← The Nikki & Brie Show
The Nikki & Brie Show
Motivating HER: Rachel Hollis
00:45:36
The Nikki & Brie Show continues to spotlight fearless, inspiring women for Women's History Month and this week’s guest is none other than Rachel Hollis. From the early days of blogging on The Chic Site to building a bestselling empire with Girl, Wash Your Face and Girl, Stop Apologizing, Rachel has evolved loudly, boldly, and unapologetically in public. In this powerful conversation, Rachel takes us back to 2007 — long before the sold-out conferences and chart-topping podcasts — and shares the decade of trial, error, rejection, and 5 a.m. hustle that built her foundation. She opens up about persistence, hearing “no” (a lot), and why preparation meeting opportunity is the real definition of luck. If you’ve ever felt behind, stuck, or unsure if your dream is worth chasing, this episode is your reminder to keep going. We also dive into what it really means to build a life on your terms especially when you have responsibilities, kids, a mortgage, or fear whispering in your ear. Rache...
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- [00:00]
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- [01:04]
Nikki
Hey everyone. Welcome back to the Nikki and Bri Show. And as you all know, this whole month the Nikki and Bri show will feature a badass, inspiring woman. We are continuing our series with a woman who built something from scratch before personal branding was even a thing. From the early days blogging on the chic site to bestselling books that you all love and know. Girl, wash your face girl. Stop apologizing. And so many more. She sold out conferences and podcasts. She has constantly evolved and is still evolving in public. She's shown the real, the raw, the messy and the motivated. And today we're talking about building a life on your terms. Rachel Hollis, welcome to the Nikki and Bri Show. What up Rachel? Rachel, thank you so much for joining Nikki and I on our show. As you know, this month Nikki and I are showcasing badass, inspiring women like yourself. And you know, we have seen the massive empire you have built and all of us got your book. Girl, wash your face girl. Stop apologizing. I mean all of them. Incredible. I absolutely fell in love when you came out with that in 2017. But Nikki and I, we always love to see where people started and how they started the empire and where they have come. So for our listeners, we would love to take it back to when you
- [02:31]
Bri
started off by blogging.
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Nikki
You had your site thechicite.com and we would love to know what that blog was about.
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Rachel Hollis
Oh my gosh. So I actually owned an event planning company in LA. This was like 2006, 2007 and and I started to hear people talk about something called a blog And I had no idea what that was, but I knew that it was writing, which was something I had done since I was a little girl. And so I thought I would start writing about events. I thought maybe if I wrote about events, then I would find more brides who wanted to hire me as their wedding coordinator. And it was so bad for anybody who had a blog back then, it was like thechicsite.blogspot.com I didn't even know how to buy my own website back then. And I just wrote about anything. I wrote about what I for dinner or like a throw pillow I had made. And it was horrendous. I cannot express to you enough how bad it was. And I had an intern at the time who I give so much credit to, this kid named Ivan. And he came in one day and he said, do you know that a blog is supposed to be about something? And I was like, wow. No, I did know that. And so then I started. So I started to try and figure out, well, what was, you know, something I felt like I could write about for a long time and that I had a perspective on. And I began to write about what it was to entertain in the home. So I would host events or my kids birthday parties. And it was still pretty crappy. But I think once I had kind of a direction and I understood that I needed my own unique perspective in that process, I started to find a little audience along the way.
- [04:10]
Nikki
That's amazing. And I love, because you do talk about having a plan often and being intentional. So when you finally figured out the vision so of the chic spot, so entertaining, did it from there, did you realize like, okay, this isn't just a blog, this is becoming a brand?
- [04:28]
Rachel Hollis
Not at all. Oh my gosh, not at all. And I think it's so important to say that, you know, we, I think that when all of us were coming up, there wasn't the, you know, visuals on social media that so many young women have today where you're seeing everybody cross the finish line, you feel like you're a thousand miles behind. For me, there wasn't really any other example of what I was supposed to be doing. So I was just figuring it out as I went. And I think it took so stinking long, like a decade probably of trying and failing at this thing before anyone really knew what it was. In fact, I started that blog in 2007. Really kind of hit my stride in knowing what to do in 2008. And girl, wash your face came out in 2018. So you really are looking at a decade of time of me trying to figure out how to be a writer and communicate with women. And it took so long. I think, like, so many of us are. It looks like you've had this overnight success, but it's really after a very long time of trial and error to get to that place. So, yeah, when I first started, all I was trying to do was learn how to write and put things out consistently. That was truly my only goal. I had no idea how to make money or, you know, we didn't have. Have advertising or brand partners or any of it. It was just like, could I consistently write something every single week and could I let people know then about what I had created? But it was really, really basic in the beginning.
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Nikki
Now, do you feel like what kept you in the game and because you say 10 years is that you were realizing you were connecting with people?
