The OCD Stories – Story: Rowen (Sexual Orientation Themed OCD, Relationship Themed OCD) (#491)

Date: June 22, 2025
Host: Stuart Ralph
Guest: Rowen

Episode Overview

In this deeply personal episode, Stuart Ralph welcomes Rowen, who shares her journey through living with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). The conversation highlights Rowen’s experiences with compulsive confession, sexual orientation-themed OCD (SO-OCD), relationship-themed OCD (ROCD), her struggles with various obsessions and compulsions, possible links between her symptoms and birth control, and her eventual path to healing and self-understanding. This episode provides hope and actionable insights for anyone touched by similar OCD themes.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Early Signs and Childhood Behaviors

• Constant Confession and Guilt

  • Rowen recalls, from as early as age six, an overwhelming need to confess any perceived wrongdoing to her mother (03:00):

    “I hated getting in trouble… I used to confess to my mum constantly, anything that I'd done wrong.” – Rowen (03:10)

  • Her mother coined the term "confessing" in her family, sometimes punishing Rowen to curb the habit.
  • This behavior included confessing trivial things years after they happened and a persistent sense of guilt— even over actions not actually committed.

• Early Social Anxiety and Avoidance

  • Ages 8–10: Rowen developed distress after social gatherings, leading to avoidance:

    “I started saying to my mum, I don't want to go to so and so's house because… I'll be upset.” – Rowen (06:50)

  • She reflects that at the time, these patterns were misattributed to simple anxiety.

2. Adolescence: The Onset of Themed OCD

• Sexual Orientation-Themed OCD (SO-OCD)
  • At 15, triggered by a TV show featuring a lesbian character:

    “I started to think, oh god, what if I'm secretly gay?” – Rowen (09:00)

  • Despite knowing internally that these thoughts didn’t fit her identity, she was plagued by intense anxiety, rumination, and even physical symptoms (e.g., vomiting).
  • The anxiety peaked before her 16th birthday, prompting her to confess her fears to her father, who was supportive.
  • After this confession, the intrusive thoughts subsided rapidly.

3. Early Adulthood: Relationship-Themed OCD (ROCD)

• High Romantic Expectations and First Relationship

  • Rowen, influenced by media, had high expectations for romance and waited for the "right" partner, entering her first relationship at 20, during the COVID pandemic.
  • The honeymoon period was intense, but after about a year and a half (21:00), she started experiencing doubts:

    “I just had this horrible thought that, oh my god, what if I don't actually love you anymore? What if I've fallen out of love with you because I'm no longer having those really nice feel good butterfly feelings?” – Rowen (23:20)

• Compulsive Reassurance-Seeking & Rumination

  • Checking feelings (e.g., testing emotional reactions to hugs or photographs)
  • Constantly confessing anxieties to her partner and family, leading to distress on all sides
  • Avoidance and safety behaviors, such as dressing plainly to avoid attraction from colleagues, and even superstitious compulsions (e.g., avoiding foods associated with infidelity narratives on TV)
  • Comparisons with friends’ relationships and seeking validation through media or online quizzes (33:30)

4. Seeking Help and Therapeutic Journey

• Barriers to Care

  • Initial attempts for public/charity support were unsuccessful due to not being categorized as "severe enough" (44:20)
  • Eventually sought private therapy, which proved pivotal

• Therapy and Breaking Cycles

  • Explored Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) (53:00)
  • Practiced reducing confessions and reassurance-seeking, gradually facing tolerated triggers (54:00)
  • Education and self-help resources became more accessible as she stabilized

5. The Impact of Birth Control and Biological Factors

• Possible Triggers
  • Mother suggested that her copper IUD (non-hormonal birth control) could play a role in her mental health struggles (51:50)
  • Research revealed potential links between copper overload and serotonin disruption
  • Rowen had her IUD removed and noticed significant improvement:

    “I don't think it was a placebo, because I don't think a placebo would have lasted for this long. I instantly started to feel a bit different in a good way.” – Rowen (52:30)

6. Continued Recovery and Reflections

• Fluctuations & Setbacks

  • Recovery was non-linear: periods of stability, then flare-ups (56:00)
  • Obsessions sometimes reversed: from doubt about her partner to fears he would leave her (54:45)
  • Realized that the content of OCD themes is less important than the process of managing them:

    “Process, not content. Which is really, really important because… I realized that actually content really isn't important. It's how you deal with it.” – Rowen (56:35)

• Relationship Milestones

  • Moved in with her partner, which once felt impossible
  • Has maintained a strong, supportive relationship throughout her journey

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Compulsively Confessing and Seeking Relief:

  “If I keep it to myself, then I'm lying to you. I've got to tell you everything I'm feeling.” – Rowen (41:45)

• On Harm OCD Intrusions:

  “I remember being sat in the living room and just having the urge to go and drink bleach, even though I’d never, ever had that urge.” – Rowen (50:45)

• On Finding Hope After Removing IUD:

  “I started to feel a little bit stronger to the point where… I was able to listen to some of your podcast episodes, and I wasn’t feeling triggered.” – Rowen (52:54)

• On Advice for Listeners:

  “Probably just continue doing the work, even if you don't think it's going to make a difference. If you keep doing it, it will.” – Rowen (58:24)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Childhood confession behaviors: 03:00–07:00
• Adolescent SO-OCD experiences: 09:00–18:00
• Beginning and escalation of relationship OCD: 21:00–32:00
• Compulsions, reassurance-seeking, and avoidance patterns: 32:00–44:00
• Therapy struggles and finding professional help: 44:20–48:00
• Biological triggers and removal of IUD: 51:50–53:00
• Learning about and applying ERP/ACT: 53:00–56:00
• Reflections, resilience, and hope: 58:24

Final Words of Hope

Rowen encourages listeners to trust the process of recovery:

“If you keep doing the work, it will [make a difference].” (58:24)

Stuart emphasizes the importance of accessible support and celebrates Rowen’s journey to stability and empowerment.

Takeaways

• OCD themes can begin in childhood and shift over a lifetime.
• Obsessive thoughts can latch onto any topic—sexual orientation, relationships, harm, and more—but the process of managing them remains consistent.
• Support—from loved ones, understanding therapists, and self-education—is vital for recovery.
• Biological factors (such as medication or devices) can sometimes interact with mental health.
• Fluctuations are normal, but with persistence, growth and healing are possible.

For more episodes and resources, visit The OCD Stories.