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Audio for sleep by Hatch.
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Alright, I'm Matt and welcome to the nightly from Hatch where your late night thoughts go to. And we will open up the phone lines very shortly. It's a pleasure to be with you again tonight. I've been checked. Get on this. Not even been chasing my cat around. I've been chasing my cat's wardrobe around this afternoon. Unbelievable. That thing. Little Claudia, the tuxedo cat bought her a collar and because I'm so paranoid I put an air tag in it because I need to know where she is. I'm not possessive. But you know, you want to know where your cat is, don't you? I want to let her out. I also don't want to lose her. So put an air tag in it and she keeps getting it caught on stuff. So I've then got to go garden hopping because I'm not willing. I can lose the collar. The collar was like 10 quid the AirTag, so about 60, 70 quid. I'm not losing that. So I've got to go traipsing through gardens looking for a tuxedo cat's collar while it just. That's got to sit in the house then because she's lost it and it's been, it's been a day for that. It really has. I mean really. I probably. It's not a normal thing to do, is it? I think you could probably just let. Let cats get on with it and I don't risk the airtag then. But there we are. You know, she's in the house currently. She won't stop moaning about it because she wants to be outside. I'm outside and won't stop moaning about it because I want to be inside. And here we are. Anyway, tonight we have got Val on the phone. Can you hear me, Val?
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Hi. Good night. Hello.
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Excellent. Good night. Good morning. How's things?
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Good, how are you?
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I'm very well, thank you for asking. Where are you calling from? Valley.
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I'm currently in the East Bay, near San Francisco.
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Nice. Give me what's the best thing about the East Bay? San Francisco.
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The best thing about the East Bay is that we're close to San Francisco. And the best thing about San Francisco is Chinatown. San Francisco. Great food.
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I will bear that in mind. And of course, Alcatraz. Isn't it Alcatraz territory out there?
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Funny enough, most people who have grown up here have never once gone to Alcatraz.
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You're kidding. If I was there, you wouldn't keep me away. I'd live in it. Have you done it, Val?
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No, I haven't. You know, the ghosts keep me away.
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I don't know how you don't go. It just looks so. I watch YouTube videos on it weekly. Can't get enough.
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It's very touristy. It's a little hard to get to. And I just don't think at least many native people from the Bay are very, like, constantly wanting to go. Same thing with the Golden Gate Bridge. I think it's just another thing that people who live here have gone to and just don't really have a reason to continue going so often. There's more. There's a lot of beautiful parts of San Francisco.
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Yeah, I mean, the bridge, I get it. A bridge is a bridge, isn't it? And I suppose Alcatraz, it is hard to get to. That's sort of its whole thing, isn't it? I guess.
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Yeah.
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It's the best and worst thing about Alcatraz. But is there anything, Is there anything that you've made allowances for touristy wise? Is there anything that even as a local, you wouldn't miss out on seeing?
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Oh, there's so much. Their Golden Gate park, the big park I only recently saw for the first time. Because when you're not technically in San Francisco and growing up in San Francisco, a lot of the time when you visit sf, you end up deciding to go to the right, I call it the right side of San Francisco, which is where Chinatown is, where the financial district, Union Square, all the really famous buses. But only recently, as I've gotten older and I've gotten the chance to go into the city more, I've gone to the other side of sf, so where Golden Gate park is where they do a lot of really, really beautiful events. And so I would say if you ever get the chance to visit ss, you have to start in Chinatown for lunch and then make your way on over on public transportation to Golden Gate park and just spend a day there.
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What great advice. Well, there you go for any listeners going to San Francisco. I mean, I won't be able to go into Alcatraz, but you should go to Golden Gate park in Chinatown. So what did you want to talk about, Val?