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Rachel Hollis
Yeah, I think I never knew where that would lead. And I still had my day job. You know, I was still an event planner. And I had. I started to have kids, and, like, I was babies. So it was just honestly a hobby for me. I think I have had a big benefit of that many times in my career where I just kind of put my head down and work on something, and I honestly don't realize that it's successful until later. Even when I started my own podcast years later, I didn't know how to check stats. And I'm not exaggerating. I didn't know how to see how many people were listening to the podcast. So I would just, like, create something and put it out. And I did that for a couple of years before I. It ever occurred to me that people were listening in the beginning. It's just about the process for me. Like, can I figure out how to do this thing? And then once I figured out, it's like, okay, how can I make it better? And then once I make it better, it's like, okay, now how do we, you know, can we pay rent? Could we actually make some money that helps to support the things that we're doing?
- [07:06]
Nikki
Yeah.
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Bri
You know, you brought up a good point a little bit ago about, like, how people can assume things are overnight successes. And you very much relate to Brie and I because we signed our WWE contract in 2007, and we began that whole journey, and we'll get asked a lot about where we're at now of, like, how did you do it? And it's funny how especially the younger generation can perceive it as overnight success. And I'm like, no, this started 2007 and even before that. But this specific journey, which has almost been 20 years, and it's a lot of work, trial and error, trying things, seeing, like, how we connect. And so it's. It's funny how much we relate to that. And I was wondering, like, when you look at yourself now and you look at yourself back then in 2007, what would your 2007 self think of you now? Because I know for me, it's like we had these ideas of empowering women. We had these ideas of breaking barriers and breaking the glass ceiling, but you. You never know how that journey is going to be.
- [08:11]
Rachel Hollis
Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I think she'd be so pumped. Like, 2007, you would be so pumped. First of all, we have much better hair now, so we'd be really happy about that.
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Bri
Oh, yes.
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Rachel Hollis
And, you know, I love you telling that story, too, because what I'm thinking about when you're talking is I feel like, again, so many people who are starting on a dream today, or maybe they're younger women, or maybe they're women our age and they're chasing something down, there is almost a disadvantage to seeing other people doing all of these things because I think there is this pervading sense of, like, if it doesn't happen in a couple of weeks or if it doesn't happen in a year, then it wasn't meant to be for me. And because we have been doing this for a couple of decades, I feel like it's almost like a, you know, a band that's been together for a really long time. They can release new albums, they can try new stuff. They can try something and fail and then go again. And they're. They just have a. A tenacity that I think would be hard to come by now if you're expecting that success to happen quickly. I saw this interview with Greta Gerwig, who directed the Barbie movie and Lady Bird, and she was saying that it took five years to find someone who would help, who would fund her making Lady Bird, which was the movie that really put her on a map as a writer and director.
- [09:36]
Nikki
And.
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Rachel Hollis
And the guy interviewing her said, you know, gosh, five years. Like, did you ever want to give up when you heard so many no's? And she said, well, I feel like if you hear no and you give up, you probably shouldn't be in this business because it is so freaking hard to do this. And if you can't handle the no's and you can't handle the rejection and how long it takes you. You probably aren't going to be able to handle the opportunity when you finally get it.
- [10:05]
Nikki
For sure,
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Bri
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- [10:13]
Nikki
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Bri
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Nikki
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Bri
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- [10:34]
Nikki
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- [10:48]
Bri
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- [11:00]
Nikki
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- [11:08]
Bri
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- [11:15]
Nikki
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- [11:23]
Bri
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- [11:26]
Nikki
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Bri
You know Bria, I've been really wanting to upgrade my garage as of late. I've just been on a full like organization thing. I'm in this place where I want to keep all my shoes outdoor, especially ones that I work out in and power walk in and all the things. I just got such a great shoe storage that totally upgraded my garage. Keeps my shoes nice and neat, protects it from bugs. But it was just the perfect piece
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Nikki
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- [12:00]
Bri
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Nikki
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Bri
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Rachel Hollis
and what I was thinking about you guys too, that is just such an added interesting thing is like this is like taking us maybe off track or right on track is that when you're building this thing that you're building, it's like you're dreaming and you're hoping and you're planning and you're working, but also the physicality of what you guys must have gone through for so long to get to this place where you were experiencing, like, you had this other layer that so many other people never experienced, which is. I'm imagining a whole different, like, mindset that's required for you to get to a place of success, because it's like, not only is our ego getting bruised, but, like, your body. Bodies literally physically going through something so hard to get there.
- [12:59]
Nikki
I will. You know, it's. It's so interesting you bring that up, Rachel, because I'll never forget this moment. I had. Nikki had neck surgery, so she wasn't on the road with me. And we had been going at it with the two reality shows and also wrestling five nights a week and just traveling the world. And I remember in my hotel room, I was like, whoa, right now, I don't think I could physically, mentally leave that hotel room door to go to the show. Like, my body kind of felt broken at the time. I was kind of going through some personal stuff at home, so I felt like mentally I was a little broken. And so when I had both of those almost align of the broken feeling, it. It was crazy how I felt. But, you know, we. People, I think, sometimes forget, like, as you know, pro athletes, you have to physically and mentally be there. Like, it's not just your brain working, it's your body, too. And so I'll never forget that moment. It's, like, weird, because once in a while, that moment will stick out my head. In Belgium, I can remember what the hotel looked like. I can remember the smell. I can even remember the view out of my window because I was in such a moment of feeling broken, both physically and mentally.
