy thing, a flat sheet that we can put in any washer. The smallest washers around the world can use this flat sheet and wash that to be able to put that layer against you and your duvet. It doesn't even offer much more warmth, so you're really not losing much. It's this nice. You can get a real high thread count. Get a nice flat sheet. The comfort is there and the washing goes way down. I rest my case.

B (9:06)

I'd like to ask the jury to settle down.

C (9:09)

They're cheering, They're. Oh, my God, they're losing their minds. Hey, hey, hey.

A (9:13)

Nah. Bias. I call bias. I call bias. Allow me to rebuttal.

C (9:19)

I do.

A (9:20)

I have two lanes, and because I'm an adult, I'm gonna go down both of them. I'm going down both lanes. First lane. There's only one thing that you truly ever run out of in this thing we call life, which was a good game, a good movie, but also something. We're living life, and that is time. You run out of time. And throughout life, there are certain things that we do because we have to, and there are certain things we do because we want to. We don't have to have a top sheet to get the advantages of what the top sheet brings. Warmth, comfort, a cocooning of the sleep place that you are laying in. We don't need that. That's what the blanket is for. That's what the blanket is for. That's what the duvet is for. And so the time it takes to put on that top sheet when you're making a bed, that's time we can get back. I propose to you, for all of us that are knocking on death's door, you can probably get a good. You can probably get a good six or seven hours back of your life if you take the top sheet off. And those six or seven, you can say a lot. You can do a lot. You can have a lot more time. Second lane. This is quick. We watch movies. We love movies. I love nudity. Nudity is nice. And what's the thing that's always stopping us from seeing nudity in a movie? Is that top sheet. Take that top sheet out of here. I want to see some boobs. I want to see some butt. And it's always the top sheet that's getting in the way. We take that out of there. Nobody gonna put a weighted blanket around their body after banging. No, we just gonna be seeing body. And honestly, body positive. Get your time back. Abolish the top sheet.

C (11:17)

The jurors are taking off their clothes. Oh, my God.

A (11:21)

Oh, my gosh. Please settle down.

C (11:22)

And they're on death's door. So it looks really interesting.

B (11:26)

I mean, these are wildly compelling points that you make in terms of. Well, one, our ever never ending march toward death.

A (11:37)

Yeah, it's always important to bring up.

B (11:39)

And two, of course, being pro nudity, which of course, we all are.

A (11:44)

We all are.

B (11:46)

But I'm sorry, the top sheet wins for the simple reason that simply take off the top sheet and throw it in the wash, have a nice, clean, cool, refreshing feeling on your body when you slip into bed. There's nothing better than a nice, crisp, clean top sheet. I'm so sorry. I'm also. Yeah, I'm really torn. Nudity. Tempting.

C (12:10)

I know. I know it.

A (12:12)

I get it. I get it. You know, we don't like bodies. I get it, I get it.

C (12:18)

But how fun to kind of pull up the top sheet and sneak a peek. Isn't that always this fun? Yeah, we don't think about the sneaking a peek.

A (12:27)

That's true. You can sneak a peek better under the top sheet.

B (12:30)

You don't appreciate it when it's Always there. So, yeah. Yeah. You're having a little. Make it a little fun. Make a little game out of it.

A (12:36)

You need a little peek.

C (12:37)

This is extra satisfying because I don't use a top sheet because I don't like when it wrinkles. I didn't want to bring it up to ruin my point, but I don't like when everything kind of like the duvet's on one side, this is on that.

B (12:47)

All bunched up weird. Yeah.

C (12:49)

I'm taking my win.

A (12:50)

Take your win. Take your win. It's okay. I'll go over here. And the jury will be so upset that they won't see my naked body. Cause I'm wearing a top sheet.

C (12:59)

They're really not gonna like that.

A (13:01)

They're really not gonna chose this. You all chose this.

B (13:04)

So sorry.

A (13:05)

That's okay. Matt, I would like to welcome you to the debate floor as the loser. I will go become the judge. Kp, you have a chance to go two for.

C (13:14)

Okay.

A (13:15)

And we have a next topic. And Matt, you are going to be arguing against this topic. Kp, you will argue for this topic. You're defending it. The topic of the correct number of pillows is two. No one needs decorative pillows. Matt, welcome to the debate floor. The floor is yours. Sleepy debate club.

