#508 Nikki's Table, Plastic Surgery & A Private Jet Ride!?

Summary

Summary of Podcast Episode #508: "Nikki's Table, Plastic Surgery & A Private Jet Ride!?"

Release Date: February 7, 2025
Podcast: The Nikki Glaser Podcast
Host: Nikki Glaser
Produced by: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts

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1. Recreating the Magic: Behind the Scenes of the Podcast

The episode kicks off with Nikki Glaser and her co-hosts—Matt and Joel—discussing their ongoing efforts to recreate the success of previous podcast episodes. They compare their setup to a sequel, emphasizing the importance of in-person interactions over virtual ones.

• Matt: "Without a doubt, being in person is five times better than being on Zoom." [03:22]

The trio reflects on the dynamic energy generated when recording together live, attributing their past positive feedback to the synchronized chemistry they share in person.

2. The Rise of Male Plastic Surgery: Chin Implants and Beyond

A significant portion of the conversation delves into the trend of male plastic surgery, particularly focusing on chin implants.

• Nikki Glaser: "Chin implants are the new cosmetic surgery that every man is getting." [04:22]

They discuss the subtlety and affordability (approximately $12,000) of chin implants, noting how they enhance facial structure without being overtly noticeable. The dialogue humorously touches on various male cosmetic procedures, highlighting societal expectations of male attractiveness.

• Joel: "A beard is actually a 20s trick. I do think a chin implant is different." [05:35]

The hosts debate the necessity and impact of such surgeries, with Matt suggesting natural alternatives like growing a beard to achieve a similar effect.

3. Navigating the Comedy Scene: Chicago vs. New York

Nikki and her co-hosts explore the dynamics of the comedy scenes in Chicago and New York, comparing the collaborative and competitive environments.

• Nikki Glaser: "When you get bigger, it becomes solitary again. There's no scene because you're not doing open mics." [36:12]

They reminisce about the influx of Chicago comedians into New York, citing figures like Pete, Nate, Hannibal, Kumail, Jared, and Logan who significantly influenced the comedy landscape. The conversation highlights the challenges of maintaining a cohesive comedy community amidst rising fame and geographical shifts.

4. Favorite TV Shows and Culinary Discussions

The hosts engage in a lively discussion about their favorite television shows, particularly those related to cooking and competition.

• Joel: "Beat Bobby Flay and Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives are all I watch at hotels." [14:19]

Nikki praises "Beat Bobby Flay" for its entertaining format where chefs compete with their signature dishes against Bobby Flay's culinary expertise.

• Nikki Glaser: "It's so competitive. It's like, you're supposed to interrupt, but it's all segmented out." [17:01]

They analyze the show's structure, appreciating its real-time cooking and the balance between competition and camaraderie.

5. Personal Anecdotes and Interactions

The episode features entertaining personal stories and interactions among the hosts, particularly focusing on Nikki's experiences with Daniel Tosh.

• Nikki Glaser: "You were in my dressing room using my mirror to take your shirt off." [08:33]

They share humorous and embarrassing moments from past podcast recordings, adding a personal touch to the conversation.

6. Navigating Social Media and Public Perception

The discussion shifts to social media dynamics, focusing on how public perceptions and comments influence personal interactions.

• Nikki Glaser: "Everyone has a type. I think I know some people who Ross would be their 10." [12:43]

They touch upon topics like attractiveness ratings, LGBTQ+ perceptions, and the impact of social media polls on personal identity and self-esteem.

7. Upcoming Events and Travel Plans

Nikki shares her excitement and anxiety about upcoming events, including presenting at the NFL Honors and traveling on a chartered jet.

• Nikki Glaser: "I'm presenting at the NFL honors on Thursday in New Orleans... I'm on a flight with celebrities tomorrow." [41:10]

She expresses concerns about maintaining her composure and social interactions during the flight, contemplating whether to engage actively or remain reserved.

• Matt: "Don't make me sleep through the flight." [43:47]

The hosts discuss strategies to handle anxiety related to flying and public appearances, offering relatable insights for listeners.

8. Reflections on Fame and Longevity

Towards the end of the episode, Nikki reflects on the nature of fame and her aspirations regarding recognition.

• Nikki Glaser: "I have reached a point where I would make the In Memoriam. I think, like, oh, what event? No matter what happens, I'll be on an In Memoriam at some point." [47:24]

This segment highlights her thoughts on legacy, the impact of media recognition, and the humorous take on posthumous acknowledgments.

9. Light-Hearted Banter and Closing Thoughts

The episode concludes with light-hearted banter about favorite songs, music videos, and pop culture references, maintaining the show's signature humorous tone.

• Daniel Tosh: "He should re-record." [57:10]

Nikki and her co-hosts wrap up the conversation with jokes and playful exchanges, leaving listeners entertained and engaged.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Nikki Glaser: "Chin implants are the new cosmetic surgery that every man is getting." [04:22]
• Matt: "Without a doubt, being in person is five times better than being on Zoom." [03:22]
• Joel: "Beat Bobby Flay and Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives are all I watch at hotels." [14:19]
• Daniel Tosh: "I swear to God, dude, you'll never." [28:07]
• Nikki Glaser: "Everyone has a type. I think I know some people who Ross would be their 10." [12:43]

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Conclusion

Episode #508 of The Nikki Glaser Podcast offers a blend of candid conversations, humorous anecdotes, and insightful discussions on topics ranging from cosmetic surgery trends and the comedy scene to personal fears and upcoming high-profile events. Nikki Glaser and her co-hosts create an engaging and relatable atmosphere, making the episode a must-listen for fans seeking both entertainment and authenticity.

Transcript

[Nikki Glaser]

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[Unknown Speaker]

If you know me well, which if you listen to my podcast, I feel like you do, you've probably heard me mention that I in the past have suffered with an eating disorder. I had anorexia when I was 18, didn't know what to do. It took over my life. It almost killed me. I really could have used something like Equip back then. And that's why I'm excited to tell you about it. Because you might be dealing with an eating disorder yourself. Maybe it's undereating, maybe it's overeating. Maybe you feel like you can't stop, you have no control over food. Maybe it's all you think about. That's not normal. You don't have to live that way. For help, you can turn to Equip. Equip is a virtual evidence based eating disorder treatment program that provides people of all ages with a dedicated treatment team so they can heal at home. Equip treats all types of eating disorders. They're covered by most major insurance providers and they have no wait list, so you have no excuses if you think that you or a loved one could be struggling with an eating disorder. Equip can help you achieve lasting recovery. Visit Equip Health Nikki to learn more. That's Equip Health Nikki. I would be honored for you to type in my name as you get help for your eating disorder. It is the the highest honor that I could ever achieve.

[Joel]

Hey, this is Joel and Matt from.

[Nikki Glaser]

The how to Money podcast. My kids, Matt, they've got a few long weekends coming up, so I'm looking forward to taking a few trips with my family during those breaks.

[Daniel Tosh]

Nice.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Joel]

And while you're away, you can host your house on Airbnb. Thanks to the Airbnb Co Host feature, hosting is now easier than ever. You can access a network of high quality local co hosts who can help you get your home ready for guests. Find a co [e-mail] host hi, I'm.

[Daniel Tosh]

Daniel Tosh, host of new podcast called Tosh show, brought to you by iheart Podcasts. I'll be interviewing people that I find interesting. So not celebrities and certainly not comedians. We'll be covering topics like religion, travel, sports, gambling, but mostly it will be about being a working mother. If you're looking for a podcast that will educate and inspire, or one that will really make you think this isn't the one for you, listen to Tosh show on the iHeartRadio app or wherever. Get your podcast.

[Nikki Glaser]

The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glaser Podcast. We are recreating the magic of yesterday's episode with the same crew, different day, next day, different studio, different place.

[Matt]

It's like a sequel. They liked it so much, they bought the sequel. They had to update the background or else people wouldn't realize there was a different shot.

[Joel]

It's like Rush Hour where Rush Hour. The first ones in la and then they go to China.

[Matt]

Then they go to China.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay. Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

Look at all these octagons.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. Well, we've been here before. Yesterday, Noah was saying the podcast was so good. She was saying that on the girls chat today, and I was like. Was it because we were, like, on top of each other? Was that, like, does that add an energy to it or was it just like, you know, sometimes we have good podcasts here, too. It's not. I don't know if it's the space I'm trying to, like, what makes.

[Matt]

Well, without a doubt, being in person is five times better than being on Zoom.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes.

[Matt]

Because you can just talk, you know, you're like Kramer at a restaurant.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. It's so true.

[Joel]

I mean, we were on fire yesterday, and I feel like we're on fire today.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. I'm feeling the energy all over the place.

[Joel]

Because, like, during the pre show, somebody came in and, like, should we start recording? Because this is some good podcasts.

[Nikki Glaser]

We were. We were talking about what? So to set the table. This is a table. It is a table that we're at. We could set it.

[Matt]

It's unusual.

[Nikki Glaser]

Brian Frangie, Sean O'Connor, Andrew Collins.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Nikki Glaser]

All here.

[Matt]

Can't buy a table like this at ikea.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, you can.

[Matt]

No, look at it. There's. Oh, wait, I think you could. I thought there was only two legs.

[Nikki Glaser]

I like it. I mean, I like Ikea. I'm complimenting it by saying that. Absolutely.

[Matt]

I'm saying, literally, you can't. Oh, like, this is not for sale at ikea.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay.

[Matt]

I just want everybody to know that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Please research that recently on the IKEA app.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Andrew was just saying. Well, I was just what were. How did we get into this Chin.

[Joel]

And plan circling each other is problem area.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, it wasn't good. But Andrew asked what plastic, like what he should get done. And I was just saying that chin implants. I just read a thing. I guess it was in New York magazine or I forget where, but they did a report about how chin implants are the new cosmetic surgery that every man is getting.

[Matt]

That was ikea.com.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, I read it, but it's not there anymore. It's gone. So. But it was.

[Matt]

What does it do?

[Nikki Glaser]

Well, it was interesting to me because it seems affordable to me was $12,000. And from what I can tell, it really does change the shape of your face in a way that I haven't seen male plastic surgery in a subtle way that like I know all the girl tricks to make it look like you haven't had work done. And people just go, wow, you look a lot prettier. And you know, I, I'm, I'm not doing all of them, but I'm aware of when they happen, when they're subtle and you can't really tell someone's had plastic surgery. And I think the chin implant for guys is that subtle thing hotter. But we don't know why. Like a thicker chin, I think they just like ADD. I don't know, but it's like around $12,000. And I don't think it's like a really intense like recovery. I'm not advocating for it because it's like you don't. No one really needs one. But to me it was like, oh, I would make, I would probably do that.

