#514 An Elevated Gift, Restaurant Pet Peeves & Helping Your Younger Self?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Nikki Glaser Podcast - Episode #514: An Elevated Gift, Restaurant Pet Peeves & Helping Your Younger Self?

Release Date: February 28, 2025

In episode #514 of The Nikki Glaser Podcast, host Nikki Glaser, alongside her co-hosts Matt, Chris, Brian, Sean, and Noah, delves into a mix of personal anecdotes, pop-culture insights, and humorous discussions. The episode navigates through themes of meaningful gift-giving, dining frustrations, introspective advice, and reflections on time and personal growth.

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1. Meaningful Gift-Giving and Team Appreciation

Nikki Glaser opens the conversation by sharing her thoughtful approach to team appreciation:

Nikki [05:41]: "I love giving cool gifts that elevate someone... We had dedicated team members involved from the beginning to end, and so Chris and I got them Rollies Rolexes."

She emphasizes the importance of recognizing hard work with meaningful rewards, which leads to her teammates expressing their gratitude:

Chris [05:48]: "They are so cool. Thank you so much."

Matt brings up a similar gesture by comedian Chris Rock:

Matt [06:45]: "There was a story where Chris Rock gave his writers Rolexes after helping him with his stand-up specials. I never thought I'd be in a position to receive something like that."

This segment highlights the value of acknowledging team efforts in maintaining morale and fostering a supportive work environment.

2. Career Reflections and Comparisons

Nikki reflects on her own career trajectory compared to peers like Ali Wong:

Nikki [06:45]: "I remember when Ali Wong started doing multiple shows... that is awesome for her. That isn't something that would ever happen for me."

She shares her thoughts on the varied paths to success in the comedy industry, acknowledging that each comedian's journey is unique and influenced by different factors.

3. Body Image and Social Perceptions

The discussion shifts to body image and how societal perceptions impact personal behavior, particularly in social dining scenarios:

Sean [15:05]: "I'm too fat to ask for my dishes to avoid seeming overeager."

Nikki [15:20]: "When I was super thin, I could never say I didn't want to eat anything because I feared being judged as anorexic."

This topic explores the internal struggles individuals face concerning body image and the external judgments that can influence their actions and self-esteem.

4. Restaurant Pet Peeves

A significant portion of the episode addresses common frustrations experienced while dining out:

Nikki [14:52]: "Why is it that servers never know where the dishes are going? It's like a murder mystery."

The hosts discuss the inefficiencies in restaurant service, such as confusion over orders and the awkwardness of identifying who ordered what, suggesting more streamlined communication to enhance the dining experience.

5. Handling Accidental Texts and Communication Mishaps

At [24:31], Nikki introduces a scenario about accidentally sending a text meant for someone else, particularly one containing negative remarks:

Nikki [24:31]: "If you ever accidentally send me a text that talks about me to someone else, please obscure it with 'XXXX' and promise I won't read it."

This leads to a broader conversation about honesty, transparency, and the best ways to address grievances within personal and professional relationships without causing unnecessary conflict.

6. Time Perception and Impact of Global Events

The hosts discuss how major events, such as the COVID-19 pandemic, have altered their perception of time:

Nikki [48:19]: "I look like I'm the same age as before, but I feel like I've lost four years."

This reflection underscores the profound impact global crises can have on individual lives, altering career trajectories, personal milestones, and overall life satisfaction.

7. Advice to Younger Selves

In an introspective segment, the hosts contemplate what they would tell their younger selves:

Matt [65:50]: "You can have sex with anybody you want in this school."

Brian [67:21]: "Nobody cares that you're poor and you live in a tiny apartment. Invite friends over."

Nikki offers motivational advice:

Nikki [69:03]: "Take singing lessons and guitar lessons now and don't give up. You can be as good as anyone you want to be if you just work hard enough."

This segment provides a heartfelt exploration of personal growth and the wisdom gained through life experiences.

8. Pop-Culture Engagements and Recent Appearances

Towards the end of the episode, Nikki shares her recent interactions in the pop-culture sphere:

Nikki [56:16]: "I was on Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard, and it was the most fun podcast I've ever been a guest on."

She also mentions receiving a direct message from Shaquille O'Neal requesting a roast:

Nikki [59:21]: "Shaq slid into my DMs and was just like, please roast me. I was thrilled."

These anecdotes highlight Nikki's growing influence and connections within the entertainment industry.

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Conclusion

Episode #514 of The Nikki Glaser Podcast offers a blend of humor, personal reflection, and candid discussions on topics ranging from professional appreciation and body image to effective communication and the subjective nature of time. Nikki Glaser and her co-hosts provide listeners with relatable insights and entertaining banter, maintaining the show's reputation for being fun, fast-paced, and brutally honest.

Note: Advertisements and promotional segments have been excluded to focus solely on the core content of the podcast.

Transcript

[Nikki Glaser]

On a more serious note, I'm still thinking about that commercial with Tom Brady and Snoop Dogg hating on each other. Because when you listen to the reasons for hating someone or something, you realize just how stupid they really are. There is too much hate in this country and it's gotta stop. So join us at iheart and standing up to it. If you see hate, speak up, call it out and you can learn more by following ot'supwithhate. Unlike what you're listening to, T Mobile's coverage is no joke because T Mobile helps keep you connected from big cities to your hometown on America's largest 5G network. Switch now keep your phone and T.

[Joel]

Mobile will pay it off up to.

[Nikki Glaser]

$800 per line via prepaid card. Visit your local T Mobile location or learn more@t mobile.com keepandswitch up to 4 lines via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device, credit service report in 90 days device knowledgeable carrier and timely redemption required. Card is no cash access and expires in six. Hey, this is Joel and Matt from.

[Matt]

The how to Money podcast.

[Sean]

My kids, Matt, they've got a few long weekends coming up, so I'm looking.

[Nikki Glaser]

Forward to taking a few trips with my family during those breaks. Nice.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

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[Matt]

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[Nikki Glaser]

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[Matt]

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[Nikki Glaser]

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[Noah]

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[Nikki Glaser]

The Nikki Glazer Podcast.

[Brian]

Here's Nikki.

[Nikki Glaser]

Hello, here I am. Welcome to the show. It's Nikki Glaser Podcast here with the same team as yesterday. It's Noah, it's Brian, and it's Sean what's up, guys?

[Matt]

I've got a really big team. Wait, what's that song? Does anyone know it? It's a great song.

[Nikki Glaser]

What?

[Matt]

Hey, I was thinking.

[Nikki Glaser]

That doesn't sound like a song. That sounded like words spoken.

[Matt]

Well, it's rad.

[Nikki Glaser]

You know, like, what Nikki just said.

[Matt]

So I have a question.

[Chris]

Is Groupons, like, annual investors meeting is.

[Matt]

Podcast called Podcast because of the ipod. Like, did they get away. Did Apple get away with, like, branding this entire, like, clean genre? Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Or Dumpster.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Do you know Dumpster is not what it is?

[Matt]

No, that's like a.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's a brand name.

[Matt]

No, it's not.

[Nikki Glaser]

I could be wrong, but look it up. This. I. This might be so embarrassing. Like, I had a moment this weekend like this. I'll tell you in a second. But I do think that Dumpster might be a brand name.

[Matt]

Dumpster was invented by Harvey Dumpster.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, it wasn't. I think it's a brand name.

[Brian]

Dempster Dumpster. The dumpster brothers in 19.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay.

[Brian]

Six. Trademarked.

[Nikki Glaser]

Sounds like it. Sounds like it. Yes. Q tip. Kleenex Dumpster bandaid. Band aid. They call it plastas in England. Plasters for a band aid that.

[Chris]

Oh, really? The Dumpster Brothers is so. I think you should leave coded.

[Nikki Glaser]

So was Brian saying, I love, like, I love my whole team.

[Matt]

We got a really big team.

[Nikki Glaser]

I love. Oh, yeah, I got a really big team. I love my whole team. Actually, I just wanted a group of people that were all really bad people to get together. Like, I just wanted to make a group of really. What is that one? You got to watch the Tim Robbins skateboard video where he's put putting together a team of. What is the team? I don't even understand what. Now that I'm thinking back on it, I'm like, what team is he forming? Just a group of people that skateboard together. Yeah.

[Chris]

Like a skateboarding group.

[Nikki Glaser]

They all just wants to be a really bad person. He wants people to think he's a really bad person. He wants. When people leave the room, he wants them to say, man, that guy is a piece of shit. It just makes no sense. But it makes all the sense. Yeah.

[Matt]

It's Drake and Future. I've got. Because I got a really big team, and they need some really big rings. They need some really nice things. Better be coming with no strengths. It's about Drake and Future talking about how when they get a deal with a record label, you also got to pay the team, and everyone needs really big rings. And why? Because I Just, I have a big team.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, that's. That's speaking of really big rings and buying things for your team, I got, I got you guys some jewelry for the Golden Globes that you both have.

[Chris]

You did. And it's like truly the nicest thing I own.