B (13:41)

May I ask a clarifying question?

A (13:43)

Sure.

B (13:43)

When we say two, is that two per person or two, two total on the bed?

A (13:49)

Two per person. Two per person.

B (13:51)

I see.

C (13:52)

Okay. Thank you.

A (13:54)

Yes.

B (13:54)

Good to know.

A (13:55)

Yeah.

B (13:56)

Well, this is, of course, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, pure nonsense. Everyone is, of course, aware that if you walk into a home bed and breakfast and you saw two meager pillows per person, a Best Western, you'd think to yourself, where am I? What have I done with my life? You would say to yourself, this is an incomplete bed. Where are the throw pillows? Where are the decorative pillows? Where are the little porcelain dolls that should be all over this bed and breakfast? I just brought up, of course, there is nothing more important than a good night's sleep and having two comfortable pillows to lay your head on. But beyond that, aesthetics, the ability to appreciate a room, to design a room, to add the flair and the personality that makes it your own. Yes, you'll have to put those pillows on a table or a chair during the night. But I would argue that is a very small price to pay for personality. Oh, thank you.

A (15:12)

Wow. Wow. Jury. You guys can make noise. You guys can make noise. You can talk.

C (15:18)

They're all asleep.

A (15:18)

Oh, my God. I'll asleep. You Put them right to sleep.

C (15:22)

Please wake Them up. I have to go.

B (15:23)

They didn't hear half what I said.

A (15:24)

This is that good voice. Is that good voice. I. I love this take. And I. I have thoughts, but before I give them. Kp, the floor is yours.

C (15:36)

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, checkies, I come to you today trying to hold it together because I am angry. I am upset. Do you know why?

A (15:47)

Why?

C (15:47)

I saw a bunch of decorative pillows on the floor of bedrooms across America, and nothing gets me quite so upset at knowing that people are being forced to have a whole nother furniture item in their room to catch these pillows at night. What are we doing, folks? Are we Louis XIV with decorative pillows to the edge of the bed? I mean, what's a canopy behooving us? Does it behoove us? That's what I wonder. A bed is for sleeping. What's better than aesthetics, function, efficiency? When I go to my bed, do I say, ah, thank goodness I have the scratchy swan pillow here? No, I say, thank goodness my head can rest upon cotton, for woe is me. I've had a long day, and the last thing I need is TJ Maxx coming in, telling me that I need a new pillow for every time I change my mind of my season.

A (16:44)

Wow.

C (16:44)

I need a. I need a Santa Claus pillow. I need an Easter pillow. No, no, I need a bed pillow. And thank goodness I have two. One for when I'm propped up and one for when I don't want to be propped up anymore and I want to go to bed.

A (16:59)

Two simple functions.

C (17:01)

The bed to sleep the rest of your life is aesthetic, but let this one thing be pure. I rest my case.

A (17:10)

Wow. Wow.

B (17:12)

The case is rested, moving.

A (17:15)

I feel like Judge Ito just a very. I think that was his name.

B (17:21)

Topical.

A (17:22)

Very. Only. Only a very small demographic of people listening to this know who that is.

C (17:29)

I don't know that one, but.

A (17:33)

But I'm going to make a decision that may reverberate across America and across the world for time to come, but I think I have to go. Matt, you made such great points. I love a personality. A personality is important. You know, a personality from awake time to sleep time, and every time in between is a. Is an important thing. So I get that, but I have to go with sister kp. I gotta go with KP here because it's a few things you said. Now, Matt, I agree with you. If I walk into a hotel and I just see two pillows on the mattress, that would be.

C (18:12)

That would be frightening.

A (18:12)

I'd be like, oh, this is about to be a bad night of sleep. You know? This is about to be a bad night of sleep. But you know what else I hate? When I walk into a hotel and I see those pillows that I'm about to throw on the floor on top of the pillows that I'm about to put my head on. Cause that means everybody else been throw pillow on the floor.

B (18:30)

That's a great point.

A (18:31)

It's just. I can't do it. I can't do it. So that is why. And I love a pillow. I sleep with more than two pillows. I have four pillows in my bed, and it's only me.

C (18:42)

Me, too.

