C (2:10)

No, this is ideal.

A (2:11)

Wait, do you want to explain the difference for those of us who might not know, though? Of course, we all know the difference between brown and white noise.

C (2:19)

And you can walk us through. You could do an impression of both noises. Whatever suits your needs.

B (2:23)

The only way I know how is an impression. Absolutely.

C (2:26)

The woman of a thousand noises.

A (2:28)

A thousand and two.

B (2:30)

I would say white noise is kind of like, okay, but brown noise is kind of like, okay.

A (2:43)

You know, it's like a lower frequency.

B (2:45)

Just the slightest. Yeah. Sort of a finesse in the.

A (2:49)

Got it.

C (2:49)

Got it.

B (2:52)

One of them has more white noise. A bit more wind tunnel. Brown noise is a bit more. It's also wind tunnel.

A (3:01)

Let's be honest, it's a slightly different wind tunnel.

C (3:03)

Yeah, that's Right. A thicker or thinner tunnel. Outstanding. And the brown noise is like. It feels like an improvement.

B (3:12)

I think so. I think I have encountered the brown noise in the world less so. That makes it feel more unique to the sleep environment. Because the white noise machine, if you've ever gone to an insurance covered therapist.

A (3:29)

Yes.

B (3:29)

The dome white noise machine is. It features heavily in those waiting rooms.

C (3:34)

Oh, sure, of course. So you're like, oh, I gotta get my thoughts in order. Time to, like, really dig deep into my psyche.

A (3:41)

Yeah.

B (3:42)

Yes. I have different sort of Pavlovian associations with the white noise machine, but the brown. I'm like, this is my bedroom's color of noise.

A (3:53)

This does not belong outside my therapist door.

C (3:57)

That's right. That's the classic. Well, there's the mnemonic device that everyone knows. I'm sure if the noise is white, you're feeling tight. If the noise is brown, time to lay down.

A (4:06)

Exactly.

B (4:08)

That's perfect, Josh.

C (4:09)

Thank you. Thank you.

A (4:11)

I've always said that. Oh, my God. Okay. That's amazing to know.

B (4:17)

Find out what brown can do for you.

A (4:19)

I know. I need to look into brown noise. I'm like, I really gotta break into that. It could change my life.

C (4:26)

You gotta listen with all the colors of the.

A (4:29)

I know. I'm like, let's try purple noise, y'. All.

C (4:32)

That's right. That's just Prince that.

A (4:34)

You're right. You're right.

B (4:35)

That's gotta be.

C (4:38)

I fell asleep to purple noise. It's just the outro.

A (4:41)

I put some purple noise outside of my door and then I just go into my bedroom and I fall asleep. And it works like a character trying.

B (4:51)

To think if there are other tips or tricks I could share.

A (4:54)

But please.

B (4:56)

I have lately gotten into something I'm calling the pillow head sandwich, which is.

C (5:03)

Oh, yeah.

B (5:03)

Pillow beneath the head, pillow over the head.

A (5:06)

That's a classic.

B (5:07)

And then you need to keep a breathing hole.

A (5:10)

A chamber.

B (5:12)

Yes. But sometimes a little extra. A little extra weight on the head can.

A (5:18)

It feels amazing.

B (5:19)

Usher the process in a little.

C (5:22)

Love a pillow head sandwich.

A (5:23)

Um, wait. I have some questions regarding the pillow head sandwich, which are that. Because I want to do this, but usually do you just do it for the pressure? I feel like usually I do a pillow head sandwich when I either am too lazy to put earplugs in or an eye mask on because I'm like, I either have to block out noise or light.

C (5:43)

Oh, sure.

B (5:44)

It definitely does help in both of those departments. Like if you sleep next to someone who snores or if Construction begins at 8am you might want to help yourself to some pillow head sandwich.

A (5:57)

Yeah.

C (5:58)

I will confess that I myself am a snorer. And pillow head sandwich I use as part of a cushion for my wife's benefit against my snoring.

B (6:09)

Wow.

C (6:10)

So we kind of.

B (6:10)

It feels like chivalry is not dead.

C (6:13)

That's right. It's a two sandwich bed situation because she. She's also buffered against me, and I'm buffering me against me for her.

A (6:22)

Now they sell these, like, pillows that I think have like a bit of an arch. Have you seen this?

C (6:29)

Oh, yeah.

A (6:29)

Pillows that have, like, are like kind of like a half pillow. Yes, yes. Josh has one. We got one for over the head. Right.

