#499 Golden Globes Ready, Reverse Resolutions & It's 2025, Size Doesn't Matter!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Nikki Glaser Podcast #499 – "Golden Globes Ready, Reverse Resolutions & It's 2025, Size Doesn't Matter!"

Release Date: January 2, 2025
Host/Author: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts
Description: Every week, comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced, and brutally honest look into current pop culture and her own personal life.

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1. Navigating Fame and Social Media Pressures

The episode kicks off with Matt Rogers, Brian Frangie, and Chris delving into the complexities of fame, particularly focusing on the pressures exerted by social media. They discuss the anxiety surrounding follower counts, the expectations to follow influential individuals, and the internal conflicts when these numbers don't match societal standards.

• Matt Rogers shares his frustration:
  "If you don’t follow certain comedians, it's like you don't think of them as friends or support them, which makes me feel rejected." [21:28]

• Brian Frangie highlights the dilemma of maintaining a balance:
  "Once you reach a certain number of followers, the dynamics of whom you follow changes, but it’s not always about mutual support." [53:28]

• Chris emphasizes the desire to connect authentically:
  "I comment all the time, even on things I disagree with, because it’s a way to engage and not just sit back." [55:00]

2. Personal Experiences at High-Profile Events

The conversation shifts to their experiences performing at notable events like the Golden Globes and Thursday Night Football. They reflect on the unpredictability of live audiences and the challenges of delivering content in high-stakes environments.

• Matt Rogers recounts his initial struggles:
  "During my first Thursday Night Football roast, the crowd was too energized with the game's outcome to pay attention to me. It was chaotic." [37:35]

• Brian Frangie contrasts this with the Golden Globes setup:
  "At the Globes, the audience expects a comedian, but the pressure to be both funny and appropriate is immense." [37:06]

• Notable Insight: The unpredictability of live performances underscores the importance of adaptability and resilience in comedic endeavors.

3. Body Image and Gender Dynamics in Comedy

A significant portion of the podcast addresses body image, particularly focusing on societal pressures related to masculinity and penis size. The hosts engage in a robust discussion about body shaming, the impact of cultural norms, and the responsibilities comedians have in addressing these issues.

• Brian Frangie provocatively states:
  "It's culturally acceptable to shame men for penis size, but women aren't held to the same standard when it comes to body shaming." [59:56]

• Matt Rogers emphasizes the harmful effects:
  "Shaming someone for something they can’t control, like penis size, contributes to societal harm and personal insecurity." [60:02]

• Chris adds a pragmatic view on the topic:
  "Using toys or supplements shouldn’t be a reflection of one’s worth. It’s about personal choice and self-acceptance." [66:14]

• Notable Quote:
  "We need to change the vibe about it. It’s not okay to shame someone for something as insignificant as penis size." – Matt Rogers [63:04]

4. Identity Protection and Financial Health

While somewhat interspersed with personal anecdotes, the hosts touch upon the importance of financial health and identity protection, highlighting the need to secure personal information in an increasingly digital world.

• Brian Frangie connects personal well-being with financial security:
  "Financial health is directly related to identity protection. It’s crucial to monitor and safeguard our personal information." [19:14]

• Matt Rogers echoes the sentiment, relating it to personal experiences with identity theft fears:
  "It only takes one mistake, or even someone else’s, to expose you to identity theft and lost funds." [19:14]

5. Building Authentic Connections and Avoiding Gossip

The hosts explore the challenges of building genuine relationships in the era of social media, where gossip and superficial interactions often take precedence. They advocate for authenticity and meaningful connections over superficial engagements.

• Matt Rogers reflects on the impact of gossip:
  "Gossip creates fake connections based on tearing others down rather than building meaningful relationships." [21:30]

• Brian Frangie shares his struggle with maintaining authenticity:
  "Talking shit about others often leaves me filled with bitterness and prevents me from being truly authentic." [24:56]

• Notable Insight: Striving for authenticity in interactions fosters healthier relationships and personal well-being, counteracting the negative effects of gossip.

6. Embracing Personal Growth and Setting Reverse Resolutions

As the new year unfolds, the hosts discuss the concept of reverse resolutions—setting goals focused on what they intend not to do rather than traditional resolutions. This approach aims to eliminate negative habits and foster positive change.

• Brian Frangie introduces the idea:
  "Reverse resolutions are about listing things you will not do, making it easier to achieve without the fear of failure." [21:28]

• Matt Rogers finds the concept appealing:
  "It's a practical way to eliminate bad habits without the pressure of achieving new ones." [22:06]

• Notable Insight: Reverse resolutions provide a structured method to phase out detrimental behaviors, promoting a healthier and more focused personal development path.

7. Concluding Thoughts and Upcoming Projects

In the final segment, the hosts share their excitement for upcoming projects and reflect on their growth as comedians. They express optimism about future endeavors, including the anticipated Golden Globes performance and other special projects in the pipeline.

• Matt Rogers expresses confidence in his preparation for the Golden Globes:
  "I'm in great shape for my Golden Globes performance. There's no part of me that thinks I need more time. This is it." [35:25]

• Brian Frangie compliments the collaborative efforts:
  "Working together has created a well-oiled machine, ensuring our performances are sharp and impactful." [36:12]

• Chris looks forward to future engagements:
  "We’ve got a lot more to share next week. Stay tuned and happy New Year!" [67:53]

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Matt Rogers [21:28]:
   "If you don’t follow certain comedians, it's like you don't think of them as friends or support them, which makes me feel rejected."

2. Brian Frangie [55:00]:
   "I comment all the time, even on things I disagree with, because it’s a way to engage and not just sit back."

3. Matt Rogers [63:04]:
   "We need to change the vibe about it. It’s not okay to shame someone for something as insignificant as penis size."

4. Matt Rogers [22:06]:
   "It's a practical way to eliminate bad habits without the pressure of achieving new ones."

5. Brian Frangie [36:12]:
   "Working together has created a well-oiled machine, ensuring our performances are sharp and impactful."

---

Key Takeaways

• Authenticity Over Gossip: Building genuine relationships and avoiding superficial interactions lead to better personal and professional outcomes.

• Reverse Resolutions: Focusing on what to eliminate rather than setting new goals can effectively foster positive change.

• Navigating Fame: Balancing social media pressures and maintaining authentic connections are critical for mental well-being in the public eye.

• Body Image Awareness: Addressing and challenging societal norms around body image, particularly masculinity, is essential for creating a more inclusive and accepting society.

• Financial and Identity Security: Protecting personal information is paramount in the digital age, directly affecting one's financial health and overall security.

---

Conclusion:
In this engaging episode, Matt Rogers, Brian Frangie, and Chris navigate the intricate landscape of fame, social media pressures, personal growth, and societal norms. Through candid conversations and shared experiences, they offer listeners valuable insights into maintaining authenticity, setting meaningful goals, and addressing prevalent social issues. Their discussions emphasize the importance of personal well-being, both mentally and financially, while advocating for a more compassionate and accepting societal framework.

Transcript

[Nikki Glaser]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Nikki Glaser]

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[Chris]

Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device, credit service port in 90 plus days with.

[Nikki Glaser]

Device and eligible carrier and timely redemption required.

[Brian Frangie]

Card has no cash access and expires in six months.

[Bowen Yang]

ABC Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.

[Matt Rogers]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like. So a couple of days when his.

[Bowen Yang]

Daughter moves back in.

[Brian Frangie]

The last time you walked out that.

[Matt Rogers]

Door, you look back at me and.

[Bowen Yang]

Gave me a double bird.

[Matt Rogers]

I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations. The wheels come off. Can we try to talk to each other like rational adults? If you watch the news lately, that's.

[Brian Frangie]

Not a thing anymore.

[Bowen Yang]

New Wednesdays, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Matt Rogers]

This is Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. Save the date for your cordially invited, a hilarious new wedding comedy starring Will.

[Brian Frangie]

Ferrell and Reese Witherspoon.

[Matt Rogers]

Chaos ensues when two weddings are accidentally booked on the same weekend at the same venue. Uh oh.

[Brian Frangie]

Will Ferrell plays the father of the.

[Matt Rogers]

Bride and Reese Witherspoon is the sister of the other bride. And they go head to head to.

[Brian Frangie]

Make sure the ones they love get.

[Matt Rogers]

Their special day together on screen. For the first time ever, it's Ferrell versus Witherspoon. Chaos comedy and alligator wrestling await you in invited watch January 30th on Prime Video. Spectrum Business knows that small business owners put in the work. It's unlimited hours, unlimited effort and unlimited passion. All to unlock the unlimited potential of your business. Get fast, reliable Internet, advanced WI fi with security shield and an unlimited mobile line, all only $49.99 a month. Learn how Spectrum Business can connect your business to unlimited [e-mail] business. It's your business made limitless. That's Life Unlimited. That's Spectrum Business. Restrictions apply often not available in all areas.

[Unknown]

Where'd you get those shoes?

[Brian Frangie]

Easy.

[Matt Rogers]

They're from dsw. Because DSW has the exact right shoes for whatever you're into Right now. You know, like, the sneakers that make office hours feel like happy hour, the boots that turn grocery aisles into runways, and all the styles that show off the many sides of you, from daydreamer to multitasker and everything in between. Because you do it all in really great shoes. Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store or dsw.com the Nikki Glazer podcast. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast here in Amazing. What is that? What? What? What is. You're already shaking your head. Did I disappoint you in some way?

[Brian Frangie]

No, no. It's just about, you know, we just. Life just keeps along, doesn't it?

[Matt Rogers]

Just keep going.

[Brian Frangie]

It just never ends.

[Matt Rogers]

The holidays are over. You know, for Christians.