[Nikki Glaser]

Now I realize I love, love giving cool gifts that like, elevate someone. I got some people on my team that were, you know, like the. We had like a court. We had a bunch of people on the Golden Globes team, but there were some, you know, members that were the, you know, that were involved from the beginning to end in like a very serious, dedicated way. And so Chris and I got them Rollies Rolexes and Emily sourced them and found them. It took forever. They just got them last week or like couple days ago and. And they're engraved and they say Golden Globes 20, 25. And they're really cool.

[Chris]

Yeah, they're so cool. Thank you so much. I have now, I now know to hide my arm while, like being out on the street.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, you are more prone to assault, but it was just like a cool thing to do. I just. Well, first week. Well, this weekend I was able to give Sean his in person. And then later on in the night, he was wearing it and I was like, whoa, that's a nice watch. Like, it caught my eye. So I was like, oh, it works. It. This is really nice.

[Matt]

That is a really nice. Well, I mean, it's ridiculous. It's. You know, there was that one story with like Chris Rock or something. Who. There's a story where Chris Rock, I think it was for top five or something. Or maybe it was a stand up special where he like brought in like five comedians. Like Louis CK was one of them to help him write for this script or for his special or something like that. And then he gave them all. Maybe it was even rolexes or was $5,000. And when I heard that story back then, I was like, that's ridiculous. And never in a million years would I think that I would be in a position to receive something like that for a similar reason.

[Nikki Glaser]

You guys definitely deserved it. And yeah, it is crazy when you. I was just having that moment today when I was like posting about my sold out shows in Boston, like six shows at this gigantic theater that is bigger than the theater I was at last year in Boston. And I only did. And I did two shows at the Wilbur and it was like, whoa, that's incredible. And then it's five shows at this even bigger theater. And I was like thinking, Oh, I remember when, like, Ali Wong started doing, like, five shows, two more added, seven shows, 11 shows. Like, and just being like, that is awesome for her. And that isn't even something that would ever. It wasn't even, like, it's like, the way I think about having kids now. I'm just, like, good for them. Like, that is literally never going to happen for me. I don't even. Like, I'm not even mad about it. You know what I mean? Like, that's the way I used to think about those kind of things. And I want to just say to anyone who might look at someone's life and get, like, jealous or. I wasn't even jealous. It was just, like, out of. It was just like, well, that's just a different kind of comedy that someone's doing. Mine's never going to be that accessible or I'm never going to be that beloved because I'm not lovable. So that's fine. Like, that was my reasoning was like, I am not like, some people like me, but it's never going to be fun. Thousands in one city. Like, it's just impossible. And it wasn't even, like, I really promise you, I wasn't, like, sad about it. I was just like, yeah, that's just the way it goes. Like, I think I grappled with this early on when Amy. When Amy Schumer, like, blew up and, you know, we had all been kind of, like, on the same level. She was always kind of, like, skyrocketing, ever since I met her. But when she reached the levels of, like, train wreck and stuff, I just remember being like, there's not even a jealous. There's not even anything I can let in my body of jealousy or, like, why her, not me? Like, it's so on a different level that, like, I don't even. It's like comparing yourself to Neil Armstrong. Like, it truly felt like I just. I'm friends with someone who's doing something different than me, even though we're in the same field. So having those kinds of moments is really cool when they come through and you're like, oh, whoa, that's me now. Okay, so someone else is looking at my profile going, well, that'll never be me. I'm telling you, girl, it could be. You don't even fudgeing know. You don't know anything. You know, someone could give you stupid gift some day. Yeah, you. Yeah, you're. You're not smart, and you need to. Yeah, you need.

[Matt]

The Rolex is amazing. I don't I've never had a nice watch. In fact, for my wedding even, I didn't even wear a watch because when I bought my suit from the suit lady, she said, because I wear that, like, Casio watch all the time. And she said, if you wear that watch while wearing this suit, I'm not going to give you the suit. And so I didn't wear a watch at all. And I would have worn this Rolex for sure if I had it at the time.

[Chris]

Now you can get, like, really married.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

You need to get divorced and remarried. I think that's what this calls for, truly.

[Matt]

But, yeah, I mean, it's amazing. I can't wait to wear it at the next Golden Globes.

[Chris]

Yeah, it ties everything together. Like, I was wearing it with, like, a hoodie and I felt like, you know, like, oh, my God, I'm like a tech billionaire. This is incredible. Like, look at how dressed down I am.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, it does make you feel cool. It's fun. It was really fun. I'm. I'm not saying that to. I just was, like, excited about this weekend. I just, like, it's really fun to give gifts. Do you guys like getting gifts or giving gifts more? And, well, like, I know it sounds like I'm a hero or something, because I'm like, I just like giving, but I. Yeah, I think getting gifts can be truly uncomfortable. And.

[Brian]

And you also had a reason to give it, right? Like, it wasn't kind of. You weren't like, put on the spot and it was like kind of like a reward.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. They weren't just like, living one more year, like, their birthday, you know, like, that to me is just like, sorry, that's not, like, good enough. It's like, because you, like, like, you. You deserve. You worked so hard. Yeah.

[Matt]

A gift as a work reward is like, I think one of the best types of gifts.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay.

[Brian]

Yeah, I agree.

[Chris]

Like, it was like, oh, my God. Like, we went above and beyond. This is amazing.

[Nikki Glaser]

Well, I got a work gift today, too, oddly enough, from another person I gave this same gift to. He sent this before he even got his. But Mike Gibbons are. Gibby Gibson, our head writer on. On the. The Globes. He sent Chris and I the Stanley Tucci. Like, I think the New Yorker did a Stanley Tucci cartoon, you know, of, like, the cologne. Maybe it was New York magazine.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

But he had that framed and sent to us. The col was called. What was it called again? Why am I drawing a blank? Yeah, I. Oh, oh, you know, it was actually ballroom salmon, which was. Let me Say a Seth Meyers joke. Who gave. Seth Meyers gave us that line of ballroom salmon because he had been maybe flirting with doing another bit with us, and he had just written that or texted it or something. And we all left at Ballroom Salmon. And I wrote him and I said, hey, we're not doing that bit where you riffed that, but can we use ballroom salmon somewhere else? And he was like, go at.

[Noah]

Go for it.

[Nikki Glaser]

He's so funny. So that's kind of how things get made sometimes.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's the process. Remember how we were talking about that yesterday?

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, yeah. So sorry. Okay, so it's from the eastern tip of Italy, where this type of joke writing comes from. And we used a little bit of Fort Lauderdale flair. Like, I'm sorry. That's what the bothered me was that the dish that was being made was like. They said it was, like, from a part of Italy or whatever, or from, you know, like a part of Turkey or something. And like, the region that I've never heard of. And then they go. But we used a little local flair with it. And it's like, well, you. Fort Lauderdale, like, yeah, that's what's the opposite of elevates the dish.

[Chris]

You have to use the word local when it's about Fort Lauderdale. Yeah, it's like, oh, there's like, suntan lotion.

[Nikki Glaser]

Like, I. Yeah, the hummus had an SPF of 45. It just. It was. I'm still. I'm still feeling regretful that I'm making fun of that, because I think some people do care. But I also was saying this weekend, it's almost like a hack meme at this point to make fun of the paragraphs of writing that comes before a. A recipe. When you find it online, no one reads it.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian]

Presses jump to the recipe, which I learned from Julie Glazer, by the way.

[Nikki Glaser]

Really?

[Brian]

I didn't realize that there was a tab that says jump to the recipe. You could skip all of it pretty fast until I talked to your mom, and she's like, I wish there was.

[Nikki Glaser]

A tab on a waiter's head. Skip to bringing this to me. Skip to putting it down and leaving. Also, here's another pet peeve of restaurants. What a fucking bitch I am. I'm so sorry. If you work in the restaurant industry and you're like, we're trying our best, and these are actual things we have to do unless. Or we'll get docked pay or written up. Because I know some places are so dumb. But okay, so if you're ordering A bunch of dishes at a restaurant, and they come over and, like, why is it that they never know where? Okay, this is. I'm gonna get so much pushback because people are gonna be like, we have enough to remember. We. Why does the person who's bringing them never know where they're going? And they always. And this is. This is also a problem I have with people I'm dining with. Everyone always kind of doesn't know what they ordered. And I can see my plate. I can tell from beneath my plate the weight of it, what it is. And I go, me right away. But sometimes they'll be like, the enchilada, the chicken enchiladas. And everyone will look at each other like a murder mystery, like, who done it? It's like five seconds, which is too much of silence, until someone's like, I guess that's mine. And it's like, you just ordered. Are you not hungry? And thinking about this, like, put it. And then they set it down. And sometimes I just wish they just it all down and then let us all kind of distribute it, because the hovering and the questioning just slows things down.

[Chris]

I will say, I know I think about this quite often because I always try to give, like, a pause in that moment because I feel like I'm just fat enough where I can't be so excited to be like, oh, that was fine.

[Matt]

Like.