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There's been a lot of things that I think have been on my mind. I listen to podcasts, I listen to this podcast, but I also listen to a lot of other podcasts just kind of as a way to pass the time. And I recently listened to a podcast from NPR called Life Kit, and I really like this podcast a lot because it just, it Just talks about so many different things. And they recently had a conversation about communication. And I think this is something that has been on my mind a lot about how to better communicate with the people around you, both in professional settings as well as just in, like your Enter. I'm personally entering my early 20s and so making new friends, entering new friend groups, how to really connect with people. And they brought up a conversation about something called Magical Questions. And I think the reason I've been thinking about this a lot is because it was. The whole concept was about how to bring groups together through asking questions and through asking questions that really everyone is able to answer. And I think I wanted to bring this onto the podcast tonight as something for everyone to think about of. When you're asking a question of a group, when you're having group conversations, what kind of questions can you ask that both let you get to know the other people, but also incite that conversation?
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That is a really interesting topic. I'm glad. Yeah, I'm glad you brought that to the table because it is. It is hard, isn't it, in this sort of day and age, Particularly if you're early 20s, you know, you've grown up with. It's so easy to use emojis and stuff now, I find, or just, you know, AI or whatever to reply to emails. And I do think it is going to become a bit of a lost art, really. So talk to me about some of the magic questions. What are we talking here?
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Yeah, interesting. You say kind of a lost art. I feel like I've been thinking about kind of these questions for a really long time because I went to a high school that really ingrained in us of how to bring people into conversation. So I think for Magical Questions, the whole purpose is that you ask something that makes people both think and that can also be kind of fun. So one of the examples they gave was like, ask a group when the last time they blew up a balloon was, what was the occasion for? Who were they celebrating? Was it a celebration or did they just want to buy a helium balloon? And I think it's questions like that that make you think, okay, wait, when was the last time I blew up a random balloon? And it gets everyone to tell a story and feel like they are getting the chance to share an experience about themselves. And I think I try to ask the question like, I work at a restaurant sometimes, and a question I will always ask. One of my co workers, Khadija, told me that he always has a song playing his head. And so every time I see him, I ask him, what song do you have playing in your head today? And just having the chance to bring people into conversation to share something about themselves, I think is a really, really important life skill. And the whole purpose of having those magical questions.
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Okay, that is. Yeah. I mean, that's great advice. Can I give it a go?
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Go ahead. Yeah.
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All right. So something fun. It's going to open up a story. So tell me, Val, when. When was the last time you bought bleach?
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That is so funny. When's the last time I bought bleach? It should have been. It should be very easy for me to answer this question, but clearly I'm not the one doing some deep cleaning.
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We could be. Could be body disposal. Could be anything, really.
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Yeah, no, yeah, no, it was. That was the second to last time. There was something more recently, I think I thought bleach, because I had gone to my school's tailgate and I was wearing white. And I remember I just got dirt all over my white clothes. And so I had to buy bleach, which I'm not. I'm very. Actually, I don't love buying bleach for white clothes. I found, like, another kind of life hack for. Instead of using bleach just because bleach can get onto other clothes. And that's my biggest fear, is that it bleaches my other clothes. But, yeah, I did buy bleach in hopes that it would get staying down in my white clothes, and it did.
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So, I mean, this. This is. I don't mean to sound stupid here, but does that. Does that work then? Because I've often. I mean, today is an exception, but I think I only own one white T shirt because I can't. I just can't wear white T shirts even if I could do nothing, just be sat in the same chair all day, not move, not touch anything, and I'll end the day with, like, gravy and coffee down it.
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Yeah. No. So I have a couple different methods for. Because I'm also the same. I have no sense of how to keep my clothes clean. But I do also love white. And so I found a life hack a while ago that was like you put together dish soap, baking soda, and rubbing alcohol. I think it is. Yes.
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Okay.
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Or hydrogen peroxide. Hydrogen peroxide. And those three together will get anything out of white clothes. Even your coffee stains. It'll get it out.
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No way. And is that scrubbing or is it. Are you soaking that?
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I have kind of done both. It depends on the gravity of the situation and how fast I need this to get clean. I remember recently I had, like, purplish stain on something white. And that does take a couple runs through, like soaking into the wash. Soaking into the wash. But I got it out. Miraculous.