[Brian Frangie]

It's like you have, like. It's going to be like, the Golden Globes are January 5th, and your entire life for the last month is the Golden Globes.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

Then on January 5th, the Golden Globes are going to happen, and then the next day you're going to wake up and your life is just going to continue on.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. Well, the next day I have to do Stern, and then the next day after that, I go to Hawaii. And then the next day then I have to come back for the Critics Choice Awards. And then. And then I have a special to start preparing for. Like, it's just. There's never going to be an end to working.

[Brian Frangie]

Yep. That's good.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's good, I guess. Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

I think I'm having an existential crisis with the repetitive nature of the intro to this podcast. I think every time you do it, I go like, is this another two? What's happening?

[Matt Rogers]

Right, right, right. Yes. Yeah. It just keeps going. You have to, like, keep.

[Brian Frangie]

No, it's.

[Matt Rogers]

You need sleep every day. You need to eat every day. Like, you're never. Like, some people are bothered by eating. I remember, like, someone was like, I hate that I have to eat. Like, it's like. I think it was. I think Andrew Schultz one night at the Cellar was like, I don't really like to eat. It, like, interferes with my productivity. Like, I have to remember to eat. I'm like, whoa, that's wild. It's the only good part of my life.

[Brian Frangie]

Eating is amazing.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. But some people, it gets in the way.

[Brian Frangie]

I feel that way about showering. I every. If I don't shower in the morning and I have to shower at night, and I'm like, it's just, like, weighing on me and it takes like 25 minutes.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, don't even talk to me about. Sorry, we have to blow dry our hair. Yeah, that is all. Or you just look gross.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah, I blow dry my hair too. But I've been doing this thing lately. I don't know if women are onto this, but I'm sure we've been onto.

[Matt Rogers]

It since the turn of the 16th century. What is it?

[Brian Frangie]

You. The towel you don't blow dry and then you just have wet hair for a while and then like maybe an hour later you blow dry it and it takes like two seconds.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, but. Yeah, but it can take a shape when it's longer. Oh yeah, that's harder to get out with the blow dry. But it really does make all the difference to blow dry your hair. I find as a woman, if I just let it air dry, which I do, I would say 80% of the time, you just have to wash it the next day sooner because it gets scraggly and it just looks like shit. And it's like thin, frizzy even. I got a fucking ad yesterday on my Instagram that was like, do you have curly kind of frizzy hair that when you air dry it, it looks like shit? It was like, how do you know? Like, I don't even post pictures of myself when it looks like that that often. But it knew. It was like, does it get tangly on the bottoms? And then you can't get the hair tie out cause it's tangled around. And it was like, it was so targeted just based on some of the pictures it's scanned about me.

[Brian Frangie]

Well, wait til ads get a real handle on AI because then the ads will be like, hey, Nikki, I've noticed that your hair has been tangled lately in your pictures. And we have this product that actually would fix that exact thing. It'll be like. And it'll be like Taylor Swift's voice.

[Chris]

Yeah, you'll talk back to it too and be like, oh, thank you so much for letting me know. No one else is paying attention to me. Yeah, I feel so alone. You're my only.

[Brian Frangie]

And there'll be a bunch of comments on the ad, like, Nikki should really get this. And then your AI will be making their own comments and your phone will.

[Chris]

Dry your hair for you people.

[Matt Rogers]

I was thinking yesterday I got a DM from tmz. Like this girl that works at TMZ that's always just sent me like, nice thing. Like she's just like, hey, you want to comment on this? Or like, whatever TMZ is Like, they're nice people, and a lot of them are, like, comics and stuff. The people that wait outside. So I'm always just, like, nice to them if they ever want to. Like, they're always asking me inflammatory things. I think in New York, they asked me about Luigi, and I was like, I don't want to talk about that guy. Like, I was just like, I'm gonna say something that's gonna be weird. I was like, no. Like, why am I no commenting about Luigi? It made me feel like I had. Like, I fucked him or something, you know? Like, no comment about it. But I was just like, it's my dog's name that disappoints me. You know? Like, my. Used to be the hottest Luigi or whatever. I said something and. But then yesterday, I get a DM that was like, hey there. We just got a tip about you, and we're wondering if you would want to comment before we run it and that. I'm not kidding you. Like, I. Yeah, I. I was. I was down in, like, the lot, like, working on the script. I was, like, about to go into a writer's meeting upstairs, and I was getting the script ready, and then I'm like, I. I truly felt what maybe might feel like a panic attack, because I. And then I'm texting Emily, showing her. I texted Chris, and they're like, call this number if you want to, like, talk to us about it before we run it. So I. I sent it to Chris, and Chris is like, I'll call. So he calls the number, and I'm just like. But he's up in the apartment. I'm downstairs. I'm, like, waiting for the bubbles to come up. Of, like, show me what is it? And he's like, they're calling me back. I got sent to a different guy. I'm like, oh, God. And then they finally call back, and it's. It's about a show that taped. They were like, we got a hot tip that Nikki talked a lot of shit about this celebrity at this show taping. And I wasn't on the show taping, and I didn't talk shit about that person. And no one even did on the show. And it was a total. It was literally the most nothing. I hate when people say nothing burger. But, like, this is. It was. It was truly nothing. My heart rate, vegan. I just was like, I was so.

[Chris]

It is a nothing burger.

[Matt Rogers]

I was so calm immediately. But I wrote to Chris. I was like, that was not worth what I just went through. Like, I just got A. A cardio exercise. But like I just aged. Like that was so stressful thinking that like I was gonna have to like put out some statement or like really ultimately it was about like someone might be mad at me or someone might. That I'm performing for at the Golden Globes. Might have heard that I said something about a dress they wore once or whatever. The.

[Brian Frangie]

One of the jokes were testing.

[Matt Rogers]

No jokes. I could stand by because I'd just be like, they're jokes. Yeah, but if it was like something I had told a friend backstage about some celebrity that was rude to me and like, because I talk shit about celebrities that are pieces of shit, but I'm not famous enough to like be out with that. I will someday. And I think that's relatable. Like, but I always do that.

[Chris]

It is relatable. Like if you go and you fly and you're going over customs, you always think you might have drugs in your bag or you think, oh yeah, like, like the most negative, like I, I must have, I must be doing something wrong. I'm. I've done that all the time. And I've. And I haven't done cocaine in.

[Matt Rogers]

When I quit 20 years.

[Chris]

I'm like, I have so much coke in my bag.

[Brian Frangie]

But if you're going to like Singapore or something and you had just like.

[Matt Rogers]

Some like a Ambien on your shoes.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Coaster.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah. You'd get your decapitated.

[Matt Rogers]

No, I was just terrified. And I was just like, that was really unnecessary to put my nervous system through. Like I was really shooken up. I felt it, the effects of it all day long. And it was just five minutes of like really like oh my God. And you know, it's like anything lose your purse if you're like kid, you kind of lose track of them at the mall for 30 seconds or whatever. Like it was just that kind of thing of like everything's about to be taken from you. But also I was kind of like, okay, fine. Yeah, like I'll just, I'll. I'll be okay.

[Brian Frangie]

I was like, tmz, now I need an emt, which is Trevor Wallace style joke. Oh yeah, Trevor Wallace is listening. I just wrote a good. Trevor. Yeah, that's a good joke.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, that is a good. Yeah. And then I'm gonna. And then I'll have to do that DMT to get my life back.

[Chris]

And then I'll have to go to the. I'm gonna have to go to the DMV license because I just lost it.

[Matt Rogers]

And then I'll be Straddling my lives of my. My sides of my world. Like, I'm on the dmz.

[Brian Frangie]

Wow. And then, like, demilitarized.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. Like, you. Like, if you can't, you can put your foot over it. I think it's gonna feel like I've been. I've looked over it. I think.

[Brian Frangie]

Wait, you say you've been to. In Korea.

[Matt Rogers]

Korea, Yeah, I went to Korea. Yeah.

[Chris]

South.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. But I looked into North.

[Brian Frangie]

Whoa.

[Matt Rogers]

But it was like 2008. We were performing for the American troops that were stationed over there.

[Brian Frangie]

Oh, you did a USO thing.

[Matt Rogers]

Y. It was. Wasn't uso. It was called Tess's Funny Ladies or something.

[Brian Frangie]

Wow. That's a lot more official sounding.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, it was. I bombed. So, like, wow.

[Chris]

Was it for the troops?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, I bombed the troops heavily. It was. It was so I. Because I had to follow the first show. I followed April Macy because I had, like, recently gotten. It was 2009, summer of 2009. I'd gotten a Tonight show credit. So, like, I guess they were, you know, the woman organizing the show was like, Nikki should close. She has a Tonight show credit. And. And April had been doing it a little bit longer than me. April's just like a fucking.

[Brian Frangie]

It's a different skill.

[Matt Rogers]

Like, she's. I wouldn't want to follow her now. Like, I just. It's. She's just so good. So April Macy, and she had just done the last comic standing, but they put me after her on the first show. They switched that real quick. I bombed worse than I've ever bombed. Like, I could.

[Chris]

North Korea is taking notes. Yeah. She's like this. We gotta put this.

[Matt Rogers]

He's pointing out my set to his daughter on that little tour. We. Yeah, we. But then we had to do a meet and greet afterwards. Like, if I bomb, I don't want to see anyone. Like, I always. I don't want to see anyone. Even if I kill after the show. I'm always, like, scared one person is going to be, like, ruin the moment. Didn't like it. And they have to pretend because their husband wants to meet me. And, like, it happens. I see it happen. They're never really blatantly rude about it. But I see when people don't want to meet me, where they go, I'm good. I don't need a picture. And it's not even about, like, I don't like pictures. I don't. You know, it's like, literally, I don't like you. And I'm trying to let you know that kind of thing.

[Brian Frangie]

That's terrible.

[Matt Rogers]

But this. It was. I cried in the bathroom after and then they switched it. So I went before her and I ended up having a better time. But that trip was really fun. And Seoul is so clean.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

No trash cans anywhere.

[Brian Frangie]

Seems to be a common thread in Southeast Asia. Of all those. It can be done in Singapore. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

We could not have trash.

