The OCD Whisperer Podcast with Kristina Orlova

Episode 154: Life With Harm OCD – “I Thought I Was Danger to the People I Love”

Released: October 14, 2025
Guests: Maurice ("Obsessive Maurice"), creator of the Obsessed Less app

Episode Overview

In this deeply personal and insightful episode, Kristina Orlova welcomes Maurice—known for his Instagram presence as "Obsessive Maurice" and creator of the Obsessed Less OCD support app—to share his lived experience with Harm OCD. The conversation covers Maurice's early struggles with anxiety, the sudden and paralyzing onset of Harm OCD, how misdiagnosis and healthcare barriers delayed treatment, and the slow, hard-won lessons of recovery through Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). Maurice also talks about the importance of embracing uncertainty, managing recurring intrusive thoughts, and his motivation to build digital tools for others waiting for or unable to access therapy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Maurice’s OCD Story: From Misunderstood Symptoms to Sudden Harm OCD

• Early Signs & Misdiagnosis

  • Maurice recounts having anxious thoughts as a child (fears of his parents dying, health anxiety), leading to recurring panic attacks in his teens.
  • "As a kid, I always had these weird thoughts... I would think my parents would die. And how I would treat that is just by thinking, okay, if I think the other way around, then everything will be fine." (Maurice, 01:29)
  • He was initially diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), not recognizing these were early OCD symptoms.
  • "In hindsight as a kid I had OCD. The generalized anxiety disorder was OCD—health OCD in hindsight." (Maurice, 04:32)

• Sudden Onset of Harm OCD

  • At 26, Maurice experienced a sudden, severe onset of Harm OCD while on a date—intrusive images of strangling his date left him panicked and isolated.
  • "Overnight I developed harm OCD. So actually, I was on a date and then I had thoughts about strangling my date and I couldn't go home." (Maurice, 02:29)
  • Despite recognizing the irrationality, the intensity was overwhelming—he sought help immediately, though his mother's alarmed reaction only deepened his distress.

• Diagnosis and Delayed Treatment

  • Maurice was diagnosed promptly by a doctor but had to wait eight months for therapy due to healthcare system overload in the Netherlands.
  • "We usually get a diagnosis after a couple of months... you're put on a waiting list and you have to, you know, wait eight months for insured care." (Maurice, 06:17)

2. Surviving the Waiting Period: Self-Education and Makeshift Coping

• Coping Attempts

  • In these eight months, Maurice was functionally paralyzed, able only to sit in a chair, doing compulsive mental rituals to quell anxiety.
  • "My living space was so small that I could only sit on one chair, look outside the window and not move... If I wasn't on a chair I would have intrusive thoughts all the time." (Maurice, 06:54)

• Family Support: Accidental Exposure

  • Maurice’s father, “an old school guy,” unknowingly exposed him to distressing situations by involving him in outdoor work, which provided some graded exposure to feared scenarios.
  • "My dad did some unknowingly... some exposure therapy on me, meaning that he just took me out to the field... I would cut trees with a saw. So that also gave me a lot of intrusive thoughts. But my dad just kept pushing me instead to work." (Maurice, 07:35)

• Online Information: The Good and Bad

  • Maurice spent time researching online, sometimes to his detriment.
  • "I went on Reddit, which wasn't a good idea... I googled a lot, don't do that." (Maurice, 08:14)
  • Discovering Mark Freeman’s YouTube content was a turning point: "Just knowing there were people out there that could overcome this was something to look out for for me." (Maurice, 08:34)

• The Psychological Toll

  • Maurice acknowledges how unbearable living with untreated OCD can be: "Struggling with their own mind because it is just hell living through OCD... It was the hardest thing I ever, ever did. And I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemies." (Maurice, 09:13)

3. The Path to Recovery: ERP, Acceptance, and Managing Uncertainty

• Starting Therapy

  • ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) was Maurice’s primary treatment, with later adjuncts (EMDR for trauma, not for OCD symptoms).
  • "We started with ERP... but first understanding what are your triggers, your compulsions, and your core fears." (Maurice, 10:18)

• The Reality of Recovery: It's Not Quick or Complete

  • Maurice describes the long, nonlinear process with setbacks and hard lessons.
  • "When I heard or read that OCD was chronic, I just—you know, I couldn't handle it... It was just intrusive thoughts about, I have to live like this forever. How can I manage that?" (Maurice, 11:49)
  • He emphasized Mark Freeman’s message equating physical and mental health: "Physical health is the same as mental health... taking small steps to a healthier life." (Maurice, 12:09)