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That's. I think that might be the best thing I've learned doing this show. It will be a game changer going forward.
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It has. You know, when you're on a college campus and one of your school's colors is white, you really learn to get things out of white colors.
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Yeah. I always wonder that with, you know, I support a football team or soccer team that's really low level. It's Bambury United. I mean, the chances of you hearing of having heard of Bambury United are, I mean, infinitesimally small. I mean, like one in a billion. They're tiny. But I always think with teams at that level that play in white, I just think, why are you doing that to yourself? You've got some guy who's a volunteer who's got to clean that kit every week. Just wear black or red or such. Don't wear white.
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Their expenses for team uniforms must be so high because there's just certain things you just can't get out of white.
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Yeah. I've never understood that, but I'm intrigued. Val. We've got. So we've done the magic questions. Yeah, we've learned a lot about you off the back of that. You're a killer and you know what you're doing with stains. So what else? Where do you go from there? You got a magic question. What other things did you get from this podcast?
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Oh, this podcast, Really? I think the magic questions was the biggest thing for me. And just also the importance of entering group spaces and making space for other people. I think it's a very. There's a balance. I'd love to hear your opinion on this of the balance in group situations. I'm personally someone, and I know as a podcast, as you probably are, too, who could just talk for forever. I could talk to a wall. And I think as I've grown up, I've had to find the balance of being and wanting to lead a conversation, just wanting to talk and forcing a poor soul to listen, or finding the chance to learn about another person. And I think it really centers on curiosity and being curious about other people.
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Yeah, I think you're right. I think such a big part of it is having a genuine interest in other people. And I do think you're right. I mean, doing this and even as a comedian to A certain degree, I've got a genuine curiosity about other people and why they do what they do. It's often a mystery to me, but I. I'm not great for it. You know, I. I feel. I get quite sort of anxious going into, like, if there was another group of people stood there, I find it quite hard to get into that conversation. I mean, is there any tips you've got around that? How do you enter a conversation without it feeling a bit, like, unnatural and a bit janky?
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Oh, that's hard. I think it depends on the conversation. I think it depends on the context a lot of the time. One of my favorite. I have two tips, I think, for conversations that I've taken throughout my life. For the first, I started when I was 15. I think I heard it on online or something, and it was a tip that said, when someone asks you, how are you? Rather than just saying, oh, I'm okay, tell them how you are, or tell them something that's happening in your life. And I think when I tested, I ran an experiment of this, my sophomore year of high school, where I'd have seniors who came up to me and they said, how are you? And I'd always say. And I always say, like, oh, I'm super stressed. I have this math test later. Oh, I'm really excited. I'm seeing a concert. And that small tip of when you're talking to someone and when you meet someone, I think really helps because it's. People like to know that if you're a vulnerable person and if you're sharing with them that you're also safe. You share first. And so when you share first, it kind of breaks down those barriers. And I think when I ran that experiment, ended up building a lot of relationships for me that have lasted to this day with people who I don't think I would have ever really become friends with. And so that's my first tip and my second tip. Whenever I'm doing this with, like, anything, like networking or even just meeting with people, I always ask them, like, my name's Val. Here's what's about me. I love podcasts and books, would love any recommendations. And I always keep note of what they say because I think it's, again, that genuine curiosity about people and understanding when they share something, what they enjoy. If you have the time, you have five minutes to go listen to that podcast and come back and say, I listened to that. This is what they said. It's just a really good relationship builder. Those would be my. I'm trying to think if I have any more, those are my two big ones.
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That's really good advice. I think, I mean, as long as the content's good as well, it would probably be less of a great relationship if you go back and say, yeah, I'll watch that. It absolutely stinks. What's wrong with you? But I do think, yeah, there's something in that. I know, I don't know who, where this came from, but it was a. I assume it was some sort of book or video that I watched where they said that everyone's favorite topic is themselves. If you get someone talking about themselves, you know, they could do it all day.
