← The Nikki & Brie Show
The Nikki & Brie Show
Co-Parenting with Purpose feat. Cari Rose
00:53:25
It’s a new year, which means a fresh start and the opportunity to implement a new approach to parenting in 2025! Nikki welcomes Cari Rose back to the show! Cari has worked with Nikki & Brie as a Transformational Life & Business Coach and today, she’s here to help you through one of the most difficult journeys in modern society: co-parenting. Nikki and Cari cover topics like: *Difficult Emotions *How children internalize the behavior they see modeled *Being away from children *How to talk to your children about separation and divorce *Handling holidays and big events *Combative ex’s *Self-forgiveness *Staying strong in the early days of divorce They also answer calls to the Nikki & Brie Hotline covering topics like: *Dating after divorce *Feeling isolated *Leaning into faith *Being prudent with who’s in your inner circle If you’re in a dark place, this episode is the match that can light a thousand torches in your life. If you know someone who’s struggling with separation, di...
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- [00:01]
Nicole
Then going to night class, and I'm like, mainly in my class. It's like college girls. But I was like, I remember this from the days without when I wasn't a mom, I would go to night class. This is the Nicky and Bri Show. All right, everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Nikki and Bri Show. First, I want to say happy New Year's day. It's officially January 1, 2025. It's officially 2025. So as I've been pumping you all up with this, I thought the perfect way to start the new year was to bring the one and only Carrie Rose on the show. Hey, Kerry.
- [00:43]
Carrie
Hi.
- [00:44]
Nicole
So, as you all know, Carrie is, well, one. She's my coach, my transformational leadership coach. Plus very many things, as you all have been hearing as of late. She's also creative strategist and intuitive guide. So I know you've all loved her series before. You're going to love today's episode. Please head to carrierose.com, check her out. You're going to want to bring her more into your life. And later on in the episode, we're going to talk about a really cool program that Carrie's doing in February. But before we get into all that, Carrie, welcome.
- [01:18]
Carrie
Yay. Thank you. So happy to be here and be with you.
- [01:23]
Nicole
Me, too. Wow. I've really have. The past few weeks on the Nicki and Brie Show, I've been telling everyone that this is my gift to them because I have just talked a lot about how much you have gotten me through the past few months, but how much you've really gotten me through the days without Mateo. And so I thought the most perfect gift for everyone because there have been a lot of calls, calls and dms of women, you know, talking about those days and co parenting and being without their children and sharing 50, 50 custody. And so how much you've enlightened me and empowered me. I just want to share all of that magic with everyone.
- [02:04]
Carrie
Yeah. Yeah. It's so important, you know, so many, so many of us are going through it, and it's so important to share.
- [02:13]
Nicole
Yes.
- [02:14]
Carrie
To share our experiences. And, you know, I went through it, I've been through it, and I've coached a lot of women through it, and there's so many different elements and different situations, and it's just so important for us to share what works, what doesn't, what we can do for ourselves, no matter what's going on. It's. I'm so glad that you are sharing this part of Your experience and, and I know it's going to help a lot of people. Nicole.
- [02:43]
Nicole
Oh, thank you, Carrie. Yeah, it's crazy because I, I'm so agree with you. And you know me, I'm always hesitant to, like, share certain things, especially when it gets very intimate about my feelings or what I'm going through. But it was the first time ever that not only hearing voicemails, but reading people's dms, like, where I felt a lot of pain and sadness from women. And I know it happens to men, too, but it's majority women. And it. That is what's really given me that urge to help and speak out. Especially, you know, I've been complimented a lot with people, especially as of late, of, like, you're so strong. Like, how are you doing all this? And so I was like, you know what? I need to share with people what I'm doing, who's helping me, how I'm being guided. Because just hearing so many people in pain and the sadness and just so many sad stories out there.
- [03:41]
Carrie
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, there's. There's so much of that trauma happening. And I think it's really important what you said, because people are saying, how are you being so strong? And, you know, one of the things that we've talked about a lot and the work we've done over the years is that it's not necessarily about being strong and not feeling the sadness or not being with the sadness or letting the sadness or anger or frustration or whatever is there be there. It's actually about how you allow it and hold space for it. And you, you have really navigated that and done that beautifully through this process. And that is how you're so strong, because you've really been able to allow the emotions as they arise, to be there, to hold them with love, to process them in your body. Because our nervous systems, that's. That's how they regulate is by actually just feeling it. It only takes 90 seconds to feel a difficult emotion before it's out of our bodies, out of our systems. Then our minds can create more of it. But if we know that, then I think it's so important for everyone listening that you, yes, it's sad. It's hard. You can be frustrated and angry and devastated. That is true. Hold space for those feelings with love. Meet them, Let them be there.
- [05:04]
Nicole
Yeah, of course you're sad, right?
- [05:06]
Carrie
And it's holding yourself. Of course I'm sad. Of course I'm sad. I can feel this. I can feel this. And letting it move through and then you start to feel. I mean, you've experienced this so many times. What happens, right. What happens in your system when you.
- [05:20]
Nicole
Allow that, when you've helped me through those moments and when I've taken what you have taught me in the times that I'm alone, It is crazy how much lighter you feel on processing. Or even just the other day when I had the migraine from like so much pain and anger and just trauma of stuff that had happened and just sitting there and how much better I felt after.
- [05:46]
Carrie
Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, that was such a beautiful physical representation of this work of holding the emotion. And what happened in session was that Nicole had a migraine and it had just come on. And so we held space for the migraine. We allowed it, we listened to what do you need from me? And we really tuned in with it and it went away.
- [06:10]
Nicole
Yeah. It was crazy.
- [06:12]
Carrie
Yeah.
- [06:13]
Nicole
Really, what.
- [06:14]
Carrie
That's the power.
