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Episode 932. Hey, could you introduce me to so and so?

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You're listening to the official BI podcast with BNI founder and chief visionary officer Dr. Ivan Meisner. Stay tuned for networking and referral marketing tips from the man who's been called the father of modern networking, along with suggestions and insights into getting the most from your membership in the world's largest networking organization, bni.

A (0:29)

Hello everybody and welcome back to the event official BNI Podcast. I'm Priscilla Rice and I'm coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California. And I'm joined on the phone today by the founder and the Chief visionary officer of BNI, Dr. Ivan Meisner. Hello, Ivan, how are you and where are you?

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Hey. I am in Austin again this week, but you know what I love about Zoom and technology is that in just a little while I'll be doing a live presentation in Canada.

A (0:59)

Oh, right.

B (1:00)

So, you know, it's, it's great. It's great to be able to talk to zoom around the world.

A (1:05)

Yeah, that is really neat. So tell me a little bit about this podcast.

B (1:10)

Yeah, so, you know, it started with me. The original title was, you know, about making connections. When somebody wants you to make a connection to so and so and, and before we got started, we really, that's the way it's generally, that's the way it comes across is hey, can you introduce me to so and so and so. I think it's a fun title for this. I have a process when somebody asks me to introduce them to someone versus clarity. And this goes way back to when I was a BNI member and you know, people wanted introductions and still applies today, but clarity. First I ask exactly what they're looking for and why. You know, a really vague I'd like to meet, you know, someone in your network is a red flag to me. I want a clear, specific reason which I would consider a green flag if it's a good enough reason. You want to make sure that it's a fit check. I want to make sure it's a fit check. I assess whether the person they want to meet is likely to benefit from the connection to. If it's just a one way thing, I want to sell my product to so and so, then no referrals should be a win win, not a one way street. Next is a reputation risk review. In my mind, I want to think about my past interactions with this individual. Have they demonstrated competence? Have they demonstrated follow through and professionalism? If I wouldn't hire them myself, I'm not going to refer them to someone. So that's an important one. Other things to consider are how do I decide who to refer and who not to refer? So there are certain boxes that in my mind have to be checked. First is trust. I have to have direct experience with their work or their character or a trusted contact that vouches for them. So there has to be trust, there has to be competence. They've got to prove. They have to have a proven track record that they can deliver results at a professional level before I introduce them to so and so, there has to be alignment. Their values and approach have to align with the person that they want me to introduce them to. And there has to be a certain level of preparedness. They have to be ready for the opportunity, not just hoping to wing it. So here's some red flags for me when someone asks me to introduce them to someone. Have they had a history of reliability or unreliability, good communication or poor communication? If they. If they have a history of poor communication and are in any way unreliable, then that's. That's going to be a no for me. Have they treated their network purely in a transactional way, or have they created a true relational network? Have they disrespected other people's time? Is there a disrespect for other people's time? That's an important one to me. Are they asking for introductions to people way outside their realistic reach, without a compelling value proposition? And I get this all the time. I've done a lot of podcasts. I'm going to. I'm going to sidetrack just slightly here. And I think I may have mentioned this in a previous podcast, but I get asked all the time because I've met Richard Branson many times. And so people will ask me, hey, hey, I've got this great product. Would you introduce me to Richard Branson, please? And so what I often will say is a couple of things. First of all, I'll say, I'm sorry, what was your name again? That's what they start with, I'm sorry. It's like, who are you? And they'll say, oh, sorry, sorry, my name is so and so. And then what I generally say, particularly to BNI people, is I talk about the VCP process, visibility, credibility, profitability. And I say, hey, look, Richard and I are barely at credibility. I mean, he knows who I am. He thinks I'm fairly credible, but we're not at profitability. I've never really referred business to him. He hasn't referred business to me. And I'm not even in visibility with you. And so you're asking me. This is what I say to the person. You're asking me to introduce you to someone that I may barely be a credibility with. And I am not even at visibility. You and I are at invisibility with each other. And so it's not a good fit. And so that's an example of asking for introductions to people outside their realistic reach. So the cost of a bad referral, and this is, you know, really important to me, the cost of a bad referral is, you know, a bad introduction can cost you far more than a few awkward minutes. It can damage your credibility. The person you referred might start questioning your judgment. You know, why did he refer that person to me? It could hurt relationships. Trust takes years to build and seconds to lose. I'm going to repeat that one. Trust takes years to build, certainly months, many months to build, but it can be lost in seconds. And you absolutely can't talk your way out of something you behaved your way into. So, you know, if you, if you make a bad introduction, you talking your way out of it's just not going to work very well. It reduces future opportunities. People may hesitate to take your calls or trust your. Your recommendations. So I think it's really important to protect your reputation, to only refer people that you've vetted to make it. I'm giving you sort of a summary here to make it a double opt in, meaning I want to get permission from both parties before connecting them. So sometimes I'll have someone say to me, hey, you know, so and so do you think they'd be willing to be on my podcast or on my show? And I would say to them, well, let me check with them, and if they say yes, I'll make an introduction. So I get a double opt in. I'll reach out to. Rather than just make the introduction and then have the person say, why did you introduce me to this person? You know, I'm not available. Or, you know, I'd like to know a little bit more before, before you just introduce me. I do the double opt in. And so I get permission from the other party. And when I have that, then I make the introduction publicly and, you know, via email or by phone. And then I frame the introduction with context. You know, why is there a good fit? And, you know, what is my personal level of experience with the person? So if I worked with that person, I want to make sure and tell the individual that I'm connecting them with that I've worked with them and I've had a good experience. And so it's, it's important, I think, to say no gracefully when you're going to say no. The VCP thing that I gave is a good one. Like, we're not even at visibility, and you want me to refer somebody that I'm not even at profitability with. There are a number of different tactful approaches. One is the, the timing deflector. You know, I'm not going to see this person for a long time or, um, they're out of town, they're traveling. These are, they have to be legitimate reasons. But the timing deflector is a graceful way to say no, not right now. Now that's different than the timing deflector. Not right now is I'm not in a position to make that introduction. You know, I want to make sure that I only connect people when I can wholeheartedly say that I know their work well. And so, you know, I, I need to get to know you better. I need to get to know what you're doing better before I can make that kind of introduction. And then the credibility protector. I really value my relationship, so I only make referrals when I've worked closely with both parties. And if, if I've worked with both parties, then I'm happy to make the, the connection. There's the value add, redirect. So that particular introduction, you know, what you basically say is it's, it's, it isn't a right fit at the moment, but I can suggest some resources or other paths that you might explore. And I've used that myself when, you know, asked to make an introduction and I knew the person wouldn't be interested in that particular project. I knew they wouldn't. I knew them. And so I said, but, you know, this, that person's not, that's not the right person for you. But I do know somebody else that might be interested in that project, and if you're okay with it, I'd be happy to introduce you to them. The key here is if you're going to say no or not now is to be honest, to be respectful and preserve the relationships for the future. Both parties, if possible, especially if it's a BNI member, you want to preserve that relationship, but you also, you don't want to ruin it. So you got to give the referral when the timing's right, last thought, and then I'm done. Discernment is key. Connect, connect, connect. Do it often and do it with discernment. And What I've just given everyone here in this podcast is a way to apply discernment in a number of possible scenarios and hopefully this is going to be helpful for BNI members all around the world. That's all I have for today. Priscilla.