[Matt]

Well, if you're a man and you feel like you need a chin implant if the next step is just to grow a beard, because that covers up anything.

[Joel]

No, but like the beard, everyone knows the beard. The beard is actually is like a 20s trick. I do think a chin implant is different.

[Matt]

A one ease trick.

[Joel]

It is like I listen, I'm always kind of unshaven, but it is a trick to distract.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's like a comb over.

[Joel]

Yeah. But if you get this chin, you go in and you go, give me the Leno. You're coming out. You're so confident.

[Nikki Glaser]

I think you want the rife.

[Matt]

Yeah, I think you want somewhere between.

[Nikki Glaser]

A Rife and a Leno.

[Joel]

Yeah, you definitely don't want the Leno. But like, I bet it's like $6,000 less the thing.

[Nikki Glaser]

And it comes with a denim ensemble.

[Joel]

That's what they put on for the surgery.

[Nikki Glaser]

The thing is, I don't think the only reason this is, like, happening right now is because there's a trend in men needing structured faces. Like, I was reading this article and it was like, that's what's in right now. It's not like these doughy, like, kind of like more dad bod, like. But the thing is, you might not want to get it because it might not be in that much. It's all because of right now. Handsome Squidward is like the vibe right now.

[Daniel Tosh]

But then your face is so structured and everything, so. And then your body is like, droopy. What are you gonna do? It doesn't add up. So then what do you. Then you have to work out.

[Nikki Glaser]

I mean, this is. This is.

[Daniel Tosh]

And then your chin.

[Nikki Glaser]

You should not do this if you're not someone who, like, cares about the entire package.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, I care.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's what I'm saying. This. You're eligible for this. I feel like, like, you. I. You have focus on working like you want to be seen as hot. I. I believe.

[Daniel Tosh]

I think yes. Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

You could taste it. And you felt it before.

[Daniel Tosh]

I have t. As a young man. I taste.

[Nikki Glaser]

And you're a good looking guy. Like, there's no question about it. But I'm just saying, like, I think you're a good candid. It will make you do that face in the mirror that I've seen you do so many times that you got caught doing when I was on set.

[Daniel Tosh]

My mom and you should have been on set too.

[Nikki Glaser]

But you were in my dressing room using my mirror to take your shirt off.

[Daniel Tosh]

I thought it wouldn't work out.

[Nikki Glaser]

When you were riding for me on F way island and you were supposed to be on set giving in my ear.

[Daniel Tosh]

You didn't have to know. I told you all nothing copied to.

[Nikki Glaser]

Use my ring light.

[Joel]

Oh, my God.

[Nikki Glaser]

And you wouldn't have never been. You would have never been caught if later on a PA hadn't come up to me to give me a water bottle. And it was the PA who caught you in. And you got embarrassed cause you thought the PA was gonna tell me, which he was not. So you just outed yourself and go, he saw me naked. He saw me with my shirt off. I was posing in the PA you completely just, like, broke down and told me all the truth. It was so funny.

[Daniel Tosh]

Dude, I was kidding, man. That was actually writing really good jokes down there.

[Nikki Glaser]

But seeing that guy, knowing that guy that likes to.

[Daniel Tosh]

Who shaves his body.

[Nikki Glaser]

He told me, nikki, it's not fair. You always get to look in the mirror. I don't get to look in the mirror at all. Because you're a writer. Yes, yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

It seems like this has been on your. I actually love. I know, I know I do. It was one of those things where.

[Nikki Glaser]

It was so funny.

[Daniel Tosh]

I was just. I was so glad it was a good mirror. It was a good. You find a good mirror, you ruin your whole career.

[Joel]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Daniel Tosh]

Good lighting.

[Nikki Glaser]

You're defensive like. But Nikki, you get to be in the mirror all day long and I'm like, I don't even like it. But you. And why would you get to. It's not like I'm hogging it. This is unprecedented that a writer should be supplied a ring light in a mirror.

[Joel]

Well, she has to appear on camera.

[Daniel Tosh]

Like I was next to the camera. Talk about me being on camera.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh my God.

[Daniel Tosh]

Being Ragu, remember?

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, we. We like you dressed up like a guy who is way past the submission age to be on Fy island and you were like. He took a gold chain from one of the guys and like that had a button down shirt that you bought and.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

And unbuttoned it a lot. And then you walked around with like your gray chest hair coming out and pretended to be a guy named Ragu.

[Daniel Tosh]

But the saddest part is like I like, I want to beat those guys.

[Matt]

I mean, it's hard not to get swept up in the ribs. Those guys are so cool.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh my God, you were there. You witnessed it. It is.

[Matt]

I fist bumped it. I mean, I felt I was in love.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, it really. It's intoxic. You want their approval desperately. How do you not?

[Joel]

I mean, listen, being young and hot is like the greatest. It's the greatest currency we have in America.

[Nikki Glaser]

It really.

[Matt]

Oh yeah.

[Joel]

It's like 40 bitcoins.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's like. It is. It absolutely is. And you should really capitalize on it if you can, if you. If you want to. I don't begrudge anyone just being like a hot specime, but what's the name.

[Matt]

Of the man from the claw? The Iron Claw?

[Joel]

Jeremy Allen White.

[Matt]

No.

[Nikki Glaser]

Zac Efron.

[Matt]

Yeah. God, why can't I remember Zac Efron?

[Nikki Glaser]

That is the least movie I would ever think to.

[Matt]

He's the guy from the Iron third.

[Joel]

Hottest in that movie. Harris Dickinson, I think is Hot Jeremy in that.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, he's the guy from Baby Girl.

[Joel]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, that guy, that twitchy way he acts, like someone did an impression of him and I was turned on by the impression. Do you remember? Did you see someone doing a transference?

[Joel]

I did see somebody doing a. I.

[Nikki Glaser]

Didn'T realize I was attracted to the Harrison guy from the movie until I saw the oppression. And I was like, I got like kind of lit up from it because it was just. Baby girl was good. You saw it too.

[Joel]

He's the male model and I, Zach Efron.

[Matt]

So he has he. He up his chin falling on a kitchen table. They say.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes.

[Matt]

He didn't get an implant there.

[Nikki Glaser]

No. That looks like there was like. There's like some metal in his like, jaw.

[Matt]

Like kind of like Kanye.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, yeah. Kanye seems to have that too.

[Matt]

But he got into a car accident. He didn't wear his safe belt.

[Nikki Glaser]

He did wear a safe belt.

[Matt]

The safe belt.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And that's why he got his jaw wired shut.

[Nikki Glaser]

But then he.

[Matt]

That's why his jaw is a little bit.

[Joel]

I just want to say a lot of your listeners think I'm gay. And me being like, he's not even in the top three hottest is not really going to for you.

[Nikki Glaser]

You're not gay, but you do have.

[Joel]

Strong opinions, a lot of listeners, about male looks.

[Matt]

Have people been talking to you?

[Nikki Glaser]

I actually saw this thing of comments. Okay. I want everyone to blindly, like lock in a number and then ready like, no. So Ryan Reynolds, one to ten of hotness. And you have to blindly lock in a number. Now you're all going to say at the same time. And I saw a tick tock about like something that. That reveals about you. Okay, so one to ten, Ryan Reynolds, are you ready?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Three. Two, one.

[Joel]

Nine.

[Nikki Glaser]

Eight. You said eight, Andrew.

[Joel]

Nine.

[Nikki Glaser]

Nine. You guys are all straight gay guys. This woman did like a poll of like 40 guys of like a really, you know, half queer men and half straight men. And she found that on average queer people, queer men rate Ryan Reynolds like a 6.5, like seven sixes. And any straight guy, it's always eight and above.

[Matt]

I was going to give him a nine.

[Joel]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Just to prove them really straight, I was going to give him a nine. But then I was like comparing him to Hugh Jackman who was like, that's a 10. So I'm not going to make to.

[Nikki Glaser]

You Hugh Jackman's a 10.

[Joel]

You think he was hotter than Ryan, right?

[Matt]

Hugh is hotter than Ryan. I like, you know, he's got a lot of hair.

[Joel]

What to say if I say Ross the intern is a 10.

[Nikki Glaser]

Everyone has a type. I think I know some people who. Ross would be their 10. I love when gay guys have, like, a very specific type.

[Joel]

Yeah, that.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's just, it's. That's why they have so many names for different kinds of body types. God, yes, they will. Really?

[Matt]

What are they? I don't know any of.

[Nikki Glaser]

There's no bear otter.

[Matt]

I know twink. Bear otter. These are not just.

[Nikki Glaser]

These are not just things. Ways to describe different.

[Matt]

Hey, congrats to rfk, by the way, for getting his nomination pushed through.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, really? Does that just happen?

[Matt]

Well, yeah, he's almost there.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, well, someone called. Oh, my God, I swear. Did I see. They called. Oh, the Daily Show. Some not enough people are watching the Daily Show. Like every time I see a clip, I'm like, this is some of the best writing.

[Matt]

Well, with Jon Stewart only or with anybody.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, with any of, like when they do the. The. The segments with all the, you know, guests, hosts coming in and everyone. But they called him a. A leather bag of coughs. And I really love that because it's just so simple. I feel like you've heard it, but you haven't.

[Matt]

More people watch the Jon Stewart monologues on YouTube than they do on the TV show. Every monologue he releases on YouTube gets.

[Unknown Speaker]

That makes sense.

[Matt]

Circa 3 million to 4 million.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. No one's watching TV shows when they air on TV.

[Matt]

No, it's over. Those days are over and they're never coming back. It's gonna turn into a. I think it'll return to like a cable like system, but it'll be streaming still. But it is sad to think, like the days of turning on your television and then just something being on and.

[Nikki Glaser]

Then like, I do it at hotels when I'm.

[Matt]

Isn't that nice?

[Nikki Glaser]

I just put it on. Even though it could let me connect to Netflix. I go. I don't feel like, like connecting and doing. Scanning the QR code better. No, I'm just gonna watch Beat Bobby Flay. Cause that is on and that is trusty and I know where I am in the show when I turn it on.

[Joel]

Beat Bobby Flay and diners Drive ins and dives are all I watch at hotels.

[Nikki Glaser]

Do you watch Beat Bobby Flay? I don't do diners and drive ins and drives.

[Joel]

But whatever I do, I love diners Drive ins and dives and I love Beat Bobby Flay. I love the Food Network. I think the Food Network is the best channel.

[Matt]

They should have their own streamer.