- [06:16]
Nicole
It is. There's so.
- [06:17]
Carrie
And if it can do that with a migraine, imagine what that can do with sadness, with frustration. And. And I want to make the point that this. The reason this is so important. I mean, it's so important just for us to be as healthy as we can.
- [06:31]
Nicole
Yeah.
- [06:31]
Carrie
But it's even more important because it's for our kids. Because what we can. How we operate within ourselves is how we operate with our children. So when we can allow the difficult emotions to come up and we can hold space for those and we can move through those, we can also allow them when they come up in our children, we can hold them through it and we can move them through it. Instead of saying like, no, just be happy. It's okay. Everything's going to be fine. Our family's just different now. You know, like, we don't. We want to actually acknowledge them just like we. And so when we get used to that practice within our own system, we can do it for our children.
- [07:10]
Nicole
Yeah.
- [07:10]
Carrie
And that is the most important thing we can do. And the more regulated, that's, you know, the nervous system regulation, the more regulated we are, the more regulated they are because they attune to our system. They feel energetically. Mom's calm or Dad's calm. Mom's grounded. Dad's grounded. Dad, dad, Dad's safe. It's safe to be in this energy and their systems just relax. Yeah.
- [07:36]
Nicole
Gosh, it's so true. And that was something. You helped me out with this, you know, this past year and just along the past few months. And it is so true that I think I Was able to do all the things I've done and do the work, you know, beyond. It's because of Mateo, because of our kids. Like, it is crazy when people do comment on my strength. It's like something arises within you, and it's like you are just all about your child in that moment, like from day one. And I was like, I'm going to do everything I can, not only to protect this little boy, but to make sure that everything around him is still happy and beautiful and loving and caring. And it's true. You just get this strength of, like, it's for him. It's all for him.
- [08:29]
Carrie
For me, too.
- [08:30]
Nicole
But that's how I can.
- [08:31]
Carrie
So different. Right. And even with what you're saying, so different how you navigate it, because it's real easy, just us, to be in the drama of things and to get into that whole cycle of wanting the other person to be made wrong and be the villain. And us, you know, in that victim, it's. It's easy to get in that, and it's easy to get in that, even with kids. But with kids, there's just a different element. And I saw you, you and I, you know, see us doing this is immediately we go, what's the higher perspective here for my child? Because at the end of the day, that other parent is half of your child.
- [09:10]
Nicole
Yeah.
- [09:11]
Carrie
And whatever we, however we speak about them, whatever we say about them, our children are gonna. Are going to internalize that about themselves.
- [09:21]
Nicole
Yeah.
- [09:22]
Carrie
On some level, that gave me chills. Yeah. Yeah, that's half of them. Right. And so it's so important how we move through these things. And yes, being strong, but for, you know, being strong isn't just like, I'm just going to be happy and try to put on a happy face. It's. It's being strong, not speaking negatively about the other person, not, you know, allowing your kids to be involved in any of that or feel like they're in the middle and moving through this. And, you know, there's so many ways of being strong and that. And that is when we're. We're just seeing it from that higher perspective.
- [09:59]
Nicole
Right.
- [10:00]
Carrie
What is. What's best for this child. It just makes everything different.
- [10:05]
Nicole
It does. And, you know, speaking of our children and for people that are going through divorce or have gone through divorce or, you know, have been in, you know, certain situations when it's about their family, whether they stay together or they don't, I want to talk to you about co parenting and custody and days you don't have your kids. Because that has been a huge outreach, you know, of people coming to me and asking me, like, how do you survive these days alone? How do you do this without Mateo? All you ever wanted to be was a mom, and now you do that half the time. How are you surviving? And it's even crazy, the questions people will come up and ask me on the streets. Like, it's. People are very open, but they also want to know, like, how are you doing it? Because I need advice. And you've really helped me with that, Carrie. Like, because you've gone through it. You do go through it.
- [11:00]
Carrie
Yeah, you go through it. And first, let's just say it's hard. Yeah, it's hard. It's devastating. It's. It's all the things. And again, the. The number one tool is to hold space for that within ourselves. This is hard. I remember dropping my kids off at school or daycare or, you know, preschool at the time and knowing I wouldn't see them that night and the night after and just having to sit in the car for an hour and just cry and let myself feel the emotion. And if we can hold it and we can allow ourselves to feel it and not go into story, well, and then this means that they're not going to have me for the rest of the. We immediately go into, what does this mean for when they're 12? And what does this mean for when they're 18? Like, what does this mean? And that's what just keeps it going. Versus I'm sad right now. And that's okay. Of course I'm sad right now and holding it. Right. So, again, that's the number one thing we can do. Hold space for it. And we always return to love. We always return home when we do that. And so. And that's. So that's number one. And then beyond that, there's so many different ways to look at it. Like, when you get to that place of love, I know a lot of an alignment and a higher perspective. You kind of. You realize on some level, their souls chose this. Their souls chose this path. And for whatever reason, reasons we cannot possibly understand, they chose this. And they have their own team of light. They have their own guides and angels. They have, you know, God is watching them just as much as he's watching all of us. And so we have to trust that and see and move into that higher perspective of for whatever reason. This is our path. This is our family's path, and we're still a family. And how do we now move through that in the best possible way we can. And then the third thing I'd say is moving into now. Now what, what am I going to do with my time? You and I, you know, really dove into that because. Because at first you couldn't possibly imagine, you couldn't possibly imagine all that time. And, and then as you do this work, as you did this work, it started, things started to open up and you started to see, oh wow, there's, there's a lot coming in that I'm filling my time with that's actually really amazing. Yeah. Would I prefer to be all these days? Of course. And that's not my reality. So what is in my control? What is. And so those. Letting those new opportunities come in, starting to fill your time in other ways and starting to do what's healthy for you and take care of your well being. That makes all the difference. It makes all the difference.