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Bri
Well, and I definitely think it's something you're born with when you can handle the mental, mental and physical. It's like, you know, when you brought up Greta, I think all of us and I talk a lot about purpose, but you get to this point and the people who, like, have to bow out on the nose or let's just say can't handle on the wrestling training, it's just not meant for you. Like, and what I love what you said. I never thought of it or heard it this way, then you definitely won't be ready for the opportunity when it is there. Like, you won't be able to handle that because that's even more than the nos that you're going to get when that opportunity comes. That's That's a lot more than another
- [14:45]
Nikki
door that opens of other obstacles, another
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Bri
journey you're going on.
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Rachel Hollis
Yes.
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Bri
And so I. I know for me that when I was in the. In those moments, I. It almost gave me a fire inside. Like, I would hit those points where I would be so mentally and physically exhausted, but it was like a fire would light up in me to, like, show the, like, no, but I can and I will. And I came back from neck surgery. I had broken my neck in the ring, and I was told, like, your career is going to be over. You'll never be able to wrestle again. And it was weird. My mind was like, no, we're not. No, we ain't taking that. And I went back into that ring seven months later, like, set a record, and obviously I was cleared and I was able to do what I can do. And I had to work a little different. But it was crazy because my mindset that whole time, like, you obviously, we all have our down moments in times, right? You know, and it's how you overcome those moments.
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Nikki
It's.
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Bri
You wipe your tears, you get yourself back up, and you get back on the field. But I just remember thinking, like, no, I'm. This isn't done. I'm going back out there. I'm going to wrestle again. I'm going to do it. And I do think there's something that, especially when you have. You can handle physical pain, it, like, has to be something you're born with, or you just have a certain fire inside. Because we try to compete with the men, we, you know, for two decades, we've had to prove, like, we could do what they do. So we really slam our bodies hard. And it's how I got to the point. Point of breaking my neck. Because we wanted to do the big moves, even though our bodies are smaller.
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Rachel Hollis
Yeah, I love that narrative because I feel like it's such a good reminder that a lot of people, I think, get this idea of setting a goal or having a dream, they get it a little bit twisted. And maybe I'm a little too. I don't know, a little too magical thinking about what this process is. But I think that when we have the courage to call our shot, like, if you have the courage to be like, this is the thing I want. This is the dream. I wanna write a book or have a podcast or build a nonprofit or, like, change generational cycles in my family, whatever it is that you're aiming to do, I think that when you do that, God, in her infinite wisdom, looks down and Is like, yes, yeah, okay, okay. You said that's what you want, so now I'm gonna lay out a track in front of you. That is what is required to get you from who you are to who you say you wann. But the problem is that we start down that path, we run into obstacles and things happen, or we get sick or, you know, the car breaks down or all of these things. And we see that as a sign that the path is not meant for us. Because the path suddenly got rocky. We're like, oh, this is not my path. But the reality is, I think that when you're laying there on the ground, you're like, I can't get up. I can't do it. You know, this is not for me. I feel like God's up there. Like, no, no, no, no. Like, you said you wanted to climb to the mountain, like you said you wanted to climb up there. So I am putting things in your path that will make you strong enough. So when you get to the base of the mountain, you have the muscle, you have the ability, you have the stamina for the climb you said you wanted. So if we could just shift it to this idea that like, no, the hard stuff in your way is there for a reason and you're meant to learn from those experiences. And as long as you will stand back up and keep walking that path, I feel like you can, can get anywhere it is you're trying to go. But not if you give up and not if you decide it should have been yours sooner, which is what so many people are doing. It's like, babe, just stand back up. Take another step in the direction of who you want to be. And the most amazing thing has happened. But it doesn't mean it's not going to be hard.
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Bri
I. I completely agree with you. And the whole time you were talking, I had such chills because you know, that that was me. My starting 5th grade competitive soccer player. My life was soccer. And I looked up to women like Mia Hamm and Carla Overbeck and Brady Chastain, the US Women's soccer team. I look at Mia Ham, Michael Jordan's commercials. She inspired me. Like I could take men on. And when I look back at my journey and how God, the things he was putting in my life and molding me, not molding me, but like you said, that journey and preparing me, I, right before I was signing full ride scholarship and going to play at the pro level as well, snap my leg in half, literally a week before. And in that moment, you know, my guidance was more like. I was like, it's done. It's over. I didn't want to fight. I wanted to give up. And it was more of cockiness and attitude. And, you know, that era, I was 17 or 18. And so then Bri and I go on this journey. Right when we graduated, it was right before graduation as well. So we graduated high school, and we just go straight to San Diego from Scottsdale. And Hooters was the only place that would let Girls who were 18 and over work there, because California state law, if they have hard alcohol, you have to be 21 and over. So Hooters didn't have alcohol, so we started working there. And that's when wrestling started to play on the tv. But then a college soccer coach who knew of me came and goes, what are you doing with your life? Were you hanging out at the beach, waitressing, like, come play for us? So I went and played for him, and he was such an inspiration, my life. He came in at a point of, like, this is who you were. Like, don't forget who you were. Like, after having a year or two of just being in a bad place, like, everything I worked for is done, and now I'm. This is all I am. And so it was crazy because as I played a season for him, he was such a rock in my life at that time and pulled me out of bad. But then Bri brings wrestling to my life, and when you were talking, it's such chills, because it was God totally being like, you are about to hit decades of life of where you are going to have to break barriers and glass ceilings. This was all a part of your road. Let's see what you could overcome. You overcame a broken leg. You went here, you started a new life. Now you overcame this, you overcame that. And so it's crazy when you were saying that I connected so much with that, like, whoa. I didn't think of it that way. Like, I was being prepared for something so much more.