[Chris]

Do we even.

[Matt Rogers]

There's no trash.

[Brian Frangie]

Well, there's two things I think this is my. One is heavy penalties for littering. So if you. In Singapore, if you put trash on the ground, they cut off your hands. Literally. No, not literally, but figuring it out. Then they take the hands and they.

[Nikki Glaser]

Figuratively.

[Brian Frangie]

No, it's pretty harsh penalties.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. No trash, but so many hands.

[Brian Frangie]

And then second, it's just cultural. There's a thing that they have in Southeast Asia or something. It's close to respect. There's a thing they have in Southeast Asia that we've totally lost in America, and it's called shame. And if you litter, you might be culturally shamed for doing that. Where in America no one has any shame anymore. And it's.

[Matt Rogers]

I am filled with it. If there was a wrapper that fell out of my pocket and someone saw it fall out and I didn't get it, I would then. And if I, like, found later, like, oh, my God, it fell out of my pocket, someone might have seen that and thought I did that on purpose. Deep shame for a person that I don't even know.

[Brian Frangie]

You're in the minority.

[Matt Rogers]

You should feel shame if you litter. If people who. If you are someone who listens this podcast and you are someone who puts their fucking cup outside of your car, you clean your car out on the parking lot and you think putting your cup and everything sitting upright isn't litter, and you just sit there on the yellow line in between the cars. Stop listening to this podcast. I don't. I do not want you to listen to this. I don't. I think you're a bad person. I think you don't think about anyone but yourself. Someone has to fucking pick that up. And also.

[Brian Frangie]

Or not. Or it just blows around forever.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. And I know, like, it's gonna end up in a landfill anyway. Well, let's just. By the time until the landfills start creeping into society, can we just keep it a little tidy?

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And also, if you're in a bathroom. And I've said this before, and this is something that I have stuck to since I realized it one day. I have never once, literally in the past, I would say 10 years, and this is pretty impressive. Never once have I been in the bathroom and, you know, pulled the toilet paper, which girls have to do every single time you have to utilize toilet paper and you sometimes get the strands. Which I always think the Ellen DeGeneres joke where she's like, this isn't a time to be celebrating. Like, it looks like party. Like, she's like, this is no time to be celebrating. I always say that. But if a little piece of toilet paper falls onto the floor from me pulling it out, any. Any piece of anything, I will always pick it up. Never once have I been like, it's already a shitty bathroom. It's all over. Not if it's in a urine. Like a.

[Brian Frangie]

10 years running.

[Matt Rogers]

10 years. And if I go to. If I wash my hands and I use a paper towel and it misses the bin and it falls on the floor. And I used to be someone who was just like, there's a bunch of paper towels on the floor. Anyway, who gives a shit? I have never once in 10 years since I said, nikki, if you ever do this again, your career will not go the way you want it to. I made one of those fucking OCD things, but it really wasn't about that. It was like, that was to get me to do it. But it's really about I realized someone has to bend down and pick that up. And I know it's like, they're already down there. And there's one more thing. It's still one more little lean. Why am I good doing that to that woman's back? Who's cleaning up this bathroom? Why is that her job, to clean up my fucking mess? Her job is to empty the bins. Her job isn't to pick up my slot because I can't get it in the hole or because I'm like, it's gross. I don't want to touch the bathroom floor. Neither does she. Bitch, like, clean. Stop leaving paper towels everywhere in these bathrooms. Stop leaving your piss all over the toilet seat. Stop leaving shredded pieces. If you don't want to touch the ground to pick up a piece of toilet paper, get more toilet paper and pick it up with it like you're picking up dog shit. There's a way to do it sanitarily. Just start being.

[Brian Frangie]

And for men, nicer. Stop spitting your gum in the urinal. That's maybe one of the worst things. Oh, wow. Look at any. Look at any urinal. Go to a football stadium and look in a urinal and men will spit gum in the urinal. And that I've heard from people on interviews or something. When they interview the cleaning people.

[Matt Rogers]

Sure, yeah. Post.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah. They say that the worst possible thing is when someone spits gum in the urinal because it's like, impossible to get out, and it just ruins everything. If it gets into the drain, forget about it. Then they have to replace the entire urine.

[Matt Rogers]

I think gum is probably a scourge on this planet.

[Brian Frangie]

Gum. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. It's just like, you know, it's all over the sidewalks. It just like, creates this little black mass. Cigarettes. It's like, at least you can pick them up. Gum is just like. You just keep it there until it wears away.

[Brian Frangie]

And it's just like if it gets stuck on your shoe, it's. That's like one of the worst things that can happen to a human being.

[Matt Rogers]

Ew. It's just. It's so bad. I quit. I quit chewing gum.

[Brian Frangie]

Just do mints. Just do suck. Just do a cough drop.

[Matt Rogers]

But it's really. It's good for people who are trying to avoid eating. People love. Like, I used to eat gum too. Like, to. To instead of. Yeah. And I was addicted to it. And I quit, I think, five years ago. And it. The one thing about quitting gum, first of all, it's like you just have to learn to just figure something out to do with your body when you're not chewing gum all the time. Because some people are. Are addicted to gum for sure. It's like a cigarette, you know, it's like, the meal's over, I'm putting in gum. It's like resetting.

[Brian Frangie]

Better than a cigarette.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

I guess what science needs to do, you need to invent gum that you can chew. And then when it's done, you can just eat it. You can just swallow it.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, People.

[Chris]

People do do that.

[Matt Rogers]

People do do that. But also, you would just, like. It would have to change.

[Brian Frangie]

Like, the way that gum is.

[Matt Rogers]

You would just want to swallow it if it was edible right away.

[Brian Frangie]

There's got to be a switch you can press. Or you know what you can do? You can. It comes with a little powder packet. And you open, undo the powder packet, and then you drink.

[Matt Rogers]

You think, is anything worse than undoing a powder packet? Like when you dump those in your waters, like, it gets everywhere.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

It seems like there's Coke on the table.

[Brian Frangie]

Opening a flower.

[Matt Rogers]

We gotta go to break. We have so much more. No, no, I got it.

[Nikki Glaser]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Nikki Glaser]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Brian Frangie]

So it's the new year, and, you know, we did this last year, and I think we should do it again. What are the things? Not resolutions per se, but last time we did. What are the things we want to not do?

[Matt Rogers]

Oh.

[Brian Frangie]

That way you can't fail.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh.

[Brian Frangie]

Unless you do it.

[Matt Rogers]

Well. Yeah, that's.

[Brian Frangie]

They're like the reverse resolutions we talked about. Reverse. Remember this? Reverse resolutions from last year.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't remember now.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah. I barely remember. I can't even articulate it.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

But it was like, here are the thing. Here are five things I will not do in the year 2025.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, interesting. Okay. I like this.

[Brian Frangie]

And like, obviously, like, smoking cigarettes or something is impossible, but, like, you can say, like, I am definitely not going to binge watch an entire season of a show in one day.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Brian Frangie]

Something like that. It's easier to accomplish.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay. I think I've got one.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah?

[Matt Rogers]

Do you have one?

[Brian Frangie]

No.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Brian Frangie]

Haven't thought about this in a while.

[Matt Rogers]

After the TMZ thing, I was like, you know, what would make this. What would have made my heart not. Not sink? And I've talked about this a million times. Gossip is just such a great way to connect. If you don't have anything else to connect with someone over. If you, like, are lacking in creativity, if you're lacking in a real connection, it's like a fake connection based on needing to shit on someone else. And it, like. And it also creates the. I know people who I talk with talk shit about me. There's no question in my mind. It makes me feel a little unsafe to ever be truly authentic with them. Even though I'm not, like, very cognizant. Like, I'm not, like. Like it's subconscious, but I just. I would like to be a person that, you know. Like my friend. Like, my friend Rick Glassman. If one time I tried to talk shit about someone we both mutually knew, that was just like. It was a friendly talking shit of like, did you see that? Oh, boy, that was rough. Or something like that. And he's like, yeah, I don't. I'm not gonna. I don't really. I don't want to. That's my friend. And I'm just like, what? Like, I'd like to do. Be that person.

[Brian Frangie]

You, Rick, last.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't want to make people feel weird because about it, like, you're a bad person. But, like, it's just a way to do it. And be like, well, I like that person. I don't wanna.

[Brian Frangie]

That's good because he's purely honest too. So if he was talking, it would be. We'd know. Was like, so true.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

And so him having, like, policy of not talking is very good.

[Matt Rogers]

It. I. I utilized it the other day. Someone wanted to talk about someone doing bad, poorly on something and. Or like said that they weren't good or something. And I was just like, I actually love that person. Like, I just had to. I didn't want to, like, make everyone feel weird, but I'm just like, no. Like, I like them. Like, yeah, they. And. Or empathize. Like, yeah, I've had a. I've had. I've bombed on something too. Or I've been really cringe on. Like, just be like, yeah, that's happened to me too.

[Brian Frangie]

That's. That's easier to do the more successful you get because you have not. They're not hurting you by being shitty at their thing. I have a lot of trouble not talking shit about other writers who are right. And I'm just like, why? Like, just get out of here as a one. I also have trouble with, like, lack of perfectionism. I'm a perfectionist. And when someone is unskilled at something and it's just wrong, I get. I can't. It hurts me in my being. And that's the people I talk shit about. Like I. And I'm bitter all the time.

[Matt Rogers]

But if you're willing to say that to those people's faces, I have no problem with this.

[Brian Frangie]

That's the difference. Well, I would be willing to do that if many of them didn't have power over me or something. Like, me talk. Like, talking shit about somebody like. Like that's powerful. Will only hurt me if. If I said it to their face, whereas.

[Matt Rogers]

Right, but then you're still not being authentic.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah. And. Well, that's why I have all these probably pains.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

I'm just filled with bitterness. But I was watching Timothee Chalamet this morning. It was part.