[Nikki Glaser]

Bobby Flay is a Perfect TV show. Because you, like. It just is. You two chefs make something, and they. They get a mystery ingredient, like Iron Chef style. And then they. Then one of them wins based on the judges eating. And I did the show. And then that chef who wins is, like, the thing that I do best. The thing I'm most famous for is my empanadas. My grandmother's passed down tradition. And they're like. And Bobby just has to find out what they do. He has no. Blindly has no idea what he has to cook. And then he goes head to head with someone with their best dish. The thing they're known for, that they started a restaurant in their town that's the hit show restaurant. And then he wins half the time.

[Matt]

If you don't. If you lose. That is so upsetting.

[Nikki Glaser]

So upsetting.

[Joel]

It's so crazy. I love it so much because it's, like, the most competitive you could possibly be. It's like, really? He's, like, taking on, like, an Italian guy doing his, like, grandmother's, like, spaghetti sauce. He beats them. And, like, you must feel incredible. That's, like, more competitive than Jordan.

[Daniel Tosh]

But does this show you that cooking might not be as hard as we think it is?

[Nikki Glaser]

No, I think that that's just someone who is, like, an expert.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Taste testing, bite. And they don't do the same beginning. They bring in, like, food.

[Matt]

Maybe it is, like, random. Maybe it is, like a coin flip. And that's why it's 50. 50. Because it's like half the time he wins half. If he won nine out of 10 times, then I'd be like, oh, wow, he's the best chef.

[Joel]

No, it's the precision, though, because they're not just basing it on taste. They're basing it on presentation. They're basing it on, like, like, like usage of the ingredients.

[Nikki Glaser]

I think he's just that good that he can.

[Matt]

I believe that.

[Nikki Glaser]

And he's done this show, like, 50 seasons, and there's like 30 episodes a season. So he's done this kind of competition style. Like, he's primed.

[Matt]

He actually has an advantage because it's almost like home field advantage because he's cooking in the kitchen. He cooked in 40 times that week.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes.

[Matt]

And person comes in and they don't.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's why they throw in, like, the celebrities to like him up and, like, you know, just mess with them and kind of like, like, yeah, like, they.

[Joel]

Come out, like, they come over and they. Or they'll be, like, shouting at him. But they're not Doing that to the.

[Matt]

Person who does it.

[Nikki Glaser]

Like, Shaq. But it's all done. But, like, everyone loves Bobby, so it's all done. Kind of like, do we have, like. When they were like, you gotta him up. I'm like, I don't really want to, like, interrupt what he's doing. That seems distracting. So I just, like, said a couple jokes and stuff, but how often they just, like, you know, it's segmented out. They really cook in real time, which I thought was cool.

[Matt]

That's cool.

[Nikki Glaser]

Like, they. They. You are waiting there as they make the food, and then they're like, okay, Nikki, go. Go see what's going on over there. And then you just go over and you're, like, supposed to fuck with Bobby and then support the other person because you were supposed to be rooting against him. It's like, ever we're trying to beat him and we're, like, mad when he wins. But I was like, no, I kind of want him to win. I think it's.

[Matt]

To see a master in action is fun.

[Joel]

It really is. It's, like, rewarding excellence.

[Matt]

Like, I mean, that's what people want to see.

[Daniel Tosh]

Luca, is there a dish you guys can cook that you think?

[Joel]

No, no, no.

[Daniel Tosh]

What is your go to dish that you.

[Matt]

What can I beat by the flavor?

[Nikki Glaser]

Me about geography?

[Joel]

Yeah. I can't cook. I've never.

[Daniel Tosh]

You've never made any.

[Joel]

I've made a grilled cheese. Like, really?

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, I'm not saying. Oh, you've made eggs.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, I've made eggs.

[Joel]

I've poorly made eggs.

[Matt]

But, like, what if you. If you had to go on the show and face off against Bobby Flay, what dish would you select?

[Nikki Glaser]

No, don't make me do that. This is unbelievable.

[Joel]

I'm not even kidding. If I had to face Bobby Flay, I would put my head in the oven.

[Nikki Glaser]

I would probably do, like, an avocado toast because it's simple and it's raw ingredients. I don't have to, like, cook anything. And I think I can make a little. Little, like, a delicious thing with, like, the way my mom. I would, like. I would even put, like, a sweetness, like a jelly on it maybe, like, which would be unexpected, and I don't think would even work. But, like. And then I would add some kind of way to crunch it. Like, can I just stay with avocado toast, which I am literally obsessed with? I don't want full avocados on it. I want it mushed up. Do the mushings for me.

[Matt]

Don't make me mushrooms. It's a nice little design.

[Nikki Glaser]

I don't like avocados unless they're guacamole. Out already. Like, I don't. Disgusting. I get them out of my sushi rolls because I don't like the texture. It just feels like they're rotten.

[Joel]

It's awful. It's the worst texture, I think.

[Nikki Glaser]

Agreed. What's the best texture? Rice Krispies after they've been sitting for a minute. I agree. And milk.

[Matt]

Yeah, I was trying to think of something better.

[Joel]

I want a. I want a crisp cookie. I love.

[Matt]

I love a crisp with a softness in the middle.

[Joel]

Or just like. Honestly, look at this. On the outside, a little soft on.

[Nikki Glaser]

The outside, a little soft on the inside. Or like oozy out of the oven.

[Joel]

Like, oh, I want it out of the oven. I want. Like, it's gotta be out of the oven. Yeah. Like. Like ooey gooey is what I'm looking for.

[Matt]

You're not talking taste.

[Joel]

I am not beating the gay allegation.

[Nikki Glaser]

I don't like.

[Daniel Tosh]

You like a creme brulee. A creme brulee. Creme brulee.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, creme brulee, I think can be that. Can. That can be like eggs in terms of consistency can be real off and ruin it if it's too runny. It could really.

[Matt]

There's quite a few breakfast items that are not good unless they're mashed up. Like eggs as well. I don't think. I don't like eggs.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hard boiled egg is. An animal eats that.

[Matt]

Yeah, the animal eats that.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, hard boiled. The. The middle of a hard boiled egg where it's like gray.

[Joel]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Like chalky looking is one of the worst things I could ever imagine.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's worse, peeling a hard boiled egg or chomping a hard boiled egg?

[Nikki Glaser]

Like the egg whites part.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, but feeling it, though, is pretty.

[Joel]

I'm a scrambled egg whites boy. I'm only. I only like egg whites, which is.

[Matt]

Wait a second.

[Joel]

But it's hard.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's like.

[Matt]

There's, like. When it.

[Joel]

It's hard, there's a consistency.

[Nikki Glaser]

Doesn't curdle like that.

[Joel]

Yeah. Like if. If you fried up some cum, I'd probably eat it.

[Nikki Glaser]

I'm glad we know.

[Matt]

So that's what you bring to the Bobby fly.

[Nikki Glaser]

All right, we gotta go to break. We'll be back after this.

[Unknown Speaker]

If you know me well, which, if you listen to my podcast, I feel like you do. You've probably heard me mention that I in the past have suffered with an eating disorder. I had anorexia when I was 18. Didn't know what to do. It took over my life. It almost killed me. I really could have used something like Equip back then. And that's why I'm excited to tell you about it. Because you might be dealing with an eating disorder yourself. Maybe it's undereating, maybe it's overeating. Maybe you feel like you can't stop. You have no control over food. Maybe it's all you think about. That's not normal. You don't have to live that way. For help, you can turn to Equip. Equip is a virtual evidence based eating disorder treatment program that provides people of all ages with a dedicated treatment team so they can heal at home. Equip treats all types of eating disorders. They're covered by most major insurance providers and they have no weight list list. So you have no excuses if you think that you or a loved one could be struggling with an eating disorder. Equip can help you achieve lasting recovery. Visit Equip Health slash Nikki to learn more. That's Equip Health. Nikki. I would be honored for you to type in my name as you get help for your eating disorder. It is the highest honor that I could ever achieve. Winter makes my skin hell. It's dry, it's windy outside, and I feel like finding the right moisturizers is so crucial. That's short for crucial. We focus so much on our face skin, we don't even think about our body skin. But I've been thinking a lot about my body skin lately because it is so nourished and moisturized and smells so good and natural and clean. Now that I use OSEA products, you too can transform your skin with O. Is Underia Algae Body Butter. Oh my God. I just slap that. I literally slap it on. I'm like obsessed with their products now.

[Nikki Glaser]

I just gave it as a gift.

[Unknown Speaker]

To my friend Kirsten for her 41st birthday. She gasped and was like, I've heard.

[Nikki Glaser]

You talk about this.

[Unknown Speaker]

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[Nikki Glaser]

Forgotten who runs this valley. Time to remind them.

[Bobby Bones]

Yellowstone F Step into the Yellowstone universe.

[Joel]

Our family legacy is this ranch and I protect it.

[Nikki Glaser]

Live my life.

[Bobby Bones]

Hosted by Bobby Bones, the official Yellowstone podcast takes you deeper into the franchise that's captivated millions worldwide. Action explore untold behind the scenes stories, exclusive cast interviews and in depth discussions about the themes and legacy of Yellowstone.

[Nikki Glaser]

You know, the first students to settle this valley fighting was all they knew.

[Bobby Bones]

Whether you're a longtime fan or new.

[Daniel Tosh]

To the ranch, welcome to the Yellowstone.

[Bobby Bones]

Bobby Bones has everything you need to stay connected to the Yellowstone phenomenon.

[Nikki Glaser]

I look forward to it.

[Bobby Bones]

Listen to the official Yellowstone podcast Now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Nikki Glaser]

Lets go to work.

[Unknown Speaker]

Black History Month is here and we're excited to kick off season four. If I didn't know, maybe you didn't either. This season we're diving even deeper, celebrating trailblazing pioneers who fought for change and shining a spotlight on revolutionary women who defied the odds and redefined excellence. Give Grace Wisher her flowers. She's proof the history ain't all about who gets the credit, it's about who did the work. So next time you see that 50 starred 13 striped American flag, you just remember a 16 year old black woman helped to make it happen. So this season, get ready to be inspired, educated and empowered even more. Join us as we uncover stories that deserve to be heard and celebrated. Listen to. I didn't know. Maybe you didn't either. From the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast or simply wherever you get your podcast.

[Nikki Glaser]

So yeah, I told Andrew that he would be a good candidate for.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Surgery. So I have a question because is there a surgery that you can get where you make one half of your face exactly the same as the other half of your face?

[Nikki Glaser]

It's interesting because that's like the ideal, right?

[Matt]

Yeah, that's what? Well, because I mean like I feel like I have a good side and a. And a not as good side.