[Chris]

It'S also.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, so you're fat enough that, like, you don't want to be the guy who jumps the gun on, like, hearing any food is yours. And then everyone at the table is like, wow, Sean's so fat. He just thinks every dish is, yeah.

[Matt]

We have the bacon cheese. That's mine, and it's not even yours.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's so adorable because it. You know, that is a really good point. I have to factor in that people are, like, cautious of how they might be perceived in different circumstances. Like, that is a very interesting detail of your personality that I did not think about. But I also have that with different things where I'm like. Everyone assumes I'm like this, so I can't. You know, it's a karaoke place where they kept putting in my comedy bits in the title of the person's name. I felt so narcissistic thinking that was me. But I will say the other thing. I flubbed this weekend so hard, and I was so embarrassed. But then I redeemed myself was we were trying, like, you know, like, how I always have, like. Well, actually, fun fact, Dumpster is a brand name, and Then everyone goes, no, it's not. And I go check it. Yes, it is. And I just, like, school everyone because I read something late at night on Reddit that I retained for once in my life. And I, like, stake my whole identity on these little factoids. But so I had one this weekend that was like. We were talking about the Nike logo. No, we were talking about. I forget. We were talking about Larry Bird or something, like a white guy in the NBA. And I was like, oh, you know, the Nike logo is like, not Jordan. It's like some random white guy from the 80s. And everyone was like, like, quietly. But like, they. They were all like, we're not going to, like, tell her she's wrong because we're scared of her. But. But that's not right. And then someone finally was like, I think it's Michael Jordan. I'm like, no, it's actually somewhat a white guy from the 80s. And everyone was like, no. And then everyone looks it up, and it's, like, very clear. And then I look it up, I'm like, shit, it's Jordan. What am I getting this from? What is this? And then I was like, you guys, I swear to God, there is some logo that everyone thinks is Jordan and is not. I promise you. And it turns out it the NBA logo. So I was redeemed. Thank God.

[Chris]

Yeah. Jerry West. Jerry.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, it's Jerry west, and he's not.

[Matt]

A random Adam Sandler.

[Nikki Glaser]

But the NBA logo is, like, a guy, like, dribbling, and he's kind of like, you know, he's not. It's not the dunk Jordan. Yeah, but this. The swoosh. The swoosh is actually air Jordan. It's a white guy's canoe.

[Chris]

And everyone thinks it's like, the swoosh.

[Matt]

Is just a swoosh.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, no, no, it's canoe.

[Chris]

No, no. The SW is an Indian sign of peas.

[Nikki Glaser]

But, yeah, I got. I.

[Matt]

Similarly, the reason why I don't announce that that's my dish is because I don't want to be wrong, because sometimes they come out and they say something that you didn't that wasn't on the menu. Like, if you ordered, like.

[Nikki Glaser]

Or they call it the official name.

[Matt]

Exactly. And if I ordered a, you know, like a French onion soup, and then they come out and they say, did someone order, like, the onion paste? And then I have to wait, like, yeah.

[Chris]

Like, if you. If they're like, nacho. Ordinary nachos. You're like, but I think I ordered ordinary nachos. So you get like, Right.

[Nikki Glaser]

That is just a weird moment where everyone is just kind of looking at each other like, did. Is it you? Like, I just. And then they're kind of. Everyone's kind of, like, scared to speak up about it. Like, I'm just start clocking it because I think it happens to everyone where everyone's a little bit nervous. But maybe it's because we all don't want to see seem overeager and fat. Like, gimme, gimme, like, anything. Well, yeah.

[Chris]

I often think, like, when food hasn't come out in a really long time and you're, like, waiting at the table for a really long time, I'm like, I really have done the math on this. That, like, I can't ask where the food is.

[Nikki Glaser]

Wait.

[Chris]

Because it looks like I'm too fat to ask. Yeah. Sean don't want that being like. Like, oh, this guy thinks he's starving to death.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, my God. Okay. I will say similarly, when I was super thin, I would. I could never say I didn't want to eat anything because I would think that everyone thought I was being anorexic. So, like, I would always have to eat anything that anyone ever gave me because I would always fear that they would be like, she's just, like, being sneaky and weird. And then they would judge me and talk about me behind my back. So I would always, like, overeat in front of people to prove the opposite. So it's really. It's a similar thing. It's like you're just trying to get ahead of what people are going to say. But I would never in a million years, if you were checking on food, be like, man, he's so fat. He can't. He needs ever.

[Chris]

Well, well, I'm also. I. I'm not worried about, like, the people I'm at a table with. I'm worried about, like, the waiter being like, there's a fat guy who's real eager to eat.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, my God.

[Chris]

Then they just start, like, roasting my ass behind my back. I'm so worried about what people think about me behind my back that I don't care what they say to me.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay. Do you want to know, though, like, if you could have a recording of, like, the. The cook, the. The waiters talking to the chef about you. If you knew it happened, would you want to hear it?

[Chris]

I don't think so. Because then it's like, my worst. My worst fear is, like, conformed.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, good. Yeah. Okay, good. Let's go to break it. I'm gonna tell you a thing I told everyone this weekend that I want to just get your I want Brian and Noah to weigh in on what you think about this and how you would handle this after this.

[Noah]

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[Nikki Glaser]

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[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, so speaking to the fact of like Sean saying he wouldn't want to hear, he's like kind of concerned what people are saying behind his back, wants to control it, doesn't want to actually know the details. We were talking this weekend about if you were to accidentally send when you're talking about someone a text to the person you're talking about. Yeah, we've all almost done it or we've all done it right. Like you're saying the person's name and you then you that you just are thinking the name so you write it to them. Yeah okay, so I made a promise to my team this weekend that if they ever accidentally send me. And I'll extend this to Noah and Brian as well. Literally anyone listening. Literally anyone, if you ever. That has my number. If you send me a text that is talking shit about me and it's supposed to be about me to someone else, if you just write, oh my God, oh my God, and fill up the screen so that I can't see it, you know, and then write, nikki, I'm so sorry. I just sent the wrong text to the wrong person. I will not scroll up and read it, I promise you 1000%. In fact, I will blur my eyes, I will click more, I will select all the texts and I will delete them so that you. And I promise you I will not read it because I don't want to know what people are saying about me behind my back. What do you think of that? And do you think I'm. I. I know in my heart that I'm 100% sure that this is true because I don't want to know what people are saying about me. But could. Would you guys do the same?

[Matt]

I mean, it would be if the person knew the thing and was going to send me a bunch of texts afterwards and tell me not to read it.

[Nikki Glaser]

I mean, right away they realize I'm talking to Brian and then they go, oh my God, oh my God. And they just write like, know xxxxxxx and they like send it up. So it's scrolled up, right? So it's hidden.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

And then below the X's, they write, hey, Brian, I accidentally sent you a text that was meant for someone else. Please don't read it. It would. I really appreciate it. Would you read it?

[Matt]

Well, are they saying please don't read it because it's like shit talking me. Are they saying, please don't read it because it's like, private?

[Nikki Glaser]

Doesn't matter. I mean, you can assume you. Let's do it. They're not gonna say I was talking. Yeah, they're just gonna say, please don't read it.

[Matt]

Yeah, I would. Okay. I. If it was shit talking me, I would be like, why don't you just tell me this? I would be mad that they weren't telling me the thing that's bothering them to my face.

[Nikki Glaser]

This is. Do you not talk shit about people, Brian?

[Matt]

I. I'm. No. I mean, I've talked shit to you about many people before.

[Nikki Glaser]

I know, but would you say it.

[Matt]

To their face creatively? You know, I only talk shit about, like, people in a creative sense. Like, if someone does something creatively horrible.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Matt]

But say how horrible it is and how they don't deserve to live.

[Nikki Glaser]

Right. So you would probably say that to that person's face, too, because don't you understand the idea of, like. Like, someone might not want to say it to your face?

[Matt]

Would I say it to their face? No, I wouldn't say it to their face.

[Nikki Glaser]

But your response is, why don't you say this to me?

[Matt]

Like, they're my friend. They have my number, you know? And they're texting.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, your number.

[Matt]

You know, it really pissed me off that Brian keeps canceling plans five minutes before the play or whatever. I'd be like, you need to tell me this so that I understand the problem. I try to make it better.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, see, that's not. That's healthy.

[Chris]

That's very healthy. See, me, I'm too. No, I know. I'm too nosy. Like, I would want to know what they say, and then I would never confront them about it. What I would do is I would really just, like, hold on to it forever and just think about, like, this is what this person really thinks about me.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, boy. Yeah.

[Chris]

But I've also gotten into trouble with this in the past, so I.

[Brian]

In what way?

[Chris]

I know not to do this.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's a funny one. Can you talk about it in, like, without specifics?

[Brian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

My friend broke up with his girlfriend once. Like, his. Like, an old girlfriend. And he text messaged me saying they broke up. And he's like, hey, don't tell anyone about this. And then I immediately was text messaging my roommate to tell him about it, and I was like, blake broke up with his girlfriend. But I just texted it to him.

