The OCD Whisperer Podcast with Kristina Orlova

Episode 169: My OCD Was at Its Worst While My Baby Was Fighting for Her Life
Guest: Sarah Michelle Bose (nurse practitioner, entrepreneur, mother)
Date: January 30, 2026

Episode Overview

In this compelling episode, host Kristina Orlova welcomes Sarah Michelle Bose, a nurse practitioner, entrepreneur, and mother, to candidly share her personal journey with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Sarah recounts how her OCD peaked while her newborn daughter faced life-threatening heart defects, and offers practical insights on diagnosis, treatment, and living in recovery. Together, Kristina and Sarah discuss themes of magical thinking, finding effective support, and life after intensive therapy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Early Onset and Recognition of OCD

• Childhood Manifestations:

  • Sarah identified anxiety as a “constant undercurrent” in her life and shares memories of intense, obsessive worries as early as age 6 or 7.
  • Quote:

    "I can remember having OCD symptoms as young as, like, 6 or 7 years old...I would stand in the window...and watch for planes to go by, and I would have a lot of anxiety, like, what if a plane crashed into our house?"
    (Sarah, 01:35)

• Misdiagnosis and Delayed Awareness:

  • Although Sarah exhibited symptoms early on, she wasn’t diagnosed until age 28, largely due to a lack of awareness and appropriate language to describe her experience.
  • She highlights the predominance of "magical thinking" as her primary OCD theme.

“Magical Thinking” and Pregnancy

• OCD Intensifies During Pregnancy:

  • Sarah describes a significant spike in OCD symptoms while pregnant:

    "If I announce I’m pregnant, something bad’s going to happen. If I have a baby shower, something bad’s going to happen."
    (Sarah, 03:42)

• Critical Event – Daughter’s Diagnosis:

  • After a work event (and an unplanned baby shower), Sarah’s daughter Meadow was diagnosed with severe congenital heart defects.
  • Despite her medical background, she was overwhelmed by the OCD-driven belief that her actions caused her daughter’s illness:

    "In my logical nurse practitioner brain...I was like...just because I had a baby shower announced doesn’t mean I caused this heart defect. But I could not convince myself of that… I must have apologized to my husband no less than 500 times."
    (Sarah, 04:19)

Turning Point: Getting Diagnosed and Seeking Treatment

• Catalyst for Change:
  • A conversation with a business coach (who was also a therapist) prompted Sarah to consider OCD as a diagnosis.
  • After Meadow’s surgeries and struggling with post-hospital anxiety, Sarah sought a professional assessment and scored a 37/40 on the Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive Scale (Y-BOCS), qualifying as severe.
  • Quote:

    "If I remember correctly…the scale was out of 40, and I scored a 37. And I was like, okay, I have extreme or severe OCD."
    (Sarah, 09:35)

Intensive Treatment and Key Recovery Strategies

• Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP):

  • Sarah enrolled in an IOP where she focused on Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy.

• Essentials for Progress:

  • Education: Understanding OCD’s mechanisms was "huge"—particularly in learning how reassurance-seeking affected her relationships.
  • Toolbox Approach: She built skills for self-compassion and cognitive reframing, such as evaluating worst-case, most likely, and best-case scenarios.
  • Family Involvement: Involving her husband was instrumental, especially to reduce reassurance cycles:

    "Bringing my husband into it was huge as well."
    (Sarah, 11:51)

• Reframing the Relationship with OCD:

  • They began to treat OCD like a third-party “monster,” which allowed them to joke about it and separate it from Sarah’s identity.
  • Quote:

    "We kind of make OCD a third party…instead of OCD being my identity…OCD is a part of me…an external monster."
    (Sarah, 14:17)

• Reducing Urgency:

  • Through repeated exposures, Sarah learned to decrease the “life or death” urgency of her thoughts, gaining access to “neutrality and peace” instead.

Recovery and Identity Beyond OCD

• Values-Based Living:

  • With therapy, Sarah began reclaiming values and activities previously blocked by OCD, particularly her love of travel:

    "I love, and I do mean love, to travel, but I have a lot of OCD stuff about planes…And I was just sitting on the plane thinking, like, how many flights have I been on…like 47 in the last three years."
    (Sarah, 17:05)

• Continuing Therapy and Monitoring:

  • Even in remission or “subclinical” states, she commits to monthly check-ins with her therapist for accountability:

    "Even when I feel stellar and great, I’ll still have the appointment and do the thing and just make sure...my brain’s working the way I want it to be…"
    (Sarah, 20:36)

Navigating “Reassurance” with Loved Ones

• Finding a Healthy Balance:
  • Kristina and Sarah discuss how some level of reassurance is healthy, but with OCD, the need can become compulsive and less effective.
  • Sarah and her husband set structured “reassurance freebies,” gradually reducing their frequency as Sarah improved:

    "A strategy that we used a lot in the beginning was…a reassurance freebie. Once a day, I could ask for reassurance…then eventually…once a week."
    (Sarah, 27:35)

  • Her husband’s “OCD” shorthand helps them identify when reassurance-seeking is slipping into compulsive territory.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|------| | 01:35 | Sarah | "I can remember having OCD symptoms as young as, like, 6 or 7 years old…a lot of anxiety of, like, what if a plane crashed into our house?" | | 03:42 | Sarah | "If I announce I’m pregnant, something bad’s going to happen. If I have a baby shower, something bad’s going to happen." | | 04:28 | Sarah | "I could not convince myself of that for…literal hours after we got my daughter’s diagnosis…This is my fault. I’m so sorry." | | 09:35 | Sarah | "I scored a 37. And I was like, okay, I have extreme or severe OCD." | | 14:17 | Sarah | "We kind of make OCD a third party…OCD is a part of me…an external monster." | | 17:05 | Sarah | "I love…to travel…And I was just sitting on the plane thinking…like 47 flights in the last three years." | | 20:36 | Sarah | "Even when I feel stellar and great, I’ll still have the appointment…just make sure…my brain’s working the way I want it to be." | | 27:35 | Sarah | "A strategy that we used…was…a reassurance freebie. Once a day, I could ask for reassurance…then eventually…once a week." | | 22:44 | Sarah | "It always latches on to what you love the most. Me, like, my daughter is who I love the most. So of course it wants to be like, hello, I’m back." |

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:18 — Sarah’s earliest OCD-like memories & childhood anxiety
• 03:23 — Pregnancy as an OCD trigger; magical thinking explained
• 04:40 — Daughter Meadow’s diagnosis and resulting OCD crisis
• 07:13 — First steps toward diagnosis; working with a therapist/coach
• 09:35 — Receiving a formal diagnosis and starting treatment
• 11:43 — What helped the most during intensive ERP/IOP
• 14:17 — Treating OCD as a third party; humor and relationships
• 16:52 — Reclaiming values and life activities post-treatment
• 19:50 — Recovery is not linear; relapse, remission, and ongoing management
• 27:20 — Navigating reassurance with partners: finding balance

Conclusion

Sarah’s story offers a vivid, relatable account of living with OCD under the extremes of new motherhood and medical crisis. Her practical insights—like involving loved ones, building a robust “toolbox” of strategies, and keeping up with therapy even during good times—drive home that meaningful recovery is possible. Recovery is not a destination, but an ongoing process of self-awareness, value-driven choices, and proactive management.

Resources & Where to Find Sarah

• Instagram: @sarahmichellebose
• Website: sarahmichellebose.com
• About: Sarah is writing a memoir and releasing a children’s book on heart defects.

For more OCD support, free resources, and self-help masterclasses, visit www.coraresults.com.