Episode 912: Imposter Syndrome

Summary

The Official BNI Podcast: Episode 912 – Imposter Syndrome

Release Date: May 28, 2025
Host: Dr. Ivan Misner, Founder and Chief Visionary Officer of BNI
Guest: Priscilla Rice

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Introduction

In Episode 912 of The Official BNI Podcast, host Priscilla Rice welcomes listeners and introduces the episode's focus on Imposter Syndrome. Joined virtually by Dr. Ivan Misner, the founder and Chief Visionary Officer of BNI, the discussion aims to provide insights and strategies to overcome feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt that impede personal and professional growth.

Defining Imposter Syndrome

Dr. Ivan Misner begins by elucidating the concept of imposter syndrome:

"Imposter syndrome is a concept where people experience a feeling like they're a fraud, that they lack competence and they don't deserve their success. They're not smart enough, they're not good enough, and they feel like they're an imposter in the role that they have."
[01:31]

He emphasizes that imposter syndrome is not uncommon and can affect anyone, regardless of their achievements or position.

Personal Anecdote: Dr. Misner's Experience

To illustrate the pervasive nature of imposter syndrome, Dr. Misner shares a personal story from his doctoral studies:

"I remember when I took my oral exams for my doctoral dissertation... I walked out of the two-hour exam feeling like a total idiot. I thought, oh my goodness, I'm trying to get a doctoral degree in leadership and organizational behavior, and I don’t know anything. They just ripped me apart."
[03:42]

This experience highlights that even highly accomplished individuals can struggle with self-doubt.

Strategies to Overcome Imposter Syndrome

Dr. Misner outlines nine effective strategies to combat imposter syndrome, blending mindset shifts with practical actions:

1. Understand That Self-Doubt Doesn't Define Reality

   Recognize that feelings of inadequacy are subjective and not necessarily reflective of actual competence.

   "Thoughts of self-doubt don't define reality. They're just feelings, they're not facts."
   [02:44]

2. Reframe Negative Self-Talk

   Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Instead of thinking, "I don't belong here," adopt a mindset of growth:

   "Replace self-doubt with grace. Instead of saying I don't belong here, say I'm learning and I'm growing like everyone else."
   [03:42]

3. Track Your Successes and Positive Feedback

   Maintain a record of achievements and commendations to refer back to during moments of doubt.

   "I have a file that goes back almost 25 years... every now and then I go in and read a few of those and feel a little bit better."
   [04:35]

4. Talk to a Mentor or Trusted Friend

   Seek perspective and reassurance from mentors or peers who can provide objective feedback.

   "Mentors and peers often provide perspective and reassurance. Hearing somebody else's experience can normalize your feelings."
   [05:28]

5. Recognize the Role of Luck Versus Effort

   Acknowledge the hard work behind successes rather than attributing them solely to luck.

   "You've done hard work for years in building relationships and you got referral, and it wasn't luck. It was the hard work he did."
   [06:15]

6. Accept That Growth Feels Uncomfortable

   Embrace the discomfort that comes with stepping out of your comfort zone as a natural part of growth.

   "Growth means stepping outside your comfort zone, and discomfort is part of that progress."
   [07:05]

7. Avoid the Comparison Trap

   Focus on your own journey instead of comparing your behind-the-scenes struggles to others' highlight reels.

   "Stop measuring your behind the scenes struggles against someone else's highlight reel."
   [08:45]

8. Adopt a Learning Mindset

   Shift from needing to prove your intelligence to embracing continuous learning and improvement.

   "Shift from I need to prove I'm smart to I'm always learning and improving."
   [09:12]

9. Remind Yourself of Your Unique Value

   Acknowledge the unique experiences and perspectives you bring to the table that others cannot replicate.

   "You have unique experiences that no one else has, and you can bring those to the table."
   [09:45]

Final Thoughts: Embracing the Learner's Mindset

Concluding the episode, Dr. Misner reinforces that overcoming imposter syndrome is a gradual process:

"Imposter syndrome doesn't disappear overnight. But recognizing it, reframing it, and taking small, intentional actions can help you build confidence and keep moving forward."
[10:08]

He shares his own journey of "method acting" through networking in the early days of BNI, emphasizing the importance of education, training, and practice:

"I was method acting my way through the process in the early days of BNI... Through education, through training, through experience, through practice, trust me, the imposter syndrome can disappear."
[10:30]

Dr. Misner encourages listeners to view themselves as learners rather than imposters, fostering a supportive and growth-oriented mindset.