[Matt]

Like, oh, my God.

[Nikki Glaser]

Right after he said, don't tell anyone.

[Matt]

Oh, my God.

[Nikki Glaser]

And then Sean tried to make it seem like it was a joke because it was so obvious. Like, right after he. Yeah, no, we know you're not joking.

[Chris]

Like, I really tried to play it off, like, where it's like, there's no such thing as stupid questions. Like, question. Is there such thing as stupid question?

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it could have maybe worked. It's. Nice try. Oh, that's rough. That's so rough.

[Chris]

So I'm very selective with who I talk about over text. There's, like, five people. None are on this. On this.

[Matt]

You don't want. You don't want there to be. If you're talking, it's best to talk about in person because you don't want there to be a written record on the off chance that somehow they get your cell phone and they search their name and your texts, they find it.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, but that is, like. Then that friend sucks if they're, like, searching through your phone looking for their name like, you. Like, that's so lame. Like, you deserve to hear talked about you, but also, like. Like, I just think. Who was it that. Oh, Elisa Trager on her special just had a thing about, like, I think everyone should just talk. Like, talking is fun. And like, I guess I don't think she made this point, but maybe she did. I just feel like if. If I'm allowed to talk, then people should be allowed to talk about me. I, like, expect it. I would be sad if you guys didn't. It wouldn't. It wouldn't. Like, really, Sean, if you didn't talk about me, it would not go with your personality. You, like, have to like, it just.

[Chris]

I. I really don't like that you don't.

[Nikki Glaser]

I, like, I'm protecting myself. Being doesn't. But if you found out you did, it would not bother me because, like, I. I would. I'm so weird.

[Matt]

What about the thing you told me just the other day.

[Nikki Glaser]

Eighth grade, I found a note that, like, I think one of us was, like, sharing our old notes or something. Like, you know, we were going through in. In eighth grade. We would always write each other notes and we'd always save them. And I was going through, like, Kirsten's notes from Hala or whatever, and they were all talking shit about me wearing makeup for the first time and how I thought I was so cool and, like, how I wore too much and I didn't even wear it right. And it was devastating. And I remember them, like, seeing that I saw it and them. And then I had to protect them. Do you ever do that where you, like, get mad about something and then you have to protect the person you're mad at?

[Matt]

There's this video that's this man, and it was like, in the 50s or the 60s, and it was being recorded and it in Congress. And this guy, this congressman, takes out a gun and he killed and he shoots himself in the head. And it's all on film and you can watch.

[Chris]

Oh, wait, are you talking about our Bud Dwyer?

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, we know about Bud Dwyer.

[Matt]

Bud Dwyer.

[Nikki Glaser]

But I probably reference Bud Dwyer every week.

[Matt]

So. Bud Dwyer. So right before he kills himself, everyone is like, oh, my God, stop. And he goes, no, no, no, no, no. It's okay. It's okay, Pop. And then he shoots himself.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So it's the equivalent of him, like. Like, if it's like, him protecting them from thinking that this is bad, feeling bad about him shooting himself in the head.

[Chris]

Oh, I think about Bud Dwyer.

[Matt]

He goes, no, no, no, no.

[Joel]

It's okay.

[Matt]

It's okay, Pop.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, it's not. I'm not gonna hurt you.

[Matt]

Yeah, right, exactly. It's almost like he's saying, I'm not. I'm not shooting you guys. I'm shooting myself. It's fine.

[Nikki Glaser]

But little does he know, it's, like, devastating to watch that.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Yeah, it is. I mean, it's something that I'll never forget where I was seeing that video for the first time, because it's the first time I ever saw, like, somebody, like, act or, like, maybe the only time realize I did.

[Nikki Glaser]

I don't think I've ever seen anyone die.

[Chris]

People die.

[Matt]

I hate those videos. They should be taken off the Internet.

[Chris]

And the person who showed me was laughing the entire time because he.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, dear.

[Chris]

He told me he was gonna show me the funniest fail and then showed me that. And I. It, like, traumatized me. It was nor McDonald who did this.

[Matt]

That was not a fail, I swear.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay.

[Chris]

Now I like it to be like, this is the funniest fail you'll ever see. And then it was a guy.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, dude, don't ever. Bessies. Don't watch the video. It's not worth it. It's not gonna, like, be interesting enough. It'll just.

[Matt]

No. Traumatize you. And then it's stuck in your head forever and really sticks with you.

[Nikki Glaser]

How many Reddit threads have I seen of Ask Reddit, where it's like, what's the most disturbing thing you've ever seen on Reddit? I love reading about them. And Bud Dwyer comes up quite often, but there are so many more. Like, teen boys see the craziest. You know, like, Faces of Death, that. That compilation that used to go around. Like, there are. I've heard the most. I don't even know how these people are functioning. I really think people have PTSD from stuff that they have watched on the Internet. Without question. If you watch, like, a beheading video that was. Used to be going around.

[Matt]

Huh?

[Chris]

Yeah, come on. I will. I refuse to do that. And I am like, I think, yes, it's just fucking you up. You are getting ptsd. And then it makes you think that life is, like, cheap and meaningless. And then you get, like, these, like, desensitized. Yeah, desensitized. Like, I have A friend who was addicted to porn, who I think you guys, some of you know.

[Nikki Glaser]

But when he only know myself that well. But okay.

[Chris]

He was trying to, you know, quit his porn habit. So he started watching ISIS beheading videos so he wouldn't get horny anymore.

[Matt]

Whoa, that is the dumbest, most twisted logic I've ever heard.

[Nikki Glaser]

I don't even understand. In, in, in. So when he was like horny, he would like ruin his boner by watching beheading videos.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Which I need to find out who this person is off air. That is truly insane. And that person, I feel so sad for them.

[Matt]

And now all he's doing is getting horny to the beheading video.

[Nikki Glaser]

Right.

[Chris]

I would be so worried about rewiring brain.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, totally. I mean, I used to, when Chris and I would, you know, do hanky panky, we used to shut the dogs out of the door, like out of the room, and they would scratch on the door during it. And I started to. Pavlov's dogs. The scratching of dogs on a door would like, make me a little bit horny.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Because it would remind me of the feeling I was feeling during that. It was starting to like those were combining. You can't fuck with. You can't fuck with your.

[Matt]

No, you can retrain your brain. It's just like practicing a turned on.

[Nikki Glaser]

Don't put something with that. Yes.

[Matt]

It's like anything. You can do that with literally anything. Like I was in an MRI last month or two months ago or. No, long time ago, actually eight months ago. And I freaked out in the mri, couldn't handle it, and I had to get out and I had like a panic attack. And then I somehow in my brain, that anxiety I felt, I connected with the crown that I got put into my mouth on my tooth crown. And so every time I touched the crown of my tooth, I felt the anxiety of being in the mri.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh my God.

[Matt]

Yeah. And so I had to get the crown removed and it's been gone for many months. So now I think I'm like over it. But.

[Nikki Glaser]

But I understand because the crown was like contributing to the pain that you were getting checked on for the mri.

[Matt]

No, the MRI was for my gallbladder. But the crown was just a. A moment of anxiety and I was.

[Chris]

You were. You were touching it with your tongue, probably, right?

[Matt]

Maybe. Yeah. Like, I would touch it with my tongue and then I would. And then I would feel a little bit of anxiety and then I would think about the mri. And if you do that enough times, and if you get scared, and then I was like, oh, my God, I hope I don't connect this. Now you get a little scared, then I focus on it. If you do it enough times, then all of a sudden it's automatic. And then every time you touch the tongue, you're back in the mri. And you could do that with anything. You could also do that with positive things. You could train your brain to do something good for yourself. But most of the time you're driven by fear and you can't let go of the fear. And so then you wind up connecting things stronger because of that.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, my God, that's.

[Matt]

But anyway, so the point is, that's why I get horny every time I'm in an MRI machine.

[Nikki Glaser]

I would not. I would not recommend watching disturbing videos. I don't understand when people want to click those things. I want to read all about them, and I want to read every little detail about what happens.

[Matt]

When I was growing up, I was traumatized by the Ring. The movie.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And that's the way it should be. It should be a movie about a demon coming out of a tv. And then every time you see the snow on. On tv, the static, you freak out. And, like, that's healthy amount of trauma.

[Chris]

That's the amount of trauma that you should introduce into your lives.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Matt]

When you're 13 years old or 12 years old.

[Chris]

Like, I don't think it's. I really. I don't really like horror movies, but I really hate, like, when you talk to somebody who really does and they just keep. Keep going deeper and deeper to the point where they're like, watching, like, Salo, like the. This, like, Italian movie that, like, is.

[Nikki Glaser]

That the one with the tunnel where the rapes?

[Chris]

Yeah, and it's like. Like, I have, like, several friends who, like, love this movie, and I'm like, I will never watch.

[Nikki Glaser]

Dude. I've read about that movie so much, I don't know if it's exact. Is that the one that. Is there a tunnel and rapes in it?