• Letting Go of Certainty and the Goal of a “Cure”

  • Key insight: The goal isn’t to erase thoughts/feelings, but to learn to respond to them differently.
  • "Curing OCD isn't the goal. It's about how to deal with these thoughts and accepting that I will never know for sure." (Maurice, 13:10)
  • "Before you know it, even though that might be years for somebody, you're making improvements." (Maurice, 13:23)

• The Importance of Emotional Learning

  • ERP helps the emotional brain learn that feared thoughts and feelings are tolerable and not meaningful.
  • "You can't really tell your emotions to just stop. They have to learn it by going to repetition... until that repetition is set in stone." (Maurice, 15:18)
  • Maurice describes his growth: "I'm not impacted by OCD anymore in the sense that I can say that I have overcome it, whatever that means... I might relapse, who knows? I don't really care because I know how to deal with it when the time comes." (Maurice, 16:44)

4. Building Resources: The "Obsessed Less" App

• Why Build an App?

  • Frustration with long wait times and a lack of OCD-specific digital help inspired Maurice to create a supportive app.
  • "There wasn't really anything that would help people with OCD in this waiting period or when you don't have access or can't afford therapy... we're trying to lower the barrier of entry." (Maurice, 18:31)

• Features and Philosophy

  • The app offers stepwise OCD support, following ERP principles and avoiding reassurance.
  • Notable features include:
    • SOS feature: In-moment guidance through panic attacks and urges to compulse, without providing reassurance.
      • "It won't give you reassurance, but it still will go through a panic attack with you, or it will go through an obsession with you or a compulsion..." (Maurice, 19:38)
    • Ollie the Companion: An AI chatbot that helps users face intrusive thoughts, refrain from compulsions, and navigate exposures, strictly without reassurance-seeking.
      • "Ollie will first try to understand, okay, what are the obsessions? ... then Ollie will prompt you—let's take a step back. Are you doing any compulsions?" (Maurice, 21:08)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the Paradoxical Fear of Being Dangerous:
  "I was on this date because I kind of like this person. And now I'm having these thoughts... That just is so out of sync, right?"
  — Kristina Orlova (04:58)

• The Pain of Stigma/Misunderstanding:
  "We're not talking about the misunderstanding we have in the media of, oh, I like to keep things clean... It's so much more than that."
  — Kristina Orlova (09:20)

• Facing the Reality of Chronic OCD:
  "Do you want to keep compulsing and keep having these intrusive thoughts, or do you want to work towards slow steps and recovery?"
  — Maurice (12:56)

• Learning to Witness Thoughts:
  "The observant mind...I experience thoughts or I experience feelings, instead of I am these thoughts or I am these feelings."
  — Maurice (14:18)

• On Ollie not Offering Reassurance:
  "Ollie can help you, you know, understand what's going on with your OCD in a way that's following again, ERP guide rules instead of it being Reddit. Or Google or wherever you get your information from."
  — Maurice (21:44)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:24 Maurice recounts childhood anxiety and early misdiagnosis
• 02:29 The onset of Harm OCD and initial crisis
• 06:07 Waiting for treatment in the Dutch healthcare system
• 06:52 Coping (or not) during the eight-month wait
• 08:14 Online resources—pitfalls and supports
• 09:13 Reflection: the agony and misunderstanding of OCD
• 10:14 Entering therapy and starting ERP
• 11:47 Confronting the reality of chronic OCD
• 13:10 Acceptance and shifting focus from cure to management
• 14:14 Insight into the “observant mind” and emotional learning
• 16:39 Lasting change: Still having thoughts, but reacting differently
• 18:25 Introduction to the Obsessed Less companion app
• 19:34 How the app supports users in distress and combats compulsions
• 20:56 How Ollie guides without offering reassurance
• 22:20 Kristina recommends Maurice’s Instagram for OCD support content

Useful Links

• Maurice’s Instagram: Obsessedless_Maurice
• Obsessed Less app: obsessedless.com

Episode Tone & Takeaways

Empathetic, honest, and practical—Maurice’s story demystifies OCD’s darkest corners and demonstrates that real improvement is possible, but not quick or complete. The episode reinforces the importance of proper diagnosis, embracing uncertainty, and the need for accessible, specialized support—even (or especially) during the hardest waiting periods.