Conclusion

Episode 912 of The Official BNI Podcast offers a comprehensive exploration of imposter syndrome, blending personal anecdotes with actionable strategies. Dr. Ivan Misner's insights provide valuable tools for individuals seeking to overcome self-doubt and embrace their professional journeys with confidence and authenticity.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements, introductions, and outros to focus solely on the core content of the episode.

Transcript

[Priscilla Rice]

Episode number 912, imposter syndrome.

[Dr. Ivan Meisner]

You're listening to the official BNI Podcast with BNI founder and Chief Visionary Officer, Dr. Ivan Meisner. Stay tuned for networking and referral marketing tips from the man who's been called the father of modern networking, along with suggestions and insights into getting the most from your membership in the world's largest networking organization, bni.

[Priscilla Rice]

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the official BNI BNI Podcast. I'm Priscilla Rice, and I'm coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California. And I'm joined on the phone today by the founder and the Chief visionary officer of BNI, Dr. Ivan Mizner. Hello, Ivan, how are you and where are you?

[Dr. Ivan Meisner]

I am headed out later this week to Charlotte for meeting at the B and I Global Support Team Office. And I'm gonna be meeting early with a couple of my co authors on a book I'm working on called Garage to Global. How do you take your business from your garage to a global enterprise? And I'm gonna have lots of podcasts on that topic when the book comes out, but the book's not gonna be out for at least another year.

[Priscilla Rice]

Oh, it sounds like a great book.

[Dr. Ivan Meisner]

Yeah, I'm really excited about this. This will be one of my bigger books. I believe it's. It's gonna be. I think it's going to be well received.

[Priscilla Rice]

I bet it will be. Okay, tell us about imposter syndrome.

[Dr. Ivan Meisner]

Yeah, so let me start with a definition for those who may not be familiar with it. Imposter syndrome is a concept where people experience a feeling like they're a fraud, that they lack competence and they don't deserve their success. They're not smart enough, they're not good enough, and they feel like they're an imposter in the role that they have. And I bring it up because I just, for some reason, recently had at least two members ask me. One was in Q and A on a webinar I did, and one was in an email about the topic. And so I ended up doing a blog on it. And one of my kids asked me about a year or two ago about imposter syndrome because they. They were feeling less than for some reason. And so I. I came up with some ideas on how to deal with imposter syndrome. And I thought it might make. Actually, Dana, my assistant, said, hey, you know, this would make a good podcast. So again, another. Another podcast that I've done because of my assistant who's. Who's great. Everybody needs a Dana. She's amazing.

[Priscilla Rice]

Oh yeah.

[Dr. Ivan Meisner]

So let's talk about dealing with imposter syndrome. Successfully dealing with these feelings of lack of competence or that you don't deserve success really requires a combination of mindset shifts, practical strategies and ongoing self awareness. And here's a handful of them. I'm going to give you dine different techniques to think about or concepts to think about in dealing with imposter syndrome. One is understand that thoughts of self doubt don't define reality. They're just feelings, they're not facts. So when you're feeling self doubt, it's not necessarily reality, it's just the way you feel at the moment. I mean, I remember when I took my oral exams for my doctoral dissertation, Priscilla I walked out of the two hour exam feeling like a total idiot.

[Priscilla Rice]

Oh wow.

[Dr. Ivan Meisner]