[Chris]

Yeah, there's a tunnel, rapes. And then there's like, you know, like, there's like 120 boys that are like.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Like, sometimes you read these Wikipedia synopsises for these movies, and it. It's so insane. You can't believe. I just can't believe something like that got made yet. I can't say, like. Like the. Some of the jokes that get censored from us on tv. Like, it's just like, how do these Supposed to coexist in the same, right, like, world. I just don't even understand it. And then porn. Let's. Like, porn is just. I mean, I think I'm probably traumatized by some of the stuff I've seen in porn or.

[Matt]

I mean, porn certainly desensitizes you to sexual activities.

[Nikki Glaser]

I have to. When I'm watching porn, I have to put in, like, even if I'm alone, I have to put in my ear airpods. I cannot listen to it. Like, it has to be this like, thing I do that's. So my door is locked on my bedroom, which. My bedroom door is always locked. I don't understand anyone who has a home and you go to sleep at night and you don't lock your bedroom door. Let's just like walk through this for a second. If there's a home invasion, you have one more level of security. Always lock your bedroom door.

[Matt]

I don't even have a lock on my.

[Nikki Glaser]

I bet you do.

[Matt]

There's no lock.

[Nikki Glaser]

Really.

[Matt]

No, it's just a pure one. It's a pure side.

[Chris]

This is interesting because now you're giving me anxiety about this. I am always worried about home invasions. That is like the thing I'm most worried about.

[Nikki Glaser]

But you have a sign.

[Chris]

I'm worried about fires. And in my head I'm like, I worry that, like, something's gonna burn and then I'm not gonna be like, I don't want to touch the hot handle. Yeah.

[Matt]

Oh, so you like with the door open?

[Chris]

I sleep with the door open.

[Nikki Glaser]

Well, there's a son that needs to like, maybe get in the sun.

[Matt]

I get. I get the sun.

[Chris]

The bedroom door. I mean, every other door is locked.

[Matt]

And I leave the front door open and just, you know, I closed. I locked the bathroom door. Leave the front door open.

[Nikki Glaser]

Well, if you're a single person or like, you don't have kids, lock that bedroom door. Give yourself an extra. And I would go, so you're. I worry about fires too. And I've never done this, but I, I want to get for my fire escape, a ladder.

[Chris]

Oh, that's smart, isn't it?

[Brian]

Like a built in ladder for the fire escape.

[Nikki Glaser]

No.

[Noah]

Oh, sorry.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's not a fire escape. It's just a balcony.

[Brian]

Oh, okay.

[Matt]

Okay. So that would make that, that makes much more sense.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, that would make no sense to add another ladder.

[Matt]

I want to add a second ladder. So that's that. If. If I have a home invasion, then they can climb down too.

[Nikki Glaser]

I just like a cloth ladder and I don't want to get rust on my hands, but okay. So porn, though. I have to have door locked. AirPods in. Oh, I definitely need it to be like, I put my phone on Do Not Disturb, and, oh, I'm giving away too much now. Emily, when she sees, like, Do Not Disturb is on, she's gonna think I'm, like, whacking off. But I put it on do not dist. For a lot of reasons. Mainly that, though. And then. And then I have to close out. Like, it has to be. I feel like it's weird, though, with the AirPods, even when I'm like, there's no one that could hear it. I'm home alone why I need to do that, But I think it's because I need to keep it in my brain. And it can't be, like, it's too. It's too fucked up for anyone to accidentally hear. Not because they're going to judge me, but because I don't want to scar anyone, like, through a wall. I really. I don't know what's wrong with me, but it's just, like, a seat. But I also don't have, like, private cert, you know, Like, I don't go to, like, a private window.

[Matt]

I'm just like, yeah, go incognito mode.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, I don't care. Like, what am I gonna do? I. I just. It's. Who's gonna catch me? And if they do, I'll just, like, laugh about it. But I don't want to, like, actively harm anyone with it.

[Chris]

And then.

[Matt]

Problem.

[Chris]

They're saving your cookies. So they know what you want?

[Matt]

Yes. You go back in. You don't have to type, confusing them.

[Brian]

Like, oh, yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

So porn. When you're on privacy mode, they don't, like, learn about what you want and, like, curate it. They definitely do.

[Matt]

Incognito mode is a bunch of horseshit.

[Nikki Glaser]

It really is. Because they're. It's still, like, E address.

[Brian]

That's. That is what they're looking at without masking that. And they know exactly where you are.

[Nikki Glaser]

And do you know that, like, companies are, like, changing the prices of items based on you? Like, the cookies they learn about you. Like, if they just know that you're willing to pay $5 more for a jacket, it should be. But guess what? It's probably. No one's regulating this stuff anymore. So Uber rides. I mean, I have been getting gouged with Uber because they just know I'll just do it, you know? Like, I am kind of like, well, whatever. It's 89 bucks. Like, the friend will open up. It's 49 bucks for the same ride. Like, I. So I've been going to Lyft a lot because I feel like Lyft, like, kind of stays true to the price, and they will often be 20 to $30 less for a ride than Uber. Uber just fucks me now.

[Matt]

Yeah, well, so switch. Yeah, keep switching. That's the only way you can fight against corporations is through pure capitalism. You got to vote with your dollar.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay. So that just means you have to, like, just make prices always go, oh.

[Matt]

You have to check if you have to price compare, which is so annoying. And it's such, like, a boomer thing to do. But, like, you have to do that. That's why. Why. Remember when you're like, parents would clip coupons and they'd be like, I'm saving 10 cents. And you'd be like, God, who gives a shit? You're going through all this effort to clip coupons just to save 10 fucking cents on a can of soup.

[Nikki Glaser]

But really, those people, that is for the greater good.

[Matt]

Yes. They were standing between us and corporate greed.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Wow. Interesting. I always just like, I always chalk it up in my head being like, time is money.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. That's what I think, too.

[Matt]

Yeah. Well, or my dad. Every time my dad. Probably a lot of people's parents do this. They. They clock every single gas station price in town and they drive by and they go, oh, my God, that's 10 cents cheaper. Oh, my God, that's 20 cents cheaper. And then you get the 20 cent cheaper one, and then you drive five more miles and you say, oh, no, that was a dollar cheaper. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why did I wait?

[Nikki Glaser]

I have an electric car, so I don't go to gas stations anymore, but I will say that I fucking miss it because there's something about filling your tank that makes you feel like you've done something.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's like. It's like a chore. That's not like. It's really not that hard to do. It takes, what, like seven minutes at most? But when you do it, you feel, like, so accomplished. Like, I think there's something about, like, keeping things in your life that just give you little boosts of, like, I did something today.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

And that one is gone for me. And you get a little treat. Get a little Diet Coke.

[Matt]

Gas stations are fun.

[Nikki Glaser]

They are fun.

[Chris]

I mean, they're like a top five place I like going. I love. I kind of love the smell.

[Nikki Glaser]

Me too. People watching.

[Brian]

I love people watching at a gas stop.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes. There's always something interesting going on. There's always someone doing scratchers that, like, lives there. There's always a guy who, like, lets you go ahead of him.

[Matt]

There's always someone eating, like, the. The hot dogs or whatever they have in there. They're like, I can't believe anyone actually buys this.

[Nikki Glaser]

And they're being about it. They're like, well, let's see what you got today. And they're, like, actually acting like there's, like, different selections of the day.

[Matt]

There's always someone who's having the worst day of their life and having to take a shit in the outdoor bathroom.

[Nikki Glaser]

And let me just say that most of the time, the people that work at gas stations are, I would say, across the board from a mom and pop one you run into on the road to a, you know, a quick trip that is, like, in a downtown area. The people that work that them are really nice.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

They're always, like, kind of, like having a good time. Like, is there something. I think they're, like, treated well as employees from what I just seem, like, kind of jovial.

[Chris]

Honestly. It is, to me, the best kind of job to have is you're just constantly interacting with people.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And you never have to get to know anyone really. Like, you just. You're just, like, kind of having fun. And the day goes by so fast when you're doing that that.

[Nikki Glaser]

Because it's just constant.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I mean, I don't know. I can tell you this from my experience in the deli, that the day does. Did not go by fast for me.

[Nikki Glaser]

As fast as time flies for you guys. Like, if you're really thinking about it, like, if we're, you know, time is a construct and it's not real or whatever. But, like, when do you find time goes by the fast, fastest?

[Chris]

Anytime. I'm not doing anything anytime.

[Matt]

What? That's like, the opposite.

[Chris]

I feel like. I feel like. When. When I have, like, actual time, like, after I've, like, completed all my work and stuff, and I'm like, now I could, like, just do all the stuff I want to do. Time flies. And I'm like, oh, no, wait, time.

[Nikki Glaser]

Goes fast when you have nothing to do.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

When you. When you're, like, watching shows and you're like, oh, I want to relax. Like, now I can, like, treat myself. That's when it's like, there's. It's never enough.

[Chris]

It's never enough.