- [13:52]
Nicole
It's so true. Because, you know, after a few weeks of it, I started to, on the days I did hamate, why I was like finding myself doing double workouts and going to night class. And I'm like mainly in my class. It's like college girls. But I was like, I remember this from the days without, when I wasn't a mom. I would go to night class, which is like a 5:30 or 6:30pm class. And I've been enjoying that. And in the mornings, because I don't have to rush to make school lunch and breakfast and drop off and all those things, I'm sitting and having coffee in bed sometimes and yeah, this time of year I've been having coffee in bed and watching a Christmas movie.
- [14:32]
Carrie
Yeah.
- [14:33]
Nicole
Just like doing little things. And I've been more like getting better. Then all of a sudden I'll see like a toilet on the ground that he forgot to put away and I'll start to cry. But then like you let it. I sit in it and I go, oh, I'm really sad. I really wish he was here right now. And then I move, I take that moment and then I move on and I continue to do stuff for myself. But it's crazy because I could tell that my body's happier. Like I, I don't know how to explain it, but like I'm doing things for me that I think my body's been yearning for. It's probably my soul's been yearning for. Yeah, I'm just starting to feel really good. And people keep asking me like, oh, did you change your skincare routine, your skin is glowing. Or like different things And I'm like, I think it's just coming from within. Like I'm just shining in a different way.
- [15:26]
Carrie
I know hair. I'm 85. I mean, this work works.
- [15:31]
Nicole
Yes.
- [15:31]
Carrie
Right. It's the best anti aging you can have. No, but taking care of your well being and yes, as a mom, obviously you're having more time for that is huge. And you're like, oh, yeah, I'm glowing in a different way. Did not realize that I really could use this. And this is not to say, hey, promote this. This is what? No.
- [15:53]
Nicole
And sitting in beating sadness and crying like I did the first few times. Just depressed in my bed, bawling, crying.
- [16:00]
Brie
Yeah.
- [16:00]
Nicole
Led myself to sleep.
- [16:02]
Carrie
Changing through the fire. Yeah. Yeah. And. And what I also want us to realize is in back in the day, we had the village. We had the village that we don't really, a lot of us don't have today. Most of us don't have today. And so really it feels like we're doing it all. And we don't have grandma or auntie or uncle or grandpa to come over and give us breaks as much or keep the kids for a couple nights. And honestly, sometimes I would think of it that way. Like I'm just gonna tell myself they're with my mom for a few nights and I was fine. And I was like, oh, somehow my system, that's totally fine. Like if I knew, you know, so like, so this is okay. They are okay. And I will say, you know, I'm seven, eight years in the there. My kids and I have the best relationship. They have the best relationship with their dad. There is so much love there and they are thriving. And I just want to say that to help others that aren't sure.
- [17:06]
Nicole
Yeah.
- [17:06]
Carrie
How it's going to end up or if it's possible. It is absolutely possible. I can't. I mean, they are some of the happiest kids I know and the most loving.
- [17:15]
Nicole
And they are, they are so happy and loving. Your boys are just so adorable.
- [17:21]
Carrie
Nicole.
- [17:21]
Brie
After the London trip that Brian and I took the kids to, we said every year we need to come up with a really fun trip. Where, I don't know, like a place we get to travel to. And it doesn't always have to be the mountains. London was a really neat experience. We're like, why don't we pick another country? Or we can pick somewhere here in the United States. The kids really haven't been to the east coast, but we were like, let's find one spot and get an airbnb like we did in London, because it's nice. It's like, it feels like home away from home. And so he and I are starting to look. So you're gonna have to help us, because 2025, it's like one of those things. I feel like with kids, you have to plan a trip six months out, always has to be around school. But I feel like, you know, I always think of New York when I think of the east coast. But I think there might be some really other neat places, like Vermont. But to find, like, a really fun Airbnb for family just might be the thing for 2025 for the Danielsons.
- [18:17]
Nicole
I agree. I mean, it's definitely the way to travel. And what makes it even better is while you're living it up in someone else's home, you can actually host on Airbnb while you're away. So why don't you try putting your house on Airbnb, making some money while you're out there spending some money.
- [18:36]
Brie
You know, I tell Brian this all. All the time. I feel like we'd kill it on Airbnb.
- [18:42]
Nicole
Yeah, I agree. I mean, think about it. If you host while you're away, it's basically like you're making money while you're spending money.
- [18:48]
Brie
And you know me, that's what I like.
- [18:52]
Nicole
I agree. And if the holidays drain your finances, so let's be honest, because they always do, Hosting is a pretty cool and unique way to make some money back. Right.
- [19:00]
Brie
We spent a lot in London, and I would love to see some of.
- [19:03]
Nicole
That money back, honestly. So for everyone out there, don't leave money on the table when you travel this year.
- [19:10]
Brie
Okay, so I think Vermont it is, with then maybe my house going up, and then it'll be evens.
- [19:16]
Nicole
I love it. Okay, so your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much@airbnb.com host nothing feels.
- [19:25]
Brie
Better than after vacation or being on the road for business for a while. When you walk into your house and those smells and you just see all your coziness and all your decor that you just love, it's literally the greatest feeling.
- [19:42]
Nicole
It is. It's amazing when you miss your home and you crave it. I mean, honestly, there is no better feeling than absolutely loving your home.
- [19:50]
Brie
Wayfair makes it easy to create a space where you can relax and unwind no matter the season.
- [19:56]
Nicole
It's the place to shop for everything home, from living room seating that fits the whole family to bedroom finds that help you cozy up and snuggle In.
- [20:04]
Brie
Wayfair is the go to destination for everything home, no matter your style or budget.