[Matt Rogers]

Of course you were.

[Brian Frangie]

There was a text chain that. I don't know why you weren't included on it, but it was like everyone was on and except you. I guess we didn't want to bother you or something.

[Matt Rogers]

That's nice.

[Brian Frangie]

But it was. But it was.

[Matt Rogers]

Bother me with it now, though.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah. So I think Bob maybe sent out.

[Matt Rogers]

Because Tim Brian's been obsessed with Timothee Chalamet since he saw him on Theo Vaughn's podcast.

[Brian Frangie]

Well, I was on the edge. I was like, I think I love this guy. And then I watched him on Theo Vaughn. No, Theo Vaughn was. Yeah, I think that was the tipping point.

[Matt Rogers]

That was because he went on the big screen just to like, do the dishes and have it on the background and maybe listen to it for like 10 minutes. And he left on the whole thing and said he was completely charmed by Timothee Chalamet. He. He ran a huge campaign during one of our writers meetings. Like, be on board with Timothy Chalamet. We were like, we are not as much as you. And then he knew. He knows everything about him and he's not wrong. Timothee Chalamet is awesome.

[Brian Frangie]

No, Timothy Chalamet is amazing. I think my favorite performance of Timothee Chalamet is the press tour he's doing for Bob Dylan. Because every single thing is must watch as hell.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, I love him. So what is.

[Brian Frangie]

So he was on Nardoir this morning.

[Matt Rogers]

And Nardoir is this like, kind of kooky guy that.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah, it's always Nardoire versus. Because the interviews can be a little bit antagonistic because he asks really invasive questions that you don't even remember about yourself. Like, where did you grow? Like, your third grade teacher said this about you. Somehow he investigate journalism and figures out these things about your past that you have no idea. You don't even remember.

[Matt Rogers]

Whoa.

[Brian Frangie]

And then he asks you things about stuff you probably should know about. Like, he asked him a lot of questions about Bob Dylan and Timothy Chalamet was on it. But Timothy was on Nardwar. This was being texted this morning, and he was unbelievable on it. And so one thing he did. This is why I brought this up. One thing he did on it, he didn't talk shit about anybody, obviously. But what he did do is he continuously throughout the interview gave shout outs to people that he admired or respected. So all he does is do shout outs. One time it was even gotten to be like a joke. One time Nardwar was like, hey, your grandma grew up in Canada. And Timothee Chalamet goes, yes, she did. Shout out Canada. Shout out North America.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay, I'm sorry. It's a. It's.

[Brian Frangie]

That was a joke.

[Matt Rogers]

It was.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah, he was joking. He went shout out North America. But no, most.

[Matt Rogers]

I mean, yeah, yeah, that's a joke.

[Brian Frangie]

Most of the time he's like, Johnny. Like when he's talking about how Johnny Cash was played by a different guy in the Bob Dylan movie, he makes sure to say, and all the respect to Joaquin Phoenix. He was amazing in his.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

And shout out as. And so he just kinda like always pays homage. And he does it, I think, because he actually is very self conscious about being judged, about being a bad person, about not respecting. And I think this might be true of Gen Z overall is they are very aware that shit will be talked about them on the Internet if they're mean, if they say something wrong.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, yeah. There was a video that Emily, I wanted her to edit of my mom and I both dressed for the last ERAS tour in the Taylor Swift tortured poets like military jacket, which is the scene where she is marching to the smallest man who ever lived. Bridge is my favorite part of the show. And so before the show I asked my mom to like, let's do this thing where we march down the hallway and like, you lip sync it. So I'm like teaching her how to lip sync. So I'm like, oh, we'll like marry the two of us marching. It'll be kind of a fun TikTok. And I sent Emily the footage and I was like, actually, I think you should just like edit the bloopers because it's kind of funny. And so she put together this whole blooper reel of me, like telling my mom how to do this and directing my mom. And there's not one point where I'm like, good job. Because like, I cut. Every time I cut. I would be like, good, okay, like. Cause I was like trying to keep the energy up. I was. But I just seem abusive the whole time. Cause I'm like, now march. Legs higher. Legs like. And I'm. And I can't put it out because it's like the Gen Z will see this and be like, you're mean to your. Like. Cause there's no part where I'm like, good job. Even though I did say that throughout. It's like. And it is so funny because there's so many moments that are funny, but I literally can't release it because I'm like, I just. They'll get the wrong idea about who I am. And like, because I'm like, no, look a little bit more sad. No, mom, like, like, like there's like a little bit of like a brattiness in my voice at some points. But yeah, no praise, just constant like.

[Brian Frangie]

Do it this way, do it this way.

[Matt Rogers]

But I cut. I like, next time, I know, like, just put that in. Like, leave it in. I was just trying to make editing easier for her, but I'm like, next time add in. Don't do it. Manu, don't, don't do it. Just insincerely. But like, leave it in because otherwise you can't use it because Gen Z is very fine. Like they're intelligent.

[Brian Frangie]

Like the person who's probably making the next Taylor Swift right now.

[Matt Rogers]

What do you mean?

[Brian Frangie]

Oh, yeah, like that's how you make a Taylor Swift.

[Matt Rogers]

No, Taylor Swift did not get made by her parents.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah, at all. But who was it?

[Matt Rogers]

Her.

[Brian Frangie]

She abused herself.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. She bullies herself because she puts her. Wait, what's the Eminem line? I bully myself because it make me do what I put my mind to and I'm a million leagues above you ill When I speak in tongues I'm almost memorized Rap God.

[Brian Frangie]

Rap God when are you going to debut Rap God?

[Chris]

I bet you shall.

[Matt Rogers]

You don't even understand how hard. Like when I started this, this journey to memorize Rap God.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

The first couple days I was like, I'm never gonna. It's literally impossible. Like, it felt kind of like Dancing with the Stars where I'm like, like, I can't do that dance. Like there's no way. Even though it's like, not that. But Rap God truly is so fast, so hard. And I'm like 80% of the way there. Chris walks in all the time on me practicing, which is kind of embarrassing because he's like, shouldn't you be practicing the globes? But I feel like it's helping me to practice saying words fast.

[Chris]

Creativity.

[Brian Frangie]

I mean, yeah, you are like nailing the. These are all new jokes that you're. And you are nailing the lines and stuff.

[Matt Rogers]

It happens. It helps me memorize and get cadence down and like rhythm. Like it's. And it's just like a different. It's just switching up something like I gotta mix up my goals.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah. Well, that's probably good for your mental acuity as you age.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Chris]

If you were speaking Rap God, how long do you think it would be?

[Matt Rogers]

Well, Rap God is like.

[Chris]

If you're just talking.

[Brian Frangie]

Just talking Rap God.

[Chris]

Over an hour.

[Matt Rogers]

No, no, no, no. It's. I would say. I would say it's probably 25 minutes.

[Brian Frangie]

25 minutes. Wow.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

I would say it's even longer. I mean, it's so many words.

[Matt Rogers]

It's so many. It is so many words. I think it's. The song is like six minute long. Six minutes. Six minutes. Yeah. That's the topic.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah, yeah, it's a six minute song.

[Matt Rogers]

If you haven't heard the Rap God, as someone go, you got to Go listen to it. Because it's just. Just know that I've almost memorized it all. I can do each part, but I can't do it. Like, there's one part that I'm a little struggling with, and it's not the part you think I've got.

[Chris]

Can you do it acapella without the music?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, I've been doing it in the shower a lot. Like, once you start listening to it enough, it, like, gets gets into your brain. But I'm. I think I'll debut it. I'll probably put it on TikTok at some point. But it does say the. The F word a lot. The other F word.

[Brian Frangie]

This is amazing progress. I remember a few years ago, you were talking about having trouble memorizing the Star Spangled Banner.

[Matt Rogers]

Yo. Yeah, that was.

[Chris]

I have trouble with that one still.

[Brian Frangie]

Just. Just that one.

[Chris]

Yeah. I don't know why.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that. There's a lot of pressure on that. This one's. This is the new Star Spangled Banner, by the way.

[Brian Frangie]

Every year, at the end of every year, you memorize a new song, but.

[Matt Rogers]

Back to, like, Jet, like, being worried about, like, people thinking you're nice. Like, that is that. That is interesting that Gen Z is, like, aware or, like, the famous people coming up are aware of that. Not reading the comments really frees me, but it's kind of. It kind of does make you. Yeah. You know, it's like I don't get to see any of the good stuff. I don't get to interact with people.

[Brian Frangie]

You like hearing the good stuff stuff, you know?

[Matt Rogers]

Yes. You know, it's nice. Was like Emily writes me, like, JLO said. Yeah, this slays or whatever, you know.

[Brian Frangie]

Like, lots of famous people commented on the Empire State Building.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. And I. I think Emily told me about a couple of them. It. I don't. I can't remember, though. It doesn't land. I don't think it really lands.

[Brian Frangie]

Well, I did. I shared a link to everyone except you. This is a very common thing now, because we.

[Matt Rogers]

That's okay. You don't want to bother me, but.

[Brian Frangie]

Well, this wasn't. I don't want to bother you. This was. I know that you don't like reading comments, so I'm not going to share it with you.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Brian Frangie]

But I shared it with Chris and Bob and Ian and Sean, and I was like, somebody random on YouTube posted your Thursday Night Football from last week. It got 140,000 views.

[Matt Rogers]

Whoa.

[Brian Frangie]

This is like a random YouTube channel with 8,000 subscribers. So it's not like a big deal. And all the comments are so positive.

[Matt Rogers]

Really.

[Brian Frangie]

Everyone's like, I. Someone said, I don't watch the game, I only watch Nikki.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh my God, that's so nice.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah. And I was just, Everyone was so overwhelmingly positive. I was like, this is so nice.