[Daniel Tosh]

Can we guess? Can we guess?

[Nikki Glaser]

I don't even want. I would never do that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, sorry. Maybe I'm never a guess because I don't want to.

[Nikki Glaser]

I don't want to re. I don't want to confirm your deepest fears.

[Matt]

Well, if. No. Well if you accidentally say that the bad side's good, then I'm like, oh.

[Daniel Tosh]

I know what it is.

[Matt]

Oh you will verify the bad side. I think we did this once in the pod, and you were like, I see it. I know I have a bad side.

[Nikki Glaser]

I literally can't chew.

[Matt]

It's not a bad side. It's just, like, not as good as the other side. The other side is, like, exceptional, and the. The other side is like, I never.

[Nikki Glaser]

Know when people say, let. What's your good side? In pictures. I've never known, but I definitely have one. I just can't memorize it.

[Matt]

You have a bad side?

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. For their pictures, I hate of myself, and I'm always like, why do I hate that? But I think it's because of the side. But so many people, in doing meet and greets, know what their good and bad side is. They, like, have memorized it.

[Unknown Speaker]

I just.

[Nikki Glaser]

I never even think about.

[Matt]

So is there a surgery you can get where you just make it the same?

[Nikki Glaser]

What every surgery is, is that it's corrective in that way. Like, when I've gotten Botox or. Or even, like, even with makeup, they'll, like, do different things on one side. So they. I think that's part of the thing is, like, we'll do more units on this side to pull this up. But, yeah, I think so.

[Matt]

I don't think I would, like, do anything per se, but it would be interesting to go into a plastic surgery and just say, what's wrong? Like, what is it that's making this.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's what they do. Yeah.

[Joel]

They'll circle.

[Nikki Glaser]

Literally what they did.

[Joel]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I want to get the circles. I don't want to get the surgery.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, so they. Let me tell you what they do. They, like, look at your. He holds your face like this. Like, I've. I've been consulted for, like, surgery on my face twice. One time, it was just. They sent pictures, and you have to, like, turn. And then the other, he just looked at me like, we were about to kiss, like, this close. Like, and he's just looking, and he's going, like, pulling this, doing this, and it's, like, intense. And you're trying, like, not to look in his eyes because you might feel something, and it's really awkward. And then. And then they just suggest things, and you hope that it's the same things you were thinking, because if it's not, it just, like, adds to your insecurities. But I. I was right about what.

[Unknown Speaker]

I thought I needed.

[Nikki Glaser]

But then the thing that I was gonna get, like, a lip lift, which is where they take out, like, a little bit of this.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, I need that, like.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, you would actually be a good candidate for it.

[Daniel Tosh]

I have so much skin.

[Nikki Glaser]

Then you need to fix your teeth.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, yeah, My teeth.

[Nikki Glaser]

Kidding.

[Daniel Tosh]

I need a lot.

[Nikki Glaser]

I like your teeth.

[Daniel Tosh]

I hate my teeth, man.

[Nikki Glaser]

I hate your teeth. And I forgot.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, I don't hate it. I don't hate them like you hate how they work.

[Joel]

I say this now, but when you have these luscious DSLs, like people.

[Daniel Tosh]

I got secret DSLs, though. I have SDS DSLs.

[Nikki Glaser]

I think you have. Your upper lip is literally what every girl dreams of having.

[Joel]

Yeah, but you're not gay.

[Nikki Glaser]

Everyone needs to go to YouTube right now and look at Sean O'Connor's upper lip.

[Matt]

Look in the camera.

[Nikki Glaser]

It is perfect. Yeah. It's like. It looks like you've had lips.

[Matt]

What are DSLs?

[Nikki Glaser]

They're sucking lips.

[Matt]

Oh, okay.

[Joel]

You grew up in Long island and never heard that?

[Nikki Glaser]

Do you know what th o is?

[Matt]

Th o. Titty honkin ovaries.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, right? Do you guys know th. Oh, do you have that titty heart on? It's like when you could see through a show. Th o. Th.

[Joel]

Oh, like Jennifer Aniston on Friends.

[Nikki Glaser]

Tho. Throughout.

[Matt]

So dick sucking lips, huh? No, I never heard of that one before. Yeah, I know that. DSL is like a type of Internet.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes.

[Joel]

Yeah, it was. And then it was like a perfect insult for people to always say to me when I was like, 17. Oh, really?

[Nikki Glaser]

Cause you had luscious lips.

[Joel]

I had lunches.

[Matt]

That's a compliment because no one said DSL to me because I don't have those.

[Nikki Glaser]

You don't want dick sucking lips in high school. As a man. No.

[Joel]

No, you don't. DSLs. One kid called me White Jay Z.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's actually kind of cool. I would take that.

[Joel]

That was pretty cool at the time. It was the coolest time to be compared to Jay Z.

[Nikki Glaser]

God. Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you prove that they weren't by blowing them?

[Joel]

Look, these are not made for them.

[Daniel Tosh]

I swear to God, dude, you'll never.

[Nikki Glaser]

Call me that again. Take down your pants.

[Joel]

Oh, I'm so angry. I should suck your dick.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'll show you how terrible my lips are.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, those are good ones.

[Daniel Tosh]

I got made fun of. My nipples got made fun of. I gotta get smaller nipples.

[Joel]

Are they. You got peps?

[Matt]

Can you do that?

[Joel]

They're Peps.

[Nikki Glaser]

But what's peps mean?

[Joel]

Pepperoni.

[Daniel Tosh]

Never heard pepperoni.

[Nikki Glaser]

Well, I've heard of pepperoni, but I've never heard about paps.

[Matt]

Pepperoni.

[Nikki Glaser]

Never called them called Paps.

[Joel]

There was a Lot of. Like, in the high school locker rooms, people would. If you had anything outside of the normal nipple. Like, people were like. Like saucers.

[Matt]

Wait, did they make a shower in gym class?

[Joel]

Yeah, like in school. Yeah. You would have to do one on one with your gym teacher.

[Nikki Glaser]

What?

[Joel]

No. No.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, my God.

[Joel]

No. But we did have to.

[Nikki Glaser]

Joey on friends learns that the tailor isn't supposed to, like, pop your ball in prison. Yeah. So they don't Taylor fans like that. Yeah. In prison. Yeah. That was so fun.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why do guys that, though, hate other guys with bigger nipples? Like, they like women with nipples.

[Matt]

It's an affront to our.

[Daniel Tosh]

Women have bigger nipples. Is that what it is?

[Nikki Glaser]

It's like a. It's an affirmative. Yeah. It means it's feminine.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, it's too much. Oh, it's not magical.

[Matt]

It's attacking us.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's feminine. If you like it on women, you wouldn't like something on a man. Even though guys having luscious lips is in, it's still, like, was used against you as, like, that's a girl thing.

[Joel]

Yes. And I remember, like, looking at the, like, the soccer players, they all have, like, whispers of nipples. And I was like, oh, I wish I had whispers.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, this kid, Alex Horton had tiny little nipples. And I always said, if I had your nipples, I would look so jacked.

[Joel]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

All the time. He had the best nipples there were.

[Nikki Glaser]

You should get your nipples done, dude. It would be such a minor procedure. And it's something that you think about a lot. And then you would be free to be like, the Florida man. You're meant to be comfortable with your shirt off. Like you've never found a gas station. Comfortable with your shirt.

[Joel]

You'll finally be Ragu.

[Matt]

In all seriousness, why a guy, why.

[Daniel Tosh]

Men are writing jokes instead?

[Nikki Glaser]

Golden Foy Island.

[Matt]

Why men in school would make fun of big nipples or anything of feminine is because if a man even makes them feel attracted in any way at all, they'll get angry because they'll feel like, oh, no, I'm gay.

[Nikki Glaser]

And then they'll attack you.

[Matt]

So if there's like a little, you know, twink walking around and he's looking hot and just for a second, a straight guy looks at him and gets a little bit of a boner, he'll beat the shit out of him.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, yeah. They're angry about the boner you gave them.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's so true.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's why, like, I would hear stories of, you know, there's a lot of gay guys that are attracted to straight Men, they just almost like. It's like a challenge. It's almost probably like a fear of abandonment. A guy will. That's not gay, will never actually be with you, so you're not risking anything. But they do risk something because guys, after they come, have that, like, post nut clarity of, like, a straight guy that's getting his first blowjob from a guy, and they get, like, violent because they're so mad that they're gay and this guy sucked it out of them. I wasn't gay until you did this, so that's like a really. Yeah, that there's an anger that comes with that. I mean, that goes with anything. Like, any time you see something that reminds you of the thing that you're afraid of, scared of being, you're laughing at it. It's like. It's honestly the Dane Cook joke, which I always think about, boiled down of when he's, like, trips on the sidewalk and he's like, fuck it. Like, he gets, like, mad.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

What that? Like, just screaming. Like, the reaction is so overblown. So embarrassed.

[Matt]

Did we give Dane Cook his flowers? We did.

[Nikki Glaser]

I give him flowers all the time.

[Matt]

He's great. I can't wait for his comeback album. Not to call it a comeback album, but he's working on an hour. That is amazing.

[Nikki Glaser]

Wait, did you see it?

[Matt]

Well, I saw it several times while we were going around.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, really?

[Matt]

He was up before you? Like, maybe like three or four.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, I was always focusing on my notes.

[Matt]

Talking to Roseanne or something.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, exactly.

[Matt]

Oh, his hour is going to be amazing.

[Nikki Glaser]

This is going to be seen. Yeah, I'm. I. I love, love his material. Yeah, I would. I would watch the hell out of that.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Again, Lisa Trager special is the one that I'm, like, obsessed with right now in, like, a way that is just.

[Matt]

Lisa's amazing.

[Joel]

So funny.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, it really is.

[Joel]

Really. Just made me laugh so much.

[Nikki Glaser]

I went on, like, a deep dive of her, like, on different podcasts, and I just even. I'm talking, like, her right now. It's like. Like it rubs. I have to stop watching her because I'm, like, doing.

[Matt]

She's so casual and calm and comfortable.

[Nikki Glaser]

Up on stage, but also neurotic, erotic.

[Matt]

Yeah, sure.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Joel]

But it's, like. It's, like, so inspirational to be that.

[Nikki Glaser]

Like, so clear about who you are.

[Joel]

It does. Like, the materials, like, just falling out of her.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes. She's so relaxed.

[Joel]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

She. Yeah. But even it's so cute because she's, like, trying to keep in mind that her hair needs to be a certain way for, like, the cameras. So she's like, kind of being cute about, like, fixing it and being in the right light. So there's a little, like, anxiety, but it's still like, she's so. So. Yeah, it was. It's just. You feel like you're friends with her afterwards. Very conversational.