C (6:37)

We've been investigating all sorts of pillow technologies in our home.

A (6:40)

You're going crazy.

C (6:41)

We're on the cutting edge.

B (6:42)

That shape sounds like ideal. Is it?

A (6:45)

Yeah.

C (6:46)

Yeah.

B (6:46)

I got to get one of those.

A (6:47)

It's kind of the. As you were talking about, the breathing chamber is sewn into the pillow.

C (6:55)

The breathing chamber sewn into the pillow is something like a NASA trained scientist would say it and advertise it.

A (7:03)

Okay, well, speaking, I guess, of pillow head sandwiches and breathing chambers, please, tonight, basically we're gonna play an awesome game, and so we're gonna talk about good dates and bad dates and the dates in between. We are doing It Happened One Night. Okay. So we're gonna share some of the Internet's most interesting dating stories, and then we'll, like, decide if we think anything in the stories are red flag, a green flag, or a beige. Are you guys ready for this?

C (7:36)

So ready.

B (7:37)

Yes. And a beige flag means it's okay.

A (7:41)

I think it means it's okay.

B (7:44)

Okay.

C (7:44)

I went through a similar story with Jacques and KP recently, and we were using beige flag, and I don't know if this is the common usage, but we're using it as like an. I'll allow it like a yellow light.

A (7:58)

Or like something that's like, strange but isn't actually, like, necessarily good or bad. I feel like you're like, okay, I don't know what to do with that. It's not normal.

B (8:07)

It's a baseline.

C (8:09)

But I will. I will flag it as this needs.

A (8:12)

This needs to be flagged. I'm not judging the morality of it so far.

C (8:17)

That's right.

B (8:18)

It's not a white flag of surrender. Beige flag of tolerance.

A (8:24)

Yes, exactly. Yes. The famous tolerant flag, the inclusivity flag, that is beige. Okay. I.

C (8:31)

50 Shades of Beige is. It's my romance series. Of having, like, a lot of different kinds of extremely normal sexual contact.

A (8:39)

It's mostly, like, making out and, like, over the clothes. Like touching and pawing. So, like, no big deal.

C (8:46)

Yeah, yeah. Like, kind of like a massage. Like a shoulder massage.

A (8:52)

Okay, here's story number one. I met some guy on Reddit that already is, like, so scary.

B (9:00)

Red flag.

A (9:01)

Immediately Red flag.

C (9:03)

We all immediately pounced on that. We're like, do you meet people there? I thought that's the website you went to to not.

A (9:10)

You definitely don't meet people. I mean, I guess they are, but don't. Guys, to the people listening, don't meet people on Reddit, please. Okay. He was a character. He didn't own a cell phone, for example. I asked him to meet at one of my favorite coffee shops. After coffee, he wants to hang out longer, so he pulls out this telescope.

C (9:30)

Okay.

A (9:31)

And we go for a little walk. He has pockets full of starburst candy and keeps offering them to me. I'm like, this was me. I'm like, crap, I did this last weekend. It's too cloudy to use the telescope. And also still daytime. I'm trying to hurry the walk up at this point. Okay.

C (9:48)

Telescope. Unless you're like, a pirate who is looking for land, it's crazy. I don't think of telescope as a.

B (9:55)

Daytime instrument or even a pocket instrument, honestly.

A (10:00)

I was gonna say. Or even something you can pull out. I'm like, that needs to be wheeled out.

C (10:07)

Yeah. I'm picturing, like, a little collapsible, like, spyglass. Yeah.

B (10:11)

And I hope we're all picturing the starburst star wrapped.

A (10:14)

Oh, I pray to God. I pray to God.

C (10:17)

I was hoping for wrapped.

A (10:18)

They better be. But I'm sure some lint and dust has gotten in there.

C (10:23)

If they're in the pocket, Emmy, for sure, the rappers are 100% prophylactic. But getting into the headspace Emmy, that you implied of a person who unwraps starbursts and puts them back in their pocket is such a fascinating guy to imagine.

A (10:40)

That's so scary.

B (10:42)

I did make some. I guess I'm leaping to some conclusions prematurely here. I think I have a color of flag ready to brandish.

A (10:52)

Okay, so before we finish the story, I think we're. We should assess up until this point, do we find this to be green, red, or beige? I'm finding a lot of different flags, but for sure, most.

C (11:03)

Yeah, I think so.

A (11:04)

No, actually. What do you guys think?