[Matt Rogers]

I hope we get to do it again. Like they were really fun like that. Was this the kind of thing that I'm like, I just, I just, I, you know, I hope there's time in my schedule to do that in the fall. I think there were. I'll be gearing up to tape something in the fall. I think so. It'll be tough but like they're not. The beauty is we don't have to write until we get like we have to write a little bit until we get there.

[Brian Frangie]

Monday. Well, you just kind of send out an assignment on Monday and then Wednesday night, the night before, and then Thursday.

[Matt Rogers]

It's like memorizing rap. God, it takes you out of whatever you're doing. It's just like a one night thing that takes you out of it and then you get back to what you have to do. It's like a different, it's.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah, it's, it's a well oiled machine at this point.

[Matt Rogers]

It's great.

[Chris]

You rather have known about the Globes, like less time, less time. Do you think you could have too much time?

[Matt Rogers]

I know because I didn't start working on it until like until Chris was done with the two projects he was working on because he was really going to run it. And I know that he would never let me not start early enough. And so like I just went by like when Chris was like, it's time to go. And yeah, I feel like there's just no, I feel like in really good shape for it right now and like I don't. There's not a part of me that's like, we need one more week. Like I think there's been there, there's been that for me in specials where I'm like, God, one more week. I could just fine tune some stuff. And then I just asked for another week. And it's always one more week for a special because it feels like it's just an hour of material. The golden globes is like 10 minutes. So it feels like I'm okay with being like this. This is what it is. And I shouldn't have done more and I couldn't have done more. And also the nominees didn't come out until the 9th, I think.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah, I think Later.

[Matt Rogers]

No, it was the ninth. It was the day after the last eras. And then that's how you know. That's how I know this was actually.

[Brian Frangie]

478 days after the last error. So I know that.

[Matt Rogers]

And also. Yeah. It's like, I just feel like you just don't. What was the other thing I was gonna say about taking. Oh. And I think about, like, I remember. I'm sure it's been said a million times about snl, but Bo and Yang was saying about SNL that, like, the most frustrating part is, like, you. You can't perfect it. Like, you write these sketches on a Wednesday night and you run them on Saturday, and, like, oh, man, if you had another two weeks to rewrite and punch up and do think different things about what production, more time to produce it and put it on camera, what could it be? But you just don't get that that's what it is, and that's what this is. Like, you don't get that. Like, this is.

[Brian Frangie]

I don't think we would have benefited from an extra week. I think we maybe would have suffered from an extra week.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you can. I do that every. Every time I have too much time to do my makeup, it starts. Look. It goes from looking perfect to disgusting. Like, it can ruin makeup just by, like, one more little thing. Let me just. And then it's.

[Brian Frangie]

Oh, God, what a metaphor for life, too.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. So it's like, I think this is a perfect amount of time because I'm getting to the point where I'm like, we're starting to take out jokes from the practice because I'm tired of saying them, and it's like, they're diminishing returns. And the best thing is, is, like, we had it. I thought, like, you know, based on, you know, Anya and Matt's reaction on the road, like, three weeks ago, like, an A plus set, like, oh, my God, this is going to kill. We've beat all of those jokes.

[Brian Frangie]

Pretty much all of them.

[Matt Rogers]

All the jokes that were like, our A plus of our original and maybe second and third, fourth drafts.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Are now, like, our days in the set. Because the rest has on a curve. It's great.

[Brian Frangie]

I don't think if it's on a curve, it's a D. I don't think we have lower than a B.

[Matt Rogers]

No, no, no. They're all. I agree. There' or two B jokes, and the rest are A's and then one or two A pluses, which is, like, what you want. You can't have all a pluses.

[Brian Frangie]

The scary thing about the monologue for the Globes is, unlike the Roast, where you have a better picture, you don't really know how the audience is gonna respond in the room. And so no matter how good we do in these.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, that's why I'm going. Jets game. The first tnf where they were screaming at me.

[Brian Frangie]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

If you wanna see, I think it's somewhere online. It's me at the first game. It was the jets and.

[Brian Frangie]

Well, yeah, Eagles. The jets won. Yeah, that's why it was such a big deal. We were in New York, right?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, it was jets and might have been Eagles. Patriots.

[Brian Frangie]

Might have been Patriots.

[Matt Rogers]

I think it was Patriots. Yeah. And the jets won. And I had to do my first Thursday night football, like, roast. And the crowd was screaming, not listening to me at all. Like, literally 10ft away from me, chanting, jets.

[Brian Frangie]

Chats, chats, chats. Cause they won.

[Matt Rogers]

Sauce. Gardner. Sauce.

[Brian Frangie]

Sauce.

[Matt Rogers]

Like, Sauce is behind me. They're trying to get an autograph. Not paying attention that there's a broadcast.

[Brian Frangie]

It's only the second time that someone's yelled sauce at you during the show.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, exactly. When I spilled A1 all over me. No, it was. It was. It was chaotic. And I just had to, like, look down the barrel of the thing and just deliver it. That's. That's slightly different than the Globes, I think. The Globes. The worst case scenario is I'll go back to Cabo when I. The story I told of Jimmy Kimmel, where I bombed in front of billionaires, that's going to be more the vibe because it. It was well lit. They felt uncomfortable to laugh in front of, like, people that they were, like, trying to be cool in front of. And it was jokes at their expense, kind of, and they were worried about each other. It was more that vibe. And that. That is where I'll go to in my mind, because I just plowed through that. Like, they didn't know I knew I was buying it.

[Brian Frangie]

Well, different from Cabo, though, these people at the Globes are going to be expecting a comedian. Yeah. You know, and there's. There's a precedent, especially I. You're not. You're going. You're not going to be as offensive as Ricky Gervais. So it's like, you know, I think that they'll be. I think they'll be pretty pleased. It's just a matter of, like, are they listening? Are they talking to people at their tables? That's the tough part.

[Matt Rogers]

I actually got a DM this morning from someone who's going to be at the Globes.

[Brian Frangie]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

And asked me. I can't probably say who it is because it would give away a presenter. Even though I don't think. I think, like, who really cares if I give away a presenter? But I can't.

[Brian Frangie]

Luigi.

[Matt Rogers]

But it was. It's. I think the nicest person. I think is probably one of the nicest celebrity reach outs I've ever had in my life of someone who is checking to send me their script that they're gonna write for their. To present to run by to make sure it doesn't step over any of the jokes I'm doing.

[Brian Frangie]

That's incredible.

[Matt Rogers]

Because if it does, they will just rewrite jokes. Jokes. That's.

[Brian Frangie]

What is it a comedian or an actor or comedy writer?

[Matt Rogers]

Comedy. Actor. Comedy writer.

[Brian Frangie]

That is amazing.

[Matt Rogers]

Like, the sexiest mensch of all mensches.

[Brian Frangie]

Okay, now I know who it is.

[Matt Rogers]

It's the. Yeah. I mean, it is.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

A mensch can be anyone, but it does. It's very fitting.

[Brian Frangie]

Well, a mensch is a Yiddish word.

[Matt Rogers]

But I could call a goy a mensch.

[Brian Frangie]

You can call a goy a man. Yeah. So this Cat Williams, I do it.

[Matt Rogers]

All the time, but it was so, so nice. I read it to Chris this morning because it was like the first thing I saw when I woke up, and we were just like, wow. He's like, can I just email you my jokes? I'm like, yes. And also I'll rewrite mine. You are on the hierarchy. Like, but what a. What a kind thing. And this person is like, you would just. You would already think that this person is as good as they are. And so it's just. I mean, you want to get out the Akinator?

[Brian Frangie]

Is it Malcolm Gladwell?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. He's presenting at the Golden.

[Brian Frangie]

I'll get out the Akinator. I mean, I already know who it is.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, really? Wait, could go like this. See if you got it. Yeah. Good job. Do you want me to tell you I saw? Oh, you did. Okay.

[Chris]

Yeah, yeah, I think I saw.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, yeah. It's. It was such a nice thing, though. And I really appreciated that.

[Chris]

You think any part of it. He doesn't want you to step on his jokes.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, I mean, I think that's a.

[Brian Frangie]

Good collab there both.

[Matt Rogers]

But he. He literally will write new jokes.

[Brian Frangie]

Right? Well, to be fair to.

[Matt Rogers]

To, I'm like, I got a joke for you.

[Brian Frangie]

Oh.

[Matt Rogers]

Remember the joke that kind of. We had referencing him defying.

[Brian Frangie]

Yes, of course.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm Like, I might throw it to him. We're not using it.

[Brian Frangie]

Go ahead.

[Matt Rogers]

Or maybe if I'm introing him, we might use it.

[Brian Frangie]

Is it the. Well, we'll talk about it after, because I think I remember it.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

But to support Colin's point here, I.

[Chris]

Like when you call me Colin.

[Matt Rogers]

Colin.

[Brian Frangie]

He is going after you, right? So any joke.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

That person, man or woman, who may or may not be Jewish, is going after you.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, he's checking his jokes.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah. So, like, if you are doing a joke that's similar, that actually hurts him more than it hurts you.

[Matt Rogers]

But also, like, he. He could. He could, through the production he's dealing with, get it to me that I need to change my joke because he's still. Yeah, I mean, he. He probably could do that. Like, he's more famous than I am.

[Brian Frangie]

I mean.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. But it wouldn't seem like he would direct a good.

[Brian Frangie]

So, I mean, yeah, he's got the power.

[Matt Rogers]

So the fact that he reached out, like, yeah, it is checking his jokes, but, like, yeah, it's not all just about me. But he literally goes, all right, new ones. So it's like that.

[Brian Frangie]

It sounds pure. Sounds the best.

[Matt Rogers]

I really wish I would have never heard anything bad. I would have bet you a million dollars I was already following this person. It sucks so much when celebrities DM you because they definitely see, like, it says follow. It doesn't say follow back.

[Chris]

You gotta follow back. And then they.

[Brian Frangie]

But were they following you or did they just start following you?