[Joel]

There's a manic confidence.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Joel]

That, like, I. You. I mean, like, as somebody who's manic, I wish I had the confidence, like. Cause it was like. It was like. Yeah, no, it was inspiring.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, it really was. Like, it's cool to see something that makes you go like, oh, I want to do something. Like, I don't know how I do more that. But that was fun.

[Matt]

I remember when her and her Chicago crew came to New York. You remember this? And they just took over the city.

[Daniel Tosh]

There was like 40 of them.

[Matt]

They took over the city within like, three months. Months. And I was just like, it's over for us. I mean, they were all so good, all of them.

[Nikki Glaser]

They did a lot of stand up in Chicago. Yeah.

[Matt]

I met her and they all came together as a team and they were all friends and it was just like.

[Nikki Glaser]

And they like.

[Matt]

And there was. There was a power vacuum in New York because all of, like, the big name, like, open mic style comics had left, gone to la. Like, you were probably gone. I'm assuming Mike Lawrence had left Dance Ain't you.

[Joel]

I was a big gun at the open mic.

[Matt]

All the big guns. So there was a power vacuum. The Chicago people came in at the perfect time, and they were drafting off of the success of their previous cohort, like Mulaney and Hannibal and stuff. And they just took over the scene. Within months. It was like the Germans going into Poland.

[Joel]

I mean, that's. The Chicago people did that for our generation too, where it was like Pete, Nate, Hannibal, Kumail, Jared, Logan. Like, they all kind of moved at the same time.

[Matt]

It makes me feel like, man, why didn't I go to Chicago after? Because that cruise was so tight. They were all friends.

[Nikki Glaser]

I.

[Matt]

And I started in Indiana.

[Nikki Glaser]

Could have gone up there in any way. I always felt like I. I don't know.

[Matt]

You were beyond the pale. It was over.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, I don't think I struggled for so long. I was definitely by this. Coming up in the business of, like, man, they just. But I always was like, they're just more talented than me, I guess I've never once thought. There's been like a few times where someone gets something and I'm like, they're terrible. And I get it.

[Matt]

That's the thing.

[Nikki Glaser]

But most of the time, I'm just like, they're probably just better than me.

[Matt]

The thing about the Chicago cohort that came in, I think probably both times they were great. We just la down our arms and said, I guess this is Vichy France.

[Joel]

Well, they're funny. They're absolutely funny. But they also, like, starting in Chicago, really, it's so local, and there's no industry to pull you. You're not getting opportunities, so it's like you're bonding with each other, and you're just making each other laugh. That it really helps to have that.

[Nikki Glaser]

Kind of scene, community, like friends. But then your friend. I think in any industry, you get. There's jealousy. Then it starts, like, who's getting what? And then the talk. Talking starts. And then there's like, you know. Fission. Is that the word? Fissures.

[Matt]

Yeah. Like ass.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes. Yes.

[Matt]

They come in.

[Nikki Glaser]

Because also, what.

[Joel]

What inevitably always happens is, like, when you have that community, it all becomes very incestuous. You start each other. Then there's, like, weird divides.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's the. That's the downfall of my St. Louis scene.

[Nikki Glaser]

Scene had so many, like, old men in it. Like, it was so diverse. It was. There wasn't, like, a young, youthful, like, we are the future of comedy kind of scene. It was always, like, old road dogs that were never gonna leave town. So there was never, like, a let's all move together. We're doing this together.

[Daniel Tosh]

The Florida scene was ridiculous, dude. There was no one. There was no one that moved out of. Well, like, maybe two other comics I could think of that moved out of Florida. That's why you couldn't even. I'm.

[Nikki Glaser]

When you. And when you get bigger, you. It becomes solitary again. There's no scene because you're not, like, doing open mics and you're not hanging out all day waiting in line and stuff like that. So then you get lonely again. And that's why it's been so fun to reach a point where you're like, well, now I get to make my scene again, and I get to pick my scene. And you hang out with comics, and, like, you can find that kind of, like, the camaraderie of, like, a writer's room is so fun when it's right. When there's.

[Matt]

Well, now you're the nucleus. You can. You can get your electrons to.

[Nikki Glaser]

I just want to hang out with friends. Like, isn't it a goal? Like, all I want in life. My favorite thing Is meals with friends.

[Matt]

And just talking comedians and cars after.

[Nikki Glaser]

The meal and hoping they don't bring the check too soon, because I just want to keep hanging and I don't want to go to the next place.

[Matt]

Can I just say something about last night?

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That pancake was a disaster.

[Nikki Glaser]

Really?

[Matt]

Oh, wow. Like, I'm thinking about the swingers pancake. That was the. A miracle. And I was like, this will be at least comparable.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, but you weren't. You might have been starving when you ate that swingers pancake.

[Matt]

I was high from the.

[Nikki Glaser]

You were high from the. Yeah, the.

[Matt]

But no, no, I pancake.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. What can pancake. How much I got to go back to.

[Joel]

No, pancakes can be really. You can really up.

[Nikki Glaser]

Really too dry, flavorless, Be blobby flay. I mean, let's.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Tell me what a pancake. What makes a. I always say this to Chris.

[Nikki Glaser]

I'm like. He's like. He'll get, like, a brownie and ice cream. Be like, I don't like it. I'm like, how could this be up? It's sugar and chocolate. Like, it's del. There's no way. It's not. Get out of here.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't think I've ever complained about food that I could swallow other than, like, a weird vegetable, like a mushroom. Mushroom, yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Lower spectrum. But I rarely don't like food when I don't. I almost am proud of myself because I feel like a girl that's like, it's too rich. Like, I can't. Like, I just. Garbage disposal. I don't discern taste. I like textures, but taste, I don't really care.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm like, who am I to discern?

[Joel]

Did you smoke? Did you ever smoke cigarettes?

[Daniel Tosh]

I stole a few from my mom.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. I can't picture you.

[Matt]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[Joel]

Yeah. I feel like if you've ever smoked cigarettes, like, it fucks up your taste in a. In a way that, like, it does make everything just muted. Yeah, muted and just like. No, but kind of like, no matter what, you're kind of like, this is pretty good.

[Daniel Tosh]

So do you need extra, then?

[Joel]

Oh, so that's why nothing's ever too sweet for me. Cause I'm like, this is.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm starting with such a savory mouth.

[Joel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm starting, like, where my mouth is just always like the smash mouth. Lead singer's asshole.

[Nikki Glaser]

Wait, what is that about?

[Joel]

I don't know. I was like, what is a combination of words?

[Matt]

Throw them in But I just want to be clear though.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, go ahead.

[Joel]

What?

[Matt]

Eggs were good?

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay.

[Matt]

There was a. The restaurant's not. That's that pancake.

[Daniel Tosh]

I love that.

[Matt]

I don't want the people to think the restaurant's bad. We're not gonna name it.

[Nikki Glaser]

Name it.

[Matt]

But like Denny's doesn't have good pancakes.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay. Yeah, we would never. I could never go to Denny's. The lighting would.

[Matt]

Did you hear what happened? Waffle House has added a 50 cent surcharge per egg because eggs are so expensive.

[Nikki Glaser]

Why are eggs so politicized?

[Joel]

Oh, all right.

[Nikki Glaser]

Well, the reason why in our bodies.

[Matt]

And the ones in jail, you can't get an egg.

[Unknown Speaker]

Preach.

[Joel]

It's mostly cuz a bird flu. Like, that's why everything is.

[Matt]

Yeah, there's an egg shortage.

[Nikki Glaser]

None of us know about it. Because he fired everyone that would tell us about it.

[Joel]

Yeah, like RSK is going to be charged.

[Nikki Glaser]

So like we just smell burning birds and we're like, I guess there was a flu. Like we're just like going by what we're noticing in the story.

[Matt]

Oh my God, so many dead birds. But there was a. The Fox News people believe that it's Joe Biden's fault. And it's really that there was a bird flu that happened while Joe Biden was president. But there was a bird flu that killed a lot of birds. And that's why there's an egg shortage. And that's why eggs are expensive. It doesn't have to do with inflation, right? I mean, I guess it does have to do with inflation.

[Nikki Glaser]

I just think it's funny. We had to murder 6 billion birds and it's like, well, you would have anyway. Like they just. You did it faster.

[Matt]

Like those birds were laying eggs.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, they kill many. They have horrible lives. As soon as they're not able to lay eggs, they discard of that. They die horrible deaths. Because of our hands. Yeah, they don't get to like retire out in a pasture.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why don't we give them a flu shot?

[Matt]

They do. They get antibiotics.

[Joel]

You would get elected to Congress in Florida with that.

[Daniel Tosh]

With my shirt off? With small nipples.

[Matt]

You need the nipples.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why you give them a flu shot?

[Matt]

They make the people get flu shots, but not the birds.

[Daniel Tosh]

You laugh. That's how things get made, dude.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's how things happen.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I'll talk to Doge about it.

[Matt]

So are you excited for this weekend coming up? You're going to New Orleans?

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, you know, I'm like overwhelmed by it because tomorrow I'm on a Charter jet. So I'm presenting. This will be on Thursday. So tonight I'm presenting at the NFL honors. Take it away from me, I dare you. At this point, I leaked it. Mickey glazers talking for 90 seconds at most. I'm presenting at the NFL honors on one on Thursday in New Orleans, which is.

[Matt]

Do you know what honor are you allowed to say?

[Nikki Glaser]

What?

[Matt]

That. That you don't want to leave.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, it's not. It's not even worth. It's a cool. It's actually a cool category that I actually am like 100% behind and like, I would be. I'm invested in it. I, like, love what it is.

[Joel]

Jaden.

[Matt]

Wow, there's a. It's hard to pick.

[Nikki Glaser]

I know the worst one I saw the other night on the phone through a hat house. But no, it. And so I'm. I'm so the NFL honors, which is like. So being so cool was like, you don't need to. We're going to fly you out with a bunch of other celebrities that are also presenting. Like, we are going to put. They have a lot behind this to treat us right. So I'm on a flight with celebrities tomorrow. Like a charter jet.

[Matt]

It's like, be interesting after.

[Nikki Glaser]

Well, I. I'm being told it's John Hammond. Shaboo is so exciting. I've been listening to Shabuzzi's song, you know, Tipsy, which is already beloved. Yeah, I think so. But I know. I know. John.

[Joel]

Why would you pick Ham?

[Daniel Tosh]

That was the joke.

[Joel]

I'm sorry.