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Yeah, 100%. People love to just. This podcast is great for me. I love to just talk about myself and what I'm thinking. But I think, I think again, it comes back to that balance of you have to be able to hold that space for another person. Holding faith, I think also means like not just listening to them and like being the wall that they talk to, but actually being the person that is interested and ask those again those follow up questions or ask them more to tell them more. I think it's a difference between a really great conversation and two people talking at each other.
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B
Yeah, I agree. Yeah, it's about being generous in the conversation and throwing stuff back. But at what point point do you think, is there a point even where you would tap out of a conversation with somebody and you just go, do you know what this is? This is doing nothing for me. They're not into it. I'm not into it. How are you? Are you breaking that off politely or are you persevering with it?
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That's a great question. Yes, I think it takes a lot of conversations. I don't think there's any tips for it. I think there's obviously polite ways that you can say, oh, thank you so much, like, I have to run. And it'd be a complete lie, but I think it really is. Sometimes when you're getting out of a conversation, you don't want to be there anymore and you're just like, hey, thanks so much for talking. I'm going to go run and do this. But it was lovely talking to you and I hope to get the chance to talk again. I think thanking people for their time is always a good, a good thing. Thanking people for holding a great conversation. I think my cousin did this recently. She, we. I just called her out of the blue because I needed, I needed someone to talk to. I need, I needed a wall for a second and she texted me back later and was like, hey, thank you for calling. And I think if the polite way of getting out of a conversation is just thanking them for their time and saying, I hope to get the chance
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to talk soon, well, that's the most, the kindest, the most diplomatic way of doing it, I think I've heard. What I do occasionally is if I know that I'm about to enter into a conversation that I know I'm not going to enjoy, I will text someone that I know could be my girlfriend and just say, could you just, just give me a call in five minutes
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time and, and then you're acting can't be that good.
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Oh, you'd be surprised. Well, in fact, no, it probably isn't, but I get away with it. But you don't think that's, that's sort of nice though, isn't it? Because as far as the other person's concerned, they're like, oh, he would have loved to have stayed chatting, but he got a call, it was urgent. You know, his nan's in hospital, he's got to go. It's not because he didn't like the conversation. That's quite, that's the kind of way of doing it, isn't it?
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Oh, I've never been on the receiving end of that, so. And I've never thought to do that. But I think this is the reason I think magical questions are important is, is because if, if you want to become someone that enjoys having conversations with people, you have to also know how to make a conversation enjoyable for yourself. And of course, there's certain times when, if you want to get out of something. Yeah, your, your grandma's hospitalized and your sister's broken her foot. That can be the way you get out of it. But I think there's a certain point, and this is a life skill and you have to know how to enjoy a conversation.
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B
I think that is the perfect takeaway for this, that, yeah, learn to enjoy conversations. And I mean, I have got to run, seriously, because my nan is in hospital. She's calling. But before I go, before I go, Val, what we like to do at the nightly is offer our guests a chance to just say a good night to somebody in their lives. Could be anybody, could be someone you know, could be a fictional character. Who would you like to say good night to this evening?
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Oh, that's so sweet. Well, I have a four year old sister who definitely will not be going to sleep even if I tell her good night. But good night to my sister Daniela. She'll be probably sleep hours after the
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lovely stuff. Well, thank you very much for calling Val and hopefully talk again soon. Please do call back another time.
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I hope. Too soon. Have a good night.
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B
That was Val there who I think actually that's probably the most educational chat we've had on here. I reckon. Genuinely some good takeaways from that. And I need to enjoy conversation with people I don't want to talk to. That's the key in day to day life. Really enjoyed that with Val. Thank you very much for calling and if you want to come on the show to talk about anything that's on your mind or to educate me in some way, please do email us. Or you can send a voice memo to thenightlyach Co. Or you can leave a voicemail at 9:04 nightly. That's 904-644-4859. With that, I'd like to say a very good night to my nan who's in hospital. She's bearing up well. It's not true, but good night to her nonetheless. And good night to you. I'll see you next time.
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Sam sa.
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