I, I thought, oh my goodness, I'm, I'm, I'm trying to get a doctoral degree in the specialization in leadership and organizational behavior. And I don't know, I don't know anything. They just ripped me apart. I mean it was, it was, it was a horrible, horrible afternoon. And I definitely had self doubt at that moment until I realized that was their job. Their job was to make sure that I could withstand very difficult questions and I knew what I was capable of and I came back around. But we all have it. So at some point in our life we have self doubt, but they don't really define reality. They're just the feelings we have. So number two is reframe negative self talk. Replace self doubt with grace. Instead of saying I don't belong here, say I'm learning and I'm growing like everyone else. Focus on progress over perfection. No one has all the answers. And I think one of the books that I read when I was, I think 17 years old, I was, I was actually given a cassette tape on my high school football coach. And I think I've mentioned it in a previous podcast, Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. Old book written in the 60s, but it really talked about, you know, reducing negative self talk and really focusing on positive self talk and that you become the person that you are talking about as opposed to the, you know, and if you're talking positively about yourself, you, you become that. If you're talking negative about yourself, you become that. And so replace self doubt with grace. 3. Track your success, achievements and positive feedback from feedback from your colleagues, clients or mentors. For example, I have a file that goes back almost 25 years, an email file of all the emails where people said, oh, BNI has made A huge difference in my life. Thank you so much. I really appre. I keep that. I have 25 years worth of these positive comments, and every now and then I go in and I read, especially when somebody's mad about something, I'll go in and read a few of those and go, okay, I feel a little bit better. So, you know, track your success or your achievements in some way. Revisit this podcast. When you start feeling inadequate, come back to this podcast and listen to it again. Number four, Talk to a mentor or trusted friend. Mentors and peers often provide perspective and reassurance. That's really true. You know, in who's in your room? I talk about engines and anchors, people who are anchors and bring you down, and people who are engines who make you a better version of yourself. Talk to the engines. Talk to the people who are trusted for friends and engines that make you a better version of yourself. Many people that you admire have felt the same way at one point in their life. Hearing their experiences can normalize your feelings. Like me talking about feeling like an idiot when I walked out of my oral exams. You know, people may not think that about me, but I felt like that. I really did. I was incredibly depressed. And so hearing somebody else's experience normalizes your feelings. 5. Recognize the role of luck versus effort. Imposter syndrome makes people attribute their success to luck or external factors rather than their hard work. And you got to challenge this by listing specific actions you took to achieve the results. I remember one person saying, you know, I got this referral, but it was just dumb luck that I got the referral. It was a great referral. And he made millions. Millions. He made hundreds of thousands. It was a multimillion dollar project, but he made six figures on the project. And he said it was luck. And I said, how long you been a member? And he said, well, whatever, it was four or five years. I said, in four or five years, how many meetings did you miss? He said, I hardly miss Danny. And when I did, I sent subs and I said, okay, so four years. You've gone to a couple hundred BNI meetings, and you think it was luck that you got that referral? You did hard work for years in building relationships and you got referral, and it wasn't luck. It was the hard work he did. And he was like, wow, I guess you're right. I hadn't thought about that. So recognize the role of luck versus effort. Number six. Accept that growth feels uncomfortable. New challenges create doubt. So if you're doing something new, it's natural to create doubt. But don't let that mean. Don't let that make you feel like you're unqualified. This is new. It's a learning experience. You can learn from it. Growth means stepping outside your comfort zone, and discomfort is part of that progress. 8. Avoid the comparison trap. This is an important one. Stop measuring your behind the scenes struggles against someone else's highlight reel. Repeat that. Stop measuring your behind the scenes struggles against someone else's highlight reel. All too often we. We compare our inside to someone else's outside. Meaning I know what I'm struggling with. I know the challenges I have, I know my weaknesses, and I'm comparing all of that to what I see somebody else present outside. They're. They're outside and they come across as all put together and really sharp. And I know really successful people. And as I've gotten to know them, I've learned they got. They have their own issues and problems. Trust me. And so don't compare your inside to someone else's outside and focus on your own journey and progress. 8. Adopt a learning mindset. So shift from I need to prove I'm smart to I'm always learning and improving. I'm always learning and improving. The best professionals don't have all the answers. They just keep learning. They look for the answers. And 9. Remind yourself that you bring unique value to the table. You have unique experiences that no one else has, and you can bring those to the table. And even though you may not have as much experience as some other people, you're working towards that experience. And you always have unique value that you're bringing to the table. I just have one last thought. Unless you have a question or a comment. Priscilla.

[Priscilla Rice]

No, go ahead. Tell us the last thought.

[Dr. Ivan Meisner]

So my final thought is that imposter syndrome doesn't disappear overnight. But recognizing it, reframing it, and taking small, intentional actions can help you build confidence and keep moving forward. And if you're in BNI and you know, you're thinking, well, I'm not really good at networking. I don't know how to do this. And, you know, I'm. I'm kind of faking it right now. I faked it for a long time. Okay. I method. I didn't know how to network. I method acted my way through the process. For the first year or two, I was learning what to do, what not to do. I wrote stuff down. You don't have to. You've got these podcasts to learn. You have my, my blogs, my, my book. There's a lot out there. You don't have to make it all up. I was method acting my way through the process in the early days of bni. And so just remember, it doesn't disappear overnight, but through education, through training, through experience, through practice, trust me, the imposter syndrome can disappear. And I never felt like an imposter. I felt like a learner. And I had a lot to learn in the early days. If you reframe it that way, you'll feel better about yourself. That's all I've got for today, Priscilla.

[Priscilla Rice]

Oh, that's a lot. Thank you so much. That's a great podcast. I think it's so useful. Okay, I think that's it for this week. This podcast is sponsored by MeisnerAudioPrograms.com these audio programs will provide you with the tools and the inspiration to powerfully enhance your BNI experience. So check out the great material that's available to [e-mail] and then use the promo code IVAN5O for 50% off of everything. All of the proceeds go to the B and I Foundation. Thanks so much for listening. This is Priscilla Rice, and we look forward to having you join us again next week for another exciting episode of the official B and I Podcast.

[Dr. Ivan Meisner]

It.