[Daniel Tosh]

It was a little deep thinker.

[Nikki Glaser]

Vote.

[Joel]

Vote Colin.

[Nikki Glaser]

But Shabuzi is his real name.

[Joel]

Oh, I get. I'm too stupid to understand.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know who'd get it? The Chicago crew.

[Matt]

John Hansen. Real name is John Chabuzzi.

[Nikki Glaser]

Some other people are gonna be there too. But I'm like, kind of stressed out because I'm like, my luggage has to be cute. I have to wear a cute outfit. I might have to talk the whole time. So I was kind of today thinking, okay, Nikki, you know, you're being your antisocial self. You're getting, like, anxiety because Chris not. Might not be able to come with me. So Chris generally, like, can really carry a conversation with famous people. I become the least interesting version of myself around people who kind of, like, are famous and want me to be funny. I like, kind of. Careful. I can't do. I don't know what happens to me. I kind of go brain dead. So I'm a little bit nervous of that. But I'm also like, I don't need to do anything I don't want to do. But I was asking myself, nikki, do you want it to be a really interesting flight that you talk the whole time, you have a great time? Is that the story you want, or would you rather, like, sleep and, like, get put down? Like, have that vibe? And I'm like, one is exhausting and the other is comforting, but I think I ultimately want a really fun time if I. Yeah.

[Matt]

Even though it's exhausting, it's your only show shot. If you sleep through it, you'll never get to know if it was going to be fun or not.

[Nikki Glaser]

But I wonder. What. I wish everyone could privately vote secretly. And then Jeff Probst reads our votes, whether or not he'll be on the flight. I mean, this lineup.

[Daniel Tosh]

Lewis, right?

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Joel]

So you guys know each other.

[Nikki Glaser]

He'll probably be with his wife. And she's nice. I've met her just in passing. And he's obviously nice and funny and cool. And Shaboo's. I met his in line the other night when I was in line for the red carpet. I met his producer, so I have an in with him to be like, I met Nevin, and so I feel good with. And I've listened to a song a thousand times in a Pilates class.

[Matt]

Where are you flying from?

[Nikki Glaser]

To LA tomorrow?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. I think we'll probably do the thing where we talk the first half hour that everyone kind of, like, stops talking.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Pick it back up again when it's on the Runway and nothing happened.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Even on the Runway, I don't feel. Sometimes on the Runway, I don't feel. I know what I've read.

[Daniel Tosh]

Not.

[Joel]

Feels like you can't even park. Like, parked is not good.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, it's. Parking is. Look, I used to feel like I'm not gonna get worried until I start to take off. Nope.

[Unknown Speaker]

No.

[Nikki Glaser]

Once you are disconnected from the gate, start praying.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, being at your gate, who knows what goes on?

[Nikki Glaser]

I will. I refuse to let being scared of air travel into my being. It's not an option for me to be able to go. I don't want to do it anymore. You know, it crossed my mind of, like, okay, could I just switch to, you know, buses? But I have, statistically, obviously, a bus crashes are much more likely than a plane crash, but it just makes you. It gives you a false sense of safety that I do like, but it doesn't. Being on. I told Sean about it when I was on the bus tour for Bert Kreischer. Thing. A couple summers ago, I had so much fucking anxiety that in the middle of the night, I'd be laying horizontally and we'd go off a bridge and I would die, like, drowning in a river. Because our bus driver fell asleep. Because he, like, didn't have the right amount of Red Bull. Like, I was just. I literally made my agent or my assistant ask their team, like, about the rules about drivers sleeping and making, like, seeing the schedule of a driver sleeping because I needed to know because I just watched the bus drivers face the whole.

[Joel]

Think of how much a pilot has to. How many hours a pilot has to fly to become a. This is like a guy who was like, a shitty bassist that became a tour bus driver. Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

He fell into it.

[Nikki Glaser]

Know the story. They could be amazing and, like, have done it so long and, like, there's had no safety issues. But you don't really know. You just trust the bus company that maybe could have the regulations in place. You don't know. It's not like the FAA is overseeing tour bus, like, exactly. There's no FAA for us even anymore for flying. There used to be.

[Joel]

I think being in the sky is the safest place in Trump's America.

[Nikki Glaser]

Just never land.

[Daniel Tosh]

You're not.

[Matt]

Or Florida air travel is still the safest form of transportation. Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

I refuse to.

[Matt]

Other than trains.

[Nikki Glaser]

Listen, I just can't let it in. It's like ghosts. I can't believe in ghosts because if I do, my life is over.

[Joel]

Listen, this is the best flight to be on. Like, Shibuzi.

[Matt]

If this one went.

[Joel]

He's touched by God.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, my God. That in memoriam.

[Matt]

That would be something next year would.

[Nikki Glaser]

Be off the floor.

[Joel]

I think you might be number one right now.

[Nikki Glaser]

Like, because, well, I don't know the popular hat picture that I'm using.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Really. It's gonna light up the place.

[Joel]

Yeah. You're. The popular thing is Don Draper and then Jabuzzi.

[Nikki Glaser]

I think, though, that I have reached a point where I would make the in memoriam. I think, like, oh, what event? No matter what happens, no matter when I die, if the world keeps going the way it is, I will be on an immemorial at some point. Like, I think I've reached that level.

[Joel]

You've guaranteed an Emmy. Like, you're.

[Nikki Glaser]

No matter what mentioned the immemorial.

[Joel]

Here's the thing. Like, the next year, we just have to work on getting you in that Oscars in memoriam. And that's like, to me, that's the gold standard of the in memoriams.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes.

[Joel]

Like they'll never bring out jelly roll. Like they just sing.

[Nikki Glaser]

All right, actually, let's go to break. We'll be back after this.

[Unknown Speaker]

If you know me well, which, if you listen to my podcast, I feel like you do, you've probably heard me mention that I in the past have suffered with an eating disorder. I had anorexia when I was 18, didn't know what to do. It took over my life. It almost killed me. I really could have used something like Equip back then. And that's why I'm excited to tell you about it, because you might be dealing with an eating disorder yourself. Maybe it's undereating, maybe it's overeating. Maybe you feel like you can't stop. You have no control over food. Maybe it's all you think about. That's not normal. You don't have to live that way. For help, you can turn to Equip. Equip is a virtual evidence based eating disorder treatment program that provides people of all ages with a dedicated treatment team so they can heal at home. Equip treats all types of eating disorders. They're covered by most major insurance providers and they have no wait list. So you have no excuses if you think that you or a loved one could be struggling with an eating disorder. Equip can help you achieve lasting recovery. Visit Equip Health slash Nikki to learn more. That's Equip Health. Nikki. I would be honored for you to type in my name as you get help for your eating disorder. It is the highest honor that I could ever achieve.

[Nikki Glaser]

Everyone's forgotten who runs this valley. Time to remind them.

[Bobby Bones]

Yellowstone fans, step into the Yellowstone universe.

[Joel]

Our family legacy is this ranch and I protect it.

[Nikki Glaser]

Live my life.

[Bobby Bones]

Hosted by Bobby Bones, the official Yellowstone podcast takes you deeper into the franchise that's captivated millions worldwide. Action explore untold behind the scenes stories, exclusive cast interviews and in depth discussions about the themes and legacy of Yellowstone.

[Nikki Glaser]

You know, the first students to settle this valley fighting was all they knew.

[Bobby Bones]

Whether you're a longtime fan or new.

[Daniel Tosh]

To the ranch, welcome to the Yellowstone.

[Bobby Bones]

Bobby Bones has everything you need to stay connected to the Yellowstone phenomenon.

[Nikki Glaser]

I look forward to it.

[Bobby Bones]

Listen to the official Yellowstone podcast Now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Nikki Glaser]

Go to work.

[Unknown Speaker]

Black History Month is here and we're excited to kick off season four. If I didn't know, maybe you didn't either. This season we're diving even deeper. Celebrating trailblazing pioneers who fought for change and shining a spotlight on revolutionary women who defied the odds and redefined excellence. Give grace wisher her flowers. She's proof that history ain't all about who gets the credit. It's about who did the work. So next time you see that 50 starred 13 striped American flag, you just remember a 16 year old black woman helped to make it happen. So this season, get ready to be inspired, educated and empowered even more. Join us as we uncover stories that deserve to be heard and celebrated. Listen to. I didn't know. Maybe you didn't either. From the Black Effect podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or simply wherever you get your podcast.

[Nikki Glaser]

Hi, this is Ruthie Rogers, host of Ruthie's Table four. This week my guest is Zoe Saldana and what a woman she is. I come from a family and I do know this, that it's a cultural thing. We dance. If you failed a test, we danced. If you passed it. You know what I mean? You just dance and you dance meringue and you dance salsa and everybody sits in someone's backyard. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple or wherever you find your podcasts, I will say, the other night at the Grammys, Chris Martin did the in memoriam and sang that you have all my love, whatever that song is. And Chris. And Chris is not a huge Coldboy fan, if anything. Like, I think he's probably not one. But we were kind of sitting. We were facing this, like, looking at the stage. Stage, but he's performing behind us. They had like a stage in the middle. So we were just watching the Memoriam and Chris Martin singing behind us, like, pretty far behind us. And Chris just like whispered to me, he was like, can you believe that? It sounds like a recording, but it's actually Chris Martin live singing to us. Because we were like getting touched, like, and we turned around. I was like, he's right there. It was such a magical moment. I really want to see Coldplay live, I think, because I think he's. He's a good, captivating performer. Amazing.

[Daniel Tosh]

Coldplay, Really? I cried during it.

[Nikki Glaser]

Did you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And I blamed on my dead grandpa. Yeah. Or is that Dave, Matthew? I don't know. They all.

[Nikki Glaser]

I think that was cold last night.

[Joel]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

It was called fix you. Yeah. I was crying watching Fix you.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

My buddy Rusty looked over. He's like, are you fucking crying? I was like, my grandpa died. He's like, that was like six months ago. And I was like, fucking dude. We haven't buried him yet.

[Joel]

They got a lot of songs about. About, like, you know, that remind you of dead people.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, they write good slow motion montage.

[Daniel Tosh]

Scientist. That video was backwards. Everything. That was huge. Yeah, like, music video. That might be the last ever music video that I can remember.

[Nikki Glaser]

Really.

[Matt]

Like, there's no.

[Nikki Glaser]

I remember that one.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, everything was backwards.

[Matt]

There's lots of music videos.

[Joel]

Yo, I.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's the last music video you can think of?

[Joel]

I watched Abracadabra from Lady gal Gaga today.