C (11:05)

Well, let's. Let's take them one at a time.

A (11:07)

Okay. I would say not owning a cell phone, to me, could be a green flag. I'm like, that's kind of awesome. I think the telescope is a beige flag. I'm not. I'm not gonna go full red yet. The pockets full of candy that is veering towards red, that's giving pink flag to me. I'm just like, why do you have loose food in your pocket?

C (11:32)

Pink flag.

A (11:34)

Yeah.

C (11:34)

Emmy, what are you thinking?

B (11:36)

I am agreeing with your instinct also, that daytime telescope feels questionable.

A (11:44)

Yeah. Yeah.

B (11:45)

Um, and then no cell phone. Is it a choice, or is it, like, a consequence of his actions?

A (11:52)

I got taken away?

C (11:54)

Was he trying to, like, take a picture of a fish while leaning over a bridge and, like, maybe.

A (11:59)

This guy sounds pretty whimsical.

B (12:00)

Is he on the run?

C (12:02)

Right?

B (12:02)

Yeah. Whimsical is the. Is the positive interpretation, I think.

C (12:07)

And present. You're like, wow, this guy's really present in the world.

A (12:10)

Yes. Well, he's looking all around with his telescope.

B (12:13)

Yes.

C (12:13)

I will say, if we want to look for some positive, I think, of course. Oh, we have. We had coffee at this coffee shop. Let's keep hanging out. I think that kind of communication and enthusiasm is a green flag.

A (12:27)

I agree.

C (12:27)

Daytime telescope. Brandishing a daytime telescope is like a. I agree. Beige flag. But I would call it bright beige.

A (12:34)

Yes. It's standing out for sure.

C (12:37)

Big flag.

B (12:39)

It's Pantone's color of the year next year.

A (12:42)

It definitely raises the question to me, like, why not binoculars?

C (12:45)

Sophia. Incredible question.

A (12:49)

That's kind of where my mind and heart goes, because it is like. I mean, I'm also just not familiar enough with telescopes to know, like, what you can really do.

C (12:57)

We have friends who are birders. Like, I know a lot of bird people.

A (13:01)

Yeah.

C (13:01)

And I think they're all binocular people, as you brought up.

A (13:04)

It's definitely binoculars with the birds.

B (13:06)

Absolutely.

A (13:07)

So he's doing something different. Okay, I'll finish the story. We decide to get lunch, and we stood at a Buy the Slice kind of place. He makes me pay for my own $2 slice of pizza. After ordering his own, which was a little awkward, he asks me if I think they have milk. I say no. I say no. This part is really funny to me.

B (13:30)

Sorry.

A (13:31)

He asked me if. If I think they have milk. I say no. He asked them if they have milk. They don't.

C (13:36)

Okay. So the order of operations here is really what jumped out at me.

A (13:40)

Yes.

C (13:40)

If he had just asked, hey, do you have milk? That's, like, a little unexpected. Not my taste, but to be like, hey, you think I have milk? Instead of just asking them is so bizarre.

A (13:51)

It's like, so you know, it's a weird request. Yeah, but you're going to move forward with it at night?

C (13:56)

I'm going to look weird in front of this pizza guy.

A (13:57)

I only want to look strange in front of my date.

B (14:00)

It's like, also, if you don't have $2 for your date slice, where are you getting this milk money from?

A (14:05)

No, that's real milk is expensive. Come on.

C (14:07)

What, are you going to shake down some nerd later?

B (14:10)

I think if you take someone for a slice, like, come on, offer them the slice. I know, I think that's a. I agree.

C (14:18)

No, I agree.

B (14:19)

Call me old fashioned.

A (14:21)

No, I completely agree. It's $2.

C (14:23)

Unless these people are 13 years old. Then like, then, then the $2 should not be onerous to invite someone out to lunch.

A (14:32)

No, not at all.

B (14:33)

And suddenly no cell phone is starting to add up.

A (14:37)

Like, yeah, okay. The rest of this is as follows. He pulls out of his cargo pants an enormous. Oh no. Container of garlic salt and asks me if I want any. He leaves a voicemail from his parents landline saying he had a great time. Oh, wow.

B (14:54)

We got some of the answers that I was looking for.

A (14:58)

Yes, you def. We answered the question of the phone for sure.

C (15:02)

So. Okay, so, but yeah, again, the age makes so much difference here. If this person is like 33 and.

A (15:10)

Doesn'T have a cell phone, that would be amazing.