A (18:42)

One is a body. One is for my head. The other one is just so I can kind of touch in the middle of the night. Just touch it.

C (18:54)

Just touch it.

A (18:55)

And the other one is just there in case I have company. You know, they got that stay pillow, you know, So I get it. I love more than two pillows. But the correct number of pillows. The correct number is two, kp. Yeah. You're two for all.

C (19:12)

Now you see why they didn't let me join. I would have been too powerful.

A (19:15)

You would have been too powerful.

C (19:17)

I'm too powerful.

B (19:18)

Undefeated.

C (19:20)

I lucked out.

B (19:21)

I will say, in truth, I only sleep with one pillow.

A (19:25)

One.

C (19:26)

But on your bed, do you have two, or you just have the one

B (19:28)

for you on the bed? There are two. Yes, but I only use the one. And I like it. Kind of evened me out. I felt like I was less, like, cramped under my. And I've never gone back.

A (19:43)

Yeah, yeah.

C (19:45)

I'm starting to look into wedge pillows for reading. Those look kind of nice, too. Just like big wedge ones.

A (19:51)

Wedge pillows are actually pretty great.

C (19:53)

I know I'm in the market on Facebook, marketplace, but I think I should maybe buy new pillows.

A (19:59)

Buy a new one. Yeah, Yeah. I think I would agree with that.

B (20:02)

Treat yourself.

A (20:03)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll give you $20 if you need the 20.

C (20:08)

Well, let's go fund me this.

B (20:11)

A wedge pillow, I will say, is halfway to a second bed.

C (20:16)

Oh, that is true.

B (20:17)

That is true. You're kind of hitting that middle ground.

C (20:19)

You can't wedge pillow on a top bunk. There's not enough space. So we'll have to figure that out for our vacation home.

B (20:26)

For the lake house.

A (20:27)

For the lake house.

C (20:28)

Yes.

A (20:35)

This was great. Matt, thank you so much for being not only a good judge, but a worthy debater.

C (20:42)

Thank you, jury. Thank you for showing up.

A (20:44)

Thank you.

C (20:44)

All the weird stuff he did, that was really nice for us.

B (20:46)

You'll get Your paycheck on the way out.

A (20:49)

And put your clothes back on, please, please. This was great. You two are lovely. I've had a good time. Matt, you're doing a lot of really dope stuff. A big fan. You would be so kind to let our listeners know where they could check you out, see what you're working on, see what's poppin.

B (21:08)

I would love to do that. I perform here in Chicago, Illinois with the Improvised Shakespeare Company. You can always go to ioimprov.com to learn about when their shows are happening. I also perform and are known for being used on the podcast hello from the Magic Tavern. And you can go to hellofromthemagictavern.com we're about to wrap up our favorite fifth season and take a short break, but there will still be new content available on our patreon until we return.

A (21:38)

Yes. Oh, very fun podcast, I should say. We both have had a lot of folks we love and admire who've been on it and definitely worth a listen. So make sure to go out there and do that. And my Chicago, my Chicago brother in Christ.

B (21:51)

Yeah, yeah. Fellow host here, Josh Gondelman, of course, has done the show.

C (21:57)

Oh, I didn't know Josh was over there.

A (21:59)

Oh, he's been.

B (22:00)

He's been on. But now that we're connected, we'll figure it all out. We'll all do something.

A (22:06)

I love it. I love it. And Matt, last thing, because we always say goodnight, but we want to make sure you can say goodnight to anybody or anything out in the world that you want to give a beautiful good night to. The floor is yours.

B (22:23)

Well, as I said before, I'm a bit of a night owl, but my fiance is even more of a night owl than I am, so I usually go to bed before her even though it's late. I like to go up and give her a little kiss on the forehead and say sweet dreams before I go off to bed and let her sleep on the couch for a while.

A (22:42)

That's so lovely. That's so lovely. And then you take her pillow.

B (22:45)

Then I've got all the pillows.

A (22:50)

Beautiful.

C (22:52)

Thank you so much, Matt. I'm gonna have sweet dreams also. Good night to both of you.

A (22:58)

Good night, you two.

B (22:59)

Good night,

A (23:31)

Sa. To learn more about our phone free light and audio experience, head to Hatch

B (24:16)

Co. You can also follow us at hatchpodcasts.