[Matt]

Like, it's not like a procrastination thing where you're like, I have all this stuff I want to get done. It's more just. Just like now I get some time to. For myself, where I can watch TV or whatever.

[Chris]

Just watching TV or doing, like. Like playing, like, a weird game with Nolan. Like, I'm like. It flies by. But then, like, if I'm, like, working, it's like, oh, yeah. It's like slow and normal.

[Nikki Glaser]

There's a deadline and you are under the time crunch it goes. It speeds past because you're just depending on it going slower. If you're, you know, someone, there's always a meme about, like, if you want time to, like, if you want to, like, make your life last longer, just hold a plan blank. Because it's like this.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Never go.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

How. Okay. This is the first time I've ever felt this, like, in such a profound way where you see something and you're like, that was a year ago. That feels like literally three years ago. I think everyone feels this. This is literally Mandela effect. I think that they are with us. The Willy Wonka, Remember the Willy Wonka, like, experience. That was really shitty. Yeah, it was like, oh, yeah. That a girl was like. It just, like, looked depressing. Was like the fire fest of like a. A kind of, you know, child wonder.

[Brian]

Like in a warehouse or something.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, it was like, in England or Scotland or something.

[Chris]

Yeah, it was incredible. Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

That was one year ago. To me. I would have at least said it was two. It's like that it. That was wild to me. And I went through the comments, being like, someone else has got to feel this way. Literally everyone felt that way. Everyone. Everyone said it was. Felt like five years. And I was like, I cannot believe that was one year ago. That is really crazy to me.

[Matt]

Here's a question for you. How. How many years ago did Russia invade Ukraine this. This time around, what years ago?

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, I'm gonna say that was three years ago.

[Chris]

Four is my guess.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah. It was three years ago. So you have it right?

[Nikki Glaser]

Three. Okay.

[Matt]

It was 2022. And almost exactly. To the day.

[Nikki Glaser]

To the day. Yeah. I was the anniversary the other day, but I didn't realize what year it was.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah. So does it feel like. Doesn't it feel like they. That Russia invaded Ukraine like, four months ago? Can you believe they've been fighting three fucking years?

[Nikki Glaser]

Really long. Yeah, but it's like World War II.

[Matt]

Was four years for us, for America. For America was four years. The Ukraine war has been going on for almost the entire Length that America was involved in World War II.

[Nikki Glaser]

What about fucking Covid, dude? That was five years ago.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

That feels, like, so nuts. That's a big chunk of your life. Like, I look like a. Pictures of myself in 2020, and I'm like, your eyebrows are an inch higher. Like, my face looks like I'm a child. And I felt like I was so old then. Like, I literally feel like I'm the same age at 2020 as I am now. I have not aged whatsoever.

[Chris]

I'm so pissed. I'm still pissed off about COVID just because I do feel like we lost. I lost my mid-30s, 30s, and I'm so pissed off about it that I, like, emerged as a late 30s guy.

[Nikki Glaser]

And, like, oh, interesting. Okay. So we're just like, we're stunted.

[Noah]

We're.

[Nikki Glaser]

We're. We're.

[Matt]

We're stunted.

[Nikki Glaser]

We lost four years. Because I. That. That's what that is. Like, I look at those pictures and I go, my face looks so young, but I feel like I'm that same age. And I think, is that a universe? That's probably a universal feel like. Noah, do you feel the same way?

[Brian]

Like, actually during Sean. Describe it like that. That makes total sense, because I feel like I lost out on living the last of my 30s because of.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, everyone feels like they. They were robbed of whatever time that was.

[Matt]

Yeah. But Covid's a tricky one about what.

[Nikki Glaser]

Were we supposed to be doing in our late 30s? Let's talk about this, though, because I think some people lost high school. Some people lost their late 20s. I mean, that's.

[Chris]

Yeah, my heart goes out to them, but I feel like my late 30s were supposed to be me and my girly days going out.

[Brian]

Well, it didn't make me excited to turn 40. I, like, didn't even celebrate my 40th birthday. I was just like, oh, yes.

[Matt]

They always told me, the late 30s are the best years of your life, and you're gonna look back on your late 30s and think, man, what? Those were the days.

[Chris]

Yeah, I know, but at least we discovered Zoom. Like, the early days of COVID when.

[Matt]

We were like, let's play games on Zoom.

[Nikki Glaser]

I liked Covid. I. I know that this is not an original thing to say or, like, makes me cool, but, like, I did. I was very wildly depressed during COVID for a lot of it. But there was. Man, I don't. I do think we'll get that back at some point. I think there will be another pandemic or something that keeps us all like inside, you know, or just climate change. Yeah, yeah. And that will keep us holed up or war or something that will like steal our ability to socialize and work for a while. But what a delicious time where everyone really couldn't work. I really like, I love when the race was canceled. Like I do. I love running, running. I love competing. But man, when the race is canceled and I'm not, it's not. I'm injured and have to sit it out. It's like everyone's injured. Love it.

[Chris]

Oh, no, you're 100, right? I love the Eve. Like everyone was even, like everyone was.

[Nikki Glaser]

Working the same until people started doing Zoom comedy shows. And I go, you stop it.

[Matt]

Yeah. Or well, it really happened with Tick Tock. I mean, the There was. While we were all playing catchphrase on Zoom, there are people who are making Tick Tock videos.

[Nikki Glaser]

I know. And doing the Renegade and millions of followers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

And now they have a. They were able to leave Covid with a worldwide tour.

[Nikki Glaser]

All right, we're gonna go to break and come back after this.

[Noah]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Brian]

We have to just announce because it's blowing up. Nikki was on Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard. Oh, people are loving it.

[Nikki Glaser]

Really?

[Brian]

Yeah, we just gotta let people know that.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay. Yes, I am on Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard. Probably, I'm going to say it. The most fun podcast I've ever been a guest on that is no shade to any other podcast because I've said so much fun. But I was really nervous going into it because I wasn't an avid listener beforehand. You know, I kind of binged some episodes beforehand and, like, right before and I've obviously watched the clips a ton and I have a lot of good friends. Like, I, I think all my, like, you know, like my smartest friends, like, listen to the show. So I had, like, a respect for it. I like Dax. I like, like Monica. I liked the vibe, but I was a little bit nervous going in because I just didn't. I. I feel the whole booking was off. I felt was off of a joke I made about Dax Shepard that I told on Howard Stern show about how, you know, the Golden Globes brings everyone from TV and film together for one common purpose, to get out of here without Dax Shepard inviting us, you know, asking them to do their podcast. And. And so they, they, like, heard the joke and they laughed about it. And then. And Monica wrote me and was like, you got to come on the show. Or I forget how it went down, but it was something like that. So I was kind of nervous that they were going to be like, who do you think you are making a joke like that? But they were so cool. And I just, like, I don't know, I've just instantly felt so at ease. They had a really great studio. The way they just get started, you just sit down. They're just so nice. And I just felt I saw you guys right after, like, I came from.

[Matt]

It on cloud nine.

[Nikki Glaser]

I loved it. I felt so emotionally connected to both of them. I felt like, you know, a lot of times you record a podcast and you forget that there are cameras there and you're just like having A moment, and I felt like I learned about myself. I learned about them. Like, it was just people, like, what.

[Brian]

You had to say. There was a, like, a topic, weed topic, whatever that was. It's really resonating with people.

[Nikki Glaser]

That's the what I'm getting people. So many people are writing to me about the weed stuff that I was talking about how I struggle with, like, giving it up. And it's, like, been the hardest thing to, like, kind of get, like, completely eradicate from my life. And, man, it is the. It is the one thing I struggle with, you guys. And so it is so nice that so many people are writing to me about it, saying that they struggle with it too, because it's all these people that I'm like, oh, I'm not alone. So, like, not only was I made able to make them feel less alone, them writing to me is making me feel like, oh, good, this isn't just me. And it's like a bunch of normal people that don't, you know, Like, I could see their profile pictures, and they're like, normal people that you'd be like, I want to be that girl. And she's struggling with the same thing.

[Brian]

And sounds really another honorable mention in pop culture. Actually, I have two, but this one was really cool. A new season of the Kardashians. Kim gives you a really nice shout out on the roast episode.

[Nikki Glaser]

I know. I couldn't even watch it because I was, like, nervous see it because I just. But I saw the screenshot of it, and I heard that she said that Nikki killed it or something like that.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Brian]

And then the third Nikki in pop culture is. Shaquille O'Neal wants Nikki to roast him.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

Incredible. I mean, he's the Kim Kardashian of the NBA to me.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, my God. Yeah. That is really exciting. He did DM me and was like, please roast me. And that was really thrilling. Yeah, that was. He. That. That sound bite came out. Like, I would say he DM'd me. Like, what was it? You guys were all over at my place when he DM'd me, and I made you all guess. Guess who just DM'd me. And. Really fun guessing game. And you all got it eventually. But it was.

[Chris]

Yeah, we were writing the Black Friday Thursday.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, yeah. So it was like. Yeah, it was around Thanksgiving where Shaq slid into my DMs and was just like, please roast me. And. And I was like, I'd love to. And he was like, you know, just said really nice things.

[Matt]

Last night on The TNT post game show, which Shaq is on, there was, like, a really strange moment where, like, the host of the show, who I'm not sure, it's like an ex basketball player. He's like a white guy, and he doesn't seem like he was an athlete. Ernie, he was like, is it Ernie? Who is that guy?

[Chris]

Yeah, he's just a regular broadcast.

[Matt]

He's just a regular guy. And he was like. We have these clips of Shaq when he went to the Lakers and he had to play against his old team, the Magic. And Shaq was like, don't play those clips. And then he's like, oh, come on. He was like. I think he was, like, talking to the producer, saying, don't play the clips. Nobody wants to see these clips. That was from 30 years ago. I'm Uncle Shaq now to people. No one remembers me as that other guy. That's a different guy. Don't play the clips. And then Ernie was like, play the clips. They played the clips. And then. Then afterwards, I. I don't know if it was a bit or what, but Shaq seemed genuinely angry. You.

[Nikki Glaser]

Not a bit. Not a bit.

[Chris]

I get it. I get it, though, because when you see young Shaq, he's so muscular. He's so.

[Matt]

Is that what it is?

[Chris]

He's faster, he's stronger. He was like 7 foot 1 and like 320 of just pure muscle. And now when you see Shaq, he is like an elderly, friendly job. You don't. It's got to be hard for him to see that and know how much it hurts to get out of bed.

[Matt]

Well, I never related to someone more than Ernie after that. Did this thing where he was like. See, he was like, thinking in his head, like, I'm gonna do this thing. Even though he's saying no, he doesn't really mean no, and he's gonna like it. Then afterwards, we're all gonna be buddies. And then they did it, and he's actually mad. And then Ernie did this thing after the video, and it's. And says, wasn't that good or wasn't that nice? And then he holds out his hand to shake Shaq's hand, which is such a weird thing to do.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, he. Because he was just like. He was trying to confirm and, like, get, you know, get reassurance that everything was okay. Like, when you're floundering like that, you just want something like a human touch to be like, it's okay.

[Matt]

And then Shaq.

[Nikki Glaser]

No.

[Matt]

Slapped his hand away.

[Nikki Glaser]

No.

[Matt]

Said, get the Hell out of here, man.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, no, no.

[Matt]

And I just. I never related to someone more than Ernie in that moment. Moment where he's just like, oh, my God. He's actually mad at me. I don't know.

[Nikki Glaser]

Take it too far. Yeah, just like.

[Matt]

Anyway, the. The warriors also played.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, my God, Nikki.

[Brian]

Shaq's quote in the article is, nikki, you can say whatever you want about me, my mama, my kids. Let's do it. So you get.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, that's the kind of guy you want.

[Chris]

Just don't remind me what I was like when I was 22.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, that's. I relate to Shaq, too, with, like. I don't like when people, like, play clips of me from when I was young because it's almost. It's just jarring. You, like, can see your age way more clearly when it's juxtaposed with how young you are. And it reminds people of, like, you are becoming slowly irrelevant. You're, like, decaying before their eyes. And, like, it's just. Or like, you were. I was like. Like, you know, 20 pounds thinner or something. And, like, you would never think that I'm, like, overweight or, like, not thin right now. But then you're like, whoa, look at her potential. And it's just, like, makes for, like, a weird vibe. Final thought. I would even say if there was a picture of me from before where I look not good. Like, when I was on Jay Leno or when I did not safe, and my hair was, like, bleached and cropped and I didn't know how to wear makeup. I hate seeing those pictures, too, because it reminds people of the potential for how ugly I can be. And I don't want them to think that that can happen again. Like, I just. I don't want any record of me ever, ever. I just want it to be now. I just want to live in the present. I don't like motion pictures. I don't like pictures. I don't. I just want everything to be live. I would have done really well in Shakespearean times where it's like, you're famous if you perform live, and that's it.

[Matt]

Yeah, the only types of. Yeah, the only. There's a cutoff, though. The only types of pictures that are okay is when you're, like, a kid. Like, you go 13 and younger, you can show those.

[Nikki Glaser]

Because I can't go back to that. But if it's like, you're plus 21 plus, plus.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Chris]

You just see you, but younger and full of life.

[Nikki Glaser]

Like, oh, I love baby pictures. I can't get enough of them. I want them of everyone. Never get tired of it. Love it.

[Matt]

There are pictures of me in my young twenties where I don't have a beard and like, I don't want anyone to see that shit.

[Nikki Glaser]

I kind of want to see it.

[Matt]

Yeah, no one's seeing that shit.

[Chris]

God, I would love to see you without a beard.

[Matt]

No, no.

[Nikki Glaser]

I think it's really weird when people get like nervous about like, don't show my baby picture. Or when I was like, you know, like seven years old. I'm just like, no one cares what you were. Like that, like, funny.

[Matt]

If you look, if you look, if you look weird back then, that's funny. Whereas if you looked weird when you were 25 or you looked good when you were 25, it's not funny.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, high school too. High school, that's fine too, like that. When people get weird about high school, I'm like, I assume you were a dork. Everyone, if you are cool, you were definitely a dork then. Like, I don't anyone who was cool in high school, I don't really, I'm not that like intrigued or impressed by that.

[Chris]

Yeah, no one gives a shit about people who are cool at high school when they're adults.

[Nikki Glaser]

Like, is there a way to tell kids in high school that it doesn't matter, that we'll really get through?

[Matt]

Can we go back in time and tell ourselves that? So that.

[Nikki Glaser]

But like, would you listen?

[Brian]

Probably not.

[Nikki Glaser]

No. This is all, you know, I mean, I.

[Matt]

That song, I wish I knew what I knew now. Now that I'm old, I mean, that's like, that's like the number one thing I'd want.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, so let's go around the horn. If you had to, if you could talk to your 17 year old self, what would you tell?

[Matt]

No, it needs to be younger. It needs to be 13.

[Nikki Glaser]

Oh, really?

[Matt]

Okay, so 13 for you entering high school.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay, 13 entering high school. What would you tell your 13 year old self?

[Matt]

One sentence, you can have sex with anybody you want in this school.

[Nikki Glaser]

No one's gonna believe that.

[Chris]

Where are you?

[Matt]

That's what I would say.

[Nikki Glaser]

Even the administration. That is not.

[Matt]

All you need is confidence. All you need is confidence. And you're any girl in this. All you have to do is go up and say, would you want. Do you want to go out for a date? Do you want to go on a date? And they'll do it like, that's Brian.

[Nikki Glaser]

That is not true. I That's how little people know confident dorks. No, Confident dorks still can't get laid. I'm sorry. It's not all about confidence. It's about. About. It's about guys. It's not about. It's actually about actually liking yourself, and that is so hard to do. It's not about pretending to be confident, because that's, you know, that's so much of.

[Matt]

So much of a young boy's high school career is spent. So much energy is spent trying to get laid and trying to fit and being scared of going up to girls. You can watch it on. On. There's people on TikTok who are Uggs. Major Uggs who should prove it, where they go up to girls and they hit on them and they get their number, and they're like, all it took was me to actually just do it.

[Chris]

But that's not high school. High school, like, Riz doesn't come into play in high school.

[Nikki Glaser]

Totally. It doesn't.

[Chris]

Yeah. Like, I feel like. I mean, somebody who was a. A total Rizmeister. It did not come into play. It was like. It was like, they want a beautiful boy at that point. Point. Like, that is what they're really looking for. I feel.

[Matt]

No.

[Nikki Glaser]

What would you say? Oh, sorry.

[Brian]

I would say nobody cares that you're poor and you live in a tiny apartment. Invite friends over.

[Nikki Glaser]

Okay. Would you believe that person, though? But, yes. That's like, you just wish you could shake. Like, you. Yes.

[Brian]

I wish I could shake myself and be like, the poor thing is your mom or, like, your parents. Parents.

[Nikki Glaser]

It's. It's not your fault.

[Brian]

Kids don't care about what class you're in.

[Nikki Glaser]

So was your mom, like, projected onto you? Like, people don't want to come over here because we're poor.

[Brian]

Not that part of it, but, like, other things about.

[Nikki Glaser]

Got it.

[Brian]

Presenting poor and all that stuff.

[Nikki Glaser]

Right. So it was, like, a complex for you of, like, people can't know I'm poor.

[Brian]

And I had boys come over that a friend of mine knew, and they made a comment. They're like, how many people live here about. And that, like, stuck with me, and I just never.

[Nikki Glaser]

I wouldn't go. Okay, I'm really sorry to say this, but I think in high school, people do judge you if you're poor. Like, people are assholes. Like, the. The thing about high school is they do. They. They are all. They're all losers, and their brains aren't developed, and they are, like, mean. And the real thing is, is, like, it won't matter later.

[Brian]

But I was zoned, you know, Like, I'm like. I grew up in Brooklyn, New York, so there was no like rich mansions or anything like that where I grew up. It's Everyone lived in an apartment, basically.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

I would go back to my 13 year old self and I would say, take all of your bar mitzvah money and put it. Invest it in Amazon.

[Chris]

That's a good one. That.

[Matt]

And then you'll be able to have sex with anybody you want.

[Chris]

Yeah, exactly.

[Nikki Glaser]

That is good.

[Brian]

What about you, Nikki? What would you say?

[Nikki Glaser]

I would say take singing lessons and guitar lessons now and don't give up. And that. God. I would say, say you sucking is part of it.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

I would say no one that you. You are not. You can be as good as anyone you want to be if you just work hard enough. And I know that they try to tell us that, like, practice makes perfect. You'll see. They like, teach us these songs about like every.

[Matt]

Even that song. They're too good.

[Noah]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah. I just didn't believe that not being good at something right away meant you couldn't be good at something if you tried hard enough. If you like something enough and do it enough, you can be just as good at someone who is naturally inclined to it and you can be better than them. I. That's what I would tell myself.

[Matt]

Sure. Especially if you put in more work than the person who. If the person who's naturally inclined to doesn't put in the work, sometimes the person who's naturally inclined isn't put in the true naturally inclined. So they don't feel like they have to put in the work. And then there is a point.

[Nikki Glaser]

Johnny man.

[Matt]

Johnny Manziel. Maybe Luca, we don't know.

[Chris]

Yeah, no, Luca's so good. I love Luca.

[Matt]

Is he drinking too much beer? Is that why the man's got rid of him?

[Chris]

I think 13 years old and 26 years old, I'd say the same thing. Don't listen to your friends. Just do what makes you happy.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Stop thinking trying is gay. Makes you gay. Like, that was a big.

[Matt]

Well, this is so much more appreciated.

[Nikki Glaser]

60S. What would we tell ourselves now?

[Matt]

Oh, my God.

[Nikki Glaser]

If you could predict what we would say. Like if we're. When we're like, you know, recording a reel like Jane Fonda does, where she like, talks to, like, people in their 40s.

[Matt]

40S. Well, see, so I have a neighbor who's now 92, and I've asked her this question. I was like, is there anything you can tell me, like, what can you tell me to make you know? What would you tell me if. What would you tell you if you were my age? And she goes, I don't fucking know.

[Nikki Glaser]

You should have asked her for five years ago. I think right now she's just too exhausted.

[Matt]

I don't know what to say. I will say this, but based on her behavior, I can say. Say this. The number one. I think this is, without a doubt scientific. The number one way to live a long life is to not worry.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yeah.

[Matt]

The people who don't worry, who go, oh, whatever that happened, this happened, I don't care. Those are the people who live until they're 100 years old.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yep. I did tell, like, I met some kids from Harvard this weekend.

[Matt]

Okay, wow.

[Nikki Glaser]

And we were all. They were like. They weren't asking for advice, but I just felt. Felt the need to give it. And I said, if you wanna. They were all like, you know, comedy writers and people who were interested in comedy. I'm like, the one thing I will tell you that I think will make you all succeed more than your peers, and that's what you're gonna need, because all of you work extremely hard, and you're gonna be at the top, you know, trying to make it past that person that's right next to you about the win. To win the race. If you want to inch ahead and. And do something that they cannot do. Quit drinking. Drinking. I go, oh, yeah, you all like drinking. Right now, I promise you, is the one thing that none of them that keep drinking will ever look to as a reason why they're not succeeding. But it truly will give you such a huge advantage that only you will know after you stop. And. And then it's the same way I feel about not having kids right now. Like, I'm. I'm getting to. I have more energy to work right now than other women my age that have kids that are in the same position as me. I mean, some of them are managing to do it, but it's like, this advantage by opting out of this thing that drains you. It's really fun. Drinking's really fun. You're gonna miss out on a lot. Having kids is really fun. You're gonna miss out on a lot. But if you are wanting to succeed in your job and you want energy to do that, don't drink.

[Matt]

Point.

[Nikki Glaser]

And they were all like, kind of like, whoa. I'm like, but you don't have to do that. Until I go, I quit when I was 27. Quit when you're 27. You have many years ahead of you.

[Matt]

Yeah, 27.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Counterpoint, though, to that. Because I didn't drink. You know, I'm the. I'm the example of the person who didn't drink.

[Nikki Glaser]

Right.

[Matt]

I stopped drinking when I was 20. Before it was legal, I stopped drinking. And I think that if I drank in the comedy scene in New York coming up, I probably would have been slightly more successful because so many connections were made. So many connections were made made just by staying up late, hanging out at the bar and drinking with these.

[Nikki Glaser]

I tell someone like you who is. Doesn't drink to drink because I don't think you're ever going to have a problem with it. And I think that it could help you socialize and, like, be more ingratiated in the scene. But most of the people I was talking to were hungover.

[Chris]

Yeah. And they were, they were currently drinking as well.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes, yes.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

And I thought. But I, I do agree with you. I think that you could have used it a couple, like, that's why I've been like, brian, you should have hit the weed, the vape pen, and you should have, like. I think it would benefit you to loosen up a little bit.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I think, I think in your early 20s, if you move to New York or any, like, cool comedy scene, it's important to drink a little bit or a lot for a little bit to make those connections and then do it. Quit before you embarrass yourself or humiliate yourself, because then people that sticks with people.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Like, you can't do it. It's such a thing to do. People do not quit drinking. And it's. If you can get. Do that, you, you can do anything.

[Matt]

I can think of a list of dozens and dozens of comedians who didn't quit when they were supposed to. Drinking and comedy, I guess, and they, they went too far. And now it's like when you get into, like, your mid-30s and you're just like, trashed at the comedy show, then it's. Then it becomes like, oh, you have a problem when you're in your mid-20s and you're just like, let's party, let's hang out. Then. Then you're making friends that in the future, sure could, you know, you could work together with.

[Chris]

I kind of noticed, like, scrolling through Instagram just like, people that, like, you know, I started with or like I met along the way, and like, they're like, still holding a drink on stage and they just look fucked up. And it's.

[Nikki Glaser]

I think Drinking on stage is so disrespectful. I just. I can't. Like, it's just like, you're so. You're going to see a performer who's, like, getting worse at what they're doing.

[Matt]

I think people like that.

[Nikki Glaser]

I mean, people love it. And obviously, I don't. Like, I've been high on stage before. I don't really think it makes you worse at what you're doing. Like, I always. Whenever I brought a drink on stage, it was like, to look.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

And so I think it's kind of care. And I also think it's like, it's. It sends a bad message to your audience that you don't respect them because you're, like, becoming more dumb when you.

[Matt]

I mean, some people go on stage with puppets.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Nikki Glaser]

Drunk puppets.

[Chris]

Yeah. No one's ever looked cool with a puppet.

[Nikki Glaser]

No. But there are some people that pull off drinking on stage in a. It is part of the act and it's part of their Persona. And I. I'm not coming for them. When I say, like, Ron White, like.

[Matt]

I don't think I could watch Ron White without holding.

[Nikki Glaser]

I think he quit drinking them.

[Matt]

Oh, now. Now he just holds a cup.

[Nikki Glaser]

We got to get him back on it. All right, guys, thank you so much for listening to the podcast. We gotta go. We will see you next week on the show. Shows this weekend in Canada. Can't wait to go up there. Worried about customs. Always have anxiety that something's up my ass. Like some hair, like something that I'm smuggling. Something in the country. I will not be. But there's always a guilt. Sean, I'll see you there. Flight going to Victoria.

[Chris]

Victoria, Vancouver.

[Brian]

But like, in America, what you're doing this weekend.

[Nikki Glaser]

Wait, what am I doing? Oh, Oscars. Oh, my God. I'm going to the Oscars. Vanity Fair party on Sunday night. So we will have a recap of that. And then on Monday, I will be on Kelly and Mark, Kelly Ripa and Mark live on Monday morning to talk about the Oscars. So tune into both those things. I can't believe I'm not going to do the podcast until I do all that stuff. Wild weekend. I'm also doing Nardwar in Vancouver if you're a fan of that. So that'll be fun. Big weekend. Tons of work. Tons of fun. Gonna go crazy with Nardwar. Yeah. I'm gonna scream a lot and go, whoa. How do you remember that thing from my past?

[Matt]

Yeah. And he's gonna give you video a bunch. He's gonna give you a Taylor Swift album of some kind.

[Nikki Glaser]

Yes. I can't wait. It'll be so fun. Thank you guys for listening. Love you besties. Don't be good.

[Brian]

Bye.

[Nikki Glaser]

The Nikki Glaser Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and I Heart Podcast, created and hosted by me, Nikki Glaser, co hosted by Brian Frangie, executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Soni and Noah Avior, edited and engineered by Lean and Loaf Video production Mark Cant Manton and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nikki glazer podcast on YouTube, follow @nikki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel.

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