C (15:12)

And has to call you from their parents landline, that's not ideal. But again, if this is a story about like teenagers going out on a date that it's like, I don't think this is kind of normal, but I.

A (15:23)

Feel like they have to be older than teenagers because, I mean, I guess you can do things behind your parents back, but the thought of being a teenager and meeting, going on a date with someone you met on Reddit, I'm like, you can't. We have to lock you in your room.

C (15:38)

Yeah, Reddit is a bigger red flag the younger they are.

A (15:40)

So scary.

C (15:41)

Cause like, you could get kidnapped, dude.

B (15:43)

Yeah.

C (15:44)

Although a teenager who already has all their own candy, much harder to entice into a van or other dangerous.

A (15:50)

Yeah, that's true, that's true. Don't need it.

C (15:54)

Sorry, strangers, I come prepared. Do you want candy or would you.

B (15:59)

Like some of my signature pocket garlic salt?

C (16:02)

Kind of a spice blend.

A (16:04)

Been tinkering with, I guess the. Yeah, so I guess the cell phone thing is turning into a bit more of A red flag for me if it's giving. He lives with his parents and he's not 13.

C (16:16)

Right.

A (16:17)

I also think a lot of these things compounded on one another to me equal a red flag. I'm like, that's not necessarily bad. But then it's bad if we're. You have the pocket full of candy. You have a telescope during the day, it's cloudy, you're asking for milk. The garlic salt thing, honestly is something I would do so that I'll say.

B (16:36)

Green flag is that. That's a. That spice is in heavy rotation for you.

A (16:41)

I actually less so now. But I could just. I. But I've been. I've been there with garlic salt. I've been in a place of garlic salt. But I could definitely see myself like bringing a seasoning to a restaurant.

C (16:54)

I. I have a good friend who has the. Who has like a hot sauce that she brings.

A (17:00)

Yeah.

C (17:00)

Specifically for when the restaurant only has Tabasco, which he's very against.

A (17:06)

I get that.

C (17:06)

Yeah.

A (17:07)

I respect that.

C (17:08)

So. But again, I think if it were just the garlic salt, if they were like, oh, so, you know, I figured maybe we'd go for pizza. And they don't always have the right seasonings. It's like a little eccentric. But that plus candy is like, what. What other elements does this cargo pants buffet have in store?

A (17:25)

I know, I know. Also, sorry, just to. Just to highlight again, they're saying it was an enormous container of garlic salt that he pulled out of his cargo pants. So I don't even. I can't. I don't. I've never even seen garlic salt in a vessel that is enormous.

C (17:41)

Yeah.

B (17:42)

You know where you see garlic salt in a vessel that's enormous is at a pizza place.

A (17:46)

At a pizza restaurant.

C (17:50)

Also. I don't want.

A (17:51)

No, that's so true.

C (17:52)

I don't want to shame anyone for like living with their parents because they're on hard times or maybe their parents need a little extra help. But when you are living with your parents as an adult, I do think like a cell phone is a little more useful, even if it's just a flip phone. To like be. To have independent adult communication in your grown up relationships.

A (18:14)

That is really tough. Okay. I'm trying to think of my. I guess my final. I think this guy is for someone.

B (18:21)

Yeah. There's certainly some whimsy to the.

C (18:24)

For sure.

B (18:25)

You know, these mystery deep cargo pockets. Like you never know what you're gonna find in there.

C (18:34)

It sounds like kind of a Mary Poppins.

B (18:38)

Yes. Inspector Gadget.

C (18:40)

It started getting dark. He pulled a whole lamp out of his cargo pants pocket.

A (18:44)

Yes. There's. This guy has so many layers. He's so deep. There's so many things in all of his cargo pants pockets.

C (18:51)

That's right. And aren't we all. Where every person I think is like a pair of cargo pants. You don't know what they're carrying until you look.

A (19:00)

And that's why you should never be mean to someone, because you don't know what they're carrying around that day in their cargo pants.

B (19:05)

You know, I'm more of a crushed red pepper, full globe kind of cargo person.

C (19:13)

I'm kind of a parmesan cheese compass guy. Mm.

A (19:17)

I'm kind of oregano. Rubik's cube.

C (19:22)

Yeah. I like your. Your verdict that he's for someone like, I don't read these things and go, this guy is unacceptable. He's, like, unfit for society. But it. There are certain things where, like, I kind of feel like if you're clocking them as, like, huh, I don't love this, then maybe not for you.