- [21:01]
Nikki
This moment of connection is brought to you by Xfinity. Okay, Nikki, we know the Internet is a big space with a lot of apps and a lot of places you can go to, which is why you and I always say it's so important to keep our kids safe from the Internet.
- [21:17]
Bri
I mean, you know, Bri, the world is changing so fast, and sometimes it's really hard to keep up with it all.
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Nikki
Oh, I agree. You know, especially with technology. I always make this joke, like, technology, you know, is so advanced, but I feel like I'm not advanced with It. So if someone can help me out a little bit with it would be really nice. It's crazy when you think nowadays, you know, kids are learning on tablets. Even at school, they're doing their homework on tablets. And it is very important, I know, to both you and I, about WI Fi and how we can protect our kids online.
- [21:47]
Bri
I mean, can you imagine if there was a WI Fi that actually helped protect your kids online without you having to constantly think about it?
- [21:54]
Nikki
Oh, my gosh. Like taking a task off my list of things I have to do at the house. Yes, I would love that. And let's.
- [22:01]
Bri
I mean, that's like a big task, right?
- [22:03]
Nikki
A big one.
- [22:04]
Bri
Not only a task, like physical and mental. I was gonna say it takes away from us being hawk parents or like constantly hovering or giving our kids independence, but knowing that they're safe and. And, you know, being online with learning and having fun and you. You want to give your kids that space, but also know that they're protected.
- [22:25]
Nikki
Right. And that's why Nikki and I appreciate Xfinity WI fi so much. Xfinity WI Fi allows our kids to freely explore on the Internet by blocking online threats.
- [22:38]
Bri
Yes. I mean, it's working in the background to help keep them safe, which gives me, I know as a parent, so much peace of mind.
- [22:47]
Nikki
It's one less thing to worry about. And that means everything.
- [22:50]
Bri
It really does.
- [22:51]
Nikki
And that peace of mind goes a long way.
- [22:54]
Bri
To learn more about the most reliable WiFi from Xfinity, visit Xfinity.com that's Xfinity.com.
- [23:05]
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Rachel Hollis
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- [23:35]
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- [24:06]
Rachel Hollis
So one of the most powerful moments in my life is when I first heard the question, is life happening to you or is life happening for you? Because it really is a choice in how you look at the different things that are going on. And if you choose to decide that every single thing that it happens can be for you in some way, then it forces you to find, even in the worst situations, okay, well, what was the good that came out of that? Or how did I expand as a person? Or how did that split my heart open and make me more empathetic to other people? Like, every single thing that I've gone through in my life, I can look at and see how it was shaping me for something good. But the flip side of that is that if I choose to look at everything bad as happening to me, then I feel like that's how we become bitter, and that's how we kind of feel lost, and we feel cut off from source, and we feel like, you know, we're wandering around, you know, wandering through the desert. We don't really know how to, like, make our lives better or life is out to get us. I don't know. It was just one of the most powerful things that ever shifted for me, was like, if I choose to believe that the good stuff is for me, right? Like, when good things happen, when it goes my way, when, you know, people like the work or, you know, one of my kids is thriving at school, whatever, if that's for me, then it all has to be for me then. Then even the hard days, then even the stuff that goes wrong, then even the sad times, all of that is my life. I have to hold space for it being a lesson in some way. And that was a huge shift. I think anyone who's listening to this, who's on some kind of path, who has a goal, who has a dream, or is just trying to make, you know, the everyday life feel better? If you can just ask yourself that question. If you can see, there's a great book by Ryan Holiday called the Obstacle is the Way, if you've never read it, which is based on an old stoic philosophy that everything that happens to us is shaping us for good. It's just an incredible way to look at life, and it was really, really helpful for me.
- [26:15]
Nikki
Oh, I love that. So if someone feels stuck, if they feel that they're in that bitterness, that negative energy, things don't happen for Me? Yeah. I mean, getting this book. Yes. But what is that, like, first step that they could take?