[Nikki Glaser]

Abracadabra? Is that a new one?

[Joel]

Oh, yeah. And Gaga's back.

[Nikki Glaser]

Is she back? Back?

[Joel]

She's back in a big way. She's taken all elements from Bad Romance and has made a whole album with.

[Matt]

The album come out, like, several months.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, but that's the.

[Joel]

No, it's mayhem that comes out next month.

[Daniel Tosh]

There's like, another Sean is not gay.

[Nikki Glaser]

Back in, like, a pop way. She's back on and done other things.

[Joel]

She's doing satanic pop again. Like, she's wearing a lot of, like, red latex while, like, I like men all dressed in black.

[Nikki Glaser]

Weird again. I guess she's always been weird. I kind of fell off her for a while. But I. I love her.

[Joel]

I love Lady Gaga. She was mean to me and 2007. And I've.

[Daniel Tosh]

I've.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, yeah.

[Joel]

I've been hard since.

[Nikki Glaser]

And you're not gay.

[Daniel Tosh]

You're not gay.

[Nikki Glaser]

Again, not helping. Sean had a show at the same place that Lady Gaga had a show. And Lady Gaga's show would be after Sean's. And she, like, would, like, be like, hurry up, you guys. Like, wrap it up. Like, we got, like, what was it?

[Joel]

She was just like, get off this. There's no one here. Like, why are they still performing?

[Nikki Glaser]

She said, you're not funny. You guys aren't even funny.

[Joel]

Yeah, no. And I, like, honestly, it only made me like her more.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, you love a mean girl.

[Joel]

I love a mean girl.

[Daniel Tosh]

And this is before she got big. She was sharing, like, a.

[Joel]

It was Lady Starlight review. And she was Lady Gaga, who was just a performer. It was a burlesque show after our show called here's the Thing. And, like, we were just doing, like, the worst comedy ever. Like, just, like, for eight people. And then, like, Chelsea Peretti would be sleeping. We have to wake her up. Be like, you're on. And then she would be making fun of us.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, man.

[Joel]

And then I'm like, oh, my God, all my Italian queens are making fun of me tonight.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, yeah. Yes. All, like, the cutting like hot girl, mean hot girl.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's gotta be exhausting to be lady got to do all the protections.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's what that one documentary was about where she was like, you know, her body was breaking down from it and she was tired and you know, and she asked her. And then she embodied her aunt, her dead aunt, Joanne. Yeah, her dead aunt was. She was reincarnated as her dead, dead aunt. And she tells her grandma, who is her dead aunt's mom, that I'm Joanne reincarnated. And you can tell her grandma's like, no, you aren't. Yeah, like, I know you're my granddaughter, I love you so much, but you are not my daughter.

[Joel]

Yeah, I'm sorry that you grew up rich. You're not interested.

[Nikki Glaser]

She goes, grant. She. She plays a song for her grandma. I really like. I love Lady Gaga. The scene is really funny though, because I understand that like idea of like you're only making art and trying to become famous and trying to become beloved to like show your family members that make question your lovability outside of the family that like see other people love me and like I'm doing. I want you to like finally get it. And so she's showing her grandma this song that she wrote about her dead grandmother. And her grandma's kind of just like. Or her dead daughter. And her grandma's just kind of like, I don't really want to be on camera listening to this. She's like, just listen to it, grandma. And she like holds the phone up to start playing the demo and her grandma's just kind of stone faced and then she's like, grandma, don't cry. It's okay if you cry, grandma, but you don't have to cry, grandma. And then she starts the song. She just starts like moving the phone from my memory. I'm probably exaggerating, but she starts moving the phone like closer until it's like up in her grandma's face. She's like, grandma, don't cry. But like desperately wanting her grandma to cry.

[Joel]

That's it. She needs to get the shot. But that song is incredible. It's such a good song.

[Nikki Glaser]

I love that album.

[Joel]

That whole album is wall to wall bangers. I am such a little monster.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes, I am too. The one song she does with Florence and Machine, hey Girl is like a female anthem of like we all like trying to talk shit about each other, but we need each other. It's so girl. It's. It's so girl. It's so girl. It's. That's the New brat It's so girl.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's so girl it's so girl.

[Nikki Glaser]

I should be the new brat.

[Joel]

Listen, I know I'm not beating the allegations, but at the same time, I did have, like, a mini meltdown two weeks ago because on Apple Music, on artpop, they took off her song with R. Kelly. Like, that's no longer on the album. And that song is such a fucking banger. All I wanted to do was listen to that song. Oh, that's weird.

[Nikki Glaser]

I guess because of her. She's probably asked.

[Joel]

She doesn't want to know because, like, the song is heavily implying that her and R. Kelly are fucking during the song.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, man. That's crazy. You just lose a whole song.

[Joel]

It's such a good song. Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

She should re record.

[Joel]

I'm so mad at R. Kelly Again.

[Nikki Glaser]

Again All over again. He opened up this wound. Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

I could get over the other scene.

[Matt]

Is Shibuzi gonna be, like, making an appearance in the halftime show?

[Nikki Glaser]

Two to three? No, he's not very tall, man. I think he is.

[Matt]

Why is he on this plane?

[Nikki Glaser]

Honors.

[Matt]

Oh, it's just the NFL honors.

[Daniel Tosh]

Good Lord.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, I've seen him a lot. I did the I heart. No, the. What was it the. Yeah, it was Iheart, like, Christmas jingle he performed on that was so good. And then saw him at the Grammys other night. He was so good.

[Matt]

He did the halftime show or something at one of the, like, Christmas Day football. I forgot which one it was.

[Nikki Glaser]

I, like, really heard that song today. I put it on. I was like. And then for the first time, you know when you've heard a song 100 times, but the lyrics suddenly, like, pop out and you're like, whoa, this is like. It's about, like, what the hell am I working for? My. My girlfriend wants a Birkin bag. I can't even afford to, like, pay the rent. Like, I work 9 to 5. What the is all this for? I'm just gonna go get drunk. And I was thinking of walking out to it in New Orleans because. Cause I'm like, I'm gonna hang with him. And, like, I think that's a good song to walk out to. Ed Burt show. It's like, instead of, like, a Taylor Swift song, it's, like, more common. Like, you know. And I was like. And she goes, but. And Emily was like, but you don't get tipsy. And I'm like, But I do. Like, it's not just about drinking. It's about, like, fuck it. Let's just be lay in bed all day. Let's just overindulge in skinny pop. Like, whatever it is, get tipsy. Like, it all sucks. And like I said yesterday about the Olivia Rodrigo song, pretty isn't pretty. I love a song that doesn't have. Have, like, a happy. It's all gonna be okay, right? It's just like, let's get drunk.

[Matt]

Not girl.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, it's not. It's. It actually is girl. That's. Girl.

[Joel]

That's kind of girl.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. Yeah, girl. I think I'm trying something here. I think.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, I think it's gonna not catch on. I have a feeling it's not gonna do anything at all. Shabuzzi's, what, like, six? Five? He's a big man. What? Are you dating Emily, right?

[Nikki Glaser]

Really?

[Joel]

Shaboozy was dating Emily Ratajkowski. She do be wanting Birkin back.

[Daniel Tosh]

You so girl.

[Nikki Glaser]

I haven't seen her, but maybe it's because I muted.

[Joel]

You muted her belly button.

[Nikki Glaser]

You haven't seen a celebrity, but it's because their body triggered you enough that you were like, I can't watch this anymore. I like her. I. She, I think, is so iconic, and I think she's really smart and cool, but she. I think I. Because there's no way she's not still putting out content. I think I just muted her.

[Matt]

I probably wrote a comment into triggering.

[Nikki Glaser]

Any misspelling of her name, too, just to be safe. Oh, God. I need to unmute her because I'm. I'm. I think I'm confident enough to, like, invite her torso back into my enter feed. Yeah, into my feed. I'm ready to see that.

[Matt]

So are you gonna ask Shabuzzi?

[Daniel Tosh]

Hey.

[Matt]

Are you gonna mention to him, like, hey, I want to use your song to come out this show?

[Nikki Glaser]

No, he doesn't care. Like, that would be weird to me to be like, you know the song that's the hit song of the year that everyone listens to a million times? I think I'm gonna be real different and unique and walk out to it. Like, I just feel like maybe I'm wrong and he would be, like, tickled by that, but I feel like he would just be like, yeah, of course she would. I'm surprised not everyone.

[Matt]

Yeah. You know, I don't feel it out on Saturday.

[Nikki Glaser]

I think in 30 years, that would be an interesting anecdote. But.

[Matt]

So Thursday is the NFL honors, and then on. And then Friday tour and Friday, Pennsylvania Pittsburgh.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And then Saturday, you're doing this big show with Bert Kreischer at. Where is it? At some Big Uno Arena.

[Nikki Glaser]

Really?

[Matt]

Thank you for knowing Pizzeria Uno.

[Joel]

Yeah, I think so.

[Matt]

That's Pizzeria Uno. They own. Have the namesake.

[Nikki Glaser]

I don't think they would.

[Daniel Tosh]

I think it's gonna sell out. I think.

[Joel]

I think it'll be a very interesting story. Thirty years from now when you're doing the White House correspondence dinner for President Jabuzi.

[Daniel Tosh]

Thirty years, three months.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. And then I do that show, and that'll be fun. And then I get to go to the super bowl the next day, and.

[Matt]

Then the Super Bowl. And you're rooting for the Chiefs, I'm assuming.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. I mean, I. I think I'll be. I hate to say maybe we're rooting for both teams. Like, I'll be excited, but at some point, I'll have to choose what I want. I think when the underdog reveals itself, I'll be rooting for them.

[Joel]

The Donna Kelsey thing of just wearing, like.

[Nikki Glaser]

Or the. I love the Rob Lowe thing of just the NFL. I thought I was gonna do, like, a joke on that and just wear all things that just say NFL and be very middle of the road. You know? Like, people might not get the joke, but I think that would be funny.

[Daniel Tosh]

Because that's like a baseball umpire. Why did Ty.

[Nikki Glaser]

Wait, wait. Why don't people ever dress like the refs?

[Daniel Tosh]

No, that's what you did.

[Nikki Glaser]

Wait.

[Daniel Tosh]

He was wearing a ref hat.

[Nikki Glaser]

Who?

[Joel]

Well, he wearing an NFL hat.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, I thought he looked like a ref.

[Matt]

The commissioner dressed like Roger Goodell don't dress.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, I look good in red. And obviously it's like, Taylor. It's Travis. I know him. He's great. And you know where you're Patrick and. No, not yet. I haven't even looked. I probably could see, but I. I don't. I don't care to look yet because I can only be disappointed. I think. You know what I mean? Like, I'd rather be, like, surprised. Like, whoa, these are nice seats. Because right now I'm thinking they're shitty. Because why would they.