A (19:43)

He definitely sounds, like, highly specific, and I think is going to have to find his, like, specific person who loves every compartment of his cargo pants, because.

C (19:53)

I can't imagine this person encountering someone on a date, maybe not the starburst, but who's like, oh, you know, I always carry my own garlic salt in case they don't have it. And this person going, like, this guy is prepared. He loves flavor. He's the man for me. Yeah.

B (20:09)

And you know what? I love him so much. I'm going to check if they have milk for him.

A (20:15)

I hope that he finds his special somebody. I hope they both find their special somebody, but I don't think that they're compatible.

C (20:21)

Yeah.

A (20:22)

I guess if I had to give a final verdict, I would say beige. Beige.

B (20:26)

Ish.

A (20:26)

Pinkish flag, but mostly beige flag.

C (20:28)

I think that's a great verdict.

B (20:30)

I would say it's a flag whose color is hard to see because it's.

A (20:33)

Daytime through the telescope. You're right. I agree.

C (20:36)

I'm going to go. I'm going to call this kind of an olive green flag, which is, to me, the kind of prototypical color of cargo pants.

A (20:46)

That's amazing.

B (20:47)

Ooh. Yeah.

A (20:48)

That's perfect. So before. Before we wrap up completely, though, we're wondering, Emmy, is there anything that our listeners should be checking out that you've been working on?

B (21:01)

I do have a standup special that's coming out, but I don't know exactly where or When. So this is maybe a vague kind of plug, but maybe I could promote something Josh is doing. I don't know.

A (21:14)

Well, where. I wonder if you want to say, like, where people could follow you and then maybe they'll just, like, know when the special comes out also. And you should plug for Josh. I think both of those things should happen.

B (21:25)

Okay. I have. My website is my name. It's AnnieBlotnik.com and I have a mailchimp mailing list that I have kept running for over a decade that has never sent out a newsletter before. So I do want to sort of tease the potential. I might drop a newsletter sometime.

A (21:48)

Amazing. Maybe when that special comes out, there'll be the first installment of the newsletter.

B (21:54)

I think that's absolutely where things are headed. I think that's perfect. But stay tuned. Yeah.

C (22:00)

This is exciting.

A (22:01)

And for Josh. Yeah.

C (22:04)

I'm curious what you think I have going on that's worth telling the listeners about.

A (22:07)

That's what I want to hear.

B (22:10)

He's got so much going on all the time. He's on the road.

C (22:16)

That's right.

B (22:21)

He does radio appearances for that point. And he's experimenting with new pillow shapes for maximum breathability.

C (22:32)

That's right. So if you want to check that out weird, please don't.

A (22:37)

There's lots of ways to find John.

C (22:39)

Stop peeking in my window. See what my pillows are doing.

B (22:44)

Okay.

A (22:44)

Amazing. And lastly, Emmy, before we all turn in, we. We always like to ask our guests to give a special good night. So it can be to anyone to. To anyone or anything that you're thinking of. Let's set the scene, get comfy, and you can say goodnight to a friend, a loved one, the world, whatever feels right.

B (23:04)

I would like to send or say a good night to my dog named George, who snores, but it's the most calming sound. Where sometimes human snores can be infuriating. That my dog's snore is one of the most peaceful, wonderful little sounds. And he's got a gray beard and mustache and a funny little curly lip and funny little curly ears. There's really nothing better.

A (23:40)

That's amazing. The sound of an animal snoring is so sweet, and that's so real. Like when humans do. Just doesn't hit the same.

B (23:48)

It really does it. And sometimes once I hear George snoring, I'm like, I will do everything in my power to stay still, of course, so as to not disturb his sleep. And then it ultimately helps me fall asleep, too. Encouraged to stay still. So he's given me many good nights, I think. And it's about time the table's turn.

C (24:11)

And stay tuned for Hatch's new George Noyes setting coming soon.

A (24:15)

Yes, exactly.

B (24:18)

I would listen to so much of that.

A (24:22)

Thank you so much for that wonderful good night. And I'll talk to Josh you next time. And it was amazing to chat with you. Emmy, good night.

B (24:32)

Oh, thank you for having me.

C (24:33)

Thanks for joining us. This was really fun and hopefully we'll get to have you back soon. Good night, Emmy. Good night, Sophia.

A (24:40)

Good night.

B (24:41)

Good night, Sam.

C (25:34)

To learn more about our phone free light and audio experience, head to Hatch.

A (25:38)

Co. You can also follow us at Hatch Podcasts.