- [26:35]
Rachel Hollis
I. I say this all the time, and I. I'm like, I'm so passionate about this idea, and it's gonna sound so simple that the first thing you might do is be dismissive of it. But I swear, if you are feeling stuck or bitter or sad or like, you don't know what to literally do anything, do anything. Getting unstuck. Think of it as a river, not a pond. Like, the water in a pond is stagnant. It's just sitting there. And if you're in a season like that where you're like, I don't really know what to do. The longer you stay in that spot, the worse it gets, the more you think, well, should I do this or this? It's like the Cheesecake Factory menu. Like, there's too many things on it. And then I. What am I even supposed to order? So just. I swear, just do anything. Like, sign up for a class. Say yes to any invitation that you get. Like, talk to the person at the coffee shop. Go listen to poetry or some live music. Ask yourself what you loved when you were a little girl. And maybe there's some fellows who listen to this, too, but I'm assuming it's mostly women. Like, I always ask women, who were you before you were theirs, before you were their mama, before you were his husband or her wife? Like, before you were this person, to all of these people, who were you? Because if you can identify the stuff that you loved as a little girl, I guarantee it would still light you up now. But the reality is, we learn at some point along the way that if we can't make money off something or if we can't be the best at something, that it has no value in our life. Or you get really excited. Like, you watch a YouTube video about how to do contouring makeup or something, you're like, yeah, but that's for girls in their 20s. Like, that's not for me. If you are interested and curious about something, just do it. Even if you're not going to turn it into a career or just the opportunity to lean into something new shifts the energy in your body, shifts the energy in your state, and brings new ideas and perspective and hope. That is, like, one of the things I think, that we're getting more and more hopeless as a society. And I don't even know if people, like, can use, like, if they can use that word. But it's this, like, hope feels like energy and it feels like, well, maybe tomorrow could be better than today and maybe I could make a difference. And maybe, you know, maybe, maybe, maybe. But if you're just in that same spot, you're never gonna feel that energy shift that you need in order to make some change.
- [29:13]
Nikki
Gosh, I agree with you. You know, it's so interesting because I've been very mindful in my last couple years of realizing what is making. When I look at my energy, why do I feel so tired right now? Or why do I feel like a little off or. And I started to whatever was making me feel heavy or not great take out of my life. Like, I can't get on social media before bed. I gotta read, I gotta watch a funny episode. You know, just like little things like that. Like, even in the morning, two coffees don't do it for me. One good coffee. That's all I need. I gotta be out with my chickens and go on hawk duty once a day. That to me, the sunlight on my face, watching my little pterodactyls run around makes me feel pure joy. And so picking up my kids from school. So I've definitely, like, readjusted and added things. Like, the other day I went out and I bought a shit ton of plants for my house because I always try to use the whole thing.
- [30:07]
Bri
Like, it's just a lot of work
- [30:08]
Nikki
and I'm gonna kill them. And I was like, just how I got my chickens. I just finally was like, no, I'm gonna go do it and we're just gonna figure it out. And I've had my plants for like five days, but I can't even tell you how happy they make me, seeing their little green faces all over, just draping around. I just, like, look at them and I'm like, oh, my gosh, I needed them. So I agree. If, like, anyone listening, it's helped me out so much in my last couple years just writing it down.
- [30:36]
Rachel Hollis
Yeah, it's so smart. Yeah, it's so smart what you're saying. And I think you've tapped into something. Like, it's again, it's these simple ideas is pay attention to the parts like you said that drain you. Which of those can you let go of? Right? Which could you cut out, literally today that you're doing, because you think you should, but actually, no one's really asking that of you. And then what are those things that you love? How do you pour more gasoline on that fire?
- [31:06]
Nikki
How.
- [31:06]
Rachel Hollis
And there's simple stuff like I'm nodding along with you because I am a. I love a plant. I have so many plants. They make. I am so with you. I water my plants every Saturday. It makes me so ridiculously happy. There are too many. They. They. It's too many in my house. But I, like, whatever. Who cares? Every time I'm at the grocery store, I'm like, maybe I need one more. Yeah, you know, that one's cute. Maybe I. Whatever.
- [31:32]
Nikki
Like, by the way, I am like you. So now I've been researching. I'm like, wait, I need a jasmine plant in my bedroom. Because they're supposed to help you sleep better and they smell good. So I've been looking for, like, cascade jasmine plants.
- [31:45]
Rachel Hollis
Well, also, I have air snake plants, like, every room in my house, because I heard that they filtered air, and they were really good. And I have teenage boys, so I'm like, give. Give me all. All the good properties.
- [31:56]
Nikki
Oh, yes. I got my kids each a plant. So my son picked out the snake plant. You know, the. Yeah. And then my daughter picked out some beautiful, like, good for. It's an indoor plant, but of course, it's like a pretty one that grows pink flowers and Nice.
- [32:11]
Rachel Hollis
So.
- [32:12]
Nikki
But I loved it. But, you know, I put my kids in a little class learning. They got to learn everything about plants. The importance of them, how to take care of them. So we're doing thirsty Thursdays. So that's when we'll check our soil, see if they need a little water, and from there. But I think that's, you know, plants. I gosh. For anyone listening, if you want just a little change in your house and with your feeling of your home and your personality, whatever it may do, I don't know. Plants is doing it for me right now.
- [32:39]
Rachel Hollis
Yeah, I totally agree.
- [32:41]
Nikki
So Nikki and I want. We have. We want to play a game with you, but before we get into that, we do want to talk to you about your book that came out a year ago, and something that we were telling our listeners that we would love to ask you is, you know, when people are taught. When you talk about building life on your own terms and the process with that, you know, I think a lot of people, we all have dreams, and we're like, we want to do it. What would you say to someone, like, I have this dream, but I have to work this job 8 to 5. I have a family. Like, they. They don't want to take the risk. That leap of faith. How would you push someone to really start a life that they can build on their terms?
- [33:23]
Rachel Hollis
Yeah, I think. I think of that. In two parts. One is for the person who does have responsibility in their life. Like you've got kids or you've got people counting on you or roommates who are counting on you to pay your half of the rent. Because I talk so often about, you know, you go after your dreams and you don't take no for an answer. Oftentimes I will find people come up and ask me questions and they've almost used that as rationale for doing something, frankly, stupid. Like, I never, never, never think that you should saddle your dreams and your hopes and your goals with the pressure of needing to perform for you in a certain time period. I think that when you do that, you actually set yourself up for failure instead of success. So if you have responsibility in your life, you can't just like throw your hands up in the air and then go do whatever it is you want to do. Unfortunately, you're going to have to carve out time for yourself to work on the dream that isn't inside of that window. It's like anything else in life, you're going to have to give something up in order to pursue something new. Whether that's sleep or relaxation time or, you know, Netflix or like hanging out with your friends or whatever it is. There's always going to be a trade off to wanting to bring something new into your life. But I think it's worth it. I think that even if it takes you 10 years of doing this thing over and over and over, but a decade from now you get to be the woman of your dreams. I'll take that bet all day. Like, because you know how old you're going to be 10 years from now if you don't pursue the dream. Still 10 years older but without this thing that you want. So you may as well fight for that time, man, if it's 20 minutes a day, if it's. This is how I wrote my first book was I had little kids and I had a full time job and I Woke up at 5am and I had an hour before the boys woke up and I would sit at my kitchen counter and I would just write and write and write. And it's so easy, I think, to maybe look at the success that someone has in their career and think that like there was support for that. Or think that like everyone was cheering me on. People thought it was crazy. My friends, my family, they were like, what are you talking about? Like, you're what you. And you know, you have a good job and you have this like good life. Like, why are you Trying for more. I think that's something that women get a lot, is this underlying level of trying to shame them for wanting to have a dream that's outside of this thing they've already built. So, yeah, you might have to fight for it in, you know, the hours before the sun comes up, but I think it's worth it. And then the flip side of that is, if you have any listeners, girls, if you do not have a baby, a partner, a response, you better go,
- [36:17]
Nikki
yeah, like, you better work.
- [36:19]
Rachel Hollis
Like, listen to the three of us who would tell you all day if we got to sit with you and have coffee, and we're like, we got these babies, we got these husbands, we got these respects. We got a mortgage. Like, there are things now. And of course, you wouldn't trade where we are now, but, like, there are things we can't do because of the life we have now that we might have been able to do at 19.
- [36:40]
Nikki
Right.
- [36:40]
Rachel Hollis
So if you were that person. And I feel like the women in my community, the young women in my community, they're like. They're like, I should be further along. Like, I should have found my partner. I should be married. I'm sure. I'm like, girl, you better move to Paris.
- [36:53]
Nikki
Yeah.
- [36:54]
Bri
I always say that the world is yours.
- [36:57]
Nikki
Yes.
- [36:57]
Rachel Hollis
Go do anything. Like, you have so much time and trying to, like, rush the process and force yourself into a life. It's almost like you're working backwards. So if you have this space, oh, I would go all in. I would, like, work at a coffee shop and do whatever I needed to do and just pour as much as I could into my dream, which was to be a writer. That is what I would do if I was 20 years old right now.
- [37:21]
Nikki
Oh, my gosh. I. I would be your roommate in Paris, and we'd be at the cafe together. So just so you know. And I wanted to do that in my early 20s. Chickened out, and I wish someone pushed me. I wish I had people like you I was listening to. You know, at the time, we didn't have social media or podcast or, you know, you just watch the interview that you saw either on the morning show or, you know, On Late Night 60 Minutes. Yeah.
- [37:47]
Bri
They were shaming women.
- [37:48]
Nikki
And half the time you were terrified. Yeah, what you were watching.
- [37:55]
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Rachel Hollis
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- [38:55]
Nikki
but you know it's amazing Rachel, because you are a history maker. I mean I think of all your sold out conferences how all these best selling books you have put out. There's so many women constantly are inspired by you. But Nikki and I would love because this is Women's History Month, who, who comes to your mind first of who you've been inspired by?
- [39:16]
Rachel Hollis
Oh like anyone in my community knows who I'm going to answer before I even say the words. But Oprah is my hero and has been my hero since I was you know, 8 years old watching her every like she was my babysitter after school, she was my mom. I was an Oprah baby. I came home latchkey kid and sat in front and absolutely watched Oprah and shouldn't have like was way too young to be watching, you know, the conversations that were happening on that show. But my whole life she was everything. And so much of the wisdom I have and I think a lot of the work that I've tried to do was because I was watching her from the time I was really young. And I will say I had the opportunity to meet her in 2020 I think and got to open for her on tour. And they say never to meet your heroes. But I want to tell anyone listening like it was, she was better than I could have ever. Like it was the most. Whatever you think she is, it's better. It is so she is so incredible and it's like one of the greatest gifts that she was more wonderful than I imagined her to be. Which was pretty hard. But yeah, she's my, she's my, my favorite.
- [40:27]
Nikki
Oh my gosh, that's incredible. And how amazing that you, I Didn't realize you opened up for her.
- [40:31]
Rachel Hollis
Yeah. It was for sure the scaredest I've ever been in my whole life. I just. There's no amount of preparation. I was just like. Because I didn't know when they asked me to do it that she would be sitting in the audience watching, which
- [40:44]
Bri
is like, are you kidding?
- [40:47]
Rachel Hollis
Like, there's no way. I just sort of blacked out. I'm not even sure of, like, what I said, but it was more. And afterwards, I was in my green room backstage, and there was a knock on the door, and they said, oh, Ms. Winfrey would like to come and say hi. And I was like, in a green room the size of a, you know, a small bathroom. I was like, are you. And it was. Do you ever have that thing when you're a kid where, like, someone's coming over to your house, your mom would be like, clean, everyone clean. So I just started, like, shoving things away, trying to make it clean for Oprah. And, yeah, she came back to the green room with Gail, which is insane, and just was so, so lovely and spent so much time with me and my girlfriends who had brought with me. And she didn't have to do that. Like, literally, there was no reason for her to do that other than just being the most gracious human. So, yeah.
- [41:37]
Nikki
Good for you, Rachel. What a moment in life. Before we get into inspiration affirmation, we just love to play a little game, a little rapid fire. We have five questions we're going to ask you. And. And obviously, because it is Women's History Month, we are going to have questions that are fun about that. So one. One woman from history you wish you could have dinner with.
- [42:01]
Rachel Hollis
Oh, my gosh. Oh, that feels impossible. Hold on. I want to give a really good answer. One woman from history. Guys, this is. Okay, this is terrible. I'm actually a huge history nerd, so this feels, like, too overwhelming to choose one, so I'm just going to choose to. Who has been on my mind lately? This is random, but Annie Oakley has been on my mind lately as one of these just amazing characters in history that I think has been between, like, the musicals and the movies, like, I think has been sensationalized, but actually did this thing at a time period where women were so oppressed, and she, like, pulled her family out of poverty and did all of these things with the skill women were not supposed to have. And so she is. Who's on my mind lately? Because I've just been thinking about her.
- [42:47]
Nikki
Oh, I love that she's so.
- [42:48]
Rachel Hollis
Dorky but that's who's in my head.
- [42:50]
Bri
That's really cool.
- [42:51]
Nikki
All right, next question. What does real power look like in a woman? Oh, wow.
- [42:58]
Rachel Hollis
Honestly, I think it's the recognition that you are powerful beyond measure. I think no matter who you are listening to this, whatever you do for a job, whatever you do in this world, whether you're, you know, running a billion dollar company or taking care of a parent who's aging, like, women are so incredibly powerful and most of the time don't have an awareness of that. It's one of the things so often when I've done meditations just on my own in the last decade is like, this awareness that I just. Like, we haven't even tapped into what we're capable of. And I mean, in terms of love, in terms of care, in terms of, like, healing ourselves and our bodies and like, generational trauma. And like, you just. If you first can understand that, it's like an. I don't even know. The power inside of you is incredible.
- [43:52]
Nikki
If you.
- [43:53]
Rachel Hollis
Even if you don't know how to tap into it yet, but you know that it's there and you start to get curious about what that might look like, I think that you'll be surprised at what starts to bubble up for you. But, oh, my gosh, you are so powerful, you are so strong, and you were so worthy.
- [44:08]
Bri
The divine feminine.
- [44:09]
Nikki
I love that. Next question. A woman you think doesn't get enough credit.
- [44:15]
Rachel Hollis
A woman who doesn't get enough credit.
- [44:17]
Nikki
I know it's kind of a hard one.
- [44:19]
Rachel Hollis
Oh, that is a hard one.
- [44:20]
Nikki
But, oh, history.
- [44:22]
Rachel Hollis
I mean, everyone ever. I. I think, you know, because I'm a writer, I'm really aware, I. I'm really aware of how many women in history had to write under men's names or had to write, you know, under, like, initials. You didn't know they were women because you, you know, it was frowned on to be writing and to be a woman. But someone who doesn't give a. Get enough credit. Dang it. I wish. I, like. I'll write you a whole essay.
- [44:49]
Nikki
Good answer, though, you know, from that time. Yeah, so true.
- [44:53]
Rachel Hollis
Yeah, that would be a big one for me. Is like, women who weren't able to claim their name in history, whether that was scientists or women who supported their husband and then their husband got credit for the thing. So, yeah, that's who pops to mind. And there are thousands.
- [45:07]
Nikki
There really is. Oh, my gosh. Right. Two more questions. One thing. Women need to stop apologizing for having
- [45:16]
Rachel Hollis
a dream outside of everyone else. We are so often trained to believe that our worth is tied to who we are for other people. So are we a good daughter? Are we good sister? Are we a good wife? Are we a good mama? Are we good employee? A good boss? It's always tied to someone else. And so this idea of having your own hopes and your own dreams and something that is just for you is alien for a lot of women. And so they feel shame for taking any time away from the other people in their life in order to pursue the dream of their home heart. But it actually is the thing that will make you the best version of yourself. You want to be the best mama ever? Have a hobby that makes no sense to anybody else, but just really fills up your cup. Have things that you do for you. Go to dinner with your girlfriends and laugh until you pee your pants a little bit. Like, go fill up your cup and I swear you will show up better for everybody else. But you have got to stop apologizing for wanting to be your own people person.
- [46:19]
Nikki
Yeah, that's beautiful, reach. I love that. And then your last, last one we have is. Finish this sentence. When women support each other. Blank.
- [46:30]
Rachel Hollis
When women support each other, magic happens. I mean, there's a safety in that. There's a freedom in that. There's. I got to go. I moved to a new state and I got invited to a dinner party a couple weekends ago. And I was sitting around a table with 10 other moms from my kids school. And it was just this, this instant connection of these things that you only know about if you're a mom and we're like laughing till we're crying and like just this beautiful communion that happens when you connect with sisters. That can't happen. I love men. I'm, you know, I'm raising three of them. But like, it just, it is different when you can connect with another woman. So when you are supported by them and you feel the safety to just express yourself and dream bigger magic happens.
- [47:18]
Nikki
Oh, gosh. More goosebumps. Oh my goodness.
- [47:22]
Bri
That is so.
- [47:22]
Nikki
Women are magical. Well, you've already said so many inspiring stuff to us on this episode, so thank you. But we do always end our episodes. Little inspiration, affirmation. What's a quote or mantra that you
- [47:33]
Rachel Hollis
live by so will not surprise you that it's from Oprah? It's something that I heard her say when I was a girl and I wrote it on my notebook for school and then I kept it on my wall and it's just ingrained in my heart. Which is there's no such thing as luck. There's only preparation, meeting, opportunity at a moment in time. And I always thought if I was just willing to work really hard and I was prepared, then at some moment, the universe, God, would wink at me, I'd get this opportunity, and if I was ready for it, I'd be able to seize what was there. And I think there's a real power in that because it gives us agency and control over our life right now. Like, you might not be able to make that ultimate dream come true, but what could you do today to work on it so that when you get the chance, you're ready? And that was really. It just gave me a lot of hope as a kid, and I still carry it with me today.
- [48:33]
Nikki
Yeah, that is.
- [48:35]
Bri
It's very, very true.
- [48:36]
Nikki
Yeah. And no wonder. You've written all the books. You have inspiring millions of women with that. And also, I have to say, you know, watching a lot of your videos, your motivational speaking events, I hope I can make one.
- [48:48]
Bri
Yeah, I would love to make one.
- [48:50]
Nikki
Working now, are you on tour at all right now or where can people find you?
- [48:54]
Rachel Hollis
Yeah, so my favorite place to hang out is Instagram. That's probably the only social media that I really consume these days. So that, yeah, that's the one you're most likely to find me at. But I have a podcast as well, if you want to listen to me jabber on about, you know, believing in your dreams. And then there's a bunch of books somewhere out there in the world. You could grab one at the library for free. But, yeah, I'm all over the place.
- [49:16]
Nikki
You are just inspiring women daily. So thank you so much. Rachel, Nikki and I, honestly, we really wanted you on this month, so thank you for making the time.
- [49:25]
Rachel Hollis
Yeah, Honor. I really appreciate it.
- [49:27]
Nikki
We really wanted to showcase you, so you've done a lot for us and millions of others. So thank you.
- [49:32]
Bri
Yeah. And happy Women's History Month.
- [49:34]
Rachel Hollis
Yeah, you too, guys. Thank you.
- [49:36]
Nikki
Thank you.
- [49:38]
Bri
All right, everyone, well, make sure to look for videos of the Nikki and Bree show on our IG page, Tik Tok, Facebook, all the things YouTube. And make sure to also check us out at Sirius XM Stars 109. And hey, this is a super empowering month. We love to hear from all of you, our listeners. So please call in at 8:33 Garcia 2. Tell us what you think about our guests. Tell us maybe feels you have inspiration you have and you want to share with us stories. We want to hear them. So please call in. All right everyone. Well until next time. You are going to keep loving our guests. So happy Women's History Month as we keep on going.
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Rachel Hollis
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