[Daniel Tosh]

Who you getting them through?

[Nikki Glaser]

And I don't mean, like, shitty. Being in the building is not shitty. Like, the tickets are so exciting.

[Joel]

They're going to be good because you are presenting a cool award at the NFL Honors. So, like, they're so happy.

[Nikki Glaser]

Maybe I'll be sitting next with a box.

[Matt]

Yeah, you'll be in a box size.

[Joel]

You might be, like, on camera arm in arm with Roger Goodell.

[Matt]

If they're flying you out there for the honors, then, like, other celebrities.

[Nikki Glaser]

Is he old I don't even know. I don't know anything about him.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, he's oldest.

[Matt]

They're not gonna watch you.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, I mean, like, we went last year, but that wasn't.

[Matt]

Those seats were amazing.

[Nikki Glaser]

But we were high up.

[Matt]

That was 50 yard line.

[Nikki Glaser]

But we were high up.

[Matt]

Not that high.

[Joel]

Those were great seats.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, they were amazing. I guess my point is I'm not looking because I want to be surprised.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll be a box, though.

[Joel]

You're going to be in a box. You're going to be like an NFL box football.

[Daniel Tosh]

Like, you know, a little bit. Enough.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, I. I can follow a game. Final thought. I can follow a game and have a good time now because of this year and what it's done for me, I will have a much better. Last year, I actually had a really good time with Brian because he explained the game to me, and it was just. That was. It was so fun. And that's when I said, I want to go to every single rest of my life. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

[Matt]

You. You were like, travis Kelce is going off. And I was like, all right. And you're like 10 receptions. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And you're like, 10. And then you did get 10.

[Nikki Glaser]

Whoa. Okay, well, maybe this year.

[Matt]

Yeah, I mean, I've got a lot of parlays.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's the spread on the Eagle game?

[Matt]

Negative one. Eagles are the underdogs.

[Joel]

I'm just.

[Daniel Tosh]

Negative one.

[Joel]

The over on Barclays, please. Rushing yards for me. I'll give you mine.

[Matt]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's that one?

[Nikki Glaser]

Well, wait, hold on.

[Joel]

I'm just saying.

[Daniel Tosh]

He's gonna go over.

[Joel]

I love Saquon. My flying thighs. This is not girl.

[Nikki Glaser]

This is not girl. I am not feeling girl about this right now.

[Matt]

I can't do it. I can't do it. But someone else will.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Matt]

I can't do it.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes, we heard you and we saw your sly look. We saw your good side of your face.

[Joel]

You look like the guiltiest man alive.

[Nikki Glaser]

Both of your sides look bad.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Joel]

You look like Harvey Weinstein at his tr.

[Daniel Tosh]

Bigger penis.

[Nikki Glaser]

Did you hear Diddy? It, like, just hurt his knee. And they're thinking it's because they. It's really advantageous for someone who's being tried for something to show up, like, looking weak. Yeah, he's trying to get those crutches.

[Matt]

It might even be real pain. Like Sarno level pain.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, yeah. There's no question he's in deep pain. Like, that guy is not having A good time?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

I can't imagine he's having a good time.

[Matt]

Yeah. Deep pain.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. But that was. I don't. I guess I just. It's girl again. Let's get it back, girls.

[Matt]

How are you feeling about. What's your excitement level for the halftime show? Kendrick?

[Nikki Glaser]

I mean, I'm excited for. Not like us, but I'm not really familiar with Kendrick.

[Matt]

Kendrick, you know, like the Black Panther soundtrack.

[Nikki Glaser]

I think, you know, I'm gonna use this as an. I don't think I'm gonna have time to, like, get into Kendrick before then in the way that I need to. I'm obviously aware of him. I know I can recognize him when I hear his voice, but I'm not a big fan. But I gonna use this opportunity to be like, that's when I discovered Kendrick Lamar. I mean, like, I know that's lame, but I think it. If there's any place where I'll be like, holy shit, I have been sleeping on this. Even though I know that I would like him, that'll be the time that's.

[Joel]

I truly think the super bowl halftime show is specifically designed for America to. It's wake up. To wake up and, like, kind of. Of like, figure out, like, oh, Kendrick Lamar is like a worthwhile artist. Is like. I think that's how it's traditionally been used. I mean, like, Kendrick Lamar is the.

[Nikki Glaser]

Way I feel about, like, Breaking Bad or the Wire. Like, things I know that I would love and are, like, without a doubt, amazing. And I respect them deeply, but I just am not aware of them yet. Like, you can't know everything. And so I. Yeah, I'm hoping to, like, the other night with that Ray girl, every. Everyone's just like, oh, my God, who is this? Like, I know Kendrick Mars, like, ubiquitous now, but I just haven't let it in. Except I don't know Ray. His.

[Matt]

I know Ray Gunn.

[Nikki Glaser]

He's on Bad Blood with Taylor Swift. And I know that's ridiculous that I know that.

[Joel]

I feel like you should look up his Grammy performance from, like, 2014 or 2015 or 2016 maybe. But, like, it's a Grammy performance. So incredible.

[Nikki Glaser]

Really.

[Joel]

It's like, one of the best.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Like, he's a wordsmith. He's like, well, yeah, you know, but that.

[Joel]

That was like. That was.

[Nikki Glaser]

Everyone I love and respect loves him.

[Joel]

That was my introduction to him, and I was like, damn. But then, like, also, like, it's gonna be crazy to have, like, a whole stadium of people screaming, Drake's a pedophile. Like, this is the worst week of Drake's life right now.

[Nikki Glaser]

He has. I don't think he's shown up right. Like, he's not, like, said a statement or anything.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, he can't win that. You can't win. If you come out and say something, you lose. If you. Why? He's just gonna.

[Joel]

If you're friends with Drake, really reach out to him.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes.

[Joel]

He needs it. Tell him he's not alone.

[Daniel Tosh]

What if he came out during the halftime show with Kendrick? Oh, that'd be sick.

[Nikki Glaser]

I mean, but that's why it's, like, so exciting that something like, you can be on top of the world and think you're so cool and one of the, like, most popular artists that has ever lived and one song can be written about you or, you know, I think it was a couple. Like, it was kind of a series.

[Joel]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

But you. You can get taken down so much that off. Taken from your tower, like, so quickly. I think it's. And that. That. That they're willing to go there, that they're willing to risk it all by, like, calling something out is exciting.

[Joel]

It is.

[Nikki Glaser]

I mean, it's ballsy. It's in your face.

[Joel]

I mean, like, honestly, like, in the 90s, like, the Tupac and Biggie thing, like, it finally. It feels as big as that again, like, where it's like, I. I love drama.

[Nikki Glaser]

Well, like, you know, Charlie XCX did the whole, like, song about Lord and her feeling, like, competitive with her, and then they, like, you know, did the remix, and then they, like, worked it out on the remix. So that was like another. I, like. I like a feud. Like, I love the Machine Gun Kelly, Eminem.

[Daniel Tosh]

Could you do a good comedy bit or, like, another rapper do another rap song where you could take down another pedophile? Like, does the song have to be that good? Like, you know what I mean? So many pedophiles get away because everyone's like, oh, it's all boring.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's how we take down pedophiles. If we just put to a good beat.

[Daniel Tosh]

A good beat or something insanely creative, that's the only way.

[Nikki Glaser]

Well, that's Hannibal Burris, was the way he presented the Cosby thing to everyone made us all wake up. It was like, go home and Google it.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's what I'm saying. So think about something.

[Nikki Glaser]

Because it was a way of delivering the information that people kind of, like, woke up. I don't think Drake is being, like, tried for anything because of that song.

[Joel]

But it's embarrassing as it's just embarrassing that everyone just, like, now, even like, hey, without confirmation, you are a pedophile.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm gonna make a rap song about Tron being gay. Yeah, you're going down, bitch.

[Joel]

Oh, man. The commenters on the Nikki Glaser podcast, YouTube are gonna really.

[Nikki Glaser]

I'll be so lucky. I'll be so lucky to be gay.

[Daniel Tosh]

I wish.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's not even. Yeah, it's.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, it's not even bad.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, you're making. Not that it's a bad thing.

[Joel]

You're making, what a dream. What a dream for me to wake up and be gay. Cause then I could just be like, yeah, no, I like Lady Gaga. I'm not.

[Nikki Glaser]

You'd be free to like all the things you actually like.

[Joel]

I'm like, listen, 13 going on 30 is better than big. But I can't say that as a boy.

[Nikki Glaser]

I believe it is.

[Joel]

I kind of love 13 going on 30.

[Nikki Glaser]

I don't know that I've seen it.

[Joel]

Oh, you got it. It's better than big.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, my God.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't know about that.

[Nikki Glaser]

All right, we gotta go. Thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast. We will be back next week with let you know what happened on that charter. Hopefully we make it there. So girl.

[Daniel Tosh]

So girl. That's so girl. To have a plane crash and die, would you be.

[Nikki Glaser]

That would be girlish. Okay, remember me as girl, you guys. Okay. Don't be confused. The Nikki Glaser Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and I Heart Podcast, created and hosted by me, Nikki Glaser, co hosted by Brian Frangie, executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Soni and Noah Avior, edited and engineered by Lean and Loaf video production, Mark Camp, and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nikki glaser podcast on YouTube, follow icky glazer pod and subscribe to our channel.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hi, I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and Narcos and Roadhouse. And now I'm starting a podcast because, honestly, guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Get ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast about the wildest true escape stories in history. Each week I'll be sitting down with some of the most hilarious actors and writers and comedians. People like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, and Joseph Gordon Levitt.

[Joel]

I love storytelling and I love you.

[Daniel Tosh]

So I can't wait. Listen and subscribe to Greatest escapes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Nikki Glaser]

Hi, this is Ruthie Rogers, host of Ruthie's Table four. This week my guest is Zoe Saldana. And what a woman she is. I come from a family and I do know this, that it's a cultural thing. We dance if you failed a test, we danced if you passed it. You know what I mean? You just dance and you dance merengue and you dance salsa and everybody sits in someone's backyard. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple, or wherever you find your podcasts, you are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to the Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's fourth production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to welcome to the Party. That's P A R T E e on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila, and we're the of.

[Joel]

The Good Moms Bad Choices podcast brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, we're moms, but not your mommy. Historically, men talk too much and women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your truck. Listen to the Good Mom's Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect podcast network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast.