Podcast Summary — The OCD Stories #504: Story: Jack Henderson (OCD, eating disorder, therapy, poetry)

Podcast: The OCD Stories
Host: Stuart Ralph
Guest: Jack Henderson
Date: September 21, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Stuart Ralph welcomes Jack Henderson to share his journey with OCD, an eating disorder, and how therapy, medication, support groups, and creative writing—particularly poetry—have impacted his path. Jack discusses living with intrusive thoughts, the shame and guilt associated with OCD, his experience with EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified), and the importance of community and creative outlets. Jack also reads two poems about OCD and reflects on acceptance, recovery, and self-compassion.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Jack’s Early Experience with OCD (01:50–19:00)

• Childhood Onset: Jack traces his OCD back to age 7, noting early signs like separation anxiety, intense moral fixations, and an "internal force field" to push away unwanted thoughts.
  • "At the time I just thought maybe I was a worried kid... but I was fused with this thought-action, thought-identity way of thinking." (03:30)
• Taboo Intrusive Thoughts: He faced distressing taboo thoughts and began to develop mental and eventually physical compulsions (e.g., flicking away thoughts).
• Shame and Guilt: For Jack, shame and guilt were as impactful as anxiety, eroding self-esteem and leading to cycles of exhaustion and depressive states.
  • "I know OCD is most often talked about as an anxiety disorder but for me, guilt and shame have been as prevalent... really knocked my self esteem..." (08:30)

Struggles for Control: OCD and Eating Disorders (19:00–25:00)

• Diet and Exercise as Compulsions: At university, Jack sought control over his life through diet and exercise, leading to obsessive behaviors and significant weight loss.
  • "I couldn't control my thoughts... but at least I can control my diet and how much I exercise..." (21:30)
• EDNOS Diagnosis: Eventually diagnosed with EDNOS, Jack received treatment, and his relationship with food improved, but OCD compulsions remained pervasive.

Path to Therapy and Diagnosis (25:00–35:00)

• OCD Realization: Jack’s research (and podcasts) led him to suspect OCD and seek a formal diagnosis. While waiting for NHS treatment, he engaged in private ERP therapy.
  • "I know I can't tackle it on my own. If I'd have tried to do some self-directed ERP then... I'd have got into a deeper hole." (27:50)
• Treatment Approach: Currently sees a therapist with lived experience of OCD, focusing on Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) and occasionally Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
• Progress & Setbacks: Life changes (like moving cities) and stress triggered OCD flare-ups. Jack stresses the importance of scaffolding and stepwise progress.

Medication and Therapy (35:00–41:00)

• Medication as Support: Jack currently takes medication, describing it (per his therapist) as "like a life jacket... makes it a little bit easier to swim and do the skills-based work" (36:45).
• Current Focus: Temporarily stepped back from active exposures, focusing on response prevention and postponing compulsions until therapy sessions.

Creative Writing & Poetry as Healing (51:00–50:00)

• Creativity as Outlet: Jack explains how writing (both in his job and personally) helps make sense of OCD.
  • "Inherently everyone with OCD is a creative person... the scenarios we create in our head are so fantastical..." (39:30)
• Writing Projects: Jack is working on a novel about a protagonist with OCD and actively maintains a TikTok account, posting poems regularly.

Support and Community (37:00–52:07)

• Peer Groups: Jack emphasizes the impact of peer support, both in-person and online.
  • "It can't be overstated how important that aspect of community... is because you can't understand it if you don't have it." (40:20)
• Key Insight: The validation and understanding found in support groups is unmatched, and has led to friendships beyond the OCD context.

Memorable Quotes & Insights (With Timestamps)

• On the Sudden Isolation of Intrusive Thoughts:

  • "I think I just thought, well, maybe everyone's just better at hiding this and dealing with this than I am." (10:45)

• On the Experience of Internal Struggle:

  • "It's like having two brains—your day-to-day living brain and your OCD brain, which just constantly hangs off you like a parasite." (34:11)

• On Acceptance and Grief:

  • "I've done quite a lot of grieving for the time lost to the disorder... you're still losing time; you feel not present when you need to be present." (35:22)

• On OCD Recovery:

  • "Recovery is not a straight line... I'm always going to have to remind myself not to take that first slippery step down the slope in compulsions again." (40:50)

• On Compulsion and Sneakiness:

  • "OCD will always find a way to pull the rug from underneath you. It’s always making you look one way while it's stealing your wristwatch." (41:50)

• On Self-Compassion:

  • "When it comes to actually being self-compassionate... I struggle with that... maybe it’s got to be a little fake-it-till-you-make-it." (43:40)

• On the Importance of Community:

  • "Find community where you can... it really can't be overstated how helpful it is having that shared point of connection." (52:07)

Poetry Readings

The Doubting Disorder (46:00)

"An itch you can't help but scratch. Yearning for certainty... you peel it away, flick it away, pray it away... It waxes and wanes, testing the strain. Taut wire stretched on some rickety frame... Boo. Ha ha. It's got you again... Until you clock its patterns and play your own sweet game."

O, C and D (47:45)

"Take that thing, that precious thing, and stick a target on its back... a dance through the void of your own muddled mind that leaves you needing so much more... But I'll submit to you no more. I'll whack those moles no longer. I'll face the mob, the throng of thoughts and offer back a smile in turn... My values matter more..."

Notable Segments & Timestamps

• Jack’s Early OCD Story: 01:50–19:00
• Eating Disorder and OCD: 19:00–25:00
• Discovery and Diagnosis: 25:00–27:00
• ERP Therapy & Medication: 27:00–36:00
• Community Support Experience: 37:00–41:00
• Role of Creativity: 44:00–50:00
• Poetry Readings: 46:00 (The Doubting Disorder), 47:45 (O, C and D)
• Advice for Younger Self: 51:11
• Encouragement to Listeners: 51:56–52:26

Jack’s Advice & Reflections

What would you tell your 20-year-old self? (51:11)

"Seek help about this now. You think no one could possibly understand this... and then as soon as you go to one support group, there's 20 other people being like, yeah, that one..."

Community Advice:
"Find community where you can, whether that's in person, whether that's online peer support, whatever it might be. I really can't stress enough how helpful it is." (52:07)

If Jack could put anything on a billboard:
"Hang in there. In the really rough moments... that's what I've just kept on thinking—just hang in there, just trust the process... if you can just hang in there, it will get better on the other side." (50:11)

Takeaways

• Jack’s story highlights how OCD can intersect with other mental health challenges (like eating disorders) and how essential it is to seek proper diagnosis and specialized therapy.
• Therapeutic progress can be non-linear, and self-compassion is a critical yet challenging component.
• Peer support and creative outlets aren't just adjuncts but can be central to healing and identity beyond OCD.
• His poetry powerfully captures the lived reality of OCD and offers hope and relatability to others in similar positions.