[Matt Rogers]

I think they. I don't know. I didn't check.

[Brian Frangie]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

I didn't check.

[Brian Frangie]

Don't need to, but petty bullshit.

[Matt Rogers]

There's another thing that when I come across, like, comedians, like, new comedians who. I'm like, this guy's really funny. He's like, you know, in his late 20s, early 30s. And they're not following me. I. I truly get offended.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And it's not even like, I'm like, what the. You think you're better than me? It's like, oh, this guy doesn't, like, look up to me in any way. Not that anyone should. Like, I don't think I'm hot shit. But it's like, you don't think, like, you don't even want to be friends with me. It's more that, like, you haven't heard I'm a nice person that you maybe want to shoot a follow to just.

[Brian Frangie]

To, like, I'll try to. To back these people up at their level.

[Matt Rogers]

I mean, I do the same thing. I didn't follow this guy. So I get it. Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

At their level, it's really important to have a good ratio. So, you know, you might. They might check in on you. But, like, if you can't just follow every famous comedian because then you. You look like a loser.

[Matt Rogers]

That's a really good point.

[Brian Frangie]

Once you have 100,000 followers and then you can have 3,000 following me, like, more.

[Matt Rogers]

I was like, this cat, this kid, I kind of want his approval. What's his name? He's really funny. I'll give him a shout out. You're not following me, but I just discovered you today. And I think he's friends with, like, Emil. I've heard people tell me about this kid. Where is he? I just.

[Brian Frangie]

Is it Timothy Chalamet?

[Matt Rogers]

No. Oh, some kid. Tommy.

[Chris]

Oh, Tommy.

[Matt Rogers]

Tommy Brennan.

[Chris]

He's great.

[Matt Rogers]

He's so funny.

[Chris]

He's very nice.

[Matt Rogers]

I just saw, like, one of his clips came up for me, and then I just went and watched like, a bunch. Like, I was just like, okay, that one was hilarious. Let's see if he can do it again. That's fucking hilarious. Like, I. I haven't missed with him yet.

[Chris]

He's great.

[Matt Rogers]

He's so. He's a cutie, too. Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

He's in New York or la.

[Matt Rogers]

He's New York.

[Brian Frangie]

Oh, he's got that jacket.

[Chris]

You've met him, he wears.

[Matt Rogers]

Really? Really?

[Chris]

Yeah, he used to work for Cameo back in the day.

[Brian Frangie]

Oh, yeah, we were doing his show.

[Chris]

I remember him. There was the outdoor show in la, and he came up. He was very comfortable.

[Matt Rogers]

I've been on calls with him for Cameo.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

And he doesn't even follow you?

[Matt Rogers]

No, but that's okay.

[Brian Frangie]

Did you ever do Cameo in Earnest?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

And then. Are you still on it?

[Matt Rogers]

No. Well, I might be because I just, like, got tired of doing them.

[Brian Frangie]

How many were you doing during Pandemic?

[Matt Rogers]

I was doing a lot, but it was like. I would say probably like the height of it was for a couple weeks. I was doing like. I would say like 20 a week. Like, it was adding up and it was like it was just too much. How much? I would make them personalized and I would like 3000. Write songs for people. No, I. I raised. I put mine at like $10,000. Just so. Or maybe a thousand, just so people would stop ordering. Because I couldn't. I couldn't take myself off. I didn't know how. It's all making sense. He's from. He was the cute boy.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Chris]

From Chicago.

[Matt Rogers]

From Chicago with the girl who has Blonde hair, too. She was awesome. They were both so nice.

[Chris]

So he lived out here and he didn't get that much traction. Then he went to New York. Son.

[Matt Rogers]

Kid. Tommy. Followers.

[Brian Frangie]

How many followers? How Many many following?

[Matt Rogers]

76.8 thousand followers following? 24, 44.

[Brian Frangie]

2,444. Okay, so he should be following you with, with those numbers.

[Matt Rogers]

What the. Tommy. Yeah, you know me. We've been on.

[Brian Frangie]

2500 people.

[Matt Rogers]

No, because I followed him this morning for the first time, and it didn't say follow back.

[Brian Frangie]

He's following 2,500 people, and you're not one of them. How can.

[Chris]

Click on, click on follow.

[Brian Frangie]

How Is there.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, he's not.

[Matt Rogers]

It's okay. He probably is now. How is that come through?

[Brian Frangie]

Well, once he hears this clip, he's going to follow you. But how could you follow 25?

[Chris]

Let me text him right now.

[Matt Rogers]

No, no, no. He'll, he'll eventually hear about this, but he.

[Brian Frangie]

I don't even think I could think of 25.

[Matt Rogers]

This is new, dude. This is new. I swear. I swear it's new.

[Chris]

So I'm very surprised by that because he's not.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay, maybe he was, but I definitely thought that he wasn't. And I definitely noted it as like, man, I wish this kid, like, thought I was funny because he's really open.

[Chris]

For Kelsey and he opens for Kelsey. Becky.

[Brian Frangie]

Becky.

[Chris]

Kelsey Cook. Yeah, I think, Yeah, I was thinking about, I was like, Becky Robinson.

[Matt Rogers]

I'll bring this kid on the road.

[Brian Frangie]

He's really twice as many followers as me. I, But I only follow 375 people. If I had his following, I would probably.

[Matt Rogers]

I would never have less than a thousand. Oh, why don't, why don't.

[Brian Frangie]

Because people look at it. Who?

[Matt Rogers]

No, they don't.

[Brian Frangie]

Yes, they do. They don't look at it for you. They don't look at it for you.

[Matt Rogers]

But I've never been like, oh, my fault. Like, even when I didn't have that many followers.

[Brian Frangie]

If I had who you like, if I had 40,000 followers and 10,000 following, no one would book me.

[Matt Rogers]

But, dude, you don't need to follow 10,000 people. You can follow.

[Brian Frangie]

I'm following 80,000 people and I have one follower.

[Chris]

No, but I know a lot of.

[Matt Rogers]

Comedians see yourself that.

[Brian Frangie]

See, I can write for literally anybody. That's what I say. This is my quote. I, I can write for anybody's voice except one person.

[Matt Rogers]

Yourself.

[Brian Frangie]

Myself.

[Matt Rogers]

That's a real. That's really interesting curse. I, I, I, I disagree with you on that, though. I think that like your stand up is very in your voice. Well, and I feel like even when you write for people like, like I. I just watched something that you had a hand in writing and I could pick out each thing that you wrote because I know your voice. I can write for your voice.

[Brian Frangie]

That's the thing.

[Matt Rogers]

Dog.

[Chris]

Yeah, I love that bit.

[Matt Rogers]

Wait, what do. I was. I was gonna do an imp. We have to break up. I'll come back with my impression of Brian when we get by.

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[Matt Rogers]

Thank you for calling Ameca Insurance.

[Bowen Yang]

Hey, I was just in an accident.

[Matt Rogers]

Don't worry, we'll get you taken care of.

[Bowen Yang]

At Ameca, we understand. Understand that looking out for each other isn't new or groundbreaking.

[Matt Rogers]

It's human.

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[Nikki Glaser]

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[Matt Rogers]

Could catch anything sitting in this doctor's waiting room. A kid just wiped his runny nose on my jacket and the guy next to me sitting in a pool of perspiration insists on sharing my armrest.

[Nikki Glaser]

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[Brian Frangie]

A clutch off season pickup Dave.

[Matt Rogers]

I know, right?

[Nikki Glaser]

I was worried we'd bring back the same team.

[Brian Frangie]

Oh, no. I meant those blackout motorized shapes.

[Nikki Glaser]

MVP of the room blinds.com made it crazy affordable to replace our old blinds.

[Brian Frangie]

Hard to install?

[Matt Rogers]

No.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's easy. Even you could do it.

[Matt Rogers]

Nice.

[Nikki Glaser]

I installed these and then got some from my mom, too.

[Brian Frangie]

You fly across the country to do the install?

[Nikki Glaser]

Nope. Blinds.com can do it all. All she had to do was pick what she wanted. She talked to a design consultant for free and scheduled a professional measure and install.

[Brian Frangie]

Look at you. Hall of fame, son.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh.

[Nikki Glaser]

I just picked the winning team. They're the number one online retailer of custom window coverings in the world.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh.

[Brian Frangie]

Blinds.com is the goat.

[Nikki Glaser]

The goat shop.

[Matt Rogers]

Blinds.com right now and get up to 45% off select styles, plus a professional measure and a 100% satisfaction guarantee. Save up to [e-mail]. blinds.com rules and restrictions may apply. I was gonna try to do an impression of you last night to Chris. Cause I was like. And I was like. I go, what do you think? A Brian Frangie impression. What word would it start with? And I can't remember it now, but it was like, there's only one word possibly that Brian Frangie would. If a impression of him would start with. And now I can't remember what it was percentage wise. Like, it was something like that. It was like some kind of like. Like just a little like a. I don't know, like, fact, not factoid.

[Brian Frangie]

That would be like Adam Kahn over.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. I mean, you kind of have that in you. Yeah. But it's not like.

[Brian Frangie]

I don't know if I like that.

[Matt Rogers]

No, I love the way you talk. I could. But I. I can. I can pick it out now. It's. It's nice when you have that kind of stamp.

[Brian Frangie]

Sure, sure.

[Matt Rogers]

How you operate now.

[Brian Frangie]

When I say. Just to be clear, when I said. I don't know if I like that about being compared to Adam Conover. It's not because I don't like Adam Conover. I love Adam Conover.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

You want to be original.

[Brian Frangie]

It's because Adam Conover is Adam Conover and I'm not Adam Conover.

[Matt Rogers]

That's a really, really good point.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I do hate when people follow. Zero. Zero.

[Brian Frangie]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

The only way I give it emphasis.

[Matt Rogers]

That means we know you have a fake account, you loser. It's not like you aren't doing anything on anything.

[Chris]

What do you mean?

[Matt Rogers]

Like, we know that the person has a. If you. If you're following 0 people, you have an account where you're following everyone you want to follow. And you're literally just doing this to look cool. It's like, that doesn't make you look cool. It makes you looking like you're trying to look cool.

[Chris]

The only way I empathize is I do know someone that does it, and it's because they're too in their head about comparing themselves to other people. Okay, well, that comes from a place.

[Matt Rogers]

You're not a loser. I love you.

[Brian Frangie]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Chris]

There are others that are losers. That they care. I'm sorry, I did not mean losers. No, but it was shot that word.

[Matt Rogers]

Loser on to Brian.

[Chris]

Percentage wise, you're a loser.

[Matt Rogers]

But what. Do they really not look at Instagram at all? Like, nothing comes up on their feed.

[Chris]

I get. I mean, I guess you get suggestions.

[Brian Frangie]

Well, I did that for Apple rankings. Instagram, I only follow five people on that. Just like, five. I think you're one of them.

[Matt Rogers]

That's funny.

[Brian Frangie]

And then Hamish and Andy, and then, like, the Sweet Tango Apple Co. Or whatever.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Brian Frangie]

It's the Milt.

[Chris]

There are other people that follow, like, two people, and it's like a random, like, building, and then they're. That's their mom, you know, like, something like, that's even funny about it.

[Matt Rogers]

But I just think that if you're. I just don't like this, like, trying to curate the way that you like, like, like not being able to enjoy content or support your friends because you're trying to look cool.

[Brian Frangie]

Huh?

[Matt Rogers]

Like, you're not trying to, like.

[Brian Frangie]

I really do think it makes a.

[Matt Rogers]

Difference, but, I mean, yeah, if it does, it does.

[Brian Frangie]

At your early stages, once you get to 100 or 200,000 followers, you can easily have. You can be following 2,000, 3,000 people, and it doesn't matter how many people.

[Matt Rogers]

I literally don't know how many people I'm following.

[Brian Frangie]

It might be probably 3,000.

[Matt Rogers]

Really?

[Chris]

I think. Yeah. I don't.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, 3,151.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah. And so that's probably everybody you want to follow. You're not holding back on anybody there.

[Matt Rogers]

Except the guy today that I started. Like, I wish I would have been following him. There's a lot of people that. You know what I learned about myself, though, because I went back to try to find a video that I couldn't find that I've. Like, that's the most annoying thing about Instagram is you cannot search memes. Like, if it's popping up on your feed, you can't type in, you know, chart about dogs looking at you and dreaming. Like, there's no way to find that little fucking lie that you I don't think that exists, so why can't you? I just hate it. So I went back to go, oh, maybe. Final thought, I go, maybe I liked it. I probably did, and that'll be the way to find it. So I went to my likes.

[Brian Frangie]

Whoa, you can do that?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

What?

[Matt Rogers]

First of all, I saved Instagram. Yeah. There's likes. You can see your history of your likes.

[Brian Frangie]

Whoa.

[Matt Rogers]

Maybe this is something for people. Over 10,000 followers. I. I don't. But you have that over that, right?

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay, so I don't. I don't know, but you can look at your likes. I don't be liking a lot of, like, I liked, like, five things in two weeks. And I'm like, am I being, like, stingy with my likes? Like, I almost felt cool. I'm like, am I, like, a cool person that's like, no, no, I. Like from me means something.

[Brian Frangie]

Timmy Chalamet would be liking a lot of things.

[Matt Rogers]

Truly.

[Chris]

I. I don't think the more famous you get, probably the less likes go down.

[Matt Rogers]

But I don't even. I didn't know that I was not giving out likes. I like of. I don't. It takes me two seconds to go.

[Brian Frangie]

I like that.

[Matt Rogers]

I thought I was doing it. So now I'm being more liberal with my legs because I assumed that I was liking this. It's in the same way that I assumed I would be following this person that I. I'm a fan of.

[Brian Frangie]

You think about it this way. You have a unique power as a famous person to bring joy to people's.

[Matt Rogers]

Lives and to, like, the algorithm and, like, help them get more views. Like, I. I need to comment more on things. Like, I'm trying to comment more on stuff and, like, and share it. And, like, I. I wanted to post one of Tommy's clips on my Instagram, but I haven't posted it on my story, like, in a day. So it would have just been his alone. Like, I just felt like I don't even. It would have just. And he's not following me. And I've, like, never. I felt like I had never met him before. So I was just like, I can't. I'll do this later. Once we're friends, I'll share. But I also, you know, I talked about on the podcast today, so that.

[Brian Frangie]

I'm all about commenting now. I. I comment all the time on things, even if it's an argument. I'm. I'm. I'm over it. I'm over it being like, I don't want to say my opinion. I don't want to get into an argument with a troll. I'll just say my piece and it's like, it's been great. I love getting likes on comments sometimes.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, it's so fun. I like, leave one and then it'll have like 2000 likes and I'll be like, what?

[Chris]

Yeah, but then I'll go. I'll leave a funny comment on, like, a bigger comedian's thing and it crushes.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I have one comment that has like 3400, but it gets more likes than I'd get on mine.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And I'm like, this is how big this comedian is.

[Matt Rogers]

What is it? What did you do?

[Chris]

It was Shane Gillis. He had a photo with Donald Trump. Like, this is like Trevor Noah posing with Barack Obama.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

Something like that. I got like 3,400. I'm like, this got more.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah, I was very proud of a comment that I made on. There. I was on Twitter. I'm even doing this on Twitter.

[Chris]

Damn. I don't even have Twitter.

[Brian Frangie]

I don't tweet at all. But I'll comment.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Brian Frangie]

There was Kirk Herbstreet, who does the tnf. TNF with Al Michaels.

[Matt Rogers]

Play by play.

[Brian Frangie]

Okay, so you know this. Can you explain it? Because I'm kind of forgetting.

[Chris]

Well, he just. He was talking about what I did. Countdown.

[Brian Frangie]

Right. Or Ohio State or like.

[Chris]

Yeah. And Shannon Sharp got varying.

[Brian Frangie]

Or one of the.

[Chris]

Yeah, I didn't do a good job explaining it because I actually don't know much about this.

[Brian Frangie]

Okay.

[Chris]

I just know that.

[Brian Frangie]

Well, he was. He was, like, kind of critical of some football team that has a huge fan base in college football. And then. And we also may remember that Kirk Herbstruit has a famous dog that he bring to all the games. And it recently died.

[Matt Rogers]

Recently passed away. Yes.

[Brian Frangie]

So one of the fans of the team that he was criticizing tweeted out, why don't you go pet your dog? Which I found to be one of the most obscene, offensive things I've ever read on.

[Chris]

He does have a new dog on the road with him.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah, but he's not.

[Chris]

What I meant.

[Matt Rogers]

Was he saying, like, kill yourself, like, go to heaven?

[Brian Frangie]

No, he's saying he's just trying to hurt him by saying, like, your dog, Hertz Street. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

I kind of took it as like, you should go die. Cause that's the only way you could pet your dog.

[Brian Frangie]

I guess it could be that too, but I just don't. I do not tolerate someone bringing up someone's Good for you.

[Matt Rogers]

Go.

[Brian Frangie]

So I tweeted, just purely straightforward. I just said, you're an asshole.

[Matt Rogers]

Great.

[Brian Frangie]

And, man, it's just every single person that likes it.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm like, yeah, I love that.

[Brian Frangie]

I used to not do that. I used to be like, I'm not gonna engage with people like this. I'm not gonna say my true opinion. But this guy.

[Matt Rogers]

No, he is.

[Brian Frangie]

You're an asshole.

[Chris]

I do it on TikTok sometimes because I'm just like. Like, no one's gonna. I just feel anonymous on Tik Tok a little bit. So I'll write comments. Sometimes I'm like, right out of Reddit. Like, I feel. I feel bad doing, Like, I just feel weird, but I'm just.

[Brian Frangie]

Reddit's really personal.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, I. I went nuts the other day on an Us Weekly post, which. Listen, Us Weekly, we're not looking to them as the forefront of, like, you know, celebrity, even celebrity journalism. Like, we know that they're like. But they're not as trashy as, like. Like, to me, they're not as trashy.

[Brian Frangie]

I purely read Us Weekly for international policy news.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, they're not for. For me, they're not as trashy as, like, a. I don't know, like, some of the other tabloids. I can't think of the names of them, but I just, like, you know, I've been in US Weekly. Like, I think they're. They're uplifting celebrities. They're giving you, like, a very, like, watered down, like, we love Hollywood and everything's great. I mean, it's not like you're not getting truth bombs there, but they had, like, the. The whole thing of Justin Timberlake in the harness where it looked like his penis was small or whatever. Did you see that?

[Brian Frangie]

No.

[Chris]

And then he had a new T shirt. He got a new shirt to cover his penis.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Chris]

And then they call that out.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm sorry. It's so fucking rude. It is, though. And then the comments because of the Britney Spears and everyone and the Janet Jackson of it all. Like, everyone feels like it's okay to just pile on Justin Timberlake and not, like, him and. And body shame him. Like, it's as nothing what I did to Britney and Janet or whatever you think about that has nothing to do with his penis size. Making fun of someone who might look like they. First of all, I think that penises look small when they're not hard. Like, that's just a thing that happens, especially when it's tucked up in a harness and who. First of all, if he has a small penis, who gives a fuck?

[Brian Frangie]

That might be the reason why he was mean to Janet and Britney. He has a small penis and he feels bad about himself.

[Matt Rogers]

And why does he feel bad about himself? Because we have a culture that constantly makes fun of guys for having small penises and feels that it's, like, acceptable to do that, when really it doesn't matter at all. It doesn't say anything about your manhood that you have a big dick. It literally any woman, but it's good.

[Brian Frangie]

To have a big hulk and dong.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, some women like it, but guess what? Like, it's absolutely not necessary for. To be a real man in bed and to really pleasure a woman. Like, I'm sorry, I used to have a bit about it, but I took it out of my act because I just felt like it wasn't worked out enough. But my point. It wasn't even funny. My point is, is that lesbians have satisfying sex lives and they don't have penises at all.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

So what do you. What do we. And they like penetration.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

If you. If you have a penis size that you don't, like, just use toys. And your woman will. If she needs a big dick, like, just use toys. But also, you don't really need a big dick. And also, it is not okay to shame. I don't care who he is to make it about. I don't even like when people are like, trump has a small dick. Because it's like, that is not. Not something that we should judge people's character by at all or shame them for. It's something that we can't help. It's bullshit, and it creates. This is where incels come from. Because they see women are very outspoken about dick size because they know they can be. Because if any guy goes, that's mean. Oh, you have a small dick. And so they. Men can't even defend themselves because it'll seem like they have a small dick if they do. It's this, like, perfect thing that women feel like they can just attack men on. And I know it comes from a place of women feeling totally attacked on their body and feeling like men judge us for our tit size and how much we weigh. But guess what? We've all culturally kind of come together and gone. That sucks. And it's not okay to do. Us Weekly would totally never put up a post about some woman's boobs being too small or someone being fat. Yeah, yeah. But for some reason, it's totally fine to just, like, put this out There. And they didn't say he had a small dick, but they just put it out there, I mean, so that the vultures could just swing in and just start tearing him to shreds. And I'm just like. I just thought it was. And so I put this whole thing of, like, I can't wait for this to come back around in 10 years when we say, how did men survive the, you know, 2000s? You know how, like, all the memes are about, like, how did women survive the body negativity in the early 2000s? And there's clips of Britney Spears being asked about her boobs. There's clips of Jessica Simpson being called fat when she was a size 4. And it's like, all this evidence to be like, we all should have eating disorders. How did we survive? We're so strong. Strong. We're gonna do that for men. But it's gonna be about right now, because we're not. This is making men hate us.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And I would fucking hate women, too, if they were found it totally culturally acceptable to talk about my dick size and make it seem like that is an indication of who I am or my worth as a human. I would really implore women to not partake in these conversations about small dicks. Not laugh about it, not giggle about it. If you're disappointed by a dick with your friends, talk about it in a closed, closed environment, but don't talk about it in front of other men because they can't defend themselves, because then that feels like they're outing themselves as having a small dick, which is somehow shameful because of this whole thing. Let's, like, change the vibe about it. Yeah, it's not nice.

[Brian Frangie]

I mean, to be fair, there's a lot of men who would pay good money to have a hot girl say their dick is small on the Internet.

[Matt Rogers]

That's true. But if that's what you're into, like, great. Go in there. JT is getting it for free, for the most part. It is, like, really harming men.

[Brian Frangie]

Harness.

[Chris]

Harness. Dick is tough.

[Brian Frangie]

We don't know if he's got a small dick or not. He might have a perfectly huge.

[Chris]

I'm sure he has a 6, 7 inch dick. He's tall.

[Matt Rogers]

Who cares? I. Justin Timberlake is hot. He's talented. Like, he. No one's gonna kick him out of bed for whatever he has in there. Like, I'm sorry, we don't. I don't. I don't. I don't even care if he has a dick. I would still have Dated it. Like, it doesn't matter to me as a woman that, like, I don't know. It just doesn't matter that much. You could have a guy, a husband with a huge dick, and he could be in an accident and get it chopped off. Okay, so is he worthless? Are you not gonna marry?

[Brian Frangie]

Don't say.

[Matt Rogers]

But it can happen. It's like there could be penis cancer. You have it removed. Like, it's not every. It's not your whole worth as a man. It absolutely would never matter to me if my boyfriend had. Whatever. He had it.

[Brian Frangie]

Or maybe he has. Maybe there's a guy who you discounted as a small dick and then he gets a disease where his dick grows three side three times the size. And does that make him now worth more?

[Matt Rogers]

To some, culturally, it would seem so. But guess what? It wouldn't ultimately at all. And even women who are like, I'm a size queen, I need a big date. Okay, cool. You're letting a lot of good men go. Really good. Wow. Wow. You're so different than other women. You need a big dick. Like, shut up.

[Chris]

I do hear a lot of like, oh, no, it's the motion rather than the ocean or whatever.

[Matt Rogers]

It's not the motion. It's, go buy a sex toy.

[Chris]

No, I agree, but I'm just saying I hear all these times where, like, girls are like, fingers. It's not about the size. It's not about the size. And then I'll see, like, a TikTok of some guy that throws his cock in some white shorts and it's like, bouncing around. And then the videos are all, like, tongues.

[Matt Rogers]

A big tank with water. But if you don't have one, I'm sorry, just.

[Brian Frangie]

Well, a dick can be too big, right?

[Chris]

Yes, it can be too big.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

But it does feel. I'm not denying that. It's an interesting feeling, and it does feel good. But it's also. It can be too big. And also, I don't think guys should be ashamed of using toys to supplement once in a while if they're. If you want it. Like, I'm sorry. Like, sometimes I don't want. My boyfriend doesn't have two dicks. And sometimes I want two. So does he go, I only have one. I'm not good enough for her. We just get another one in the mix.

[Brian Frangie]

And here's the thing about the toys. It's like, you know, it just saves energy. Like, it's hard to make. It's hard to keep going.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Frangie]

If you're. If you're if I'm sorry girls, like use a toy.

[Matt Rogers]

Using your hand is a lot easier than your hips.

[Brian Frangie]

Also for like it's like using a microwave instead of like boiling water.

[Matt Rogers]

Totally.

[Brian Frangie]

It's like I can use the microwave.

[Matt Rogers]

Totally.

[Chris]

I think bring in as many toys as you want. I don't.

[Matt Rogers]

Men need to be more accepting of women using toys in bed if they want want and not feeling like it means that they're not enough. And I would say the same for women in terms of like if you're catch a man watching porn and it's like about huge tits and you don't have huge tits. Like allow some flexibility of his desire to be outside the bounds of what you bring to the table. But don't take it personally.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And also women. Stop. Just stop the. The small dick stuff. Just please stop. It's like bad for society.

[Brian Frangie]

2025. That's. That's the resolution for the society.

[Matt Rogers]

For society. Really think it's important.

[Chris]

Don't feel bad if your boyfriend or husband uses dick pills. Cuz it's not about you.

[Brian Frangie]

It's just you should feel bad because they're bad. Oh I guess you're talking about like Viagra. Viagra. Not like the stuff you get at a gas station. Those things you shouldn't take, I think.

[Chris]

Which one?

[Brian Frangie]

That obvious?

[Matt Rogers]

The gas station.

[Brian Frangie]

Like the pills, the supplements that. No, no, they say make your dick bigger. No it doesn't. That's filled with chemical. That's not real.

[Matt Rogers]

And if there's a. A female they're calling it female Viagra. But it's not really because it doesn't make you like get what's like chemically makes you get wet. It just like I think makes your hormones change so that you're more horny. And it's been on the more it's called ADE or something. I'm like I want it so bad. But until then, go see Baby Girl.

[Brian Frangie]

We all saw Baby Girl.

[Matt Rogers]

Go see Baby Girl if you want to be a little bit horned up. At least I was. I felt deeply uncomfortable with how horny I felt during that movie. Movie. But it was good.

[Chris]

Like what parts were you horny at though?

[Matt Rogers]

Like when she is getting fingered.

[Chris]

Yeah. Fingered without. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And there's like a pillow over her head.

[Chris]

Apparently she had a real orgasm.

[Matt Rogers]

No way.

[Chris]

That's what a gay guy told me cutting my hair yesterday. He also really is famous favorite comedian.

[Matt Rogers]

Is he following me?

[Chris]

No, I followed for him.

[Matt Rogers]

We gotta go see Baby Girl though. If you want to get horned up, ladies and. All right, that's the podcast. We'll be back next week and Happy New Year. What was that, Noah? Watch the Golden Globes.

[Brian Frangie]

Watch the Golden Globes?

[Matt Rogers]

Is that what she said? Oh, yeah. Watch the Golden Globes, support your girl.

[Brian Frangie]

It'll be for all the men listening, I guess. And women too. I don't know why I said that. Let's just say for anybody listening.

[Matt Rogers]

Whoa. I can't wait to hear what you were just going to be directing. Only to men.

[Brian Frangie]

This is going to be right after an NFL wild card playoff game. So just keep the TV on.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, that's easy.

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. Who's it going to be against?

[Brian Frangie]

We don't know yet.

[Matt Rogers]

You don't know?

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah, we don't know until the playoffs begin.

[Matt Rogers]

The Chiefs a possibility?

[Brian Frangie]

No, they're going to have a buy. They just. They just clinched first seed.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, really?

[Brian Frangie]

Yeah, they're going to have a buy.

[Matt Rogers]

Is it going to be another Chiefs Super Bowl?

[Brian Frangie]

It's looking like it's pretty bad with a harness on.

[Chris]

With a little penis.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. At the Gold Globes. At the Globes, yes. If you got lower down. For apropos of nothing. Like it literally. No.

[Chris]

And don't even mention it.

[Matt Rogers]

It's gonna be me. All right.

[Brian Frangie]

Talented.

[Chris]

Maybe if he had a bigger dick, he wouldn't be.

[Matt Rogers]

I bet it. I bet he's. Listen, it doesn't even matter, but I bet he is a grower. Like I'm.

[Chris]

Oh, for sure.

[Matt Rogers]

Like, I wouldn't put that. And who gives a shit if he's not? Like, it has nothing to do with how you feel about Justin Timberlake. It literally. It's just you're being mean and you're making an easy dig about. So be more creative with your insults about, like, make it really about what you're mad at him about. Not that. Alright, gotta go. Thank you for listening. Don't be kuh byee.

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