- [20:10]
Nicole
There's a waiverhood in every zip code, brought to life by everyone who makes their home truly their own. With Wayfair, they have a huge selection of home goods ranging from appliances and area rugs to beds and wall art. Everything you need for your home, from living room and outdoor areas to bedroom, bathroom, and more. Wayfair just makes it easy with fast and free shipping. Even on the big stuff. They'll even help you set it up.
- [20:36]
Brie
Yes, they will. The one thing I love getting off Wayfair is rugs. They have such amazing prices and all the different styles, different qualities, and they show you exactly how can look in your home and sew rugs. I literally have my wafer rugs. I love them. The dogs love them, the kids love them. They're a win.
- [20:58]
Nicole
It's good to come home when you live in the waiverhood.
- [21:01]
Brie
Visit Wayfair.com or download the Wayfair app.
- [21:05]
Nicole
That's W-A-Y-F-A-I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. And I see that because I do feel, you know, we absolutely love our son and want the best for him. Like, as he grows up, we want his childhood to be great. A lot of people will say, like, how happy Mateo is. And I'm like, I think because the foundation of us trying to figure this out right now is a lot of love. And I know it was something that you had taught me too, of like, really telling Mateo, like, how cool are you that your family has two houses.
- [21:43]
Carrie
Yeah.
- [21:44]
Nicole
Okay. That's really helped him.
- [21:46]
Carrie
It helps a lot. Yeah. Yeah. And we did, we said, we, we, we said, our family, our family now has two homes.
- [21:55]
Nicole
Yeah.
- [21:55]
Carrie
Because we are always a family.
- [21:57]
Nicole
Yeah.
- [21:58]
Carrie
So that doesn't change. And another thing that was coming up a lot during that time, I. Mine were 5 and 2. And so my 2 year old didn't really understand everything that was going on, but my 5 year old definitely did and was moving. It was difficult. And what really helped too was continuing to tell them our family is not breaking up. Our family will always stay together. Our family is opening up.
- [22:25]
Nicole
Yeah.
- [22:25]
Carrie
And that's okay. And now we have two homes. And Mommy's welcome at daddy's house. Daddy's welcome at mommy's house. We actually even called them different names of the homes at first. We didn't even call them moms and dads. We were like the playhouse and the pool house or whatever. We Called it. Right. And it was really great for them. And, and then another level of that is what we do for Father's Day, what we do for Mother's Day, how we handle the holidays. We make a big deal for the other parent and we involve the kids in that. And we, you know, we do spend our holidays together, which I know isn't always going to work for everyone, but it works beautifully for us. But you know, Father's Day is, we know this is an event and what are we going to do for dad? And they spoil me on Mother's Day. It's beautiful and it's one of the best things for them because they really see that we value each other, that we do love each other and on some level. And we value each other.
- [23:24]
Nicole
Yeah. Which is so important.
- [23:26]
Carrie
Yeah.
- [23:27]
Nicole
It, you know, and I have a question for you with that. It's, you know, especially in the beginning, so many of us don't have that. Right. Like the value is gone at that point and it feel, can feel like war. And how do you stay strong in that? Like in the beginning of divorce, in the beginning of losing your kids half the time, if not more or less, how do you stay strong?
- [23:55]
Carrie
Yeah, it's, you know, the work. The work and remembering what is in our control, what, what is, what do we have agency over our own feelings, our own thoughts, our own behaviors, what do we have agency over and really honing in on that and taking care of ourselves. I mean, that's the biggest thing in, in a healthy, well being way. Right. And, and then, you know, during this time, there's, there's so many layers to it. You know, there's, how do we speak to our children about it, how do we speak to others about it? And that all matters. So another big thing is to be very mindful and thoughtful about who's in your council. And you went through this and really choosing who's in your counsel, who you are confiding in, who you are going to, who you can scream to, who you can cry to, who can help you with finding solutions. And outside of that, really having almost just a, this is what's happening as, as minimum as possible without the drama, without criticizing, and just this is what's happening, matter of fact, and it's difficult and we're moving through it, whatever that might be.
- [25:22]
Nicole
Yeah.
- [25:23]
Carrie
And then having your counsel, I mean, there's nothing more important than that going through this time. And that's, you know, a few friends, a few family members, maybe at most therapist, coach, doing the work, whatever you can do to support yourself. Taking care of your body. All of those things matter. Taking the foods you eat, how you're taking care of your diet, how you're taking care of what you're bringing into your mind. You experience this. And it was one of my favorite experiences with you, because how many times have we done the work on whatever anyone's saying about you actually does not matter. It means nothing about you. It's only what you're thinking about it that's causing your suffering. Right. We've done that. But you actually had a complete embodied experience of it because you disconnected from social media. And it was a complete embodied experience of they can be saying whatever they want. And it doesn't impact me because I'm not thinking about it. I'm not focused on it. I'm in my world with Mateo, moving through what I need to move through, and I'm not suffering because of it. It was that example I will use forever, because it just proves, Carrie, it's true.
- [26:44]
Nicole
And that's part of the strength, I think, that was such a major foundation of staying so strong, but becoming really strong. Like, when I've dived in on Divine Feminine and, like, the definitions of that or what makes you there.
- [27:05]
Carrie
Yeah.
- [27:06]
Nicole
I was like, I can't believe I'm, like, checking almost every box at that point. And I go, I think I've hit it, like, there. But it was that time. Who would have known? It was the disconnecting. That truly one saved me. And even at this point, I miss it. Who would have thought I would have, like, missed that time? But I miss the disconnection. Yes. It's very important in life.
- [27:35]
Carrie
It's very important. And. And because you had that experience, really being able to tune into that energy even as you're reconnecting, even as you're in it, remember that. Remember that. I. The only thing that's getting me caught up in this or getting in the drama of this right now is the thoughts in my mind, what I'm telling, you know, so what's in my control? What do I have agency over? Yeah.
- [27:59]
Nicole
And it is true. They're kind like, they haven't come on that strong, which is great. But obviously there are trolls, and, you know, I have to be back out there. And so. And I know I'm going to probably deal with that the rest of my life, though.
- [28:11]
Carrie
And Nicole. No. And I just want to say this, too, to anyone listening who's like, oh, like, it's so scary to put yourself out. There is. And I Get it. And our work is to hold that fear, hold space, you know, feel it, understand it, love on it, not let it be in the driver's seat and keep moving from a place of. This is what I'm here to do. This is my mission. This is what brings me joy in my mission and in this life. And I'm going to do that. And again, whatever comes my way, I don't. It's. God's not going to give you more than you can handle. You can move through it and you will get something out of it. You will expand out of it. You will, you will. And the, the. There are more people that need your message than there are people who are going to troll you. And that's who you want to focus on.
- [28:57]
Nicole
Amen to that. That is so true. Everyone needs to hear that.
- [29:01]
Carrie
Yeah.
- [29:01]
Nicole
I've never thought of putting it that way. There are more people that need to hear my message.
- [29:05]
Carrie
Yeah.
- [29:06]
Nicole
Than the people that troll me. Wow.
- [29:08]
Carrie
And who you trigger is none of your business. No, who you upset is none of your business. Your business is what I'm here to share, how, who I'm here to serve, how I'm here to empower. Yeah.
- [29:20]
Nicole
I love that, Carrie. So when we talk about doing the work and how beautiful relationship is, when we both can value each other in co parenting and what that teaches our.
- [29:30]
Carrie
Children, my personal story was, you know, from the beginning, we agreed we are going to move through this with as much love and kindness and grace as we, we possibly can. And we really did that. And I thought, oh, it's just my experience because we were able to get to this place and have these amazing. You know, our kids are thriving because of our unique experience. But it takes two. I've coached now enough women and men through this where that's not the case, where the other partner is not on board. And I want to say this, it's so important. It works still. It still works. Doing this work still works because you cannot. You know, it's like, what's our business? What's their business? What's God's business? Our business is ourselves. That's the only thing. And what changes is you. That's what changes. And so if you can hold that vision, if you can come to the table in your energy and your alignment, in your peace, in your calm as much as possible, eventually that other person isn't going to battle you as much. Because anyone that wants to battle needs someone to battle. Yeah. And so the second they don't have someone on the other end, they're going to move on. And so that's not you. That's great. And you know, I have seen this with the worst cases having to do with money, narcissism, all of it. I have seen it work. Hold the vision that you want for your family. Hold the frequency that you want for your family. Do the work on your end to stay in that, to regulate yourself and the way you speak to them, the way you speak to your kids. And it. The frequency of the entire situation, of the entire team shifts. Suddenly they're playing on the same team as you. And they're still, they might still be in their patterns and in their, you know, whatever it is, but it's no longer directed at you.
- [31:34]
Nicole
Wow, that's great.
- [31:35]
Carrie
And also when you mess up, like when you say the wrong thing or your emotions take over and you get angry, forgiving yourself quickly. Yes, forgiving yourself quickly, understanding it, owning it. So taking responsibility. So when you do mess up or you do say the wrong thing, learning to one, take ownership of it. Forgive yourself quickly. So first you want to forgive yourself. You want to go, okay, I messed up, I understand, I get it. You know, my emotions got the better of me and I'm going to own this with that other person and I'm going to forgive myself for it and move forward. Because the more we hold on to the guilt or the anger or that we get involved in the, well, I did it because they are, you know, then we're just going to do more of that. But the quicker we can forgive, own it and move on, the quicker we return to that higher place, that higher perspective.
- [32:36]
Nicole
It's nice to hear that because sometimes I feel like we immediately feel like we have to forgive the other person. Like, oh, that puts us in the higher place. But it's like, no, we have to forgive ourselves in that moment, forgiving ourselves.
- [32:49]
Carrie
All forgiveness is self forgiveness. It all begins with self forgiveness. And just as I was saying earlier, the more we can allow what's happening in our systems to be there and to hold space for it and to connect with, meet it with love. The more we can do that with our kids. It's the same with forgiveness. The, the more we can forgive ourselves. Yeah, the. Then we naturally will be able to forgive others.
- [33:15]
Nicole
Wow.
- [33:16]
Carrie
It just happens as an extension. That's powerful, is powerful and it's so. I mean, we have so much power in that. It's, it's how we're, how we're operating in our own system, whatever. Where our operating system is at is how we Start to operate within every relationship as well.
- [33:35]
Nicole
Love that. I. I've loved all of this. I. All this information is going to help so many people out. And I want to make sure we get to a few voicemails.
- [33:42]
Carrie
Yes.
- [33:43]
Nicole
Because we've had a lot of people call in, but we pulled a few. And so, um, I want to get to those because you're just going to love hearing people's voices and. Yes or yes. All right, let's head to some voicemails.
- [33:57]
Carrie
Hi, guys.
- [33:58]
Nicole
My name is Aureli.
- [33:59]
Carrie
So my question to you is, how are you preparing? Or what are your thoughts on the other parent bringing in their partner around your child? Do you feel like you both should discuss a timeline to wait until a new partner is introduced to a child? Or what are your thoughts? I know sometimes that's the trickiest thing about having another person step in and fill in those shoes as another extra parent or a bonus parent. So eager to hear from you. Thank you.
- [34:32]
Aureli
Bye.
- [34:33]
Carrie
Such a great question. Yeah. And yes, absolutely. Communication and agreeing to timelines is so important. If both parents are willing, that is the most important thing you can do. And really it's, you know, what is right for every family. And you really have to decide that together. And. But I will say there are a few things that really matter. One is how is timing, how soon is it after the divorce, after the split? That's really important because, you know, bringing someone in too soon can cause a lot of emotional upset for children. So really being mindful of giving plenty of space after the split and making sure that the children are in a. In a good place and well adjusted before that happens. So that's one. Age also matters. Age also matters a lot. You know, there's certain ages that can understand a little bit more what it means that you're single and like, you might. Might date someone and it doesn't work out. They. There's ages where they'll understand more of that and ages where they won't, and they might get more attached a lot. F. And it's really important that you decide. You kind of come back to the table through these different phases and you decide what's best now for this phase of where we are in our relationship, where our kids are. And, you know, I think there's like the. No, duh. Like bringing multiple partners around is like, not healthy. So multiple introductions is not healthy. Also kind of being clear that this is something stable and solid, you know, however long that is. So you can say it's six months, whatever that is, for the both parents to decide that this is a serious relationship. And now I'm ready to bring them around. My and my kids are ready. So I think when it comes to timing and all of that, that's really important. We personally, I mean, we, you know, we waited a while after divorce years before we brought any partners around. And then when we did, we met them before the kids met them. So. So he met my boyfriend before my boyfriend officially met my kids. I met his girlfriend before she met our kids. And that was important for us. It was really, it was important for us. And it, and it made all of us just feel, I don't know, better and included. And everyone felt good about it. And it wasn't like, oh, you have to meet like my mom or my dad before you meet my kids. It wasn't like that. It was just, it felt good for everyone and that's how we did it. And it felt healthy. And there was no, like, you know, there's still always those butterflies of, oh, they're meeting someone new, what does that mean? But there was just something that felt so good about being, being a part of it and welcoming her too. And then also opening up to my kids just get more love. My kids just get more love. And no one replaces mom and no one replaces dad. No one ever can. And when you really realize that, then you're like, the more the better. Like, they just get more love. I want them to have more love. You know, over Thanksgiving, it was my boyfriend and I, my ex husband and his girlfriend, her son, my two boys, you know, my ex mother in law and her new boyfriend. And I just sat back for a moment and said that my boys are getting so much love. That's all I could ever hope for. And we had the best time. We had the best time. I just want to, you know, expand that this is possible.
- [38:27]
Nicole
Yeah.
- [38:27]
Carrie
And it's your family again. It's not breaking up. Your family is expanding. Your family is opening up. And that's okay. It's just how you communicate it, how you handle the timing of it, how you speak with your kids about it, how you adjust during the different phases is what's important.
- [38:44]
Nicole
Yeah, I'm definitely gonna have to put some of those pointers on sticky notes the day it happens and did on my mirror to just get myself through all that. But I agree with you on all of it and it's such great advice. And I think what's such like a great point is to meet each other before meeting the kids. Yeah, I think that's Like, a must is so important. I love also. I mean, everything you said is like, yes. And also looking at the different ages, like, let's come back to the table now. They're this age, going through this. How do we exactly navigate this? Oh, my God. Great question. Great answer, Carrie.
- [39:24]
Carrie
Yes, such a good question.
- [39:26]
Nicole
Yeah. Such a great question.
- [39:27]
Lindsay
My name is Lindsay. I am actually from Phoenix, Arizona, but I live in Georgia now. I actually moved here for my boyfriend four years ago, and we recently just broke up. It has been absolutely terrible, to say the least. I just kind of feel like I want to come back to Phoenix now because. Because there's just like, I can't feel like I came here for him kind of thing.
- [39:50]
Carrie
And.
- [39:51]
Lindsay
Yeah, it just really sucks when you, like, see that vision with somebody and then, you know, it doesn't come to fruition. And then you just think of, like, oh, I could have done this differently, or he could have done this differently. I haven't been through a breakup in, like, 10 years, so it's quite something, let me tell you. Especially when you, like, don't have any family here. I don't even have kids with this guy. I have dogs, so. The dogs are hard enough. I know I took them. And he has to probably feel a huge void. So I feel bad for. For him for that. But anyways, love you guys.
- [40:24]
Carrie
Oh. Oh, it's so painful. I know we're, you know, we're. We're talking about divorce and co parenting, but the pain of any breakup is. Is heartbreaking. It's devastating and sometimes can feel like it's going to take over everything. And so I totally feel. Feel you, Lindsay. And yeah. And I can't stress enough the importance of doing this work and holding space for these. These difficult emotions from love, doing that work, and then also having your trusted, you know, circle and counsel through this. This is when you lean on those people in your life. And also another really great way to move through this is to fill your life with really good distractions. So whether that's like, oh, you know, I've always been curious about pottery, or I've always wanted to do, you know, join groups, go to new things, go to new classes, fill your life with things that at first it's, your heart still hurts all the time, but you're kind of just moving your body into, like, doing new things and trying new things. And pretty soon, over time, you realize from one day to the next, like, oh, and you're doing this work, obviously, but the waves of grief are less and less and One day you kind of realize, I went through the whole day and didn't, like, feel that grief, and I didn't feel that heartbreak, and I didn't think about him or her. And so stay with it and fill your life with the healthy things, the healthy distractions, the fun things, but healthy things, you know, watch for. Watch for some of the things that are easy to distract ourselves with. And really, you almost have to force yourself, put on the archetype, force yourself to be in those healthy things, trying new things, venturing out, leaning on your community.
- [42:23]
Nicole
Yeah, I agree, Carrie. And I feel like the one thing I've realized with divorce and divorce with kids is I feel like everyone on the outside forgets that you're also going through heartache. Like, you are going through heartache of a breakup. And I've had to have talks with my sister about it or just others when, like. Like, why? Just on certain situations, and I'm like. I think you forget. Like, I'm struggling through, like, heartbreak right now. Like, I love this person so deeply, and not only do I have a loss of what I feel as a family right now, but, like, the loss of the love of my life. So I'm trying to also stay strong in this area, but also mend a broken heart. And I feel like that gets forgotten so much in divorce with kids.
- [43:11]
Carrie
Yeah. Because there's so many logistics involved. Yeah. And then you're focused on the logistics and that. And it's make sure you're taking care of you and putting that oxygen mask on first. It matters. It matters. And the more you do take care of yourself, the more you can take care of your children. So the more you can hold yourself and let yourself move through it. But, yes, remembering and. And acknowledging. Of course I'm sad. Of course I'm sad. This is really hard. And really sad. Of course I'm sad. It's okay.
- [43:46]
Nicole
So true.
- [43:47]
Carrie
It's okay to be sad.
- [43:48]
Nicole
Yeah. Well, Lindsay, lots of prayers for you.
- [43:50]
Carrie
Lots of love. Yeah.
- [43:51]
Nicole
Yes. All right, and then we have enough time for one more.
- [43:56]
Aureli
Raquel calling from Southern California. I just wanted to let you know I heard your episode. Nikki's Back episode. So welcome back, Nikki. So glad to hear your voice again. We missed you. And I just want to thank you so much for telling your story. Boundaries and privacy is such a big thing, and you didn't have to tell everyone, but you did. And I just want to thank you for doing that, for being vulnerable. But, you know, with vulnerability comes strength. So good for you. Also, I wanted to thank you so much for mentioning your faith. I myself am Catholic. I was brought up Catholic, and there were times in my life where I didn't go to church, and. But I found my way back, and it meant so much to me. And for you to mention that, especially, you know, because you guys are celebrities, you don't often hear that a lot from somebody who has a platform like that.
- [44:45]
Carrie
And it's.
- [44:45]
Aureli
I think it's such a great thing to hear from our role models, especially in these trying times. So thank you so much for mentioning it. Just keep up the faith. Okay. Love you and God bless.
- [44:57]
Nicole
Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you, Raquel. I was telling Bree this. I think it was maybe few episodes ago, but going through this, I think, because we've been doing the work for so long.
- [45:14]
Carrie
Yeah.
- [45:14]
Nicole
So it wasn't like I was prepared, but God definitely knew, like, here's a soldier. Like, she's ready to go through something hard. And I told Brie, I go, you know, they'll always say, like, when you're in darkness, you light a match, and, like, there's light. And I go, this was the one moment that I was handed a torch, and it just lit up, and it was like, now you go, lead. And that is what I felt. And, oh, you know, we were talking about resolutions because I said, I want to have more presence on tv, and it's to lead in light like I never have before, because I have now realized, like, I'm not going to be afraid to talk about my faith and what I believe in and how much I've been led by light. And I'm surrounded by beautiful people who lead in light, too. And it's like, I just keep imagining that torch. And, like, you go, go lead.
- [46:06]
Carrie
And so that gives me goosebumps and how important our faith is in times like this.
- [46:14]
Nicole
Yeah.
- [46:14]
Carrie
And. And removing all of the. All of the judgment side of it, of like, oh, but we're not supposed to do this or we're not supposed to do that. God does not. God does not want you to be unhappy. You know, in life, that is not what the goal is, but to remember our faith and to turn to our faith in these times, there's nothing more important. And it's really interesting because when we are. When we are heartbroken or cracked open in that way, it's almost like it lets more light in, and you experience the connection in a totally different, more profound way during those times, and you realize how held you are and how carried you are. And I know we went through this with. With everything you went through so many times, where it would even be within a month, we would look back and go, whoa, look how held you were. And you had no idea at the time. You had no idea until now. We can look back and go, that was meant to be, and that was supposed to be that way. I didn't realize it. It's incredible how held we are. And so to really lean into that, to turn to that. And also for our kids, you know, it's hard enough just sending them to school for the day or having them go on a play date, but much less not being them with a few. For a few nights or whatever that is to really bring in our faith there. Like I said, they have their own team of light. This is their path. For whatever reason their souls chose. And God is giving them what they need to be who they're going to be in this world and who they're going to be when they're in their mission later in life. Whatever is happening now is for them. And so for us to just say prayers over them, send blessings over them, surround them in light, you know, call and, you know, talk to their angels, talk to their guys. You know, really, like, trust that God has. Has them and stay in that energy. It's. It's the most important, one of the most important things we can do.
- [48:14]
Nicole
I agree with you, Carrie. This is. People might get a little weird about this story. Not all, but some. But you'll appreciate this. The other night, I was just in bed praying really hard, and I was putting. Mateo was laying next to me. He was already asleep, and I was just putting my hand on his head and, like, just, you know, asking to, like, cover him. White light, praying really hard to Archangel Michael and into everyone. But he also wakes up, and he looks at me, he goes, thank you for the light, Mommy. And went back to sleep. And I was like. And then I just started to cry, but I was saying all my head. Like, I wasn't saying it out loud. And I'm like. It was just wild. I had immediately, like. Well, I, like, wait a little bit. And then I went. And Amelia called Brie. And I'm like, brie.
- [49:01]
Carrie
Oh, my God. No, this. Yeah.
- [49:05]
Nicole
Beautiful. And that goes back to being in tune and in the energy together.
- [49:09]
Carrie
Yes, yes, yes. And being able to hold. To hold that light for him, for you and for him. It's so beautiful. They feel it. They feel it and that's. And they. They sense it. And on every level. This is real. This is real.
- [49:24]
Nicole
Yes.
- [49:24]
Carrie
No one I mean, you can't. This is real. This is real work. This is real light energy. This is. This is not made up. This is not Santa Claus. And, and I just want to also make this point because I think this is really important for some of the people that are going through this. And, and maybe their partner is not quite on board or not with the same values or not as attentive to their children. I think this is important, is really hear this. It only takes one conscious, steady, stable, loving caretaker for our kids to feel safe and supported and loved in this life. And it's a bonus if they've got more than one amazing. But it really only takes one. And if they have that, they have everything they need. And so if you can, again, the importance of this work so that you can show up in that way for your child, for your children is the most important gift we can give them. Whether they have it in the other home or they don't, it's okay.
- [50:39]
Nicole
I love that. And I remember that that helped me through my darkest times. I remember you saying that. And that hit me really, really hard and gave me such hope and faith for my child's future.
- [50:54]
Carrie
Yeah.
- [50:54]
Nicole
And so that is so important for everyone to know and everyone listening now. And if you know people who are going through it, tell them the same thing because it's so true. A child just needs that. Just that one.
- [51:08]
Carrie
Just that one. Yeah. And great if they have more, amazing. If they've got two or ten, you know, amazing. But, you know, you hear those stories and I think you know those stories well, of growing up, someone growing up and saying like, well, it wasn't really my mom or my dad, but I had my grandma or I had my grandpa to like, show me what that meant. And that's all you need to really understand what it is, is to feel safe, to feel connected, to feel held. And so just remember, remember that as we go through this. It's so important.
- [51:41]
Nicole
I love that. I'm so happy you brought that then. Okay, so, Carrie, before we get into inspiration, affirmation, I want to talk about your program in February. If you could let all of us know, like, what it's about, where we could check it out. Sign up. Yay.
- [51:55]
Carrie
Yes. I have my program starting in February, which is really my signature program. It's My Heart. It's a culmination of all of the work put into this program and all the work we've done over these years. And. And it's a four month program that starts in February called Holy sh.
- [52:15]
Nicole
Oh, I love that.
- [52:16]
Carrie
Yeah. With a wh. It's a whole shift and really becoming the most happy, most healthy, most healed, most confident, most abundant version of yourself. And so all of the tools, all of the processes that you get to, you know, do and in a beautiful community of women. So that's happening in February, and then I'm also offering a few workshops in January. New Year's visioning. Yeah. And. And it'll be real, very related to co parenting. If anyone has more questions on that, please, please feel free to DM me. I would be happy to answer any more questions that you have. I'm here. And then I'm going to be doing different workshops where I can help address a lot of those concerns and issues. And, yeah, we'll be having some. Some fun and some depth and some lightness. I love this year.
- [53:08]
Nicole
Yeah, we all need it. And What a year. 2025. Everything it represents, this is the year for that. It's the year of closure. But it's for purpose, transformation.
- [53:20]
Carrie
So it's time. Yeah. Step into your mission.
- [53:23]
Nicole
Yes.
- [53:23]
Carrie
Time to, like, turn the light on, let the light shine. You know, it's like we. One candle can light a thousand. This is what we're here to do. And it. Without burning out. One candle can light a thousand without burning out. This is what we're here to do. So it's actually keeping the light from the world when you're afraid to do it or, you know, staying in those patterns or all of that. So it's time. It's time.
- [53:49]
Nicole
Oh, I love it. Okay, so head to carrierose.com to sign up for the workshops and her February program. And also, if you have more questions, make sure to hit up Carrie on Instagram at the Carrie Rose. And before you go, Carrie, can you hit us with some inspiration, affirmation?
- [54:07]
Carrie
Yeah. So funny. I didn't really think about this before the podcast.
- [54:12]
Nicole
No, I know. You know why sometimes to me, so bad to, like, let, like. Oh, by the way, make sure to think of a quote or mantra. Just. I'm like, oh, everything Carrie says, so inspirational. Why should it helped you?
- [54:25]
Carrie
It's okay. I. I feel in this moment that it is about finding. Returning home within yourself. Finding home within yourself. Home is here, and God is here. And it's not something outside of us that we have to strive for, that we have to prove or earn. It's actually here. So all of this work that we do is simply returning home. And it's all right here. We all have access. You have access to it. At any moment. And it's just learning how and it's just realizing that that's the truth.
- [55:12]
Nicole
I love that. Secure. That's the beauty of you. And by the way, you guys, you get this in our sessions, the things just come to you, like from whatever it is that we just express or what you feel comes to you, and it's just beautiful. And I agree with you.
- [55:26]
Carrie
Thank you. And thank you so much, Nicole. And you. You too. I mean, the work you have done and, you know, a lot of this work is. It's, it's. It's coming back home and opening our channel to light, coming through us without us overthinking anything anymore and just being able to be a vessel for that light. And you have really stepped fully into that. And it's so beautiful to see and witness and. Yeah. So thank you for shining so brightly. The world needs it.
- [55:56]
Nicole
Oh, thank you, Carrie. Well, I was very blessed that you came into my life to leave me there, so. And continue to.
- [56:03]
Carrie
Yay. Yes. It's a fun journey.
- [56:06]
Aureli
It is.
- [56:07]
Nicole
Well, everyone, Happy New Year again. Carrie. Happy New Year.
- [56:11]
Carrie
Happy New Year. It's going to be a good one.
- [56:14]
Nicole
It is. It's going to be good and magical. So you could check out Carrie Rose at her ig at Carrie Rose. C dash A R I R O S E. Or you could check her out on her website, carrierose.com c a r I r o s e dot com. Make sure to check out all of our videos on our Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, anywhere you can find us at the Nikki and Bri show. And don't forget to subscribe and like, and I hope you all have a very happy new year. And hey, you guys. January 9th, the Traitors is finally officially dropping on Peacock. So see, am I going to be a traitor or faithful? All right, see you all next time.
- [57:03]
Carrie
Let us have Storm.